Tears on the Balcony
by ByeByeBirdie
Summary: Lily & James have hated each other ever since their initial meeting took a wrong turn. After a shocking goodbye at the end of their 6th year, are things going to be any different in the following year when they are forced to work together as Head Boy and Head Girl?
1. Of Parties, Roommates, & Strip Poker

**A/N: **BYEBYEBIRDIE IS BACK. Yes, you heard (and saw) right - I am back with yet another fanfic and I have to say, I am rather proud of this series. Yes, I said series. This is going to be a three-parter...or a four-parter. Haven't decided yet. You'll just have to keep on reading to find that out.

So it's obviously a L/J fic because they're my favorite but it's a lot about Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily's two friends as well. I have really enjoyed writing this story so I hope you enjoy reading it. I've tried to capture the essence of James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and yes, even Peter. I will warn you that this story is a bit of an AU-I had started writing this story before the 6th and 7th book were ever released so some things have changed (just goes to show how long ago this was written!). I have attempted to add in more of the important plots, but I had a plan for this story before learning what had truly happened to all of the characters. And just to let you all know, I have also gone back and updated this story recently (February 2012). I hope you like the comedy and the romance and please read and review!

**Disclaimer: **Do I look richer than the Queen of England? No, otherwise I wouldn't be writing on this website. Everything you don't recognize belongs to me. Everything and everyone else belongs to the beloved J.K. Rowling!

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 1: Of Parties, Roommates, and Strip Poker

* * *

Love. It was a word unknown to any of them. It was a word that they weren't subjected to hearing often and a word that none of them were particularly used to saying. A word that feared them all. With love came the pressure to be perfect. With love came the possibility of a broken heart. With love came dependence on another. But most of all, with love came an immense burden to let one's guard down and trust someone with your utmost vulnerability. And trust was just a fantasy in each and every one of their wildest imaginations. They were only seventeen and they probably had to deal with more tragedies and sorrow in a single year than most people experienced in their entire lives. They were certain that the idea of loving someone and being loved back was just that: an idea. A simple, outlandish idea that seemed out of their reach and far too overwhelming to bear with. They all had their reasons to run from romance and commitment and even the potential to love and be loved. But perhaps it was this common bond that had truly brought them all together in the end. Love wasn't easy for any of them, but they ironically found comfort in having a good group of friends by their side to coax them through the confusion and pain and inevitably the good that eventually they could associate with loving someone. But in all honesty, love was a mystery. One that the seven friends thought would be easier keeping a mystery.

It just so happened that the world had an entirely different idea planned out for them.

* * *

"OY, JAMES!" a familiar voice cried out across the grounds, the echo of his voice reverberating loudly through the Spring air.

James Potter let out a deep sigh as he reluctantly turned his gaze away from a beautiful redhead towards the sound of his best friend's voice. He cracked a smile at the sight of Sirius Black galloping across the grass, winking at all of the gawking girls and reveling in the looks of jealousy coming from the younger males scattered about. He stopped to pick a dandelion and offered it to Rachael LeBlanc, flashing his typical charming smile at her. James couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"What do you want, Padfoot?" James asked when Sirius approached him with a rather sly grin on his face.

Sirius graciously plopped down beside James and leaned up against their favorite willow tree. A tree that had heard the many secrets the Marauders kept hidden from the rest of the world. A tree that listened to the endless planning of pranks and hoaxes during six years of endless scheming. A tree that recognized the close bond and appreciation those boys had for each other, a bond unlike any other. If trees could talk (and it wasn't unheard of in the wizarding world), the secretive lives of the Marauders would be exposed and their lives could change forever in just a mere few minutes. "Well, as you know, the end of the year feast is tonight and, again, as you know, Gryffindor will be winning the House Cup so, as you _should_ know, I believe a party is in order for the hard workers of Gryffindor to go out and celebrate one last night so-"

"Is that what we're calling you now? A hard worker?" A jesting smile appeared on the boy's face.

His friend merely shrugged, not fazed by the dig. "Nah, not me. But everyone else in Gryffindor. Or most of them, at least."

"Padfoot, even if Gryffindor was full of a bunch of lazy, good-for-nothing, wisecracking failures, you would still find a reason to host a party."

Another curt shrug was offered, a grin breaking out. "You know me so well."

"Now, what is it you need from me?" asked James.

"Moony and I are sneaking into Hogsmeade in a few minutes and we can't find your Invisibility Cloak,."

James tossled his hair, out of habit, and shook his head incredulously. "Why must you always turn a simple question into a long and rather uninteresting anecdote?"

Sirius scoffed, a haughty smile spreading across his face. "Nonsense. I'm always interesting."

"Is your cockiness how you manage to win over the ladies?" James retaliated with a chuckle.

Amusement shone in Sirius' eyes. "No, my winning smile and my dark, mysterious eyes do that," he said with a smoldering grin. "Or so I've been told."

"Ah, yes, those eyes. They really do draw me in," James responded, his words dripping with sarcasm.

Sirius merely grinned. "So, where did we land on that Invisibility Cloak of yours?"

James rolled his eyes yet again (something Sirius Black was used to from those surrounding him) and couldn't help but note out of the corner of his eye that his love-interest across the lake glanced up from the novel her head was recently buried in. He followed her gaze to a group of Slytherins who were huddled together clearly attempting to plan some sort of mischievous event. But while the Slytherins were often enough to chase his thoughts away from the redhead, his heart couldn't help but flutter at the sight of her sparkling, emerald eyes. "Padfoot, It should be in my bottom drawer underneath those hideous dress robes my mother insists on me bringing every year."

Sirius shook his head, aggravated. "It wasn't. We looked there. And we looked under your bed where I always throw it and we searched the bookshelf where Peter always puts it and we even took the liberty of breaking into that box under your bed that you don't use for anything except your Playboy stash and those pictures of Lily and alas, not there."

James scowled, turning away from those green eyes long enough to glare at his friend. "What happened to respecting privacy?"

"Marauders don't know the meaning of privacy."

James sighed. "Right, I need to remember that."

"I'll buy you an impenetrable lock for Christmas," said Sirius impatiently. "Now, how-"

"That would be a step up from last year's gift of a chocolate frog with its head bitten off."

Sirius sniggered. "I got hungry from the bedroom to the living room."

"Hey, no complaints here. I'm just impressed you managed to give me at least half a chocolate frog."

"I'm very generous that way," he responded, waving a dismissive hand. "So, how about that Invisibility Cloak?"

"You do realize that Remus is the only Marauder who actually places it back in the right spot and if _you_ did the same thing, you might actually be able to find it the next time you're looking for it," he quickly summed up with a smirk.

"Well, gee as much fun as it is to be insulted by my best friend, I'm not the one carrying around pictures of a girl that I will never win over. So as the Germans say: _get over it_."

A strange look passed over James' face. "Why do the Germans say that?"

Sirius hesitated. "Because they won World War II and felt it necessary that the world should just deal with it."

James groaned. "The Germans _lost _World War II, Sirius."

Sirius shrugged, waving his hand dismissively as if details didn't matter. "Alright, perhaps I was too busy flirting it up with Moira Jennings to listen in Muggle Studies last week but we're losing valuable time. Remus and I need to get to Hogsmeade and back so we can both take showers in time for the feast and you, m'friend, are slowing us down."

James rolled his eyes. "You and Peter used the cloak last night to sneak into the prefect's bathroom, did you not? So why you're asking me this question is beyond me."

"Peter and I put it exactly where we always put it so you must have moved—oh wait, I think it might be under Peter's bed," Sirius said sheepishly, jumping up from the grass immediately. "Thanks for your help as always."

James put his head in his hands muttering 'Unbelievable' under his breath. "Alcohol, Padfoot."

Sirius glanced down at his friend. "Huh?"

James chuckled. "Just remember to pick up a stash of alcohol for tonight. Rosmerta should already know we're coming to pick it up. Feel free to flash her that apparently charming smile of yours and maybe she'll throw in a case for free."

"I like how you stress the need for alcohol, Prongsie," Sirius joked. "But unless you somehow get on Lily-bean's good side by nine o'clock tonight, I'm thinking that by nine-thirty she'll find out and will certainly give you an earful about how we're corrupting the younger students and our time could be put to more useful activities instead of planning frivolous social gatherings where someone inevitably throws up on the carpet."

James couldn't help but laugh. Sirius unfortunately spoke of Lily's attitude towards their frivolous tendencies accurately. James couldn't help but sneak another peek towards the redhead before shrugging. "Eh, I can handle the little diva."

An eyebrow slowly rose. "Diva? That's what you're calling her now? What, workaholic Know-it-All was getting a little old?"

James rolled his eyes. "Oh, just go before you're late for the feast."

"How is stalking the workaholic Know-it-All going anyhow?"

James scowled. "What are you babbling about?"

"Oh, please. Like you actually expected any of us to believe you just wanted some fresh air? Oh, Prongsie-poo. We-"

"Never call me that again."

"-were there at lunch, too, if you recall. We all heard your love interest-"

"Not my love interest."

"-mention she was going to traipse out to the grounds for some light reading. You think it's a coincidence that a half hour later you were rushing out towards the grounds in some need for fake fresh air?"

"Could you please go analyze another best friend?"

"Pretty sure Peter has no clue what a female is and Moony hasn't had a love interest in two years."

"Not a love interest!"

"How many times are you going to say that before you actually convince yourself?" Sirius snorted.

James shot a glare towards his friend. "You might want to get going to Hogsmeade before I personally behead you."

"Aw, but that's my best feature!"

"_Sirius_."

Sirius laughed and before James could pull out his wand to hex him for being annoying, he jumped off the ground and raced back towards the castle. James watched him run directly into Nikki Ventura at the door of the castle who, naturally, he stopped to flirt with for a good minute or so before hurrying again out of his sight.

The Marauders consisted of rowdy, intelligent, unmanageable, and very adventurous sixth-year, soon to be seventh-year, Gryffindor boys. There was something about these four boys that drew everyone in. Popularity wasn't something they strove for, just something they had somehow grasped back as innocent eleven-year-olds. Students not only thrived to be them; they thrived to know them. With Sirius Black's prize-winning smile, James Potter's flirtatious personality, Remus Lupin's levelheaded charm and Peter Pettigrew's innocence, the four of them practically ruled the school and enjoyed doing so.

No one could particularly pinpoint the moment when their names became known across the school but it didn't inevitably make a difference. Maybe it was because people still spoke about the fact that a Black had been sorted into Gryffindor. Maybe it was because the Potter surname was one well-known throughout the wizarding world, a family full of fame and fortune. Maybe it was because you were hard-pressed to find anyone as sweet and genuine as Remus Lupin. Maybe it was because you couldn't deny the fact that Peter was undeniably loyal. Or maybe it was because the camaraderie and ultimate kinship the four of them shared was something that caused a spark of jealousy in the hearts of everyone who crossed their paths. They walked into a room and you couldn't help but look up. Not because they were good-looking (which they were) or because they commanded the attention of everyone in the room (which they did), but because one couldn't help but smile at the close bond the four of them shared. You rarely saw one of them without the other and at those brief times that you did, something felt off and uncomfortable. Those four boys were meant to live their lives with each other. They kept a smile on their faces at all times, true optimism and joy emanating throughout every bone in their bodies no matter what life chose to throw their way. And unfortunately, life chose to throw a lot of heartbreak and tragedy their way. But they dealt with it with the help of each other. They were more than friends. They were brothers. And everyone in the school knew it.

James picked up his book again and glanced at the page in front of him, the same page that had been in front of him since he sauntered outside. He had been staring at Lily Evans for an hour before Sirius interrupted and he planned on staring at her until she left her peaceful rock beside the lake. There was a long list of reasons as to why James was so infatuated with Lily, but it was her intense concentration that fascinated him the most. A meteor could have plunged into the lake at that very moment and Lily could still be found with her nose buried in a book, probably swept away in some imaginative adventure.

He smiled at the way her brow knitted as she reached the end of a chapter. His heart fluttered when she brushed a strand of hair from her face. He had to catch his breath as she outstretched her legs, her skirt sliding elusively up her thigh. She had captured his heart and she didn't even notice it.

He only frowned when he watched her dog-ear her page and slowly stand up from the grass. He sighed and gathered his stuff slowly. He hated this part of the day.

* * *

Lily enjoyed sitting on the other side of the lake, away from the endless chatter and chaos. Instead of being a part of everyone's lifestyle, she was making it a point to just be herself. Ever since both her parents had died when she was eight, a secret she kept close to her heart, she had always felt the need to be fiercely independent. She knew all about having no one to depend on except herself and while she always enjoyed being around the company of her friends, she knew that inevitably she would go through life alone. Which in a strange sort of way gave her a bit of comfort. She didn't have to listen to anyone else decide where her future was going (as her roommate, Riley Gilmore, so often complained about) and she didn't have to worry about trying to incorporate her wizarding life with her Muggle life (as her roommate, Kay Richards, so often pondered). She could just live her life. And as scary as that life was and could be, it was just hers.

She could have sat on that lone grassy knoll for hours, but glancing at her watch she noticed that she was running late. She promised the girls she would meet them in their room at five o'clock to get ready and it was already five after.

She gathered her favorite book, _Little Women_, put it safely in her bag, and started to walk across the narrow bridge to join her fellow classmates once again in the real world.

She smiled and waved to the passers-by while walking across the grounds. Everybody knew who Lily was. Even though she was soft-spoken for the most part and didn't make it a habit of standing out, it was her intelligence and her modesty that everyone respected. When she opened the double doors to enter the school, she almost ran straight into Shane Redford, the Head Boy of the school and fellow Gryffindor.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lily," he quickly apologized.

"No harm done, Shane," she said with a smile and a shrug. She had always liked Shane. They had dated briefly, but the chemistry wasn't there. While they had obviously enjoyed each other's company, it had ended just as quickly as it had begun. Shane had always felt that Lily was holding something back but he had never pushed it and Lily knew she wasn't ready to let someone into her life wholeheartedly. "So are you ready to graduate?" she asked, striking up a conversation as they both headed back to the Gryffindor common room.

Shane frowned. "I'm ready but I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it."

"How so?"

"This has been my home for seven years and I've loved every minute of it, though I could have done without the grueling final exams," he snickered. They both laughed and turned the corner. "But everything about this place screams home to me. When I was taking my final rounds last night I couldn't help but take in every little thing around me. Of course I had noticed it before—I have been doing rounds for three years now, but this time it was different. Instead of just passing it all by and taking it for granted, I was focusing on every detail of the school and engraving it in the back of my mind. Like I was ready to actually say good-bye to it all. And then I started thinking back over the years with the many memories I've created here and I just started wondering if I could actually go on without Hogwarts in my life anymore. I-I mean, I know that I'll be fine in the real world but Hogwarts is...well, it's like my safe haven. No matter what was going on in my life, I always had Hogwarts to depend on."

Lily grinned and nodded in understanding. "You know, I think in a weird, sort-of other-world way, those are signs pointing you towards your destined future."

Shane opened his mouth to obviously ask her to continue but quickly realized what she meant. "Hm, I guess you're right." Shane grinned and looked at Lily in amazement. "Merlin, you are going to be an awesome Head Girl, you know that?"

Lily was taken aback. "What? Who said I was Head Girl?"

Shane laughed and gave her a look as they approached the Fat Lady. "Oh, please. If you don't get the position of Head Girl next year, please write to me so I can owl Dumbledore and make sure he hasn't gone completely insane, 'kay?"

Lily laughed and muttered the password. "Sure thing, Shane." The Fat Lady portrait opened up and they both entered their common room.

"You know what? Scratch that," Shane quickly corrected. "Owl me no matter what. It'll be nice to hear from a Hogwarts student once I'm working in the real world."

Lily laughed again and nodded. "Definitely. It will be nice to hear from the real world if I'm stuck working with some half-crazed baboon next year. You got lucky with Matilda this year. She was a great partner," she said, mostly to make conversation. She smiled and continued, "Well, I was supposed to meet my friends fifteen minutes ago and they're most likely freaking out at the realization that they haven't packed a single thing for our departure tomorrow."

Shane chuckled. "Okay. I'll see you tonight, definitely," he replied. He paused and then gave her a hug, which caught Lily off-guard. "That's for if I don't end up saying good-bye today or tomorrow. It may get a little hectic."

Lily smiled. "Well, thank you. But I'll hopefully see you later. I wouldn't want our last good-bye to be whimsical."

"Me neither."

They walked their separate ways, but his earlier words struck a chord with her. While everyone else was convinced she was going to be Head Girl, and maybe a part of her knew it was inevitable, she didn't know if she was quite prepared for the job. Not because she couldn't handle the responsibilities, but because she was afraid what it might mean for her status at Hogwarts. She had always been so good at not standing out and justifiably fading into the background (and as a Muggleborn with the onset of a war, she often thought it might be best fading into said background in fear of the wrong set of people noticing her) but being Head Girl wouldn't exactly give her that privilege of not being recognized. She didn't know if she was quite ready for the limelight. She sighed, realizing that she was going to miss Shane as Hogwarts' Head Boy.

What Lily didn't realize was a pair of hazel eyes that had been watching them from the moment she and Shane had walked into the commons room. She same pair of hazel eyes that belonged to the guy who had a tug of the heart when he saw them hug, wishing that she was hugging him instead.

James couldn't tell you the exact moment he fell for Lily Evans and he couldn't tell you why, but he was certainly enamored. Maybe it was the first time he saw her smile or heard her laugh. Maybe it was the first time she yelled at him or said no to him, something he wasn't accustomed to hearing from the opposite sex. Maybe it was the first time her intelligence shown brightly in Potions or Charms or the first time she knew an answer to something he didn't (a surprising feat within itself). Or maybe it was just the first time he laid eyes on her.

There was only one problem. Lily Evans hated James Potter.

She had always seen James' popularity as a hindrance to him, not a positive attribute. She felt he abused it, using his charm as a sort of get-out-of-jail free card. And she wasn't afraid to stand up to him, telling him exactly what she thought. He often found himself on the other end of a heated discussion with her and more often than not, he ended up in the hospital because the tip of Lily's wand would accidentally singe his eyebrows. She would never try to hex him on purpose (she was far too good for that), but sometimes her wand had a mind of its own. She blamed her fiery temper on her red hair.

But honestly, he felt as if it had always been worth the hospital trip.

She had the most gorgeous green eyes that he had ever seen. They were piercing with a hint of mystery stowed behind them. He found himself staring into them more times than necessary. Her eyes were the secret to her past, present, and future. He could sense an occasional feeling of anger or sometimes even melancholy but for the most part they were just filled with a deep longing and emptiness. Like she was hiding a secret. And he wasn't the only one that noticed she was trying to hide something. But he was the only one that was determined to figure it out by the end of their seventh year.

There were many times he resisted the urge to lift his arm and run his hands through her silky hair. She had soft, curly auburn hair that cascaded freely down her back. And her laugh was contagious. Even a chuckle from her made James begging for more. Her eyes lit up whenever she laughed and it brought a smile to her face. And oh, that smile. A smile that caused tiny dimples to form and made her lips that much more desirable. That was the first thing that drew James to her on the first day of school on the train. She had the most mesmerizing smile. One of those smiles that could probably get anything she wanted. The kind of smile that turned the heads of every guy she passed. Of course, Lily hardly looked their way. She was too busy worrying about the future to even have time for a boyfriend and she made that clear to everyone.

Lily Evans was one of those girls that everyone knew and was acquainted with but never really befriended. She preferred spending her time with schoolwork and the few close friends she had. But she was an absolute sweetheart and hardly ever raised her voice to anyone, except for James since he often felt the need to mess with her. You rarely saw her emotions get the better of her and she never let the little things bother her. She would always stop and take the time to say hi to everyone and ask them how their day was; she was too polite not to.

She was a simple girl, not too extravagant but not too boring. She was ordinary I guess you could call it. She wasn't the adventurous, impulsive type but she didn't just sit back and let her life pass before her eyes. She wasn't materialistic and she certainly wasn't selfish. You'd think that a girl that James Potter wanted to be with had to be perfect in every way, but she was nothing of that sort. Any girl in Hogwarts could easily change their ways and attitudes to be like her. She was nothing special. But that nothing special girl was the girl he longed for. To him, everything about her was just right.

Unfortunately, to Lily, everything about James was just wrong. And James had a feeling he would never be able to change that.

* * *

Lily slowly strolled up the stairs to where the sixth-years Gryffindor dorm room was. Halfway to her dorm she could already hear the screams of her fellow dorm-mates and groaned.

"NO! I told you that those robes weren't mine!"

"Well Miranda said they weren't hers, they're way too dirty to be Kay's, and Lily already packed, so who else could they belong to?"

Lily cringed and opened the door to her room, expecting some sort of war to erupt in her face; turns out she wasn't far off. She ducked under the flying clothes and trudged over to her bed, placed her bag on the messy floor. As she tried talking over the loud yelling that was surrounding her with no success, she finally put her two fingers at the side of her mouth and whistled loudly.

Everyone in the room froze and turned to stare at Lily, who was now sitting cross-legged on her bed and petting her Siamese cat, Artemis.

"You've really got to teach me how to do that," Mikaela Richards, more commonly known as Kay, muttered. "And you're late. If you were here at five like you said you'd be, maybe those two wouldn't be going at it like two werewolves on a full moon."

"Hey!" Riley Gilmore retaliated, casting an irritated glance her friend's way.

"We wouldn't have to keep arguing if Miss Talks-Too-Much would stop thinking those robes belong to me," a snotty voice belonging to Justine Mille, a dorm-mate that Lily would rather not spend her time with, muttered.

"Of course they're yours! I've asked everybody else and you're the last one. By process of elimination-" Riley started arguing.

"GUYS!" Lily cried, rolling her eyes at the two. "Those very obviously belong to a guy. None of us is that tall."

They all looked at the robes, saw that Lily was indeed right in saying they were too long, and turned back to her. "Damn, you should have been here twenty minutes ago to settle that," Riley muttered, throwing the rest of her clothes into her trunk in a disorderly function. Riley was often the one behind a big blowout, whether it was with their dorm-mates or with Sirius Black or just with a passer-by on a really bad day. Her mouth often got her into trouble but she neglected to care. She was loud and proud and everyone knew it.

"Well, who has had a guy in here recently?" Kay asked curiously, the more refined one in the group. "It wasn't me."

Lily shook her head even though she was sure none of her dorm-mates would have bothered asking her. She had never brought a guy up to her room and was never really planning on it either.

Justine rolled her eyes. "Not since last month with Harrison," she bragged.

Riley snorted. "Oh, please. You and Harrison did not sleep together so don't pretend like either one of your robes were shed."

Justine's face became bright red and she clenched her fists tightly. "I can't believe I still have to put up with you for another bloody year."

"Put up with me?" Riley quickly retaliated. "I'm not the one who has posters of Sirius all around my bed. I swear if I have to look at one more picture of that conceited _prat_ because of you, I'm kicking you out!"

"GUYS!" Lily cried, frustrated that she always had to play the part of the mediator. "Will you stop fighting? Jeez, you will have two months apart from each other so can't you please just give me the satisfaction of shutting up for one night?"

They both rolled their eyes at each other and didn't bother replying to Lily. They didn't have to. When Lily asked someone to do something, she more often than not got her way.

Justine left her stuff on her bed and walked over to the door mumbling something obscene under her breath. "If Miranda comes back, tell her I'm looking for her." And with that she walked out of the room.

Riley fell against her bed and said, "Hallelujah! Ding-dong, the wicked bitch is gone."

Lily merely stifled a yawn, not bothering to respond.

Riley and Lily had met on the Hogwarts Express in their first year and hit it off immediately. Lily remembered praying that Riley and she would be sorted into the same house. Mostly because Riley was the first girl that Lily met on the train and she didn't judge her for not knowing a single thing about the wizarding world. She taught Lily everything she would have to know on the first day of Hogwarts, such as all the secrets of the professors and which families to stay away from and Lily had become enthralled by her. They had more differences than similarities but somehow that's what made their friendship work. They complemented each other. While Riley was outgoing, Lily was reserved. While Riley was adventurous, Lily was predictable. While Riley craved the attention of the opposite sex, Lily preferred to fade into the background. While Riley was gorgeous in a more obvious way, Lily hid her beauty behind oversized clothes and no make-up and her bushy hair thrown into an easy ponytail. While guys fantasized about Riley Gilmore, Lily Evans remained a mere acquaintance to them. While Riley was best friends with James Potter and has been since the day he was born, Lily wanted nothing to do with the guy. But these differences are what made Lily and Riley so perfect together. Lily calmed Riley down a bit and Riley was able to get Lily to loosen up. Lily broke free from her quiet, afraid shell and Riley learned how to be less blunt and more polite. They had an incredible bond from the start which they originally had refused to share with anyone else.

By November, things were changing a little. Even though they had only lived with each other for two months, Riley and Lily knew that Justine and Miranda Hobbes were bad news. They had no respect for others and were, in short, spoiled brats who were used to getting what they wanted. And because Riley was very opinionated and stood up for what she thought was right, she stuck up for Kay one night when Justine was picking on her and instantly, Kay began part of Lily and Riley's special bond. And that's how the Three Musketeers were formed.

Kay had started out incessantly shy. She knew enough about the wizarding world from her mother but always felt more connected to the Muggle world because of her father. She didn't speak up in class, she kept to herself most of the time, and avoided any sort of drama. She was probably more of a plain Jane than anything, but one thing for sure, Kay was the girl that everyone trusted. You could tell her anything without worrying if someone else would find out later down the road. She was a secret keeper and always believed the best in people, all judgments aside.

Lily, Riley, and Kay certainly had their share of silly catfights, but nothing could ever tear them apart. They had made a pact in their fifth year that after graduation, they'd remain best friends no matter what and Lily planned on sticking to that, hoping that the others would as well.

"So Riley, who was the guy?" Kay smirked, after a few seconds of only the sound of packing.

Riley lifted her head and stared at her. "What?"

"Oh please. It wasn't Justine or me, and I doubt it was Lily," Kay teased, giving Lily an apologetic look. "And Miranda hasn't gotten any in a while—ever since you spread that rumor about her and genital herpes back in April, but-"

She was interrupted by the hysterical laughter of both Riley and Lily. Miranda had posted entries of Riley's journal all over the school and to get her back, Riley told all of the guys that Miranda had contracted genital herpes over Easter break. Needless to say, guys have not gone near Miranda since then and Riley has yet to write another entry since that incidence as well.

"But Lily's right," Kay continued. "Those robes probably belong to a guy. So spill: who was the guy and when did you have him up here where Lily and I didn't happen to notice?"

Riley lifted herself off her bed and turned her back to them, using packing as a way to stall for an answer. "I don't know. It wasn't me."

"Oh really?" Lily questioned, giving Kay a doubtful look. "Then why did it just take you about a minute to answer?"

Riley stopped folding the shirt in her hands and stared at the wall in front of her. She knew she was stuck and they had caught her in the act of lying. Lying was never Riley's strong suit. "Okay, okay, fine. But you can't overreact."

"Riley, if anyone is prone to overreacting, it's you," Kay reminded her. "Lily and I are the calm ones."

She made a face, knowing all too well that Kay was probably right. A sigh escaped her lips and she blurted out, "They're Zach's."

Silence and then - "Have you gone _mad?"_ Kay replied.

"Please tell me you're referring to Zach Priestly and _not _Zach Hamilton," Lily groaned.

"Zach Priestly? The _second _year?" Riley said with a scowl. "That's disturbing on so many levels."

"Hey, that's better than you asshole of an ex-boyfriend," Kay argued. "Do you not remember that you broke up in January because he slept with some other girl! It took you months to get over that. Please don't tell me you're getting back together with him. That prat isn't going to change."

"You said you wouldn't overreact!" Riley whined, turning around to face their shocked and angered faces. She started curling a strand of hair around her finger like she always did when she was nervous. "And of course we're not getting back together. It was just a stupid fling. One last night together. We were just talking and one thing led to another and it just sorta happened. But don't worry. It was a one-time thing. A one-time thing that I instantly regretted the next morning, if you must know."

Kay sighed and threw her the robes that were now sitting on the messy floor. "We're just looking out for you."

Riley smiled at them. "I know. And I appreciate it. But I plan on never really speaking in whole sentences to him again."

"Good," Lily agreed. "Well, I'm going to take a shower. Once you two finish packing and getting ready for tonight, let's go-"

"It won't take us forever to get ready," Kay interrupted. "It's just the end of the year feast. We're just wearing school robes. Nothing too fancy."

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes as she changed out of her clothes into a towel in the corner of her room. "Yeah, but knowing the Marauders, and I believe I know enough, there will be a riotous party tonight in the common room which means you two will be going all out underneath your school robes."

"To be fair, I hardly doubt you know the Marauders as well as you think you do considering you're not willing to give them a chance," Riley started.

"I know they're having a party, Riley," she responded dryly.

"Yes, but it doesn't take an idiot to figure that one out. I'm pretty sure the giant lake squid is gearing up for the party as we speak," Riley snorted.

Lily rolled her eyes. "No way am I letting a giant lake squid enter into the Gryffindor house even if he comes decked out in a party hat holding a pinata."

"Oh, Lily," Kay sighed. "No one expects him to bring a pinata."

"Yeah, pinatas were _so _1960s," Riley joked.

"Oh, sure, continue with the party jokes. Don't think I won't tie you up and keep you in your room all night to merely feel the floor shake from the music, listen to the sounds of happy chatter, and think about what could have been."

Kay and Riley exchanged a humored look. "And why would we want to turn out just like you?" Riley said. She said it with a grin but there certainly was truth behind it.

Lily wasn't offended by the comment. She preferred to remain a loner than bother with silly frivolity, knowing the night would probably end with McGonagall storming in wondering why the Gryffindors were so against following school rules. "Like you guys want me at the party anyway," she said dismissively. "I would just be complaining about a certain mischievous pair destined to destroy the common room with their drunken debauchery."

"You need to let loose," Riley said with a curt shrug. "Take your head out of _Little Women_, a book you've read nearly thirty times already, and try and enjoy yourself tonight. You might find out that these parties aren't nearly as bad as you think they are."

Lily pursed her lips. "I like _Little Women_. It's something I can depend on."

"And we're not dependable?" Kay asked candidly.

"Not when you're downing shots of alcohol, no."

"We don't _down _shots of alcohol," Riley corrected. "We mix alcohol with some fruity concoction and sip politely."

"This coming from the girl who finished off a half-bottle of tequila the last time she got whisked away to Hogsmeade with Potter," Lily snorted.

Riley couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, maybe 'politely' wasn't the word. But it's not like you have to drink tonight. Just come and have a little fun, hm?"

Lily sighed and found herself giving in. Truth was, she didn't want to spend her last night at Hogwarts by herself anyway. "Well, someone's got to keep the Marauders in line I guess."

"_YES_!" Riley whooped, high-fiving Kay enthusiastically. "Maybe we'll even get her to dance with a few boys who have been eyeing her up!"

Lily glared at her. "Don't push it. No one in Gryffindor is worth it."

"Okay, compromise: Just drink some firewhisky."

"No alcohol is touching my lips."

"A little snog session on the dance floor?"

"No."

"Skinny-dipping in the lake?"

"No!"

"Seven minutes in heaven in the broom closet?"

"No."

"Strip poker?"

Lily put her hands on her hips stubbornly "Oh yeah, because I'm not willing to make out with any boys or go skinny-dipping in the lake, but _sure_, I'll go on display naked for all to see," Lily said sarcastically as she stared at her friends incredulously.

Riley turned to Kay, plunging on to her bed giddily. "See? I told you we'd break her eventually."

Lily threw her clothes in her dirty laundry bag and gave them both amused looks. "Guys, when I agreed to go to the party, I simply meant I'd enjoy the music, maybe sway a bit on the dance floor with you guys, I'd try to keep my bitch sessions to a minimum with the party-throwers, and I'd go to bed later than one o'clock."

"Well, step down Sirius Black. We have a new rebel in the house!" Kay announced, erupting into a giggling fit along with Riley.

Riley shuddered. "Ugh, don't mention his name in my presence," she growled. She turned back towards Lily. "And I'm going to force down a few drinks on you tonight if it's the last thing I do," she teased, throwing a pillow in Lily's direction.

Lily ducked and watched as it sailed toward the window and bounced on to her bed. "If you attempt to make me force down a few drinks then yeah, it _will_ be the last thing you do."

"Oh come on, Lily," Riley urged. "It's a rule of life."

"Oh it is, is it?"

"Yeah! Make friends, get boyfriend, dump him and get new boyfriend, go to a good school, GET DRUNK, have sex, get a job, mate for life, retire, and die! It says so right there in the rules of life! Are you telling me you're going to defy the rules of life?"

"I think those are just the rules of Riley Gilmore," Lily replied sarcastically, smacking Riley with her pillow.

"And am I not your life?" Riley recapped, trying to escape from Lily's pillow war.

"Not right now," Lily laughed.

"And those most definitely aren't the rules of Riley Gilmore," Kay argued. "Because the last time I checked you had sex way before you ever got a boyfriend," Kay snickered, rolling her eyes and returning to her trunk. She couldn't help but wonder how she fit everything into that trunk back in September.

"HEY!" Riley protested.

Lily chuckled. "I think I'm going to reiterate a very good point of Justine: I don't know how I'm going to put up with you two for another whole year."

Kay and Riley exchanged all-knowing glances and smiled. "We're going to be friends forever, Lily," Riley pointed out with a shrug. "You're just going to have to face it."

"Forever, hm? That seems like a long time. Why don't we just focus on getting through tonight?" Lily suggested, a smile tugging at the ends of her mouth.

"That's a good plan seeing as you're probably going to kill me after you see what we picked out for you to wear tonight," Riley grinned, quickly getting away from Lily's grasp before she could strangle her.

"We picked out?" Kay questioned. "Hm, I remember you picking out an outfit and me saying that Lily may have you beheaded for it so I'm not sure where that 'we' came in."

"What happened to sticking together?" Riley pouted.

"I believe I told you that I was in no way going to get involved," Kay pointed out with a shrug.

Riley made a face at her. "Okay, so I picked it out but you can't let down all those guys you will be stripping for at the poker game now can you?" Riley smirked, enjoying the frustrated look on Lily's face as she slowly headed Riley's way with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Well, it seems to be that it won't matter what you wear if you're playing strip poker just as long as you shave you-know-where," Kay said with a very amused smile on her face as she leaned against the bathroom doorframe, standing out of the way for the killing match that was about to go down in her dorm.

Lily gave her a look. "Oh yeah, because I'm the type of girl who takes out time in the bathroom to shave my privates."

Riley shrugged, her usual mischievous smile spreading across her face. "It's _always_ the quiet girls."

Lily threw another pillow her way. "It's not always the quiet girls! It's the slutty girls who go around this school promoting sex in their skimpy mini-skirts and tube tops!"

"Why do you look at me when you say that?" Riley pouted.

"Hm, can't think of a reason," Kay said sarcastically, laughing as Riley smacked her with one of her leather boots. "C'mon, Lily, you have to be willing to try new things!"

Lily glanced at her curiously. "Was that directed at me for the purpose of strip poker or shaving?"

"Both!" Kay and Riley both answered in unison, bursting into hysterical giggles.

"And the purpose that you shouldn't fight the outfit Riley chose for you tonight," Kay teased.

Lily took time to glare at Kay before glancing at the outfit hanging over the bathroom door that Riley was pointing at. Her mouth dropped and she turned to give Riley her infamous have-you-gone-insane look. "No way am I wearing that! That dress won't cover my ass, and my boobs will be popping out of it!"

"Yes, I checked those things off my mental list while picking an outfit for you too."

"You're dead, Riley Gilmore," Lily snarled, chasing her around the room until Riley was smart enough to run out the door and down into the commons room, wheezing the entire way.

Lily smirked. "Like I don't know where she lives."

Kay laughed as Lily sauntered into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, flinging the clothes onto the floor haphazardly.

* * *

Twenty minutes to seven, Lily and Riley were in the common room waiting for Kay so they could walk down to the Great Hall together for the feast. Kay was usually the last one to shower, always choosing to wind her hair into a tight braid quickly after climbing out of the shower and therefore, needed very little time to get ready.

"I don't know. Third year was my weird year. The workload was unbearable, we were in the middle of our prime Hogwarts years, no one seemed to notice us, Hogsmeade just seemed too good to be true, I still thought boys had cooties, and life seemed to be getting more difficult," Riley was explaining to Lily.

Lily laughed as she blew against her just-painted fingernails. "You did _not_ think boys still had cooties! You were caught kissing Fabian Prewett in the Quidditch locker room that March."

Riley was about to protest but thinking back on it, she laughed. "Oh right. Then maybe it was second year that was my weird year." She paused and shrugged. "Then again, we didn't even get to go to Hogsmeade that year."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Because _that's_ what we were most worried about then."

Riley shrugged. "It _was_! That's where the best dates happen Lily. God, you really have to focus."

Lily laughed. "I thought you said boys had cooties that year."

"Man, you're thinking way too much into this."

"No, I'm thinking logically," Lily said, grinning. "That's what I do best considering my friends are you and Kay."

Riley scrunched up her nose. "Are you saying I'm illogical?"

"I'm saying that you're more impulsive than logical."

"And _I'm _saying that's a good thing. Sometimes you just need a little spontaneity in your life. Letting loose feels good on occasion."

Lily knew Riley was probably referring to her being uptight most of the time, but she simply shrugged. "Well, I have to say that this year was by far my best," she said, returning to their prior conversation in hopes of changing the subject.

Riley rolled her eyes and closed the book that was in her hands. "You say that at the end of every year."

"And you say that at the end of every year!" Lily argued. "And besides, this time I really mean it."

"And you say _that_ every year," Riley snickered, ducking from the flying pillow headed her way.

Lily laughed, stifling a yawn. "Well you have to admit turning seventeen is a huge plus," Lily said slowly and thoughtfully, gesturing for Riley to hand her back the pillow. "We are legal in the wizarding world now."

Riley grinned. "Oh, don't worry. I plan on taking that out on my brothers every chance I can this summer. Caleb, Rafe, and Lance certainly did when they turned seventeen."

Lily rolled her eyes, a twinge of jealousy sparking in her heart. Riley adored her older brothers and it made Lily sad that she hadn't spoken or even heard from her sister in nearly six years. "Well, have fun with that, but when I hear about you being blown up by one of them because one of your pranks backfired, don't think I'm planning on waiting to break in a new best friend."

Riley threw back the pillow at her friend. Lily was too slow in ducking and got smacked in the face with it, but before she could retaliate, loud voices echoed from the midst of the boys' dormitory stairs. And when loud voices echoed from the boys stairwell, that could only mean one thing: the Marauders.

Sirius and Remus soon emerged, both looking anxious for the feast. "Hey Lily. Hey Riley," Remus greeted.

Sirius grinned at the site of Riley and Lily and took the liberty of jumping over the back of the couch and sitting right in the middle of them. "Hello, ladies." He winked at them, throwing his arms around their shoulders.

Riley rolled her eyes and pushed Sirius' arms off of her. "Don't you have some other girls to torture?"

"Eh, I've had my fun with them. Now it's just one-on-one personal time with my two favorite Gryffindor ladies," he said with his usual smarmy grin. "Oh, I guess that would make it one-on-two."

"Congratulations, you learned to count," Riley drawled dryly. "Didn't know you had it in you."

"Just learned the alphabet, too," Sirius responded, a smirk spreading across his face. He often found it was better to play along than to fight back when it came to Riley Gilmore. "Who knew there were 26 letters in the English alphabet?"

"Everybody above the age of five?"

"Oops, guess I'm a slow learner."

Remus and Lily couldn't help but exchange an amused glance. While the witty banter between the two often got tiresome, it provided good entertainment now and again. It was when the banter turned into long heated arguments that the entertainment factor was quickly eliminated.

"This coming from the guy who got a perfect score on McGonagall's killer mid-year exam," Remus chimed in, rolling his eyes.

Lily scowled. "Must you remind me. I'm still figuring out how he managed that one."

"I cheat," he joked, winking playfully. While Sirius did some questionable things over the years, they knew he would never resort to cheating. Fact of the matter is, he didn't need to cheat. He was one of the most intelligent guys in the entire school, not that he liked to admit it.

"On girls maybe," Riley scoffed, her eyes narrowing with an intense hatred.

There was a flicker of surprise in Sirius' eyes that only Riley caught before skepticism replaced it. "Jealous, are we?" he said, once again his usual cheeky grin filling his expression.

Riley shuddered. "Don't make me hurl, Black. That's what eating too much dessert at the end-of-the-year feast is for."

"Well, why don't you start thinking of _me_ as dessert, sweetheart?"

Riley's immediate reflex was to gag. She stood up from the couch and glared at Remus. "Haven't you learned to tame him by now?"

Remus laughed and shook his already long and shaggy blonde hair out of his face. "Tame Sirius Black? If you can find a way to do so, by all means, I'm all ears."

"I'll start asking local zookeepers."

Sirius' look went blank. "What the hell is a zookeeper?"

Three groans followed. "Aren't you ever going to pay attention in Muggle Studies?" Lily questioned.

Sirius shook his head. "No. I'm not even sure why I'm in that class anymore."

"Nap time?" Remus snickered.

"Hm, yes, that's true. History of Magic isn't long enough."

"Here's a novel idea," Lily considered, rolling her eyes. "Maybe you could actually stay awake in class for once."

Another blank expression stared up at her. "I don't understand."

Lily rolled her eyes, but was amused nonetheless. How the guy who chose to spend his class time napping beat her on the Transfiguration mid-year exam was beyond her.

"Shocker, Sirius Black doesn't understand something," Riley chimed in, rolling her eyes.

"Shocker, Riley Gilmore retorts with a less-than-witty comment."

"Shocker, Sirius Black feels the need to retaliate."

"Shocker, Riley Gilmore is a bit-"

"Shocker, I'm still listening to this conversation!" Remus whined, shaking his head in disbelief.

Riley could only roll her eyes, shooting a final glare Sirius' way. "I'm going to go see if Kay's ready, Lily. Please get rid of the untameable confused one by the time I get back."

Lily laughed and gave Sirius an apologetic look, nodding at Riley. "I'll do my best but I doubt he'd understand my subtle hints to leave."

"Then don't make them so subtle," Riley scoffed as she turned her back to head upstairs to her room.

No one knew why Sirius and Riley started hating each other. They were actually best friends for four and a half years and suddenly January of the previous year hit, and it was an all-out war between them. Everything out of each other's mouths was some sort of cruel wise-crack and no one could get an explanation out of them.

"You know, besides the Slytherins, she's the one person I can't seem to crack," Sirius stated matter-of-factly. "I'm beginning to think she doesn't appreciate me."

Remus and Lily burst into laughter, as Remus slid on to the couch, taking over the seat Riley was previous occupying. "You're _just_ realizing this?" Lily snickered.

"And what gave it away?" Remus asked. "The petty arguments you share, your constant digs at each other, the glares you send each other's way, the holier than thou attitude you two seem to acquire around each other?"

"Hm, can't say for sure," he responded with a slight smile, though there was tension in his eyes. He changed the subject, not wanting to avoid the question that was bound to come next: why do you two hate each other? "So are you excited for the party tonight, Lily-bean?"

Lily gave him a doubtful look. "You're talking to the only prefect who is willing to stand up to you and Potter when it comes to excessive noise and illegal beverages."

Sirius feigned confusion. "Excessive noise? Illegal beverages? What kind of party do you think this will be?"

"The same kind of party you threw when you won the Quidditch Cup. The same kind of party you threw during Easter Break. The same kind of party you threw for Potter's birthday. The same kind of party you threw for Valentine's Day. The same kind-"

"Hm, I think she's caught on to us, Remus," Sirius murmured.

"Oh, and what possibly gave it away?" he drawled dryly.

He merely shrugged, turning his scrutinizing stare back on the female. "Lily-bean, I think you should take it on yourself tonight to actually let loose and live a little. Get a little drunk here, make out with a few boys there—I will be the cute one in the blue shirt if you need help with that—and maybe even pass out on the couch down here. I think it could do you some good."

Lily shot him a less-than-amused look. "Oh, yes, it would do me so much good turning into those half-crazed, drunk idiots by drinking some cocktails, swooning over superficial guys just because I can, and maybe I'll even dance on a few tables," she replied sarcastically, giving him her infamous you've-got-to-be-kidding-me look. "But don't you worry because I will be keeping my eye on _you_ the whole night, Sirius."

"Right on! Just come find me when you want to have a little fun," Sirius kidded, lifting his feet and draping them over Lily's lap. "And I will certainly be looking for the redhead on all of the tables."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I guess I will just have to be the mature prefect for tonight then."

Both Sirius and Lily laughed. While Lily couldn't stand being around James, she didn't mind the company of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. They could at least make her laugh. She used to think Sirius Black and James Potter were the same person (and in a way, they certainly were), but at the end of the previous year, something had happened to the Marauders that tore Sirius apart from his friends. Lily found him late one night in the common room looking rather lonely and defeated. Against her better judgment, she strolled over to him and struck up a conversation. She quickly learned he wasn't so bad. At least he wasn't asking her out every chance he got just to get a rise out of her. "Merlin, you guys are too much for me," said Lily. "I think I gotta stop hanging around you guys."

"Damnit, my sexiness is always driving away the ladies," Sirius mumbled.

"Yeah, that, and the fact you're a self-centered, seductive womanizer who dates a girl one minute and then the next ditches her, often forgetting that even clueless twits have feelings, too," Lily pointed out.

Sirius shrugged. "Okay, yes, that too."

It didn't come as a shock to Lily that Sirius wasn't offended by her comment. In truth, Sirius rarely got offended. He was good at shrugging things off and just letting things happen as they happen. He didn't get embarrassed easily and it seemed that the only person that could really ruffle his feathers was noneother than a raven-haired beauty names Riley Gilmore.

Lily was about to comment when she saw a shadow loom overhead. She glanced behind her to meet James' gaze and frowned instinctively A pang of jealousy seered through him as he saw his two best friends chatting up the one girl he wished would just give him the time of day. "Hey, guys," he greeted. He then turned to Lily and smiled. "Evans."

She merely offered him a shrug. Even though since the beginning of the year, James' ego had clearly deflated a bit and he had learned not to be so arrogant, she never was sure what his intentions with her were. He had stopped constantly finding ways to harass her so she really couldn't ask for anything more.

"Well, I'm going to go check on Riley and Kay," Lily said, pushing Sirius' legs off of her ("Oof! Hey, that was getting rather comfortable!"). "I'll see you guys later."

"Sure thing, Lily-bean," Sirius grinned. "And remember, I'll be watching tabletops tonight." He winked at her and watched her walk up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, not before she flipped him off with a laugh.

"Tabletops?" James questioned. "Do I want to know?"

"Not at all," Sirius replied.

"What's up, Jamesie?" Remus asked. "How was the shower with all the cold water because Padfoot here doesn't know how to limit his showers to less than twenty minutes?" Sirius shoved Remus, both of them laughing.

James shrugged. "Like any other shower I guess."

"Ahh, so daydreaming about Lily I suppose?" Sirius snickered.

"Well I certainly wasn't the one hanging my feet on her," James muttered, giving Sirius an envious look.

Sirius cringed. "Oh yeah. Sorry about that."

James shrugged again, leaning on the armrest beside Remus. "It's not my fault she likes you better than me."

Remus snorted. "Considering you were the one who poured chocolate sauce down her back in first year and not Sirius, I think it could be considered your fault."

James glared at him.

"Er...never mind," Remus muttered.

"Hey, the girl didn't feel the need to glare at you just for saying hi, so at least that's something," Sirius argued hastily.

James didn't bother responding. Not glaring at him may have been a step up but it wasn't exactly the cherry on top of the cake. He still had a long way to go if he was even going to remotely earn the girls' respect. "Don't try and make me feel better, Padfoot," James finally retaliated, shaking his head. "The girl still thinks I'm scum."

His two friends unfortunately had no arguments for that, so Sirius chose to hop off the couch with a grin. "C'mon, let's go set up our last prank for tomorrow morning. That'll get your mind off her."

_Don't be so sure_, James thought to himself as he followed his friends out of the common room. At the last possible second, he instinctively glanced back behind him on the slight off-chance that the fiery redhead might be walking down the stairs at that point.

Alas, no such luck.

* * *

**A/N: **So what did you think? Please review! This is only the first chapter-many more are forthcoming!


	2. Of Tight Dresses, Bathrooms, & Balconies

**A/N: **I'm back (rather quickly) because I've decided I like the second chapter much better than I like the first. You get to know the characters more in depth. Merry Christmas Eve everyone!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling so you know how this goes.

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 2: Of Tight Dresses, Bathrooms, and Balconies

* * *

The end of the year feast, while always fun and entertaining, was somewhat predictable. Gryffindor had won the House Cup for the third year in a row (although, no one was sure how with all of the points that James and Sirius got taken off for their numerous pranks) and the other houses were getting a tad irritated with the red and gold adorning the Great Hall. But after the rolling of the eyes and the polite clapping during Dumbledore's brief speech, the students turned to enjoying the feast as a way of saying goodbye to Hogwarts for yet another year. They stuffed themselves with shepherd's pie and treacle fudge and pumpkin juice, gossiped about their impending summer plans, reminisced on all of the good memories they had shared throughout the past year, laughed as the Slytherin benches collapsed (probably due to the Marauders) and ducked underneath the tables when pitchers of pumpkin juice exploded and the desserts grew legs and tried storming off (definitely due to the Marauders.) And when the feast was over, the Gryffindors headed back to their common room to continue the festivities. The older students had trudged up to their rooms in order to make sure that a hair hadn't fallen out of place, that their lips were glossed, and that they had enough deodorant on to last through the night. The seventh years had a graduation ball to attend in another hour as well, but they knew that they just had to attend one last Marauder bash before whisking themselves away fro the Great Hall. It didn't come as a surprise when most of the seventh years eventually returned to the Gryffindor common room, finding more fun and entertainment awaiting them there than in the Great Hall. But that's what was so great about the Gryffindors. Loyalty to their house and friends always seemed to come first.

"Come on, you guys! The party's going to start without us," Riley whined, lying on her bed, flipping through the most recent issue of the _Daily Prophet_, scoffing at the journalists who couldn't seem to string a sentence together to save their lives.

Kay stuck her head out of the bathroom. "Riley, when was the last time a party started without you?"

Riley paused. "Good point."

"There is no way I am leaving this dorm looking like _this_!" Lily complained.

Riley rolled her eyes and threw the paper onto the pile of junk that had collected in the corner, including an old issues of the _Witch Weekly _and what appeared to be a raggedy copy of _Quidditch Through The Ages, _which seemed odd since none of them particularly paid attention to Quidditch. She walked into the bathroom where a stubborn Lily stood with Kay trying to fix her hair right next to her.

"Are you kidding, Lily!" Riley squealed. "You look sexy."

Lily glared at her. "I'm a prefect. I'm supposed to look normal."

Kay snorted. "Tell that to Rachael LeBlanc. She just came by asking for some mousse with what appeared to be a dress but was for sure two sizes too small."

Riley grinned. "So think of it this way: at least your dress fits!"

"If this dress fit, I would be covered up!" Lily cried in a shrill voice.

"That dress fits exactly like it's supposed to."

"But I'm not a prostitute on some street corner!" Lily whined.

Riley shrugged, grinning mischievously. "Well if you'd like, that could be arranged. I know some people."

Lily made a face, shooting her friend a curious glare. "Please tell me that was a joke. I pray that you are not running around with a clique of desperate hoes."

A sly grin appeared on Riley's face. "Nahh, that's what I have Kay for." She squealed and ducked as Kay attempted to swat at her. "And with that dress, apparently you, too."

Lily lunged for Riley, but Kay was too quick for her, pushing her shoulders down. "Will you stop moving? Do you want your hair to look like a mess?"

"It doesn't matter what my hair looks like because I'm _not_ going down there," Lily protested, crossing her arms defensively.

Riley rolled her eyes. "You are such a Drama Queen," she snorted, stifling a bored yawn. She looked over Lily's shoulder to the mirror, smoothing down the back of her hair. "I'm going to go see what James is up to. Try to talk some sense into her, Kay."

Kay laughed. "Like that's going to happen."

"Tell Potter I hate him for throwing a party and forcing you two to make me dress like this!" Lily cried after her as she sauntered out of the bathroom.

"How about I just tell him you say hi?" Riley snickered.

Lily tried to throw a hairbrush at her but she missed Riley entirely.

"I'm still trying to think of a logical explanation to how you're actually friends with that four-eyed clown," Lily murmured, wincing from pain as Kay pulled on her hair tighter.

Riley shrugged. "I was barely a few months old when his mother brought him home from the hospital and put him in my playpen. How was I supposed to know that in eleven years my best friend would meet him and hate him?"

Lily's lips pursed, a glare forming on her face. "You make it sound like he introduced himself and we just happened to hit it off wrong. There is so much more to it," she scowled, slumping down stubbornly.

Kay groaned. "Oh Merlin of Agrippa, not the chocolate sauce story. _Please_ not the chocolate sauce story!"

Riley laughed and let Lily continue swatting at Kay.

"And just for that, Kay, you will have to sit through it again," Lily said with a very haughty grin on her face. "Well I'm sitting in my compartment, alone and perfectly content being alone when that selfish prick walks in and introduces himself, of course acting all suave and very pathetic if you want my opinion….."

Riley laughed at the strained look on Kay's face and walked out of the room as Lily went on to explain how James attempted to show off as a mere eleven-year-old to the pretty redhead he encountered sitting with his best friend. He begged Riley to give him a bottle of her shampoo and while he was supposed to transform it into a bottle of chocolate sauce, the spell went all wrong. Needless to say, Lily wasn't so keen on getting to know James Potter after the incident.

Downstairs in the common room, most of the younger students stood patiently obviously waiting for the Marauders to liven things up. Riley couldn't help but roll her eyes at how naïve they all seemed to be.

She ignored the stares from the younger goody-two-shoes, all clearly skeptical as to why she was going up the guys' dormitory stairs, and walked up to the sixth landing, knocking on their door. Per usual, she didn't bother waiting for a response. When she pushed open the door, she was met with James and Remus pounding on the bathroom door yelling out Sirius' name and Peter lying on his bed bored, in such a manner that she was only moments earlier.

"Hey guys," she snickered. "Black lock himself in the bathroom again, making sure every gel-covered hair on his head is sticking out in just the right place?"

James and Remus groaned. "Yeah," Remus grumbled. He pounded on the door again. "SIRIUS! GET OUT HERE THIS MINUTE! THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM!"

No response.

"Maybe he jumped out the window," Riley suggested, her eyes lighting up. "Or maybe he suffocated from too much mousse. Or slipped in the shower!"

"Gee, don't sound so hopeful," Remus reflected.

Riley let out an over-dramatic sigh. "A girl can dream, can she not?"

James rolled his eyes. He had gotten used to the constant harassing between Riley and Sirius. While he absolutely loathed the fact that his two best friends seemed to hate each other, he had no way of rectifying the friendship between them (much to James' chagrin; he did everything he could to try and fix it and in the end, every attempt failed) and dealt with the insults as best he could. He longed for the old days where he, Sirius, and Riley spent hours together relaxing on the grounds, chatting about their Transfiguration skills or gossiping about their families, or poking fun at the Slytherins, or dreaming of the future. It used to be so easy for all of them and now, James was stuck with two friends who would rather die than spend any time together.

He pounded both fists against the door again. "OPEN UP, SIRIUS!"

Riley rolled her eyes when, again, nothing happened. "Here, let me try."

"We've tried everything. Good luck with him," James complained, moving away from the door so Riley could attempt to get him out of there.

"You just have to know how to handle him," Riley grinned mischievously. She cleared her throat, and in a rather high-pitched squeaky voice said, "Sirius? It's Rachael. I was hoping you could accompany me down-"

The door swung open to reveal Sirius with a lusting grin spreading across his face as he leaned against the doorframe. All of his attempts to be sexy quickly disappeared when he saw Riley standing there instead. "You conniving, manipulative prig."

Riley rolled her eyes and turned back to James and Remus who were staring at her in awe. "Bathroom's free," she grinned.

Remus made a run for it, pushing Sirius out of the way as James stood fixated on the spot, staring in awe at Riley. "We've tried everything from Alohamora to telling Sirius there was a fire in the room all the way to actually ramming our shoulders into the door to pry it open. By the way I never recommend that. I have a feeling my shoulder is going to be sore for over a week."

"Wasn't ever planning on it," Riley concluded.

James ignored her comment, continuing. "And suddenly you come in and on your first attempt you get him out of there," he said in shock. He grabbed ahold of Riley's arms tightly. "That's it. You are _never_ leaving."

"Not if I have something to say about it," Sirius argued.

Riley rolled her eyes and pushed James off of her. "Not like I would want to stay in a room that is even within a hundred miles from you, but if I did I wouldn't listen to what you had to say anyway."

"Funny, because the last time I checked, your room _isn't_ a hundred miles away from ours."

Riley crossed her arms and glared at him. "Don't you have some girl to snog?"

"Don't you have some boy's life to make miserable?"

"Nah. I only enjoy tormenting you," she said with a mischievous grin.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. Your attempts to irritate me are measly at best. Now if you don't mind, I've got a party to get ready for. And seeing as I doubt I'll be getting the bathroom again anytime soon, I've got some beverages to attend to." And with one last piercing glare towards Riley, he stormed out.

"Ahh, finally peace and quiet," she mumbled, diving on to James' bed in an outstretched position and glancing around the unkempt room. "Uh…you guys do realize that we're leaving tomorrow, right?"

James shrugged and lay down beside her, waiting for Remus to get out of the bathroom. "Yeah…and?"

Riley snorted and pointed to the room. "Your room is a pigsty. It's pretty much how I always pictured the inside of my head to look like."

"Funny, Sirius says the same thing," Peter commented, causing Riley to roll her eyes.

"No, this room would be completely empty if it were the inside of that prat's head," she mumbled. "Weren't you guys planning on, and here's an ingenious idea, _packing_ anytime soon?"

James and Peter exchanged looks and burst into laughter. "Nonsense," James explained, waving his hand dismissively. "That's what the hour before the Hogwarts Express leaves is for."

Riley shook her head in disbelief. She should have been surprised but alas, she's known James Potter for seventeen years. Nothing surprises her about him anymore. "You cram in your packing time?"

James shrugged. "Of course. What, did you expect the Marauders to actually do something ahead of time?"

"Of course, what _was _I thinking?" she drawled, amusement shining in her eyes.

The bathroom door opened and Remus walked out, looking clean shaven and with a full hair of subtle gel. "To be fair, Riley, every year I always bring up the idea of packing the night before."

"Yeah, and every year I point out that you're crazy," James argued pointedly.

Remus shrugged. "And every year I point out that with Sirius around, you might want to rethink that last statement."

"And every year Sirius throws a book at your head," Peter added, laughter following.

Riley glanced at them, her right eyebrow twitching upward with skepticism. "And every year, this doesn't get old?"

The three boys glanced briefly at each other before responding in unison, "Nah."

Riley couldn't help but chuckle. While she usually enjoyed the company of her girlfriends more, she always found much entertainment in the crazy antics of the Marauders. When she needed a pick-me-up or if she was feeling depressed or angry at something, it was James she always went to. He always knew exactly what to say to make her feel better and to lift her spirits up. He was her confidante, her best friend, the guy who seemed to know everything about her before she even did. She didn't always approve of the way he sometimes acted towards Lily, even the childish hexing he felt was necessary towards the Slytherins, and she hated the snarky comments he made about the opposite sex, but behind his cocky, suave, holier-than-thou attitude he often embraced was a sensitive, caring, loyal best friend who would go to the end of the Earth for her.

"So here's a question for you," James interrupted Riley's thoughts as he headed into the now-empty bathroom "With an outfit like that, who exactly are you trying to impress tonight?"

Riley blushed slightly, glancing over at the mirror self-consciously. "I'm trying to impress _you_, dahling," she joked in a fake sophisticated manner. "I'm _always_ trying to impress you."

James snorted and peeked his head out of the bathroom. "On Tuesday, you barged in here wearing flannel boxers, an oversized T-shirt with the phrase 'Always open for business,' and an arrow pointing down—I remember because Sirius commented on it—and your hair thrown up into one of those messy buns complaining that you had a zit the size of a melon on your nose."

Riley paused. "And that didn't impress you?"

They all laughed. "No, not particularly," he laughed. "So who's the lucky guy?"

She snorted, shaking her head. "I'm not trying to impress anyone. in particular. However, if a few boys happen to look my way and I end up having my way with one of them in a secluded broom closet, so be it," she said with a teasing grin.

They all stared at her. "I don't understand how you and Sirius don't get along. It's like you're the same person," Remus commented. Peter and James both nodded in agreement as James trudged back into the bathroom,

Riley glared at him. "I resent that!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I figured you might. But you are."

"Black is a conceited, chauvinistic manwhore. I have more elegance than that."

"Well, I certainly can't say you're a manwhore," he retaliated with a chuckle, gently running his hand through his hair as if to make sure it still looked presentable. While Remus Lupin wasn't interested in getting mixed up in a relationship (for the obvious reason being he howled at the moon once a month), he was a seventeen-year-old boy who appreciated looking good.

"I'm not conceited or chauvinistic either," she was quick to argue.

"Personally, I think everyone deserves to be a tad arrogant at times!" James cried out from the bathroom, his voice muffled and hurried.

"What's your excuse the rest of the time?" she shot back.

James poked his head out with a scowl, his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. "I'm going to ignore that comment, mostly because my mouth is full of toothpaste."

A chuckle escaped Riley's lips. "So can we get down to this party or what? I'm in need of a firewhisky right about now."

"Eh, there's some underneath Sirius' bed," Remus said nonchalantly.

"Why does that not surprise me?" she scoffed.

"Oh, like you don't have any stashed under _your _bed?"

Riley made a face. "Aw, blow me, Lupin," she teased.

Remus pretended to think about it, a slight blush forming on his cheeks. He went the route of humor. "Hm…well alright but it might ruin our friendship," he joked.

Riley laughed. "And with one Marauder already on my hit-list we wouldn't want another, now would we?"

Remus rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at her.

"HEY!" Riley called as she fell backwards. She scrambled off the bed, chucking the pillow back at Remus. Laughter followed.

Riley grinned and ducked at the next pillow flying her way which ended up in a full-out pillow war between the two of them while Peter sat off to the side, watching in uncertainty. James rolled his eyes and crawled back into the bathroom not willing to get involved.

"JAMES!" Riley whined eventually. "Come out here and help me."

Remus snorted and smushed her in between two pillows. "Why would he help _you_? I live with the guy! He's _my_ best friend."

"And I've known him since he was in diapers. I think I win," Riley teased, being pushed on to James' bed by another round of Remus' pillow fighting.

Remus paused, causing Riley to snatch the pillows out of Remus' hand. "Hm…do you have any pictures of him in those diapers for blackmail in the future years?"

"THESE WALLS ARE PAPER THIN YOU KNOW!" James cried out from the bathroom.

"James, will you hurry up before I become involved in their little pillow party?" Peter complained, climbing off his bed and walking around Remus and Riley to pound on the bathroom door.

"Oooh, not a bad idea," Remus teased, throwing a pillow in Peter's direction who ducked in time.

James eventually opened the door, having a pillow thrown at him immediately by Riley. James stumbled backwards, completely thrown off-guard and glared at her when he got his balance back. "Oh, you are _so_ dead."

And with that he ran towards Riley full-blast and completely plowed into her, pushing her on to his bed with him holding her down and tickling her excessively.

"ARGH! I hate that I'm ticklish!" she cried through her laughter fits.

James grinned. "I _love_ that you're ticklish."

"And I love how we should be downstairs partying," Peter added, shaking his head at the two.

"And getting drunk," Riley added, after she was able to push James off of her.

"Y'know, a party can be fun without alcohol," Remus mused.

Three pairs of shocked eyes stared back at him.

"You're right, stupid suggestion."

* * *

At around midnight, after Sirius had danced with almost every girl in the room, after James was still prone on staring at Lily for the whole night in her absolutely drop-dead gorgeous outfit, and after almost everyone in the room had at least two alcoholic beverages in their system, the Marauders found themselves backed into a corner just surveying the room and patting themselves on the back for what could only be dubbed a successful party.

"I have a question for you guys," Sirius said to his three friends.

"Oh Merlin, here it comes," James muttered.

"What?" Sirius asked innocently.

"The last time you had a question for us it was, 'When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?'" James said, shooting his friend a look.

"Yeah, and I never got an answer for that," Sirius replied, his lips curling into a smirk.

Three pairs of eyes stared at him. "I'm not even going to bother," Remus eventually muttered, taking a sip of whatever spiked drink he had in his hand.

"So what's the question?" Peter dared to ask.

"If you take an Oriental person and spin them around several times, does she become disoriented?" Sirius questioned, nodding in the direction of Keiko Mei in the corner.

They all stared blankly at him before Remus finally said, "Why do we still hang out with you?"

Sirius grinned. "Because if you didn't, these parties just wouldn't be as awesome as they are."

"True, but our room wouldn't always be locked due to your sexual relationships, we wouldn't have to worry about explaining the obvious to you, and the day wouldn't be filled with your absolutely pointless questions."

Sirius pondered Remus' statements. "But without Padfoot, you would have to rely on yourselves for these parties and getting around the castle and God knows you three can't do anything without me."

"I have the Invisibility Cloak," James pointed out.

"And I was the one who stumbled across the secret passage to get into Honeydukes," Remus explained.

"Yeah and I was the one who accidentally tripped over my shoelaces and ran into the portrait of the fruit bowl earning us the ability to get into the kitchens," Peter clarified.

"And I was the one who suggested we become Animagi," James continued.

"And I am the werewolf who led to that suggestion," Remus added.

"And I was the one who snuck into the Potion's backroom in order to get everything we needed," Peter finished.

Sirius hesitated. "Wow, I really didn't do anything."

"Sorry to burst your bubble," James snickered.

"So pretty much if there was no me, nothing would have changed," Sirius realized, pouting melodramatically. "How have I not noticed my insignificance before?"

James shrugged slyly. "To be fair, if there was no you, where would all the girls turn to?" he snorted, raising an amused eyebrow.

Sirius grinned. "I knew I had a purpose here at Hogwarts."

They all laughed, returning their gazes on to the students enjoying themselves at the party, congratulating each other on getting through, yet again, another tough year at Hogwarts.

"Dare I say it, but this has got to be one of our best parties yet," Sirius said grinning, gulping down the rest of his spiked punch, probably his tenth drink that night.

James nodded in agreement. "A great way to end the year."

Sirius took a seat on the dormitory stairs and looked up at James. "I'm still curious as to why Lily hasn't bitched us out for the alcohol and the excessive loud noise."

"If you think that's strange, I saw her take a sip of the punch earlier!" Remus exclaimed in awe.

"Did she know it was spiked?" Peter asked, shocked.

"How could she not know?" Sirius interjected with a scoff. "The punch is always spiked. And it's not always my doing!"

Remus let out a curt nod. "Oh, she knew. Even before I mentioned it to her. But she simply shrugged and chugged what was left in her cup!"

"And have you seen what she's wearing? I'll deny I ever said this, but that girl cleans up quick," Sirius admitted, staring Lily up and down in the black cocktail dress that indeed Riley forced her to wear, practically pushing her down the stars with it on. "She looks hot. I never knew she had it in her."

Peter glanced at James who was being extremely quiet that night. "What's up, James? You're being suspiciously silent as we talk about your love interest."

James sent him an annoyed look, a frown spreading across his face. He sighed, biting down on the rim of his cup as he muttered, "Why talk about it when you guys already think you know how I feel?"

"We don't think we know. We _do_ know," Sirius quickly corrected. "You're so infatuated with her I wouldn't be surprised if you've already written up wedding invitations."

James rolled his eyes, irritation flickering from behind the hazel eyes. "Not quite."

"Well, you're harboring pictures of her in that box under your bed so you're obviously more than just slightly interested in her," Sirius snickered, enjoying the harassment of James.

James clenched his fists tightly. "Leave it alone, Padfoot," he said firmly. There wasn't anything to tell and Sirius bugging him about it just made James realize that even more.

Remus glanced regretfully at James knowing that Sirius was probably getting on his last nerve but he couldn't help but be a little curious as well. James had been infatuated with the girl since the day he met her, though he wouldn't always admit it, and for years, he thrived upon asking the girl out. Remus couldn't always tell if it was for jesting sake or if it was all about the chase to James, but he knew deep down, James certainly had feelings for the girl. Maybe it was because she was the only girl to ever turn down his Hogsmeade invitation or maybe it was because she was the only girl willing to stand up to James whenever he did something inane and childish or maybe it was because she was the only girl who didn't see right through James' pretty boy act. Whatever it was, she had drawn him in and over the years, Remus knew James' feelings must have grown stronger. But he had never halted his mischievous, arrogant ways like she had so often suggested in the past. But since the beginning of the school year, he suddenly stopped harassing Lily every change he got and left her alone to her own devices. It was a strange turn of events and Remus wondered if what had happened between himself, Sirius, and Severus Snape at the end of the previous year gave James the unfortunate push towards growing up and maturing that perhaps he needed.

Remus spoke up, trying to steer the conversation away from Sirius' teasing. "Prongs, it's been about five months since you've been with a girl. Which is an amazing feat within itself. And you've simmered down your mischievous and arrogant ways per Lily's request. Are you going to make another move on her at some point or continue to gaze at her from afar?"

James frowned. "I haven't been with a girl in five months because no girl is worth being with."

Remus noted that he avoided his question.

"Lies!" Sirius retorted with a grin. He nodded in the direction of Rachael LeBlanc. "There are beautiful women everywhere in this school."

"Including Lily. I'm sure James can attest to that," Remus felt himself blurt out.

"Anyone can attest to that," James was quick to argue. "Just because she's not the Riley Gilmore kind of gorgeous doesn't make the girl not beautiful. As Sirius so eloquently pointed out just a few minutes ago."

"Ah, yes, and I'm sure anyone else who is stupid enough to tell you that Lily Evans is beautiful would get a punch in the mouth by you, would they not?" Sirius snorted, giving his best friend a look.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that people aren't dumb. They know you have some sort of claim on her and the male population avoids her for that very same reason. Considering anyone who even bothers looking in her direction is not-so-coincidentally sent to the hospital wing with a mysterious ailment the very next day. Popularity has its perks, m'friend. Students in this school are smart enough to know you don't mess with a Marauder."

"I don't have any claim on Evans," he growled. "She's free to date whoever the hell she wants."

"Liar," Sirius muttered.

James didn't respond. Truth was, he probably would punch anyone in the face who showed any sort of romantic interest in Lily Evans. Maybe not necessarily because he was jealous or angry but because they would honestly have a better shot with her than he did and he would hate them because of it.

"I'm getting another drink," James muttered, whisking himself away from the scrutiny of his friends. He was tired of them analyzing his crush on Lily. He had no idea what to classify it as, but it didn't even matter considering Lily would never feel the same way. And his friends talking about her just reminded him of that annoying little detail.

Remus watched James sneak outside to the balcony attached to the Gryffindor commons room where Remus was almost certain he saw a redhead heading towards just a few minutes earlier.

James silently closed the door behind him and smiled at the sight of Lily's gorgeous red hair blowing with the warm Spring breeze. She looked so peaceful simply leaning on the balcony railing that James almost didn't want to interrupt. But he knew he'd regret it if he didn't at least try to say something to her.

He walked up behind her and found the courage to say, "Hey."

Lily gasped and quickly whirled around, obviously on edge. She exhaled in a thankful manner. "Hey, Potter."

James cringed. Every time she uttered his last name it just reminded him about how far he still needed to go to win her over if he ever was going to get her attention. "What are you doing out here when the party's in there?" he asked pointing towards the inside.

Lily gave James a look and went back to leaning atop the railing. "You of all people should know I'm not exactly one to party," she said rather harshly.

Ouch. But James simply nodded trying not to let her words get to him. "Yeah, well that dress states otherwise," he said with a light chuckle, realizing too late just how cocky that sounded.

"Excuse me?" Lily said indignantly giving him a potentially disgusted look.

"I just meant that…er...well, you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress," James said, hoping that that line had saved him. He mentally slapped himself for always sounding like such a prat around her.

Lily was certainly taken aback by it. She glanced down at the dress, smoothing it out awkwardly. "Oh. Well…thanks," she murmured. "Riley chose it obviously."

James smiled. "Yeah, I figured."

"I never would want to wear something like this," Lily clarified. "But she wouldn't let me come if I didn't wear this and Merlin knows you Marauders needed a prefect to keep things in line."

"We have Remus," James pointed out.

"Who helped you plan this party."

James could only chuckle as she turned away from him. His eyes followed hers to the stars shining brightly in the clear night sky. James knew that Lily loved Astronomy almost as much as she loved being independent. He had spent an entire month during his fourth year trying to learn the constellations as a way of impressing her. But as it turned out, Lily merely thought he was showing off. Story of his life. He tries to please her, she takes it the wrong way.

James eventually broke the silence. "You ready to go home for summer?"

Lily frowned, not responding.

James' gaze fell upon her. "Oh, c'mon, you can't tell me you're not ready for two months away from grueling all-nighters and difficult exams and the endless perfecting of our wand skills?"

Lily shrugged. "Potter, you're talking to me here. I actually enjoy those all-nighters, those difficult exams, and the endless perfecting of our wand skills."

"No one enjoys all-nighters," he said with a smile.

"It's better than home," she blurted out, cringing inwardly. She tightened her lips, clearly wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

He didn't know how to retort. She looked so panicked and distressed that he wanted to find the right words to say.

She could feel his curious gaze scrutinizing her. She turned to glance at him and was surprised to see compassion staring back. That wasn't an emotion she often saw in James Potter's eyes.

"Not a fan of home?" he asked softly.

She slowly turned away from his curious gaze, finding solace in the vast sky. Whenever she felt overwhelmed or upset or angry or scared or panicky, she often migrated to that very same balcony for some much needed tranquility. The stars gave her a sense of comfort. As if no matter what happened to her in the past, present, or future, at least she would know that those same constellations that she took notice to as a young child were still watching over her. She found herself saying, "Guess I've always just thought that Hogwarts is more of a home to me than my..." she trailed off, suddenly feeling as if she were coming off way to vulnerable. She clamped her mouth shut.

James was surprised she admitted that. She had always been so good at remaining elusive and distant when it came to talking about herself. From what Riley told him, she would much rather listen to an hour of Riley's bitching than disclose a minute of personal information about herself. She remained a mystery to James. He liked that about her, though. She wasn't like every other girl in the school who wanted to chatter his ear off about mindless things, whether it be the catfight she broke out into with her dorm-mate or the new shade of lip gloss that she felt accented her lips or how good James looked in his Quidditch uniform (well, to be fair as mindless as that last one is, he didn't hate hearing it). He was drawn to the quiet side of Lily Evans. But that didn't mean he wouldn't like to know more about her. "Hogwarts does have a way of drawing you in."

"Yeah," she said with a shrug. "There's a strange sort of comfort in knowing that this place has really made us the people we are today."

"I don't think that's strange at all," James argued. "Almost half of our lives are spent within these sheltered walls. This place is bound to mold our personalities and our outlook on life. I think we can thank our futures on the goals we accomplished here."

"Ah, so what pray tell does your future consist if your goals here have been to endlessly tease your fellow classmates?"

James blinked, glancing over at her. He was shocked to see a smile tugging at the end of her lips. He smirked. "I'm thinking of taking up a clown as my profession."

It was clear to James that she was trying desperately to not look so amused. "All you'd really need is the big red nose. Good thing you already have the big feet."

"HEY!"

She didn't bother trying to suppress her laughter that time. "That whole teasing-your-classmates thing words both ways, Potter."

"Thank heavens summer is upon us then, hm?"

Her smile quickly spun into a frown as she chose not to respond.

"You really don't like home, do you?" he asked gently, his curiosity getting the better of him.

She had always seemed so optimistic and enthusiastic but at the mention of the word 'home' once again it seemed as if her eyes clouded over with a form of hesitant resentment. "My home isn't exactly like yours, I'm sure," Lily said with a smile, obviously trying to lighten up the mood.

"What? You don't have a potential half-crazed Sirius Black living in the bedroom across from you, stealing all of your food, and hitting on your younger sister and her friends?" James joked, leaning against the railing beside Lily.

Confusion shone in Lily's eyes and she turned towards him. "Sirius lives with you?"

James cringed. Maybe he should try and take one out of Lily's book by learning to shut up. "Oh. Um…yeah."

Curiosity got the better of Lily, but if anyone understood not wanting to talk about their family life, it certainly was her. If James wasn't divulging the information on his own she wouldn't intrude. "Oh."

James opened his mouth and closed it, wanting nothing more than to tell Lily all about the situation. Mostly because this was one of the few conversations the two of them have ever had that wasn't one of them challenging the other. He eventually said, "He and his family had problems and it was just time for him to leave I guess."

"Oh," Lily said. "I understand." And she did. She knew all about not having her own family and she knew that it must have been hard for Sirius to be out on his own. At least he had someone to stay with. A twinge of jealousy sparked from within and she suddenly realized that for the first time in nearly six years, she was jealous of _James Potter_. She shuddered at the thought.

"Oh, are you cold?" spoke James. "You want my sweater?"

She gazed up at him, surprised. He almost sounded sincere. She avoided the question. "What are you doing out here, Potter? Shouldn't you be inside getting drunk with your cohorts, hitting on random girls, and breaking about fifteen school rules?"

James scowled, turning away from her. And just when he thought she was starting to play nice with him. "I'd rather be out here," he said coolly.

Lily rolled her eyes, her defenses suddenly going up. If James Potter was being nice, there had to be a reason for it. "Why? Trying to figure out which one would make me angrier: slipping ice cubes down my back or turning my hair into a pile of living snakes?" Both hexes that James had done in prior years.

James gave her an irritated look. "I haven't done anything to you this entire year, Evans."

"I know. I'm assuming you're way overdue."

James sighed, running his hands through his shaggy hair.

Lily frowned. "Stop doing that."

James froze, confused. "Er...doing what?"

"There's no girl to impress out here, Potter," Lily snapped, rolling her eyes. "No need to run your hands through your product-filled hair."

"I don't use product!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Potter, you can go rejoin the party. I won't be offended."

James turned away, frowning. "Who said I wouldn't rather stay out here?" he muttered hesitantly.

Lily's eyes flickered with uncertainty. He was acting rather blasé and she didn't know what to make of it. She had always been so good at reading him that his lack of arrogance and superiority was throwing her off. "What are you playing at, Potter?"

"I'm not playing anything," he said firmly.

"Except me?"

His eyebrows wrinkled irritably. "No," he snapped. "I'm not playing you either."

She rolled her eyes. "Then why the hell are you choosing to stay out here with a girl you know doesn't particularly want to share in your company when you could be with the crowd in there that you so obviously belong to and cling to?"

James was caught off-guard by the vehemence in her tone. While he may be surrounded by his friends often, he wouldn't necessarily call that a crowd. And to be perfectly honest, some of the moments he most craved were those moments at night when he was lying in bed and he could just be himself with his own thoughts. No influence of Sirius or Remus or Peter and no giggly girls wanting to chat him up and no Quidditch team members wanting his feedback or whiny second years who wanted his help with Transfiguration. So even if he was always forced into crowd situations, what gave her the right to assume that was what he wanted? And if he did prefer the crowds, what gave her the right to judge? And why did she seem to have such distaste about that? In all honesty, he never realized that he had ever come off that way. Did it really seem that he'd rather be in the midst of a crowd than in the company of a wonderful conversationalist? He found himself speechless. He eventually stuttered, "What makes you think that I belong in and cling to a crowd, Evans?" He tried not to sound so offended.

Lily shrugged dismissively. "Because a day hasn't gone by that you haven't been surrounded by people. I guess I never really saw you trying to stand out on your own."

He frowned. "I may always be surrounded by a crowd but who says I wouldn't rather be in the company of a beautiful woman like yourself?"

Lily blushed and shook her head. "Oh please. Stop the flattery act."

James couldn't help but stare at her, wondering why she could never just take a compliment from him. "Are you ever going to believe that perhaps it's not some act, Evans?"

She frowned. "Are you ever going to give me a reason to believe it?"

"I've been trying to do that all year."

She didn't respond. Mostly because she knew he was right. And she really hated it when James Potter was right.

"Well, believe this," James said when she kept quiet, "Sometimes, a guy might rather get away from the hustle and bustle of that aforementioned crowd and appreciate the comfort and solitude that comes with being alone."

She gazed at him curiously, surprised by the sincerity in his voice. She pursed her lips, trying to get a read on him before turning back towards the sky with a sigh. "Well, I guess I can relate to that," she murmured with a shrug. "But don't tell anyone we have something in common. It may ruin my reputation."

James wasn't sure if he should nod or laugh but a chuckle escaped his lips before he could decide. "You wound my heart, Evans."

Lily offered him a strange look. "That's all you're going to say?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "Heh?"

She shrugged. "Last year if I had said that to you, you probably would have come back with one of your infamous witty lines, something like 'well, my reputation upholds yours so why would I want to spread around that a busybody Know-it-All like yourself has something in common with me,' or 'didn't realize you had a reputation, Evans. People have to know who you are for you to have a reputation,'" she said in an almost perfect imitation of him. "Instead you just laughed it off. Seems so unlike you."

James shrugged. She was right. He had always enjoyed riling her up. Maybe it was the way her nostrils would flare at him when she was irate. Or maybe it the way her green eyes seemed to sparkle more when gleaming with frustration. Or maybe it that wrinkle between her eyebrows that would become more pronounced every time her anger got the best of her. Or maybe it was the idea that Lily Evans knew how to challenge him, unlike any other girl ever has. Whatever it was, she was right. He did always used to have a comeback for everything. But that was then. And now listening to the way she tried imitating him, he couldn't help but cringe. He didn't realize how much he had changed over the past year but Lily Evans was living proof of that. He hesitated before saying, "I guess I've learned that those infamous witty lines might not be so witty after all."

Shock fled to her face. "Admitting you were wrong, Potter?" She was staring at him with curious eyes, confusion rimming the emerald green.

He chuckled. "No, admitting I was young."

"Your excuse is that a _year_ ago you were young?"

The skepticism was clear in her voice. "I guess I've changed a lot this year."

She frowned, trying to tear her eyes away from him without much luck. She felt oddly drawn to him, her overwhelming curiosity getting the better of her. This subdued, apologetic, compassionate James Potter wasn't the James Potter she had grown to loathe over the years. And what's worse, she didn't hate it.

Another chill ran down her spine.

"Seriously, Evans, take my sweater," he urged, tearing it off his back to hand to her.

She ignored him. "People can't change that easily, Potter," she argued, desperate to see through his act. "My guess is you're up to something."

James awkwardly continued to hold out his hand with his sweater, a little perturbed at her accusation. "Is it that hard for you to believe that I can be a nice guy?"

"_Yes_," she urged hastily. "Considering just twelve months ago, you were putting ice cubes down my back and turning my hair into a pile of living snakes, I'm not buying the chivalrous side of you, Potter. I think I have every right to be wary."

"You have a right to be wary, yes," he admitted, slowly throwing his sweater around his shoulders when it was obvious she wasn't about to accept a single thing from him. "And I have the right to be chivalrous without you thinking it's an act."

"You may have the right to be chivalrous, but you certainly don't have the right to tell me how to think."

He sighed. This was getting them nowhere. "You're right, as always," he murmured. "But I'm going to try my damnedest to get you to believe it's not an act. None of this is, Evans. This may come as a huge shock to you, but I didn't actually come out here to stir up trouble. I merely-"

"Yes, that does come as a huge shock to me."

"I wanted some fresh air," he continued, ignoring her scowl. "Because as much as you'd like to think I belong in that crowd in there, a guy craves alone time just as much."

She frowned. "Except you're not alone."

"I'm aware of that."

Lily wondered what the polite way to ask someone to leave was. And then she mentally hit herself because why was she so worried about being polite around James Potter? "Well, then maybe you should find fresh air elsewhere, Potter."

His jaw tightened in pure frustration. It was times like these, times when she was being snippy and moody, when he couldn't figure out what he saw in her. "Gee, I feel so wanted."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you knew before now you weren't wanted by me. Did my rejecting your millions of Hogsmeade invitations not provide you with that information? Then again, I always knew you couldn't take a hint."

His lips pursed. "I can take the hint that you're clearly threatened by me."

"Excuse me?"

"You are acting extremely defensive right now and I don't believe I've done anything to warrant that."

A glare was directed his way. "My defenses go up when you're in my vicinity, Potter. Six years of your childish antics taught me that much."

"Fine, Evans, I'm a child," he retorted with a roll of the eyes. "But I'd rather be a child than play the part of some martyr merely trying to hide behind this act of being perfect."

She stiffened, her eyes meeting his cautiously. "You think I put on a perfect act?"

He could tell he struck a nerve, although he couldn't figure out what nerve that was. "It sometimes feels that way."

She was trying desperately to bite her tongue. "I'm not perfect, Potter," Lily argued rather adamantly.

He noted the severity of her tone. "I didn't say you were," he reminded. "I simply said you put on an _act_ of being perfect. I, of all people, should know that no one is perfect."

"'You of all people?'" Lily spat out in disgust, her hand gripping the balcony railing tightly. "What the hell could you possibly know about not being perfect, Potter? If you think I'm putting on an act, you're _living _that act."

"What are you-"

She ignored him, frustration building up inside of her. "You have everything, Potter. Everything. And if you don't have it, you can snap your fingers and you can easily get it. Your world has been handed to you on a silver platter and it's so evident that you take that for granted. You don't even get it, Potter. Life isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be difficult or you wouldn't appreciate what you truly have. But you? You strut around as if the ground was created for you to walk on. You expect everyone to fall at your feet just because you're James Potter. You could probably get away with murder around here by just serving a detention and every girl in this school wants to be with you while every guy wants to _be _you. So don't go telling me that you think you're not perfect. I may despise the life you live, Potter, but that doesn't make it any less ideal. Even observing from the sidelines, it seems to me that you've got it all."

_Yeah, except the girl._ "That's not…I mean…how can...you don't..." he dithered, taken aback by her brutal honesty. "Appearances can be deceiving," he finally blurted out.

Lily shook her head incredulously and turned her head away from him, counting to ten in her own head before she went on yet another rant. "I hardly doubt anything on the surface of your life is deceiving."

His gaze fell upon the students partying in the common room, the music pounding its beat through the walls. An upbeat Weird Sisters song just came on and he could hear Sirius attempting to sing along at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, he longed to be a part of that crowd Lily was so insistent he belonged to. At least they didn't judge him for the life he was given. At least they never disappointed him or hurt him with cutting words and bitter resentment. And at lest they knew the real him. The him that _wasn't _perfect.

"So that's really what you think of me, hm?" James muttered, trying to hide the disappointment in his tone.

"Don't go all pity party on me, Potter," she responded bitterly.

Apparently that disappointment wasn't hidden well.

She continued. "Because it's not just me. It's what everyone thinks of you,."

"You mean the everyone that doesn't take the time to get to know me?" he mused.

She whirled around to glare at him. "I don't want to get to know you."

James shrugged. "I didn't say you did."

"It was implied."

True. "Alright then, but if even a tiny part of you didn't want to attempt to figure me out, then why the hell are you still standing here?"

"I was here first!"

"And you called me the child?" he snorted, frustration building up inside of him.

"You _are_ a child, Potter," she scowled. "I have no idea what scenario you conjured up in that pretty little head of yours about this conversation we have been forced to share, but I want no part of it. Can't you ever just take a hint and leave me alone?"

He couldn't help but glare at her. "I've been leaving you alone for nine months, Evans. Or hadn't you noticed?"

Lily scoffed. "I don't take the time to notice the things you do or don't do, Potter." Truth is, she had noticed. And early on, something about it bugged her. It felt off. Not that she thrived upon her encounters with him, but it had become such a routine to her that after a week or two in September without so much as a word from him, she couldn't help but wonder what had possessed James Potter to give up. For weeks, months even, she was certain he was planning some all-out war and would hit her when she least expected it. And maybe that time had come. Maybe he had spent the entire year brooding and planning and tonight was the night his ultimate plan was to go into action.

He was so tired of trying to be thoughtful and considerate towards her just to get attacked. Maybe he once deserved the retaliation, but he didn't think he deserved it now. He had left her alone for an entire year finally giving her exactly what she wanted and suddenly, that wasn't good enough for her? He was stuck between a rock and a hard place; he couldn't win with her. He knew that now. "Why do I bother even attempting to be nice to you, Evans? You made your mind up about me six years ago and no matter what I try and do to prove to you I've changed, you're never going to give me a chance. You're never going to bother trying to get to know the real me. So maybe-"

"Why the hell should I?" she barked, her eyes blazing with hatred. "After six years of bullying and pranking and hexing and screaming matches and duels and all-out wars, you really expect me to just _give you a chance_? You really think I'd be willing to get to know _any _part of you? You really are thick, aren't you?"

Truth was, James had no response to that. Because in hindsight, she was absolutely right. He had tortured the girl for five years. So why should he expect her to bother spending any of her time getting to know him? "Y'know, it's funny," he murmured, shaking his head. "You always say I don't listen and I'm stubborn and I'm thick-skulled, but at least I'm willing to figure out who you are beneath your perfect act. So who's the stubborn one now, Evans?"

"I never asked you to figure me out!"

"Yeah, which I guess makes me the considerate one, hm?" he smirked.

Her glare intensified. As if she was going to let him get in the last word. "I don't need to figure out who the hell you are, Potter, because I already know," she continued. She crossed her arms, leaned against the back of the railing with a heavy grunt, feelings of resentment surging through her. "You're probably one of the most popular guys in the school, right? Oh, never mind, don't bother responding to that. We both know the answer," she said hastily when she saw him grin. "Like I mentioned before, you strut around this school like you own it. And the sad part is, you pretty much _do. _Somehow, everyone places you on this ridiculously high pedestal because of your bloody surname and you thrive upon it. So it makes no sense to me that you would choose to say hi to me, a girl who appreciates that her place at Hogwarts has been one of low stature, when you could be hitting on a thousand blonde bimbos who are just waiting to grovel at you. Those same bimbos who aren't going to give you attitude or challenge you or show their distaste for you. The same bimbos who don't _have _any distaste for you! I'm not exactly high up on the popularity status, and I'm fine with that. I like my life without everyone knowing my business and I prefer to just fade into the background. If Riley Gilmore wasn't my best friend, I'd doubt anyone would really know my name around here. We are at two opposite ends of the spectrum," she explained thoroughly, a sigh escaping her lips. "So if this is just another one of your sick jokes, just do me a favor and leave me the hell alone. I'm not interested in playing games with you, I never said I wanted to be _saved_ by you, and I certainly don't need a pompous jock following me around. So have fun at your little party, have a great summer, and I will unfortunately see you in September where I desperately hope you have learned to stop screwing with people's minds."

And with that Lily shoved past him hard and disappeared into the common room.

"Well that could have gone better…" James muttered into the vast air, groaning to himself. And here he thought the conversation started out pretty well. But he now knew that Lily Evans would probably never turn her head to James in the way he wanted. No matter how hard he tried to show her that he could be a different person, that he could be the guy she _wanted _him to be, Lily would never look at him the way he looked at her. She would always assume he was playing games with her, messing with her mind, putting on an act. And he didn't blame her one bit. For five years, that was exactly what he did. Not necessarily purposefully, but in a way that she would never trust him. So maybe she was right. Maybe it was time for him to stop chasing her and move on to someone who actually appreciated him for who he was. Someone who was willing to see through his mistakes and his ill-favored history.

And at that thought, James suddenly wasn't so interested in partying anymore for the night.

* * *

Rage tore through Lily as it always did after a conversation with James Potter. Her eyes searched the room and stopped on Riley who was sitting in the corner with a fifth-year, Wyatt Lamden, clearly flirting it up. Lily tried not letting James' words and attitude get to her. She tried pretending it didn't bug her, that he meant absolutely nothing to her. That his self-righteous, pompous behavior wasn't something to fume about. But it wasn't so easy. She had never really considered herself overanalytical, but with James Potter, millions of questions were constantly swarming through her head. She couldn't get a read on him and she hated that. As she made her way over to her friend, she passed the table with the beverages and found herself stopping hesitantly. Smiling awkwardly at Skyler Swenson who was looking at her with a curious gaze (it was unusual for Lily Evans to be standing so near to the alcohol), Lily quickly swiped a flask of firewhisky on the table and stalked over to Riley. "That's it, Riley. Screw being Miss Goody Two-Shoes. I'm letting loose tonight, just like you wanted."

Riley turned around and her jaw dropped at the sight of her uptight friend taking a shot of firewhisky. "Oh my God, Lily, what the hell happened to you? And most importantly, where was _I _when it happened?"

Lily laughed, cringing as the taste of firewhisky slipped down her throat. She shrugged. "I don't know. But I'm tired of being seen as Miss Perfect and hell, I'm seventeen. It's time for me to live a little."

Riley giggled, turning away from Wyatt with an apologetic shrug. "C'mon, let's go find some boys to dance with."

Lily hesitated at first but James' words came back to haunt her and she nodded in agreement. "Sure thing."

"And then we can get on to that Strip Poker thing?" she teased.

Lily glared at her and grabbed her arm protectively. "If you so as much see me attempt to take off this dress with people around, so help me God, you better stop me."

Riley laughed. "Of course," she replied. Her eyes zoned in on Shane Redford and his two friends, Ryan and Austin. They were still adorning their dress robes from the graduation ball and were chatting amongst each other with such ease. Riley took a hold of Lily's arm and steered her over to them. She knew that Shane had always had a thing for Lily. They had been young when they first started seeing each other, and Riley swore that their break-up may have had something to do with a certain glasses-wearing, shaggy-haired best friend of hers getting inside of Shane's head, but Riley had always thought they would get back together. No such luck but maybe he would at least take Lily for a spin around the dance floor.

"Hey, guys," Riley greeted. "Enjoying the party?"

"The Marauders threw it. Of course we are," Ryan snickered. The whole school knew that any party the Marauders threw was a party to be at.

Riley laughed and nudged Lily to speak up, but Lily was too busy scanning the room for where James had gone off to. "Point taken," Riley said flirtatiously.

All three were obviously more interested in the seductress next to Riley, realizing suddenly that it was Lily Evans. "Oh my God, Lily, you look gorgeous!" Shane said in shock trying to remember the last time he saw Lily in anything other than her school robes.

Lily blushed. "Well, thank you. You don't look so bad yourself," she retaliated.

Riley's eyebrow peaked instinctively. Lily was flirting so that was a good sign.

"So how is it the Head Boy can ditch a ball he spent months planning?" she asked curiously.

"Ah, well, Matilda is still there making sure no one gets into trouble. But I couldn't miss the last Marauder party. What kind of Gryffindor would that make me?"

Lily chuckled. "A responsible one, perhaps?" she teased, winking at him. "Then again, who needs responsibility when you can have fun, right?"

Riley tried to hold back a snort. That was obviously a blatant lie. Lily Evans would never put fun before responsibilities.

Shane was gazing at her curiously. He, too, knew that didn't sound right coming from her. "Speaking of fun, is that firewhisky in your hand, Miss Evans?"

A hint of red appeared on her cheeks. "Would you believe it's cola disguised in a firewhisky bottle?"

Shane grabbed it out of her hand and smelled it. He winced at the strong smell. "If it's cola, I think it's gone bad."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, shrugging. "Ah, well, you caught me, Head Boy. What are you going to do? You can't take off points or give me a detention. School year's over."

A sly smile appeared on his face. "Well, then how about I just ask you to dance?"

She grinned shyly. "I'd like that."

* * *

An hour later, Kay grabbed Riley away from her dance with Ryan, practically in a panic. "What the hell did you do to her?" she hissed in amazement.

Riley shrugged. "I didn't do anything!" she hissed. "I saw her walk inside from the balcony and seconds later, she was gulping down two shots and dancing with Shane Redford."

Kay didn't answer right away but she turned to give Riley a dubious look. "You mean _kissing_ Shane Redford."

Riley's jaw dropped. "_What_?" she screeched, immediately searching the room for their best friend. Sure enough, she was sitting on Shane Redford's lap on a lounge chair in the corner of the room and they were fervently kissing each other, on display for everyone to stare at her.

Which is exactly what everyone was doing. It wouldn't be a surprise if she was all everyone would talk about in the morning. It wasn't everyday Lily Evans was caught kissing anybody, much less snogging someone senseless in the middle of an open common room.

James Potter's heart plummeted, his body growing wearily numb as he watched the heart-wrenching display occur in front of him. He had definitely noticed guys in the past eyeing her up and that alone made endless jealousy fill his heart. He had never had to watch her snog anyone and it was as if someone had stuck two hundred knives into his stomach and proceeded to laugh mockingly at him as he fell to a slow and painful death.

The two of them looked so cozy, so intimate with each other, and he couldn't stand it. He had always been so grateful that Lily Evans didn't seem to be interested in dating anyone. She had only had one boyfriend in the past six years, the same guy she just so happened to be snogging at the moment, and with a few mind games that James (with the help of Sirius of course) played on both Lily and Shane, the relationship was over before it really ever got started. Any guy that even looked at Lily, James had been on the fast track to making sure they never got near her. Was it petty? Yes. Was it childish? Absolutely. Was it selfish? 100%. But he couldn't handle the idea of any guy that wasn't good enough for her courting her. She deserved someone who could make her smile just by walking into the room. She deserved someone who would stand up for her when a Slytherin called her names. Someone who not only appreciated but admired her strong work ethic. She deserved someone who knew her eyes would light up just at the sight of a chocolate-raspberry torte. Someone whose heart ached with honorable desire. Someone who wanted to be by her side just to be there, no ulterior motives provided. She deserved someone whose heart would flutter at the mere sight of her, whether she had bothered to put make-up on or let herself go au natural. She deserved to feel love the way love was meant to feel. Infatuation wasn't good enough for her.

Was James that guy? He dreamed of being so but he'd be lying if he didn't realize it might never happen. But that didn't mean that the other guys who attempted to cross Lily's path were the guy she deserved.

He couldn't tear his eyes off of them no matter how torturous it was. Put simply, he was jealous. Insanely jealous. The girl who had done so well for six years of putting on this perfect act has suddenly let her guard down. And it was with Shane Redford.

He blinked knowingly. He had a good feeling as to why she bothered letting her guard down. Because on that balcony, Lily Evans didn't have to pretend to be anyone except herself. She was alone, surrounded by only her thoughts and dreams to keep her warm. She could be that mousy, quiet, average girl that she so often embraced. And before tonight, she never had to pretend to be someone else in the common room either. But he had a feeling their conversation earlier had changed that. She was clearly trying to let loose and let her guard down to prove she wasn't just the girl who hid behind a perfect act. She was more than that.

Except he didn't need her to be more than that. He liked the mousy, quiet, average girl. He always had. He didn't need her to let loose or let her guard down if she didn't want to. He didn't need her to be anyone but her. And right now, he wasn't looking at the girl he had come to appreciate. He was looking at someone else. Someone who he would never get the chance to be with.

He eventually looked away from the two and slowly trudged up to his empty bedroom. He couldn't deal with the party anymore. He couldn't deal with the people or the alcohol or the loud music or the drunken debauchery and the thought suddenly occurred to him that he couldn't deal with Lily Evans anymore as well. Not because he didn't want to but because _she _didn't want him to. He needed to stop living in some made up fantasy world where one day she would look over at him and realize that he wasn't the guy she had so fiercely thought he was.

Maybe it was the snogging session with Shane Redford, maybe it was the words she spoke to him earlier, or maybe it was the fact that that slight buzz he had had going just disappeared, but he was finally thinking clearly. He wanted - no _needed_ to just get over her and move on. That fantasy wouldn't ever come true and maybe it was time he accepted that. Lily Evans didn't want to be with him. And it was time he started believing he didn't want to be with her either.

He scrambled under his bed and searched for the dusty box shoved towards the back. He took out the two photos of her he had and sighed. She looked so beautiful and carefree in both of them. Like she didn't have a worry on her mind. They had been candid photos, taken without her knowledge, and he had treasured them ever since.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was ripping them up and throwing them in the trash.

If Lily Evans thought him talking to her was just a sick joke, fine. If she thought he was trying to save her, then so be it. If she thought he was playing games with her mind, rest assured he was done. He would just leave her alone like she wanted. He would stop trying to pretend there was something between them because it was just getting his hopes up for yet again another letdown. It was clear that she thought of him as scum and to be perfectly honest, that's exactly how he felt at that moment.

Lily Evans was going to be the farthest thing from his mind. This summer was going to be different. Instead of longing to be with her, he was going to find another girl. Instead of wondering where she was and what she was doing, he was going to take that extra time and think about spending more time with Marauders and less time thinking about her. Instead of writing letters to her than he would never actually send, he would ignore his quill and parchment for two months.

But James wondered if it was even possible. Could he really get over six years of yearning? Could he really move on? Could he really just change his mind about her?

He didn't know if he had it in him but with a glance at the torn pictures in the waste-paper basket, he knew he had to. For his sake.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, that's chapter two! I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow so I won't post until I get back mid-January. Please review and tell me what you think! I know it's kinda a lot for just 2 chapters but this really starts the plot of what the rest of the story is actually based on. Just go with me on this one, haha.


	3. Of Gossip, Slytherins, & Goodbye Kisses

**A/N: **Someone informed me this morning that somehow chapter 13 got posted here instead of chapter 3... I've been updating this story recently so I have been making a lot of changes; I guess I somehow accidentally posted the wrong update to the wrong chapter! Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, right? Just go find chapter 3 again and post it, right? Except I'm the idiot who doesn't have a copy of this story EXCEPT online. When my laptop got stolen, I never came back to backup this document somewhere else other than the internet because I figured, well, what's safer than the internet? And of course I just deleted the update of chapter 3 on the document manager, thinking I didn't need it... So I had to rewrite this chapter from pretty much scratch! But considering I just recently updated this chapter, I remembered most of it. PHEW! So I just sat down tonight and wrote it out. It took me 4 hours (an hour an work and 3 at home) until it was perfect, but I was so happy when it was done! ...Until I realized, I never saved it on my computer. I had started at work and when I came home, I opened up the document from my email and edited it straight from there. 3 hours later, I exited before realizing I NEVER HIT SAVE AS. Oh did I go into panic mode. But with the help of a major google search, I found this software called "Agent Ransack" that goes through pretty much all and any files on your computer and I was able to get it back. So if you're ever having trouble finding a document on your computer, I STRONGLY SUGGEST Agent Ransack. Anyway, rant over. Please just read!

**Disclaimer: **I'm pretty sure J.K. Rowling has every single Harry Potter chapter on a backup drive (probably more than one) so clearly I am not her...

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 3: Of Gossip, Slytherins, & Goodbye Kisses

* * *

By the time Sirius, Remus, and Peter stumbled up to their bedroom, they were surprised to see that James was already asleep in the same clothes he had worn to the party with his hangings pushed to the side haphazardly. His shoes even remained on his feet, his glasses still upon his face albeit slightly skewed.

Remus was even more surprised to see that when he had woke up early the next morning, James' bed was made, he was nowhere in sight and all of his things had been packed up. If he had opened the door and peeked out on to the landing, he probably would have seen his trunk waiting outside the door for the house elves to collect.

After taking a quick shower, Remus walked out of the bathroom to see Sirius slowly climbing out of his bed, a permanent yawn etched on to his face. "James is gone," Remus said, wandering over to his bed.

Sirius' yawn immediately subsided. "What?"

He shrugged, reaching underneath his bed for a few shirts that he knew had been pushed there over the year. "He's not in his bed and all of his stuff is packed up."

Sirius grunted. "What a prat."

"Exactly why is he a prat?"

"It's our last breakfast together, Moony," Sirius whined, giving his friend a look. "The four of us always wander down together to watch the Slytherins endure the last prank of the year."

Remus rolled his eyes, grabbing his wand and summoning his textbooks into his trunk. "I'm sure he'll be back shortly," he said, unconvinced. "He wouldn't miss it. Besides, we still have an hour before the Great Hall closes its doors."

Sirius merely grunted, grabbing his towel now hanging from his four-poster bed and heading towards the bathroom. He froze in the doorway, realizing why James had disappeared. "You know what?" he said, turning around to face him. "I bet you anything Prongs saw Lily snogging the Head Boy and freaked-"

"_What_!" Remus' voice reverberated off the walls, his wand dropping to the floor in shock with his books right behind it.

"What? What? What happened?" Peter said, tumbling towards the ground at the sound of Remus' voice and the loud crash of the books on the floor.

"Oh," Sirius said to Remus sheepishly, ignoring Peter. "Apparently, you didn't see that."

"Lily _Evans_?" Remus asked curiously, his voice filled with wonder and confusion. "Snogging Shane Redford?"

Sirius nodded.

"Lily _Evans_?"

"I just nodded, did I not?"

"I'm sorry if it's taking me a while to process this," Remus scowled. "But I'm pretty sure we were all a tad uncertain if that girl has really ever properly snogged a guy before."

"Well, I'm not uncertain anymore," Sirius argued with a grin on his face. "Those two were all over each other like…like chocolate sauce on vanilla ice cream." He hesitated. "Yum, that sounds delicious. Let's go grab some ice cream from the kitchens."

Remus stared at him. "But…I…Lily…Shane…how…" he sighed. "Alright, I just have to ask. It's nine o'clock in the morning and you want vanilla ice cream?"

He shrugged. "You're right, what a crazy idea," he muttered, shaking his head. "Chocolate is definitely more of a morning flavor."

Remus groaned.

"Strawberry?"

"No!"

"You're right," he sighed. "Rocky road it is."

"Sirius!" Remus groaned. "Can we get back to Lily Evans snogging Shane Redford?"

Peter finally picked himself off the floor with a stifled yawn. "It was definitely like something out of the Twilight Zone."

Remus glared at him. "_You _saw it, too? How come neither one of you told me?"

"We assumed you knew!" Peter argued. "It's not like they were behind closed doors, Moony. They were out in the open for anyone _and everyone _to watch them. How drunk were you?" he snorted.

"Not at all!"

Two peals of laughter followed.

Remus scowled. "Okay, maybe a little," he said sheepishly.

"And you were so busy flirting it up with Miss Jillian Greene," Sirius teased.

"We are not talking about me, we are still focusing on Lily," Remus said firmly, shooting him a look. While Sirius and James often enjoyed broadcasting their relationships, if that's even what you could call them, Remus kept quiet about anything to do with the opposite sex. Mostly because being a werewolf often put a damper on dating. "Can we please just make sure that the next time Lily Evans chooses to snog someone, _anyone_, one of you clues me in?"

"Okay, sure, the next time Lily-bean is drunk and snogging some guy out in the open—preferably me—I will let you know," Sirius drawled sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Right, because this is going to be a reoccurring experience for her," Peter snorted.

Sirius chuckled before retreating into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. He stripped off his clothes and jumped into the shower, crying out over the water, "Y'know, I don't know why that girl hasn't snogged more guys than she has! The girl is gorgeous, you can't deny that!"

"What makes you think she _hasn't_?" Remus cried back. "We don't know what that girl does behind closed doors."

There was a long pause from the bathroom. "Oh, man, the many kinky thoughts running through my head right now."

"I'd say don't take all of the hot water, but you probably just turned it to cold!" Peter snorted.

Sirius could only laugh, as Remus returned to his packing. His eyes migrated over to James' side of the room and he couldn't help but frown. There was no doubt in Remus' mind that James had seen Lily snogging Shane and if he did, he was probably crushed. As much as he pretended that Lily Evans was just another girl to him, Remus knew she meant more to James. And anybody watching the girl of their dreams snog another guy would probably be heartbroken. Even James, a guy who rarely wore his emotions on his sleeve, knew what it felt like to have his heart shattered. So Remus just really hoped that James was feeling alright at that moment.

But when Remus was chucking old, discarded parchment into the trash bin and saw the shredded photos of Lily Evans, he had a pretty good feeling that James wasn't alright. Not even a little bit.

* * *

Lily had never wanted to curse the day she was born more than she did that morning. Her head was pounding, her stomach was churning, and the events of the previous night were a little fuzzy to her. All feelings she has never once witnessed in her almost-seventeen years of being alive.

So of course after she was done cursing the day she was born, she started cursing James Potter. For playing whatever mind games he had been trying to play with her that forced her into making terrible, awful decisions.

Well, snogging Shane Redford wasn't _such _an awful decision.

It was snogging Shane Redford out in the open that was.

"We're so proud of you!" Riley squealed as they finally made their way on to the Hogwarts Express. Even though the sky was overcast, Lily was keen on wearing her sunglasses, the face that had stared back at her that morning in the morning frightening her beyond belief. "Our little Lily Evans has her first hangover!"

"Shh, stop yelling," she whined, covering her ears with a lopsided, half-amused smile.

As they found an empty compartment about halfway down the train, Riley and Kay dove into a conversation about the upcoming summer while Lily took it upon her to lean her head against the cool glass window, shutting her eyes and praying that the train would stop lurching forward.

She heard the compartment door slide open and when Lily peeked open an eye, she groaned almost immediately at the sight of the Marauders. She knew that if anybody was going to blatantly joke about the events of the night before, it would be them.

"Good morning," Remus greeted with a sigh, clearly not wanting to be hovering in their doorway.

"How is everybody feeling this morning?" Sirius asked, a huge cheeky grin directed towards Lily in particular.

Lily glared at him. "If you came in here just to give me a hard time, Sirius, I advise you now to leave or you may find yourself without any limbs."

"What? I was just asking how everyone was feeling! Why so testy?" he whined, the grin on his face growing.

"Don't make me club you with my trunk," she muttered. "I'm warning you now, it's loaded with books."

"I'm assuming that's code for 'I have a hangover.'"

"What's code for _get out_?"

"There isn't one," Remus chimed in, shaking his head. "This kid doesn't leave until he finds a good reason to."

"Hey, now, whose side are you on?" Sirius retaliated.

"Sirius, get the hell out," Lily urged, ignoring their banter.

He pouted overdramatically. "Jeez, _someone _is being rude this morning," he muttered, his typical smug grin framing his face. "A guy can't walk into a fellow classmate's compartment and just casually ask how their nights were?"

"You didn't come in here just to selflessly ask how our nights were," Riley finally spoke up, shooting him a glare. "You came in here to deliberately put down Lily and I'm sorry if I'm not going to let you toy with my friend's feelings. _You're _being the rude one, Black."

"Who's toying?" he said coyly.

"Get out!" Riley demanded.

He smirked. "Make me," he challenged, his eyebrow perched amusedly.

She swiftly left the compartment bench, putting herself directly in front of Sirius, her petite frame seeming a lot more superior than it actually was. But that was Riley for you. She certainly knew how to stand her ground. "I don't think you really want to challenge me, Black," she said coolly.

"Guys, can you two please just put aside your petty differences for a few minutes?" Kay requested with a sigh. "You are going to have an entire summer apart, so please just give it a rest, will ya?"

Neither responded. They were too busy staring each other down.

"Seriously," Remus agreed, shaking his head. "I get enough of your bickering during the year. I don't need one of your screaming matches to be the last thing I hear before I go home for the summer."

"Oh, there won't be screaming," Riley snapped. "Not when I'm through with him."

"Try me, babes."

"Don't call me that!"

"James, a little help here?" Remus pleaded, shooting his friend an irritated glare. He hadn't said one word since they barged in on the girls. He was hovering out in the corridor, clearly not wanting to be bothered with entering the compartment.

"Hm?" he muttered, clearly not paying attention. He glanced up towards Riley and Sirius. "Oh, just let them be. They won't kill each other. Maybe yell back and forth for a few minutes with the obvious glares sent each others' way, making wrong accusations and judging each other on things that they don't deserve to be judging on, but eventually one of them will storm out stubbornly and in a huff without bothering to even listen to what the other has to say."

Six pairs of eyes stared at him. But there was only one pair of eyes, a pair of eyes that gleamed an emerald green color, that James noticed. "Maybe one of them doesn't have anything worth listening to," she responded coolly.

"Maybe the other one is too stubborn to care about what's worth listening to."

"Maybe the first one should look in the mirror when they call someone else stubborn."

"Does anyone else think they're not talking about Riley and Sirius anymore?" Peter muttered, his eyebrow shot up into his hairline curiously.

Lily rolled her eyes and returned to staring out the window, hoping the boys would get the hint and leave.

"C'mon, let's get out of here," James mumbled, too frustrated with Lily (and partly himself) to be in her presence any longer.

"I second that," Peter agreed, taking a few step backwards from the entrance. Unfortunately, he ran smack into a group of people he'd prefer to stay away from: the Slytherin gang.

"Going somewhere, Pettigrew?" Lucius Malfoy, the head of the Slytherin gang and thankfully a graduating seven-year, sneered.

The Gryffindors all gazed up at the sound of the familiar malicious voice.

"We were just leaving, Malfoy," Remus said sternly, glaring at the overpowering Slytherin as he slid out of the compartment, past James and Peter. "And if you know what's good for you, you will, too."

"Too bad I've never really done what's _good for me_," he snorted.

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise us," Sirius snapped. "But I'd move if I were you, unless of course you fancied yourself at the end of one of my hexes."

Lily groaned from within the compartment. "Sirius!"

"I hate to be the intelligent person to rain on your parade, Black, but I've already graduated," Lucius sneered. "I can do whatever the hell I want with you and Dumbledore can't do anything. He's not even here to save your arse like he's done so many times in the past."

Sirius let out a loud 'Hah!' before adding, "If I remember correctly, you were the one unable to defend yourself last week when I _stunned you_ so I really think you're the one who needs the saving from Dumbledore." Lucius opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius hastily continued. "And in regards to you graduating, only two of you have graduated. So I really think we could take you."

Belaltrix Black, a rising seventh-year and unfortunately Sirius' cousin, spoke up. "What makes you think the rest of us wouldn't jump in to kick your ass as well?"

"You can go right ahead and try if you find yourself enjoying the feeling of failure," he snapped.

"_Sirius_," Lily muttered, recognizing the onset of a fight.

"Failure?" Bellatrix repeated huffily. "I'm not the one who ran away from home because I couldn't deal with my mommy and daddy."

The Slytherins all burst into laughter, but Sirius didn't let it faze him one bit. "Hate to break it to you, _cuz_," he snapped. "But running away from the heinous Black family is a _success _in my mind."

"Until you wind up _dead_," Mickey Mulciber chimed in with a sneer, another forthcoming seventh year. "It's how all of the blood traitors are going to end up."

"You still have time to join our side of course, Black," Rodolphus Lestrange reminded him. He was another impending seventh year and thought to be the rising Slytherin gang leader. "Must I remind you of the monthly letters you are receiving requesting your presence on _our _side? The Dark Lords sends his regards."

Three simultaneous sharp intakes of breath could be heard emanating from the Gryffindor girls, taken aback by the news that Sirius Black was receiving requests to join the dark side.

Sirius' fists clenched, desperately trying to ignore the shocked gasps behind him. "You know where I want you to put that invitation, _Lestrange_," he growled. "I just hope it fits with your head stuck up there, too."

Rodolphus merely rolled his eyes. "Your loss. Literally," he added as an afterthought.

Sirius shrugged. "I'd rather die a hero than a villain," he snapped.

"A _hero_?" Bellatrix cackled, shaking her head in disbelief. "You think sticking up for _Mudbloods_ like perfect miss Lily Evans is _heroic_?"

"Don't say that word!" James roared cringing at the viciousness that seemed to stem from a single word. He had remained rather silent during the whole exchange, but that word stirred anger from within, a kind of anger he could never suppress.

"Forget it, Potter," Lily chimed in, shaking her head. Her eyes were resting on Bellatrix, hard with anxiety. "Don't waste your breath on her. She's not worth it." In all honesty, yes, the horrid name bothered her. How could it not? She worked harder than anybody at Hogwarts being one of the best witches, if not _the _best, in her year. Hell, in the entire student population. But it didn't matter. All anyone ever saw her as was Muggleborn.

James frowned, his heart skipping a beat. Why did he even bother with her anymore? He tries to be nice, it backfires. He tries to defend her, and she won't accept it. What was the point anymore? It was clear she would never be able to take him seriously. "_You're _worth it," he blurted out, the words rolling off his tongue before he could stop them. Turns out, not bothering with her anymore was a lot more difficult than he thought.

Lily offered him a quick sideways glance, skepticism shining in her eyes, before returning her gaze back to the Slytherins. "Maybe it's time we all went our separate ways."

"Right, and miss the fight about to break out between you and Potter?" Mulciber snickered, his top lip curling upwards. "No, thanks. These are always quite entertaining."

"You want entertainment?" Sirius snapped. "How about I chuck you out the window of this moving train and we can let the younger students point and laugh at you?"

"I'm sure you're already used to people pointing and laughing at you," Riley finally spoke.

"Once I pound your face in, you'll be the one pointed at and laughed at," Mulciber snarled.

"Not against hitting a girl, are we?" James snorted, rolling his eyes. "Guess your parents didn't teach you anything about morals."

"Oh, they taught me all the morals I need to know. One of them just so happens to be that torturing blood traitors is more than okay. They need to learn one way or another that defending anything less than purebloods is going to get them into trouble."

Riley rolled her eyes, unperturbed. "You think _we're _the ones in trouble?" she retaliated, her fingers caressing the wand in her back pocket just in case. "You're the ones actively defending a _murderer_ and a guy I guarantee none of you have ever even met yet!"

Lucius Malfoy frowned, anger crossing over his face. Mostly because the girl was right. "We don't have to meet him to know he has the right idea. Anyone not on the Dark Lord's side is going down."

"Why don't you prove yourself right here and now?" Sirius snarled, whipping out his wand immediately.

"Sirius!" Remus scolded, swiping it from his friend, much to his protest. "Keep your cool, mate."

"Aw, the wittle prefect stepping in to save the day?" Mulciber spoke, rolling his eyes. "Big surprise there."

"And you _searching _for a fight is supposed to come as a surprise to _us_?" Remus retaliated, his eyes narrowing at the Slytherin. "Don't you think it's time you lot got going?"

Lucius opened his mouth with a smirk on his face, clearly not ready to back down from a potential fight, but Lily chimed in before he could get out a word. "Yes, I think it's best if you go find your own compartment. There is absolutely no reason to start some petty fight on the day we are all heading home."

"Spoken like a true cowardly Mudblood."

Lily rolled her eyes and was about to retort when naturally, James chimed in instead. "Do you get off on calling her names? Because you seem to call her that an awful lot."

"_Potter_," Lily warned, shooting him a look.

"_What_?" he cried back, exasperated.

"Quit speaking on my behalf, will ya?" she snapped. "I do have the ability to speak, y'know."

James' lips tightened angrily, his arms instinctively crossing bitterly like they so often did in her presence. He opened his mouth to retort but the words wouldn't form. Instead, an overwhelming sense of disappointment surged from within. Lily had often requested, usually in a scolding manner, that he stopped using violence as a measure against the Slytherins' insults. And while his blood boiled every time they spoke ill of any Muggleborn or even blood traitors, he had learned to suppress the urge to punch all of them in the face. Yet, here he was using his words against the Slytherins and suddenly, that wasn't good enough for Lily either. What the hell did she want from him?

"_Move along_," Lily urged to the Slytherins firmly once it was clear that James didn't have anything to say. "You have no business here."

Lucius rolled his eyes, knowing that the possibility of a fight had diminished into a slim chance. "We have business everywhere," he sneered. "But seeing as I see a group of unsuspecting third-year Hufflepuffs a few compartments down, I'll let you be."

"You leave them alone!" Lily urged, but the group of Slytherins merely laughed as they strolled away from the group. Her gaze turned back towards the four Gryffindor males. "And if you four don't mind, we were having a perfectly good conversation before you ventured on in." She shoved Sirius out of the doorway of the compartment, slamming the door behind him.

He pouted. "I do believe we're not wanted."

"I do believe you're stating the obvious," Remus snorted, gesturing for them to follow him in the opposite direction the Slytherins went. "C'mon, there's got to be an empty compartment somewhere around here."

James' gaze fell upon the redhead in the compartment, his heart racing at the thought of what he wanted to tell her. What he _needed _to tell her. But now wasn't the right time. He needed to do it with just her, away from both her and his friends.

"James?"

Remus' voice broke James' disgruntled thoughts as he turned to his friend. "Hm?"

Remus frowned. "I asked if you were coming."

"Oh," he said. "Yeah." With one last peek towards Lily, he fell into step behind Remus.

It took them passing a bunch of filled compartments, stopping to make polite conversation from time to time with other students, before finding an empty compartment at the end of the train. As Sirius droned on to Peter about all of the prank planning they were going to propose over the summer, Remus' gaze fell upon James, who had slumped into the compartment, propping his legs up on the opposite bench as his own stare migrated away from his friends' faces towards the train corridors.

"A sickle for your thoughts?"

James glanced back towards Remus. "Believe me, they're not worth that much."

"Try me."

He shrugged, shaking his head. "I think we need to celebrate the end of our sixth year," he not so surprisingly changed the subject.

Sirius' ears perked up, ignoring whatever Peter was yammering on about. "Pretty sure that was what the party was for last night."

James frowned but before he could respond, Peter chimed in. "Then again, you did leave pretty early," he said dismissively. "You missed out on a lot of fun."

James' heart fluttered apprehensively. "I didn't have much reason to celebrate last night," he muttered, the words tumbling out before he could retort.

"Ah, so you did see Lily snogging—Oof!" Peter cried out when Sirius kicked him in the shins.

The knuckles on James grew white as he clenched his fists together. He stood up abruptly. "I'm going to find the food trolley." Before his friends could protest, he swiftly left the compartment.

"Peter!" Sirius scolded when the door shut behind him. "Why did you have to go running your big mouth like that?"

"What did I do?" he whined.

Sirius merely kicked him again out of frustration before slumping down on the bench, sharing a concerned glance with Remus. For a group of friends who seemed to tell each other everything, James always appeared to be a closed book when it came to Lily. It was the one subject that no one could obtain any information about. A subject that mystified all of them. The girls usually James went after were loud, cheeky, sassy, outgoing extroverts. Characteristics that Lily Evans didn't often possess. Characteristics that were quite the opposite of the personality traits he possessed himself.

But maybe, just maybe, it was those different qualities that would make the two of them work so well if they ever were to get together.

* * *

"Did you guys know that Sirius was invited to join the dark side?" Lily dared to ask once the Marauders were out of earshot.

Riley hesitated, slowly shrugging. "No," she admitted. "But I'm not surprised."

Kay and Lily exchanged a look. "Why wouldn't you be surprised?" Kay asked.

"Well," she started slowly. "I mean, it's just that…I don't know…he's…he's _Black_, so-"

"Oh, come off it, that's not fair," she interrupted, shooting her friend a look. "Just because you don't get along with the guy doesn't mean he's suddenly Voldemort-recruiting material."

"No," Riley quickly argued. "That's not what I meant." She sighed, reaching into her over-the-shoulder bag for the latest _Witch Weekly_.

With Lily and Kay on the edge of their seats in curiosity, they were slightly irritated when she didn't elaborate. "_So_?" Lily urged.

She glanced up at her. "What?"

"What did you mean?"

"By what?" she asked, confused.

Lily scoffed, sharing a look with Kay. "You heard just now Riley say 'that's not what I meant,' right? I didn't make that up?"

"No, I'm a witness," Kay agreed, grabbing the magazine out of Riley's hand and chucking it on to the floor. "Why are you not surprised that Sirius was asked to join the dark side?"

She sighed, slumping down guiltily. "I don't know if I should be telling you this."

"Like that has stopped you before," Kay snorted.

Riley shrugged. "It's not really something that's easy or…or appropriate to talk about."

"You realize you're just peaking our curiosity more," Lily said dryly.

"Don't know if you noticed," Riley sighed, sarcasm etching her words. "But Sirius isn't the only Black at this school."

"Gee, six years at this school and you don't think we've noticed that?" Lily scoffed, unamused. "Yeah, we realize that Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Regulus are related to Sirius."

"And Andromeda," Kay reminded her. "She graduated, what, four years ago?"

Riley shrugged. "Black…er, Sirius, that is," she said, clearing her throat. The first name sounded foreign on her tongue. "He's the only Gryffindor in decades of Blacks. They are all Dark Arts supporters. Every last one of them. Sirius grew up in a malicious, sadistic household. And he was expected to be malicious and sadistic himself. As a kid, he just went along with it. He didn't know any better. But as he started to grow up, I think he began to realize that perhaps his parents' and his uncles' and aunts' and cousins' and grandparents' beliefs were unjust and…well, _wrong_. And the moment that Sorting Hat sorted him into Gryffindor and he became friends with James, Remus, and Peter, he stopped acting like the person he was _expected _to be and started acting like the guy he wanted to be."

Two pairs of shocked eyes stared back at her.

She shifted uncomfortably, noting their skeptical glances. "What? You asked."

"So, can I ask the obvious question?" Kay spoke up. "How the hell do you know any of this? You hate the guy."

"Yeah, now I do," she muttered. "But we used to be really good friends, remember?"

"Oh right," she said hesitantly. "And why aren't you anymore?"

Riley glared at her.

"I'm assuming you're not going to answer that."

Riley merely shrugged.

Kay sighed. "I had no idea that things were so bad with Sirius and his family. He's always so cheerful, so optimistic. And it's genuine, not as if he's hiding a whole world behind that joyful confidence."

"I think it was the opposite that gave him that confidence," Riley said slowly. "When he was starting to realize that perhaps his family didn't have appropriate beliefs, he had to hide his true feelings from everyone in his life. Until he got to Hogwarts and was sorted into Gryffindor where he could finally just be himself. Once he wasn't hiding behind a façade, the real Sirius Black came out and he could finally just live his life."

She was on the receiving end of another pair of blank looks.

"You almost sound proud of him," Lily blurted out, curiosity getting the better of her.

Riley frowned, remembering back to the first four and a half years she spent at Hogwarts when she actually believed Sirius Black was one of her best friends. "I'm proud of anyone who turns their back on the Dark Arts when given the chance."

Lily wanted to press on, but the glare Riley shot her shut her up.

"Let's talk about something else. _Anything _else," Riley muttered pleadingly.

A grin formed on Kay's face. "So, Lily," she smirked. "Is Shane Redford a good kisser?"

* * *

They finally rolled into Platform 9 ¾ and they all took their time gathering their things before plowing on to the platform, which was swarming with families. A pang of jealousy thumped in Lily's heart.

"I'm going to miss you so much!" Riley was complaining, wrapping her one arm around Lily's shoulders. "Are you sure you can't make it to Bermuda this summer? My family might be big but there's always room for one more!"

"Do you honestly think if I could go, I wouldn't?" Lily pointed out, giving her a look. "Believe me, anywhere is better than home."

Riley whimpered. "Yeah, I know. But it won't be the same."

"At least you have _one friend _to keep you company!" Kay argued, clearing her throat.

Riley chuckled, wrapping her other free arm around Kay's shoulders. "Thank Merlin. I wouldn't be able to deal with all of the testosterone otherwise."

"RILEY!" a chorus of loud male voices shouted.

She groaned. "Speaking of." She turned around and groaned. "I was afraid they'd all come."

Another heart-wrenching jealousy feeling spiked through Lily's heart as she saw Riley's three older brothers rushing over to her, grins plastered on their faces.

"Hey, sis!" greeted Rafe, the eldest Gilmore brother. He immediately grabbed Riley and swung her around, much to her clear protest.

"Why must we go through this every time you come and pick me up at the station?" she groaned, swatting at his brother's arms.

"Uh, duh, because it embarrasses you," Lance chimed in, his eyes shining in delight.

"Well, you're the one who just graduated so I've had to live with you for the past six years already. I'm used to your embarrassing antics by now."

"Not from us, though," Caleb, the second oldest, chimed in. "Let's face it, the embarrassing fun never stops when it comes to the Gilmore clan."

Riley groaned. "C'mon, let's go find Dad before you start serenading me."

"That was only one year and yet you never let it go!" Caleb protested.

"How could she? You guys were incredibly off-key," a familiar deep voice spoke from behind them. When they turned towards the voice, they saw James walking towards them. "It took a whole three minutes into the song for any of us to realize you were singing 'Candyman.' Oh, did I mention the song is three minutes and three seconds long?"

"Not to mention, that song had absolutely no relevance to arriving home," Riley pointed out.

"It was the only song all of us knew the words to," Rafe said with a laugh.

"Next time, and here's a thought, don't sing any song!"

A sly grin spread across Rafe's face. "'Who can take a sunrise? Sprinkle it with dew. Cover it in chocolate-"

"Ow, my ears, _MY EARS_!" Riley practically shouted, her hands jumping towards her ears with a cringe. She turned towards Kay, her hands still on her ears. "You still have the chance to back out from our Bermuda trip, y'know."

Laughter followed from all of them before Caleb turned towards James once again. "So is your mother here? Or are you just going to floo back with us?"

"Nah, she's coming I think," he said with a shrug. "But I'm pretty sure she was planning on dragging Brite along and Merlin knows that kid is late to everything."

The brothers all chuckled, knowing all too well about James' brother's habit of being very unpunctual. "How is Brite?" Rafe asked curiously. "I haven't seen him in forever. Not since he moved in with Bianca."

"He's good," James said with a shrug. "We all think he's going to ask Bianca to marry him some point soon."

"Aw, man," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I can remember when he still thought girls had cooties."

"Yeah," Riley chimed in with a smirk. "A year goes by so fast."

The joke was rewarded with a round of laughter.

James' gaze fell briefly upon Lily, his heart skipping a beat as he tried to figure out a way to gently pull her aside.

"Alright, the Gilmore gang is in the building!"

His thoughts were interrupted by Sirius' booming voice. Sirius bounced over to the group, jumping playfully on to Caleb's back. "Are we going to play some wicked games of Quidditch this summer?"

Caleb smirked, stumbling forward at the weight of Sirius on top of him. "Last game we played, you got your ass handed to you on a not-so-silver platter."

Sirius scowled, jumping down off the Gilmore's back. "That's because the only female Gilmore cheats!"

Riley glared at him. "You're just jealous that I flew rather impressive _circles_ around you, Mr. Beater-on-the-Gryffindor-Quidditch-Team. But if you want to be humiliated again, just name the time and place."

His eyes narrowed at her. "Oh, this rematch is so on. And if a bludger just so happens to smash into your skull, we'll just pretend that's an accident."

Rafe sighed, his eyes darting between the two, before glancing back towards James. "So I guess these two didn't make up, hm?"

"Not so much."

Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing James' arm. "C'mon, James, I think I see your mother," he muttered. "See you all later?" he said, nodding towards the Gilmores.

James felt a shot of panic course through his veins. He needed to talk to Lily and his chances were decreasing by the minute. But he had no argument to stay, so he reluctantly followed Sirius away from the group.

"So where are Drew and Billy?" Rafe asked Riley, referring to the two youngest Gilmores.

She shrugged. "How should I know?"

"We need to warm up our vocal chords if they're planning on gracing us with their presence any time soon," Rafe teased, laughing as a horrified look spread across his sister's face.

"Seriously, Kay," Riley groaned. "Bermuda might not be such a hot idea."

She chuckled, her eyes zoning in on her father in the distance. "Oh, there's my dad. I guess I should get going." She frowned, turning towards Lily. "I can't believe I won't see you until September. How am I supposed to wait that long?"

Lily tried ignoring the lump forming in her throat. "I don't know," she said sullenly. "I'm going to miss you both."

"Group hug!" Riley cried out, charging her two friends with a tight embrace.

"OKAY!" Lance cried out and suddenly, he and his two brothers were smothering the three girls.

"Eep, can't breathe!" Lily joked.

They all separated and with another round of hugs, the three girls went their separate ways. Lily stood still for a few minutes, watching Riley dodge her brother as he attempted to tossle her hair and observing Kay as she jumped into her father's arms carelessly. While a smile had originally filled her face, a frown quickly followed as she picked up her cat's cage, put her trunk on wheels, and started walking further down the platform to meet her next train.

"Evans, hold up!"

Lily hesitated, the voice being from someone she didn't want to particularly deal with. She didn't want her last moments on the platform before she was plunged into a lonely, depressing summer to be spent in James Potter's presence. "What do you want, Potter?"

"I need to talk to you," he said firmly, determination dancing in his eyes.

"Right now?" she asked pleadingly. "I need to get going."

"This won't take long," he urged.

She sighed, glancing over his head towards the large clock behind him. "I only have five minutes to spare so make it quick."

He breathed a sigh of relief before reaching for her cat's cage and dragging her over to a secluded corner. Less of a chance being interrupted. He sat down on the bench and gestured for her to join him. She hesitated, wondering why he looked so nervous, before reluctantly obliging. "Evans…" he said slowly, tossing and turning the words in his head. He really should have thought about what he was planning to say instead of letting his impulses run wild. "Um…"

"Oh, Merlin," she muttered. "Spit it out. I don't have all day, y'know."

"I know, I know," he said hastily, shaking his head. He glanced around him to make sure no one was around, mostly to stall for time, before taking a deep breath and blurting out, "I just think you should know that that the person you depicted me to be last night _isn't me_. You always seems to hate it when people, alright when _I_, judge you and yet that's precisely what you did to me last night. I don't think it was fair and I honestly think it was a tad hypocritical. But whatever it is, I can't seem to get your words out of my head."

Lily's heart skipped a beat, her mouth opening slightly in awe. "This is what you wanted to talk about?" she muttered, confused. "Why does it-"

"No, let me finish," he pleaded. "Otherwise, I might not say everything I need to say."

A slight panicky confusion coursed through her veins but she nodded. "Um, alright."

He swallowed hard before once again, diving back in. "I didn't come up to you yesterday as some sort of sick joke. I wasn't trying to stir up trouble and I wasn't playing mind games with you. And I've certainly never tried to…to save you from whatever reputation it is you think you have, nor did I say hi to you just because I felt sorry for you."

Lily was getting increasingly uncomfortable. Mostly because he literally just repeated word-for-word everything Lily had said to him last night. It would have almost been fascinating if her own words didn't sound so harsh at that moment.

"I know I've been an arse to you for the past six years and I can't take any of that back. But I thought that I've made it pretty clear in the past few months that I want to change. That I'm _trying _to change. I don't want to just be part of some crowd, someone who doesn't stick out as an individual. And whoever I am, that guy in the crowd or an individual dying to make his own name known, I am definitely not perfect. Not even a little bit. Maybe on the surface it seems like I may have it all, but my life is far from idealistic. I don't have it all. I don't have the one thing I've wanted for years. The one _person _who I want so desperately to see the me I know I can be. The me I've tried being this entire year," he spoke, slowly meeting her gaze. "The one _girl_ who doesn't seem to understand me nor does she want to understand me. And yet, I want her to so badly. The one girl who keeps running away from me when all I want is to talk to her and get to know her better. Get to know the girl that's…" the words caught in his throat, swallowing hard. "The girl that should know all about hiding behind an act of being perfect."

Lily literally felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach the way the air seemed completely sucked out of her system when she realized he was actually talking about her. A short, raspy gasp escaped her lips and she found herself slightly unable to breathe. It was unlike James Potter to be so prolific and his words were causing shock and amazement to fill her heart.

"All I wanted to do last night, Evans, is…is get to know you. It's all I ever want to do. And I try to steal opportunities when and where I can, but…but you make it so difficult. It's obvious you have trouble letting people in, and granted, I don't deserve to be let into your life let alone your heart, but I hope you know how much _you _deserve to be understood as the real you. Whatever real you that is, I don't know. Nor will I probably ever find out," he muttered, that thought hitting him like a ton of bricks. "But I don't think I'm entirely to blame for that. I think there's a part of you that knows I changed this year. I think there's a part of you that's impressed with the way I've left you alone like you asked. But I think there's a stronger part of you that's afraid to let your guard down. Not just around me but anyone. You've built this wall around yourself and you are just so damned scared of someone coming along and tearing it down. And maybe you've been angrier with me and you've pretended to hate me all these years because I easily could have been that person you inevitably opened up to, or maybe that's my wishful thinking. But unlike other people that have come and gone in your life, I had never been willing to back down. I pushed my way into your life whether you wanted me there or not and I think it isn't that concepts that has scared you for so long. No, it's that a part of you actually might have liked being pursued."

Lily frowned, wondering why her heart was racing at every word he spoke. She should have been angry and hurt at the outlandish lies he was spewing. Except a part of her knew that they weren't all lies.

"But I'm done pursuing, Evans," he spoke softly when she made no acknowledgement of his words except for a slight blink of the eyes."Because I've finally realized that whatever fantasy I've built up inside my head of you is gone. The reality is, Evans, is that maybe you really don't like me." He shrugged. "But now, especially after last night, maybe I don't like you either. Or at least I'm going to try not to like you. Now when I look into your eyes, instead of being swallowed up by your beautiful emerald eyes, I will just see the emptiness that's there. Now whenever I see you smile, I will not feel the urge to push you towards that contagious laugh of yours. Now when I pass you in the hallways or in the Gryffindor Tower or in classes, I will not let my eyes become drawn to the charming presence you possess."

"Potter-" she said hastily, sensing a pause in his speech.

He cut her off, shaking his head. "I hate everything I've done to you that made you feel as if you couldn't just share a civil conversation with me last night. I know it's my fault. I can't blame anyone but myself. But what I can do is hate myself for it. You deserve better. You deserve someone who isn't me. And I deserve to move past this."

"_Potter_-"

"I'm taking the summer off, Evans," he sighed. "I'm not going to think of you anymore. I'm going to find someone who appreciates me for me. For the guy I've been in the past, the guy I am today, and the guy I will be in the future. But…but before I do anything of that, I just thought it was time to let you know how I really felt. I needed you to know before I could…before I could move on."

Lily can't remember the last time she felt her heart beating so fast. "What am I supposed to make of any of that?" she whispered hoarsely.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Once upon a time maybe I did. But I'm done trying to figure you out."

"So...so that's it?" Lily couldn't help herself from asking, her eyebrows knitting together. "You're just gonna...gonna..."

He smiled at how flustered she was. And then he kicked himself for smiling. "You have asked me numerous times to leave you alone and while I tried so hard to do that this year, my heart still belonged to you."

She felt a twinge of scarlet bluster her cheeks.

"But not anymore," he whispered, shaking his head. "When I walk out of this station today, I'm taking it with me."

She felt panic settle inside her own heart but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why. She had no idea what she was supposed to say or do at that moment. Was she supposed to tell him good riddance? Was she supposed to argue back? Was she supposed to say or do anything to give him a reason not to walk away?

The thoughts swarming her mind were overwhelming and she was at a complete loss as to what her next move should be. She wished she could have some time to think but considering she was supposed to be on a train in three minutes and then she would be living two months Potter-free, time wasn't exactly on her side.

"Tell me what you want me to do," she whispered, the words a desperate plea for help.

He smiled sadly, sensing so much vulnerability and desperation in her voice and in her demeanor that he found himself shaking his head. "No," he said softly, instinctively reaching over to brush a strand of beautiful auburn hair behind her ear, his hands falling to frame her face. "But I'll tell you what I'm gong to do."

And before he even realized what he was doing, he was leaning down to kiss her. He let his lips linger lightly on hers, soft and unsuspecting, before letting his mouth match the anticipation in his heart by hungrily pressing his lips frantically against hers, a longing desire filling his entire body. Before he knew what he was doing, his tongue was gaining access to her mouth and exploring every exquisite crevice.

Suddenly, just as quickly as it began, he was pulling away from her. They both stared at each other, a mixture of awe and confusion permeating their every thought. "Have a good summer, Lily," he eventually spoke, emphasizing her name softly. Without another word, he was grabbing his own trunk and walking away, to return to the world of reality where he no longer would think about Lily Evans. The world where he no longer _could _think about her for his own sake.

And yet, there was a slight nagging voice in the back of his head as his eyes searched for Sirius and his mother. Because as much as he was grateful for finally getting it all off his chest so he could just stop obsessing over her, he couldn't help but realize that she hadn't pushed him away when he kissed her. And that's not what he would have expected from her. At all.

Lily collapsed on to the station's bench in shock, the fervor still exploding inside of her. She couldn't wrap her mind around what had just occurred. She was confused and shocked and speechless and strangely flattered. She brought her fingers up to her lips, feeling the slight tingle sensation that James left behind. How could something that should have gone so wrong feel so remarkably right? Why wasn't she disgusted at the thought of James' lips on hers? And the question she couldn't get out of her head, _why her_?

"James, wait!" she called out, not realizing she wanted to go after him until she heard his name slipping off her tongue. A name she wasn't sure she had ever really spoken in the six years she knew him.

But he didn't turn around. He heard her loud and clear, but he wanted to make a clean getaway. That was the plan all along. Get in, get out, get over her. He was glad he had the chance to tell her and show her how he felt about her, but it was over and done with. He could move on. He _needed _to move on.

Lily watched him walk off and felt such an urge to run after him, demanding more answers from him. But glancing at the clock, she knew that if she did that, she'd miss her train. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Did she follow her instincts and run after a guy she thought she despised to figure out if that was still true? Did she ask him the millions of questions filling her mind? Did she question every antic he had demonstrated in the past six years? Did she try and figure out what kind of guy he really was like he had practically begged her to? Or did she want, did she _need_, to let his words and his kiss from that day satisfy her for the next two months before all could be ruined? Before the ironic perfection that he had bestowed upon her could be analyzed and therefore, probably destroyed? She weighed the options in her head and as her eyes found James in the distance, hugging his mother, she found herself taking the easy way out. The uncomplicated way out. The cowardly way out.

She let him go.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed that chapter. You better have with all the effort I put into it! Nah, just kidding. Please just review :)


	4. Of Head Girl, Head Boy, & Girlfriends

**A/N: **New chapter! Not much else to say about that. Thanks for all my reviewers! Please keep reading and reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **You know how this goes. I don't live in England. I don't write _Harry Potter_. I'm not rich. And…oh yeah, I'm not J.K. Rowling!

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 4: Of Head Girl, Head Boy, & Girlfriends

* * *

Summer was supposed to be a time for Hogwarts students to feel free and unrestricted. A time to be adventurous and spontaneous. A time for everyone's inner wild child to emerge and wreak havoc. A time to let loose and do the many things they were forced to avoid while at Hogwarts. However, over time these ideas seemed to be more of a fallacy than truth. As fun as it was to have a summer away from the scrutinizing Hogwarts walls, heading into their seventh year at Hogwarts was a rite of passage and the oldest students were anticipating the end of summer in order to return to Hogwarts, ready for their biggest adventure yet.

Two months after they stepped off the station into the real world, everyone was back at the station ready to finish off another year at Hogwarts. Some were excited, some were nervous, and some didn't know what to expect. Whatever their outlook on being back at Hogwarts was, the platform was swarming with Hogwarts students and their families by the time Lily arrived, later than she would have liked. She attempted to search the crowds for her friends but she was finding it nearly impossible. Coming through the barrier was hustle and bustle enough but she was being shoved in every which way and didn't see any familiar faces. Her heart twinged at the sight of all of the younger students saying tearful goodbyes to their parents. She sighed, feeling an overwhelming sense of sorrow spreading throughout her body. She knew she should have expected this and tried shaking the thoughts away quickly, focusing on the up and coming seventh year. She pushed her way through everyone on the platform to get to the train and got settled in, uttering a simple 'hi' and even 'how was your summer' to a few acquaintances she passed.

Lily was glad to be back. Two months away from her friends and her real home were two months too many. She practically skipped down the train corridors, peeking into each compartments for any signs of her friends, again making small talk with the few people she recognized and knew.

"_LILY_!" a loud, rather high-pitched voice squealed.

Lily peeked inside the compartment she heard her name being screamed from and suddenly felt the urge to squeal back. "_Riley_!" she shrieked, dropping her stuff immediately and embracing Riley tightly.

"I missed you so much!" Riley exclaimed, hugging her again.

Lily grinned. "I know. I'm so glad to be back."

"How was your summer?" Riley asked.

Lily hesitated. She had spent most of her summer reflecting on that one ardent moment at the station with James. Every night she dreamed of that heart-tugging kiss and every morning she woke up with her lips tingling with the feeling of true passion. She had sat at her desk a million times over the summer, attempting to write a letter to James simply asking him how his summer was going. She felt that she owed him that much at least. But she couldn't find the right words to say and in the end, she assured herself their three seconds of heated zeal was nothing; that she'll go back to Hogwarts in the fall and everything will be back to normal. By August, she was convinced that it was all a dream and that nothing happened. And by September, she had no idea what to believe anymore.

"It was great," Lily lied. "How was Bermuda with your family and Kay?"

Riley grinned, showing off her tan to Lily. "Absolutely amazing. Let me tell you: island boys? So cute, and _very_ flirty."

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. She should have known that Riley would find a boy-toy to mess around during her two-week vacation. "Anyone a keeper?"

Riley laughed. "When was the last time I met a guy who was a 'keeper?'"

"A keeper for a few days perhaps," Lily corrected with a grin. "So, did Kay find any island loving?"

Riley blanched, shuddering. "Do _not_ remind me," she groaned.

Lily gave her a curious look. "What? What happened?"

Riley shook her head, groaning. "I don't need to relive it!"

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "What happened?" she whined. "What, did you walk in on her with someone?"

Riley let out a high-pitched groan, hunching over in obvious disgust.

"Oh my God, you did!" Lily squealed, covering her mouth with her hands in absolute shock. It wasn't like Kay to be caught tangled under the sheets with someone. "You have completely corrupted that girl haven't you?"

Riley grimaced and shut her eyes at the very thought of the memory.

"Well? What did you see? Who was she with?" Lily giggled, her eyes lighting up curiously.

"Kay was with…with…_Lance_," Riley whispered, shaking her head in disapproval.

Lily gasped, her jaw dropping immediately. "Hold on one minute. Lance, as in your older brother?"

Riley gave her a look. "No, Lance Armstrong. Yes, of _course_ my brother."

"Ahh, so I see you've already told her the story?" Kay said, walking into the compartment with a strained smile.

"KAY!" Lily cried, immediately jumping up off the seat and into Kay's arms. Lily never realized how much she had missed her friends until she was finally reunited with them.

"Oof," Kay said, forced to drop all of her stuff and embrace Lily.

Riley just made a face, ignoring the reunion. "I still can't believe you were snogging my brother. That thought still haunts me. I am never inviting you on family trips again," she murmured with a slight smile. "You do know that my brother has hooked up with like a million girls, right? You don't know where that tongue has been!"

Kay blushed, clenching her teeth irritably. "Yeah, well, now it's a million and one," she muttered, draping her feet on the seat across from her. "And I don't remember you giving your brother this much of an earful."

"That's because I don't expect much from him. That guy will snog anything with boobs. You, on the other hand, can do better."

"Gee, you speak so highly of your brother," Lily teased, noting the uncomfortable look in Kay's eyes.

"Eh, you know I love the guy," Riley said with a dismissive wave. And it was true. Lance was one of her best friends in the world, the guy she always goes to when she has a problem or just needs a laugh. Which is probably why it made her feel slightly uncomfortable with the idea of sharing him with her friend. On the other hand, she knew the stunts that Lance had pulled with girls in the past and she didn't want Kay to get hurt. "I just don't need _Kay _loving the guy."

Kay turned away from Riley's scrutinizing stare. "I wasn't aware one snog session was equivalent to loving someone. Because if it is, you've certainly been in love an abundance of times."

Riley frowned, sensing accusation in her friend's tone. "Oh, you think I'm being a hypocrite?"

"I think that I made out with your brother over a month ago and it's time you let it go," Kay murmured.

Riley knew Kay was probably right. "Fine, but try and steer clear of Drew or Billy this year," she said with a teasing smile.

"Hm, I'll try my best but make no promises," said said, relief washing over her that the conversation was coming to a close. She stifled a yawn. "I can't believe this is going to be our last year at Hogwarts."

Lily frowned. "I know," she murmured.

"We should do everything in our power to make sure this is the best year ever," Riley spoke, such determination and will resounding in her voice. "No looking back and regretting a single moment, you got it?"

"I think the only people you have to worry about putting a damper on your plans, Riley, are the Marauders," Kay pointed out with a sheepish grin. "If anyone is going to try and top the last six years, it will be them. Which just means we will be surrounded with more pranks and hexes and jokes and parties and overall desctructive merriment."

Riley sighed. "We can handle those loons. We know how to have a little fun or two ourselves."

"I'm not worried about them," Lily scowled, a sly grin spreading across her face. "I can easily just throw them into detention or take off a million points, seeing as I'm Head Girl this year." Her eyes lit up, waiting for her two friends to squeal in excitement and congratulate her excessively.

But they didn't. Instead they exchanged guilty looks and actively avoided eye contact with their friend.

"Okay, this is where you guys are supposed to shout Hooray, jump up and down, maybe even give me a few hugs or something, and then throw me a big celebratory party tonight in the common room," Lily explained, ignoring their nervous glances.

"Of course we'll be throwing you a big party for tonight but before we start congratulating you, you might want to know who your fellow Head Boy is," Riley said, wincing guiltily.

Lily groaned. "Oh Merlin, I was so sure it would be Remus," she muttered. She sighed. "It's Snape isn't it? No…no wait, Trent Hemingway? It couldn't be Fabian. I would work well with him."

Riley and Kay exchanged looks again and shook their heads. "The Head Boy wasn't a prefect, Lily," said Kay in a small voice.

Lily frowned. That, she wasn't prepared for. "What do you mean? The Head Boy is always a prefect first!"

"Well, Dumbledore must have made an exception."

Lily hesitated, staring at them incredulously. How the hell did they know who the Head Boy was and she didn't? "Well, then tell me who it is!" she demanded, glaring at her two friends who were being way too evasive for Lily's taste.

They glanced at each other again and didn't say anything.

"You are both freaking me out so please just spill," she pleaded.

Kay dropped her feet of the seat in front of her and with one last curious gaze at Riley, she turned back to Lily with a grim frown. "It's James Potter," she admitted, wincing since she was expecting a loud cursing from Lily with a series of reasons why James Potter shouldn't be Head Boy, followed by a comment directed at a possibly half-crazed Dumbledore, and then finally a pacing and seething around the compartment.

But Lily did none of that. When Kay opened her eyes and turned to Lily, she seemed calm and nervous.

Finally she simply uttered, "Oh."

Riley and Kay exchanged a really confused and unconvinced look. Kay wondered briefly if she had even said his name aloud.

"Uh, Lily?" Kay asked cautiously. "You do realize we just announced that James Potter, the same kid who has ruined your life and tortured you nonstop for the past six years, the one and only guy who never failed to make your day miserable with some sort of wisecrack or witty statement of criticism, the same prick who has enjoyed making you scream at the top of your lungs just so he and his buddies could high-five each other and laugh at your expense, the pretentious jerk who has been competing with you in every class since day one here, and the guy who we have deemed a basic phony prat with his group of followers always bowing down to him, was assigned Head Boy," Kay said in what sounded like a very well-rehearsed speech, "And you're really just going to say _oh_ to that?"

Lily paused, her gaze falling towards the corridor longingly. She took a deep breath and responded, "Yeah. Oh."

Riley smacked Lily on the arm, giving her a look. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Lily?" Riley demanded to know, crossing her arms in bafflement.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Guys, I just think that…well, never mind," she muttered, shaking her head. She had spent all summer trying to wrap her head around what had occurred between she and James on the platform last year and this was usually the part where she would beg for her friends' advice. But for some reason, some reason that remained a mystery to her even, she kept her mouth shut. It seems that two months after the fact seemed a tad overdramatic and she didn't want her friends to get worked up about it. Lily was trying to act as if the whole thing wasn't a big deal. And she had a feeling her friends would think the opposite. "Listen, I've got to head to the prefect compartment and run the initial meeting, but I should be back soon."

"Yeah, if you or James don't kill each other by then," Riley pointed out.

Lily rolled her eyes. "We won't kill each other. We may lose a few limbs here and there, but I guess I'll just have to be willing to take that risk." She flashed them a grin.

"Well, whatever you say, but don't say we didn't warn you," Riley snickered.

Lily shook her head profusely, giving her a look. "We're seventeen. I think we can deal with each other without ending up in a duel."

Both Kay and Riley burst into laughter. "Yeah maybe if you two acted maturely around each other but when was the last time one of you didn't stomp off angrily because the other said something heartless and degrading?" Kay pointed out, shrugging in doubt.

LIly frowned. If only they knew. "Well, fine. If I don't come out of this alive, then please send Artemis to a safe home."

"Eh, I'll take care of her," Kay agreed, reaching over to pet the subdued cat.

"And we'll make sure that your Head Girl job is replaced by someone suitable and worthy, someone not in Slytherin," Riley interjected.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm glad you guys have my back," she said sarcastically. She waved to her friends and headed towards the prefect compartment, her heart beating faster at the prospect of seeing James.

She slowly walked toward the prefect compartment, wondering how James would react when he saw her. Wondering how _she_ would react when she saw _him_. She knew things would be different between them; you don't share a kiss with someone and then have things go back to normal, but Lily only wished she knew how things would turn out. She hated awkward confrontation and prayed that when the two of them saw each other, they would go on pretending that the kiss hadn't changed their dynamic. Thinking about talking to James again just made the memory of them on the platform come rushing back. Knowing that he would be her partner in crime this year, she wondered if it was time to bury the hatchet and attempt to act like a civilized pair. She just wondered what civilized would even mean to them. They've never tried being civilized to each other. It was easier snapping witty comebacks and making petty jokes at the other's expense than even try to get along. Lily wondered if when their banter went from being defensive to being necessary. It had seemed that somewhere down the line, being rude was the only way to survive around each other. But maybe James had it right. Maybe it was time to stop being rude and start being nice to each other. She just hoped it wasn't too late.

As Lily neared the prefects' compartment, her heart started to beat faster uncontrollably, her stomach full of butterflies, and Lily wasn't sure why. She wasn't nervous or even scared to see James; she was more concerned about what he would say or do in her presence. For all she knew, James forgot about their moment on the platform or at least put it behind him.

"Hey Lily-bean, how was your summer?"

Lily jumped, forgetting she was on a train surrounded by people. She turned around and saw Sirius standing there coyly. A hint of red flushed to her cheeks, wondering if James had told Sirius about their moment on the platform. He told Sirius everything else so it certainly wouldn't come as a surprise to her. She wondered if Sirius' question was meant to imply he knew what had occurred.

She hesitated. "It was…great," Lily lied once again, shrugging. "What about you?"

Sirius smiled. "It was awesome."

Lily rolled her eyes. "How many girls did you sleep with?"

"Now what makes you think I slept with someone?" Sirius asked, feigning shock.

"I don't think you slept with someone," Lily argued. "I think you slept with a _lot _of someones."

"Now who do you think I am, Miss Evans? You paint me in such a demeaning light, I don't know what-"

"Aw, cut the crap," Lily said, her eyebrow pointing upwards amusedly. "When you become pretentious, it means you're avoiding the question."

Sirius grinned. "You know me so well."

"Too well, if you ask me," she murmured with a grin.

"Eh, I'll take you any day over Gilmore," Sirius muttered, thinking back to the butting of heads he was forced to be a part of on the platform just fiften minutes earlier.

"What?"

He shrugged. "When I met her earlier on the platform she naturally accused me of being a heartless bastard who probably dated and ditched numerous women over the summer as well. Except I'm almost sure she didn't mean for it to be a joke."

"Who said _I_ was joking?" Lily teased.

Sirius chuckled, shrugging casually. "Alright, alright, you caught me. I may have had some fun over the summer holidays. But alas, the summer has come to an unfortunate end and the time has come to inflict some fun on the upcoming school year."

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily chuckled. She reached over and linked arms with me. "Walk with me, oh fun one."

"Ah, you heading to the prefect's compartment?"

She nodded, leading the way. "Why?" she asked curiously, narrowing her eyes at him. "Is it best I avoid it?"

Sirius laughed. "No prefect compartment was harmed during the making of our initial prank."

Lily shot him a skeptical look.

"I swear!"

"Hm, what am I going to do with you this year, Mr. Black?" Lily mused, shaking her head. "Perhaps give you numerous detentions and take off as many points as possible as Head Girl? Or I could go as far-"

"Wait, what?"

Lily laughed. "I know, I know. Lily Evans, Miss Perfect Gryffindor, is planning on abusing her Head Girl rights. I didn't say I was proud of it but-"

"No, that's not what I meant," Sirius disagreed.

Lily gave him a look. "Then what did you mean?"

"You're Head Girl?" Sirius asked nervously.

Lily cringed, forgetting momentarily about who her fellow Head Boy is. "Yeah, and before you tell me to brace myself before letting me know who's Head Boy with the expectation that I will lash out and scream obscenities, I already know it's James Potter."

Sirius glanced at her curiously. "You seem rather calm about that. You feeling alright, Lily-bean?" He brought his hand up to feel her forehead.

Lily met his gaze and knew in that moment that James hadn't informed Sirius of their gathering on the platform the prior year. He would have something more to say about the situation if he had. And suddenly, for the first time in six years, Lily respected James Potter. She was grateful he had kept his mouth shut about the whole thing. It made it a whole lot easier to process. "Oh, shush," she argued, swatting his hand away. "I feel fine."

Sirius gazed through the glass of the prefect compartment, watching his two best friends chat with Fabian Prewett and Alice Fisher, most likely about their summers. "You have been informed your sworn enemy is going to be your partner in crime. Do you know the implications of that?"

"I know that I will hex the kid to pieces if he so much pulls a single stunt under my watch."

"Ooh, feisty."

Lily shot him a look. "I've got to go. Can't be late on my first day."

"Well, do me a favor and don't bite his head off on the first day. At least wait a week. He's not used to having a leadership position. In our group, that job's reserved to me," he teased.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't plan on biting anyone's head off. Why is everyone so convinced that either James or I will be dead come Christmas?"

"Because you two hate each-" Sirius halted and gave her a strange look. "Wait, _what _did you just say?"

"I don't plan on biting anyone's-"

"No, not that. You said _James_."

"What, didn't know that was his name?" Lily snickered.

"_I _know his name is James. I just didn't think _you _did."

"I've lived in the same house as him, took the same classes as him, ate at the same table as him. Damnit, I breathed the same _air _as him! All of this for the past six years. You'd think I'd know his name by now," Lily pointed out.

"Hm," Sirius simply uttered. "One _would _think that but for the past six years the only name you've uttered is Potter…well, and a few jackasses, Four Eyes, prats, morons, inbeciles, pricks and you've even thrown in a few dickheads from time to time. I think at one point you might have also called him a dodo brain. "

"Do you have a point to this?"

Sirius paused. "Y'know, you'd think I would."

Lily threw her hands in the air and rolled her eyes. "You're such a dodo brain, Sirius."

Sirius shrugged. "I get that a lot," he said with a grin. "Tell me, when did you start calling the guy James?"

Lily's breathing hurried and she, too, glanced inside the compartment to watch James carry on with his friends. "Oh, I don't know. I-I figure we'll be working with each other for the year so we might as well be civil. Last I checked using each other's surnames seemed childish and not exactly civil."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. He noted the panic in her eyes. "You're not telling me something," Sirius stated, smirking and leaning against the doorframe, blocking Lily from entering the room.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh really? So tell me, Obe Wan, what makes you think I'm hiding something? And most important, why would I be hiding something?"

"I think I've known you long enough to realize when you're discretely hiding something."

Lily snorted, giving him an irritated look. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Sirius at the moment, especially on top of the whirlwind of thoughts running through her head about James. "Oh _please_, Sirius," she snapped. "We may have known each other on the surface for six years but you've only cared to really get to know me when it convenienced _you_, so you can hardly categorize my emotions."

Sirius was taken aback by her response; she seemed almost angry at him for mentioning it. He shrugged, trying not to be bothered by her words. "Jeez, don't take your frustration out on me. It's James you're annoyed with."

"I'm not annoyed with James!"

Sirius flinched. He really wasn't used to Lily calling James by his first name. "Aren't you always annoyed with him?"

She grunted, rolling her eyes. It may have been a true statement but she wasn't willing to dignify it with a response. "Time for you to be running along," she said. "I've got a meeting to run and knowing that your best friend will probably be of no help whatsoever, I should get in there."

Sirius smiled. "Okay. Tell Gilmore I think she needs an attitude adjustment and the next time she wants to insult me, come up with some new material. She's been telling me that I am a heartless womanizer for two years now."

"Aww, you don't want to tell her yourself and see how it feels to be personally shredded apart and fed to the Lake Squid?"

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, maybe tomorrow I'll feel like dying but I'm a happy camper today."

"Happy camper?" Lily repeated humorously, raising an eyebrow in question.

Sirius grinned. "Well, I could have said I feel like a fucking athlete cracked up on steroids but I felt I needed to be a bit discrete in front of our dear Head Girl."

Lily laughed. "What were your parents thinking when they names you Sirius? What, was Jokester taken by another family member?"

"Yes, by my uncle," Sirius said. Lily looked alarmed before realizing that Sirius was laughing.

Leave it to Sirius to make her forget about what had occurred between she and James two months earlier. He always did know how to make her laugh. She grinned at him, kissed him impulsively on the cheek and said, "Okay, now I really need to start this meeting. I'm already a little bit late."

"See you around, Lily-bean," Sirius grinned. "I'll tell my Uncle Jokester you say hi."

Lily laughed and watched him walk away. She took a deep breath before sliding open the compartment door. Her eyes immediately zoomed in on James standing in the corner, the arms of his shirt rolled up and a sly smile on his face as he chatted with Remus.

She walked over to the head of the table in the room and was determined to fix her stare on Remus. "Hey, Remus," she greeted cheerfully. She slowly turned to look at James and nodded curtly. "Hey…James."

James barely glanced up at her. "Evans," he replied stiffly, returning to his conversation with Remus about the latest fight he had with his father about the future.

Lily looked at him trying not to show her surprise at his indifference as she gave him a weak smile and quickly averted her eyes. She busied herself with the paperwork in front of her, trying to ignroe the fast pace that her heart was beating.

Remus noticed the uneasy look on Lily's face, but returned to listening James drone on about the career of an Auror. Once James was finished telling him the rest of his story, Remus turned to Lily.

"How was your summer, Lily?" he asked.

Lily shrugged. "Great," she lied for the third time that day. "How about you?"

Remus hesitated. "Hm…I'm just glad to be back," he admitted.

Lily nodded. "I couldn't agree with you more," she replied. "I ran into Sirius outside and-"

"So I'm guessing you know that I'm Head Boy then?" James quickly interrupted with a smirk on his face.

Lily glanced at him hesitantly, sensing arrogance in his voice. "He may have mentioned it," she drawled. "You can just imagine my surprise."

"I wouldn't get smart with me. As Head Boy, I do control your every move, y'know," he snickered haughtily.

Lily was a little taken aback by his attitude considering what had happened between them only two months earlier. She thought he would be a little more wary, perhaps even polite Instead, it looked like he had returned to being the jerk with a superiority complex he always had been before his sixth year. "_Excuse me_?"

His boyish grin merely widened. That annoying boyish grin that always made her skin crawl out of pure irritation. "You heard me. Get ready for some extra paperwork and additional rounds."

Lily swallowed hard, turning away from him. Turning away from her shock. "Shocker, you actually spent time learning what a Head Boy does. Did Remus have to give you a play-by-play?" she drawled.

"Whoa, keep me out of this," Remus murmured, slinking away from the two.

"Oh, talking back to the Head Boy, aye?" James responded, shaking his head and making a 'tsk, tsk' sound with his tongue. "Would you like a week's worth of detention or ten points taken from Gryffindor?"

She rolled her eyes, unfazed by the clear abuse of Head duties. She had come into that train car hoping that a change was going to be made between her and James and it was obvious, he wanted no part in a change. "Tell me, Potter, how much did your daddy have to pay off Dumbledore in order for him to give you that badge?"

The amusement in James' eyes died out quickly.

"Aw, Lily, that's not fair," Remus interjected before James could rip the girl's head off.

"No, what's not fair is that this is the guy I have to partner up with for nine whole months," she sneered, her eyes not straying from James'.

James' heart skipped a beat. Of course she was Head Girl. Why didn't he consider that? "You're Head Girl?"

Lily grinning, shrugging curtly. "Can you think of anyone better?"

"Yeah, anyone else in this school," James scowled. "And that includes the house-elves."

Lily rolling her eyes, trying not to let his get to her. She was beginning to wonder if she imagined the kiss between them. "I forgot just how egotistical you were," she said angrily.

"Funny, because I didn't forget how unbelievably uptight _you_ were," James snickered. "But thanks for reminding me of it."

Lily glared at him. "Anything for my coworker," she replied dryly, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Can we get this meeting started so I can get away from you sooner?" James snapped back.

"All the prefects aren't here, you prat. But you would know that if you happened to pay attention at all in Hogwarts."

"I wasn't a prefect. How the hell am I supposed to know who all the prefects are?" James scowled.

"It's common knowledge who the prefects are, Potter," she snarled, his surname sounding just right on her tongue. "You're just too busy hexing innocent people and cavorting around this school like you own it to notice."

"I don't _cavort_," he argued.

"You most certainly _do_ cavort. Ask anyone."

"Remus, do I cavort?"

"Er…well…cavort is such…er…it's such a _strong _word," Remus replied unsteadily, mostly uneasy over the fact that these two would be running the school. "I mean, you may perhaps uh…well, you maybe do a lesser version of cavorting, like…uh…well, you-"

"The word you're looking for is _cavort_," Lily interjected.

James glared at her. "Well, so what if I cavort? I'd rather cavort then walk around with my nose in the air as if I was the Queen of the world—which, by the way, you're _not_."

"Yeah, well, take a look in that mirror of yours, Potter. You ain't royalty either!"

"I wouldn't want to be King. Those thrones do _not _look comfortable and I couldn't imagine having to wear a crown. My hair would not cooperate with that."

"Your hair doesn't cooperate with _anything_!" Lily cried out, wondering if anyone would care if she strangled him right then and there.

"Uh…guys?" Remus interrupted quickly.

"_What_?" they both cried, glaring at him for interrupting their argument.

Remus jumped back. "I just wanted to point out that everyone's here now. Maybe a better use of your time would be to conduct this meeting."

Lily rolled her eyes and looked around the room, blushing at the sight of all of the prefects now staring up at her and James. She sighed. This was not going well.

"Are you telling me that this son-of-a-mother-fucking-bitch is Head Boy?" Severus said in shock, glaring at James.

James grinned. "I wouldn't be calling me a son-of-a-mother-fucking-bitch if I were you, Snivellus. I could easily take off points."

Lily glared at him. "I should have known that you would abuse your privileges," Lily snapped. "And he doesn't have to call you a son-of-a-mother-fucking bitch because _I _am more than happy to call you that myself."

James obviously had nothing to come back with. He just glared at her and cried out. "You are infuriating, Evans! I can't believe I ever liked—well, never mind," he said hastily, turning away from her. "Let's get this started so I can get back to hanging out with my friends."

Lily was really curious about what he was going to say, but she shook it out of her mind and muttered, "Fine by me."

With one last furtive glance up at James, Lily sighed and started conducting the meeting, with the occasional witty quip from James. She ignored him for the most part. She refused to let James get to her and she wouldn't tolerate being humiliated in front of her peers. Not by him.

By the end of the meeting, all of the prefects were glad to be getting away. The petty bickering between James and Lily was getting excessive and even Remus had had enough. When Lily finally ended it, even _she_ was happy to be getting away from it all. For many reasons.

She forced everyone out, yelled at James for being an incompetent partner, and then pushed him out as well claiming she'd organize everything for their meeting with Dumbledore that they were having that evening. James argued at first refusing to let Lily gain Dumbledore's full trust without him but Lily promised him that if he left she'd give him half-credit. She swore on her mother's life that if she went back on that promise that she would personally resign from her Head Girl position (she just chose to keep out the fact that her mother was already dead).

Lily just needed to get away from James. She needed time to think. Time to reflect on what the hell had just happened between her and James.

When James had shut the door behind him, Lily immediately sunk into the chair at the head of the table and buried her head into her arms. She never imagined that James could be so cold after what he had said to her on the platform. After what he had _did _to her. She was utterly confused at his nonchalance and just wished that things could go back to the way they were before their moment on the platform. That he had never admitted his feelings for her. That he never kissed her.

She groaned so loud that she didn't hear the compartment door slide open.

"Lily?"

Lily literally jumped a mile, letting out a shriek. She turned around and sighed. "Hey, Remus. What are you doing back here?"

"Well, I forgot my bag, for one thing. But I'm more interested in what's going on with you."

"I don't know what you're referring to," she lied.

Remus took a seat, ignoring her ignorance. "Lily, that entire meeting was like something out of the twilight zone. Or at least a zone from two years ago. At the end of last year, I thought you two were moving away from your enemy stage to, dare I say it, towards a mutual acquaintance stage. What the hell happened?"

"Things change, Remus," Lily muttered, subtly looking away. "We had two months apart. Obviously we realized we make a better pair of enemies than we do acquaintances."

Remus frowned, noting the faraway glint of distress in her eyes. "I don't think you believe that."

"Oh, I believe it," she muttered. "And clearly so does Potter."

Remus shook his head warily. "Lily, I think I speak for everyone when I say it certainly made Hogwarts easier without having to hear your heated debates noon and night around the castle. And seeing as you two will be working together this year, don't you think it might be wise to put aside your differences-"

"Remus, this isn't my fault," Lily interrupted crossly. "I tried putting aside my disdain for the guy when I first walked into the room, but then he felt it so necessary to rub yet another accomplishment of his in my face. As if I care that he somehow scraped the title of Head Boy. He's the-"

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Care that he's Head Boy?"

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "The only thing I care about is doing my job and doing it well. And that prat is determined to make that pretty damned difficult for me," she snapped. "Then again, I shouldn't expect anything less of him. He's done one hell of a job making my life difficult for six years now. Well, two can play at that game."

Remus sighed. This conversation wasn't going in the direction he was hoping. "Can't you be the bigger person here?"

Clearly, that wasn't the right thing to say. Lily pushed her chair back frantically, glaring at him. "I've been the bigger person for six years now, Remus. If James Potter wants to play hardball, that's what he's going to get."

"And you think that's the best way to handle your new position?"

"No, you know what the best way to handle my new position is? By giving you a week's worth of detention if you don't stop talking down to me."

Remus pursed his lips. "I was just trying to help."

"You should try leaving instead," Lily muttered irritably as she gathered her things together. She wasn't in the mood to talk about this any longer especially with someone who was one of James' best friends.

Remus frowned. "Lily, I-"

Lily shot him a look, shaking her head in defeat. "Please, Remus," she begged. "I really don't want to hear it. Maybe you should try letting James know all this."

"I already tried that," he muttered.

She snorted. "Am I to assume it didn't go well?"

"You assume correctly."

"Stubborn ass," she muttered under her breath.

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. One thing his best friend definitely was, was stubborn. "I'm sorry, Lily."

"For what?"

"That you got stuck with him as Head Boy," he admitted with a shrug. "You deserve to work with someone who's going to make it easy on you, not difficult."

Lily stared at him in awe. So he was admitting that James was difficult, hm? "Why'd that jerk have to be born with natural intelligence?" she whined.

A laugh escaped Remus' lips. "C'mon," he said, reaching for the leftover parchment on the table and handing it to her. "No need to spend your entire train ride commiserating. That's what the rest of the school year is for!"

"Any chance we can skip ahead nine months?"

* * *

"How could I not have realized that she would be Head Girl?" James murmured as he watched a Harvey Wentz get sorted into Ravenclaw. "I mean the first thing that should have come to mind when I was offered the Head Boy position was a red light stopping me immediately from being happy for myself and thinking straight about who would be getting the Head Girl position. Because, _duh_, Evans would be offered Head Girl. Who else around here studies so hard that they'll probably get some sort of aneurysm?"

"You realize you have been complaining about this for the past few hours, right?" Peter murmured.

"Well, I can't help it if Evans is always getting in my way!"

Sirius sighed. "I thought you were over her, Prongs."

James stopped talking long enough to stare at him in complete confusion. "What? What does that have to do with anything?"

"You've been talking nonstop about her for the past few hours," Remus added. "I'd say that has a lot to do with it."

James shot his friend a look, clenching his fists irritably. "Oh please. Lily Evans is so far from my mind," he whispered back as Dumbledore stood up to speak after the final student was sorted into Slytherin.

"And yet her name comes out of your mouth every five seconds," Peter snickered.

James glared at him.

"I'll shut up," Peter said with a sheepish grin.

"Good idea," James shot back, slumping down in his seat with a groan.

His whole summer was devoted to getting over Lily. He was tired of waiting around for her when he knew his fantasies would never work out in the end. But every time he tried thinking of something else, the kiss they shared would come back to haunt him. It had been one hell of a kiss. One that he certainly will never forget. He thought he would regret doing it but nothing about it had made him sorry. He could remember everything about that moment. The way she looked, the way the smelled, the way the sun streaked her hair just right, the way she didn't pull away when he leaned in, the way she called after him when he walked away. For the whole summer, he tried to get all of those images out of his mind.

But every time he tried thinking about anything else, he couldn't help but wonder why Lily hadn't turned away from him when he kissed her. Why she didn't pull back or slap him like he expected. Why she didn't give him an earful about his jackass ways. He had no idea what to expect and when he had woken up that morning, he wasn't entirely sure how to prepare for his first encounter with her. Butterflies grew inside his stomach as he thought about seeing her. Even Sirius kept asking him what was wrong, convinced it had something to do with his reputation being ruined now that he was Head Boy. He didn't know why he never told his friends about the kiss with Lily. He had told them he was getting over her and moving on. He had even told them about the argument they had shared on the balcony the Saturday night of the party before they they returned home. But he neglected to tell them that he had actually spilled his feelings to the girl he's been practically in love with since the day he met her and he definitely kept the kiss a secret. He knew exactly how they would all react and he wasn't in the mood to deal with their analysis of it. Not until he was ready to deal with his own analysis.

And then one day, he suddenly stopped thinking about her. It wasn't her beautiful hair he thought of when he woke up in the morning. It wasn't her smile he dreamed about at night. It wasn't her mezmerizing eyes he longed to look into again. He started focusing on what he had set out to do that day on the platform: get over Lily Evans.

He was broken out of his trance when Sirius nudged him. "Can we still play pranks on Snivelly even though you're Head Boy?" he hissed, glaring over at the greasy-haired git who sat smushed in between Serpus Avery and Rodolphus Lestrange.

James frowned. The sixth-year, more mature James would have just shaken his head and told Sirius to grow up. But seventh-year, didn't-give-a-damn-what-Lily-Evans-thought-about-him James merely grinned. "Spiders in his pumpkin juice or tie his shoelaces together?"

Remus groaned. "Spiders and tripping? I thought you were over those silly pranks!"

Sirius shot his werewolf friend a look. "Why, what did _you _have in mind? Turning his hair pink?"

Remus sighed. "Not exactly what I meant, Padfoot."

He was ignored as Sirius reached into James' bag and pulled out a piece of spare parchment. "Alright, we have exactly 293 days before we graduate and we still need to break about 31 school rules if we are to become the Champions of all Champions in rule-breaking. We need to start planning now. With James as Head Boy, this might put a damper on some of the ideas I thought of over the summer, but we can also use his new position to our advantage."

When he glanced up, three pairs of eyes were staring skeptically at him.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You couldn't be bothered to pick up the latest Charms textbook in Diagon Alley this summer, but you've memorized how many days we have left of the school year and how many rules we have left to break?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Priorities, Moony."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing!"

Sirius grinned. "Did you really expect anything more from me?"

"Alas, no," he sighed, digging into his treacle fudge. "Alright, what rule should we try breaking first?"

"I was thinking the no stealing supplies from the hospital wing," he said, pulling out the Marauder's Map from his bag and holding it under the table on his lap. "We could..."

* * *

The Head meeting with Dumbledore after the feast was absolutely unbearable . Lily and James couldn't stop bickering with each other and obviously Dumbledore was having second thoughts on choosing them to work with each other. They ended up wasting fifteen minutes of Dumbledore's time debating about whether a ball for the 1025th Anniversary was necessary, which turned up in James' favor in the end much to Lily's dismay. Ironically, James was the first one to put together a rager in the Gryffindor Tower. But any sort of school event, James was totally against. Lily had a feeling it probably had to do with the lack of alcohol provided at school events.

When they were eventually dismissed, Lily quickly fled out of the room and up to the Gryffindor common room to order to find solace in her friends.

She stomped into the commons room and saw Kay lying out by the fireplace, perusing the latest _Witch Weekly_.

"Hey, Kay. Where's Riley?" she asked, leaning against the fireplace bricks.

"The last I heard of her, she was sneaking off to meet Fabrice in the Astronomy Tower," she smirked, not even looking up from her magazine.

Lily laughed. "Of course. Who else would choose not even a few hours after we arrive to hook up with someone?"

Kay laughed but before she could reply with her usual witty retort, in walked noneother than Riley with a smile on her face. That smile quickly disappeared when she ran straight into Sirius Black.

"Well, lookie here," Sirius said with a toothless grin. "Look what Satan dragged in from hell."

"Yes, that's so funny, Black, I'm about two seconds away from rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter," Riley said dryly.

"Well, don't let me stop you, babes."

"Must you always refer to me as 'babes?' I personally like the unoriginal Gilmore better. Or no name at all would probably be best."

"Yes, but then I'd be doing what you want, and I've learned never to give in to a lady's temptations."

"And since when was that your motto? Last I checked, if a girl swung her hips in your direction, you were jumping her in a nearby classroom."

"Jealous, are we?"

Riley glared at him. "Don't make me pull my wand out."

"Eh, I'll just get Remus or James to take points off or give you detention. Having two mates in power position comes in handy."

"You do realize my best friend is Head Girl, right?"

"Oh, like that girl would ever abuse her badge."

Riley clenched her teeth. The guy had a point. "Fine, then I guess we'll just have to have a go at each other right now. You learn any new spells over the summer or are you keen on using the highly unoriginal Levicorpus spell once again?"

Sirius frowned. "You really want to start a duel with me, babes? I could take you any day. It'd be interesting to see who'd win, that's for sure," he retaliated.

"I don't need to see it because I already know that I would, Black."

"So prove it."

Riley slapped him on the back of the head.

"HEY!" Sirius cried, stumbling forward a bit. "That's not using your wand!"

She grinned. "Element of surprise, Black. What's that Auror Moody always say? Constant vigilance?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You read the _Daily Prophet _too much."

"At least I know how to read."

"I know how to. I choose _not _to. Like it matters. I still pull off top marks around here."

Riley hated that that was true. "Yeah, and just imagine what you could do if, gasp, you actually _studied_!"

He blinked. "That was a joke, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "You do realize that the moment you walk out those wrought iron doors, you won't be able to use your supposed charm to get ahead, right?"

"Nonsense. This charm works on everyone."

"Not everyone."

Sirius opened his mouth to retort but held his tongue. He wasn't about to mention what occurred between them two years earlier.

"Now if you don't mind, Black," she snapped. "I was looking to chat with my friends today and it seems that all I've been doing for the past couple of minutes or so is talk to my sworn enemy."

"I like to think of you as more of a rivaling arch-nemesis than enemy."

"Well fine, rivaling arch-nemesis of mine, I'll hopefully not see you later," Riley replied wryly, pushing him aside and strolling over to her friends. It always seemed that the more she tried avoiding Sirius Black, the more she found herself running into him.

She summoned a pillow and lay her head down on it. "Hey guys. How'd the meeting with Dumbledore go, Lily?"

Lily smirked. "That depends. How did the meeting with Fabrice go?"

Riley glared at Kay. "You told her?"

Kay laughed. "Of course I did. The more guys you hook up, the more money I win."

"What? You're betting money on me?"

"Well, just with Remus."

"WHAT?"

Kay laughed and threw her magazine at Riley. "You are _too_ gullible."

Riley glared at her and chose to keep the magazine. "Now you'll never know what happened between Madonna and her latest love affair."

Kay rolled her eyes. "I'm totally heartbroken."

Riley stuck out her tongue at her immaturely as Lily watched them humorously.

"Back to Lily," Riley grumbled. "So really, how did the meeting with Dumbledore go?"

Lily shrugged and made a face. "Well Dumbledore wasn't exactly the problem."

"Bozo the Clown again?" Kay snickered.

"Who else," Lily muttered angrily. "He's already driving me crazy and we haven't even been here for twenty-four hours. I know I said before we were mature and we could handle each other, but I lied. I definitely see myself killing him by the end of the week."

"Oh, but honey, I don't think you have time to break in a new enemy," Riley teased.

Lily glared at her, trying not to show her amusement.

"Don't look at me like that," she replied, lifting her head from the pillow. "You know you're amused."

Lily scowled. "What happened to supportive best friends?"

Riley shrugged. "It's just so much more fun being cynical and ridiculing."

Kay laughed. "So true."

"Well, I was going to invite you guys to come see my private quarters but seeing as I only see cynical and ridiculing friends around here, I'll have to go out in search of my other best friends to take with me."

Kay and Riley exchanged looks. "But you know, cynicism and ridicule is so last year," Riley protested.

"Yeah, we'd much rather be supportive and understanding," Kay added.

"Yeah, I thought you might have a change of heart," Lily spoke as she crawled off the floor and led them out of the Gryffindor Tower towards the private Head quarters. She was looking forward to just relaxing for the night and getting her mind off of James and the fact that she was forced to work with him for the next nine months.

Unfortunately, when they arrived at the Head private quarters, she was in for a rude awakening. The Marauders and two girls, a Gryffindor by the name of Rachael LeBlanc and a Ravenclaw by the name of Kristina Reinhart, were already sitting in the common room.

James groaned when the door opened and revealed Lily. "I was really hoping you'd stay in the dorm with your friends tonight."

"Yeah, and I was really hoping you'd jump off a building into a pit of fire-breathing dragons and die a slow and painful death. We can't always get what we want," Lily shot back. "Despite the fact that I'm sure your mother told you otherwise growing up."

James scowled. "You keep my mother out of this, Evans, if you know what's good for you."

"Aw, did I hit a nerve?"

"Like I could ever be bothered by any of the rubbish you say."

"You're calling me rubbish?" Lily snapped, her eyes clouding over with anger. "Wasn't it you and your friends who got caught by Pringle running from the hospital wing carrying a lifetime supply of ace bandages?"

The edges of the Marauders' mouth twitched upward. "Hey, we were just trying to keep prepared for any major bruising or scarring that may occur over the next nine months," Sirius interjected with his usual grin. "Now, who here believes that's rubbish?"

No one was surprised when it was just Riley, Kay, and Lily who thrust their hands into the air. The other two girls on the couch looked somewhat amused by the whole ordeal.

"It's your first day of being Head Boy and you chose to spend it committing theft," Lily scowled at James, ignoring Sirius' attempt at humor. "How Dumbledore ever thought you could be mature enough for the responsibilities of ruling a school are beyond me."

"I'm not too worried," he drawled. "I already _rule _this school, Evans, as you so suggest. Maybe in a completely different way than you expect but let's face it, I own this place."

"Ah, yes, and you don't have a big head over that at all."

Finally, Kristina Reinhart spoke up, letting out a heavy sigh. "So am I right in assuming that nothing will get done this year considering the Head Boy and Head Girl are at each other's throats?"

Lily scoffed. "I am a perfectly good candidate as Head Girl. Potter, on the other hand, could care less if things actually got done the way they're supposed to. He'd much rather spend his time planning silly pranks and starting petty arguments than actually own up to being a role model. So don't go placing blame on me if things don't work out in this school's favor."

Kristina rolled her eyes. "Oh, right, and I'm sure James is 100% to blame for the lack of maturity level around here. Seems to me you enjoy ruffling his feathers just as much as he seems to enjoy ruffling yours. I can remember a few hexes you've played on the guy in the past."

Even the guys had to cringe at the accusation of Lily Evans being immature. Her eyes blazed with anger. "A '_few' _being the key word there!" she barked. "For the past six years, Potter has been fooling around in the company of his pranks and girls and hiding behind his ridiculous Quidditch matches and now, I am forced to work with this underachiever! So don't you dare insinuate that _I'm _the immature one around here because that jerk has a hell of a lot of growing up to do before he is even on my level!"

James couldn't help but frown. He had tried growing up and maturing for her sake and Lily had deemed it unworthy and not believable. It seemed to James that she was all talk but didn't care enough to appreciate the action.

Kristina merely yawned, shrugging it off. "And you call him arrogant?"

"Don't confuse arrogance with self-assurance," Lily snarled.

Kristina rolled her eyes. "Jeez, can anyone ever get in a word around you without you biting their heads off? No wonder James always got into fights with you. You're incorrigibly defensive."

"You're insulting me. I think I'm allowed to be defensive."

Kristina rolled her eyes. "Just because you're jealous of James' _natural_ ability to exude confidence doesn't-"

Lily didn't even let her finish the sentence. Maybe she was acting defensive, but this bitch wasn't going to tear her down. "Who the hell are you to tell me that I am jealous of a selfish, thick-headed prick? The guy is a disrespectful toerag at best!"

"You know, I _am_ in the room," James dared to speak up.

"Oh, like I give a crap!" Lily cried irately, obviously taking all of her rage out on him. She turned towards her friends, knowing she was seconds away from pullingo ut her wand and hexing Kristina Reinhart for being a rude bitch. "C'mon. Let's hang out in my room before I feel the need to kill someone. And surprisingly, for once, it's _not_ Potter," she said vehemently staring at Kristina with an icy glare.

She grabbed Riley and Kay's arms and practically forced them into her room. She flopped on to her bed as she let out a loud grunt. "What a total bitch," she snarled.

Riley hesitated as she climbed into Lily's desk chair. "Well, I'd start getting used to her considering you're going to be seeing a lot of her around."

"What? Why?" Lily asked quickly.

"Lily, what is it with you and hating people immediately?" Riley asked, changing the subject. "Kristina is not that bad. You've never not liked her before."

"She never questioned by maturity level before!"

Riley rolled her eyes. "Why are you being so sensitive today anyway?"

"Whose side are you on, Riley?" Lily grumbled.

Riley opened her mouth to protest but was interrupted by a knock from the door.

Lily slowly slid off her bed and trudged to the door, already knowing who it was before answering it.

"Can I help you, Potter?" Lily muttered through gritted teeth.

"What the hell was that?" he demanded to know.

"What?" Lily said, shrugging innocently.

"You can't just bitch out my friends any time you'd like, Evans," he protested angrily.

"I'm going to do whatever I please, Potter, and don't need your permission before doing so. Now, if you don't mind, I was looking forawrd to a Potter-free night, so kindly get out," she snapped, trying to shut the door in his face.

"No," James said, putting his foot in the door. "Kristina was right about you. When did you become so arrogant and immature?"

"Ooh, that was the wrong thing to say," Kay winced.

Lily's expression clouded over with pure rage. She crossed her arms, mostly to avoid reaching into her back pocket for her wand, and narrowed her eyes vehemently. "When I found out it was you who was Head Boy, Potter, I didn't freak out. I didn't throw a tantrum and I didn't throw a hissy fit. I didn't curse your name or imagine your head as target practice for my transfiguration practice. No, I thought that perhaps it was time the two of us put aside our differences and learned to work together in what could only best be described as _civilly_."

"Evans, I-"

"And then I walked into that prefect compartment and you were back to being the same old pretentious-smiling, hair-ruffling, insult-slinging, superiority-complex-driven prick you had been back as a fifteen-year-old wanker. So to stand here and listen to two people call _me _arrogant and immature when I've done nothing but work 24/7 for six years straight to claim the prestigious title of Head Girl while you haven't worked for it a day in your life is something I just won't do, Potter. That girl is a brainless hussy and you are an incorrigible git for choosing a playmate like her. I'm done listening to you, Potter, so get the hell out."

"Don't you dare call her a hussy or a playmate," James snapped, trying to ignore the guilt building up inside of him for the way he acted earlier on the train. "I won't have you talking about my girlfriend that way."

Lily froze, her eyes softening with confusion. "What?"

James shrugged his shoulders casually, frowning. "She's my girlfriend," he murmured. "So I'd appreciate it if you kept the insults to a minimum."

Lily couldn't remember the last time she was at a loss for words, but she found herself scrambling to say something at that moment. _Anything_. "For how long?"

He offered her a strange look. "Er...for however long we date I guess?"

She rolled her eyes. "No, not how long should I keep the insults to a minimum. How long have you been dating her?"

Kay and Riley exchanged confused looks with each other, wondering why that would matter to their friend. Even James was thrown by the question. "Almost a month," he muttered. "Are you going to lay off of her or what?"

"Oh, I think you two will do enough laying without my help," she responded with a smirk. "Now get the hell out of my room."

And with that, she slammed the door in his face, her heart beating a mile a minute.

"Why do you care how long they've been dating?" Riley asked curiously.

Lily shot her a look, diving back into her bed with a groan. "Why didn't you tell me they were dating?"

A snort escaped Riley's lips. "Oh, yeah because _that_ would have stopped you from insulting her?"

Lily sighed. That wasn't exactly what she meant but didn't bother correcting her. Clearly, everything that James had said to her on the platform in the previous year was either a lie or a total joke to him. She couldn't explain why she felt hurt or suddenly so insignificant, but it was time she let the past remain in the past and look ahead to her future.

A future that did _not _consist of James Potter.

"I thought you were going to try being civil with James," Kay asked curiously.

"Didn't you hear the pretentious-smiling, hair-ruffling, insult-slinging, superiority-complex-driven prick comment I made just a few minutes ago?"

Kay's eyebrow shot up. "Should I be impressed or worried that you just repeated word-for-word your insults to James?"

"And that wasn't even my best work," Lily sighed dramatically.

On the other side of the door, James was climbing back on to the couch with his girlfriend. Sometimes that word still shocked him. He never really considered himself girlfriend material, although to be fair that was probably because he had thought he was saving himself for another girl. But once he had stopped thinking so highly of Lily and started realizing there were other girls out there, other girls worth dating, Kristina just fell into his lap. Quite literally. Sirius insisted on throwing a huge pool party at the Potters during a particularly humid week and somehow Kristina got knocked over on to the lawn chair that James had been sprawling out on. It wasn't love at first sight, but he sincerely enjoyed her company. And for the first time since he could remember, he had wanted something more with her than just a physical one-night altercation.

"So, that was Lily," Kristina said once her head was nestled back in her boyfriend's arms.

"Indeed," James murmured.

"You two certainly will make for entertaining prefect meetings," Rachael LeBlanc finally spoke up with a chuckle. "Thursday nights aren't going to be so bad around here any more."

"Nah, I think I still prefer to steer clear of those prefect meetings," Sirius interjected with a grin. "Don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me."

"Yeah, and what does that say about James?" Peter chuckled. "If you thought being a prefect was bad, I can only imagine what the school thinks about James becoming Head Boy."

"I know what they're thinking. They're thinking that because my two older brothers were once upon a time Head Boy that somehow, my rich father bribed Dumbledore to appoint me as Head Boy," James murmured, shrugging. It was his exact thought when the badge had fallen out of his envelope over the summer. He certainly wouldn't put it past his father.

"Aw, James, don't be so hard on yourself," Remus argued, shaking his head. To be fair, Remus had wondered the same thing. "You earned it with your top marks and your natural leadership abilities. Don't go doubting yourself now."

It wasn't doubt he was feeling. It was regret. Lily had every right to be angry that her partner was him. He would be angry if he was her. Because she was right. Lily did work 24/7 for six straight years to get to where she was. She slaved over textbooks and spells and potions and charms and perfected her wand skills and pulled all-nighters when it was necessary and forced herself to do extra credit in her more difficult classes and she tutored younger students to broaden her mind. Every free moment she ever had was used to pore over her schoolwork. James spent his free time sneaking into Hogsmeade. Lily rushed through meals to get to the library. James played pranks during meals. Lily gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, even the Slytherin gits. James insulted those unworthy of his time. Lily used the silence in the common room during Quidditch matches to read by the fire. James was without a doubt down on that Quidditch pitch. It was obvious who was better suited for Head duties. But, and perhaps this was a huge but, James did receive top marks in every single one of his classes. Without trying. He was far better in Transfiguration than Lily was and for him, that was accomplishment enough. He hadn't chosen to be Head Boy. He was just given the role. And perhaps she deserved it more than him, but that certainly didn't mean he didn't deserve it at all.

"So, what the hell are we going to do with all of these bandages?" James asked, choosing to change the subject. They still had a pile of ace bandages, the ones that had been hidden in their bags and their pockets when Pringle had caught them and confiscated the ones in their arms, which were strewn across the coffee table.

Sirius grinned, his eyes fixating on Peter. "Who wants to get mummified?"

* * *

**A/N: **Uh-oh, James has a girlfriend. What will happen between him and Lily now?

Please review! Every review counts and keeps me motivated to update!


	5. Of Alarm Clocks, Partners, & Pigs

**A/N: **Okay, I'm back and I want to thank everyone for the reviews and for putting this story on their favorite lists! In this chapter, you learn more about the other characters as well as James and Lily. And without further ado, here's the next chapter!

**Disclaimer: **You know how this goes. Everything you don't recognize belongs to me. Everything else belongs to the talented J.K. Rowling!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 5: Of Alarm Clocks, Partners, and Pigs

* * *

The next morning, Lily skillfully avoided James. She listened to his footsteps from the comfort of her own room, waiting for him to leave their private quarters before getting ready herself. She tidied up her room a bit, waiting ten minutes before walking to the Gryffindor house to find both of her friends sound asleep. Because Lily didn't really feel like getting a beat-down that morning, she set their alarm clocks and silently slipped out with a sigh, reluctantly walking to the Great Hall on her own.

She sauntered into the Great Hall and with one eye on James who was busy scarfing down a scone, she immediately sat down on the other end of the table saving two seats for Riley and Kay. She took out the previous day's _Daily Prophet_ to keep her distracted.

With only fifteen minutes left of breakfast, Riley and Kay finally stumbled grumpily into the Great Hall.

Kay glared at Lily when she sat down. "Tell me one reason why I shouldn't pour this whole pitcher of pumpkin juice in your lap?"

Lily was taken aback by that. "What? What did I do?"

"You didn't wake me up this morning like you said you would last night! You always wake me up on the first day of classes. I always bitch you out for the rest of the day because of the new profound way you had found to wake me up in the morning and now not only am I going to be dirty for the rest of the day because I haven't had time to take a shower, but now I'm going to also be grumpy and have no one to blame it on. Why must you break our annual routine?" Kay grumbled sitting beside Lily.

"But I went in this morning and set a clock!"

"Yes, but see, the clock stops beeping loudly once I throw it against the wall giving me plenty of time to fall back to sleep. You, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus insuring the wake-up process," Kay replied matter-of-factly.

Lily rolled her eyes, the ends of her mouth tugging upward. "Would you like me to wake you up tomorrow?"

"Well, now it just seems foolish," Kay mumbled.

"Oh, no, I assure you that it has been foolish all these years," Riley snickered.

Kay glared at her. "I wouldn't insult the girl with the pitcher of pumpkin juice in her hands if I were you."

Riley laughed. "Point taken."

"Ugh, I better have a free block today. I need a nap," Kay grumbled, pouring herself a glass of pumpkin juice.

Lily snorted. "You _just _woke up," she snickered.

"Speaking of, shouldn't you be handing out timetables?" Riley asked.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I already did. But some people weren't here when they were being given out," she teased. She grabbed them from inside her bag. "Here. And I'm warning you ahead of time, you're not going to like what class we have first but-"

"History of Magic! At 8:30 in the morning? What the hell was Dumbledore thinking?" Kay screeched. "We're seventh-years! Shouldn't we get the privilege of picking the order of our classes? And bloody Merlin, we have it with the goddamn Slytherins! I'm seriously thinking that Dumbledore has gone completely insane! This is like…like…child abuse! He's out to ruin my life," she groaned uncontrollably.

"Oh yeah, Kay," Riley smirked. "When Dumbledore was making the timetables, his exact thoughts were 'Hm…how can I make the seventh year of Kay Richards an absolute nightmare?'"

Kay glared at her. "I'm still holding the pumpkin juice pitcher."

"Who said I was being sarcastic?" Riley teased. "I really think that's what he was thinking!"

"Hello, ladies," Sirius greeted with a goofy grin on his face.

Riley turned to Kay. "I've figured out who you can throw that pumpkin juice at."

"What? All I say is 'hello ladies' and the next thing I know you're plotting to throw a pitcher of pumpkin juice in my face?" Sirius complained.

"Oh, you're right," she responded with a frown on her face. She turned back to Kay. "Throw in a pitcher of orange juice too."

"Well I can certainly feel the love around here," Sirius grumbled as he walked down to the other side of the table to join the rest of the Marauders. They, too, were busy groaning about their busy timetables. "Tell me again how we've managed to live with those high-maintenance prisses for the past six years and haven't felt the need to hang ourselves?" Sirius murmured, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Lily, Riley, and Kay.

Remus shrugged, stifling a yawn. "I get along with them fine. It's just you and Prongs who can't deal with them."

"I can deal with Lily and Kay. It's Gilmore that I have trouble grasping the whole friendship concept around," Sirius grumbled, grabbing a muffin and biting into it with a grunt.

"Yeah and why's that again?" James asked, reaching for the last scone.

Sirius glared at him. "Don't make me throw this muffin at you."

James shrugged. "Just a simple question."

"That could result in you being thrown into some sort of lion's den," Sirius growled.

Remus' eyebrow shot up curiously. "Where are you going to find a lion's den around here?"

"I'm a wizard. I'll create one."

"He's got a point," Peter chimed in with a snicker.

James shrugged curtly. "And you could always transfigure the Slytherins into lions," he added. "I'm sure no one would mind if they were out of the picture."

"But I'm sure you'd mine if they were chasing you around the school roaring loudly and clawing you into little pieces," spoke Remus with a shudder,

James shrugged. "They'll have a hard time doing that once I put a high _electric _gate around them."

They all laughed, glancing towards the Slytherins with their usual scheming looks. They immediately dove into creating a welcome-back prank for them. One that Sirius was determined to include a few broken rules.

* * *

Come Advanced Transfiguration, the last class of the day, all Lily wanted to do was go back to the Gryffindor common room and relax with her friends. Not only did they receive large amounts of homework from every class they partook in that day, but James had enjoyed tormenting Lily at every given second from mocking her furious note-taking in History of Magic, laughing at her attempts to see the future in Divination, and one-upping her in Potions by handing Slughorn a perfect version of Veritaserum. Needless to say, Lily was not looking forward to working with James as his Head Girl for the remainder of the year.

Lily sauntered into the room where Professor McGonagall was sitting at her desk, her usual rigid smile and strict eyes framing her face, and noticed that Riley was already taking over a table in the back of the room. Kay hadn't opted to take Advanced Transfiguration so lucky for her, she had a free block this period. Lily was beginning to think that Kay had the right idea.

When the bell rang and only Remus was in sight, Lily thought she was completely home-free of her favorite enemy, as did Riley. It sadly didn't come as a surprise to either one of them when Sirius and James leisurely strolled in seconds later, laughing and hardly caring that they were interrupting the beginning of class.

"Are you boys here to chat or to learn?" Professor McGonagall asked thethem firmly.

Sirius grinned and placed his books on an empty desk behind Remus, who was giving them a wary look. "Well, if I had known chatting was an option, then-"

"I advise you not to finish that sentence and take a seat."

"Yes, Minnie," he grinned.

She gave him a stern look.

"I mean, Professor McGonagall," he smirked, rolling his eyes.

"How the hell that moron is still attending Hogwarts is beyond me," Riley muttered under her breath. "I didn't realize that sleeping with every thing with even the tiniest bit of estrogen inside was a prerequisite for moving on to the next grade."

Lily stifled a laugh, earning a curious look from Professor McGonagall.

"Welcome to Advanced Transfiguration," she started. "This class won't be easy and you certainly won't pass unless you put in the effort I expect you to put in. Every paper I assign, I expect everyone to receive high marks. Every exam I give, I expect you all to study hard and get Es and Os. I expect everyone to get along with everyone else and I will not tolerate any petty fights or arguments wasting my time." Lily cringed. Every year she heard this speech, she had a feeling it was directed at her and a certain four-eyed, messy-haired fellow Gryffidor of hers. "This won't be an easy class, but I expected every single one of you to come out with exceptional Transfiguration skills."

"Does this mean I actually have to do work?" Sirius whined softly, causing a snicker from his two friends.

McGonagall's eyes trailed over to where Sirius was sitting, a frown forming on her face. "You will be entering the real world after this year and my job is to prepare you for what you might encounter. I know we've all read about what's going on in the wizarding world and I want to be sure that I have given you the skill set and the aptitude to go out there and fight for the good and the salvation of the wizarding world."

The mood in the room turned grim. It was hard to ignore the turmoil being created in the wizarding world when all of the professors preached so heavily on it.

McGonagall left the morbidness behind as she embarked on a discussion about the provisions of the course and the importance of N.E.W.T.s. She continued to discuss the work ethic needed, the endless practice that will be expected out of class, the multiple in-class labs, and the large-scaled project they were all expected to complete. The moment the word 'partners' flew out of her mouth, the whole class immediately sat up and was on high alert. When that word was uttered it could either mean success, as in choosing your own partner, or complete failure, which usually erupted when the professor was out to get you and partnered you with a complete lunatic. The pairings of Lily and James throughout the years proved that.

"If we pick our own partners, I call Remus," Sirius hissed.

"No!" James whispered back in frustration. "You always get him! It's my turn!"

"But I called dibs first!" Sirius whined. "That's standard Marauder procedure."

"I hate being the dedicated one in this group," Remus muttered.

"He's mine!"

"Mine!"

Remus sighed. "Why wasn't I placed in Ravenclaw?" he muttered to no on in particular.

"Rock-paper-scissors for him?" Sirius whispered.

James groaned. "Why does it always come down to this?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Don't I get a say in this?" Remus asked.

"No," they both chorused.

"You always manage to win!" James argued, shaking his head.

"Because you always choose rock!"

"That's because I can't understand how anything can beat rock, much less a measly piece of flimsy paper!" he hissed.

"It's a game, Prongs!"

"A game I always end up losing!"

"Oh, c'mon, you wuss."

James made a face and let out a relenting sigh. "Fine," he murmured, holding out his hand. "Rock…paper…scissors…_shoot_."

Sirius threw his fist in the air triumphantly when he whipped out scissors against James' paper. "

"Bloody hell," James swore. "This is why I choose rock! Best out of 3?"

Sirius grinned and leaned back in his chair. "No way."

"As many of you are probably wondering," said McGonagall, ignoring the furious whispering of the Marauders in the back of the room. "I have already chosen the partners for lab and projects mostly because it is important to be assigned to someone with your intelligence level."

"Oh thank God," Remus muttered, as the rest of the class groaned immediately. This didn't sound good.

"Damn! What a waste of a rock-paper-scissors game," Sirius whined.

Lily already hated this. If she was Head Girl and James was Head Boy, McGonagall was bound to put them together. And Lily did not know if she could handle a year of Head duties on top of four months of a Transfiguration project with a guy who barely spent any time on his studies.

She wasn't the only one on edge about the project. James stold a glance towards Lily, whose frown was lining her face dejectedly. James could only assume that frown was directed at him. He in no way needed to deal with an uptight dictator, providing him with a schedule of library dates and barking instructions at him as if she were the boss of all things Transfiguration.

The other students were just as shocked as James and Lily when they were, in fact, not paired together.

But James and Lily were the only ones celebrating inside.

Lily was partnered with Remus, which offered her a huge sigh of relief (and a laugh when Remus shouted out "Yes!" for everyone to hear).

"Damn, she didn't even play rock-paper-scissors," Sirius whined.

Remus snickered, only slightly humored, as McGonagall announced James' partnership with noneother than his girlfriend, Kristina. A grin spread out on Kristina's face as she turned around to wink at James.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You sometimes are the luckiest son of a bitch," he murmured, not paying attention to McGonagall whatsoever. He wasn't worried about the project. Transfiguration was his best subject, it was all their best subjects seeing as they learned how to master an Animagus transformation at the young age of only fifteen years old. Whatever assignment he was given, he could probably do it in half the amount of time a normal seventh year could do it in.

James grinned but it was Remus who commented. "You call that lucky? They've never going to get any work done."

"Eh, work is overrated anyway," Sirius argued with a shrug.

Remus rolled his eyes. Sometimes he hated that this two best friends could get away with not picking up a single textbook in an entire year at Hogwarts and yet still get perfectly scored exams and essays. "I'm sure your project partner will be so glad to hear that."

"Whoever I get as my partner should already know I'm not going to pull my weight," he snickered. "I've been sliding by for six years already. I don't plan on changing that."

"Sliding by my ass. If you actually took the time to apply yourself, I wouldn't be surprised if it was you with the Head Boy badge."

Sirius snorted. "Like I would want that thing," he argued, shaking his head as McGonagall rounded out the last two partnerships.

"And our last partnership," McGonnagal spoke, ignoring once again the furious whispering of the seventh years Gryffindor boys, "Is Sirius Black and Riley Gilmore."

"_What_?" both of their voices cried out in unison, Sirius now very alert.

Everyone in the room laughed at the outburst. Even the ends of McGonagall's mouth twitched upward. "Is there a problem, Miss Gilmore and Mister Black?"

The two of them exchanged irate glares before turning back to the professor. "No, Professor," they both muttered in unison. Everyone in the room could tell that was a lie, including the professor they both spoke to.

"Lily, my life is over," Riley mumbled, slumping down in her chair. "Just kill me now and put me out of my misery. Seriously, do whatever you think is necessary to eliminate me from this world."

Lily rolled her eyes at the over-dramatization. "Well, alright, but when your parents ask me why I did it, I _will_ tell them you forced me against my will."

Riley glared at her. "What happened to being supportive?"

"Well I heard that being cynical and ridiculing was in this year."

"Do you remember everything I say?" she groaned.

"That's the risk I take for listening to my friends," said Lily with a chuckle.

Riley sighed, too upset to be bothered with Lily's attempt at a joke. "How the hell am I supposed to work with…with…with _that?"_ She pointed to Sirius who had just leaned too far back in his chair and had fallen over, causing the rest of the room to erupt into giggles.

"Well, you two used to be friends. I'm sure you'll be able to get through this."

Riley glared at her. "We _used_ to be friends. But if you hadn't noticed—and I certainly hope you had or else you really have been living in a box behind the Queen's palace for the past year and half—Black and I despise each other. We can hardly be in the same room together without one of us hexing each other to pieces."

"Oh, I've noticed but you have yet to inform me why the sudden hatred for him ignited so I have chosen to ignore it," Lily explained. "And until you tell me what the hell happened between you two, I'm going with the obvious 'suck it up and deal.'"

Riley growled. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Would you rather work with Snape or Mulciber or Avery?"

Riley hesitated, trying to weigh her options. On one hand, the Slytherins were manipulative, evil, Death Eater wannabes. But stealing another glance towards Sirius, she knew she wouldn't have any expectations from the Slytherins and therefore, her heart couldn't possibly be left shattered in pieces by anything they could say or do to her. "Yeah, I'd rather work with them," she admitted.

Lily glanced at her, alarmed. "You would rather work with people who are so against any form of Muggle blood playing a part in the wizarding world, who use first-year Hufflepuffs as their Dark Arts spells target practice, who are so obviously going to join the dark side post-Hogwarts than with Sirius?"

"Well, when you put it that way," Riley muttered guiltily.

Lily shot her best friend a look. "You might not particularly like Sirius, Riley, but at least he had the decency to shun all of that dark side nonsense."

"What does that have to do with a Transfiguration partner?"

Lily frowned. "Nothing, really," she admitted. "I just think you're being unfair to Sirius."

"Yeah, well, I think you're being unfair to James," she retaliated with a curt shrug. "But that's not going to stop you from hating the guy, now is it?"

To that, Lily had no response. Thankfully, McGonagall advised them all to manuever themselves so that they were sitting alongside their new partner so that she oculd assign the topics and go over the expectations.

Riley refused to budge. She sat there waiting for Sirius to come to her as Lily traipsed off to sit by Remus' side.

When he eventually gave in, he slowly inched his chair over to her table in aggravation. He opened his mouth to say something. But before he could get the words out, Riley held up her hand to stop him and declared in an irate voice, "We need to come up with some ground rules before we embark on this ridiculous partnership. Rule one, don't talk to me. Rule-"

"How the hell are we supposed to do a project together if-"

"You already broke rule one!" Riley interrupted furiously.

"I break _all _the rules, Babes. Why should now be any different?" he smirked.

"Don't call me that," she snapped, shooting him a look. "In fact, we'll dub that rule two. Don't call me by that ridiculous nickname."

"If I'm not supposed to talk to you, wouldn't rule two just be an addendum to that?"

"You are failing at rule one."

"It's a ridiculous rule."

"Black, can we please just find a way to work together?" Riley muttered impatiently.

He sighed. "What other rules do you have?"

"Rule three, you actually have to pull your weight on this project. There is no way in hell I'm going to let you stick me with all of the hard work. I have a life, too, y'know."

He scoffed. "It's not much of one."

"Rule four, no insulting me!"

"Only if rule five is _you _can't insult _me_!"

"I'm the one making up the rules here!"

"And why do you get to be the boss?" Sirius barked.

Her eyes narrowed angrily. "You lost the right to be boss after what you did two years ago, Black," she snapped.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat, his mouth dropping open slightly in surprise. He fell silent and he wasn't the only one. Others around him had been listening on to the debate going on between the rivals. And now they were all alert, curious if perhaps this was the time they were to find out what had occurred between the pair two years earlier.

But Sirius' thoughts weren't on the stares he was earning himself. That was the first time either one of them had brought the incident up since it had happened. He had assumed they were going to live in denial and awkward avoiding for the rest of their lives. Instead, here she was declaring it aloud to a room full of gossip-driven students.

He sat upright, clearing his throat awkwardly. Well, if she wanted to bring it up, then maybe it was time he acknowledged it as well. "Look, Gilmore, you have no idea how much I wish I could just take it all back, but-"

"You know what, Black? I really don't want to hear it," Riley interrupted hastily, slumping down in her seat out of pur embarrassment. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

Sirius frowned. "You're not sorry or you wouldn't have said anything," he responded gently, ignoring the piercing stares of his friends a few rows up.

Riley hesitated, glancing up to meet his gaze. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but found her mind blank. She sighed, reaching for her Transfiguration textbook. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," she murmured. "We've got a lesson to do so why don't we just get on with that?"

She flipped her book to page 103, avoiding all eye contact with the immature boy in front of her.

"I think you do want to talk about this," he said softly. "You're just fighting the urge."

Her stare turned icy. "The only thing I'm fighting is _you_, Black. Pull out your damned book and let's get to work."

He sighed, shrugging nonchalantly. "I could do that. I probably should do that. Except I seem to have misplaced my textbook."

She glared at him. "It's the first day of classes, Black. How could you _misplace _it?"

He hesitated. "Erm..."

"You never bought it, did you."

"I did, too!"

Her eyes narrowed. "You left it at home, didn't you."

He grinned sheepishly. "There wasn't room in my trunk."

"What, with all of the joke shop supplies?"

"You know me so well."

Riley rolled her eyes. "I'm writing Mrs. Potter tonight and insisting she send you that book. Do you not remember rule three?"

"I'm not sure what writing Mrs. Potter has to do with me not calling you 'Babes.'"

Riley groaned and jumped up off her seat. "Anyone want to switch partners?"

Even McGonagall couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

Riley stomped angrily through the hallways up to the Gryffindor house, grumbling obscenities under her breath and ignoring Lily who attempted to cheer her up. Riley preferred to threaten dismemberment upon Sirius under her breath than listen to Lily spin Sirius Black in a positive light. She stormed through the common room and rushed up to her room where she could scream without anyone thinking she was a dying hippogriff.

Lily watched Riley take her tantrum up the stairs and wandered over to where Kay was comfortably sprawled out, Divination notes in her lap. "Hey, how was free block?"

Kay shrugged. "Boring. You'd think relaxing would be more comforting but after about ten minutes of alone time, I couldn't help but wonder when you guys would be back."

Lily laughed as she chucked her bag full of books and notes to the floor and dropped to the couch beside her friend.

"So why did Riley seem so angry when she came stomping through here?"

Lily cringed. "She got Sirius as her partner in Advanced Transfiguration."

Kay winced and glanced up over her notes to a grimacing Lily. "Uh-oh. That's a tornado just waiting to happen."

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I know," she sighed, frowning. "She mentioned what happened two years ago in class."

Kay sat upright. "_What_? What happened?"

"Er, let me rephrase. She _alluded _to what happened two years ago."

Kay made a face. "Damn, you got me all excited there."

"Hey, even alluding to their fall-out in public is an accomplishment for them," Lily argued.

"What happened between them was more than a fall-out," Kay clarified. "It was more like a break-up."

Lily's gaze fell upon the girls' dormitory steps as she contemplated what possibly could have gone wrong between Sirius and Riley. "I just don't understand why they're so secretive about it. Why the desperate need to keep what happened under wraps? Even to their friends?"

"I don't know. Bad Christmas present?" Kay snickered.

Lily chuckled, shaking her head. "Couldn't imagine what Sirius would have gotten Riley to cause her to hate him so much."

"Don't think it rightly matters. Seems to me she was set on hating him the moment she returned from Christmas break."

Lily wrinkled her eyebrows, trying to think back to that fateful January morning when Riley had returned to Hogwarts. Lily had reflected on that day often, pondering all of the potential reasons that Sirius and Riley could go their separate ways. Riley had been cheerful, ecstatic even, to be back at Hogwarts, laughing and sharing holiday stories with the best of them. It was a few hours later, her mood transformed into sulking and stubborn frustration where she actively avoided talking to anyone. "No, it took her a few hours," Lily clarified. "She was fine upon her initial return."

"What the hell happened then?" Kay whined, the question that had been on everyone's mind for the past year and a half.

"She'll tell us eventually."

"You think so?"

Lily shrugged. "I have no clue but I'm choosing to stay positive."

Kay chuckled. Like that came as any surprise Kay. Lily always was the optimistic one. She yawned and threw her notes on to the coffee table carelessly. "So did you get as much work as I did on your first day?"

Lily groaned. "I think the professors have all gotten together and decided what the quickest way to ruining our lives is. And through constant schoolwork I think they have found it."

"Oh please, like you have ever had a problem finishing all of your schoolwork. You are the person that makes the rest of us look bad."

"I'm not the one who got the perfect score on McGonagall's mid-year exam last year."

"You're never going to let it go that Sirius Black somehow beat the odds stacked against him and took that exam flawlessly, are you?"

"_Sirius_ _Black_ got a perfect score!" Lily whined. "How the hell did he manage that?"

"Because he's bloody brilliant," Kay muttered.

"I think he confounded her."

"You saw the corporeal patronus Sirius cast, did you not? I don't think that could have been influenced by a confounded professor."

Lily merely shrugged, trying not to show the jealousy she was feeling. Patronuses were highly advanced magic, advanced magic that wasn't even on the curriculum, and a guy who probably spent the least amount of time in the library compared to anyone else who attended Hogwarts, and that _included _the professors, was able to provude an almsot perfect patronus. A part of her hated him for being so, as Kay put it, 'bloody brilliant.'

"Speak of the devil," Lily muttered as the Marauders all wandered into the Gryffindor common room, whispering profusely about something. As they sauntered into the room, she wasn't the only one glancing over at them. It was hard not to at least glance in their direction when they entered a room. There was such a poise, a self-assurant grace even, about them that somehow attracted the attention of every single person at that school.

Lily sighed. "They're up to something."

Kay gave her a questioning look. "What makes you say that?"

"Because they're whispering," Lily explained with a scowl. "When they whisper, they don't want other people to know what they're up to. Normally, they're boasting at the top of their lungs, even when they're five inches from each other."

"Huh, good point," she said hesitantly. "Oy, Remus!" He quickly glanced up from his friends in surprise, his gaze lingering on Kay curiously.

"What are you doing?" she hissed.

"Finding out what they're up to."

"Oh yeah, because they'll immediately drop everything and tell you," Lily said sarcastically.

"That's the plan," she snickered, as the four boys slowly and cautiously walked over to them.

"What's up?" Remus asked.

"What are you guys scheming?"

"You mean besides how to torment Evans into a straight-jacket?" James snickered.

Lily gave him a look and rolled her eyes. "Sod off, Potter. That question wasn't directed towards you."

"Yeah, well it was about me so I figured it was alright for me to chime in," he sneered.

"Next time, don't."

"Next time, I'm not going to be bothered to even wander over to you!"

"Then why are you over here?" Lily shot back, crossing her arms firmly.

"Because Remus is an idiot."

Laughter fell from Kay, Sirius, and Peter, but they quickly quieted when they noted the irritation on their friends' faces.

"Well I'm sorry if I can actually have a civil talk with Lily," Remus muttered.

"'Civil' and 'Lily' _don't _belong in the same sentence," James argued.

"Just like 'smart' and 'Potter' don't either, unless you're talking about what a smart-_ass _you are," Lily shot back, rolling her eyes.

"Well, of course my ass is smart. Everything about me is smart."

"And that hasn't gone to your big head whasoever," said Lily sarcastically.

"Jeez, Evans, didn't realize you were so into my body. First, you talk about my ass now you're talking about my head. Just don't go picturing me naked anytime soon. I don't want to be tainted by your virgin eyes, even in your fantasies."

"And now I'm going to go throw up my lunch," Lily murmured, a hint of red appearing on her cheeks.

"So, before Lily proceeds to upchuck her chicken pot pie, what are the Marauders scheming today?" Kay prodded, hoping to change the subject away from the bickering match that was bound to escalated between James and Lily.

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, confused.

"Oh, please," Kay snorted, giving him a look. "You guys are huddled together in utter secrecy which makes me think that you're up to something. So spill. What are you planning?"

"Nothing," they all replied quickly and simultaneously, innocent (or what could only be described as feigned innocence) smiles lighting their expressions.

"Hah, that nothing sounded an awful lot like a something," Lily declared, giving them a pointed glare.

Remus shrugged, nodding towards Sirius and James. "With these two, you can never really tell what they're saying."

"Why?" Sirius demanded. "Why is it I somehow always get insulted?"

"Because you're easy to insult."

"Or just plain easy," Kay clarified.

"Well, _that _I can't argue with," Sirius said, flashing a smile at her.

Lily laughed with the others but stopped short when a thought entered her mind. She hesitated and gazed over at Sirius. "Hey, Sirius, can I ask you a question?"

Sirius grinned. "Yes, I really am this good-looking."

Lily rolled her eyes and threw a couch pillow at him, which accidentally hit James instead ("Dude, don't get me involved.). "That wasn't what I was going to ask but I'll inform all the drooling girls I pass in the hall, 'kay?"

"Perfect! Man, I knew being friends with you would come in handy someday."

"If I hadn't already thrown that pillow, you'd be getting hit with it right now."

"You mean _James_ would be getting hit with it."

Lily made a face at him and rolled her eyes. "Can I ask you my question now before I am interrupted again by another one of your pathetic antics to make all of the women in this school kneel before you and kiss your feet while undeniably worshiping the ground you walk on?"

Sirius hesitated, stroking his chin overdrmatically. "Hm, I'd prefer to talk about all of these kneeling ladies."

Lily shot him a look.

"Ah, fine. Ask away."

"Why do you and Riley hate each other so much?"

Sirius was not expecting that question. He froze, his grin turning immediately into a shocked frown, and looked away from all of the curious faces that were staring at him. He was certain that Lily had probably asked Riley that very same question numerous times without any luck getting an explanation. He could understand why she kept it from them. In a way, a very unintentional way, Sirius had humiliated her in the worst way possible. He broke her heart, hurt her, and exposed a kind of vulnerability often unseen from Riley. That wasn't exactly a side of her she wanted to share with her friends. And in all honesty, he had been a lying, cheating jerk to her and that wasn't a side he wanted to share with his friends.

"Well?" Lily demanded.

James, Remus, and Peter knew not to expect a legitimate response from Sirius. They had pestered him, interrogated him, antagonized him even over what had occurred, but considering the last time they asked the infamous 'what happened' question, Sirius had turned them all into pigs and kept them like that overnight. He probably would have kept them like that longer except he came to the realization that his life was boring without them.

"So…you don't know?" Sirius asked calmly. "Gilmore never told you?"

"No, which is why we thought it was time to ask you," Kay spoke.

"Well good luck trying to get it out of me; I'm sure these three-" nodding in the direction of his Marauder cohorts, "-will entertain you with the details from the last time they tried to get me to answer that particular question. Now if you need me, I'll be in my room plotting the many ways I can ruin Gilmore's life through this partnership I unfortunately have to put up with in Advanced Transfiguration," Sirius barked, the forced smile on hsi face the exact anthisesis of the irritation in his voice. He shot them one last warning glare before retreating up to his room, trying to avoid all thought of Riley with very little luck.

Lily and Kay turned towards the other boyswith questioning looks on their faces.

"He turned us into pigs," Remus sighed.

"And kept us that way," James continued.

"All night."

"We missed breakfast the next morning."

"Didn't have time to shower."

"Almost missed Potions class."

"And I felt the need to roll in mud for the rest of the day."

Lily and Kay exchanged looks and burst into laughter. "Man, I'm sorry I missed out on that!" Lily howled with laughter.

Kay couldn't avoid the giggling fit she had spasmed into. "The many pictures I would have taken," she laughed "And of course posted around the school."

Three identical glares stared back at them. "We know the spell," Remus growled.

"Don't think we won't use it on you two," James scowled. "Actually, that idea sounds pretty good right about now."

"So what did you guys do first as a harem of pigs?" Kay asked in between bouts of laughter, ignoring the threat from James. "Go to market, stay at home, eat roast beef? Or did you just 'wee, wee, wee' all the way home?'" She could barely finish her sentence, another robust laugh rippling through her.

A snort escaped Lily's lips and she couldn't help but be entertained by the slightly peeved, slightly embarrassed looks on the three gentlemen's faces. "Or did you just go in search of a talking green muppet frog singing 'Rainbow Connection?'"

"A _what_?" James retaliated.

Remus shook his head. "It's a Muggle reference. An unfunny one."

"Oh, I beg to differ!" Kay said with a chuckle.

"Differ away," Remus argued, reaching for his wand and twirling it around in his hand. "But first, tell me, do you know anyone who knows the counterjinx to the _Porcuscorruptus_ spell?"

Kay and Lily exchanged another amused look before bursting into laughter once again. Like Remus Lupin would ever willingly use a curse against someone. Lily traipsed off the couch and grabbed Kay's arm. "We'll see you later, boys," she snickered. "Or should I just say 'oink, oink?'" She shoved past the boys and headed towards the girls' dormitory, not before hearing James mutter "I think we're going to regret telling them that story."

The two girls tumbled into their dorm, smiles still adorning their faces. They heard the shower running and could only assume it was Riley, probably trying desperately to wash off the anger she had sprouted from having Advanced Transfiguration with Sirius.

Lily fell back on to her bed with a sigh. "Well, you know what we learned here, didn't we?"

"Never mess with Sirius?" Kay snickered, perching on the end of her own bed with a smile.

"Well, that," she stated with a grunt, "And once again, we've found out that Sirius Black is bloody brilliant."

Kay's eyebrow rose slowly. "We learned that?"

Lily turned to face Kay, propping herself up on her bed with her elbow. "The guy turned a human being into a live animal, Kay. That is advanced magic way beyond the realm of Hogwarts' curriculum. That is on the same difficult level of an Animagus transformation. Both should take up to a couple of years to master."

"Hm," Kay acknowledged, nodding in agreement. "How does one exactly learn the spell of turning a human being into a pig? Or _why _does one learn?"

Lily sighed. "Clearly, Sirius likes to pick and choose the spells he wants to learn around here. He can't be bothered to stay awake during Charms class, but when it comes to Transfiguration, that guy appears to be a genus."

"Not just Sirius."

"Hm?"

"You heard Remus. He, and apparently James, too, know the pig spell."

"Nope, I'm refusing to believing that."

"What are you refusing to believe?" Riley traipsed out of the bathroom in a towel, a scowl still on her face from Transfiguration

"That James Potter is brilliant."

Riley shrugged, rummaging through her trunk for a pair of sweatpants "Hate to break it to you, Lils, but he is. I wasn't surprised when he told me he was Head Boy."

"The kid lives in detention. If he's so brilliant, don't you think he'd do a better job of not getting caught breaking the rules?"

"Oh, they choose to get caught," Riley argued, shaking her head. "To them, anonymity is the cowardly way to go when it comes to marauding. One has got to own up to his troublemaking."

"One owns up too much," Lily grumbled.

"One? Try four," Kay interjected.

Lily sighed, falling back to face the ceiling once again. "If Potter put half as much effort into being Head Boy than he does his troublemaking, I could probably endure the guy. Not that I'm ever going to expect that from him. He thrives on making the lives of others miserable. No consideration towards anyone's feelings but his own. How he landed ihmself a girlfriend is beyond me."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Why is it that our conversations always come back to James' less-than-admirable traits?"

Lily scowled. "I don't appreciate the implication. I don't complain about him that much."

Twin pairs of laughter rippled through the air.

She sighed. "I could really use that _Porcuscorruptus _spell right about now."

* * *

"I am so going to win this game," Sirius said with a grin the next evening, playing Exploding Snaps with Remus. It was either that or start the Potions essay. Naturally, Sirius chose to partake in a game instead.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You say that every time we play and you lose every time."

"This time it's different. I really am going to win."

"Fat chance of that happening."

"Hm…why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?"

Remus stared blankly at him but before he could retort, the door slammed open, causing both Remus and Sirius to emit a yelp.

"You will never guess what Professor McGonagall just told me?" James cried, rushing into the room with a grin plastered on his face.

"Oh thank God, I really thought I would have had to answer Padfoot's question," Remus muttered, ducking from a King of Spaids card sent at his head.

James jumped on to the bed where Remus and Sirius were playing with a giddy laugh.

"AGH!" Remus cried as the cards exploded and his eyebrows got singed. He turned to glare at James. "Must you scare the cards like that?"

James gave him a sheepish grin and leaped up again, crossing his legs in the air and bouncing on to the comforter. "Sorry, but this is much more important than-"

"Being burnt to death?" Remus cried.

Sirius laughed but quickly turned it into a coughing fit at the look on Remus' face.

"Oh, please. You can't die from that game," James said nonchalantly. "Maybe earn yourself a healthy burn that you'll sport for the rest of your life, but you can't die."

Remus glared at him. "I'd prefer not to go the rest of my life with a third-degree burn mark on my face, Prongs. And I'm not so sure there's such thing as a _healthy _burn."

"Eh, tomato, to-mah-to," he said, shaking his head dismissively. "Can you stop focusing on the game and start focusing on me?"

"It's a mystery why that fellow Head of yours calls you arrogant," Remus drawled dryly.

James ignored him. "Can you just please guess what McGonagall told me?"

"That the fifth doctor caved and now they're _all_ recommending Trident?" Sirius teased.

"That you don't have to do rounds for the rest of the year?" Remus said logically, rolling his eyes at Sirius.

Sirius threw a pillow at him. "That Potions has been deemed a pointless class and we all get top marks just for showing up?"

"That Dumbledore is retiring and she's taking over as Headmistress?"

"Ooh! That there's no longer a curfew and we can hex the Slytherins all we want?"

James gave him a look. "I said guess, not _wish_."

"What? It could happen," Sirius said with a shrug.

Blank stares met his gaze.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well you asked me to guess. You should have known I'd say something like that."

"Alas, this is true," Remus sighed. "I'm just surprised it wasn't something sexual."

"Ahh, well that was my next guess," Sirius said with a cheeky grin. "That that broom closet outside the Great Hall has been dubbed Sirius Black's bachelor pad and no one else is allowed to use it except for me."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're extremely perverted?" Remus whined.

"Of course. It's one of my greater qualities," Sirius said, leaning back on his bed in satisfaction.

"You know what one of my greater qualities is?" James demanded, glaring at his two friends. "The fact that I have the ability not to clobber my friends as they go off on a tangent when I'm so obviously trying to tell them something important."

Sirius and Remus snickered. "Oh, alright then. I'll amuse you. What did McGonagall tell you?" Remus asked.

A sly grin spread across James' face as he cleared his throat in anticipation. "I've been made Quidditch Captain!"

Sirius jumped up off the bed with his fist in the air. "YES! No more early morning practices!"

James gave him a sheepish look. "Well actually, Gryffindor's Quidditch tryouts start Saturday at eight."

"God damnit, do I get _nothing_ out of this?" Sirius groaned, falling back on to Remus' bed with a dramatic sigh.

"You get me pestering you to wake up every Saturday morning for the next couple of months," James suggested.

Sirius gave him a look of horror, and quickly crawled over to Remus in order to grab his robes and beg, "Oh please, don't make him do it! I can't wake up at seven-thirty on a Saturday morning! That's some medieval form of torture, I just know it. This guy needs his beauty rest! The girls are not going to go after a guy with bags under his eyes who yawns all the time!"

"You're being ridiculous, Sirius," Remus snorted.

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "Let's face it, even with bags under my eyes and constant yawning, the ladies are still going to want a piece of me."

"Not exactly where I was going with that, Padfoot," he drawled.

"Eh, I read between the lines."

Remus pushed Sirius off of him, turning towards James with a helpless sigh. "Good luck with this one."

"Thanks. I'll desperately need it."

Sirius' brow furrowed. "I think I've just been insulted."

"Whoa, took seven years, but I guess you've finally realized how to use that thing some people call a brain," Remus teased.

Sirius glared at him. "I can't help it if the space inside my heads enjoys cobwebs and dust more than knowledge."

"Well, good luck trying to get a job in the future off of cobwebs and dust," Remus snickered.

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?"

"And what side is that?" Remus snickered. "If I supported you and kept James away from you on Saturday mornings then you wouldn't play Quidditch and then you'd kill me for being forced off the team. A.k.a. lose-lose situation."

"Okay that's it,. You're going to have to start acting dumb around here. I can't deal with all these smart people!" Sirius complained. "I could deal with you being a prefect. But now Prongs is Head Boy? What the hell is happening to the Marauders?"

"Our intelligence is finally biting us in the ass?" James suggested.

"Well, use that intelligence on playing pranks, not getting back at me," Sirius groaned, shaking his head with a deep sigh. "I think I need to find new friends."

"Go for it. But good luck finding guys who will attempt to appreciate your multitudes of sexual innuendos, your dry sense of humor, your need to fulfill all dull moments with some sort of inane conversation, or your endless ridiculous questions that no one will ever want to answer," spoke James with an amused shrug.

Sirius glared at him. "Have I mentioned lately how much I hate you?"

"Nah, you're about five minutes overdue."

"Well, then I hate you."

"Why thank you," he said, leaping off the bed with a grin. He glanced into the mirror to fix his askew glasses, ignoring the mirror telling him to neaten his hair. "Now I think I heard the girls walking down to the commons room when I was rushing through there. Come on, let's go be our usual obnoxious selves."

"Alright! Have I mentioned lately how much I love being your best friend?"

"No, you're about an hour overdue."

"I love being your best friend!"

"Somehow I think Lily, Riley, and Kay think differently," Remus muttered as he followed his friends out of the room and downstairs, hoping to play mediator between the two groups.

* * *

**A/N: **Oooh, problems between Sirius and Riley are brought up once again. Keep reading to find out what happened and what's going to happen between them. Please review!


	6. Of Skippers, Quidditch, & Cupcakes

**A/N: **Okay, sixth chapter up and running. I want to thank all of my reviewers up to this point: marauders-rule, tropicalpunch9812 , ridiculouslyriddikulus, prettypinkpeacock, NJ MacReiley the Helpless Romantic, BackstabberEm, Katie, Lil Miss Alissa, Raven Larka, and catgoddessfreak. Please review!

**Disclaimer: **See previous chapter if you really don't know that I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 6: Of Skippers, Quidditch, & Cupcakes

* * *

"Hey, Lily."

Lily glanced over her shoulder, slowing her pace to Greenhouse 6. "Fabrice, hi," she said, greeting the seventh-year Ravenclaw. "You heading to Herbology?"

"Where else? I'm not much of a skipper."

Lily quirked an amused eyebrow.

"As in classes, not the dainty trot. Or the master of a ship."

She chuckled. "Muggle humor. So unlike a pureblood like yourself."

"I'm not Sirius. I've actually paid attention a time or two in Muggle Studies."

"And when in Muggle Studies were you learning about _skippers_?"

Fabrice grinned, leading the way out of the castle towards the greenhouses. "Ah, alright, you caught me. My brother-in-law is fascinated by the Muggle world. He somehow picks up all of these fun facts and expects us all to listen to him when he provides us with this trivia."

"Well, apparently you do listen."

"It's either that or listen to my sister talk about poopy diapers and mashed turnips."

"I'm really hoping this sister of yours has a baby or I'm feeling just a tad disturbed."

"_You're _disturbed?" he snorted. "I'm seventeen years old and subjected to discussions on poopy diapers!"

Lily chuckled. "I'm more put out over the thought of someone deciding that mashed up turnips would be a good source of nutrition for a baby. Carrots, I understand. Peas even. But turnips? Last I checked, no one wanted to eat a turnip that wasn't mashed up so why ruin an already ruined vegetable?"

Fabrice couldn't help but laugh at Lily's rant. "You're too cute."

She stopped outside the greenhouse, glancing up at him curiously. "Talking about turnips makes me cute? Hm, I'm going to have to remember that one."

"We could always continue this cute discussion of turnips at the next Hogsmeade trip."

Lily froze, meeting his gaze. "Are you asking me out?"

"Yes," he said with a shrug. "Granted, I realize that was probably hard for you to figure out considering I also used the word turnip in the request."

A smile tugged on her lips. "You sure you don't want to be asking Riley this?"

He blushed. "Ah, so you heard about our...er...tryst in the Astronomy Tower?"

Lily shrugged. "Girls don't keep much from each other."

"Look, I have nothing against Riley. I think she's a great girl. A lot of fun and you can't deny she's gorgeous. But she's not the one I'm interested in."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. Well, that was unusual within itself. The attention of all the males in this school was often directed at Riley, overlooking Lily. Not that she minded. She preferred it that way. It made it easier staying out of any sort of Hogwarts spotlight when your best friend was a drop dead gorgeous goddess.

He took her hesitation as uncertainty. "Look, I had sought her out on Sunday to talk about you, if you could believe that. We just ended up...well, not talking much at all."

Lily shuddered. "I don't need the details."

He chuckled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Why do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade?" she dared to ask.

He smiled, enthralled by her modesty. "Because I think you are simply the most intriguing girl I have ever met. You have this way about you that just draws me in. You're beautiful, you're kind, you're so genuine and compassionate, and you put everyone before yourself. It's refreshing to find someone like that at only seventeen," he said as if he had it rehearsed. "I want to know more about you. I want to know _everything _about you."

And that's when Lily's defenses went up. It was that 'everything' that made her nervous. Because she was determined to keep that 'everything' from getting out. She was determined to lead a normal life, not the life of a poor, Muggle orphan. "Fabrice, I just don't-"

"Don't say anything more if it's a rejection," he urged, shaking his head. "I finally worked up the nerve to ask you out and I hate to break it to you, but I'm not leaving without a yes."

"Technically, neither one of us are leaving. Herbology is starting in five minutes."

He smiled. "Did I mention that you have a great sense of humor, too?"

Pink tinted the top of her ears. "Fabrice, I-"

"Don't say no," he said softly, taking a step closer to her with a pleading expression on his face.

Lily sighed guiltily.

Instinctively, he reached over to brush a strand of her beautiful auburn hair from her face. "Look, it doesn't even have to be a date if you don't want it to be. We can go as friends. Just two people wanting to enjoy the other's company."

When she glanced into his eyes, she saw such nerves and anxiety that she felt herself giving in. She couldn't remembre the last date she went on. Most of the time she got asked out, the guys ended up in the hospital wing or had to back out for some reason or another. She wondered if this time would be any different. "Alright," she said with a smile. "I guess I can't say no to enjoying one's company."

"Good," he said eagerly. "Because you will."

Lily quirked an eyebrow.

"Enjoy my company, I mean," he clarified with a grin.

"Ah," she said, smiling. She nodded her head toward the greenhouse. "C'mon, we should go inside. No need to stand out here in the cold."

He followed her into the greenhouse and the two of them parted ways. Lily noticed her friends lounging in the back with a Hufflepuff friend, Alice Fisher, all eyes on her. She sighed. She already knew to expect some teasing from them.

"You two looked rather cozy," Kay suggested, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Cozy?" Lily snorted, slipping into a free seat beside them. "Really? That's the word you're going to go with?"

"I would have said chummy, but that seemed outdated."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Does one of you have the notes from History of Magic this morning? I can't read my handwriting and-"

"Oh, you're not changing the subject," Riley dissuaded, shaking her head. "What did he want?"

"Who?" she played dumb.

Riley shot her a look. "The giant squid in the lake," she spoke sarcastically. "Fabrice, you hussy!"

"You're calling me the hussy when you snogged him in the Astronomy Tower on Sunday?"

Alice snorted, gaping at Riley with a toothless grin. "Well, that didn't take long for you, now did it?"

Riley shrugged, shaking her head dismissively. "To be fair, I don't think it was me he was interested in."

"Yet, he made out with you," said Kay.

"He's a guy, Kay. Of course he made out with me," Riley said matter-of-factly. "I made the first move. What was he supposed to do? Push me away? Doubtful."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, he better not try anything with me on our date. He should know by now that I-"

"Date?" Kay interrupted with a grin, sitting upright. "You two are dating?"

Lily shot her a look. "No, not _dating. _That insinuates plural. We're just going on _a _date. To Hogsmeade."

"When is the first Hogsmeade trip?" Alice asked curiously.

"End of September I think," Lily stated.

"Why?" Kay asked Alice slyly, letting the subject slip away from Lily. "Going to ask Frank to meet you there?"

Alice blushed, slumping down in her chair. Frank Longbottom was her boyfriend of two years. He had graduated the year earlier and was now in the Auror recruitment program program. "No. But if I happen to owl him and let him know that I may be in the Three Broomsticks on a certain weekend at a certain time and if _perhaps _he happens to be in the area for the best butterbeer in the wizarding world and I run into him totally coincidentally, then so be it."

"Ah, yes, how subtle," Riley snickered. "How is good ol' Frank anyway? How many times have you owled him thus far? Ten times? Fifteen?"

"We've only been at school for four days."

"Ah, right," corrected Riley. "So, twenty then?"

Alice smacked Riley on the shoulder. "Once, thank you very much!"

Three pairs of skeptical eyes stared bat at her.

"Alright, twice, but it was only because I had to respond to a question he asked in his last letter!" she said hastily, but her words were drowned out by her friends' laughter. "I can't wait for the lot of you to get boyfriends so I can make fun of you."

Riley opened her mouth, glancing towards Lily with a snicker but Alice interrupted before she could force out a joke. "Oh, who am I kidding? None of you are ever going to land a guy."

"Ouch," Kay whimpered.

"I'm offended," Lily said with a smile, proving taht she indeed wasn't offended. Not even a tiny bit.

"Maybe we're just waiting for the right guy," Riley argued. "Aw, but crap, Fabrice is already taken."

"Oh, he is not," Lily scowled. "It's one date. As in single. In fact, we agreed it wouldn't even be a date. Just two friends going to enjoy each other's company."

"Oh, is that what the prudes are calling it these days," Riley teased.

"You calling my prude?"

"I'm calling you naive, Big Red," she snickered. "I can guarantee that Fabrice is expecting more from this Hogsmeade visit than just _enjoying _your company. He'll have you holding his hand by the end og the night."

Lily scowled. "Why is it that a guy and a girl can't just be friends around here?"

"A guy and a girl can," corrected Riley. "But not Fabrice and you. Not the way he was looking at you, at least. Believe me, Lily, he's back with his friends right now telling them he's going on a _date _with you."

She sighed. "Alright, fine. I'll call it a date if it will make you happy."

"What would make me happy is figuring out who I should take to Hogsmeade," Riley sighed dramatically. "And as cute as Fabrice is, and you'll be happy to hear he's a great kisser, blonde just-"

Lily's loud groan interrupted. "I'm giong to regret calling this a date."

"Isn't my thing," Riley continued, ignoring her. "I much prefer dark, brooding brunettes with smoldering blue eyes." Riley's gaze was staring over Lily's head to the other side of the room.

Alice, Lily, and Kay turned around to see her staring at noneother than Rhett Davies, a seventh-year Hufflepuff Quidditch player (rumor is he was just named Captain). He was the boy next door type of guy, sensible and genuine with a heart of gold. What's more, he had a mesmerizing smile and a very well-chiseled face. It came as no surprise that most of the girls at Hogwarts fawned over him.

"Like Rhett?" Alice smirked. "Good luck with that one. That guy doesn't date much. Flirt? Yes. Date? Not so much."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Hey, it's that unattainable vibe he gives off that's so sexy, is it not?"

Alice shrugged. "I don't see it."

"Liar," Kay snorted. "Frank's not around. You can drool over other guys. We won't tell."

Alice grinned. "Alright, if Rhett Davies came up to me and started flirting, I'd probably flirt back. Let's face it, any levelheaded girl in this school would flirt back."

"And most would jump into bed with him," spoke Riley with a snicker.

"Most already have," Lily corrected, stifling a yawn as she dove into her bag for a quill. Talking about boys wasn't something that necessarily entertained Lily. As odd as it may sound, she preferred Herbology.

"I hear he's seeing Janine Carlson," Alice sighed, sending an apologetic look towards Riley.

"Eh, by the time the Hogsmeade visit comes around, they'll be long over. Neither one of them do well in the relationship department."

"This coming from the Queen of the non-relationship department," spoke Kay.

She shrugged. "Eh, I'm fine with that. Relationships are way too much work. Right, Alice?"

A dreamy smile spread across her face. "Yeah, they're work. But they're also totally worth it."

Riley stuck her finger in her mouth pretending to gag.

An overdramatic sigh escaped Alice's lips. "Just you wait, Riley Gilmore. The day will come for you to fall in love and then-"

"Hell no," Riley muttered, shuddering. "Love is in its own category beyond relationships. A category I have no desire to explore anytime soon. I like being young, carefree, and mostly, I like being unattached."

Alice chuckled, shrugging. "Eh, that's what all the single girls say."

Riley met Lily and Kay's curious gazes. "Is that what we all say?"

"Young? Check. Carefree? Check. Unattached? Check," Kay said with a hearty laugh. "Yep, I guess that's what we all say."

"You realize that all three of you are great catches, right?" spoke Alice with a glint of curiosity in her eye. "I bet you five galleons that all three of you with have boyfriends by the end of the year."

"Is that five galleons each or total?" Riley asked. "Because when the three of us are still single at the end of the year, five galleons isn't exactly divisible by three."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm glad you're choosing our fate, Riley." Not that she minded. The idea that she could be in a committed relationship was laughable. She had too many secrets holding her back from opening up to anyone, much less a guy.

"You're right," Riley sighed. "We should just wait for Divination and return to this conversation then."

She groaned. "Not exactly what I meant."

On the other side of the room, the Marauders had commanded three tables, waving other seventh years off who attempted to steal one of the tables as their own. The four Gryffindor boys were usually the last ones to traipse into class, but whenever Remus was able to drag them all down to class at a reasonable time, James and Sirius insisted on being a nuisance. James was choosing to be his usual bothersome self by sprawling out over one of the tables, resting his head in his arms with exhausted groans every so often. Sirius was leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on another chair, much to the irritation of Remus.

"Why do you insist on being difficult?" Remus whined when Moira Kelly tried to borrow the extra chair for herself.

"Hey, these feet need to be rested for Quidditch," he argued, shrugging. "I'm just trying to do what's best for Gryffindor's chances of winning the Cup this year."

"Ah, didn't realize being lazy was the best chance of Gryffindor winning," he snickered. He his quill into James' side, who let out another groan. "And what's your excuse for napping on the table, Prongs?"

"Uh, I believe Sirius just said it," James snorted, like it was the msot obvious thing in the world. "I'm resting!"

"You're being a brat."

"Alas, that, too."

"He says so modestly," Remus murmured, shaking his head in disbelief.

James sighed, sitting upright as he dangled his legs off the table. "So, when's the next full moon, Moony?"

"Two weeks from Thursday."

Sirius yawned, chiming in with, "We should really celebrate the last September full moon of our Hogwarts careers."

"I'm not going to a strip club."

Sirius pouted. "It's the only way to celebrate a full moon."

"Oh, and why's that?"

He grinned. "You really don't know where I'm going with this?"

Remus groaned, realizing Sirius' implication towards the play on words with 'moon.'

"What, what?" Peter asked eagerly.

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, earning a glare from Remus, but they were all interrupted by James. "Why the hell is Fabrice talking to Evans?"

His three friends swiveled around, straining their necks to glance outside the greenhouse. "Does it matter?" Remus asked.

"No," he murmured, shrugging. "Just wondering. He's standing a little too close to her, if you ask me."

Sirius smirked. "Jealous, are we?"

"Hardly," he drawled. "I was merely curious. Couldn't tell you the last time I saw those two chatting. Guess I just didn't realize they were friends."

"Seems to me he wants to be more than her friend," Sirius sniggered, noting the hungry look in the boy's eyes as he stared down at Lily.

James jumped off the table, scowling. "Why would he be interested in her? Merlin, I hope she turns him down easy."

His three friends smirked, slightly amused by the protective vibe James was giving off. "What makes you think she'll turn him down?"

"She can't go out with a Hufflepuff!" he argued. "They're weak characters, no backbone and way too flaky."

"He's in Ravenclaw," Remus corrected.

James frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Unless he somehow made a house switch since last June, yeah, I'm pretty sure. Aren't you the Head Boy? Shouldn't you know this stuff?"

He shrugged, pushing Sirius' legs off the chair. He ignored Sirius' glare as he swung it around to straddle it. "Eh, I've read the student files that mattered."

"You have student files?" Peter asked curiously.

"Basic information, but yeah. It's supposed to help me promote interhouse comaraderie. Like that's ever going to happen with the Slytherins."

"I'm pretty sure spying on your fellow students by reading personal information about them isn't going to help with interhouse comaraderie either," drawled Remus.

"Oh, don't worry, it doesn't say anything about your furry little friend in your file."

Remus glared at him. "You read my file!"

James hesitated. "No?"

"What does Lily-bean's file say?" Sirius asked eagerly, his eyes lighting up. The girl was a complete mystery to everyone in the school, such a quiet closed book when it came to her personal Muggle life. He couldn't help but be a bit curious.

James sighed. "Alas, she's the only student's file I'm not allowed to read. According to Dumbledore, we're supposed to get to know our fellow coworker the old-fashioned way: by _talking _to each other."

"Aw, lame!"

"Yeah, you're telling me."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "Sometimes, I question Dumbledore's decision to make you Head Boy."

"Sometimes?" James snorted. "I question it all the time."

A shadow loomed behind them. "Personally, I think James being Head Boy was the best decision our dear Headmaster has ever made," Kristina spoke, dropping on to James' lap with a grin. "There's something so sexy about a person in a position of power."

"Hah, or maybe you're just glad to have a private bedroom all to yourselves," said Sirius.

"Hm, well yes, there is that," she sniggered, pressing her lips lightly to her boyfriend's. "So do I listen to what the gossip is saying about you, Mister Potter? That your Head Boy title isn't your only position of power this year?"

James grinned, slinging his arm around her waist. "The gossip chain speaks the truth. Yours truly has been appointed Quidditch Captain."

Kristina squealed. "Aw, congratulations! No one deserves it more than you."

"Ahem!" Sirius cleared his throat.

Kristina shot Sirius a withering look. "I think the Quidditch team is better off without you as their Captain, Sirius. You'd choose sneaking into Hogsmeade or sleeping in on a weekend morning over adhering to a strict practice schedule."

Sirius grinned. "You so get me."

"Potter!"

James groaned, glancing behind Kristina. "Yes, m'dear?"

"Don't call me that," Lily snapped. "I just wanted to remind you you're supposed to be meeting me in the library tonight at seven-thirty to go over the agenda for tomorrow's prefect meeting."

"How many times do you need to remind a bloke in one day?" he sighed. "You mentioned it at breakfast this morning, said it in passing while leaving History of Magic, asked Remus to remind me at the lunch table, and you're at it again. I get it, Evans! We have an eight o'clock sharp meeting in the library to discuss tomorrow's-"

"Seven-thirty!"

"What?"

"Seven-thirty sharp, Potter. _Not _eight o'clock."

James furrowed his brow. "Are you sure you didn't say eight o'clock earlier?"

Lily's hands migrated to her hips furiously. "This is why I remind you ten times. I'm hoping at least one of those reminders will actually resonate in that empty head of yours."

"Remus, she told you eight o'clock before, didn't she?" James argued, ignoring Lily's insult.

"Er..."

"Well, Remus?" Lily interrogated, her eyebrows shooting up.

"Er..."

"Oh, it doesn't matter," James muttered. "I'll meet you at seven o'clock."

"SEVEN-THIRTY!"

James grinned. "That time I was just teasing you."

"I'm not interested in being teased, Potter. I'm interested in a partner who actually takes the time to listen to me," she snapped. "How is it you can memorize an entire page of notes on Galiphey the Giant and recite it back to Binns but you can't manage to remember a simple time to meet with me."

He shrugged. "Selective hearing, Evans. I choose to read up on giants. And I choose to not care about anything you have to say."

"James," Remus warned.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't James me," he snapped, his gaze still focused in on an irate Lily. "She's like this annoying little gnat who buzzes around me at the most inopportune times. Go buzz elsewhere, Evans."

"How is this an inopportune time?" she grunted. "You're not doing anything."

"I was planning on using the lst few seconds of class to snog my girlfriend, if that's alright with you."

Kristina grinned, ruffling up James' hair. Lily shuddered. "You can't keep it in your pants until after class? No one wants to see your repulsive PDA."

"I want to see it," said Kristina with a giggle, leaning back against James comfortably.

"See it? Nah, I want to partake in it," James teased, winking at his girlfriend.

"Our Head Boy, ladies and gentlemen," Lily drawled sarcastically.

It was that moment that Professor Janosy wandered into the greenhouse. "Miss Reinhart, I do believe there are other chairs available for you. I suggest you climb off of Mister Potter's lap and find one."

She snickered but regretfully hopped off.

"Seven-thirty, Potter," Lily hissed before retreating back to her own friends.

"Yeah, yeah, seven o'clock it is."

Lily's groan could be heard all the way from greenhouse 1.

* * *

"Please explain to me why I am at breakfast at seven on a Saturday morning?" James mumbled, stifling a yawn.

"Because you're the imbecile who decided it would be fun to go out on the Quidditch pitch an hour before tryouts," Sirius grumbled. "And if you recall, I believe I told you you were an imbecile. Numerous times. And yet somehow, you're still sitting here."

"Yeah, well so are you."

"Because you dragged me out of bed!" he whined. "Literally!"

James grinned, reminded of the way he had grabbed a hold of Sirius' legs and pulled him from underneath his sheets into the bathroom where he proceeded to spray cold water into Sirius' face. "You told me yesterday you were planning on joining me."

"That was before I realized how early seven o'clock was," Sirius mumbled into his eggs. "And you should know by now to never take me seriously."

"Ironic, considering your first name."

James shoveled the last of his toast into his mouth and grabbed his broom off the table. "C'mon, let's go."

"Oh whoopee, can't wait," Sirius said dryly.

James scowled.

"Er...and by that, I meant YAY! I'm _so_ excited!" Sirius exclaimed feigning enthusiasm.

"Don't think I won't make you run an extra five miles."

"Right. Shutting up now."

They strolled out to the Quidditch pitch, welcoming the early morning cold chill filling the air. The sky was clear, the sun melting the dew from the grass, as a gentle breeze worked its way through the autumn air. Fall had come early that year, a hint of reds and oranges peeking out from the trees lining the Forbidden Forest. Just the week before, humidity and heat had taken over all of England and now, students were digging into their trunks for their House scarves.

They emerged from the Quidditch clubhouse in their Gryffindor Quidditch gear and with matching grins, jetted off the ground to once again ecapture their Quidditch calling. They rode around separately, in silence, as they embraced the excited chills running down their spines just glancing into the empty stands. Their hearts fluttered as they took notice of the pristine hoops and the House banners proudly waving off to one side of the pitch. They reminisced on past years and hoped for an even better year. They grew somber as they realized this was their last year playing for Gryffindor, wishing to hold on to those moments of exhilaration and triumph as long as possible.

Eventually, Sirius pulled out the Quidditch equipment and started smacking some bludgers around, pride at his position of beater coursing through his veins.

"So, who was the girl last night?" James asked casually, running in and out of the hoops as he made his way over to his friend.

"What?" Sirius asked, distracted by the club in his hand.

"The girl you snuck up to the Astronomy Tower last night."

Sirius glanced over at him with a grin. "Remus told you?"

"Of course."

He laughed, offering curt shrug to his friend as he slammed the club against a bludger heading their way. "Janine Carlson."

"I thought she was dating Rhett Davies."

Sirius shook his head, a look of irritation passing over his face. "Nah, Davies has got nothing compared to me. She left him the moment I said hi to her yesterday."

James rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but laugh. He knew that the toughest competition in the flirting department was Rhett Davies and Sirius was always trying to one-up the guy. Personally, James didn't rightly care about Rhett's personal life but somehow, Sirius always made it his business to go after any girl who seemed interested in Rhett. "I'm beginning to think that everyone was right about you," James chuckled, finishing up his hoop routine and flying over to hover next to Sirius, who was keeping an eye out for the bludger in the far distance.

"About what?" Sirius asked curiously.

"About you being a sexist womanizer," James snickered, quickly zooming out of Sirius' reach as he attempt to smack James over the head with his club.

Sirius chuckled. "And who exactly are you hearing this not-so-secret information from?"

James shrugged. "Oh you know, Evans, Riley, Kay…_every_ girl I pass in the hallways."

Sirius rolled his eyes and stopped flying around James long enough to scowl. "And since when did you decided to join the gossip chain of Hogwarts?"

"Don't be silly," James waved him off. "There is no gossip chain of Hogwarts. Hogwarts _is_ the gossip chain."

"Ah, and here I thought it was established as a _school_."

James gave him a look. "Yeah, a school for teenagers. They had to have thought that over the years, it would quickly change from a school into one big gossip column."

"I didn't realize a school that was created 1,025 years ago was supposed to be on the lookout for gossip."

"Yeah well you should know," James snickered. "You appear to be the editor of said gossip column."

"Nah, I don't write the gossip," Sirius was quick to correct. "I _am_ the gossip."

"Hm, sad but true. How long do you think it will take before your rendez-vous with Janine is spread around the school?"

"Hm, it's seven-thirty in the morning right now so..." Sirius trailed off, pretending to work the question out in his head. "My guess is, seven-thirty-five?"

James chuckled, grabbing the beat out of his best friend's hand and preparing for the bludger that was now zooming towards them. "Did you ever think that this was the guy you'd turn out to be?" he pondered, smacking the bludgerclear across the pitch.

"Nice. You could have been a beater if you weren't so-"

"Great at being a chaser. Yeah, yeah, so I've been told," James muttered. In fact, James was great at all of the positions. Whenever he played in his backyard with his family and the Gilmores, even as a kid, he would switch among all of the different positions and somehow still be triumphant. Everyone always seemed to want him on their team. "Now, answer the question."

"What guy do you think I turned out to be?" Sirius deflected.

He shrugged. "Oh, you know. The Slytherin-shunning, Gryffindor-embracing, womanizing, overabundant pranking, sex crazy, illegal Animagus transforming, family-disowning, rebellious troublemaker that you are?"

Sirius stopped flying, staring at his friend in amusement. "Gee, I'm a badass, aren't I?"

James snorted. "To sum up, yes."

Sirius made his way back down to the ground, putting the bludger away with a slight struggle before grabbing the quaffle and chucking it up to James. "So which part was I not supposed to turn out like, Prongs?"

"I never said this wasn't who you were supposed to be. I wondered if it's who you _expected _to be."

He frowned. "Considering I was a Dark Arts supporter until I was ten-years-old, no, James, this isn't the person I thought I would be," Sirius said coolly. "I thought I was destined to be a Death Eater, marry someone my mother chose for me, hex people in the hallways for the fun of it, and go on with my life with the worst set of morals a person could have."

James cringed. "To be fair, you still hex people in the hallways for the fun of it."

It was his attempt of lightening the situation up, but Sirius merely rolled his eyes. "Well, if I were to retain one of those predictions I just quoted, I guess hexing the innocent isn't so bad."

James fell silent. When Sirius put it that way, it made James realize that perhaps Lily had been right all those years. Perhaps they did share similar qualities to some of the Slytherins. He shook the thought out of his head. The innocent people he was hexing _were _the Slytherins. And damnit, they weren't exactly innocent.

"What about you, Prongs?" Sirius steered the conversation away from himself. "Do you think things turned out the way you expected them to?"

James snickered, passing the quaffle back to his friend. "I have a girlfriend, Black. So no." A girlfriend who isn't the redhead he thought he'd end up back when he was eleven, but it was a girlfriend nontheless.

Sirius roared with laughter, juggling the quaffle in his hands as he so often did to show off. "Here I am, talking about how I went from a Dark Arts advocate to a Gryffindor-supporting, Voldemort-shunning, stand-up guy when you clearly had the biggest change of all from the non-commitment type to, gasp, now in a relationship!"

"Really? You're calling yourself a stand-up guy?"

James ducked as the quaffle was pelted at him.

"Stand-up guys don't go around chucking quaffles at their friends!" James cried out, racing after the quaffle before it hit the ground.

"As if I care if _you _think I'm a stand-up guy," Sirius joked, gesturing for Jame to throw him the ball. "Pretty sure Janine thought I was a stand-up guy last night, so your insults mean nothing to me."

"Pretty sure Janine just wanted some ass and could care less if you're a stand-up guy or not."

Sirius sighed. "Alas, that probably is true."

James snickered, throwing his friend the quaffle. "When did you decide to take on the role of Hogwarts Casanova?"

"This coming from the guy who was just as much a Casanova before he delved into the relationship world?"

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just wondering if it's us that makes our own choices or if somehow, life provides these choices to us."

"This is a rather deep, philisophical conversation for seven-thirty in the morning, Prongs."

Jame shrugged. He knew it was a tad deeper than the conversations he as used to sharing with his friends, but after the prefect meeting (the disastrous prefect meeting that ended up with both he and Lily storming out angry), he couldn't help but wonder where he and Lily went so wrong. They had had their differences, that much was obvious. And granted, it probably all stemmed from the chocolate sauce incident (and incident to which he will never fully forgive himself for doing; maybe the two of them would have had a chance if he hadn't made a fool of himself on that initial encounter), but somewhere down the line, the teasing and petty arguing turned into extreme distaste and even hatred. He saw it every time he looked into her eyes. Her beautiful, sparkling emerald eyes. The girl thought he was scum. And somewhere down the line, he started believing she was just as annoying as she thought he was. He had taken a year off from the bullying and the troublemaking and the teasing, but last year on that balcony, it becamse obvious to him she would always just see him as scum. And so be it. If she thought he was scum, he didn't need to have anything to do with her. "Yeah, well I am Head Boy now. I should probably start showing some signs of intellect," he urged, grabbing the quaffle out of Sirius' hands.

Sirius chuckled. "Wouldn't want Miss Evans to just see you as some sort of useless Casanova, now would we?"

"We just went over this. I'm not the Casanova, you are," he whined.

Sirius attempted to swipe the quaffle back with no luck. James was too quick for him. "To answer your question, it wasn't I who chose the role of Casanova. But it wasn't life either," he contemplated, a grin breaking out. "My dashing muscular body and the way my hair flips over to the side of my face like this did that."

"Or was it the moment you and Riley parted ways?"

Sirius froze in mid-air, ducking just in time as to not be hit by the quaffle James chucked his way. "What is that supposed to mean?"

James raced after the ball. "I don't know. I just always thought you guys would end up together. I think everyone thought that. I never would have imagined you two could go from the pair of friends you were to being at war with each other. I just can't help but wonder if the ending of your friendship somehow pushed you away from any girl thereafter."

"Gilmore doesn't have that much of a hold over me," he snapped.

"She used to."

"Things change, Prongs."

James gave him a look. "Well, gee thanks for being specific."

Sirius forced out a grin. "That's what I'm here for."

James sighed, flying circles around Sirius' head just to annoy him. "Alright, so I didn't expect you to just tell me outright what had happened. And honestly, it's none of my business," James explained dismissively. "But whatever it is that happened between you two isn't healthy. You guys deserve better than this feud."

"Maybe, but this feud dictates our relationship now. Not much can be done about that."

James frowned. "I think you miss her and I think she misses you but both of you are letting your stubborn pride get in the way of doing something about it."

"This has nothing to do with pride," Sirius corrected, not bothering to deny that perhaps a part of him missed her. But it wasn't he who had to provide forgiveness. "This has to do with right and wrong. And it was the _wrong _that did us in." _Did me in_.

"Hm, now we're getting somewhere. Pray tell, what went so wrong?"

"Oy vey, Prongs. Just drop it," he snapped.

James sighed and shrugged. "Fine, but not because I want to. But because the rest of the team is arriving and I have a speech prepared before the tryouts can commence."

"I have never been so glad to sit in a stuffy locker room and hear you ramble on about how we have to win this year or you might just die under the humiliation of Slytherin."

James rolled his eyes. "Race ya," he grinned as he quickly took a head start.

"NO FAIR!"

* * *

"I can't believe you are dragging me down to the Quidditch pitch to watch a bunch of talentless, immature Potter-wannabes suck up to that headcase as they attempt to show off whatever no-good broom skills they have," Lily grumbled, lagging behind her two friends as they traipsed down to the pitch to watch Quidditch tryouts. Strolling out of the Entrance Hall, Lily could see the stands crowded with bright red and gold scarves. Clearly, they weren't the only three Gryffindors planning to watch Quidditch tryouts.

"Gee, tell us how you really feel," Riley snorted, rolling her eyes. "I think you can spare a minute or two from your precious library table to watch a few kids make fools out of themselves."

"I'm sure these _kids_, as you so put it, are nervous enough without hundreds of judgmental eyes on their every move."

"Oh, you exaggerate," Kay interjected. "There aren't hundreds of us watching. Maybe twenty. Thirty, tops."

"Oh, yes, twenty or thirty watchful eyes are much better," drawled Lily sarcastically.

"C'mon, there's Remus and Peter," Riley said, climbing into a set of bleachers that housed the two boys. "Lily, it is a beautiful day out. A beautiful day that you will not enjoy holed up in the library."

"One can enjoy a beautiful day even from the inside," she pouted, dropping to the bench beside an amused-looking Remus.

"What did these two bribe you with to get you down here?" he sniggered. "Chocolate raspberry torte?"

"You think that's how much I'm worth? Chocolate raspberry torte? I'm not that easy."

"We just stole _Little Women_ from her," Riley clarified with a grin.

Remus cringed. "Ouch. Hitting Lily where it really hurts, eh?"

"You do realize you can just buy another copy, right?" Peter suggested.

Lily's heart skipped a beat. Yeah, she could buy another copy. But that version wouldn't be the one her mother passed down to her as a little girl, advising Lily it was her favorite novel. After her mother had died, the first thing Lily did was open that novel and read it. And ever since then, when she got bored or upset or angry or frustrated, the first thing she would do is huddle underneath a blanket and crack that novel open. It was one of the only things she had left that reminded her of her mother. "But then I'd have to break the binding in again and it took me far too long to do that to the first copy," she argued with a forced smile.

"Your attachment to books is disheartening, Lils," sighed Riley.

"I find your attachment to Quidditch disheartening."

Remus chuckled. "Don't go saying things like that around James or Sirius. Words like that will earn you a trip to the hospital wing."

"Hah," Lily snorted. "_Any_ words make them feel justified in sending someone to the hospital wing."

"Oh, come off it. They're not that bad," argued Remus.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "They stunned Mulciber last night just because he stepped on Sirius' foot. Which, by the way, was not only an accident but didn't even include words! Apparently _silence _makes them feel justified in sending someone to the hospital wing as ell."

"He wasn't sent to the hospital wing," he corrected. "That prat friend of his, Avery, provided the countercure only minutes later."

"Ah, right, so that makes it okay?"

Remus squirmed uncomfortably. He knew it was a lost cause. He tried to defend his friends as much as possible but in hindsight, Lily was often right about them.

"So, do any of these Gryffindors look promising?" Kay asked, recognizing that Remus needed a subject change.

The tryouts had only just begun, but most of the Gryffindors trying out for the team had shown up a few minutes early to take a few practice rides around the pitch.

"Some. Not many. There are a group of girls who I'm sure have never even been on a broom before today."

"Why are they trying out then?" Riley groaned.

"What else? They want to be up close and personal with a certain Quidditch Captain and his good-looking beater best friend ."

"Hm, didn't realize Randy Cattano was James' best friend," Riley mused, scratching her head curiously.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Not exactly the beater I was referring to."

"Well, then you must be referring to a beater on another team."

"You might find the guy less than charming, but I doubt even you can deny he cleans up nicely."

Riley shuddered. "Oh, I'm denying it. I'm denying it a hundred times over."

"No, you're _in _denial," Kay corrected. "There's a difference."

"So why exactly are we out here to watch two guys that you nor I can stand show off their less than impressive Quidditch skills?" Lily interrupted, glaring at her best friend.

"Beautiful day, Lils. Focus on that."

"Besdies, you may loathe your fellow Head Boy with the fire of a thousand suns, but you can't deny the boy has skill," Kay was quick to argue.

"I don't hate him with the fire of a thousand suns," Lily huffed.

Four bouts of laughter chimed together.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Maybe a _hundred _suns. Five hundred, even. A thousand might be stretching it."

"Ah, my mistake," Kay drawled sarcastically.

Riley snickered, turning back towards Remus. "So, besides the gaggle of giggly girls, anyone-"

"Try saying that three times fast," said Kay.

"-else look promising?" Riley finished, ignoring the obvious joke made by Kay.

Lily sighed and tuned out the conversation on potential Gryffindor Quidditch players. She could care less about it anyway. It's not that she hated Quidditch. In fact, she rather enjoyed watching the sport. And if it a Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or Slytherin match, she always got into it. She hated watching Gryffindor matches due to pure jealousy. Jealousy stemming from the grace, speed, and elegance that James Potter portrayed as a chaser. He had such a drive about him, a boastful drive but a drive nonetheless, that made it impossible not to follow him with your eyes. He made the game look so easy. And so a part of her, a part of her she had yet to even understand, was jealous. She knew that her place wasn't up in the air with the best of the flyers that Hogwarts had to offer, but she wished she could do some of the tricks and maneuvers that James so elegantly completed. He was by far the best player of the game at Hogwarts. No one could deny that.

She blushed and quickly turned away when she caught James' eyes and suddenly pretended to be interested in the debate about which Quidditch team was bound to take the Quidditch World Cup that year. Riley swore it would be the Winbourne Wasps with Ludo Bagman's unbeatable skills. Remus suggested the Vratsa Vultures who had acquired one of the best keepers in all of Quidditch just last August. Kay wanted it to be the Holyhead Harpies believing in the all female team. Peter was on Remus' side, although Lily wasn't entirely sure if he was just saying that because he didn't have a team to root for or because he really felt strongly for the Vratsa Vultures.

James' attention was thrown in the middle of separating the groups of Gryffindors into four different groups when a glistening head of red hair caught his eye. Sirius had to nudge him before his attention was diverted back to the task at hand: picking a team.

"Alright, listen up!" James shouted, once the groups were separated. "Sirius and Drew will take the first two groups to that side of the pitch to run some keeper drills, including blocking, dodging, and broom tricks. Dezzy and Cattano will remain with the other two groups on this side of the pitch practicing some intricate chaser skills. These are to consist of sprints, strategic feints, and the obvious catching and throwing techniques. I'll be flying around and watching for a number of different things: your ability to fly and your broom handling is obviously number one, your skill set and your speed and poise are the next thing on my list, your ability to work under pressure is important to the team, and your willingless to listen and take direction is key. Try not to overthink the directions I provide. Just go out there and do your best. Most of all, just have fun with it." He turned to Sirius and Drew, nodding for them to lead the way.

_Thank Merlin for my teammates_, James thought an hour into tryouts. Not because he couldn't decide who was the best picks for the team (he pretty much could tell who would be the best fit within the first ten minutes), but because he was distracted the entire time by the curious redhead in the stands. She had never expressed much interest in Quidditch. Sure, she would be at the matches for a little while cheering her chosen team on and he's oven occasionally hear her partake in a conversation with her friends about the different Quidditch teams fighting for the Quidditch World Cup, but he was beyond confused as to why she would bother to show up to his tryouts.

And why she couldn't seem to keep her eyes off of him.

"Ginger, Harriet, Kara, Tina, and Ivan!" James cried out to the clumsy second and third year students. He watched as they tried shifting their brooms over to him with very little luck. "Thank you for coming out today, but I don't think it will be a good fit. However, I encourage you to continue practicing your broom and Quidditch skills and perhaps try out sometime in the future. You can never do too much practice as my older brother once told me. Who knows? Maybe one day it will lead you to the position of Captain of the Gryffindor team." It was a bold-faced lie, but he was just trying to be nice and let them down easy.

Ivan looked disappointed as he sulked off, but the four girls still had smiles on their faces. It was obvious they cared nothing about Quidditch and everything about the Gryffindor Captain.

Lily was in awe of the way James handled himself, both in terms of running the tryouts and handling those who failed to make the team. Dare she say it, he was actually mature about the whole thing. Which was shocking within itself. Maturity wasn't something James had ever seemed to grasp before.

"Oy, Lily!"

She turned to face Riley, jumping from her train of thought. "Hm?"

"Just because you didn't want to come shouldn't mean you ignore us when we ask you a question," she whined.

Lily rolled her eyes. "What was the question?"

"Do you think James is going to choose Dedalus or Brad for the position of Keeper?"

She froze, shrugging awkwardly. Truth was, she hadn't been paying much attention to those actually trying out. "Er...I think I'm a bad judge of character when it comes to the positions in Quidditch."

"Yeah, that, and you can't seem to stop staring at James," said Remus with a casual shrug.

Lily glared at him, ignoring the intrigued stares forming on her two friends' faces. "I've been trying to figure out the best way to hex him on that stupid broom of his without actually letting him plummet to his death."

"Hm, not willing to let him die?" Remus asked curiously. "That's a step up for you."

"Ha ha," said Lily flatly. "Oh, you crack me up, Remus." While she was clearly being sarcastic, there was a hint of a smile on her face.

He shrugged. "Hey, if it helps, the guy can't seem to stop staring over at you either."

"I'm not sure what that's supposed to help."

"It certainly helps piss Kristina off," Kay sniggered, nodding her head towards the opposite side of the stands where Kristina sat with her Ravenclaw friends. Based on the frustrated look on her face, Remus wasn't the only one who noticed James' stares, most of which weren't targeted towards her.

"Let's just hope he's not this distracted during the actual matches," Riley interjected. "He's the best player on the team. We need his head focused on winning."

"Aw, he could win a game singlehandedly even if Lily and Kristina were distracting him with a Jell-O wrestling competition in the middle of the field," Kay giggled.

Remus opened his mouth but Lily cut him off. "Don't get any ideas!"

He chuckled, shutting his mouth with a sheepish grin.

"Why the hell not? I would pay to see you roll in some Jell-O, Evans."

Lily stiffened, glancing behind her at her fellow Head Boy who was hovering ever so gracefully on his broom.

"I'd even let you choose the Jell-O color."

"How thoughtful of you," she drawled. She stood up, noting that the tryouts had just ended as the Gryffindors students dispersed and the pitch was left fairly empty, less the other Gryffindor team members who were enjoying the freedom of flying again after a long summer away. "C'mon, I've got a novel to steal back," she muttered, gesturing for her two friends to start walking.

Riley and Kay sighed but obliged, leading them out of the bleachers. Lily started to follow and while he kept his eye on her until the last possible second, James turned back towards his teammates.

"Y'know, Potter," Lily said, calling to him on a whim. He whirled around and she shrugged curiously, "If you acted as authoritative and showed just half of the leadership skills you seem to possess as Quidditch Captain with your Head Boy position, you wouldn't be half bad." She offered him a sly smile before linking arms with a shocked Kay and skipping out of the bleachers.

James' mouth dropped open, his eyebrows shooting upwards. When he was able to acknowledge what she had just said, he whipped his head around to face the Gryffindors who were sharing that same bleacher with Remus and Peter. "Did everyone hear that! That was a compliment, right?"

"Oh, wipe that goofy grin off your face," Remus chuckled, shaking his head. "She may have been complimenting your Quidditch Captain skills but she was still putting down your Head Boy skills. You've got a long way before that girl gives you an actual compliment."

James' smile merely widened as he did a flip on his broom, rejoining Sirius back in the air. "Hey, guess what!"

"Hm?"

"Lily Evans just complimented me!"

Sirius froze mid-air, turning to face his friend. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound like her. You must have misheard her."

"No, there are witnesses. Moony and Wormtail included."

"REMUS! PETER!" Sirius shouted. "DID LILY-BEAN REALLY COMPLIMENT JAMESIE?"

Remus merely groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"LILY EVANS COMPLIMENTED JAMES? AS IN JAMES POTTER?" the voice of Dezzy Potter (as in James' younger and only sister) screamed out from the other side of the pitch. She immediately threw Drew Gilmore (yes, as in Riley's younger but not only brother) the quaffle and zoomed over to where Sirius and James were hovering. "That can't be right. You sure you heard her correctly?"

James frowned irritably. "Yes!" he argued, attempting to throw one of the alternative quaffles he had in his hands at her. She managed to catch it with a cheeky grin. "There were witnesses! Remus & Peter included."

"ARE YOU SURE YOU HEARD HER CORRECTLY!" Drew's voice boomed out over the pitch.

"THERE WERE WITNESSES! REMUS AND PETER INCLUDED!"

"REMUS & PETER, DID LILY EVANS REALLY COMPLIMENT JAMES?" Drew shouted.

"I'M GONG TO BE SWITZERLAND ON THIS ONE AND STAY NEUTRAL!" Remus grumbled.

A bunch of blank stares faced Remus.

He groaned. "YOU SHOULD REALLY ALL PAY ATTENTION MORE IN MUGGLE STUDIES!"

"I don't get it," Sirius said, confused. "What does Switzerland have to do with the far-fetched lie James created about Lily complimenting him?"

"IT WASN'T A LIE!" James argued, grabbing the club out of Sirius' hand and attempting to smack a bludger his way with little luck. "PETER, HELP ME OUT!"

"Er..." he said, blushing as he was put on the spot. "SORRY, I'M GONG TO PLAY THE SWITZERLAND CARD, TOO!"

"COWARD!" Sirius laughed, chucking a bludger at his friend's head. Peter emitted a squeak and ducked.

"SO WHO THINKS THE SWISS SLAYERS HAVE A SHOT FOR THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP THIS YEAR!" Randy Cattano shouted as he halted his zooming in and out of the hoops.

He ducked as two quaffles and a bludger went soaring towards his head.

* * *

After an afternoon he spent ignoring his schoolwork and instead spending time with Kristina out on the grounds, he trudged into the Gryffindor room that night with a stifled yawn. He searched for his friends and when he didn't see them, wandered up to their dorm room. He was discouraged to find it empty. He sighed before traipsing back down to the common room. His eyes sought out Riley who was lying on the floor by the fireplace, a textbook in front of her but she was clearly more interested in painting her fingernails.

"Hey Riles."

"Shh, don't distract me. I'm trying to paint a devil on my left thumbnail."

"Do I even want to ask why a devil?"

She shrugged. "All I have is red."

"Ah, yes, and a simple rose is overdone, correct?"

She shot him a look. "Do I look like someone who wants a rose imprinted on her fingernail?"

Jamse chuckled, stooping down to join her on the carpet. He summoned a pillow with his wand and leaned up against the wall with a yawn. "Where is everyone?"

She made a face, still trying to concentrate on her devil. Which was just beginning to look like a large blob. "Not sure. I only know that Lily is in the library holding some tutoring session for a few second-years, a.k.a. torturing them. Other than that, I have no clue where they are." She hesitated and then looked up at James. "Though I did hear Black walk through here earlier mumbling something about how he was sore all over from the tryouts this morning so I wouldn't doubt if he was hiding from you."

James laughed. "What a coward."

"You don't have to tell me that," Riley snickered.

"Will you please tell Sirius, however, that Evans did indeed compliment me this morning?"

Riley snickered. "You think that was a compliment? No, that was her backhanded way of telling you to shape up as Head Boy."

"She said I was authoritative and that I had leadership skills! Riles, she said I had _skills_. Skills! That word alone holds weight worthy of a compliment."

"Man, you are reading way too much into this."

"Hey, even if it was some backhanded compliment, it was still a compliment. And at this point, I'm going to take it."

"She still hates your guts."

"Eh, I think I'm warming up to her."

Riley quirked an eyebrow. "What makes you think that? The biscuit she threw at your head during lunch when you told her you forgot about the scheduled meeting you had this afternoon? Or the names she was calling you under her breath in the library earlier as she herself scraped together the minutes from Thursday's meeting to give Dumbledore when you didn't show up?"

James pretended to ponder her question. "I think it was the biscuit."

Riley rolled her eyes and closed the top of her nail polish, blowing on her thumbnail. "Seriously, James, stop skipping out on her. You're better than that."

He made a face. "Maybe I'm not better than that. I skip classes all the time. So why shouldn't I skip a silly rendez-vous with Evans? It's not like I was missed. The girl would have taken over and done it herself anyway."

"Yeah, but at least you would have put in an effort."

"Look, you don't think I wonder why the hell Dumbledore chose me for the job? I'm sure anyone would have been better at this job than me. You should really be taking this up with him."

"You might pretend to be a pretentious, troublemaking, rebellious prat, James Potter, but I've known you for eighteen years. And as much as that's the side you show on the outside, there's another guy below the surface. A _better _guy than the guy you've been acting towards Lily."

James frowned, shaking his head irritably. He couldn't even argue with her because he knew she was right. But after what had occurred between Lily and him the year before on the balcony and then again on the platform, he had been putting in an effort of keeping his distance from her. For her sake. The girl already hated his guts. And him being in her presence was clearly just making it worse. So yeah, he probably could be a better guy. But that better guy was just trying to make it better for Lily. By giving her what she always wanted: leaving her alone. "What are you doing here alone on a Saturday night, anyway?"

"Wow, way not to be subtle with your subject change."

He shot her a look.

She chuckled. "Alright, fine, we can steer the conversation away from her," she sniggered. "And can't a girl enjoy some alone time on a Saturday night?"

"I just assumed you'd be on a date or snogging some bloke in the Astronomy Tower or prowling the corridors for the single males around here."

"Ah, you assumed wrong, m'friend," she spoke. "Besides, most of the eligible males around here are, alas, not single."

"Nah, you've still got some unattached first years," James argued. He grinned. "And Sirius."

She shuddered. "I'd start dating first years before I even go near that guy."

James laughed. "That's borderline pedophilia."

"Better than borderline lower-my-standards-for-a-Class-A-jerk."

James sighed, shaking his head skeptically. He would never begin to understand what had occurred between his two best friends nearly two years earlier. Mostly because they had no desire to let him understand. He wanted to question it, but knew better than that. "So you want to spend the night at the kitchens with me stuffing our faces with junk food just for you to complain about eating too many calories later on?"

Riley grinned. "You know me so well," she teased. "Where's Kristina tonight? Shouldn't you be spending your Saturday night with her?"

"She's apparently going out with the girls for, I'm sure, a fun-filled guys bashing night."

Riley raised an eyebrow. "You think that's what girls do when we get together? Bash the opposite sex?"

He shrugged, climbing off the floor. "Well, other than sit around in their underwear reading magazines, give each other facials and manicures, and play truth or dare with a heavy focus on _truth_, yeah, that's pretty much what you do when given the opportunity."

Riley groaned. "Man you've got a lot to learn about women."

James shrugged, pulling her to her feet. "Yeah, Kristina tells me that everyday."

Riley rolled her eyes and followed James out of the commons room. "And yet she's still with you?" she asked. "The sex must be really good."

James made a face, nodding in the direction of his sister and her friends as they traipsed back towards the Gryffindor common room. "Thank you for being so crude."

"No problem. It's part of my charm."

"Why do the guys go for you again?"

"My smoking hot body."

James chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "Or perhaps it's just your sense of humor."

She pouted. "That wasn't a joke!"

James burst into laughter, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close to him in a tight squeeze. She groaned, trying to push away from him even though his grasp was too firm. The unfortunate downside of having Quidditch-toned muscles.

"Why did I continue to be your friend even after that bully on the playground by our house called me a cootie lover when I sutpidly told him you were my best friend?" Riley whined.

James let Riley out of his grasp with a chuckle. "Blimey, how old were we then? Five?"

"Just about."

A smile crept on to James' face. "Oh man. Those were the good old days," he murmured nostalgically, thinking of all the memories they shared.

"Oh, sure, the days where our older siblings would ditch us to play Quidditch on their toy brooms with the other neighbors, we enjoyed playing pranks on the Muggle kids at the playground, we had water balloon fights until the dark of night in the summer heat, and stayed up all night in our treehouse before church on Sunday where we would proceed to fall asleep in the middle of Pastor Clark's sermon and then get in trouble with our parents. Merlin those _were_ the days," Riley said sarcastically.

James' smile deepened. "Yes," he said softly. "Those were the days."

She glanced up at him, surprised to hear such a somber tone in his voice. "What's up, Jamesie?"

He made a face. "Don't call me that," he whined.

She laughed. "Alright, so not everything about the past was great," she teased, referring to the nickname she used to call him as a kid.

"Do you ever miss it?"

"Miss our siblings ditching us, the childish pranks we played on non-wizarding folk, getting pelted with water balloons, and being punished for falling asleep in church?" Riley pondered. "No, not so much."

James cracked a smile. "I just meant our childhood in general."

"I know," she said softly, glancing up at him. "And yes, in a way, I think everyone misses the innocence that came with being a child. What was going on in the wizarding world, the turmoil and the potential war threats and Voldemort's scheming and his vicious followers, it all meant nothing to us. We didn't have to worry about growing up or the future or what the wizarding world meant for us as full-fledged adults. We didn't have to focus on being Quidditch Captain or Head Boy. Whatever leadership skills we may have had back then held no weight. The only thing that mattered were toy brooms and water balloons and treehouses."

James could only nod reluctantly, her words resonating everything that was going on his mind.

"Then again, I bet toy brooms and water balloons and treehouses are all that really matter to you now, too."

He laughed, shoving her against the wall as they turned the corner.

"Ow!" she whined, rubbing her shoulder. She rushed to catch up with him. "I'm going to pretend that was an accident."

He chuckled and wrapped his arm leisurely around her shoulder. "The only thing that matters now that_ hasn't_ changed since we were five years old is you, Riles."

Riley smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder with a content sigh. "Back at ya," she said. She grinned as they approached the fruit bowl painting. "_Jamesie_."

"Don't make me shove you again."

She winked playfully at her oldest friend before tickling the pear. She gestured to him to enter the kitchen and she quickly followed. They were met by two other people.

"Sirius?" James said.

Sirius dropped the cupcake in his hand to the ground and held up his arms. "I swear I wasn't hiding from you!"

"Worst liar ever," Riley snorted.

"Don't you have some guy's life to make miserable?"

"Don't you have some bimbo to snog?"

"Because that never gets old," Remus muttered from the seat behind Sirius. "You guys want some cupcakes?"

Sirius groaned. "But _we_ made them," he whined.

Three identical skeptical stares met his gaze.

"Alright, so we asked the house elves to make them. It's nearly the same thing."

"Without the intense labor that goes into finding the ingredients and actually making the batter. Oh, and of course the annoying task of cleaning up," James pointed out with a shrug.

Sirius glared at him. "As my friend, aren't you supposed to be on my side?"

James rolled his eyes. "What side? I was just making a point."

Sirius grinned slyly. "Well okay. And how about I make a point now?" And he threw a cupcake in James' face.

James froze as the cupcake slowly started sliding off his face to the floor. "You…are…_dead_," he grunted slowly with a hint of a smile. He grabbed a cup of milk on the table in front of Remus and chucked it in Sirius' face.

"AGH!" he cried.

"Hey, that was mine!" Remus pointed out.

James grinned. "Well, here have some more," he cried, throwing the rest of the gallon in his face.

Remus spit out the milk in his mouth and let it drip on to the rest of his clothes. "That's not exactly what I meant."

"Oh, sorry, he clearly misunderstood," Sirius said dismissively before smashing a cupcake in Remus' hair. "But here's a cupcake to go with your milk."

Remus stared at Sirius blankly. "Well gee, thanks for the dessert."

"But James is looking a bit dry, don't you think?" Remus grinned, running to the refrigerator and grabbing a carton of orange juice.

"Don't you dare think of throwing that at the Head Boy or you're-" but he was interrupted as a stream of orange liquid was thrown into his face. "Dead," he finished. He spat out the orange juice and reached for the flour. "Try getting all of this flour out after it sticks to the milk!"

Remus tried ducking as a white cloud of baking product was flung at him. He groaned when it hit him square in the face. He wiped his eyes, his gaze suddenly falling on Riley who was still hovering in the portrait hole. "You know who looks like she needs a makeover?"

"Oh this looks like more of a Marauder kind of thing," Riley said in a panicked voice, backing quickly towards the exit.

"Oh no, I assure you, it's more of a Whoever-Is-In-The-Kitchen kind of thing," James explained. "And I think someone needs a hug!"

"I take back what I said earlier! You don't matter to me!" she shrieked as a dripping wet James started chasing her around the kitchen.

In the process of trying to avoid James, she ran smack into Sirius who enjoyed crushing two cupcakes into her hair. She froze and glared at him. "Oh, don't think you're getting away with that!" she cried, grabbing the chocolate sauce from the open refrigerator and squirting it in his direction. But he ducked and it hit Remus instead.

"AGH! What did I ever do?"

"You got me involved in this little food fight of yours!" she giggled, laughing as James suddenly hopped on to her back with a "Got ya!"

"Oh right," Remus said, licking some of the chocolate sauce off from underneath his lip. "Ooh yum."

"Speaking of chocolate sauce, where's Kristina?" Sirius asked, wiping away the frosting off his face.

"Aw, gee, did you really just make that correlation?" Riley whined.

"She's out with the girls tonight," James explained again.

"Ahhh, so bashing on guys?" Sirius replied.

Riley turned to James. "I see where you get it."

James grinned while a confused expression spread across Sirius' face. "What? Get what? What does he get?"

"His stupidity about women," Riley explained matter-of-factly.

"Ohhhh," Sirius responded. He paused. "Huh?"

"See what I mean?" Riley smirked.

"I feel like I should be offended or something," Sirius stated slowly. "But I have no idea what you're talking about so instead, I'm just going to lick this chocolate cupcake off my face."

"Oh, that's attractive," Remus laughed, as Sirius started using his tongue around his mouth to get off all the chocolate.

"Yes, I know I'm attractive," Sirius teased, grabbing a towel off a rack. "The ladies all know it, too."

"Except me," Riley pointed out.

"Eh, you'll warm up eventually."

"Yes, but by that time your hair will be receding, you'll be wearing fake teeth, and you'll be walking hunched over with a cane," Riley shot back.

Sirius gasped. "My hair will _never _recede!"

"Oh sorry, my mistake," Riley drawled sarcastically.

"I have a feeling you're being sarcastic but I'm going to let it go because now I'm worried about my hair," he pouted, patting the top of his head with a worried look on his face.

Riley sighed, turning towards James. "I think I would have been better off prowling the corridors for single males."

"I'd suggest you could do that now, but I'm not sure you'd be able to get a date with two chocolate cupcakes mashed into your hair and your robes sticky with orange juice."

"I wouldn't have orange juice on my robes if _someone _didn't insist on jumping on me."

"Y'know, orange juice and chocolate cupcakes would make for a grreat perfume," Sirius interrupted. "I would be all over a girl, well a sane girl who isn't Gilmore, who wore an OJ-chocolate perfume."

Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at him.

He grinned. "Who wants more cupcakes?"

* * *

**A/N: **Hey there! I hope you like that chapter. I enjoyed writing that last scene. Just goes to show how much fun these characters can be! Please review.


	7. Of NonDates, Sexy Curves, & Dickwads

**Disclaimer: **If I were J.K. Rowling, I don't think I'd be writing on a website would I?

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 7: Of Non-Dates, Sexy Curves, & Dickwads

* * *

Lily was busying herself with Potions notes and a raspberry scone at breakfast a few weeks later, ignoring her two friends prattle on about the chances each House had of winning the Quidditch Cup. Her eyes were skimming the affects of Amortentia on a person when a shadow loomed behind her.

"Hey, Lily."

Her heart skipped a beat as she glanced up at Fabrice. "Good morning, Fabrice."

"I don't know much about the 'good' part considering it's Monday," he said with a hearty laugh. "But good morning to you, too."

Lily smiled, noting that the talk of Quidditch had suddenly died down beside her. She could feel a slight blush form on her cheeks. "How are you?"

"Well, considering I spent my entire Sunday in the library trying to perfect my transfiguration skills of turning water into fire and failed miserably, I could be better," he sighed. "Any chance you know the tricks of the trade?"

"Alas, Transfiguration is not my forte. But-"

"Oh, she's being modest," Riley interrupted, shooting her friend a look. "She has some free time after lunch today if you'd like-"

"Riley, I think you were better off discussing the slaughtering that Gryffindor will do to Hufflepuff when they meet up on the Quidditch pitch," Lily barked, the blush from her cheeks now extending to her ears.

Fabrice chuckled. "I think slaughtering is an understatement," he chimed in. "After they lost Jeffries as their Seeker and Longbottom as their Keeper, the Hufflepuff team doesn't have a strong player to call their own. Not like the Potter duo and Sirius."

"Oh, please don't go saying things like that aloud," Lily sighed. "Those two do not need their heads to swell up any more than they already are."

"Alright, steering the conversation elsewhere," he agreed with a smile. "I heard a rumor that the Hogsmeade trip will be taking place this weekend?"

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "Ah, and where'd you hear such rumor? From perhaps the notice on the bulletin board in your common room?" she teased.

"Okay, so maybe it wasn't so much a rumor as it was fact."

Lily couldn't help but laugh. His eyes twinkled in amusement, his smile beaming. "Rumor or fact, yes, this Saturday will be the first Hogsmease visit of the year."

"Any chance you might still be interested in accompanying a bloke like myself on said Hogsmeade visit?" he asked. "As friends enjoying each other's company, of course." he hastily added, knowing she'd be more willing to say yes to a simple stroll into Hogsmeade with him than if he were to classify it as a date.

Lily was trying desperately to ignore the giddy smiles breaking out on to her two friends' faces, that same pink tint from earlier appearing on her own face. "I think your chances are looking pretty good," she spoke.

He grinned, not even trying to hide his delight. "Great. So I'll pick you-"

"Yo, Fabio," a familiar booming voice announced, coming up behind the guy.

"Fabrice," Remus muttered, shaking his head at James. Sirius and Peter were right behind them.

"Whatever," James drawled. "Six years at this school didn't teach you that the Hufflepuff table is on the other side of the room?"

"Er...why does it matter that the Hufflepuff table is on the other side of the room?" Fabrice asked, confused.

Remus groaned, shooting James a look. "We've been over this. He's a Ravenclaw."

James frowned, glancing at Remus curiously. "You sure?"

"_I'm _sure," Fabrice interrupted, rolling his eyes. "And I was just leaving, Potter." He turned back to the girls with a smile. "See you ladies in Transfiguration?"

"Where Lily would be glad to help you turn water into fire," Riley interjected, laughing as Lily smacked her shoulder. Fabrice merely chuckled, heading back to his own table.

"Can't you ever mind your own business?" muttered Lily, glaring at her friend.

"Why the hell is that guy always loitering around you?" James demanded, his eyes following Fabrice through the Great Hall where he met up with his friends at his own table.

"Does it matter?" Lily snapped.

James frowned. "Hufflepuffs are weak, spineless characters-"

"Good thing he's a _Ravenclaw _then."

He hesitated. "Are you sure? I could have sworn-"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just another demonstration of how you can't possibly acknowledge anything or anyone around you that has no direct correlation to you."

"This argument is getting old, Evans," James said, rolling his eyes. "I get it. I'm arrogant. You've told me once or twice or ten times before. No need to remind me."

"Oh, wow, something you actually listened to," said Lily in mock awe. "I'm rather impressed."

"I listen plenty. Maybe not always when you blabber on about something unimportant, but what do you really expect? I don't particularly enjoy wasting my ears on a long-winded insult."

"Last I checked, reminding you that Fabrice was a Ravenclaw and not a Hufflepuff wasn't an insult."

James shrugged. "Either way, he's weak and spineless. You don't want to be associating with yourself with weak and spineless characters, do you?"

"I associate myself with you, do I not?" Lily snapped. "Not by choice, mind you."

A flicker of irritation appeared in James' hazel eyes. "I may be a lot of things, Evans, arrogant included. But what I am not is weak nor spineless. And I think you know that."

"Ah, how defensive you get when I insult you, but it is apparently acceptable for you to insult Fabrice, a guy you barely know?"

James opened his mouth to retort but found himself without a good comeback. Mostly because she was right.

"Yeah, she got you there, mate," Sirius finally spoke, a grin breaking out.

James glared at him. "Shut up, Sirius," he grunted. "What was he even doing over here?"

Kay grinned. "Well, he wasn't getting snogging tips from Riley, that's for sure," she said, getting an equally furious glare from both Riley and Lily.

The four boys were wearing identical looks of confusion.

Riley let out a light chuckle. "No, he was certainly not here for me. He was here to ask Lily-"

"Who we choose to converse with is none of your concern, Potter," Lily interrupted, stuffing half a scone in her best friend's mouth before she could continue. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to finish my breakfast in peace which I know not to expect with you in my near vicinity."

James rolled his eyes, curious as to what Fabrice could have possibly wanted to ask Lily, but knew better than to interrogate further. "Fine. But only because my eyes have spotted a chocolate chip muffin at that end of the table." Without another word and a quick gesture to his friends, they were trotting down to the opposite side of the table much to the relief of Lily.

She patted Riley on the back, who was choking on part of the scone Lily had stuffed in her mouth. "Next time, don't be so quick to inform Potter about my personal life and I won't feel the need to forcefeed you a scone."

* * *

"Lily, I refuse to let you leave this room with your school robes on," Riley insisted, standing in front of the door to block her from exiting.

"What's wrong with my school robes?" she asked, frowning.

"You are going on a _date_," she reminded her.

"Not a date."

"With a really cute boy!" Riley urged, ignoring her. "Who will probably be looking gorgeous in some dark-colored button-down collared shirt and a sexy pair of jeans. You can't show up in your _school robes_."

"I like my school robes," she argued, glancing into the mirror behind her. "They're comfortable. And they'll keep me warm. It's been fairly cold out and we'll be outdoors for a good portion of the day. It's cloudy, so there's-"

"Stop talking about the weather," Kay groaned from where she was lying on Lily's bed.

"No, let her get it out now," Riley argued with a snicker. "Because Merlin knows if you start talking about the weather with Fabrice, that date will be doomed."

"It's not a date!" she whined.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Now, let's find you some jeans and a cute sweater to wear. Do you still have that green sweater I gave you?"

"The one you gave me two years for Christmas, to which I have yet to wear because it's about two sizes too small and shows off way too much cleavage?"

"That's the one."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not wearing that, Riley."

"Hm, we'll see about that." she muttered, rummaging through Lily's closet.

Lily sighed, dropping into her desk chair with a defeated sigh.

Twenty minutes later, Lily was dressed in that green sweater Riley had suggested with a compromise of throwing on a warm sweater vest lined with fauz fur at the top. She had a fresh coat of make-up on at the insistence of her friends and her red hair was twisted up into a casual ponytail. Lily couldn't remember the last time she felt so awkward. And yet, for the first time in a long time, she felt pretty.

"And now I'm running late," Lily muttered irritably, rushing around her room for her bag. "I'm supposed to be helping to check out the students before they go into Hogsmeade. Where the hell is my checklist?"

She eventually dound it in one of her desk drawers and hurried out of her bedroom. She groaned when she saw James with his cohorts and Kristina all sprawled out on the couch in their shared common room. "Shouldn't you guys be down in the Entrance Hall getting ready for the Hogsmeade trip?"

James quirked an eyebrow, noting that for the first time since he saw her at King's Station she wasn't wearing school robes. "Shouldn't _you_?"

"Riley was delaying me," she grumbled. "What's your excuse?"

"We'll get there," Sirius said with a stifled yawn. "We like to show up fashionably late."

"Potter, you're supposed to be assisting with the check in and check out process," Lily reminded him with a scowl.

"The boy said we'll get there and we will," James retaliated with a shrug.

"I'm sure you will. Conveniently after the last student has been checked out," Lily muttered under her breath, gesturing for Riley and Kay to follow her out.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Evans," he sighed, kissing Kristina on the cheek before climbing off the couch. "We're coming."

"We are?" Sirius whined.

"Just think, Sirius: Zonko's."

He shrugged. "I do need another fake wand. I can't recall where I've left it but I'm sure another student is going to be rudely awakened the next time he tries to do a spell and his wand turns into a chicken instead."

"And people claim that you're supposed to be bright?" Riley snorted, coming up behind Lily. "I'm surprised you've kept a hold on your actual wand thus far."

"Yeah, I'm mildly surprised, too," said Sirius with a grin.

"It's how he plays pranks," Lily muttered. "Without his wand, he's nothing."

"Not true," he argued, dragging himself off the floor once James poked him in the shoulder with his own wand. "I would still have my animal magnetism and ruggedly handsome good looks."

"Don't forget your modesty," Remus snorted, rolling his eyes.

Sirius grinned. "That, too."

The eight of them filed out of the common room, Lily choosing a rather quick pace, letting James and Kristina lag behind.

"So, Miss Lily-bean, any particular reason you've decided to show off your very sexy curves today instead of your usual school robes?" Sirius asked, quickening his own pace to meet theirs as Remus and Peter hovered in the middle of the two groups, knowing enough not to bug Lily but no wanting to get caught up in whatever hand-holding session James and Kristina were planning on sharing.

Lily frowned, ignoring the blush spreading to her cheeks. "First of all, take your eyes off my so-called sexy curves, Black. Second of all, blame Miss Gilmore for that one. Third of all, why do you care?"

"Don't blame me, blame Fabrice," Riley muttered.

Sirius' ears perked up curiously. "Ooh, why are we blaming Fabrice?"

Lily shot Riley a furious glare. "Must you have such a big mouth?"

Sirius' eyebrow perked upward. "Don't tell me our Head Girl has a date?"

"No, it's not a date," Lily retaliated, shaking her head. "Just two friends strolling into Hogsmeade to enjoy each other's company."

"I don't know why you're so determined to label this as a non-date," Riley sighed, shaking her head. "The guy is clearly into you."

"I don't want to lead him on. I'm not interested in dating anyone right now, Riley."

"Your sexy curves says otherwise."

"SIRIUS!"

He grinned. "I can't help but stare, Miss Evans. I'm a typical teenage guy and you are a very good-looking teenage girl. You can blame my hormones if you'd like."

Lily halted at the end of the hallway to glare at him. "Don't make me turn you into a pig, _Mister Black," _she mocked the way he used her surname so formally.

He laughed, shaking his head at the feisty redhead. "I know the countercurse."

"A lot of good that will do without opposable thumbs and a human voice."

He shrugged dismissely. "Nah, I can do it nonverbally."

Lily's teeth clenched, wanting to throw a horrid comeback his way, but too focused on the fact that he could potentially produce an advanced countercurse by just using his mind. She narrowed her eyes curiously at him. "Is that a challenge?"

"Why so testy today, Lily-bean?" he questioned, ignoring the question as he continued to forge ahead towards the Entrance Hall. "Most people who are getting ready to go on a date are normally in cheerful moods. You, on the-"

"It's not a date."

"-other hand, are the exact opposite. Pray tell, why the irritation?"

"I'd rather not have you discussing my _curves_, Sirius," she retorted with a shudder. "I've known way too many girls at this school who have been on the end of your leering stares and it didn't turn up in their favor. The bathroom stalls have enough insults against you, there's no need to add my own."

Sirius sighed. "You should really learn how to take a compliment."

"And you should really learn to keep your eyes above a female's _neck_."

He threw his hands into the air in defeat. "Alright, fine. I'll finish off this lovely stroll by staring solely into your eyes." He then, being the playful guy that he was, reached out and wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulder and forcing her to stare into his own sparkling eyes.

Lily laughed, shoving him off of her. "You're such a prat, Sirius."

"You're lucky you have beautiful eyes, Lily-bean!" he cried out after her, jogging backwards to meet a quite entertained Remus and Peter.

Lily wasn't surprised when she got down to the Entrance Hall and it was already packed full of eager students all chatting about their afternoon Hogsmeade plans. She also wasn't surprised when she turned around and James was nowhere to be found.

"Probably holed up in a broom closet to snog that girlfriend of his," she muttered to herself as she greeted McGonagall and the caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, at the front of the crowd. She started the process on her own, trying her best to sway the topic of James' whereabouts off of McGonagall's tongue. She was furious when he finally did show up and flashed his usual charming smile, claiming to break out a first-year fight between two boys (which Lily had no doubt he had most likely started) and McGonagall didn't bother scolding him.

Lily blushed as Fabrice walked towards her, nodding for his friends to walk ahead. "Hey, Fabrice. How are-"

"Keep walking, Fabio," James' arrogant voice interrupted. "We've got people to check in here."

Lily glared at her counterpart. "I'm pretty sure you just spent ten minutes chatting up Fabian as I checked in the rest of the student body."

"That was different."

"How so?"

"Well, for one, I actually like Fabian."

Lily shot him an irritated look before turning her back against him, cringing at the sight of Fabrice's irritated scowl. "At least the dislike is mutual, James."

James narrowed his eyes at the Ravenclaw. "I wouldn't get on my bad side if I were you."

"Was that your best attempt at a threat?"

"Boys, behave," Lily warned, acknowledging McGonagall making her way over to the three of them. After six years at Hogwarts, the professor was probably a pro at noting when a Marauder fight was about to break up.

"Run along, Fabrice," James suggested, nodding his head in the direction of the village.

He frowned, meeting Lily's gaze. She sighed and turned towards James. "No, he can stay here. He's with me."

Shock displayed on James' face. "Come again?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "You heard me. Now, it looks as if Kristina is waiting for you so why don't you go drag her along to Hogsmeade and leave the two of us alone?" In all honesty, she just wanted him to get away from her so that she could enjoy her Hogsmeade trip without him breathing down her neck.

James frowned, disappointment lining his eyes. "Yeah, alright," he muttered defeatedly, his eyes not straying from Lily's as he wandered off to meet with Kristina.

"Sorry about him," Lily apologized with a grimace. "He can be a right foul prat when he wants to be."

"Yeah, I've noticed," he muttered. The irritation was quickly replaced with glee. He extended his arm to her. "Shall we?"

She grinned, linking arms with him. "We shall."

James watched as the two of them sauntered down the leaves-covered pathway, their cojoined laughter ringing in his ear. He made sure they were out of both earshot and eyesight before he grabbed Kristina's head and headed off into the village. Kristina's friends trailed behind with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, all choosing to poke fun at the sickening lovey-dovey couples that were walking hand-in-hand into Hogsmeade. Gideon Prewett and Marlene McKinnon looked ready to jump each other at any moment, never sparing a minute with their lips unattached. Kyra was riding Cody's back, her infectious laughter bringing a sense of joy to all those that listened.

"Even our friends are sickening," Jacqueline Halls grimaced, watching James lift Kristina's hand to his lips and kiss it. Kristina giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning into him with a content sigh.

"To be fair, James has always been sickening," Sirius argued with a grin. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the couple. "Watch this: _Electrikula_!"

Laughter ensued from the group of friends, minus a mildly embarrassed Remus, when both James and Kristina cried out in pain as an electric shock ran through their arms and separated them from each other.

James turned around to glare at them. "Just because you're all alone and jealous doesn't give you the right to _shock _us," he snapped, his eyes not able to hide the amusement he was trying to shield in his tone.

"First of all, we are not alone," Sirius reminded James as he wrapped his own arms around Jacqueline protectively and drawing her closer to him. She blushed, smiling as she placed her own around his waist. Sirius thought it might be convenient to just ask Kristina's best friend to Hogsemade and was glad when she agreed. "Second of all, what the hell am I supposed to be jealous of? The baby talk? The lovey-dovey stares? The slobbering kisses? The-"

"Slobbering?" Kristina interrupted. "Nah, you've got that one all wrong. James knows what he's doing in that department."

James grinned and made a show of grabbing Kristina and dipping her backward, letting his lips run playfully over hers.

"Yea, yeah, we get it. You're suave when it comes to the ladies," Sirius said, waving his hand dismissively. "Now, move along! We've got some fake wands to get to."

James flipped off his best friend but gladly skipped on ahead, wrapping his arms once again around his girlfriend.

"You're cute and all, Jacqueline, but please don't expect the same mushy treatment from me," Sirius sighed, winking at the beautiful girl.

She shuddered. "Sirius, I'm pretty sure everyone in this school knows you don't do mushy. I wouldn't have agreed to go with you to Hogsmeade if I wanted anything mushy."

Sirius grinned, kissing the side of her face gratefully. "You so get me." He continued to let his arm linger around her waist and Jacqueline didn't protest.

"Is that Lily with Fabrice?" asked Remus curiously, noting the redhead up ahead with the Ravenclaw.

Sirius nodded. "They're going on a non-date."

"A non-date?" Peter question.

He shrugged. "I have no idea what that is but she was very quick not to classify it as a date."

"Looks like a date to me," Shana huffed, nodding in their direction as Fabrice wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders casually and led them towards Honeydukes.

Remus met Sirius' eyes and mouthed, 'Don't tell James.' Sirius nodded knowingly. Even if James was dating Kristina, Sirius had no doubt in his mind that if James could somehow get involved and put an end to whatever Lily and Fabrice could potentially have together, he would.

Which is why Sirius wasn't surprised one bit when James steered Kristina directly into Honeydukes.

"I don't think I'll be trying anything blood-flavored anytime soon," Lily chuckled as Fabrice tried to tempt her with a blood-flavored lollipop.

"Hm, good to know you're not a vampire," he said with a smile, placing the lollipop back on the shelf.

"Was that a suspicion of yours?" she teased.

"Hey, in the wizarding world you never know who you're dating," he argued. He hesitated. "Or non-dating. Either way, you've gotta be careful who you're putting your trust in. Last summer I tried to make friends with the new neighbors just to find out they were a pack of werewolves. My mother was quick to drive them out."

James wasn't paying attention to Kristina cooing over the exploding bon-bons. He was too busy biting his tongue as he listened to Fabrice insult the werewolf breed.

"Now, that's not fair," Lily objected curiously, her eyes migrating towards the sugar quills. "You didn't even know them. It's not their fault they had gotten bitten."

Fabrice shrugged slowly. "Yeah, I know," he said dismissively. "But my mother was just trying to protect her family. She didn't want even the slight possibility that the werewolves could attack us."

"Not all werewolves have the drive to attack."

Fabrice frowned. This wasn't where he was expecting the conversation to go. "I'm not sure my mother was willing to take the chance to find out what kind of werewolves they were."

Lily hesitated, wondering if he had a point. "Y'know, there are people in the wizarding world that would love to put restrictions on Muggleborns if given the chance."

"What does that have anything to do with?"

"Werewolves are discriminated against unfairly," she explained. "And so are Muggleborns. Both of us are judged by blood and not our abilities. It's a load of crock if you ask me."

Fabrice reached for a sugar quill and teasingly tickled her chin. "You're absolutely right, Lily. My mother didn't give them the chance they probably deserved."

James nearly gagged. That was so obvious Fabrice's way of sucking up to Lily and by the look of gratitute in Lily's eyes, she was buying it.

"I'm going to buy this for you," Fabrice said, holding up the quill. "A sweet girl deserves a sweet treat."

James' gag reflex once again was put into motion as Fabrice ignored Lily's attempts at dissuading him and headed to the counter. James glanced over at Kristina who was busy picking out chocolate goodies to send to her father and used that time to step into Lily's view.

She met his gaze briefly before turning his back on him, hoping he would take the hint. He didn't.

"You're really on a date with this guy?"

"Non-date," she snapped. "And it's none of your business." She shot him a look before attempting to walk off.

He frowned, his eyes resting on Fabrice at the front of the shop. "He's a pureblood supremacist," he hissed.

Lily stiffened, whirling around with a curious gaze. "Were you listening to our conversation?"

James froze, groaning inwardly. "It's a small store. I simply overheard."

"Go overhear someone else's conversation," she barked, glaring at him before heading over to meet Fabrice.

He grabbed her arm out of instinct, leaning over and pressing his lips rght up against her ear. "He's not good enough for you, Evans," he whispered. "You deserve better." He slyly let go of her arm and with a curt nod and a sad smile, he made his way back through the crowd towads his girlfriend, leaving Lily standing there alone and completely confused.

* * *

The Three Broomsticks was packed full of students, as it often was on Hogsmeade weekends. The Marauders had claimed their usual table in the far corner of the room, hidden away from the scrutiny of the professors and giving them a narrow view of those entering and exiting the pub without being noticed themselves. Most people would assume the Marauders would be taking up a table in the exact center of the establishment, but they enjoyed remaining undetected at time. They were playing a rather loud game of Exploding Snaps, much to the irritation of Rosmerta, the barmaid, as the cards nearly singed one of the wooden beams holding up the ceiling.

"Don't you guys have somewhere else to be?" she requested as she brought them another round of butterbeers.

"Aw, Rosie, you miss us when we don't show our faces around here," Sirius said, lifting his butterbeer in her honor.

"I miss trouble and an extensive amount of commotion?" she pondered. "No, I think you've got it all wrong." But she winked at her favorite patron as she returned to the bar.

"We don't make that much of a commotion," Sirius argued, ducking as a loud explosion filled the room with a play made by Kristina.

Remus' eyebrow perked slowly, ignoring a glare their table earned from Professor McGonagall who was enjoying a drink with Slughorn and Flitwick. "We don't?"

Sirius grinned, downing half his butterbeer. "We wouldn't be the Marauders if we didn't provide a bit of noise wherever we went."

"Ah, yes, noise does seem to follow you boys around," Kristina agreed. "But alas, us girls need to stray from said noise."

James pouted, grabbing her arm before she could retreat from the table. "Don't you want to share another drink with us?"

She smiled at him, pressing her lips firmly against his (earning a resounding 'ew' from their friends). "I love that you want to spend so much time with me, but I've got some new dress robes awaiting me at Gladrags."

"Excuse me, yours isn't the only date you're breaking up," Sirius said with a mock pout.

Jacqueline blushed slightly and leaned over to whisper something in his ear. By the way Sirius' eyebrows climbed up slowly on his face, his mouth dropping open slightly, they all had a pretty good feeling she was letting Sirius know what he could do to her upon her return.

She finally leaned away from him, hopping off the bench and blowing him a kiss as she skipped out after her two girlfriends.

Sirius grinned, glancing down at his cards impishly. "The girl plans on running her tongue all over me later."

"We didn't need to know that," spoke Remus with a sigh.

"Hey, that was the PG version. You want Rated R? She plans on-"

Peter threw down a matching Ace of Hearts that erupted in Sirius' face.

Sirius yelped, practically falling off the chair with a laugh. "Jealous, Wormy?"

"Nope, just wanted to shut you up."

The table roared with laughter, earning them another glare from the table of Professors. James grinned sheepishly and was about to call out to dear Minerva, who was getting up from her table with her two coworkers (presumably to get away from the Marauders), when James' eye caught a head of red hair sauntering into the pub. He frowned at the arm that was resting a little too low on Lily's hip from a certain Ravenclaw. His frown deepened when he noted the way Fabrice's eyes grazed Lily's arse as she walked ahead of him to meet her own friends to a table not too far away from his. He strained to listen to their conversation, ignoring the debate on who they should attempt to hook Peter up with.

"Looks like you two have been busy," said Riley, pointing to the bags in both Lily and Fabrice's hands, from Honeydukes to Zonko's to Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop.

"Yeah, and in need of butterbeer," Lily agreed, slipping on to the bench beside her friend.

"I'll grab some. You ladies need anything?" Fabrice asked Riley, Kay, and Alice, dropping his bag beside Lily.

"We just refilled," Kay responded, pointing to her half-full glass.

He nodded and wandered off.

"So?" Riley asked Lily eagerly, her eyes lighting up. "How's it going?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't you all have someone else's non-date to inquire about?"

"No," the three responded in unison.

She laughed, shrugging. "It's going fine," she answered reluctantly. "We're having fun together."

"Fun, hm? Might this lead to _more _fun?" Riley questioned suggestively.

"I guess you'll have just have to wait to find out."

James frowned at this response, irritation flickering from within. His eyes followed Fabrice as he made his way to the bar, meeting up with his friends Zach Hamilton and Trent Hemingway on the way. James muttered that he was going to get another drink to his own friends, not that they were paying attention, before slipping out of the bench and trying to inconspiciously follow the two males to the front of the pub.

"So, what do you think?" Trent asked, his voice quiet and curious. "Lily going to put out at all?"

James' fist clenched, instinctively reaching for his wand in his back pocket.

"Oh, she will after I'm done with her," smirked Fabrice. "I just have to get her up to the Astronomy Tower tonight and the girl will be putty in my hands."

Fury rose to James' eyes.

"Oh, come off it," Zach chided. "The girl's a prude. You don't stand a chance."

"You're just jealous because you never got your chance to snog her," Trent sneered.

"Hah, it's not just snogging I'm interested in," Fabrice spoke, grinning.

"Like that girl is going to give you anything else. You'll be lucky to get a peck on the cheek."

Fabrice glared at his friend. "Oh, blimey, have you seen what the girl is wearing? Her ass looks _fine_ and who knew the girl had such a delicious figure, the way she always hid them under that horrid uniform. The slag is asking for it."

"What did you just call her?" The words were out of James' mouth before he could stop them.

Fabrice turned, groaning at the sight of the Head Boy. He had thought that with a girlfriend, James Potter would be distracted but alas, he had thought wrong. "Eavesdropping, Potter? Don't you have better things to do? Like _Kristina_?"

"At least I know how to _respect _her which is more than I can say for you and the way you're carrying on about Evans. Who the hell do you think you are?"

Three identical peels of laughter filled the pub. "Like you've never thought about whisking the girl away to the Astronomy Tower to do many-a-naughty things?" he sneered. "I call bullshit, Potter. You've wanted her for six years and now you're jealous that I've managed to land her in a matter of minutes while you've been rejected every single time you ever asked her to tag along with you to Hogsmeade. Face it, while you'll be getting some from Kristina Reinhart tonight, Merlin knows _that _girl puts out, _I _will be the one ravishing every inch of Lily Evans' body and loving every single minute of it. The girl won't know what hit her. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I grind into-"

James didn't even bother reaching for his wand. He punched Fabrice square in the face, sending him stumbling backward with a yelp. Zach jumped in, attempting to pound his fist into James' head but he ducked, struggling to get to Fabrice. It was Fabrice's face he wanted to bloody up, not Zach's. Once Fabrice got his bearings, he went full-force towards James, sending them both toppling to the ground. James reached for his wand, seconds away from shouting out a full body-binding curse when a voice stopped him in his tracks.

"POTTER!"

He groaned and whirled around, elbowing Fabrice in the side who attempted to catch him off-guard. "Evans, I-"

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing!" she shouted, rushing to Fabrice's side.

James stepped in front of her before she could reach the Ravenclaw. "Evans, he's a worthless, perverted, smug son-of-a-bitch who deserved what he got. He's-"

"Oh, yes, because fighting him in the middle of a public bar gives you such class," she snarled, shoving him aside and reaching up to touch Fabrice's bloody face.

"Evans, you didn't hear the things he was saying about you! He's a-"

"I don't know what the hell it is he thought he heard," Fabrice whimpered, wincing when Lily ran her fingers over a deep cut. "I was just chatting up my buddies when he came barreling towards me. The guy is mental."

If Remus hadn't stepped in front of James at that moment, Fabrice probably would have been knocked out due to sheer rageful force of James' fists. "James, knock it off!" Remus begged, grabbing James' forearms and pushing him away from Fabrice.

"I will not knock it off!" he shouted, his voice resonating throughout the entire pub. "That _weasel _wants to take Evans up to the Astronomy Tower and take advantage of her!"

Sirius sniggered from the sidelines. "How ironic," he muttered, earning a glare from James himself.

"And you think whatever it is you think you heard gives you the right to _punch _the guy?" Lily snapped, her eyes glancing hesitantly over at Fabrice. She wasn't one to automatically believe anything James said, but she couldn't help but be a tad wary.

"It's not what I _think _I heard, Evans, it _is _what I heard. The guy's a prat!"

"I don't know where he's getting his information from," Zach lied, shrugging innocently. "Sounds to me like the guy is jealous."

"Remus, let me go!" James snarled, trying to push Remus to the side. He cursed the strength of the werewolf tendencies in his friend when Remus barely budged.

"You are so lucky that McGonagall already headed back to the castle or you'd be serving detention until the end of time," Remus warned. He grabbed the back of his friend's robes and with the help of Sirius and Peter, dragged him out of the pub.

"You guys don't understand!" James protested, trying everything within his power to rid himself of their grasp with no luck. "He was talking shit about her! Talking about...about her _arse _and her _figure _and how he was expecting her to _put out _when he _ravished _her in the Astronomy Tower! He's a right foul git and deserves the punches I gave him!"

Remus sighed, continuing to traipse back to the castle. "And it wasn't any of your business. You do realize Lily can take care of herself?"

"This wasn't about her. This was about their horrendous, disrespectful insults! She-"

"Ah, yes, and I'm sure you would have thrown the same punch if Fabrice were to have been discussing some other girl? Bellatrix or Narcissa perhaps?" Sirius interjected.

James glared at his friend, struggling out of their grasp. "I would have thrown the punch if he had said it about any _respectable _girl, yes. Now, geroff me damnit!" he barked, shoving Remus hard to the side.

Remus stumbled backwards, letting go of James' arm with a sigh. He was grateful when James didn't immediately rush back towards the Three Broomsticks. He instead strode towards the castle with an aggravated grunt, mumbling obscenities under his breath. His three friends all exchanged looks before quickly following him. None of them said anything the entire way back, the three boys letting James vent and seethe inwardly. He strode right past Pringle in the Entrance Hall, not bothering to check back in himself, and stormed into his private quarters, leaving his three friends behind to check back in with Pringle.

When Sirius, Remus, and Peter met up with him in his common room, a look of complacency had replaced the one of rage. "She's going to kill you, mate," Sirius sighed, dropping on to the lounge chair.

James offered a mere curt shrug. "You guys weren't there. You didn't hear what that jackass was saying," he mumbled.

Remus sighed, nodding towards the deep cut on his friend's face. "You should get that checked out."

"I can do it later."

"You're going to wait here for Lily to return, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

"She didn't even give me the chance to explain."

"Did you really expect her to?"

James frowned. "No," he admitted with a heavy sigh. He knew he screwed up in the worst way possible, but his rage had gotten the better of him. Lily Evans didn't deserve to be disrespected by a bunch of hormonal prepubescent teenage boys. James would be the first person to admit that he had fantasized about Lily in the past, but that didn't mean he talked about it in condescending detail to his mates.

"C'mere," Remus muttered, gesturing for James to lean forward. "I can fix that cut for you."

James sighed. As he leaned forward, he didn't bother asking if Remus could also fix the mess he was in. No one could do that. Not even himself.

* * *

James had only gotten up from the couch to grab his Potions textbook and notes, not necessarily because he was planning on reading it but because it was the first book his eyes sought out and he felt like he needed to busy himself. he found himself tapping his quill against the parchment impatiently, wondering what Lily was going to do or say to him when she returned. He wondered if she would simply hex him or use her ability to tear him down with mere words. Then again, maybe she'd do both.

He froze and sat upright when he heard her footsteps outside the door and her voice muttering the password. He was grateful when she walked in alone, a sigh of relief washing over him. "Evans, I-"

"Don't want to hear it, Potter," she snapped, striding past the couch towards her bedroom.

"C'mon, Evans, please just-"

"I'd ask if you just listened to me, but that one's kinda a given."

He sighed. "Please, Evans, I just need to-"

"Don't you ever shut up?" she snarled, opening her bedroom doro and storming into her room. She was quick to slam the door in his face. That didn't stop him from pounding on her door.

"Evans, open up and hear me out!" he roared.

"Get the hell away from me!"

"EVANS!" he shouted again, his fists becoming heavier against the wood of the door.

He emitted a squeak when the door was thrust open, taking a guilty step back. What he first noticed was that she had peeled off the vest and was just left with a very sexy green sweater that just so happened to bring out her eyes. The next thing he noticed was the rage in her eyes.

"Hm, didn't think you were actually going to open that," James murmured.

"I only opened it because I have no desire for a Potter-outlined hole in my door. Merlin knows that you don't give up that easily," she snarled. "I meant what I said. I really don't want to hear it. Whatever lame excuse you come up with, I'm not interested-"

"I'm sorry," he blurted out.

She hesitated, glancing up at him curiously. "Come again?"

"That's what you want me to say, isn't it? That I'm sorry?"

She scowled. "I don't want you to say it because you think that's what _I _want. I want you to mean it!"

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair much to the clear disapproval of Lily. "Well, I can't give that to you."

She clenched her fists, her jaw tightening angrily. "Why does that not surprise me? Once again, James Potter thinks he can get away with smacking a guy around for no good reason. You just can't-"

"'For no good reason?'" he repeated huffily. "No, I had plenty of good reason. That _prick _was...was so disrespectful towards you! All he saw you as was a piece of meat, not the beautiful, virtuous girl you are."

She ignored the warmth that rushed to her cheeks. "Potter, you wanted to pick a fight with the guy since this morning. You really expect me to believe that you punched him because he spoke poorly about me? No, this was about your own ego and pride and frankly, I've had enough of it."

James was livid. How dare she undermine his claims? James may have thrown a few punches in his time spent at Hogwarts, but he had always been provoked and Lily knew that. He wouldn't go around punching a guy just because he wanted to. He deserved some credit and she clearly wasn't willing to give him that. "The guy called you a...a slag, Evans! He...he was talking about bringing you up to the Astronomy Tower and _ravishing _you! He wanted to...to..."

"To_ what_, Potter?"

He frowned. He wasn't about to embarrass her by letting her know Fabrice was planning on 'grinding into her' as he so put it earlier.

"Speechless, hm? What, can't remember what lie you came up?"

It wasn't anger that James felt anymore. It was disappointment. It was frustration. But mostly, it was hurt. "I may be a lot of things, but I am not a liar," he said coolly. "But if you want to go crawling back to a no-good, name-calling, disrespectful, condescending, pureblood-advocating _pervert_, I guess I can't stop you. I can call you a naive little girl and I can judge you for falling for his not-so-charming act, but I can't stop you. Just make sure you practice the Contraceptive Charm before you do because you'll need it." His voice was rough, filled with wariness. He was angry at her, but he was also angry at himself for not being able to explain his protectiveness to her in a way she'd listen. He shot her a look before rushing off to his own room.

"Do you really think that low of me?" she snapped.

He stopped and turned around slowly. "What?"

"Even if he _did _bring me up to the Astronomy Tower and tried something on me, did you really expect me to just go along with it?" she snarled. "You of all people should know that the word 'no' _is _in my vocabulary."

James hesitated. "Well, how the hell was I supposed to know what you wanted from the guy? For all I know, you were interested in him and were looking for a good snog!"

Lily scoffed.

"Evans, the only thing I knew is that I didn't want him to take advantage of you in any way under the pretense that he was a noble, decent guy. Because he would have dropped you a mere few minutes later once he got what he wanted. You deserve to be treated better than that."

Frustration passed over her face. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"What?"

"In Honeydukes, you said the same thing," she growled. "What gives you the right to tell me he isn't good enough for me and I Deserve better?"

"Well, seeing as I was the only one willing to say it, I thought that gave me a sense of justification."

"You don't even know the guy."

"Neither do you!" he cried out, exasperated. "In fact, if you're so willing to believe he's a good guy, then I know him a hell of a lot better than you do."

"Why are you so determined to believe he's a bad guy?"

He shrugged. "I know what I heard," he said coolly. "Besides, Evans, he's friends with Zach Hamilton and Trent Hemingway. Do you really expect him to be a god guy with friends like that?"

Lily frowned, thinking about the way Zach treated Riley at the end of their relationship. He had cheated on her loads of time with loads of different girls and only ever came clean because Riley had caught him hooking up with one of the Kelly twins. He then thought it was acceptable to laugh in Riley's face and her she was just a worthless slut who he was only with because she provided him with good sex. And Trent Hemingway was a cheeky player trying to score with every girl at Hogwarts. Rumor is he had a list of female names on his bedside table with a rating of how easy they were and he was running down the list one-by-one.

"You can't always pick your roommates," she said hesitantly.

"First of all, Trent isn't his roommate. He's in Hufflepuff. Second of-"

"Shocker, you actually learned that Fabrice wasn't a Hufflepuff."

"-all, you _can_ pick your friends based on your roommates. I don't see you running around with Miranda and Justine just because you were forced to share a dorm with them for six years."

Lily frowned. He had a point.

"And if Fabrice really was a moral guy who could have chosen to hang out with moral roommates, he'd be buddying up with Cody, Fabian and Gideon."

Damnit, another good point.

James sighed, taking the cautious stride over to where she was leaning up against her bedroom doorframe. "Evans, I know we don't always get along and-"

"Understatement."

"-And I realize that you have absolutely no reason to believe me now nor do you have a reason to believe I would go out of my way to defend your honor, but that's all I was doing. Maybe punching him wasn't the best way to handle it, but alas, I let the heat of the moment get to me," he murmured. He offered her a guilty lopsided smile.

She still looked skeptical.

He shrugged. "Plain and simple, the guy was being a real dickwad and no girl should ever be disrespected the way Fabrice disrespected you today."

"Dickwad? Did you really just use the word dickwad?"

James smiled. She was making a joke. That was a good sign. "I could have said he's a bloody cunt but I decided to go with the PG version."

Lily was gazing at him, curiosity and hesitance coursing through her veins. "He really said all of that about me?"

"He would have said it about any girl he was going on a non-date with."

She glanced up at him, startled at the amusement in his voice. He was teasing her. And it wasn't malicious. Something felt off about that.

She also was curious how he found out it was a non-date instead of a real date.

"Next time, couldn't you just talk to me?" Lily sighed.

James let out a loud 'Hah!' "Like you would have listened?"

She chuckled. "Alas, you make a good point, Potter."

"I've been known to do that from time to time."

She shot him a look, although she was slightly amused, before shrugging awkwardly. "Well, considering I spent the day away from my textbooks, I think it's time I go over our Transfiguration notes. I still can't seem to change my eyebrow color to anything besides brown."

"Need any help?"

She glanced up at him, startled. "Didn't realize you knew the meaning of the word 'study,' Potter."

He rolled his eyes, grinning. "I don't, but it will certainly be entertaining to transfigure your eyebrows to blue or purple and then watch you fail at fixing it."

She scowled. "I knew I didn't like you."

He laughed. "What you should ahve gotten out of that is that you're standing in the presence of a guy who can indeed change eyebrow color. If you wanted to take it a little further, we could also change your hair length, the color of your shirt, the size of your nose, and the color of your eyes. Although, personally, I think you should keep your eyes green. They're your best feature."

She could feel the heat emanating from her cheeks. "So what you're saying is that my hair could be longer, my shirt is ugly, and my nose could be smaller?"

James snickered. "You are reading way too much into this."

She hesitated. "You can really do all that?"

He shrugged. "Yeah," he said unbashfully.

She sighed, leaning against her doorframe with a small shake of her head. "You're kinda brilliant, aren't you?"

His heart skipped a beat, shocked that Lily Evans would ever admit that aloud to him. "Er..."

Thankfully, he didn't have to respond because someone was muttering the password outside their common room. The door flew open and Kristina was waltzing in, her eyes zoning in on James. "I just heard that you got into a fight with Fabrice Johnson," she said, shocked as she made her way over to him. She ignored Lily's presence as she reached up and ran her finger along the jagged cut on her boyfriend's forehead. "What the hell did that prat do?"

"Prat?" Lily asked curiously. "You think he's a prat, too?"

Kristina finally noted the Head Girl standing beside her boyfriend. "Of course he's a prat. He's a sexist skirt-chaser who has had an ongoing bet with his friends for nearly two years on who can sleep with the most girls by the time graduation comes."

Rage coursed through Lily's veins. "That superficial asshole!" she swore.

James scoffed. "Oh, sure, you'll listen to her but won't listen to me. I see where your loyalties lie."

"I'm supposed to believe you're loyal to me when you spent five years of your life trying to make me miserable?"

He ran his fingers through his hair guiltily. "Hm, I do believe that's a fair assessment."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle at the sheepish grin on her fellow Head Boy's face. "Now if you two will excuse me, I believe it's time for me to attempt to turn my eyebrows purple."

She offered them both a smile before retreating into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Kristina's gaze fell on the shut door, wondering why that conversation hadn't ended with a snide remark or two and one of them storming off with an aggravated grunt.

"What was that about?" she asked curiously.

"What was what about?" He grabbed her hand and steered them both over to his own bedroom.

"That oddly pleasant exchange of words between you two."

He fell back on to his bed with a chuckle, reaching out his hand for her to join him. She graciously accepted, curling up against him with a hesitant smile. "Eh, we have our moments."

"Oh, really? Because that's the first 'moment,' as you so speak, that I've seen between you two all year."

James kissed the side of her face, sensing concern in her voice. "She was being verbally harassed by that prick, Fabrice, and she didn't deserve it. I was merely defending her and-"

"Blimey, is that why you got into a fight with him?"

He shrugged. "Would you believe me if I said my fist slipped and just accidentally grazed his face?"

"No, not even a little bit."

He laughed, intertwining his fingers with hers and bringing the back of her hand up to kiss it. "Alright, so I punched the guy. He deserved it."

She frowned, turning away from his amused stare.

"What is it, Kris?"

"Can I ask you something?" she blurted out.

"Always."

She chewed on the inside of her lip, knowing she was probably about to stick her foot in her mouth but it was a question she felt needed to be asked. "Are you over Lily?"

"Er...what?"

"I'm not an idiot, James. I know, I'm pretty sure everyone knows, that you had a thing for her for the past six years. I, myself, was shocked when you asked me to go out with you. And maybe I should have asked this question then, although I blame that charming smile of yours and these adorable dimples," she teased, running her fingers over his cheeks, "But I just need to know. Are you over her?"

"I was never _not _over her," James was quick to argue. "Yeah, maybe I enjoy riling her up a little too much, but she was never mine to get over."

Kristina didn't feel entirely convinced.

James quickly rolled to his side, dragging his fingers up her arm and towards her face. He brushed a stray hair from her forehead and ran his hand through her silky hair before finally placing a kiss to her lips. "I chose you, Kristina," he said softly, letting his legs tangle with hers and running his lips against her soft jawline towards her exposed neck. "I like _you,_" he whispered, his lips getting dangerously close to her cleavage.

She let out a moan and in that moment, Lily was far from her mind. "Oh, do you?" she responded cheekily. "How much do you like me, James Potter?"

A boyish grin spread across his face as he rushed to peel her sweater off. "I think it's best I show you how much."

Kristina lifted her head and crashed her lips hungrily against his. "I was hoping you would say that."

* * *

Lily was strolling down to dinner that evening after still neglecting to turn her eyebrows the color she was aiming for when she literally ran right into Fabian Prewett.

"Oof," she cried out, stumbling backwards. He reached out and grabbed her arm before she could topple over. "Thanks, Fabian, Sorry about that. Guess I wasn't paying much attention. I've been a bit distracted today."

He smiled. "No worries," he spoke. "You distracted because of Fabrice?"

She glanced up at him, startled. "Please tell me our non-date hasn't hit the gossip chain yet."

He shook his head, falling into stride with her as they headed towards the Great Hall. "Nope, but being the proud roommate of one Fabrice Johnson, I got to hear an earful about James punching him today at the Three Broomsticks."

Lily sighed. "He shouldn't have done that."

"Who? James shouldn't have punched you or Fabrice shouldn't have mocked you?"

She froze, meeting his apologetic gaze.

"Lily, I don't know you very well and I know I'm James' friend and therefore, could be a tad biased, but whatever James thought he heard, he probably did."

She frowned, twisting a strand of hair around her finger like she often did when feeling apprehensive. "What makes you so sure?"

"Because Fabrice Johnson is a chauvinistic womanizer who just happens to know how to hide his conquests better than his buddy, Zach, does. But don't be fooled. Fabrice was only hoping for a little action with you today. Nothing more, nothing less."

Scarlet crept on to Lily's cheeks. "You're not covering for Potter, are you?"

"No!" Fabian argued, slightly offended. "I just think you can do a hell of a lot better than that...that-"

"Dickwad?" Lily suggested, trying not to show amusement.

Fabian's eyebrow perked upward. "Is dickwad making a name-calling comeback?"

"It's growing on me."

Fabian chuckled as they approached the Great Hall. "Lily, being Fabrice's roommate, I hear things. The guy talks shit about girls all the time. He's a player and sadly, he often gets away with it. If you want my opinion, you should blow the git off and find someone else. Something you deserve."

She sighed. "I'm beginning to think maybe you and Potter are right," she muttered. "But don't tell Potter I said that."

A laugh escaped Fabian's lips. "It's a deal."

* * *

**A/N: **So I'm starting to classify the relationship between James and Kristina and trying to show you more of the clash between James and Lily. Please review!


	8. Of Pumpkin Juice, Healing, & Sausage

**A/N: **Well I'm back with chapter 8 and things start to get interesting...

**Disclaimer: **Everything you don't recognize belongs to moi. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling who is hopefully working hard on the 7th book!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 8: Of Pumpkin Juice, Healing Spells, & Sausage Links

* * *

When Lily wandered into the Great Hall on Monday morning, she immediately noticed the eerie quiet that filled the Hall, much unlike the usual hustle and bustle that the morning provided. As she made her way over to where Riley and Kay were sitting, she then noticed how there were quite a bit of students inconspicuously flitting their eyes her way.

"Do I have a sign on my back that says 'kick me' or something?" Lily asked curiously as she slid into the bench beside her two friends.

Riley jumped, sloshing a bit of pumpkin juice on to Lily. "Lily!" she cried out, startled.

"Good morning to you, too," she snorted, reaching for a napkin and dabbing at her skirt. She felt a pair of eyes on her every move and when she glanced down her table to the right she saw James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all staring guiltily at her. "Aw, damn, don't tell me the rumors have already started about me and Fabrice."

"What?" Kay asked, confused.

Lily sighed. "Why are people staring at me?"

Riley and Kay exchanged a grim look before pushing the _Daily Prophet _her way. "It's not because you have a 'kick me' sign on your back and it's not because of Fabrice," Riley admitted. "It's because you're one of the few Muggleborns that everyone knows in this school so their concerns are directed at you."

Lily's heart skipped a beat as her eyes grazed the front page headline: **Pureblood Protection Act Proposed. **Underneath, the byline read _Identification may be required by all Muggleborns_. She sighed. "Personally, I'd prefer the speculation over Fabrice," she muttered. She thrust the paper into her hands and started reading.

_"The Pureblood Protection Act is a projected regulation that will protect the integrity of the pureblood race in the wizarding world. While it is unclear how and from whom this Act came to be, it is presumably a response to the fear invoked by many wizarding families from the numerous unexplained deaths that have been occurring in recent months. _

_'These deaths are occurring primarily to Muggleborns and Muggleborn families ,' an anonymous source within the Ministry speaks out, 'So it's a natural concern of ours to want to protect ourselves and our world against any potential future harm by keeping a distance from Muggleborns. This Act is merely a precaution to keep the wizarding world thriving as it should.'_

_This Act will require all wizards and witches to carry around an identification card that proves their blood status. It gives Ministry Officials the right to request identification from a witch or wizard for any supposed suspicious behavior."_

"Supposed suspicious behavior?" Lily snarled, her blood boiling with pure rage. "Bullshit. They'll ask whenever they damn well please."

"It gets worse," Riley muttered, pushing her plate of bacon away now completely without an appetite.

_"Earlier this week, the private registry within the Ministry that holds the blood status of all witches and wizard has somehow been exposed to the public and while the Minister of Magic and his direct staff has sworn that they are doing everything in their power to find out who is responsible for leaking such confidential information, that does not change the fact that business owners have relished in the fact that they have a way of monitoring the employees they are looking to hire._

_'It's not that I care about blood status,' says Humphrey Minnick of Minnick's Medicine Cabinet, a pharmacy located on the outskirts of Dundee, 'But it's becoming a huge risk to hire anyone of Muggle blood. I have my business to think about. I have to project myself and my family and the other employees I hire.'_

_Not all business owners agree with Humphrey Minnick's concerns. 'This is just a scare tactic,' Wendita Prickle, Manager at Prickle's Potions Apothecary in Turkdale. 'Muggle blood won't make a witch or wizard any less of an employee than pure blood. Blood status shouldn't determine who we hire. It is the skills and the talent alone that I am concerned with when I look through resumés. I will not let fear and prejudice run my lab.' _

_But alas, Mrs. Pudge's opinions are shared by few. More and more Muggleborns are finding themselves without jobs, forcing them to find work in the Muggle world. It appears that the only place actively advocating for the use of the Muggleborn mind are certain determined departments within the Ministry itself. Ironic considering it is Ministry Officials who have proposed the Pureblood Protection Act._"

Lily didn't bother reading the rest of the article. She crumpled it up in her hands and chucked it into the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

"Hm, guess we'll be drinking water for the rest of breakfast," Kay said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Lily didn't say anything. She had nothing to say. Her eyes fell on to the Slytherin table and her insides churned when she saw the smug, eager smiles on every single one of their faces. It didn't matter that she was Head Girl, that she was the best goddamned witch in her entire year. It didn't matter that she could produce charms and create potions and cast spells that nearly half of the Slytherin House could barely muster. It didn't matter that she had proved herself to be worthy of the title as witch. No, all they and anyone seemed to care about is that her blood was Muggle and therefore, unworthy.

"Lily, you're a far better witch than any of those prats," Riley pleaded. "Don't let this article scare you. It's just-"

"_Scare _me?" Lily snapped. "No, it doesn't scare me. It makes me _sick_. It makes _angry_. It makes me want to march over to the Ministry and give them a piece of my mind! But scare me, it does not. I'm proud to be the person I am. I'm proud of the fact that I went from having no experience in the wizarding world to being the top of my class. I'm proud to stand up next to my peers and prove that I have more drive and more _talent _than all of them. You know what I'm _not _proud of? To exist in a world with such prejudicial, racist, supremacist, power-thirsty, condescending, superficial, arrogant, Voldemort-fearing _pricks _who don't have the guts and the _courage _to stand up for what's morally irreprehensible! They are the ones who make other wizards and witches feel as if it is _alright _for this prejudicial behavior to continue and they need to be stopped before Muggleborns actually start believing their bullshit! But clearly the Ministry isn't doing anything accept apparently _condoning _it."

Her irate thoughts were interrupted at the sound of applause breaking out across the Gryffindor table. She looked up, startled, when she realized it was she people were applauding. Her cheeks turned a bright scarlet as she slumped down in her chair with a groan.

"You tell those two-timing, spineless Ministry officials, Lily-bean!" Sirius cried out as Drew Gilmore placed his fingers into his mouth and whistled loudly. Remus was the first to jump up from the bench and give her a standing ovation, followed quickly by his friends and then the whole Gryffindor table. Even a few of the Ravenclaws were catching on, Fabian and Gideon Prewett letting out cat-calls while Marlene winked at her. But for some reason, for some unexplainable reason, it was the proud smile and the look of admiration on James Potter's face as he let out a slow clap that caught her eye.

"Aw, take a bow, Lily," Riley teased, earning a biscuit thrown at her forehead. She merely laughed, shrugging it off.

She shot her a look. "That rant wasn't meant to produce a fan club. It's just how I feel."

"It's how most people feel," Kay retaliated.

"Too right, she is," a voice spoke from behind them.

Lily stiffened and glanced over her shoulder at Fabrice, who was wearing a smug smile. "I'll be damned if any of us are going to let the Ministry get away with actually passing this ridiculous Act."

"Seems to be you and your family don't necessarily disagree with the Pureblood Protection Act," Lily said coolly, narrowing her eyes curiously at him.

He hesitated. "I'm not sure what you are referring to."

"Weren't you the one who was saying just yesterday that you drove out a werewolf family that moved in next door to you? They're not exactly going to benefit from this Act either."

"It wasn't me that drove them out, it was my mum," Fabrice was quick to argue. "And I told you were right about that yesterday."

"Ah, yes, but why did you tell me I was right? Because you actually believed it or because you thought agreeing with me would give you a better chance of, oh how did you put it, _ravishing _me in the Astronomy Tower?" she snapped, her glare full of pure spite.

His expression remained impassive. "I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about."

"Potter seems to know what you were talking about."

He groaned. "Oh, come off it, you're really going to listen to a bloke who is so clearly jealous of the fact that you seemed interested in anyone that wasn't him?"

"I'm going to listen to a bloke who doesn't have a _bet _going on about how many sex partners he can acquire by graduation."

Riley and Kay beside her scoffed as a flicker of surprise twinkled in his eyes. "Don't believe everything you read on the bathroom stalls," he sneered.

"I don't have to read it on the bathroom stalls, Fabrice. I can get that information firsthand from a few knowing students."

"You've been talking to the wrong students."

"And right now, _you're _talking to the wrong student," she hissed, crossing her arms bitterly. "Go find another girl who would be willing to put out because frankly, I am not interested."

It was obvious that Fabrice was torn between trying to defend himself and insulting her. Being the proud, arrogant chauvinist he was, he went with the latter. "It's no loss, sweetheart. Seeing as I doubt you've ever snogged a guy properly, you'd be a lousy lay anyhow. Muggleborns don't belong in the wizarding world and they don't belong in my bed either."

Lily merely rolled her eyes but before she could retort a pitcher of pumpkin juice was suddenly poured all down Fabrice's robes. Lily jumped out of the way from the splash zone, glaring at Riley who was now holding the empty pitcher. "Oops, it slipped."

Lily groaned as Fabrice called her a bloody cunt and stormed off. Once again, an amused round of applause broke out at the Gryffindor table. The only one who didn't look amused was Lily. "Was that necessary, Riley?"

"Hey, considering you'd already tossed a newspaper into the pitcher, no one was going to drink it. I couldn't let it go to waste."

"How thoughtful of you," she drawled.

"Personally, if she hadn't done it, I would have," spoke James, he and his three friends now standing behind the three ladies.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I would have expected that from you. Picking fights is what you do best."

"Saturday's fight was for his own good." He hesitated. "And yours. It got you to hear me out, did it not?"

"Don't flatter yourself into thinking that fight held any worth besides your active desire to punch a guy's face in," she snapped stubbornly, abruptly climbing up from the table.

James frowned, confused by the sudden hostility. "On Saturday you were more than willing to listen to my side. What's with you?"

"Nothing's _with _me, Potter. I just don't think any fight is worth justifying. And now, if you don't mind,I am done talking to you about Fabrice Johnson," she snapped. "If you all want to continue chatting about the dickwad, then you can go right-"

"Ah, I see that word's catching on," James interrupted, delighted.

Lily shot him a look as she swung her bag over her shoulder. "I'm heading to class."

"Class doesn't start for another half hour," Sirius pointed out as Lily shoved past him.

She shrugged. "Right now, I'd rather be anywhere than here."

He opened his mouth to retort as she stalked off, but Remus grabbed his arm and shook his head vigorously. "Let her go. This is about more than just Fabrice," he sighed as he reached down to pick up the sopping newspaper from the floor.

James felt such a twinge of anger coursing through his veins. She had been right in her rant about Voldemort and the Ministry, even if it wasn't meant to produce a fan club. She was the best witch of her year and could probably prove herself against some of the most powerful witches and wizards, but no one was ever going to see how talented she was if they were so quick to deny her the chance to work in the wizarding world. "I hate that there are so many people out there who are so quick to judge," he found himself muttering aloud. "That girl is ten times the witch any pureblood witch is."

"Ahem!" Riley whined.

James laughed, ruffling up his oldest friend's hair, much to her protests. "Eh, you're not so bad yourself, kiddo."

* * *

"Can we please see some identification?"

Lily stiffened at the implication, whirling around to face an amused Rodolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix Black, Serpus Avery, and Mickey Mulciber. "Wow, how long did it take you to come up with that witty line?"

"It was either that or 'I hope you've honed in on your Muggle skills since you'll be jobless come June'," Rodolphus continued, his top lip curling up in a jeer. "But alas, I suspect you've been partaking in some _suspicious _behavior recently."

"The pumpkin juice on Fabrice Johnson's robes proves that," Bellatrix sniggered.

"If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that that pumpkin juice was not thrown by me. Then again, I'm not surprised you're quick to blame the Muggleborn. It is what you do, is it not?"

"The Muggleborns are to blame for all that's wrong in our world, so yeah, I'm quick to blame," she snapped, narrowing her eyes defensively at her.

"Why don't you spin those big words you spoke in the Great Hall into truth and prove your worth?" Mulciber chimed in, slowly reaching into his back pocket for his wand.

A slight panic erupted inside Lily. She may have known she was one hell of a witch but that didn't mean she could take on four people at one time. "I don't have to prove myself to you, Mulciber. I'm Head Girl, aren't I?"

Four peals of laughter filled the hallway. "You think you being Head Girl makes you better than us?" Rodolphus sneered. "Alright, so you know how to study yourself into a boring coma and you're known to write a good essay from time to time but out in the real world, _Evans_, those books and essays are going to do you absolutely no good. It's dueling that's going to get you noticed. So, c'mon, what are you afraid of?" He pulled out his own wand, his other friends following suit, and suddenly she was wishing she were anywhere but there.

"_Expelliarmus!" _four familiar voices rang out. The Slytherins' wands went soaring towards the voices.

Lily groaned when she saw James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter strolling towards them. Just what she needed. A fight to break out in the hallway because of her.

"You really think four against one is a fair fight?" James sneered, twirling Bellatrix's wand in between his fingers playfully.

"There was not going to be a fight and there _still _won't be a fight," Lily demanded, shooting James a pleading look.

"Ah, how quick she is to turn down a duel opportunity. Scared of losing, eh?" Bellatrix cackled.

"You sound pretty confident for someone without a wand," Sirius retaliated with a snort.

"Wands are for sissies, my dear cousin."

"_Dark Arts _are for—_oof_!" he shouted as he suddenly hunched over and fell to the ground with a groan, the two wands falling from his grasp.

"Sirius!" Remus gasped as Bellatrix beamed about her wandless non-verbal spell.

"I told you that wands were for sissies," she snarled.

Lily didn't even want to begin to think about how powerful a witch Bellatrix Black will probably be one day. If she was doing non-verbal spells without so much a wand, she was going to be somebody to fear.

Sirius denied Remus' help as he slowly stood up. It hadn't been a powerful spell. Just an easy stinging hex that wore off after a few seconds, but it caught him off-guard and that was enough to piss him off. He reached for her wand on the ground and tossed it to her. "You want a fight? You've got it, but damnit, don't think-"

"No!" Lily shouted, glaring at Sirius. "We are not going to fight in the middle of the corridor! You are better than that, Sirius!"

"_She's _not," he muttered.

"So _what_?" Lily snapped, shaking her head in disbelief. "Will you, _for once_, just learn to walk away? You're not any better than those _Death Eaters _out in the real world picking petty fights with those they deem unworthy!"

"Spoken like a cowardly Mudblood," Mulciber sniggered.

Before Lily could stop him, James was punching him in the face.

"_Potter_!" she shouted, but it was no use. Sirius had his wand out, about to stun Rodolphus, but the Slytherin was too quick. Lily heard a sickening crunch as Sirius' face went smashing into the wall, Rodolphus charging him. Serpus Avery dodged James' full body-bind jinx and pointed his wand towards Remus.

"_Protego_!" Remus shouted and an invisible forcefield erupted between himself and Peter and everyone else on the other side of the hallway. He was always the first one to deflect curses and shield curses. He often left the actual jinxing and hexing to his two friends.

"Fight like a real wizard, Black!" Rodolphus shouted as Sirius' fist slammed into his nose. "Like the blood-traitor you are!"

"_Stupef—_aw, shit!" Sirius cried as he was hit with a stinging spell, this time verbal, from Bellatrix.

"_Filipendo_!" said James, his wand pointed at Bellatrix. She fell to the ground with a grunt.

_"SILENCIO!_" Lily screamed over the corridor. She shouted it once more until every Gryffindor and Slytherin were without a voice. She pointed her wand towards Mulciber and James who continue to carry on with a sparring match of fists, even without the ability of speech. "_Protego_!"

It was such a strong shield, both Mulciber and James were thrust backwards, James' head banging into the brick wall.

"What the hell is wrong with you people!" she bellowed.

"My question exactly."

Lily froze, turning to her right to see McGonagall charging towards them, her face white and livid. Behind her were a crowd full of students, who most likely heard the fight breaking out. Their voices hadn't exactly been quiet. "Professor, I-I don't…I wasn't…I tried…" she dithered.

But McGonagall wasn't looking at her. She was looking at Bellatrix sprawled on the ground, Sirius' swollen face, the blood running down Mulciber's robes, the deep gash on the back of James' head, and the black and blue bruise already starting to form around Rodolphus' nose. "Why is it that whenever I have to break up a fight around here, somehow you lot is always involved? Have seven years of scolding and detentions and suspension every time we catch you fighting not taught you that dueling in the hallway is strictly forbidden? You're not the smart seventh-year students that this school raised you to be. You are acting like spoiled children and frankly, you should all be expelled."

Panic erupted in all of their eyes.

"What kind of example are you demonstrating for all of the other students in this school? Mr. Potter, you are Head Boy and Miss Evans, you're Head Girl! Mr. Lupin, you're a _prefect_ and frankly, all nine of you should know better! When are these petty feuds going to come to a close? When someone winds up seriously injured or even _dead_?"

No one said anything.

"_Well_?" she sneered. "Anyone want to explain themselves?"

Lily blushed, hanging her head shamefully. "Er…they…they can't really talk," she muttered guiltily.

McGonagall glanced over at the Head Girl, curiosity and bewilderment filling her eyes. "You silenced them?"

"I had to do something," she muttered.

It was obvious McGonagall was desperately trying to hide amusement. "Seems to me a Silencing Charm wouldn't do much good. It appears they would all rather use their fists than their wands anyhow."

"You're telling me," Lily sighed.

McGonagall sighed and reached for her wand. "As much as I'd prefer to leave them that way, mostly as punishment where they could practice their non-verbal charms, I presume that wouldn't be the appropriate thing for me to do," she spoke. "_Unsilencio._"

While the Slytherins and Gryffindors were now rendered with speech, none of them were willing to say anything. It was best to often endure McGonagall's rage by remaining mute and listening to her while she lectured.

"Then again, none of you seem to know the meaning of the word 'appropriate,'" she grumbled. "Detention for all of you, including you Miss Evans. And I think deducting 10 points apiece is sufficient."

Lily groaned. She wasn't sure which was worse. The fact that she just received her first ever detention at Hogwarts or that Gryffindor just lost 50 points.

McGonagall stormed off without so much as another look at them. Lily sent one last pointed glare at all of them before following in McGonagall's footsteps. She let out an exasperated grunt when she heard a familiar set of footsteps behind her. "Go get yourself cleaned up, Potter. You look like a hot mess," she snapped, without so much as turning around to face him.

"He called you a…a you-know-what!" he defended. "What was I supposed to do?"

She whirled around, fury screaming from her eyes. "Do you ever notice how full of excuses you are?" she sneered. "On Saturday it was because Fabrice called me a slag. Today it's because Mulciber called me a Mudblood." James cringed at the horrid word. "You never take responsibility for your own bloody actions, Potter!" she shouted.

James sighed. Just when he thought he was getting on her good side. "First that article this morning and then that name. You deserve a hell of a lot better than the wizarding world is giving you credit for."

"And you think punching a self-righteous git is going to change any of that?" she snapped.

He paused, running his fingers nervously through his hair. "No," he muttered. "But-"

"There is no but, Potter. We live in a world full of prejudice and hate. There is nothing we can do about that. But you punching someone is just adding fuel to the already well-lit fire!"

"Evans, I-"

"_Stop _pretending you're better than everyone, _stop _pretending as if you need to _prove _that, and _stop _acting as if you need to rescue me from a bunch of petty name-calling!" she barked. "_Grow up, Potter and start acting like the guy Dumbledore thought you could be when he appointed you to Head Boy_!"

James took a step back defeatedly, recognizing the blazing rage in her eyes as an anger he didn't want to mess with. Without so much as another word, Lily whirled around on her heels and stormed off. He didn't know how long he stood there dumbfounded, but he was suddenly surrounded by his three friends, who knew it was best to not communicate their opinions about Lily's scolding.

James turned towards Sirius, not even slightly amused by his swollen cheeks and what was clearly a broken nose. He sighed, thrusting his wand in the direction of Sirius' nose and muttering, "_Brackium Emendo_."

"Aw, _shit_!" Sirius shouted, his hands flying to his nose in pain. "Merlin of Agrippa, will you _warn _me before you do that?"

James shrugged. "I just really wanted to…to break something."

Sirius' eyebrow quirked, ignoring the watering in his eyes. "You didn't break it, you _fixed_ it. Just a little too roughly."

"Sorry."

"Oh, yes, you sound like you mean it," Sirius teased. "You mind reducing the swelling on my face, as well?"

James narrowed his eyes in a confused manner, trying to rid his mind of Lily Evans. "What swelling?" He grinned, ducking and scurrying away as Sirius attempted to swat at him.

Sirius scowled, ignoring the peals of laughter coming from Remus and Peter. "Well, for that, I won't be fixing that gash on the back of your head."

"Like I'd ask you to," James scoffed. "You're horrible at healing spells." He slashed his wand quickly and suddenly Sirius' face was returning to its normal size.

Sirius shrugged, nodding his gratitude. "Hm, yes, that's true. About the only thing I've never gotten the hang of."

"Ironic, considering you're often the one starting the fight," Remus drawled, his eyebrow pointed upward.

"Really? You're going to accuse me of starting fights when it's Prongsie here who has started two fights in three days?"

James scowled. "Don't drag me into this."

"Uh, I believe you dragged the rest of us into this," Peter murmured.

"Oh, yeah, and who were _you_ fighting back there? The wall you were hugging?"

Peter scoffed.

"That's what I thought. Now, let's just go to class before McGonagall finds another reason to punish us." He shoved past Sirius and started strolling down the hallway.

"Er, James?" Remus cleared his throat.

"_What_?"

"You might want to have that gash looked at first."

He winced, bringing his hand to the back of his head. When he pulled his fingers away, he saw that they were covered in blood. "Can't you just fix it, Moony?" he sighed.

Remus frowned. "I'm getting really tired of cleaning up after your fights, Prongs," he muttered, but he pulled out his wand, muttering a few cleaning and laceration spells. In a few minutes, he was as good as new and he started heading towards the dungeons for Potions.

Sirius sighed as he fell into step beside James. "You're really going to have to teach me that one day, Moony."

* * *

"Hey, babes!"

Riley groaned, whirling around to glare at Sirius who was rushing towards her with Remus on his heel. "Why do you insist on calling me that?"

"Because I know how much it irritates you."

She glared at him. "Don't you have some girl to snog?"

"Don't you have some guy's life to make-"

"You two seriously need to come up with some new material," Remus interrupted with a sigh.

They both shot him an equally unamused glare. "Not my fault this prat called out after me," Riley muttered irritably. "Was there a reason behind it? Or do you just like getting a rise out of me?"

"Mostly the latter." He winked. "But I was more wondering if we could push back our Advanced Transfiguration study date in the library from tonight to tomorrow-"

"Not a date, Black," she snarled. "And why the hell do you keep pushing it back? You realize we're going to have to start this damned project at some point, right? I'm sure as hell not going to be the only one working on it."

He made a face. "Who wants to learn about Metamorphagi anyway?"

"I think the point is that _we're _supposed to learn about it."

"I prefer Human Transfiguration personally."

"It's the same exact thing!" Riley argued. "Except Metamorphagi are _born _with the ability to transfigure themselves. So yeah, of course you prefer Human Transfiguration because that's the only transfiguring you're able to do!"

Sirius shrugged dismissively. "Can we push this study date back or-"

"Not a date."

"-or do you want to continue lecturing me?"

She glared at him. "What the hell is so important tonight that you can't take an hour or two to start the research with me?"

He shared a furtive glance with Remus, though apparently not furtive enough. "I swear on Merlin's grave if the next words out of your mouth have anything to do with a prank, I will force a non-stick beard on that pretty little face of yours."

He grinned. "It is pretty, isn't it?"

She reached for her wand.

"Alright, alright," he said, swatting her arm away from her back pocket. "I'll be there. But I won't be happy about it."

"You'll be in the library. Of course you won't be happy about it," she drawled.

"Yeah, about that, can we make sure to grab a table in that hidden corner off to the right? I don't want people to see me. My reputation would be tarnished."

"You mean the corner where all the couples go to snog," she snorted, giving him a look. "I don't think so. I don't need _my _reputation tarnished."

Sirius' eyebrows knitted curiously. "Now why would that tarnish your reputation? If anything, a rumor floating around about you and me getting it on will only increase your status."

"Yeah, and make me want to kill myself."

"Even better!"

Riley glared at him while Remus cringed. The foolish arguing between the two had always been ridiculous. Although, he had always claimed he preferred their fighting over James and Lily's. Sirius and Riley were more playful, their witty banter mostly for amusement and entertainment. They provided their audience with a bit of humor. James and Lily, while they often started out humorous, ended in exaggerated shouting matches resulting in excessive cursing, name-calling, or hexing. They walked away angry. Sirius and Riley on the other hand merely walked away irritated.

"Don't make me use my wand on you," Riley drawled.

"Eh, you wouldn't. Because you knew if you did, I'd just hex you worse."

Her lips curled up in a sneer as she stepped forward, her face inches from his. "Is that a challenge?"

"_No_," Remus interrupted, stepping in between the two and gently nudging Riley away. "It's not even eight o'clock in the morning. Can we at least get some sausage links in us before dueling in the hallway?"

Riley's sneer turned into a wary smile. "Aw, hell," she muttered. "We'll stuff you full of sausage and then we'll duel."

Remus shot her a look. "How about we stuff ourselves full of sausage and then go to class? I really don't think McGonagall needs to catch another set of her own students battling it out in the hallway. Don't any of my friends have self-control?"

"Black with self-control?" Riley spoke with a malicious laugh. "That's like asking a giant to be less large or James to not have unruly hair!"

Sirius scowled. "You're comparing me to James' _hair_?"

"You're both wild and unmanageable, so yeah. I am comparing you to James' hair."

He hesitated, shrugging. "Hm, could be worse. The kid does have nice hair," he pondered.

Riley rolled her eyes. "He already has a girlfriend, Black," she spoke dryly. "Now, I've suddenly had a craving for sausage links so I'm rushing off to breakfast. Try to be a little less wild and unmanageable in the meantime, Black."

"Alright, but only if James' hair flattens out!" he cried out after her as she scurried down the hallway and out of their line of vision, irritation mounting from within her at the thought of Sirius once again attempting to cancel on her. She had a feeling getting into this partnership that she'd be the one doing all the work but was hoping somehow, Sirius would turn out to be not so bad. Well, that hope was officially erased from her mind.

She was so busy fuming about Sirius she wasn't paying attention to where she was going and slammed right into Peter rounding the corner to the Great Hall. "God damnit, why are the four of you everywhere?" she whined, rubbing her arm where she had smacked into him.

"Have you see Sirius and Remus? They said they were heading down to the Great Hall but I didn't see them in-"

"Yeah, they're taking their leisurely time in the second floor corridor. They should be down soon. But feel free to stall them as long as possible," she grunted, side-stepping past Peter and sweeping into the Great Hall before he could say another word.

"Blimey, it's like they are multiplying!" Riley complained as she dropped on to the bench beside Lily and Kay.

Kay and Lily didn't need to ask who. With Lily forced to spend her time with both James as Head Boy and Remus as prefect and Riley was partnered with Sirius in Advanced Transfiguration and it appeared that one of the Marauders couldn't go anywhere without a cohort lagging behind, it was as if the three girls couldn't get away from them. They were all getting rather irritated with having very little privacy. They tried to hang out in Lily's room just to be interrupted by the boys stumbling into the private quarters with loud laughter and boisterous cheers over their latest prank. When they were in the Gryffindor common room, the Marauders would starting a rousing game of Exploding Snaps and being quiet during a game where cards explode is way too much to ask for. Even when Lily retreated to the library, she often found one of them taking up her favorite round table tucked away behind the tallest bookshelves.

"I know," Lily grumbled, poking at her eggs out of aggravation. "I'm beginning to think they have a tracking device on me. I can't seem to get away from them. I had to find refuge in that empty classroom in that creepy sixth floor corridor last night just to get some peace and quiet!"

"And all this time I thought you were just hiding from Fabrice and his friends," Riley teased.

Lily glared at her. "If I have to hear the word 'slag' muttered under their breath one more time, I can't help what my wand will do."

"They only say it because Fabrice is angry he got caught for the pervert he is."

"Doesn't make it any less annoying."

"Well, you keep coming back to Gilmore even though she's annoying," a deep voice from behind her said. "Maybe those jerks just assume you like being annoyed."

They all turned around and let out a groan in unison. "See what I mean?" Riley pointed out, gripping the glass of milk tightly. "Multiplying." And with that, she threw the glass of milk directly in Sirius' face.

"HEY!" he cried out in surprise.

"Now was that really necessary?" Remus questioned Riley, conjuring up a towel for his friend. Peter walked up behind him with an amused smirk.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to be next?" spoke Riley dryly as she gave him a sweet, innocent look, masking her evil rather blatantly.

Remus gave her a look and grabbed Sirius' arm, dragging him far away from the girls.

"Who do they think they are anyway?" Sirius grumbled, drying his hair with the towel that was already soaked in milk.

"To be fair, you _did _just insult the girl."

"Oh, right, and that makes it okay for her to chuck milk in my face?"

"No, I'm assuming that was because she just doesn't like you."

"I don't see why not. I'm quite loveable!" he whimpered.

"Ah, yes, I believe Rachel LeBlanc thought as much last night," Peter snorted.

Sirius grinned, his mind now off sending bad thoughts towards Riley Gilmore. "The ladies do love me."

"Tell that to Riley," Remus snickered.

"Eh, Lily-bean and Kay will have to do."

"Pretty sure those two aren't going to be loving you like LeBlanc does anytime soon," Remus teased, reaching for the plate of sausage links.

Sirius shuddered. "Good. I couldn't imagine hooking up with either one of them. Lily-bean's like that annoying little sister you can never seem to get away from and yet you adore anyway. But emphasis on _little sister_. I'm not one for incest. And Kay is…well, she's kinda…I don't know…maybe she…"

Remus glanced up from the sausage with a chuckle. "You can't figure out why you're not interested in her, can you."

Sirius frowned. "She's a girl. A cute girl. And yet, I have zilch interest in her. Why is that?"

Remus laughed. "I don't know. Maybe it's her don't-mess-with-me vibe she often doles out."

"She's too quiet for you," Peter chimed in with a shrug. "Too innocent and naïve."

Sirius grinned. "You're right. 'Innocent' doesn't sound right to me."

"Which is why if you ever were to hook up with one of the Three Musketeers, it would have to be Riley."

He cringed, shuddering dramatically. "Hell to the no. That girl is a stuck-up, know-it-all, pretentious little hussy who I want nothing to do with."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Padfoot, I hate to break it to you, but the girls you usually go for _are_ stuck-up, know-it-all, pretentious hussies."

Sirius scowled. "Alright, fine, but I don't go for Gilmore. She's a self-righteous bitch plain and simple who acts as if she owns this school."

"That's because she pretty much does," Remus said with a shrug. Sirius glared at him. "Well she _does_. She is by far one of the, if not _the_, most beautiful girls in this school—don't shake your head at me, you know it's true—and she has a brain to go with her beauty. Not many girls have both and it's obvious why the guys all love her."

"Well who needs both anyway?" he responded, piling his plate up with eggs and grits. "As long as they're beautiful, I'm okay with them lacking in the intelligence department. That just gets them into trouble."

Remus couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head incredulously. "How shallow of you," he teased.

"Eh, I'd rather be shallow than forced into a relationship."

"Who said anything about relationships? I'm merely talking hook-ups here."

"I'm not sure which one is worse: monogamy or a roll in the sack with one of those three."

"I hate to break it to you, Padfoot, but oddly enough, some guys like committed relationships," Remus pointed out with a snicker, tossing a piece of sausage into his mouth.

"Yeah, idiots," Sirius snickered.

"Who you calling an idiot?" a voice drawled behind them.

Sirius whirled around and gave James a guilty grin. "Oops? How is the dear, wonderful, oh-so-pretty Kristina anyway?"

James rolled his eyes as he slipped into the bench beside Peter. "How did we get on to the topic of commitment by way of Padfoot?"

Remus threw his head back and laughed. "It all started with Padfoot wanting to sleep with one of the Three Musketeers."

"No, I don't!" Sirius tried to argue, but James cut him off.

"Ooh, which one?" James asked intrigued, reaching over and stealing a sausage link of Remus' plate, much to his chagrin.

"I think the conclusion was Riley," Remus explained with a shrug.

"Oh mother of Merlin _no,_" Sirius grunted.

James made a face. "Eww, she's like a sister to me. Can't he choose another one?"

"I don't _want_ one!" Sirius protested.

Again, he was ignored.

"Like who?" Remus pointed out. "Lily and Kay aren't exactly his type."

"Neither is Gilmore!" Sirius retaliated, poking Remus' shoulder repeatedly.

James ignored him and grabbed a biscuit, contemplating Remus' words. "I didn't realize Sirius had a type. I assumed any girl that has boobs was his type."

"I'm feeling very insulted!" Sirius pouted, throwing a piece of sausage at James' head.

While James ducked, Remus shrugged. "Okay, true, but if he had a type, it wouldn't be someone as quiet and innocent as Lily and Kay.

James nodded in agreement. "Hm…yeah, I guess out of those three, Riles would be the obvious choice."

"No, she wouldn't be!" Sirius protested, crossing his arms bitterly when poking Remus incessantly seemed to do nothing.

"Well, I guess we'll have to try and make sure that no other guy in this school goes after her," James continued. "Sirius obviously has dibs on her."

"No I don't! She can have anyone she wants!" Sirius whimpered.

"Well, I heard Rhett Davies was considering asking Riley out to the next Hogsmeade trip," Remus said with a mindless shrug, half speaking to James and half wondering what Sirius would say, who was shoving a biscuit into his mouth out of pure frustration.

Sirius choked on the biscuit. "_What_? That Quidditch loser? Why would _he_ want to date Gilmore? She can't go out with him."

Both James and Remus finally turned to acknowledge him. "I thought you didn't have an opinion on who Riley dated," Remus snickered.

Sirius glared at him and snatched the piece of sausage out of his hand. "I don't," he said through gritted teeth, taking a huge bite out of the sausage link in his hand, stealing a glance in Riley's direction. "I just don't think that Gryffindors should be associating with any haughty Hufflepuff Quidditch players."

Remus rolled his eyes, getting annoyed that his sausage kept getting seized by his mates. "That's called an opinion, Padfoot."

Sirius gave him an annoyed look. "It's _called_ common sense," he muttered.

"Whatever you say, Padfoot," Remus said with a smirk.

Sirius glared at him, and moved the plate of sausage away from Remus. "No sausage links for you until you admit I'm right."

Remus glared at him. "You play dirty."

"Yep. Admit that I'm right."

"You're not right!"

"Er…I'm going to go visit Kristina while you guys figure this thing out," James laughed, as he stood up, rolling his eyes at the two, and striding over to the Ravenclaw table.

"Gimme the sausage!"

"Admit that I'm right!"

Remus sighed, and Sirius smirked to himself, assuming that he had won the debate. But before Sirius could gloat, Remus stood up and wandered down to the other end of the table where Lily, Riley, and Kay were sitting and smiling politely, grabbed a handful of sausage links for himself. He flashed them a grateful grin and with an evil smirk on his face, walked back to his seat.

"Traitor," Sirius muttered, shoving the plate towards Remus.

"Nah. Just evil," Remus said, chuckling. "Oh and Riley is willing to go into Hogsmeade with you if you're-"

"You didn't dare!" Sirius hissed, ripping the sausage out of Remus' hand immediately.

Remus laughed and snatched it back. "Not this time, Padfoot," he teased. "But hopefully you'll think twice before stealing a man's sausage links again."

Even Sirius couldn't help but laugh and as they jumped into a debate about who could eat the most sausage links in under a minute, the Owl Post flew in and the Great Hall's usual morning chatter quieted as owls passed out the mail.

A small grey owl flew towards Remus and dropped off _The Daily Prophet_ before diving into Remus' breakfast.

"Aw man!" Remus complained, unrolling the newspaper and wishing to swat at the owl. "I just got that sausage."

"Please tell me there's no mention of that damned Act today," Sirius muttered.

"Not on the front page," Remus said, glancing down at the headlines. "Just more information about the stolen registry and the wizarding laws in Sicily and—oh, shit."

Sirius and Peter's eyes shot up towards Remus, who was slowly turning white.

"What?" Sirius asked softly, almost too afraid to ask.

"Wendita Prickle," he murmured.

Sirius and Peter exchanged a confused glance. "We're going to need more vowels, Vanna," Peter urged.

A look of confusion passed over Sirius. "I'm not sure what a Vanna is, but I think we need more information, Moony."

Remus rolled his eyes and pointed to a small article at the bottom left-hand side of the page. "She's the owner of Prickle's Potions Apothecary," he said. "She was found dead in the lab last night with the Dark Mark hovering overhead."

"Aw, jeez, another innocent bystander, hm?" Sirius murmured, frustration building up inside of him.

Remus' eyes grazed the article but there wasn't much left to go on. "You know why she died, don't you?"

Sirius met Remus' gaze and nodded sullenly.

"What? Why?" Peter asked, confused.

"Do you remember the article from yesterday? About the Act?" Sirius sighed.

He nodded. "How could I forget?"

"She was the one standing up for Muggleborns, claiming she would hire whoever she damn well pleased."

Horror spread across Peter's face. "Those sick bastards!"

"My sentiments exactly."

"Seems to me no one is safe anymore," Remus muttered. "First, he was just going after Muggleborns. Now he's going after blood-traitors as well."

"You're safe," Sirius considered, shaking his head curiously.

"What? Me? Why the hell do you say that?"

"He's recruiting werewolves," Sirius muttered with a shrug. "He's already got Fenrir Greyback in his little gang."

Remus stiffened, a spurt of anger shooting through him at just the mention of the name Fenrir Greyback. He was the beast responsible for his lycanthropy. "Yeah, but do you really think I'd _join _Voldemort?" he snapped. "Let me answer that for you—_no_. Which would make me a blood-traitor and therefore, unsafe. Just like the rest of you."

Sirius cringed, guilty for offending Remus. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

"In fact, I'm probably more of a target," he interrupted, shaking his head. "Because he _is _recruiting werewolves. So he'll actively _search_ for me and then murder me without a care in the world the moment I laugh in his face."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius questioned. "Are you receiving letters from someone named Tom asking _you _to join the dark side?"

Remus didn't respond.

"Yeah, I didn't think so," he muttered, stabbing his fork into his eggs angrily.

"You're still receiving those letters?"

Sirius nodded sullenly. "I don't bother reading them anymore. I just chuck them into the fireplace," he sighed. "The moment the words Gryffindor came out of the Sorting Hat, I turned my back on anything that has to do with the Dark Arts and I'll be damned if I'm going to let a threatening letter change that."

Remus nodded, a deep sense of pride evoking from within. Sirius always talked about how it was the best decision he ever made by turning his back on his wretched Voldemort-praising, Dark Arts-supporting family, but that didn't mean it couldn't have been difficult. Coming from experience when it came to a neglectful family, Remus knew there was a probably a part of Sirius that longed for some sort of adoration or appreciation of his parents and his brother. Just because they had two completely different views didn't mean Sirius wasn't a Black.

"Maybe I should just change my surname so I don't have to be associated with such villains," Sirius muttered, his eyes flitting over to the Slytherin table where his two cousins and brother all sat looking like their usual smug selves. "Though I don't think Sirius White has the same ring to it."

Remus cracked a smile. "You'd never change your surname. It's your one way of shoving it in all of their faces that not all Blacks are born with a murderous desire."

Sirius knew Remus was right. His parents, his brother, his cousins, his uncles, his aunts, the list goes on, they all cringed at the fact that there was someone floating around with their infamous last name actively fighting _against _Voldemort and all that he does. "I wouldn't be surprised if Bellatrix and Narcissa are planning on joining Voldemort's ranks after graduation."

"I don't even want to think of that," Remus said quickly, shaking his head. "The idea that people we go to school with could one day be joining a terrorist whose sole goal is eradicating an entire blood race makes me want to hurl."

"How many Death Eaters do you think he has?" Peter asked.

"Too many." James reappeared, slipping back on to the bench beside his friends. "You read about Wendita-"

"Yeah," the three of them interrupted before he could even finish.

James' eyes drifted over to where Lily was sitting, wondering if she had read about the witch's death. Anytime he heard anything about the prejudice towards Muggleborns, his thoughts went immediately to her. Normally, his instincts were to walk over to her and try to ease whatever concerns she probably had even if she denied them. But after her rant the day before, James knew it was best to leave alone.

"She'll be fine, Prongs."

He snapped his head back towards Remus. "What?"

He suppressed the urge to smile at James' mock confusion. "Lily. She'll be fine."

James was irritated that Remus always seemed to know what he was thinking. "Oh, whatever," he muttered. "After yesterday, I could care less about the girl."

"Right," Remus snorted.

"Really!" James reassured. "I don't think it's fair that she always get to be the one that's pissed off. And for what? Defending her honor?"

"You referring to yesterday or Saturday?" Sirius chimed in with a smirk.

"Yeah, you seem to be defending her honor an awful lot for someone who didn't ask you to," Remus agreed.

"Oh, right, and the next time someone calls her a slag or a…a you-know-what, I'm just supposed to let it happen?"

"Yes," his three friends responded in unison.

James scowled. "Fabrice and those bloody Slytherins got what they deserved." He thrust the newspaper out of Remus' hands, gesturing towards the article about Wendita Prickle's death. "It's bullies like them that believe they're better than everyone because they're _purebloods _who will one day rise up and join the ranks of Voldemort. Honestly, I should have done much worse to those losers."

"You think throwing around a few insults is going to one day lead to them becoming murderers?" Remus said, frowning.

"It's not just the insults, Moony," James snapped. "It's the way Fabrice's family drove out a family of werewolves who moved next door to them because they were expendable _beasts _in their minds. It's the way Bellatrix and Rodolphus stride around this school thrusting their hexes and jinxes on unsuspecting Muggleborns because it gives them a laugh. It's the way Avery and Mulciber brag about how they'll one day be experts at the Unforgiveable Curses and actually think that that's brag-worthy! It's repulsive that people can be so goddamned narrow-minded all because one bloody terrorist is filling their minds with such _garbage_! They all need to be stopped. If Voldemort hates Muggleborns so much, then maybe he should just off himself so he doesn't have to live in a world with them! He's caused more pain and suffering than any other wizard, than any other _person _which includes Adolf Hitler mind you, and I hope his life ends with a violent ill-fated painstaking _death_!"

His three friends were staring at him in shock.

"Please, tell us how you really feel," Remus drawled.

James glared at him.

Remus shrugged. "Though I'm not in disagreement with you."

"Who's Adolf Hitler?" Sirius asked.

James rolled his eyes. "Why exactly did you drop Muggle Studies this year?" he groaned.

"Because it was a load of bullshit," Sirius snorted. "When am I ever going to need to know anything about the Muggle world?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You'll be a better wizard for it."

"No, I'd be a better _Muggle _for it," he scoffed, shrugging. "And no offense, but there is way too much stuff in their world to learn in just seven years. I'm throwing in the towel. I appreciate my wand too much."

"You're slightly pathetic," Remus snickered.

Sirius reached across the table and grabbed the sausage left on his plate, stuffing it all into his mouth. "No more sausage for you!" Sirius said through a muffled voice, spewing bacon bits across the table.

Remus raised an amused eyebrow. "That was the sausage link the owl was nibbling at."

Laughter erupted as Sirius attempted to wipe his tongue frantically with a napkin.

* * *

**A/N: **Not much to say here. I'm just trying to give you an idea of what's going on in the wizarding world as they all trek through their seventh year. Review please!


	9. Of Snogging, Pumpkins, & Happiness

**A/N: **Well I'm back with the next chapter. What will happen between James and Lily now?

**Disclaimer: **Oh you know how this goes. If you don't, then you clearly didn't read the first 8 chapters...

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 9: Of Snogging, Pumpkins, & Happiness

* * *

By October, more students were obtaining subscriptions to _The Daily Prophet_. Every day there was an article about blood status or the reign of Voldemort or another Dark Mark spotting or the Pureblood Protection Act. More and more people were either dying or joining Voldemort's ranks. It was all anyone could talk about. Everyone had their own opinions and most were more than happy to share those opinions with anyone who would listen. Arguments broke out in the corridors, heated debates occurred in class, hexing and jinxing became second nature, and dueling became nothing out of the ordinary. Lily was getting pretty tired of not only defending herself as a superior witch, but she was irritated with how many of these ridiculous divergences she was forced to break up. She was often exhausted by bedtime for handing out numerous detentions and taking away points that her focus on her schoolwork was declining. It didn't help that she was often breaking up fights with a certain fellow Head Boy who clearly didn't take his job as Head Boy very seriously.

"The bloody arse," Lily grumbled as she slid into an empty seat in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Riley nor Kay had to ask who she was referring to. "Who was James fighting this time?" Riley asked more out of habit than because she actually cared.

"No one, which I guess is a step up for the berk," she muttered. "He was supposed to meet me in the library after lunch to go over the agenda for tonight's prefect meeting and to run the House point tallies and not surprisingly, he failed to show."

"Er…maybe he had a good excuse?"

Lily glared at Kay. "Does snogging his girlfriend in a broom closet constitute a good excuse?"

Kay slumped down sheepishly. "Hm…I guess not."

"Why do you assume he was in the broom closet?" Riley questioned.

"First of all, what else would he be doing? Second of all, because I just happened to be on my way up to this class when they both tumbled out of there. It didn't help that their robes were disheveled and I _believe _James' pants were unbuttoned," Lily explained.

Kay and Riley burst into laughter. "And did you see-"

"Don't you _dare _finish that sentence, Riley Gilmore!" Lily snapped, her patience already wearing thin.

A chuckle was heard from a nearby table. Lily turned to glare at Sirius. "Something funny to you, Sirius?"

"Just trying to picture James and Kristina being caught red-handed by the Head Girl," he said with a grin. "Wish I could have been there to see the looks on all of your faces."

"Sirius, I'm really not in the mood for your jokes."

Sirius' eyebrow perched. "Testy today, aren't we?"

"You would be too if you continually got blown off by your co-Head," she muttered, slumping down in her chair defeatedly. She was so tired of James Potter thinking he could what he wanted when he wanted as if the world revolved around him. She was starting to feel worn out and depleted from the lack of help or respect from her fellow coworker. She was doing all the work and was finding it wasn't nearly as rewarding as it should have been. With James goofing off during prefect meetings, the prefects found it perfectly acceptable to follow in his footsteps and be as rash and negligent as he was. She was finding that most of the paperwork involved or the point charts or the detention slips were either not completed properly, completed with little care, or not completed at all. She was beginning to wonder if there was any point in continuing as Head Girl when it was obvious she wasn't getting the respect she deserved.

Sirius frowned, sensing burden trembling on her tongue. "Why don't you talk to him about that?" he suggested, nodding towards James who just waltzed into the room with, no surprise here, Kristina attached to his arm.

Riley suppressed the urge to laugh. "Well, his fly is up at least."

Lily sent her a scathing look. "What's the point, Sirius?" she muttered. "It just goes in one ear and out the other. It's so pointless trying to get him to listen and frankly, I'm done trying to pretend as if this partnership will ever work." She hesitated, glancing subtly towards Sirius with a frown before continuing, "Because the worst part about this whole thing is the fact that I know it could work if he even attempted to put in an ounce of effort. But he doesn't and he won't. He'd rather spend his time snogging his girlfriend or fooling around with his friends or flitting around the Quidditch pitch than demonstrate the fact that in fact, he probably does have some sort of tendency to be responsible and mature. He just chooses not to be. And that within itself, that _choice _to be obnoxious and act superior, makes him the most immature, stubborn, negligent guy in this entire school."

"Immature, stubborn, and negligent, hm?" spoke James as he weaved h way through the aisle towards the table where Lily sat. "Might you be talking about me?"

"Potter, I-"

"Then again, why wouldn't you be? I'm often the subject of conversation amongst the ladies."

Kristina giggled, elbowing James in the ribs in a flirtatious manner. "Just as long as I'm the only girl who is the subject of _your _conversations?"

"You might want to stand back because I'm on the verge of hurling," spoke Lily dryly.

James flashed her a grin, running his fingers through his hair methodically. "Would you rather we flirt or would you rather catch us again snogging each other senseless in a nearby broom-"

"I'd rather you show up the next time we schedule a meeting in the library," Lily snapped.

He hesitated before cringing guiltily. "Aw, crap. Forgot about that. Rain check?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I'm not taking any more rain checks, Potter. In fact, I'm not even bothering to set up these meetings anymore. What's the point? You don't show up and then I get frustrated when you don't. I'm done dealing with the endless disappointment that comes from having you as my coworker."

"I disappoint you, do I?" he said, rolling his eyes.

"Not anymore you don't," she retaliated, leaning back in her chair with a surly glint in her eyes. "Now, I just expect it."

"Well, what is the point in meeting with you anyway, Evans? No matter what work I attempt to do for you, you end up leering over my shoulder to scold me for doing it wrong, you attempt to then dictate how it should be done, and by that I mean it should be done _your way_, and then you inevitably take over and do it all yourself. So I ask you again, what's the point?"

"For that to be true, you'd actually have to _attempt to do work_ like you so humbly stated."

He rolled his eyes, undeterred by her cutting remarks. "Yeah, well, seems to me the broom closet holds more interest over me."

"Somehow that doesn't shock me."

He sighed. "Well, how about tonight? After dinner?"

"I have a tutoring session," she grunted.

"And you have Quidditch," Sirius reminded James.

"Oh, right. Forgot about that. Well-"

"Not only do you make a less than worthy coworker when it comes to scheduling meetings but you can't seem to remember when you, as the bloody Captain of a team, schedule practices," Lily griped. "Do you really have such a horrible short-term memory or is your brain crammed with so much useless nonsense it can't be bothered to remember the important things?"

"Hate to break it to you, but I don't considering meeting with you so you can tell me what a horrible example of a human being I am _important_. I prefer that so-called useless nonsense."

"No wonder you're into Kristina."

Kristina scoffed and even Riley, Kay, and Sirius cringed at the rude remark. "You're calling me nonsense? You're being ridiculously overdramatic about missing out on some lame Head meeting with James while he's out having a bit of youthful fun. Somehow, your words mean nothing to me."

"There's such thing as having responsibilities, Kristina," Lily scowled. "Not that I'd expect you to know anything about that."

"Why bother? Seems to me you're responsible enough for every single goddamned seventh-year in this school. The rest of us might as well enjoy our last months as unstructured teenagers."

"Oh, don't worry," Lily responded dismissively. "You'll always act like an unstructured teenager."

James jumped in before Kristina could retaliate. "Evans, if you want to attack me you go right ahead. Merlin knows I'm used to it by now," James interrupted, glaring at her. "But don't go putting down Kristina because she seems to know how to let loose and you will always be an uptight, high strung overachiever."

"That wasn't an insult just towards Kristina," Lily argued. "You'll always be an unstructured teenager as well."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine by me. Who wants to live in the real world anyway?"

"Ah, yes, why would one want to actually grow up and become a mature adult when he may find out he's not as charming and clever in the real world as much as he thought he was in his days prancing around Hogwarts," Lily s aid, her lips tightening in frustration. "The real world is coming a lot quicker than you might like to admit. In just eight months, you won't have your charm and your wit to fall back on. You'll actually have to _be _somebody."

"Yeah, well at least I have a shot of that. What job are you going to get after Hogwarts? Oh wait, that's right, no one's hiring _Muggleborns."_

Lily heard Riley and Kay wince beside her and Sirius mutter 'Ouch' under his breath, but she was just in shock by the casual spite in his voice, as if those words wouldn't sting. Lily met James' guilty gaze with hurtful trepidation. Because the worst part was, he was right. It didn't matter that she spent her entire Hogwarts career in the library. It didn't matter that she had finally acquired the title of Head Girl. It didn't matter that unlike James, she didn't just use her charm and wit to get ahead. Even though she knew she was a better witch than James will ever be a wizard, he was the one who was going to get the high-paying job while she would be forced to work as a barmaid just to get by. "Don't you mean no one's hiring _Mudbloods_?" she snapped.

James flinched, sighing. Why was it that Lily always managed to get the worst out of him? He tried ignoring the scrutinizing gazes of his friends as he muttered, probably unconvincingly, "I would never say that."

"The tone in your voice said it for you."

He was having a tough time trying to find the right words to apologize with the numerous stares he was receiving. He opened his mouth to respond, to act contrite, to plead his case, but he was interrupted by the timid Professor Georgiana creeping into the room and requesting that everyone take their seats.

James' eyes flickered to the empty seat in front of Lily, but she grabbed her wand and sent the chair tumbling to the ground. "That chair's taken."

He sighed and followed Kristina over to the other side of the room, the disappointment and hurt that Lily had been trying so hard to display still prominent in his mind.

* * *

Riley was holed up in the library later that night, keeping Lily's favorite round table in the back, hidden corner of the library company since Lily had to run back to her room to grab her Herbology notes before her tutoring session, but it wasn't work that Riley was focused on. She had swiped a copy of that morning's _Daily Prophet _from an unsuspecting first-year Slytherin (who looked way too giddy for her own tastes) and was flipping through it. Anger coursed through her veins when she read headlines such as "_Muggleborns: human or beast?" _and "_Last remaining Muggleborns in Sicily chased out by fear," _and "_Aurors proposing use of Unforgiveable Curses in line of danger_." Her mother happened to be one of those Aurors wondering if the Unforgiveable Curses may come in handy at some point down the road. Riley herself couldn't imagine being trained to torture someone or control someone's mind. Or even worse, _kill _someone.

"Makes you want to break your wand into two and live in the Muggle world, doesn't it?"

Riley glanced up over the column she was reading into the familiar grey eyes. "Black, you wouldn't last two hours in the Muggle world."

He shrugged. "Probably true, but I'd rather be a bumbling idiot in a world where people are more accepting than in a world where prejudice and racism rule the people."

"Sadly, I think prejudice and racism can be found in all worlds," a familiar voice spoke from behind them.

They both turned around to greet Remus. "Sirius, what the hell are you doing here?"

"We're supposed to be working on our project," Sirius muttered irritably.

"Yes, but you do realize that this is a library, right? I'm surprised you even know where it was."

"I had help from our map," he teased, pulling out a chair beside Riley and turning it around to straddle it with a grin. Riley was one of few non-Marauders who knew about their map.

"I am noticing however that you are lacking a few key ingredients to the whole studying concept," Riley drawled, leaning back in her chair with an annoyed harrumph.

He furrowed his brow curiously.

Remus rolled his eyes, noting Sirius' empty hands. "A textbook, some parchment, a quill-"

"A brain," Riley interjected.

Sirius scowled. "Can't you just be grateful I actually showed up?"

"Showing up is like 5% of the equation, Black," she sighed. "It would help if you actually gave me some input."

"Wouldn't it just be easier for me to remain quiet, smile and nod during the appropriate times, and just agree with everything you say than for me to actually do the work?"

"Oh, right, and you staying quiet for longer than five minutes is as likely as you keeping your tongue to yourself for…well, for longer than five minutes."

"Aha, is that a challenge?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"The you staying quiet for longer than five minutes part? Yeah, that was." She reached for the newspaper to toss into her bag, but Remus reached out to stop her.

"'_Muggleborns: human or beast?'"_ Remus scowled, reading the headline of the page. "Are they serious with this?"

"Voldemort's got some insiders at the _Daily Prophet_. It's the only explanation," Sirius sighed.

"Seems to me he has insiders at the Ministryas well," Riley sighed. "The Junior Undersecretary, Jorgus Rikkiman, was found tortured and killed in an alleyway near the Ministry and Laiken Jacobs in the Improper Use of Magic Department within the Ministry was found dead along with her family because she apparently tried summoning the Hit Wizards to throw Mulciber's older brother into Azkaban for attempting to use the Imperius curse on a _ten-year-old_."

Both Remus and Sirius looked absolutely disgusted. To which part they were feeling disgusted about, Riley couldn't be sure since there were so many parts to be disgusted about. "How the hell do you know that?" Remus asked curiously. "I read about her death but there wasn't an explanation given."

"My mother's an Auror, remember?"

"And she tells you all of these stories?"

"I think she's hoping to invoke such anger and frustration within me that suddenly I will be motivated to become an Auror when I graduate."

"But you want to be a writer," said Sirius.

Riley was hit with a sudden feeling of surprise that he seemed to remember that. "_I _know that. It's my mother that doesn't," she muttered. "Now, can we start working on this project?"

"I'd rather talk about your aspirations to be a writer," Sirius whined. "And when I'd rather talk about _you_, that's saying something."

"Black, the sooner we do this damned research, the sooner you can go chase whatever skirt you're after this week."

He grinned. "I haven't decided yet. It's either Rachael, Janine, or-"

"I really don't care," she interrupted, sliding her _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_ textbook towards him. "Make yourself useful, Black."

"After six years of being useless, how do you propose I do that?" he said with a cheeky grin.

"You could start by reading up on the known Metamorphagi highlighted in chapter twelve."

Sirius opened his mouth to respond with what Riley could only guess was going to be another attempt at a witty comeback, but she thrust the feather of a quill in his face to shut him up. "And take some notes!"

He sighed and while sharing a somewhat amused glance with Remus, reluctantly slumped down in his chair and did as he was told.

Silence had fallen over the table as they worked diligently. Well, Remus and Riley worked diligently while Sirius occasionally grumbled his frustrations under his breath.

Eventually, Lily dropped into a chair to fill out the round table. "I hope you don't mind having a friend with pumpkins in replace of his hands," she grumbled, practically tossing her Herbology textbook on to the table in a huff. Her eyes fell upon Sirius. "Sirius, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Is it such a surprise to see me in the library?"

"Yes," three voices chorused together.

He rolled his eyes. "Why, pray tell, did you turn James' hands into pumpkins?"

"I was simply trying to get out of our room and get back to the library and he was in my way."

"Ah, so naturally the mature thing to do was to turn his hands into pumpkins," Riley joked.

"It's October. I thought it was festive," she drawled.

"Did you ever think that the mature thing to do would have been to just stay away from each other?" Remus couldn't help but ask. He knew he was going to get an earful in return, but he thought it had to be said.

Lily glared at him. "I _do _stay away him. It's Potter who can't manage to leave me the hell alone. I swear that kid has some sort of tracking device on me. He always seems to know where to find me no matter how hard I try to conceal myself!"

Remus and Sirius took it upon themselves to busy themselves in their parchment, knowing that the Marauder's Map probably had a lot to do with him always managing to track her down.

"You should feel flattered, Evans," he spoke, coming around one of the bookshelves. "I don't choose just anyone to stalk."

Lily's scowl was drowned out by the laughter that had burst from the other three, their eyes focusing in on the large orange gourd-like squash on the ends of his wrists.

"Yes, I get it, my hands or lack thereof are hysterical. Now will someone with opposable thumbs please return my hands to their normal state?" he pleaded.

"Oh, my apologies, I thought that was their normal state," said Lily with a wry smile.

James ignored her, turning to his best friend. "Sirius, be a pal and change them back," he urged. "And then tell me what the hell you're doing in a library."

Sirius scoffed. "Okay, ha, ha, just like your hands, your comment is hysterical. Because I haven't heard that once or twice or ten times already tonight. I wouldn't make fun of the guy who's a pro at counter-transfiguring edible vegetation back to body parts."

"Duly noted. Now change it, will ya?"

Sirius snickered before reaching for his wand and muttering the countercurse. In seconds, James' hands were back to normal.

James grinned. "Thanks, mate!" he said before summoning a chair from a nearby table and pulling it up beside him.

Lily glared at him. "This is a four-person table, Potter. You're not welcome here."

"Well, I'm not leaving until you hear me out so I guess-"

"I already tried hearing you out and it resulted in me transfiguring your hands into pumpkins," she snapped. "Because as much as you claim you were trying to apologize, the words 'I'm sorry' never actually came out of your mouth. Which, alas, doesn't surprise me. You don't seem the type to ever admit fault."

"Yeah, well, I am admitting fault," he said with a curt shrug. "I shouldn't have said what I did. You didn't deserve it."

"Wait, what are you two yammering about?" Remus asked curiously, having not been included in the conversation from earlier that morning.

"Potter called me the M word."

"I did not!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "You might as well have."

"Technically, the M word _could_ be referring to Muggleborn," Sirius interjected.

"So you won't say the word but you'll tear my blood status down?" Lily continued, ignoring Sirius. "Seems to me you're just one word away from becoming one of those bloody Slytherins."

"Whoa, you tore her blood status down?" Remus asked James in shock.

"The Slytherins say it out of spite and cruelty! I merely said it because you were irritating me and I knew that comment would get to you. I'm not _proud _of it but I certainly didn't mean it."

"You never mean it, Potter," she sighed dryly. "I'm getting tired of the whole 'well, you annoyed me so I decided to hurt you with a rather demeaning comment' excuse. Maybe you should just learn to keep your mouth shut."

He frowned. "Yeah, I probably should, but we both know that's never going to happen," he muttered guiltily.

"Something we can agree on."

Neither of them spoke, uncertain where this left things between them. James didn't know what else to say or do to beg her for forgiveness and Lily wasn't so sure James deserved her forgiveness. Before either could come up with the right words to say, Riley filled the awkward silence. "On the plus side," she said with a suggestive grin. "It _did_ get him to meet with you in the library finally."

Lily glanced up from her book, meeting the amused gazes of her friends. She turned towards James, who was displaying his best innocent smile, and found herself unable to contain the laughter building up inside of her. "Good to know for next time. Just piss Potter off to the point where he makes a hurtful, inappropriate comment and therefore has to come find me and beg my forgiveness to which I will then hand him a stack of paperwork and force him to actually do his job." She reached into her bag and slammed a handful of detention slips down on the table.

He sighed. "I should have stuck with the pumpkin hands."

"I would certainly have been entertained watching you attempt to fly a broom at practice," Sirius snickered.

"I do have my hands now, Sirius. In particular, I have a certain finger I could make you acquainted with."

His response was merely to grin.

* * *

"No way!" Lily cried, slamming her fist on the table on Thursday night during the prefect meeting. "You can't let them get away with this, Potter. If a prefect witnessed their foolery, then it needs to be dealt with properly."

James rolled his eyes. "They're just rowdy thirteen year olds, Evans. Pranks in the hallways are-"

"_Strictly_ forbidden!"

"They were just kidding around! We all do it, Evans and-"

"Oh, yeah, because _you're_ the perfect role model for this school," she said sarcastically.

James ignored her. "It was one time and it's not like anybody got hurt. If it happens again, then I give you permission to swoop in."

"I do not need your bloody permission to do my Head Girl duties, Potter!" Lily barked.

James rolled his eyes. "Deal with it."

Lily's fists clenched, frustration emanating from his blasé attitude. "Mercedes saw those Hufflepuffs picking on those first years! I am not going to compromise with you when you are so obviously wrong."

He shrugged. "Oh, you think I'm wrong, hm?" he said sarcastically. "There's a big shock."

"Uh…guys?" LeAnn Withers, a 6th year Hufflepuff prefect, interrupted. "We've been here for over two hours now and we still have a few more items on the agenda. If you could also possibly move this argument, along with the other seven, for after we leave, that would be much appreciated."

There was a chorus of nods and murmurs of agreements from the other prefects, including Remus who was rolling his eyes at his two friends. Lily glared at James. "This isn't over, Potter."

"I didn't say it was."

"Moving on," Lily took charge, glancing down at the agenda. "Decorations for Halloween. It would be most obliged if you could all pitch in with the Halloween decorations this Sunday night at eight o'clock in the Great Hall. Bring-"

"What if we can't make it?" James interrupted.

Lily had to will herself to not pull out her wand and silence him for the remainder of the meeting. She instead slammed her fist down on the table and glared at him. "God _damnit_, Potter, if you don't learn to shut up during our meetings I'm going to duct tape your mouth shut!"

"Whoa, touché," James snickered. "I was just asking a question."

"What could you possibly be doing that's going to intrude on your responsibilities as Head Boy? Pulling a prank? Looking for secret passageways? Sneaking off-grounds? Taking a stroll through the Forbidden Forest? Flitting around the Quidditch pitch? Cheating on Kristina with some other girl? A combination of all?"

"Hey! I do _not_ cheat on Kristina!" he snarled.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Touchy subject, hm?" she said with a smirk.

"I'm just busy, okay?" James snarled, giving her a look of discontent.

Lily sighed, shrugging tersely. "You know what? Fine, go ahead and skip out on it. Things would probably go smoother anyway without your help."

"I have that Defense Against the Dark Arts assignment due on Monday that I haven't started. Mind if I skip also?" Trent Hemingway asked with a smirk on his face.

Lily glared at him. "You're really going to follow _Potter's _example?"

"Can I skip, too?" Bellatrix said with a yawn. "Not because I'm busy or because I have an exam but because I could care less about the decorations."

"You know what? Why don't you _all_ just skip it?" Lily sneered, her eyes gleaming with anger. "It's not like it's mandatory. See if I care if our school looks good for Halloween."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You're the Queen of Perfection. If the school looks bad, you'll blame yourself and then probably bury yourself under tons of work because that's what you do when you get mad…or sad…or frustrated…or stressed…or-"

"I think they get it, Potter!" Lily snapped.

"Well I'm just making sure everyone knows who the Head Girl really is—a compulsive-"

"Potter, I'd like to get out of here," Severus sneered, interrupting his agitating stage. "So if you wouldn't mind annoying Lily later, that would help the rest of us out a whole lot more."

"Like I'd want to help you in any way, Snivellus," James shot back.

"LAST point of business," Lily interjected, glaring at them both. "I've heard a lot of complaints about badge misuse. Being a prefect is an honor. It is not something you can just use to your advantage. Detentions have been given out numerous times by all of you to which I have not received detention slips and warranties-"

"Neither have I," James inserted.

"-and points have been taken off that have not been tallied up and handed into me-"

"Or me," James included.

"-with the proper protocol. In the beginning of the year," Lily continued, "I specifically remember telling each and every one of you that if you give out a detention to any student, you are to fill out the correct paperwork, and if you take off points you are supposed to tally them up and provide the reason for taking off points so that I can-"

"And I can," James added.

"-make sure no one is mistreating their title as prefect. Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and I have-"

"And me," James added crossly.

"-agreed to take away your detention-giving and point-taking rights if you do not cooperate with this regulation," Lily continued, ignoring James completely. "As prefects, I hope you choose to fill out the paperwork and hand it to me-"

"Or me," James further said.

"-before I have to result in punishing everyone," Lily continued, glaring at James in aggravation, "Including those who _do_ agree to these terms. Understand?"

Everyone nodded in agreement, with a few suppressed glares from those who did abuse their prefect privileges, and started to get up before Lily could even tell them all that the meeting was adjourned, but James had cleared his throat and said loudly, "I also have one more thing to say to everyone."

Lily quickly spun around. "What?"

"Well it seems you neglected to ask me if I'd like to add anything to this meeting's agenda and it just turns out that I do."

"Considering you were the one who skipped out on meeting me, the fault is yours, Potter."

He shrugged it off. "Eh, perhaps, but you never ask my opinion anyway so it wouldn't have mattered even I have met you. I don't know if you realize this but you and I are supposed to be working side-by-side. I am called Head Boy, y'know."

"Oh really?" Lily said dryly. "I figured you were called Head Boy because Ass Boy was too inappropriate."

A chorus of ooohs broke out which quickly merged into a coughing fit when James sent a glare their way.

"Didn't realize you had cursing in you, Evans," James drawled. "I thought Goody-Two-Shoes were against that."

"You clearly bring out the worst in me."

He flashed her his usual suave grin. "Glad to know I have an effect on you."

"Yes, it's called repulsion," she snapped, turning away from his stare. "Now, I think we're finished for today, but just make-"

"Did I not say I had something to add?" James interrupted.

"Did you not get that by me ignoring it, I don't care?"

"Damnit, Evans, there isn't just one Head of the school, there are two," James said crossly, glaring at Lily smugly.

"Oh, no, Potter," Lily glowed, dripping in innocence and amusement. "You really only have one head. It just seems like two."

"Ooooooooh," mostly everyone murmured, a few laughs escaping from those who were on Lily's side.

James rolled his eyes, and responded hostilely, "And you really only have _no_ life. It just seems like one."

Another round of oohs chorused.

"Can we please add this insightful debate to the After-Meeting-Argument as well?" Alice sighed. "What are y'all up to now? _Nine_?"

Lily opened her mouth to retort but Fabian Prewett swept in. "I don't know, Alice. These meetings seem to provide me with a source of entertainment that you can't find elsewhere. All we need is a bin of popcorn and some fountain sodas and I could spend all night here."

Remus chuckled. "The Hogwarts Comedy Hour starring James Potter and Lily Evans? We could probably sell tickets."

James shot his friend a look but before he could retort, Rachael LeBlanc spoke up. "Comedy _Hour_? No, try the 5-hour Comedy Show."

"Exaggerate much?" Lily muttered. "It's not even ten o'clock."

"It's ten-thirty, Lily," Alice pointed out.

Lily cringed, ignoring the amused glint in James' eye. She opened her mouth to close out the meeting, but was interrupted by the door being thrust open and a very irate looking Professor McGonagall storming in. "Why is this meeting still taking place? It is ten-thirty, it should have been wrapped up over an hour ago!" she cried out.

"Yeah, well with these two constantly bickering," Randy Cattano, a sixth-year Gryffindor prefect, spoke, "This meeting could last until early morning.

"Well, I officially call this meeting adjourned," she said angrily, turning to glare sternly at the Head Boy and Girl. "You two, please stay after. We need to talk."

Lily could feel her face grow hot in embarrassment but she simply nodded. To busy herself, she started gathering up the paperwork and placing them into organized piles before retreating to her chair for the first time that evening.

As the door shut behind the last prefects to leave, Professor McGonagall instructed James to take a seat.

Though James was rather eager to leave, he reluctantly obeyed her orders.

"I understand that you two are not exactly the closest of friends," she began.

"That's the understatement of the year," James muttered, but shut up when they both glared at him.

"But you two _must _try and cooperate with each other. I realize that that may not be an easy feat, but you can't let your differences interfere with governing this school. You are supposed to be role models, two people that students can look up to and go to when in trouble. And right now, you're acting more like spoiled children."

Lily cringed, disappointed in herself and angry with James for ruining everything she has ever worked for.

"I know that I don't have to tell you what's going on in the wizarding world right now, but because we are in a state of turmoil, we need positive examples of influential and determined wizards and witches which is why you two were chosen as Head Boy and Head Girl in the first place. You two exemplify that this school should be about. What our wizarding world should be about. Fighting and standing up for what you believe in. Representing what's _right_, what is virtuous. You embody all that is moral in our world. You demonstrate great courage and power, qualities that are truly important, maybe now more than ever, when leading this school, both your friends and your adversaries. You both have a good head upon your shoulders so I advise you to start _using _it and not abusing it."

Both James and Lily were a tad taken aback by the sudden turn in her lecture. Here they were, thinking they were to be scolded and now in an odd sort of way, she was praising them and commending them for the people they've become. And suddenly, they both felt guilty for feeling as if their differences meant that one of them was good and the other was bad. In hindsight, they were both standing on the same side of the war. That was what was important.

"I realize that you two have your differences. But part of growing up is learning how to work these differences in your favor. Compromise may not be what either one of you are used to be but it's got to be something the both of you are willing to do. Or sooner or later, there won't be a 'both of you,' if you keep this up," she hinted.

Both of them gaped at her, their eyebrows rising in shock. Dumbledore would actually dethrone them?

"Please don't let it come down to that," she pleaded. "Are we clear?"

They could only nod.

"I apologize for making you late for rounds tonight, Mister Potter, but I do believe this was an important to have," she said hastily. "Please remember your detention and paperwork for next Wednesday afternoon's meeting. I assume you talked to your prefects about the recent problems?"

Lily could only nod due to the big lump in her throat, wondering what the next step could possibly be for her and James. Compromise wasn't something James Potter particularly knew how to do. And at this point, she didn't know it was possible either.

"Good night," were her last words before she swept out of the room in a flash.

They both sat in silence after McGonagall left, trying to come up with a string of words that would make the most sense.

"I think her bun looked particularly ravishing today," James eventually spoke, clearly trying to ease the tension.

Lily shot him a look. "Really? You're going with a joke right now?"

"Well, what else is there to say, Evans?" he sighed. "Do you honestly think that you and I can work together?"

Lily didn't know what to tell him. "I think…" she pondered, biting down on the inside of her lip. "I think we should clean up here so you can get to rounds."

James frowned as she turned away from him to collect the remaining paperwork scattered about the desk. "So that's it? We're not even going to discuss what McGonagall said?"

"You just said so yourself: what's the point?" Lily muttered. "What's the point of any of it anymore?"

"Any of it?"

"McGonagall was right about one thing. This petty feud is nothing compared to the feud going on out in the real world. That's a real war with real consequences," spoke Lily with a deep sigh. "Not being Head Girl anymore? That's nothing. It's inconsequential. So yeah, what's the point? Why should I care?"

James had never heard her speak such depressing words in his life. She was always so upbeat, so positive, cheerful to the point of aggravating. And he couldn't tell you exactly why she chose to be that way, though he did know it was a choice and not just inherent, but it was obvious it was easier for her to remain optimistic than let all of the turmoil and the negativity that the war provided to most people get to her. Because if she let it get to her, she would be showing signs of weakness. And the one thing that Lily was not was weak. "Because right now the only world we know _is _the Hogwarts world," he said tactfully. "So of course it matters. Of course there's a point. Of course you care."

She shrugged. "You're right, maybe it does matter to me and maybe I do care. But it's obvious that you don't. And for that reason, and that reason alone, it makes _me _not care anymore. I'm done, Potter." She swung her bag over her shoulder and headed towards the door.

"Wait, what are you done with?" he called out after her frantically..

But she had already disappeared, leaving James more confused than ever.

* * *

Lily wasn't sure what she had meant by she was done. Done being Head Girl? Done trying to play nice? Done taking control? She really had no clue, but she was exhausted. She was exhausted trying to do her job and getting no help from her counterpart. It's like he did it on purpose, knowing it irritated her. But if that's the game he wanted to play, she wanted no part of it any longer.

She woke up the next morning, still irritated and a bit confused, and reluctantly headed down to the Great Hall. The only saving grace for her was that it was Friday.

"Lily, you look…" Kay trailed off when Lily dropped on to the bench beside her friend and immediately placed her head down on the table with a groan. "Tired?"

"That's her really nice way of saying you look like shit," spoke Riley.

Lily lifted her head off the table long enough to glare at Riley. "Don't make me give you a detention."

"For what? Putting your appearance down?" she teased.

"For cursing, you bitch."

Riley chuckled. "How'd the meeting go last night?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she said hastily, shaking her head.

"Ooh, that bad, hm?"

Lily didn't respond. She didn't really know how to respond.

"Maybe we should switch places, Lilykins," Riley contemplated, stroking her chin dramatically. "I'll become Head Girl and you be Black's partner."

"What about me?"

Riley groaned and whirled around, ignoring the cheeky grin on Sirius' face. Right behind him were, to no surprise of the girls, his three friends. "Why do you always manage to be around when I happen to briefly mention your name?"

"I can't help that you're thinking about me all the time," he grinned, winking.

"And I can't help it if I happen to _accidentally_ turn you into a frog and then _accidentally_ forget the countercurse," Riley sneered.

"Something tells me those wouldn't really be accidents," James snickered, sliding into the bench across from her.

"You do realize that there are like a million places to sit at this table. Why must you torment us by deciding to sit with us?" Lily demanded to know.

"Because we get an absolute kick out of tormenting you. It's the best part of the day," James said with a harmless smile. He reached over and grabbed the scone off of Lily's plate, mostly just trying to be his usual goofy self in hopes that the dark conversation that had occurred between them the night before would just go unforgotten.

"DAMNIT, POTTER! That's my scone!"

James took a big bite and then said, with his mouth full, "Not anymore."

Lily found herself strangely complacent. It wasn't anger or disappointment or frustration that coursed through her veins like it so often did in James' presence. It wasn't the urge to hex him or kick him or throw a pitcher of pumpkin juice in his face. She didn't have the desire to yell at him or lecture him or scold him. No, turns out when she had said she was done the night before, she had meant it. "I am so done with you, Potter," she said softly.

He froze midbite. "It's just a scone," he murmured, confused.

"No, Potter, it's not just a scone. It's more than that," she sighed, swallowing hard. "Last night's meeting was a disaster because of you. I've been dreaming of becoming Head Girl since my first year while you obviously never wanted this. And now you're singlehandedly destroying everything I've ever worked hard for. You are ruining my seventh year and I hate that. I _hate _that I let you get to me because you're not worth my time. You never have been and you never will be. I'm sick and tired of having to work with someone who actively chooses to shirk his responsibilities." She hesitated before adding, "It's gotten to the point where I am ready to just resign from my position so I no longer have to deal with your cruel everyday antics. I am done with this nonsense, I am done trying to be nice, I am done attempting to get you to own up to your responsibilities, but most of all, I am done with _you_.Why can't you just grow up?"

An eerie silence fell over the group of seven. They were all shocked at her sudden outburst, especially James. He knew he riled her up but he didn't realize he pissed her off to the point that she wanted to quit. He thought that this should have made him feel good, but for some reason the only thing spiraling through his mind was the image of his lips pressed against hers on the platform last May.

"You want to resign from Head Girl?" Sirius finally spoke up, absolutely shocked.

Lily turned to give him a weary look and shrugged. "If I'm not respected then what's the point? I'm doing this job for the students and for the good of our school, but with Potter around, the high and almighty James Potter, then why the hell would they listen to me?"

Kay and Riley exchanged looks. They knew nothing about this and were almost as shocked as the other four were. It wasn't like Lily to give up especially on something she had wanted for the past six years.

Lily grabbed a muffin off the table, a poor substitute for a scone, and stood up. "I'll see you guys around," she muttered, the words aimed at Riley and Kay before swiftly leaving the Great Hall.

"Does she…does she really want to quit?" James asked in complete and utter shock.

Kay and Riley exchanged another look and then turned back to James. "James, I think it's time for you to stop picking on Lily and start meeting with her in the library, start paying attention during meetings with Dumbledore, and offer a good word or two during prefect meetings," Riley suggested. She grabbed a piece of bacon and stood up, with every intention of finding Lily and talking to her. "That way perhaps you both will make it until the end of the year."

She gave him a hopeful look and then she and Kay rushed out of the Great Hall in search for Lily.

"Damn. I didn't realize I annoyed her to this extent," James muttered.

Sirius shrugged. "No offense, but she does the same to you. Isn't she being a little hypocritical when she scolds you like that? She's just trying to make you feel guilty and that's exactly what you're feeling now."

"If you ask me, he deserves it," Remus chimed in, chucking a sausage link into his mouth.

Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at Remus.

He shrugged. "What? You know it's true, Prongs. Some of the things you do and say around Lily you do to strictly piss her off. It's like you secretly enjoy making her angry."

"Oh, so that makes it alright for her guilt me into thinking I'm a horrible person?" James retaliated.

"You're not a horrible person, James," Remus sighed. "But you are supposed to be her fellow collaborator and honestly, you've done nothing but make her job that much more difficult. She's basically doing the job alone."

James frowned and opened his mouth to protest. But he found himself without a response. Because he knew Remus was right. He hadn't been doing the job like he was supposed to be doing. He'd been avoiding the responsibilities, frankly because he knew Lily would take care of it all. Not only that, she would take care of it all exceptionally well. She really was the right woman for the job. And he could guarantee he wasn't the right man for the job, that much was obvious. He sighed. "Pass me an apple," he murmured defeatedly.

Sirius reached over to grab the bowl of fruit. "If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a banana called a yellow, and a cherry called a red?"

"This coming from the guy who's first name is _Sirius_ and yet could be so far from it," Remus sighed.

"That's the opposite point I was trying to make."

"Pretty sure you weren't really trying to make a point in the first place."

"Stop being logical, Remus."

"Stop being you!"

"Alas, I cannot. Nor do I wish so," Sirius argued with a grin. "Now pass me a yellow, will you?"

Remus smashed the banana into Sirius' hair.

"Not exactly what I meant."

* * *

After Gryffindor had beat Slytherin at a very close game, 260-140, at Quidditch the next day, there naturally was a huge party in the Gryffindor common room that night. Everyone was there, stuffing their faces full of food nicked from the kitchens and enjoying the occasional spiked beverage. They were dancing and singing along to the wireless radio, high-fiving the Quidditch team for a job well done, and letting their inhibitions down for the first time since the school year began.

Everyone except for Lily Evans.

Lily wasn't much of a partier to begin with. She only ever attended to keep everyone and everything in line. But this party, she was having no part in it. And they all revolved around a single reason. A single person actually. James Potter.

Ironically, it wasn't just her outburst from the previous morning that was keeping her away from him. She was grateful that James had managed to keep his distance from her since then. Maybe it was for the better. They were clearly never meant to work together much less be around each other. But it wasn't the outburst, it wasn't the burdened and irritated sentiments from this year that were keeping her away from the Gryffindor common room. It was the reminder of the last Marauder party she attended in that very same room that was messing with her emotions. The party in the previous year that caused James Potter to admit his feelings to her. The same party that led to that unexpected kiss on the platform. How could someone go from that open, honest, genuinely real guy who wanted nothing more than acceptance and appreciation to a spiteful, arrogant, mean-spirited jerk who not only knew how to get under her skin but actively enjoyed it?

She was shocked to feel a prickle in her eyes as slow tears started to form. She quickly scolded herself, trying to act as if James Potter didn't matter. His words, his actions, his bullying didn't matter. But it did. It hurt. Not just her feelings but her choices, too. She wasn't kidding about what she had said to James in the Great Hall at breakfast the morning before. There was a small part of her that was thinking about resigning. Seriously thinking of resigning. While she didn't want to be dubbed a quitter and she didn't want anyone disappointed in her, everything she had worked so hard for was being challenged by James Potter and cast aside as unimportant. She was surprised that she hadn't snapped from the pressure already. And while Lily loved having the honor that had been bestowed upon her and while she loved knowing that she had earned it through hard work, she was willing to give it up if it meant being able to stay away from James and her breaking point. She was tired of feeling miserable and angry all the time. Maybe it was time she just threw in the towel and admitted defeat.

Lily was lying on her bed in the Gryffindor House in her comfortable pajamas with her Arithmancy work spread across the bed, although it remained untouched. Her eyes remained stoic on the night sky out the window, her thoughts spinning a web of negativity and disappointment. She heard the door creak open at one point but didn't even lift her head to bother checking who it was.

"Hey, Lils," Kay greeted.

"Hey."

"C'mon, Lily," Riley said gently, jumping lightly on to the end of Lily's bed. "You've been up here for the past three hours doing work. Why can't you just come downstairs and have a little fun?"

Lily shrugged and shook her head. "No, that's okay. I'm fine here."

She didn't let the darting eyes of Riley and Kay go unnoticed.

"You haven't even touched your Arithmancy essay," Riley noted.

"Exactly why I'm fine here. I've got to finish it," she said with what she could only hope sounded like a genuine laugh.

"Is this about what happened yesterday at breakfast?" Kay dared to ask.

Lily finally turned to look at her two friends. "Not everything revolves around that prat," she muttered irritably. "I just have a lot to do."

"Lily, don't let him get to you," Riley said firmly, ignoring her blatant lie. "It's what he wants."

She shot her friend a look. "It's not that I'm letting him get to me. It's that I'm just done being angry and irritated all the damned time. This wasn't how my last year at Hogwarts was supposed to go. I'm supposed to be enjoying my last year, having fun and-"

"You could start by coming downstairs," Kay urged.

Lily sighed. "I'm trying to avoid James Potter, remember? I'm not about to go join a party that not only is he throwing but is also a party _dedicated_ to him and his win."

"You do realize that the entire Gryffindor house is downstairs, right? There are like sixty other people who could help you avoid James."

"I could also avoid him by staying up here."

Kay sighed, shrugging. "Alas, you're missing out," she said, heading back towards the door. "But come on downstairs if you feel like a break. I think they were playing the Macarena earlier and I know how much you like that song."

"UGH!" Lily complained, trying to quickly forget about the time she lost a bet with James and Sirius and had to do the Macarena dance in front of the whole school at dinner one night two years prior.

The two girls laughed as they shut the door behind them, once again leaving Lily in a state of loneliness. She picked up her quill and glanced down at her blank parchment but didn't bother resuming the assignment. She instead simply stared at the page as the thoughts of James Potter once again started swarming her mind.

She paused before slowly pressing the pen to the paper. She found herself writing PRO on one side of the parchment and CON on the other. She started furiously scribbling the advantages and disadvantages to stepping down from the Head Girl position. She don't know how long she wrote for but when she finally put her quill down, the heaviness in her heart and mind wasn't lifted at all. Because while she had filled the entire left side of the page full of pros, it was the one word written on the con side that really jumped out at her: Potter.

Frustration filled up inside of her as she ripped the parchment into a million pieces before jumping off the bed and out of the room. She stopped towards the bottom of the stairwell, not wishing to be seen. She didn't know why she was sitting there, suddenly feeling sorry for herself. It wasn't like her to be so cynical and negative, but she supposed that two months of dealing with someone like James Potter could turn anyone into a cynic.

As it turned out, being a cynic wasn't so terrible.

* * *

The first hour was awesome. The second hour was okay but James was feeling a little distressed. And by the third hour of the night, all James wanted to do was crawl into bed and think about how he could make it up to Lily.

Of course he knew the party was practically in his favor—his first game and first win of the year as Gryffindor Quidditch Captain warranted the party. He would need a hundred hands to count the times congratulations was said to him that evening. And by the thousandth time, James was getting very antsy. Which was unusual for him, considering he normally welcomed the praise.

But it wasn't until he caught Lily sitting on the bottom of the stairs, looking so alone and disappointed, a feeling of loss and emptiness on her face—a trait that he had yet to see from Lily Evans—that he realized that she was the reason that he wasn't having such a great time. He couldn't get her words out of his head. He couldn't believe she wanted to quit her position as Head Girl. It seemed absolutely unreal. Lily hardly ever showed her weaknesses but it was obvious that he was hers. And he didn't like it one bit.

"I love when we win!" Sirius interrupted James' thoughts.

With one last glance Lily's way, he turned to Sirius and grinned. "Padfoot, even when we lose, we have parties."

Sirius hesitated. "Okay true, but the girls are much friendlier when we win."

James laughed. "I should have known. Word to the wise, soundproof your bed before diving in with your next playboy bunny, 'kay?"

"I am shocked that you would say something like that!" Sirius said feigning astonishment. He grinned. "I always soundproof my bed."

James rolled his eyes. "That's funny, because I could hear every antagonizing scream coming from your bed last weekend with Rachael LeBlanc. Things I didn't need to know."

Sirius snickered. "We were caught in the moment. It's rude to stop a girl in the middle of something very important and say 'Hey, babe, can you hold on a sec? My best friend doesn't respect my sexual needs and thinks that I should put a sound barrier around my bed immediately and stop you from giving me the best blow job-'"

"ARGH! I think that falls under the category of things I didn't need to hear about a fellow prefect," James argued, shuddering at the thought.

Sirius laughed and patted James on the back in that brotherly kind of way. "Just because you're jealous that you are tied down with Kristina and I am free to sleep with whoever I want does not give you reason to poke fun at my sex life."

"I wasn't poking fun," James explained. "I was simply saying that the things you do in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom."

"Then let me borrow your private quarters."

"Oh God, ew!" James cringed. "I like the fact that that is one thing you can't contaminate in my life!"

"I don't contaminate your life," Sirius protested. He hesitated and then laughed. "I just contaminate your mind. And let's face it, I'm damned proud of that. Now if you excuse me, Kylie is heading this way probably to talk with you about the night and I see a very sexy looking Rachael in the corner just waiting for me to make her night, if you know what I mean."

James gave him a look. "Padfoot, I _always _know what you mean."

Sirius laughed and James watched him put his charming moves on Rachael, not like he needed to put the charm on her anyhow. He laughed when Rachael immediately agreed to dance with him and shook his head at Sirius with a chuckle.

James' eyes glanced back towards the bottom of the girls' dormitory steps where Lily continued to perch. He needed to make a big gesture if she was ever going to see him as someone other than the screw-up he had been in the past.

He just didn't know what.

* * *

"Hey there."

Lily glanced up and met Sirius' gaze. "Didn't realize you could part your lips from Rachael's for longer than five seconds."

He grinned, running his fingers through his shaggy hair. "I didn't realize it either."

Lily rolled her eyes, suppressing the urge to smile. "Go back to your party, Sirius."

"You want to tell me what's been going on with you?"

"No."

"Gee, could you be more specific."

"No thanks?"

Sirius grew serious, his usual charming smile creeping downward, his eyes filled with concern. "James is a good guy, Lily-bean." He hesitated. "Or at least he can be."

She rolled her eyes, letting out a loud harrumph. "I'm not really interested in you building him up for me, Sirius. He may be our best friend, but to me he's just a royal pain in my arse."

"That's only because he used to like-" Sirius stopped himself before saying something he'd regret.

Her heart skipped a beat. "Like what?"

His lips pursed. "You wouldn't really quit your position, would you?" he asked, changing the subject.

"It's becoming more and more plausible in my mind."

He frowned. "I hope you know that you deserve to be happy."

She met his gaze, surprised by the sudden bout of wisdom. "I know," she said hesitantly. "That's the problem, though."

Sirius' eyes found James in the corner of the room with Kristina on his arm. "What part is the problem, Lily-bean?" he asked curiously. "The part where you are unhappy because of James or the part where you don't think you deserve to be happy at all?"

She didn't respond immediately, contemplating her answer in her head. "No one ever thinks they deserve it."

His gaze fell upon Riley as she trotted up behind James, trying to grab his hand and get him to dance with her. "Tell me about it."

She turned to look at him, noting a flash of disappointment in his eyes before disappearing. "This is a rather depressing conversation to be having at a party."

"You're not really at the party."

She forced out a laugh. "Fair enough."

Sirius finished off the beer in his hand, lurking in silence beside the emotionally disturbed girl beside him as he continued to glance around the room. Eventually, he said, "He'll come around, Lily-bean."

She frowned. "He's had six years to turn around and it hasn't happened yet, so sorry if I'm not going to hold my breath."

He sighed as he traipsed back into the party. "Somehow I thought you might say that."

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Lily. Poor James. Poor wizarding world. I should be updating soon!


	10. Of Halloween, Secrets, & Brothers

**A/N: **Yay! I'm back with another chapter! Nothing much to add here except I'm avoiding homework to submit this, so you should all be happy!

**Disclaimer:** Do I look like J.K. Rowling...not that you can see me through a computer screen.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 10: Of Halloween Decorations, Secrets, & Brothers

* * *

Lily had woken up early the next morning, mostly because she could hardly sleep the night before. She had spent the night in the Gryffindor Tower instead of her private quarters, hoping that would at least give her some sort of clarity over what to do about James, but it didn't help much. She tossed and turned the entire night, wanting nothing more than to succumb to her weariness, but her confusion overtook her mind.

She busied herself through the day with tutoring sessions and catching up on work and Head Girl duties, spending most of her day in the library, and by the time evening came around, the last thing she wanted to do was set up the Halloween decorations for a bunch of students who clearly wouldn't appreciate it. But considering she knew she'd be one of a select few who would show up to help, she knew she had to suck it up and do it anyway.

LeAnn Withers and Mercedes Jennings were hovering near the window, stringing the fake cobwebs while Alice and Fabian were in the corner helping Hagrid float the pumpkins mid-air just right. Lily had a box of orange, black, and purple streamers and ribbons with the occasional fake spider and was using her time to make sure the room looked as perfect as it could get. Maybe no one else would appreciate it, but she sure could.

She was humming a popular Gloria Gaynor Muggle tune, thinking back to the times as a kid when the whole family would climb into her father's Jeep and go pumpkin-picking, when she heard quiet footsteps behind her.

She flicked her wand to hang the streamer in her hand and glanced behind her. She froze, bewilderment spreading throughout her body.

"Hey," James said wearily.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh…aren't we supposed to be putting up Halloween decorations?"

"Yeah," Lily replied immediately, almost cutting off his last word. "So what are _you_ doing here?"

James sighed, digging his hands into the back pockets of his faded jeans. "Evans, come on. I'm here to help."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I thought you were busy."

"Well, I canceled my plans," James muttered.

"You shouldn't have had plans to begin with," Lily argued, chucking a tattered roll of streamers into the box beside her. "You knew we would have to do this about a month ago. Dumbledore told us about it at every meeting and yet you still felt the need to disobey your Head Boy privileges."

"I know," James agreed, surprising both himself and Lily. He thought for sure he would argue back. "But you deserve a better Head Boy than I've been so I'm making up for it one streamer at a time."

"Oh, you think it's that easy?"

"I never said it was easy, Evans," he quickly corrected. "But I'm trying."

"You're about two months too late for that."

He sighed. He had expected stubbornness on her part, she wouldn't be Lily without it, but he really just wanted to attempt to put the past in the past. "Well, I'm here now. It's a start, right?"

She hesitated, glancing at him curiously. She desperately wanted to scream at him, to scold him, hell even to kick him, but she found that she didn't have the energy to do any of those. "A start, hm? Does this mean you may actually be inclined to owning up to your Head Boy responsibilities?"

"It means that I know I've been one hell of a prat to you this year and you don't deserve that," he admitted with an apologetic straight-laced smile. "I know you're not a quitter, Evans, and I know it's 100% because of me that you've hit your breaking point and that's not fair. So I'm offering a clean slate and hoping you'll accept it."

"Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"Why have you been such a prat this year?" she blurted out. "Seems to me you tried stepping away from your bullying ways last year and I'm not going to lie, I was a little taken aback when I came face-to-face with you again this year to find you were back to being the same ol' jackass James Potter you used to be. What happened?"

His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't answer that without mentioning the conversation and the kiss they shared on the train platform at the end of last year. Because truth was, he had every intention of returning their seventh year as the same mature, levelheaded guy he had become during their sixth year. But a pang of guilt and anxiety had filled up inside of him when he first saw her in September and realized that everything had changed between them. They couldn't go back and they couldn't move forward. He had a girlfriend, a girl who wasn't Lily, and he had to remain loyal to her. To _them_. And so the easiest thing for him to do was pretend he was the same jerk he had always been. The same jerk he knew she would despise. And if she was despising him, that made it easier for him to despise her. And if he was despising her, he wasn't thinking back to that kiss they shared. "Nothing happened," he lied. "I just…I guess people don't change, Evans."

She hesitated before shaking her head. "I think you're wrong."

His heart skipped a beat. Was that her small way of admitting she did believe he had the potential to change? "Alright then," he said with a smile. "If you think people can change, give me a chance to prove it."

After seeing her so dejected and defeated after the way he had been treating her lately, all he wanted was for her to realize that he could go back to being the nice, mature guy he was in the prior year. He didn't know if it would be easy, but she deserved to work with someone who actually acted as if that school and its students mattered. Because in hindsight, he did care. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone.

Lily sighed and tossed him a spool of ribbon. "Start curling, Potter."

He glanced down at the ribbon slowly before lifting his eyes towards her. "Huh?"

A hint of a smile crept on to her lips. "You have a house elf, don't you?"

"What? What makes you say that?" he asked, frowning.

"Because only those with house elves who do all of the decorating around the house during the holidays would have no idea what curling ribbon meant."

"Oh," he said, glancing back down towards the ribbon. "Please tell me there's a charm to do that."

An amused twinkle appeared in Lily's eye. "There is. But I think I'll probably just get you a pair of scissors and watch you do it the Muggle way. That would certainly keep me entertained."

"I'm suddenly regretting showing up here today."

She found herself laughing before reluctantly showing him the charm and wand motion he needed to know.

"I think I'm getting the hang of this!"

Lily glanced behind her shoulder from the ladder she was standing on and groaned. "Potter, I said we needed about 50 ribbons curled. You have, like, 200 there!"

"At 50, I was still getting warmed up," he said, shaking his head as he curled another five pieces of ribbon.

"You just don't want me to give you another task."

"Yeah, that too." He flicked his wand again and another five ribbons were curled.

Lily chucked a roll of streamers at his head. "Stop curling ribbon!"

"Ow!" he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "No need to get violent, Miss Evans."

"Like you could feel that streamer roll under all that hair."

"Ah, so you're noticing my hair, are you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Hand me that box of candles."

"After you throw streamers at my head? No thanks."

"Potter!"

He chuckled before levitating the box up to her. "Be careful with those. They're-"

"ARGH!" Lily cried as she picked up the box and it fell back towards the ground.

"-heavy," James finished, grabbing his wand and stopping the box before the candles could shatter.

She shot him a look. "Couldn't have warned me before I picked up the box?"

"This was more entertaining."

She hurled another roll of streamers at him.

He ducked, his laughter ringing in her ear.

"Are you guys feeling okay?"

The two of them turned to face a clearly confused Alice and Fabian.

"Why wouldn't we be feeling okay?"

"Because on Thursday night, you guys were sending death threats to each other and now you're…" Alice trailed off, looking to Fabian for the correct wording.

"You're _laughing_," he finished.

Lily and James shared a bemused look. "So? I didn't realize we weren't allowed to laugh in each other's presences."

"Oh, you're allowed. Just didn't realize you had it in you," Fabian was quick to dispute.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Go finish hanging pumpkins, will ya? The ones you've already done look sloppy." She flashed him a grin.

He gasped overdramatically. "You dare insult my decorating abilities?"

"Yes."

He shrugged. "Well, good thing I plan on being an Auror and not an Interior Decorator." He grabbed Alice's arm and pulled her back towards Hagrid with him.

Lily frowned as she stared after him, her heart starting to race.

"Evans? What's wrong?"

She shook her head and gestured for him to send the box of candles back to her. "I just couldn't imagine being an Auror right now, not in the state our wizarding world is at the moment."

"I think that's part of the reason he _does _want to be an Auror," James muttered, neglecting to mention that that was the profession he was probably seeking post-Hogwarts. "Because at least he'd feel like he was doing some good in our deteriorating world. I just feel sorry for the woman who ends up with him."

That threw Lily for a loop as she glanced down at him. "What does that have to do with him being an Auror?"

"I've watched my mother worry about my father being sent on missions and I've watched my older brother's girlfriend fret every time the clock strikes eight o'clock, nine o'clock, ten o'clock and he's still not home. It's a scary profession because there's so much unknown. Where they are, what they're doing, when they're coming home, _if_ they're coming home and are they coming home safely and uninjured, are they going to be sent into a battle. A lot of the job is impulsive and unstructured. So for an actual Auror, yeah the profession is scary and dangerous and daunting, but it's the people that love them and have to worry about the scariness and the danger and the daunting tasks that worry _me _the most."

Lily couldn't tear his eyes off of him, in awe by the insight and astuteness he seemed to possess. He suddenly seemed so wise for his age. "You surprise me sometimes, Potter," she said when she found the ability to speak again.

As he tidied up one of the rolls of streamers she had thrown at him, he glanced up at her in bewilderment. "What about me surprises you?"

She shrugged it off. "So your older brother followed in your father's footsteps, hm? You planning on doing the same?"

"I'm pretty sure Brite didn't have a choice," James murmured, ignoring her second question.

"We always have a choice."

"You don't know my father."

She sensed defeat in his voice. "Your father wanted him to be an Auror?"

"It's not about want with him," James said, holding in the sigh that was trying desperately to escape. "It's about what he expects. He _expected _Brite to be an Auror, he _expected _Wyatt to be an Auror, and I'm damned sure he expects me to be an Auror."

"Wyatt? Another brother of yours?" Lily questioned. "Is he an Auror, too?"

James frowned, quickly turning away from her curious gaze. "No," he eventually murmured, wondering why their conversation suddenly turned dark. "He…he left Godric's Hollow immediately after he graduated from Hogwarts. No explanation, no good-bye, no note. He just packed his bag and…and left. No one's heard from him since."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Potter," she apologized, wincing guiltily. She hadn't meant to extract such a depressing side from him. But the weird part was, a part of her suddenly felt a lot closer to the guy. She, too, knew what it was like to lost family. "I didn't mean to bring it up."

"Don't worry about it. I hardly think of the guy anymore."

She knew he was lying, but knew well enough to know to change the subject. "So you have a pretty big family, hm?"

"Four brothers, one sister." He hesitated. "And Sirius."

Lily chuckled. "What was it like? Growing up in a big family?" She ignored the forming lump in her throat as she longed to hear more about his family. While it was often difficult listening to others drone on about their big, happy families, it also gave her a sense of unexpected comfort. It gave her something to hope for. One day, she wanted to be part of a big family with a loving husband and lots of children scurrying about. It was the one dream she would never want to give up.

James wasn't sure what to take from the question, but shrugged and said, "Obviously we have our rough moment. What families don't? But I love every minute of it. We're a close family for the most part, although Grant isn't someone who particularly gets along with any of us. He's convinced he was adopted," he chuckled, speaking of his younger fifteen-year-old brother. The twin brother to Dezzy. "But it's been really easy growing up in a big family. There's always someone there for you and there's always something to do. I was never bored, that was for sure. It helped that the Gilmores live right down the street and have just as big a family as we do. We…we all did everything together. There was never a dull moment. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world," he droned, a nostalgic smile creeping on to his face. "Though, I can't saw Dezzy would say the same thing." He laughed. "Being the only girl in a family of _five _brothers has certainly taken a toll on her. She'll be a tomboy for the rest of her life. Which is a good thing, considering if she ever _does _get a boyfriend, my brothers and I will make sure to make his life a living hell."

Lily laughed. "It must be nice to have a big family," she said with a pang of jealousy.

"Okay, well what about you? Have any siblings?" James questioned.

Lily shrugged. "Damned good question," she murmured. "I haven't seen my sister Petunia since she left the…uh…left our home in Allentown eight years ago. She could be dead for all I know."

James stared up at her wistfully. "I know the feeling," he murmured, Wyatt suddenly on his mind.

Lily hovered a few candles in the air before turning to look at James. "Don't tell anyone we have something in common. Could ruin our reputations," she said, grinning.

He chuckled. "We are Head Boy and Head Girl, Evans. We're bound to have a few things in common here and there."

"Considering I study and you…well, you _don't_, not sure how us being Head Girl and Head Boy relates to us having similarities."

He rolled his eyes. "I study, Evans. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean I don't do it."

She started climbing down the stairs, her face twisting in wonderment. "Hm, no, I don't believe you."

"Don't make me push this ladder over," he teased, doing the exact opposite as he held it steady for her. "I just don't particularly enjoy the library or the common room when I'm trying to study. I need silence to collect my thoughts. I'll do my work in my room alone or I'll find a quiet place out on the grounds or I'll tuck myself far in the back corner of the library. Thankfully, this year I get the chance to do my work here in our private quarters. You might not believe this, but I am a perfectionist when it comes to schoolwork. Oh, don't shake your head at me," he laughed. "I make a lot of to-do lists and I live off of outlines."

Lily glanced at him curiously, nodding slowly. "Perfectionist, hm? You don't come off that way."

He grinned. "I hide it well." He turned around to paw through the boxes for more candles. "Well, what about you? Don't you have some odd study habit?"

"I wouldn't say making lists and outlines is an odd study habit."

"It is for me considering if anyone found out I actually do need to be perfect when it comes to schoolwork, my reputation would be dead."

Lily laughed, a twinkle glowing in her eye. "I'll remember that."

He rolled his eyes. "So, answer the question. What's your odd study habit?"

Lily mulled the question over in her head. She was pretty straight-laced when it came to schoolwork. Eventually, she said, "Artemis."

James looked over at her and stared at her. "Artemis? The Greek goddess?"

Lily laughed. "No. Artemis my cat."

James gave her a look. "Hm...I think that one's going to need an explanation."

Lily laughed and looked down at her hands awkwardly. "Well, you know that I can be a tad high-strung and -"

"_You_?" James cried out, feigning shock. "No way. Never would have thunk."

Lily glared at him, trying not to show her amusement. "I have another box of streamers here if you'd like me to throw it at you."

James laughed. "Point taken. So explain yourself."

"Well I get stressed out and overwhelmed a bit too easily but whenever Artemis is with me, she calms me down," Lily explained with a shrug. "I know, it probably sounds extremely pathetic and something totally unlike me but-"

"No, I think it's sweet. And…well, you're right, it doesn't sound like you but it's nice to know you have some abnormalities in your life. Not that your life isn't one huge abnormality already," James teased, ducking from the box of streamers that Lily threw at him. "Okay, I probably deserved that." He rubbed his head where the box smacked him, but his smile remained in place. He couldn't believe he was having what he could only construe as a civil conversation with Lily. He knew it was possible, mostly because he knew it was often him that caused the rift between them, but it felt surprisingly comfortable. As if he'd been sharing meaningful conversations with her for years. "I dare say these decorations look pretty remarkable. Kudos to you, Miss Head Girl."

A tint of red flushed upon her cheeks. "Just doing my job."

As she reached the bottom of the ladder, he met her gaze. "Well, at least one of us is."

Neither spoke, their eyes doing the talking for them. Lily's heart fluttered as she shrugged curtly and broke eye contact with them. "You're here now," she murmured. "I guess that's what is important."

"I _am _rather important," he pondered.

She rolled her eyes. "Not what I was referring to." She held in a laugh as she dug through the box of decorations to see what else needed to be done. "Y'know, Potter," she started to say slowly. "If we acted more like this at our prefect meetings, I think we may actually be able to get out of there under an hour."

"You know, Evans, I think you're right."

She shrugged. "Of course we might scare off the prefects when we don't utter one insulting word to each other and it might not be the smartest decision to get rid of the people who help fill out paperwork."

James shrugged and looked over at her curiously. "Yeah, well I never liked the little brats anyway," he teased.

Lily tried to suppress the wide smile that was creeping up on her face and chuckled. "They're within two years of our age, Potter!"

"Yeah, well I'd personally rather spend time with the gorgeous redhead Head Girl then some of the people Dumbledore deemed acceptable to be prefects ."

Lily gave him a look. "It's things like that that will scare off the prefects."

"I know," he said with a grin, organizing the now empty boxes of decorations. "I'm practicing for Thursday night."

Lily threw back her head and laughed and a sudden chill ran down James' spine. He loved her laugh, so light and airy. "Let's not get ahead and ourselves," she said. "How about we just start with being civil before we break out the compliments?"

"Aw, man, I just wasted a perfectly good compliment then," he sighed.

She glared at him.

"Not that you're not gorgeous of course."

She rolled her eyes, her cheeks turning crimson. "I hope you're not plugging for a compliment in return. I'm still trying to figure you out."

"No, Evans, I'm not looking for flattery in return," he argued, shrugging. "Go ahead and try to figure me out. But be warned, I'm complicated."

"I'm beginning to realize that, James Potter."

His eyebrow perked up. "Oh, really?" he asked curiously. "Does this mean I may be more to you than an arrogant berk?"

She opened her mouth to respond but stopped herself. She felt her heart speed up as she chose to say it anyway. "It means maybe I'm willing to find out."

He froze, his heart skipping a beat as he stood up from the empty boxes and met her gaze. He opened his mouth to ask her exactly what she meant by that when footsteps behind them interrupted his thoughts.

"James?"

They both turned around to be face-to-face with none other than Kristina Reinhart. Lily's smile quickly turned into a disappointed frown.

"Kristina? Hey!" James said enthusiastically, greeting her with a quick kiss on the cheek with what he hoped looked like a sincere smile. He couldn't help but think that Kristina could not have had worse timing. "What are you doing here?"

"Sirius told me I could find you here. I figured you guys might be able to use some more help. Some of my friends are coming down later. Oh, and there are also some prefects on the way that Sirius bribed to come help you guys."

James laughed. "Yep, that sounds like him. And I wouldn't doubt it wasn't hard to convince the girls, now was it?"

Kristina grinned. "I think he's fulfilling one of his bribes right now with Rachael LeBlanc," she laughed. "So, what can I help with?"

James quickly glanced over at Lily, whose back was turned to them. He wanted to say something, anything, to show Lily he was grateful for the time they had spent together but he had no idea how to convey that. So he instead grabbed a box of decorations and led Kristina over to another corner where they spent the rest of the evening together.

Lily sighed when James nodded his good-bye to her and walked away with Kristina. She couldn't help but feel a little upset that her one-on-one time with James had been cut short, not that she would ever admit that to anyone. But somehow, it was easy talking to James. And she could even go as far to admit that she had been enjoying it up before Kristina interrupted. She liked getting to know him more on a personal level, instead of judging him for what she thought she should be accusing him of. He did seem to be a bit of a complicated guy and she was beginning to realize that maybe she had just never given herself the time to understand him. She had always judged James based on what he displayed on the surface, but there seemed to be much more to him than she ever would have imagined. The James Potter she spent the evening with was a guy she didn't know, a guy she wasn't used to. He was usually so defensive and argumentative, something she had become accustomed to, but there was an open and honest part of him that had come alive that night. A part of him that Lily enjoyed getting to know.

And as her eyes glanced over to where James stood, she suddenly realized that she wanted to get to know him even more.

* * *

The next morning, Lily woke up surprisingly refreshed considering she stayed up past two o'clock finishing up some work. She may have gotten it done quicker if her mind didn't keep wandering to her night spent with James.

She entered the Great Hall cheerfully and saw Kay sitting in the middle of the table by herself. She walked over and sat down beside her. "Good morning!"

Kay gave her an odd sideways glance. "It's a Monday morning and we have History of Magic next with the Slytherins. Explain the 'good' part of this morning."

Lily laughed and shrugged, filling her plate with scrambled eggs and bacon. "I don't know. I'm just…well, I'm in a particularly good mood."

Kay quirked an eyebrow. "Well, this certainly is a change of events. Around seven o'clock last night you were grumbling about how no prefects were going to show up to help you decorate the Great Hall, which by the way does not look like you could have done yourself and looks absolutely fantastic, and then I think you mumbled something about how you will probably be late doing rounds, your work will never get done, and that sleep just wasn't an option for you last night," Kay snickered. "Am I correct in assuming that somewhere in that tragic list of yours, something happened to make the night a little bit better?"

Lily laughed. "You know on any other day I'd make a snide remark about how I hate that you and Riley seem to remember everything I happen to say but like I said, I'm in a good mood, so I'm just going to say yes, my night got better."

Kay rolled her eyes. "So hm…lemme guess. Either some prefects showed up to help or you finished your work faster than you thought."

"Well I _was_ up until two o'clock finishing work so-"

"So prefects showed up," Kay finished.

Lily hesitated, shrugging. "Yeah, some prefects showed up. But I was more thrown off by the Head Boy showing up."

The water that Kay just sipped spewed out.

"Ew," Lily said.

Kay shot her a look. "Well, would you warn me the next time you throw a shocking statement like that at me?" she grumbled. "James showed up last night? I never thought that was possible."

"I didn't either but lo and behold, eight o'clock rolled around and in walked James Potter."

Kay's lips pursed curiously. "Do you think that means he actually took what you said to heart on Friday?"

"Oh, I don't know," Lily dismissed with a shrug. "I never know what that kid is thinking. I don't rightly care either."

"Yes, you do."

Lily rolled her eyes, shoveling eggs on to a plate. "I do not."

"Sure you do."

She grunted. "What makes you say so?"

"Because you wouldn't be considering the idea of quitting your Head Girl position if you didn't care about what James Potter thought of you."

Lily opened her mouth to immediately retaliate but found herself without a retort.

Kay grinned, shrugging proudly.

Lily sighed. "Truth?"

Kay nodded.

"Yeah, maybe a little. But only because I work with the guy. A part of me has to care about what he thinks," she sighed. "But if you must know, we may have started down a path of burying the hatchet last night."

Kay froze, her jaw dropping open. "Seriously?"

Lily shrugged. "The guy isn't half-bad when he's not trying to show off or act like a right foul prat."

"Whoa, that's practically a compliment coming from you."

Lily chuckled. "We're certainly not best friends or anything but it's possible we could make this partnership work."

"The guy might have his own set of issues to deal with, but he's nothing less than brilliant. There is a reason that Dumbledore appointed him Head Boy. I think making your partnership work is something you guys should be able to do."

Lily made a face. "I _am _trying to make it work. It's him that makes it difficult."

"Oh, right, because you don't bring your own round of petty bickering?"

She frowned. "Only because he brings out the worst in me."

"Yeah, I think we've all realized that by this point," she laughed.

Lily sighed, buttering a scone ans changing the subject. "So where's Riley?"

Kay winced. "Well, the last time I saw her she was unsuccessfully trying to get Justine out of her already forty-minute shower."

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Even though I don't live with my two best friends anymore, the biggest advantage of having my private quarters is the fact that I don't have to deal with the unfortunate lack of bathroom time when it comes to the Bitchateers, a.k.a. your dear roommates Justine and Miranda."

Kay gave her a look. "I'd lunge across the table at you but I already had my nice, long shower and I don't want to risk getting coffee in my hair."

They both laughed as the Owl Post suddenly came swooping into the Great Hall. Lily looked away. She never got anything from anyone unless you count the occasional letter from Petunia just reminding her how much of a freak she is and how she refused to bail her out of the orphanage.

So when an owl stopped right in front of her and gave her a hopeful look, obviously desiring some sort of treat, Lily was really surprised.

"Who's it from?" Kay asked.

Lily was dumbfounded. "Uh…" she stuttered, taking the letter from the unrecognizable owl, and opening it up. She quickly scanned the bottom of the letter for the person's name who wrote it and immediately broke into a grin, grateful that it wasn't her sister.

"Well?"

"It's from Shane," Lily finally said.

Kay hesitated. "Who?"

"Shane Redford."

Kay's eyes bulged. "Wait a minute, Shane Redford? The guy you dated for a few months in your fourth-year? The guy you made out with—in front of _everyone_, may I add—at the end-of-year Gryffindor party? Like last year's Head Boy? The really good-looking Head Boy?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, that Shane Redford. How many Shane Redfords do you know?"

"I just wanted to remind you that you snogged him senseless at the party last year."

Lily shot her a look. "Like I need a reminder of why I'm never getting drunk again."

"Seems to me snogging Shane Redford is reason enough _to _get drunk again."

She laughed. "Noted." She glanced back down at the letter and started reading it.

_Hey Lily!_

_I know. You're probably a little surprised and a little confused as to why I am writing you this but I have a little something to discuss with you! I have just been informed that you are the Head Girl there at Hogwarts and I do remember telling you to write to me immediately if you were offered the position. But did I receive a letter over the summer from you? Noooooo! However, I have decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and claim that maybe your letter never made it to me (you better hope that's it!) so I am willing to forgive you just this once._

_I was also told that your partner-in-crime is none other than James Potter, to which let me tell you I was shocked and wasn't even willing to believe it, so I'm also sending my condolences along with that congratulations because I know how much you and him don't get along—I don't blame you; he always was somewhat of a Class Clown. Somehow I don't picture him ruling a school. I hope he's not a totally hopeless cause._

_Anyway, I just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that I'm glad it was you who was chosen for Head Girl and not anyone else. I can't think of anyone more perfect. I hope you're having an excellent seventh-year and don't work yourself too hard—have some fun. After all, it is your last year :( Oh and Happy Halloween!_

_Sincerely,_

_Shane Redford_

Lily couldn't help but smiling as she folded back up the letter and fed Shane's owl some ham and bacon.

"Well? What did it say?" Kay asked in suspense.

Lily shrugged. "Just the basic kind of stuff. He congratulated me on Head Girl and hopes that Potter isn't a hopeless cause for Head Boy."

Kay laughed. "That's it? Nothing along the lines of 'I liked making out with you last year, let's get together sometimes and do it again?'"

Lily gave her a look. "Oh yeah. Right after he wishes me a Happy Halloween, he adds in a little 'And please let's play some tonsil hockey again because I enjoyed it very much. How about this weekend at Hogsmeade?'"

Kay grinned. "I _knew_ it."

While Lily was deciding whether to not to go back to her room then and write the letter or write it doing her free block, the four Marauders strolled into the Great Hall and without even a second thought, they chose the surrounding seats to Lily and Kay.

Kay hid a smile. The fact that James was willingly choosing to sit in the vicinity of Lily was a good start. And the fact that Lily didn't say anything about his presence was an even better one. "Hey guys, ready for the Potions exam this afternoon?" Kay asked.

"Oh yeah, of course," Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Because I'm always ready for one of Slughorn's killer exams."

She chuckled. "True."

"Besides," Sirius continued, "No matter how much I study, he fails me because he's out to get me."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You would need to study for that theory to be true," he snorted. "You fail because you don't care."

Sirius glared at him. "Yes, I knew that and _you_ knew that. But Kay didn't need to know that."

Kay raised an eyebrow. "You actually thought you could get me to believe that you studied? Sirius, I've lived in the same house with you for six years and never in my life have I seen you pick up your textbook and actually open it."

"That's not true!" Sirius argued. "Just last week I picked up my Charms book."

"Yeah and propped open a window with it," Peter snickered.

"At least I knew where it was!" Sirius exclaimed. "I don't even _know_ where my Transfiguration book is."

"It's probably where all of your common sense had gone off to," Remus teased.

"Okay, I am now going to sit down there and wonder why I ever thought of you as my best friends," Sirius complained, walking back down to the Marauders' normal breakfast area.

"Who's the letter from?" James asked Lily curiously.

"Shane," Lily replied with a shrug.

"Who's Shane?" Remus, Peter, and James all replied simultaneously.

"Jeez, not only are you guys attached at the hip, you've spent so much time together you actually say things in unison," Kay snickered.

Lily laughed and turned back to the boys. "Last year's Head Boy, Shane Redford."

They exchanged looks and burst into laughter. "Ohhhh…**_that_** Shane," Remus chuckled, stressing the word 'that' a little too much.

Kay snickered with a goofy grin on her face. "Yep…**_that_** Shane."

Lily glanced up at them all, wondering why they sounded so amused. "Why do you stress 'that' so much?"

Her question was drowned out by laughter.

Lily gave them all curious glances. "What is with you all?"

Kay covered her mouth with her hand, trying to contain the laughter that was threatening to escape.

"_What?_" Lily snapped, her irritation growing.

Kay looked at her with what appeared to be an innocent look, though her flushed cheeks and furtive smile gave her away.

Lily ignored the three peals of laughter from the Marauders, none of them trying to suppress it one bit, and shot a look towards her friend. "_Kay_, speak or I start threatening you with detentions."

Kay chuckled, shaking her head incredulously. "It's just that Shane Redford is considered somewhat of a...a..." she trailed off, searching for the right word.

"A god," Remus chimed in with a cheekish grin. "At least when it comes to you, Lily."

Another burst of laughter erupted from the four of them.

"Stop laughing!" Lily snapped, glaring at James mostly. "And what the hell do you mean by a _god,_ Lupin?"

It was Peter who spoke out. "Because he was able to let the wild side inside Lily Evans loose," he explained with a grin.

She cocked her eyebrow, confused. "Wild side?" Lily questioned.

"Oh _c'mon_ Evans!" James cried out, delight shining in his eyes. "You snogged him last year at the party on display in the middle of the common room!"

Lily groaned and covered her face in embarrassment. She eventually opened her eyes to naturally see them still laughing and loving her embarrassment. "Is that all people are going to think of when he's mentioned?"

Almost immediately, all four of them replied, "Yes."

Lily groaned again and rolled her eyes. "So the fact that he was an accomplished Head Boy, a highly intelligent graduate, and now has an internship at the Ministry with potential to go on and do great things in his life means absolutely nothing?" Lily asked in disgust.

They all looked at each other and then turning back to Lily, in unison, replied, "Nope."

"Just that lovely moment you guys shared in the Gryffindor common room," Peter snickered.

Lily gave him such a cold glare, he had to step back in fear.

"People are still talking about it," James added, taking a step back with Peter when Lily turned her glare his way.

"People _shouldn't_. People should mind their own business! People should ignore what goes on in the lives of other people that have nothing to do with them!"

"Oh right, and when was the last time anyone ignored the gossip around here?" James snorted.

"And exactly _what_ people are you talking about?" Lily protested. "The only people that know are in Gryffindor and were _drunk_ at the time!"

"They were the only people that knew until the rumors started spreading all through the train the next morning," Kay snickered, trying really hard to keep a straight face.

Lily's face flushed with anger. "What the hell?" she groaned.

"Oh come on, Lily," Kay continued. "No offense, but you're known as Miss Innocent around this school. You don't exactly come off as a girl who is going to willingly snog one of the more sought-after guys in the school. So of course the gossip is going to start flying. People in this school love to talk and you snogging _anyone _in front of the entire Gryffindor student population gives them plenty of reason to talk. I mean, did you honestly think the gossip chain wouldn't pick up on this?" Kay continued.

Lily groaned. "I thought this school was more respectable than that."

"What school are you attending?" Remus snickered.

Lily sighed and leaned back in her chair in defeat. "Yeah good point."

They all burst into laughter.

"Ugh, I hate rumors," Lily murmured, suddenly feeling very small.

Remus snorted. "But they weren't rumors. They were the truth."

"Well I hate the truth then," she whined, burying her head in her hands with a shake of the head. "Maybe I did have one crazy night, but that shouldn't-"

She was cut off by a chorus of laughter again and scowled, noticing that they were beginning to create a scene. Students were staring over at them in bewilderment, wondering what could possibly be that hilarious. Then again, anytime the Marauders laughed made the ears perk up of all of the females in the school.

"God, do all you people do is laugh?" Lily cried out in frustration.

"Crazy?" Kay repeated. "One _crazy_ night? Lily, you got drunk for the first time in your entire life, you made out with the Head Boy in front of everybody, and you even danced on a coffee table with Riley when she dared you to. You were about a step away from getting a tattoo on your ass!"

"Which I'm sure would have been a tattoo of Shane's name," Remus snickered.

Lily glared heatedly at him. "I would _not_ have gotten a tattoo on my ass," Lily grumbled. "And it would _not_ have said Shane's name!"

"Yeah, well you normally wouldn't have made out with the Head Boy either but you did that," he pointed out.

Lily whipped her head around long enough to glare at Remus, her eyes blaring with rage.

"James, you say things now," Remus quickly took back, stepping behind James in fear of getting severely hurt.

"I think it's time you guys went down and joined Sirius before I personally behead all three of you and use your heads as snack bowls," Lily scowled.

"Touchy, are we?" Remus snorted.

Lily shot him a heated glare.

"Er...let's go join Sirius," he muttered guiltily, flashing her a sheepish grin before grabbing James by the tie and dragging them down to where Sirius was perching.

"Why can't people learn to mind their business? Why is it that because of one night, people feel the need to talk poorly about me?" Lily complained, stabbing her fork in the scrambled eggs irritably.

"Because it's you they're talking about. The girl that has had one boyfriend which didn't even last very long and has never been seen holding _hands _with a guy, much less _snogging_ one," Kay explained, quickly swiping Lily's fork away from her. "The sweet innocent girl who focuses her attention on schoolwork rather than the opposite sex, a feat that 90% of the females in this school don't possess. She hasn't been in love nor has she even tried to grasp the concept of it, not that that's a bad thing." She hesitated. "They're not talking _poorly _of you, Lily. They're just…_talking_ about you."

"Oh yeah, because that makes me feel better," Lily replied sarcastically.

Kay shrugged. "It could be worse."

"How could it be worse?" Lily demanded to know.

Kay thought about it and shrugged. "You could have gotten a tattoo on your ass."

Lily threw a piece of bacon at her.

Before Kay had a chance to send another retort Lily's way, an owl swooped into the Great Hall and dropped a letter in front of Kay.

Lily was a little surprised that it had come later than the others, proving that it was just sent that morning and not held overnight. When she looked up at Kay, she knew something was up as Kay immediately grabbed the letter and stuffed it into her pocket with a tint of of crimson flushing her cheeks.

"Uh…who's it from?" Lily asked curiously.

"No one. It's nothing. It doesn't matter. So Shane, huh? What's he up to nowadays?" Kay said quickly, averting her eyes away from Lily's stare.

Lily hesitated and then asked, "What's going on Kay?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter. I-I mean…what makes you think something is going on?" she replied even faster than the last time.

"Because you're talking faster than Riley. And that's saying something."

Instead of laughing like Kay normally would have, she went into a fit of panic at the mention of Riley's name. She groaned and buried her head in her arms.

"Kay, seriously. Who's the letter from?"

Kay sighed and gazed over at Lily reproachfully. "Can you please just forget you saw this?"

"No," Lily said apologetically, shrugging. "What's going on, Kay?"

She buried her head in a plate of eggs, her heart skipping a beat. She tried suppressing the smile that was fighting to appear. "The letter's from...from Lance."

Lily racked her mind for someone she knew Lance but couldn't name anyone. "Lance who?"

"Um…Lance Gilmore?" she whispered as if it were a question.

Lily's mouth dropped open. That would not have been on the list of people that Lily would have thought of who could have possibly written that letter. "_That_ Lance? As in _Riley's_ Lance? I-I mean Riley's _brother_, Lance? Lance Gilmore? Just turned nineteen-year-old, really cute and yet Riley will _kill_ you, Lance?" Lily hissed.

Kay pushed strands of hair behind her eyes and blushed shyly, a personality trait that Kay has never possessed, and nodded, traces of giddiness shown all over her face.

Lily was absolutely astounded at this information. "But…why is he writing to _you_ and not to, dare I say it, his sister?"

Kay gave her a look. "You know why," she mumbled.

"No, I think I know why but I'd really like to hear the truth before I start spreading rumors around this school that our dear and innocent Kay Richards is being courted by an older man," Lily retaliated.

Kay glared at her and scowled. "I'd lunge across this table if I thought I could possibly squeeze in another shower without Miranda or Justine barging in on me. You know, lately they have been getting on-"

"No way are you changing the subject now," Lily argued.

Kay sighed, grabbing the plates and trays in front of her and moving them to the side so nothing was in the way. She leaned over the table and said nervously, "This isn't the first letter."

"WHAT?" Lily shouted. Kay clamped her hand over Lily's mouth, glancing around them to make sure no one was listening.

"SHH!" she cried out, letting out a grunt of annoyance.

"You know I don't have to wait for anyone for my shower so there's really nothing stopping me from lunging across the table!" Lily hissed. "Now you are telling me everything, and when I say everything I mean right down to the strand of hair he pushes out of your face or the mole he pointed out that barely anyone notices, and we are not leaving this table until you do! I mean it! I will camp out here for as long as necessary until every tiny detail comes spewing out of your mouth! I will skip all of my classes and force Potter to handle all meetings until information comes out of your mouth!"

Kay gave her a look. "You're going to let James take charge?"

Lily paused. "Okay, then I will camp out here, willingly skip all of my classes, stay overnight, but come tomorrow night, I will go the prefect meeting just so I don't find out on Wednesday that he informed the school that I sing in the shower," Lily took a deep breath and finished with, "But then I am coming right back and listening to the rest of the details!"

"Don't you also have a meeting with Dumbledore tonight? You going to let James just take over the school soon?"

"Potter will never be in charge of this school!" Lily argued. "Even though I don't find him completely inane anymore, he is still very immature and has no clue what to with a room full of prefects! He couldn't conduct a meeting if it was the last thing he did."

"And you said I was unsuccessful at changing the subject."

Lily gave her a look. "Spill."

Kay laughed and twirled the letter in her hand nervously, staring shyly at her hands. Finally she took a deep breath and said, "Lance and I have been kinda…er...seeing each other. We-"

"Seeing each other?" Lily snorted. "How is that possible when you're here and he's not? Doesn't that make the _seeing_ part of _seeing each other_ somewhat difficult?"

Kay shot her a look. "Do you remember Riley telling you she caught Lance and I snogging when in Bermuda?"

Lily nodded.

"Well, we thought it was just a one-time thing. A night where it was pouring out and there wasn't much else to do but hang out with some firewhisky to keep us entertained. One thing led to another, and hanging out led to making out," she said with a light blush. "So we thought that was it. Riley walked in, we got embarrassed and managed to avoid each other for the rest of the vacation. And for the rest of the summer, we pretended that that one snogging session didn't mean anything. But then...well, Lance showed up on my doorstep one night in August. We stayed up all night talking-don't give me that look! Yes, all we did was talk. And I couldn't avoid him or my feelings for him anymore. He started visiting me all the time and we spent hours together, _days _together really. It's only been official for about two months."

"_Two_ _months_?" Lily screeched. "You have kept this from me for _two_ _months_."

"I didn't know how to tell you. And...and I was afraid that Riley would somehow find out," Kay sighed. "I've wanted to tell you, Lily. I really have. But every time I tried, I just thought of how angry Riley would be if she found out."

"Well maybe she won't be angry. Maybe she'd be supportive," Lily suggested.

Kay rolled her eyes. "You really think so?"

"Not a chance in hell."

Kay groaned into her hands before slowly ripping open Lance's letter in her hands. She ignored the curious stare coming from her friend as she read over the letter, becoming immersed with every word he wrote. She imagined him sitting at his desk, scribbling his thoughts and feelings on to the page she was now reading. Her heart twinged to be with him again, wishing that they had had more time before she had to rush off to Hogwarts. It was the only year she had ever wished Hogwarts hadn't come so soon. The three weeks they had spent together in August were three weeks she knew she would never forget.

Kay was thrown from her fantasies within the letter when she heard footsteps behind her. "Okay, that's it. I am strangling that bitch Justine with my bare hands and blaming it on Black," Riley muttered, taking a seat next to Lily and pouring endless amount of food on to a plate. When Riley got angry, she ate.

Kay quickly refolded the letter and slammed it fearfully on the table, flashing Riley a sheepish grin.

"What's that?" Riley asked, with her mouth full of eggs. She was too busy shoveling food in her mouth to look up at Kay and Lily or she may have noticed the frenzied looks on their faces.

"Uh…" Kay said in panic.

"It's a letter from her parents," Lily saved, giving Kay a look.

"Oh…yeah, a letter from my parents," Kay said with thankful sigh.

"Oh, okay," Riley muttered. "What did they want?"

"Uh…" Kay said, looking helplessly at Lily.

"They just wanted to wish her a Happy Halloween," Lily replied, giving Kay another look.

"Oh…yeah, a Happy Halloween," Kay repeated with another thankful sigh.

Riley finally looked up and then gave Kay a rather odd look. "Hm…then why are there little hearts drawn around the edges?" she asked.

"Uh…" Kay muttered, trying not to put a look of panic on her face again.

"Because her parents love her," Lily said with more of an edge.

"Oh…yeah, they love me," Kay said with a grin.

"Hm…and why is Lily answering for you?"

Kay gave Lily another desperate look.

Lily shrugged. "Sorry, Kay. You're on your own for this one."

"Okay, what's going on?" Riley demanded to know.

"Uh…well…uh…" Kay stuttered nervously, staring at her hands.

"Okay, fine, then I will just have to find out myself," Riley grinned, reaching across the table and snatching the letter away from Kay.

"RILEY!" Kay screeched, lunging across the table to try and grab it back, all thoughts of a clean shower out the window. But Riley had jumped up from the table, a grin on her face as she quickly unfolded the letter.

"RILEY, STOP!" Kay screamed louder. "Give it back!"

"Riley, c'mon, respect her privacy," Lily pleaded, sharing a guilty look with Kay.

"Pretty sure we don't know the meaning of privacy," she teased, falling out of Lily's reach as she tried to snatch the letter away. Kay and Lily exchanged a look of panic as Riley's grin quickly faded into a surprised frown when her eyes fell on the bottom of the letter. She slowly raised her head from the letter into Kay's guilty eyes, her cheeks flushing with confusion. "Kay, why...why..." she trailed off, shaking her head in disbelief. She tried to catch her breath before saying, "Why is my brother writing to you?"

Kay let out a long sigh, swallowing her guilt. "Riley, I-I...I'm sorry but...I didn't know how..." she dithered.

"Kay, just spit it out!" Riley snapped, all attempts at being calm thrown out the window.

Kay cringed. "Riley, please, just…just calm down."

"Calm down?" she repeated, her words lined with anger. "You're getting a letter from _my_ brother, Kay! And I think I deserve to know why!"

Lily stood up, knowing this argument was going to get out of hands quickly. "Guys, maybe we should do this somewhere else," she whispered.

"Oh, no, we will be doing this right here," Riley snarled, glancing down at the letter again, obviously skimming through it. "Bloody Merlin! This isn't the first letter?"

Kay practically jumped over the table as she snatched back her letter, glaring at her friend. "HEY! That's a private letter and you have no business reading it!"

"Once again, let me reiterate that none of us know the meaning of privacy," she snarled. "And considering this has to do with my family, I think it is my business, Kay."

"The letter was written to_ me_, Riley," Kay pleaded. "See that name on the top? Kay? I know that both our names end in y but I assumed by this point, you would have realized we are two different people."

"Don't you dare get smart with me, Richards," she snapped. "How long has this been going on?"

"What?"

"This thing with you and my brother!"

Kay winced, trying to think of the answer that would get her into trouble the most.

"Kay?" Riley urged.

She opened her mouth to retort but found her mind going blank.

"MIKAELA RICHARDS, ANSWER ME!" she cried out

Kay glanced briefly at Lily, wondering what she should do and if she should reply but Lily shrugged, not wanting to get in the middle of it. Kay sighed and stared at the ground. "Since August," she mumbled.

Riley's eyes bulged. "Over two months? What, since Bermuda?"

"No," Kay was quick to correct. "Bermuda was in July. We didn't get together for another few weeks."

"Oh, and that makes it alright?"

Kay sighed. "It's not something that has to be alright to you, Riley," she said softly, shaking her head. "It just has to be alright to me."

"It can't be that alright to you if you're so set on hiding it from your friends," she sneered. "You've been lying to me and pretending to be my friend for _two months_, Kay. How-"

"I didn't pretend anything, Riley. I _am _your friend. And it's because I'm your friend that I was afraid of telling you about Lance. I knew you would feel upset and betrayed and...and it became easier just to hide it. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yeah, well you failed at that."

Kay met Riley's gaze and saw pain and frustration staring back at her.

Riley shook her head in disbelief. "You do realize the guy has never had a serious girlfriend in his entire life, right? You _do _realize that he has thrived upon fucking every girl that has come across his path, right? He doesn't care about you, Kay, I can guarantee that!"

Kay gritted her teeth bitterly. "You can't scare me away from him, Riley. You don't know what we have. You don't-"

"Whose fault is that?"

Kay sighed. "Do you really think if I had told you back when we began you would have been okay with it?"

"No, but at least I could have talked some sense into you before you decided to date him."

Kay's eyes narrowed irritably. "You can't stop us, Riley. I realize that Lance and I are a strange combination. We didn't even see this coming. But it did. We love being with each other. I honestly can't imagine not being with him, Riley. Can't you understand that?"

Riley sighed heavily, rubbing her temples. "Why him?" she murmured. "Why my brother? There are a trillion other people in this world and you choose him. _Why_?"

"You can't always help the people you like, Riley," she murmured guiltily.

"Try harder," she snapped.

Kay shook her head slowly. "I-I can't do that, Riley," she pleaded, a look of desperation spreading across her face. "Please...just understand. Your brother and I want to be together. If you were really my friend and you really loved your brother, you'd just want us to be happy. Please, Riley. Don't be mad. Try to understand."

Riley's glare ceased, a look of hesitance residing on her face instead. She turned away from Kay's determined stare, swallowing hard. Lily and Kay exchanged a look, wondering which way this could go. Eventually Riley turned back to gaze at her friend, frowning disapprovingly. "No," she said coolly. "I can't. You want to be with him? Go right ahead. I'm not going to stop you because I know that I won't be able to. But...don't expect me to be happy or to understand. Don't expect me to condone it or support it. In fact, don't expect anything from me at all."

And with one last disappointed glare at Kay, Riley stormed out of the Great Hall.

Kay's face fell in disappointment. She sat back down in her seat just wanting to cry. It wasn't fair that was Riley was acting this way. It certainly didn't make any sense. She knew that Riley would be angry that she was dating Lance, but she didn't realize it was this big a deal. She thought that Riley would eventually brush it off and attempt to accept it. But the sincere look on Riley's face when she ran out of the Great Hall told Kay that Riley was being serious. She obviously didn't want to be around Kay.

Kay groaned and buried her head in her hands.

Lily glanced at the people around her and already saw them gossiping and whispering about what just happened. Lily groaned knowing that the news would get around in less than an hour and her friends would be bombarded with stupid questions. It's just how Hogwarts worked and Lily, for one, had always hated it. Gossip was something that every single person in that school seemed to thrive upon.

"So…you going to continue dating him?" Daniella Skeeter, a nosy fifth-year Hufflepuff who happened to be a prefect, turned around from the table behind them and asked.

Kay's head snapped up and she whirled around in anger, seizing Daniella by the robes. "I swear to God if you tell anyone about what you just witnessed I will personally drug you and leave you deep in the forest for the wolves to eat you," she growled.

"It was just a question," she muttered, slinking away.

"Bitch," Kay muttered under her breath as she shoved herself away from the table. "I-I'm going to go for a walk or something. I'll see you in History of Magic."

"Do you want me to come with-"

"No."

Lily understood that she wanted to be alone and nodded to let her know as Kay somberly walked out of the Great Hall ignoring all of the looks she was getting from everyone.

"So…what was all that about?" a voice behind Lily asked cautiously.

Lily whirled around and saw all four of the Marauders taking up the seats around her. "I didn't realize that was any of your business," she replied.

"Fine, don't tell us, but we'll just find out sooner or later from someone else and it probably won't even be the right information, but of course we'll still be forced to judge you and your friends based off this illegitimate gossip, which will just lead you and Kay and Gilmore bitching us out, and I don't know if we're exactly in the mood to be ridiculed by you, but then you'll end up just giving us endless detentions to which we will complain about to make you even more frustrated and-"

"FINE!" Lily shouted, interrupting Sirius' pathetic speech. "I'll tell you if you just shut up."

Sirius grinned. "It always works."

Lily glared at him.

"I mean, go ahead."

Lily grabbed her books off the table and turned to them, while getting up obviously planning on leaving. "Riley's mad at Kay." She smirked at them and started to walk away.

The boys exchanged confused glances. "Wait…that's it?" Sirius asked.

Lily turned around, still walking backwards to her destination. "Yeah, because it's really none of your business," she replied giving them all a look before walking out of the Great Hall in search for Riley.

The three guys shared insulted looks. "You wasted your pointless rambling speech for that?" James said in disgust.

They all just shrugged and started to walk out of the Great Hall in silence.

"Is Kay's name really Mikaela?" Sirius questioned.

Remus, James, and Peter slowly turned to stare at their friend before leaving him behind as they strode out of the Great Hall.

"Or something more sensitive perhaps?" he muttered, rushing after them.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh-oh. Problems in paradise. First a letter from Shane. Does it mean anything? Then a letter from Riley's brother to Kay! She's dating him? And what's going on between James and Lily? Guess you'll have to wait to find out!


	11. Of Nicknames, More Secrets, & Roommates

**A/N: **Okay, 11th chapter up and running! So what's going to happen between Riley and Kay? And Kay and Lance? And Lily and James?

**Disclaimer: **see previous chapter if you REALLY don't know what goes here...

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 11: Of Nicknames, More Secrets, & Roommates

* * *

Needless to say, the Halloween feast didn't start out as an enjoyable experience for Lily considering neither Riley nor Kay bothered to show up. Throughout the day, Riley avoided Kay at all costs and Kay walked around in a disappointed haze. While avoiding each other, they left Lily to her own devices as well and Lily wasn't sure what to make of it. She was split between her best friends and she couldn't help but wonder how much longer this would go on. Lily knew that Riley's stubbornness would keep her frustrated and angry, refusing to speak to Kay. And Kay was clearly too upset and disappointed to bother seeking out Riley. Kay would moan about Riley being unfair and Riley would rant about Kay being backstabber. And Lily was left smack dab in the middle of it all. She was sinking to the bottom of a tumultuous ocean, kicking her legs to get to the top and unable to do so. She felt like she was just floating in the middle of that dark, cold water daring to hold on to dear life while she waited for everyone around her to figure out what the next move was going to be.

So that Halloween evening at the feast she was forced to sit with her not-so-favorite people. The Marauders.

After Dumbledore's speech and his thanks to the prefects and to especially Lily and James for the decorations, the tables filled up with hoards of delicious food and the chatter in the Great Hall died down as everyone shoveled forkfuls of food into their mouth.

In the midst of silence, something Lily found unusual for the Marauders, Sirius asked, "Hm…when cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?"

Lily glanced up from her shepherd's pie and stared at him in bewilderment. "What?"

"Ignore him," Remus said, digging into another piece of chicken. "He does that a lot."

"Does what?" Lily asked curiously.

"And if corn can't hear why do they have ears?" Sirius asked again, staring at the corn cob in front of him.

"_That_," James explained, which made the rest of them burst into laughter.

"How come you guys never answer my questions?" Sirius whined, giving them his famous puppy-dog face.

"Because they're stupid," Remus claimed. "There. I answered one of your questions."

Sirius glared at him. "Not exactly what I was referring to."

Remus shrugged. "Your questions don't deserve answers."

Sirius pouted. "And I call you my friend, Moony? My questions are an attempt to enrich-"

"Moony?" Lily questioned.

"Uh…just a nickname," Sirius said nervously, getting kicked in the shins from Remus across the table. "OW!"

Remus glared at him but quickly turned it into an innocent smile when Lily looked up at him curiously.

"Why Moony?" Lily questioned, putting down her fork and looking at them all in intrigue.

They all exchanged looks until James finally spoke up. "Oh…um…well…" he paused, glancing at the rest hoping for some help, but it looked like he was on his own. "Okay, uh…well, a few years ago, we all visited Peter at his grandparents," he said slowly. "And…and they live in a Muggle town so we had to drive obviously. Well…uh...Peter's older cousin drove us to the beach one day and we were playing truth or dare and we dared Remus to moon the car next to us. So he did. See? Moony!" James finished with an extremely proud look on his face for making up a story on the spot.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter stared at him with shared looks of repulsion and incredulity, and by the looks on their faces, Lily knew very well that James was making up that story. She couldn't help but burst into laughter.

Remus threw a piece of bread at James.

"HEY!"

"Don't listen to him. It's because I'm a fan of Astronomy, and I just happen to like the moon. I-I keep track of the phases and everything," Remus explained which wasn't a complete lie, giving James a hopeless look.

"Oh yeah, that too," James muttered.

"You like Astronomy?" Lily asked Remus, rolling her eyes at James.

Remus nodded.

Lily smiled, intrigued. "I love Astronomy, too."

Remus grinned. "Really?"

"Yeah. When I'm…home," she said hesitantly, "I love just sitting out on my rooftop and watching the stars at night. I do it here too…all the time. It reminds me of home." She sighed inwardly. She started the tradition when she was just a little girl so every time she actually did get a chance to look at the stars at Hogwarts, it always brought back the memories of her parents. Her orphanage was in the middle of a big city so she never really got a chance to look at the stars there and it always just made her that much more homesick.

"Next time I'm going up to the Astronomy Tower to stargaze, I'll come find you," Remus said with a friendly grin.

Sirius snickered. "Stargaze?"

Remus and Lily glared at him. "Yes, stargaze," Remus reiterated.

"A.k.a. he wants to have wild and passionate animal sex with-"

"SIRIUS!" Lily and Remus screamed out, earning glares from the people around them.

"Oops, have I given away your master plan, Remus?" Sirius smirked.

"You're lucky I'm sitting across the table from you so my grip wouldn't be exactly suitable for strangling you right about now but I hope you know the minute we get up from this table, you're dead," Remus explained.

Sirius grinned. "That's a yes."

Lily slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Just be glad I'm a girl and I have too much of a conscience to hit you harder."

Sirius laughed. "I'm used to having _men_ around. This whole you-hanging-around-us, how long is that going to last?" he joked.

Lily hit him harder.

"OW!" Sirius cried, rubbing his shoulder. "What happened to your conscience?"

"I forgot that this was you we were talking about."

They all laughed, even Lily, and she couldn't help but realize she was almost enjoying the time spent with the Marauders. It was getting her mind off of what was going on with Riley and Kay and for that, she was grateful.

"You know my story could have been true," James pouted, slamming his fork defeatedly into his mashed potatoes.

"Except I would never moon someone," Remus said, shuddering in disgust. "That's something Sirius would do."

"Hey!" Sirius whined. "Could we put a hold on picking on Sirius?"

They all exchanged looks. "Then what would we do with all of our time?" Remus asked.

"Perhaps if you stopped picking on me long enough, you'd realize there's such a thing called _women _and even _sex_," Sirius stated with a grin.

Lily groaned. "Oh please don't corrupt Remus. He's the only logical one in this group."

James and Sirius exchanged a glance before bursting into hysterical laughter, earning a glare from both Remus and Lily. "Oh please, Remus was corrupted _years_ ago," James explained.

"Yeah, the first time I walked in on Sirius and a girl," Remus murmured, shuddering.

"Ahh, yes, Gessica Wicks," he said dreamily. "Merlin, was _she _a goddess."

"Yes, I think I remember you screaming that out," Remus muttered.

Sirius laughed and threw a piece of chicken at him, causing Remus to retaliate by throwing a piece of bread at him.

"No food fights!" Lily scolded, glaring at them. "Remus, I expect better from you."

Sirius' eyebrow perched. "Not me?"

"The guy talking about sex at the dinner table? No, I pretty much don't expect anything from you. Ever." Lily flashed him a smile.

"Oh, please, we barely grazed upon the subject of sex. We could go into the nitty-gritty details if you'd-"

Lily stuffed a piece of chicken in his mouth to shut him up. "Must you be so crude?"

He grinned, swallowing the chicken whole and licking his fingers. "Of course," he said. "That's my role as a Marauder. Remus is the logical one, as you already suggested, James is the brilliant one, Peter is the stealthy one, and _I _am the crude one."

"Aw, you think I'm brilliant?" James said with a teasing smile.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You got Head Boy, did you not?"

"Not sure how," Lily interjected, her eyes gleaming with amusement.

"Because I'm brilliant. Haven't we gone over this already?"

"You may be brilliant, unfortunately I cannot deny that, but brilliance does not make one responsible enough to be Head Boy."

"I showed up last night!" he whined.

Lily sighed, a slight smile spreading across her face. "Yeah," she said with a shrug. "Yeah, you did."

Remus, Sirius, and Peter exchanged a look, having expected a biting remark from Lily. It wasn't like Lily to just give in, recognizing even a slight responsible side to James.

"So where are Gilmore and Kay?" Sirius asked curiously.

Lily frowned. "Avoiding each other?" she muttered.

"Oh, still fighting?"

"No. Fighting entails them being in the same room for longer than two seconds. They're just avoiding each other."

"What happened?" Sirius dared to ask.

"Nothing," Lily was quick to dispute. "At least nothing that concerns you."

Sirius couldn't help but be a tad curious, but even being the inquisitive one he was, he kept his mouth shut. He could tell that whatever it was, it bothered Lily and he didn't want to make matters worse.

James spoke up. "Ah, well, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too. I don't know when they'll stop this avoiding each other charade, but-"

"No, I meant I'm sorry for _you_."

She glanced at him inquisitively. "What?"

He shrugged, glancing furtively at Remus before returning his gaze back towards Lily. "I know you're stuck in the middle of a fight you can't fix. A fight that is causing tension within your friends, making you feel lost, confused, and most of all, helpless. And that sucks. So I'm sorry."

She looked up at him in awe, speechless. That almost sounded like compassion and understanding. But James Potter dare not show compassion, right? "Um...thanks. I think."

He shrugged dismissively, reaching over to butter a biscuit.

"Wait a minute, if you're turning into the logical one, does that make Moony the brilliant one?" Sirius asked, furrowing his brow.

"More believable than _you_ becoming the brilliant one," Remus snorted. "Or the logical one, for that matter."

"Like I'd want to be either. I'll stick with being crude, thank you very much!"

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," Lily said, shaking her head in disbelief. "You're going to die crude, m'friend."

"As opposed to Remus dying logical, James dying brilliant, and myself dying stealthy?" Peter asked curiously.

"Can we not talk about dying?" James said, frowning. "If you thought sex was an inappropriate conversation for the dinner table, I'm calling talk of death depressing. Extremely depressing."

Lily was going to retort that she was joking, but the words didn't come. Because in all honesty, any talk of death, even in a teasing manner, was often hard to swallow when they were constantly reading up on unjust and unexpected deaths every day in the _Daily Prophet_. When she glanced over at him to apologize, there was such a frazzled, defeated look on his face, she was surprised to realize she felt bad for him. Only took six years and two months, but yes, she actually genuinely felt an emotion towards him besides hatred or repulsion. "What's going on in the wizarding world is depressing," she found herself saying.

She blushed when she felt four pairs of eyes staring intensely at her. No one spoke. They just stared.

She speared her fork into her peas with a grunt. "Didn't mean to bring the conversation down," she apologized.

"You didn't," Sirius was quick to argue. "I think we all think about what's going on in the wizarding world even if and when we don't admit it aloud."

"Yeah, but Potter did ask that we not talk about it," Lily pointed out with a shrug. "So let's not talk about it."

Silence followed. An awkward silence.

"What do you think is waiting for us after we graduate?" Peter asked.

"What happened to not talking about it?" James groaned.

Peter shrugged. "It's a legitimate question. I'm sure we've all thought about it."

No one responded because they knew he was right. Of course they've all thought about it. How could they not? With daily articles about the wizarding world slowly becoming unhinged and destroyed and with so much mention of Voldemort and his plans and the split beliefs of all witches and wizards, it took a toll on everyone. Even seventeen-year-olds who had no idea what to expect. "How about we just enjoy our time at Hogwarts for the time-being and think about the future on a night when we're not in a celebratory Halloween mood?" Lily said with a lopsided smile.

"Deal," James said a little too quickly.

"Uh-oh," Sirius sighed, shaking his head. "Seems to me Lily's taking over Remus' position as the logical one. Is there room for two?"

"Seems to me she's also the brilliant one," James complimented, sipping his pumpkin juice casually.

"Not crude, though," she quickly interjected, shaking her head. "Though I can't argue for or against stealth. Sneaking out and creeping around this school wasn't ever my thing. Can't say I've ever done it."

"You've never snuck out?" Sirius asked, dumbfounded. "Not even once?"

She shrugged. "Are you surprised?"

"Considering your friend is Gilmore who has snuck into Hogsmeade numerous times during her Hogwarts career, yes, I"m surprised."

"Yeah, well, I'm not Riley."

"Thank Merlin for that," he murmured into his plate. "We don't need two Gilmores walking this Earth."

"Technically, there are six Gilmores. Eight if you count her parents," Remus pointed out.

Sirius scowled. "Damnit, sometimes, I hate that you're the logical one! We need a dumb Marauder and I'm voting you, Remus."

"Eh, we've got James for that."

"Ditto to that," Lily said, ducking as James attempted to throw a biscuit at her.

"How can I be brilliant and dumb at the same time?"

"You'll figure it out. You're brilliant like that," Lily said with an amused smile.

"Ah, so admitting I'm brilliant, are we?" James said, his heart skipping a beat as the dimples framed her cheeks. "Only took you six years."

"Don't let it go to your head," she argued, rolling her eyes. "You already knew you were brilliant. You don't need me telling you that."

"No, but it's nice to hear you say it," he said with a shrug.

She met his gaze and smiled.

James smiled back.

"Er...would you two like to be alone?" Sirius teased.

Lily threw a piece of biscuit at his forehead. "To sorta steal the words out of your own mouth, I sometimes hate that you're the crude one!"

Sirius grinned and chucked the biscuit into his mouth. "Personally, I think I have the best role."

Lily laughed, not surprised by the response. She couldn't believe how much she was smiling and laughing considering the company she was surrounded by. And yet, she could honestly say she enjoyed herself. She would go as far as to say she had fun. She had obviously spent brief moments with Remus and Sirius in the past, but it was difficult to have fun with them when she was actively avoiding spending any time with James and Sirius was actively avoiding spending any time with Riley. Lily felt her heart constrict when her eyes instinctively peeked over at James. Perhaps if they could put aside their differences, she may actually see herself spending more time with the Marauders. Especially if Riley and Kay were going to continue acting like children.

Being around the Marauders gave her a different view on life, as cheesy at that sounded. But they knew how to live in the moment, how to just enjoy themselves without letting anything outside of the four of them affect the way they lived. Their friendship was something Lily had always been jealous of, not that she would ever admit it. They were closer than kin, cared about each other for their successes and their flaws. Accepted each other for who they were, Sirius Black being a prime example. They didn't care what others thoughts and didn't let anyone interfere with their friendship. They were a breath of fresh air. And for once, she felt her guard become unhinged slightly as she let the four of them give her a reason to smile and laugh. She had always been so afraid of her past and she feared for the future. And at the Halloween feast, she didn't worry about either. She lived in the present for once and owed that to the Marauders. And the strangest part of that evening, she didn't hate it.

But she couldn't help but wonder when Riley and Kay were going to start being friends again. She didn't think she could go that long without talking to her girlfriends.

* * *

Later that night, after the feast had forced most of the students into a food coma, Riley and Sirius were in the library working on their Advanced Transfiguration project since a draft was due within the next week.

Riley was abnormally quiet that night and Sirius couldn't help notice that every few minutes or so, she'd look away from her work and stare into space inadvertently. However, Riley glared at him whenever he even tried to open his mouth, a glare filled with more hatred than ever before, and refused to let him get in two words. He barely spoke all night. Riley had taken charge and made it known that if he made any unnecessary comments or gestures she'd turn him into a rat or chuck a book at his head. So Sirius was quick to shut his mouth. But after watching her turn away from her work for the hundredth time that night and hearing her sigh deeply, he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Riley shook her head out of her fantasy world long enough to glare at him and then return back to work. He knew what that glare meant—it meant that if he asked any more questions, he'd be rat stew for dinner the next night.

Apparently, he liked rat stew because he continued to annoy her. He grabbed her quill away from her, waiting for her to burst into a long frenzied lecture.

Only nothing happened.

She simply shot him another irritated look and then dug into her bag for another quill, surprising Sirius. He was shocked she didn't bark at him.

"You have to speak some time, Gilmore," he growled, grabbing her other quill.

A fiery determination shone in her eyes, and she rummaged through her bag for another quill, coming up with her last and holding a tighter grip on it as she tried to finish the page, refusing to look up at Sirius.

"Gilmore, look at me."

"No."

"Gilmore, put down the quill."

"No."

"Gilmore, say something!"

"No."

"Gilmore! Put down those damn charts!"

"No."

"Damnit, Gilmore!" Sirius cried, throwing her quills back at her, hating the fact that he can never win with her. "I hate this uncomfortable silence! And I hate it when you yell at me for getting distracted, yet that's what you're doing right now. What the hell is wrong with you? We've been here for longer than necessary and we still haven't reached the last page!"

"Black, if you weren't talking right now, we could get this done faster."

"And if you weren't staring off in space, we could get this done even faster."

"I am not staring off in space," she responded stubbornly, finally looking up at him to give him an icy glare.

He snorted. "Like hell you're not," he replied angrily. "You're like a little antsy child on Christmas morning!"

"Wrong holiday, it's Halloween," she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," he snapped. "But considering you missed the feast, I assumed you forgot it was Halloween."

There was an unreadable flicker in her eye that quickly returned to a stony glare. "Let's just get back to work."

"Why are you so anxious?" he dared to ask.

Riley glared at him. "I'm not anxious for anything, you prat. I'm just annoyed that I have to be stuck up here with you by my side for over an hour."

"Well, no one is stopping you from leaving."

"Sod off, Black," Riley argued, going back to her work. "Can't you ever just shut up?"

"No," he said, putting his quill down on the table and crossing his arms. "Seriously, Gilmore, what's going on? I know you're upset about something."

She tried shooting him a glare, but she know she just looked sad. She turned away, glancing back down at her parchment.

"Gilmore?"

She let out a deep breath, doing her seething silently. She was trying very hard to ignore him, but every time he spoke and asked her what was wrong, a flashback of that morning with Kay flickered in her mind. "I'm really not in the mood for this, Black," she said, shaking her head. "So if you wouldn't mind either finishing up in silence or just leaving the library and I'll do the rest of the work myself, that would be much appreciated."

He sighed. "I'm not doing either."

"Fine. Sit there. See if I care."

"Oh, you will."

She grunted. "Oh, really? And why's that, Mr. Smartypants?"

He laughed at her pathetic insult and then replied, "Because I'll be singing the whole time. 'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, and this is how it goes: I know a song that-'"

"ARGH!" Riley shouted throwing a quill at his face to shut him up. "You're right, you're right. I _do_ care!"

Sirius grinned victoriously. "Do I know how to annoy a person or what?"

"Yes, congratulations, you know how to get under my skin," she snarled. "Now shut up, will ya?"

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"No!"

"'I know a song that gets on every-'"

"SHUT UP!"

"SHHH!" Madam Pinsky, the librarian, whispered from the front desk.

Sirius laughed and felt himself flailing his arms about and trying to grab the table as Riley literally shoved him backwards off his chair. He landed on the ground, flat on his back, with a loud thud, getting another hushed "Shhh" from Madam Pinsky.

"Laugh at _that_, Funny-boy," she snapped, collecting all of her things quickly and throwing them into her bag. With another glare at Sirius, she swung her bag over her head and rushed out of the library, vowing to finish the work in her bedroom.

He picked himself up and quickly shuffled together all of his papers. He shot Madam Pinsky his prize-winning charming smile as he chased Riley out the door.

"Why are you still following me?" Riley groaned, not even bothering to turn around. She already knew who it was.

"Because it's obvious you're upset about something and I'm curious."

"Why? So you can throw it back in my face later? I don't think so, Black," she snarled, still walking hurriedly in front of him, practically running away from him.

He sighed. "No, because it's obvious you're hurting. It's clearly weighing heavily on your mind, so much that you neglected to finish your work."

"No, I neglected to finish my work because of a little thing called _you_."

Sirius finally caught up to her and grabbed her arm tightly, refusing to let her just walk away. "Is this about what happened this morning between you and Kay?"

Riley whirled around, snatching her arm back. "What do _you_ know about this morning?"

"Not much considering I'm not about to take the word of a gossiping fifth-year Hufflepuff," Sirius admitted.

Riley didn't know how to answer that. She sighed, crossed her arms, and stared at the ground in obvious disappointment. "Great. Now the whole school is talking about me," she mumbled, rubbing her temples.

"Well don't listen to them. They know nothing anyway and would much rather stretch the truth than actually _tell _the truth," Sirius said with a reassuring shrug.

"Hm, I wonder where they get that from," she replied sarcastically, glaring at him.

He rolled his eyes. "If you listened to the gossip, I believe the exact words were that Kay would be pregnant with her half-brother's child and you are running away with him to elope."

Riley snapped her head up and gave him a disgusted look. "_What_? People are really saying that?"

Sirius nodded. "Like I said, the Hufflepuffs are known for exaggerating the truth into a long line of lies for the whole school to believe. The only ones who know what really happened this morning are you, Riley, and Lily. And if anyone in this school just uses their brain, they'll realize what the Hufflepuffs are saying are a bunch of ridiculous rumors."

"I know," Riley muttered. "I'm not…mad about that. I don't really care what people are saying about me. I just…I just want this all to go away." Her voice was hoarse, hurt even.

"Want what to go away?" Sirius asked gently.

Riley turned away from him as tears quickly sprang to her eyes. "I _don't_ want to talk about it," she muttered through gritted teeth. He noted the waver in her voice. "Especially with a guy I have learned to hate over the past two years."

Sirius sighed at those words, hesitating and thinking it over before speaking. "I guess I deserved that," he muttered, running his fingers haggardly through his hair. "But just so you know, I...I don't hate _you_. Never have. Never will," Sirius said awkwardly.

Riley turned to look up at him and Sirius stepped back, seeing intense anger flashing in her eyes. "Why should you? You have no reason to. You weren't the one left completely hurt and betrayed. I didn't break your heart. You broke mine." She cringed, realizing too late that she was laying her vulnerability on the line for the one guy she said she never would.

Sirius turned away, sighing. "You know, this is the second time within two months that you have mentioned what happened and-"

"So?"

Sirius gave her a look. "It's been almost two years and you have failed to mention it until that one time in Advanced Transfiguration. I just...I just wonder if...if perhaps you..."

"Black, what are you trying to say?" she interrupted vehemently, crossing her arms angrily.

He stared at her for a long few seconds and then looked down to stare at his twiddling thumbs. "I don't know," he admitted in a murmur. "I just...maybe it's time you listened while I explained myself."

"No," Riley said firmly.

"What?"

"_No_," she replied, glaring at him. "I didn't want an explanation then and I _don't_ want one now."

"But-"

"Nothing good can come out of that."

"But-"

"Black, _no_. I don't want to relive any of it. I've tried to push it so far out of my mind and I do _not_ need you bringing it up."

Sirius crossed his arms in frustration. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you were the one who brought it up."

Riley gave him one of her infamous deathly glares. "Yeah, and I'm sorry that I did that. I didn't realize you would harp on it. But it really doesn't matter what you have to say about it because it's over. It's in the past," she snarled. "And now I'm going back to the common room and you will _not_ follow me."

"Gilmore, if-"

"I'll meet you in the library tomorrow night same time and hopefully I won't see you _until_ then," she continued, giving him on last evil glare before whirling around and rushing away from him.

Sirius sighed and leaned against the wall in defeat. He rubbed his eyes and watched her run away from him. It seemed that that was all she ever did to him. Not that he blamed her.

He thought about that Christmas Break two years earlier. A Christmas Break that constantly lived in his memory, memories filled with what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. The look on her face when she walked down from the dormitory stairs after hearing everything James, Remus, and Peter had said would forever be ingrained in his mind. It was the first look he ever received from her that showed such distaste and pain. It wasn't the last.

Sirius had genuinely liked Riley. In fact, he liked her more than he knew how to deal with. She had always been the girl he turned to, the girl who had been there for him during everything. They had shared things with each other that James didn't even know about. When he was with her, he forgot about everything else. She made it easy living the life he had forced himself to live. She had believed in him and it made him believe in himself. And it was fear and panic that caused him to make the stupidest decision in his entire existence. He always blamed it on the alcohol he had consumed that evening, but it wasn't the alcohol at all. He knew he was making a mistake the moment he did it and he did it anyway.

Sirius and Riley were best friends for four years. But the Friday night before the train was to depart to King's Station for the holidays, they became more than friends. The two of them snuck into Hogsmeade to celebrate Riley's belated birthday and spent the night drinking, dancing, and enjoying each other's company. It was outside Three Broomsticks, Riley's back up against the stone wall where they kissed for the first time. And it was in an empty classroom only a corridor away from the one-eyed witch where they slept together for the first time. No one ever knew about it but them. Maybe they were slightly embarrassed or maybe they were afraid, but in a way, neither wanted to ruin the beauty of that evening by gossiping to their friends about it.

Neither really knew where they stood. They admitted that they had feelings for each other, admitted that perhaps they wanted to figure out what they were to each other. But, and chalk it up to bad timing, Sirius headed home with James for Christmas Break, leaving Riley behind at Hogwarts.

During break, Sirius got, for lack of a better word, cold feet. He never had feelings for a girl before. He had no idea how to handle it. He had always been a love them and leave them kind of guy, using the girl for a few private hook-ups before moving on to the next. He knew with Riley it was different. That he didn't feel the desire to just drop her like the others, but those feelings worried him. And without Riley there to show him what he truly wanted and needed, he took the easy way out and tried to figure out what guy he really was by sleeping with James' cousin on New Year's Eve. After an emotionless roll in the sack with Rhea, Sirius realized his life wasn't complete without Riley. He was going to return to Hogwarts and lay his soul on the line for her, praying it wouldn't end badly.

He was never able to do so.

James, Peter, and Remus were joking about Rhea with Sirius in the Gryffindor common room only hours after he had returned to Hogwarts and Riley overheard every word.

She refused to listen to Sirius' excuses or explanations then, too hurt and upset to be anywhere near him. She actively avoided him, walking the other way when he would try to greet her and she became a professional at _Silencio_, never letting him get a word in. Sirius knew it probably wouldn't have made a difference, no matter what he could have said to ease the heartbreak because one look in her eyes and he knew he had betrayed her trust and betrayed her loyalty. He was no one to her anymore. Over time, she started to really hate him. Hate him for using her and for making her feel inferior and for making her cry over him and for letting herself fall for his charm. He had hurt her in the worst possible way and chasing after her was just making it even worse. So eventually, he swallowed his pride and desperation and he let her go.

The worst part about it all was that Sirius really did have feelings for her. He did then, he did before it all happened, and he had ever since. Nothing could change the fact that whenever he saw her, something inside him stirred and all he ever wanted to do was explain what had happened to give her the closure she deserved. He knew that would never happen, though. He knew that Riley truly despised him, maybe even hated him, and he had no one to blame but himself. He truly cared about her and it was obvious she didn't feel remotely the same. It was easier insulting her and making her angry than it was admitting he had feelings for her. So he did what he always did with girls: pretended that she didn't matter to him.

Because it was obvious that he didn't matter to her.

* * *

Riley quickly ran from Sirius, mostly because she refused to let him see her cry. She blamed her overwhelming sorrow on Kay, but she knew that was a big lie. She was still upset at Sirius. Hasn't stopped since the moment he betrayed her. She never should have brought it up. Because whenever she did, it brought frustrated and hurt tears to her eyes.

Throughout that Christmas break two years earlier, Riley couldn't stop thinking about him. She realized that Sirius truly meant more to her than anyone else and all thoughts of him made her smile. Something felt so right between the two of them. So easy and seamless. And as a naive fifteen-year-old, she imagined living her life with him and inviting him into her world and her heart. She hated watching him walk away from her when he had to return to James' house and she was stuck back at Hogwarts while her parents and grandmother visited her oldest brother in Guam.

All giddy thoughts were erased in a split second the moment she heard James comment on the night shared between Sirius and Rhea Potter on New Year's Eve. Her heart shattered into a million pieces and she wasn't sure it would ever be restored.

Riley thought they had something significant, something most teenagers would never be able to find, and when Sirius agreed that he wanted it as well, Riley thought that all of her dreams were coming true. But to know that Sirius turned his back on his words, had either lied to her or used her, made her feel more worthless than she had ever felt before. She sunk into a deep depression, feeling hurt that her best friend had betrayed her. Feeling hurt that he never cared about her as much as she clearly cared about him. Feeling hurt knowing that she was just like every other girl he had ever been with.

It hurt more knowing that she hadn't been able to let him go no matter how many times she told herself what a jerk he was.

But it didn't matter that she couldn't seem to let it go. It didn't matter that every time she was around him, she thought back to the four years they spent as friends. It didn't matter that a part of her still cared for him. All that mattered was her heart was still broken into two and no one would ever be able to repair it. Not even Sirius.

Riley started to rush back to the common room, when she realized that that would do her no good. She wasn't about to run to Kay with her problems or let Kay see her so upset. So midway to the Gryffindor house, she took a detour towards the Head's private quarters.

She didn't even bother to knock on their common room door. She muttered the previously told password, charged through the door, brushing the tears from her eyes, and accidentally ran head-straight into James.

"Hey, Riley."

She picked up her head, her eyes blazing with rage. "Your best friend is a _jackass,_" she snapped, continuing to brush past him in a frenzy.

"Uh…I'll make a note of it?" James said in confusion.

Riley didn't even turn around to acknowledge his attempt at humor as she pounded on Lily's door. When Lily didn't answer she slammed her fist against it even harder.

"She's not there."

Riley whirled around and stared at James. "Where is she?"

"Just left for rounds. I'm sure she'll be gone for a while. It _is_ Halloween night."

She cocked her head to the side. "Yeah, speaking of which, why aren't you out with the rest of the Marauders hexing the Slytherins and planning the ultimate Halloween prank."

He shrugged. "Oh please, I've matured and I'm Head Boy. I don't play silly little pranks anymore."

Riley raised an eyebrow at him.

"Or maybe it's because we're going out later when Evans isn't patrolling the grounds."

Riley smirked and walked towards the exit. "That's what I thought. Can you tell Lily I need to talk to her whenever she gets back?"

James nodded. "Sure," he replied, then hesitated before adding, "Anything I can help with?"

Riley sighed. "This day has just been…well, it's been completely unbearable."

"Does this have to do with the blow-up with Kay or the whole 'my best friend's a jackass' thing?"

"Both."

"Well, if you need to talk, I'm stalling on doing work for at least another hour, so…" James trailed off, shrugging his shoulders and giving her an inquisitive look.

She ran her hands through her hair, a frown framing her jawline. She dropped on to the couch, defeated. "Kay's dating Lance," she spoke in a hurt whisper.

James' eyebrow perked up. "Er...your brother?"

Riley nodded. "The one and only."

James opened his mouth to respond but found himself without words. "I-I did not see that coming."

"You're not the only one," she muttered.

He gazed at her apologetically, frowning. "I'm assuming you didn't take the news well."

Riley gave him a look. "You were there at breakfast."

"Right," he murmured sheepishly.

Riley sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them tightly. "I just don't get it," she whispered brusquely. "Why _him_? She could have anyone else in this world and she chose my brother. Why the hell can't she find someone else? _Anyone _else!"

James sighed and slowly walked over to the couch, taking a seat beside her, placing his books down on the coffee table in front of him. "You can't always choose who you like, Riles."

"Oh, you sound just like her," Riley growled. "And fine, if she wants to like him, go right ahead. I can't stop her from liking her. I just don't want them to _date_."

"You can't stop them from dating either, Riles," James pointed out cautiously, running his fingers comfortingly over her exposed knee. "And the last time I checked if two people like each other, the next step would be to attempt dating."

Riley made a face.

"Then again, the next step for _you _would be just to sleep with him."

Riley continued to glare at him.

"Hm, not in a joking mood?"

"I just don't get it," she repeated. "What do they see in each other? Neither one of them have ever showed any interest in each other whatsoever from the little time they've spent together in the past. Why now? Why each other? Why-"

"You need to stop with the 'whys'," James interrupted, shaking his head. "All of these questions are often unanswerable. It's just a feeling they have, Riles. The hearts wants what the heart wants. You can't always help who your heart chooses. You just...you fall for someone and you never want to let them go. Lance wouldn't be with anone if he didn't have that same feeling."

She rested her cheek on her knees, sighing. "Do you have that feeling with Kristina?"

He hesitated. "What?"

"That feeling," she murmured. "The feeling that she's what your heart desires. That you never want to let her go. Do you have that with Kristina?"

James was thrown by the question, growing unusually silent.

Riley lifted her face from her knee to stare up at him. "Well?"

"I don't know," he admitted with a shrug. "Sometimes? But this isn't about me. It's about them.""She shook her head. "If you don't know if you have that feeling with Kristina, a girl you see nearly every day, then how the hell do you know that their hearts want each other when they're hundreds of miles apart?"

James scrunched up his nose. "If they're meant to be, they're meant to be. And if they're not, they're not. Either way, do you really think it involves you?"

"It does when they so clearly felt the need to hide this from me," she snarled. "They should have-"

"It wouldn't have made a difference," he sighed.

"What?"

"You'd be this stubborn even if they had told you from the beginning. You just-"

"I'm not being stubborn!" Riley scowled. "I have a right to be upset, James!"

He winced, nodding. "No, I know. You can be upset. No one's stopping you from being a little frustrated. You'd surprise the hell out of all of us if you weren't. But don't let your frustration cloud your friendship with Kay and your sisterly bond with Lance."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Thank you for the psychology lesson, Professor Potter. But I didn't ask for your advice. I merely wanted someone to vent to. Any chance Lily will be on her way back soon?"

He shrugged. "Sorry, Riles, but you should know by now that I'm going to tell you how it is."

"Hence why I cam here looking for Lily." There was a slight smile on her face. "I just wish that...that…" But she trailed off not really sure what she wanted. She wished that she had never invited Kay to Bermuda. She wished that her brother hadn't fallen for Kay. But most of all, Riley wish that for once in her life, she could find someone who cared about her just like Lance and Kay clearly cared about each other. She could tell that alone from the one letter he had written to Kay.

"What?"

Riley shook her head. "I-I don't know. Never mind."

James gazed at her curiously, sensing her hesitance. "Can I ask a question that could possibly end up in you throwing that lamp at me?" James asked, nodding towards the table lamp behind Riley.

Riley glanced behind her and then turned to give him an inquisitive look. "That's a pretty big lamp. Are you sure you're willing to risk getting smashed in the head with it?"

James paused. "You're right. Never mind."

Riley laughed. "No, it's okay. Ask away."

James paused again. "Well okay but do you mind if I move the lamp to where you can't reach it?"

Riley gave him a look. "Just ask."

James laughed. "Right…" he said slowly. "It's just…well…I mean…okay, why exactly are you so mad at them? I mean _why_ do you hate the two of them together? Obviously it's a sticky situation for you but...but why does it make you want to stop being friends with Kay? Is six years worth of a friendship not worth saving?"

Much to James' surprise, she didn't throw any heavy inanimate objects. Instead, she stared intensely at the coffee table, searching for the right words. Instead, she eventually said, "I-I don't know."

"I'm not buying it," James retaliated immediately, giving her a look. "You're hiding something."

"I just think they're...they're making a mistake," Riley said hesitantly, averting her eyes towards the ground.

"Hm," James said, sensing a flicker of agony in her eyes.

Riley swallowed hard, brushing away the tendrils from her face. "She deserves better."

James quirked an eyebrow. "Does she?"

Riley nodded slowly. "I love my brother, but...he's good at hurting people. Girls, especially. He hasn't had a relationship longer than two weeks. He bails when it's convenient to him and he doesn't care who he hurts as long as he remains unharmed."

"Must run in the family."

Riley was taken aback, narrowing his eyes at him. "Come again?"

James shrugged. "All of you Gilmores keep your guard up. Do you notice that except for apparently Lance, none of you are in relationships right now? Never really have been in long-term relationships? And it's not because you can't find someone to hold on to, it's because you're all scared of relationships. Except for, again, apparently Lance."

Riley scowled. "This isn't about the rest of us, it's about Lance!"

"He's found someone he wants to be with, Riles. And he's been with Kay for two months. That's a huge accomplishment for him, don't you think?"

"Who knows what he's doing off in London while Kay is here."

James furrowed his brow, giving her a look. "Lance might have been a womanizer in the past, but he has never been a cheater. Why would he _pretend _to be in a relationship with Kay if he was getting it on with other women?"

Riley hesitated, knowing he had a point. "I still don't like it."

"I know," James sighed. He glanced over at her and saw such determination on her face, but it was the faraway vacant glint in her eyes that he focused on. She met his gaze briefly before quickly turning away, picking at a hangnail on her hand so as to avoid his eye contact. He smirked, realization hitting him. "Because you're jealous."

"Oh, I am _not_," Riley snarled.

James cringed. "Okay, maybe jealousy is a bit of an exaggeration. But the truth is, is that your brother who has been a womanizing for eighteen years has found solace in the arms of your best friend who has never had a boyfriend before. And unfortunately, you believe that you're destined to be alone forever based on your failed relationships. You're selfishly wondering why Kay found someone who wants to be with her when you're ten times prettier, ten times smarter, and you have ten times the personality than she does. You're-"

"Hey, now, don't go putting such bigheaded words in my mouth," she scowled.

James shrugged. "Maybe they didn't come out of your mouth, but I guarantee you've thought them."

She remained silent. Truth was, and maybe this made her a horrible person or maybe just a typical seventeen-year-old-girl, but those horrible, selfish words hadunfortunately crossed her mind. She was the one the guys at Hogwarts sought after and yet Riley couldn't get a relationship to last a few weeks. Kay had barely spent time glancing in the direction of the opposite sex and the moment that she did, the guy was falling for her. What did Kay have that Riley didn't? "Does that make me a horrible person?" she muttered.

"No. It makes you a boy-crazy teenage girl."

She hesitated. "I'm not sure which is worse."

He chuckled. "Riles, you _will _find someone and it will be on that day, you'll look back and hate yourself for prematurely judging this relationship between Kay and Lance."

She shook her head. "I think I'm allowed to me angry at my brother and my best friend for hiding a relationship they've been in for over two months. They deliberately went behind my back! How long do you think this would have continued before they grew the balls to tell me it was going on? At their wedding?"

James sighed. "I don't think you're being fair."

"Yeah, and you're being unfairly judgmental yourself, Potter," she snapped, rushing off the couch irritably. "Tell Lily I'm looking for her."

"Wait," James said immediately, grabbing her arm quickly. "You're right. I have no reason to judge you, especially since I barely know anything about the situation. Don't be mad at me."

Riley sighed and looked long and hard at James before twirling a strand of hair around her finger like she often did when she felt anxious. She slowly plopped back on to the couch. "I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you," she mumbled. "You understand me more than anyone else does and right now all I need is for you to be my friend."

James gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm always here, Riles, and you know that."

Riley tried to ignore the tears that were welling up in the bottom of her eyelids as she turned her gaze away from him. "I don't want to be mad at Kay and Lance, but I am. I can't help it."

"I know."

"I just wish Kay could understand where I'm coming from," she whispered.

"I know," James repeated.

"My life seemed a lot easier twenty-four hours ago."

"I know."

Riley sighed.. "Ugh, I'm going to go bitch out Black some more. That always gets me in a better mood."

James chuckled. "Care to inform me why you expressed your jackass opinion of Sirius when you first waltzed in here?"

"Is there any other reason besides the fact that he exists?"

James rolled his eyes. "You two act like children."

"This coming from the guy who picks fights with Lily every chance he gets."

He hesitated, shrugging curtly. "Hopefully, that's changing," he muttered.

Riley's eyebrow shot up. "Oh, really?"

"I thought you were going to find Sirius to bitch out?"

"Hm, changing the subject. Interesting."

James rolled his eyes, dragging himself off the couch and reaching for his book. "I'll see you later, Riles."

She grinned as she headed out of the private quarters, grateful for James' ability to always put a smile on her face.

* * *

Riley sauntered into the Gryffindor common room and the first person she saw was Kay by the fire. Anxiety coursed throughout her veins and she quickly rushed up the stairs, quietly slipping into her bedroom. Unfortunately, it wasn't quiet enough.

"Where have you been?" an accusing voice from the back of the room asked.

Riley swiveled to her right and groaned. "I didn't realize you cared, Mille," she snapped, throwing her bag of books beside her bed.

Justine shrugged. "So I heard you and Richards got into a fight," she smirked.

Riley rolled her eyes and started unpacking her books, tossing them on to her desk casually. "What's it to you?"

Justine shrugged. "I just thought it might be awkward for you around here."

"And why would it be awkward?" Riley snapped, taking the time to glare at her.

Justine rolled her eyes and slipped off the bed, walking towards RIley. "Because now you have no one to help you hate us," she smirked. "Just think about it, Gilmore. In the morning when you want to take a shower, no one is going to be able to help you pound the door down. At night when you want us to shut up so you can possibly get your full six hours of sleep in, you'll have no one help you hex our mouths shut. Face it, Miranda and I have all the power around here now. So thanks for giving that to us, I guess.."

"And I'm supposed to care about what _you _say?"

"You will."

Riley looked her in the face and growled. "Just spit it out, Mille. What the hell do you want?"

"I have a suggestion," she said with a sly grin.

"I'm not moving out."

Justine laughed sincerely. "That's not what I was going to say. Though we'll call that Plan B."

"What the hell is Plan A?"

She shrugged, meeting Riley's gaze. "I'm letting you know that Miranda and I are extending our friendship to you."

The textbook in Riley's hand fell to the floor. "Have you gone _completely_ insane, Mille?"

She rolled her eyes, unfazed by the scowl on Riley's face. "It's just an offer. One that's actually in your favor."

"I will _never_ befriend you, Mille, no matter how unbearable it gets living here."

"Fine, have it your way," Justine said, shrugging. "But the offer is always open."

Riley rolled her eyes, trying hard not to laugh at how absurd being friends with Justine and Miranda sounded. She was still laughing on the inside when the bathroom door opened and Miranda walked out in her towel, grabbing pajamas off her bed. "So, did you ask her?" she asked Justine, gesturing with her head in Riley's direction.

"Yeah, she did, and I think you both have been abducted by aliens," Riley answered on Justine's behalf. She pulled the curtains around her bed and slipped out of her school robes and into her long-sleeve T-shirt and a pair of flannel boxers.

She reopened the curtains about a minute later and threw her school robes into her laundry pile, suddenly aware that Miranda and Justine were staring deeply at her. Riley sighed. "What?" she asked.

They shrugged. "We're going downstairs to the common room to just hang out for another hour or so until bed. You're welcome to join us," Miranda suggested with a rather unconvincing welcoming smile on her face.

Riley snorted and was about to completely insult them like she so often did when suddenly the door opened and Kay walked in. She froze at the sight of all three of her roommates staring intently at her.

Riley turned back to Justine and Miranda and with a fake smile on her face replied, "Sure. Let's go."

"Uh…where are you going?" Kay asked curiously, glancing nervously at Riley.

Riley smirked at her. "Justine, Miranda and I are going down to the common room to hang out."

Kay stared at her in disbelief. "What?" she asked hoarsely.

Riley shrugged like it was no big deal. "You heard me," she snapped. She turned to Justine and Miranda who were secretly sharing a mischievous smile and said, "You coming?"

"Of course," Miranda spoke up, shooting Kay a smirk before following Riley out of the room with Justine right behind her.

Kay watched them all walk out together before she crumpled in a heap on her bed and burst into tears. She knew that Riley was just using Justine and Miranda, but how could she be so cruel? Just that morning, they were friends and now she was replacing with her two people Riley had despised for six years. She could understand Riley being frustrated and angry and upset. But to betray the bond that they had created over six years by throwing a pretense of a friendship with Miranda and Justine was insulting and demeaning. And maybe Kay had petrayed Riley's trust first, but that didn't give her the right to act so childishly selfish.

And so Kay sat there with her curtains pulled around, the sound of her own sobs lulling her to sleep hoping that God was indeed on her side and in a few days the whole thing would blow over.

No such luck.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh-oh, trouble in paradise. So we know why Riley and Sirius hate each other...Riley's still mad at Kay and getting back at her by befriending her roomates...this just ISN'T right! Please review.


	12. Of Mischief, Bro Codes, & Prefects

**A/N: **Well I'm back with the 12th chapter. So...Riley and her roommates? Kay and Lance? James and Lily? Sirius and Riley? I know, a LOT of unanswered questions. Stay tuned and you may find out some answers!

**Disclaimer: **I ain't J.K. Rowling...J.K. Rowling would never use the word ain't.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 12: Of Mischief, Bro Codes, &, Prefect Meetings

* * *

"I say we just let the buggers take off points whenever they want without needing to hand in reports," James muttered, stifling what may have been his thousandth yawn for the night. It was nearing midnight and he and Lily retreated to their common room to finish some of the prefect paperwork.

Lily shot him a look, amusement gleaming in her eyes. "They're called prefects, not buggers, Potter," she corrected. "And haven't you ever heard of abuse of power?"

"Haven't you ever heard of they probably deserved it?"

Lily chuckled, running the end of her quill along the reports in front of James. "Get back to work, Funny Boy."

He grinned, leaning back against the couch. "So you think I'm funny?"

"Funny-looking perhaps," she replied immediately, her eyes grazing her own paperwork.

He pouted, reaching to smooth his hair self-consciously. "That was borderline cruel, Miss Evans."

She shrugged. "We're still getting used to the whole maybe-we-could-get-along thing. Borderline cruel comments are bound to happen."

He offered her a strained smile, recognizing the amusement in her face. His gaze fell upon her curiously, watching her as her eyes flitted back and forth across the parchment. She looked so focused and at ease, her mouth drawn out into a thin line of complacency. He admired her concentration and had to actively hide the smile that was aching to form.

"Stop staring at me."

He was sent back to the present moment, quirking a quilty eyebrow. "Do you really think we could get along?" he asked curiously.

Her quill paused on the parchment but her eyes never lifted from the page. "I don't know," she spoke honestly. "It's true that we've got a long history, Potter."

His heart fluttered restrictedly. "Yeah," he muttered. "I know."

"How about we just finish this paperwork and we don't talk about whatever the hell it is that's changing between us?" she suggested, a hint of blush appearing on her cheeks.

"So you think something's changing?"

She stuck the feather of her quill in his face. "Stop stalling."

He grinned and picked up his own quill reluctantly. "You're cute when you're irritated."

"Then you must think I'm cute all the time," she drawled, rolling her eyes.

"I do."

She froze and he mentally slapped himself for blurting out the words he had intended to keep to himself. "Er...I just mean I've seen you irritated a lot over the years."

"Thanks to you."

He cringed. "Right," he said guiltily. "So how about that paperwork?"

She let out a light chuckle before nodding. "Yes, how about that paperwork?" she said softly.

He sighed inwardly, knowing he had ruined a perfectly good moment but let the silence in the room engulf the two of them as they chipped away at the sloppy prefect paperwork.

"Potter?"

He jumped at the sound of her voice minutes later. "Yeah?" he asked, glancing up at her.

"Why wasn't Remus in the Great Hall last night?"

Of all the things Lily could have said, that was the last thing James expected. His hand gripped the quill tighter, anxiety coarsing through his veins. Saturday night had been the full moon so Remus had still been in the hospital wing recovering from his transformation late on Sunday. But James obviously couldn't tell her that. And being as he always managed to have a lie on the tip of his tongue for the professors, he was panicking at the idea that no explanation was coming to mind. "Er...not sure," he said. _Seriously? That's the best you can do, James_? He groaned inwardly.

She glanced up at him, noting the distress in his voice. "Like I'm going to believe that. Pretty sure you four don't pee without letting each other know."

James laughed. "We're not attached at the hip, y'know."

"Might as well be."

He shrugged, not fazed by the comment one bit. He could think of worst things than forced into the company of his three best friends at all times. "I don't think that's a bad thing," he admitted.

"Never said it was."

He gazed at her, trying to read her. Her words. Her expression. Her thoughts. She could be so intoxicating sometimes. He blamed it on the mysterious air she had about her. He often found himself dying to break down the walls she had seemed to build up around her and find out who she was. Her past, her present, her future. For being around her for six years, he felt like he barely knew the girl. And the things that he did know she laid out on the surface. Her intelligence, her cleverness, her determination. But she seemed to lack passion and he'd even go as far to say she lacked happiness as well. And he wanted to find out why.

"Stop staring!"

He cringed, his eyes immediately falling back on the parchment in front of him. "Sorry," he muttered.

She rolled her eyes, reaching for the pile of detention slips. She started sorting them as James continued finishing tallying the points he had in his hand.

"Potter, I hope you know how lucky you are," she said offhandedly.

He hesitated. "For tallying points?" he said, knowing she was probably talking about something else. "I don't think anyone ever described paperwork as lucky."

She shot him a look. "The friendship you have with Sirius, Remus, and Peter is hard to come by. When I see you four together, it's obvious how much you mean to each other, as sappy as that sounds. It's a friendship based off more than just the fact that you're roommates. Might sound cheesy, but anyone can see that the four of you are more like brothers than friends. It's obvious that you'll be in each others' lives forever. And honestly, it's refreshing."

He had no idea where that came from. "You don't think you'll be friends with Riley and Kay forever?"

"I hope so," she admitted. "But how can any of us know what the future holds for us?"

His eyebrows knitted in confusion. "You don't think that applies to the Marauders?"

"No," she said immediately, shrugging. "No, I really don't. I have no idea what it is that brought the four of you together, but...but the bond the four of you share is something special. Something real and genuine. Don't lose sight of that."

He frowned. "I-I wasn't planning on it."

She shrugged. "Good."

"May I ask where this is coming from?"

She chose not to respond, but her thoughts were migrating towards Riley and Kay and the uneven friendship that has broke out. She couldn't ever really seeing the Marauders every being torn apart by something as silly as a relationship. And she was jealous. _She _was jealous of _James_.

Not that she'd ever admit that to anyone.

"Pass the ink," she said.

His brow furrowed but he did as she asked.

* * *

Lily strolled towards the Great Hall the next morning lethargically, yawns slipping from her mouth frequently. She and James had stayed up later than usual the night before finishing the necessary paperwork that the prefects often seemed to fill out only halfheartedly. James had not so subtly looked at the clock in the corner of the room numerous times throughout the night, to which Lily told him that if he was going to run off and play a prank with the guys to just do it instead of trying to act inconspicious.

"You're not going to berate me?" he had asked, confused.

She shrugged. "You're going to find a way to cause mischief with your friends whether I try to stop you or not."

He had opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by her next words. "Besides, it's Halloween," she muttered. "What would Halloween be around here without a few Marauder pranks?"

He had been floored, absolutely taken aback by her nonchalant attitude. "So not only are you not scolding me, you are now _condoning _it?"

She hesitated. "I don't condone mischief, Potter. I'm just...I'm just going to be looking the other way when it happens and pretend not to see it."

No one was as susprised as James when instead of retreating into the night to join his friends at their pre-planned meeting spot by the Room of Requirement, he chose to remain stationary on the couch with Lily instead. Once they finished glancing over the prefect paperwork, they pulled out their respective essays, but for the most part, the essays had remained untouched. Lily was shocked to learn she almost enjoyed the company that James provided to her as he shared nostalgic tales of his past about the Christmases he spent where the over seventeen-year olds (and the occasional underage kid) got drunk off spiked eggnog and would start a round of Christmas caroling in the living room or the elaborate Auror ball that the Potters held annually in their ballroom (and yes, Lily did make fun of him for admitting that he had a ballroom in his home), and the rough Quidditch match his family and the Gilmores had once played during the summer after James' first year that landed nearly half of them in St. Mungo's with broken bones, large bloody gashes, and even a semi-comatose Grant Potter. He talked wihle she listened. Whenever he tried to get information about her family life, she somehow always managed to steer it back towards him. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning when Lily's eyes started drooping and she retreated to her bedroom.

While they had both found the evening entertaining, they were not too thrilled come the next morning to find that their lack of sleep was fogging their minds, which came at a very untimely moment seeing as they had an exam in Defense Against the Dark Arts that morning.

"Is there any particular reason you skipped out on us last night?" Sirius asked James as James slipped into the bench beside his three friends.

He winced. "No," he said, shrugging. "I was finishing paperwork with Evans last night. I lost track of time. Before I knew it, it was two o'clock in the morning."

"We were still out at two o'clock in the morning," Peter spoke.

James knew he was about to get tons of grief from his friends. In seven years spent at Hogwarts, they had never missed an opportunity to stir up trouble on the night of Halloween. "You were the ones with the map _and _the Invisibility Cloak? What was I supposed to? Just wander the school hiding behind suits of armor and tapestries whispering out your names and hoping not to get caught considering Pringle patrols the school on Halloween night more vigilantly than any other evening?"

"Oh, sure, because the risk of getting caught by Pringle has always stopped you in the past," Sirius drawled, rolling his eyes as he reached for a scone.

"Considering the Slytherin table is virtually empty, my guess is, is that you three handled our pre-planned pranks just fine on your own."

"Not the point," Sirius immediately retorted.

"You didn't really have a point."

Sirius frowned, placing the half-eaten scone down on his table with a sigh. "Prongs, it was the last Halloween at Hogwarts and it was a Marauders tradition. And you skipped out to spend time with a girl who has pretty much despised you since the first day she laid eyes on you. You totally broke the bro code."

"The bro code?" James groaned.

"Bros before hos!"

Remus finally let out an exasperated grunt. "I highly doubt Lily Evans could be considered a ho."

Sirius shot him a look. "It's an expression."

"A demeaning one."

"We'll work on coming up with a new expression later, but can we focus on berating James first?"

"Can we not?" James interjected, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. "Look, I'm sorry, Sirius, if you feel like I let you down. I just-"

"You let the school down."

"Again, I'm sure you handled the-"

"Not the point!"

"Er, yeah, that kinda was the point you were trying to make." He flashed Sirius a sheepish grin as he took a gulp of orange juice.

Sirius growled, tearing a piece of scone off vehemently and practically shoving it in his mouth. "Please tell me you at least snogged the girl, Prongs."

Orange juice was suddenly spewing from James' mouth as he went into a coughing fit. Remus had to pat him on the back to stop him from choking, sharing an amused glance with his two other friends. "What the hell, Padfoot? I have a girlfriend," James argued.

"And yet you stayed up until two o'clock in the morning with another girl."

James tried scowling, but a slight panic arose in the back of his head. Truth was, the entire time that he had spent with Lily the night before, he hadn't once had a single thought of Kristina. He chose not to respond, ignoring the amused glances that his three friends were sharing. "How about I make up for last night by sneaking out tonight?" he suggested.

Sirius shrugged. "That wouldn't get you off the hook completely, but I'm not one to turn down a night of mischief."

Remus groaned. "I am! James, you're supposed to be setting a good examp-"

"This coming from the guy who spent all night pranking various students and common rooms."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm not the one trying to get on Evans' good side."

James ignored the comment. "Besides, I wasn't talking about pranking. I was talking about sneaking off to the dungeons. I still think there's a secret passageway down there near that large-scale bat statue that we're missing and I'm determined to find it before the school year is out."

Remus sighed. "I do have this thing called schoolwork, y'know."

"Do it tomorrow."

Remus had no idea how he always managed to get suck into his friends' half-crazed plots, but he found himself shrugging. "Alright, what's the plan?"

James grinned and gestured for Sirius to pass him a napkin to scribble on.

Lily stifled a yawn as she strolled into the Great Hall, wishing she could crawl back into bed for just another hour or two of sleep. As she glanced towards the Gryffindor table, her stomach lurched. James had actually made her forget that her two best friends were fighting, but now as she saw Riley sitting by herself at the head of the table, furiously scribbling what Lily could only describe as a last-minute homework assignment, and Kay sitting alone at the opposite end of the table, her head buried in her notes, Lily was reminded that she was stuck in the middle without a clue how to fix it. Both Riley and Kay glanced up at her as she stood stoic in the entrance to the Great Hall, gesturing for her to join them. Lily frowned and rather unexpectedly, found herself drawn to where the Marauders were huddled, clearly plotting something that had absolutely nothing to do with schoolwork.

Lily ignored the shocked gazes on both Kay's and Riley's faces as she slid into an empty seat next to the four guys. She wasn't surprised when their conversation reached an immediate halt as she reached for a muffin and started picking it apart. "Oh, please, don't stop your scheming on account of me."

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked point-blank.

"Well, it's nearly eight o'clock in the morning which often means breakfast. And it just so happens that the Great Hall serves breakfast," Lily responded, rolling her eyes.

Sirius gave her a look. "Let me rephrase, Seargeant Sarcastic. What are you doing sitting with us?"

Lily snuck a peek towards both Kay and Riley and simply shrugged. "Why not?"

James shot Sirius a warning glimpse, which Sirius took to meant to shut up. He shrugged curtly. "Guess staying up until two o'clock with James here has changed your perspective on him."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yep. Only took a few hours after six years of hatred, but turns out we're madly in love with each other and are running away this weekend to get married. In fact, I'm pregnant. Congratulations, we're naming you godfather."

James desperately tried to contain his laughter, pressing his lips firmly together so the guffaw aching to escape could remain in tact.

Sirius didn't even bat an eye. "Ah, well, only took six years but I knew you two were meant to be. How you determined you were pregnant after only one night together is impressive though. But naturally, I'll be Godfather. Someone's gotta teach the kid to have a little fun. Should I teach him a stinging jinx or the jelly-legs jinx at age two? Which one would be more useful to a toddler?"

"Whenever I do have kids, remind me to keep them away from you," Lily sighed.

Sirius grinned. "They're going to be little devils."

"Why don't you find a girl to settle down with and pop out little devils yourself?" she groaned.

"I would except for the part about settling down." He hesitated. "Oh, yeah, and the having kids part. I plan on being a childless bachelor for life."

Lily rolled her eyes, buttering the muffin in her hand. "Like that surprises me," she said with a sigh. "In all fairness, I think you'd make a pretty great dad, Sirius."

Four pairs of shocked eyes stared back at her.

"Did you not hear the part where he's going to teach _infants _how to produce a _jinx_?" Remus said, dumbfounded.

Lily shrugged, stifling another yawn. "He wouldn't actually do that," she dismissed, turning to gaze at the cheeky-smiled rebel. "Sirius, as much as you'd like to never admit it to anyone, there just so happen to be more to you than your goofy, prankster side. And it's that non-goofy, non-prankster side to you, the actually serious, genuine, down-to-earth, intelligent, friendly side to you, that would make you into a great dad. That's all I'm saying."

"This conversation took a vrey confusing turn," Remus muttered.

Sirius frowned, his heart constricting within in his chest due to slight panic. "I'm not going to have kids," he said firmly, a flash of fear in his eyes before being replaced with his usual joyous glint. "I'll just be godfather to all of yours."

"Who says I'm naming you godfather?" Peter snorted.

"Oh, I didn't mean you," Sirius said offhandedly. "You'd actually have to have sex for that to occur."

Peter's cheeks burned crimson as Lily smacked Sirius on the shoulder. "You're so mean, Sirius," she said with a chuckle. "I take it back. You'd make a terrible father."

Sirius' frown deepened as he reached for another scone just so he wouldn't have to respond. He rarely thought about the idea of marriage and _never _thought about the idea of having kids for one reason and one reason only: his surname was Black. He couldn't imagine reproducing and one day, having his child shun everything Sirius now represented to embrace his Black blood and heritage. It probably sounded ridiculous and maybe a tad far-fetched, but Black blood was filled with so much hatred and prejudice. He didn't want to invite a child into the world if there was even a slight potential that he'd grow up to be a sadistic terrorist.

"Sirius!"

Lily's voice brought him back to reality. "Hm?"

"Aw, gee, we make fun of you and you're not even paying attention to be insulted," she sighed.

"You lot make fun of me every day. From time to time, I'm bound to tune it out," he said with a shrug.

Lily noticed that his eyes seemed dimmer, his smile appeared forced, and his thoughts were preoccupied. She replayed the conversation in her head, wondering if it was something she had said. He did seem surprisingly adament about not having kids.

A voice behind Lily interrupted her thoughts. "You would really rather spend your time with James than your own friend?"

Lily sighed and glanced behind her to face Riley, who was standing with her arms crossed defensively. "Yeah," she said matter-of-factly. "I refuse to be put in the middle of this...this _thing _you have with Kay. Until you two realize you both are being stubborn and make up, I'm staying out of it."

Another shadow loomed to Lily's right. "Well, then have fun hanging with the Marauders," Kay snorted, shooting Riley a glare. "Because Merlin knows that ain't ever going to happen."

"You don't get to be snooty," Riley snapped. "_You're _the one in the wrong here."

Kay shrugged coolly. "And you're the one who hastened to judge me and make ill-favored comments towards the situation which I didn't particularly appreciate. I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to have an ounce of snootiness in me."

"Guys!" Lily groaned, shaking her head skeptically. "Do you mind putting your bickering on halt? It's way too early to be forced to listen to raised voices."

"For once, I'm going to have to agree with her," James mumbled. When both Kay and Riley shot him a look to stay out of it, he slumped down in his seat sheepishly.

"Well, you're lucky that my _true _friends just arrived. I no longer have to stand here in this pathetic company," Riley said haughtily. She strode away from them and took a seat at the end of the table where Justine and Miranda had just plopped down.

No one let the crestfallen look on Kay's face go unnoticed, but they all knew enough not to say anything. "Suddenly, I'm not feeling up for breakfast," Kay murmured, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I'm going to go do some last-minute studying." She sauntered out of the Great Hall as quickly as she could before Lily could stop her.

The four guys turned towards Lily, not because they were curious about the situation between Riley and Kay, but because they were all genuinely concerned how Lily was handling the position she was forced into. "You okay?" Remus dared to ask, offering her a sympathetic, lopsided smile.

"I'm..." Lily started slowly, swallowing hard. "I'm exhausted."

They all knew it had nothing to do with the fact that she got little sleep the night before.

* * *

Not only was nothing better between Riley and Kay as the days passed by, but things just got worse. Riley made it a point to gloat in Kay's face whenever she was with Miranda and Justine, and Kay was getting increasingly hurt by it. Kay felt incredibly guilty about her relationship with Lance and keeping it a secret from Riley, but the way Riley was acting, as if their friendship had never meant anything to her, wasn't making Kay more disappointed but in fact was providing her with anger. Lily continued to try and stay out of it, but that was becoming an imposible feat. Kay would constantly whine about the situation and Riley would simply scowl at Lily every time she attempted to mention the subject. Personally, Lily thought Riley was being unfair. She knew that Justine and Miranda were just pawns in Riley's scheme to make Kay angry, but the fact that Riley could be so cruel was a tad disconcerning to Lily.

"Did you know that Justine's father owns the Chudley Canons _and _the Ballycastle Bats?" Riley said to Lily as they wandered down to Herbology.

"No, nor do I particularly care."

"I'm just saying, the girl comes from money."

"This coming from the girl whose house, no _mansion,_ is bigger than all of Hogsmeade."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Oh, it is not. You exaggerate."

Lily merely shrugged as they exited the castle.

"I bet she could get us free tickets to some of the matches."

"I don't want anything from Justine Mille," Lily said irritably.

Riley shot her a look. "She's not so bad."

Lily clenched her teeth together to keep her from lashing out. "If you want to continue under the pretense that you're friends with her, go right ahead. But don't try and recruit me on to her-"

"What _pretense_?" Riley interrupted, her eyes narrowing defensively. "We are friends."

"Bullshit. _I'm _your friend. _Potter _is your friend. _KAY _is your friend, even if you're less than thrilled with her right now. But Justine and Miranda? They're pawns."

"Kay is _not _my friend," Riley snapped, crossing her arms stubbornly. "And who the hell are you to judge who I become friends with?"

"Your best friend!" Lily pointed out.

"Well, then start acting like it."

Lily sighed, shaking her head in disbelief. She halted outside the greenhouses and turned to stare at Riley, a half-curved frown forming her face. "You want me to act like your best friend? Alright," she said hesitantly. "As your friend, it's my duty to tell you when you're being stubborn. As your friend, it's my duty to tell you that yeah, you have every right to be a little peeved at Kay, but it's also my duty, as your friend mind you, to tell you that you are being selfish and petty and naive and in fact, a bit tasteless. You can stew and you can pout. You have every right to do that. But to ignore any of your emotions by befriending the bitchateers from hell is not going to make the situation go away."

Riley glared at Lily and clenched her fists into tight balls filled with anger. "The only way the bloody situation is going to go away is if those two break up. But it's obvious to me that they're not. And I want no part of it," she snapped. "Don't tell me who I can befriend, Lily. It's really none of your concern."

"_You're _my concern, Riley, because you're my friend," she said gently. "I just don't want you to look back upon this and regret these decisions you're making. Is it that difficult for you to realize that she cares for the guy? Can't you at least try and understand where Kay is coming from?"

Her looked hardened but she remained mute, throwing Lily's questions around in her head. Finally, in a calm voice, she asked Lily gently, "Do _you_?"

Lily was taken aback at the sudden change of pace. "Do I what?"

"Understand where Kay's coming from?"

Lily blinked before nodding. "Yeah, maybe. The way she talks about Lance makes that obvious. She cares for him, Riley. If she didn't, she would have broken up with him for you. Don't you see that she feels so torn?"

"She's made her choice," Riley said, bitterness spewing off her tongue. "She'd rather be with him, a guy who she never got to know before August and a guy she hasn't seen in two months, over me, a friend she's had for almost seven years. Do you realize how that makes me feel?"

Lily gazed at her, confused and shocked by the sudden vulnerability in her voice. "She shouldn't have to choose, Riley," Lily said calmly. "You need to talk to her. That's the only way you're going to let go of this anger you have."

Riley shook her head disapprovingly. "There is no way in hell I'm talking to her."

Lily sighed. "You're going to throw away six years of a friendship?"

Riley hesitated, pursing her lips. "She threw it away first."

"That's a child's response, Riley."

"Fine, I'm a child," she said rather softly. A part of her knew that she was being unreasonable. She was definitely one that held grudges, probably longer than she should, but that didn't mean she didn't feel fragile. She hid it well behind walls of stubborness and dauntless confidence, but there was massive vulnerability lining those walls. Ever since she let her guard down for all of five minutes to try and let Sirius Black into her life just to have him strip it away in a milisecond, she refused to ever show that side of her again. She promised at that moment that she would never be taken advantage of ever again. "But I'd rather be a child than be around Kay for one minute."

There was a waver in Riley's voice that surprised Lily. "Riley," she said cautiously. "She's your friend."

_So was Sirius_... Riley sighed. "Not anymore she isn't," she said firmly.

Lily's eyes widened sullenly. "You don't mean that," she protested. "You're just angry right now. You'll soon realize that-"

"No," Riley interrupted, glaring at her. "I don't want to soon realize anything. She went behind my back, Lily. She betrayed my trust and she hasn't done anything to warrant any sort of forgiveness on my part."

"You just-"

"And I don't understand how you're so unwilling to realize I may have a point. A few of them actually. She _lied _to me. To us! For nearly three months my brother and my friend have been lying to me. _Betraying _me. So whose side are you really on here, Lily?" Riley asked, her eyes narrowing defensively.

Lily remained mute, not sure what to say to salvage the conversation. It was obvious that Riley wasn't going to listen to a thing she said. What anyone said. But Lily couldn't help but think Riley was overreacting. Which shouldn't have some as a susprise to her. Riley overdramatized everything, but Lily thought that she would have tried to cool down by now. Apparently, she was wrong. "Can't I be on both?" Lily said softly.

Riley merely offered her a curt shrug. "You're not on both," she argued crossly.

Lily opened her mouth to argue but knew that Riley was right. In all honesty, she wasn't on Riley's side.

"Go find Kay and be her friend, Lily," she scoffed, her jaw tightening. "Because it's obvious that you're not mine."

And with one last pointed glare at Lily, she rushed back towards the castle, ignoring Lily's calls after her.

"Riley, wait! Stop! Come on, let's talk about this!" she cried. "WHAT ABOUT HERBOLOGY?"

But it was no use. She was already gone.

* * *

"Well I just wanted to extend a thank-you to all of you who actually showed up on Sunday like you were supposed to. I got a lot of compliments about the decorations from many people, including Professor Dumbledore and some of the other professors, and I think we all did a great job," Lily said that night at the prefect meeting, turning to James and giving him a smile. All night, they had been helping each other with the business matters, taking turns addressing their fellow students. Not one argument broke out, only smiles and reassurance from the other. Even Remus was beginning to get freaked out.

"And next week, the meeting will be moved to seven o'clock, giving us plenty of time to start working on Christmas plans," James added.

Lily nodded and smiled. "Well, that's it for now. See you next Thursday," she finished.

But no one moved. They all remained eerily stationary in their seats, their eyes bearing bewildered holes through the own eyes of Lily and James.

James and Lily exchanged a confused look. "Uh…we said it was over. You guys can go now," James explained, gesturing towards the doors.

The prefects continued to stare up at them. A few of them blinked.

"Usually you guys can't wait to get out of here. Why the hell are you sticking around?" James asked.

More blank stares.

"Potter, did you curse the students with a Petrifocus Totalus spell?" Lily asked with a teasing smile.

"No," he said with a sigh. "I didn't think I was allowed to do that or I probably would have done it weeks ago."

"Did you all have anything to add to this meeting or did you just want to continue staring up at us like we have four heads?" Lily sighed, glancing around the room at the awestruck prefect.

Fabian finally spoke. "That's it?"

"What do you mean that's it?" James asked, narrowing his bewildered eyes. "We just said this meeting was over and I'm pretty sure it's in our contract not to lie."

Lily let out a light chuckle, but quickly stopped when she realized she was the only one.

A gasp emerged from Mercedes Jennings' lips, shaking her head in disbelief.

But only Lily snickered, but quickly stopped when she realized she was the only one.

Everyone else exchanged looks and went back to staring blankly at the Head Boy and Head Girl.

"What are you guys still doing here?" Lily dared to ask again.

"That's _it_?" Fabian repeated, his voice raising slightly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" James whined, running his hands through his hair.

"No screaming at each other?" Trent smirked.

"Or hexing the other into oblivion?" Rachael included.

"Or insulting each other's prefect abilities?" Remus added.

"Or intense debate about who's the better Head of the school?" Alice continued.

"There's no point to debating," Lily stepped in. "Because we all know I'm the better Head of the school."

James gave her a look. "Way to throw in a last-minute insult," he sighed overdramatically.

She chuckled, shooting him a smile (a smile no one failed to miss) before turning her gaze back upon the prefects. "So maybe it was time we backed off a bit. We both decided it was stupid to fight at prefect meetings. First of all, nothing gets done, we end up just having to get together for another night which neither one of us particularly wanted, and I was beginning to think you guys would just stop showing up altogether so as not to have to listen to us."

"You know, I was one prefect meeting away from just not coming altogether," LeAnn pointed out.

Lily laughed. "See?"

"It's taken you two months to figure this all out?" Severus sneered.

"Try six years," Remus snorted. "They were always a bit slow, if you ask me."

James and Lily both glared at him. "Just because you're a prefect doesn't mean I won't take off points," James scowled.

"Eh, that's okay. I'll just give them back to myself later."

James and Lily intensified their glares.

He grinned sheepishly.

James couldn't help but laugh as he turned to address the prefects again. "Now, just because Evans and I are learning to be a bit more cooperative around each other doesn't mean that you guys can-"

"A _bit_ more cooperative?" Alice interrupted, one eyebrow raised. "No, a bit more cooperative would have been _lessening_ the arguing, bringing the fighting to a _minimum_, offering _fewer_ insults, and_ decreasing_ the amounts of debates you guys usually have. You guys have completely thrown all that out the window."

"Yeah?" Lily asked, slowly quirking an eyebrow. "You want to join it?"

"From the window of a 7-story castle?" Alice contemplated. "You're right. I'll shut up now."

"Now get the hell out of here before we find another reason to keep you here for another hour," James suggested.

A sly smile crept on to Rachael's lips. "You guys are sleeping with each other, aren't you."

Lily recoiled in disgust. "Oh God _ew_! No way!"

James slowly turned to look at her. "Gee, tell us how you really feel?" he drawled sarcastically.

Lily looked him up and down and shrugged. "Yep, I still say oh God ew, no way," she said with a smile. "I'll throw in a hell no as well."

"And now you're making jokes?" Narcissa commented, shuddering at this sudden friendship that seemed to have arose.

"Don't forget flirting," Randy snickered.

"What?" both James and Lily cried out, their expressions turning incredulous.

"We don't flirt," Lily declared.

"No way," James agreed.

"He's still an insufferable toerag."

"She's still a know-it-all busybody."

"He's too arrogant for my taste."

"She's a bit over-controlling."

"I'm just telling it like it is," Randy snickered, not letting the teasing grins on both Lily's and James' face go unnoticed. Just a few days prior, those comments would have been considered insults and now Lily and James were just laughing it off.

"How about I give you more paperwork to fill out?" Lily said, standing with her hand on her hip.

"Then again, what do I know?" Randy said sheepishly.

Lily sighed, crossing her arms. "Seriously, get the heck out of here," she urged. "We'll have another meeting next week. Feel free to continue interrogating us then. Though, and I give fair warning, there will probably be detentions involved if you do."

The prefects slowly gathered up their things, still a little precarious about the newfound bond that has seemed to form between the Head Girl and Head Boy. They all piled out slowly, with one last "That's it?" comment from Fabian and a few frenzied whispers from the other prefects.

"Well, you were right, Evans," James said after everyone had left.

Lily lifted her head and looked at him in confusion. "I'm right about a lot of things. Do you mind clarifying?"

James chuckled. "About scaring them off. I'd be surprised if any of them show up next Thursday."

Lily let out a forced smile before walking along the outside of the table to collect the paperwork the prefets had left behind. He could tell the smile was fake. It didn't reach her eyes. They were void of any sort of joy, distress and concern staring back at him.

"You want to tell me what's bothering you?"

She glanced up at him, startled. "What? Nothing's botheirng you."

"Yeah, it is," he was quick to argue.

Defensiveness rested on her face. "We've been hanging out for four days now and suddenly you think you know me?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I don't know anything about you. But I can read people. And disappointment is written all over your face."

She frowned, slowly lifting her eyes to meet his gaze. When did he become so insightful? "Riley isn't talking to me," she found herself blurting out.

That was news to James. "What? Why?"

She shrugged. "Because of this whole Riley-Kay situation."

"You mean that Kay's pregnant with her half-brother's child and Riley's eloping with him?" James snickered, referring to the gossip going around the school.

Lily slowly turned towards him with a glare.

"Er...I mean, continue."

Lily sat down in a chair and rubbed her temples warily. "Riley basically asked me today whose side I was on. And...and I didn't know what to say. Because while I understand where they're both coming from, I...I think it's Riley's problem to solve. She's letting her stubbornness take over and she's not even remotely willing to try and understand Kay. It's like she's blocking it all out in hopes it will disappear," Lily explained. "And it's unhealthy and unfair to the both of them. They both jsut need to man up and _talk _to each other. That's all." She let out an exasperated sigh, chucking the paperwork into her bag.

James looked down at her, finding a sudden admiration in the fragility she was exhibiting. Why she was willing to share this information with him, he didn't know, but he felt grateful. "I-I've been in your position before, and-"

"Oh, so you've had a friend date another one of your friends' siblings?" she scoffed.

James hesitated. "Okay, maybe I'm not _exactly _in your position."

Lily cracked a smile.

"But I've had two friends extremely peeved at each other," he continued, "And very unwilling to even acknowledge each others' presence. And in the end, it puts you smack dab in the middle without a clue what to do or say." He hesitated, slipping into the seat beside her. "I'm not going to lie, it sucks. But here's what you've got to realize. It's not your problem. You can't fix it no matter how hard you want to and no matter how hard you try. In the end, you just have to let it all blow over. It will eventually work out."

She thought back to the end of their fifth year when she was reminded of the times Sirius found himself alone and Marauder-less. It was a weird time for everyone, not just the Marauders but for everyone in the school, because it was the one and only time their group had been split and it was a strange situation for onlookers to be a part of. Sirius was often left to his own devices while James, Remus, and Peter overshadowed him by mere numbers alone.

"How long did it take for your problem to blow over?" Lily asked, looking intently over at him. The feud must have gone into the summer, but she couldn't be certain how long it lasted.

James quickly turned his gaze from her, busying himself by shuffling through some papers on the table in front of him. "That's not important. But-"

"How long?" Lily demanded.

He cringed. "You don't want to know."

"Actually, I do."

He sighed and slowly put the papers down, turning to glance up at her. "A few months."

"You know...uh...just a couple," James said evasively.

"Oh thanks, that answered my question perfectly," Lily replied sarcastically, giving him a look. "Seriously, how long did it take?"

He scrunched up his nose guiltily. "Four months."

"_Four months_?" Lily shrieked.

James cringed. "Yeah, but trust me, this situation _cannot_ be worse than the one I was stuck in. I doubt it will last that long."

She paused before daring to ask, "What was the situation?"

James gave her a helpless lopsided grin. "Sorry, I really can't say. It's not my business to tell."

Lily nodded, figuring that was the answer. "I can't wait four months for this to blow over, Potter. By that time, we'll be getting ready to graduate and it will be harder to make up for lost time with Riley. And who's not to say she'll become best friends with those bitches Justine and Miranda!"

James snorted. "You have to give Riley a little more credit than that."

"I would, except she's already done the unthinkable by befriending them in the first place."

"Because she's stubbornly mad and it's a way she can get back at Kay." He hesitated, thinking back to the way he had treated Sirius during the escalated fight. James had certainly found himself in the middle, torn between doing what he knew was right and siding with Remus and doing what he _felt _was right and standing by his best friend. He had been a coward and ended up finding himself spending most of his time with Remus. He had thought that Remus needed him more than Sirius did and so he let that be his excuse. But to this day, he never forgot how lost and abandoned Sirius had felt during that time.

He shook the past from his mind and continued. "I've known Riley for almost eighteen years, Evans," he said slowly. "I know that...that she can keep her emotions at a distance. She doesn't like dealing with the idea of betrayal. I couldn't tell you why, but she avoids any sort of hurt or pain that she's feeling. So right now, she is trying so hard to act like Justine and Miranda are her best friends so that she can go on pretending she's fine. That's she's not upset and hurt by what Kay did. But it's an act. It's easier for her plastering on a smile and hanging out with them than really dealing with the aftermath of losing a friend."

"She's the one who _lost_ the friend," Lily retorted bitterly. "She's the one who stormed away from Kay and refuses to talk to her. She's the one being stubborn. _She's _the one determined not to be Kay's friend."

"I know," James said softly. "But that's not how she sees it."

Lily frowned. "Are you defending Riley?"

"No," James was quick to argue, shaking his head. "Not at all. I'm not saying what she's doing is right. It isn't. I'm simply telling you what's running through Riley's mind."

"Well, gee, thanks, but that's not really going to do any good," Lily drawled sarcastically. "Unless you can find a way to tell Riley she's an idiot, I see no point in this conversation."

James grimaced, not surprised by the irritated bark in her tone. Lily was stuck in the middle of her friends and all she wanted was for things to go back to normal. She didn't deal well with sudden change. "I'm just trying to help."

"Well, don't," she muttered. "You can't help. I can't help. The only one who can help is Riley and she doesn't want to."

He nodded. "I know," he sighed.

Lily brushed her fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear. "Growing up never gets easier, does it," she eventually said in a half-whisper.

James met her gaze and had to shake his head. "Not even in the slightest."

She fell back against the rim of the chair with a defeated sigh.

James nudged her arm and gestured towards the day. "C'mon, let's go back to our private quarters, study for a few hours, become bored out of our minds, fall asleep, and wake up and go through another day in hell."

"Well, gee, when you put it that way," Lily said sarcastically.

James laughed and stood up, grabbing the folders and putting them into his bag. He flicked his wand and the chairs were tucked underneath the table and the table was completedly cleared, all paperwork shoved into his bag. He slung it over his shoulder and headed towards the door, realizing then that Lily still hadn't moved. "You coming?"

Lily let out a long sigh and nodded, grabbing her own bag and reluctantly following him out of the room, shutting the lights behind her. "Tell me it gets better."

"It gets better."

She sighed. "You're lying."

He grimaced. "Maybe."

She groaned, letting the frown control her expression.

He noted the eery quiet emanating from her and lightly tapped her shoulder with his own. "You'll learn to deal with the irritation that comes with having friends," he joked. "Unless you're planning on going through a whole suicidal phase in which I advise you now just to skip over. It's too dramatic and depressing for you, and I don't think I could deal with breaking in another Head Girl."

Lily shoved him, laughing. "Aw, gee, how sweet of you."

He grinned as he stumbled at her push, trying to catch his balance. He hurried after her and they fell into step, neither speaking. James could tell that Lily was still disheartened by what was going on with her two friends and he wanted so badly to be able to fix it. But he had learned from only age two never to tell Riley what to do. Because the moment you tried to do that, she was going to go off and do the exact opposite. "Evans?"

She lifted her head from her gaze upon the stone floor. "Hm?"

"Why'd you tell me any of this?"

She pressed her lips together curiously as she pondered the question, the sound of their shoes tapping against the ground the only sound for a few seconds. She eventually shrugged. "You asked."

His eyes narrowed skeptically as they strolled down one of the moving staircases. "Didn't realize a simple question could get you to spill your guts."

She frowned. "I wouldn't say I spilled my guts," she murmured, blushing. "But considering the two people I would normally talk to about this are unfortunately the problem, I guess you'll have to do."

James suppressed the urge to smile as they appeared in front of their portrait. He couldn't help but realize how far the two of them had come in only a mere few days. He was grateful for the change. They deserved the chance to get to know each other instead of always tearing each other down. "Well, when the two of them piss you off again, you know where to find me," he said with what he hoped looked like a reassuring smile as they traipsed into their private quarters.

She met his eyes, awe in her own, and offered him a small smile and a nod. "Good night, Potter."

They retreated to their own bedrooms, but James couldn't help but hope she was going to be alright. He knew firsthand how draining and exhausting it could be trying to keep the peace between two people who wanted nothing to do with each other. James could remember so many nights where he would fly up to the roof of the highest tower in the school and stay there all night, immersing himself with only his thoughts and the beauty and tranquility that came with the quiet night sky. But with that beauty and tranquility came a lot of distressing, lonely nights. He didn't want to have her go through it.

It did make him smile, knowing that he was able to help her through a tough time. He hoped that he was able to rid her mind of the whole Riley-Kay situation. Just a few days earlier, his ability to take her mind off of her friends' problem would have been reduced to hexing her in the hallway and earning an earful of obscenities. It was nice to know that he had a way of making her laugh to forget her problems.

It helped that he preferred her laugh to her screams any day.

* * *

**A/N: **So Lily and James flirt, do they? teehee. Sorry no MWPP interaction in this chapter, but just wait until next chapter-one of my favorite scenes between the 4 boys is in the next chapter! Sorry this chapter is so short but I'll make it up with a longer chapter next time!


	13. Of Firewhisky, Blemishes, & Inventory

**A/N: **Aaaaand she's back! Finally! With a longer chapter! There's some good, there's some bad, but a there's definitely a whole lot of everything.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling, but you probably knew that already...at least, I hope you did.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 13: Of Firewhisky, Blemishes, & Inventory

* * *

"What are the chances there's some firewhisky lying around here?" Sirius said, lying back on the simulated Gryffindor table in the kitchens. His knees were pointed towards the ceiling and he was finding some sort of amusement in tossing an orange into the air.

"Probably slim to none," spoke Remus from his casual perch on the table.

James chucked the last piece of his cookie in his hand into his mouth and jumped off the table that paralleled the Ravenclaw table. "Let's find out," he said, his eyes gleaming with delight as he strolled towards a nearby cupboard.

Remus groaned. "You're wasting your time."

James' muffled voice called out. "Five galleons?"

Remus rolled his eyes, recognizing the onset of a bet. "You're on."

A comfortable silence fell over them as James rummaged through the cupboards. Sirius continued to toss the orange into the air, sending it higher and higher with each throw, while Peter watched on blissfully from his resting place on the bench, chortling when the orange once slipped through his fingers and knocked Remus on the forehead.

"OW! Damnit, Sirius, can't you keep still for longer than five minutes?" Remus scowled, swiping the orange and crushing it in his hand, letting the juice slip down his fists.

"No," he responded bluntly, ducking as Remus chucked the squished fruit at him. He grabbed hi wand to clean himself off before reaching into the fruit basket and choosing a pear. After finding himself bored of tossing the unshapely fruit into the air, he bit into it and slowly sat up. "Hey, Prongs!"

He peered his head out from one of the open cupboards. "I haven't found anything yet, Sirius."

"No, this isn't about that," he said dismissively. "Though that doesn't mean you should stop looking."

James rolled his eyes and strolled over to another set of cabinets. "Then what do you want?"

"An explanation."

"Of what?" James asked, confused.

"What the hell is going on between you and Lily-bean?"

Remus' ears perked up, his gaze turning towards the cabinet James was hiding behind and Peter sat up on the bench with eager eyes.

James tensed, his search for alcohol halted as he slowly turned around. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come off it, Prongs," Sirius snorted. "Don't play dumb. Something's in the works."

"You're delusional."

"You're being evasive."

James rolled his eyes and bent down to dig through a large cupboard. "I don't know what's going on," he admitted. "We're…we're getting along. It's weird. It's a new concept for me."

"Us, too," Remus snorted.

"So don't ask me what's going on because I don't know," he said, ignoring Remus as he disappeared into the back of the cupboard. "Jackpot!"

He came barreling out of the cupboard with a crate of firewhisky, hoisting it over to the Gryffindor table as Sirius' eyes lit up. "Alright! I knew these professors knew how to get down."

James rolled his eyes and ripped the wooden top off the rickety crate, turning towards Remus. "Hm, I seem to remember a certain someone who said it couldn't be done. Who was determined to believe that firewhisky was a slim shot of discovering in these here kitchens. A guy who owes me five galleons, perhaps?"

Remus merely groaned and reached into his pocket, flicking the galleons with his thumb towards James. James grinned and pocketed the coins.

"Time for a toast!" Sirius said, reaching for a bottle of firewhisky and swishing it around in his hands. He cleared his throat and jumped up, standing atop the table looking over all of them.

"To what?" Peter questioned, reaching over to the crate and grabbing his own bottle.

He took a swig of the firewhisky, clearly pondering the question, before speaking out in a commanding voice, "To the fun we've had and the mischief we've created. To the pranks and the jokes and the stunts we've pulled. And to the detentions we received for the trouble we've caused. To seven years of friendship, stronger today than it was even yesterday. To Moony, to Prongs, to Wormtail, to Padfoot." He grinned, unfazed by the identical awestruck faces on the faces of his friends. It wasn't like Sirius to get so wistfully nostalgic. He raised his flask into the air. "And to James _finally _getting on Lily-bean's good side after six years!"

Three groans fired back at him. "I am not drinking to that toast," James said huffily jumping up and swiping the bottle away from Sirius' hands.

"You were so close to being uncharacteristically sentimental and you just had to take it to the typical Sirius, didn't you?" Remus sighed, shrugging as he shook his head when Peter tried to offer him his bottle.

"Hey, Lily tolerating James is toasting material," he argued, shooting him a look as he dropped back on to the table. "Tell me you ever thought this was possible."

"Oh, no, I'm definitely in shock. But I'd prefer to toast to seven years of friendship than Lily finally giving into James' supposed charming antics."

"Sap," Sirius muttered, a grin playing on his lips. "Now drink up, Moony!" he urged, swiping the bottle from Peter, sloshing a bit to the floor, as he held it under Remus' nose.

Remus shoved it away, rolling his eyes. "I still have to finish my Astronomy homework and finish that Potions essay so I think I'll pass. I'd prefer my handwriting it be legible and coherent, thank you very much."

"Tonight is a night of toasts, Moony. How are you supposed to do that when you're not _drinking_?" Sirius whined.

Remus sighed, knowing that Sirius would never give it up until he took at least one sip. He reluctantly grabbed the bottle from his friend and took a quick swig of the burning liquid.

"So, Prongs, how did this whole being-nice-to-each-other phase come about with Lilykins?" Sirius asked, turning his attention back on the un-brooding boy.

James rolled his eyes. "Dear Merlin, can't you ever let something go?"

"You clearly don't know me at all."

"Halloween," he responded reluctantly.

"Ah, yes, that usually is the holiday to bring people together," Sirius retorted sarcastically, snatching the firewhisky back from Remus when it was obvious he had no interest in it. "What about Kristina?"

James stopped his own bottle midway to his mouth. "What _about _Kristina?"

"What does she think of this newfound friendship?"

"Why do you care?"

"Oh, I don't know, because you're suddenly befriending a girl you just so happened to have been pining for since the moment your eyes met hers," he snorted, turning towards Remus and Peter to help with back up. Remus merely shrugged while Peter remained stoic, not sure what Sirius expected from him.

"I don't pine after Evans," James was quick to defend, dropping on to the bench with a grunt.

"Hah! Since when?"

James scowled. "Since I got over the idea that the girl will ever think of me as anything but an arrogant toerag. Just because she's tolerating me doesn't change that," he retorted, his stomach doing a guilty flip. He met the unconvinced stares from his friends and sighed. "I realized after last year that the outlandish notion that the girl could ever find it in her heart to go out with a berk like me was one of fantasy and unreality. Believe me, I've been rejected by her once or twice or nine times," he said with a teasing smile.

"Try seventy-four times," Sirius added.

James scoffed. "You counted?"

"Of course I did! If you make it an even eighty, I gain ten galleons from it."

"You're making money off _my _rejections?" James grabbed the bottle from Sirius' hands just to spite him.

Sirius grinned, reaching into the fruit basket and chucking a grape at his head. "Not unless you ask her out six more times."

"I'm fine with seventy-four," Peter chimed in.

James groaned, turning to Remus. "And what about you? How many times did you guess?"

Remus shrugged. "I am better than these two, James. I would never bet on your misfortunes."

James narrowed his eyes. "Moony."

He grinned. "You're right, that didn't sound like me," he chortled. "I was in the sixty to seventy range," he said, shrugging sheepishly. "I thought after sixty times, you'd take the hint. Apparently not."

James sighed, taking a swig from one bottle before moving his mouth to the other, earning a scowl from Sirius. "I'm glad this is entertaining for all of you. But congratulations, Peter. You can collect your money now. I don't plan on asking Evans out again."

"Eh, we still have graduation," Sirius argued, laying back down against the table, bending his knees towards the ceiling.

James tossed the half-empty firewhiskey on to Sirius' stomach, earning an 'Oof!' and another grape sent at his head.

"Is it going to last?" Remus questioned, his gaze focused on James.

"Is what going to last?" he asked, recognizing that the question was directed at him.

"This friendship with Lily."

"Not friendship. Toleration," James muttered. He wasn't about to jump the gun and attempt to call their ability to keep the peace around each other anything other than what it was.

"Whatever it is, is it going to-"

"How the hell should I know?" James snapped, harsher than anticipated. It was a question that had been in the back of his mind since Halloween. He was trying to be so careful about saying and doing the right things about her, mostly because at some point he was hoping to gain her respect and trust. He realized it was hardly warranted, but he wanted so desperately to prove he could be a good guy in her eyes. "It would be nice if it lasted, I can tell you that much," he muttered.

"Well, if you want it to last, here's a thought. Don't screw it up," Sirius muttered, shutting his eyes contently as he let the stones from the ceiling fade.

"Gee, thanks for the heavily detailed advice," drawled James sarcastically, leaning back against the table with a sigh. He took a long mouthful of the alcohol, cringing as the liquid burned his throat as it slid down in huge amounts.

"Can I ask the obvious question?" Peter asked hesitantly.

James sighed but nodded.

"Why now?" he pondered. "Why after six years did she choose now to attempt to tolerate you?"

"Love potion." James flashed him a grin, showing he was merely offering a joke.

"That's a pretty weak love potion," spoke Remus with a snort. "If she's only in the toleration stage with you, I mean."

James shrugged. "My guess?" he said slowly, thinking back to the conversation the two of them shared after the prefect meeting. "She feels a bit torn and stuck in the middle of this fight her friends are going through and she found it easier talking to anyone, even if that anyone was me, than trying to talk to those two go back and forth about how horrible the other is."

"Yeah, what the hell is going on with Riley and Kay?" Remus dared to ask. It had been a week since Halloween and yet, no one seemed to know the truth behind Riley's anger towards Kay.

"None of our concern," was James' immediate reaction.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure, you choose _now_ to keep secrets?"

James shot him a look. "You want to talk about keeping secrets?" he snorted. "Why don't you go ask your best friend, Riley, what's going on with her and Kay? Oh, wait, you can't. She hates you."

Sirius frowned, letting his eyes flutter open slowly. "We're not talking about me and Gilmore."

"We never do," Remus muttered.

Sirius let out a low grumble, similar to the growls he often produced during the Marauder full moon escapades, and let his gaze return to the ceiling. "We've been here for two months now and we haven't snuck into Hogsmeade. Please tell me there's a Guys Night on the horizon."

"Shocking that you changed the subject," Remus said sarcastically. "And when are we supposed to have time to sneak into Hogsmeade? It's our seventh-year and these professors are cramming work into our systems to prepare us for N.E.W.T.s. I shouldn't even be _here _right now. I've got a to-do list a mile long."

"That's your problem right there. To-do lists," he mocked, scrunching his nose. "Just wing it. It's what I do."

"Yeah, but you're one of those annoying lucky few who doesn't have to study and can still pull out Os!" Remus argued, an argument he's felt he shared with Sirius numerous times throughout the past six years.

Sirius merely shrugged.

"Besides, we now have a crate of firewhisky right here," James chimed in with a grin. "Who needs Hogsmeade?"

"I do," he whined. "I need to get out of these four walls."

"Try, like, two million walls," Remus corrected. "And you just want to see Rosmerta."

Sirius grinned. "Yes, I do," he said proudly.

"Won't Rachael be jealous?" Peter drawled.

Sirius rolled his eyes, shooting Peter a scathing look. "I'm not _dating _the girl. Just fucking her."

"Aren't you supposed to be meeting her tonight?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. "Of course," he said matter-of-factly. Glancing at the large chiming grandfather clock in the corner of the kitchens, he grimaced. "Oh, I should probably go. It's already after ten o'clock."

James' eyebrow perked. "Aw, crap, I'm going to be late for rounds with Evans."

"Meeting with Lily-bean late on a Friday night, hm?" Sirius said as he sat up and jumped off the table with a leap. "Sounds like a secret affair to me."

James lightly punched him on the shoulder, taking a final swig of the firewhisky before shoving the half-empty bottle back into the crate. "Kristina, Sirius. Kristina is my girlfriend."

Sirius shrugged, leading the gang out of the kitchens. "Eh, that's okay. You're allowed to have a mistress."

He shrieked as James shoved him into the wall.

* * *

Lily was walking to class on Monday morning alone, which wasn't anything unusual in the recent days. Riley was avoiding Kay and Kay was avoiding Riley and by doing so, it often left Lily on her own to merely fend for herself. In the beginning, she didn't mind it much. She never complained about having quiet time to herself. In fact, unlike Riley, she very much enjoyed the peace that came with being immersed in her own thoughts. But on that Monday morning, she was finding herself wishing for Riley's boisterous jokes at the latest gossip's expense and Kay's complaints about the early morning classes.

"Oy, Mulciber, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Lily turned around at the familiar voice of James booming out over the open corridor. She frowned when she saw Mulciber and Avery all huddled together a few feet behind her. Rounding the corner behind them was James, his arm wrapped around Kristina's waist.

"You're really going to sneak attack the Head Girl from behind?" James scowled, striding towards the group of Slytherins, a perturbed look flashing across his face. "What, afraid you wouldn't be able to beat her if you fought her to her face?"

"Potter," Lily warned, recognizing the beginning of a fight.

"Pretty sure we could handle a lowly Muggleborn from any direction. To her face, from behind, _under her_," Mulciber sneered, a heavy implication dripping from his words.

"Like any female in her right mind would ever willingly sleep with scum like you."

"Who said it would have been willingly?" he smirked.

James took a step forward, but Lily quickly cut in, glaring at him. "Potter, walk away," she demanded.

"He's threatening rape and you want me to walk away?" he cried out in rage.

"_Yes_," she pleaded. "Be the decent, exemplary Head Boy I've seen in you this past week."

The unnerved flicker in Kristina's eyes went unnoticed.

"Hah, Potter decent? Exemplary? Sounds quite uncharacteristic," Avery chortled. "Then again, so does Head Boy and somehow he scraped that title."

"I'm sure his daddy bought it for him," Mulciber growled, amusement shining in his eyes.

"Oh, right, and Dumbledore definitely seems the type to be easily _bribed_," he shot back.

"Ever hear of the Imperius Curse?" he snorted.

"Oh, are we talking about _my _father or _yours_?" James was quick to respond, his hands fingering the top of his wand in his pocket.

A smirk broke out across his face. "Like father, like son."

A brief silence fell across the group of students, none of them completely certain if Mulciber was referring to his boastful pride of _his _family or if he was insulting James'.

Lily cleared her throat. "Let's go to class," she urged, sending James a warning glare before whirling around and heading towards the stairwell that led down to the dungeons.

She couldn't have been completely sure what happened next, but she heard a variety of curses being called out behind her and when she whirled around, Mulciber's hands were on his bloody nose, Avery's legs had turned to jelly, Kristina was wearing a deep gash on her right arm, and James was hunched over clutching his stomach and groaning.

"DETENTION!"

It wasn't Lily's voice that spoke out. Lily clenched her fists when she saw Slughorn walking up to the group.

"Detentions for all of you and five points from each of you. What do you think you're doing, fighting in the hallway?" Slughorn demanded, shaking his head incredulously. "And from seventh-years, no less!"

No one said anything. They never did. Blaming someone wasn't in their nature when it came to giving explanations to the professors. Their hostility was something they kept to themselves.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, you are the Head Boy and Girl at this school. Throwing hexes around is something I don't believe you are expected to do as leaders of this school."

Lily scowled, clamping her mouth shut in fear of lashing out at James Potter for once again getting her into trouble with a professor.

Slughorn pulled out his wand and in seconds, Avery's legs were back to normal. "Mr. Mulciber, Mr. Potter, Miss Reinhart, I suggest you wander to the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey can heal you back to normal. And then I expect you all to return immediately to my class. Understood?"

The three of them nodded as he passed by the students and drifted off to his classroom. Mulciber and Avery shot James a glare before storming off without another word.

"Why are you always so determined to _not _listen to me?" Lily snarled at James.

He let out a frustrated grunt, his hand still on his sore stomach. "I was planning on listening to you, but Mulciber had his wand up! He was going to attack you! From _behind_, the cowardly git. I was just trying to-"

"I swear to bloody Merlin, if the next words out of your mouth have anything to do with _protecting _me, whatever pain is in your stomach is going to be ten times worse," she snapped. "Haven't you ever heard of _Expelliarmus_?"

"Like that would have stopped the prats from striking you," he snapped.

"Please, don't pretend as if you even considered disarming them. Your instincts are always to duel first."

He sighed, but before he could respond, Kristina finally spoke. "He was just trying to help you, Lily. Try and be a little more gracious, will ya?"

She glared at the girl. "I don't need his protection or his help, Kristina. I can take care of myself. Something he can never seem to get through that thick skull of his," she snarled, her gaze turning towards James. "I don't know why I ever thought you could have changed. I was actually beginning to think you were an alright guy and now suddenly, you're pulling the same stunts you always do. You're such a-"

"Oh, please," he interrupted, rolling his eyes. It was like he could never do anything right in her eyes. It killed him to know no matter how hard he tried pleasing her, she would never accept him. "The only reason you ever started hanging around me was because your two friends are ignoring you. You felt lonely and I just so happened to be there," he spat out in a hurt whisper, groaning as another pang of pain seared through his stomach.

Her eyes flashed with surprise. "Does that make you feel better? Giving me an _excuse _as to why I hung around you? Pretending that I gave you a chance because I was hurting and vulnerable? Does that make this pretense of some sort of friendship _real _to you?"

"No," he snapped, shaking his head. "It was never real. You'd never let it get real."

"You're still the same jerk you were at eleven-years-old," she protested, shaking her head in disbelief. "You haven't grown up. And I'm not going to pretend that you have."

He blinked and slowly pocketed the wand still in his hand, a disappointed frown spreading across his face. He glanced up at met Lily's frustrated expression, his own eyes flickering with regret and distress. "You'll never give me a chance, Evans. Never. No matter how hard I try to prove to you I'm not that same jerk I was six years ago, you will forever think the worst of me. And I'm done trying to change your mind about me," he said softly. He reached for Kristina's hand. "C'mon, Kris. Let's get to the hospital wing."

Kristina looked like she wanted to say something, but the determined glint in James' eyes shut her up. She took his hand and followed him down the corridor, out of Lily's sight.

Lily let out a deep sigh, backing up against the stone wall and rubbing her temples with her fingers. She and James had once again fallen back into their usual back-and-forth quipping routine. It was habit for her, to scold him for fighting the Slytherins. And maybe she was being a tad harsh and unfair. If Mulciber really had planned on attacking her with her back turned, it wasn't like there was much for James to do. But in that moment, she had felt slightly disheartened. She had started to see decency in the guy she had always thought held only contempt and arrogance. And in a split second, he had reverted back to the arrogant, self-righteous jerk he had always been. She couldn't just give him the benefit of the doubt. He didn't deserve it. Especially since she knew he could be a good guy. She had seen bits of greatness in him. She just wanted him to be the guy she knew he could be.

But as she headed to Potions, it wasn't the way he had acted or the way he could have acted that filled her mind. It was the look on James' face when he said he was done. He had almost looked hurt. And she wondered what it meant.

* * *

"What is Slughorn forcing you to do?" Kay asked Lily the following night. Lily was pacing the room, grumbling angry obscenities under her breath about having to take part in detention while Kay lay diagonally across Lily's bed with an old _Witch Weekly _in her hands.

"Inventory in the bloody hospital wing without the use of our wands," she muttered. "With none other than the insufferable prick who got me warped into this whole detention thing."

"I'm assuming you mean James."

"No, I mean insufferable prick."

"You do realize that I actually kinda like the guy, right?"

"Can't begin to imagine how," she drawled.

Kay rolled her eyes. "Lily, think of tonight as a rite of passage. You can't graduate without serving at least one detention. It's improper."

"I already served one detention because of him. This is my _second. _In a month," she snapped. "Stupid me for thinking that the actual improper thing was these blemishes on my otherwise seemingly superior Hogwarts record. Blemishes, mind you, I don't deserve!"

Kay sighed, returning to the article on how to find love in the most unsuspecting places. "Maybe you shouldn't be so worried about being perfect all the time. Blemishes might just be the backbone to-"

"I'm not perfect," Lily snapped, whirling around to glare at Riley.

"I didn't say you were. I said you _try _to be."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. This conversation was sounding an awful lot like one she had held with a certain Head Boy on the Gryffindor balcony only a mere four months earlier. "So what should I be trying to be instead? An angry, aggressive, duel-starting rebel? Sorry to burst your bubble, but I think Potter acts that way enough for the both of us."

"I didn't say you should try to be like James," she sighed. "But it wouldn't kill you to lighten up a tad. The guy's not half-bad once you give him a chance. He just-"

"I gave him a chance," she said softly. "One he probably didn't deserve. And…he screwed it up. He screws it up every single time."

"By what, defending you?"

Lily frowned. "I don't need him to defend me. And honestly, if he feels the need to do so, then he should learn to use his words. They can be just as affective if not more," she murmured.

"What happened to actually getting along with the guy?" Kay asked curiously.

"He reverted back to his usual Potter ways," Lily scowled.

Kay sighed. "Are you surprised?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, did you really expect the guy to suddenly change overnight?" she asked with a curt shrug, her eyes glancing over the magazine page towards Lily. "He _is _a good guy, Lily. And you saw a part of that. A glimmer, a twinge, a _small _part of the decency he has somewhere buried deep within. You saw that and you let your guard down. For a brief moment, believing that perhaps he wasn't so bad. So he screws up one time and you're back to thinking he's scum? You're no idiot, Lily Evans," Kay said slowly, offering her a lopsided smile. "You knew he'd screw up and you waited for him to do so."

"Why the hell would I _wait _for something like that?"

"Because you needed a reason to hate the guy again."

She said it so matter-of-factly, it caught Lily off-guard. "Er…what are you talking about?"

She shrugged, sitting upright on the bed. "I think you liked the good side of James Potter. I think you liked seeing the decent, moral side. And that scared the hell out of you," she continued. "Because for six years, you've insulted him and scolded him and berated him for being a jerk. So it scares you a bit that perhaps that guy you've built so much animosity towards in your head might end up being okay. Because maybe, _just maybe_, you were wrong all these years."

"You're not making any sense."

She didn't say anything, but lay back down on Lily's bed, sprawling across it sleepily. "Yeah, I am," she said pointedly, as she pulled the magazine back towards her.

Lily frowned and grabbed her wand off her desk and stuck it in her back pocket. "I'm not scared of James Potter, Kay."

"I didn't say you were," she said casually, her eyes skimming across the fashion page.

"He is a jerk."

"Uh-huh."

"He's deserved my insults and my scolding and my berating all these years."

She hesitated. "But did he deserve it today?"

To that, Lily couldn't respond. She sighed, pursing her lips candidly. "I've got to get out of here before I'm late and earn myself yet another detention."

"Alright, well if you don't mind I'm going to stick around and figure out how to land a guy in the grocery store."

Lily offered her a half-smile, knowing she was just planning on hiding out in Lily's room so that she didn't have to go back to a bedroom where Riley, Justine, and Miranda probably were. "Ooh, you're keeping me in suspense. Please do make sure to tell me how that one ends."

"I certainly will!" she cried out as Lily shut the door behind her and reluctantly headed towards the hospital wing, dread filling every bone inside her body. She was surprised to see that when she arrived at the hospital wing, James was already there and starting the inventory process.

She sighed. "What do you need help with?"

James jumped slightly, in the midst of counting out bottle of Skele-gro. He held up his hand, pausing her as he finished his count. He glanced behind him, saw Madam Pomfrey busying herself with a student turning an astonishing color of blue, and flicked his wand. The bottles were suddenly returned to the cabinet.

"Typical Potter, breaking the rules just because you can," she murmured under her breath.

He shot her a look. "I'm a wizard for a reason, Evans. What Pomfrey doesn't know won't kill her."

She rolled her eyes. "What do you need from me, Potter?"

"Your forgiveness."

She froze, meeting his gaze. "Er…come again?"

He shrugged. "I'm the one that got you into this mess. It wasn't your fault that that fight got started and you shouldn't be the one here helping me with inventory."

Lily opened her mouth to retort but found herself rendered slightly speechless.

"So I'm sorry."

In all of the seven years she had spent around James Potter, she couldn't remember a time he had ever apologized and sounded like he meant it. "Didn't realize you knew the word 'sorry,' Potter," she said lightly.

"Yeah, well, I'm a man of many surprises."

She opened up a drawer of bandages and bindings slowly. "Why do you let them get to you so much? The Slytherins I mean."

He frowned, reaching for the drawer of medicinal potions. "I can't help it, Evans. You of all people should know I have a short fuse and every single one of them knows exactly how to get under my skin. They know what to say and do to provoke me and it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself they're not worth it and if I fight them in any way, that I'm just giving into their antics, I still can't help but realize that these Slytherins are on the path of unrighteousness. They're being brainwashed into believing such filthy, atrocious pureblood convictions where…where _murder _is justified to them. Their snide remarks and their foolish smirks and their childish jinxes are merely the beginning. In a few months, Bellatrix is going to stop using stinging hexes and start using the Cruciatus Curse. Lestrange and Avery and Mulciber are going to stop using their fists and start using the Imperius Curse. It's just a matter of time before they stop caring how they're _supposed_ to act here at Hogwarts and start acting like the people this Voldemort character wants them to be."

He grabbed the box marked 'Essence of Dittany' before continuing. "And what really makes me angry is that they truly believe that they have some sort of superior power over you just because they're pureblood and you're merely a Muggleborn. Talent and skill don't matter to them. It's all about your blood and damnit, Evans, that's not fair to you! The fact that they have a single bloody word to tear you and all you've accomplished, all you've worked hard for, down is revolting. And you say it's just a word and it doesn't matter, but it _does_. It _does _matter. This derogatory word was created just for the sole purpose of destroying the confidence and integrity of any Muggleborn and what's worse, it actually works. Muggleborns start to feel inferior and that they're not good enough. Don't deny it," he argued when Lily attempted to shake her head. "Every time they say that word to you, I see the disappointment and defeat in your eyes. It doesn't matter that you're a far better witch than they'll ever be. Because unfortunately, you don't have anything you can call them that will hurt them nearly as much as they can hurt you. And that, and that alone, is why I punch them, why I duel them, why I feel the need to fight them. They deserve to feel hurt. They deserve to know what pain really feels like. They deserve to realize that their beliefs are nothing short of excruciating to the rest of us. Now, do you mind passing me those empty pill bottles."

Lily's mouth hung slightly open in awe and she subconsciously reached for the box he requested and handed it to him. He started filling the bottles with excess Essence of Dittany, desperately trying to ignore Lily's curious gaze.

She hadn't expected such an earful. Such a passionate, unnerved earful. She didn't even know how to respond, so many of his comments striking a chord with her. Not necessarily a good or bad chord. Just a curious one. She asked the first question that came to mind. "You really believe they're going to start using Unforgiveable Curses?" Lily questioned.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, unsurprised that that was the first thing she had picked up on. "Yeah," he muttered. "I do."

As she reached over to pull out the wound-healing paste, she said, "Won't that just earn them an expulsion?"

James couldn't help but sneer. "As if they care. You know what their plans are after Hogwarts? They're going to join the ranks of the darkest wizard in the entire history of the wizarding world. They're going to train to be dangerous, cold-hearted assassins. And Voldemort won't care if they have a Hogwarts degree or not."

"You don't know any of this for sure, Potter."

"Maybe not, but I'm tired of living in denial. I'm tired of letting everyone else live in denial. This is real. This is happening. A war is about to start, probably already has, and the Ministry is doing everything in their power to ignore that! They're _advocating _for it, in fact. They're talking Pureblood Protection Act bullshit and a stolen registry, which would not surprise me if the Minister himself leaked it in order to provide safety and security within the fearful business owners. A bloody war is on the goddamned horizon and no one seems to want to acknowledge that."

Once again, Lily was rendered speechless. She was amazed at the desperate passion he displayed when talking about a potential war. "I don't know if it's that we're living in denial," Lily slowly corrected. "It's that we're living in fear. No one wants to imagine the possibility of a war. A war means death. A war means a division of people. A war means choosing sides. A war means an army. No one wants to deal with any of that. No one wants to believe that this world that we live in could potentially be destroyed because of _one man_ and his outlandish beliefs. It's scary, Potter. Plain and simple."

James frowned, sensing distress in her tone. As she started counting the wound-healing paste tubes under her breath, he returned to his own tally. They worked in silence for a few minutes, neither really sure what to say. Not because they didn't have anything to say, both had plenty to verbalize on the matter, but because there was almost too much on their minds. Neither really knew where to start.

"Are you scared, Evans?"

She stiffened. "Of a war?"

He nodded.

She hesitated, unsure where this sudden deep, philosophical conversation came from. She had never once engaged herself in such an evocative discussion with him before and she was finding herself a little uncomfortable with the idea that talk of the war was making her feel slightly vulnerable. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't."

"You shouldn't-"

"But I'm Muggleborn," she hastily continued before he could tell her to be courageous. "So that's expected."

He froze, his gaze falling upon the fragile look in her eye. To that, he had absolutely no response. None whatsoever. Which was a big feat for James Potter. He couldn't tell her to not be scared and he couldn't tell her to rise above it. Because she was right. She _was _Muggleborn and therefore, she was a target. Maybe not an immediate target, but her blood was less valuable than his even if he was considered a blood traitor. "I'm sorry."

She rolled her eyes. "Wow, twice in a matter of minutes. That's got to be a record for you."

"You don't deserve to be looked down upon just because-"

"I'm heard this speech before, Potter. And frankly, I'm not interested. I don't really need you or anyone for that matter to try and build me up or make me feel better about my place in the wizarding world. It just makes it worse. I shouldn't have to be told I'm a good witch _just _because people are prejudice against my blood. I know who I am and I know what I can do. Let's just leave it at that, alright?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not just leaving it at that. Because I'm not saying it to build you up or to make you feel better about your place in this world," he was hasty to retaliate, putting down the pill bottles in order to face her. His eyes pierced through hers with such a determined intensity it caused her to blush and turn away. "I'm saying it because it's true. You _are _the best witch in this school by a longshot. You could give any one of us a run for their money, and that includes the professors in this school. That probably even includes Dumbledore."

Lily was trying desperately not to turn and look at him, the heat rising to her cheeks. She didn't know why she was feeling so embarrassed by the generous compliment but it was making her feel slightly uneasy. It wasn't like James Potter to praise her in any way. "Potter, you haven't said a single nice thing to me in the six years that we've been at Hogwarts. So call me crazy, but I'm thinking this sudden urge to eulogize me is in response to what's going on in the wizarding world."

His lips grew tight, his jawline stiff. It was her way of reminding him that they had a long way to go before they could ever really cope with each other. "Yeah, well call _me_ crazy for being intimidated by you," he muttered, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.

She whirled around. "You're _what_?" she asked, shocked.

He winced, tossing the box of now filled pill bottles into the cabinet sloppily. "Nothing. Pass me the-"

"You're intimidated by me?" she repeated.

"No. Can you pass me the-"

"_Why_?"

He let out a guttural whine. "What I said before was all true, Evans. It wasn't my way of eulogizing you at all," he murmured. He met her awestruck expression and sighed. "Obviously we have our differences, Evans, but I never thought that you were _inferior _to me. _Not once_. You blow me away with the skills and abilities you've mastered at this school especially coming from no wizarding background at all. All these years of me messing with you wasn't always about me just doing it because I could. I did it because you were the only one that was ever a challenge."

"Oh, right, and if I had sucked as an opponent, you would have left me alone?" she replied sarcastically.

He shrugged. "But you don't suck, so I guess we'll never know," he admitted slowly. He thought back to the earlier days he had spent tormenting her and he pondered her question. Would he have left her alone if she hadn't been the only one to stand a chance against his hexes and jinxes? If she hadn't surprised him with her wand skills only a few weeks after the start of her first year? He glanced towards her curiously. "Y'know, I remember the first leg-binding jinx I ever sent at you. You...you had blocked it so easily, so effortlessly, and with such grace, it threw me for a loop. I was in total shock. I remember Sirius making fun of me for it for weeks. He called it a proud moment in my life, one for the scrapbooks—the first time a jinx of mine was shielded. So yeah, would I have left you alone if you never had the ability to shield my jinxes? Perhaps. But like I said, you don't suck. You didn't then and you don't now. And no one should make you think otherwise."

Lily heart skipped a beat. A few beats actually. "You…you remember the first time I blocked your leg-binding jinx?"

He neglected to tell her that he remembered everything about her. "Please just promise me you won't ever think you're not good enough for this world."

She couldn't remember nodding but she must have because he offered her a grateful smile and turned back towards the cabinets.

"To be fair, I never said I wasn't," she interjected. "It's everyone else who's thinking it for me."

"Not me," he was quick to protest.

"So you've said."

Lily couldn't help but wonder how it was possible she was having what could only be constituted as a civil conversation with a guy she had thought she loathed. Something seemed so unnatural about it, and yet, Lily was finding herself welcoming it. While James Potter certainly had an air of arrogance about him, he also could be surprisingly humble and polite. Two qualities she never considered James would ever possess.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he said.

"What are your plans after you graduate?"

He didn't know what he was expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. His mind froze mid-count as he turned to glance at her. "What?"

She shrugged. "You seem to know what the Slytherins are planning to do post-graduation and you seem to have a pretty strong opinion of where the direction this war is headed, so I think it's a legitimate question."

"No, I know it's a legitimate question. I just didn't realize you particularly cared what I did after we leave Hogwarts."

"It's not about caring. It's about curiosity."

"Curiosity killed the cat, Miss Evans," he teased, uncertain why he was so hesitant to inform her he wanted to be an Auror. It had always been a dream of his, ever since watching his father and then his older brother make a difference in the wizarding world. And recently, with all of the Dark Arts floating to the surface, he so desperately wanted to partake in the fight against Voldemort. He didn't want to be one of those who just spoke against Voldemort. He wanted to be one of those who actually did something about it.

"Muggle phrase, hm? I guess all of those Muggleborns you stand up for are rubbing off on you."

He chuckled, shrugging casually. "Well, what are your plans, Evans?"

"I asked you first."

"I'm thinking. In the meantime, you go ahead and answer."

She frowned, a sense of dread passing over her. "Well, I don't have many options, now do I?" she muttered bitterly.

James grimaced, not a clue how to respond to that. "Aw, gee, I'm sorry for bringing-"

"Three times. You're on a roll."

He couldn't help but laugh. "This might shock you, but I do know how to apologize, Evans."

It was her turn to laugh, the giggles erupting deep from within. "Shock doesn't begin to describe what I'm feeling. I bet you've never apologized a day in your life before tonight."

He scowled, chucking a bandage at her face. She shrieked, ducking before it could smack her in the eye. "I take back my three prior apologies."

"Shocker," she teased, throwing an empty tube of wound-healing paste at his chest.

"Ow!" he whined overdramatically, clutching his chest as if she had just smacked him with an anvil.

She rolled her eyes. "The guy who is whizzing around the Quidditch Pitch at least four times a week to get in shape for his precious Quidditch matches is injured by a 3-inch tube of _paste_?"

"You throw hard for a girl."

She scowled, slapping his arm carelessly.

He stepped back with a whine. "Ow, you hit hard for a girl, too."

"Yeah, well, at least you have wound-healing paste to fix yourself up."

He couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head incredulously. "You're alright, Evans, y'know that?"

"Of course I am. It's you we have to worry about."

His mouth dropped open, feigning offense. "Don't make me throw something larger at you."

She grinned. "Like what? Those tiny pill bottles? The capsules of Essence of Dittany? Those bandages?"

"How about just a pillow?" he suggested, reaching over to an empty bed behind them and clocking her on the head with it.

She gasped, giving him a look to which she hoped conveyed exasperation. But it was hard conveying exasperation when you couldn't help the smile that was creeping on to your face. "Oh, really? That's the way you want to play at it?"

She squeezed one of the tubes of paste over his robes and immediately tossed a bunch of cotton balls on to him. She laughed as a chunk of them clung to his robes.

He glanced down with a smile. "Eh, these robes needed some sprucing up anyway."

"What do you two think you're doing!"

Lily froze, turning around to meet an angry Madam Pomfrey's gaze.

"Er…inventory?" James suggested.

She glared at him. "Oh yeah, and how many cotton balls did you count out?"

Lily stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough when Pomfrey's angry eyes rested on her.

"Clean this up immediately and get back to work!" she barked, turning around on her heel. "I knew I should have requested Miss Reinhart's help instead," she muttered as she retreated to her small office in the back of the room.

"I swear on Merlin's grave, if I get another detention because of you, you'll be smothered from head to toe in cotton balls," Lily muttered with an amused grin as she reached down to clean up the cotton balls that had fallen to the floor. "Probably without leaving a peep hole for you to breathe."

"How generous of you," he said.

She laughed and after glancing quickly towards Pomfrey's office, she pulled out her wand and pointed it at him. "_Scourgify_."

He grinned as the cotton balls and paste suddenly disappeared. "Thanks, Evans."

She shrugged, meeting his gaze curiously. He almost sounded sincere in his gratitude. Lily was reminded of the conversation the two of them had shared on Sunday. A civil conversation, one Lily had never expected to have with James Potter. And now they were teasing each other. She would never admit it, but she was actually having fun with him. She never knew that could even be possible.

Another conversation popped into her head. The one with Kay earlier that evening. Was it true? Has Lily just been waiting for James to screw up to prove to herself she had been right in insulting him all these years? Had she been a little put off by their new potential friendship that she felt she needed a reason to go back to hating him?

"So what's on the agenda for Thursday's meeting?" James asked curiously.

Lily glanced over at him in surprise. "What?"

He shrugged. "It might not be the library or our common room, but we might as well discuss it while we're together, don't you think?"

She hesitated. "Do you actually care what's on the agenda? Or are you just saying that because you want me to think you care?"

A sly smile crept on to his face. "Maybe a little bit of both."

She was startled to find herself laughing at the honest answer before launching into a discussion of what they needed to discuss at Thursday's prefect meeting.

Lily couldn't tell you what had changed between them that evening, but for once she found herself really just ignoring the barriers she so often had guarding her heart and her head and just enjoyed the moment with him. They chatted candidly, laughing and enjoying the company of each other. It reminded her a bit of the time they had spent together on the eve of Halloween. Except that instead of just getting to know each other on the surface, they had delved into deep, meaningful and surprisingly philosophical topics of conversation. She found herself surprised at how insightful he could be.

"Potter?"

He glanced up from the cluttered drawer of random medical tools. "Yeah?"

"I think it's my turn to apologize."

He froze. "Er…for what?"

She placed the Deflating Draught in her hand back into the medicine cabinet and turned to him. "You were right this morning," she said softly. "Maybe a part of me was…was hanging around with you because you gave me a distraction from what is going on with Riley and Kay. It…I didn't let it feel real at all. I still had my guard up and maybe…maybe I was waiting for you to screw it up. After all this time, I _expected_ you to screw it up. So instead of giving you any sort of benefit of the doubt, I just…blew up. Because that's what I do. I scold you and I-I expect you to screw up. But…" she hesitated, turning away from his scrutinizing gaze as a slight blush appeared on her cheeks. "But I think it was me who screwed up this time."

His eyebrow shot up. "Er…come again?"

She hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but…" she trailed off, the words screaming in her mind but afraid to escape aloud.

"But?"

"This past week hasn't been so bad," she said with a half-smile. "With you and me, I mean."

"Oh yeah?" he said with a grin. "Go on."

She shoved his shoulder with a light laugh. "That's it. That's all I was going to say."

"Aw, really? You didn't want to tell me how awesomely wonderful I am?"

"I said the week hasn't been half-bad," she snorted. "At no point did I mention the words awesome or wonderful. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here."

He chuckled, shrugging. "Fine," he said, returning to the organizing of the drawer in front of him. "But just for the record, I still think you're alright."

She suppressed the urge to smile and merely nodded at him. "So what are the chances we're almost done here?"

He glanced over at the last set of cabinets and drawers to his left. "Er…hope you didn't have any plans tonight."

She sighed but shrugged. "Ah, well, guess that Potions homework can wait for tomorrow."

They continued chit-chatting about schoolwork, the future, the peril in the wizarding world. Random conversations of mostly arbitrary topics, but it felt good to just be talking to each other. Not yelling, or scolding, or being condescending. Just having a normal conversation.

As Lily headed out of the hospital wing that night, after another hour of inventory, she found herself somehow compelled to turn around and call after him.

He turned around, quirking a curious eyebrow. "Yeah?"

She offered him a smile. "Just for the record," she said slowly. "You're alright, too." And suddenly she was gone.

James stood frozen on the floor, wondering if he just heard her correctly.

* * *

Kay crept into her bedroom, hoping it would be empty. She had skived off her schoolwork long enough, finding herself much more entertained by the _Witch Weekly_ but she knew it was time to get back to reality. The harsh reality, a reality that kept her and Riley unfriendly to each other, but nonetheless a reality.

"Where the hell have you been?"

Kay jumped at the sound of Riley's voice. "Didn't realize you cared," she muttered, rolling her eyes as she pulled her wand from her back pocket and threw it on to her bed.

"She doesn't," Miranda chimed in. "But it's a lot easier poking fun at you when you're actually in the room."

"Oh, gee, sorry to disappoint," she drawled, climbing into her bed and pulling the hangings.

"I'm surprised you're not with Lily considering she's you're only friend at the moment," Justine's voice cried out.

Kay's teeth clenched but she ignored the taunts.

"Nah, didn't you hear?" Miranda spoke. "She got a _detention_."

"_Lily?_" Riley said with an edge of surprise. "You sure you heard right?"

"Something about starting a fight with Mulciber and Avery."

"Okay, now that doesn't sound right."

Against her better judgment, Kay spoke out. "It wasn't she who started the bloody fight. It was James. I mean, who else, right?"

"Don't talk badly of James," Riley snapped immediately. "At least he knows how to be a friend."

Kay's heart skipped a beat, a frown framing her face. "Gee, sorry to hear he's not dating Caleb or Rafe," she responded sarcastically.

Silence filled the room before Riley finally spoke, her words filled with menace and anger. "He could be dating Lance. My brother does get around."

Kay threw open her hangings, a glare on her face. "Does it make you feel better to insult your brother?"

"Hey, better you know everything about him up front than learn it later down the road," Riley sneered.

"Why are you so determined to classify my relationship with your brother as some sort of cruel _joke_?" Kay cried out desperately. "Is it that hard for you to believe that we care for each other?"

"Yes!" Riley said, moving from her lying position on her bed to a crosslegged rigid stance. "Neither one of you have ever cared about _anyone _in the past and suddenly, I'm supposed to believe this relationship actually has merit? Bullshit, Kay! Stop kidding yourself and get out now."

"Jealous, are we?" Kay sneered, narrowing her eyes.

"Of _you _in a _relationship_?" Justine chimed in, a laugh escaping her lips. "Hardly. What the hell do you know about relationships?"

"Does it matter?" Kay retaliated. "He and I are figuring it out toge-"

"Aw, jeez, will you shut up about my brother?" Riley snapped. "Stop justifying this ridiculous…hm…_association_ you have with him. You're going to break up in due time and I'm going to be there laughing and telling you 'I told you so.' It's bloody inevitable. It's what my brother does. He just hasn't been around you to realize he wants to dump you. It's coming. Just wait."

Sadness and disappointment flickered in Kay's eyes. "I realize that you don't exactly support this," she said softly, shaking her distressed head. "But how dare you sit there and belittle my relationship with Lance? You're not even remotely willing to figure out what it is we have with each other. You don't know _anything _about it because you're so bloody determined to pretend as if it's nothing. As if our relationship holds absolutely no value. You want to have a small mind about it? You go right ahead, I can't stop you. But you _cannot _stop me from dating him, Riley. You just can't. I won't let you take this away from me," she said, desperately trying to stop her bottom lip from trembling. "I would never devalue your relationships, Riley. _Never_. Frankly, you're being a bitter, resentful _bitch_ and I think you know you're being unfair. This isn't you, Riley! And I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of feeling bad. You can just go to hell for all I care."

Kay jumped off her bed and grabbed her schoolbag, rushing towards the door.

"You're telling _me _to go to hell?" Riley snarled, jumping off the bed. "I'm not being unfair, Kay, I'm being _realistic_. I'm just trying to help _you_! And I-"

She was cut off by a sadistic laugh escaping Kay's lips. "By yelling at me?" she snorted. "Bullshit, Riley. You're just too damned afraid to admit you may be wrong. That you _are _wrong. And I'm done sitting around waiting for you to figure that out. Have fun with your new friends. I'm outta here."

"I'm not the one in the wrong!" Riley cried out, but Kay was already rushing out of the dorm room, slamming the door behind her.

"Let's hope she's gone for good," Miranda sneered.

Riley frowned, turning around and nodding. "Yeah," she muttered irritably as she climbed back into her bed reluctantly, trying not to let Kay's words bother her. In fact, she tried not to think about Kay at all. "Let's hope."

* * *

"So how was detention with your former enemy turned sorta friend turned back to former enemy?" Sirius greeted James from the Gryffindor common room floor where he was playing a game of wizarding chess with Remus. Peter sat on the loveseat, struggling with Transfiguration.

James shrugged, dropping on to the couch behind them. "We're back to sorta friends," he said, grabbing a half-eaten chocolate frog from the coffee table and chucking it into his mouth.

Remus and Sirius' gazes lifted from the chess board to express their disbelief. "And how long will this time last?" Sirius snorted. "Two weeks? A month? A _day_?"

James rolled his eyes, sprawling himself out across the couch with a stifled yawn. "I don't know," he said hesitantly. "But I'm feeling good about this."

"Just don't go fighting any Slytherins, and perhaps you'll be in the clear," Remus suggested.

"I'll see what I can do," James said thoughtfully, leaning back against the pillow with a curious sigh. "When she was leaving tonight, she said I was alright."

"Step up from her usual insult of toerag," Sirius joked, moving his knight across the board.

"Yeah," he murmured, thinking back to the conversation he had with Lily in the hospital wing. "What do you think the future holds for Muggleborns?"

Three pairs of eyes stared at him in shock. "Where did that come from?"

"Just a question."

"Is that what you two talked about tonight?" Remus asked, frowning.

"Among other things."

Sirius leaned back against the foot of the couch, sighing. "James, there isn't much out there for anyone who isn't born with wizard blood. Some Ministry Departments are actively advocating for Muggles, but everyone else is too scared. People are getting killed just _looking _at a Muggleborn. It's…it's a horrible world out there. We've been sheltered here. There's a…a lot going on that isn't being mentioned in the _Daily Prophet_."

"Why is it we can't let a day go by without mentioning this onset of a war?" Peter muttered.

"Because it's _real_," James snapped. "It's happening. There's a bloody war on the horizon and living in denial or even _fear_ isn't going to change that."

"Alright, what the hell happened tonight?" Sirius questioned, shooting him a look.

James sighed, cringing guiltily. "It's just not fair."

"Life never is."

"Evans is by far the best student in this entire school and when we all graduate, she's…she's not going to be noticed for her skills, just her blood status. It's not fair."

"You need to stop worrying so much," Remus said, shaking his head. "It's not going to change anything."

"Especially since Lily-bean can take care of herself," Sirius urged, giving him a pointed glare. "I believe that's what she's always yelling at you for, is it not?"

"I'm not just talking about Evans," he was quick to argue. "I'm talking about all Muggleborns. I'm talking about Alice and Rachael and Jacqueline Halls and the Kelly twins and Hunter Jagger and…Cody Raymond and…and…" he trailed off. "Are those really all the Muggleborns we have in this school?"

Sirius shrugged. "You named about five more than I knew about."

Remus hesitated before offering, "It's actually one less. Hunter's parents took him out of school yesterday morning."

James froze. "What?"

"A lot of Muggle parents are scared," he said. He shrugged. "Actually, a lot of _wizarding _parents are scared."

"Hogwarts is the safest place to be!"

"No," Remus said gloomily. "For Muggleborns, the Muggle world is the safest place to be. These parents would rather have their children grow up to be…to be dentists or real estate agents or even waiters than risk the possibility of their child _dying_."

James shuddered. "Gee, thanks for sugarcoating it."

Remus merely shrugged. "This isn't something that can be sugarcoated."

"Tell me about it," he sighed, shutting his eyes anxiously. "Do you think he'll ever be stopped?"

"Who? Voldemort?" Peter asked.

He nodded.

No one responded, but James wasn't expecting it. It was the question on everyone's mind in the recent months, a question that feared them and made them nervous. A question that often remained unasked.

A question that always remained unanswered.

* * *

**A/N: **Hm, so is this "friendship" going to last? Is Lily going to let it? A lot of dark wizarding world talk, but hey, they live in dark wizarding times, so what do you expect? Review please!


	14. Of Murderers, Rum, & Celibacy

**A/N: **I'm back with Chapter 14! Lots of interaction for everyone. Mostly James and Lily, some talk of Kay and Riley, but things are slowly coming together for them all. Slowly being the key word in all of this...

**Disclaimer: **You know how this goes. If not, see previous chapter.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 14: Of Murderers, Rum, & Celibacy

* * *

Early the next morning, James was strolling out of his room to breakfast when he noticed Lily was sleeping on their commons room couch under a huge bundle of blankets. He stared at the big lump for a few seconds, curious as to what was wrong with the bed in her bedroom. He started to shake her when someone behind him startled him.

"Hey, Potter."

He jumped and screamed. He whirled around and stared at Lily. "AGH!" he cried.

Lily gave him an odd look. "And a good morning to you too."

James just stared at her.

"What?" Lily asked innocently.

"Well…if you're there, then who's this?" James asked, pointing to the heap of blankets on the couch.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know."

"Why is some stranger sleeping on our commons room couch buried under hundreds of blanket?"

"I don't know, maybe it's the Easter bunny."

James gave her a look. "It's November."

"Oooooh, Santa Clause?" Lily said, her face faking glee.

"Nah, first of all he lives at the North Pole so I'm pretty sure here in England he could deal with a few less blankets. Second of all, there's still a good month before he'll show up on our couch."

Lily snorted. "I'm thinking he may never show up on our couch."

"Hey, this isn't the Muggle world. Anything can happen."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine, how about…ahhh, it's obviously Jack Frost?"

"It's been unusually warm all week."

"Exactly. When you least expect it, he just swoops in and turns your nice Autumn days into freezing winter days!"

James gave her a blank stare.

"Or not."

"Yeah, I'd stick with that."

Lily continued to ponder his earlier question. "Well then it's obviously a murderer."

"Who needed a nap before committing his crime?"

"I'm sure even murderers get tired."

James rolled his eyes. "How about you just check it out?"

"Me?" Lily cried. "Why? So he can kill me first?"

"It's not a murderer!"

"Well if you don't think so, why don't you check?"

James paused. "'Cause he could kill me."

Lily let out a light laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. She hated that James seemed to know how to amuse her so much. She hated that he made her laugh. She hated that she found herself smiling in his company. But what she hated most of all was that she found herself liking it.

"Yeah, well you're stronger than me. I'm sure you could deal with him more than a tiny, insignificant Head Girl could," Lily pointed out, giving him an all-knowing look.

"You're not insignificant," James argued.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well duh. I'm just saying that hoping you'll offer me pity and figure out for yourself who this person is."

James gave her a look and paced around the couch. "We could always wait for him to wake up."

Lily nodded furiously. "Oooh, smart idea. That way neither one of us will be killed," she cried. "However, if it is a murderer, I'm pushing you towards him and running."

James laughed and shook his head in disbelief. "Thanks, Evans. Glad you care."

"Hey, this whole caring about each other thing is new," she explained with a chuckle.

His heart skipped a beat as he met her gaze. Did she just admit that perhaps a part of her may care about him? Did he hear her correctly? He opened his mouth to inquire further about her comment, but before he could, the bundle of blankets moved and a head poked out from underneath.

"Kay?" Lily cried in shock.

Kay rubbed her eyes, stretched her arms above her head, and turned to Lily. "Oh hey, Lily. How are you?"

Lily stared at her blankly.

"Hey Kay," James said from behind the couch.

Kay whirled around. "James? What are you doing here?"

James looked over her head at Lily and turned back to Kay with a strange look on his face. "This is my common room!"

Kay gave him a look but glanced around the room, a look of realization hitting her. "Oh, right. I forgot I moved in here."

"Moved?" James muttered under his breath.

Lily gave him a shut-up-don't-blow-it look and then quickly turned back to Kay. "Kay, what's going on?"

Kay sighed and sat up. "I moved out," she muttered.

Lily and James exchanged surprised looks. "Uh…Evans, may I have a word with you?" he hissed, whispering in her ear so Kay wouldn't hear.

Lily smacked him and went around to the front of the couch. "Kay, what happened?"

"I-I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm outnumbered in my own room and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Whenever I try to talk to Riley, she completely puts me down. Last night was the last straw. I just…no matter what I do or say, she's never going to listen to me. She's never going to try and understand. I-I can't be around her anymore. Not like this. It's not fair to me. I deserve better."

"Kay, calm down. You can stay here as long as you want," Lily said, shooting James a look when he opened his mouth to obviously express protest. "But I think you know you have to talk to Riley. You have to figure this out and you're not going to do that by hiding."

"I'm not hiding," she muttered.

Lily gave her a look.

"Alright, I am," she relented with a sigh. She ran her fingers through her natty hair. "I just…I hate that she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," James spoke up, shaking his head. He ignored the look that Lily was giving him, clearly trying to suggest with her eyes that this was a conversation between friends and James wasn't included in that. "She's just afraid."

"Of _what_?"

"Of admitting that maybe her friend and her brother have found something special and she has no idea what to make of it." He said it so matter-of-factly, so candidly with the assistance of a curt shrug. "She knows she's being ridiculous but she'll never admit it."

Kay frowned. "I don't need you idealizing her feelings about this relationship for me, James."

"I'm not idealizing anything," he protested, shaking his head. "I'm just trying to help."

"Why do you always insist on trying to help?" she questioned, narrowing her eyes curiously. "Even on a situation you know nothing about?"

James sighed, meeting Lily's pleading eyes. "You're right," he muttered unexpectedly. "Sorry for butting in."

"Four times in twelve hours," Lily said, a slight smile appearing on her face. "You're a man of many surprises, aren't you?"

Kay's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

Lily shook her head. "Nothing," she was quick to dispute. "Kay, you _can _stay here for as long as you need. And I hope you know that I'm here for you."

"I know," Kay muttered, tears springing to her eyes. There was once a time she could remember Riley uttering those same words. She suddenly realized that James was still in the room, wiped her eyes inconspicuously, and put on a fake grin. "Well, let me just throw on some school robes and we can go down to breakfast."

"Okay," Lily said, smiling. "You can use my room."

Kay nodded.

Once Kay had left the room, James frowned. "She's moving in?" he hissed. "Do you realize how long she might be here? Do you not remember telling you that it took four months for my friends to make up?"

Lily frowned. "Where else is she supposed to go, Potter?"

He let out an exasperated grunt. "I don't know. Just not here. I already live with one girl!"

Lily crossed her arms, her eyebrow arching accusingly.

"Which has been totally awesome by the way," James quickly redeemed.

She rolled her eyes. "Good save," she drawled sarcastically. She sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

He shrugged.

"When you and your friends were shutting out Sirius, did he stay in the dorm?"

A frown crept on to James' face. How she discovered the fight he was referring to left Sirius alone, he'd never know. "Yes."

"All the time?"

He grunted. "Okay, you caught me. No, there were plenty of nights he didn't come back to the dorm."

"Where'd he go?"

"I have no clue," he admitted.

Lily shrugged. "Well, that's not the point anyway. Kay says she feels outnumbered in her bedroom, and maybe a part of her need to get away from them is partly due to that. But it's definitely not the only reason. She feels alone. And hurt. And abandoned," she said slowly, swallowing hard as she thought of her parents and sister. "It's not easy feeling any of that. But it's especially not easy feeling any of that when you have to live it in a room with the person who makes you feel that way."

James bit his bottom lip hesitantly, wondering why she sounded like she kne what she was talking about.

"Ask Sirius," Lily urged, shrugging coolly when he didn't respond. "He'll tell you it sucks."

He met her gaze and he could have sworn he saw a flicker of resentment in her eyes. "Don't judge me," he blurted out.

She stiffened. "I'm not."

"Yeah, you are," he sighed. "I made my choice two years ago. Was I proud of it? No. Was it the right choice? I can't be sure. Was it something I needed to do? Yeah. And maybe someday I'll be able to explain it to you. Hell, I'm hoping someday someone will be able to explain it to _me_."

Lily sensed a great load of distress in his voice. "I'm sorry if you feel like I'm passing judgment on you. I don't mean to," she said lightly. Truth was, she couldn't help but feel a tad resentful towards him for feeling the need to pick sides between his friends. But she knew that wasn't fair. She had absolutely no idea what the situation was and she had no right judging him. But even the slightest bit of abandonment made Lily feel queasy. It may sound depressing and maybe even narrow-minded, but she believed that the only time anyone ever should feel abandoned is if death takes someone away. To her, it was the ultimate abandonment. The _only _abandonment.

"I know," he said with a shrug. "I'm heading to breakfast. See you down there?"

Lily nodded, dropping on to the couch with a forced smile. "Sure."

He swung his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the door. He hesitated, turning around slowly with a sly grin. "Please tell me she's not going to be on our couch for four months," he groaned.

Lily chucked a pillow at his head.

* * *

James walked into the Gryffindor common room on a mission. He was determined to talk some sense into Riley. Maybe he was being slightly selfish and wanted Kay off his couch (living with one girl was plenty for him, especially Lily Evans being the handful that she could be), but he knew that the main reason he wanted to talk some sense into Riley was to hopefully make Lily feel better. He could tell that Lily had been distant and disheartened recently, and he knew it was because of the broken friendship between Riley and Kay. He wanted to see Lily smile again. She deserved to smile again.

He was grateful when he noticed her sitting cross-legged by the fireplace in the corner of the room with a textbook in her lap. The way she was staring at the dying embers of the fire made James think she wasn't actually studying.

She barely glanced up as he took a seat beside her.

"Hey," James greeted.

She offered him a curt smile. "What are you doing here on a Saturday night? Shouldn't you be out with Kristina?"

"She's out with the girls," James explained. Because he had told Kristina to go out with the girls so he could spend time with Riley. "I was actually hoping to talk to you about something."

Riley frowned. "As long as you promise me it has nothing to do with Kay."

James grimaced. "I can't promise that," he said sheepishly.

She shut her textbook and threw it to the floor harshly. "What, so now that Kay is living on your couch, you suddenly feel the need to speak to me on her behalf?"

"_No_," James argued irritably, curious how she found out Kay had moved on to his couch. "She has no idea that I'm here, Riley."

"Does Lily?"

"What?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "I haven't been living in a box, James. I see that you and she have somehow become friends. Not sure how, but I'm not one to judge."

"No, Lily doesn't know I'm here," spewed James bitterly. "I'm here on my own volition, Riles."

"Well, take your _volition_ elsewhere," she mocked, narrowing her eyes at him. "I have no plans to try and understand Kay's side nor do I have any plans to make up with her."

"I never said you should," James retaliated. "Did you ever think that maybe I'm here on _your _behalf?"

"_What_?"

"You're a better person than you've been making yourself out to be, Riley," he said quickly, shrugging. "I have no idea how you fell into steps with Mille and Hobbes, but we both know that the friendship is a complete farce. You're using them in an attempt to make yourself feel better about losing Kay as a friend and they're using you for...for whatever reasons that I have yet to determine. But for seven years, you haven't been able to stand them. So I think we can safely say that this friendship isn't real."

"Oh, go to hell, James," she snarled, grabbing her textbook and jumping up from the floor. "Don't you dare stand there and tell me what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling. You don't know me."

Before she could storm off, he grabbed her arm and made it difficult for her to squirm out of it. "I've been your friend for eighteen years, Riley," he said calmly. "I do know what you're thinking and what you're feeling whether you like it or not. But that's probably why you're getting so angry."

She continued to attempt to wriggle free with little luck. "What the hell does that mean?"

"You know what I'm saying is true. You know that you're using this friendship with Mille and Hobbes as a barrier, so that you can lose focus on what you're really feeling."

Riley hesitated, frowning. She stopped squirming. "Oh? And what am I really feeling?" she dared to ask, her heart racing.

"You're feeling hurt," James said matter-of-factly with a curt shrug. "You're feeling betrayed. You're feeling exactly the same way you felt when you found out that Zach was cheating on you. And you're feeling that no matter who you friend, they're just going to end up lying to you because that's what everyone seems to do to you. So why not befriend two of the bitchiest girls in the school? So that when they end up lying to you, you may actually see it coming."

Riley opened her mouth to argue but found that nothing would come out. Instead, she felt tears blurring her eyesight. She quickly blinked them away. She would never admit any of it, but deep down she knew that James was right. She was so tired of being walked all over, being betrayed. She was tired of feeling like her friends were choosing someone else over her. She was tired of feeling second best. "I'm not going to make up with Kay."

"Maybe not now," James said softly, letting go of her arm. "But you will eventually."

"How can you be so sure?"

James shrugged. "Because she's not Zach. She actually feels remorseful for what she did."

"Hardly," Riley snorted. It wasn't Zach she thought about in that moment, it was Sirius. No one ever felt remorseful for their actions. And she wasn't going to just let them go on with their lives as if nothing had changed. "She's still dating him, isn't she?"

James sighed. "Yeah," he murmured. "And one day you'll realize that they're happy and you can't stand in the way of it."

Riley didn't admit that it was that happiness that irritated her.

"I realize that you feel like she betrayed you, Riles," James continued when Riley remained silent. "But did you ever think that maybe _she _feels a bit betrayed that you would give up on your friendship so easily and quickly?"

To that, Riley had no response.

"Just think about it," said James softly.

Riley could only nod. Without another word, she traipsed upstairs to her room, pondering James' words. Just as she was beginning to wonder if he was right, Justine and Miranda poured into the room and gave her much reason to distract herself from James' judgments. Which she was grateful for. She didn't want to even remotely think about the situation from Kay's point of view. She was the one who lied. She was the one who kept a huge secret from Riley. Riley had every right to be angry.

At least, that's what she was going to keep telling herself.

* * *

James had expected to meet Lily in the library at seven o'clock that evening and was getting increasingly worried as the minutes ticked by and he remained alone at their usual table. He tried immersing himself in Advanced Transfiguration and when that didn't work, he tried moving on to Herbology. It wasn't until eight o'clock that he prayed he just had heard the date or the time wrong. It wasn't like Lily to be late. Especially this late.

"You look discouraged," said Sirius, coming up from behind his friend and hoisting himself up on to the wobbly round table.

"Evans is late," he muttered, not bothering to inquire as to why Sirius would possibly be in the library. He had a feeling it was because a certain raven-haired Gryffindor forced him into showing up to finish some of their project.

"Ah, well, that was bound to happen at least once," Sirius tried to reassure his friend. "First, it was detention. Now, she's working on being tardy. Next thing you'll know, she'll be skipping out on classes."

James snorted, flinging his quill down on the table. "Like that could ever happen."

"Mister Black," a familiar strict voice spoke from behind him, "Is there a reason your muddy shoes are gracing the tabletop and not say, let's say, _the floor_?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly and met Lily's stern glare. "I'm a rebel, what can I say?"

"I believe Riley is waiting for you over _there_," Lily argued, gesturing towards the opposite side of the library where Riley sat glaring over at the three of them. Lily couldn't be sure if that glare was meant for Sirius or for her but she didn't really care to find out. "Shoo."

"Shoo?" Sirius muttered, hopping off the table. "What am I, a fly on the wall?"

"Just an annoying gnat," she teased, pressing her hands into his back and shoving him off towards Riley. She dropped into the chair beside James. "Hey, sorry I'm late. I was-"

"I was just about to send out the search party," he said with a shrug. "No worries though. Payback's a bitch, right?"

She cocked her head to the side curiously.

"For me skipping out on so many of these meetings?"

She nodded. "Ah, yes," she muttered. "Well, as much as I'd like to say this was payback, it wasn't."

His gaze met hers immediately, sensing regret in her tone. "Uh-oh. What happened?"

"I just ran into Dumbledore. He told me that the parents of the Kelly twins just pulled them from school."

James' reaction was one of stoic stewing. His eyes burned with remorse, but his face remained inert. "Because of the article in today's _Daily Prophet_?"

Lily nodded. "I don't know how Ted Tonks escaped, but his entire family was slaughtered. All Muggles. And for what? Because he ran off with Andromeda Black and eloped? It's despicable. It's revolting. He lost his parents and his brothers, people who had no way of defending themselves against Voldemort, for falling in love. How is that fair?"

"It's not," James said quietly. "It's not fair one bit."

"And it just kills me knowing that it was _only_ Ted's family who had to pay when it was Andromeda who had ultimately made the choice to marry a Muggle. But her family remains untouched. And why? Because they're all pureblood supremacists, all groveling at the feet of noneother than Lord Voldemort himself."

James swallowed the lump in his throat. "I know," he whispered. "The Blacks are untouchable. Most of them are fighting in Voldemort's army. Or at least actively advocating for his army."

Lily could only shake her head in disgust. "How did Sirius take the news?"

James shrugged. "I couldn't tell you. He…he doesn't talk much of his family. Even the ones he's remotely proud of."

"He's proud of Andromeda?"

"He didn't say so, but it's obvious. I think he feels a little less of a failure knowing he isn't the only Black rejecting his family's beliefs and convictions."

Lily frowned, stealing a glance over at Riley and Sirius, whose voices were raising slightly as they argued over a paper outline. "He feels like a failure?"

James pressed his lips together tightly. Guiltily. "Not to himself," he chose his words carefully.

She didn't respond, not sure what to make of his comment. She slowly dug through her bag for a quill and pulled out a stack of prefect paperwork. She divided it and slid a load over towards James.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" James asked as he pulled the paperwork towards himself.

She glanced up at him, not sure if that was such a good idea. But the anxious glint in his eye made her nod.

"What do your parents think of you staying here at Hogwarts in the midst of a war?"

Lily froze, her heart skipping what felt like a hundred beats. A gasp got stuck in her throat, her eyes probably shining with guilt and terror. She finally caught her breath and tried to look anywhere but at James in fear that she just gave away her biggest secret with a single moment of shock. She pursed her lips, blinking furiously as she tried to find the right words to say. "I think Muggle parents have every right to be terrified," she said vaguely. "They don't know the extent of what Voldemort is capable of. They're better off not knowing."

He frowned, recognizing her evasive answer. "So, you don't really tell your parents what's going on, do you?"

Chills ran down her spine. "I don't tell my parents anything." It wasn't a lie.

"Is that wise?" he asked cautiously.

She dipped her quill in her ink and glanced up at James' curious stare. "Nothing that happens these days is wise," she spoke, the frown on her face displaying much anxiety and angst. She glanced down at the paperwork in front of her. "We nee to talk to the Slytherins about abusing their power. The Slytherins continue to take points from other houses without recording the motive on their reports. I've counted at least three discrepancies and that's only the first page. And I've heard from others it's usually because the reason they're taking points isn't one of the reasons listed in their job descriptions."

It was a horrible segue, but James didn't fight it. It was obvious Lily didn't want to talk about the war or her family or the Muggle world. It was also obvious that it was a touchy subject, a sad and disheartening subject to her, but he chose not to interrogate her further. He didn't want to be the one to cause any more distress to her. Not when it was finally beginning to feel as if they were friends.

Then again, maybe that was just him being hopeful.

"Hey, there."

The two of them looked up to see Kristina slipping into the empty seat beside her boyfriend.

"Wow, you guys looks curse-free. Didn't realize that was possible," she teased, kissing James' cheek.

"We're going through a nice phase," James teased.

Her eyebrow peaked. "Seriously?"

Lily met her scrutinizing gaze and shrugged. "I suppose so. I'm sure it won't last." She flashed James a smile.

"Gee, thanks for the confidence in me," he whined.

"You always did know how to screw things up," Lily pointed out.

He frowned, his heart skipping a beat. "Maybe I won't screw it up this time."

"I won't hold my breath," Lily retaliated with a shrug. When he glanced up at James, she was shocked to see disappointment flickering in his eyes. "You're serious, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "This might come as a shock to you, Evans, but it's not as if I enjoyed our petty hatred for each other."

"Oh, really? I thought you got off on it somehow," she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Ew. Girlfriend sitting right here," Kristina murmured, shooting a worried glance towards her boyfriend. Not that she necessarily enjoyed the heated arguments and the debates that James and Lily always got into, but she had a feeling it was better than them being friends. That's all James had ever wanted (well, no, he wanted more but she was trying desperately to ignore that) and she didn't know what to expect if that ended up coming true.

"If you're just waiting around for me to screw up, then why the hell should we bother?" James asked curiously, sitting back against his chair with a sigh. "With this nice phase I mean."

"I'm not waiting for anything," Lily said, suddenly confused as to where this conversation came from. "I'm just saying it wouldn't surprise me if you did-"

"Well, what about you? Why is it me that's going to screw it up? Who says you're perfect?"

There was a hint of hostility in his voice that threw Lily for a loop and concerned Kristina. "I'm not," Lily muttered with a shrug. "Maybe it will be me who will screw it up."

"Why does anyone have to screw it up at all?"

Lily shrugged. "Maybe we won't."

"I'm tired of hearing 'maybe,'" James urged.

She let out a long sigh, biting down on the inside of her lip. "What do you want to hear?"

He wanted her to say a lot of things. He wanted her to admit that perhaps this nice phase was something that would last. That they could actually be friends. That they made better friends than enemies. That being nice to each other wasn't something nearly as difficult as they thought it might be. "Nothing," he said instead, picking up his quill once again. "Do you have the points charts?"

She nodded and reached into her bag. She drew them out and handed them to him.

"Thanks," he muttered, glancing over towards Kristina. "Let me finish these and then we can do our Potions work."

She shrugged. "Not like I"m in a hurry to do any schoolwork," she said with a teasing grin.

As James started tallying up the charts and Kristina reached into her own bag for her schoolwork, Lily remained stoic just staring over at James with a curious stare. She eventually blurted out, "Potter, just so you know, I actually like this nice phase we're going through."

He froze, slowly meeting her gaze. Even Kristina hesitated, her eyes darting between the two of them. Eventually, he smiled, trying not to let out the sigh of relief building up inside of him. "Me, too."

Now Kristina was even more worried.

* * *

Sirius was learning to avoid the scrutinizing glances from all of the other students in that school. Having a last name Black with the headline from that morning's newspaper unfortunately awarded him with stares. He was torn between anger and pride. Anger at the Death Eaters for torturing the Tonks family before disposing of them. Pride at his cousin for taking a stand. Sirius had a feeling Andromeda probably knew what was bound to happen, and he prayed that she had warned Ted, and she went against her family's beliefs anyway. It had taken her a lot longer to live her own life versus living the life her family expected her to live than it had to Sirius, and a part of him wondered if there had always been a part of her that wished to shun her family even if she had never given him any inclination, but in the end, he was just grateful to not be the only Black to smear the surname. Or provide honor to the name. Depends which side of things you're looking at.

"Apparently Bellatrix broke Fabian's nose this morning when he had made some sort of jab at her about her own sister marrying a Muggle."

Sirius glanced up from the Marauder's Map he had been contemplating at the sound of Remus' voice. "Good for Fabian," he muttered as Remus dropped on to the floor beside his friend.

"For having his nose broken?"

"For standing up for what's right."

Remus offered him a cheeky grin. "Marriage?"

Sirius shot him a look. "For standing up for Muggles."

"Ah, right, my next guess."

"She got detention on her way to Herbology when she hexed some third-year for claiming he was proud of his Muggle heritage," James chimed in from the couch. "For just talking to his friend! Didn't even realize the bitch was behind her and the next thing he knew, he was unconscious on the floor."

"It was a Slytherin."

The four Marauders turned around at the sound of Riley's voice. She had a grim frown on her face. "The third year who she knocked out. It was a Slytherin."

"Muggleborn?" Sirius asked curiously. "In Slytherin?"

"No, he's a half-blood," she corrected. "Bellatrix was going on and on at lunch today about how she would do it again and that the boy better watch his step. Something about how Slytherins should strictly be purebloods, nothing less."

Sirius' clenched his fists, his eyes migrating to the tiny dot on the Map in front of him with the caption of 'Bellatrix Black.' No surprise to him, 'Rodolphus Lestrange' sat right next to her. He tried to labor his breathing, the anger and rage coursing through his veins. "Why did I have to be born into such a heinous family?" He realized too late that he spoke the words aloud.

Four pairs of eyes met his.

"Mischief managed," he spoke, tapping the Map. He pulled himself off the floor, ignoring the looks he was on the receiving end of. "I'm going to go find Rachael, but if you-"

"You're better than them," Riley found herself blurting out. No one was as surprised as she was by the unsuspecting compliment.

"_What_?"

She turned away from his shocked expression with an awkward shrug of the shoulders. "You are. I may not particularly like you, but even I can tell you that you're not like any of them. You at least don't have any prejudice or hate towards a race. Towards a group of people you don't even know," she muttered. "So yeah. Like I said, you're better than them, Black."

Sirius cringed, ths surname sounding harsh against her tongue. "No," he said skeptically. "Just different."

"Yeah," James snorted, willing to chime in. "You have a heart and they apparently don't."

Both Sirius and Riley froze slightly, their gazes meeting as a similar thought poked into both of their minds. Riley would never believe that Sirius Black had a heart. Not after she had hers ripped out and stomped all over by him. "I've got to go find Rachael," he muttered eventually, tearing his eyes away from hers as he grabbed his wand and stuck it in his front jeans pocket.

"Ah, she's got you on a tight leash, does she?" Riley smirked.

Sirius found himself smiling. The brief, uncomfortable moment of politeness had disappeared and they were back to their witty banter. "If only you knew," he said coyly, ignoring the smirks that rested on Remus, Peter's, and James' faces at the inside joke, the play on the word 'leash' amusing them all.

Once Sirius had disappeared, the three male eyes turned to stare at Riley. "What the hell was that?" James had to ask.

"What was what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb. That strange polite exchange of words."

She frowned. "I wasn't trying to be polite," she corrected. "I was just telling him what he deserved to hear. Considering none of you were chiming in."

"You of all people really think he deserves to hear he's better than the Black family?" Remus argued, giving her a pointed look. "Considering you've told him numerous times throughout the past two years that he should have been sorted into the Slytherin house, call me crazy for thinking it was a little out of the blue today."

Riley sighed. "So I find the guy annoying and childish and arrogant. And so when I get mad, I tell him he should have been a Slytherin. Those are just words. Words from a girl who is angry and spiteful. But that doesn't mean he's a vengeful, vicious, racist, terroristic killing machine like the rest of the Blacks are," she muttered with a shrug. "The guy alas has morals. And I know how much he hates being associated with his family, so...so yeah, he does deserve to hear that he's better than his family. You got a problem with that?"

Remus slowly shook his head. "No," he said bluntly. "He does deserve to hear it. I just hope he realizes he deserves to _believe _it as well."

No one had to ask what he meant by that. Because as much as Sirius prides himself on departing from the Blacks and all that they represented, they all knew that sometimes he wondered if it didn't matter. If having Black blood still filled him with anger and hatred and spite that was beyond his control. Anger and hatred and spite that might one day get him into trouble. Anger and hatred and spite that unfortunately has already gotten him into trouble with one person in particular.

Riley.

* * *

Sirius strode into his dorm room late that night, after a night out with Rachael, and groaned inwardly at his boring friends. James was leaning against the wall on his bed flipping through a Quidditch catalog, every so often grabbing a highlighter and circling an item. Peter was at his desk struggling with Ancient Runes homework, his brow furrowed deeply with a look of contempt on his face. Remus was lying on his bed, continually yawning, reading over a History of Magic essay with a look of mediocre complacency. Sirius swore Remus was the only one who ever read the homework assignment for that class.

Sirius rolled his eyes when they barely acknowledge his presence when he wandered into the room. "Am I the only one who ever has any fun around here?"

"Not all of us find shagging a different girl every night particularly fun," Remus muttered, refusing to look up from his essay.

Sirius rolled his eyes and sauntered over to his bed, stripping the hangings open and falling into the unmade bed. "You're missing out, m'friend."

Remus merely offered a curt shrug, stifling a yawn as he glanced down at the remaining inch. He frowned, his brow furrowing as he tried to figure out what else he needed to write to finish the essay.

Sirius let out an irritated grunt, banging his head defeatedly against his headboard. "It's our last year at Hogwarts," he muttered. "We really going to spend it holed up in our bedroom?"

"Technically, it's not my bedroom," James chimed in, flipping to the last page of the catalog.

Sirius scowled. "Not the point I was trying to make, Prongs."

"Uh huh," he said, clearly not paying attention to his friend's words.

"I'm beginning to think I should have stayed out with Rachael," he muttered irritably.

"Aw, another hour and you probably would have just broken her heart," Remus teased, his eyes continuing to stare at the page in front of him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't take offense," he snorted. "I just mean that breaking girls' hearts is what you do. Especially when you're with them just a bit too longer for your taste. I'm just pointing out that it was wise of you to leave her when you did or she would have been yet another girl crying over Sirius Black."

He frowned, not able to not take offense by that. "It's not like I intentionally break their hearts," he muttered.

Remus rolled his eyes, finding this conversation slightly unnerving. "So shagging a different girl per night and then leaving them once they're asleep is supposed to be deemed as accidental?"

SIrius glared at Remus furiously, which Remus barely took notice of. His head was still buried in a book. "It's not a different girl," Sirius pointed out. "It's Rachael. The girl I've been shagging for the past two months now."

"Oh and how long will she last?" Peter remarked, not even whirling around in his chair to look at Sirius, knowing perfectly well he was giving him a disapproving look.

Sirius scowled. "As long as I see fit!"

"So, as long as another pretty girl with legs doesn't walk past you then?" James clarified with a teasing snicker.

Sirius let out a 'hmph' and crossed his arms bitterly. "You shouldn't be talking, Prongs. Before Kristina, you pretty much had the same ideals that I do now."

"Except he had feelings," Remus murmured, not realizing how loud he had said it.

"It's not like I don't care at all how girls feel!" Sirius protested, the thought of Riley suddenly creeping into the back of his mind. "It's just that the ones I care about don't seem to care back!"

Three heads jerked up, their eyes filled with shock. "Er...come again?" James said awkwardly.

"Nothing," Sirius said hastily. "I didn't come up here to be insulted by my friends, y'know. I don't care what you guys think. Rachael is a great girl, great in bed and definitely great _looking_, and she's all I need right now."

"Exactly," Remus snickered. "She's all you need _right now_."

He shrugged. "And so what?" he retaliated, shooting his friend a look. "It's not like I ever want a girl to last longer than a few days. Weeks maybe. Months if she's lucky and she's a good kisser."

"Oh, right, I'm sure it's Rachael's _kissing _you're interested in," Remus snorted, rolling his eyes.

Sirius glared at his friend. "What's with you today, Moony? If you were the one shagging relentlessly every night, I'd give you a pat on the back and probably have a shot with you for a celebration."

Remus slammed his book shut and threw his essay to the side, suddenly not interested in reading about the long and boring details of how the wizarding world became established. "Alright then. Let's take a shot."

Sirius gave him a curious look, sharing an awkward glance with James and Peter who were suddenly very aware that the tension in the room had changed. "Uh…what?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know about you, but I could go for a drink right about now."

James chimed in, confused. "_You're _suggesting taking a shot?"

"You got a problem with that?" Remus snorted. Truth was, whenever he was forced to listen to James and Sirius drone on about women, he was suddenly reminded that he could never become close to a girl in fear that they would find out his secret. He realized that his two roommates weren't exactly interested in getting close to a girl, but they could probably have their choice of any girl they wanted. Remus not only didn't have that option, he knew he didn't _want _that option. Being a werewolf had his limitations and falling in love was one of them.

Sirius exchanged another round of glances with the other two and shrugged. "Whiskey or rum?"

"Rum," the unanimous decision was.

"Just so you know, Remus, if you were shagging Rachael LeBlanc you'd be on my side. It'd be hard not to. That girl is the ultimate shagmate. A true godsend," Sirius sighed, scrambling under his bed in search for their harbored alcohol.

"You said that about Evelyn Marx and you dumped her the next evening."

Sirius frowned. "Hm, yeah, but that girl is a clueless twit. You can't engage that girl for very long," he murmured. "Rachael doesn't drone on about nonsense when we're together. She and I have an agreement. The only words that come out of our mouths are either dirty or each other's names being screamed at the top of-"

"Yeah, I think we got it," Remus interrupted with a snort. "And hey, when you're done with her, please pass her my way and I'll pick up the pity shag."

All of their mouths dropped in pure shock. "That's something _Padfoot_ would say!" James cried out with a laugh, suddenly wondering what had come over Remus.

"I resent that!" a muffled voice cried out from under the bed.

"You know it's true," Peter snickered.

Sirius came out from under the bed with a trunk with all of their stashed alcohol. "I said I resented it, not denied it," he laughed. He poured four shot glasses of rum on his desk. "And if you're interested, Moony, I believe have a list of my best shags around here somewhere. I'll give you the top five and we'll go on a hunt for them."

Remus groaned but it was James who chimed in. "Just as long as you two never touch Kristina then I think I'm seriously going to enjoy this."

"Or Lily-bean, right?" Sirius murmured, handing Remus a full shot glass.

"What?" James asked, reaching down to grab a shot glass.

Sirius shrugged. "You'd probably murder us in our sleep if either one of us touched Lily Evans, am I right?"

Even though there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of James' stomach, he shrugged. "Why should I care about her?"

"Because you were in love with her for practically half of our Hogwarts years," Sirius pointed out. "Cheers!"

They all downed it, Peter sputtering afterward, and grinned.

"So what if I was? Things have changed and I'm with Kristina now," James pointed out handing Sirius his shot glass. "Fill me up again."

Sirius nodded in agreement, pouring more rum into the glasses. "So you're saying if I seduced Lily into bed and had a nice romp in the sack with her, my name being screamed at the top of her lungs while I was pleasuring her until-"

"Okay, stop!" James shouted, a look of disgust on his face. "That was an unnecessary mental image."

"Because you _loooooove_ her," Sirius teased.

"No because I _work_ with her. There's a big difference," James argued, glaring at him. "Besides do you really want the vision of Lily Evans having sex embedded in your mind?"

Sirius grinned impishly, handing out the full glasses again. "Oooh, kinky."

James groaned. "I'd rather think of her as my co-worker—my innocent, _naïve_, co-worker, mind you—than some sex kitten."

"Well, stick a collar on her and say meow because I wouldn't mind riding her all night," Sirius grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

James, Remus, and Peter all groaned. "Cheers!" Peter cried, as they downed another shot.

Sirius flopped back on to his bed with a sigh. "I'm telling you, it's always the innocent ones who you'd never expect to be the best sex you'll ever have. I'm betting that if you stuck Lily in bed with some guy that she'd go wild."

Remus winced. "Yuck. I'm with Prongs on this one. The thought of Lily having wild sex with some random guy will forever haunt my mind."

"What if you were that random guy?" Sirius teased, gesturing for James to pour another round of shots. He thrust the bottle of run towards James, a few drops sloshing to the floor.

Remus adamantly shook his head. "I'd declare a state of celibacy before I'd shag our beloved Head Girl."

Sirius raised an eyebrow as he gladly took the shot glass from James'. "Cheers!" he cried, clinking glasses with them before letting the burning fluid slide down his throat. "Hey, a shag's a shag no matter who the girl is."

"I think all the girls are right about you when they call you a selfish pig," James snickered, pouring himself another shot quickly and downing it within a three-second period.

Sirius rolled his eyes, not taking even the slightest bit offense to that. "Well, if you had the option would you declare a state of celibacy or would you fuck the brains out of our dear, and yet nonetheless chaste, Lily Evans?" Sirius dared to ask, grabbing the bottle out of James' hand and just taking a swig straight from the bottle, earning a look of disgust from Peter.

James tried to get the image of a naked Lily out of his mind and shrugged. "I guess that's not really an option for me considering I'm in a relationship with someone."

Remus poured himself another shot and downed it, placing the glass on the desk, shaking his head of the bitter taste. "Don't avoid the question."

James shot a look at Remus. "I'm not avoiding it. It's just never going to happen."

Sirius rolled his eyes and threw his head back, pouring rum into his mouth. "But let's say it was then-"

"It never will be!" James argued, grabbing the bottle from him and following his lead, about to take a swig straight from the bottle.

Sirius quickly seized it out of his hand before he could get far and held it out of his reach, giving him a stern look. "If Lily Evans was standing in front of you buck naked offering to have endless amounts of sex with you, what would you do, Prongs?"

"I hardly doubt that the most innocent girl in our class is going to walk into my room wearing nothing at all and give me that offer," James snickered, jumping for the rum.

Sirius sent it Remus' way, farther away from James. "Oh my God, just answer the question!" Remus cried out curiously.

"It's a stupid question," James grumbled, folding his arms angrily in defeat as he plopped on to his bed.

"Fine, but dear old Moony, Wormtail, and I will get drunk while you're sitting off to the side sulking because you won't answer an innocent question," Sirius grinned, grabbing it from Remus and taking another swig before passing it off to Peter.

James pouted. "You're the worst friends ever."

"Well, if you just answered the damn question, you could get drunk with us," Sirius teased, his words starting to slut.

James scoffed. "What do you want me to say, Padfoot?"

"That you'd jump the Head Girl if need be," Sirius said with an impish grin.

"This is a ridiculous conver-"

"Merlin of Agrippa, answer him!" Peter cried out restlessly.

"Okay fine, yes I probably _would_ shag her and I'd probably enjoy every fucking minute of it!" he shouted, feeling the weight of alcohol on his mind and appreciating it. "Now give me the goddamned rum!"

Sirius grinned, satisfied, and grabbed it from Peter, handing it off to James. "I think we should tell the dear Kristina what we just witnessed."

James glared at him. "Traitor."

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Hell, I'd have to say that I'd enjoy every minute of it, too. And so would she. So much that we'd have multiple shags all night long until it hurts so much she'd have to crawl back to her room the next morning." He winked at James, who was rolling his eyes and taking a longer swig of rum. A thought crept up in the back of his mind as he wondered if Lily had ever had sex before. He doubted it. But that just made her slightly more appealing in his eyes.

"I hope Lily Evans has more sense to stay away from blokes like you," Peter mumbled, hiccupping unexpectedly.

"From all the stories she's probably heard, I don't think you need to hope,"  
Remus giggled, grabbing the bottle away from James, who looked like he was trying to drink his sorrows away.

"Don't think I won't throw that bottle of rum in your face, Moony."

"But then what will we drink?" he pouted, pouring shots in four more glasses.

"Uh, the many other bottles of alcohol we have stored in that trunk?" James suggested with a laugh. The many parties left them with a lot of half-empty bottles of alcohol and it had accumulated to the point that they probably could take a few shots of each a night and still have plenty to last them through the end of the year.

"Oh right," spoke Remus, grinning. "Cheers!"

They downed it and Remus practically knocked over James as he fell on to James' bed in a satisfied state. "I need to find me a woman."

"Evelyn Marx is free," Sirius laughed, earning a pillow to his head and a chorus of laughs.

Remus shuddered. "No thanks. I'd rather stay celibate," he murmured, his words slurring together. "But you know who would probably be a hot shag? Riley Gilmore."

Sirius' heart skipped a bit as his head whipped up to stare in shock at Remus. His heart skipped a beat, remembering two years earlier when he and Riley had slept together. While they both had a bit of alcohol in their systems, he could still remember everything about it. "What?" he blurted out. "How do you figure?"

Remus shrugged, wondering why he was finding so much entertainment out of this conversation with his friends. Usually, he shied away from any talk of the opposite sex. That talk was usually reserved for James and Sirius. "I don't know," he said hesitantly. "The girl is sexy and confident and smart and sassy. Guys dig her."

"Not me," Sirius snorted.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, don't tell me you don't have an ounce of attraction to her. You're attracted to anything with boobs and long legs, and let's face it, that girl's legs go on for days."

James shuddered. "Dude, I've known this girl since I was born. Can we not talk about her this way?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You'd fuck her, Prongs, admit it."

James gave him a discerning look and said sharply, "I've known her since she was in diapers so sorry if I say no on that one."

"Again, Gilmore is standing in front of you completely naked offering sex. Would you take it?" Sirius chuckled, trying to hide the fact that he totally would.

James made a face at him. "No, I'd _definitely_ declare a state of celibacy," he replied almost immediately.

"Riley's Gran will be so disappointed," Remus snickered.

Sirius rolled his eyes and hopped into his own bed. "Okay, let me rephrase that," he murmured, turning back to James. "You haven't had sex in ten years and Gilmore is-"

"No bloody way would I go ten years without sex," James quickly interrupted, shaking his head furiously. "I'd go absolutely crazy."

"There's always masturbation," Remus snickered, hiccupping out of nowhere.

James stared at him in awe. "Okay, no more alcohol for you for a while because that definitely isn't a Moony line," James teased.

"I'll drink to that," Sirius laughed, raising the bottle over his head before taking a long swig.

"All this talk about sex is seriously making me horny," James mumbled, slumping over in defeat.

"Well, you've got a shag mate. Go use her," Sirius snickered, winking playfully at him.

"No, I've got a _girlfriend_," James defended.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh please. A girlfriend entails walks in the courtyard, flowers before dates, little kisses in the hallways, holding hands to classes, pillow talk, cuddling, and all of that other mushy shit that I know you don't do with Reinhart. All she's been good for is sex."

James glared at him. "So you're telling me that I'm just using her for sex?"

Sirius shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah. It's the same thing with me and Rachael except Merlin knows I ain't parading her around as my girlfriend."

Silence engulfed the room as James contemplated Sirius words. Eventually, he spoke. "You don't really know anything about us, Sirius."

"Maybe not," he agreed. "But I see the way you are with each other. And you two don't do the normal coupley things like the other pathetic lovebirds in this school. There's a drastic difference."

James didn't know how to respond to that, mostly because he felt that Sirius may have a point. He and Kristina didn't get to spend too much time together, especially since they were in different houses, and when they were together it was often behind closed doors and under the sheets. So did that make them exactly like Sirius and Rachael?

Remus broke the awkward silence in the room by saying, "Nonsense, Padfoot. Those two are on their way to falling in love." James had a feeling that Remus only said it to counter Sirius, sensing that James was uncomfortable, but James appreciated it nevertheless.

Sirius digested that information and turned to James slowly. "Are you?"

"Am I what?" James asked in confusion.

"Are you falling in love with her?" he asked like it was the easiest question to answer.

All James could do was stare at him uncertainly, a helpless look spreading across his face. The word 'love' was a difficult, confusing one to him. He had only been with Kristina for three months and while he's enjoyed every minute he's spent with her, how was he supposed to know if that meant he was falling in love? After much consideration, and because Sirius was staring at him intently obviously waiting impatiently for an answer, James spoke. "I-I don't know."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "How can you not know?"

"Because how the hell am I supposed to know what love is?" James cried out in frustration. "I'm only seventeen for Merlin's sake."

"I think if it's the right girl, you're just supposed to know."

"Don't be condescending, Padfoot," James scowled.

"I'm not trying to be."

"How about we change the subject?" Remus asked nervously, sensing James' discomfort.

Sirius shrugged and took the initiative. "So we've talked about Riley Gilmore and Lily Evans. I think it's only fair to move on to Kay Richards. Would you shag her?"

James shrugged. "Yeah she's doable."

Remus groaned. "It's been so long I think I'd shag anyone right about now."

"Even Lily-bean?" Sirius teased.

"What about me?" a voice drawled from the other side of the room as the door creaked open.

Sirius scrambled to shove the bottle of rum behind his back as Peter kicked the top of the chest closed and sat on it. Remus jumped up immediately, trying to look as alert as ever, and James attempted to look as sober as possible, blinking furiously until there weren't two Lilys standing in front of him.

Lily strolled in, rolling her eyes, and repeated her question. "What about me?"

Sirius shrugged. "Uh…that you're the best Head Girl in the whole entire world?" he suggested.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Nice sucking up, Sirius," she murmured.

"I thought so," he grinned.

"So…what are you doing here?" Remus asked nervously, which Lily disregarded.

She shrugged. "I was wondering if you guys have seen Kay, but obviously you haven't because you've been up here getting wasted."

They all froze, uncertain how to respond to that. Since Peter was plainly the most sober he stuttered, "Uh…what makes you say that?"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Oh, I don't know, maybe because when I walked in here you all struggled to hide the evidence, which by the way was in no way slick at all and I feel bad for the day a professor walks in on you guys, and of course it smells like hard-core alcohol in here."

Sirius sniffed and shrugged. "I don't smell anything."

Lily rolled her eyes. "That's because it's _you _who smells of hard-core alcohol. What did you do, douse yourself in rum?"

Sirius hesitated. "You know what rum smells like?"

She gave him a look. "I haven't been living behind a _dumpster _these past years, Sirius."

"So what are you going to do?" James jumped in nervously. "Go to Dumbledore? Give us detention? Take away points?"

Lily shrugged and pondered the question. "Hm…originally my plan was to give you a week's worth of detention," she said slowly. "However, I've had a stressful week and the one thing I could probably use right now is a shot of rum." She was physically exhausted, being forced to deal with not only her own problems but the problems belonging to Kay and Riley as well. A bit of alcohol in her system sounded like a good plan at that moment. She didn't drink often but she did have a glass of firewhisky now and again in Hogsmeade when Riley was able to convince Rosmerta to turn the other way, so she wasn't completely in the dark about alcohol.

James' mouth dropped open, Peter fell off the trunk, Sirius nearly dropped the bottle, and Remus gaped at her with his mouth so open he could have caught a few flies with it.

Lily laughed. "Why do you all look so surprised?"

"Because it's _you_!" James blurted out.

Lily shrugged. "Hey, sometimes a girl needs to let loose."

"Yes a girl, _not_ Lily Evans," Sirius argued back.

Lily placed her hands on her hips angrily. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that letting loose usually doesn't entail the Head Girl drinking with the students," Sirius blurted out.

Lily gave him a look. "But it's okay for the Head Boy to do it?"

James grinned sheepishly. "Oh, let's face it. I'm not that great of a Head Boy. _You_, however, don't want to taint your reputation as responsible, do you?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Would you rather me give you two weeks worth of detention?"

Sirius hesitated. "I thought you said a week before."

"I changed my mind."

"Are you allowed to do that?" Sirius questioned.

"You want it to be a month?"

"Eh, detention's my second home, so-"

"Just pour me a shot!" she cried, throwing her hands in the air.

"Do you think this is a trick?" Remus whispered to James, loud enough for Lily to overhear.

Lily put her hands on her hips in an accusatory way. "What is with you guys? No, this is not a trick. Considering you probably have a trunk full of alcohol, I think you can give away an ounce of it to a stressed-out, overwhelmed Head Girl."

"You're scaring me, Evans," James muttered.

Lily glared at him. "This doesn't have to take forever, y'know. One shot and I'm out of here."

Sirius shrugged and cautiously poured her a shot, more curious as to what she was going to do with it than giving in to her requests. He was convinced she was going to throw it in his face.

Surprisingly, she lifted it up and downed it within just a few milliseconds, earning her shocked stares from the rest of them.

She grinned, tossing the shot glass back to Sirius. "Thanks boys! I'll catch you later."

And with that, she was gone and the Marauders remained in complete shock of what they just witnessed.

"That was hot," Sirius finally drawled, ending the silence.

James nodded. "Hell yeah that was."

Remus hesitated. "I change my mind. I'd totally do her."

* * *

Lily was perched on her bed, her Transfiguration essay in front of her when she heard the portrait door open to the private quarters. She had kept her door opened a crack because she was still curious where the heck Kay had gone off to and was waiting for her to return. But based off the heavy footsteps that walked along the wooden floor, she knew they didn't belong to Kay.

Seconds later, James' head peeked into her bedroom. "Hey, there."

She glanced up briefly, offering him a curt smile. "Still drunk?" she teased, her eyes wandering back towards the parchment in front of her.

He rolled his eyes before thrusting the door open further and sauntering into her bedroom. "_No_," he argued, shaking his head. "An uncharacteristic act from a certain Head Girl sobered us all up pretty quickly."

She merely shrugged. "This may come as a shock to you, but I do know how to let loose every once and a while."

"That does come as a shock," he agreed, giving her a look. "Considering you've spent six years berating me for the parties I've thrown, scolded me for the rules I've broken, and pretty much hated me for all the mischief I've caused, call me a little bit crazy for being caught slightly off-guard with the idea of you taking a shot of alcohol."

She didn't respond, her eyes glazing over with defeat. "Yeah, well, like I said," she muttered. "It's been a long week."

James frowned, strolling over to her bed and throwing himself on to the edge of her bed to stare at her. "Yeah, I know. For all of us. Getting another roommate isn't easy," he joked with a slight smile.

She smacked his knee. "Not exactly what I referring to."

"Maybe not directly."

She met his gaze and her heart skipped a beat as she saw genuine concern staring back at her. "Any chance you've perfected the art of lengthening and shortening charms?" she questioned, changing the subject quickly.

He knew she didn't want to discuss what was going on with Kay and Riley so pulled out his wand and pointing it at her scarf that was thrown casually around one of the posts of her bed, muttered, "_Curtatus_." Suddenly her scarf was shrinking to the size of a small washcloth.

She groaned. "Are you good at everything?"

He grinned guiltily. "Sorry."

"Oh, yeah, you sound so broken up," she snorted. "Now, can you kindly return my scarf to the length it was a minute ago? I'm not so sure that rag is going to be able to keep me warm during the blustery days."

He laughed and obliged. Once the scarf was back to normal, he asked, "Did you finish the Potions essay on love potions?"

"Yeah, yesterday," she said, returning her gaze back down to the essay in front of her.

He glanced curiously at her, his heart skipping a quick beat as he blurted out, "How about I make you a deal?"

That peaked her interest. She glanced over at him, her eyes narrowing cautiously. "What kind of deal?"

"I'll help you with the lengthening and shortening charms if you help me with Potions."

She froze. "You…you want my help with schoolwork?"

"Well, why not?" he asked with a casual shrug. "You do get top marks in Potions, do you not?"

"It's just that…I mean you…are you really…" she dithered, her head filled with immense confusion.

"Spit it out, Evans," he teased.

She rolled her eyes. "I've known you for six years, Potter, and never once have I ever seen you ask for anybody's help. So I can't help but be a tad skeptical."

"Don't be," he quickly argued. "I don't have an angle here, Evans. I just think that if we're both going to be doing schoolwork tonight we might as well do it in the company of each other, don't you think?"

Her eyes met his and she could have sworn she saw a desperate determination glancing back at her. She slowly nodded. "I guess that wouldn't be so bad."

He suppressed the urge to grin as he slowly climbed off the bed. "Gee, don't sound so excited."

She let out a light laugh and shrugged. "Oh, just go get your books, Potter, before I change my mind."

They spent most of the remaining evening trading notes and observations back and forth about the certain subjects they needed a little more help with. They laughed, they taught, and in the end, both of them found the evening rather rewarding. James had his hand on Lily's wrists showing her a certain flicking motion she needed to grasp the concept of a lengthening charm when Kay appeared in her doorway.

"Er…what's going on here?"

Lily jumped out of James' grasp, startled by the sound of another voice. "Lord, Kay, you scared me."

"What are you two doing?" she asked, ignoring Lily's comment as she leaned up against the doorframe.

"What does it look like we're doing?" Lily snorted, gesturing towards the textbooks and essays in front of them. "Schoolwork."

Her eyebrow quirked skeptically. "Together?"

A slight blush appeared on her cheeks. "Yes, together. Is that so hard for you to believe?"

"Yes."

James couldn't help but laugh at the shocked expression on Kay's face. "Makes the work go by a tad faster when you're sharing your workload with company," he said, as if that was the reason he had spent the evening with Lily.

Kay rolled her eyes. "And what, your friends aren't company enough?"

"They weren't the ones here," James shot back.

"Uh huh," she said with a cheeky, unconvinced grin.

"Where have you been, Kay?" Lily asked, changing the subject.

"Out with Alice," she muttered, shrugging.

"On a Wednesday night? After curfew?"

"Yes, on a Wednesday after curfew," she retorted, rolling her eyes. "You got a problem with that?"

"You could have been caught by Pringle."

"Well, I wasn't."

Lily sighed. She knew that Kay's defensiveness and slight rebellious side (though staying out an hour after curfew wasn't exactly unheard of in that school) was just in response to the situation she was going through with Riley. She knew it was best to change the subject. "You want to join this very thrilling schoolwork party?"

"You took look cozy enough without me," she said with a suggestive wink. "I think I'm just going to head to bed."

The Head Girl and Boy ignored the implication in Kay's words. "Alright," Lily said with an awkward smile. "See you in the morning."

"You enjoy your 'schoolwork party,'" she mocked, rolling her eyes. "Try not to have too much fun."

"Oh, yes, Potions essays thrill me beyond belief," James retorted, his words filled with sarcasm. "They're almost as exciting as watching paint dry!"

Kay forced out a chuckle. "Sadly, Potions essays do probably thrill Lily."

"They do not!" she whined. She hesitated. "Although love potions are one of the most fascinating potions that we—OOF!" she fell back against the bedspread when James had smacked her with a pillow. "I don't think I deserved that," she whined in a muffled voice, the pillow still smothering her.

James chuckled and grabbed the pillow off of her. "Just when I was beginning to think you were alright, you make a comment about a potion being _fascinating_."

"'Beginning to think?'" Lily repeated, giving him a look. "You already said I was alright last night during detention, Potter. You can't take it back now."

"Sure I can. We're still in the early stages of getting along, Evans. Our minds are bound to fluctuate."

"Fine then, I also take back my comment about you being alright."

He hesitated. "Well, that backfired."

She couldn't help but laugh and jumped slightly when Kay cleared her throat from her doorway. "You guys actually told each other you were alright?"

"Yeah, but apparently we didn't mean it," Lily was quick to protest, flashing James a grin.

"Still, after six years of your ongoing feud, claiming the other is 'alright' is a huge step up if you ask me," she snorted. "And now you're willingly doing schoolwork with each other? It's beyond weird."

"Eh, might want to start getting used to it," Lily said with a curt shrug.

James' heart skipped a beat, his eyes migrating towards the redhead. "Really?"

A slight blush appeared on her cheeks. "Well, yeah," she said slowly. "Otherwise, James is going to fail Potions."

James let out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "Oh, I do just fine in Potions. Just because I'm not Slughorn's little pet doesn't mean I don't have the ability to pass."

Lily rolled her eyes, unfazed by James' comment. She knew Slughorn had somewhat of a soft spot for her so she couldn't deny it. "Well, fine. Finish this essay yourself," she said, shoving his parchment towards him.

He hesitated. "You sure you don't just want to write it for me?"

"Potter!"

He laughed. "Nah, I'm kidding."

She gave him a look.

"I am! You're far too moral to cheat. If I wanted someone to write it for me, I wouldn't ask you."

"You'd ask Remus?" Kay chimed in, amusement shining in her eyes.

James grinned. "You know me so well."

She rolled her eyes and stifled a yawn. "Don't make too much noise in here," she said with a coy smile. "Some of us need our beauty sleep."

"Aw, sleep isn't going to help you become beautiful," Lily joked, flashing her friend a grin.

She glared at her. "James, do me a favor and smack her with a pillow again."

He grinned and before Lily could protest, he obliged.

* * *

**A/N: **Hm, dare they construe this as a friendship? Guess you'll just have to read on to find out what happens... And maybe if you review I'll consider updating sooner rather than later!


	15. Of Threats, Excuses, & Bruises

**A/N: **I'm forewarning you now, there's some heavy James/Kristina stuff in this chapter. This story is rated M for a reason!

**Disclaimer: **If I had the energy to write something witty here I would, but I don't. So here's the short version: I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 15: Of Threats, Excuses, & Bruises

* * *

That afternoon, as Lily and James were tallying up points and creating charts for the next prefect meeting, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Kay were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, the latter three attempting to do some studying. Naturally, Sirius was trying to copy Remus' homework by leaning over his shoulder from behind.

"Will you quit it?" Remus asked for the millionth time, swatting Sirius' away from him.

Sirius leaned back, slumping down on the couch with a pouty look. "Y'know, Remus, if you just let me copy, I wouldn't have to lean over your shoulder."

"And y'know, Sirius, if you just did the work yourself you _also _wouldn't have to lean over my shoulder," Remus pointed out, not looking up from his textbook.

"I like my suggestion better," Sirius muttered.

"And I'd like to see you pick up a book now and again and do this thing people nowadays are calling 'studying,'" Remus retorted with a snicker.

"But that would require, dare I say it, _reading_," Sirius said with a shudder.

"Yes, imagine that," Remus muttered, returning to his textbook.

Sirius sighed and crossed his arms bitterly, stifling a yawn as he glanced at all of his friends studying around him. He reached over Remus for his copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages_. After a few minutes of silence, Sirius spoke up again. "Hey, have you guys noticed this growing friendship between James and Lily-bean?"

Three pairs of eyes stared up at him. "You'd be blind not to," Remus snorted.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm more wondering where the hell it came from. One day, Lily is threatening to quit her Head Girl position and the next day, she and James are actually hanging out together. How can they go from hating each other to…to…to being chummy!"

Kay looked up from her reading and raised an eyebrow. "'Chummy?'" she repeated with a snicker. "Did you seriously just say chummy?"

"Well, what else would you call it?" Sirius demanded, giving her a look.

She shrugged, pondering the question. "Friendly," she replied.

Sirius shook his head. "Hell no. In the beginning, maybe they were being friendly. But now? I stand by my chummy comment. They're practically finishing each other sentences."

"So what if they are?" Peter asked.

"Old married couples finish sentences," Sirius pointed out. "Not two people who have only just begun to like each other."

Remus couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Well, they dolive together and work together and they have the same friends and they have the same classes," Remus pointed out. "They're around each other all the time, Sirius, so frankly, it's about time they matured enough to get along."

"I'm not complaining about it," he was quick to argue. "I just think it's weird. Last I checked, they wanted nothing to do with each other."

"Blame Halloween," Kay chimed in, her eyes returning back to her essay.

"What?" the three of them chorused.

"Or Halloween Eve I guess."

The three boys exchanged looks. "I repeat, what?" Remus said.

She shrugged. "He showed up that night to help with the decorations in the Great Hall. And I can't tell you why or how but something changed that night. Lily mentioned to me the next morning that he wasn't so bad."

"And you're just telling us this _now_?" Sirius said, glaring at her.

"That really tells us nothing," she snorted, giving him a look. "Just that James finally grew up and acted like the Head Boy he was supposed to be."

Remus frowned curiously. "How did they go from 'half-bad' to-"

"Chummy?" Sirius suggested with a grin.

He rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"Who the hell knows?" Kay said with a shrug. "And who cares? It's better than their constant arguing we used to have to endure every second of every day."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. Their arguments spiced things up a bit," he teased.

Laughter rung out. "No, yours and _Riley's _arguments spiced things up a little," Remus pointed out. "James' and Lily's arguments have been ongoing for _six years_. I've had _enough _of their arguing. They have needed to put their hatred for each other aside for years."

"Yeah, I know," Sirius murmured. "I still think this friendship between James and Lily is truly fishy."

"'Fishy?'" Kay snorted. "Has anyone ever told you that you are exceptionally strange?"

"Pretty much everyone I meet," Sirius explained.

"Okay, good, just making sure," Kay muttered, going back to reading her textbook, to which both Remus and Peter followed suit.

"No, no, no! No more reading time—it's analyzing-the-James-and-Lily-situation time!" Sirius groaned.

"There _is _no James and Lily situation. This so-called situation is all in your head," Remus pointed out. "They're friends. That's it. What's so fishy about that?"

"The part where they're finishing each other's sentences!" Sirius cried out. "Did you not hear me before?"

"No, I tend to tune you out," Remus teased. "And I have yet to hear those two finish the other's sentence so I really have no idea what you're babbling about."

Sirius pouted. "Oh forget it. You guys are useless. If I needed someone to argue back, I'd go find Gilmore."

"Well, she's right over there so go ahead," Peter snickered, nodding his head in the direction where Riley, Miranda, and Justine sat.

"But when you do, could you go somewhere else?" Remus suggested. "I'd rather study Defense Against the Dark Arts without your interrupted screams."

Sirius scowled. "Go back to your reading."

Remus laughed and did that, just as James and Lily wandered into the commons room, both laughing.

"Ugh, I hate prefects," James muttered, taking a seat beside Sirius.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Besides you, of course," James snickered.

"Nice save," Remus mumbled with a chuckle. "So what's up with the prefects?"

"What _isn't _wrong?" Lily cried out. "They have been taking points off-"

"From people for no apparent reason," James finished.

Sirius, Kay, Remus, and Peter all exchanged a worried glance.

"What? What's wrong?" James asked when he saw the looks on their faces. "You guys look like-"

"You just saw a ghost," Lily finished.

Remus, Kay, Sirius, and Peter all groaned.

"Nothing's wrong," Kay replied with a sigh. "Except for the fact that the world has just come to an end because _Sirius _was right."

Sirius grinned. "I _told _you something was-"

"Fishy, I know," she murmured. She groaned. "Oh great now I'm finishing _your _sentences."

Sirius, Remus, and Peter all laughed, ignoring the confused looks of James and Lily.

"Nothing, ignore us," Remus snickered. "How was the library?"

"It's the library. What do you think?" James drawled dryly, grabbing a pillow off the couch and lying down on the floor with a stifled yawn.

"I'm going to go with boring," Remus suggested, turning his head back towards his textbook.

"The library isn't boring," Lily was quick to retort. "It's a necessary establishment this school needs. It's a sanctuary where we can collect our thoughts and do our work in private without the fear of interruption."

The guys all glanced up at her with blank stares.

"Oh, never mind, just go back to your work," she chuckled as she, too, reached into her bag and pulled out her Astronomy homework.

* * *

Peter was trying to toss grapes up in the air for Sirius to catch the next day at lunch while Remus and Kay tried desperately to stop them from flinging grapes everywhere but in Sirius' mouth when light footsteps were heard behind them. "Do you know where James is?"

The Gryffindors all turned to face Kristina. "No," Sirius said with a shrug. "He doesn't seem to be around much these days."

She frowned. "He with Lily?"

The four of them exchanged looks. "Can't say for sure," Sirius eventually spoke.

"That's a yes."

"That's a 'can't say for sure,'" Sirius was quick to retort. Truth was, he probably was with Lily. When he wasn't hanging out with them and he wasn't hanging out with Kristina, he was with Lily. In fact, it seemed he was spending more time with her than the others. And maybe it was because they were Head Boy and Girl or maybe it was because the two of them lived together, but they all had a pretty good feeling it was more than that.

"What's going on with them?" Kristina dared asking.

Silence followed.

"Well, for one, they're finishing off each other's sentences," Remus said to break the tension.

An awkward round of laughter followed, though that didn't seem to ease Kristina's concerns at all. "If you see him, can you tell him I'm looking for him?"

"You can tell him yourself," Kay said, nodding towards the entrance. No surprise to anyone, James was walking in with Lily right by his side. They were laughing about something and they looked so comfortable together. It was almost as if they had been friends for years.

"Hey," Kristina said, reaching for his hand as the two of them greeted their friends. "You were supposed to meet me fifteen minutes ago."

He cringed. "Sorry. There were a few bullies in the hallway we had to take care of."

She tried ignoring the 'we' in his sentence. "It's alright. Are we still on for tonight?" she asked, running her fingers through his hair hopefully.

He nodded, smiling. "Of course," he said, kissing her cheek. "What are you thinking? Astronomy Tower or a stroll around the grounds?"

"It's supposed to be a nice day. I say we go for the grounds," she said, breathing a sigh of relief when he agreed immediately. Just because he was friends with a girl may have had a crush on for years didn't mean things had to change between them. "Meet you at eight?"

"We have a prefect's meeting tonight, Potter," Lily reminded him with a sigh.

He cringed, turning towards Kristina. "Make it nine?"

She sighed, nodding. "Fine. But you better find a lot of ways to make up that loss of an hour to me," she whispered, pulling his tie towards him to press her lips to his.

He grinned, returning the kiss. "I think I can manage that."

"Get a room," Sirius whined, jokingly shoving his best friend.

James stumbled with a groan, letting go of Kristina. "You're just jealous."

"Of your mushy, romantic, lovey-dovey ways?" Sirius snorted. "No, thank you. I prefer no mushiness, no romance, and absolutely no love or dove."

"That's the way I like it, too," a voice said from behind him. Sirius turned around and grinned at the sight of Rachael.

"That's my girl," he teased, high-fiving her. "Hey, I hear the Astronomy Tower is available tonight."

She grinned. "You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet, don't you," she teased, ruffling up his hair. He jerked back, whimpering. "I'll meet you at eight."

"We have a prefect's meeting tonight, Rachael!" Lily argued, shooting her a look.

She scrunched up her nose. "Oh, right."

Sirius chuckled, wrapping his arm around her waist tightly. "We'll make it nine," he whispered, winking at her.

She smiled, nodding. "Can't wait," she said, slipping out of his grasp and heading down the table to meet her friends.

"My friends are all horny bastards," Remus sighed, shaking his head.

Sirius grinned. "Hell yeah we are." He met James' gaze and they high-fived. Kristina couldn't help but laugh.

Remus rolled his eyes, turning towards Kay. "You want to meet me tonight at nine?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Wow, how forward of you. You know I have a boyfriend, right?"

"To study Potions, Kay!" he groaned.

She laughed, throwing a grape at him. "I know," she said. "And yeah, I'll meet you in the library."

"Boring," Sirius muttered.

He ducked as a grape was chucked at his head.

* * *

A few more weeks had passed with very little change. Kay continued to sleep on the couch of Lily and James, Riley continued to pretend as if Justine and Miranda were her real friends, James and Lily were putting on a great appearance of getting along, Sirius continued to tease the new relationship between the Head Boy and Head Girl, and the school not so surprisingly enjoyed gossiping about both Riley and Kay and now James and Lily.

James walked out of lunch one day planning on meeting Lily in the library to do Head work, when someone came up from behind him and jumped on his back, covering his eyes with her very petite hands.

"This better be Kristina, or I'm pulling out my wand and hexing you," James snickered.

Kristina hopped off his back, and pinned him to a wall, giving him a very passionate welcoming kiss. "I've missed you," she muttered breathlessly.

"What do you mean?" James questioned, leaning down to give her another arousing kiss. "I haven't gone anywhere. I just saw you a few days ago."

"Yeah, _saw_ me. But you and I both know that's not what I meant," she whispered seductively, standing on her tip-toes and pulling his head down to hers as she slid her tongue into his mouth.

"Hm…well, I think I might know a way to cheer you up," James whispered mischievously, gesturing with his finger to follow him as he led her to an empty room at the top of the stairs. He quickly locked the door behind them.

"Ooh, I'm liking this already," she whispered but was quickly cut off as James lowered his mouth to hers. After a few short kisses, he fervently placed his lips on to hers with such passion and desire, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip. She opened her mouth wider and let his tongue make a sultry raid into her mouth, massaging the back of her own tongue.

She moaned. "We cannot go a week without being with each other again," she mumbled, as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and slowly led him to the corner of the room. She ran her lips up his neck, eliciting a low moan from within. She loosened his school tie and pulled it over his head, dropping it to the floor as she pressed her lips against his once more.

He quickly unbuttoned her robes, letting them float to the ground and kissed her like she's never been kissed before. He slid his tongue into her mouth again and entwined it with hers. He placed his hands around her thighs, below her skirt, and slowly pushed it up to her waist.

She gasped, but made no move to stop him. She unhooked his belt and let him take off his pants slowly, as she sucked on the side of his neck. He pushed her blouse over her head, exposing her black lacy bra. He felt himself harden as he slowly unsnapped her bra, placing his lips hungrily on hers again as the bra fell to the floor. She stood there in her bunched up skirt and heels as he gently pushed her up against the wall.

His mouth left hers abruptly, and she could only moan at the loss. He made up for it, though, as he left a wet path of kisses down to her luscious breasts, encircling her right nipple with his tongue before taking it into his mouth and sucking on it. Kristina let out another moan as she wrapped one leg around his waist and pulled him closer, close enough to feel his erection press up against her pelvis.

He moaned at the contact and immediately pulled away. She reached out for him out of habit and a second later he was back, pushing her skirt far above her waist and pulling at the string of her string thong.

Grabbing her around the waist, James gently nipped at her neck, then lifted her and pinned her against the wall. This time she wrapped both legs around his waist and the hard length of him slid against her slick privates.

Kristina tightly gripped onto his back, biting her lip nervously as she muttered passionately through shortened breaths, "James, perform the Contraception Charm."

James hesitated before groaning guiltily. "No, I-I can't."

Kristina froze. "What are you talking about?"

James sighed. "I-I need to meet Evans."

And suddenly the idea that Kristina wanted James inside of her was so far from her mind. She pushed James away and glared at up him. "_What_? Way to ruin the moment!"

James swallowed hard and turned away from Kristina guiltily. "I'm sorry. I-I was supposed to meet Evans twenty minutes ago in the library and-"

"No I heard what you said. But I figured you'd choose having sex with me over doing work with that priss," Kristina spat, grabbing her bra and blouse from the floor and hurriedly throwing them on her.

James sighed and handed Kristina her school robes. "I-I'm sorry, Kristina. I don't know why I'm suddenly going along with this responsible streak, but…but I am Head Boy so I feel like-"

"Save it, James," she muttered, buttoning her robes up in a frenzy. "I guess I'll see you later. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll be spending too much time with _Evans_ to want to be with me."

She stomped past him, but before she could unlock the door, James was grabbing her and whirling her around, dipping her in order to kiss her with such lust, his lips desperate and frenzied.

Thought Kristina did enjoy the sensation of his tongue intertwined with hers, that still didn't stop the fact that he was leaving her to go to boring work in the library with an uptight Know-it-All. If she didn't know any better, she'd guess they were up to something.

Kristina gave him a look and then unlocked the door without another word.

James reached out to grab her arm. "Meet me in my room tonight. We can be with each other all night if you'd like," he grinned, winking seductively at her.

Kristina tried to hide her smile as she had to cross her legs from the idea of what they would be doing tonight. "Oh, I'll be there," she whispered, grabbing his tie and bringing him closer to her to leave with one last breathtaking kiss.

* * *

Lily was outstretched on the common room couch in her private quarters late that night finishing up a paper, waiting for Kay to return from the Owlery, when a knock was heard from outside their portrait.

Lily paused, wondering who was knocking at the door this late at night who didn't normally walk right in, before slowly standing up from the couch and walking towards the door.

Obviously she paused too long because whoever was outside knew the password and was opening the portrait.

Lily groaned at the sight of Kristina Reinhart. "What are you doing here?"

"Why didn't you answer when I knocked?" Kristina asked, disregarding the question.

"Because I figured it was you and I was hoping you'd take the hint and go away," Lily lied, crossing her arms haughtily and lounging back on to the couch.

Kristina rolled her eyes. "I'm James' girlfriend. I practically live here."

"Oh lucky me, _another_ roommate," Lily grumbled, picking up her quill and returning her gaze to her Potions essay.

"Well, he already has two girls living with him. I figured why not another," Kristina smirked. "Except you're just the platonic friend on the side and I'm the one who gets to sleep with him."

Lily shuddered at the thought and rolled her eyes. "Personally, I think I have it better."

Kristina rolled her eyes and started walking towards James' room. "Is James in his room?"

Lily shook her head. "No. He's out on rounds."

Kristina groaned. "It seems that whenever we have plans, he always has work," she complained to herself, not really expecting Lily to say anything back.

But Lily retorted anyway. "Your boyfriend is Head Boy and oddly enough does seem to pride himself on his responsibilities."

Kristina crossed her arms bitterly. "You're just jealous that I actually have a boyfriend."

Lily stared up at her, her eyebrows knitting in confusion. "I have no idea what that had to do with him being Head Boy."

Kristina rolled her eyes and continued her journey towards James' room. But before she could get there, she paused and turned around again, walking over to Lily to stand directly in front of her. "Let's get one thing straight, Lily Evans. James is _mine_. So _stop_ going after him," she warned, giving Lily a deathly glare.

Lily dropped her quill against her parchment and rolled her eyes. "I don't want Potter. And I'm certainly not going _after_ him."

"Well, he seems to spend an awful lot of time with a girl who doesn't want him the way I have him," Kristina defended, crossing her arms angrily.

"Because we _work_ together!" Lily cried, throwing her hands in the air in disbelief of what she was hearing. "And listen to what you're saying. _He's_ the one hanging out with me, _not_ the other way around. So don't come blaming me for whatever issues you're having in this ridiculous relationship. He's the one you should be worried about," Lily smirked, enjoying the many shades of red that Kristina was turning.

"Just. Stay. Away. From. Him," she said slowly and clearly, pointing her finger in Lily's face. "I'm warning you."

"Let me remind you once again that we work together. So staying away from him isn't exactly a possibility."

"Seems to me that before this ridiculous pretense of a friendship occurred between you two, you found plenty of reason to stay away from him," she snarled. "So don't you dare stand there and-"

"I'm sitting."

"-act as if my concerns are unrealistic," she snarled. "You two are spending way more time together now than you ever did in the past six years. So stay the hell away from him as much as you can and you and I will be able to get along just fine!"

Lily snorted. "Why are you so hung up on the idea of me and Potter together? For the last time, I don't want him!"

"Then stop acting like you do!" she shouted. "Stop pretending like you two are friends because you're _not_! Why would he ever want to be the friend of a selfish bitch like you?"

"Why would he ever want to be the boyfriend of a selfish bitch?" Lily snapped, rolling her eyes.

"He _doesn't_ which is exactly why you should steer clear of him!"

Lily sat upright on the couch and was about to retort when the portrait door suddenly opened and in walked a rather cheerful James. "Oh, hey Kristina. Sorry I'm late. I caught a bunch of Slytherins—whoa, what's going on here?" he questioned when he caught the irate glares on both Kristina and Lily's faces.

"Nothing," they both said in unison.

"Er...good," James said curiously, knowing perfectly well they were lying. He shrugged it off, not really wanting to get into another brawl between the two. "C'mon, Kristina. I have a surprise."

"If it's the kind of surprise we'll be doing all night long, then I think I'm going to like it," she grinned, giving Lily a pointed glare as she grabbed James' hand and followed him into his bedroom.

"G'night, Evans," James said as an afterthought as he muttered his password, covered Kristina's eyes, and closed his door, or else he might have seen the shudder that Lily gave at the thought of what they were doing in there.

As she heard a high-pitched giggle escape from Kristina's lips behind the closed doors, Lily sat back against the couch pillows with a defeated sigh. She couldn't help but wonder if Kristina was saying was true. If James was spending more time than usual with her, and in that case possibly breaking up dates with his girlfriend, then maybe they really were going into an uncharacterized stage, one to which people might even distinguish as good friends. A word Lily never thought would be possible when describing what she had with James.

Lily was surprised to realize she didn't shudder at the thought of being friends with him.

* * *

Morning came all too quickly in James' mind. He peeked an eye open, hoping that the sound of his alarm was just a dream. Unfortunately, when he glanced over at his nightstand, alas the alarm clock was still buzzing and the clock read 7:15 AM. he rolled back over, pressing his lips to the temple of his sleeping girlfriend.

She stirred slightly, eliciting a noncommittal groan. "Don't make me go to class," she whined.

"As your boyfriend, I say let's screw class and play hooky all day," he whispered, running his fingers through her knotty hair. "As Head Boy, I say I don't think I can get away with that."

"Claim you're sick," she said, turning her naked body over and leaning into his caress.

His heart skipped a beat at her beautiful body. He pressed a brief kiss upon her nose. "I used that last week when I skived off Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Alright, tell them you have a beautiful girl lying in your bed ready to shag you senseless and you just can't seem to tear yourself away."

He chuckled, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "That is an excuse I've never tried using. Probably for obvious reasons."

She smiled, framing her face with her hands and bringing his lips to hers. "Who really needs to learn Defense Against the Dark Arts anyway?"

A chill ran down James' spine as his tongue made its way into her soft mouth. "Sadly, I think we all do," he said in between kisses.

She pulled back, frowning. "Right," she murmured. "That was insensitive of me."

"No, it wasn't," he argued, shaking his head. "I think you're more focused on the gorgeous man in your bed than the turmoil that's happening in the wizarding world right now."

"It's hard thinking about anything except you with you looking so sexy all the damned time," she said with a giggle.

"Even in the mornings, hm?" he teased, running at rail of kisses down her neck and her exposed shoulder blade. "I wasn't aware anyone could really look sexy so early in the mornings."

Her eyebrow peaked slowly.

"Except for you, of course," he chuckled, his tongue finding its way towards her perky left breast.

"Nice save," she snickered, her fingers tangling themselves into hi shaggy hair.

"You _are _beautiful, Kris," he whispered, an impish look forming on his face as his mouth left small, succulent kisses down her stomach. As his mouth made its way further down her stomach and towards her already exposed private area, Kristina could feel a sense of pleasure filling her up inside already.

"You're not so bad-looking yourself," she spoke, her voice hoarse and desperate.

He grinned, watching as she squirmed at his touch. He knew what she wanted from him and he was going to make her beg for it. She groaned when his tongue left her abdomen and made its way towards her right thigh, her eyes closing tightly. His fingers caressed the bottom of her silky smooth legs as his eyes fixated on the look of pure bliss forming on his girlfriend's face. He was surprised at how easy it was calling Kristina his girlfriend, considering he had never really had any desire to call someone that in the past. But he loved spending time with her, usually behind closed doors just the two of them, and he couldn't help but smile around her. She made him happy and for him, that was enough.

He broke out of his mesmerizing trance when she whispered his name breathlessly. "Oh, James."

His tongue made its way slowly up her thigh, perching right below her clitoris. She was already so wet and it made him harden at the very thought. "Oh?" he repeated with his boyish grin. "Is there something you want?"

Her eyes fluttered open, a glare on her face. "James Potter, if you continue to tease me without so much as—Ohh!" she cried out as his tongue suddenly made a delicious raid towards her throbbing clitoris.

As Kristina was seconds away from releasing an orgasm, there was a knock on James' door.

Both of them froze slightly, but James shook his head. "Whoever it is will go away," he whispered, continuing to let his tongue pleasure her.

She could barely nod, ecstasy building up from within.

"Potter, are you in there?"

And suddenly, at the sound of Lily Evans' voice, whatever orgasm Kristina was on the verge of having disappeared completely.

"Bloody hell, that girl is out to ruin me," she muttered, mostly to herself.

James had a slightly panicked look on his face but Kristina merely sighed, nodding for him to get to the door while she jumped off the bed.

"Aw, Kris, I didn't plan-"

"I know," she sighed, shaking her head in pure disappointment. "I'm going to go hide in the bathroom. She better be gone in five minutes."

He could see a flicker of irritation in her eyes but simply nodded, caught off-guard when he pressed her lips passionately to his before rushing off to the bathroom. He reached for a pair of flannel pajamas and a T-shirt and threw them on quickly, before making his way over to the door. He tried thinking of his grandmother, war, and death so as to let his erection die down.

James flung the door open, shooting the Head Girl a look of incredulity. "You have the worst timing, Evans."

"Blame the Slytherins," she said hastily. "They started a riot down the hall, going after unsuspecting third-years who I can only gather are Muggleborn. There are, like, ten of them and they're not letting up. I have no idea if a professor is on their way or not, but we're the closest people around so we need to go try and break it up."

The amusement in his eyes died out immediately as he grabbed his robes hanging on his four-poster bed. "Let's go."

She didn't even comment on his less-than-appropriate attire underneath the robes as they rushed out of their common room.

When Kristina peeked out of the bathroom five minutes later, she was disappointed, and yet not surprised, to find both of them gone.

* * *

Lily and James finally had the chance to return to their private quarters. They had unfortunately been thrown right into the middle of the night. James had tried shielding Lily at one point and got smacked in the face with someone's fist. Lily was shocked, and yet surprisingly proud, when instead of fighting back, James grabbed Lily's arm and snuck away, casting a few large shielding charms while they awaited professor reinforcements. When McGonagall and Flitwick showed up, the two of them were dismissed.

James was unusually quiet on their way back to their room. Lily kept sneaking peeks at him, her eyes migrating towards the purple mark forming on James' forehead.

"Will you quit looking at me like that?"

She jumped, his voice surprising her. "Like what?"

"With those sad eyes. I'm fine. It's just a bruise. I've gotten worse."

She frowned. "Lovett's knuckle slammed into your head, Potter. You can see the mark from his Slytherin ring imprinted on your forehead." She instinctively pressed her fingers lightly to his forehead.

He recoiled with a wince. "Ow! Quit it, will ya?"

She cringed. "Sorry," she said, grabbing his arm and squeezing it apologetically.

He turned to look down at her, his eyes flitting to where her hands were wrapped around his arm. "I can't believe that those fifteen-year-old Slytherins already have so much hatred built up inside of them. When I was fifteen, my worries were not focused on Muggleborns and their place in our world. It just…it makes me so sick."

Lily glanced up at him, sensing so much disdain in his voice. "It scares me."

"What does?"

"That young, impressionable students are being influenced by their parents and their families and the older Slytherin students and the goddamned _Daily Prophet_. Doesn't anyone think for themselves nowadays?"

"No way. That's asking too much of them. They'd actually have to have a brain cell or two for them to do that."

Lily forced out a chuckle, though she didn't find the conversation all that funny. They continued to walk in silence, traipsing into their private quarters only a few minutes later. James started walking towards his room, but Lily stopped him.

"Hey, Potter?"

He turned around with an inquisitive eyebrow quirk.

"The one with the dark hair was Regulus Black, right?"

James' heart skipped a beat as he met her gaze. "Yeah."

"Damn."

"My sentiments exactly."

Lily sighed. "How can someone with so much hatred and animosity be related to Sirius? A guy who always has a smile on his face and exudes such joy and entertainment. They're complete opposites."

"I don't know" was James' response as he shrugged. "I'm just grateful he got out."

"Well," Lily said, hovering in the doorway awkwardly, "I think he owes a lot of that to you."

James' head snapped up, giving her a curious look.

"And Remus and Peter," she quickly added with a shrug. "He's lucky to have friends like you."

"Too bad Regulus never had that same chance."

She nodded, shrugging once again. "You should probably get that bruise looked at."

"I'll be fine."

She rolled her eyes, a smile creeping on to her lips. "You don't need to play the Macho Male roll all the time, Potter."

"I'm not trying to be macho," he argued.

"Seems to me you don't have to try to be macho." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

His heart skipped a beat as he glanced at her, his mouth dropping open slightly. "Er…what?"

She blushed, rolling her eyes dismissively. "Are you not the captain to the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Potter? You being macho shouldn't be something new to you."

"It's new coming from you."

She shrugged, slowly retreating to her room. "Ah, well. There's a first thing for everything. Now, I've got to hop in the shower and you have to get back to your girlfriend."

He made a face. "How did you know she was here?"

"Because I'm brilliant," she said with a teasing grin. "I'll see you later, Potter."

He was too stunned to even respond. Had she really just called him macho without any hint of sarcasm in her voice? He headed back into his room to crawl back into bed with his beautiful girlfriend.

Only problem was, she was gone.

* * *

**A/N:** More about the Riley-Kay situation in the next chapter. Please review!


	16. Of Tourette's, Truth or Dare, & Ficuses

**A/N: **I'm baaaaack with the next chapter! Woohoo! Go ahead and celebrate! Some James/Lily interaction. A LOT of Marauder interaction (yay!) and a bit of Kay/Riley drama. Pleae review!

**Disclaimer: **I'm a broke college student so clearly I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 16: Of Tourette's Syndrome, Truth or Dare, & Ficuses

* * *

"Hey, Lily-bean," Sirius greeted the studious Head Girl that evening in the Gryffindor common room.

"Hey," she muttered quickly, finishing up proof-reading her essay.

Sirius hopped over the couch to sit beside her, propping his feet on to the coffee table in front of him. Remus and Peter reluctantly took the floor while James continued to stand over Lily and read her essay.

Lily groaned, swatting James away. "I was afraid you'd sit down. Does work mean nothing to you guys?"

They all exchanged looks.

"Nope," they said in unison.

Lily groaned, shooting James a glare when he continued peering over her shoulder towards the essay in her lap. She rolled her eyes. "Haven't done yours yet?"

James shrugged. "I still got tomorrow."

"It's due tomorrow."

James gave her a cheeky grin and winked. "It's due tomorrow _afternoon_."

Lily stared blankly at him before finally saying, "People like you make me sick."

"Funny and good-looking?" he said, grabbing her essay out of her hand.

She swiped it back, glaring at him. "Try obnoxious and childish."

He wiggled a suggestive eyebrow. "Thanks, I get that a lot."

"Isn't there anyone else you guys can annoy?" Lily groaned.

"Of course," James pointed out. "You're just more fun to mess around with."

Lily rolled her eyes, but finally threw down her quill in defeat. When the Marauders were around, work was bound to not get done. "Well gee, glad to be of service."

James grinned and shoved Sirius over to give himself room on the couch, ignoring the glare Sirius sent his way.

"Oh, don't listen to him," Remus said, shaking his head. "In all honesty, we were bored and you just so happened to be the first person we came across."

"I didn't realize that the four of you knew how to be bored," Lily snorted. "Last I checked, you fill boredom with girls, alcohol, and pranks. Usually, some sort of combination of the three."

"Kristina's in detention," James offered.

"Rachael's..." Sirius trailed off. "I have no idea where she is but if I'm still bored in an hour, I'll search for her."

"And we don't have girls, so don't look at us," Remus argued with a curt shrug.

"And we drank plenty last night," James informed her.

"And pranks?" she asked.

"We've matured, Miss Evans," Sirius said sophisticatedly. "We don't just play silly pranks on unsuspecting teenagers because we're _bored_."

She gave him a look.

"Or maybe we just came back from decorating the Slytherin's Quidditch clubhouse in maroon and gold."

She rolled her eyes. "You're so predictable."

"So, where is the lovely Miss Richards tonight?" Remus asked before Lily could go into a rant about how pranks were not an appropriate use of their time.

"In the library with Alice I believe."

"Why aren't you there?" Sirius asked, poking her in the ribs.

Lily swatted his finger away. "Because I wanted a bit of peace and quiet away from the midterm-studying, tension-building, spell-crazy, loudmouth first-year freak-outs."

Four pairs of eyes stared back at her in amusement. Sirius eventually cleared his throat. "You do realize that you used to be one of those first years freaking out, right?"

"To quote someone I know, _I've matured_."

"Ah, and who is this someone you speak of? He sounds positively delightful."

Lily shoved a pillow in his face.

"Ow."

She grinned, ruffling up his hair much to his chagrin.

"Argh! Do you not realize how long it took me to get my hair to look like this?" he whined, ducking away from her playful hands.

"You actually spend _time _trying to make your hair look like you just climbed out of bed?"

He grinned coyly and opened his mouth to retort but found himself with a face full of pillow once again. "Never mind," Lily quickly argued, shaking her head. "I guarantee I know what you're about to say and I don't want to hear it."

"What makes you think you know what I was about to say?" he pouted, pulling the throw pillow away from his face.

She shot him a look. "Tell me you weren't going to make some sort of sexual innuendo and I'll refrain from slamming a pillow into your face for a third time around."

He hesitated before handing her the pillow. "Feel free to smack me with it."

She chuckled before once again, reaching her hands up to mess with his hair.

The Fat Lady portrait slammed open and Kay came rushing in with a frustrated look on her face. Her eyes zone in on Lily and she made her way over the girl, a little taken aback that she was surrounded by the Marauders, before grabbing the throw pillow out of Sirius' hand and using it to prop herself up agains the couch. "I officially hate school and am going on strike from work," she mumbled, looking extremely disheveled.

"So you don't plan on graduating?" Lily pointed out.

Kay paused. "I officially hate school and am going on strike from work _tonight_," she corrected. "Somebody better have a good story to tell or else you're going to hear me complaining for the rest of the night." The four boys and Lily exchanged blank looks. "Okay, well first Professor Slughorn decided that it would be fun if he-"

"I've got a story!" Sirius quickly interrupted.

"You sure?" Kay asked. "Because I've got twelve hours to complain about starting with the stale scone I ate at breakfast.

"Oh, _please_ tell us your story," Lily begged Sirius, gripping on to his arm.

They all laughed as Kay shot Lily a disappointed look. "You're supposed to be the one I can tell everything to."

"Tell? Fine. Complain? _Move_ _on_."

Laughter filled the group.

"Lemme tell you my story!" Sirius whined, going back to bouncing on the couch.

Lily glared at him. "Here's a story, Sirius: it's about this guy who bounced too much on my couch. To make a long story short, I _murdered_ him."

Sirius looked at her, faking horror. "I always knew you were a killer and yet Remus insisted we hang out with you."

Remus gave him a look. "I did nothing of that sort," he defended, shaking his head. "In fact, I think your exact words our first year were: that girl's gonna be hot, let's make friends with her now so we'll be a part of her in-crowd in six years and I will be able to make her a notch on my bedpost."

Sirius grinned. "Oh, right. My how time flies."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Too bad _that's_ never going to happen."

Sirius shrugged, unperturbed. "I kinda figured that out for myself when you poured tapioca pudding on my head in the third year when I claimed you had a hot ass."

Lily grinned. "I completely forgot about that!"

"I didn't. It took me days to wash out all the tapioca," Sirius mumbled.

They all laughed, James now ceasing the opportunity to ruffle up Sirius' hair playfully. Sirius swatted him away and gave him a look. "Can I tell my story now?" Sirius pouted.

Lily laughed. "Yeah, sure. Go ahead before Kay goes back to complaining."

"I feel so unappreciated," Kay murmured.

Sirius grinned, ignoring the comment, and spoke. "Okay, so this one time when I was at the beach, and I didn't realize that this kid had Tourette's Syndrome, I was-"

"Nothing good can come out of a story that begins that way," Lily argued, quickly cutting him off with a look. "Pick another story."

"But it's-"

"Or does anyone who _isn't _Sirius have a story?" Lily pleaded.

Shrugs followed the question.

"Anybody?" she whined.

Again, more shrugs but no answer.

"Oooh, I've got another story," Sirius piped up. Before Lily could argue, he hastily said, "Don't worry it's not about the kid."

Lily groaned. "What's it about?"

"A…uh…it's about a…a cat."

Lily gave him a look. "Does this cat know a kid who has Tourette's Syndrome?"

Sirius' smile turned into a frown. "Yeah."

She rolled her eyes. "Moving right al-"

"Wait, I've got another story!" Sirius cried out, bouncing once again on the couch. Lily elbowed him in the ribs to stop. He pouted before saying, "This one's about a dog."

"Let me guess. This dog knows a kid with Tourette's Syndrome?" Remus sighed.

"No," Sirius protested, giving him a look. "But he does know a cat. Who knows a kid. With Tourette's Syndrome."

"Next!" Lily exclaimed.

Peels of laughter filled the air, and James found himself smiling that he was laughing because of something Lily Evans said. In just a few short weeks, they had come from literally hating each others' guts to, and he never thought he'd actually say this, actually enjoying each others' company. Her laughter was still infectious to him and he was so grateful that she was willing to share it with him. He was grateful that she was willing to share _anything _with him.

"This is nice," Peter spoke, breaking James from his thoughts.

"Sirius' potential stories about Tourette's Syndrome are nice?" Kay asked, her eyebrow peaking in amusement.

He rolled his eyes. "_No_," he chuckled. "I just mean this in general. The six of us actually getting along. It's refreshing." His eyes were mainly focused on James and Lily.

Lily glanced over at James, surprised to see that he was staring back at her. He smiled and she did the same. "Yeah," she said. "It is."

"Oh!" Sirius cried out, not noticing the exchange occurring between Lily and James. "I just thought of another good story."

Lily groaned and, breaking eye contract from James, pulled a pillow to her face to whimper into. She lifted her gaze briefly to ask, "Does it involve anyone knowing anyone else who possibly knows anyone with Tourette's Syndrome?"

Sirius pouted, shoving the pillow back into her face with a snicer. "No," he promised, shaking his head. "But it _does_ involve a midget."

"I am so out of here!" Lily groaned. She threw the pillow at him and jumped up off the couch. With a laugh, she jetted through the Gryffindor common room and out the portrait door. Kay, Remus, Peter and James exchanged grins before they, too, were running after Lily, leaving a dumbfounded Sirius behind. When he finally realized what had just happened, he was quick to rush after them. "Wait! I've got another story!"

Laughter from Lily led the group of Gryffindor through the hallway. She stopped at the end of the corridor to glance behind her, grinning when she saw James, Remus, Peter, and Kay hurrying towards her with goofy grins on their faces. "C'mon!" James said, grabbing Lily's hand instinctively. Her haert skipped an unexpected beat, but before she knew it she was gripping his hand back as he led them all through the winding stairwells towards the Great Hall. Her curiosity peaked when he led them outdoors. She had originally just assumed they would hightail it back to their own private quarters, but she didn't have much time to wonder where they were going as she tried keeping up with James, his legs long and slightly too speedy than what she was used to.

She was panting when they finally arrived at the Quidditch pitch. A slight panicked feeling ached in her heart at the idea of a possible flying adventure, but she realized that James' broomstick was back in his room so that couldn't possibly be what he had planned. She was about to question James when a pair of strong hands grabbed her waist and suddenly she was being flung over Sirius' shoulders.

"AGH!" Lily shrieked. "Put me down, Sirius Black!"

Lily started pounding on his back in annoyance, but couldn't help but erupt into giggles. "That's what you get for refusing to listen to my stories!"

The other Marauders and Kay looked more than amused as Sirius started spinning around, obviously making Lily very dizzy.

"SIRIUS!" she shouted, pouting. "Put me down!"

Sirius grinned and finally let her down, ducking from the wrath of Lily's swatting hands. "Why do I bother hanging out with you?" she groaned, wringing the wrinkles out of her robes.

He raised a suggestive eyebrow. "Because I know how to have fun."

Lily glanced around at the pitch. "Really? Because it looks to me like we're standing in the dark on an enormous pitch, a half-mile away from the school."

James shared a glance with his three friends. The pitch is where all of their good ideas had been formed, including the planning their Animagi transformation and where they decided to start writing the Marauders Map. "We always come out here," James explained, shrugging nonchalantly. "It's so quiet and peaceful. It's a nice place to collect your thoughts."

"I wasn't aware any of you had thoughts," Kay drawled, chuckling at the matching scowls the Marauders shared with her.

"Three of us do," Remus dismissed. "One guess as to who the odd man out is."

It came as no surprise when everyone's gazes turned towards Sirius.

Sirius scoffed. "I don't understand why we must always insult my intelligence. I receive Es and Os in nearly all of my classes, do I not?"

Remus shrugged. "Without so much as picking up a textbook."

"Which makes me more brilliant than you, Mr. Library-Obsessed," Sirius snickered, flashing him his pearly whites. Remus scrunched up his nose, knowing that Sirius had a point.

"Think about how brilliant you'd be if you actually-"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Lily-bean," Sirius argued, shaking his head. "Books were meant to prop open windows and stop a table from wobbling. Not for reading."

"If only John Donne, Jonathan Swift, and Shakespeare were around to hear this."

Sirius' brow furrowed. "I have no idea who any of those people are."

Lily groaned, shaking her head in disbelief. "You should have really stuck through Muggle Studies this year."

"Why would I do a thing like that? Moira Jennings dropped it so there's no reason for me to go."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, lightly shoving Sirius on the shoulder. "I hate to say it, Sirius, but there is more to you than a sexaholic womanizer."

"Shh! People will hear you!"

Another laugh escaped Lily's lips, along with her friends. She found herself stopping abruptly when she realized she had just referred to James as her friend. She swallowed the confused lump in her throat before reaching for Kay's hand. "C'mon," she urged, pulling her to the ground. She glanced up towards the sky with a content smile.

Kay shrugged and made herself comfortable on the short grass.

"What are you doing?" James asked, standing over Lily.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I was looking at the stars but now all I'm looking at is your big head."

James scowled. "I do _not_ have a big head."

Laughter was on the edge of everyone's tongues, but James quickly silenced them with a glare.

"Are you sure about that?" Lily spoke, grinning. "Have you looked in the mirror recent—AGH!" she shouted as James crouched down and started tickling her. Lily tried squirming away but James obviously had a better and stronger grip. "Not…fair," she cried in between giggles. "Geroff me!"

"Only if you say that James Potter is the most down-to-earth, levelheaded, genuine guy you know!" James chuckled in amusement.

"My mother told me never to tell a lie," she said, shrieking as he plummeted on top of her to stop her from struggling. "POTTER!"

"Is anyone else finding this highly amusing?" Sirius snickered.

"Definitely," Remus replied.

"Oh yeah," Peter responded.

"Surprisingly, yes," Kay added.

"KAY! You're supposed to be my friend!" Lily cried through her laughing fits. "Help me!"

Kay shrugged. "Nah. You're on your own for this one."

"Say it!" James demanded.

"NO!" Lily cried, trying her damdest to squeeze out underneath his firm grasp.

"Say it!"

"NO!"

"SAY IT!"

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!" Lily shouted. "James Potter is the most down-to-earth, levelheaded, genuine guy you know!"

"Not exactly what I meant," he groaned, but he tumbled off of her anyway with a light chuckle. Flashing her a grin, he scooched down so he, too, was lying back against the grass beside her, his eyes migrating towards the starry sky.

"C'mon, guys, lie with us," Kay urged Remus, Peter, and Sirius.

The boys all exchanged looks and shrugged. Seconds later, the six of them were all lying peacefully, the twinkling stars giving them a sense of comfort and ease. Kay was able to ignore the gaping hole beside her that should have been Riley. James stopped wondering what it was that had changed Lily's mind about him. And Lily started realizing that whatever it is that finally drew her to the genuine sie of James Potter, she didn't hate it. Remus couldn't help but smile, bemused by the idea that James and Lily were sitting inches apart and haven't found a reason to hext each other.

After a long bout of comfortable silence, a silence that only Sirius seemed the need to fill, he cried out, "Okay, truth or dare time!"

A chorus of groans followed.

"I'd start running guys," Remus suggested to Lily and Kay. "Sirius' truth or dare games never end up going right."

"Hey!" Sirius argued, sitting up to glare at Remus. "That is not true! Remember the last game?"

"You mean the one where Professor McGonagall walked in on you and Rachael in a half-naked liplock?"

Sirius hesitated. "Oh yeah. I forgot about McGonagall," he claimed, grinning sheepishly. "But I _do_ remember Rachael."

Remus rolled his eyes but found himself sitting up. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

While Kay slowly sat up to jon the other two boys, Peter quickly following her, Lily and James remained stationary.

Lily yelped when Sirius poked her in the ribcage. "C'mon," he whined. "Play with us, Lily-bean."

She swatted his hand away, growling. "I haven't played truth or dare since I was thirteen. Don't you think we're a little old for this?"

"Hell no," Sirius quickly disagreed, his grin not faltering. "Because when you're older, you get to play truth or dare a little...hm...let's use the word _friskier."_

Lily let out another reluctant grin, but it was Kay who spoke. "Friskier?" she sighed. "Why do I have the feeling I'm going to regret playing this with you?"

"Because you will," Remus responded immediately.

He scowled. "And just for that, Remus, _truth or dare_?"

Remus glanced at his right wrist where a non-existent watch would have rested. "Oh dear Merlin, look at the time. I've got to go and-"

"TRUTH OR DARE!" Sirius demanded, glaring at Remus.

Remus sighed. "Truth, I guess."

Sirius didn't even have to think about it. "Out of all the girls in this school that you have snogged, who was the best?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, gee, diving right into the personal questions, are we?"

"Hey, I could have asked out of all the girls that you have shag-"

"So you want to know who was the best snogger, hm?" Remus said sheepishly.

Sirius chuckled, nodding.

"I wouldn't mind hearing the answer either," Lily chimed in, a curious, suggestive smile resting on her face.

Remus stared suspiciously at her. "Why?"

Lily gave him a look, a hint of crimson heating up her ears. "Aw, hell, did you just ask that?"

Remus' eyes widened slightly when he realized what she was referring to. "Blimey, I forgot about that!" he said, his eyes lighting up in amusement. "How long ago was that? Two years ago? Three?"

"What was so long ago?" Sirius questioned.

Lily blushed, trying to shrug. "Valentine's Day of our...hm...fourth year I believe."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "Seems like a lifetime ago."

"What seems like a lifetime ago?" James asked.

"Three years can do that to you," Lily agreed, a nostalgic smile spreading across her face.

"Uh, excuse me?" Kay interrupted huffily, glaring at her friend. "Does someone want to clue in the rest of us as to what you two are discussing?"

Remus and Lily shared a look before turning back to the grin. "Nope," they said simultaneously with a lighthearted laugh.

"Forget I mentioned anything. It was nothing," Lily assured.

"What was nothing?" Sirius whined.

Remus ignored him. "Yeah, nothing is right. Just a meaningless Valentine's Day," Remus said with a shrug.

"_What _was meaningless?" James snapped.

Lily raised an eyebrow at Remus. "Meaningless?"

Remus squirmed uncomfortbaly. "Er...well maybe not meaningless. Just…just uneventful," Remus said with a hopeful grin.

"_What was uneventful_?" Peter scowled.

"Uneventful?" Lily repeated with a feigned scowl.

"No, it was just...uh...what I meant..." Remus dithered, cringing inwardly. "You're going to question pretty much anything I say, aren't you?"

"Of course."

He chuckled, shrugging. "Then forget I said anything. I don't even remember much of that night."

"What night!" Kay practically shouted.

"Oh, gee, that makes me feel really good about myself," Lily snorted, her hands migrating to her hips.

"No, I didn't mean that…of course it was...I was just saying..." Remus said with a cringe. He sighed. "Y'know, I think I'm just going to shut up now."

"Yeah that might be best," Lily snickered, laughing with Remus.

"AHEM!" Sirius shouted over their banter.

The two of them turned to him. "What?" Lily asked innocently.

Sirius glared at her. "What is this secret you two seem to posess? And if you say it's nothing, don't think I won't embarrass you with plenty of dares and truth questions."

"Like you won't do that anyway?"

"Oh, just answer the question!" James scoffed, narrowing his eyes curiously.

Lily sighed, sharing a glance with Remus who merely shrugged. She finally said, grimacing guiltily, "We...er...we ended up doing a bit of snogging on the common room couch three years ago when everyone else was out on dates for Valentine's Day."

Four equally shocked, dumbfounded stares gazed back at her.

Lily couldn't help but let out a light laugh at the expressions on her friends' faces. Even Remus let out a chuckle, meeting her amused glance. Truth be told, it was very uncharacteristic of both of them to do any sort of casual fooling around so they weren't surprised by the looks they were on the receiving end of.

"Well, okay then," Lily said, grinning sheepishly. "So Remus, you never answered your question. Who was the best-"

"You guys _what_?" James cried, staring at Remus and Lily incredulously. "You guys...you guys made out?"

Lily shrugged, rolling her eyes. "Yes," she muttered, wondering why she ever brought it up in the first place. "Not for very long. It was one of those dateless Valentine's Day where it seemed Remus and I were the only ones not roaming around this castle with someone of the opposite sex. We were left alone in the Gryffindor common room, one thing led to another, and...well you know how that one ended. It's really not a big deal."

Irritated flickered in James' eyes as he glared at Remus. "I would have thought that you would have told me about this long before now, Remus!"

Lily's eyebrows narrowed curiously. "Why does it matter?"

James' glare didn't cease but he tried to force a smile on his face as he shrugged. "It doesn't. I'm just surprised none of us knew about it, that's all," he said innocently.

"Probably because you were out shagging some ditzy blonde and I'm guessing could have cared less what anyone else was up to."

James scowled. "You make me sound so shallow."

Lily's eyes gleamed with amusement. "I'm not sure what response will get me into the least amount of trouble," she said with a grin.

"I'm not shallow!"

She gave him a look. "Maybe not now but you sure as hell used to be."

James' heart skipped a beat. Out of all of the insults she had sent his way, and believe me there have been a _lot_, for some reason it was that insult that seemed to hurt the most. He pretended like he couldn't figure out why it seemed to bother him so much, but that was a lie. It was because finally, the two of them were getting along and able to see a different side to each other, a more genuine side. And he hated that he still had a past that displayed such dishonesty, manipulation, and hostility. A past that she couldn't seem to ignore.

"Someone else ask a question now," he muttered, turning away from her unfortunate scrutiny.

Lily frowned, recognizing a look of distaste crossing James' face, but before she could question it, Peter was jumping in. "Remus didn't answer his question yet."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm going with Lily."

"Suck-up," Sirius snorted.

"Jealous?" Lily teased.

"Yes!"

She couldn't help but laugh, rolling her eyes. "Sorry to burst your bubble but these lips are never touching those of Sirius Black's. Merlin only knows where your lips have been." He opened his mouth to retort, but she clapped her hand over his mouth. "That doesn't mean I _want _to know!"

A muffled laugh escaped from underneath Lily's hand.

Remus smiled shyly. "We should do this more often."

"Insult Sirius' lips?" Kay asked with a hint of a smile.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'd rather not do that more often," he clarified. "I meant hang out. Have fun. Enjoy each others' company. _All _of us."

"You just want to hang out with Lily because she's apparently a good snog-OOF!" Sirius said as Remus tackled him to the ground unexpectedly.

Lily couldn't help but laugh as they tossled in the grass, Sirius' shouting at Remus to keep his fists away from his chiseled jaw. "You're just jealous, Sirius!" she said with a grin.

"I know!" he whined, struggling to get up under Remus' strong grip. "I was hoping I'd be the first Marauder to land Miss Lily Evans."

She scoffed. "'_Land _me?'" she repeated. "You know nothing about women, do you know that?"

Sirius chuckled, reaching for his hair to smooth it down as Remus shoved off of Sirius reluctantly. "You've clearly missed the hoardes of women I've attracted over my teenage years."

"That's because you turn up the charm in their presence. For some reason, you merely turn up the chauvinistic side to you in _my _presence," she teased.

"You have the privilege of being my friend," he said with a shrug. "The girls I go after will never be my friend. Nor do I want them to be. I get what I want from them and then discard them when I get bored. And I'm perfectly alright with that."

"Are you?"

His eyebrow raised. "What?"

She shrugged, her fingers circling a piece of dead grass. "Are you alright with that? Or is that something you're just used to saying?"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort but found nothing on the tip of his tongue. He frowned. "What's the difference?"

"Quite a bit. In one scenario, you flitting from one girl to another is what you want. In the other scenario, it's just what you've become accustomed to but not what you desire."

Sirius was very aware of five pairs of eyes staring curiously at him. He squirmed uncomfortably, crossing his lips. "Whatever happened to our truth and dare game?" he muttered with a nervous chuckle.

"We are playing. She just asked you to answer a question, did she not?" Kay pointed out.

"It wasn't her turn!"

"You're stalling."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I like my life," he responded vaguely with a shrug. "I have very few complaints. If that whole global warming thing were to be fixed, it would be almost perfect."

"Leave it to you to turn a serious question into a joke," Lily said with a snicker.

"It's what I do best," he teased, grinning. "Okay, truth or dare, Lily-bean?"

She groaned. "With you guys, I hardly think picking dare is safe."

"And you think truth is?" James snorted. "You should have run when you had the chance."

"Is it too late now?"

"Yes," a chorus of four retorted. Kay merely lughed.

Sirius snuck a peek at James before turning towards Lily curiously. "Have you ever shagged anyone, Lily-bean?"

A flush of red appeared on her cheeks. "I never actually said truth."

"Dare it is. Shag James."

"Sirius!" James groaned, noting the shocked expression on Lily's face.

She sighed, groaning as she fell back against the grass for a second time that evening. "Yep, definitely should have run when I had the chance."

* * *

"Hey, Kay," Lily spoke, walking into her private quarters the next evening.

"Shh, I'm concentrating," she said, her eyes squinting and heavily focused on the fake plant that rest on the coffee table in front of her, her wand hanging loosely in her right hand.

Lily glanced over at the plant and back at her friend. "Er...on what?"

"SHH! I almost have it," she muttered, inching toward the plant.

"Are you having some staring contest with the ficus? Because if so, I hate to break it to you, you're going to lose."

"Do you not know the meaning of the word _shh_?"

Lily chuckled and headed towards her room. "Alright then. Tell me when you're finished concentrating on whatever the hell it is you're concentrating on."

She didn't respond and Lily didn't urge her to. But seconds later, the portrait door slammed open against the wall and in trampled two muddy Gryffindors.

Kay jumped at the sound of the door slamming and groaned, throwing her wand irritably against the couch. "Damnit, don't you guys ever knock?" she grumbled, glaring up at Sirius and James.

"Er...this is my common room," James pointed out with a sheepish grin.

"Don't worry about it," Lily chimed in. "She's just made because she was losing a staring contest with a plant."

"I wasn't having a staring contest with a plant, Lily," she argued, shooting her a look. "I was trying to make the leaves grow with a nonverbal spell. And apparently failing."

James and Sirisu exchanged a look before pulling out their wands and facing the plant. Kay chucked a pillow at them. "That doesn't mean I want you two to show off!"

Sirius laughed as he caught the pillow, repocketing his wand. "Concentration is the key, Richards," he said with a shrug. "It's the-"

"Oh, yes, because concentration is so easy to come by with my best friend constantly talking my ear off while two boys who have clearly just returned from Quidditch practice come prancing into the suite and dragging mud in."

"We do not prance," he scowled.

Kay rolled her eyes. "Oh, gee, did I offend you?"

He pouted. "Yes."

"Eh, you deserve a few insults here and there. It toughens one up."

Lily frowned, having a pretty good feeling she was talking from experience. She wondered if she had run into Riley at all recently.

"Pretty sure Sirius is used to insults," James chuckled, grinning. "He gets about ten a day. And that's just from me! You can imagine what the girls he's dumped are saying about him."

"I don't need to imagine it," Kay snorted, rolling her eyes. "I've seen the bathroom stalls."

Sirius chuckled nervously, pointing his wand to his muddy shoes and whispering, "Scourgify." He turned back towards Kay. "Eh, it's all lies if you ask me."

"I'm not asking. Now do you mind leaving me alone with my ficus?" she muttered irritably.

There was such bitterness in her tone, all three of her friends had to exchange curious glances. It was unlike Kay to exude any sort of hostility. "Er...sure," Lily finally spoke, giving her fellow Head Boy and his friend a stern look as she retreated to her own bedroom. She started to shut the door behind her, but suddenly James and Sirius were pouring in behind her.

She gaped at them, groaning. "That look wasn't a please-follow-me-into-my-bedroom kind of look."

Sirius grinned, plunging on to her bed. "Aw, you mean that wasn't a seductive look?"

James smacked his leg, shooting him a look. "Shut up, Sirius."

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Lily agreed, throwing her schoolbag on to her desk before straddling the back of her desk chair to glare at Sirius. "There a reason you two are choosing my room over Potter's?"

"What's going on with Kay and Riley?" Sirius blurted out, ignoring the question.

"If you haven't figured that out by now, you really are slow."

He rolled his eyes. "It's clearly affecting Kay. I'm just wondering-"

"Oh, really, where'd you get an idea like that? Her angry comments? Her sarcasm? The disappointed look in her eye? Yeah, Sirius, I know that Kay is upset and irritated and hurting. Tell me something I don't know." It was Lily's turn to be surly.

Sirius grimaced. "Sorry, Lily-bean, I was merely wondering if there were any recent developments that could get those two crazy kids back to talking to each other."

"No," Lily muttered, resting her arms on the back of the chair with a sigh. "Not even a little bit."

James frowned, wanting nothing more than to knock some sense into Riley. "Has Kay tried even talking to Riley?"

"Not really."

"Do you think that could help?"

"No."

James sighed. "Yeah, me neither."

Lily met his gaze. "You of all people should know that Riley GIlmore is stubborn beyond belief. When she gets something stuck in her head, it's nearly impossible to change her mind about it. And right now, she's mad at Kay and she thinks that Justine and Miranda are her best friends. No amount of _talking _is going to change her mind about that. And no amount of us speculating is going to change that either. So can we please stop discussing it?"

James nodded, slowly dropping on to the end of her bed. "Sorry. It's not really any of our business."

"No, it's fine," Lily found herself saying with a sigh. "At least someone's making it their business. Kay and Riley are just ignoring it."

"You can all stop talking about me."

Three pairs of guilty eyes turned towards the door that was now creaking open to reveal Kay. "I'm not ignoring anything," she continued with a low grumble. "It's hard to ignore the fact that my best friend hates me. But I've tried talking to her. This morning in fact. And she threw a scone in my face and called me a bitch. So I'm done talking. She can come to me when she realizes she's being the idiot because I'm done. Lily, can I borrow your Charms notes from yesterday?"

Lily cringed, reaching over to her desk and shuffling through her notebooks until she found the one with yesterday's notes. She tossed them to Kay.

"Thanks," she said, slamming the door behind her as she walked out.

Sirius sighed. "Well, that could have gone better."

* * *

While Kay had headed off to breakfast early the next morning, clearly trying to avoid everyone, James knocked on

Lily opened the door wearing a towel and shrieked immediately. She quickly tried to cover herself up more, ignoring the red blush from embarrassment rushing to her cheeks, and gave him an uncomfortable lopsided grin. "Hm…you're not Kay."

"No, surprisingly enough I haven't had a recent sex change," he snickered.

Lily laughed. "So…what do you want?" she asked, trying to conceal herself more with her arms.

"Well, I need to talk to you about…" James trailed off, and chuckled. "Would you like to get changed first?"

"Oh Merlin, yes," Lily said, breathing a sigh of relief. She slammed the door in his face and about less than ten minutes later, she was greeting him again on the common room couch.

James stared at Lily in shock. "Wow, that was fast. I was under the impression that girls took hours getting ready in the morning."

"I'm not most girls," Lily reminded.

"I've noticed," James said, an awkward smile spreading across his face. "C'mon, let's walk to breakfast," he said hastily.

Lily quickly grabbed her bag of books and followed him out of their quarters. "So why'd you knock on my door?"

"I thought that was obvious."

Lily gave him a curious look.

"Because I was hoping to catch you in a bath towel."

Lily slapped him playfully, but felt herself emitting a chuckle. "No seriously, why'd you knock?"

James hesitated and looked keenly over at Lily. He eventually turned away and said, "Well, you normally walk down to breakfast with Kay but seeing as she bolted early, I figured I'd fill the slot for today."

Her heart skipped a beat. "How considerate of you," she said curiously.

He chuckled. "Don't sound so surprised."

She glanced up at him as they rounded the corner. "Do you blame me for sounding surprised?"

He frowned, shaking his head. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

He pressed his lips together hesitantly, his eyes darting over to her curious stare. He bit down on the inside of his lip, searching for the right words as they started ascending one of the moving stairwells.

"Potter?"

"Are you only being friendly to me because of this situation between Riley and Kay?"

She froze mid-step, her jaw dropping in awe. "What?"

He turned around when he realized she had stopped. "Not that I mind," he was hasty to argue, "But I can't help but wonder if you're just...oh, I don't know, filling whatever void you have because Riley's not around and Kay is miserable by hanging out with me."

Lily was taken aback by the concern in his tone. "Do you really think I could bury six years worth of distaste for you just because I was in need of a friend?"

He stared at her. "Friend?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Potter," she said with a chuckle. "I think we might be friends."

He met her gaze and was grateful to see a smile on her face. A genuine smile, a smile that proved to him she wasn't lying. "Well," he said slowly, starting to walk back up the stairs. "I know I'm no Riley or Kay, but I hope I can be an alright substitute."

She didn't follow after him immediately, watching as he reached the top and turned around to face her. "I think you'll do."

James' heart fluttered as he smiled. "You coming? Or are you just going to stand there all day? I'm not going to let you copy my notes if you pick the latter."

She snorted, continuing up the stairs to meet up with him. "Like you'd be the person I'd want to borrow notes from."

He scowled as she traipsed past him, a grin plastered on her face. "I happen to take very detailed notes!" he called out.

"I don't think doodles in the margins count as notes, Potter!" she said, throwing the words over her shoulder as she skipped down the hallway. He was right. He wasn't Riley and he wasn't Kay. And yet he was able to make her forget about Riley and Kay, even if just for a few moments. He provided entertainment to her and showed her he actually had compassion and concern. She found herself unable to keep away from him, found herself actually enjoying his company. He made her laugh and he made her smile. And with her two best friends angry with each other, it was nice hanging around someone who could make her smile.

"What if the doodles are related to whatever topic we're discussing in class?" he asked, rushing after her.

"I'm pretty sure you won't be able to _doodle _your way through N.E.W.T.S."

"Damn, I knew there was a catch."

They both entered the Great Hall and Lily immediately halted at the sight of Kay being harassed by Riley, Miranda, and Justine. Lily and James sighed before rushing over to Kay.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Lily asked, pushing Justine out of the way and taking a seat beside a very distressed-looking Kay.

"Oh nothing," Miranda replied innocently. "Just talking to our roommate here. Although, I guess she's really not our roommate anymore since she became a coward and moved out."

"It's cowardly not wanting to be around the three of you and your bitchy comments?" Kay snorted, rolling her eyes. "I much prefer a lumpy couch."

"Our couch isn't lumpy," James whined.

Kay shot him a look.

He grinned sheepishly, turning towards Riley, Justine, and Miranda. "Why don't you just back off and go find someone else to annoy?"

Miranda flashed James a smile, batting her eyelashes at him. "We weren't being annoying," she quickly argued, linking arms with Riley. "Just being protective of our new friend here."

"Well, go find some other friend to be protective of," Lily sneered, narrowing her eyes. "Oh no wait, you don't have anyone else."

"Oh, and who do you have?" Riley finally spoke up, glaring at her. "_James_? Ironic considering you hated him for six years. Settling, are we?"

"Yeah, well the friend I want to have is being stubborn and childish and completely ridiculous," Lily snapped, glaring at her. James tried ignoring the fact that she had just said she would rather have Riley as her friend than him. "So I'm sorry if you feel like that means I'm settling, but right now, I'd rather be his friend than yours."

"Did I mention that you _hated _him for six years?" she sneered back. "It's pretty convenient timing if you ask me."

"Why is everyone questioning my friendship with James today?" Lily muttered rhetorically. "Look, Riley, you want to bemad at Kay because you're stubborn, you go right ahead. But stop terrorizing her. You're better than that."

Riley rolled her eyes, gently nudging Miranda. "Let's get out of here. I'm not in the mood to be talked down to by someone who isn't willing to understand my side."

"I already said I understood," Lily quickly retaliated, glaring at her. "You're allowed to be mad. That doesn't mean you get to act like a bloody bitch."

They were all taken aback by Lily's bluntness, Riley in particular. She merely frowned and without another word gestured for Miranda and Justine to follow her out.

"You guys don't have to swoop in and come to my rescue," Kay muttered, stuffing a scone into her mouth. "I can handle myself."

"You shouldn't have to," James said gently, slipping into the seat beside her. "It's like Lily said. Riley has a prerogative to be angry. But bullying? That's not fair to you."

"None of this is fair," she said softly.

To that, neither had a response.

* * *

**A/N: **Yay for James and Lily being friends! Not so yay for Kay and Riley.


	17. Of Torte, Centipedes & BrokenFriendships

**A/N: **Yay for another chapter! This chapter is...interesting. Read on and you'll see what I mean. I wanted to also add a personal THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for those who have been reviewing. I always enjoy a little bit of reassurance for my hard work!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not Joanne Kathleen Rowling...though, I certainly wish I was :-)

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 17: Of Torte, Centipedes, & Broken Friendships

* * *

Lily was flipping through her Transfiguration notes for the last time before heading to bed when there was a light knock on her door. "Come in!" she said, assuming it was Kay.

Once again, she was surprised to see it was James. "Potter?" she said, surprised, pulling her bedpsread up to her chin as she realized the flimsy pair of pajama shorts she was wearing. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I saw the light on."

"And?"

"I thought you could use a study break."

"It's almost midnight. If I wanted a study break, I'd go to bed."

He chuckled, leaning up against her doorframe with a casual sort of grace. "What about some chocolate raspberry torte?"

Her heart skipped a beat as she stared up at him. "How did you know that was my favorite?"

"Eh, I have my ways."

"So Kay told you?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

She laughed. "Where the hell are we going to get chocolate raspberry torte at this hour?"

"The kitchens of course."

She quirked an eyebrow. "You know where the kitchens are?"

He grinned. "I probably know more about this school than Dumbledore even does."

"Somehow I don't doubt it."

"So you want to tag along or what?"

"Did you not hear me say it's nearing midnight?"

"Technically, you said it was _almost _midnight. And when has that ever stopped me?"

She glanced down at her notes, knowing it was probably best to finish the page and go to bed. Instead, she found herself saying, "Aw, hell. Why not?"

James' eyes bulged out slightly. "Seriously? I don't have to pull your leg? Or blackmail you? Or convince you otherwise?"

She rolled her eyes. "You had me at chocolate raspberry torte, Potter."

He laughed. "Man, if I knew that was the case, I would have mentioned chocolate raspberry torte years ago."

"So that I could have thrown it at you?"

He made a face. "Are you coming or not?"

Lily grinned, and rolled out of bed. She threw on a pair of sweatpants over her shorts and stuffed her wand into the pocket of her sweatshirt. "Oh, by the way, if we get caught by Pringle, I _will _be throwing that torte in your face," she said, passing by him.

"Hm, duly noted."

"So why the sudden desire for a study break?" she asked as they headed out of their room.

He shrugged. "Does anyone ever need a reason to take a break from studying?"

"Right, this is you we're talking about. I'm pretty sure you do more _breaking _than _studying," _she said with a snicker.

"Not true!" he argued, pouting. He hesitated. "Well, unless that 'breaking' is followed by rules or by the bones of a Slytherin."

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Do you ever take anything seriously?"

"No."

"Right, stupid question."

He glanced over at her, wondering how a girl in sweatpants and a sweatshirt with her hair thrown into a messy ponytail could look so pretty. He froze, realizing he was talking about someone that wasn't his girlfriend. "I'm taking Head Boy seriously, am I not?" he asked, shaking the thoughts from his head.

She smile, her eyes meeting his. "Yeah, I guess you are."

His own smile wavered as he turned away from her piercing stare. "Evans, I never thanked you."

"Er...for what?"

"For giving me a second chance."

"Hah!" she laughed, shaking her head. "I think we surpassed second chances years ago. You're probably up to your five hundredth chance by this point."

He pretended as if he were contemplating that comment. "Eh, I'll take it."

"Potter, you were the one who finally showed me you can be an alright guy," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully. "So don't thank me. Thank whatever gave you the urge to...to..."

"Grow up?" he suggested by way of a murmur.

She grimaced. "No, just-"

"Mature?"

"_No_, I was-"

"Act my age?"

She rolled her eyes, throwing her hands in the air. "Whatever the correct wording is, Potter, I should be the one thanking you."

That got his attention. "_What_?"

She shrugged awkwardly, following him down a flight of stairs. "For giving me a reason to give you a second chance," she said casually. "Or a five hundredth chance."

He chuckled as he paused in front of the portrait of the fruit bowl, tickling the pear. As they traipsed into the kitchen, it came as no surprise to James that Sirius, Remus, and Peter were already there.

"You do realize it's after curfew, right?" Lily scolded.

Sirius was lying back on the fake Gryffindor table as he turned his head to give her a look. "I don't think you can reprimand us when you, too, have found yourself sneaking into the kitchens after curfew. You do realize you're breaking _two school rules_ right now, right?"

Lily made a face, glaring back at James. "This is all your fault."

"Sirius mocking you?" he asked innocently. "Nope, pretty sure that's his own fault. And maybe yours for being so willing to follow me here."

"Damn that chocolate raspberry torte," she muttered, slumping down on to one of the Gryffindor benches.

Sirius sat upright. "Ooh, chocolate raspberry torte?" he said eagerly. "Ginger!" he cried out to his left. In a mere few seconds, a short, dimpy house elf came wandering into the room.

"Mr. Black?"

"We're going to need a chocolate raspberry torte."

"Anything you say, Mr. Black." She bowed and disappeared.

Lily glared at him. "You couldn't have added a please?"

"Do you want the torte or what?" he snickered, lying back down on the table.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't make me throw flour at you."

"Eh, you wouldn't."

Seconds later, half a bag of flour was on Sirius' school robes.

"I probably deserved that."

It was Remus who decided to summon the bag of sugar and coat Sirius' hair with it.

"I didn't deserve _that_!" Sirius whined, trying to wipe the sugar crystals from his hair frantically. "Damn, now it looks like I have dandruff," he whined.

"And who are you trying to impress here?" Peter snorted, giving his friend a look.

"Why, Lily of course," he teased, winking at the Head Girl. "It's not every day she graces us in the kitchens with her charming presence."

Lily's eyes narrowed skeptically. "Alright, what do you want from me?"

"What makes you think I want something?"

"You just called me charming. Enough said."

He grinned. "You're right, that sounded far too polite coming from me."

"Wow, didn't even realize you were aware that the word 'polite' existed."

Lily gasped as a large amount of sugar was flicked towards her. "Sirius!" she scolded. "You do realize I have the flour in my hands still!"

He hesitated. "No, I actually forgot about-" he didn't finish his sentence as another handful of flour was tossed in his face. "Oh, great. Now I'm a _zombie _with dandruff," he whined. He stood up on the bench, calling back towards the oven, "Ginger! We're going to need some more flour and sugar out here! And feel free to bring some eggs and brown sugar and powdered sugar and anything messy that will be useful in a food fight. ARGHH!" He ducked as both James and Lily reached into the bag of flour and tossed it in his direction.

"Why can we never come to the kitchens anymore without a food fight breaking out?" Peter muttered.

"Because Sirius acts like a-" Remus stopped short as Sirius cracked an egg over his hair. "Child." He glared at Sirius, who was jumping off the bench with a grin. "Sirius Black, you are so dead!"

In a matter of minutes, chaos ensued. Ginger was emitting a squeaky yelp as she crawled back towads the kitchen appliances, avoiding the mess of flour, all types of sugar, and eggs that were flying through the air. The five Gryffindors found themselves rushing around the different tables with various food items in their hands and their giggles leading the way.

"Y'know, this might be the first fight between Lily-bean and James that could be construed as _fun_!" Sirius cried out, ducking as brown sugar was tossed in his direction by Peter. "And if it doesn't end in hexing or cursing, that would be a first, too!"

"Don't make me _actually_ fight you, Sirius!" Lily laughed, grabbing an egg from Remus and chucking it at the giddy Marauder. She shrieked as her hair was suddenly coated in powdered sugar. Sirius could only laugh.

"What the hell is going on here?"

The five of them halted, slowly turning towards the entrance at the familiar voice.

"Riley," Lily said, surprised.

She frowned. "Why is it that whenever I feel the need for a midnight snack, I always manage to run into the four Marauders?" she asked, her gaze falling upon Lily sceptically.  
"And what are you doing here?"

"Getting pummeled with sugar and flour apparently," she said coolly.

"By the Marauders."

Lily rolled her eyes. It clearly wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway. "It would appear so."

"I wasn't aware you ever willingly broke the rules, Lily."

"Yeah, well I wasn't aware you ever willingly sold yourself short but apparently you do since you seem to be so buddy-buddy with Justine and Miranda," she retorted, glaring at her. "So I guess we're even."

Riley smirked. "I could say the same thing about you and James."

"You think me befriending Potter is selling myself short?" Lily snorted. "That's rich considering you're best friends with the guy. Or at least you were until you joined forces with the two bitchateers."

James frowned. "Okay, why don't we stop dragging me into this?"

"Oh, don't worry," Riley grunted. "There's no 'we' anymore."

Confusion spread throughout the room. "Who exactly are you referring to?" Sirius chimed in curiously.

Riley rolled her eyes, ignoring him. "Suddenly, I'm not in the mood for-"

"Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies?" Sirius suggested.

Her heart skipped a beat. That was usually the reason she made her way down to the kitchens. She hated that he knew that. She met his gaze and frowned. "I was going to say pie," she lied.

"No, you weren't."

"Good-bye, Black," she scowled, whirling around to storm out.

Lily sank down on to the Gryffindor table with a defeated sigh. "Damn, I could really go for some chocolate raspberry torte right about now," she muttered.

As if on cue, the oven timer went off.

* * *

James was rereading some of his notes for Defense Against the Dark Arts the next day at lunch, his three cohorts finishing up a detention with McGonagall and Lily helping Slughorn with some inventory work, when Riley slid into the empty seat across from him. He glanced up, shocked. "Er...are you lost?"

Riley sighed. "Are you and Lily really friends?"

He shrugged, placing his quill down on to the table. "I don't know. Maybe."

She nodded slowly, reaching into the basket of bread and grabbing a biscuit. She started tearing off pieces, but didn't stick any of it into her mouth. "How is that even possible?"

James sighed. "I have no idea. It just is," he said hastily. "And you would probably have more of a clue if you bothered sticking with your original friends."

She pursed her lips. "This isn't about me."

"You caring that Lily and I are friends is a little about you."

He was right. After six years of hatred for each other, she couldn't believe that he and Lily seemed to have buried the hatchet. And she hated not knowing how it could have happened. She hated that she couldn't just come out and ask Lily because she was supposedly mad at her. She hated that everything was changing around her except for apparently her. "Don't hurt her, James."

Well, that threw him for a loop. "Er...what?"

She shrugged awkwardly. "Lily's a good girl and you're lucky that you have her as a friend."

"Riley, I-"

"And she's lucky to have you as a friend, too. So don't screw it up."

He frowned. "I'm not planning on it."

"Things don't always go as we plan."

His eyebrow peaked. "You talking from experience?"

She grimaced, finally chucking a piece of biscuit into her mouth. "Just don't do anything stupid," she warned. With a look of hesitance and skepticism towards him, she climbed off the bench and headed out of the Great Hall.

"Well, that was weird," James muttered to himself.

* * *

James and Remus were in the library studying hard for an Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts exam they had the next afternoon. Remus was attempting to quiz James, but he was finding it impossible to study as per usual.

"Stop asking me questions," James whined, slumping down in his chair.

"That's kinda the point of studying, Prongs," he snorted, an amused glint in his eye.

"Haven't we studied enough?"

"You're the one who said he needed the extra time. I'm just here for support."

James sighed. "Fine. What was the question again?"

Remus offered him a sheepish grin before glancing back down at his notes.

"Hey babe," a sexy voice from behind James a few minutes later. "I've been looking for you."

James tilted his head upwards and was met with bright blue eyes. "Hey sweetheart," he murmured, lifting his upside down lips towards his girlfriends lips. She began to lightly massage his shoulders and James moaned. "Oh man, Kristina. You have the hands of an angel."

She chuckled and sat down beside him, blocking Remus' view, who was getting very distracted by the PDA going on in front of him.

Kristina leaned over to kiss James again, whispering, "So when do you plan on finishing this studying habit of yours?"

James chuckled sheepishly, brushing a stray hair from Kristina's face. "Tomorrow after my exam, I'm all yours."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that," Kristina replied, smiling gently at him, massaging his upper leg with her foot.

James immediately tensed up knowing perfectly well what she wanted. Especially as her foot got closer and closer to his impending erection. He groaned inwardly knowing that a study break with Kristina would lead him nowhere good. He knew he'd end up being distracted for more hours then he could possibly give up.

Yet, he suddenly couldn't remember what good reason there was to stay in the library studying when he could instead have sex with his beautiful girlfriend.

"Meet me in my room in five minutes," James whispered into her ear, kissing her on the cheek. He stood up leaving his books and Kristina behind but before he could walk more than two steps, Remus quickly reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Where are you going?" he accused, knowing perfectly well where he was going.

"I'll be back soon, Moony," James promised, giving Remus a pleading look.

Remus sighed. "James, you don't have time. Where is that whole 'schoolwork before women' attitude you had this afternoon in the common room when Sirius was complaining that we do too much work and yet you completely shot down the idea of running off to play a prank?"

James glanced at Kristina who was staring at them intently, clearly wondering what they were whispering about. James knew Remus was right but… "Just look at her. She's irresistible, Moony."

"Lemme guess, you'll wander back here in about…hm…let's say two hours, start complaining to me about how you'll be so behind and demand why didn't I stop you from doing this."

James thought about the consequences. Yes, he probably wouldn't get as good of a grade as he would if he stayed. But he could live with that. It had been a while since he'd been with Kristina alone. It seemed that if Remus or Sirius wasn't hanging out with them then Kristina's friends were around. And he and Kristina had been so busy doing schoolwork or it was him with Quidditch or Head work that they hardly had any time to fool around. And damn he needed Kristina.

James shrugged, mostly to himself and said impatiently, "Sorry, Moony, but I gotta go."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't apologize to me. You're the one who's going to be sorry come tomorrow."

He had a point. But with one last glance at Kristina, James knew his male senses were overpowering his study habits.

"Yeah, but I think I can live with that," James snickered, winking at Kristina as he strolled out of the library.

Remus shook his head and glanced at Kristina who was practically smirking at him knowing that she had won. "Oh, go get it on with your boyfriend."

She chuckled and rushed out of the library after James.

Just as Remus was attempting to rebury his head back in his notes, Sirius came sauntering in with a frown upon his face. He took a seat across from Remus and plopped his books down. "Whoever said that exams were important to an education should be shot."

Remus snickered. "If there were no exams, there would be no point to going to classes."

"See? _You_ understand. Why can't the professors?" Sirius complained, slumping down in his chair. "Where's James?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm betting either in his private quarters or in some broom closet."

Sirius nodded and opened his books. "Oh, so Kristina found him then?"

Remus put down his quill and stared at Sirius. "How'd you know she was looking for him?"

Sirius shrugged. "She came by the Gryffindor common room asking where he was. I told her to look here."

Remus groaned. "You realize that if James fails tomorrow, he'll blame you, right? And then we'll have to go through a whole day with him complaining about how you're a bad influence and how he never should have befriended you after he realized you were all play and no work?"

Sirius shrugged again. "Yeah, but how is that different from every other day?"

"Becayse this time he'll be right to blame you."

Sirius thought about it. "Eh, I can live with that. Especially since I'll be the one rubbing my Outstanding in his face to get back at all those times he rubbed his successful papers and exams in my face. This can be the time I finally say 'I'm smart, you're dumb, I have a future and you're going to be working at McDonalds.' Now are you really going to take that away from me?"

Remus laughed. "Well, if you really want to do all that to Prongs then you need to start studying."

"I knew there was a catch," Sirius groaned.

Remus rolled his eyes and turned back to the textbook in front of him.

"Besides, I've studied enough," Sirius protested.

"So, about ten minutes then?" Remus snickered.

"Give or take," Sirius agreed with a shrug. "It's easy stuff anyway. I'm not worried."

"That's only because you can glance at a page of notes and it's all stored in your head," Remus explained. "Some of us aren't that lucky."

Sirius shrugged. "Guess so," he murmured.

Remus went back to taking notes from his book, hoping Sirius would take the hint.

Of course he didn't.

"I'm bored," Sirius whined, leaning back in the chair with a yawn. "Stop studying and come play-"

"I'm not playing a prank on the Slytherins."

"Well I was going to say let's play a prank on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team since they're outside practicing right now, but a prank on the Slytherins sounds more fun," Sirius cried out giddily, now bouncing in his chair.

Remus rolled his eyes. "How about we don't play a prank at all?"

Sirius scowled. "You're no fun, Moony."

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not naturally smart like you. _I a_ctually have to open a book to know all of the material," Remus complained.

Sirius grinned. "Aww, you think I'm smart?"

Remus gave him his famous don't-push-it-look and said, "Oh please, everyone in this school knows you're smart. However, if you applied yourself then you could do better. You could have probably been a prefect, or even Head Boy if you actually used that brain of yours for good instead of evil."

"And exactly _why _would I have wanted to be a prefect or Head Boy?" Sirius snapped.

"Better opportunity for the future," Remus pointed out.

"Oh bloody Merlin, you sound like McGonagall," Sirius mumbled.

Remus shrugged and looked back down at his textbook, again in hopes Sirius would get the hint, muttering, "Just trying to help."

"Help me by being a friend and not some ungodly professor," Sirius grumbled, giving Remus an irritated look, before pushing his chair book and practically stampeding out of the library.

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes, knowing that Sirius would get over it soon. Remus had always tried helping Sirius when it came to studying mostly because no one else ever did. When he was younger, no one cared about how he did so Sirius stopped caring himself. He would get a perfect grade on a paper and his parents didn't acknowledge it. If he failed a paper, they didn't acknowledge it. After a while, Sirius just gave up on it all, not willing to admit the disappointment he felt when it was obvious no one cared about him at all. So he stopped bothering to put in the effort he probably should have. Even years later when he realized he didn't want or need anything from his family, he never had any motivation to do well. He had perfect the art of being a troublemaker. That was the only thing anyone ever noticed, anyone ever yelled at him for. So that was the thing he focused on.

And yet, he still managed to pull out Outstandings on all of his exams and essays.

* * *

"Oh no," Kay muttered that same night as she and Lily sat in the Gryffindor common room surrounded by their textbooks.

Lily looked up from her essay. "What's wrong?"

Kay groaned. "I left my Divination notes upstairs."

Lily gave her a quizzical look. "And…your legs have magically turned to Jell-O therefore leaving you unable to walk?"

Kay slammed her book shut and sighed. "Riley just went up there."

"Well, that was my second guess," Lily teased, but one look at the expression on Kay's face, and Lily quickly got rid of her smile.

"Oh well," Kay muttered, slumping miserably down in her chair. "I can always start on that essay for Advanced Charms."

"That's not due for two weeks," Lily pointed out. "Your Divination work is due Wednesday. Face it, you're going to need to go up there."

"I know but I'd rather not run into the bitch from hell right now," Kay mumbled, slouching down on the couch.

Lily gave her a look. "Kay…"

"What? She is a bitch from hell," Kay growled.

"Yeah, a bitch from hell you miss," Lily pointed out, hoping she wouldn't get yelled at.

But Kay just laughed. "Hardly."

"Kay..." Lily said in an accusatory way.

Kay frowned, shaking her head in frustration. "Alright, maybe a part of me does miss hanging out with her. But I don't miss her judgmental comments or her bitchiness."

"Maybe you should talk to her," Lily said cautiously.

"I've already tried that!"

Lily frowned. "Try harder."

Kay sighed. "Lily, when are you going to realize that she doesn't want to talk to me? She wants nothing to do with me."

"Yeah, for _now_. She'll forgive you eventually, Kay. But until you try actually talking to her, she's never going to let go of her stubbornness."

"Pretty sure she's never going to let go of her stubbornness even if I do try to talk to her."

Lily hesitated, her eyes migrating over to where Justine and Miranda sat, their books remaining untouched as they gave each other manicures. "You never know until you try."

Kay didn't respond, biting down on the inside of her lip as she weighed her options.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Lily dared to ask.

"Well I could _die_," Kay said overdramatically with a hint of a smile.

"Hm…I don't think she'd risk going to Azkaban," Lily teased, ducking from the pillow Kay sent her way.

But Kay still laughed. "Well she could turn me into a tiny centipede and then squish me."

Lily gave her a skeptical look. "And exactly what's the probability of _that_ happening?"

Kay shrugged. "You never know with her anymore."

Lily laughed. "Well, if turning you into a centipede is the worst that could happen, I think talking to Riley might be an alright option."

Kay sighed, slowly climbing off the couch. "Okay, here's the plan: I'm going to go up there and get my Divination notes. If Riley says one insulting word to me, I'll perhaps think of talking to her in hopes things will smooth out, but knowing in the back of my mind that things obviously won't," Kay considered.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well it's a start," she responded, giving Kay a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Have fun."

Kay stood up and gave Lily an odd look. "Fun? You call this fun?" she snickered. "Did you not hear the part where I might turn into a centipede?"

"Oh, just go!" Lily chuckled, laughing as Kay started cautiously towards the girls dormitory stairs.

Lily had a feeling she was being a little too hopeful in thinking they might be able to work things out. But she was tired of watching Kay roam around the school miserable and she was tired of not having Riley around. It was her last year at Hogwarts and she just wanted them all to be able to look back and revel in the memories they shared. WHich was somewhat impossible when they weren't together to share any.

* * *

Kay slowly opened the door to her room, and peeked her head in, grimacing when she saw Riley sitting on her bed with her textbooks surrounding her.

"What are you doing here?" Riley snarled.

"I left some notes behind," Kay muttered, walking immediately to her desk and pulling them out.

"You sure you're not just stashing my brother in your closet and have come up here to rub it in my face?" Riley smirked, giving Kay a superior look.

Kay glared at her. "I have never rubbed anything in your face, Riley, and just because you and I aren't exactly on good terms at the moment doesn't mean I'm going to start rubbing things in your face now," Kay shot back, gripping her notes tightly out of pure aggravation as she rushed back towards the door.

Riley rolled her eyes. "I'm still trying to figure out what Lance ever saw in you. I thought he had better taste."

Kay whipped around and glared at Riley with a deadly look. "Listen, Riley," Kay started off, her nostrils flaring and fire ready to spew from her ears, tired of trying to play nice. "When you said you wanted nothing to do with me I figured you'd have _nothing_ to do with me. So why don't you just stop talking to me altogether?"

Riley glared at her in shock. "I can't believe you're getting mad at me for this," she fought back, slamming her textbook shut. "I have done absolutely nothing to be in this situation!"

"You were the one who overreacted!" Kay shouted.

"And you were the one who dated my brother!" Riley yelled back, crossing her arms angrily and glaring at her. "This all started because of you going behind my back!"

Kay rolled her eyes. "I'm not my fault I ended up falling for your brother."

"You can have anyone in this world and you chose my brother. Do you know how that makes me feel?" Riley shot back.

Kay opened her mouth to protest but Riley was a step ahead of her.

"I _hate_ the idea of you and my brother together," she snarled. "Bloody Merlin, Kay, why do you have to date him? You can have anyone else and you chose my brother! _Why him_?" she shouted, glaring at Kay with a stony stare before continuing. "You two are playing a very dangerous game and sooner or later, that guy is going to crush you. Or you'll realize he's not the nice guy you think he is. Neither of you know anything about relationships, much less _long-distance _relationships! God dammit, Kay, why'd you have to ruin everything?"

"Riley-"

"And then I had to find out you _hid _it from me," she said, her voice wavering sullenly. "My best friend and my brother desperately tried to conceal something that was clearly important to both of them from me. You didn't even try to consider me in all of this. And now you have the audacity to stand here and act as if I don't have a right to be mad? I have that right, Kay! You went _behind my back_. You're supposed to be my friend and you...honestly, it doesn't seem like you are at all. You're choosing my brother over me. How-"

"I shouldn't have to choose," Kay said softly.

"Maybe not, but you did."

"You walked away from me, Riley!"

Riley got unusually quiet, leaning back against her headboard with a sigh. "I've been betrayed a lot in my life, Kay. I'm done feeling like my friends are...are choosing someone else over me." She thought of Sirius choosing Rhea over her. She thought of Zach choosing pretty much every other girl over her. She thought of the other guys she tried dating who let her go before anything could even happen. She was tired of feeling like she was second best. "I never thought you'd be one of them, Kay. And I never thought you wouldn't understand my feelings."

Kay didn't say anything. She stood there in shocked silence, taking in all of Riley's words, ignoring the angry and disappointed frown on Riley's face as she stared at Kay with a piercing glare. Eventually Kay looked up into Riley's suffering eyes and without another word, she quickly rushed out of there and down the stairs.

She suddenly realized what she had to do if she was ever going to save her friendship.

"So, did you get your notes?" Lily asked when Kay returned.

"Oh…uh…yeah," she said, completely flustered.

"And…and did you talk to Riley?"

Kay swallowed hard. "Uh…it wasn't so much talking as it was yelling," she mumbled in disappointment.

"Yeah, I know," Lily said with an apologetic smile. "I could hear the muffled screams."

"Of course," Kay said, gathering up all her books and piling them on to the coffee table beside them. "Listen, I-I forgot that I had to do something…for someone…now. So…I'm going to go do that," Kay continued, avoiding eye contact with Lily.

"Right now?" Lily questioned, giving Kay a strange look. "But it's past ten."

Kay bit her lip nervously and focused on gathering up her books and not at the inquisitive look that Lily was giving her. "Yeah I know, but…well, I just have to do it," she mumbled warily.

"Uh…okay. I guess I'll see you back in the room later."

Kay nodded. "Yeah," she replied, then hastily added, "But don't wait up for me. This may take a while."

"What about curfew? I'm Head Girl—I can't let you be running around the hallways after a certain time."

Kay shrugged. "I-I don't know. Just…just don't wait up, okay?"

"Are you okay, Kay?"

"Of course. I just...I just gotta go."

Lily knew something was up but didn't harp on it. Whatever it was, Lily had a pretty good idea it had something to do with Riley and she had learned her lesson with Riley what it was like to try and get in the middle. "Um…okay then. Have fun."

Kay nodded and picked up her bag. She quickly rushed out of there, tears springing to her eyes almost immediately.

She quickly ran through the hallways, up and down staircases, past concerned portraits and knights towards the North Tower, one of the highest points in Hogwarts school, a secluded area that most students didn't like to visit because it was often freezing, dark, and dusy. But Kay liked the emptiness and quiet of it. And in that moment, she needed it.

She leaned against the wall and slumped down, the tears slipping down her cheeks as she stared out the only window up towards the bright stars and sparkling moon.

When she finally calmed down, her sobs decreasing, her tear-soaked cheeks drying up, she pulled out a piece of parchment and grabbed her quill. However, the only thing that came to mind was _Dear, Lance._

She had no idea how she was going to be able to get through writing this letter as the tears escaped from her eyelids once again.

It wasn't easy breaking up with someone.

* * *

After Kay had left, Lily decided to pack up her things and head back to her own room. She muttered the password to her private quarters and walked in to be met with a very unfortunate sight. "Oh God!" Lily cried out, covering her eyes.

James and Kristina didn't even look up.

"AHEM!" Lily shouted, clearing her throat, still standing in the portrait doorway.

Jams and Kristina removed their lips from each others and looked up at her innocently.

"Evans?" James asked in surprise. "I thought you said you were going to the Gryffindor common room with Kay?"

"I did. But she said she had to go do something and then ran off in a hurry. And considering I didn't want to be stuck with Riley, her two new pathetic boneheads of friends, and the giggly first-years gossiping about boys, I figured it would be safer to come back here. Turns out I was obviously wrong."

Kristina rolled her eyes. "That was a great story," she said sarcastically. "Now you wouldn't mind…oh, I don't know, leaving?"

Lily gave her a look. "This is my common room, Kristina. I am hardly going to let you take over my personal space. I'll study wherever I please."

"Fine, but be warned, we will go back to doing what we were doing," Kristina smirked, draping her legs over her boyfriend as she leaned in closer to him.

James gave her a look, pulling away. "_Kristina_."

Kristina scowled. "James, honey, if we do make out in front of her then maybe Miss Virgin Mary will realize that at seventeen, it's normal. Studying nonstop until your brain fries? _Not_ so normal."

James grimaced. "Kristina, c'mon, don't be-"

"And being a slut? Not so hot," Lily shot back, ignoring James completely.

"Evans! If-"

"I'm _not_ a slut," she snapped, getting up off the couch and glaring at Lily. "If I were a slut I would have dropped James weeks ago." James opened his mouth to obviously argue but Kristina gave him a dirty look and turned back to Lily. "But I don't have to be a know-it-all workaholic either! Not only do the guys want nothing to do with you, but they're actually betting against how long it will take until you actually have sex. Just an FYI, I think the earliest age is fifty. But I think more than enough are saying never."

Lily glared at her, ignoring the shocked look on James' face. "Is that all life is to you? _Sex_? I'm sorry if I actually have goals in life that don't consist of getting it on with every guy who propositions me."

Kristina rolled her eyes, dismissing the comments. "I have goals in life, too, y'know. I'm planning on owning my own dress-robes store one day with my own designs. Just because I'm not some overachieving bookworm virgin does not mean that I won't be successful."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh man, I can't believe I underestimated you," she said sarcastically. "Your own dress-robes shop. Merlin, you'll be racking in the dough." Lily couldn't help but shake her head incredulously.

"Sounds like you're jealous," Kristina smirked, crossing her arms.

"Of what?" Lily cried, seething in absolute aggravation.

"The fact that I have a plan for my life _and_ I have a cute boyfriend."

Lily glared at her, finally raising her voice and not caring how heartless she seemed; Kristina was way too out of line. "The day that I'm jealous of an inferior sex kitten like yourself is the day that I'm living in a box behind the Ministry!"

"Well, I can wait a year."

James jumped up from the couch and finally stepped in. "Kristina!" he cried shocked, giving her a disappointed look. "That was uncalled for."

Kristina stared in shock at James. "Are…are you seriously defending this bitch? She just called me a sex kitten!"

"Well, aren't you?" Lily snorted, rolling her eyes.

"HEY!" James interjected again. "What the hell is the matter with you two? You're seventee,n not five. So act like it."

"No, I'm seventeen going on eighteen. She's seventeen going on _sixty_," Kristina muttered, rolling her eyes.

Lily glared at her. "That's it. I don't need to deal with this. I was having a perfectly good Wednesday, which let me tell you is extremely hard to do being the middle of the week and all, until she showed up," Lily mumbled, giving one last pointed look towards Kristina before barging past them and into her room.

James watched her walk away and turned back to his very angry girlfriend standing in front of him.

"What happened to hating the bitch?" Kristina said bitterly.

James sighed. "She's not a bitch."

"Stop defending her!" Kristina scowled, glaring at him.

James smiled at her, sensing a bit of jealousy, and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Babe, who is the girl that I will be making out with until three in the morning when I should be studying for a really important exam?"

Kristina smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulder, kissing him lightly on the lips. But she quickly pulled back. "That answer better not be Lily."

"Oh damn, you've figured out my secret fetish: redheaded overachieving bookworms," James replied sarcastically. He led her back over to the couch, kissing her neck sensually.

"I wouldn't be surprised," Kristina muttered.

James stared at her, confused. "What?"

"Lately, it seems as if you're not with me, you're with _her_. And don't give me that bullshit about how she's your coworker. From what I've heard, you're doing a lot more hanging out with her outside of your work."

"You're really going to listen to the gossip around this school?"

"I don't see why not. The gossip is usually right."

"Well, it's not this time," James urged, shaking his head defensively.

She glanced at him skeptically. "So you haven't been hanging out with her on the grounds or the Quidditch pitch or the kitchens?

James paused and thought about the few times that he has hung out with Lily when they weren't working together. But he wasn't so sure telling her the truth about it would solve anything. "Course not," James lied. "Rumors are just that: rumors. Evans and I _just_ work together."

She didn't look entirely convinced. "So you don't flirt with her?"

"No!"

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"I repeat my redheaded overachiever comment," he sighed, exasperated.

"Have you ever kissed her?"

"_What_?"

Kristina shrugged awkwardly. "Well, what am I supposed to think. You two hated each other for six years and now...now the two of your are oddly friendly around each other. I can't help but think something is going on between you two and from what I hear flying around this school, I wouldn't doubt it. I just wanted to make sure that…that I didn't have anything to worry about."

"You don't have _anything_ to worry about," he reassured, smiling warmly at her. "Lily Evans and I never have and never will-" James trailed off, suddenly remembering the kiss they shared on the platform on their last day of their sixth-year.

"Oh my God, you two have kissed, didn't you!" Kristina asked worried, sliding away from James.

James shook his head, getting the thought out of his mind and turning back to Kristina with what he could only hope looked like a genuine smile on his face. "Of course not. Like I was saying, she and I never have and never will kiss or do anything of that sort," he lied.

She still looked unconvinced, narrowing her eyes curiously.

He sighed, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her face. "Kristina, listen to me. I don't like her in that way. She's still the...the competitive know-it-all that I met in our first-year and she will always be that girl. She's a nobody, Kristina. She is so low on the totem pole in this school that people forget she even exists. Just because she's Head Girl doesn't make her a somebody in anyone's eyes, least of all mine. She has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and _trust me_, she is in no way a threat to you. Stop worrying about her. She means nothing to me. Hell, she means nothing to everyone!"

Kristina smiled, feeling slightly reassured. "Okay," she whispered.

Little did he know that Lily was standing behind her door listening to their conversation, hurt by his 'overachieving bookworm' and 'competitive know-it-all' and 'she's a nobody' and 'low on the totem pole' and 'no redeeming qualities' and 'she means nothing' comments. Lily thought back to the words he spoke to her last year on the platform, when he had said he wanted to get to know the real her, the her underneath the act of being perfect. Was that all just some lie? Because here he was calling her worthless. Making her _feel _worthless. She was suddenly back to being that eleven-year-old girl covered in chocolate sauce for everyone to laugh at.

And the fact that he blatantly lied about the times he and Lily had hung out when they weren't working was almost demeaning, as if he were embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with her. And it was just truly painful when he didn't even remember or bring up the kiss on the platform. Lily slid down the door and realized as she touched her fingesr to her cheek that tears were streaming down her face. She hugged her knees close to her body, wishing she had never given James that second or five-hundredth chance. She thought that when James had defended her that night to Kristina that maybe, _just maybe_, he might appreciate her more than just as his fellow Head Girl, the girl he was forced to work with. It just so happened that she would always be just another student to him. An overachieving, know-it-all nobody student.

She couldn't believe she ever thought that James Potter had ever had some good in him. He was still the immature prat she met in her first-year. He couldn't change. He hadn't changed. And she was an idiot for ever thinking he could.

And just when she was beginning to think that hanging out with James Potter wasn't so bad.

* * *

**A/N: **Like I said, interesting chapter. So Sirius thinks something is going on between James and Lily. Riley finally lets Kay know why she's so upset. Kay's breaking up with Lance. Lily again dislikes James. A lot going on! Stay tuned.


	18. Of Rain Clouds, Cows, & Balcony Secrets

**A/N: **HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX IS COMING TO THEATRES JULY 13, 2007! WHO'S EXCITED? I hope everyone's raising their hands! haha. Thanks for the 20 reviews, everyone! I got a lot of questions from some people so I decided to thank everyone and answer your questions individually so here goes:

Iluvromnce: Haha, well keep reading and you'll know what everyone's reactions are (especially James…you don't find out about riley and kay until next chapter).

Fearlesschick: Yeah, James seems to like being ass even when it's unintentional. And I'll make sure Lily gets some verbal revenge, haha.

Annie: Sirius definitely deserves to get something right for once, haha. He may be selfish but I figured he should notice what's going on with his best friend. And in Kay's mind, she has to break up with him—she thinks that is what's standing in the way of her friendship with Riley. She believes that because Riley hates them together so much, she'll appreciate Kay for going back to just being single. And I liked them together, also, so I know how you feel. And finally James learns to stand up to his girlfriend, although it ended up costing his friendship with Lily. James thinks he belongs with Kristina unfortunately because she's simple—it's easier for him. He likes to take the easy way out because that's the way his whole life has been. And of course we all know James and Lily belong together—they'll get there eventually, haha. He doesn't see it because he has no reason to see it—again, he thinks he belongs with Kristina. And I like long reviews! Haha.

Kuddls: I think you're about the hundredth person to say poor Lily, haha, but it's true. And I guess you'll have to keep reading to find out about Kristina. (I can't stand her either! haha)

Elisabeth: There _was _a lot happening in that chapter but it was all so intense! Haha.

xxquidditchjunkiexx: I don't mind when people demand me to update-it means they like it, haha.

RedRaspberry: I know: Poor, poor Lily. I seriously feel for her; I do. And she totally lives a hard life—nothing has ever gone right for her. And I love that Kristina brings out the worst in her (foreshadowing, perhaps….well duh, we all know what happens, haha.).

CapriceAnn Hedican-Kocar: oh I loved this, too, haha. I'll update soon :-)

BackstabberEm: You are _incredibly_ annoying, y'know that? Hehe, stupid twin sisters. And I WAS at the gym! (You should update when I tell you to!)

Vegetarians will rule the earth: Yeah, it is sad for Lily—she's always coming second best to everyone.

WhiteCamellia: I'll update asap. Thanks for the review!

Robster639: I'm a fan of the plot line, also ;-) lol.

AnIrishLily: Hm…when are Lily and James going to get together. Well, I've written about half of this fanfic already (and its so many chapters already—almost 40!) and even though I have some sort of IDEA when they're going to get together, they haven't yet. My thoughts are that James is too ignorant to realize what's right in front of him and until he takes a step back and realizes, he's going to remain with Kristina. And I also feel bad for James and Lily because they DO deserve each other and I just want them to realize it.

LilyandJamesLover: Yes DEFINITELY poor Lily, James is being especially stupid, Kay is way too blinded by her rocky friendship with Riley right now to realize she's being stupid, and I decided it was time for Sirius to step up and get something right for once, haha. He IS a smart guy, he just doesn't realize it, haha.

muppetmadness: Haha, I also think this chapter was good (one of my faves!). And yeah, both Kristina and James were being bitches and bastards. And James SHOULD decide who he wants, except he doesn't realize Lily is someone he can have. James likes to focus on what's easy in life—he's with Kristina somewhat because he's taking the easy way out. And there has always been chemistry between Lily and James—they just don't realize it yet! Riley doesn't know how to accept the Lance-Kay relationship because she's being selfish—she's not thinking about Lance or Kay, she's thinking about how SHE feels about it. And Kay is hoping that if she breaks up with Lance, Riley will realize she comes first, which has always been the case. You'll hear a lot more about what Kay's thinking in this chapter—it answers a lot of questions. Last, I'm not a fan of Kristina either (which is funny because when I started writing her, I thought I WOULD like her so in the end, when James breaks up with her, it would be that much harder. Clearly, it went in another direction, haha).

SugarHi Marauders: Yeah, I kinda wanted to kill James in that chapter, also, but it needed to be done for the overall plot of the story.

EboniteEvans: Yeah, definitely poor Lily. And yeah, James is a little mean and obviously arrogant, but in a way he was just doing it to savor his relationship. Again, he's very arrogant, haha.

Shanzeh Black: That is definitely one of my favorite chapters—SOOO much goes on! First, Sirius is right (who woulda thought?), then you got Riley spilling out her feelings, then you got Kay breaking up with Lance, and then—the biggie—James insults Lily in the worst way possible. It's tough! And I swear, I do NOT plan on abandoning this fanfic—I'm absolutely IN LOVE with it. I'm already on to chapter 40! (and I'm not even at New Years yet….i know, it's long, lol.)

Prettypinkpeacock: Again, I'm reiterating—poor Lily! But just wait for this chapter….I have a feeling you'll be pitying Lily some more.

Kiya: Haha, no, things definitely aren't going well for anyone. Thanks for the review!

**Disclaimer**: I am NOT J.K. Rowling and I don't look anything like her or speak like her or write like her...I think you get the point.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 18: Of Rain Clouds, Cows, & Balcony Secrets

* * *

Needless to say, neither Lily nor Kay got much sleep that night. Kay didn't even go back to the room. She stayed all night in the North Tower reminiscing on all the memories that she and Lance had shared. Every wonderful memory just made the tears fall faster and as she reread the letter she had written to Lance, words that felt so fake and uninspiring, she couldn't believe she was about to let him go. She tried so hard to fall asleep so she wouldn't have to deal with any of it, but every time she laid her head down on the concrete, the image of Lance flashed through her mind, and once again, the tears would fall. It took her all night to convince herself that she was doing the right thing but as she took the long walk to the Owlery early the next mornig, she wasn't so sure.

She stood there for over twenty minutes, staring at the owls in front of her. She just wanted to spend a few more minutes as Lance Gilmore's girlfriend. She was falling hard for Lance and she didn't want to hurt him in any way. However, it was obvious that this relationship with him was hurting Riley and she couldn't bear to see it anymore. The look of pure vehemence in Riley's eyes caused Kay to realize just how much she had truly disappointed her friend. And Kay was never good dealing with disappointment.

When Kay eventually convinced herself that Riley was more important to her than any boy, even Lance, she sent out the letter. She watched the owl fly high into the sky into the early sunrise, and she stood there fixed on the spot crying and contemplating if she really just did the best thing. Who was it supposed to benefit? Riley? Her? Lance? She had no idea. When the owl was out of sight, Kay let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding and let herself accept it.

Kay hoped that Riley would realize what she had just done for their friendship. Kay knew she really liked Lance, in a way she had never felt about anyone before. And because she trusted her judgment more than she trusted her heart, Kay knew that she couldn't let some guy interfere with her long-lasting friendship with Riley. Riley _had _to come first and even though it was difficult for Kay to admit, she knew she was doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, every time Lance faded into her mind, the thought of Riley quickly shot out and Kay wondered if she should be doing this. There was a twinge of guilt and regret deep inside her heart for ruining one of the best things that had ever happened to her, and she even felt that one day Riley might accept it. But Kay knew that the present had to come before the future. It was just devastating. She almost felt as if she were giving in to Riley. As if Riley had won. And Kay hated giving up. She wasn't a quitter.

However, Kay didn't think of it as giving up. She thought of it as sacrificing one thing in order to save something bigger. Friendship had to be more important. If it wasn't, then the last six years shouldn't have meant as much to Kay.

She really hoped that Lance wouldn't hate her as much as she hated herself.

* * *

Lily barely got an hour of sleep. She tossed and turned the whole night, James' words ringing through her head. She hated that his words seemed to affect her so much. She had never cared before what he thought, so why now?

She stifled a yawn as she slipped in beside Remus at breakfast. "Where's Kay?"

Remus snorted. "And a good morning to you too, Lily."

"Yeah, yeah, good morning, how's life, are you ready for your exam, how's breakfast," she blabbered. "Okay, small talk over. Now, where's Kay?"

"Well, gee it's nice to know you truly care."

Lily gave him a look.

"I mean, she hasn't been down here yet," Remus teased.

Lily dropped her fork in confusion, cringing as it clattered loudly with her plate. "What do you mean she hasn't been down here yet?"

"Uh, I mean she hasn't been to breakfast yet," Remus repeated giving Lily a curious look. "Didn't realize that was ambiguous."

Lily shot him a look. "She wasn't in the room this morning so I just assumed she strolled down to breakfast," she said, confused.

"Well, I haven't seen her. What's the big deal?"

Lily frowned, reaching for a scone. "She ran off in such a hurry last night. I knew something was up but I didn't ask her about it. I just want to make sure she's okay."

Remus didn't exactly know how to respond so he stuffed scrambled eggs in his mouth for more time. Eventually, he responded, "Well, you'll see her in Potions. You can ask her about it then."

"Yeah," Lily replied uncertainly. "I guess you're right." She and Remus then dove into a conversation about prefect duties and were only interrupted twenty minutes later when the rest of the Marauders showed up.

Lily stiffened at the sight of James and shot him an irritated look, unnoticed by any of them, as she immediately shoved her plate away from her. "I'm going back to my room. See you in Potions," Lily said harshly, pushing away from the table.

"Yeah, see you," Sirius mumbled, stuffing a whole muffin into his mouth.

"You're disgusting," Peter complained.

Sirius shrugged. "I'm also hungry."

Lily started to walk away when James called after her. "Hey Evans, we getting together after lunch today?"

Lily tried not to show her frustration while turning around and shrugging stiffly. "No," she replied shortly. "I'll do the paperwork myself."

James looked up in shock. "Yourself? Why? You hate doing all that paperwork."

She pursed her lips. "There are things I hate more," she replied brusquely.

James stared at her and opened his mouth to ask what that meant, but she ran off too quickly for him to ask.

"What was that all about?" Remus dared to ask.

"I-I don't know. I was going to ask you the same question," James said, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"Why did she seem so short with you?" Peter asked. "And what did she mean, she hated things more than paperwork?"

"I-I don't know. I haven't given her a reason to be short with me," James admitted.

"You sure?" Remus asked curiously.

He frowned, pondering their encounter the night before. "I mean, she did walk in on me and Kristina but…she seemed angrier with Kristina than me. In fact, I stuck up for her. She should be thankful not _angry_ at me!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You sure that's it?"

"Yes I'm sure, Dr. Psychoanalysis," James snapped, giving Sirius an odd look as he tried to stick seven pieces of bacon in his mouth and pour himself a glass of milk all at the same time. Needless to say, it wasn't working too well. "Jeez, Sirius, is this how you get all the girls?"

Sirius swallowed the bacon and gave James an annoyed look. "Nah, only the fat ones."

Remus snorted. "Oh how mature of you."

Sirius rolled his eyes and drank the glass of milk without even bothering to comment. "Hey, who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out.'"

Remus immediately puts down his own glass of milk. "That's it. I'm sticking to orange juice for the rest of the year."

"Hm…and who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, 'I'll bet that would be good to eat?'" Sirius continued.

James puts down his fork with the eggs on it and grabs a handful of bacon. "That's it, I'm sticking to bacon."

"Well who was the first person that decided to cut open a pig and eat it and not something like a…a…zebra!"

James and Remus exchanged looks.

"Are you trying to starve us or something?" Remus asked.

"No, there are still vegetables."

James and Remus exchanged looks.

"Are you trying to starve us or something?" he repeated.

They all laughed and went back to finishing their breakfast, but James still couldn't get the way Lily acted around him out of his mind.

* * *

James grabbed Lily's arm after Potions, keeping her back. "Evans, talk to me."

She glared at him, ripping her arm from his grasp. "Stay away from me, Potter," she snapped, slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading towards the door.

"You've been acting cold to me and glaring at me and making negative comments towards me all morning. What gives?" he pleaded, rushing after her.

She quickened her pace. "I'm not in the mood to deal with you, Potter."

He grabbed her arm again at the end of the hallway, halting her in her steps. "_Evans_," he urged firmly, shooting her a look. "What did I do?"

"You grabbed my arm twice in two minutes, Potter. That's what you did," she snarled, trying to wrestle her arm back. He merely tightened his grip, refusing to let her go. "Potter, let go!"

"What happened to being friends?" he asked, desperation seeping from his words.

She jerked her arm back hard, crossing her arms bitterly. "You haven't changed a single bit in six years, Potter. Whatever friendship you think we may have had was a fluke. Now if you don't mind, I have to get to Arithmancy."

"I do mind," he urged, following right behind her.

She whirled around to glare at him. "What do I have to do to get rid of you?"

"Talk to me."

"Not a chance," she snarled, turning her back on him and once again quickening her pace.

"Does this have something to do with what happened last night? With Kristina?" he cried out after her.

Her heart skipped a beat at the reminder of what he had said the night before. "Go to hell, Potter."

He hesitated. "Is that a yes?"

"GO TO HELL, POTTER!" she cried over her shoulder, turning the corner and out of James' sight.

He sighed, left alone in the empty corridor. "What did I do?" he whispered to himself.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent with James following Lily around pleading for an explanation wiwhile Lily cursed at him and ignored him. It was clear to people that they were back to being at each other's throats, especially to Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Kay. Remus had attempted to ask Lily on James' behalf but with one glare and a snarl, he learned to steer clear of her. After about the hundredth time James attempted to ask her what was wrong, Lily conjured up a dark cloud to follow him around school for the rest of the day.

"Okay, and what else did you say?" Remus asked for the hundredth time that night.

"I already told you this a million times!" James cried out. "_Nothing _went on last night that should have caused Evans' sudden hatred towards me!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but that cloud says differently," Remus murmured, stepping backwards as some of the rain splattered towards him.

James glared at him. "Don't think I won't throw some of this lightning at you."

Remus shrugged. "I'm just trying to help."

"Seriously, man," Sirius interjected. "That girl has gone haywire and I doubt she just decided on a whim this morning that she was going to go back to hating you. You _had _to have done something between yesterday at dinner when you two were perfectly fine and this morning."

"You two are absolutely no help, y'know that?" James murmured, slumping down on the Gryffindor common room couch.

Sirius shrugged. "Hey, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on."

"Yeah, personally, I liked it a bit better when you and Lily got along," Peter pointed out.

"A liked it a _lot _better," Remus corrected.

"And you don't think I didn't?" James grumbled.

Remus sighed, glancing over at his distraught friend. "Okay, so, again, last night, Lily walked in, saw you making out with Kristina, they got into a huge argument, you ended up defending Lily, they continued to bicker, Lily stomped back to her room, you sucked up to Kristina, and that was it for the night? Nothing else? You didn't accidentally call Lily a…a…cow, or something?"

James stared at him in disbelief. "Why the hell would I call Evans a cow? She looks nothing like a cow! If I wanted to call someone a cow, I'd call it to Deborah Townsend, _not_ Evans!"

"Actually, have you noticed how Deborah has been losing weight lately?" Sirius gossiped with an intruiged look on his face, glancing to where she was sitting in the corner alone.

James stared at Sirius in annoyance.

"Right, right, talking about you now. I'll gossip later," Sirius replied sheepishly.

James groaned. "Where the hell did I go wrong?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe she wanted to do her work on your common room couch," he suggested.

James stared at him with an irritated look on his face. "Go back to your gossiping. You're no help anyway."

Sirius laughed. "Question, Prongs: why exactly do you care why she hates you now anyway? I mean, it seemed to be working for you guys for the first six years."

James frowned, letting out a deep sigh. He hated how much they had hated each other. He was really beginning to like the friendship between the two. It was a long time coming. And just when it seemed she was starting to accept it, she returned to her usual cold, bitchy self and left him wondering what it was he possibly could have done to cause her to hate him again. "Yes, and it sucked," he murmured. "I don't like having enemies, especially ones that are, dare I say it, _smarter _than I am. It was so much easier when we weren't screaming at each other. Being forced to tally up points in the library together? Much easier when you get along with the person you're working with. Filling out endless amounts of paperwork until two in the morning on Wednesday nights? Much better than filling out paperwork until five in the morning because you can't seem to agree on anything. Having to hold weekly meetings with the prefects every Thursday? A whole lot nicer when we're not bickering the whole time about stupid shit."

"I can attest to that," Remus agreed.

Sirius glanced over at James, nodding along with the two of them in agreement, but he had a good feeling there was more to it than James was admitting.

"Okay," Sirius said with another long drawn out sigh. "Start from the beginning. So Lily walks into the common room and sees you and Kristina snogging on the couch…"

* * *

Lily tried really hard to stay angry throughout the day but it was difficult when James kept popping up, questioning her change of behavior. When she finally was able to earn some alone time, it wasn't anger that spread throughout her, it was disappointment. Not that she'd ever admit it, but Lily had been enjoying the growing friendship between her and James. She hated knowing that James didn't appreciate her as much as she thought she appreciated him. The fact that he still thought of her as the girl he met in his first year was more than insulting; it was downright disrespectful and Lily wasn't about to be nice to James when he didn't give her the same recognition.

Throughout the day, the kiss they shared more than five months earlier kept running through Lily's mind. She tried to understand it. She tried to see it from James' perspective but every time she did, she became even more confused. How could he tell her all of those things to her, the fact that he had feelings for her and then show her by kissing her, just to completely blow her off when they returned after summer break? If he honestly did think of her as a nobody know-it-all, why would he bother telling her he had feelings for her?

None of it made sense to Lily and she wish it did. If James could easily forget that afternoon on the platform, then Lily figured she could too.

And yet, every time she had spare time to think, the kiss kept crawling back into her mind.

And it didn't help that they had a prefect meeting that night, forcing her to stand in the same room with him.

"Whoooa, nice cloud, James," Rachael LeBlanc laughed as she walked into the room where James was already sitting at the head of the table.

James gave her a look as she plopped into one of the chairs in the back. "Oh, _is_ there a dark cloud hovering over my head? I didn't realize," he snarled.

Rachael rolled her eyes. "No need to be sarcastic, Mr. Cranky Pants."

"Well, it's hard not to be with _this_ hanging over my head," James grumbled.

Rachael supressed the urge to laugh. "Fair enough."

At that time, a few more prefects walked in and immediately stopped conversing with each other when they saw James.

"Uh…James? You do realize-" Randy started but was quickly interrupted by Rachael.

"I would not finish that sentence if you wanted to live to see tomorrow," Rachael snickered.

Randy shrugged and took a seat beside her, along with a few of the fifth-year and sixth-year prefects. "Who set it over his head?" Randy whispered to Rachael.

"It's a small room. I _can_ hear everything you say!" James called out.

Randy winced and looked over at him. "Was it a Slytherin?"

James groaned. "I wish."

The prefects all exchanged confused looks. "Then who was it?" Mercedes dared to ask.

Before James could comment, Fabian wandered in, grimacing at the sight of the cloud still hovering over james' head. "Hey, James," Fabian greeted. "How's Lily's cloud going?"

"Lily?" Rachael repeated in shock.

"Like Lily _Evans_?" LeAnn cried out.

"No!" the rest of them groaned.

James leaned back in his chair and stared oddly at them all. "Whoa, didn't realize you cared so much about my cloud."

"I was planning on getting an extra hour of sleep tonight," LeAnn complained. "But if you and Lily hate each other again, I doubt we'll get out of here before eleven."

James glared at her and crossed his arms bitterly. "I can make you stay until midnight if you'd like. I do have that power."

LeAnn slid into a seat beside Randy with a guilty look. "But who really needs eight hours of sleep anyway?"

James sighed. "But if you really feel the need to know, a.k.a. gossip about me around the school like I'm sure Sirius is doing right now, I _don't_ hate Lily. She's just back to her usual self. I _would_ like to know why. I _would_ like to figure out what I did. I would-"

"Don't you ever shut up?" Lily grumbled as she practically glided into the room, immediately setting up for the prefect meeting without so much as a glance towards James.

Usually, the room was full of chatter but at that moment, all of the prefects fell silent, staring at their Head Boy and Head Girl with a mixture of disbelief and curiosity.

As other prefects strolled in, their chatter fell silent at the tension that had clearly filled the room.

"What's going on?" Trent Hemingway whispered as he dropped into an empty seat.

"A question we're all wondering the answer to," Remus muttered.

"See that rain cloud over James' head?" Fabian said from the corner of his mouth, ignoring the looks he was receiving from both James and Lily.

Trent nodded, his eyes migrating towards James. "Yeah. And?"

Fabian sighed, slumping down in his chair. "Lily put it there."

Trent groaned. "I knew their friendship was too good to last."

"How about less talking and more paperwork?" Lily barked, sliding the necessary paperwork down the table to the prefects. "It's eight o'clock. Where is everyone?"

"Uh…well, Slytherin has Quidditch practice," Kyra dared to mutter.

Anger seeped from Lily's eyes. "_What_? They _know_ we have a prefect meeting!"

"Well, it ended at eight," Kyra explained in a small voice.

"It should have ended fifteen minutes before eight so they would be here on time!" Lily snarled.

Kyra turned to Fabian and whispered quietly, "Okay you talk now, she's scaring me."

"She's just frustrated because she's not in control at the moment," James explained loudly, earning a glare from Lily. He was learning to fight fire with fire, tired of trying to lick his wounds. It was clear no matter what he had to say she wasn't going to listen and he was done playing nice. He felt hat he deserved the courtesy of knowing what he did and yet she had no consideration whatsoever. "She likes to pretend she's in charge and has control over every little thing when clearly she has the brain capacity of a tadpole."

Lily rolled her eyes. "At least I don't have the brain capacity of a pea."

"What the hell did I _do_ to you?" James shouted.

"You mean besides making it your first priority to absolutely terrorize me and everyone else you felt was inferior to you just because you got a kick out of it since you were eleven years old?"

"Yes, _besides that_, what did I do?" James argued.

She rolled her eyes and turned her back on him.

He frowned. "If you want to go back to hating me, I can't stop you. But damnit, Evans, give me the courtesy of knowing _why!_"

"Did you not understand the 'terrorizing inferior students for fun' comment?" Lily snarled, whirling around to glare at him.

"That's what I did to you? I _terrorized _you?" he snapped, glaring at her. "You seemed fine with me last night at dinner and unless I was sleep-walking last night and hexed you in my dreams, I can't imagine what terrorizing you had to do with anything!"

"You haven't changed, Potter!"

Rachael turned to Randy, whispering, "Do you think there's time to run for it?"

"You are such a manipulative _bitch_, Evans!" James shouted, jumping up from his chair, frustration coursing through his veins.

"I think it's too late," Randy hissed back.

"_I'm_ manipulative?" Lily repeated with a cold laugh, brushing her hair away from her face quickly. "You've manipulated every person in this damn school just to get your way. That's all it ever is for you! Some sort of popularity contest where you absolutely _have_ to be on top no matter who you hurt or terrorize. Life isn't just some stupid contest, Potter! There's more to it! You're not going to be able to become successful just by your stupid popularity!"

"I do not think that life is _just_ some sort of popularity contest," James sneered, cowering over her. He had no idea how this argument started but it was obvious it wasn't going to end. "But at least I know how to have a little _fun._ You act as if life is about exams and essays and whatever the professor hands to you!"

"Are we ever going to start this meeting?" Rachael murmured in irritation.

"Shh, I want to know who wins," Randy whispered, listening keenly to the show in front of him.

"At least it's going to get me somewhere in life!" Lily shouted. "And when I'm living in a gorgeous house, in a nice part of town, married and with a high-profile Ministry job, I won't take a second glance at you panhandling on the streets!"

James snorted. "Married?" he repeated. "What kind of insane idiot would be interested in a nobody like _you_?"

The commented stung Lily, a twinge of hurt flickering across her face, but she brushed it off. She didn't bother pointing out that just a few months earlier, he had claimed to be interested in her. "You think I'm the nobody, Potter?" she snorted. "God knows that without your three little minions, nobody would even care to know who the hell you are. You're only who you are today because of them. And once you leave this school, no one is going to care about you, your popularity status, or the friendships you made that have built you up to who you are."

James balled his fists angrily. "At least I _have _friends, Evans," he snarled. "I don't see Riley begging to hang around you. And I haven't seen Kay around all day."

Her heart skipped a beat, a gasp catching in her throat. "You're such a jerk, Potter," she said, her voice soft with disappointment.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I think you've said that once or twice," he said, unfazed. "But what does that make you? A bitch? Because at least I gave us a chance. You're giving up for apparently no reason. And if there is a reason, you're a bitch for not having the consideration to tell me why. But at this point, I'm done caring. Because you may think I have nothing once I leave this school, but I hate to break it to you, being a bossy know-it-all bookworm _won't _get you very far in life. The moment _you_ leave this school, the grades you received here aren't going to mean a goddamned thing. And while _I _am going to have people by my side, those very same people who may have, what did you say, 'built me up to who I am?' But who cares if they have! At least those three _minions _as you called them are going to be by my side when I leave here. I know that my friends will be there for me and that alone makes _me _a somebody. When you don't have a single person there to care for you, _that _makes you the nobody. _That _makes you nothing. except alone and worthless. So I bid you good luck in the future. Merlin knows you're going to need it."

The look on Lily's face told James that he had taken it too far.

Lily stared at him in shock, ignoring the awestruck looks all of the prefects had on their faces. She didn't speak to James or say anything at all. And neither did James. He wasn't sure what he could say.

It was just once again acknowledgement that James thought nothing of her except a worthlessm know-it-all bookworm. But why did that surprise her? He had said the same words last night. He had said the same words to her on the balcony during their sixth year. It didn't matter what he had told her on the platform in the previous year. It was obvious all of those words were pure lies. Maybe just another addition to the games he clearly liked playing with her.

Eventually, she turned away from James and faced the rest of the prefects, saying as calmly as she could over the loud beating of her heart, "This meeting is over."

And without so much as a glance at James, she swept out of the door without so much as bothering to pick up all of the materials she had left behind.

And James sunk back into his chair, feeling guilt like he had never felt before. It was obvious that he had no chance making up with her now. Why did she always seem to pull the worst out of him?

The prefects sat in silence, not sure what to do. When it was clear that James wasn't going to run the meeting, they all quickly gathered their things and piled out of the room quickly and efficiently. They avoided all eye-contact with James, running back to their commons room to obviously gossip about what had just happened.

Fabian and Remus made sure they were the last in the room as they sauntered up to where James was slumped down in his seat.

"I'm sorry, man," Fabian muttered, with a look of sympathy on his face.

"Don't be. It's my fault," he muttered, lifting his head to face Fabian and Remus. "Doesn't matter how frustrated I am with her, I shouldn't have said what I did."

"It's what you do, James," Remus said cautiously.

"What?"

He shrugged, perching against the table with a sigh. "She insults you, makes you mad, and suddenly, you're spewing out hurtful words because it's easier getting defensive than admitting you're actualyl hurt by her words."

James' eyes narrowed. "Her words mean nothing to me," he scowled.

"Liar," both Fabian and Remus chorused.

James could only frown. Because truth was, her words did matter to him. They affected him more than he ever thought they would. She was always going on and on about how he would be nothing without his friends and it just once again reminded him of the conversation they shared out on the balcony in the prior year. She had never seen him as an indivudal. He was always jsut one of the Marauders. He didn't stand out to her and he didn't know why, but it bugged him. "I just…I just wish I knew what I had done to cause her to hate me again."

"We know," Remus responded apologetically. He shrugged. "Do you want to go get drunk in Hogsmeade?"

"And stumble into my room at three in the morning?" James chuckled. "Nah, I don't need another reason for her to hate me even more."

Forced laughs fell from their mouths. James packed up his stuff to walk out with them, the look on Lily's face still visible in his mind. There was now no doubt in his mind that Lily hated him.

And this time, he knew why.

* * *

Remus had parted ways with James in searh of Sirius and Peter, knowing he would need some help cheering James up. The three of them walked into James' private quarters to find James wearing a frustrated look on his face, pigging out on chocolate.

James looked up and grinned sheepishly, chocolate wrappers lining his bedspread. "Ok, I know this looks bad, but I was planning on eating the whole box, so in actuality, this is a good thing."

Sirius gave him a look and grabbed the box of chocolates out of his hand.

"HEY!"

"I think you've had enough chocolate," Sirius claimed, glancing at the box. "Hey, you ate all the peanut butter ones!"

Remus gave him a look.

"Not helping?"

"What's going on, Prongs?" Remus asked.

James gave him an annoyed look. "_You _were at the meeting."

"What happened at the meeting?" Sirius questioned.

Remus sighed, ignoring Sirius. "James, you were just frustrated with her."

"Her? Her who? Who's the her?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have yelled at her the way I did," James groaned.

"Yell? Why'd you yell? What didya yell? And who's her?" Sirius asked quickly in confusion.

"Well…no, that was a bad idea," Remus agreed with a sympathetic look. "But she'll get over it."

"What was a bad idea? And who's she?" Sirius cried out loudly, glaring at them all.

James gave Remus a look. "She'll get _over_ it?" he repeated. "When was the last time that girl didn't hold a grudge?"

"Okay, someone start answering my questions!" Sirius shouted.

James didn't answer but grabbed the box out of Sirius' hands and started eating more.

There was a flicker of agony in James' eyes that Sirius caught. It was obvious he was hurting. "Er…you okay, James?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," James muttered, barely looking up at him.

"Uh…are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Sirius paused, gazing over at Remus curiously. "Uh…is this about Lily?"

"Yeah."

Sirius exchanged concerned looks with his other two friends. "Did she yell at you again?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to have sex with her and make little James babies?"

"Yeah…wait, what the fuck?" James cried, finally looking up at him in shock.

They all laughed. "Well we finally got the truth out of him."

"I'm going out with Kristina!" James pointed out with a frustrated look on his face, chucking his pillow at Sirius.

"I call Best Man at the wedding!" Sirius teased.

James sat up and glared at him.

"Oooh, and I call godfather to your children!" Sirius cried jestingly.

"How are you going to be godfather when you'll be _dead_!" James cried, jumping off his bed and chasing Sirius through the common room, out the door and down the hallway.

"And they were never seen again," Peter snickered.

Remus forced out a smile, but he prayed that James and Lily would be able to resolve their differences eventually. Not necessarily for the sake of their partnership, but for James' sake. It was obvious he had enjoyed his friendship with Lily and Remus had a feeling that Lily had felt the same way. He just wondered what possibly could have changed her mind in a span of 12 hours.

* * *

Lily wandered into the Gryffindor common room much later that night, refusing to go to her own private quarters in fear of running into James. Partly because she knew he might try to force out an apology, partly because he would pester her about why she hated him, and partly due to the fact that she wasn't in the mood to be struck by lightning from James' dark cloud.

She also was very curious as to where Kay had been all day. She hadn't shown up to any of her classes and wasn't at dinner. Lily knew something was definitely up and she was getting severely worried, especially when Kay wasn't in the Gryffindor common room like she normally would have been on a Tuesday night. Lily took a seat by the fire in the corner, trying to get James out of her head and focus on Kay and work instead. After attempting and failing at doing some schoolwork, Lily ended up closing her books to stare longingly at the fire. When the portrait hole opened up and revealed the Marauders, Lily groaned and quickly took an exit towards the balcony behind her.

Nothing ever seemed to go right for her and James. When things started seeming like they may just fall into place, James had to screw it all up again. It's what he did. He always found a way to hurt her. She should have known that their friendship wouldn't last more than a month. She should have known he would insult her again. It _is _what he did best. And she hated pretending like she didn't care. She was tired of pretending that everything James said to her didn't matter. Because truth was, it did matter. He knew how to get under her skin and he would probably proudly admit that.

Lily sighed, staring up at the night sky. The stars and moon were glimmering, casting a bright reflection on the lake in the distance. It was an abnormally clear night and on any other day, she would have enjoyed every second of it. But the sudden memory of her and James standing there the night of that party came flying back at her and suddenly she wished it was raining just so those damned stars and moon didn't have to appear to be mocking her.

"Why?" she muttered into the expansive sky. "Why are things so different now? Why can't we ever just get along without screwing things up? First that stupid afternoon on the platform, and now what he ignorantly said to Kristina."

Lily rubbed her eyes in exhaustion and bit her lip nervously.

"Why?" she muttered to herself, her heart skipping a beat. "Why did Potter have to kiss me last year and change everything between us?"

"_What_?" a deep voice cried from behind her.

Lily whirled around immediately and gasped, her eyes widening in shock.

But her shock was nothing in comparison to Sirius Black's.

* * *

**A/N: **ooooooh cliffhanger! Well, a LOT happened in this chapter so I'm expecting MANY reviews! First, things are explained with Kay. Then, James is genuinely upset about Lily's hatred for him. And his friends are trying to help him out! And then he insults her and starts this whole mess up again. And now what? What's going to happen between Lily and Sirius? Keep reading (AND reviewing!)


	19. Of Flashbacks, Chess Games, & Deathbeds

**A/N: **WOW! I got **FORTY** reviews for the last chapter (probably because I left it as a cliffhanger…hehe, I'm evil)! Well I got a lot of questions in your reviews (and from earlier reviews) so I decided to answer them all here:

1. When are James and Lily getting together (aka when are Kristina and James breaking up)? Well I've got it planned out, and to be honest, it's going to be a while. James and Kristina are still together because James doesn't realize that he has the option of being with Lily—he still thinks they're going to be enemies for life. He may have had a crush on her in earlier years but now that he has a girlfriend, he tried to pretend as if he doesn't think of Lily anymore. He doesn't like to make things complicated (obviously) and so being with Kristina is, for lack of a better word, _easy_. He likes to take the easy way out (though he doesn't realize it) and for now, he thinks Kristina is a good match for him. He likes the security and comfort of having a girlfriend so she's going to stick around for quite a while.

2. When are Sirius and Riley going to get together? Some of you believe that Sirius and Riley hate each other and CLEARLY are never going to get together…well to you I say, you're wrong (sorry!). Yes Sirius and Riley are obviously destined to be together and their time will come also. They are almost the exact same person so who knows if they'll FIT well together, but that'll be brought up when the time comes. You have to be patient and just take it a chapter at a time! I _will _tell you that they get together somewhere in the chapter zone of late 40s so look around there! And to those who think they'll hate each other until eternity, they won't. Riley will come around. Sirius will come around. They'll both realize that it's not hatred they've been bottling up inside, just a mixture of disappointment and lust.

3. What's going to happen to Kay and Lance? Well obviously I can't tell you that but you'll get more answers in this chapter. Please do read on!

4. How did Kay and Lance get together? Well remember that Kay went on vacation with Riley's family and apparently Riley walked in on Kay and Lance, ahem, _together_. Well it all started there but in this chapter you'll find out EXACTLY how they started dating, so again, read on!

5. Will Lily eventually tell James off for acting like a jackass? Hm….well Lily's more of a passive person now isn't she? She only yells when provoked so telling him off for betraying her may not happen exactly-she's also embarrassed about the whole thing and doesn't necessarily want to get into anything with James for fear of more humiliation….however, her time will _DEFINITELY _come, you'll see. :-)

6. Why is James' family so big and do they all have to inevitably die in the end because Harry has no relatives? This is clearly a bit of an AU. When I first pictured James I saw him being in the middle of a HUGE close-knit family, similar to the Weasleys. I saw him surrounded by a lot of brothers and one younger sister who he could protect. He's used to being a spoiled brat in a rich family and that's exactly what he is. Spoiled not only from his parents but also his siblings. And do they have to die? Inevitably, yeah...But this issue comes up more in the sequel.

7. Why is Riley's family so big and how close is Riley with Lance? I LOVE the idea of Riley being the only girl in a huge family of boys (kinda like Ginny). She is clearly a tomboy and she gets it from her brothers. I like that she has older brothers who pretty much baby her and protect her when needed. And Riley is REALLY close with Lance (you'll see much later, over Christmas break actually, that they're really close)—they tell each other almost everything and don't judge each other for it, which is why it's a big deal that Riley finds out about him and Kay being together. You see the interaction between Riley and Kay because they're at Hogwarts, but she's obviously angry with her brother, too.

8. What is up with Riley and James? NOTHING is up with Riley and James—they're been friends since they were born because James' father and Riley's mother are successful Aurors and are good friends, so therefore Riley and James are good friends. The Potters and Riley's mother's family go way back and have a long line of wizards and witches within their families. Their families obviously run in the same social circles and they also live down the block from each other, where a lot of other Auror families happen to live also.

Okay well that's it for the questions. If you have any more, PLEASE tell me and I'll make sure to answer them in the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **You know how this goes. I'm not J.K. Rowling (even if I wish I was….).

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 19: Of Flashbacks, Chess Games, & Deathbeds

* * *

Kay fell in and out of a coma throughout the day, after she trudged back to the North Tower, though most of her naps only lasted forty minutes before a vision of Lance popped into her head and she was forced to wake up and sob uncontrollably for hours.

She did not realize that he had meant this much to her. Well, that's not true. She knew that one day she could find herself falling hard for him. She honestly saw herself with him in the future (though she wouldn't admit it to anyone). But obviously that one day just wasn't meant to happen with Riley so against it.

She could still remember the day he came over to her house over the summer. Naturally, their visit to Bermuda had been on her mind a lot lately. Every little thing around her reminded her of him, which was obviously a hint to herself that maybe Lance just wasn't some random hook-up in Bermuda. That maybe she really did like him. She would only admit to herself that the Bermuda trip was perfect because of Lance. In Bermuda, if Kay wasn't with Riley (which was often since Riley had gone off with the same guy every moment she got) she was with Lance. They talked for hours about everything and Kay remembered loving every minute she was with Lance. She could relate to him and felt comfortable around him.

The night that Lance popped by her house it was about ten o'clock and Kay had decided to climb into bed early in hopes of getting Lance out of her mind. It was futile, however. By half an hour later, she still hadn't been able to get every perfect moment with him out of her mind.

So when the doorbell rang, Kay had no intention of crawling out of bed. However, after about five more persistent rings and Kay realized that obviously no one else was home (and why would they be with her pureblooded father always on the road with his Quidditch team—he was the manager of the Puddlemere United Quidditch team, her Muggle mother always planning or attending something at the country club, and her younger Muggle brother out with his normal friends who Kay found a little bit shifty at times), Kay climbed slowly out of bed, groaning at the unbearable heat and ignoring the fact that she was wearing very skimpy shorts and a somewhat revealing tank-top, and trudged unwillingly down the stairs.

However, if she had known Lance would be at her door, she may have thrown on her favorite lacy pink bra, thrown on a cute skirt, maybe even pulled her hair out of a messy bun, definitely would have thrown on some deodorant, and probably would have taken a long and necessary shower.

**x-x-x-x-x-x** **FLASHBACK x-x-x-x-x-x**

Kay had swung open the door and was about to give an earful to whoever the solicitor she had assumed would be standing at the door. She opened her mouth to start lecturing but with one look at Lance, froze completely.

Lance swallowed hard and smiled, staring uncomfortably at the ground and shoving his hands into his pockets. "Hi," he mumbled.

Kay's breathing grew erratic as the seconds went by. She stared up at Lance's absolutely perfect blonde hair, a few wisps of it gently falling in front of his eyes, trying so hard to avoid contact with his genuinely gorgeous turquoise eyes. Instead, she took notice of his casual wear, the brown collared shirt and the khaki shorts that related to his tan exceptionally well and of course the infamous sandals they both joked about throughout their Bermuda vacation.

She eventually dared to look into his eyes, realizing that he was not-so-subtly avoiding eye-contact with her as well. She finally opened her mouth and was able to get out an embarrassed, "Hey." After another long pause with the voices inside Kay's insane mind telling her to stop thinking sexy thoughts of him, she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I'm not sure actually," he replied, shifting the weight between his two feet, as he lifted his head in order to stare into her eyes. "Though getting a glimpse of you in your cute pajamas sure is a plus."

Kay's cheeks turned bright red . "Well, if I had known you were coming, I would have dressed a little nicer—oh! Not that I would have dressed up, per se. You know, I probably would have kept what I was wearing throughout the day, though those clothes weren't exactly nice. Not that it matters! It's not like I would have stared at my wardrobe trying to pick something out. I just wouldn't have wanted you to see me in this. Of course, its not like whatever I wear is a factor in…." she rambled, trailing off. She buried her head in her hands and groaned. "And now I'm going to go to the beach down the block, dig a hole in the sand, and bury myself in complete embarrassment."

"Do you really want to bury yourself in that?" Lance teased.

Kay gave him a look of disapproval. "Well, then I guess I'll have to go change first," she shot back, not meaning to sound so harsh, as she attempted to rush back into the house.

"No," Lance quickly retaliated, reaching out and grabbing her arm to stop her. "Don't. I-I like it."

Kay snorted. "Well, who wouldn't like a girl in skimpy pajamas standing in the doorway?" she replied, wondering why she was acting so callous to the boy she so obviously had a crush on. She thought that it may have been due to the fact that Lance Gilmore would probably never look at her in that way.

"No, that's not it," Lance replied hesitantly.

When he didn't continue, Kay raised an eyebrow. "Well, then why?"

Lance shrugged and turned away from her, a hint of red blushing on his cheeks. "Because it's you."

Kay froze in the doorway, just noticing that Lance had not let go of her arm and very aware of the sudden passion that she swore had just sparked between him. But of course her embarrassing side of her spoke up and could only utter a measly, "Oh."

Lance gave her a shy smile, one that Kay had never seen on him before; he had always been so confident and the fact that it seemed he was reserved and a little wary made Kay wonder even more why he was standing on her doorstep. "I can't stop thinking about you, Kay," he finally admitted.

"What?" she croaked.

He nodded slowly. "I tried pretending our...our fling or whatever you want to call it was just that. A fling. Just two people who found comfort in a good snog," he said hastily, blushing. "Turns out, it was more than that. At least, to me it was."

Kay felt her heart bursting with joy as she tried to remain calm. She gave him a warm smile. "It was for me, too."

Her met her gaze. "I've missed hanging out with you," he admitted softly.

Her grin spread. "Really?"

He nodded awkwardly. "I like you, Kay."

The butterflies nearly erupted from her stomach, her heart skipping a beat. "Really?"

He chuckled, nodding vehemently. "Yes," he chuckled, glancing down the street. "Why does that surprise you?"

Kay frowned. "No offense, Lance, but...but I've heard quite a few stories about you from your sister."

Lance grimaced. "What kind of stories?"

She gave him a look. "You know what kind of stories. Stories that claim you're not exactly the boyfriend type."

Lance sighed. "Maybe I've just never found a girl that was worth being a boyfriend to," he said hesitantly. "At least not before now."

Kay froze. "Before...before now?"

He found himself reaching over to brush a strand of hair from her face, smiling shyly at her. "I want to get to know you better, Kay. Because everything I already do know I really like."

Her heart was beating a mile a minute. She couldn't help but still be wary, having no idea what she could be getting herself into. "Lance, just like you're not exactly boyfriend material, I wouldn't call myself girlfriend material."

"What makes you say that?"

She shrugged. "Besides the fact that I've never been a girlfriend before?" she muttered, crimson forming on her cheeks. "And never really wanted to."

"Oh."

A shy smile spread across her face. "Before now, that is."

He whipped his head up to stare at her. "Really?"

She nodded, biting down on her bottom lip nervously.

He grinned, letting out a sigh of relief. "So you mentioned a beach down the street?"

Kay could only nod, still overwhelmed at what was going on.

"Do…do you want to take a walk down there with me?" he asked nervously, finally letting go of Kay's arm to stare intensely at his own hands.

Kay tried to suppress the wide grin that she was just dying to share with the rest of the world and nodded vigorously. "Yeah," she replied almost immediately, with her own shy smiler. "But before we do, can I ask one last question?"

He nodded hesitantly.

"Can I at least change first?"

He laughed. "I guess so."

**x-x-x-x** **END FLASHBACK x-x-x-x**

It hadn't been one of her proudest moments but she would always remember what he was wearing, the shy look in his eyes, the way the air smell liked gentle rain, the way the light from the streetlamp gently highlighted Lance's features. Everything was perfect that night, except for the matter of her outfit he had witnessed her in, but their walk down to the beach was mesmerizing and definitely memorable.

Ten quick minutes later after Kay chose to change into a pair of cut-off shorts and a T-shirt, they were walking down to the beach hand-in-hand, talking about everything. It just felt so natural. Everything between them seemed so easy to abide to. There was never a lull in the conversation and never a moment for either one of them to feel nervous.

And it was at the moment that a shooting star shot across the sky that Kay was definitely realizing that God was indeed on her side, a major uncertainty up to that point, and felt as if she were in some sort of cliché fairytale. He whispered 'make a wish' into her ear and before she could even get it out, it came true. There on the soft sands of the beach, Lance squeezed her hand and pressed his lips fervently to hers. A kiss that Kay would never forget; one that even in the darkest parts of the nights, the lonely nights she was forced to spend on her own without Lance by her side, she could still feel his soft lips pressed against hers. That night was truly magical. Everything was absolutely perfect.

Until she stupidly opened her mouth to Lily whereas of course Riley found out.

Kay was beginning to think God had moved on to someone else.

She finally stood up, sighing deeply, giving her legs an opportunity to stretch out since she had been sitting hunched up in a ball for the past day or so, and stared at the steps that descended down to the reality she had to soon face. But she just wasn't ready yet to accept the fact that she had to move on; if she walked down the stairs she would be forced to live a life she wasn't sure she was prepared to live now. Up in the North Tower, Lance remained a part of her. Staying put in the North Tower somehow gave her the sense that she didn't have to quite yet connect with the fact that she will never have a chance with Lance. Sure, it sounded stupid when she eventually admitted that was why she refused to face anyone, but if she returned to her friends and classmates, she would eventually have to admit to herself that it was truly over.

And she wasn't ready to move on quite yet.

She liked being alone. She hardly ever got to be alone and having a whole twenty-four hours to think without the constant pestering of Lily or the interrogation of her professors felt wonderful. Being able to hear herself think inside her own mind was inconceivable. Every time a thought popped into her head, schoolwork or Riley's gossip or the constant complaints from Lily or the badgering of the Marauders always ended up making her forget minutes later.

Unfortunately, as nice as that was, the mixed tears that came with the constant memories of Lance being thrown throughout her mind wasn't exactly the greatest time to get time alone.

Kay felt the tears rush to her already swollen eyes and knew she wasn't ready to walk into the real world again. She was planning on curling back into that little hunched-up ball when something caught the corner of her eye.

She gasped as a shooting star shot quickly across the sky. So quickly that if Kay hadn't chosen that moment to be staring out the window, she probably would have missed it.

Kay wanted to make a wish but she was frozen on the spot. That shooting star, a simple two-second action, brought back the feeling of Lance's lips on hers that day at the beach. So instead of trying to make another wish, a wish that might stop Riley from being stupid and make up with her or that Riley will accept Lance in Kay's life, Kay stood there dumbfounded and in absolute misery that a wonderful and magical nightly vision was ruined by the memory of that special night flooding back.

The tears were uncontrollable now but as she leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground, she knew they were coming. And instead of trying to stop them like she had been doing for the past few hours in denial, she left them roll off her cheeks swiftly and on to the concrete ground, wanting nothing more than for Lance to be by her side.

* * *

Sirius froze, staring at Lily in pure bewilderment. He was stunned as he stood in the doorway ignoring the frustrated cries from the younger students in the common room who were sitting by the door and had to manage with a breeze blowing on them.

Lily groaned, turning away from a very confused and traumatized Sirius, and buried her head in her arms mumbling, "And this is why people shouldn't talk out loud to themselves."

"James…James did _what_?" Sirius stuttered, finally finding his ability to use his vocal chords, though his voice did sound raspy and shaky. He shut the door after a fifth-year threw a book at his head, but remained stoic in the doorway.

"Uh, that depends," Lily said nervously, stiffly turning her head to face him awkwardly. "How much did you hear?"

Sirius was still speechless and had to have her repeat the question before he could answer warily. "The whole thing," Sirius admitted.

Lily groaned and turned away from Sirius. "So I guess I'm right in assuming he didn't tell you about…about the kiss we shared on the platform last year?"

Sirius shot her a look. "Does _this_ look like the face of someone who has been clued in?" he questioned, pointing to his dumbfounded expression.

Lily glanced at him and then rested her arms against the railing of the balcony, sighing deeply. "Guess not."

Sirius stood in the doorway uncomfortably. He was most surprised by the news because he would have thought that James would have told him about kissing the girl he's been fantasizing about since the day he had met her. It hurt a bit hearing it from Lily instead.

He stood there for a few seconds staring at the back of Lily's head, still trying to process her words, before slowly walking over to her. He leaned over to prop himself up on the balcony banister directly beside Lily, trying to ignore the piercing November winds that were blowing against his cheeks.

Lily didn't even bother to look over at him. She knew he was just going to interrogate her and ask numerous questions until she got annoyed and stormed off, wishing that she had never talked out loud to herself.

Turns out, he didn't even ask any questions. He just stared at her and as a smile crept up on to his face, said very considerately, "You know, he's liked you ever since he laid eyes on you."

Lily was taken aback by his reaction. She expected him to surely ask when he kissed her, how he kissed her, why, where, and all of the stupid questions that he could think of that she didn't want to answer. However, she wondered if she'd rather have those questions asked than his comment.

Lily glanced briefly over at Sirius, who was staring intently at her. She rolled her eyes and continued to stare up at the moon. "Maybe he used to like me, but he obviously changed his mind over the summer."

"Trust me, Lily-bean. I've lived with the kid first-hand, and let me tell you, James Potter has been in love with you the moment he saw you. He's crushed over you from afar for six years. That doesn't change overnight, Lily. I guarantee a part of him still likes you."

She frowned. "No, he doesn't."

"Yes he does."

"Doesn't."

"Does!"

Lily sighed, shooting him a look. "Sirius, he kissed me and then came back two months later with a girlfriend."

Sirius hesitated. "Alright, you might be on to something there."

"We've gotten under each other's skin for six years, Sirius," she continued, her eyes migrating back towards the sky so as not to look into Sirius' curious eyes. "We've hexed each other, we've yelled at each other, we've toyed with each other's emotions, we've gotten into petty arguments, we've called each other names, we've insulted each other to the point of ridiculousness, he's played pranks on me and I've retaliated, I've wished death upon him numerous times and I'm sure he can say the same. Please tell me how any of that is equivalent to the prat crushing on me."

He glanced over at her, noting the distress and regret in her eyes. He offered her a curt shrug and said, "Maybe it was the casual grace you possessed every time you hexed him. Maybe it was the cute way your nostrils flared every time you yelled at each other. Maybe it was the way you never let your emotions get the better of you when he was unfortunately toying with them. Maybe it was the fact that you never stepped down from a challenge during your arguments. Maybe it was the creativity you displayed when calling him names. Maybe it was the fact that the insults were ridiculous that made him smile. Maybe it was the fun in knowing you _would _retaliate if he played a prank on you. Maybe it was the fact that your green eyes seemed to sparkle more when inflicted with anger every time you wished death on him."

She turned to stare at him, her mouth hanging open in shock.

"I can't say for certain, Lily-bean, as I am not James," he continued, meeting her surprised gaze. "I can't say what it was about you that peaked his interest and I certainly can't say what it was that had him kissing you one minute and in the next, hooking up with Kristina. But I can say that I am James' best friend. And for six years, that kid liked you. A lot."

Lily was finding it nearly impossible to breathe, wondering why Sirius' words seemed to affect her. She let out an elongated sigh, instinctively glancing towards the balcony door, thinking about the messy-haired, glasses-wearing Head Boy sitting behind it. "It's not like it matters anyway," she eventually said, her voice hoarse and sullen. "That's all in the past."

Sirius frowned. "What is exactly?"

"All of it," she was quick to retort.

When Lily didn't press on, Sirius rolled his eyes. "Gee, could you be a little less specific please," he spoke, his words dripping with sarcasm.

Lily grunted, shrugging. "He hasn't changed. He's still that same guy I grew to despise when I was eleven years old. Our history has been rocky to say the least. I'm just...I'm just done dealing with his mind games."

He pursed his lips curiously. "I don't think he's trying to play mind games with you."

"Whether he's trying or not, he is," she snapped. "I mean, for six years, we put on a good show of hating each other. His head finally deflated a bit and we learn to somewhat coincide with each other last year. Suddenly, we're right back to screaming at each other and insulting each other at the end-of-year party last year. And then, the next day he does a complete 180 and _kisses _me. A kiss, by the way, he didn't bother sharing with his friends. Making me once again believe it was all jsut some ploy on his part. And if that wasn't enough, two months later, he lands himself a girlfriend. Are these not mind games, Sirius?"

"Maybe he just doesn't know what he wants."

"No, he does," Lily urged coolly. "And it doesn't include me."

"Lily-bean-"

"Not that I care," she was quick to protest, shaking her head. "I can do without the jackass."

Sirius hesitated, knowing he was about to stick his foot in the mouth, before saying, "Do you really want to?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "I think you enjoyed being his friend, Lily-bean. You just don't want to admit it."

"I have no problem admitting that yeah, perhaps it was a nice change of pace for the two of us," she responded slowly. "But it was a lie. A complete farce. And I don't want to pretend we're something that we're clearly not."

He frowned. "Why are you so determined to label your brief friendship as a lie and a farce? What makes you think so? What changed your mind after a month?"

She shot him a look. "Right, like I'm going to spill my guts to Potter's best friend."

Sirius sighed, propping his elbows up on the balcony railing. "Can I ask you a question?"

"No."

She wasn't surprised when he asked her anyway. "Why do you seem to care so much about all of this anyway?"

"I _don't_," she scowled, stiffening. "I don't care at all."

Sirius nodded, not believing her at all, and let her continue ranting. "Right," he said, unconvinced.

She sighed. "It's not that I care," she said hastily. "It's that I don't get it. I don't get why he first tells me that he has a thing for me and all this stuff about how he wanted to always get to know me better and how I'm the most intriguing person he's ever met. He claimed that he liked all this stuff about me and that it would probably never change in his eyes and how he always had the sense to protect me. And then one minute he kisses me, and the next he's returning to Hogwarts two months later acting like the same pretentious jackass he was as an eleven-year-old boy. Like, what the hell? Stop me when any of this makes sense," Lily complained, throwing her hands in the air with obvious frustration. She turned to face Sirius, a haggard frown forming.

Sirius' eyebrows shot up into his shaggy hair, offering her a lopsided smile. "You know…for someone who doesn't care, you seem to remember a lot about what he said to you that day on the platform."

Lily stared blankly at him. "That's all you have to say to me?"

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah."

Lily rolled her eyes and again, turned away to stare hopelessly at the moon. "I _don't_ care," she emphasized.

"Sure," Sirius said uncertainly.

"I don't!" Lily argued, glaring at Sirius.

He shook his head. "It seems like you must care a little bit about him or you wouldn't have found a reason to go back to hating him."

She frowned and suddenly had the urge to tell him what she heard James say to Kristina the night before, but she bit her tongue. She wasn't going to fall into Sirius' charming trap. "It's easier when I know he's a jackass."

"What's easier?" he asked curiously.

She frowned. What was easier? Her own feelings. When she was friends with James, she couldn't help but admit she enjoyed spending time with him. And she couldn't figure out what that meant. She had always been good at despising him and she had no way of categorizing their newfound friendship. It was easier pretending that they hated each other. It was easier pretending that he meant nothing to her. That the kiss they shared meant nothing to her. "Never mind," she muttered instead.

Sirius figured as much. "You know, he's been racking his brain trying to figure out what could have possibly happened between last night at dinner and this morning at breakfast that could have made you this angry with him and-"

"Has he come up with anything yet?" Lily snorted.

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah. Each more unlikely than the next."

"Good," Lily smirked, trying to suppress a proud smile. "He deserves this torture."

Sirius laughed and shook his head in disbelief. "I always forget just how evilly clever you can be."

Lily grinned. "I'm Head Girl. It's in the job description to be clever."

"Does it also claim that you have to be extremely vague and manipulative? Because if so, I think you've got that down-pact," Sirius teased, ducking from Lily's swinging hand.

But Lily still laughed.

"You know, Lily-bean," Sirius said cautiously, narrowing her curious eyes at him, "You do have to deal with him for the remainder of the year. I don't expect you to like him, but...but maybe there's a way for you two to attempt to work together without either one of you feeling the need to murder the other. I realize that I don't know what he did or said that made you go back to despising him, but I think it would be easier on both of you if you could actually attempt to cooperate. You dont' have to like the guy. You just have to be able to compromise."

Lily gave him a look. "You just don't get it."

"You're right, I don't. But who would I be if I didn't provide a bit of unsolicited advice?" he said with a sheepish grin.

She chuckled, nudging his elbow playfully. "Certainly not you. You're not one to keep your mouth shut even if you know that's probably best."

He wiped a fake tear. "You know me so well."

She found herself laughing. Really laughing. She was grateful for the entertainment that Sirius could often provide to her. When she was in a bad mood, he knew how to lift it.

"C'mon, I don't know about you but I've got a Potions essay to copy from Remus," Sirius laughed, tapping Lily's shoulder to force her inside.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Thanks but…but I think I'm just going to stay out here for a while."

"What, you're not even going to scold me for not doing my own work?" Sirius teased.

Lily shrugged and smiled at him. "Not like it would matter. You'd copy off of Remus anyway.

He shrugged. "Have I mentioned recently that you know me so well?"

"You're probably overdue."

He grinned, heading back towards the Gryffindor common room. "I'll see you later, Lily-bean."

She merely nodded, turning her gaze back towards the vast grounds.

He hesitated at the door, taking a peek back towards where she was standing. She looked so fragile in that moment, so alone and broken. It wasn't like her to show that vulnerable side to her. In fact, he couldn't really remember a time he had ever seen her look so helpless. He knew she was heartbroken over the fallout between her and James, not that she would ever admit it and not that she'd ever tell anyone the reason behind it, but he could take just one look at her and see the disappointment bouncing off her face.

She could feel him staring at her and slowly turned to meet his gaze. "I'm fine, Sirius," she said firmly.

He cringed guiltily. "I know," he said, although he wasn't entirely convinced.

She sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Can…can you not tell anyone about the kiss?" Lily pleaded. "Or anything else for that matter."

Sirius smiled. "It'll be our little secret."

"Thanks," Lily replied with a grateful grin.

* * *

By ten-thirty, the Gryffindor common room was packed with people dying to get away from schoolwork. It was obvious that the library must have been overcrowded earlier as the portrait hole kept opening and reopening with people trudging in, their arms full of books and parchment.

"I'm done with this game," James murmured, stifling a yawn and pushing the chess set away from him. He had agreed to a game in hopes of forgetting about what he had said earlier to Lily. "Sorry Moony, but here's a hint: you were going to win."

Remus grinned, knowing perfectly well that James was just playing chess with him to get his mind off what had happened at the meeting. But that's why he had offered in the first place. "Well that was obvious. But it has been fun watching you become tortured trying to find a way to beat me."

James groaned and stretched out his arms and legs. "I'm beginning to think I'm never going to beat you."

"Well, at least you've finally figured it out," Remus snickered. "Padfoot is convinced one of these days I'll slip up and he'll checkmate me."

"To which I will then prance around the common room singing 'We are the Champions' at the top of my lungs while repeating over and over again that I will forever be the king of chess," Sirius interjected, looking up from the Quidditch catalog in his hands and grinning cheekily at Remus.

"There won't be a common room if you ever beat me because we would be ninety-five-years old and on our deathbeds," Remus said laughing.

Sirius hesitated. "Hm, do you actually think we'll be able to live that long?"

"Of course," James replied for him. "When you're that age you will be the one cruising the nursing homes looking for all the single women, hoping to break someone's hip again from a bit of a sexual work-out, if you know what I mean."

Laughter followed from the four of them. "So you think I'll be single for the rest of my life?" Sirius questioned.

"Padfoot, you're you. Do you honestly expect to settle down at any point in your life?" James pointed out, giving him an apologetic look.

He didn't respond.

James shrugged. "You'll be a bachelor for the rest of your life and love every minute of it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've heard you say numerous times you don't want to get married."

Sirius hesitated and looked down at his twiddling thumbs awkwardly. The idea of settling down wasn't something he often thought of. And when he did think about it, the idea seemed so far-fetched for a guy like him.

James shrugged and sat up on the couch, realizing that Sirius wanted a straight answer. "Do you honestly ever see yourself settling down within the next ten or twenty years or so?"

Sirius closed his book and turned away from James, staring at the ground hoping for some sort of answer to pop into his head. But he really could only think of one person he would ever want to settle down with and it was obvious that that was never going to happen. "Guess not," he finally answered.

"Well, then there's your answer," Peter finally chimed in.

"What about the rest of you? Do you guys ever want to settle down?" Sirius asked, surprised by the topic of conversation. It wasn't like them to have any sort of serious conversation, especially the topic of marriage.

Remus was the first one to reply. With a snort and a roll of the eyes, he said, "Oh yeah, because the last time I checked girls were just lining up to marry a werewolf." James, Sirius, and Peter exchanged wary looks. "Oh, don't do that exchanging looks thing wondering if you should laugh or take pity. I'm not upset about that. I have more than I could have ever wanted in my life."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Really? And what's that?"

Remus grabbed Sirius' book out of his hands and smacked him over the head with it. "You guys."

"Ohhh," James responded. "Wow. You got screwed big time then."

They all laughed as Remus launched a pillow at James' head. "Just be glad I didn't throw the chess set at you."

"You're such a sore loser," James sighed overdramatically.

"I was winning!"

"Eh, potato, po-tah-to."

"Pretty sure losing and winning are two completely different ideas."

"I know. I could just really go for some potatoes."

Remus sighed. "I'm going to need that pillow back," he requested dryly.

James could only laugh, shaking his head.

"So what about you, Prongs?" Sirius asked. "You planning on settling down?"

James shrugged. "I don't know," he honestly responded. "I never really thought about it."

"Well, think about it now," Peter urged.

So he did. And he eventually replied, rather hesitantly, "I guess so. I mean I think I do want to settle some time in the future. I-I want to have a family. I want to be able to prove to myself, if not my dad, that there's more to life than overworking yourself. I...I want to fall in love, no matter how mushy that sounds. The idea of being alone for the rest of my life sounds unsatisfactory," James continued. "I guess I do want to marry one day. If the perfect girl comes along."

"What about Kristina?" Peter quickly retaliated.

James stared impassively at him, noticing the anxious looks on his other friends' faces as well. "Well, we're only seventeen," he responded with a shrug. "I mean, I'm definitely falling for her in more ways than I ever could have imagined, but thinking of marriage now? I don't know. I'd have to have a steady job before I could even think about it."

"Or at least let's focus on graduating," Sirius chimed in with a nod.

"That would insinuate that you're _going _to graduate, Padfoot," James teased, ducking from another flying pillow. "Alright, I've got to go do rounds."

"What, why?" Sirius whimpered. "Can't you blow them off?"

"I'm trying to get back on Evans' good side, Padfoot. Tell me, how is skiving off rounds gong to help me do that?"

"Pretty sure you not skiving off rounds isn't going to make her suddenly like you again."

James sighed, slowly climbing off the couch. "A guy can hope, can't he?"

"Hey, Prongs, the map's in your room, right?" Remus asked, receiving a confirming nod. "I'd consider using it to find Kay. She's gone missing for over a day now and while I'm sure she's fine, clearly something's going on with her."

James frowned, momentarily forgetting that Kay had gone AWOL for the day. He was too busy focusing on the fact that Lily had gone AWOL from their friendship. "And you think I'm the best person to talk to her?" he said curiously, his eyebrow peaking.

"Maybe not, but you _are _the one going on rounds."

James merely nodded. "You really think she's okay?"

Remus hesitated, metting James' skeptical gaze. "No," he admitted, sighing. "But that's why someone needs to find her."

* * *

**A/N:** Well there are some of your answers. I hope you enjoyed! (I especially like that last scene between the Marauders!) Sorry no Riley in that chapter but be happy that there was no cliffhanger, haha! Please review (the more reviews, the faster I update!)


	20. Of Jackasses, Plaid Boxers, & Letters

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Thanks for all the reviews (and hey here's a hint for the rest of you who DIDN'T review-I'll update a LOT sooner if you DO!).

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling so I don't own anything except for my own characters and plot...well sorta the plot; it's actually, sorta, kinda, almost a true story based on a bunch of my friends' lives...anyway just read on, lol.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 20: Of Jackasses, Plaid Boxers, & Letters

* * *

Kay was so wrapped up in her own misery, she didn't hear the faint footsteps on the steps winding up to the North Tower until his presence appeared in the doorway. Normally she would have freaked out and yelled at him for sneaking up on her but she was too busy feeling sorry for herself to care.

She stared at the ground indifferently and didn't bother to glance up at her nighttime visitor. She didn't even bother to wipe up the few stray tears running down her face and she certainly didn't bother to acknowledge James' presence as he slowly walked over to her and sat beside her.

She remained unresponsive, her eyes fixated on a crack in the cement beside her.

Eventually James decided to speak. "Everyone's been worried about you."

"No," Kay replied bluntly. "You mean Lily's been worried about me."

James shook his head. "Not true. We've all wanted to know where you ran off to today."

Still refusing to make eye-contact with James, she narrowed her eyes and glared at the same spot she had been staring at. "That doesn't mean you were worried," she snapped. "It means you were _curious_."

James was taken aback by her harsh response. He obviously knew something was hurting Kay but she had hardly ever raised her voice to anyone and the fact that he was on the receiving end of her cold treatment wasn't compelling. "I'm surprised that after spending almost a month living on my common room couch how little you know me," he retaliated with a look of contempt.

A softer look replaced the prior-stony face as Kay continued to sit in a daze. "You and I have been living in close proximities for six years now and you have hardly cared enough to get to know me," she snapped. "Why should one month change anything?"

James sighed, knowing her anger probably should have been targeted toward something else. What that something else was, he had no idea. He turned to stare gaze at her, recognizing the glimmer of a few tears stained on her cheeks. "Kay, what's wrong?"

He didn't get a reply from her but he didn't expect to.

He gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her leg, standing up slowly. "I'm always here if you need a friend," he offered generously "Even if you don't think of me as one." He headed back towards the stairwell. He wasn't going to push her to talk about whatever it was that was bothering her. It probably wasn't his place to butt in. She was right; he barely knew the girl.

Kay sighed, frowning guiltily. "Wait, James," she said reluctantly.

He glanced behind him. "Hm?"

"I'm sorry I said that," she muttered. "I'm just...frustrated."

He nodded. "I see that."

She didn't say anything more, hugging her knees close to her body. She looked so vulnerable, so scared and heartbroken. And James had absolutely no idea how to deal with that.

He hovered in the doorway, trying to decide between staying and going. "I know it might not seem like it now," he said slowly. "But everything will work out. I hope you know that."

She barely blinked, not even acknowledging his words. A soft sigh escaped her lips but he didn't bother responding.

James started to descend down the stairs when he heard a whisper behind him. "I broke up with Lance."

_"What_?" he replied hastily. He whirled around so quickly, he tripped on the top step and nearly cracked his neck.

Kay pushed a strand of hair behind her ears, crossing her arms and resting them on her knees that were bunched up in front of her. "I-I broke up with Lance," she repeated, barely audible.

James was taken aback by the admittance. He had just assumed that whatever had taken her away from classes had something to do directly with Riley. And while he had a pretty good feeling her break-up with Lance had to do with Riley, he never would have thought she'd break up with the guy. While the couple was certainly one out of the ordinary, with Kay barely ever dating in the past and Lance being the typical one-night-stand bachelor he had always seemed to thrive upon, in some weird way their relationship gave James a bit of hope. That maybe non-conventional couples did have a chance of falling in love. Non-conventional couples like himself and Kristina. "But…but why would you do that?" James asked hesitantly.

A single tear rolled down Kay's cheek. He sauntered back over to her and took a seat beside her, his gaze showing compassion and sympathy.

She closed her eyes to hold on to the other tears, fighting to keep them from escaping. She had already done enough crying. She didn't want to do more blubbering, especially in front of James. "Riley is more important to me," she eventually said.

James frowned, acknowledging that he already knew that was probably what she was going to say. It was a courageous and bold move on her part, willing to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of a girl who was being a tad stubborn and selfish.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and glanced up at James. "Riley _needs_ to be more important to me," she explained, desperation seeping from her words. "She's my best friend. I've known her for six years. I've known Lance for all of a few months. I-I can't let a boy interfere with my friendship. And I can't let myself interfere with her relationship with her brother. I don't want to tear them apart and I certainly don't want to tear _us _apart. Sure, Lance could have been someone that I easily could have fallen in love with, but...but I haven't yet. It's better that I break up with him now before it gets any worse. I had to do it, James. I had to."

It was obvious to James the words were merely that: just words. She was trying to convince herself to believe in them to make herself feel slightly better about the situation. But the agonized look on her face and the tears glistening in her eyelids and the pain in her eyes told James that she knew breaking up with Lance was probably a mistake. A mistake she would have to live with. "I'm sorry that you felt you had to do that," he said softly.

Tears once again spilled out. "I'm sorry, too," she whispered, hugging her knees to her body. James wondered if she was wishing it was Lance she was hugging and not her knees. She sniffled. "I haven't seen him in three months, but I've never missed him more than I do right now."

"I know," he said, running his hand down her arm soothingly.

She placed her own hand over his, surprising both herself and James when she lay her head against his shoulder. They both sat there in silence, Kay grateful that he seemed to understand that she didn't want to talk and James somehow feeling guilty that Kay was stuck feeling the way that she was.

"Kay?" he eventually spoke.

She glanced up at him. "Yeah?"

"You can't hide from the world forever."

She sighed. "I know. But..." she trailed off, the words catching in her throat.

He gazed down at her crumbled self and tried finishing the sentence for her. "But you're not ready to face it?"

She frowned, nodding. "It's like the moment I walk down those stairs, Lance and I are really over. And I just want to sit here in my fantasy world for as long as I can before it all comes crashing down around me," she muttered. "I know that sounds ridiculous and I know that sounds naive, but-"

"No," James interrupted, shaking his head. "It sounds like someone who just had her heart broken."

Her eyes showed shock as she met his understanding gaze.

"Maybe I'll stay up here, too," he muttered, his thoughts migrating towards Lily. "I'll take a fantasy world over reality any day."

Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "Everything alright?"

He sighed, slumping further down the wall. "Yeah," he lied. "Just peachy."

* * *

Eventually James did descend the stairs, but Kay insisted on being alone for a while longer, not ready to face anyone or anything yet. He muttered the password and trudged into his own common room, stiffening as he was greeted by a very busy Lily Evans sitting on the couch surrounded by textbooks. Maybe he should have stayed up in the North Tower.

He opened his mouth but was quickly cut off. "Don't," she said hastily, not even looking up.

James rolled his eyes. "You don't even-"

"_Don't_," she repeated.

"You don't even know what I was going to-" James said quickly, slurring all the words together and yet still cut off.

"I don't care."

James closed his mouth and shrugged, walking over to his room with a defeated sigh. "Jeez, just thought you would want to know that Kay's alright," he muttered.

Lily threw down her quill and hopped over the back of the couch to rush over to him. "You found her?" Lily asked anxiously.

James crossed his arms and leaned against his bedroom door, the typical marauder smirk resting on his face. "For someone who doesn't seem to want to talk to me, you seem awfully interested."

"And for someone with such a big head, you seem to have an awfully small brain," Lily replied coolly.

James narrowed his eyes at her. "You think insulting me is going to get me to talk to you?"

She scowled. "My God, you are looking absolutely breathtaking today," Lily muttered dryly, amusement void from her eyes.

James raised an eyebrow in protest. "That's the best you can do?"

Lily scowled. "I'm not such a great liar."

"I'm still the man with the information."

Lily glared at him. "You're also the one trapped against the door so unless you want me to hex you into a million pieces, I'd start talking."

James sighed, knowing she probably wasn't joking. He didn't know what he did to deserve to be on the end of a potential hex, but he knew she would do it. And suddenly, he felt guilty, realizing his selfishness in that moment. Here Lily was concerned about her friend and all he could think about was the unfortunate situation that had turned up between him and Lily. "I'm sorry," he said.

Her eyes narrowed curiously. "For _what_?"

He avoided the question. "Kay's going to be alright, Evans."

"'She's _going _to be alright?'" she repeated, confused. "What's that supposed to mean? What's wrong? Is she really okay?"

"Nothing's wrong with her," James explained with a shrug. "She just-"

"So you're telling me that my best friend has gone missing for twenty-four hours and yet nothing is wrong with her?" Lily complained, scowling at him. "Try again, Potter."

James opened his mouth to explain, but found himself shutting it quickly thereafter. It wasn't his information to tell. Kay wouldn't have wanted him to and frankly, Lily deserved to hear the unfortunate news from Kay herself. He couldn't be the message boy. That wasn't fair to either one of them. "There's nothing to try again," he reassured. "She's going to be fine. She'll be back later, I'm sure."

Lily stared at him, rage steaming from her eyes. "That's it?" she snapped. "I pretended to act nice for _that_ information?"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, you didn't do such a great job," James pointed out, hoping for any form of amusement. A smile, a laugh, a humored roll of the eyes.

Instead, Lily scowled. "That's why I said I _pretended_ to be nice, you jackass."

"Oh, I'm the jackass," he muttered irritably, rolling his eyes. "You're the one jumping down my throat and hating me for no apparent reason, yet I'm the one who gets called names."

Lily glared at him before whirling around and heading back towards the couch muttering, "Typical."

He threw his hands in the air. "What's typical?" James cried after her. "Your obsession with hating me?"

"_No,_" Lily scowled, balling her hands into tight fists as she plopped back on to the couch. "The fact that we were talking about something serious, my friend who is apparently had a rough day, and yet you just want to talk about yourself."

He cringed, knowing she had a point. "That's not me being typical," he said rather calmly. "That's me desperately pleading for answers."

Lily snorted. "Same thing."

"Don't you think you're being unfair?"

"Probably," she said with a smirk.

"Evans!" he groaned, a glare forming on his face. "Damnit, you are so bloody infuriating!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh sure, yell my surname out and call me infuriating. That's gonna make me stop and suddenly decide to tell you why you're such a jackass."

"Oh, right, because if I called you by your first name and said you looked absolutely breathtaking today, _in a non-sarcastic tone_, that would immediately get you to tell me why I've suddenly become a jackass to you again," he retaliated, storming away from his door towards her.

"You couldn't say I looked breathtaking with a straight face even if you drank a Love Potion," she snapped.

He hesitated, not sure what to take from that. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I know what you really think of me, Potter," she said hastily, glaring at him. "So don't go pretending you could ever give me a sincere compliment because insulting me is all you've ever been good at. Now if you don't mind, I have-"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he interrupted, confusion coursing through his veins.

She sighed, twirling her quill in her hand as a nervous fidgeting habit. "I'm talking about the fact that you and I are polar opposites. Who were we kidding, trying to bury the hatchet? We're not friends material. We never were. We were merely enemies attempting to go through some ridiculous charade of being nice to each other. But it was all fake. A bunch of lies. And I'm done lying to myself. That nice phase is over. It's in the past."

James was speechless. Which was already a surprise within itself since he always had something to say. But her words seemed to hit him hard. He had really thought that the two of them were on their way down a path of being friends, willing to put their past hostile history in the past. But clearly he was wrong. Lily never wanted to put the history in the past. She never wanted to bury the hatchet. She was sitting there admitting that it was all ust a big lie to her.

He gazed down at her, his eyes bearing a weight of emotion. "What if I don't want it to be in the past?"

Lily's heart skipped a beat as she met his earnest gaze. She had to look away before saying, "I know that you're probably not used to hearing this, but you can't always get what you want, Potter."

_Yeah, I realized that for six years when all I had ever wanted was you_. He wanted to say that. Instead he said, "Are you ever going to tell me what happened?"

"Potter, I don't really want to talk about this right now," she said hastily, starting to gather up her books in front of her. "I've got tons of work to finish tonight and I'd much rather get that done than stand here and have this pointless debate."

"What did I do?" James whined.

"Figure…it…_out_," she growled helplessly, stuffing all of her textbooks in her arms and rushing over to her room. Before he could get in another word, she was slamming the door in his face.

"CAN YOU GIVE ME A HINT?" James yelled through the wall.

Lily pulled open the door. "Here's a hint: you're a _jackass_!" she shouted, before slamming the door in his face.

James groaned. "Can I have a different hint?"

* * *

When she had known James was barred up in his room for the rest of the night, Lily crept back out to the common room to wait for Kay. By one o'clock, Lily was almost certain that she would go missing for another day and by two o'clock in the morning, Lily was about to give up. By two-thirty, Lily was simply getting worried.

When the door opened at three o'clock in the morning, Lily was asleep on the couch.

Kay snuck in quietly, noting that Lily was sleeping on the couch, most likely waiting up for her. She felt guilty for worrying her, knowing that if anyone had genuine concern over her disappearance it would be her.

She tried tip-toeing past the slumbering Head Girl, but apparently she wasn't quiet enough because as she was passing by the couch, Lily stirred and her eyes fluttered open.

"KAY!" Lily shouted, forgetting that James was only behind very thin walls.

Kay just gave her a lopsided smile. "Hey."

Lily practically jumped off the couch, almost knocking over the lamp beside her in the process, and ran to Kay's side. "Are you okay? Where were you today? What happened? Do you need to talk to someone? How-"

"Whoa, slow down the rapid fire there. One question at a time," Kay snickered, grateful for the smile on her face. Surprised that she could smile.

"Okay, where the hell have you been?" Lily cried, slapping her on the shoulder.

"Um…ow?" Kay stated, pointing to her shoulder.

"Answer the question," Lily whined.

"I…I just had a rough day."

Lily embraced her tightly. "What's going on, Kay? Talk to me."

Kay opened her mouth to explain to Lily about Lance but she found that the words just wouldn't come out. She had finally descended the North Tower stairs to face reality, but she wasn't ready to admit to her best friend the shame she felt for disappointing herself and disappointing Lance. She just wanted to forget everything that had gone on in the North Tower. She wanted to move on, to pretend as if the past few months had never happened. Her gaze fell towards the floor as she muttered, "It's really nothing. I-I mean, it's nothing that I haven't already deal with."

Lily stood there transfixed on the spot. "That's it?" she said numbly.

"I just don't really want to talk about it," she said in a small voice.

Lily sighed and ran her hands through her tangled hair, wondering desperately why Kay was gone for the whole day; wondering why the hell she had such a rough day. But she knew she couldn't blow up at Kay. She didn't need to add anymore stress on to Kay. Apparently that was Riley's job. "Don't worry about it," she mumbled. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Kay smiled. "Thanks. Now, I-I got to go get my Divination notes from my room and finish all the work that I was supposed to do for this morning's class, but-"

"Wait, from Gryffindor?" Lily interrupted. "_Now_?"

Kay shrugged and nodded. "Yeah."

"But it's after three o'clock in the morning!" Lily argued. "You can't just go running through the halls in the middle of the night!"

"I won't," Kay protested. "I'll be _walking_ through the halls."

Lily gave her a look. "Kay," she warned.

Kay sighed. "Lily, I'm sorry I haven't gotten them before now, but I'm going to need them for tomorrow morning."

"So get them tomorrow morning before breafkast," Lily defended, crossing her arms firmly.

Kay stiffened at the very thought. "I-I can't. I'll run into Riley and I can't see her. I-I can't face her. Especially not now," Kay explained nervously.

"But-"

"I'll be back in less than fifteen minutes, Lily!" Kay continued.

"But-"

"I promise! You can even keep count!" she pleaded.

"But-"

"Thanks, I'll see you soon," Kay grinned, giving Lily a quick hug and then walking out.

"I didn't say you could go! Kay? _KAY_!" Lily shouted, groaning inwardly. Kay would be in huge trouble if someone found her wandering through the halls.

"What the hell is going on?" a deep voice behind her muttered, stifling a yawn. A door creaked open as James stepped out in nothing but a pair of plaid boxers.

Which was the first thing Lily noticed when she whirled around. She swallowed hard and was grateful that James was so exhausted he wouldn't notice her eyes automatically going right to his ripped chest and stomach.

"N-Nothing," she stuttered, looking away from him. "Go back to bed."

"Why aren't you in bed?" James quizzed.

"It doesn't matter," Lily grumbled, trying to stare anywhere else but at James.

"Have you been waiting this long for Kay?" James asked, stifling another yawn, as he stepped out of his room into the common room.

Lily could only nod, as she turned away and grabbed her book off the couch, turning off the candlelit lamp beside the couch, leaving the two of them in total darkness.

"I thought I heard you scream Kay's name before. Where is she?"

Lily hesitated. "In my room changing," she lied. She wasn't about to tell James that she she was wandering the halls in the middle of the night.

"Did she tell you what was bothering her?" James continued to question.

"Merlin, don't you ever shut up!"

He yawned. "Jeez, sorry," he muttered. "Just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine," she said coolly. "Now go back-"

"And Kay? Is she alright?"

"Potter, go back to bed!" she barked, glaring furiously in his direction.

He sighed. "Sorry," he murmured again. "Didn't mean to care so much."

"Right, as if I believe that," she mumbled to herself as she headed over to her own bedroom.

"You should."

Her hand hesitated on the doorknob. She slowly turned around. Now that her eyes were adjusted to the light, she could once again make out his muscles. She just prayed the dark covered the blush that was forming on her cheeks "Excuse me?"

"You may be so desperate not to believe it, Evans, but I do care about you. And I care about Kay."

She frowned. "You're right," she said. "I don't believe it."

And before he could say anything more, she fled into her room, slamming the door behind her so as to put James, and his handsome abs, far from her mind.

* * *

Kay creaked the door open to her old bedroom, wincing at how loud the squeak was. When she finally crept into the room without so much as a move from Riley, Justine, or Miranda, she felt safe enough to tiptoe over to her desk, swipe her notes quickly, and get out of there before any of them woke up.

Which may have been a good plan if her notes were sitting right where she swore she left them. She cursed under her breath as she tried digging through her desk quietly.

"What are you doing here?"

Kay emitted a frightened squeak and jumped, turning around to see Riley sitting uprighti n her bed, her hangings swung open. She was finding it hard to breathe, wishing she was anywhere but there. Because as she glanced at Riley, it was Lance she was seeing.

"Getting my notes," Kay muttered, turning her back.

"At three-fifteen in the morning?" Riley snickered.

Kay merely shrugged, sifting through her desk drawers as she tried desperately to think of anyone else besides Lance.

"What? Are you hiding from me? Afraid of running into me during normal hours?"

Kay swallowed hard, feeling the tears once again in her eyes. She couldn't remember a time she had ever cried as much as she had in the past 24 hours.

"Was that what you were doing all day?" Riley smirked. "Going missing so you wouldn't have to face me?"

Kay continued to ignore Riley, wandering over to her nightstand for the notes.

"Fine, don't talk," Riley said, getting increasingly frustrated. "You not fighting back makes it so much easier for me to insult you."

Kay sighed again as the tears started to slip down her cheek.

"Why the hell are you crying?" Riley demanded. "You don't get to cry. If anyone should be crying, it should be me!"

Kay continued to try to block out Riley's voice.

"Fine, be a wuss and be a coward. You brought this on to yourself, Kay Richards. Did you ever think I was so harsh on you and I've _been _so harsh on you because what you did was unforgiveable? All of it. The sneaking behind my back, the dating my brother, the lying to me for three months, the hurtful way I had to find out. Why couldn't it have come from you?" she demanded to know. "Why did I have to find out from a bloody letter? How long would you two have continue the act before telling me? Would you ever have told me?"

Kay slowly dug through the bottom of her nightstand, feeling the weight of Riley's emotions on her heart. She didn't bother trying to respond. All that ever got her was an earful from Riley and she wasn't in the mood to deal with a fight at the moment.

"You were always the sweet, genuine, innocent one. You were always the _nice_ one, Kay! We were supposed to be friends forever. But then I had to find out that you're nothing but a two-faced, vindictive liar. You're just like all the rest of them, choosing selfishness over self_less_ness. I'm done with you, Kay. I'm through. Friends forever my ass."

Kay stood up and whirled around to face Riley, a loathsome glare permanently etched on her face. "I broke up with your brother."

Riley froze, her mouth dropping open in shock. Eventually she blinked and said, "Your notes are on my desk."

"Thank you," Kay sneered, snatching them off of Riley's desk and rushing out of the room immediately.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she had to plop herself on to the couch due to the anxiety that had been built up inside of her. She could barely breathe as her eyes migrated towards the dying embers of the fire, wondering if she really did the right thing by breaking up with Lance.

Because so far, she couldn't name one reason that breaking up Lance was for the better.

* * *

Kay ended up getting only about an hour of sleep that night but as she slowly sat down at breakfast that morning, she couldn't have felt more awake.

"Good morning, Kay," James greeted, stifling a yawn as he took a seat beside her.

"Hey," she replied, trying to act as cheerful as she possibly could. "Where's Lily?"

James gave her a look and poured himself a cup of coffee. "You're asking the guy who she despises?"

"_What_?" Kay quickly replied, immediately dropping the piece of toast in her hand.

"What?" James asked innocently, but when he glanced at the look on her face he realized that of course she didn't know. She wasn't around the day before. "Oh. You didn't know?"

Kay shot him a look.

"Damn, I was hoping _you_ could tell me why she suddenly hates me."

Kay shrugged. "Sorry, can't help you."

James grunted and started to put an assortment of breakfast foods on his empty plate. "So, how are you feeling?"

Kay sighed and rubbed her eyes disappointedly. "I was afraid you would ask that."

"Not so great then?"

"Oh no, I'm just doing peachy because why should I feel bad about breaking up with the only guy that I've ever truly had feelings for just to save my friendship with a girl who will probably still hate me until the end of time," Kay said sarcastically, her eyes narrowing in frustration.

He hesitated. "So, not so great then?" he muttered, biting into his toast.

She nodded, reaching for another slice of toast. "Yeah, not so great pretty much sums it up."

He passed her the butter. "She won't hate you forever. Look what you did for her. How could she possibly still be mad after that?"

Kay frowned. "She'll find a way."

James didn't know what else to say so he simply passed her the tray of jam.

"Speak of the devil," Kay mumbled as Riley and her two sidekicks walked in. Her eyes were somehow drawn to them no matter how much she tried averting eye contact.

Riley met her gaze, but Kay couldn't read her expression. Both of them produced stony looks as Riley slipped into the Gryffindor table, finally tearing her eyes off of Kay.

Kay sighed. She was hoping that Riley would find the courage to walk over to her and give Kay some sort of clue as to what she was thinking.

She turned away from her former best friend and buttered her toast. "I told her last night," she blurted out to James.

"What?" James asked.

"I told Riley about breaking up with Lance last night."

James stiffened curiously, his eyes barely acknowledging the Owl Post as if flew into the Great Hall. "Oh," he finally said, mentally hitting himself for not finding anything better to say. "What did she say?"

"Nothing, because I ran out," Kay explained.

"Oh," he said again. "Should you maybe go find out what she has to say?"

"I'm afraid to. What if—oh _shit_," she said breathlessly as she saw an owl fly towards her.

"What?" James asked when he saw the fear in her eyes.

The owl set down a letter in front of Kay and looked up at her with big, helpless eyes. "This is Lance's owl."

* * *

**A/N: **UH-OH! This can't be good...review and I might update in just a few days!


	21. Of Fallouts, Hot Dates, & Denial

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! I'm sorry for the cliffhanger...okay, I'm not sorry or I wouldn't have done it (haha), but I AM sorry for making you wait for this chapter!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter because that job is reserved for our beloved J.K. Rowling!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 21: Of Fall-outs, Hot Dates, & Denial

* * *

Kay picked up the letter off the table in front of her ignoring the scrutinizing stare from Riley she was receiving at that moment (there was no doubt Riley knew what Lance's owl looked like). She took a deep breath in as she fed the owl a piece of her toast seeing as there was no way she was going to be able to eat it now.

James tried to find some encouraging words to say, but came up short. He offered a comforting pat on Kay's shoulder instead. Kay sighed and slowly opened the letter, ignoring every sound and movement around her. For all she cared, she was back in the North Tower sitting alone with just the peacefulness of total solitude to calm her.

_Kay—_

_This is impossible to write. Because I'm trying not to be mad at you and I'm trying to be understanding, but I'm finding it a lot easier said than done. My sister has absolutely nothing to do with you and me. We both knew she would have had to find out eventually and we both knew that she wouldn't take it well. But how could you break it off with me because she doesn't understand? How is that fair to me? To us? I thought I was more important to you than that. Because you sure are more important to me than that._

_I've been going out with you for three months and the last relationship I had lasted barely three days. You have to know how much you mean to me. I was starting to fall for you. How could I not when I wake up every morning and your face flashes through my mind? How could I not when every night I go to sleep, I have endless dreams about the kisses we shared and the moments we spent together? Those feelings meant something to me. And it hurts knowing they meant nothing to you._

Kay swallowed hard and ignored the tears welling up inside her, turning away from Remus, Sirius, and Peter as they took a seat beside James.

"Good morning, James!" Sirius said brightly.

James gave him a sideways glance and without uttering a word to him, went back to glancing sympathetically at Kay.

_I miss you so much, Kay. I hate the thought of not being with you. It's already been two months without you but I've been counting down the days until Christmas Break. Now I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I want to say I'm disappointed. I want to say I'm upset. But I can't do that. Because I'm not just disappointed. And I'm not just upset. I'm mad. All I want is for us to be together and you're taking that away. You're letting Riley get in between us. I know this probably isn't what you want to do, but you're letting it happen. You're letting yourself sacrifice to sacrifice the best thing that has ever happened to both you and me just because you want to save your friendship with my sister. A friendship that clearly wasn't worth much to her if she ditched you. I think you're being a coward. You have no idea how hurt I was to read your last letter. Here I was thinking you were just checking in with me and it turned out to be a break-up letter! Do I not get a say? Do we not get to talk about this like mature adults? _

"What's going on?" Sirius whispered to James.

James shook his head and continued to ignore Sirius.

Sirius exchanged looks with the other two. "Why do I get the feeling we've missed something?"

"Because we have," Remus murmured.

"Oh," Sirius said. He paused. "Okay, just making sure."

_I am sorry Riley's giving you such a hard time. And I am sorry that I'm not there to ease the tension. And I am sorry that we can't go through all of this together. But most of all, I'm sorry that you felt as if you had no other choice but to break up with me._

_I hope you realize what you're losing. I hope after reading this letter, you realize that you've just made the biggest mistake of your life. And after you do realize it and you think about crawling back to me, I hope you realize that I don't know if I'll be able to forgive you. It breaks my heart to know that we will never find out what could have been between us. I could have loved you._

_Sincerely your former boyfriend,_

_Lance Gilmore _

After reading it twice, and disregarding the confused stares she was getting from the Marauders, she quickly swiped the tears residing in her eyelids and finally faced the facts. She should have known that Lance would be angry with her. But she never would have expected him to be so cold and bitter to her. She was really hoping he would be a little understanding to the situation she was forced to be in and respect her decision. But of course that was too much to ask for.

Kay took a deep breath and finally looked up, forcing a faze smile on to her face as if her whole world hadn't come crashing down on a single letter. "Hey, guys. You ready for our exam this morning?"

Four blank stares gazed back at her.

"What?" she questioned innocently.

"Er…nothing," Remus murmured, elbowing Sirius in the stomach to stop staring at her.

"Wait...we have an exam this morning?" Sirius questioned. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"I told you about a million times last night," Remus sighed.

Sirius hesitated. "Oh...I chose to ignore that."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Big shock," he snorted, glancing over at James whose eyes were still fixated on Kay, a worried expression on his face.

Kay sighed, glancing in the direction of Riley who was clearly trying to lookk anywhere else but at Kay. "I…I-I got to go talk to someone," she murmured. She grabbed the letter, balled it up in her tight fist, and wandered down to where Riley was sitting.

"Riley, I need to talk to you."

She frowned, clearly trying to find the right words to say. "Kay, I don't think now's the right time," she muttered, shaking her head hesitantly. "I don't don't know if I can forgive you that easily. Give me time."

And that was when Kay finally blew up. She was tired of trying to please everyone and tired of having nothing go the way she had planned. She was tired of being the meek girl she had always been, tired of letting herself get walked over. It was time to stand her ground. "Of _course_ you still won't talk to me," Kay responded through gritted teeth, glaring at her with a ferocity unforeseen. "Because I finally give in and break it off with your brother, something you've wanted the moment you found out about us, in order to save our friendship and yet that is _still _not good enough for you!"

"Whoa, why are you getting so-" Riley started.

"I sacrificed the one thing I could depend on in life nowadays for _you_ and you still continue to be a huge bitch to me. Bloody Merlin, Riley, do you realize that I was actually _happy_ with someone? That I was actually starting to fall in love with a guy? No offense to you, but I've watched enough of your failed relationships to think that maybe relationships weren't even worth it. And then your brother came along and changed my mind. He made me feel _good _about myself. He made me feel _special_. Something I doubt you know anything about," she snorted, rolling her eyes. "But because I believe that our friendship is more important than a guy, that it _has _to be more important than a guy, I _dumped_ him! I let him go! I let the best thing that has happened to me in a long time _go _and all because of _you_. I was willing to make myself feel unhappy because I can't stand to watch you be so unhappy. And now I can't think of one good reason why. You obviously don't care enough to realize the situation I was put in and even if you did you probably wouldn't understand or even _try _to understand. God, I actually thought that by breaking it off with Lance that we could go back to the way things were. But obviously I was wrong. Well you know what? I'm done. I'm through. I…don't…care…anymore. It's all on you, Riley, because I'm tired of playing nice with you. I'm tired of pretending that we could be best friends again. And I'm tired of trying to think of a plan that would make you, Lance, _and _me all happy. Because if you couldn't tell: I'm _not_ happy! I am _miserable. _And it is _you _that I have to blame for that."

Riley was speechless. No, the whole Great Hall was speechless. All eyes were on Kay Richards, eyes bulging out and mouths dropped in shock. Kay rarely ever got worked up. She never showed her anger and she didn't yell. She has always been categorized as a very calm person. She rarely let her emotions get the better of her.

"I have been blaming myself for our failed friendship but maybe it's time you start looking in the mirror, Riley," Kay snarled irritably, rage pouring out of her ears. "_You're _the one who is so determined to see us torn apart. And I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of feeling like the bitch. And I am _definitely _tired of groveling. I am _done _with you, Riley."

She threw the crumpled up letter at Riley and with one last final glare, she turned on her heels and stormed out of the Great Hall.

"She broke up with Lance?" Sirius hissed.

"For Riley?" Remus continued.

"And did she really just scream at Riley? I didn't realize Kay Richards knew how to scream," Peter spoke, confused.

"Stop," James immediately interrupted, shooting them all a glare. "Kay doesn't deserve us gossiping about her. The whole school will fulfill that role. We should just be her friends."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at him skeptically. "You know something."

"What?" James replied, trying to show disagreement.

"You know something!" Remus hissed.

"I know that it's obvious Kay is hurting right now and the last thing she needs is the four of us talking behind her back. She's been getting enough of that from Riley."

"You found her last night, didn't you?" Remus asked candidly.

He sighed. "Yeah."

Remus frowned. "Is she alright?"

James shot him a look. "Did she _seem_ alright to you?" he asked, his tone probably a little harsher than intended.

He didn't respond.

"That's what I thought."

Silence fell over the table, though it looked like they were the only quiet ones in the entire Great Hall. Everywhere else, foreheads were pressed together, furious whispers were being spoken, frantic hand-gesturing. All at the expense of one Kay Richards.

"If people from Poland are called poles, are people from Holland called holes?" Sirius asked.

Remus could only groan. "Don't you ever shut up?"

Sirius paused and shrugged. "No, not really."

* * *

Riley spent the whole day trying to contemplate what to do. Miranda and Justine kept saying that Kay shouldn't have lied in the first place and that even if she did break up with Lance, the betrayal was still there. And Riley tried desperately to listen to them. To believe that she was still mad and hurt for what Kay and her brother had done. But she couldn't help but also realize how selfless Kay had been in breaking up with Lance for her. Because truth was, Riley probably didn't deserve it.

She read and reread the crumpled letter that Lance had sent Kay, feeling guilt and defeat weighing in the pit of her stomach. She wasn't surprised when Lance also sent Riley a scathing letter. It was much shorter than Kay's but pretty much had the same gist. He called her selfish. He called her a bitch. And he called her no sister of his. Which, to be fair, she hadn't been acting like one anyway.

But how cuold she just forgive and forget? How could she get past her emotions of hurt and betrayal so easily? How could she let them off the hook?

She sighed. How could she let _herself _off the hook? Honestly, she wasn't so sure she deserved Kay or Lance's friendship anymore.

She wandered down to the common room with a handful of books in her hand but when she saw Kay in the corner, she froze at the bottom of the stairs before quickly hiding behind the wall like a coward. She peeked out, her eyes focusing in on Kay's sheer determination at an essay in front of her.

After a few minutes of skeptical silence, she felt someone's hot breath on the back of her neck and whirled around.

Sirius gave her a cheeky grin. "Why don't you just go over there and talk to her?"

Riley groaned and leaned against the wall, hugging her books tighter to her chest. "What are you talking about, Black?"

"You've been staring at Kay for the past five minutes."

"How the hell would you know? What, keeping tabs on me?"

"You miss her."

"Don't tell me what I presume to miss," she snapped, glaring at him. The last thing she needed was some unsolicited advice from one Sirius Black.

"That's not a presumption, that's a fact."

Riley rolled her eyes and turned her back on him, glancing at Kay again. "Don't you have another girl that you slept with and then abandoned a week later by sleeping with some other bimbo to annoy?"

"Oh, but there are just too many to choose from," Sirius said with a grin.

Riley shot him a glare over her shoulder.

"Er...maybe the wrong person to joke about that with," he mumbled.

"Gee, you're finally thinking straight."

His typical boyish smirk spread across his face. Riley was beginning to wonder if the Marauders practiced that smirk in the mirror. They all seemed to have it down-pact. "Well, of cose I'm thinking straight," he said, winking playfully. "I'm not gay."

Riley let out a huge groan and rolled her eyes. "Oh my _God_, how is it that James, Remus, and Peter are able to put up with you?" she complained.

"How were you able to put up with me for four years?"

She stiffened, noting that the usual twinkle in his eye seemed to have faded. "I couldn't," she snapped. "Hence why I choose to despise you now."

He didn't respond, not sure what answer would get him into the least amount of trouble.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to spend my time with...well, with anyone but you," Riley snapped, trying to shove past him.

"Fine, fine, I can take a hint," he spoke, rolling his eyes. He turned to walk away from her but stopped at the last minute, reaching for her arm before she could disappear, "Gilmore, you obviously want to talk to her, so why don't-"

"I thought you said you could take a hint," she interrupted angrily.

"I lied," he replied with a shrug. "Why don't you just go over there-"

"Just don't, Black," she growled. "You don't know the situation."

"I know that Kay just broke up with a guy she was really falling for in order to save the friendship between you two."

"Oh," she said, her eyebrow crinkling curiously. "Okay, maybe you do know the situation."

"Look, I know a little thing or two about being on the receiving end of a fall-out with a certain Riley Gilmore," he said hastily, shrugging. "Don't let that happen to you and Kay."

"_Don't _give me advice on my life, Black. You have no right to do that," she snarled.

Sirius rolled his eyes, trying not to let her indifference get to him. "It's not advice. It's wisdom," he corrected. "And here's some more. It's obvious why you befriended Miranda and Justine in the first place. You wanted to get back at Kay for what she did and honestly, no one can blame you for that. But now that she's broken up with Lance, don't you realize that you'd rather be with her and Lily than those two bitchateers? They'll drop you in a second when given the chance. They're just using you. They're not your true friends and you shouldn't-"

"Don't you _dare_ talk to me about who I should be friends with, Black," Riley quickly interrupted, seething with explosive rage. "You were wrong before. What happened to us wasn't just a fall-out. A fall-out insinuates a slow descent or separation. What happened between you and I was a...a _termination. _A break-up even. There was nothing slow about it. You don't know anything about keeping a meaningful friendship. And you certainly don't know anything about _me _keeping a meaningful friendship. So don't you dare stand there and try to give me advice or _wisdom _on any of my friendships. You're crazy for thinking that that is even remotely alright."

Sirius stared at her, his eyes shining with disappointment and guilt. He hung his head shamefully and nodded slowly. "You're right," he murmured.

Riley was completely taken aback. Sirius Black hardly ever claimed defeat, especially in front of her. "Wh-what?"

"You're right," he repeated softly with a curt shrug. "I...I absolutely don't have any right to talk to you about who you should choose as your friends. I just...I guess I was just trying to help. Like I used to do. But I'm an idiot for doing so. I…I'm sorry." And with a final apologetic glance at her, he turned around and walked out of the common room.

How was it taht in one moment she could be so furious with him and in the next, she actually felt respect for the guy?

She shook the hought from her head and slowly sauntered over to where Miranda and Justine were lounging in the corner. She dropped down on to the loveseat next to them.

"Hey, Riley," Justine muttered, more interested in filing her nails.

"Where have you been?" Miranda added, not looking up from her magazine.

"Don't you guys ever do work?" Riley asked, ignoring the question.

Justine and Miranda immediately looked up in shock. "What kind of question is that?"

Riley shrugged, ignoring their looks of surprise. "I've maybe seen you _once_ pick up a book and I haven't seen either one of you ever write an essay. So it was just a question of curiosity."

Justine and Miranda exchanged insulted looks. "We do work," Justine defended. "We just don't spend every waking hour stressing over it like you do. Hogwarts is more about having fun than it is doing work, don't you think?"

Riley snorted and rolled her eyes. "Tell that to Professor McGonagall. I have to finish two projects and a lab by the first of January and I have to do it in the company of Black," she growled in disgust.

"Oh, you know speaking of Sirius," Justine giggled. Riley rolled her eyes knowing she shouldn't have brought him up. "Miranda and I think we should all hang out sometime. You, us, the four of them."

Riley stared blankly at them.

"Well?"

"Please tell me you're kidding," Riley said dryly.

"Of course we're not joking," Justine argued. "You're friends with them. That doesn't seem like such a crazy question if you ask me."

"I'm not asking, I'm telling you it's a crazy question," she snorted.

"Oh, c'mon. It would be fun!" Miranda urged.

"That's not the word I would use to describe it."

"Well, it's the word I'm using," she said stubbornly. "Now are you going to help us or not?"

"Not!" Riley urged, shaking her head. "I, in no way, am going to willingly spend time in the company of Sirius Black. So just drop it."

"You won't even have to talk to the guy," Justine reassured with a suggestive smile. "I'll make sure I do all the talking around him."

"Right, because it's talking you want to do with him," Miranda teased.

Justine shot her a look. "One step at a time, Miranda."

Miranda couldn't help but laugh, but it was a shudder that ran down Riley's spine. She was not going to continue having this conversation. "You're going to have to find another way to get in with the Marauders because I'm still saying no," she muttered, slowly climbing off the loveseat. "I have to go meet Black in the library to start one of these projects. I'm beginning to think that agreeing to do this on a Friday night was a bad idea, but I'll just have to deal. I will see you guys-"

"Oh really?" Justine squealed again. "Maybe we'll come to the library and-"

Riley glared at her. "No," she protested. "I actually have to get work done with that bozo and having you two hanging around will not make it any easier. Go find some other boys to stalk," she snickered.

"But-"

"No," Riley fought again. "I'll see you guys later tonight."

And with one last piercing glance at them, she walked out and slowly headed to the library. She wasn't supposed to be meeting Sirius for another hour or so, but she was hoping to catch a certain redhead in the library beforehand.

* * *

Lily had been in the library for the past two hours trying to focus on work, but her mind was elsewhere. On James Potter to be exact. Sometimes she thought she was too hard on him. Other times she thought she wasn't hard enough. And at one point she even wondered how serious he was about Kristina, which completely threw her off-guard.

"I need to talk to you," a voice said firmly behind her.

Lily turned around and was shocked to see Riley slipping into the seat beside her looking quite helpless as she slammed her books on the table.

Lily leaned back in her chair, skepticism making its way into her expression. Her lips pursed before she returned to her essay. "No."

Riley was completely taken aback by that answer. "What?"

"Why do you need to talk to me?" Lily asked stubbornly. "You've made it clear in the past month that you didn't want anything to do with me."

"I know," she said guiltily. "But-"

"There's no but, Riley," she said, her eyes blazing with frustration. "You cast our friendship aside because you were so damn afraid of being close with anyone that mattered to you."

"What are you talking about?" she grunted.

"First, Sirius. Then, Kay and Lance. Next, me. And on top od that you befriended two people who mean absolutely nothing to you. And do you know why?"

"Convenience?" Riley said with a teasing grin.

"_No_," Lily snapped, unamused. "Because you were tired of feeling like you didn't matter to the people who you cared about most. So instead of trying to rectify any semblance of a friendship with any of us, you ran off to two people who would never be able to disappoint you or hurt you down the line. Because you could care less about them. But here's the thing, Riley. I haven't done a goddamned single thing to you. And I didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of Riley Gilmore's pity party."

Riley sat back in her chair, shame coursing through her veins. She knew that Lily was right. It was easier pushing away the people who she loved than admitting she was afraid of inevitably getting hurt by them. But she wasn't sure what to say or do to fix it. "Why did she break up with him?" she asked curiously, figuring a subject change was in need.

Lily frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Riley gave her a look. "Kay and Lance. Who else?"

Lily froze. "Wait, _what_? Kay broke up with him?"

Riley's eyebrow peaked. "You...you didn't know?"

"Does this look like the face of someone who knows what's going on?" Lily shrieked, ignoring the curious stares she was getting from the surrounding tables.

"I guess not," Riley muttered.

Lily didn't say anything, too confused and shocked to formulate any coherent sentences. "Was that why she was gone the other day?"

Riley shrugged. "I wasn't exactly thinking about her going missing. Just the fact that she broke up with my brother."

"Right," Lily murmured, shrugging. "I can't believe she did that."

Riley sighed and twirled a strand of hair in her finger like she always did as a nervous habit.

"So exactly what does your brother have to say about this?" Lily asked.

Riley sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. "I'm pretty sure you already know the answer to that."

"Not happy, hm?"

"That would be an understatement."

"You're going to have to forgive them some day," Lily pointed out.

To Lily's surprise, Riley nodded. "I know.

Lily stared at her in shock, her mouth hung open. "Wow, I didn't think that would work," she snickered. "I say you owl your brother and try to get his perspective on all of this. You know Kay's side. She's told you and you've been around her to know. But I think it's time to hear your brother out."

Riley opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted. "Which brother?" drawled a nearby voice. "She has so many, they're like a pack of wolves."

Riley and Lily whirled around to find Sirius standing over them, who had snuck up unnoticed and unannounced. He slid into the seat beside Riley with a stoic expression on his face. Riley almost envied the casual grace of which he sat so relaxed and unaware of everything going on around him. he had such a casual charm behind his everyday presence, without a care for anything going on around him. It may sound selfish and self-centered but it was actually his way of remaining free and untouched by other people's lives. Only those who mattered most to him were able to weasel their way into Sirius' world. Riley ahd a tough time often realizing that somehow she had been one of those few.

Riley glanced offhandedly at Sirius and longed for the way he lounged so carefree on the chair, draping his arm over the back and gently dropping his textbooks on to the table. She envied the way his hair fell carelessly in front of his gorgeous blue eyes and the roguish smile that crept on to his face as he caught her staring and winked mischievously at her. Even though they weren't friends anymore, Sirius still amazed Riley sometimes. He always made it seem as if his life was so easy to live. And she was jealous of that based on the recent events in her life.

"I only have five brothers," was the only thing that came to Riley's mind, quickly turning away from him as a slight tint of pink charmed her cheeks.

Sirius' smile stretched further. "Ahh yes, _only_ five," he responded dryly.

"And would you mind _not _calling my brothers wolves," she replied in irritation.

Sirius shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "Yes, I would mind, babes," he snickered, winking mysteriously at her.

"_Don't_ call me that," she warned.

"Whatever you say," he said nonchalantly. "Babes," he added.

Riley quickly gave him an unamused look. "You are so exasperating, y'know that?"

Sirius gave her a teasing grin. "Yes, I have heard that before."

Riley ran her fingers through her long raven-colored hair, turning her head long enough to shoot him a glare before pulling out her schoolwork. "Can we just get this part of the lab assignment done now so we don't have to finish it tomorrow night?"

Sirius smirked, leaning in close to her. "Why?" he whispered, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively. "Got some hot date with a mystery man tomorrow?"

Riley stopped shuffling through her parchment and glanced up into Sirius' twinkling grey eyes. "Not that's it any of your business, and wasn't exactly what I was going for when I said we could have a free night tomorrow, but...yes. I do," she replied casually. "Did you finish taking notes on the Metamorphagus disguises last week?"

"Oh really?" Sirius asked, leaning once again back in his chair with a curious glint in his eye. "And what is this mystery man's name?"

"Now I _know_ that isn't any of your business," Riley smirked, her smirk filled with unexpected amusement.

"Ah, hiding something, are we? What, is it a Slytherin?" he teased.

She snorted, shooting him a look. "Yes, you caught me. I'm dating Rodolphus Lestrange. Our eyes met across the room and we knew it was fate. We're going to elope as soon as we can and live happily ever after with all kinds of Death Eater babies."

Sirius grinned. "Has someone told my dear cousin Bella? Pretty sure she'd be horrified to hear she's been replaced by a blood traitor."

"Okay, this conversation has now turned disturbing," she argued, shuddering.

"Pretty sure it was disturbing the moment you used the words fate, elope, babies, and _L__estrange _in the same sentence."

"Well, with you around, the conversation is bound to turn disturbing," she scoffed.

"Seriously, who are you going out with tomorrow?"

"None of your business, Black!"

"You might as well tell me," Sirius argued. "Because I can always force it out of Miss Lily-bean over here."

Lily snorted. "I don't think so. Don't drag me into this," she replied, eyeing the two of them curiously. It seems that their usual distaste for each other had turned into some sort of mutual flirtation.

"Aw, c'mon, Lilykins! It's for the…the love of mankind!" Sirius said with a giddy look on his face.

Both Lily and Riley stared at him with blank expressions. "And how exactly is telling you the guy I'm going out with this weekend for the love of mankind?" Riley asked in amusement.

"Okay, maybe not so much mankind as it is the love of curiosity."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Do you even bother listening to yourself when you speak?" Riley questioned.

Sirius grinned, tilting his chair back on two legs. "Not usually, no."

Riley rolled her eyes and reached for his notes. "You irk me," Riley muttered.

"I _irk_ you?" Sirius snorted.

Riley stifled a laugh. "Yes, irk me you do," she repeated.

Sirius hesitated and looked skeptically at Riley. "Is it sad that that sounds dirty to me?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh at the offhanded remark, joined in by Sirius when he noted the horrified look on Riley.

"You realize that I will now never be able to use that word again, right?" Riley pointed out, staring dumbfounded at Sirius.

"Good. No respectable seventeen-year-old woman should be using the word 'irk' anyway."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Respectable? When was the last time you thought _I_ was respectable?"

"Never. Which I guess explains why you said the word 'irk.'"

Riley's eyes were going to pop out of her socket with all of the eye-rolling she was doing. She dipped into her bag and pulled out her textbook. "So, where's James? Earlier today he said he was planning on working on the project tonight also."

Lily made a face of obvious disgust. "He is. He and Kristina are in our common room."

Riley snickered. "Alone?"

Sirius snorted. "Meaning they're not doing the project but pretty much having sex on the couch."

Lily shuddered and slapped Sirius hard on the arm. "I _use_ that couch, thank you very much, and I certainly do not need that mental image in my head!"

"Ohhh, so you like thinking about a hot, sweaty, naked James on-"

"Sirius!" Lily cried again in protest, placing her hands firmly over her ears. "Merlin of Agrippa, you irk me!"

Sirius threw his head back and laughed so carefreely, his laughter filling the library with amusement. Another ping of envy fluttered through Riley.

"Oh, was it something I said?" Sirius snickered, glancing at Riley for back-up. "Alright, fine. They're probably not having sex. Just...just other stuff."

Lily made a face. "I'm so throwing that couch out when I get back to the room."

"Where's Kay gonna sleep?" Sirius snickered, immediately regretting it as he stole a glance towards Riley expecting her to blow up at him.

But she didn't. She just shrugged. "I think it's best if you listen to Lily and shut up," Riley stepped in. "She _is_ Head Girl. I wouldn't mess with her before she plots ways to get back at you by abusing her badge."

Sirius snickered and was about to retort, most likely to give a reason to Lily to abuse her badge, but Remus swooped into the library and fell into the last remainig empty chair at the round table. "Sorry I'm late. Issues with a certain Ravenclaw stalker. She pinned me to a wall and was freakishly strong making it hard for me to get away."

"Why was she pinning you to a wall?" Riley snorted.

He shrugged. "In her not so subtle words, she wanted me," he teased. "She flirted a little, I made it a point to tell her I wasn't interested, she didn't listen, I repeated, she stuck her tongue down my throat, and then I called security. Before realizing that this isn't an office building and I had to depend on myself."

They all laughed.

"I don't know what the problem is," Sirius snickered. "If some random girl stuck her tongue down my throat, I'd throw her into a nearby empty room and have my way with her."

"Black, if a girl _didn't _stick her tongue down your throat, you'd still throw her into a nearby empty room and have your way with her," Riley chimed in.

"Is that an offer?" Sirius said with an impish grin on his face.

"I wouldn't go there if I were you," Riley warned.

Sirius shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "Your loss."

Riley rolled her eyes and tried not to laugh.

"So what exactly did I miss?" Remus asked Lily, quickly pulling out a binder of information.

"Not much. Just these two flirting with each other," Lily snickered.

"What?" both Riley and Sirius cried in absolute disbelief.

"Oooh flirting, were they?" Remus teased, ducking from the book that Sirius chucked at his head. "I always knew they'd end up together."

"Oh, Merlin _no_!" Riley responded horrified.

"Well, then why were you flirting?" Lily laughed.

"We don't flirt! To flirt with someone means having intentions of getting together sometime and making out," Riley pointed out. Lily opened her mouth to argue but Riley quickly cut her off. "And I have _no_ intentions of that!"

"And neither do I," Sirius added, giving Riley a dirty look.

"'Denial' isn't just a river in Egypt," Lily snickered, exchanging an all-knowing look with Remus.

Sirius thought about it and then stared curiously at her. "I-I don't get it."

Remus snorted. "You ask about a thousand stupid questions in a day and you can't get a simple joke?"

Sirius thought about it again. "That was a joke?" he eventually asked. "I missed the punchline, I think."

"I sometimes forget how much of a true imbecile you can be," Remus snickered, shaking his head.

"I don't," Riley quickly repudiated.

"Can I ask you a personal question, Gilmore?" Sirius asked, ignoring the other two across from him.

"I have a feeling no matter what I say, you will still ask," Riley pointed out, rubbing her eyes out of aggravation.

Sirius grinned. "You know me too well."

"Yeah, how unfortunate," she scowled, rolling her eyes and flipping over the pages of their report to the last page, ignoring the piercing glance from the rest of them.

Sirius shrugged and leaned his chair back so the front legs were lifted off the ground. "Why are you sitting over here with Lily-bean?" he eventually asked. "The last time I checked, you were ignoring her."

Riley slammed the papers hard against the table, making everyone around them jump. She whipped her head over to glare at Sirius so quickly that Sirius lost his balance and fell over backwards (causing an annoyed Madame Pinsky to shush everyone and to glare in Sirius and Riley's direction).

Out of fear of Riley, Sirius remained on the ground, hiding behind the chair for safety.

"What does that have _anything_ to do with, Black?" Riley barked, wondering why he had to go and ruin everything between them.

"Er...I guess nothing but-"

"Then why'd you ask?" Riley barked, staring him down.

"I'd run if I were you," Lily muttered in Sirius' ears.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Nope. There's no need to run. I wouldn't kill you here anyway," Riley pointed out calmly.

Sirius sighed a deep breath of relief. "'Cause you're a nice person?" he suggested with a sheepish grin.

She shook her head. "Nope. Too many witnesses."

Sirius groaned. "Well, that's comforting."

"Now, let's get started before I feel the need to stab you in the eye with this quill," Riley declared, glaring heatedly at him.

Sirius sighed and sat back down in his seat with a fearful glance towards Riley, wondering why he had to go and ruin whatever was going on between them.

* * *

A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed it! I especially like that last scene between Riley and Sirius. SOMETHING is going on between them..Sorry no Lily/James interraction, but wouldn't you be avoiding the guy you supposedly hate? Please review!


	22. Of Interruptions, Snoring, & Biscuits

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! I had a few questions and comments I wanted to go over so you can all understand. First of all, I want to apologize for no Lily/James interraction in the last chapter. But I know some people like the Sirius/Riley interaction, so I try to put a balance between the two. Anyway, there's a little LJ interaction in this chappie. Second of all, I've had quite a few comments about Riley. A lot of people hate her and think she's a bitch-I would like to point out that Riley is one of my fave characters (besides Sirius, lol) and you just have to understand what she's going through. Yeah, she seems a bit harsh but she befriended Justine and Miranda and since then, hasn't been able to see clearly. Now, a friend of mine was in her position, and didn't talk to her friend (who was dating her brother) for 4 months because she was so upset that her friend betrayed her. Riley just isn't thinking or seeing straight. She's clouded with poor judgment. Sooner or later she'll realize she's been acting stupid. So please be patient with her! She'll come around!

**Disclaimer:** Oh sure, I'm J.K. Rowling. And my father's George Clooney.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 22: Of Interruptions, Snoring, & Biscuits

* * *

The newfound flirtation that had sprung between Riley and Sirius had quickly disappeared with the two of them trying to compromise on their Advanced Transfiguration projtect. The entire student population holed up in the library that Friday evening were starting to get increasingly frustrated. Most ended up walking out, choosing to finish whatever work they had in the chaos that was their common rooms. A few minutes would barely pass before Riley or Sirius would throw a fit or cause some sort of outburst where they would then have to argue and insult each other for another ten minutes, choosing to ignore the protests and complaints coming from Lily and Remus, before someone at another table dared to walk over and request that they quiet down. Of course, those people quickly learned not to mess with an angry Riley or Sirius, and Lily and Remus conveniently apologized to everyone who walked away shaking or crying.

After Riley had screamed at a fourth-year for telling them to use their inside voices, Lily threw down her quill and glared at them across the table. "I hate to be the one to point this out, but I have spent more of this night keeping you two in check than doing my own project with Remus," she hissed.

"Blame sissy-boy over here," Riley muttered.

"I am not a sissy-boy! Just because I thought the colors pink and purple looked good together doesn't make me a girl!" he complained.

"I didn't say it made you a girl," Riley argued. "I said it made you a _sissy_."

Sirius scowled, his hand gripping tightly around his quill out of frustration. He turned to Lily and Remus. "Will you two please save me from the wrath of Miss Goth?" he pleaded.

"I'm not a Goth!" Riley roared. "Dark colors make a stronger statement!"

"Whatever you say," Sirius murmured. "Miss Goth."

Riley glared at him. "Why are you so completely useless?"

"I'm useless for calling you a goth?" he snorted, rolling his eyes. "Somehow-"

"You're useless because you're you!"

"Gee, thanks for the specifics."

"Uh…excuse me?" an unfamiliar girl spoke quietly from behind Riley and Sirius.

"**_What_**?" Riley and Sirius shouted at her.

She jumped, emitting a nervous squeak. "Uh, well it's just that that group over there," she muttered, pointing to a group of fifth-year Ravenclaws, "Wanted to send me over here in hopes that you would possibly keep your voices down."

Riley glared at her. "Do I look like I care what a bunch of hoity-toity, uptight, prissy, wannabe-the-bloody-rulers-of-the-world _Ravenclaws_ want?"

"Uh...well no, but-"

"Then why don't you go scurry back to them and tell them that Riley Gilmore isn't about to take requests from a little first year!" she barked.

"Um, I'm a second year," the girl whispered nervously.

"Is that supposed to bloody matter?" she scowled.

"I'd run now, kid," Sirius mumbled.

"Hey! If she asked for your opinion she would have talked to you!" Riley protested.

"Well, I wasn't really talking to anyone in particular," she said softly. "Though now I really wish I had talked to him," she added as an afterthought, pointing at Sirius.

Sirius grinned. "The ladies always love me."

Riley ignored him. "Do you mind leaving us alone?" she demanded of the second year. The girl quickly ran off, not neeind to be told twice.

Lily sighed. "You know, it's possible that she was sent over here because the fifth years thought you would possibly not yell, scream, and send her away crying and possibly give the second year a break considering she's, oh, I don't know, _twelve."_

"Apparently they thought wrong," Remus added.

"Why are a bunch of party girls in the library on a Friday night anyway?" Sirius asked curiously, glancing over at the group of female Ravenclaws. "Why am _I_ here on a Friday night?"

"Because you know if you hadn't shown up I would have _castrated_ you," Riley barked.

Sirius crossed his legs nervously. "I'm officially frightened by you, Gilmore."

"Oh, I'm sorry, were you under the impression that I cared what you thought?"

"'Course not," Sirius said with a shrug. "But I was under the impression that you'd be out getting drunk with your two phony roommates like I'm sure they're doing right now."

"Hey guys!" two voices chorused behind them.

They whipped around and Sirius, Remus, and Lily all groaned.

"Spoke too soon," Sirius grumbled.

"Apparently tonight is just full of surprises," Remus mumbled.

"You know I might as well have stayed back in my room and slept with all of these interruptions around here," Lily complained, slamming her book shut out of aggravation.

"Justine. Miranda," Riley stated in surprise. "Uh, what are you guys doing here?"

They shrugged and noting the lack of chairs, summoned two from an empty table and squished themselves in around the small round table. "We decided to try that studying thing that you always talk so highly about."

"On a Friday night?" Lily said numbly.

"Yeah, well getting drunk without the famous Marauders just isn't the same," Justine giggled.

"When did we ever get drunk with them?" Remus whispered to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. "I'm not sure there was ever a time we weren't hiding from them, so you've got me," he murmured back.

Justine gave a curious sideways glance at Sirius, wondering what he and Remus were whispering about and continued to explain. "Besides, we figured that everyone else in this school is out partying and drinking so that it would be quiet around here."

"Well if you came to the library more often, you'd realize that people do work on Friday nights in order to get it out of the way and relax on Sunday nights," Lily explained.

"People actually do _work_ on Fridays?" Miranda replied in surprise.

"No, people actually do work _every_ night," Sirius mumbled, mostly to himself but Lily and Remus couldn't help but snicker.

"People?" Remus replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, _other _people," Sirius snickered.

"_I _think you're smart enough you don't need to study," Justine flirted.

"Er...okay," he replied.

"Smarter than me, at least," she continued. "I think studying is overrated. It doesn't sound appealing to me."

"Er...okay," Sirius repeated, giving Remus a pleading look.

"How they haven't failed out of this school yet is beyond me," Remus whispered to Lily, ignoring Sirius completely.

"What was that?" Miranda asked Remus, batting her eyelashes at him.

"I said…uh…with that kind of attitude you won't be failing out of this school," he said with a fake grin.

"Nice save," Lily snickered, stifling a laugh.

Remus kicked her under the table and they both attempted to hold in their laughter.

"What's the matter with you guys?" Riley asked in confusion.

"Nothing," Lily snickered. "Please continue."

Riley gave them a look before turning back to Miranda and Justine. "Guys, I thought I said I would be working with Black on our project."

"Well, we figured we'd join you," Miranda said with a shrug.

"I said don't come," Riley pointed out, trying to hide her annoyance.

"Well, we chose to ignore that," Justine said with a giggle, winking at Sirius.

Sirius gave her a strained look, quickly grabbing Riley's arm and pulling her up from the table. "Excuse us, we need to discuss...uh...our project," he declared, dragging her behind one of the bookshelves so no one could hear them. "What the hell is the terrible twosome doing here?" he hissed.

Riley rolled her eyes. "How should I know? I told them I'd be working with you so they-"

"_Why_ would you ever do that?" he cried, shaking his head with a whimper. "You _know_ that Justine worships me."

"Jeez, _someone _thinks highly of himself," Riley muttered.

Sirius glared at her. "You shouldn't have mentioned you were meeting me," he scowled.

Riley glared at him. "First of all, they're my friends. What am I supposed to do, lie to them?"

"_Yes_!" Sirius cried. "All friendships last longer when there are lies involved!"

Riley smirked. "Well I can't wait to tell that to James, Remus, and Peter."

Sirius glared at her, crossing his arms bitterly. "Get _rid_ of them, Gilmore."

"It's not like our project was getting anywhere anyway," she hissed back, crossing her arms to retaliate and leaning against the bookshelf superiorly.

"Yes, but I'd rather be arguing with you over the project than have Justine tell me the fifty colors she used to dye her hair in the past month!"

Riley opened her mouth and then shut it. "Okay, that's a valid point."

"I thought so."

Riley sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll get rid of them."

"Thank you," Sirius said, breathing a sigh of relief.

"But don't think it's because I'm giving into you," Riley warned, pointing her finger directly in his face.

"You _are_ giving into me," Sirius said in satisfaction, smirking his typical boyish smirk.

Riley glared at him. "Do you want them gone or not?"

"Then again, you're not really giving in. You're more like…more like…er...not giving in," Sirius offered slowly with a sheepish grin.

Riley couldn't help but chuckle, shaking her head incredulously. "You couldn't have thought up anything better than that?"

Sirius shrugged. "I was put on the spot. If you had given me a few hours, an awesome comeback would have been in tow and you would have blown away with my witty intelligence."

Riley raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't think a person can be blown away when knowing you would have had to sit and think for hours about a comeback to a not-so-difficult ridicule."

Sirius gave her a look and rolled his eyes. "Okay, now I just know you're mocking my intelligence."

Riley paused. "What would be there to mock?"

"Hey, you heard Justine! I'm smart!"

A slow smile crept upon Riley's face. "And you're going to take _her _word for it?"

"Just get rid of them, will ya?" he pleaded. "I don't need to spend my Friday evening in the company of two _more_ prisses. One's enough."

Her smile faded. "I hope you're referring to Lily."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes, because the words Lily Evans and priss go hand-in-hand."

"Do you ever stop talking?"

"No."

Riley rolled her eyes and walked around the bookshelf towards the table she was previously sitting at to find Justine and Lily in a heated argument about how Justine and Miranda had stolen Riley away from Kay knowing how Riley was vulnerable.

"It's not our fault Riley decided we were better than you and _Richards_!" Justine cried.

"You're _not _better!" Lily shouted. "She was just using you!"

"OH, yeah? Then why is she still friends with us a month later?" she sneered.

"GUYS!" Riley interrupted. "I'd rather not be having you two fight about me considering I'm still in the room so Lily, sit down and start working on the project-"

"Why bother? I'm sure in about two minutes another interruption is going to occur," Lily mumbled.

Riley shot her a look before turning back to Miranda and Justine. "Guys, I need to talk to you."

"Go ahead," Miranda offered.

"No. I need to talk to you _alone_," she said firmly, crossing her arms. "And I'd bring your books."

Lily and Remus exchanged curious grimaces as Miranda and Justine sighed, following Riley out of the library into the empty hallway.

"Riley, we-"

"I thought I told you guys not to come here!" she hissed. "Or was I not speaking English at the time?"

Miranda shrugged. "We just wanted to see what you were up to. We were bored."

"Then read a book," Riley growled.

Miranda and Justine exchanged looks and then turned back to Riley. "That wasn't an actual suggestion, was it?"

Riley gave her a frustrated look. "You guys knew what I was up to because I told you. The only reason you showed up at the library was to stalk Black."

Justine giggled. "Well, that was just an added bonus."

"You are my friends so when I ask you guys to do something, you should listen!" she said firmly, raising her voice just a bit out of pure frustration.

"Oh really? Well, where was this attitude earlier this evening when we wanted you to do something for us?" Justine quickly retaliated, crossing her arms bitterly.

"That was completely different."

"How so?" Miranda defended. "Asking you to get us in with the Marauders is the same thing as you asking us not to show up at the library!"

Riley snorted. "You two are so daft sometimes, y'know that?" she cried angrily. "I _told_ you not to come. I flat-out said _no_. And you two _completely_ went against that!"

"Why won't you let us hang out with you and the Marauders?" Justine demanded to know.

"Because I don't hang _out _with the Maraduers! At least, I don't _want _to. Besides, they don't even like you two!" Riley blurted out unintentionally.

Miranda flipped her dark black hair behind her back and gave Riley a snooty look. "I just think you're jealous they'll like us better than you and you'll become the outcast."

"Are you even listening to me? _They_…_don't_…_like_…_you_…" Riley growled slowly through gritted teeth.

Justine crossed her arms bitterly and gave Riley a rather indignant look. "If you can't even share your friends, then maybe we were never really meant to be friends!" she exclaimed irritably.

Riley stared at them. "What?"

Justine shrugged innocently. "You heard me."

Riley stared incredulously at her, her arms limp at her sides in shock. She frowned. "You guys were just using me to try and get to the Marauders, weren't you." It wasn't a question.

Justine grinned slyly. "What, you actually thought we wanted to be your friend? You are the most self-centered, manipulative, backstabbing, lying bitch in this bloody school! Exhibited ironically by your desperation to push Kay and Lily away. Did you honestly think we wanted a friend like that?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat, realizing for the first time that she knew all along it would probably come down to something like this.

"Now who's the daft one?" Miranda smirked, feeling quite superior at that moment.

Riley shrugged, trying not to let her frustration show. "You two were made for each other, y'know that?" she snapped. "You think I'm self-centered and manipulative? Look at what you guys did! You pretended to be my friend for...for _what? _To try and win over a few teenage boys who have shown you time and time again that they want nothing to do with you? You guys have no consideration for anyone but yourselves and frankly, all you two are ever going to have is each other and nothing more."

Justine shrugged. "So? At least I have one friend. The last time I checked, your friends wanted nothing to do with you," she smirked. "See you around, Gilmore." She grabbed Miranda's hand and headed down the corridor without so much as a glance back towards Riley.

"I'd rather be alone than have you two as my friends!" Riley cried after them, her voice carrying through the hallway and into the library. She let out a deep sigh, coming to the realization that at that moment she had no one. She wasn't sure if she could feel any worse about herself.

Until Kay walked right past her in the hallway and headed into the library without even a glance towards Riley.

Riley leaned against the concrete wall outside the library and sighed, shutting her eyes with regret.

"Hey," a deep voice mumbled beside her.

Riley opened her eyes and groaned. "So, I'm guessing you heard everything."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm afraid to say that anyone in the library, or in _England,_ heard that screaming match."

"Awesome," Riley said coldly, crossing her arms anxiously. "You know what, Black? You're the last person I want to see right now so feel free to head back into the library."

Sirius gave her a sympathetic look. "Sorry. Remus, Lily, and I grew quills and I got the shortest so I'm out here to comfort you."

"Does it really look like I want your comfort, Black?" Riley asked crossly, glaring at him with a look that told Sirius to run.

Sirius stepped back in fear, running his fingers through his hair nervously. "Well…no, but-"

"Then why are you still out here?" Riley burst out angrily.

"Uh…"

"Y'know, if you had just let them stay at the table, I'd still be friends with them!" she cried out, glaring at him in frustration.

"Are you joking?" Sirius gave her a confused look. "You'd rather have friends who are using you than friends who actually care for your well-being?"

"You mean the friends who go behind my back and date my brother?" Riley snapped.

Sirius paused and knew his head was probably going to be ripped off after what he had to say next but he took a deep breath and said it anyway. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened with Justine and Miranda but maybe this seriously is a good opportunity to really consider fixing the mess that you and Kay are in."

To Sirius' surprise, she didn't even respond. She barely acknowledged the comment in fact. Her eyes remained focused on the wall opposite her, a million thoughts swarming inside her head. Eventually she said, "You're not sorry."

Sirius hesitated, not sure what to make of that. "Yeah, I am. I wouldn't just-"

"No, you're _not_!" Riley cried out in frustration, glaring at him with intense loathing, ignoring the next round of stares she was getting from passers-by and the students in the library. "This is exactly what you said would happen. Just go ahead and say it."

"Say what?"

"I told you so," Riley replied matter-of-factly.

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but found he was unable to form any words of encouragement. But all of the advise and wisdom he had seemed to give her recently seemed to do nothing but backfire on him.

"It's not that hard to say it, Black!" Riley barked.

"I-I'm not going to say it, Gilmore," he muttered, hanging his head guiltily.

"Why? Why not jump on the chance to humiliate me, Black? It's what you always do so go ahead and make me feel ashamed! Make me feel bad and guilty. Make me realize that you were right and I was wrong!"

"I-I didn't want to be right," Sirius clarified.

"Yes, you did!" Riley protested, stomping her foot in pure aggravation. "You have wanted to make my life miserable for the past two years and here I am, _miserable_. So are you happy? Are you happy that you're finally getting what you wanted?"

"I-I..." Sirius trailed off, shaking his head dismissively. "Gilmore, that's not-"

Riley didn't wait to see what he had to say. "What, are you just jealous that it didn't turn out to be _you_ who made me miserable? Are you frustrated that my humiliation wasn't caused by you? Please, go ahead and add to the tension I have created with my unbearable roommates. Go ahead and say what I know you want to say!" Her eyes were blaring with rage that Sirius was almost too scared to say anything or move. "It's not as if this night could get any worse so please, do what you want. I don't care anymore. Say I told you so, turn my hair pink, pour a bucket of worms down my back, hex me into an oblivion, taunt me for hours. Go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want with me, Black, because right now I could care less!"

He frowned, turning away from her determined glare. "Gilmore, why the hell are you taking this out on me?" Sirius said softly.

"Because you sure as hell are the last person I want to be talking to right now," she repeated, her voice surprisingly calm and morose. "You think I need you here witnessing my latest humiliation? You think I want you watching me fall apart? You think I need to watch you revel in your glory of being right?"

He frowned. "Do you see me reveling?"

She turned away from him, distress framing her face. She didn't speak, letting her emotions get the better of her.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked softly.

She merely shrugged.

"Do you even want to make up with Kay?"

She glared at him. "Why must you insist on poking your nose where it doesn't belong?"

He shrugged. "I was never one for boundaries," he teased.

"Just stay out of my business, Black," she muttered, shaking her head. "What's going on with me and my roommates and what's going on with me and Kay is none of your concern so stop pretending like you care. You don't get to have an opinion on the matter."

"It's not my opinion I'm focusing on," he snorted. "It's yours. Because clearly you have no idea what your own opinion is. I'm just trying to help you figure things out."

"I don't need your help, Black, and I sure as hell don't want it!"

He sighed, throwing his arms into the air in defeat. "Jesus Christ, you're exasperating," he grumbled. "I'll leave you alone, alright? But here's my last piece of wisdom: Kay is one of your closest friends. Don't let your friendship just deteriorate. You can-"

"Like _ours_ did?" Riley quickly retaliated with a look of pure malice on her stony face.

Sirius tried looking away but he found himself drawn into her eyes, pain staring back at him. When he eventually did turn away he mumbled, "I-I wasn't trying to connect the two."

"And yet you did."

He hesitated, "Actually, _you _brought it up," he said warily.

She narrowed her eyes at him, taking a step closer towards him predatorily. "And yet you were the one who slept with someone else," she hissed. Sending him another withering glare, she made her way back into the library.

"You can't continue running from your problems, Gilmore!"

She whirled around to glare at him. "I'm not running from my problems, I'm running from _you_!"

"You're going to end up a lonely old spinster with multitudes of cats if you keep this up," he muttered irritably.

"It's a good thing I happen to like cats," she snapped.

He rolled his eyes. "Are you serously going to let your stubbornness get in the way of-"

"Bloody hell, Black, how many times do I have to tell you that my life is absolutely _none of your business_!" she barked. "You are my project partner and that's _it_. You _aren't_ my friend, you _aren't_ my acquaintance, you _aren't_ even my classmate! You _don't _get to give me advice, you _don't _get to offer your wisdom up to me, you _don't _get to pretend as if you know me me, and you certainly don't get to waltz back into my life acting as if nothing ever happened between us. You don't get to pretend you're Mr. Nice Guy and you don't get to be in my life anymore. You don't get to talk to me in our common room or in the Great Hall or during class or in the hallways and if you think for one second that you get to comfort me, you are crazier than I thought! The only reason I so much as have uttered two words to you since we started the school year was because I am forced to partner up with you for our damned Advanced Transfiguration project. Otherwise, I'd be completely content giving you the silent treatment." She was seething, her fists clenched and her bottom lip trembling in rage. Her eyes narrowed with pure vehemence. "You and I are nothing, Black. _Nothing_. Why can't you seem to realize that?"

Sirius felt a surge of disappointment course through him as a hurt frown frame his face. He knew all this already, but that didn't change the fact that it still pained him to hear her talk so ill of the two of them. They had once been good friends, _best friends_, and although he had no one to blame but himself, he wanted nothing more than to have her understand the naivety and fear that had run his life two years prior. But it was no good. It would be a waste of his time. She had made up his mind about her and maybe she was right. Maybe it was time for him to just accept that.

When Sirius didn't respond, Riley inhaled sharply and said, her voice rather steady and calm, "Two years ago you humiliated me in the worst way possible. You ruined me, you made me miserable, and I'm not afraid to admit that you broke my heart. But unlike all the other girls you've messed with in the past, I am in no way going to fall for that again. Our friendship ended the moment you betrayed me, Black. And at that moment, you lost every right that a friend has with me. So don't pretend as if things could ever go back to the way they used to be. They won't. They never will. She shook her head in defeat, her eyes bearing a hole through Sirius'. "You are my project partner and that's it. Nothing more. Please just get that through your thick skull, would ya?"

Without so much as letting him get in one word edgewise, she stormed back into the library. It took her only seconds to gather her things, saying a dismissive, frazzled goodbye to Remus and Lily, before waltzing out past Sirius and rushing back to her room to be alone.

As for Sirius, he stood outside that library for longer than he probably should have, digesting the words she just spoke to him so eloquently. He knew how much he had hurt her two years ago. Hell, he knew how much he had hurt _them_. But there had always been a part of them that prayed one day they could return to the people they used to be. The friends they used to be. But it was obvious now that there was no chance that he and Riley could ever patch things up. He had been kidding himself if he really believed that one day, even if it was in the distant future, he and Riley could start down a path of righteousness again. She hated him. There was no doubt about it. And he deserved it.

He watched her round the corner in a huff and he sighed, saying goodbye to the Riley he used to know and love.

* * *

Lily opened the door to her common room, expecting two certain people to be going at it on the couch, but she was surprised to find Kristina and James, dare someone say it,_ working_.

"What are you doing here?" Kristina asked, barely glancing up from her notes.

Lily stared at her. "I _live _here," she said dryly.

"Damn, so you haven't fallen off the face off the planet? I guess wishes don't come true," Kristina muttered.

"Why can't you two just get along?" James whined, putting his quill don on to his lap with a sigh. "Kristina, you're my girlfriend, and Evans, I work with you. I spend a lot of time with both of you and it would be helpful if you two could find a way to get along.

Lily snorted. "I only work with you because I'm forced," she pointed out with a smirk. "What's your excuse for hanging out with her?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What the hell is your problem, Evans?"

"_You. _Or have you not noticed?" she cried out in frustration.

Kristina sat back and sighed, watching her boyfriend and his co-worker go at it once again in her presence.

"Oh, I've noticed," he explained. "But considering you have yet to tell me whatever the hell it was that I did to make you hate me again, I've chosen to ignore it."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Typical that you ignore something when you don't want to be bothered by it."

"You don't bother me, Evans," he snapped, lying through his teeth.

Lily chuckled. "Aww, of course I do," she replied with a condescending smirk. "Why else would you be so determined to figure out why I hate you?"

James hesitated, hating her for being right. "It's not determination that's driving my curiosity," he corrected. "It's guilt."

She hesitated, not sure what to make of that. "What's that supposed to mean?"

His expression turned wary, anxious even. "Clearly I did something to you, Evans," he sighed. "I obviously don't know what but it made an impact on you. So am I determined to find out what I did? Yes. But only because I feel guilty about it."

"How can you feel guilty about something you don't know you did?" Kristina chimed in with a scowl.

He glanced her way quickly before lifting his eyes to meet Lily's. "Like I said," he said slowly. "It clearly affected her negatively. So whatever it is, I feel bad about it."

She frowned. "What's our angle, Potter?"

He rolled his eyes. "No angle."

She clearly didn't believe him, but wasn't sure how to respond. "I have work to finish," she said firmly, scooting past the couch towards her room.

James groaned. "Now who's ignoring the situation?" he cried out after her.

She merely flipped him off, slamming her door behind her.

James sighed, picking up his quill once again. "Merlin, she's so stubborn," he muttered.

"Why do you let her get to you so much?" Kristina questioned. "She isn't worth a second thought."

"I work with her, Kristina," James murmured. "It's hard to work with someone who wants to kill you."

"She doesn't want to kill you."

"I think the murderous glare on her face whenever in my presence states otherwise."

"I think you need to just give it up. It's obvious that she's never going to tell you why she hates you and honestly, I think you're being a little whiny about the whole situation," Kristina stated with a shrug.

James scowled. "I'm not whiny!"

Kristina gave him a look.

He made a face. "Okay so maybe I am, but I think I have every right to be," James admitted.

Kristina sighed, knowing her suggestion to give it up would never be followed by him. "Fine," she murmured. "Keep begging and getting nothing in return. You'rej ust going to work yourself in a frenzy. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Consider me warned," James agreed. "Okay, let's get back this project. I'd rather not be up until two doing _this _when there's so much better things we could be going," he flirted, winking at her.

Kristina laughed before leaning over to kiss him. "I couldn't agree more."

* * *

The next morning, the Marauders' dorm room was creepily quiet at eight-thirty. That wasn't unusual. What was unusual was when Remus awoke and trudged to the bathroom, he saw that a usually dead-asleep Sirius was not in his bed.

"Peter!" Remus hissed, throwing open Peter's curtains to be honored with the snores from Peter. "Wake up, Peter!"

"Wha…?" Peter mumbled, rolling over to glare at Remus. "Some people do not wake up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning, Moony," he groaned.

Remus gave him a look and pulled off his covers. "It's not the crack of dawn—it's eight-thirty!"

"Gimme another hour," Peter moaned, grabbing his pillow and slamming it over his head.

"Padfoot isn't in his bed," Remus declared.

"Liar," Peter muttered into his pillow.

Remus grabbed his pillow out from underneath him. "No, I'm serious, Wormtail. Sirius is _not_ in his bed!"

"That's not going to get me out of bed this time. It worked once before-"

"Thrice before, actually," Remus pointed out.

"Fine, _thrice_ before, but not this time," Peter mumbled, groaning loudly when Remus stormed over to the other side of the room and turned on the light. "Shut that off, will ya!"

"Wormtail, take a look for yourself. His bed is empty!" Remus exclaimed, gesturing frantically at Sirius' bed.

Peter turned his head and stared at Sirius' bed. A few seconds later, it registered with him that Remus was indeed correct.

"Okay, okay, I'm up!" Peter declared, crawling out of bed quickly, his gaze focused in on Sirius' empty bed. "Where the hell is he if he's not sleeping? They don't have Quidditch practice this morning do they?"

"No, I think the Ravenclaws have the pitch at ten."

Peter frowned. "Then where the hell is he?"

"I was hoping you'd know."

Peter gave him a look. "Does it look like I have the answer?"

Remus shrugged. "Guess not. C'mon, let's go find James. I think he was the last one with the Map."

Peter nodded and they both quickly threw on casual clothes. Without taking a shower or brushing their teeth or even bothering to comb out the tangles in their hair, they rushed out of their room and through the hallways towards the Head quarters.

After muttering the password, Remus and Peter fled to James' side of the room, both of them choosing to pound on his door. "PRONGS! Open this door!"

"Prongs, do you know where Sirius is?" Peter cried out.

No answer.

"**JAMES**!" they both cried in unison.

They heard a door behind them burst open and when they whirled around, they were met with an exhausted-looking Lily. They glanced to their right to see an irate-looking Kay crawling off the couch to join Lily in forces of anger.

"What are you guys _doing_?" Lily cried in frustration, grabbing her bathrobe and throwing it over her very sheer pajamas.

"Oh. Were you two sleeping?" Remus asked.

Lily and Kay exchanged annoyed glances and turned back to him. "Of course not," Kay replied, dripping in sarcasm. "Because who the hell would be sleeping at eight-thirty on a Saturday morning?"

"Is that a trick question?" Peter asked sheepishly.

"Of _course_ we were sleeping, you half-witted morons! Any _sane_ person would be!" Lily screamed.

"Oh, did we wake you?" Peter asked guiltily.

They were received with stares of disbelief. "No, of course not," Kay said sarcastically.

"I mean, with loud banging and obnoxious yelling going on, any normal person could just sleep through it!" Lily shouted.

Remus and Peter slowly backed up against James' door as Lily and Kay crept closer to them with a look of vengeance in their eyes. "We're going to die here, aren't we," Remus muttered to Peter.

"Oh yeah."

"With no final words?"

"Nope."

"And no one to hear us scream?"

"Nope."

"We're screwed."

"Yep."

"We should probably say our goodbyes now."

"Yep."

Kay slapped Remus on the arm. "Stop whispering!" she shouted.

"Ouch," Remus muttered, rubbing his arm.

Lily crossed her arms bitterly and glared heatedly at them. "Now why…are…you…here?"

"I think we need a better explanation than the one we have," Peter muttered to Remus.

"I know, I'm trying to think of one…"

"Any luck?"

"None whatsoever."

"Will you two _stop_ whispering amongst yourselves and answer us?" Kay growled.

"Uh…we're looking for James?" Remus said guiltily.

Kay and Lily exchanged irritated glances. "That's it?" Lily asked curiously. "_That's_ what all the bloody noise is about?"

"_That's_ what the loud pounding on the door was for? And what the screechy high-pitched screaming was for? That was why I was woken up at eight-thirty in the bloody morning?" Kay shrieked.

"Think Remus, think!" Peter hissed.

"Sirius wasn't in his bed and we were just wondering if James knew where he possibly was," Remus explained, wincing.

Kay blinked.

"Y'know you're lucky I left my wand in my room or you two would be as good as hexed," drawled Lily.

"I said _think_, Remus, not use _that _lame excuse," Peter muttered under his breath to Remus.

"It's the truth," Remus hissed.

"Yes and more often than not, the truth is lame," Peter pointed out. "This wasn't any different."

"_Stop_ whispering!" Kay cried out in annoyance.

"Can we go back to banging on James' door then?" Remus asked sheepishly.

"Sure," Lily replied. "If you want to be castrated."

Remus made a face. "Maybe we'll go find Sirius somewhere else."

"Good idea," she replied with a look.

"Besides, James isn't here," Kay finally chimed in.

"What?" Lily replied.

"What?" Peter said, glancing at Remus.

"_What_?" Remus responded in aggravation.

"Yeah, he left about a half hour ago with a bunch of his Quidditch gear."

"So _that's_ probably where Sirius is!" Lily assumed, giving Remus an irritated look. "Where you should have looked in the first place instead of barging in where people were trying to sleep."

"But they don't have Quidditch practice today," Remus pointed out.

"I'm sorry, but do I look like I care if they have Quidditch practice or not?" Lily demanded.

"I think this is another trick question," Remus whispered to Peter.

"Most likely, yeah," Peter stated back softly. "But she_ is_ cranky."

"I think she blames us for that," Remus hissed.

"She has good reason to," Peter murmured.

"Yeah, we did wake her up," Remus muttered.

"STOP THAT!" Kay screamed. "Why are you still here?"

"Because we're backed into a corner and can't leave until you get out of the way," Remis pointed out. "Which I'd do if you want to go back to sleep."

Lily glared at him. "I would still be _asleep _in my warm _bed _if you two boneheads hadn't _rudely _interrupted!" Lily growled.

"Did she really just call us boneheads?" Peter muttered.

Lily balled her fists up angrily. "Blame my less-than-skillful insults on the fact that I am exhausted."

Remus winced. "You're going to hold this over our heads for a long time, aren't you."

"Most definitely."

* * *

About an hour later, Sirius was still nowhere to be found though James was now involved in their search. After Remus and Peter had gone down to the Quidditch pitch, greeted by a confused James, James admitted he hadn't seen Sirius since dinner the evening before. James unfortunately advised them that it was Sirius who had the Map so they couldn't even use it to track him down.

"Okay, so he wasn't on the Quidditch pitch, he wasn't in the Astronomy Tower, he wasn't in the Great Hall, he wasn't in the Room of Requirement, he wasn't in the East Tower, he wasn't in the Owlery, he wasn't-"

"It might be faster, Prongs, if you just say he wasn't anywhere we looked," Remus argued, as they headed into the Gryffindor common room.

"Duly noted."

"I say we take a power nap before alerting the media that our best friend has gone AWOL," Peter stated, yawning incessantly.

"Maybe he pulled a Kay and broke up with Lance," James suggested with a teasing grin, reminded of the time Kay had gone missing for a whole day.

Remus shot him a look. "It's suggestions like that one that make me wonder why I bothered involving you in this search at all."

"Maybe Rachael knows," James offered, nodding his head towards her direction as she descended down the girls' stairwell.

Remus hesitated. "And it's suggestions like that one that make me realize why," he sighed, leading the three of them over to Rachael. "Hey, Rachael. Any chance you've seen Sirius?"

She made a face. "Not since he turned down sex last night."

Three shocked expressions stared back at her. "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly," Peter spoke, clearing his throat. "Did you say that-"

"Yes, Sirius Black turned down my very outward, definitely not-so-subtle proposal to have my way with him," she drawled. "Said he wasn't in the mood."

"He's always in the mood!"

"Yeah, that's what I said," she muttered, shrugging. "But he was being obstinate. Couldn't tell you why unfortunately."

"Interesting," Remus muttered as she stalked off to meet her friends in the corner of the room.

"Anyone else think that something is up with the guy?" James asked curiously.

Remus snorted, shooting him a look. "Once again, a not so helpful suggestion."

James merely shrugged, grinning sheepishly.

"So where's we land on that whole power nap thing?" Peter asked.

Remus and James couldn't help but laugh as they led them back up to their room. "Well, he's got to be around here somewhere. It's not like he disappeared off the face of the earth," James sighed, opening the door to their dorm room. He stopped short when he was greeted with the sight of Sirius lounging on his bed.

"Padfoot?" Peter cried out incredulously.

"Am I hallucinating?" Remus asked.

"It sure looks like him," James muttered.

"Hey guys," Sirius greeted.

"And it sounds like him too!"

"That's 'cause I am him! I-I mean, me," Sirius pointed out, furrowing his brow curiously. "And I was wondering what the hell happened when I returned back to my room and saw that Peter wasn't still asleep."

"You mean he wasn't _snoring_?" Remus snickered.

"HEY!" Peter argued. "I don't snore!"

"Wormtail, we have record players that we used to tape your incessant snoring that dispute that statement," James said, rolling his eyes. "And when did we change the subject?"

"What subject?" Sirius asked, confused.

Peter glared at Sirius. "I was up at eight-thirty in the morning because I was looking for you. What the hell were you doing out of bed so early on a Saturday morning?"

Sirius shrugged. "I wasn't tired."

"That's because you went to bed at ten-thirty last night!" Peter accused.

"You went to bed at ten-thirty last night?" James repeated in shock, staring at Sirius skeptically. Now he knew something was up. Sirius was always the last to crawl into bed each night.

Sirius shrugged. "I was tired then," he said with a smirk. "I'm hungry. Anybody want to join me in the kitchens?"

"Lunch is like in an hour," James pointed out.

"And I'm hungry now. Your point?"

"My point is that you've gone crazy!"

"Pretty sure I did that years ago," Sirius said with a grin. "Now, are you coming or not?" He climbed off the bed and walked past them.

"Yeah," James agreed.

"Of course," Remus added.

"I'm not hungry, I'm _tired_," Peter pointed out.

"I'm not hungry either," Remus hissed. "I just want to know what the hell is going on with him."

Peter paused. "Suddenly I'm not so tired."

* * *

"So you going to tell us what's the matter with you, Padfoot, or do we need to forcefeed you more pancakes?" Remus asked, chucking a piece of chocolate chip pancake into his mouth even though he had probably already had enough. He was lying back on one of the benches as his three friends lounged on top of the table, Sirius facing ceiling, James sitting crosslegged, and Peter dangling his feet over the table edge.

"Nothing's the matter with me," he argued, shrugging.

"Sirius, the last time any one of us tried dragging you out of your bed earlier than eleven o'clock on a Saturday morning, you smacked us with a pillow and permanently turned our hair pink."

"Personally, I think the pink worked for you, Moony."

He rolled his eyes. "And rumor is you turned down sex with Rachael last night."

Sirius stiffened slightly. "That girl was getting on my last nerve."

"Last week you called her a Goddess."

"And now I'm calling her annoying."

"Big shock," Peter muttered. "You date a girl for an indefinite period of time before suddenly-"

"I never dated Rachael LeBlanc," Sirius interrupted with a grunt.

"Fine, you _sleep _with a girl for an indefinite period of time and then when you get sick of her, you suddenly decide she's annoying. Ever think it's you that's annoying?"

"Pretty sure I'm not going to take relationship advice from you, Wormy," Sirius snapped.

Remus found himself rolling his eyes. "Oh, sure, you can dole out the advice but the moment you don't want to hear our opinions, you put up a wall," Remus muttered.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Remus sighed, sitting up from the bench to face Sirius. "Riley."

While Sirius' expression remained stoic, tension emanated from his posture. "We are not here to talk about Gilmore."

"What advice to Riley are you giving?" James finally spoke, curiosity dripping from his words.

"It doesn't matter," he muttered. "It was foolish of me to think we could ever have a civilized conversation. Pass me a biscuit."

"Maybe you just caught her at a bad time," Remus suggested cautiously, ignoring his request. "Given the fact that she just found out Kay broke up with Lance and on top of that, that Miranda and Justine were just using her."

"Oh, right, like the timing would have really made-"

"Wait, what?" James interrupted, snapping his head towards Remus. "Riley found out Miranda and Justine were using her? How?"

Remus shrugged. "They told her."

"No, how were they using her, you prat," James replied, rolling his eyes.

He chuckled. "Oh. Apparently they were hoping Riley could help them get in with our group."

James made a face, shuddering. "Oh, the horror."

"You're telling me."

James frowned. "How did Riley take it?"

Remus' gaze fell towards Sirius. "Well, for one, she took it out on Padfoot. And two-"

"She didn't take it out on me," Sirius argued, sighing. "She would have said the exact same thing even if she hadn't just gotten duped by Hobbes and Mille. Can you pass me a biscuit?"

Remus once again ignored his request. "And _two_," he urged. "I just think she's probably feeling a bit alone right now."

"And whose fault is that?" Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, will you pass me a biscuit?"

"It's her fault," Remus said with a shrug. "I didn't say it wasn't. I'm just saying that she suddenly felt very alone and friendless and I guarantee, your presence didn't help any. Just a reminder that-"

"Yeah, yeah, that we're far from friends," he muttered dismissively. "Now will ya pass me a goddamned biscuit, Moony?"

Remus glared at him but tossed him a biscuit. "You have been in such a pissy mood all weekend. What gives?"

"You'd be pissy too if you had to request a biscuit three times before being given one."

"The basket is about a foot away from you. You could have moved your lazy arse to get one if you were really that desperate."

Sirius shrugged, stuffing the entire biscuit into his mouth and practically swallowing it whole. "Well, this has been fun," he muttered. "But I've got to go meet Rachael."

"You just called her annoying!" Peter argued.

"Yeah, she was annoying last night. But it's Saturday. Things change," he snapped, shooting Peter a look

Remus and James couldn't hely but exchange a worried look. Sirius sounded so bitter, so irritated. It was very unlike him. "Seriously, Padfoot, are you okay?"

"Just peachy," he grunted, hopping off the bench and heading towards the exit. "I'll see you later."

Once the door shut behind him, James shook his head. "Why do I have a feeling he isn't peachy?"

Remus sighed. "Because he isn't."

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, that's it for now! I hope everyone's satisfied with the amount of LJ interaction and Sirius-Riley interaction and Marauder interaction!


	23. Of Pompoms, Sharp Knives, & Cookies

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! Sorry that it took so long for me to update. I had finals at school and then I had to pack to go home so I didn't have enough time to update while I was still at school. And it took me a while to unpack and get my computer set up. So again, sorry for the delay. But I'm back and with another chapter!

**Disclaimer: **Surprisingly, I'm NOT J.K. Rowling. I know, you all must be _shocked._

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 23: Of Pom-Poms, Sharp Knives, & Cookies

* * *

Riley sat in her bed for the entirety of Saturday afternoon, claiming she had endless work to do. In actuality, she just needed the time alone to think about the situation she was in. She was torn between her anger, disappointment, frustration, and overall confusion. She glanced at the pictures taped against her wall beside her bed and sighed, lingering her eyes over a picture with her, Lily, and Kay. It was taken in second year outside by the lake. Riley tried to remember why it was taken but she couldn't remember anything except that minutes after, the Marauders had managed to push them into the lake. Granted, Riley was able to convince the four guys to jump in after them and they spent a fun afternoon splashing around and jumping on each other's shoulders. It was so easy being twelve-years-old. Trying to avoid being splashed in the face by the guys was the most of their worries. They used to have so much fun together and now, everything was so screwed up. And Riley wasn't entirely sure if it was Kay's fault or her own.

Everything had gotten so out of hand. Riley's initial reaction was anger over Kay's betrayal. But looking back, that anger was just a facade for the agony she had been feeling. She had wanted to punish Kay and make Kay feel guilty, but Riley took it too far. She had just used Miranda and Justine to get back at Kay and didn't realize how carried away she was getting. And now, she wasn't even sure Kay would forgive her after the way she treated her. Riley probably didn't deserve it.

But on the other hand, Riley wasn't so sure she was ready to forgive Kay. Kay _did _go behind her back and date her brother. Riley felt really hurt when she found out about it, mostly because two people she had felt especially close to had deliberately kept a huge secret from her. She was angry that Kay hadn't come to her and talked to her _before _she and Lance started dating. Riley knew she wouldn't exactly have been supportive and she knew that she probably would have tried to list the many reasons why it was a bad idea, but at least she would have heard it straight from them and not from a lousy letter. She had to find out from her brother's words who wasn't at school with her and didn't live under the same roof with her for ten months out of the year. She was humiliated and looking back, she didn't fully understand, nor did she try to understand, how such a big secret was kept from her. Although she had directed her anger towards Kay, maybe her anger should have been directed more towards the situation. It had put Riley in a really awkward position, not knowing whose side she should be on: her brother's or her best friend's. And in the end, she had chosen neither. It was easier being mad at them both than trying to wrap her head around the whole confusing situation. To this day, she wasn't entirely sure she understood. But maybe it was time she tried to figure it out.

Riley wished she had handled the whole situation better. She wished that she hadn't pushed her real friends away. She wished she wasn't so brainwashed because of Justine and Miranda. She wished she didn't act mad for so long. She wished she had talked to Kay when Kay had walked up to her. But mostly, she just wished she had apologized to Kay weeks earlier. Because truth was, Riley had been a huge bitch to Kay. And no matter how angry Riley had been, that was no excuse to completely shut out your best friend.

But maybe a part of her had been shutting out Kay not because of anger but because of jealousy. Both Kay and Lance had barely dated before each other while Riley had been with plenty of guys before. Why did they have to try commitment with each other? More importantly, why did they seem to find _success _in committing to each other? In reading Lance's letter to Kay, it was obvious he had real feelings for her. And not the kind of fleeting feelings he had had with girls in the past. They truly cared for each other. Riley wondered when the last time she truly cared about a guy was. Or when a guy truly cared about her. Why did Kay and Lance find happiness with each other? Riley sighed. Well, they certainly weren't happy now. And she had first-handedly caused that. She had caused her best friend and her brother to feel pain and that incidentally made Riley feel lower than she had ever felt before.

Kay _did _break up with Lance for her when Riley knew it wasn't what she wanted to do. Kay _did _choose their friendship over her relationship. Kay _did _understand how angry Riley had been at the situation.

Riley groaned. Maybe a part of her didn't condone the relationship, but that wasn't something Riley should have gotten in the way of. It wasn't her life to live. She didn't get to make the decisions. And by ignoring Kay and being rude to her, in the end, Riley had made that final decision. And that wasn't fair to Kay or her brother.

Riley was the closest with Lance out of all her brothers and she was just afraid that her friendship with her brother would weaken because he was in a relationship with her best friend. She realized that she was jealous and afraid that her best friend might be replacing her in her family and in Lance's life, but she should have realized that Lance and Kay wouldn't have let that happen. She was just trying to protect herself by manipulating Kay. But at what cost? Both her brother and her best friend were miserable and hated her for causing their break-up. She not only ruined their relationship but she ruined both her friendships with Lance and Kay. That was clear by what Kay had said. And by the letter that Lance had just sent her.

Riley grabbed the letter off of her nightstand and sighed, rereading it to herself. Lance made it clear that he was angry with Riley, that she had ruined one of the best things that had happened to him. He pointed out that there were plenty of times that he didn't like Riley's relationships or the way she acted around the opposite sex but he never got in the way. He had let Riley make her own decisions. And he was right. He did always state his opinion about her personal life, mostly because Riley always told him about her relationships. They told each other everything. But he let her make her own mistakes. And now...now, she should have returned the favor. But naturally, she screwed up.

Riley knew what she had to do as she grabbed a quill off the nightstand and a free piece of parchment.

She just wasn't sure if it was going to go like she had planned.

* * *

During dinner that night, Riley braced herself for what might either be a complete mistake or what could be a huge sigh of relief.

"Hey Kay," Riley said confidently.

Kay froze and turned around, knowing perfectly well who was standing behind her. "Hey," she muttered.

"Um…can I sit?"

Kay looked up at her, blinking. She shrugged. "I guess I can't stop you."

Riley frowned. So far, it wasn't a good start. "Kay, I wanted to tell you that-"

"Don't bother. I know why you're here," Kay quickly interrupted, her voice cool and irritated.

"Er...you do?" Riley questioned, not really sure why _she_ was there in the first place.

"I was in the library corridor last night, Riley. I know what happened between you and our roommates," she explained, shooting a glare at her ex-friend.

"Oh…" Riley muttered, confused. She pursed her lips curiously. "I'm sorry, but what does that have to do with me here now?"

Kay snorted, a cynical laugh quickly escaping. "Are you kidding, Gilmore?" she smirked.

Riley sighed, wondering when they had gone to a last-name basis. "No. I'm here to apologize, Kay. I'm not sure what that has to do with Miranda and Justine."

"You wouldn't be here attempting to apologize to me for acting so self-righteous about our situation if you hadn't found out that Miranda and Justine were using you to get to the Marauders!"

Riley hesitated, opening her mouth to defend herself but she couldn't find the words to speak. She eventually sighed. "Okay, I realize the timing probably seems off, but I'm not here because of what happened last night. I'm here because of what happened two nights ago. You breaking up with Lance, I mean."

Kay shook her head, rage coursing through her veins. "Oh really? So if you were still friends with the Bitchateers now, you wouldn't be eating with them? You wouldn't be sitting down at that end of the table making fun of me and being just loud enough to make sure I can _hear_ every bloody detail? You wouldn't be throwing itty-bitty pieces of bread at me blaming it on the guys at the Slytherin table? You're actually telling me that if you were still friends with those two-timing, clueless, prissy princesses that you'd still be sitting next to me trying to force an apology out?"

Riley's initial instinct was to scowl, but it turned into a guilty frown instead. When she put it that way, she sounded likt a royal bitch. Oh wait, she had been a royal bitch. And Kay had a point. She probably wouldn't have come to her sudden revelation if Miranda and Justine were still friends with her. However, it wasn't because of Miranda and Justine dropping her; it was what Sirius had said to her _after _they dropped her.

Having Miranda and Justine break their friendship was pretty much the best thing that could have happened. After she had run back to her room to throw things around the room in anger, she couldn't help but realize that Kay and Lily were her true friends. They were always there for her and always would be. But at that point, it just looked like a pity apology in Kay's point of view and there wasn't really anything Riley could do about it.

After a long unfortunate silence, Kay shrugged. "That's what I thought. Now, if you-"

"Kay, I really _am_ sorry for everything. I know you don't believe me, and why should you, but you deserve to at least hear my apology. You're right. Maybe without Miranda and Justine brainwashing me, I was able to realize that the friendship that you, Lily and I have is worth _more_ to me than anything."

Kay gave her a pained look. "But it's still the no more Miranda and Justine part that made you come running back to me. You were using them to get back at me and even if you didn't know it then, you know it now. And that hurts even more than you could possibly know," she explained, swallowing hard in hopes she wouldn't burst into tears in the middle of the Great Hall. "I know I betrayed you. I know I went behind your back. I _know _I didn't tell you about the relationship, but I realized it all on my own and I did the right thing. Not only did you deliberately betray _our_ friendship and go behind _my_ back to make friends with our roommates, but you didn't even realize what you were doing until it came to bite you in the ass."

"Kay, I-"

"No, Riley, I meant what I said yesterday. I am _done _with you. I am done listening to you try and make excuses," she argued, shaking her head. "When you have a real apology that is acknowledged with sincerity and legitimacy, maybe then I'll listen to you. But for now, just stay away from me. It's the least you could do for me."

Riley didn't know how to respond without sounding desperate.

Kay started to gather her things, sending one last pointed glare towards Riley. "Maybe when you're alone in your room and realize you have no friends, you'll realize what I've been going through. Maybe _then_ you'll finally realize what it's like to have your best friend ditch you. And maybe then you'll suddenly realize how sorry you should be."

Kay rushed out of the Great Hall with her head held high as best she could. As she turned the corner she ran into an empty classroom, slammed the door shut and slid to the ground. As miserable as she had been without Riley, she wasn't going to let Riley get away with the way she had been treating her. She deserved to see how it felt to be hurt by a best friend. She deserved to see how it felt to be completely alone.

The only problem was, Kay was feeling alone, too.

* * *

Riley tried ignoring the fact that the only person she could seriously rely on at that point was herself. She had lost all of her friends over a situation where she was totally the one to blame. Everything put in perspective just made her feel that much guiltier about what she had done and said to everyone over the past month. She just wanted to wake up and realize it was all a dream.

Of course, Riley knew she hardly ever got what she wanted.

_Knock, knock._

Riley pulled back her curtain and was about to get off the bed to go to the door when it slowly opened and in the doorway hovered James.

Riley snickered. "I can't believe no one ever thought of riding a broomstick up here!"

James grinned. "I just like to think that I'm smarter than the rest of the male population here at school."

Riley gave him a look.

"Okay, Remus gave me the idea."

Riley forced out a laugh. "That's what I thought."

"So what's all this?" James asked, gesturing to all of the textbooks spread out across Riley's bedspread.

Riley shrugged. "Well, I have a Charms essay to write but I got bored of that easily, so I threw that to the side and moved on to History of Magic. But that almost put me to sleep, so I pushed that aside and took my Transfiguration book to start studying for next week's exam. But I realized that I can't remember a damn thing McGonagall was talking about so I figured I'd go to Lily later. So then I moved on to Divination but God knows how old making things up about my death can get. So then I started on the Herbology work. However, plants are seriously not my thing. So I moved back to Charms. And now I have arranged the textbooks on my bed in a systematically fashion to what I find appealing after boredom!"

James stared at her blankly and hopped off his broom. "You do realize that it's a Saturday night, right?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, I was supposed to be going on a date but I didn't really feel like it. So I guess I'm just keeping myself busy for now."

James' eyebrow shot up. _"You_ didn't feel like going on a date?"

"Don't sound so surprised," she muttered.

James merely shrugged and pushed away a few books at the edge of Riley's bed so he could sit down.

She gasped and slapped James' knee. "Do you know how long arranging these books took me?"

"Probably longer than you have been studying."

Riley shrugged. "Hm, true. But it kept me busy." She snickered and leaned back against her pillow. "So what's up? Why are you here?"

"Because Remus and Peter ran off to the library and I was planning on avoiding that place tonight. And I have absolutely no idea where Sirius has run off to. He seemed to have disappeared today."

"Well, I'm glad to know I'm your fourth pick of who you wanted to hang out with."

James laughed. "Just wanted to see how you were doing," he said, a lopsided smile appearing on his face.

Riley groaned and buried her head in her arms. "Does the whole _school_ know about what happened between Miranda, Justine, and I last night outside the library?"

James patted Riley's leg sympathetically. "Well you are a hot topic around here, especially since the whole Kay dating your brother affair." he pointed out, cringing guiltily. "Hm, I probably didn't need to mention that."

Riley looked up at James and shrugged. "Yeah, well I'm beginning to think that that whole ordeal between me and her was actually over-dramatized."

"I think that's your wishful side talking."

She sighed. "Yeah, I Know."

He glanced over at her hesitantly. He was sure he should keep his mouth shut, but found himself blurting out, "You know, Kay did break up with your brother to save your friendship. Don't you think that might be worth something?"

To James' surprise, Riley immediately nodded and replied, "Yeah. I do."

James turned to give Riley a skeptical look. "Uh…run that by me again?"

"I tried apologizing to Kay at lunch today."

James' jaw dropped and he almost squealed in delight. "Riles, that's great!"

"Um…no, not so great."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"She didn't exactly accept the apology," Riley murmured, starting to pack up her schoolwork knowing she wouldn't be doing anything for the rest of the night. It also kept her busy from noticing the piercing stare James was bearing through the back of her head.

"But…why not? Just last week she was saying how much she wanted things to go back to normal."

"Apparently she thought I was only apologizing because I needed some friends back in life considering what happened with Miranda and Justine."

"Oh," James said hesitantly. "You know, that actually makes sense."

Riley glared at him.

"Sorry," he winced.

Riley groaned and banged her head against the headboard a few times. "When did life become so bloody difficult?"

"I think it was from the moment your parents said 'Let's name her Riley,'" James joked, winking teasingly at his oldest friend.

Riley gasped. "Oh my God, you're right!" she cried. "This wouldn't be happening if my name was…was Tiffany or Jennifer or…or…_Brittany_!"

James stared incredulously at Riley, obviously trying hard not to break into laughter. "Uh…actually, I meant life became difficult from the moment you were born."

Riley waved her hand indifferently and replied, "I know what you meant but think about it! A Brittany wouldn't have had one of her best friends go behind her back to date her brother!"

"Uh…_no_, but a 'Brittany' would have to deal with carrying pom-poms around her whole life," James snickered.

Riley gave him a rather discontented look. "Do I look like cheerleader material?"

"Of course not, but you're also questioning your name which leads me to believe you've been abducted by aliens. And you never know, they could be cheerleading-loving aliens."

Riley couldn't help but burst into laughter. "I'm acting insane, aren't I," she sighed.

"Yeah, kinda," James teased. "But I hear that friendless people are the first ones to turn insane."

Riley groaned. "I'm not friendless," she protested. She paused. "I still have you."

James shrugged. "Then you got screwed."

"Gee, that makes me feel so good," Riley replied dryly, a hint of a smile tugging at the end of her mouth. She shoved her bag towards the floor and stretched out her legs over James'. "I just want everything to go back to normal. Is that so hard to ask?"

James nodded. "Yes. Because nothing with the seventh-year Gryffindors ever seems normal around here."

Riley nodded in agreement and sighed. "You took the words right out of my mouth."

James yawned and crawled over to her side at the head of the bed, draping his arm over her shoulder as she cuddled beside him. "So Riles…" he said slowly. "How are you planning on winning Kay's friendship back?"

Riley sighed. "I have an idea. Granted, it involves tricking Dumbledore into doing something that's technically illegal here, causing Lily to probably hate me more than she does, and could possibly get me expelled from school for even suggesting it to the school faculty."

James paused. "Do you think you might need another plan?"

Riley laughed. "Well, the other plan was to just go beg for Kay's forgiveness by groveling at her feet, but somehow doing it the Sirius Black way doesn't seem right."

James burst into laughter and shook his head in disbelief. "If you can forgive Kay for her betrayal, do you think you might ever do the same with Sirius?" he dared to ask.

She frowned. "You don't know anything about that betrayal," she muttered. "What he did isn't something I can forgive."

James sighed, his gaze falling upon her sad face. "Are you ever going tell me what happened between you two?"

"No," she said softly. "I've spent the past two years trying to forget what happened. If I told you what happened, how is that going to help me forget it?"

He didn't respond, his thoughts swirling in his head. He couldn't figure out what went wrong between them or what could have possibly happened to cause so much hatred between them. "Look, Riley," he said slowly, "I've been on the receiving end of Sirius' stupidity before. Sometimes he makes bad decisions and sometimes he does things that could make me kill him with my bare hands. But 99% of the time he's such a moral, good guy who really just wants to prove it was the smartest decision of his life the day he disowned the Black family. So don't let one mistake get in the way of the close bond you once shared. Don't let that 1% of him ruin what you had."

"It wasn't that 1% that ruined us. It was all 100% of him that ruined us," she responded almost immediately.

"Riles," he could only say, his tone light and desperate.

"Don't 'Riles' me," she muttered, shaking her head. "James, I know you always like to swoop in and try and fix things, but what happened between Black and I is far from fixable."

"I don't try to swoop in and fix everything."

She shot him a look.

He sighed. "Alright, maybe I do. But you and Sirius deserve better."

Riley didn't reply. Mostly because she didn't agree. Maybe she deserved better but Sirius sure as hell didn't.

There was a light knock on the door before it creaked open.

"I don't know why anyone knocks around here. They just walk in anyway," Riley snickered as Lily bounced in energetically.

"Hey Riley! I was wondering if—oh. You," Lily summed up after spotting James sitting next to Riley, her eyes narrowing at him.

Riley looked back and forth between the angry looks on Lily and James' faces and sighed. "Okay, I thought you two were getting along."

James gave her a look. "Where'd you get an idea like that?"

"Last week, when you said you two were getting along."

Before James could protest, Lily quickly interrupted. "Well things change," she said haughtily, glaring at James and crossing her arms bitterly.

Riley gave James a curious sideways glance and James just shrugged. "Don't look at me. I'd still like to know what happened."

Riley gave Lily a look. "You mean you never told him why you started hating him again?"

Lily glared at her. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Well, I'd still like to know what happened. I've been begging to know non-stop but she won't crack. Truth be told, I was fine being friends with her," James interjected.

"We were never friends!" she barked.

"Well we were being awfully friendly with each other for _not_ being friends," James protested.

"Friends give each other respect and consideration, which _you_ know nothing about!" Lily shrieked.

"Well now we're getting somewhere," Riley pointed out.

"I'd _like_ to be getting out of here with you, Riley," Lily declared.

Riley turned to James to give him an apologetic look.

"Oh, just go with her," James decided. "And if you could figure out why she hates me so much that would be much appreciated."

"I make no promises," she snickered. She gave James a kiss on the cheek and then slid off the bed and followed a very bitter-looking Lily out of the room.

"See you later, Brittany," James teased when she was halfway out of the room.

"Don't make me throw my pom-poms at you!" Riley cried after him.

Lily gave her a curious look as they descended down the stairs into the commons room. "Why are you just letting him sit up there? He could be going through our personal stuff right now!"

Riley rolled her eyes. "James wouldn't do that."

"You obviously don't know him like I do."

"And you obviously don't know him like _I_ do," Riley retaliated. "So why have you gone back to despising the guy? Even though I wasn't exactly hanging around you guys during your somewhat friend-slash-acquaintance phase, I did enjoy passing you two in the hallway without having to embark on some sort of screaming match."

Lily crossed her arms in frustration and plopped down on an empty couch. "Things change, Riley," she muttered. "_HE_ doesn't."

"Oh, well that clears up everything."

Lily rolled her eyes. "He just doesn't get it."

"Doesn't get what?" Riley asked.

Lily sighed. "It doesn't matter."

Riley rolled her eyes. "You two are so hot and cold, it's almost disturbing. First, you hate each other from the start. Then around last year you two learn to warm up to each other, this year you go back to complete hatred, then suddenly out of _nowhere _you're friends, and then of _course _just a few weeks later, again out of nowhere, you go back to being complete enemies!"

"What's your point?" Lily asked.

"My point is that you two should just date and get it over with now," Riley snickered.

That was not what Lily was expecting to hear. "_What_?"

"Well, isn't it obvious? You two have the hots for each other," Riley grinned, enjoying the shocked and disgusted look on Lily's face.

Lily scrunched up her nose. "I do not and will _never _have the hots for…_him_."

Riley chuckled. "That was worth just hearing you use the word 'hots' in a sentence."

Lily growled, narrowing her eyes at her friend. "To be fair Riley, I don't think you should be giving me advice on love-hate relationships. Specifically, about going from friends to enemies with someone in the Marauder clan," she pointed out.

Riley made a face. "Ugh, _don't _talk to me about Black. Besides, it's totally different. I used to be friends with him, I realized what a complete ass he was, and went to hating him—there was never any back-and-forth period like you and James. I'm telling you, there's something going on between you. I don't think the idea of you two dating is totally fabricated."

Lily glared at her and scowled. "So, let me get this straight. Are you _seriously_ saying that you think Potter and me will have a relationship at some point?"

Riley backed up in fear of her life, Lily's deadly look piercing into her. "You know, you already have a relationship," she replied slowly. "It's just not a very good one."

Lily crossed her arms bitterly and stared at Riley with a look of intense anger. "Don't think that just because I'm Head Girl and supposed to keep up the innocent image I won't murder you in your sleep."

Riley laughed. "I'm telling you, you two will eventually get along long enough to form some sort of basis for a relationship."

Lily glared at her. "Oh _really_?" she replied, putting her hands on her hips pointedly. "And will you and _Sirius_ get along long enough to form some sort of basis for a relationship?" she retaliated.

Riley scowled. "All I have to say to that is ew."

Lily laughed. "My sentiments exactly. About Potter, I mean. Not Sirius."

"Oh, so you'd date Black?"

"Does Sirius even know _how _to date? He's never been with a girl longer than...well, one night."

Riley couldn't help but laugh. "He is with Rachael now. It's been two months."

"Oh, right, and that counts as a _relationship_?" Lily snickered.

"HAH! I'm pretty sure calling her up for a booty call whenever Sirius is horny doesn't count as a relationship."

"My thoughts exactly."

Riley grinned. "So why did you seek me out, Lils?"

"It's…uh…it's about Kay," Lily said awkwardly, ready for Riley to lash out on her.

Instead of some angry retort, Riley shifted on the couch and sighed. "What about her?"

Lily gave Riley a look. "That's it? No 'I don't want to talk about her,' or 'Get off my back,' or my personal favorite 'If you want me to throw you off a cliff then please continue?'"

Riley shrugged. "You're going to tell me anyway so what's the point of arguing. For the past 24 hours, all I've heard from everyone is that I should make up with Kay. I'm getting pretty tired of it…especially when she won't even forgive me."

Lily was taken aback by her response. "What? Why wouldn't she forgive you? She's been moping around my private quarters for the past month wondering when you were going to get your act together."

"Well, that's what I figured. Turns out she wants more than an apology."

"What?"

"I tried to apologize to her earlier but she wouldn't even hear me out," Riley explained.

Lily was stunned. She knew there had to be more to the story but she was too speechless to ask. "You…you apologized?"

Riley shrugged. "Yeah, but it's not like it did anything," she mumbled.

"But...but why didn't she forgive you?" Lily questioned.

Riley sighed and flipped her hair behind her back. "She thinks my apology had more to do with my fight with Justine and Miranda than it had to do with me accepting what I've done wrong."

Lily bit her lip nervously, knowing that Kay was probably right. "Well...in due time, I think she'll be willing to listen to you apologize."

Riley nodded, wishing it were that simple. She stared at her hands and sighed, looking up at Lily with an apologetic look. "Lily...I just...I just wanted to apologize to _you_ for the way I acted."

"You don't have to apologize to _me_," Lily pointed out.

"Yes, I do," she argued. "I took it out on you because of _my _mistakes and...and I'm sorry that I got mad at you when you had nothing to do with it."

Lily chuckled. "Yeah, well you were brainwashed by the Prissy Posse, so I guess I'll forgive you..._this _time."

Riley laughed and gave her a quick hug. "Thanks, Lily."

"I bet Kay will realize you were brainwashed and forgive you soon enough," Lily added hastily.

Riley sighed, not really wanting to talk about Kay at that moment.

A dark shadow loomed over them and they turned around to be face-to-face with Remus. "Hey," he said simply. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Riley quickly replied. "We were just about to change the subject," she continued, giving Lily a warning look.

"Um…okay," he said curiously. "So what are you two doing here on a Saturday night?"

"Being bored," Lily replied with a chuckle. "What about you? Don't you have some hot date or something?"

"Oh I'm sorry, you must be confusing me with Sirius and James."

Both Riley and Lily laughed. "Good point."

"So if you guys are bored why don't you go do something?" Remus asked.

Lily gave Remus a look. "It's Hogwarts. There isn't anything to do unless you count studying endlessly in the library fun…which by the way, I don't, much to Potter's protests."

"Hm…again, why do you hate Pot-"

"I wouldn't go there if I were you," Riley warned.

"Unless of course you wanted your body parts rearranged," Lily added out of pent-up frustration.

Remus snickered. "Hm...nope, I'm good with my limbs in tact," he said rolling his eyes. "Now c'mon. Get up and follow me."

"To go where?" Lily asked cautiously.

"To go have fun."

"Name one place in this school that is even _remotely_ fun," Lily said dryly.

Remus shrugged. "Well whenever the Marauders get bored, we-"

"I am _not_ playing a prank on the Slytherins," she interrupted.

"Now what makes you think that's the first thing on our agenda when we get bored?" Remus demanded.

"The countless times I've had to pull one of the Marauders off the Slytherins in the midst of a brawl makes me think that," Lily pointed out.

Remus opened his mouth to protest but eventually shrugged. "You may have a point," he said with a grin. "But not what I was going to suggest."

"I'm _not _having sex with brainless bimbos," Lily argued.

"Haven't we already established I'm not Sirius or James?" he teased.

Lily laughed. "Duly noted."

Remus grinned. "As I was saying, when we get bored, we head down to the kitchens."

"How are the kitchens fun?" Lily demanded to know.

"Well, it's always fun to throw sharp knives at Black," Riley interjected.

Lily scoffed. "Riley! That's so…so-"

"Oh relax. I wouldn't do that," she explained.

Remus gave her a look.

"Well, I wouldn't do it _again_."

Their laughter filled the room. "C'mon Lily," Riley urged. "We could stay here and talk about how Kay will never forgive me, which isn't exactly my favorite subject to talk about and could possibly end up with someone being beheaded, or we could take Remus up on his offer and attempt to enjoy an adventure to the kitchens."

"I'm not exactly sure how you can make an adventure of heading to the kitchens, but considering I like my head the way it is, I guess this is the best choice."

Remus looked intrigued. "Oooh, but I wouldn't mind hearing about the Kay situation."

Riley glared at him.

"Then again, the kitchen sounds awesome."

"Y'know, Remus, we don't hang out with you enough," Lily pointed out as they all walked out of the already fairly empty commons room.

"That's because you two hate one of my best friends—different ones, ironically enough."

Riley paused. "That's a valid point—the hating your friends part I mean. I don't find it ironic how Black will never get his act together and it seems like James has."

Lily snorted. "Potter knows jack shit about the real world—I wouldn't exactly call that getting his act together."

Riley shrugged. "Yeah, but he is Head Boy which means that he's going to go somewhere in life."

Lily stared at her. "Oh yeah, because hexing anything with legs, landing himself in detention practically every week, and having sex with the slut of the week is going somewhere in life."

Remus hesitated. "Well at least he has goals."

"Besides, he doesn't have sex with a slut of the week—he's been with Kristina for a while now," Riley explained.

"I rest my case."

"Now why don't you like Kristina?" Remus questioned Lily, giving her a curious look.

Lily gave him a look. "Do _you _like Kristina?"

Remus paused. "Let's not get into that."

Lily grinned. "I knew it."

Remus rolled his eyes and quickly changed the subject. "So remind me, why exactly do you two hate my best friends again?"

"Potter's an egotistical, inconsiderate asshole," Lily quickly replied.

"Black's a womanizing, patronizing prick," Riley quickly added.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Well at least we're being specific," he said sarcastically.

"Can we change the subject?" Lily asked uncomfortably.

Remus sighed. "I will never know your hatred for my friends, will I?"

"Nope."

"Never."

"Not unless pigs start to fly."

"And maybe when hell freezes over."

"Or when Dumbledore resigns as Headmaster."

"Possibly when Pringle stops punishing students."

"When Black falls in love."

"When Riley forgives Sirius."

"I resent that."

"I thought you might."

Remus stared blankly at them. "A simple no would have been fine."

Riley and Lily grinned, linking arms. "The Riley and The Lily don't know simple," Lily said with a laugh.

"Ooh, I liked the 'the' you added in front of our names. Makes us sound more powerful," Riley grinned.

"Yeah, I thought you'd like it."

"You know me so well," Riley sighed with happiness.

"You two scare me," Remus mumbled. "And you're definitely _not _simple, I'll give that to you."

"Y'know, Remus, I didn't realize you knew the meaning of the word 'simple' considering your two best friends are Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dumbass," Riley pointed out.

"I'm going to just assume you mean James and Sirius and move on."

"That would be wise," Lily suggested with a smile. "But just for clarification purposes, which one is Tweedle-dee and which one is Tweedle-dumbass?"

Riley paused. "You're right. Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-dumbass sum them up better."

They all laughed.

"Okay, so let's play a little game called Let's Get to Know Remus," Riley said giddily.

"I've got a better idea," Remus argued, "_No_."

Riley paused. "Hm…okay, well I've considered your idea and am refuting it."

"Is that fair?"

Riley gave him a look. "All in favor of getting to know Remus more, say aye. Aye!"

"Aye!" Lily cried with a laugh.

"Two against one, you lose."

Remus groaned. "I don't know why I ever offered to head down to the kitchens with you two. I knew it would be trouble."

"Well think about it like this—we can't play Let's Get to Know Lily," Riley pointed out. "I already know her plenty."

"But I don't," Remus clarified, giving her a pleading look.

"And we're going to keep it at that _before_ you spill all of my secrets out to Potter," Lily clarified. "I don't need him running the gossip mill with _my _insider information."

Remus gave her a look. "I'm not Sirius. I don't go around telling everyone's secrets to anyone with...well, with ears."

Lily couldn't help but laugh as Riley rolled her eyes. "Okay let's start the game," Riley grinned.

Remus groaned. "I already know I'm going to regret this..."

"So Remus, who was your last girlfriend?" Riley asked.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "So, we're just going to dive right into the personal questions?"

"Of course. Those are the best kind," Riley snickered. "Now tell us."

Remus rolled his eyes. "LeAnn Withers."

"The prefect?" Lily said in surprise. "I never knew you two were together."

Remus shrugged. "Well, we weren't prefects when we dated which is probably why you didn't see us much together."

Riley and Lily exchanged curious looks. "You haven't had a girlfriend in two years?"

Remus shrugged. "No."

Riley and Lily stared at him in shock.

Remus looked at them awkwardly. "Er...why does it matter?"

"Because everyone in this bloody school_ loves_ you," Riley gushed. "I think every girl that I've ever talked to has named you the sweetest, most sincere guy around. Guys like that usually have girlfriends."

Lily nodded. "It's true."

Remus shrugged. "Well, I'm different than most guys," he claimed.

"Yeah," Riley said. "Better looking."

Remus chuckled, blushing slightly. "Thanks, but that wasn't exactly what I was going for."

"Oh," Riley said. "What makes you different?"

Remus hesitated. "Well, with friends like James and Sirius, I often get looked over." While it wasn't exactly the main reason he wasn't in a relationship seeing as he wasn't sure a girl would understand that once a month, he howled at the moon, it wasn't a false statement either.

"Oh, don't put yourself down. Believe me, you're a much better guy than those two," Lily replied immediately.

Remus shrugged, attempting to not look as uncomfortable as he was feeling. "Well, I appreciate that, but it doesn't really matter. I'm not looking for a serious girlfriend anyway."

Riley nodded. "That's fair," she said. "Was LeAnn what you would have called a serious girlfriend?"

Remus snorted. "No. Believe me, none of my girlfriends are serious," he admitted.

"What? How can none of them be serious?" Lily argued. "Have you met you?"

"Yeah, a few times," Remus replied sarcastically.

"No really, you must have had a serious girlfriend at one point," Lily offered.

Remus sighed. "I guess at fifteen, you don't really consider a girlfriend serious," he lied.

"Oh," Lily and Riley said in unison.

"Makes sense," Lily pointed out.

"Doesn't it get lonely watching your friends go through women like tissues and you with…well, no one?" Riley questioned.

"Subtle, Riley," Lily murmured, rolling her eyes.

Remus shrugged. "Lonely, huh? Sure, I guess sometimes," he admitted with a sullen smile. "But it's okay. I cry myself to sleep every night, but Sirius and I cuddle. That eases the pain. He's very loving."

"Oh God, bad mental image. _Bad_ mental image!" Riley cried out, covering her eyes.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay, moving on before Riley walks into a wall."

"Ow!"

"Too late," Remus laughed.

"Next question," Lily stated. "Why are you friends with Potter, Sirius, and Peter? You realize you can do so much better than them, right?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I live with them, first of all."

"And we've lived with Justine and Miranda and still loathe them."

Lily gave her a look. "_Some _of us haven't exactly kept that loathing throughout the years."

Riley gave her a sheepish grin and turned back to Remus. "Try again," Riley offered.

"Try what again?"

"Why do you get along with Black, James, and Peter?"

Remus sighed, smiling nostalgically. "Guys you'll probably never truly understand this but they have been there for me every step of the way. I never really thought I could find friends like them, but I have and...and they're the best friends a guy could have. I know you two hate their guts but if you actually knew what they've done for me, you'd realize they're great guys."

Riley and Lily exchanged looks before turning back to Remus. "No, I still think Black's scum," Riley responded.

"And Potter would be better without breath," Lily explained.

"Well, I'm glad I got you two to change your minds," Remus teased. "Can I interrupt this game to ask you two questions?"

Lily and Riley exchanged looks and turned back to Remus. "No," they said in unison.

"Somehow I think this game is unfair," he murmured.

"Life's unfair. Deal with it," Riley pointed out. "So when was the last time you had sex?"

Both Lily and Remus tripped over their own feet and after stumbling back to being able to walk straight, they stared at Riley in shock. "_What_?" Remus cried.

Riley shrugged. "What? It's just a simple question."

"No, a simple question would have been, where are you from?"

"I don't care where you live," Riley snickered. "I care when you last had sex."

"Uh, _why_?" he questioned.

"Because that's more interesting than where you've grown up," she responded. "I go for the dirty little secrets versus basic information."

"You are very odd. Has anyone ever told you that?" Remus snickered.

"Yes, my mother reminds me of that at least five times a day," Riley pointed out with a snicker. "Now c'mon you know all about our sex lives," Riley pointed out, gesturing towards her and Lily. "Now it's our turn to get to know yours."

"Um, excuse me, but exactly _how_ does he know about my sex life?" Lily demanded to know.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Lily, _everyone_ knows about your sex life…or lack thereof I guess I should say."

Lily opened her mouth to protest but found herself shrugging and turning towards Remus, "She's got a point."

"So? I just happen to hear things. I don't go up to you and ask you straight out," Remus argued.

Riley shrugged. "Well, I am," she explained. "C'mon Remus. You can just go into a guy's bathroom and see the gossip about me—which by the way I wouldn't believe half the time—and now I'm just trying to get to know you!"

"Yeah, but I choose not to read up on the gossip considering it's wrong and shallow."

"Your best friend is Black. You don't need to read up on it. You get it straight from the King of gossip himself."

Remus paused. "Fair enough."

They reached the portrait of the fruit basket and as Riley tickled the pear, she reiterated, "So when was the last time you had-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if you plan on keeping your beauty for the rest of your life," Remus protested.

"I am beautiful, aren't I..." Riley teased.

They walked into the kitchens as Lily suppressed a laugh, getting an aggravated look from Riley. "I don't think you appreciate the game, Remus," Lily snickered.

"Apparently not."

"What are you guys doing here?" a deep, well-known voice huffed.

"Hello to you too, Sirius," Lily laughed.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated, getting up from his seat to glare at Riley.

"The last time I checked it was a free country _and_ a Saturday night. It was either this or complain more about you and personally, after going down the list of the 1000 Things that Sirius is Oblivious To and naming the millions reasons why you're a royal ass, it gets a bit repetitive," Riley snarled, crossing her arms bitterly.

"A simple 'you were hungry' would have been fine," Sirius scowled.

"We've already been over this tonight. I don't do simple," Riley pointed out.

"No, you just do any guy who passes you by and utters the word 'hi.'"

Riley scowled. "Suddenly I'm not so hungry," she growled, turning around to leave.

Sirius rolled his eyes and moved swiftly to the exit. "Don't bother. I'm leaving anyway. Wouldn't want to be in the same room as you for longer than a few minutes anyhow." And with one frustrated look towards her, he walked out and slammed the portrait shut with a loud bang.

Remus and Lily exchanged nervous looks.

"So…do you actually have a list of the 1000 Things that Sirius is Oblivious To?" Remus teased, trying to ease the tension.

Which made Riley crack a hint of a smile. "It's not all that difficult of a list to make."

Remus offered her a sympathetic lopsided grin. "I'm sure I could add a few things to the list."

"Okay, so I don't know about you but I'm craving chocolate," Lily said with a guilty grin.

Riley rolled her eyes. "You're always craving chocolate."

"Yeah so? It's only like the best part of the day."

"Okay I don't get it. You can eat as much junk food as you want and you don't gain an ounce and yet I eat one potato chip and my hips expand," Riley complained.

"Your hips do not expand," Lily argued. She paused. "Though I can't say the same thing about your arse."

"HEY!" Riley shouted. "I do know where the knives are, y'know."

Remus pulled Lily away. "I'd run if I were you," he whispered.

They all laughed and ended up having a fun night in the kitchen, which gratefully put the whole Kay situation far from Riley's mind. And that was exactly what she needed.

Come Monday morning, things were just as muddled as they had been. Kay still avoided Riley, Lily still despised James with every fiber of her being, Riley was still angry at Sirius for trying to be her friend again and confused about what to do about Kay, and Sirius was oddly avoiding everyone.

"Good morning," Riley muttered when James, Remus, and Peter sat down across from her and Lily at the table.

"It's a Monday morning and we have to do our oral projects today in class," James said dryly. "Where's the good part of this morning?"

Riley paused. "You're right, today sucks."

James offered her an apologetic smile, reaching for a scone. "I love sharing my mood with others."

Lily childishly grabbed the scone out of his hand and pulled the plate far away from him. "Then how about you go share your mood with the Gryffindors down at _that_ end of the table?" she scowled.

James sighed, reaching instead for a half-eaten scone off of Riley's plate and stuffing it into his mouth. "Are you ever going to tell me what I did?" he asked calmly.

She rolled her eyes. "Are you ever going to stop being an arrogant toerag?"

"Probably not, no," he drawled sarcastically.

"Well then, there's your answer."

"Why are you so intimidated by me?" he asked calmly, gesturing to Remus to hand him a muffin. Remus obliged, his eyes filled with slight amusement between the argument that was so obviously about to break out between the two.

Lily's eyes blazed with disgust. "Excuse me?" she snapped. "I have no reason to be intimidated by you, Potter."

"If that's your story," he said casually, tearing off a piece of the muffin and chucking it into his mouth.

"It's not a story, it's the truth!"

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. I know that I'm the only person who is actually willing to argue back with you and that makes your blood boil. You get so frustrated with me because I actually have something to say to you. I actually challenge you while everyone else is so fit to just let you get your way. Usually because you're right, which is unfortunately very annoying, but I don't mind standing up to you. And you're not used to that. You hate anyone with an opinion that doesn't match yours."

She found herself glaring at him, trying to ignore the tightening in her chest that proved he was partly right. She did easily get frustrated with him for always putting up a challenge. But this time around, her irritation with him had nothing to do with that. And everything to do with the fact that he had always and will always think he's superior to her. "Other people can have their opinions," Lily protested. "But it's foolishand arrogant opinions, such as yours, and the people who state those opinions—again, you—that I can't stand."

James shook his head, chucking another piece of muffin into his mouth. "Nope, I think it's more than that."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you seriously trying to analyze me?"

He shrugged. "It's about time your head got examined."

"Okay, not the right thing to say," Riley muttered, noting the rage blazing in her friend's eyes.

Lily wanted to reach over and shove that muffin down James' throat so fast he would choke on it and die. "Do you think _insulting_ me is going to fix the situation between us?" she snapped.

James let out a cynical laugh. "Well, apparently trying to talk to you isn't going to fix it either. No matter what I do or say, you're going to hold this ridiculous grudge against me. I should just give up now trying to change your mind about me."

Lily smirked. "You won't give up."

"Oh really, and why not?"

She grinned, delight gleaming in her eyes. "Because you're absolutely dying to know what you did wrong."

James opened his mouth to protest, but found himself scowling instead. "Dammit," he swore to himself. "I really hate it when you're right."

Once again, a smirk appeared on her pale-toned face. "Now where did we land on the whole you-going-to-sit-down-at-that-end-of-the-Gryffindor-table suggestion?"

He sighed, slumping down on the bench as he finished off his muffin.

"So, where's Black this morning?" Riley asked, hoping to steer the conversation away from them. "Aren't you all normally attached at the hip?"

Remus shrugged. "He was drowning himself in the shower when Peter and I left. But to be fair, I didn't try too hard to get him out of the shower. He's been acting far too surly for my taste."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, confused.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Just very negative and cynical and bitter. He keeps claiming he's going to hang out with Rachael but then just inevitably disappears by himself. Yesterday when James suggested we go play a prank to cheer him up, he said he didn't feel like it and once again disappeared to God knows where. He's been acting so strange."

"Hold the phone, he didn't jump at the opportunity to play a prank?" Lily inquired, surprised.

"Hold the what?" Peter asked.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Muggle thing," she muttered. "So why's he acting so weird?"

"Because that's what he does best?" Riley snorted.

"We have no clue," Remus admited, sharing a glance between his two friends. "He's just been acting that way since Saturday morning I guess."

"Ahhh, the infamous Saturday morning where I was woken up at _eight_-_thirty_," Lily growled, glaring at Remus.

He grinned sheepishly. "Muffin?" he suggested, offering her a blueberry muffin.

"Who you calling muffin?" Lily demanded, a hint of a smile on her face.

He sighed. "I can't go right with you, can I?"

"I'd say yes but I lost much needed sleep this weekend due to someone's screaming and pounding stupidity."

"Besides, she prefers being called cupcake," James drawled, grabbing the blueberry muffin out of Remus' hand with a smirk.

Lily glared at him. "I'll smash that muffin in your face the next time you call me cupcake."

"Don't call you cupcake. Got it, sweetie pie," James noted.

Lily glared at him.

"Honey bunch?"

She grabbed the muffin out of his hand and shoved it into his nose.

He gasped as the muffin slipped down his face. "I probably should have stayed away from the food nicknames," he muttered, wiping the stray pieces of muffin off his face and trying to ignore the chuckles coming from his friends.

"How about just staying away from calling me anything?"

James rolled his eyes. "Aww, but I'm so partial to calling you a nosy bitch."

"As interesting as yet another fight between you two would be," Remus interrupted before Lily could yell back and start one of heir infamous morning debates. "I'd rather figure out what's up with Sirius."

"Well, what happened on Saturday morning?" Lily asked curiously. "Besides me being woken up by you two clowns."

"I think it started Friday," Peter interjected, ignoring her second comment. "He came back to the room early that night and went straight to bed. It was only ten o'clock if I recall."

"Ah, right," Remus agreed. "His big date night and he was asleep by ten-thirty."

"Yeah, apparently he blew off Rachael," Peter agreed.

"This officially doesn't sound like Sirius Black," Lily commented.

Riley felt a shiver run down her back as she glanced up towards the concerned look on the boys' faces. "Wait, Friday night?" she repeated, groaning inwardly.

"Yeah, why?" Remus asked. "Do you know something?"

She neglected to remind him of the argument she had shared with Sirius that night. She sighed. "No, why would _I _know something? The guy and I don't exactly talk," she lied. Unfortunately, that wasn't true. They did talk. Well, they yelled. Okay, she yelled. And was probably a tad too heartless and vindictive. They may have had their quarrels in the past, but this was bigger than that. She had made it perfectly clear that any hope of them ever being friends again was laughable. She berated him, she humiliated him, and she made him worthless. Three things that he done to her two years earlier. So she could understand why he may have been feeling withdrawn.

"You were talking on Friday," Lily reminded her.

"We were arguing on Friday," Riley muttered. "Just like we've done a million times in the past. Now, while you all sit here and scrutinize Black's recent behavior change, I've got to get back to my room. I forgot a...a book. See you in class."

"What? What book?" Lily asked, but she was already jumping up from the table and waving adieu to her friends.

* * *

Sirius knew his friends were getting aggravated with him. He was being so cynical and rude on Saturday and they had pretty much avoided him on Sunday in hopes he wouldn't bring any of their moods down. Of course them not being around also could have been because James had an all-day promise to spend it with Kristina, Remus had two essays to write and a tutoring session, and Peter was in the hospital wing again due to a run-in with Snape. But he still had a feeling they weren't willing to be brought down by Sirius' misery. And unfortunately, Sirius couldn't exactly advise them on when his misery would be disappearing.

_Knock, knock._

"Come in," he muttered not nearly as loud enough, as he remained stagnant and depressed on the bed flipping through the latest Quidditch magazine that James had received in the mail.

When he took his eyes off the Chudley Canons' group photo after their last big win, he was floored to see Riley standing there. He sighed, his eyes returning back to the magazine as he muttered, "James isn't here.

"I know. He's at breakfast," Riley said hesitantly, trying to ignore the fact that Sirius wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Well whoever you're looking for isn't here," he added his eyes skimming an article about the latest player on the Jasper Jets team.

"I know, Black. I was with them all at breakfast," Riley replied.

That slightly intrigued him. His eyes flitted from the page to hers. "Then why are you here, Gilmore?"

She sighed, grimacing. "To apologize."

Sirius burst into laughter. "No seriously, why are you here?"

She rolled her eyes. "I am serious."

He narrowed his eyes skeptically. "What are you playing at?"

She glared at him. "Would you believe me more if I said I was here to...to...bake you cookies?" she scowled sarcastically.

"Oddly enough, yes. That concept is more likely in my mind."

She cross her arms bitterly, continuing to hover in his doorway awkwardly. "What if I said I'm here to sell you drugs?"

"Yep, still more believable," Sirius snorted. "But you're out of luck. I don't do drugs seeing as my dreams are frightening enough."

"Somehow, I don't doubt that."

"So, you going to tell me the real reason you're standing there? Because so far, they all seem a tad far-fetched. Although, I did always have my suspicions about your drug habits."

"Black!" she bared.

Sirius flipped the magazine shut with a sigh, throwing it on his bedside table, before sitting up and glaring at Riley. "Gilmore, just tell me why you're here," he snapped, giving her one of his infamous dirty looks.

She glared back at him. "I was telling you the truth before, you annoying prat."

"How are you going to bake cookies without an oven?"

Riley narrowed her eyes irritably. "Not about that!" she groaned. "I came here to apologize."

"Well I don't think it's on the list of appropriate things that just _project_ _partners_ can do with each other," Sirius mocked, realizing for the first time that he was shirtless. He self-consciously climbed off the bed and searched through his trunk for a suitable T-shirt.

"Well, that's what I'm here for actually," she explained. "Friday night was an absolute disaster for me. For so many reasons. And...and I took it out on you. So I'm sorry."

Sirius stared blankly at her. "What?"

"Friday night was-"

"No, I heard that part. Did you seriously just tell me you were sorry?"

"I'm not repeating it," she said firmly.

"But I don't think I heard you right," Sirius snickered, leaning up against one of the posts on his bed.

"Your hearing's fine."

He grinned the infamous Marauder smirk. The smirk that Riley swore they all practiced in front of the mirror. "No, no, I'm going to need you to repeat it."

"You're enjoying this too much."

"Hell yeah I am. It's not every day the Queen of Viciousness utters any form of an apology."

"Damnit, you are such a prat, Black!"

"No, no, no, go back to the sorry part. That was more fun."

"I've had more fun with my head being flushed down a toilet by the third-grade bully when I was five."

"That's a weird way to apologize."

Riley rolled her eyes. "You're impossible," she muttered. "I'm officially taking back my apology and leaving now. She turned on her heels and started to leave.

"Aw, I'm sorry!" he cried out after her. He hesitated. "Look, I can say it, too!"

Riley couldn't explain it but she actually found the comment amusing. A smile crept on to her face but she quickly erased it before turning back to face him. She slowly slipped into the bedroom, closing the door behind her and moving to perch on the end of James' bed. "Look," she sighed. "Obviously we're not exactly best friends or anything but-"

"That's an understatement," Sirius snorted.

Ignoring his comment, she continued. "-but I hope you know that you aren't just my project partner. We've...we've been through a lot and I was jsut so frustrated. What I said to you was harsh and...and fallacious. As-"

"Only you would use the word fallacious in an apology."

"-As much as we are constantly at each others' throat, we were once friends. And that might not be the case now, but that doesn't change the fact that our relationship is...is complicated. I-

"Complicated? I think we passed complicated two years ago," he snickered, quirking an eyebrow.

"I was just taking my awful Friday night out on you because you're the easiest target and you were there. So again, I'm sorry."

"There are those two amazing words again!"

"Stop interrupting me!" she cried, glaring at him in frustration.

He sat back down on his bed sheepishly. "Right. Continue please."

She sighed. "Like I said, I know we're not best friends, but we do end up hanging around each other a lot considering our friends are friends so I don't want to have this awful tension between us. And even though I absolutely hate to admit it, your advice was right and I should have listened to you. And the only thing that made sense in my rant the other night was that things will probably not go back to the way they used to be. But everything else, you...you should really just ignore."

Sirius nodded, taking in everything she had just said but mostly hearing the words 'things will probably not go back to the way they used to be,' over and over. After they both sat there in an awkward silence, Sirius finally spoke up. "Why are you apologizing?"

Riley was taken back by his comment and turned to give him an inquisitive look,locking eyes with his own curious eyes. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "You never cared what I thought before. You've probably said worse things to me in the past and you didn't care. So why now? Why all of a sudden have you decided to go against everything in your rulebook when dealing with me and come up here, face-to-face, sit beside me and actually force out an apology?"

"Because James, Remus, and Peter are getting very annoyed with your snippy attitude," she teased.

He couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, so I've been a pain in the arse. What makes you think it has anything to do with you?"

"Doesn't it?"

He made a face. "Why must you be so insightful?" he muttered.

She forced out a smile. "Look, Black, we've had our share of troubles," she started hesitantly. "And we've screamed at each other and we've hexed each other and we've gotten under each other's skin and we've shared plenty of distaste for each other and we've sent death threats at each other. It's just what we do. But I don't think I was really being fair on Friday. I've had plenty of reasons to be mad at you in the past. But Friday? I was just mad at..." she trailed off, not sure what the end of that sentence was.

"Yourself?" Sirius suggested cautiously.

She met his gaze. "Yeah, I guess."

He nodded compassionately, offering her a sympathetic smile. But before he could say anything, she continued, "So please don't hate me. I really didn't mean to offend you in any way."

"I don't hate you," Sirius said in surprise. "I could never hate you."

Riley quirked an eyebrow. "So the past two years every time you said I'd wish I'd fall into a black hole and die, you didn't mean it?"

"Oh no, I meant it then."

Riley couldn't help but laugh. "Good to know."

He pursed his lips curiously. "Look, Riley, in all honesty, if anyone is to be hating someone, it would be you hating me after...after what I did two years ago."

She grimaced, afraid of this topic arising. She found her heart starting to race guiltily. "Honestly, Black, there were times I thought I hated you. There were times where I thought if you just had never been born, my life would be a hell of a lot easier. There were times where I believed you were the bane of my existence. There were even times where I seriously wanted to push you off your broom from three-hundred feet in the air. But if I'm being completely honest, there weren't times that I hated you."

"Oh yeah, because pushing me off my broom at three-hundred feet in the air doesn't sounds like utter hatred."

"Exactly. Glad we're on the same page," Riley joked.

Silence engulfed them. But it wasn't the usual unnerving, awkward silence that caused unnecessary tensioin between the two. Something about it felt right and comfortable.

Riley eventually stood up when she realized they had nothing left to say to each other. "Well I better be going. I'll see you in Transfiguration?"

"Yeah," he agreed as he watched her grab her bag and open the door to leave. He cringed in anticipation as he said, "Wait, Gilmore."

She turned around and gave him an inquisitive look. "Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll ever be friends again?"

Riley found herself freezing in the doorway, wondering what could have possibly derived a question like that from Sirius. "I…I-I don't know," she replied slowly. "Maybe. Someday. In the far future. When I can forget what had happened two years ago between us."

Sirius nodded, figuring that would be her answer. "Yeah. I thought you might say that."

"Why do you want to know?"

Sirius shrugged. "Our relationship might be complicated now, but it didn't used to be. We shared four years together. I was just wondering if...if you ever thought it was possibly to share a few more in the future."

Riley hesitated before replying cautiously, "I hope we can."

His heart skipped a beat. "Really?"

"Of course. It's not like I wake up everyday and wonder what I can possibly do to make your life an absolute hell," Riley joked, shrugging. "It's not like I enjoy our non-stop, excessive bickering whenever we run into each other. It's just..." she trailed off, sighing. "It's hard to forgive and forget, Black. But one of these days…months…uh, years…"

"Decades?"

"Yes, decades may work," Riley snickered. "One of these decades, I will most likely be able to forgive and forget."

"Really? So I really only have to wait another ten years or so?"

"Call me in ten years and we'll talk about it," Riley chuckled, winking playfully.

Sirius grinned wistfully, nodding slowly. He suddenly fell silent, his smile being slowly replaced by a guilty frown. "Gilmore, I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you."

Riley met his gaze, sensing a desperation in his eyes. "But you did," she whispered. "And...and you can't take it back. You can't change the past."

"I hope you know that if I could, I would," he pleaded, the words sounding sincere and genuine. "It was by far my least proudest moment of my entire life. I know that I betrayed you and made you feel-"

"Worthless," she blurted out, swallowing hard.

He hesitated before nodding slowly. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "That was never my intention."

"I know," she mumbled, quickly averting her eyes away from him.

After a horribly awkward silence, Riley cleared her throat and said, "See ya, Black."

Sirius gave her a slight smile. "Later, Gilmore."

Not really understanding why, tears sprang to Riley's eyes as she shut the door behind her. She didn't realize that talking about the past would be that painful, but when it came to the sticky situation that she and Sirius had created a few years earlier, she never could control her emotions.

As Sirius watched her walk out he felt an odd surge of satisfaction rush through him. Just the fact that Riley had admitted that at some point in their lives they could be friends again made Sirius more energized than he had been in three days.

And so he got off the bed and hopped in the shower, planning to attend breakfast with his friends he had been neglecting without another frown on his face.

* * *

**A/N: **That was a LONG chapter! Don't get used to that...hah. Hope you enjoyed all of the fun and the lightheartedness and the apologies and the drama.


	24. Of Christmas Carols, Groveling, & Gashes

**A/N:** I'm SO sorry for the wait! I know I promised to update on Friday and I had every intention of doing so...until our internet went out. Oops? Not a whole lot to say here but I do want to thank the many reviewers! I'm getting more reviews than I ever thought possible so I want you to know just how much I appreciate it.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling and if you don't believe me, just take a look at my bank account.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 24: Of Christmas Carols, Groveling, & Gashes

* * *

Naturally, Transfiguration was a boring period of note-taking and listening to lectures. But once McGonagall told them to take the rest of the period to work on their new spells, it was then that the Marauders noticed Sirius' change in mood.

"So is it me or is Jacqueline Halls looking hotter than ever?" Sirius whistled, staring over at the black-haired Ravenclaw beauty.

Remus glanced over at Jacqueline just to amuse Sirius. "That's Kristina's best friend, right?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. It's hard to tell which one is cuter."

"Does it matter?"

"'Course not. On a rating of 1 to 10, 10 being the cutest a girl could look, they are both definitely 11s."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You think every girl wearing a short skirt is an 11 on your scale."

"That is not true. Yesterday that Slytherin whore Wynona Wilkes wore a short skirt and I definitely do not think she's an 11."

"Well, that could be a little biased considering you hate the girl."

"And she has a pointy nose, little beady eyes, her mouth is way too thin, she has short frumpy legs, and have you seen her stubby fingernails?" Sirius pointed out as he muttered the curse he was practicing and unsuccessfully transfigured his textbook into the intended waste-paper basket. Instead, the textbook simply rolled over.

"Again, a little biased since you hate the girl," Remus snickered as it took him a fourth chance to finally get the transfiguration right.

Sirius laughed, grabbing his textbook and turning it back over. "Okay, maybe."

"Well you're certainly in a better mood than you were yesterday," Remus pointed out, leaning back relaxingly in his chair.

"I was in a bad mood yesterday?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You snapped at me because I was writing too loudly. You don't call that a bad mood?"

Sirius snickered. "You do write loudly."

Remus gave him a look.

"Or maybe I was a little peeved."

"A little? You threw my quill across the room!"

Sirius laughed. "Well you have to admit, that was funny."

Remus gave him a look.

"Okay, so maybe not for you," he teased.

James and Peter twirled around on their chairs to face their friends. James rested his arms on the table that Remus and Sirius were at, joining in on their conversation. "I would like to interrupt and say, Remus is right. What the hell changed between last night and this morning?" James demanded to know.

"Well, yesterday was Sunday and today is Monday. I would have thought you'd have learned your days of the week by now," Sirius snickered.

Remus and Peter couldn't help but laugh as James narrowed his eyes irritably, turning his waste-paper basket into a textbook for McGonagall, who was staring over at them. "That's not exactly what I was going for."

"Well, it's the best you're going to get," Sirius snickered, "We desperately need a Guys Night Out. I'm tired of sticking around the castle in hopes something exciting will happen."

"You're not very good at changing the subject," James snickered.

"Oh I'm sorry, did you _want_ your head turned into waste-paper basket?" Sirius grumbled.

"You haven't managed to turn your textbook into a waste-paper basket so I hardly doubt you'll transfigure my head into one."

Sirius scowled. "Are you welcoming the idea of me trying?"

James paused. "So we should totally sneak into Hogsmeade tonight for a Guys Night Out."

Sirius grinned, grateful that he got his way but before he could cheer, Remus interrupted in a sfot voice. "How quick you are to forget that we've been planning our full moon escapade for two weeks now."

James cringed. "You misheard. I didn't say tonight. I said _Tuesday_. You should really get your ears checked."

Remus couldn't help but chuckle, elbowing James in the ribs. "So after a night of no sleep you want to tack on _another _night of no sleep? No, thanks."

"By Tuesday I of course meant Wednesday," James said with a sheepish grin.

"Yeah, alright, I guess I can do it then," Remus said reluctantly. After a full moon, he was always down for something to keep his mind off of his transformation.

"Sounds good," Sirius said.

"Guess I'm in," Peter agreed.

"Yay!" Sirius shouted, grinning. "I'm going to get drunk…I'm going to get drunk…" he sang.

"And I'm going to have to shut you up when you run through the halls singing Christmas carols on the top of your lungs," Remus snickered.

"One time! That was one time!"

"I think it was twice," another voice drawled from behind them. "You were just too drunk to remember it that second time."

They all swiveled their heads to the right to see Fabian Prewett eavesdropping on their conversation.

"If I was that drunk, I don't reckon I'd remember the words to Christmas songs," Sirius pointed out, leaning carelessly back in his chair.

"Which is why you made up your own horrible renditions of 'Jingle Bells,' 'Tis the Season to be Jolly,' and, if I recall correctly, 'Frosty the Snowman.'"

Sirius grinned. "Ah, right, Frosty the Whoreman," he recalled with a laugh. "That was some of my best work."

"Oh Merlin," Remus complained, shooting Fabian a look. "Don't get him started again."

They all laughed as Sirius hummed the tune loudly in Remus' ear.

"So do you and Gideon want to come out to Hogsmeade with us on Wednesday night?" James asked thoughtfully.

He shrugged. "I will. But I wouldn't be surprised if Gideon is hanging out with Marlene. I've hardly seen him around much because of her. They're attached at the hip, I swear."

"Marlene McKinnon?" Sirius questioned, ceasing his loud humming much to everyone's gratitude. "Blimey, that girl has got legs that go on for days."

"Stop drooling, Padfoot," Remus drawled with a grin. "She's apparently taken."

"Like that has ever stopped me before."

"No, but I would have thought the four times you've asked her out and the four rejections you got in return would stop you," James chimed in with a laugh.

Sirius hesitated and leaned his chair back on his hind legs. "Maybe the fifth time is the charm," he suggested.

"She seems pretty enamored with my brother," Fabian argued with a shrug. "Besides, aren't you with Rachael?"

"I'm not her ball and chain and she's sure as hell not mine," Sirius scowled. "I'll go after anyone I please."

"Am I to assume that means some drunken girl you'll find at the bar on Wednesday to take advantage of?" Peter chimed in.

"Uh, do you expect anything less of me?"

"Sadly, no," James snickered.

"Will you guys cut it out and get back to work?" Kay hissed, slamming her hand down on their table. "Some people are trying to concentrate and it's positively impossible when Sirius is droning on about women."

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and winked at her. "Jealous?"

She snorted. "From the things I've heard from everyone around the school, I've got no reason to be."

Sirius stared incredulously at her as she stormed off to the front of the room where Lily was attempting to change her textbook into a waste-paper basket with little success. It wasn't like Kay to snap at anyone, though with the recent events of her life all hitting a standstill it wasn't all that surprising.

"You reckon she was just messing with me?" Sirius asked.

James, Remus, Peter, and Fabian all turned to glare at him. "I hardly doubt you're asking the right people about…_that_," Remus mumbled.

Sirius hesitated. "You're right," he agreed. He hopped off his chair. "Oy, Kyra!"

James rolled his eyes. "That boy will never learn."

* * *

It was a typical Monday night in the Gryffindor common room, people crammed into every couch and loveseat possible as they enjoyed their friends' company. Most of the people in the common room were doing schoolwork, although there was an Exploding Snaps tournament going on in one corner of the room and a group of third years were sitting in front of the fire trying out every single flavor of Berty Botts Every Flavour Beans and bursting out into laughter when one of them swallowed a not-so-appetizing jelly bean. The Marauders were all sprawled out around their usual couch, a couch that Sirius had to force a bunch of second years off of when he strolled in to see it occupied, but Sirius always had a sense of entitlement about him. And the second years barely argued as they squeaked out a guilty apology before resting themselves on the carpet in the corner of the room by the boys' dormitory steps. James has snuck Kristina into the common room, so they were both snuggled up together on the loveseat beside James' friends.

"I have come to the conclusion that I will from now on only go after girls who are already in relationships," Sirius, interrupting the quiet that had spread across the Marauders due to an intense bout of homework anxiety. They were all either finishing up a tedious essay or studying for an upcoming exam or attempting to transfigure the pillows into paper.

"Stay away from Kristina," James immediately replied, kissing Kristina on the cheek.

"I wouldn't go after him anyway," Kristina teased.

Sirius grinned and winked at her. "You know you would if James hadn't gotten to you first."

"Seriously, stay away from her," James warned with a teasing grin, skimming the last page in his Charms' book.

Sirius hesitated and then shrugged respectfully. "Okay, fine. Let me rephrase my conclusion: I will from now on only go after girls who are in _troubled _relationships," Sirius corrected.

No one responded, their thoughts too immersed in their textbooks. While most of Remus' focus on was his essay of truth serums, his eyes often flitted to where Peter was unsuccesfully transforming his pillow into a piece of parchment.

"Okay, this is where you all ask me why," Sirius whined, pouting.

"Why bother?" spoke Remus, his lips curling up in a smile. "I'm sure tomorrow night you'll have another half-crazy adolescent theory on how to snag the cutest girls in our class."

"Englighten me, will ya?"

Remus sighed, rolling his eyes. "Alright then," he sighed reluctantly. "Why are you only going after girls who are in relationships?"

"_Troubled _relationships," Kristina corrected with a giggle.

"Right," Remus agreed halfheartedly, more interested in the five main ingredients in a truth serum. "Why are you only going after girls who are in _troubled_ relationships?"

Sirius leaned back and propped his feet on the table in front of him smugly, clasping his hands together behind his head. "Because the boyfriend will be the one dealing with all the emotional shite the girl forces him to put up with while _I_ will get to have all the fun as I fool around with her on the side," Sirius explained, his trademark grin spreading out across his face.

"Yep, should have kept my mouth shut," Remus sighed, scrambling for his Potions notes.

"Sirius, must I be the logical one here and point that the girls in relationships are typically the ones you have already screwed over multiple times who have finally realized they can do better than a brainless idiot like you?" James pointed out.

Sirius hesitated and then shrugged, chuckling. "Guess I'll screw them over once more time."

"You might be the biggest pervert this school has ever seen," Peter sighed, the ends of his mouth turned upward.

"Ah, yes, my perverted side is one of my many gifts," Sirius sighed overdramatically.

"Well, I hope you have better gifts than that to offer to these girls in troubled relationships," James snickered.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but James quickly cut him off. "Never mind! I don't want to hear your answer!"

Sirius grinned. "I didn't think you would."

Kristina rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's best friend. "Dare I ask if you have your eye on any of these non-single women?"

Sirius sat upright, pondering the question. "How troubled do you think Marlene's relationship is with Gideon?"

"Oh, Merlin of Agrippa," Remus sighed, rolling his eyes. "You need to get over that girl. I'm pretty sure she's smitten with Gideon."

"Damn. I'll just wait a few months until the honeymoon period is over," he smirked.

"Aw, hell, Sirius, would you like a pillow smacked in your face or a very large papercut?" James drawled, pointing his wand towards Peter's pillow which still remained in pillow form.

"Considering Peter has yet to transform that pillow into a piece of parchment, I really only have one option."

He ducked as the pillow was sent in his direction. "What about that roommate of yours, Miss Reinhart?" Sirius pondered. "Merlin knows Kyra and Cody have been together far too long."

Kristina shrugged. "Disgustingly so. I'll keep you posted on when they next fight. Shouldn't be long. Those two are like an old married couple. Give it a few hours."

Sirius chuckled, once again dropping his legs on to the table in front of him. "Alright, I'll add her to the maybe list. Guess I'll just have to focus on Dorcas."

"Dorcas Meadowes?"Remus asked curiously.

"The very one," Sirius agreed with a shrug. "Davies won't know what hit him."

"Except there's one problem," Remus spoke, offering his friend a sheepish smile. "Rhett Davies and Dorcas Meadowes aren't together anymore."

Sirius groaned. "Damnit, why'd you have to go and ruin it for me?"

"You could still go after Dorcas," Peter pointed out.

"And what's the fun in that?"

"Have we mentioned recently that you're perverted?" he teased.

"Yeah, it may have come up," he muttered with an overdramatic sigh.

"Aren't you supposed to be the King of Gossip around here?" Kristina said with a grin. "Shouldn't you have heard about Rhett and Dorcas before it even happened?"

"Apparently my observation skills have been lacking," he said, shrugging. "Why'd they break up? Didn't they just start dating a few weeks ago?"

"Well, I can't say for sure," answered Remus. "But word around the rumor mill is Rhett may have a thing for Riley Gilmore."

Sirius made a face. "Damnit, how did I not know about this? I'm supposed to be running that rumor mill," he whined.

"Rhett was smart enough to keep his feelings in the dark around you."

"Why does that make him smart?"

"Oh, I don't know, because if word had gotten back to you, his business would suddenly be spread around the school in a matter of milliseconds," Peter snorted.

Sirius smirked. "Ah, yes, I do take pride in my speedy ability to keep the rumors in the mouths of the eager students."

Remus rolled his eyes, his gaze returning to his essay once again. "Well, if you want to add to the rumors, I was also under the impression that the guy was planning on asking Riley to the next Hogsmeade visit."

Sirius scowled. "That Quidditch prat should really learn to keep with his own house. Aren't there Ravenclaws he could crush over?"

"Rhett is a Hufflepuff," James pointed out.

Sirius hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Why is it you two have trouble keeping the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws straight?" Remus whined, roling his eyes.

Sirius turned towards Kristina. "Are you sure Davies isn't in your house?"

"Dude, he's the Captain of the _Hufflepuff _Quidditch team."

Sirius frowned. "Is he? It's hard to keep the Quidditch players from the other houses straight. Gryffindor is smokin' all of them no matter who they are."

Kristina laughed. "I'd argue but it's unfortunately true," she muttered, shaking her head incredulously.

"Don't look so down about that," James said with a sly smile, kissing her temple. "Your boyfriend just so happens to Captain that smokin' team."

As everyone burst into laughter, James sighed. "So not what I meant."

"But quite true," Kristina whispered, "You are one hot, smokin' stud."

"Don't make me hurl," Sirius drawled as Kristina kissed James. He made a face, rolling his eyes. "Alright, so we agree Davies needs to be taught a lesson?"

"Uh...when did we agree to that?" Remus questioned.

"And why does he need to be taught a lesson?" Peter asked.

"Because he's roaming into Gryffindor territory!" Sirius whined. "Maybe we should hex him until he can't see straight. Or transfigure his nose into a unicorn horn. Or curse his balls off. Or kill him."

"Sirius!" Remus whined.

"Oh, fine. We'll stick with the cursing off his balls suggestion."

"SIRIUS!" his friends chorused.

He couldn't help but laugh, and his friends quickly joined in. "How about you put your scheming to rest and finish that damned Potions essay?" Remus eventually suggested.

His eyebrow slowly peaked. "I hope that wasn't a real suggestion."

Remus shot him a look. "That, or you can help Peter transfigure his pillow into parchment."

With a single wand flick, the pillow behind Remus' head was a piece of paper.

"OW!" Remus cried out as his head smacked against the back of the couch unexpectedly. "I said help _Peter_."

Sirius merely grinned as he took the piece of parchment from behind Remus' head and put it in front of him, starting to scribble away.

"Don't tell me you're actually doing the Potions essay," Kristina said, shocked at the concept.

"Nah," he argued. "Coming up with a list of pranks we can play against the Ravenclaw Quidditch team so as not to target Davies all by his lonesome."

"Rhett Davies is a Hufflepuff, Sirius," Remus sighed.

He hesitated. "Seroiusly?"

Remus merely sighed, choosing to once again revert his attention back to his notes on truth serums. James reluctantly leaned over to help Peter with his wand skills and thankfully in a matter of minutes, Peter's attempts at turning a pillow into a piece of parchment were slightly better. Sirius crumpled up the parchment in his hand and tossed it on to the table with a sigh. He had his Potions essay out on the table in front of him but in all honesty, he had already finished it at lunch and he wans't one to really read over his work. He leaned back against the couch with a stifled yawn. "Hey, do you think that infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?"

Four pairs of eyes stared up at him.

"What?" he asked at their irritated expressions. "It's just a question."

"If you spent half the time on your work that you do coming up with these ridiculous questions, you may just as well be the most intelligent guy at this school," Remus sighed. "Now, will you get back to your Potions essay so the rest of us can complete our own work?"

Sirius pouted but reached for the essay anyway. Only a few minutes passed before he was letting out a deep sigh to clearly indicate that he was bored. "Hey, guys, why-"

"I swear on the grave of Merlin, if you ask another stupid question I will make the effort to get off my lazy ass and personally hurt you," Remus complained, still not looking up from the essay he was furiously attempting to finish.

"Well, I was going to ask you why it hasn't snowed yet even though it's December, but now that you mention it, why do your feet smell and your nose run?"

Remus groaned and smacked his textbook against his head a few times.

Sirius grinned. "So why hasn't it snowed yet?"

"Sirius, it's only December 8th, for Merlin's sake. It's barely a week into December. You still have plenty of winter for snow," James pointed out, finally throwing his textbook on to the table and gratefully accepting this interruption, as Kristina put her head in James' lap comfortably.

"But I want it to snow now," Sirius whined.

"Well, take that up with Mother Nature, not us," Kristina snickered.

Sirius paused. "Where could I find Mother Nature?"

Remus turned to James, Peter, and Kristina. "Why does he ask stupid questions?"

"Because if he asked smart questions, he wouldn't be Sirius Black," James replied.

"I'm sitting right here, y'know!" Sirius cried.

James shrugged. "And?"

"You could pretend to be a little more discrete," he pouted.

"Why bother? You could care less either way," James snickered.

Sirius didn't bother to answer as Riley's shadow cast over them. "Hey guys," Riley greeted, choosing to sit snugly on the couch beside Remus. "What are you up to?"

James, Remus, and Peter exchanged confused looks. "Uh…Riles?" James asked.

"What?"

"Why are you sitting with us?"

Riley gave him a look "Well gee, I feel wanted."

James shrugged. "It's just that when Sirius is around, you always find a reason not to stick around."

"Hm, the guy makes a good point," Kristina replied, shrugging her shoulders at Riley. "I mean, everyone in this school knows about your growing detestation for each other."

Riley groaned. "Why is it that the whole school feels so strongly about talking about me behind my back?"

"Well, for one, your best friend is dating your brother. Two, you ditched said best friend. Three, you decided it was a good idea to befriend your roommates from hell. Four, you sit down besides Sirius Black, a guy you have swore up and down the London coastline you hate more than peas. And we all know how much you hate peas," James pointed out.

"Aw, gee, it's nice to know you're comparing me to a pruny vegetable," Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. "Don't you have some essay or exam to write?" he teased, trying to keep the glee out of his voice.

"Nah. I'm just choosing to ignore the pile of work mounted on my desk in hopes that it will go away."

"Oh really, and how's that coming?" James asked with a laugh.

"Not so well, now that you mention it," she sighed. "But I have a good feeling about tonight."

Laughter rippled throughout them. "You know, Riles," James said slowly. "If you want a distraction from your work, you could always try apologizing to Kay again."

Riley glared at him. "Or I could fling myself off a building. Same effect."

James, Remus, Kristina and Peter turned to Sirius expecting some sort of agreeable retort but they found that Sirius was laughing. When he realized they were all staring at shock in him, he commented, "What? It was funny!"

"You find people flinging themselves off buildings funny?" Peter snickered.

"_No_," Sirius replied mockingly. "It wasn't _what _she said. It was _how _she said it."

"Okay, what the hell happened between you two?" Remus demanded to know, looking back and forth in confusion between Riley and Sirius.

"Nothing," they both said in unison, a little too quickly.

"Oh yeah it must be nothing considering Thursday night Sirius swore on James' life that Riley Gilmore is somehow related to Satan and if I recall, Riley claimed that if Sirius had been pushed off a fast-moving train and plunged to his death, the world would be a better place. So of course it just makes _perfect_ sense that Sirius is laughing at one of Riley's jokes only a few seconds after Riley decided to sit in the presence of Sirius," Remus claimed.

"So you understand that it's nothing then," Riley replied as if Remus weren't being sarcastic.

James rolled his eyes. "You're avoiding the question."

"Yep," she agreed with a smirk. "And to now avoid any more questions, I may actually go try that whole apologizing-to-Kay suggestion." She shrugged as she climbed off the couch.

Sirius whimpered. "Aw, hell, don't leave me with the Interrogation Crew."

"And now you're pleading for her to stay?" Peter cried in shock, the rest of the group also flabbergasted at what they had just witnessed.

"Oh…my…God," Kristina muttered in amazement. "It seems that I'll be ice-skating back to my room tonight because hell just froze over."

"Damn, and I just so happen to suck at ice-skating. Guess I'm out of luck," Riley responded sarcastically, shrugging. "And look at the time. Time to go grovel at Kay's feet."

"I suggest wearing pants you don't want to get dirty if you're going to be crawling around on the floor," Remus advised.

Riley gave him a look. "There will be no crawling."

"Groveling usually entails crawling," James added.

"Yeah, _lots _of crawling," Remus continued. "And a little bit of sad puppy-dog faces and promises you never intend to keep."

James nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah, and possible praying to God for forgiveness. There _may _even be tears."

Remus laughed. "Oh definitely tears. And don't forget-"

"I'm sorry, did you two want to be slapped by a girl today?" Riley asked, narrowing her eyes mischievously.

James and Remus exchanged looks. "Have fun!" they said simultaneously.

Riley gave them a grateful grin and with a final wave left the common room. She hadn't really intended on going to see Kay; she had just said that to get away from the guys. But now that she was in the empty hallway by herself, she was wondering if maybe she should try apologizing again. A few days had passed so maybe Kay was ready to forgive her if Riley put in the effort to apologize sincerely.

Of course, Riley had no idea where to even start.

"This probably isn't going to work, is it?" Kristina asked.

"Not a chance in hell," James muttered.

* * *

As Riley turned the corner, thinking hard about a plan to get Kay to forgive her, she ran smack into someone's torso, and stumbled backwards.

"Oof!" she yelped as she grabbed the wall for support. She looked up at who her night run-in was with and found herself cringing guiltily.

"Hey, Riley," Rhett Davies drawled in his sexy, deep voice.

"Uh…hi," she uttered back, wondering why she was so shy and nervous around Rhett. She never acted this way around anyone and yet she could hardy mutter a simple 'hi' to him.

"In a hurry?" he said, looking down at her with much intrigue.

"You could say that," she responded immediately. Riley flashed him her prize-winning smile, flipping her hair behind her shoulder casually. "Just trying to get something over with," she replied honestly.

He gazed down at her curiously as he leaned up against the wall with his usual sort of casual grace. "Like an apology to a certain best friend?" he questioned.

Riley stared up at him, annoyingly not surprised that he seemed to know her business. She cursed. "Why the hell does everyone feel the need to talk about me behind my back?" she muttered irritably.

"Because your life seems far more fascinating than anyone else's around here," he said matter-of-factly."

She frowned. "So my pathetic fight with Kay and my completely overrated friendship with my other vicious roommates are considered fascinating?"

He shrugged. "As fascinating as gossip can be around here."

Riley smiled and nodded. "Hm. Well, as much as I'd rather keep my business private, God knows secrets can't be kept in this school, so I guess I'll just have to feel flattered that the school thinks I'm worthy enough to be spoken about."

Rhett grinned. "I doubt that's your only secret."

Riley couldn't explain why, but suddenly Sirius popped into her mind. She quickly shook the thought from her head, saying, "And I bet you have secrets I don't yet know about."

"You don't _yet_ know about?" he repeated with a chuckle.

"I have my ways of finding out the little things about certain people," Riley said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear shyly.

Rhett laughed. "Ahh, right. You have the Kings of Gossip living in your house. Should've known."

Riley grinned. "That's right. By tomorrow night, I can know everything from your blood-type down to boxer or briefs."

They both chuckled together, the other's laugh ringing in each other's ears contagiously. "And how the hell would Sirius Black and James Potter know whether I wear boxers or briefs?"

"Do you _want_ to know?" Riley snickered.

"Hm, probably not," he agreed, winking at her. "Well, I have an idea. How about you put off from running to the Terrible Twosome tonight for gossip about me and I'll just tell you my secrets on Friday. Say around nine?"

Riley's heart was officially pounding, wondering if this was just some sort of scenario she was creating in her head or if Rhett Davies was actually asking her out. "Are you…are you asking me out?" Riley asked slyly, a mysterious smile on the tip of her lips.

"Well, that depends," he responded with a grin. "Are you saying yes?"

She quirked a curious eyebrow. "What happened to Dorcas?"

Rhett shrugged. "We didn't work out," he said vaguely. "She and I make far better friends than we did a couple."

"Ah."

Rhett smiled. "This is the part where you say yes, you'll go out with me."

Riley hesitated, not because she didn't want to say yes but because she didn't want to seem too eager, and eventually replied coyly, "Alright." She smiled. "I'll say yes."

She could have sworn she saw his eyes light up. "Great. I'll meet you outside your portrait hole at nine on Friday. Can't wait," he concluded, giving her another warm smile, before passing her by and going on his way.

Riley stood fixated on the back of his head as he strutted down the hallway, only glancing back at her briefly before he turned the corner with a warm smile. And suddenly, he was gone.

A smile broke out across her face. "Rhett Davies just asked me out," she kept repeating in a whisper. She squealed in excitement and had to pinch herself to make sure it wasn't just a dream. When she finally calmed down and realized what she was doing before she unexpectedly, and very happily, ran into Rhett, she realized that she absolutely had to make up with Kay. Because exciting news like a date with Rhett was exactly the kind of news that Riley wanted to share with her friends. She felt ready to go head-to-head against whatever Kay could throw in her face.

She reached the private quarters of James and Lily and as she attempted to rid the nerves coursing through her veins, she slowly knocked on the door.

She heard rustling behind the door and a few seconds later Kay opened the door.

They both stood there awkwardly before Kay finally spoke up. "Hi."

"Kay, I'm the most horrible, most evil, absolute worst person on the entire planet!" Riley pleaded, momentarily wondering if groveling on her hand and feet would actually work.

Kay's eyebrow slowly peaked, a little taken aback by the sudden outburst. "Er...well Sirius will be very sad to hear he's been dethroned."

Riley frowned, unfazed by Kay's attempt at a joke. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear helplessly before taking a deep breath in and letting out an uncontrollable rant. "I know that you said you were done with me, and Merlin knows you have every bloody right to say so, but please don't give up on us. _I_ might be a horrible friend, but you're not. No matter how many times I may have said that and no matter how many times I tried so desperately believing it and no matter how many times I was convinced our friendship was a sham, it's far from it. The only sham here is me. I know that completely ignoring you after I heard you were dating my brother was absolutely horrible and just downright unnecessary but I was confused and hurt and sad and frustrated and angry all rolled into one. And that's a lot of emotion for a person to handle! Not that that's any excuse and I know I was allowed to be a little thrown at first, but I should have gotten over it. I should have realized that you dating my brother had absolutely nothing to do with me. And I shouldn't have gotten in the way. That wasn't fair to you or to my brother. Or to me! Who says I get to be the one to decide your relationship status? I should have gotten over it. And I probably would have if Justine and Miranda didn't waltz in and give me a reason to continue acting pissed at you. I let them cloud my judgment because it was easier dealing with their shallow antics than dealing with what I was feeling over you and Lance. And I know you said the only reason I apologized the other day was because I needed a friend after Mille and Hobbes dumped me but that's not entirely true. I know it was the next day so it seemed like it but after they had told me they were using me, I realized that it didn't even matter. Because no matter what they did or I did, they would never have been able to replace you…or Lily. You two will always be my best friends, even if I'm not yours. And I'm just honestly and truly sorry and you may not want to forgive me now but I hope one day soon you will." Riley finally breathed, not realizing she had said that all in one breath until the end of her speech when she was gasping for air. She focused her attention on a portion of the carpet, too afraid to see what may be in Kay's eyes.

Silence followed before Kay eventually found her voice. She kept her stare on Riley, confused and yet weirdly comforted. "Okay," she said slowly.

Riley stared blankly at Kay. "That's it?"

Kay sighed, shrugging casually. "Um...yeah," she found herself saying. All she had wanted all this time was for Riley to be man enough to admit her mistakes and faults. And in all honesty, she missed Riley. She missed their friendship. "I knew you'd eventually come around."

Riley's eyes narrowed skeptically. "That's it?" she repeated.

A smile crept on to Kay's lips. "Yeah, Riley," she spoke, nodding sincerely. "That's it."

"Are you sure?" Riley urged. "Because I was about two seconds away from getting on my hands and knees and groveling at your feet."

"You were willing to dirty your jeans for me?" Kay asked, shocked.

"And these are my favorite pair!"

Kay threw her head back and laughed and Riley couldn't help but join in.

"I missed this," Riley blurted out.

Kay's laughter died down as she glanced over at Riley. "Missed what?"

She shrugged guiltily. "Laughing with you."

Kay smiled and feeling slightly sentimental, she reached out and embraced her friend. "I'm just glad you finally realized how stupid you've been."

"Hm, I never actually used the word 'stupid,'" Riley teased as she stepped out of her friend's arms.

"I chose to paraphrase your ridiculously long apologetic rant."

Riley smiled. "Well, this went much better than I thought it would," she sighed.

"What did you think I'd do? Slap you? Yell at you? Hex you? Kill you?"

"All of the above."

Kay laughed, shrugging. "Eh, I thought about it. But could you imagine the mess I'd have to clean up if I left your mutilated body on the floor?"

"Remind me why I decided I wanted to be your friend again?"

Kay grinned. "Does it matter? I'm just glad we're friends again."

Riley nodded vigorously. "I'm certainly grateful that I chose to come here instead of endure an uncomfortable conversation with the Marauders," she said, smiling giddily. "The truth is, I was going to wait until Christmas Break to apologize. I have a surprise for you that would have helped my chances but it will have to wait until then."

"That's not a surprise then. It's a Christmas gift."

"And is a Christmas gift _not_ a surprise?"

Kay groaned. "But Christmas is two weeks away."

Riley gave her a sheepish grin. "Eh, we'll just call the next two weeks our probationary period."

"Oh, gee, that makes me feel so good for forgiving you for your stupidity," she teased.

"Seriously, why did I apologize to you?"

"Eh, maybe you can figure it out as you join me on a stroll to the kitchens."

Riley smiled. "Really?"

Kay shrugged. "Yeah, well, I'm tired of Lily and James and Sirius and Remus and Peter and the few people that were eavesdropping that have felt the need to tell me that you were genuine with your apology the other day."

"So, you're forgiving me because you're tired of listening to everyone else?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Kay teased..

Riley shrugged. "I'll take it!" she cried. "So, kitchens?"

Kay grinned. "Yep," she agreed, heading out of the private quarters.

"So where's Lily?"

"Right behind you," Lily stated. When Kay and Riley turned around, they weren't surprised to see a very confused, skeptical look on her face.

"Hey, Lily," Riley greeted innocently. "You want to come to the kitchens with us?"

"Us? Like you two? You and Kay? Both of you? Together? Like friends?"

"Uh, yeah," Riley replied, shooting her a look. "You got a problem with that?"

Lily scowled. "Seriously? You're going to pretend that you two haven't sent death threats to each other over the past few weeks?"

"You sent death threats at me?" Kay asked Riley with an overdramatized gasp.

Riley grinned sheepishly. "So, the kitchens, hm?"

Kay laughed, slinging her arms around Riley's shoulders as she turned towards Lily. "You coming?"

Lily stared blankly at them, blinking only briefly. "I…you…how…what…why..." she suttered, knitting her brow in confusion. Eventually, she shrugged. "Yeah, sure, why the hell not?" she caved with a sigh. "Let me just go put these books in my room quickly and we can head out."

"Okay," they both agreed.

"So any exciting news that I missed out on in the last month?" Kay asked Riley.

Riley grinned. "Only like the biggest news possible," she said, her eyes lighting up.

"You got struck by lightning?"

Riley gave her a weird look. "What?"

She shrugged. "I've just always wanted someone I know to be struck by lightning."

"And you're choosing me?"

Kay shrugged. "I'm still getting over the whole forgiving you thing," she explained with a teasing smile.

Riley paused. "Fair enough."

"Okay, you guys ready to go?" Lily said, walking out of her room towards them.

"Yep, but Riley has good news for us first," Kay explained.

"Oooh, do tell. Anything that will get my mind off the fact I still have to finish studying for the Potions exam," Lily pleaded as she started walking down the hallway with them right by her side.

"Guess who I ran into on my way over here?" Riley cried in excitement.

"Voldemort!" Lily exclaimed.

Riley gave her a look. "I'd be dead if I ran into Voldemort."

"Oh, right."

"Besides, I wouldn't be _excited_ if I ran into him," Riley continued.

"You would be if you destroyed him single-handedly," Lily argued.

Riley stared at her blankly. "And got away completely scratch-free?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine, we can rule Voldemort out. Who did you run into?"

"The Pope?" Kay asked.

Riley stared blankly at her.

"What? I've always wanted someone to run into the Pope because how cool does it sound to say 'hey guys I just ran into the Pope,'" Kay explained.

Riley paused. "You have weird goals for your friends."

Kay shrugged. "I'm a weird girl."

"There's no denying that," Lily snickered.

Kay stuck her tongue out at her.

"Weird _and_ immature. You don't get much of that nowadays," Riley laughed.

"Remind me why I decided to forgive you?"

"Because I'm oh-so-pretty," Riley grinned, batting her eyelashes at her friends.

"No, that's not it."

The three of them laughed and Riley suddenly realized how much she missed laughing with Lily and Kay. She couldn't believe she stayed away from them so long and she's just thankful that Kay had realized it too.

"Okay, so who did you run into?" Lily asked Riley.

Riley grinned. "Rhett Davies!"

"Oooh, how _cute_ did he look today?" Kay cried giddily, breaking out in a dreamy smile.

Riley fanned her face. "Too cute. Like a little puppy or something. I just wanted to…to lick him all over," she swooned. She paused. "That would have been inappropriate, right?"

"Not if he was covered in chocolate," Lily dreamed with a sigh.

Riley and Kay stared in disbelief at Lily. "Oh my God, did our Lily just dream about licking chocolate off a guy?"

"No," Lily denied. She paused. "He's a man."

Kay chuckled, turning towards Riley. "So what did he say? What did you say?"

"Oh, forget what you said. Did he grab you and kiss you passionately all over your body?" Lily interjected. She paused again. "I need to stop fantasizing."

"That would be wise," Riley agreed. "And no he didn't kiss me, but I'm hoping he will on our _date_ Friday night."

Both Lily and Kay gasped excitedly. "He asked you out?" Kay cried.

Riley nodded, grinning.

"Uh, awkward question. Isn't he dating Dorcas Meadowes?" Lily asked.

"Not anymore," she said with a grin. "Apparently he's dating me now."

"Our little Riley is going out with the Rhett Davies. The one guy all of this school swoons over! Everyone is going to be so jealous," Lily said dreamily.

"And how is everyone going to know?" Riley asked curiously.

"Well, I'll tell everyone of course," Lily explained. "It will surely be the first point on my agenda at our prefect meeting on Thursday."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Oh goody. The school talking about me even more than they already do."

"I can't believe it," Kay said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Maybe he'll ask you to be his girlfriend and you can finally have the boyfriend you've always wanted."

Riley quirked a curious eyebrow. "I never wanted a boyfriend."

"Oh," Kay responded. "Then maybe you can finally have the boyfriend _I've_ always wanted."

They all laughed, all enjoying the ring of their chorus of laughter being reunited again.

"And just in time for your birthday! I'm sure he can give you a package you'll never forget," Lily snickered, winking at Riley.

Riley and Kay stared in shock at her.

"I'm not sure where all these sexual innuendos are coming from," Lily admitted.

"Wow," Riley said with a realization, halting immediately in the middle of the hallway. "I'm going to be eighteen in a week. How could I have not noticed that?"

"Because your best friend was mad at you and Rhett Davies just asked you out," Kay explained.

"Oh, well that'll do it."

* * *

Lily was so grateful that her friends were back in her life. It was as if nothing had changed between all of them. They spent the rest of the evening together, not wanting to let go of the camaraderie they were able to recapture. They spent a good portion of that night relaxing in the kitchens but when they got restless, they found themselves wandering the corridors together. They laughed, they gossiped, they caught each other up on their lives, and most importantly, they had fun. It was the first night in a while where Lily stopped worrying about her schoolwork and fretting over her Head duties and stewing over the situation with James. It was refreshing.

The three of them ended up returning to Lily's room and pretty much talked the night away. It was after one o'clock when Riley finally drifted off. Eventually, Kay followed suit. Lily, unfortunately, found it nearly impossible fall asleep. Possibly due to the fact that her bed wasn't necessarily large enough for three people, but it probably had more to do with the fact that she was just excited things were finally falling back into place. Well, most things. But she didn't need to fret over the situation with James when she had her two best friends back.

Glancing at the clock in the corner, it was after three o'clock in the morning when Lily slipped away from her bed and into the common room. She grabbed her Potions essay on the way to read over and edit, but she found herself too immersed in her own thoughts to barely glance it over. A month had gone by that filled Lily with so much uneasiness and confusion. The day that Riley and Kay broke their friendship was the day she started giving James a chance. If you had asked her which one of those was more possible, it wouldn't have been the latter. And for good reason. But maybe things were finally back to the way they should be. It was Riley and Kay that were her friends, not James Potter.

She hadn't realized she had drifted off until she heard a creak of a door. Her eyes shot open and her instinct was to turn towards her own bedroom door. But as she got acclimated to being awake, she realized it was the door to their private quarters that had been opened. And in was tiptoeing James.

"What the hell are you doing up?" Lily spoke.

He jumped, not realizing she had woken up. He cringed, giving her a look. "I could ask you the same thing."

"Considering I'm not the one sneaking back into my room at four o'clock in the morning on a _weekday_, seems to me my question is more relevant."

He rolled his eyes, letting out a scowl before attempting to retreat to his room.

"Are you limping?" Lily asked, letting her eyes adjust to the dark.

He cringed again. "No," he lied, forcing a face smile on his face. On their monthly full moon excursion, they had all gotten a tad too playful and somehow James got clawed by Remus' wild paw. It happened very infrequently but when you frolic the grounds as enthusiastic, rowdy animals, an injury was bound to happen every once and a while. He walked slower to his room, hoping to get away from Lily's curiosity.

"You're lying," she argued, grabbing her wand off the table. "_Exorius_."

He frantically tried to push down the pant leg that Lily just forced up on his leg, but it was too late. The gash was already exposed.

"Potter!" she gasped, jumping up from the couch. "What the hell happened to-"

"It's nothing," he interrupted, shaking his head. "I'll be fine. I know how to heal a cut." _It was the first thing I learned after my first successful transformation_.

"That is more than a cut, Potter," she snapped, giving him a look. "How did it happen?"

"I walked into a door," he drawled sarcastically.

She scoffed. "You're going to go with the oldest excuse in the book? Really?"

"No, I'm just going to _go_," he muttered, hobbling over to his room.

"You're seriously going to wander into our room at four o'clock in the morning with a huge gash on your leg and pretend like it's nothing?"

"Yep."

"Potter!" she groaned.

He rolled his eyes. "Let it go, Evans. Like you said, it's four in the morning. I'm exhausted and if I have to sit through a double period of History of Magic this morning at eight, I'm going to need some sleep."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you roamed this school in the middle of the night."

"How was I supposed to know you were waiting up for me?"

She glared at him. "I wasn't waiting up for you, Potter. You just happened to choose the wrong night to come barreling back into the room way past curfew."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she cut him off. "Then again, you sneaking back into your room at four in the morning is probably a frequent occurrence for you, am I right? You never did know how to follow the rules."

"Will you quit pretending like you know a damned thing about me?" he scowled, wanting nothing more than to whisk himself away from her.

"I know everything I need to know."

"You know everything you pretend to know," he muttered, whirling around and heading into his bedroom. He turned around to slam the door in her face but she was now blocking the doorway. "Damnit, Evans, if you want me to leave you alone for good, you probably shouldn't hover in my doorway." He shot her a glare before hobbling towards the bathroom to attempt to clean up after Remus' unfortunate mess.

She frowned. "You should really get that cut looked at."

"I can handle it," he muttered, wincing as he felt a shooting pain run through his leg.

Despite her better judgment, she strolled into his room and pointed to his bed. "Sit," she ordered. "I'll grab you a towel."

"Evans," he groaned. "I don't need your help."

"Like hell you don't," she snapped. "Now sit!"

He rolled his eyes. "I've never listened to you before. Why should I start now?"

She glared at him before sneaking past him into his bathroom. "Because if you don't, that gash on your leg is going to be the leastof your worries."

"Evans, what makes you think it's okay for you to go snooping around my bathroom!" he whined, hobbling over to the bathroom to figure out what she was up to.

She came rounding the corner and practically ran into him. She glared at him again, holding up a towel. "What the hell would you be hiding in your bathroom that you wouldn't want me to find?" she snorted. "Besides perhaps Kristina in your shower. But it looked all clear to me. Now sit down before I make you."

He couldn't explain why, but at the mention of Kristina's name, he froze ever-so-slightly. For a few minutes there, he actually forgot she existed in his world. He glanced up at Lily, whose eyebrow shot upwards in her usual warning kind of way. He sighed and fell back against his bed. "I really don't need your help with this, Evans. I've been healing my own injuries since I was fifteen."

"A broken finger or a bloody nose or a papercut is nothing compared to this laceration, Potter," she said coolly, kneeling down in front of him. "You need to properly clean this cut before even attempting to heal it with magic."

He didn't bother telling her that he could do a hell of a lot more than heal those minor injuries she just mentioned. It was the one thing that Remus had insisted upon them learning before wandering the grounds with him on full moons. James was about to protest, but found himself crying out in pain as she pressed the towel to his leg. "Bloody hell, Evans, warn me before you do that!" he whined, jerking away from her touch.

"Baby," she muttered.

He was shocked to see a hint of a smile on her face. "Anyone ever tell you that you have the hands of the _devil_?" he muttered, smiling down at her.

She glanced up and found herself smiling back at him. "Just keep still, Potter, and this will hurt a hell of a lot less."

He sighed but obliged. It was obvious she wasn't going to leave him alone until she was finished stitching him up, so he just sat back and let her do the work. They sat in silence for the most part, the occasional wincing coming from James the only sounds made.

Eventually, she broke the silence. "Potter?"

He had shut his eyes a while back, trying to pretend as if he didn't enjoy being fussed over by Lily Evans, so he was startled when she spoke. He slowly opened his eyes. "Yeah?"

"I don't know much about magical injuries, that's more of Kay's forte, but I've done enough studying in my lifetime to know that this gash not only _didn't _come from you walking into a door but actually came from a wild animal."

He froze, opening his mouth to try and form an immediate excuse with every little success. "Er…" was all he could think of to say.

She was looking at him with a mixture of concern and skepticism. "Please tell me you were not out in the Forbidden Forest tonight."

"I wasn't," he said. It wasn't a lie. In fact, they had been exploring the caves beyond the Hogsmeade streets.

She shot him a glare, clearly not believing him. "You do realize that the Forbidden Forest is, oh I don't know, _Forbidden_, right?"

"I already said I wasn't there tonight."

"And there are about a million wild creatures in the forest, wild creatures that even Dumbledore or Hagrid barely know about."

"Again, I wasn't there tonight."

"And you do realize that it was a full moon tonight, do you not?"

He tried so desperately not to look guilty, but it was impossible with the way she was looking back at him, so much concern and worry in her eyes. "Oh, was it?" he asked casually.

"Now I realize that in the Muggle world, a full moon versus a half moon or crescent moon or…or sliver moon makes-"

"Pretty sure there's no such thing as a sliver moon."

"-makes no difference, but in the wizarding world there are such things as werewolves. Going into the Forbidden Forest on a full moon might be the stupidest thing you've ever done."

He smirked. "Out of all the crazy things I've done in my life, you really want to dub that as my stupidest decision?"

"Don't avoid the question."

"Er…you didn't ask a question. OW!" James cried out, pulling his leg away from her as she pressed down harder. "What the hell, Evans?"

"Don't be smart-alecky," she said with a snicker.

"That wasn't be being a smart aleck," he muttered. "That was me being honest. You really didn't ask me a question."

She hesitated, shrugging guiltily. "Do you still have those bandages you stole from the hospital wing on the first day of term?"

He stared at her in awe.

She glanced up when he didn't respond and saw amazement in his eyes. "Er…what?"

"You remember that?"

"I remember all of your stupid decisions," she snorted, ignoring the crimson forming in her cheeks. "Including tonight's."

"I thought we got off that subject."

She sighed. "Do you have the bandages or not?"

He nodded towards his bathroom. "In the top drawer on the right."

"Hold this," she demanded, pointing to the towel on his leg. "Put pressure on-"

"Merlin of Agrippa, who are you? My mother?" he muttered. "OW!"

She smirked, pulling her hand away from his leg. "Stop being smart-alecky," she teased as she disappeared into his bathroom.

James watched her wander away from him, noticing for the first time that early morning that she was wearing a very flimsy pair of plaid pajama shorts and a thin green T-shirt. A T-shirt he was almost sure wasn't hiding a bra underneath. He could feel his heart beating fast at that very thought and had to immediately scold himself. He wasn't supposed to be showing any interest in Lily Evans when it was Kristina he was dating. He was going to blame his sudden attraction on the woman healing him up that morning on the fact that he had lost a lot of blood and was feeling slightly woozy.

She reappeared with a bandage and wand in hand. He smiled nervously and shook his head, knowing he needed to get her away. "Put your wand away, Evans. I can appreciate you attempting to clean me up, but I am not letting you do the actual healing when I have absolutely no idea how skilled you are it."

She shot him a look, tossing the bandage beside James on the bed. "I'm skilled at everything else I do. You dare question my healing skills?"

"Put your wand away," he warned again. "I'll do the actual healing."

"What? And what do you know about it?"

"Enough," he said with a shrug. He reached for his own wand, giving her a look.

"Potter, I-"

"_Expelliarmus_," he muttered and suddenly Lily's wand was in his own hand.

"HEY!"

He couldn't help but laugh. She looked so helpless and shocked. "You'll get this back when I'm done," he teased, pocketing her wand into his own pocket.

Her eyebrow slowly curled upward. "Don't think I won't stick my hand down that pocket of yours, Potter."

He chuckled. "I know you won't."

Her eyes gleamed with amusement. "Is that a challenge?"

He rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

She smirked before unexpectedly lunging towards him, digging her hand into his jeans pocket.

"Merlin, Evans!" he cried out, shocked as he was knocked backwards. He was completely taken aback by the idea of shy, innocent, inhibited Lily Evans attacking him in a playful manner. He let out a laugh, twisting to his side to shield his pockets from her.

"You ticklish, Mr. Potter?" she asked with a smirk, straddling him with her legs as her hands made a raid towards his sides.

His shrieking laughter answered her question. "Geroff me!" he whined in between spurts of giggles.

"Give me my wand and I'll oblige," she teased, trying to pin him down further as he attempted to squirm from her grasp.

"Oh, that's how you want to play, is it?" he said slyly, letting his own hands find her ticklish spots.

She shrieked, trying to swat him away and kicking him in the process.

"Ow, ow, ow! Evans, I do have a bloody gash on my leg, y'know!"

She winced guiltily and made the mistake of letting up on her grip. Before she knew what was happening, he was flipping her over and she was the one stuck underneath him.

"Aw, hell, Potter! That was just mean," she whined, struggling against his strong grasp. "I thought I really hurt you."

"Nah, I'm invincible," he said, winking playfully. "Now, say you're sorry and I'll let you go."

"Hah, me say sorry to you?" she retorted, smirking. "Dream on, Potter."

His eyebrow slowly rose. "You really want to get sassy with me right now?"

"Who says 'sassy?'" she snorted.

"Seriously? You're going to _continue_ sassing me?" he teased, pinning her arms above her head to keep her from fidgeting.

She couldn't help but laugh as her squirming relented, knowing it was a lost cause. Her laughter stopped short as she glanced up at him and suddenly felt her heart flutter, realizing the awkward intimacy of the situation.

The hesitant flicker in his eye told her he had realized it, too. He could feel his heart race as he glanced down at her and saw such an alluring appeal in her shy expression, her bright emerald eyes drawing him in relentlessly.

Neither spoke, the tension growing thick in the air. Lily could feel her heart beating out of her chest, opening her mouth a few times to speak with the words unable to get out. James tried moving, tried releasing her arms and climbing off of her but there was something deep from within keeping him immobile. He blamed it on her penetrating eyes, her eyes opening up to her vulnerable soul. There was such fear and yet comfort staring back at him. And it was that comfort that made butterflies soar in his stomach.

She blinked, tearing her eyes off of him before either one of them did anything stupid. "Potter," she urged for lack of anything better to say.

While her eyes strayed to the other side of the room, James' eyes remained stoic on hers. "Yeah?"

She swallowed hard, not having a whole lot of things planned to say. She opened her mouth to say something, _anything_. "You should really fix that cut up." She cringed at the lame words.

He blinked, his heart sinking as Lily broke the oddly reassuring passion between them. "Right," he muttered, slowly climbing off of her and falling to the other side of the bed.

She sat up, willing her heart to stop racing before rising off the bed and heading back towards the dresser, unsure what to say or do to bring them back to reality.

"You can go now, y'know," James pointed out, forcing out a smile. In all honesty, he needed her out. He couldn't even think in her presence. "I can do the rest myself."

"So when you suddenly make your leg swell up or fall off or you cause gangrene and you pass out and die, you can blame me?"

He smiled. He couldn't help it. "If I'm dead, how will I blame you?"

"I don't doubt that you'd come back as a ghost and haunt me for the rest of my life."

"Hm, that does sound fun," he said with a smile, pointing his wand towards his leg and muttering a few curses and charms.

She chuckled, crossing her arms affectionately as she watched him work. She would never admit it, but she became quickly impressed with his healing skills. In a matter of seconds, the blood was dried up, the gash was cleaned, and it was closed up. The only thing that was left remaining was a large scar.

"Where did you learn all of that?" Lily asked curiously. "Certainly not here at school."

He shrugged. "I picked it up."

"So that on those nights you decided it would be fun to frolic around the Forbidden Forest, you wouldn't have to worry about any possible danger?"

He pursed his lips. "Is that a trick question?"

She chuckled. "Seriously, Potter, what were you up to tonight?"

"Seriously, Evans, it was nothing," he sighed. "Look, clearly my leg hasn't swollen up or fallen off or gotten gangrene, so there's no need for you to be here anymore. Really, I'm fine."

She still didn't look convinced. "Are you going to wrap the bandage around your leg?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "Nah," he said dismissively. "I'll be fine."

"Why do you always insist on being so macho?" she groaned.

"I'm a man. It's what we do," he teased.

"You do realize that that gash will take twice as long to heal without you wrapping it, right?"

"Eh, it's a battle scar. I'll show it off as I please."

"Potter!" she whined.

He couldn't help but grin. "I'm aggravating you, aren't I."

She shot him a look. "What do you think?"

"Alright, alright, I'll put the damned bandage on my leg," he caved, rolling his eyes. He reached for the bandage and started wrapping it around the cut carelessly.

"Half-assing it isn't going to make it heal faster."

"Okay, now you're aggravating me."

She chuckled. "I just don't want you to die overnight and it be my fault."

"Why am I getting the feeling that you're more worried about being blamed for my death than my actual death?" he sighed overdramatically as he tightened the bandage around his leg for her sake.

A smile crept on to Lily's face. "Do you really expect any differently coming from me?"

His heart skipped a beat as he met her strained gaze. It was obvious she was fighting between amusement and disappointment, her expression showing caution and restraint. He sighed as he finished wrapping the bandage around the gash and pulled down his pant leg. There wasn't much else to say or do except dismiss her and go to bed, but he suddenly felt a slew of butterflies in his stomach at the thought of her disappearing. They were finally getting along. He was finally getting past her sudden detest for her and he didn't want to lose that camaraderie again.

Before she could retreat to her own room, he blurted out, "Why are you suddenly acting like you care about me?"

"What?" she asked in surprise, thrown by the question.

He shrugged awkwardly. "You've made it pretty clear that you hate my guts, to put it lightly," he snorted. "And people who hate others normally don't stick around to make sure their legs don't fall off or to make sure they don't get gangrene. In fact, people who hate others don't normally stick around at all."

She rolled her eyes. "I couldn't take the risk of Trent Hemingway or Severus Snape being your Head Boy replacement if you keeled over and died," she drawled sarcastically.

"Aw, gee, how sweet of you."

She sighed. "Just because I don't necessarily like you doesn't mean I relish in the fact that you were attacked by some wild creature, Potter," she muttered. She glanced up at him and saw awe in his eyes. She cringed, hastily adding, "So maybe I stuck around because I was curious."

He frowned. "Now _that _I can believe," he muttered. He grabbed her wand from his pocket and tossed it to her. He stood up slowly from the bed to head into the bathroom. "What I was doing tonight really isn't any of your concern, Evans. Please just forget it."

She sighed hesitantly. "It's not something I can forget that easily, Potter."

"Then try harder," he grumbled irritably.

She shot him a look. "As Head Girl, I'm supposed to keep an eye on the student population and that unfortunately includes you, no matter how much you may hate that concept. I'm glad you're fine and I'm glad you appear to have the skillset to heal yourself in potentially harmful situations, but that doesn't mean you should be putting yourself in harm's way! Can't you ever just follow the rules for _once _in your life?"

He rolled his eyes. Once again, she was back to being her bossy, controlling self. He shouldn't have been surprised. "Good night, Evans," he urged, limping towards the bathroom.

She grabbed his arm as he passed by her. "Potter, why do you insist on being the sorriest excuse for a Head Boy this school has ever seen?"

He rolled his eyes. "Now that's not fair. I'm pretty sure you haven't met all 1,025 Head Boys this school has had. I'm sure one of them must have been sorrier than me."

She looked very unamused. "Sure, make a joke. It's what you do best. You can't take anything seriously."

He shrugged, glancing over at her as he dropped back on to the edge of his bed. "Why bother. _You'll _never take me seriously."

"You haven't given me a reason to," she scowled. "And did you ever think that maybe it shouldn't be _me _you feel the need to please? That this position is more than that? Try pleasing the students. Try pleasing Dumbledore. Try pleasing _yourself_."

A smirk appeared on his well-tanned face. "Oh, I please myself plenty, Evans."

She scowled, shuddering. "Thank you for that very unfortunate image in my mind," she muttered, a look of revolt swimming in her eyes.

"I hate to break it to you, Evans, but the students already think plenty highly of me. And apparently Dumbledore does, too, considering he thought I was worthy of this position. And let's face it, I already know I'm awesome," he spoke with a grin. "So that pretty much just leaves you. And you've made it pretty damned clear that no matter what I do or say, you will never give me a chance. So I repeat, _why bother_?"

She frowned, sweeping her auburn hair out of her face impatiently. "I tried giving you a chance," she said, her voice hoarse. "I'm no idiot, Potter. I see that people seem to fall at your feet. That for whatever reason they adore and worship you. So for a month, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I let my guard down. I-I didn't fall at your feet or adore you or worship you. But I _gave you a chance_. I let myself believe that maybe you were different that I originally thought. I let myself believe you had changed. I let myself believe that perhaps you cared. But I quickly learned the truth. You're not different. You haven't changed. And you clearly don't care. At least about anything that should matter."

"I'm beginning to realize that what you think should matter and what _I _think should matter are two completely different things."

When she looked into his eyes, she saw remorse and guilt. She saw disappointment and rejection. She saw the acceptance gleaming back at her. She turned away from his gaze, her eyes falling upon the floor sullenly. "I guess that's one thing we can agree on."

He sighed. "How did you learn the truth?" he asked softly.

"What?"

"You said you quickly learned the truth. How? And why are you so convinced it's the truth? What did I do?"

She turned away from his pleading gaze, shaking her head slowly. "Why don't we start with you waltzing into our common room at four o'clock in the morning?"

"Blimey, you've got to get over that," he muttered irritably.

"I can't get over that," she snapped, glaring at him. "Because that is a huge reason as to why you can be such a pretentious showoff. You do what _you _want to do. When _you _want to do it. Whether you were stealing away to the Astronomy Tower to get in a good groping session with that equally pretentious girlfriend of yours or slipping into Hogsmeade to break a million school rules by downing a few alcoholic drinks and dancing lasciviously on top of a bar or by sneaking off to the Slytherin common room to play whatever reckless prank of the day you had planned or by roaming the hallways with your cohorts just because you can, it's all about how you think you can do whatever the hell you want because you're the high and almighty James Potter, thinking that you're better than every other single person in this school. In this country. Hell, even in this universe. When are you ever going to realize that pretending you're better than everyone _actually _makes you so much inferior to those people you're so set on destroying? That it just makes you an insecure little _boy _like all of those guys you seem to get enjoyment out of making fun of? That in the end, _you're just like them_?"

He found himself rendered speechless. Not because her speech was so surprising. He had heard it before. But because she actually looked hurt. Disappointed even. It wasn't her usual spite and anger staring back at him. It was regret. "So that's all I am to you?" he asked softly. "Just some reckless teenager with no depth or emotional capability? I'm just like any other foolish kid? I'm just…nobody?"

She blinked, quickly turning away from his penetrating gaze. She frowned, slowly leaning back against the dresser once more. Mostly to steady herself as she tried desperately to blink the tears out of her eyes at the reminder of him, too, calling her 'nobody.' "It sucks knowing what people really think of you, doesn't it," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Once again, he swore he saw a flicker of agony in her eyes. "What _people_ think of me?" he snorted, shaking his head. "No, Evans, that's where you're wrong. You're the only one who seems so set on deeming me as some inferior adolescent. You said it yourself, people fall at my feet. They adore me, they worship me. Tell me, does that sound like someone who is inferior? Like someone who's a nobody?"

She felt her mouth go dry. No, but it made her feel like a nobody. "It sounds like someone who's kidding himself."

"Well, you got that right." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

They both froze, locking eyes. "Wait, what?" Lily asked, confused.

He sighed. He had been kidding himself. For days, weeks, months, years even. He had been kidding himself for ever thinking Lily Evans was going to rightfully give him the chance he thought he deserved. So in that thought alone, he had been kidding himself for ever believing he was indeed superior to those around him. Because the only person whose opinion he ever cared for was the one person who thought he was worth nothing. He wasn't superior. But he wasn't inferior either. He was merely a seventeen-year-old male teenager wanting nothing more than to grab the attention of the redhead standing in front of him. "Good night, Evans," he said for a second time that evening, nodding towards his door.

She didn't budge. "What did you mean by that?"

"Nothing," he was quick to argue. "Now if you don't mind-"

"Potter," she said softly, giving him a look of what could only be described as desperation.

He dared lifting his eyes to look at her. He felt his heartbeat hasten. "I've been kidding myself for thinking I ever mattered to you. And…and I've been kidding myself for thinking that you ever mattered to me."

There. The words were out there. He couldn't take them back but the panicked, stunned look on Lily's face made him want to.

"I never mattered to you," she spat out in a hurt whisper, shaking her head vigorously.

He hesitated, pondering her words. If anything, he had expected her to say that he never mattered to her. He was curious as to why she would choose those words to focus on. "What gives you the right to belittle my feelings, Evans?"

She glared at him. "Because I know you, Potter," she sneered.

"You don't know a goddamned thing about me, Evans!" he barked. "No matter how much you think you do or how much you may act like you do or how much you pretend to know, you and I know absolutely _nothing _about each other. At least nothing worth knowing."

Her mouth hung slightly open in surprise. "And what's what supposed to mean?"

He sighed. "It's supposed to mean good night, Evans," he pleaded, shutting his eyes impatiently.

She slowly and reluctantly lifted herself off the edge of his dresser, more confused over their situation than she was when she had entered the room. As she headed towards the door, she found herself halting hesitantly. "Maybe you're right, Potter," she said, turning to face him.

His eyes hastily opened as he stared over at her.

"Maybe we don't know anything about each other," she admitted with a sigh. "But if that really were true, then why is it you and I have…have such a tumultuous relationship? Because I was always under the impression it was because of the fact that we unfortunately know more about each other than we wished we did."

She merely offered him a curt shrug before turning her back on him once again.

"That's a question I ask myself every day," James blurted out.

She froze, her heart skipping a beat as she turned around to meet his gaze.

He sighed, running his fingers through his untidy hair. "Evans, you…you infuriate me more than anyone ever has. I get so angry in your presence. I scream, I yell, and when that doesn't work, I insult you or even hex you. You bring out the worst in me. I hate that…that you seem to affect me more than anyone else does. But what I hate more is that I can't figure out why." His words were filled with so much desperation. He blamed the loss of blood getting to his head. "How did we get here?"

She had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. Truth was, he had never asked her that question before. And honestly, she had never really asked it to herself either. It was one of those questions that others had always vocally wondered about, but she shrugged it off to James being a jackass. But now that he was bringing it up, she couldn't ignore it any longer. What was it about James Potter that made her blood boil so easily and so defiantly?

As she glanced up at him, her heart skipped a beat. For the first time since the kiss they shared on the platform, she stopped looking for his selfishness and his rotten habits. She stopped focusing on his annoyingly pretentious smirk and his smoldering overconfident eyes. Instead, she saw vulnerability in his eyes. She saw desperation in his frown. She noticed the way his untidy hair swept so casually across his forehead. She looked at him for the unfortunate attractive self he was. And she suddenly realized the answer to her previous question. But it was an answer she sure as hell was never going to admit. She shuddered, turning away from him immediately. "Two words, Potter," she spoke stubbornly. "Chocolate sauce."

He sighed. For a minute there, he thought she was finally going to talk to him like a real person. Not the person she was so clearly hiding behind. "Don't give me that, Evans. I may have been an immature idiot back then, but we're seventeen years old now. And I'm pretty damned sure chocolate sauce wasn't involved in your re-decision to hate me again after you were somehow able to forgive me for my idiotic immaturity."

Her lips grew thin, clearly feeling defensive with James' slight attack. "Some people clash," she said so vaguely and elusively. "I guess we're two of those people."

A deep frown framed his face. He was trying to have an honest conversation with her and she clearly didn't care enough to be honest back to him. "Good night, Evans," he muttered dismissively, falling back against his bed with an irritated sigh.

She didn't acknowledge his words, leaning up against his doorframe with a sigh. "Potter, you're not like every other foolish guy," she found herself saying, returning to their earlier conversation.

He waited for her continue and when she didn't, he sat back up to face her. There has to be a catch. "What?"

"You're not like every other guy," she repeated slowly. "Because you're Head Boy. You unfortunately have a lot more responsibility and pressure on you this year and I hate to say it, but you're not living up to any of it. I realized for that brief month we actually got along that you are better than this person you've become. This rule-breaking, prank-playing, trouble-making, fight-starting, insult-throwing, detention-living, mischief-creating Marauder doesn't have to be you. You can be the Head Boy Dumbledore expected you to be. Not this guy who strolls into his room at four o'clock in the morning after a night of selfish frivolity."

He couldn't help but glare at her. Here he thought she was attempting to offer him a compliment and it was just her backhanded way of insulting him once again. "You haven't a clue what I was doing tonight, Evans. You can sit there and make your biased assumptions that I was out with my girlfriend or getting drunk at Hogsmeade or playing pranks but in the end, you know absolutely _nothing_ about what I was up to tonight. So don't you dare stand there acting all patronizing and altruistic as if you know me and you know what's best for me. You've already made it perfectly clear that I'm nothing to you. That I'm apparently nothing to anyone. So don't stand there and pretend that I have even a shot of living up to your standards of what a Head Boy should be. Because it clearly doesn't matter what I do or say to try and change your mind. You're going to continue hating me and maybe I just have to live with that. Maybe it's time for me to realize that just like I'm apparently not worth your time, you're not worth mine," he spoke, his voice filled with much distress and frustration. His gaze never faltered from hers, determined to prove he wasn't going to be swayed or disheartened by her condescending judgments. "Now, I believe I said good night, Evans," he snapped, nodding towards the door.

She rolled his eyes, unfazed by his irritation. "Technically it's morning."

"Fine then, good _morning_. Just get out!" he snarled, getting up off the bed to stumble towards the bathroom. Mostly because he wanted to get away from Lily's scrutiny. He was tired of their back-and-forth games. It was obvious no matter how nice she could be, such as when she's trying to heal his leg, she'll always go back to insulting him and acting full of herself. She didn't know how to let her guard down around him. Around anyone. And he was tired of trying to get her to do so.

She watched him slam the door to the bathroom and groaned, knowing that she hadn't handled it very well. In a way, she was just trying to tell him that for some reason a part of her cared about his wellbeing. It clearly didn't come out the way she expected and wanted to. In fact, just like he had suggested, it sounded far too patronizing and probably overly altruistic. But she wanted so desperately to believe and to see the good inside James Potter. It came in spurts. Very small, limited spurts before his arrogance and superiority take control. And unfortunately those small, limited spurts of decency weren't enough to make Lily forget the way he had talked about her. The way he thought of her. She would always be nothing to him. Maybe it was time for her to just accept that.

She tried walking out with her head held high, but she found her eyes fixating on James' shut bathroom door, realizing he would forever be that frivolous, selfish guy who would continue waltzing into the room at four o'clock in the morning without a care in the world of the risks or consequences. And if that's the guy he wanted to be, then it was time for her to accept that he would and could never change.

As she meandered back into her bedroom, trying not to wake Riley and Kay, she wondered why that thought seemed to depress her so much.

* * *

**A/N: **YAY! SO much to say YAY for really...well, except for the fact that there was a brief intimate moment between James and Lily where unfortunately nothing happened. I so wanted them to kiss in that moment, but it didn't feel right. But in due time, I promise there will be some kissing. This is an L/J fic after all, right? Please review!


	25. Of Mood Swings, Normalcy, & Secrets

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack! Sorry it's been a while but here's chapter 26! I don't really have any questions to answer except for one: James will find out why Lily hates him on his own time. Give him a while because he doesn't find out for quite some time. Remember that Lily's stubborn. She's too afraid of getting close to James again and getting hurt for the umpteenth time. She doesn't trust well. In due time, things will work themselves out.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not in a creative mood right now to think of anything other than to say the obvious fact that I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 25: Of Mood Swings, Normalcy, & Secrets

* * *

James spent most of Tuesday avoiding everyone. He would be the last person to show up in class and the first out the door. He skipped lunch and dinner and was just grateful that Remus was still recovering in the hospital wing so that James didn't have to face him. He sat far away from Lily in all of his classes and focused his attention on his schoolwork. For the first time since he could remember, he just wanted to be left alone. And thankfully, Sirius and Peter knew enough to keep their distance. They didn't know why, both of them wondering if it had something to do with Remus clawing him the night before, but when James got into his quiet, solitary mindframe, they knew it was best to leave it alone instead of interrogate him.

He was taking a brief nap during lunch to make up for his lack of sleep the night before and only awoke at the sound of his stomach grumbling. He sighed, glancing towards his bedroom door hesitantly. He knew he couldn't hide out all day without some sort of semblance of food in his stomach.

Slowly, he crept towards his door and peeked out, praying that he wouldn't run into LIly. Coast was clear so he tiptoed out into the common room and hastily rushed towards the entrance.

"Don't want to run into me, hm?"

He yelped and turned around, greeted by a smirking Lily in her own doorway. "Damnit, Evans, you scared the hell out of me."

She rolled her eyes. "How's your leg?"

He sighed. "It's fine."

"You sure?"

"Do you see me limping?"

She frowned. "It's hard to tell when you're _tiptoeing_."

He grimaced. "Seriously, Evans, stop fussing," he whined. "I'm fine except for my empty stomach. So if Miss Warden will allow it, I'd like to steal away to the kitchens."

She scowled. "Gee, sorry for caring," she snapped, slinging her bag over her shoulder and rushing back into her own bedroom.

"You made it pretty clear this morning you don't give a damn about me!" James cried out against his better judgment.

She hesitated before heading back into the common room to glare at him. "Because you make it impossible to care," she retorted with a scoff. "One minute, you're a jackass. The next, you're acting alright. And another minute goes by and you're back to being one hell of a surly son-of-a-bitch. You're like a girl on PMS, Potter. I can't deal with your mood swings!"

To her surprise, her burst into laughter. "_My _mood swings?" he snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. "Am I the one who went from getting along with me to hating me in a matter of _minutes_? No, I believe that was you. And I'll be damned if I'm going to blame it on _PMS_. Nope, I'm just going to blame it on your pathetic stubbornness."

"It was _your _mood swings that made me go back to hating you, Potter!"

He froze, curiosity striking him. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed. "Nothing. Never mind. Go feed yourself, Potter."

He frowned as she disappeared into her bedroom, wondering what she meant by his 'mood swings' affecting her perspective on him. He racked his brain trying to figure out what he possibly could have done or said the night before her attitude change. He had literally thought back to that night numerous times in the past three days. He wasn't so sure he had ever relived a single few hours more in his entire life than he had those few hours. Maybe the night when Sirius coerced Snape into heading down to the Whomping Willow, but at least he knew what went wrong that evening. At least he could point fingers and determine down to the millisecond how things had unfortunately gone down. No matter how many times he churned the words and events of the evening three nights earlier with Lily, he still couldn't figure out what the hell it is that he had done or said to her. They were fine at dinner, laughing and joking around. And twelve hours later at breakfast, she was once again back to despising him. He hated not knowing. He hated turning that night over and over in his head. He hated pestering her for answers.

But mostly, he hated that he couldn't fix it.

* * *

James was knee deep in his Potions essay that night when he heard a knock on his door. He pursed his lips irritably, having a good feeling it was a certain Head Girl once again there to bust his chops. It seemed to James that for someone who was so determined to be left alone, she often found herself in his way.

There was a louder knock and he cried out, "Go away, Evans!"

The door creaked open. "You and Lily still fighting?"

James whirled around, cringing when he saw Remus hovering in the doorway. "Oh, sorry, Moony. I thought you were Lily."

"Ah, yes, and how welcoming you were to the idea of her being at your door," he teased.

James frowned. "She's been a huge pain in my arse all day."

"As opposed to the last six years?" he teased, leaning up against James' doorframe.

He shrugged. "The girl is so hot and cold," he muttered. Normally, he wouldn't care to converse about his troubles with Lily but he had a good feeling as to why Remus was there and he was hoping to stall further. He threw his essay to his nightstand and sat up. "It's like she can't decide whether to hate me or like me enough to get along with me. I'm so sick of it. Why is it always on her terms?"

"I couldn't answer that."

"Well, apparently she can't either," he sighed.

Remus merely nodded. "Have you been hiding in here all day?"

"No."

Remus gave him a look. "Prongs."

"I haven't!" he argued, shaking his head. He grinned sheepishly. "I stopped by the kitchens earlier."

"Oh, my mistake," he drawled sarcastically.

"Whatever," James muttered. "If I have to hide out in my room to avoid her, I'm fine with that."

Remus' scrutinizing eyes narrowed. "Is she the only one you're trying to avoid?"

James met his friend's eyes and sighed. "I'm assuming Sirius spoke to you?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah, he stopped by the hospital wing earlier," he muttered, swallowing the lump in his throat. He gestured towards James' leg. "Is it bad?"

James shook his head, knowing he was referring to the cut on his leg. "No, not at all. I'm fine, Remus. Really. Don't worry about it."

A frown appeared on his friend's ashen face. "James," he said softly.

James made a face. "Remus, you barely scraped me. Please don't fret over it. I'm fine. Don't I seem fine?"

"That's really a relative question."

James shot him a look, a laugh escaping from his lips. "Oh, you're hilarious."

He forced out a smile. "I'm really sorry, James."

"Oh, please, don't be," he urged pleadingly. "It was nothing."

"James, c'mon, you-"

"Seriously, Moony," James interrupted, narrowing his eyes irritably. "It was nothing. I'm perfectly fine, alright?"

He frowned. "Show it to me, James," he said sincerely.

"Aw, c'mon, Moony," James argued, shaking his head. "What good is that going to do?"

"James, I attacked you last night. I think I-"

"Not on purpose!" James protested pleadingly. "And it wasn't even your fault. We all got too playful. It could have been Sirius' paws that clawed me. We were just-"

"But it wasn't," Remus snapped. "It was mine. And me attacking you in werewolf form and Sirius attacking you in dog form are two completely different concepts."

"Damnit, Remus, why are you always so certain you're going to kill one of us?" James barked, glaring at his friend. "It's been three years and we've all been able to handle ourselves thus far perfectly fine without your constant determination of protecting us. We've been scraped, we've been bitten, we've been clawed. We've seen it before and yet every single time you accidentally scrape us with your paws, you freak out. It's not the end of the world. It's the whole reason behind our Animagi transformations. You can't hurt us!"

"James, when Sirius accidentally mauls you or Peter accidentally bites you, they remember it the next day. Me, on the other hand, I'm in a completely different world. I remember small spurts of actions, but it's in a completely haze. Do you know what it feels like to have to be told of my actions the night before? To have Sirius tell me that I scratched you? Do you know what it feels like to wake up the next day and have only a vague recollection of about six hours of my life?"

"No, Remus," James sighed. "I don't know what that feels like. But I want you to stop worrying about it the next day. I want you to stop fretting over your prior actions. Have we ever let you down before?"

He shot him a look.

James winced, reminded of the night Sirius goaded Snape towards the Whomping Willow. "Alright, so that wasn't one of our proudest moments, but he's learned his lesson. We all have. Can't you please just stop stressing over it?"

Remus frowned. "No," he admitted with a shrug. "I'll never stop stressing. But that's why I'm the werewolf and you're the normal kid."

James' heart skipped a beat as he met his friends' fearful gaze. "I hate that you don't see yourself as normal."

He sighed. "I think howling at the full moon pretty much keeps one from being normal."

James unfortunately couldn't respond to that.

"James, please just show it to me."

He sighed, hitting his head irritably against his headboard. But he slowly obliged. Remus wouldn't let up until he saw the damage he had caused.

"Why is it bandaged?" Remus asked, his voice full of overwhelming concern. "You've never once bandaged your cuts before. It really is bad, isn't it?"

James sighed as he slowly unraveled the bandage. He pursed his lips hesitantly before responding, "No, it's fine," he muttered. "It's just that…er…Evans forced me to wear it."

"_What_?"

"Oh, she had no idea where it came from," he said hastily, shaking his head. "But she was up this morning when I walked into the room."

A frightened frown appeared on Remus' face.

"Don't worry about her, Moony. Seriously. She's too busy busting my chops to focus too heavily on where I got the gash from."

"She's busting your chops?"

"Like that's anything new?" James snorted, shrugging curtly. "I thought we were finally…blimey, I don't know. Getting along? Or at least trying to. Even this morning, she actually showed signs of compassion. But that quickly disappeared. She became more concerned with calling me a foolish nobody."

Remus' eyebrow peaked. "She called you a nobody?"

"Among other things," he muttered, pulling the last of the bandage off his leg. "See, Moony? I'm fine."

Remus' eyes grazed lightly on the small jagged scar before resting on James' pleading eyes. "Maybe the cut is fine, but are _you_?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What else did Lily say?"

James sighed. "It really doesn't matter. In her mind, I'm always going to be an irresponsible rule-breaker. I'm just done trying to-"

"Does that have something to do with you wandering into the room at four in the morning?"

James frowned. "Don't go blaming yourself, Moony. The girl loathed me before I strolled into the bedroom this morning way past curfew. And she's going to continue loathing me even if I follow every single rule Dumbledore has ever set."

"I just can't do anything right, can I?" Remus teased. "First, I maul my best friend. And-"

"Maul's a strong word, Moony."

"-and now because of me, Lily hates you even more. Maybe-"

"She already hated me."

"-maybe I should just go find a first-year Gryffindor to torture and call it a day."

James couldn't help but laugh. "Remus, thank you for caring, but I'm fine."

"You're starting to sound like a broken record."

"No, what I'm starting to do is get annoyed with everyone wondering if I'm fine."

Remus sighed. "You're not fine, James. Why else would you be hiding in your room all day?" He shot his friend a look who unfortunately was at a loss of words. "I know this thing between you and Lily is really getting to you. And I'm sorry that you have to deal with that."

James frowned. "You don't have to come in here and apologize to me twice for things you didn't have a lot of control over."

Remus shrugged. "It's what friends do. We offer sympathy when our friends are clearly feeling down."

He met Remus' concerned gaze and merely sighed. "Alright, will it make you feel better if I said I _will _be fine?"

Remus shook his head. "No, not really."

James couldn't help but chuckle. "Look, I really don't want to talk about Evans or this damned cut on my leg, hence why I'm hiding out here. So you are more than welcome to hide out here with me if our conversations stick strictly to schoolwork, Quidditch, pranks, or a potential must-need Hogsmeade visit in our near future."

"How is discussing pranks or a Hogsmeade visit going to get Lily on your good-"

"Ah, ah, ah, no talk of Evans!"

Remus chuckled and reluctantly shut James' door behind him, strolling into his room and perching on the edge of James' bed. "How goes your Potions essay?"

James let out a relieved sigh. "That's much better."

Remus snickered. "I just asked you about your Potions essay and you think that's a good thing? Man, you really are in bad shape."

Remus let out a yelp as a pillow pummeled him.

* * *

It was late once Remus left James' room. He still felt guilty for apparently clawing James. He would never not feel guilty for anything that occurs during his transformations. When he turned into a werewolf, he really was a completely different person. Beast. Monster. Whatever you want to call it, that's what he saw himself as. His biggest fear has always been the idea of waking up in the morning to be told that he bit a human or he killed someone. To this day, he would never be able to forget the day he awoke after almost attacking Severus Snape. When he woke up, he felt different. He was more exhausted and worn out and his entire body had been trembling. Sirius was sitting by Remus' side in the hospital wing when he had opened his eyes and Remus knew immediately something was wrong. He could see it on Sirius' face. And Remus knew that he would never, ever get the words that Sirius spoke that day out of his head. Remus couldn't remember a time where he felt more frightened, more angry, more disappointed, and more betrayed in his entire life than he had in that moment. Even to this day, when he thought about what could have happened, both to him and to Severus, disappointment boiled deep within. He had long forgiven Sirius. But he would unfortunately never forget.

As he slipped out of James' room, his eyes migrated towards Lily's door. He couldn't get James' words or the expression on his face out of his mind. He was clearly feeling down, to put it very mildly, about Lily's recent return of her distaste for him. Remus wasn't so sure what possessed him to do so, but he strode over to her room and knocked. When there wasn't an answer, he knocked again. And then he rolled his eyes when he heard her say, "Potter, leave me alone!"

Remus opened the door and peeked his head in. He snorted when he saw her sprawled out on her bed with a few textbooks in front of her, scribbling away on her latest essay. "Gee, you and James need to learn to be a tad more welcoming."

Lily jerked her head up in surprised at the sound of Remus' voice. "What are you doing here?" she asked, confused. "Shouldn't you know by now that James is across the common room?"

Remus shot her a look. "I'm not here for him, Lily. Mind if I come in?"

Her intrigue got the better of her. She nodded and sat up on her bed. "What's this about?"

Remus frowned guiltily, slowly shutting the door behind him and striding over to her desk. He swung her desk chair around and dropped into it hesitantly. "Look, Lily," he sighed, scratching his head curiously. "I know this really isn't my place seeing as I have absolutely no idea what's going on with you and James, but I think-"

"You're right, it isn't your place," Lily interrupted stubbornly. Once again, she was throwing her guard up.

He sighed. "I just need you to know that James staying out until four in the morning today wasn't his fault," he muttered. "So whatever grudge you're holding against him all of a sudden, please don't use today as some sort of validation of your distaste for him."

"Are you seriously covering for him, Remus?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's not covering when it's the truth."

"It doesn't matter if it's the truth and it doesn't matter whose idea it was and it doesn't matter what you were doing. It's the fact that you all were doing it when you knew damned well sure it was breaking about fifty school rules. Potter does whatever the hell he wants, which may have worked in previous years, but he's the goddamned Head Boy of this school, Remus! I'm sick and tired of him shirking all of his responsibilities."

He pursed his lips. "He was shirking said responsibilities last night because of me," Remus urged, his temper slowly flaring.

She scoffed. "It barely matters, Remus. He was a jerk before traipsing into the common room at four in the morning acting like his usual smug self."

"Oh, just _stop_ _it_, Lily," he snapped.

Her eyebrow peaked. "Excuse me?" she asked coolly.

"I really don't want to be mean, but I think we're all getting a bit tired of the charade."

"_Charade_?" she scowled.

He shrugged. "I don't think it's fair of you to call my best friend names and insult him and act condescending towards him if you're not going to at least provide him with the decency of knowing what he did wrong. The guy isn't perfect, but he deserves a lot more credit than what you're giving him. You may think he's a jerk, but to me, he's the best friend a guy could ask for."

"I don't have to explain myself to you. Or to anyone," Lily was quick to defend. "And I don't think I should be guilted into feeling bad about my opinions of the prat. That's why they're called opinions. You want to go on pretending like that best friend of yours has redeeming qualities, you go right ahead. Me, on the other hand, I'm going to think differently."

"You don't know him," Remus retaliated, shrugging curtly. "You don't know him like I do. You don't know the things he's done for me. You don't know the person he really is. You're only concerned with the person _you _think he is. This horrible person that you've spent six years building inside of your head. You don't see that he actually is one of the most compassionate, unselfish, genuine people I know." His gaze was icy, full of a weird sense of desperation. "You _don't _know him, Lily. So if you want to continue making your outlandish shallow judgments against him, go for it. That's your prerogative. But don't pretend like you know anything about him."

Lily was slightly taken aback by Remus' forward, uninhibited attitude. He had always been so quiet, so stealthy, keeping his opinions to himself. He avoided confrontation at all costs so the fact that he dared speak up for James so proudly, so openly, ensured curiosity within her. "What were you lot doing last night?"

Panic rested in Remus' eyes. "That's not important. Just know it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me."

"Not important?" she scoffed. "If you guys felt the need to wander the halls in the middle of the night, it must have been something important."

"Let it go, Lily," he said firmly.

She rolled her eyes and was about to dismiss him and return to her essay, when a sudden thought occurred to her. She leaned forward curiously, her eyes narrowing skeptically. "Remus," she said slowly, a hint of warning in her tone.

"What?"

"I thought you were visiting your mother last night."

This time, Lily saw plain as day the panic in Remus' eyes. "Uh…"

"Your sick mother?" she urged, crossing her arms defensively.

He glared at her. "Real subtle."

She sighed, realizing that mentioning his sick mother in an accusatory way wasn't the most considerate thing she's ever done. "I'm sorry," she said genuinely. "But that is why you were gone yesterday afternoon and all today, is it not?"

He didn't respond.

"Why do you feel the need to lie for James. What do you get out of it?"

Remus hesitated, wondering what he could possibly say to redeem both himself and James. He felt his heart speed up when he realized he only had one option. "I'm not lying for James. I've been…I've been lying about myself."

That caught Lily's attention. "What are you talking about?"

He wasn't about to go into complete detail, but he could at least throw her a bone. "It's not my mother who's been sick all these years," Remus said softly, meeting Lily's curious gaze. Her eyes widened in surprise at the implication. He shrugged. "It's me."

"What?" she asked, surprise being her obvious reaction.

He sighed, turning away from the shock on her face. "I'm...I'm the one who's been sick."

Lily had no idea how to respond to that. She wanted to tread lightly, not wanting to step on any toes, but she had so many questions. How sick is he? What did he have? Why has he been lying about it? Why is he gone only once a month? How long has he been sick? She started with the obvious question. "Are you alright?"

He nodded immediately. "I am," he said with a sad smile. "It's nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"You are standing in front of me telling me you're ill and you expect me not to worry?" she asked in a strained voice.

"I really am fine, Lily," he said, his heart beating a mile a minute. He knew he could probably trust her with the real truth, but he also knew he'd have no idea how to bring it up. "And you know why?"

She didn't respond.

"Because of my friends," he said softly, shrugging matter-of-factly. "They've been there for me every step of the way and…and have gone above and beyond to make me feel comfortable with…with my illness and accept it. That's where they were last night. Supporting me." He felt slightly awkward talking about this, seeing as he had always been so desperate to ignore his lycanthropy and act like 90% of the time, he was a normal teenager. But it was that 10% of the time that pretty much ran his life.

"Damnit," Lily muttered, falling back against her headboard with a defeated sigh.

"What?"

She made a face. "I was perfectly content thinking James Potter is a jackass troublemaker and you had to go and turn him into a nice guy. I hate you for that," she said with a teasing smile.

Remus couldn't help but laugh. He knew she was just trying to joke around to ease the awkward tension he had created. "He's a good guy, Lily," he said, forcing a smile on his face. Truth was, he felt guilty for painting James in such a good light when he was not only breaking school rules but _wizarding _rules by being an unregistered Animagi.

She merely shrugged, trying to not let it get to her. But she did feel slightly guilty for accusing James for the things she did. He was keeping his friend company during a difficult time, not flitting around in Hogsmeade or sneaking around with his girlfriend or playing pranks. "Maybe to you he is," she said eventually. "And I commend him for that. I really do. But honestly, he's a different person to you than he is to me. I'm glad that you can see the good in him and…and maybe at times, I see glimpses of it. But those glimpses aren't enough to change the things he's done and the things he's said to me. The things he's said _about _me. I can't ignore that."

Remus frowned curiously. "What has he said about you, Lily?"

She stiffened. "It's not important."

"Seems like it might be."

She sighed. "Just tell me that you're going to be fine, Remus."

He shot her a look. "I already told you not to worry. Whatever theories you're probably coming up with in your head as to what is wrong with me are most likely far from the truth. But I don't want to talk about it. Never have, never will. It's…it's something I think I've finally come to terms with and I just want to live my life, okay?"

"You didn't really answer my question."

"So diplomatic," he teased. He smiled sincerely. "I am going to be just fine, Lily. I promise."

It was obvious she was still apprehensive, and she was about to change the subject when she realized she needed to ask one more question. "Why have you been lying all this time?"

Oddly enough, that was an easy question to answer. "So I can have everyone in this school stop and stare at me when I'm walking down the hallway? So people can pity me and treat me differently? So people can point at me and brand me the sickly weak one? No, I didn't want that. What I wanted was a second chance when I came to this school to just be-"

"Normal?" Lily found herself blurting out, realizing she knew exactly how he felt. It was the same reasons she never told anyone of her parents' death.

Her met her gaze and was surprised to not see the pity in her own eyes. No, what he saw was compassion and understanding. "Yeah," he said softly. "Maybe it was silly and naïve of me, but-"

"No, it wasn't," Lily was quick to argue, offering a knowing smile. "It was the only option you thought you had at the time."

Their eyes didn't stray from each other as a heavy, curious tension filled the room. It was as if something was being left unsaid. Remus thought it had something to do with the secret of his lycanthropy and Lily thought it had something to do with the death of her parents. It was these secrets that could have made them really understand each other. Instead, these secrets remained hidden. "So you don't think I did the wrong thing?"

"Does it feel wrong?"

He shrugged. "No."

"I think that's your answer."

He found himself smiling, strangely grateful to be sharing this conversation with Lily. She always had been so levelheaded and nonjudgmental. It seemed that the only person she wasn't able to keep her cool around was James. "I know it's probably not going to curb your concern, but I really am okay. I just have to…to go to the hospital wing once a month to deal with the impacts of my disease. But twelve days out of 365 is doable. It's better than 365 days out of 365, right?"

A rush of agony grew within Lily. It was just a reminder that 365 days out of the year she was still without her parents. "Right," she said hollowly.

He could have sworn he saw disappointment in her eyes, but he didn't question it. He wasn't one to pry where it was unnecessary. He slowly stood up off her desk chair and swung it back around, slipping it underneath her desk before saying, "Can you please not say anything to anyone? About…well, you know."

She nodded. "Of course. Believe me, Remus, I know how to keep a secret."

Her words intrigued him, but he made his way towards her door. She reached back towards her quill to once again immerse herself in her schoolwork.

Remus' hand was on her doorknob when he hesitated and slowly turned back around to face her. "I know it may sound strange, but I hope you know that I'm always here if you need to talk to someone."

Her quill froze in midair as she turned to lock eyes with him. She knew he was referring to what she was hiding without him coming out and saying it bluntly. It didn't take a genius to realize that the conversation they had shared struck some sort of chord with her and let's face it, Remus always had been perceptive. And yeah it did sound a bit strange coming from him, but in a weird way she appreciated him for it.

But before she could say anything, he merely nodded her way and disappeared.

It took only a few seconds before another suspicion perked up. She was suddenly rushing off her bed and out the door, calling after Remus. "Hold up, Remus!"

He was barely out the front door when he heard her calling for him. He turned around, his eyebrow raised curiously. "What's up?"

"How did Potter get that cut on his leg?"

Remus froze, his mouth opening immediately in protest. Unfortunately, no words came out. He was now definitely caught in his own exaggerated lie.

She narrowed her eyes. "How did he get that cut on his leg if he was with you in the hospital wing?"

Remus let out a deep sigh, lifting his eyes to meet her scrutinizing gaze. Eventually, he spoke. "Lily, do you trust me?"

She frowned in anticipation, finding herself nodding.

"Then please," he said desperately, his eyes bearing an earnest hole through her own. "Don't ask questions."

"Remus, what's going on?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"Lily, I have never once asked you for anything in the six years we have known each other. And I'm not one to beg. To you, to my friends, to anyone," he spoke, his voice full of pleading. "But I'm standing in front of you right now _begging _you to just not ask any questions. Please. It's better if you don't."

She hesitated. "Better for who?"

"Lily," he warned softly, shaking his head.

Her lips pursed instinctively but she offered him a single curt nod. "Alright," she muttered reluctantly. "But can I ask one last question?"

He sighed, clearly wanting her to just let it all go. "Okay."

"You're not doing anything stupid or dangerous, are you?"

He bit down on his bottom lip, his eyes filling with desperation. "Lily," was all he croaked, the one word filled with so much anxiety as he shook his head.

She sighed. That didn't sound like a good sign, but at least he wasn't lying to her. "Remus," she said softly, her heart skipping a nervous beat. She smiled. "I hope you know that I'm here for you."

He gazed at her, strangely touched by her show of generosity. "Thank you, Lily."

She didn't know if he was thanking her for the words of encouragement or if he was thanking her for not asking any more questions, but she merely responded with a smile.

* * *

Lily hated admitting it, but throughout the next day, she found that her focus often resided on a particular Head Boy she had been so certain was nothing but a troublemaker. But the revelation from the night before that he actually took the time to keep Remus company during a difficult time made her see him in a slightly different light. She was surprised to find herself smiling as she watched James patiently tutor Peter for the upcoming Transfiguration exam without making Peter feel like an idiot. She noticed the humble way he spoke to his Quidditch teammates. She was impressed by the way he turned down Sirius' suggestion to pull a prank when he had to finish running through his Head Boy paperwork. She watched him stroll around the school with his friends, gaining a sense of pride by the way he treated them all as if they were the most important people on the planet. And she was shocked and yet weirdly fascinated when James didn't jump at the opportunity to attack a bunch of Slytherins who had been taunting him and Sirius.

She had been hurrying off the lunch the following day when she heard Bellatrix's usual cackling. Not wanting to get into anything with any Slytherins, especially since she was alone and Merlin knows the Slytherins always went together in packs, she slinked up against the wall and prayed they were walking in the other direction. Imagine her surprise when she also heard James' and Sirius' voice. She was suddenly torn between feeling the need to step in before anyone did anything stupid and keeping a low profile so as not to be sucked in.

"I'm surprised Lestrange lets you off his leash," Lily heard Sirius sneer. "Where is the old bastard anyway? Toying with young children or hexing Muggleborns?"

"Probably both," Bellatrix snapped back. "So you better go make sure that pathetic Head Girl isn't wandering the halls alone."

Lily had an involuntary sharp intake of breath at the mention of herself. "It's pathetic being the best goddamned witch this school has ever seen?" James spoke up, his voice oddly even and calm. Lily couldn't help but feel surprised at the compliment. "I think she'd rather be pathetic than…well, _you_."

"Spoken like a true blood-traitor." That was Mickey Mulciber's voice.

"Oh? And what does sneaking around with your best friend's girl make you?" Sirius snorted. "Just a traitor?"

"Makes me better than Potter here sneaking around with the biggest known blood-traitor in the bloody wizarding world," Bellatrix snapped. "Although it's always amusing to laugh about you being kicked out of the house by my dear aunt and uncle."

There was silence where Lily could only assume Sirius was having inner turmoil between hexing the cousin or walking away. Eventually, he spoke. "Oh, is that what they're saying around the campfire during family reunions?" he sneered. "I didn't get kicked out, _Bella_," he snapped, using the nickname he knew she hated. "I left. Because I was _ashamed_ to be their son."

"Well, that feeling was certainly mutual," she cackled. "You're nothing but a mere blot on the Black family tree. You don't deserve to wave around that surname of yours."

"Hah!" Sirius sneered. "As repulsive as it is, Black is the name I will don until the day I'm dead for the sole reason that it bothers you and the rest of my unfortunate kinsfolk so much."

"Hate to burst your momentary amused bubble, but that day you speak of is going to come a lot sooner than you might hope for if you continue shunning your creditable heritage," Mulciber spoke.

"I don't call being ruthless wannabe-murderers _creditable_."

"And you're one to talk about being creditable," James chimed in. "Tell me, does being the _mistress_ give you some sort of high?"

"It's better than pining after a _Mudblood _for nearly six years!"

Lily tensed immediately, knowing that if she didn't intervene soon, there was going to be a full-blown fight in the corridor. But James' next words stopped her in her tracks.

"Does it make you feel like a big man to throw around backhanded slurs?" James snapped. "To insult those people that are superior to you in every form of the word? This is typically where I punch you in the face and call you a no-good murderous villain, but I'm so above stooping to your level. I don't need to attack those people who I feel are subordinate just to make myself feel like a better person. I already know I'm a better person. So put that damned wand away, Mulciber. I'm not fighting you today."

"James, I-"

"Let's go, Sirius," he urged firmly.

Lily heard footsteps as she stepped out of the shadows guiltily, rushing down the hallway before anyone could determine that she had been present. As she rounded the corner, she replayed James' last words in her head numerous times. She couldn't remember a time when James turned down a fight with a few idiotic Slytherins. Especially when there wasn't anyone around to reprimand him.

She was finding herself so confused in his presence. How can he attack her character and call her a nobody to one person, but then defend her worth to another? She had no idea what to believe anymore.

But she was beginning to realize that was a given when it came to James Potter.

It was obvious to Riley and Kay that Lily was distracted all day. She only answered three questions in Charms versus her usual ten to fifteen, she didn't finish her Gargantuan potion much to Slughorn's disappointment, and could barely sit still during meals.

"What is with you?" Riley had asked at dinner.

Lily was too busy moving the peas on her plate with her fork to have heard Riley. She yelped when a pea was thrown at her forehead. "Riley!" she scolded.

"Well, if you listened to me, I wouldn't have to throw vegetables at you," she snickered, shoveling a forkful of peas into her mouth with a grin. "Seriously, what's with you?"

She shrugged. "Nothing," she lied. "I just have a lot on my mind."

Riley exchanged a concerned look with Kay before sighing. "Lily, Kay and I are back to being friends. I've already admitted that I had been stupid and naïve and hurtful. I don't want-"

"Riley, this may come as a shock to you, but my distant behavior today doesn't have anything to do with you two," she muttered. "I know you guys are friends again and I'm happy for you. This…this is something entirely different."

"Like _what_?"

Lily sighed, letting his fork clatter to her plate. "Like this Potions essay due first thing tomorrow morning. I've got to get to the library."

Both Riley and Kay frowned. They knew she had been hiding something but before they could retort, she was whisking herself off to the library.

Which she learned was a waste of time. She sat at her usual round table with her Potions essay in front of her for two hours. And yet her quill never touched the page. She knew she only had one thing left to do. So she quickly gathered her things and rushed back to her room, looking for a certain Head Boy.

As she rushed in the door, she literally ran smack into him, both stumbling. "Oh, sorry, Potter!" she cried out, cringing as her hands went to her forehead that had just been rammed into James' shoulder as she staggered backwards.

He grabbed ahold of her before she fell to the ground. "Blimey, Evans, you trying to add another injury to my healing body?" he scoffed. "Why are you in such a hurry anyhow?"

"Well," she said awkwardly, bringing her hand down from her head where she was sure a bruise was going to form. "Actually, I was looking for you."

Whatever he expected, it wasn't that. "My leg is fine," he drawled, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not here for that," she sighed. She hesitated. "Well, not directly anyway."

"Not directly?"

She frowned, chewing on the inside of her lip anxiously. "Are you busy right now?"

"It's ten-thirty," he pointed out. "I have to go do rounds."

"Oh," she said. "Right."

He could have sworn a flicker of disappointment shone in her eyes. And his curiosity got the better of him. "But…but you're welcome to join me."

She jerked her head up in shock. "Seriously? You wouldn't mind my company?"

"Under one condition."

"Uh-oh," she teased.

"You don't mention my leg again."

"Technically, you just brought it up."

"Evans."

She sighed. "Alright, fine, I consent," she said with a shrug, chucking her bag on to the common room couch. "Shall we?"

He nodded as he followed her out of the room. "So, why have you sought me out?"

She bit down on her lip, keeping her mouth shut as they took the long strides down the hallway. When they rounded the corner, she finally spoke. "Don't make a big thing of it, Potter, but I wanted to apologize."

He halted immediately, his mouth dropping open in surprise.

She didn't notice he had stopped until she glanced to her side and he wasn't there. She turned around and rolled her eyes at his gawking expression. "I said don't make a big thing of it."

"You have never once apologized to me, Evans, so I think I'm allowed to bask in the glory just this once," he said, a hint of a smile on his face.

"Oh, please, I've never done or said anything to apologize _for_," she joked, laughing lightheartedly.

"Ah, yes, Little Miss Perfect," he spoke, chuckling as he caught up to her.

"No, if I recall correctly, I just _act _perfect, am I right?"

He froze, his eyes zoning in on hers in shock. Those were the words he spoke to her out on the balcony on their last day of sixth year. He offered her an apologetic smile. "If I'm being honest, I think we all put on that act."

"Not you. Or if you do, you don't do such a great job at it." She was suppressing the urge to laugh.

"Oh, gee, thanks!" he chuckled, lightly elbowing her. "Wasn't it you who told me last night people worship me and fall at my feet? "

"Damn, I can never say anything to you without you one day using it against me," she sighed overdramatically, sharing a smile with him.

"That probably explains why you often give me the silent treatment."

"Yeah, that or your prattish ways."

"Eh, I'm going to go with the former."

She merely laughed as they headed towards the tall towers of the castle where most couples stole away for a late-night snogging session.

"So, please, Miss Lily Evans, do continue your apology. I am most intrigued to hear this."

"I bet you are," she snorted, rolling her amused eyes. She glanced up at him with an unexpected smile on her face. "Look, I-I know why you were out all night yesterday."

That certainly got James' attention. He froze at the bottom of a staircase to rest his eyes committedly on hers. His heart started to race in pure panic. "What exactly do you know?"

Lily sighed, leaning up against the bannister. "Remus came to see me last night," she spoke, her voice trembling with much desolation. "I was wrong to assume you were out being your usual troublemaking self when…when in the end, you were just trying to support your friend and be there for him during a difficult time."

She saw fear in his eyes. "Evans, what did he tell you?" he asked cautiously.

She shrugged hesitantly. "Everything. Well, almost everything. He…he told me it wasn't his mother he's been visiting all these years. That he's been keeping the lie up so as to appear normal to the student body. But…but really, he's the one who has been sick all of these years."

"He said that?" James asked, surprised that Remus seemed to have trust Lily with such heavy information.

She nodded. "Look, I have no idea what it is you and your friends actually do to be there for him, but it's obvious he appreciates it. And…and I think that's important to have with an unfortunate illness."

"Is that seriously what we're calling lycanthropy now?" James muttered. "An _unfortunate_ illness?"

Lily froze, her mouth dropping open in shock as a shiver ran down her spine. "Lycanthropy?" she whispered hoarsely when she found the ability to talk. "As in…_werewolf_?"

James' faze grew white at her surprise. "You said he told you everything!"

"Apparently not _everything_," Lily said back in complete shock.

James turned around so as not to look at her, his hands flying to his face in panic. He rubbed his temples, squeezed his eyes shut skeptically, shook his head back and forth guiltily, bit down hard on his bottom lip, and when he finally accepted the fact that he had just made a devastating mistake, he ran his hands through his hair in defeat and turned back around to face Lily. His expression was surprisingly calm considering Lily's was showing undeniable horror. "Don't be freaked out," he said, his voice strained.

"I'm not," she admitted, trying to catch her breath. "I'm…I'm…"

"What?"

She shrugged slowly, grabbing ahold of the bannister for balance. "I don't know what I am," she whispered. "But right now, it's not me I'm thinking about. It's Remus."

James groaned. "Damnit, you are freaked out."

She shot him a look. "That's not what I'm thinking," she urged.

"Then what is it you're thinking?" he dared to ask.

"Honestly?" Lily muttered, crossing her arms vulnerably. "I'm wondering how he does it."

"Does what?"

"Everything," she whispered.

"Oh, well at least you're being specific."

She sighed, running her fingers through her long, tangled hair. She didn't say anything right away, her thoughts immersed so heavily on Remus. She assumed her thoughts would be focused on pinpointing all of the warning signs she had clearly ignored and the lies that Remus told throughout the years. Instead, overwhelming compassion and empathy were the emotions she was feeling.

"Evans," James pleaded. "Just tell me what you're thinking."

She frowned, but it wasn't her usual frown filled with irritation or anger or even disappointment. It was a frown filled with empathy. "I'm thinking Remus Lupin may be one of the bravest, strongest people I know."

James hesitated. "Er…what?"

She nodded. "Once a month, he has to go through what I can only imagine are horrible transformations. Transformations that he has clearly tried so hard not wanting to define him. And it shouldn't have to. Yet, it unfortunately does. And that sucks. That _really _sucks," she said softly. "And what makes it worse is the fact that he has to go through it all alone no matter who's supporting him. So yeah, brave and strong is pretty much the only word I could ever use to describe him."

James chose to ignore the fact that Lily believed that Remus was alone during his transformation. He may have spilled Remus' secret, but he wasn't about to get all of the Marauders in trouble.

"How…how did it happen?" Lily whispered.

James frowned. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Lily nodded. "You can't just blurt out a huge secret like that and not tell me anything about it," she said softly.

James met her gaze and saw a sort of desperate pleading staring back at him. He let out a deep sigh before recapping the story of Remus' childhood and the day that led to his unfortunate condition. He spoke of Remus' father insulting Fenrir Greyback and the werewolf getting his revenge on Mr. Lupin's son. He spoke of Remus' parents abandoning their son after being bitten. James couldn't exactly explain why seeing as it was a rare occasion when Remus spoke of his parents, but James presumed it was due to guilt and remorse. And once Remus left for Hogwarts, it became easier letting go of their son. James believed Remus always felt as if his parents were ashamed of him. James prayed that wasn't true. James spoke of Remus' arrival at Hogwarts and his monthly transformations in the Shrieking Shack. He discussed Remus' desire to lie to everyone, especially after what happened with his parents, and James spoke of the time he, Sirius, and Peter found out. The only thing James refused to mention was that after they found out, they did everything in their power to make sure Remus didn't have to go through those transformations alone.

After James finished speaking, he let Lily soak in all of the information. He didn't say anything, studying his shoes reflectively, and Lily remained silent as her thoughts focused heavily on Remus and how sorry she felt for him. But she scolded herself quickly after. She knew most definitely that what Remus didn't want was any sort of pity.

"Potter?" she eventually spoke and James jumped slightly at her voice. They had both been silent for so long, he hadn't expected to her hear speak.

"Yeah?"

"This does beg a few more questions," she admitted, quirking an eyebrow.

"Aw, hell, I should have kept my mouth shut," James whined.

Lily sighed, taking a seat on one of the bottom steps as she gazed up at James. "Remus said you were with him last night. And then you come in with a huge cut on your leg. How is-"

"What happened to not mentioning my cut tonight?" James muttered.

She shot him a look. "Extenuating circumstances just came up," she drawled dryly.

He stared down at her warily but joined her on the staircase. "Evans," he spoke slowly. "I know none of this makes any sense to you. And it probably never will. But I can't give you all the answers you're looking for. I've already given you too much."

She frowned. The Marauders most definitely had something to hide. "I asked Remus last night if all of you were doing anything stupid or dangerous. And now I feel I need to ask you the same question."

"What did he say?"

"You first."

He sighed. He couldn't lie to her now. Not after everything they've been through. "Lily," he warned softly, instinctively reaching over to put his hand on her knee comfortingly.

Shock shone in her eyes at the use of her first name. She knew it was serious if he was going to use her first name. "You're not going to answer my question, are you?" she sighed.

He offered her a sad smile, slowly retracting his hand from her knee as he rested them atop his own legs. He turned his gaze away from her, his eyes resting on a portrait across the hall of a Renaissance couple whose eyes were solely trained on the two of them perching on the bottom of a stairwell. Eventually he let out a deep sigh, his heart beating a mile a minute. Panic and paranoia flashed through his head as he spoke, his words filled with such desperation and pleading, "You're better off not knowing."

She frowned. "That's what Remus said."

He turned to face her, meeting her fearful gaze with his own. He ran his fingers through his hair, not in his usual smug way but in a particularly vulnerable way. "Evans, have you ever been so desperate to keep a secret from people that you're constantly looking over your shoulder in fear of it getting out? Have you ever had to keep something to yourself for months, days, _years _even that after a while, it just becomes second nature? That after a while that secret has become such a huge part of who you are? A huge part of you who are that you don't want others to have to find out about? Have you ever been so eager to keep a secret from leaking out in fear of everything you've ever worked for coming to a screeching halt? Do you know what it's like to know the importance of covering your tracks? That keeping people in the dark is the best and maybe even the only thing necessary to keep everything-"

"Normal?" Lily muttered for a second time in two days.

James met her gaze, slowly nodding. "Yeah," he whispered. "Exactly."

It was her turn to nod. "Yeah," she said softly, her voice strained as her thoughts rested solely on the death of her parents. She swallowed hard, willing to stop her bottom lip from trembling. "I know what that feels like."

Silence engulfed them, but neither would have had it any other way. Lily thought about the memories she once shared with her family. The Sunday morning Eggs Benedict breakfasts her father would make. The late nights she and Petunia would spend in their treehouse stargazing. The nights her mother would sneak into her bed and read _Charlotte's Web _with her. The road trips they would take to the beach on hot summer days and the blizzards where her father would make a large batch of hot chocolate and they would all sit in front of the fireplace.

James, on the other hand, was smiling at all of the mischief that he and his friends have caused over the years. The nights they had strolled the grounds and meandered through Hogsmeade looking for trouble to be caused. The numerous plans they created in anticipation of the full moons. The Marauders Map they inevitably crafted from those roguish evenings. He thought back to when they first told Remus they wanted to become Animagi and he recalled the strenuous process it took to get to their finalized Animagus stage. But what he remembered most was that they had never given up. Failing wasn't an option, not when there was so much on the line. Remus needed to know that they would forever be there for him. Illegal activity included.

"We all have our secrets, Evans," James eventually spoke, his voice rather flat. He turned to gaze at her. "Please let me keep mine."

She hesitated but her eyes didn't stray from his. She could see a deep-routing defenselessness in his expression, a sort of vulnerability that Lily wasn't used to seeing from him.

"Please," he whispered when she didn't respond.

He sounded so desperate she couldn't not agree. So she nodded. "I get it, James. I do," she said, neither of them even realizing that his first name slipped off her tongue. But the oddly touching moment they were sharing seemed to have warranted it. "I won't ask any more questions."

"Really?" he asked warily.

She nodded. "It's like you said," she muttered defeatedly. "We all have our secrets, right?"

They continued to gaze at each other, their eyes unlocking the vulnerability resting in both of their souls. James wanted so desperately to ask her what secrets she was hiding, secrets he had always known she had based on the faraway, voice glint that forever remained in her eyes. But he had just requested for her to leave his secrets alone and for once in his life, he was going to respect her own privacy.

She finally broke eye contact with him, sighing inwardly. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" she whispered.

James didn't respond but she didn't expect him to. It was a question she often wondered about, but it was a question she knew she would never get a straight answer to.

Neither said anything else for the rest of the night. Eventually, they climbed off those stairs and finished rounds in a comfortable silence. There weren't any other words to say and they were both grateful to just use that evening to reflect and reminisce.

* * *

James didn't bother knocking as he entered his friends' dorm room. A quick sweep of the room showed Remus with his Potions essay in his hand as he lounged on his bed, Peter hunched over his Astronomy chart at his desk, and Sirius poring over the Marauder's Map, probably starting to plan their next full moon excursion.

Before any of them could greet him, James blurted out, "Word around the street is that Remus told a certain Head Girl that it was him who was sick once a month instead of his mother."

Two heads jerked their heads over at Remus, their mouths dropping open. "Uh…_what_?" Peter spurted out.

Remus sat there like a deer in headlights. "Er…and a good evening to you, too, James."

James rolled his eyes, plopping on to his bed with a curt shrug.

"You…you told Lily-bean?" Sirius asked once he found his voice.

"I didn't tell her everything. She doesn't know that I'm a were-"

"Uh, I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you," James muttered, shutting his eyes sheepishly.

If he had had his eyes open, he would have been on the receiving end of a shocked glare. It was Remus' turn to shout out, "_What_?"

James shrugged, peeking an eye open cautiously. "She didn't get the Head Girl position by being naïve. She figured it out."

Remus narrowed his eyes at his friend, reading his expression. He sighed when James' eyes darted towards the floor studiously. "Damnit, James, you told her, didn't you."

He cringed guiltily. "She said you had told her everything! I assumed that meant she knew about your furry little friend!"

"Why the hell would I tell her that?"

James snorted. "I don't know, why the hell would you tell her it was you and not your mother who was sick every month?"

"I was covering for you!"

"But _why_?" James demanded.

Remus sighed, sitting upright on his bed. "Look, I have no clue what the hell is running through Lily's mind lately when it comes to you, but she didn't need to have one more reason to hate you. Especially when it wasn't even true. I felt she deserved to hear some of the good you seemingly possess," he muttered. "Of course, that was before you blurted out my deepest, darkest secret to her. Suddenly, I'm thinking you have no good in you," he added with a teasing smile.

James rolled his eyes. "You started it," he whined.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly. "Excuse me, can an innocent bystander interject here?"

"I hardly doubt you've ever been innocent," Remus snorted.

Sirius shot him a look.

"But continue," he replied sheepishly.

"No, actually, I would like _you _to continue," Sirius urged with a confused expression on his face. "Continue telling me what the hell led to your decision to tell Lily _anything _about our secrets. Please, don't leave a goddamned thing out."

"Sirius, don't overreact," James pleaded. "She doesn't know everything. She has no clue about our Animagi transformations."

"Yeah, and how long until she figures that out?"

"Why do you sound angry?" Remus asked, surprised. "If anyone should be angry, it should be me."

"No," Sirius snapped. "Because it's like James said, _you _started it."

"Technically, James started it by foolishly getting caught by the Head Girl sneaking back into his room at four o'clock in the morning."

"Well, who the hell is awake at that time anyway?" James whined.

"Uh, the four of us?" Peter snorted.

"I still don't get it," Sirius interjected, ignoring Peter completely. "So you waltzed into your room at four in the morning and Lily-bean most likely chewed you out? Why would that make you, Remus, suddenly decide to tell her a secret that inevitably affects us all? And, James, how does one exactly just accidentally blurt out something like your best friend howls at every full moon? And _how in the bloody hell_ does any of this not make Lily wonder what the hell James, or really what all three of the non-werewolf Marauders, are doing up until four o'clock in the morning when there is a goddamned werewolf on the loose!"

Three pairs of shocked eyes stared up at him. "Honestly, Sirius, why are you getting so worked up?" Remus asked, frowning. "It was my decision to tell Lily the truth. Er…well, a half-hearted, exaggerated portion of the truth. I was the one who risked exposure. Which thanks to James apparently lasted all of a few hours."

"I said I was sorry!"

"No, you didn't."

James' eyebrows creased curiously. "Oh," he spoke. "Well, I am. I should have kept my mouth shut. I-I just assumed you had told her everything."

"What?" Remus groaned. "_Why _would you assume that?"

"Because she said you had told her everything!" James argued. "Haven't we already gone over this?"

Remus sighed. "Just tell me how much damage control I need to do and I'll take care of it."

"She didn't freak out," James corrected with an oddly calm shrug. "She barely said anything on the subject actually. She just kinda…accepted it."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, right. Because finding out one of your friends transforms into a furry monster once a month is easy to accept."

"Give Evans a little credit, Moony," James argued. "She's not going to be biased or think any less of you. If anyone in this entire school could accept the preconceptions of being unaccepted by the wizarding world, it's going to be her."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Her blood status."

"You're seriously comparing a Muggleborn to a werewolf?" Remus snapped.

"Not exclusively," James corrected. "I'm just saying that the girl didn't freak out. And I wasn't surprised when she didn't."

"You shouldn't have told her," he muttered.

"I realize that," James muttered impatiently. "But it's too late now. I'm sorry for telling her, but-"

"Are you?" Sirius interrupted, rolling his eyes.

James glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say after you told Lily-bean about Remus, she didn't seem to hate you nearly as much as she lets on."

James frowned, remaining silent.

"So are you really that sorry for blurting it out and putting us all in jeopardy?"

James' eyes narrowed defensively. "You're seriously telling me that you think I _purposely_ told Lily a deep, dark, _enormous_ secret, a secret that wasn't even mine to tell, for the slightest bit of hope that she may actually hate me a little bit less for discussing something so innate?"

Sirius shrugged. "You said it, not me."

James seriously wanted to throw something at his supposed best friend. "What the hell is your problem, Sirius!"

"I don't know!" he snapped.

Three pairs of eyes stared over at him. "Er…what?" Peter asked.

Sirius sighed, propping himself up on his elbows. "I don't know," he repeated in a frustrated murmur. "I realize that it wasn't my secret to tell. I realize that you're more than welcome to tell anyone about your lycanthropy, Remus, but…but we've all been in this together for five years now. It's been…I don't know, it's been our thing. So yeah, I realize that it was your secret to tell, Remus, though James kinda ruined that for you, but I would have thought you would have confided in all of us that you were going to go running to Lily-bean. Because even though you're the werewolf, _we're _the _illegal _Animagi. So telling Lily something as small as the fact that it's you that is sick was still a stepping stone to exposing _our _secret. And I'm not so sure she would be as accepting of our illegal activity as she apparently was of your lycanthropy."

Remus shook his head. "You're not telling us everything."

Sirius' eyes returned to the map evasively. "Just forget it," he muttered. "I know this isn't any of my business so I'll just stay out of it. If you felt the need to tell Lily-bean the half-hearted, exaggerated portion of the truth, you're more than-"

"Sirius, what's going on?" Remus interrupted, frowning.

"Nothing," he said, shrugging as he forced a smile on his face.

"_Sirius_," a chorus of three voices spoke.

He met their concerned gazes and sat back against his headboard defeatedly. "I just…" he trailed off, his lips forming a thin, firm line. He rubbed his temples, sighing deeply. "Look, I know we haven't talked about it since it happened, but after my stupid mistake with Snivellus, I just thought that the secret was going to remain ours and only ours because…" he said hastily and embarrassedly, averting his eyes towards a particular spot on the carpet. "Well, damnit, I don't know. But I know that I made an error of pushing someone towards the truth that night. It's an error I'm never going to forgive myself for. And Remus, I'm not saying what you did was a mistake because I don't think it was. But since my mistake, I was under the apparently wrong assumption that we were going to forever keep our secrets to ourselves in fear of any sort of exposure. I know it sounds stupid, but…" he didn't bother finishing that sentence. Mostly because he didn't really know how to finish. He felt really foolish for bringing it up, for overreacting.

"Sirius, please stop beating yourself up over that," Remus pleaded, shooting his friend a sympathetic expression. "It happened a long time ago. Don't go living in the past. What happened then should have no relevance on you or on any of us today, you got that?" Remus' words were firm and determined, his gaze hard and stoic.

Sirius shrugged unconvincingly. "Tell me you never think about that night."

Remus frowned. "We're not getting into this again, Padfoot," he murmured.

"What happens if Lily does find out about us?" Sirius asked, ignoring the response as he turned his gaze upon James and Peter.

"Look, Remus made his decision and we can't go back and change it," James pondered, pursing his lips curiously. "But we also can't predict what's going to happen because of it. Maybe she will find out, maybe she won't. And maybe she would freak out, maybe she won't. But whatever-"

"HAH!" Sirius cried out. "I don't think there's a maybe about that. She would _definitely _freak out."

James rolled his eyes. "Can we please move on to a more upbeat topic of conversation?" he whined.

"So…we're no longer discussing my lycanthropy, my reveal of my illness to Lily, James' blurt-out of my werewolf tendencies to Lily, Lily's reaction of said blurt-out, or Sirius' overreaction of the entire situation?" Remus questioned.

"Precisely," James sighed.

Remus shrugged. "Alright then."

Sirius raised his hand. "Excuse me, but I don't think it can be considered an overreaction when a secret like Remus being a werewolf has leaked out."

Three glares were shot at him.

He slowly lowered his hand with a sheepish grin. "So new topic of conversation, hm?"

"I think what we need is a break from the rigidity that has fallen upon us," Peter suggested, throwing his quill on to his desk.

"Mate, I really hope you're insinuating a late-night prank session," Sirius said, his eyes lighting up in anticipation.

James frowned. "Nah," he murmured. "I have a Potions essay to finish and after yesterday's late night, I could use some sleep as well."

Three pairs of shocked eyes zoned in on him.

"What?" James asked innocently.

Sirius let out an overdramatic gasp. "Lily-bean is actually getting to you, isn't she!"

"I assure you I have no idea what you're-"

"You just turned down the chance to play a prank," Sirius interrupted, rolling his eyes. "You're trying to get on Lily-bean's good side."

James made a face. "So what if I am?" he argued huffily. "We're finally making progress! The girl actually _apologized _to me tonight."

"Alright, fine," Sirius sighed, leaning back against his bed with a stifled yawn. "But you are in no way getting out of a Hogsmeade visit tomorrow night."

James hesitated. "Damn, I forgot we planned that. I don't know-"

"Don't even think about it, Potter," Sirius growled.

James sighed, smacking his head against the pillow. "If we get caught by Lily Evans-"

"It'll be a daily occurrence for you?" Remus snickered.

James glared at him.

Remus grinned. "It had to be said."

* * *

**A/N: **Interesting...now Lily knows all about Remus. Please review because THEN I'll review before I go away on Saturday for a week (now that my internet is fixed). However, if you DON'T review, I may _accidentally_ forget...teehee, don't you just love blackmail?


	26. Of Drinks, Dancing, & Dizziness

**A/N: **I told you I'd be back on Friday so here I am! This chapter is simply a fun chapter. Not a lot goes on but there is a lot of funny interaction between all the characters. I hope no one gets offended by the first scene but I couldn't help but add it in there. We had a similar conversation at our lunch table recently and it reminded me of something the Marauders would discuss. Again, this is just a fun chapter so I hope you just sit back, relax, and enjoy, not expecting anything from L/J and Sirius/Riley.

**Disclaimer: **No WAY am I J.K. Rowling and if you really thought I was then you have bigger problems...

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 26: Of Drinks, Dancing, & Dizziness

* * *

Lily, Kay, and Riley walked into the Great Hall the next day for lunch, the three of them glad that things were getting back to normal among them. Much to Lily's and Riley's protests, Kay steered them over to the Marauders. She had been a lot more receptive to hanging out with them ever since James had really helped her through her break-up with Lance. She slid into the bench beside James, muttering a quick greeting before diving into a piece of shepherd's pie.

"Are you _kidding_? You have a private room, James, and you have no clue where I'm coming from?" Sirius was arguing, looking at James in surprise. "That's just sad."

"What are you guys arguing about now?" Riley asked, taking a seat beside Remus.

"I _swear_ if you say anything, I'll murder you in your sleep," Remus murmured, glaring specifically at Sirius.

Lily was now intrigued. "We don't want to hear what you were talking about, do we?" she sighed.

"Not even a little bit," he muttered, stuffing a banana into Sirius' mouth when Sirius opened his mouth with a sly grin on his face.

"Hm, let me guess," Kay said, rolling her eyes. "The subject of the conversation was sex."

As Sirius spat out part of the banana, he stroked his chin debating the accusation. "Hm, in a roundabout way, perhaps," he finally claimed with a curt shrug.

James snorted into his pumpkin juice, lifting his eyes from the table to glance over at the three girls. "Actually, Remus," he said slowly and hesitantly. "It be good to get a girls' opinion."

"_James,_" Remus whined with a sickened sigh. "You're supposed to be the logical one in this group!"

"Actually, _you're _the logical one in the group," James interrupted.

Remus hesitated, eventually nodding. "Well, that's certainly true. But you are Head Boy. You've got to have some logic stowed away. Merlin knows you have more common sense than Sirius and Peter combined. Why turn your back on that?"

James snorted, shooting his friend a skeptical look. "Remus, I hate to break it to you, but logic and masturbation don't exactly go togeth-"

"Oh, Merlin!" Riley cried out as her two friends let out disgusted scowls. Sirius couldn't help but burst into laughter at the horrified looks on the girls' faces.

"Oops?" James chuckled with a sheepish grin, earning frustrated glares from both Remus and Peter, who were hoping this conversation would have disipated by now.

"You're _seriously_ talking about...about _that_ at the lunch table?" Lily groaned, suddenly having little interest in the biscuit she had just buttered.

Sirius shrugged. "Why not? We talk about it everywhere else."

"We? Why we? What's with the we? There_ is_ no we!" Remus protested hurriedly.

"You can be so uptight, Remus, y'know that?" Sirius teased.

"It's uptight to want to keep conversations of _masturbation_ at a minimum?"

"There's certainly no need to be embarrased," Sirius said with a grin, noting how uncomfortable Remus was slowly starting to get. "We all do it."

"Seriously, Sirius, if you don't shut up, I will perform a very strong silencing charm on you and hex anyone who tries to take it off."

Sirius could only laugh, grinning as he reached over to Lily's plate and stuffed her biscuit into his own mouth.

"So…what exactly about masturbation were you guys discussing?" Riley asked, her eyebrow peaking in scrutiny. "Out of pure curiosity I mean."

"Pure curiosity?" Kay snorted. "Oh please, you just want to talk about masturbation."

Riley grinned. "Well, that too."

"Must you get involved with this?" Kay groaned.

Riley grinned. "Are you kidding? Getting a guys' opinion on this stuff is just what we need."

"Oh, and there's that stupid '_we'_ again!" Lily argued.

Riley rolled her eyes and turned back to the guys. "So details please!"

"No details. Details bad. You don't want details," Remus argued.

"Oh, I think I do," Riley replied with a cheesy grin on her face. "Of course, unless those details include you having Marauder get-together reunions where all you four do is jerk off-"

"I think we need to spend some time apart," Remus immediately said to his friends.

Laughter filled the table as Sirius rolled his eyes at Riley's accusation. "I don't need to masturbate, thank you every much. I've got girls lining up to sleep with me! And believe me, they're a lot more fun than my own hands."

"Eating is definitely out of the question now," Lily murmured, pushing away her plate.

"Isn't there a less disgusting topic we can talk about?" Kay begged.

"Yeah, probably, but this is more fun," Sirius teased.

Kay shook her head in disbelief, as she started to unpeel her banana.

"Kay, you're not honestly going to sit there and eat…well, _that_, are you?" Lily questioned.

Kay threw the banana down on the table immediately. "_Damnit_! Now I'm officially scarred for life! Why'd you have to bring it up, Lily?"

"Oh no, please continue, Kay, I don't think the rest of us would mind," Sirius joked, picking up the banana and handing it to her. "It would be very entertaining."

Kay smashed the banana right in his face. "You're right, that _was_ entertaining," she replied while laufghted filled the table.

"Okay, I get it, no more talk of masturbation," he murmured, attempting to wipe away the banana off his face with a napkin, which was just smearing even more.

"Let's stick to the subjects that the Minister of Magic would find appropriate," Lily suggested.

"And you don't think that in the Minister of Magic's free time, he chooses to spend it masturbating?" Sirius asked with an amused snicker.

"I think in the Minister's free time, he likes to find ways of saving the wizardry world from Voldemort's harm," Lily replied.

"Okay, but _after_ that-"

"No! The Minister of Magic is a respectable man with a wife and doesn't need to masturbate!" Lily argued.

"He's also, like, sixty and I'm sure can't bend down to reach it," James laughed, high-fiving Sirius, who burst into laughter.

Lily glared at him.

"Right, respectable man. Got it," he murmured, lowering his hand from Sirius'.

"I just don't understand how seven reputable teenagers can't sit around the lunch table talking about…about…politics, or global warming or…or…or anything that doesn't have to do with sex!" Lily complained.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, _hold_ it right there," Sirius interjected, narrowing his eyes. "What does reputable mean?"

Lily sighed. "Okay, so _six_ reputable teenagers," she corrected.

"Does this mean _I_ can still talk about sex?" Sirius questioned.

Lily groaned.

Kay patted her back. "It's okay. No one's ever gotten through to him. You can't expect to during one lunch hour."

"Yeah, believe me, we've tried to over the past six and a half years, and all we've managed to do was…well, make him worse," Remus replied with a resigning shrug.

"And you haven't thrown him off a cliff yet?" Riley asked.

"No, but be my guest," Remus offered.

"HEY!" Sirius cried out. "I can be smart. I can be knowledgeable. I can look presentable!"

"You still have banana on your left cheek," Kay pointed out.

Sirius attempted to reach his tongue over that far, which just caused him to fall backwards on to the floor, emitting an "Ow," when he hit the ground hard.

"So smart, knowledgeable, and presentable are definitely out of the question when it comes to describing Black's personality," Riley joked.

"Oooh a galleon!" Sirius cried out, muffled, from the floor.

"Yeah, definitely out of the question," Remus snorted, rolling his eyes.

"So who wants to get out of here?" Lily asked, chuckling humorously.

"Anything to get me away from…well…_that_," Riley laughed, pointing to Sirius crawling on the floor. "I'm officially in no need of lunch any longer." She and Kay stood up, following Lily out of the Great Hall.

"What are the chances he's going to find enough galleons to make him rich and not have to use his intelligence, or lack thereof, in the real world?" Remus asked.

"Hm…probably slim to none," James replied.

"Another galleon!" Sirius cried.

"Then again, anything's possible," he laughed.

"Is it sad that I'm finding this entertaining?" Peter asked.

"Oooh, and another!" he cried. "Oh wait, that's just an old piece of bread."

"I don't know what's sadder—him still crawling on the ground, or the fact that he mistook a piece of bread for a galleon," Remus replied, shaking his head in amusement.

James rolled his eyes at his best friend on the floor. "Are we still planning on sneaking into Hogsmeade tonight?"

"Pretty sure Sirius would castrate us if we backed out now," Remus sighed, shrugging. "Besides, I've got two essays to write and an Astronomy chart to finish and Hogsmeade will be the perfect excuse to procrastinate even more.

"Aren't you the one who always _does _his work out of the four of us?" James snickered.

"Ooh, this bread is yummy!" Sirius cried out.

"Well, it certainly isn't Sirius," Remus joked. "Nine o'clock tonight then?"

James and Peter nodded and glanced back down at Sirius who was still searching the floor for change.

"Oooh, is that a _knut_?"

* * *

Remus was in the library trying to furiously finish one of his essays so he could enjoy their impending Hogsmeade excursion. His heart skipped a beat when Lily slid into the empty chair across from him. He had a pretty good feeling he knew why she was there.

"Remus," she said evenly.

He pursed his lips as his eyes migrated back towards his scribbled notes.

"Oh, I see, we're not discussing it," she sighed.

He shrugged.

"_Remus_," she urged, placing her hand over his essay to keep it form his view.

He sighed, sitting back in his chair. "No, Lily," he muttered. "We're not discussing it."

She bit down on the inside of her lip but reluctantly retracted her hand and reached into her own bag to grab her books. But even as she did so, her eyes were trained on Remus.

"It's difficult finishing an essay with you staring at me like that."

Lily frowned. "Remus, I hope you know that...that your condition doesn't change anything between us," she spoke softly, opening her Herbology textbook to the page on Devil's Snare.

He stiffened and slowly met her gaze. "It changes everything," he replied, his voice filled with defeat. "Even if you don't want to admit it."

She sighed, tucking her hair behind her hair nervously. "You're still Remus Lupin. The seventh-year Gryffindor prefect who may be one of the most sensitive, most honest people I know. You're still the guy who blows everyone away during Care of Magical Creatures and who pretends to not be amused at some of his friends' ridiculous pranks and yet the ends of his mouth turn up and you're still the guy who hasn't been beaten at wizarding chess in nearly three years and you are genuinely a decent human being who has never wished malice against anyone even if they deserved it and you're still the guy who would do anything for the people he cares about and vice vera. Remus, if this school had a Congeniality Award, you'd hands-down be the unanimous winner of that award. It doesn't matter what you are on full moons. It just matters what you are the rest of the time."

Remus could feel himself blushing. "Lily, can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"What do you think of people who spew out a bunch of compliments every time your blood status is mocked?"

She froze, recognizing his accusatory tone.

"Well?"

She sighed. "I hate it because it feels forced," she muttered defeatedly.

Remus shrugged. "You just sat here and told me that nothing has changed between us. But before last night, you never would have said any of those words you just spoke to me without being provoked. So am I wrong in thinking everything has changed?"

She kept his gaze, guilt filling up inside of her. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He shrugged again, his eyes falling upon his essay. "There's nothing to be sorry for."

She shook her head. "There is," she sighed. "Because I know what it feels like to be afraid of everything changing due to one overwhelming secret. And I know that all I'd want is to pretend that that secret doesn't define me and doesn't define my past, my present, or my future. So I'm sorry that I've given you reason to believe that things have changed. It was never my intention."

His heart skipped a beat as he absorbed her oddly touching words. He met her pleading expression. "Well, to be fair, it wasn't your fault. It was James' for spilling my secret," he teased, the ends of his mouth turning upward.

Lily grinned, grateful that he told a joke to ease the tension. "You're right. Let's just blame it all on Potter. You know I don't have any problem with that."

Remus couldn't help but chuckle.

"How about we just go back to finishing these essays?" she suggested with a smile.

Remus let out a soft sight of relief, a smile breaking out across his face. "Thanks, Lily," he said softly.

She didn't respond. She merely returned to her essay. And Remus was grateful for that.

* * *

Remus finally traipsed up to his room to meet his friends. He walked in to see James grabbing his Invisibility Cloak and Peter eprusing the Map. Remus quickly threw off his school robes to reveal a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt. "We ready to go?" he asked cheerfully. He was ready to get away from the castle, to get away from the secrets that had been revealed about him and the secrets that have yet to be revealed. James jumped off the bed with a grin as they headed towards the door but before they could get there, someone was knocking at their door.

They all exchanged shocked glances and before they could throw on robes over their street clothes, the door was opening.

"Hey guys," Riley greeted. When she walked in and saw James hiding something behind his back, Sirius' eyes widen like a deer in headlights, Remus reaching for his school robes, and Peter looking at her suspiciously with a piece of parchment she knew all too well, Riley grinned. "Sneaking into Hogsmeade, are you?"

"What are the chances you'll believe me if I say no?" James asked.

"Very slim," Riley snickered.

"Then yes, we're sneaking into Hogsmeade," James explained, with an apologetic shrug to Remus, Sirius, and Peter, as he pulled out the cloak from behind his back.

Riley rolled her eyes. "No doubt to get drunk off your asses, stumble back to your room at four in the morning, create an unbearable living situation with Lily from being too loud and obnoxious when you return, and then force out some pathetic excuse as to why you'll miss classes tomorrow morning."

Sirius shrugged. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It _is_ a bad thing," Riley argued. She hesitated. "Can I come?"

They all laughed and James shrugged, turning back to his friends to make sure it was okay. He didn't mind if Riley came. She had been on a few of their clubbing excursions before and had truthfully admitted that the Marauders knew how to have a good time. However, James didn't want to agree to it before getting the consent of the others.

They all turned towards Sirius. "What argument are you going to make this time, Sirius?" Remus asked.

He shrugged. "I don't care if she comes."

They all stared incredulously at him. "Seriously?" James spoke in awe. "You always make up some excuse so she can't come."

"No excuses," Sirius spoke with a shrug. "The club is big. I don't need to converse with her."

"Oh, gee, that's the nicest invitation I've ever received," Riley drawled sarcastically.

Sirius tried not to grin. "Do you really expect more from me?"

"Alas no," she teased. "Alright, let me go change. I'll be back in-"

"An hour?" Sirius snorted.

"How about we try that whole not-conversing-with-each-other thing you just spoke of?" Riley snapped.

Sirius couldn't help but laugh, pretending to zip his lips.

"Alright, well I'm going to go meet Fabian at the witch statue. You can stay back and wait for Riley."

"James, if you go ahead of us, we won't have the Invisibility Cloak," Remus pointed out.

James shrugged. "So what? It's not after curfew yet."

"Oh and I'm sure that if McGonagall catches us roaming the halls in neither the direction of the library nor the Gryffindor house in clothes that are so obviously not our school robes, she's just going to let us pass without questioning us?" Riley snickered, leaning against the doorframe of their room with a knowing smirk.

James laughed. "So don't run into her."

"Oh why didn't _we_ think of that?" she cried out sarcastically, earning a pillow from Sirius' bed thrown at her by James.

"There's no need for sarcasm," James retaliated with a laugh.

Riley grinned, chucking the pillow back at him. "Just go meet Fabian and we'll meet you soon."

Sirius snorted. "Soon? Have I not mentioned already that it takes hours for Gilmore to change!"

"Just because we're going through a semi-nice phase doesn't mean I won't pound you into the ground," Riley smirked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I hardly doubt a petite girl like yourself could pound me into the ground."

"You obviously weren't there when she beat up Rodolphus Lestrange last year without a wand for calling her family worthless," James snickered.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Riley. "You beat up Rodolphus?"

Riley shrugged. "It wasn't a big deal. He's a complete wuss when it comes down to it."

"Can't argue with that!" James cried as he walked out of the room. "See you soon!"

* * *

"Go grab a table," James said once they were inside the hippest club in the outskirts of Hogsmeade. "I'll get us drinks."

Sirius nodded and weaved in and out of the crowd attempting to find an empty table, which he was finding to be an impossible feat.

"Do you see anything?" Sirius cried over the loud noise.

They all craned their necks, examining the room for an empty table (for Sirius, an empty table and a group of young women), before Fabian shouted out, "That group's leaving!"

Sirius gladly took the lead as he practically bounced over to an empty round table in the back of the room. "Okay, now where's James? Let's get this night started."

"I'll go find him. He's going to need help with the drinks anyway," Riley suggested, as she took off into the crowd.

On the other side of the room, James was attempting to squeeze himself in between the hoards of flailing dancers, the drunk laughter, and the crowded tables. When he finally did get up to the bar, it was already overcrowded with people shouting out their orders, presumably infuriating the bartenders. He sighed, figuring he'd have to stand around for a while, when he heard his name. "James!" one of the usual bartenders, named Rosmerta, cried out.

James grinned, shoving through the people and sending the ones who were flipping him off for it dirty looks and slid on to an empty barstool. "Hey Rosiel!" he greeted, leaning over and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Why's it so busy on a Wednesday night?"

She snickered and leaned against the bar on her elbows. "Karaoke night."

James doubled over in laughter, realizing that he had conveniently forgotten that Wednesday nights were Karaoke night. The last time he had come on a Wednesday, Sirius embarrassed himself completely by singing to a bunch of older women and dancing provocatively on one of the tables. "Blimey, _don't_ let Sirius know that."

She grinned. "I thought you'd enjoy that. So what have you been up to? It's been a while since I've seen you in here."

James made a face. "That's what I get for being Head Boy," he muttered.

She laughed. "I still can't get over the fact that _you_ got that position. Out of everyone else at school, Dumbledore chose you. Was he mentally insane the day he chose you?"

James laughed. "I'd be insulted, but I seriously think he was."

"So what shall I get you? The usual?"

"Plus a Fire Whiskey and a Dry Ice," James explained.

"Oooh, brought more people today? Do I get to meet them?" she asked jokingly, as she turned around and started making the drinks for him.

"You've met them. It's Riley and Fabian."

"Oooh, is Fabian the tall, lean, handsome one?"

James gave her a look. "I don't think I can answer that."

"Hey James!"

James half-turned in his seat and smiled at Riley. "Already annoyed by Sirius?"

She gave him a look and squeezed in front of someone to stand beside him. "No. You refuse to believe that Black and I are sorta, kinda, almost, not really but why not pretend that we're going through a semi-nice phase, don't you?"

James raised his eyebrows at her and then turned back to Rosmerta. "Did you understand that?"

She grinned. "Nope."

"Hey Rosmerta," Riley greeted, propping herself up on her elbows on the bar. "Got any embarrassing stories from this one-" she gestured with her thumb at James, "-since the last time I've been in here with them?"

"Well, considering you haven't been here with them in over a year and a half, I've got a hell of a lot. However, it will take all night and I'm not on break yet. I'll come find you later when I get off in an hour," Rosmerta declared, setting down the six drinks on a tray as she placed them on the counter.

James groaned. "Oh goody," he replied sarcastically.

Both Rosmerta and Riley laughed in unison as Rosmerta turned back to James with an interested look on her face, ignoring the yells from the people to the side of her obviously begging her for some drinks. "So how's everything going with the girl?"

"Kristina?" James asked. "Things are-"

"Who's Kristina?" she quickly interrupted. "I was talking about the quiet girl you're always rambling on and on about. The girl you never stop talking about with the guys when you get enough drinks in you. You know, the intelligent one, who you claim to be completely and utterly exasperating?" She paused, sensing the confused look on both James and Riley's faces. "Oh! The redheaded fiery prefect with green-"

"No!" James quickly cried out, knowing it was too late. He glanced towards Riley who was giving him a very intrigued look, one that told James he'd be answering her harassing interrogation all night.

"So you talk about Lily a lot, do you?" Riley finally spoke with an amused smile.

"Lily, right! That's her name," Rosmerta cried out with a impish grin on her face.

James groaned and put his head in his hands. "Thanks Rosie," he mumbled.

She gave them both curious gazes, wondering what she had said. "Uh…what's wrong?"

James didn't answer, shaking his head miserably and refusing to look up at Riley.

Riley grinned. "I'm Lily's best friend."

Rosmerta cringed. "Oops…guess I said too much," she muttered sheepishly, pulling James' head up from his arms. "Well, as much as I'd love to be killed by you, I've got customers I need to tend to before the night manager rides my ass for taking time out to chat it up with you. But I'll be over at your table in an hour, mostly because you'll be too drunk to remember this." She gave him a smile and then whispered into James' ear, only just loud enough so that Riley could hear, "Good luck with her."

"Thanks. I'll need it," he mumbled as he hopped off the barstool and gave Riley some of the drinks so he wouldn't spill, ignoring her piercing stare directly into his eyes. He tried rushing over to the table, but considering it was a crowded room (most shouting "Karaoke!" loudly, obviously in a drunken stupor), he barely went two feet before having to stop and attempt to weave his way through the crowd, hearing every bit of Riley's questions.

"Why do you talk about Lily so much?" Riley first asked, followed by, "Do you still like her?" and "Are you trying to make Lily jealous by dating Kristina?" and of course, "Then why did you two hate each other for so long?"

After the hundredth question and no answers from James, he finally arrived at the table where only Peter, Fabian, and Remus were sitting.

"Where'd Sirius go?" James asked, interrupting Riley from asking another question in front of the guys.

Riley scowled as she sat down beside Fabian, who answered with an obvious, "Hitting on some girl in the dance floor. What else?"

James laughed. "Of course," he said matter-of-factly. He turned to Remus and Peter and scrunched his nose while saying, "Guess what tonight is?"

Remus and Peter exchanged confused glances and as Remus was about to ask what it was, he clapped his hand over his mouth with a sudden realization and cried out, "Oh no, It can't be!"

"What can't be?" Riley asked, momentarily putting the whole Lily and James situation aside. "What's tonight?"

Even Peter and Fabian looked downright puzzled.

"It's Karaoke night," James explained.

Peter immediately blanched and groaned, grabbing his drink and taking a huge gulp. "Oh bloody Merlin."

"Why's Karaoke night bad?" Riley asked.

"Sirius got us kicked out last time for singing obnoxiously and dancing…um…in an incendiary way on tabletops," Remus snickered, causing everyone to laugh and even making Fabian choke on his Fire Whiskey.

"And I _missed_ it?" Riley cried out in feigned disappointment. "Why didn't you guys take lots of pictures and pass them around the school?"

James paused. "Because we're not you."

Riley grinned sheepishly, shrugging knowingly.

At that time Sirius came rushing over to their table, out of breath. He grabbed on to an extra chair to keep his balance and breathed deeply for a few seconds before grabbing his drink and taking it all down with one gulp. "Remus, there are really cute twins in the corner who think you're absolutely adorable. You wanna dance with us?"

Remus groaned. "I always tell you that I only come to hang out with you guys and yet you always insist on making me dance and chatting it up with a few girls. Why is that?"

"Because they both can't have me. Though now that I think about, that's not such a bad idea," Sirius kidded. "Kinky, almost."

Remus gave him a look. "And…"

"Sexy?" he added.

Remus gave him a look.

"Okay fine, and once I told them James is already taken, you were their next option."

"Oh gee, well when you put it _that_ way," Remus replied dryly, giving Sirius a look.

"Pleeeease come and dance with us?" Sirius pleaded.

"Why?"

Sirius looked at him puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean why should I? What are you getting out of it?"

Sirius cringed guiltily. As Remus gave him a look, Sirius muttered, "Because the tall one won't dance with me unless you dance with her sister."

Remus snorted. "Oh well gee, as much as I'd love to help you out, I'm enjoying my Fire Whiskey far too much."

"Pleeeease?" Sirius begged, giving him his famous puppy-dog face that usually always got him what he wanted.

Granted, Remus knew him too well. "Oh c'mon, you know that face doesn't work on me."

"Come _on_, Remus!" Sirius begged.

Remus rolled his eyes and unwillingly started getting up off his seat but before Sirius could celebrate he halted. "Wait. I will but only if you agree to one thing."

Sirius clapped his hands together giddily. "Alright, alright, what is it?"

Remus grinned. "You have to promise not to sing tonight."

The rest of the table burst into laughter, nodding in agreement.

Sirius' eyes narrowed in confusion. "What? Why would I—oh my God it's Karaoke night!" he squealed.

Remus nodded. "But if you want me to join you, you can't sing. I'd rather not get kicked out by midnight like the last time. In fact, I'm surprised that they let us back in after the last time."

Sirius hesitated, obviously weighing the advantages and disadvantages to both before reluctantly saying, "Fine, I won't sing."

Their whole table cheered, earning them looks from other tables around them.

"But just for that I'm holing myself up in the bathroom with a girl later," Sirius protested further.

Remus snorted, taking his final gulp of his drink, while rolling his eyes. "How's that different from any other night?"

The whole table erupted in laughter, causing more eyes to wander over to their table. Remus finally pointed out, "I'd rather you disappear for a half hour and take up the bathroom than pain my eardrums."

Remus hopped off his seat and followed Sirius into the crowd, rolling his eyes as Sirius was attempting to protest he wasn't a bad singer.

"Well two down, four to go," Riley declared as she took a small sip of her drink.

* * *

But by two hours later, Riley and James joined by Rosmerta were the only ones sitting at the table, though they had all come and gone through the night. Drinks have been drunk, dances have been danced, songs have been sung, and the flirting had most definitely begun. With so many girls in the room, Sirius had created a rating system to rate certain body parts from women (which Fabian quickly picked up on) that included mostly their lips, arses, stomach, legs, eyes, hair, and especially the chest (which according to Sirius was the most important). Sirius would come rushing back to the table every so often claiming he had found a ten, to which whomever was there would stare at him with the utmost revulsion and Sirius would get the hint and rush back off. It was uncertain as to who was considered more popular on the dance floor: Sirius or Fabian. It seemed that within a half-hour's time, they were competing against each other for some unknown reason instead of using each other as their wingmen as Sirius had first begged Fabian to do. But an hour later, they were both laughing at all the below fives on the rating system and forgot all about competing against each other.

At that point, Fabian was immersed in an intelligent conversation with a table of women on the other side of the room, Remus was still dancing with the twin that Sirius had found for him, Peter was attempting to stop Sirius from sneaking his name on to the Karaoke list, and James, Riley, and Rosmerta were enjoying their talk about the things that happened when they were kids and they all lived in the same town.

"Do you remember the year at the Auror Ball when my dad got so plastered he ended up falling asleep in his study fully-clothed?" James laughed, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed.

Rosmerta burst into laughter. "And your mother found him the next morning drooling over some important documents!"

"Or the time during my mom's birthday celebration dinner when she was so drunk, she apparated half a block away from home at the end of the nigh," Riley cackled.

James had just downed another mug of his drink, his face now bright red from obviously drinking too much, and it all came spewing out accidentally as he let out a laugh.

But Riley and Rosmerta were laughing too much to care about the extra condensation on the table and on their clothes. "That's why one of the main Apparating rules is Alcohol and Apparition Don't Mix," Rosmerta smirked. "Being a bartender, it's kinda an important rule."

"I'll keep that in mind," James drawled with a grin.

Rosmerta grinned, returning to stories of their childhood. "Do you remember at Christmas Eve during my first year at Hogwarts, when you guys were like seven or eight, and the Ministry Officials threw that huge charity event at my grandparents' house? Your brother, James, and the Malfoys' daughter got so wasted that they ended up snogging?"

James hadn't remembered it but the thought of it caused James to make a face in disgust before doubling over with laughter, joined quickly by Riley. Laughter really was contagious.

"Man, it's always fun talking about the time our families were drunk and stupid," Riley murmured jokingly, as she started to hiccup.

"Well, it's more fun than talking about the times _we _were drunk and stupid," Rosmerta snickered.

James giggled playfully as Riley attempted to stop her hiccups, but if anything, they just got worse. James realized that he had just giggled and stopped immediately, staring at his empty mug. "When I start giggling like a four-year-old girl, I know I've had too much."

Rosmerta shot him a look. "Oh please. You were giggling over an hour ago."

James grinned. "Well yeah, but I figured what harm could a few more drinks do?"

Rosmerta rolled her eyes and hopped off her seat, gathering up all of the empty glasses on the table. "I'm going to get rid of these and get us some more. No more for you James?"

James snorted. "Who said I wouldn't have any more?"

"That's the spirit!" she cried out, winking at him as she traipsed back to bar.

Riley grinned as she walked away and leaned back in her chair mischievously. "So James, now that we're alone and you're drunk, a.k.a. meaning you'll tell me anything I want to know, what's going on between you and Lily?"

James gave her a look and threw a dirty rag at her. "I'm not _that_ drunk."

Riley smirked. "Okay, fine, but still Rosmerta did claim that you talked about her an awful lot. That must mean something."

"Yeah, that she's an uptight bitch and easy to complain about."

Riley exhaled loudly, giving him a skeptical glance. "Oh please, I'm not buying that. You don't talk about someone non-stop if you just find them annoying."

"Are you saying you like Sirius, then?"

Riley recoiled in disgust, giving James a look of abhorrence. "What kind of idiotic question is that?"

"You and Sirius do nothing but complain about each other day in and day out. That's all I hear in classes, in the common room, in the hallways, even during breakfast when I'm just trying to get myself to wake up all I can hear is you two yapping about each other constantly!"

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you and Lily," Riley replied, changing the subject back.

"There's nothing to talk about," James said with a shrug. "So I used to complain about her? So what?"

Riley gazed at him curiously. "All of those times that you asked her out, was that just for the chase? Or did you actually like her?"

"Seriously, Riley, I'm not discussing this," he muttered irritably. "It was in the past. I'm dating Kristina now."

Riley sighed. "Are you just saying that because Lily has gone back to acting as if she hates you guts?"

"Prety sure she's not acting."

"James, I just-"

"Riley, please just let it go," he muttered.

Riley opened her mouth to argue, but before she could find the correct words, Sirius swooped in with an empty drink in his hand.

James shot Riley a warning look to keep her mouth shut as Sirius slid into the seat, previously occupied by Rosmerta. "I don't care what I told Remus. I told some girls I was going to sing 'I'm Too Sexy' and I'm going to find a way to sing it for them."

Riley snorted. "That might be hard, considering Peter's been on your tail stopping you all night."

Sirius scowled. "Well, that _is _annoying but I'm smart. I can outwit him."

Riley burst into laughter, holding on to the tableside for balance. When she looked up and saw the grimace on Sirius' face, she shrugged. "I thought you were joking."

Sirius rolled his eyes and chose to change the subject instead of protest. "Is Rosie getting more drinks?"

James nodded. "Yeah, she should be back here soon."

"Good, I need another drink before I attempt to fight Peter for a spot at Karaoke night." Sirius paused. "Though, there's always next Wednesday."

"No way am I coming back with you on a Karaoke night," James snorted.

Sirius rolled his eyes, scanning the room for girls he hadn't already hit on that night. "Who said anything about bringing you?"

"It's _my_ Invisibility Cloak."

Sirius turned back to James and grinned spuriously. "Have I mentioned how absolutely breathtaking you look in black?"

"Smooth," Riley snickered, giving Sirius an amused look.

Fabian slid into the seat beside Riley, his face already bright red from dancing wildly with a bunch of girls. "Hey," he said breathily. "Drinks?"

"Rosmerta just went to get some," James answered. "So, those were some good-looking girls you chose to sit with in that corner over there."

Fabian grinned. "I thought so, too. One of them is the great-granddaughter of the previous Minister of Magic!"

Riley snorted. "And you don't think that was a line?"

Fabian gave her a guarded look. "Well obviously I thought it was a line but when she started listing everything about him and his family, I figured she'd have to be completely insane to go to the trouble to researching all that family history if it were a line."

"I bet that's what she wants you to think," Riley joked, winking playfully at him.

Peter was heading over to the table, breathing heavily. He reached their table and gripped the table tightly as he panted slightly. "Sirius…you are…way too fast…for me."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You can stalk me all night if you wish. I _will_ be singing."

"No way are you breaking our promise," Remus spoke up, coming out of absolutely nowhere. "Where are the drinks?"

"Rosmerta getting more," James explained for the second time.

"Dude, you've been dancing with that girl for two hours," Sirius interjected, glancing at Remus. "If you're lucky, and she's drunk enough, I wouldn't doubt she'd let you grope her on the dance floor later tonight! You should be glad I introduced her!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "She has a boyfriend, Si. We were just talking. We have a lot in common."

"You mean you have a boyfriend too?" James interrupted teasingly, clasping his hands over his mouth dramatically. "You've been hiding out on us!"

Remus glared at him as he slid on to an empty seat. "That's not exactly what I meant."

James grinned and leaned back in his chair, swaying slightly. "I know…but I think I'm a little drunk. And when I'm drunk I have a slight tendency to be a bit over-amused at the smallest details."

"A _little_ drunk?" Sirius snorted.

"Slight?" Riley added.

"Tendency?" Peter continued.

"A bit?" Remus included.

"_Over_-amused?" Fabian finished.

James scowled. "Rosmerta better get here soon with the drinks."

"So you can get a '_little_' more drunk?" Riley snorted, causing the table to roar with laughter. She placed down the glass she was temporarily playing around with, and hopped off her seat, staggering slightly. The combination of the loud music, the painful Karaoke, the smoke, and the alcohol were beginning to have an effect on her, but she hardly chose to sit back down. "So who wants to dance with me?"

No one immediately shot up straight away as they boys all exchanged uncaring looks and shrugs. Finally, Remus grinned and hopped off the seat he had just sat down on. He held his arm out gallantly and with an encouraging wink, said boldly, "Well then, Miss Gilmore?"

Riley took his arm graciously and practically pulled him into the crowd of people already drunk on the dance floor.

* * *

"There's no way the six of us are going to be able to fit under that cloak, James," Riley murmured as they were walking down the secret passageway, drawing close to Hogwarts.

"We've done it before," James slurred.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Not when you and Sirius are stumbling and staggering because you're drunk."

Remus crashed into the wall at that point, muttering a simple 'Ow!'

"Let me rephrase that: Not when you, Sirius, and _Remus_ are stumbling and staggering because you're drunk," Riley snickered, giggling immensely.

Fabian and Peter exchanged looks, glancing towards Riley as well. "Are we the only decent ones in this group?" Fabian chuckled.

"You're a prefect. It's in your nature to be decent," Riley shot back.

"Remus is a prefect, also," Fabian pointed out.

Riley hesitated as they reached the end of the passageway. "Well, this is the first time I've ever seen him get out of hand."

Fabian nodded, pushing the witch forward as he climbed out first. "That's a valid point. And why is that?"

"Because the pretty brunette kept pouring me drink after drink after drink and I didn't want to seem rude!" Remus shouted.

"SHH! Someone will hear you!" Riley exclaimed, climbing out behind the statue next.

"Yeah, do you really want Dumbledore catching us in the state you guys are in?" Fabian clarified justly.

"When am I singing Karaoke?" Sirius murmured with a sort of childish grin on his face, one that told Riley he had no idea what was going on, as Riley held out her hand for him to grab as he stumbled out from behind the statue.

Riley rolled her eyes. "We're back at Hogwarts, you chimpanzee."

"Chimpanzee?" Fabian snorted.

She shrugged. "I've had a few too many drinks myself and it's hard for my brain to process insults at its usual rate," she teased.

Fabian laughed as he glanced down at the map he grabbed from James a while back. "Well, it looks like the path is clear. Everyone's where they're supposed to be."

"Even Pringle?" Peter made sure to ask.

Fabian nodded. "And his cats are there with him, also."

"Nice," Riley agreed. "Now let's just hope these three don't shout anything more out and we should be home-free."

"I wanna sing!" Sirius exclaimed right on cue.

"Where's the brunette?" Remus drawled.

"Is Rosie bringing us more drinks?" James asked.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Then again, I could be asking for a miracle."

They trudged through the hallways, going in a different direction as Fabian, with Riley and Peter trying to shut the others up, which clearly wasn't easy.

"Is the Fat Lady going to be awake now?" Peter asked as they started ascending towards there. "I don't think she'd appreciate the five us waking her up in the middle of the night, three of us drunk off our asses, to let us in. And somehow I wouldn't doubt she would inform Dumbledore of our state."

Riley groaned. "I didn't even think of that. How have we done this in the past?"

"We're not usually this drunk," Peter pointed out.

"We could go back to my room," James suggested, obviously closer to sobering up than the other two, who were now engulfed in a game of rock-paper-scissors.

"How the hell can paper beat rock? I'm telling you, if I was ever in a fight with someone, I'd rather have a _rock_ there to save me than a flimsy piece of paper!" Remus cried out angrily.

Riley groaned. "Yeah, it looks like we'll have to go back to your room, James," she agreed, ignoring Remus entirely.

"YAY! Slumber party!" Remus cried out, forgetting all about the rock-paper-scissors game with Sirius, who was now just playing with himself.

Riley rolled her eyes and glanced towards Peter. "Let's hope we get through this night without waking up any professors or portraits."

"SCISSORS!" Sirius cried, giggling profusely.

Riley groaned. "C'mon, the quicker we go, the better chance we have of not getting caught."

Peter nodded, grabbing Sirius away from the statue he was attempting to play his game with.

They finally reached the private Head quarters, thankfully without any unexpected run-ins, and Riley muttered the password she already knew, practically shoving the boys into the room.

"Paper!" Sirius cried out, now that Remus has joined back into the game.

"You _always_ choose paper!" Remus complained.

"Ironic, since you never _use_ it in school," Riley muttered.

Sirius bounced on to the couch giddily. "I resent that."

Remus grabbed a pillow and flung it at Sirius, hitting him square in the face. "ARGH!" Sirius cried out, accidentally falling off the couch. He glared at Remus and, slowly getting up from the ground swaying slightly, muttered, "Bastard."

And with that, he launched the pillow towards Remus, who shrieked and ducked just in time, hitting James instead. James wrinkled his nose in aggravation. "When did I get involved?"

Remus chuckled as he grabbed another pillow and started hitting Sirius with this. At first, Sirius just stood there like a child screaming loudly but he soon joined in, slamming a pillow back at Remus.

"I wanna play!" James exclaimed, running into his room and quickly coming back out with a pillow in each hand, hitting both Remus and Sirius in the head.

Riley groaned again and turned back to Peter. "So what are the chances that no one will wake up to all this noise?"

"Slim to none," Peter replied almost immediately.

"SCISSORS!" Sirius cried out randomly.

"_What the _**hell** _is going on in here_?"

* * *

**A/N: **Oops? I told you that this wasn't a very informative chapter but it was fun to write. Please review! I should be back in 2 weeks, so I'll have to update then.


	27. Of Hangovers, Hot Dogs, & Pineapples

**A/N: **Well I said I'd be back in two weeks so here I am! I mentioned it before but I'm mentioning again that the last chapter was mostly just for fun. I got bored of writing arguments and just having them hang around Hogwarts so I decided it was about time that the characters let loose a bit. If you think it was a pointless chapter, fine. But I enjoyed writing it and I hoped you enjoyed reading it!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling. But I'm hoping you already knew that.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 27: Of Hangovers, Hot Dogs, & Pineapples

* * *

Riley and Peter cringed, turning around to face an extremely irate Lily standing in the middle of her doorway. The other three immediately dropped their pillows fearfully, finding sudden interest in the carpet. They all knew it was best to keep quiet.

"It is four o'clock in the morning and _some_ people are trying to sleep!" Lily continued when no one uttered a word. "Why the hell are you all awake and having a pillow fight in the common room?"

Again, no one replied, but Remus did grab onto the couch and pull himself down before swaying back and forth uncomfortably as the dizziness hit him hard.

Sirius grinned up at Lily. "Want to play rock-paper-scissors?"

Lily gaped at him oddly and then gasped loudly, it finally dawning on her. "Oh my God! Are you _drunk_?"

They all looked at each other guiltily and continued to remain silent.

"Did you sneak into Hogsmeade tonight?" Lily demanded.

Again, no one answered and no one dared to look Lily in the eye.

Lily's lips pursed angrily, her lips growing white. "That's why neither Kay nor I could find you tonight, isn't it Riley?"

Riley sighed, shrugging. "Yeah," she muttered. "But it's been such a rough week, month really, that I just felt-"

"Don't try to pretend as if that makes it okay," Lily interrupted, shaking her head. "We all have rough weeks. We all have rough months. Including me. But do you see me sneaking into Hogsmeade to get drunk _on a weekday_?"

"That's because she doesn't know how to get there," Sirius muttered to Remus.

"What was that?" Lily demanded to know.

Sirius froze. Out of the corner of his mouth he muttered to Remus, "What are the chances I'd be able to run for it?"

"SIRIUS!" Lily shouted. "You do realize that you have no volume control considering you're drunk!"

Sirius gave her a sheepish grin. "Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look in that bathrobe?"

Lily crossed her arms bitterly, trying to cover herself up self-consciously. "Black, this is not a joking matter," she snapped.

"'Course not!" he squeaked, slinking backwards in a cowardly fashion.

Lily shook her head, torn between anger and disappointment and defeat and confusion. "You do realize that every single person in this school has those days where they just need a break from the Hogwarts routine. The classes, the homework, the drama. The list goes on. But do you see anyone else breaking a million school rules just to let loose a tad? Why are you all so convinced that you're special. That you're different. That you don't have to follow the rules that are, by the way, rules for a reason. I can't believe that you all think it's _okay _to break curfew just to drink a few alcoholic beverages. And with a prefect and the Head Boy, no less!"

"Merlin of Agrippa, you really need to stop your whole 'rules, rules, rules' speech," James muttered. "We get it. _You_ follow the rules. A bit too much if you ask me. But haven't you ever heard that rules were meant to be broken?"

She frowned, disappointment seeping from within. "You should really just tattoo that across your forehead, Potter," she muttered. "It appears to be your mantra. Because strolling into your bedrom at four o'clock in the morning seems to be a frequent occurrence for you! And I'm sorry to say, Remus won't be able to cover for you this time."

"Whoa, don't drag me into this," Remus muttered, slumping down on the couch.

Riley looked confused and was about to open her mouth, when James cut her off. "Did you ever think, Evans, that it was the secrets that have been told because of that night that made us need an evening away from the castle? We just...we needed a night of fun, Evans. Even you can understand that, right?"

Her glare intensified. "If you wanted to go and have some fun, jump in the lake the next time!"

"Well gee, that did indeed come to mind but considering it's _December _and the water is below freezing, I chose to make that Plan B," James drawled sarcastically, his eyes rolling instinctively.

"Don't act coy with me, Potter," she said, her voice surprisingly calm and even. "I don't think I'm wrong to be angry here."

"Well, that is what you do best," he snapped.

Her eyes narrowed defensively. "And what you do best is _give _me reasons to get angry!"

"I bet we could sneak out right now and they wouldn't even notice," Sirius muttered to Remus, both snickering.

"I could sit in my bedroom reading one of your Muggle novels like a marmy schoolgirl and you would still find a bloody reason to get angry at me!" James barked.

"Shh, this is entertaining," Remus chuckled, an amused smile overcoming him.

"This may come as a huge surprise to you, Potter," Lily drawled, her eyebrows knitting in frustration. "But I don't spend every minute of every waking day trying to come up with reasons as to why you're an ass. You do that all on your own."

James sighed, shaking his head in slow disbelief. He was never going to get through to Lily. And it was clear she didn't want him to. "Good night, Evans," James muttered, realizing that those seemed to be the only words he could ever say so as a huge argument wouldn't break out.

She was thrown by the dismissal. "I'm not done with you, Potter!" she cried out after him.

James stopped short, slowly turning around to face her. "Yeah, you are," he said softly. "Because I'm done with you."

He sounded so disheartened, Lily couldn't help but look up at him. Even his eyes were filled with disappointment. She opened her mouth to say something, but found her mind blank. "How is it that one minute you can have such a good heart by supporting your best friend and you can be turning down a fight with the Slytherins and the next, you're...you're waltzing into our room at four in the morning after a drunken excursion?"

James frowned hesitantly. "How...how did you know I turned down a fight with the Slytherins?"

"That wasn't really my point," Lily sighed.

"Uh, it kinda was."

Lily pursed her lips. "Can't you please just _once _own up to your title of Head Boy?"

James met her gaze. "Would it ever make a difference to you?"

Lily didn't respond. She was far too aware of the other presences in the room. "You guys should really get to sleep," she muttered, turning towards the other four, who were now lounging casually on the couch as they had watched the back-and-forth tennis match between the Head Boy and Girl. "And all of you _will _be in class in the morning or so help me God, I will go straight to Dumbledore to tell him what you did."

Chaos erupted, as they all groaned knowing perfectly well they'd feel sick in the morning. At once, they all started expressing their complaints, though Lily hardly listened to any of it as she whirled around and stomped back to her room, slamming the door so loudly, the picture frames shook and the lamp teetered slightly.

After an awkward silence, Remus said, "Well, that could have gone better."

James gave him a look, and swooped into his room, slamming the door angrily.

After another awkward silence, Sirius grinned and said giddily, "So who wants to play rock-paper-scissors?"

* * *

The next morning wasn't necessarily the highlight of the week for the Marauders and Riley. After waking up at seven and throwing up for an hour, Riley hopped into a cold shower, ignoring the pounding on the bathroom door after forty minutes from Lily as her fingers were turning all pruny.

Missing breakfast completely, Riley grabbed her bags for Herbology and walked slowly to the greenhouses, every step causing her head to pound. She trudged into greenhouse three and slid into a seat behind the already ill-looking Marauders. Making a quick search of the room, Lily still had yet to show up.

"Hey, guys, how ya feeling?" Riley mumbled.

She only received tumultuous moans in return.

"Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel," she mumbled.

"Yeah 'cept I drank double the amount you did," Remus mumbled.

"And I drank triple the amount you did," Sirius added with a moan.

Riley shrugged. "Well to be fair, I blame this on you guys."

The four of them lifted their heads off their desks long enough to stare blankly at her.

"How is that fair?" Peter asked, confused.

Riley shrugged. "It's not, really."

Sirius gave her an aggravated look. "Well, you're a big help."

"Hey, I'm hungover. What do you expect?" Riley mumbled, reaching into her bag and unwillingly taking out her book.

Remus snorted. "Well, when you put it that way."

"What? You guys were the ones who absolutely _had_ to have a pillow war," she snapped, narrowing her eyes at the very unfriendly-looking marauders. "A very loud, _obnoxious_ pillow war!"

Sirius groaned. "No yelling."

"And just because you're jealous that you didn't join into the all-testosterone pillow war, doesn't mean you should take it out on us," James snickered, giving Riley a lopsided grin.

Riley gave him a look. "Lily's mad at me enough. I think if she knew I was involved with that pillow war, she'd downright have me for breakfast tomorrow."

James rolled his eyes. "Whatever. That girl is such a piece of work I don't even care anymore."

Sirius snickered. "Yeah right. I bet it's still killing you that you don't know what caused her to be mad at you."

James frowned. Yes, it did still kill him. he really felt that if she could just be honest enough to inform him of his actions, then everything could potentially be resolved. Or maybe not, but they could probably get past this in-between limbo relationship they had caused for themselves. "No, I really don't care anymore," he muttered sincerely. "I'm done trying to base my decisions and actions around her. It's my life to live, not hers."

"Is that why you chose not to fight Bellatrix and Mulciber the other day?" Sirius asked curiously. "Because you knew she'd find out and chew you out?"

James shrugged. "That, or maybe I really am becoming a better person."

"No, that can't be it," his friend teased.

James chuckled. "You're right, that doesn't sound like me."

"Can I ask a question?" Riley interjected curiously.

"If it has anything to do with Evans hating my guts, then no," James murmured.

"It doesn't," she said with a curt shrug. "It's about something you said earlier this morning to Lily."

The four boys all exchanged glances, knowing exactly what she was going to refer to.

"What did you mean when you said that secrets were revealed the other night? And what did Lily mean when she said Remus couldn't cover for you this time?"

James glanced sideways at Remus before sighing. "Monday night was the full moon," he muttered reluctantly.

Remus met James' gaze. Seeing as Riley and James had grown up together and rarely kept secrets, he wasn't surprised to hear that Riley knew all about his lycanthropy. He was curious if James had told her or if she had figured it out on her own.

Riley bit down on her bottom lip anxiously, trying not to let her eyes zone in on Remus. James had told her in confidence of Remus' condition nearly two years earlier. He had trusted her with the information, knowing that Riley wouldn't judge Remus or feel any sort of prejudices towards him like so many other wizards and witches would have. He had made her promise not to say anything and she had kept that promise. The only thing Riley didn't know about was their Animagi transformations. That was a secret that the Marauders are hoping to take to their graves. "That doesn't explain much," she said with an amused smile.

James shrugged. "Evans caught me wandering back into our room at four in the morning. Needless to say, she wasn't too thrilled. But Remus...well, he told her about...about...well, you know," he muttered, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

Remus snorted. "Oh, that's the story you're sticking to?" he teased. His eyes rested on Riley's. "Actually, I merely told her it was I who was sick every month and not my mother. Jamesie here blurted out the entire secret to the girl."

"She said you told her everything!"

"_Why _would I tell her that?"

"Oh, Merlin, I'm getting a strong sense of deja-vu right now," Sirius sighed with a roll of the eyes.

Riley still looked puzzled. "James, why were _you_ the one strolling in at four in the morning?"

He shrugged. "Hey, if our friend is going through something awful, we're going to show our support in any way we can."

When he didn't continue, she shot him a look. "Hm, yeah, that still doesn't explain much," she snorted.

James didn't respond. He knew that no matter what he could come up with, it would be a lie. And Riley Gilmore always knew how to read through his lies.

Thankfully, Sirius chimed in. "We were...waiting for Remus," he dithered hastily. "In the hospital wing. We didn't want him to be alone when he returned."

Riley wasn't so sure she bought that based on the clear fake smile on Sirius' face and the slight panic in his eyes, but she just shrugged it off. She had learned by now that sometimes it was best not to ask questions when it came to the Marauders. "How very Florence Nightingale of you," she said with a snicker.

Sirius hesitated. "Am I supposed to know what the hell that means?"

Riley groaned. "Never mind," she murmured, shaking her head. "So do you guys get some sort of sick satisfaction in working off of limited sleep?" she teased.

Remus stifled a yawn at the mention of his lack of sleep. "You can't blame me for Monday," he teased.

"I can put some blame on you for _last _night," she retorted with a grin.

Remus made a face, leaning back in his chair. "Yeah, remind me why we decided tobe stupid and sneak out of the castle?" he murmured. "Why did we believe that imbibing excessive amounts of alcohol would be a good idea? Why did we continue to dance wildly on the dance floor until four in the morning when clearly we should have hindered? And why, why did we not realize that even while we're drunk, the slightest hint of noise would wake up Lily?"

"Who uses the word imbibing while berating himself and his friends?" Sirius asked.

Remus gave him a look.

Sirius grinned. "Besides you, of course," he spoke with a laugh. "And I'm going to go with the obvious answer of we wanted to have some fun."

"Next time, let's have fun on the weekends," Remus muttered, stifling a yawn.

Kay slipped into the greenhouse and wandered over to her friends. She smirked as she slipped into an empty seat. "You guys look like shit."

They all glared at her.

She shrugged, throwing her bag on to the table. "What else am I supposed to say when you snuck into Hogsmeade last night, got plastered, got caught by Lily, and most likely spent the entire night by the toilet?"

"A simple, cheerful good morning would have been fine," Sirius mumbled.

Kay rolled her eyes. "If I had said good morning cheerfully you would have thrown something at me."

He blinked. "Fair enough."

She grinned. "Be warned," she said with a wince. "Lily was fuming at breakfast, ranting the whole time about your drunken debauchery, and I hardly doubt that she has died down."

James rolled his eyes. "Like I give a flying cunt what that bitch is feeling."

They all gaped at him, fully awake at that point. _"What?"_ Riley finally had the voice to say, an amused chuckle escaping.

"Er...you mind repeating that?" Peter snickered, looking half-horrified at his friend's colorful words.

James shrugged and looked towards the door as Lily walked in with her head held high. She took no notice of her friends or the Marauders and took a seat in the front, immediately pulling out her textbook and note-taking material. James rolled his eyes and turned back to the group. "If she wants to hate me, she can hate me. It's not like she's given me any reason to believe things will go back to the way they were before. And I'm fine with that now. I'm giving up. She can do whatever the hell she pleases. But don't think I'm going to be nice to her any longer."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You say that all the time but we all know you just want to be friends again."

James shook his head slowly. "Yeah, maybe that's what I want. But I'm clearly not going to get it. And I'm tired of pleading with her. Maybe we just make a better pair of enemies than we do friends."

"You don't really believe that," Riley sighed.

He frowned and for some reason, the weirdly deep conversation they had shared on Tuesday night after James blurted out Remus' secret flashed through his mind. It was obvious that they could get along. Or at least be civil with each other. Why was she so determined to believe he was such a bad guy? "It's not really about what I believe," he murmured, his eyes flitting over Riley's head to where Lily was sitting. "It's about what she believes."

"Maybe if you stopped traipsing into your bedroom at four in the morning, she may believe that-"

"No, Riles," James interrupted, shooting her head. "I shouldn't have to change my ways just to please her. If I want to cut loose and have a little fun with my friends, I shouldn't have to feel guilty about that. I already said it once this morning but it's my life to live. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let her live it for me."

No one spoke as James dug his hands into his bag to pull out his Herbology textbook, clearly signaling the end of the conversation. An exchange of glances spoke their words for them, however. None of them were convinced that this was the end for James and Lily. In fact, they had a pretty good feeling another whirlwind of insults and heated debates were headed that way. No matter how many times one of them claimed to be done with other, things would never really be over. Not now. Probably not ever.

* * *

"Hey bro, heard you got caught by the Head Girl Nazi trying to sneak back in from one of your drunken nights?"

James turned around and groaned as the sight of his younger sister. "Hey, Dezzy. How the hell do you know that I got caught by Evans?"

"This school was made for gossip," she reminded him, taking a seat beside him on the Gryffindor common room couch.

"Riley was complaining to Sirius and Remus this morning after class, while Mercedes was walking behind them. She told Riley's brother, Drew, before lunch and he just informed me."

"Damn, things get around fast," James muttered.

"Are you surprised?"

"Sadly, no."

Dezzy laughed. "So how many colorful words did Lily use anyway?"

"You know Lily. She enjoys scolding someone for bad behavior far too much."

"That someone often appears to be you," she said with a grin.

"Eh, I'm used to it by now. I think she secretly gets off on screaming at me," James replied with a smug smirk.

"I think you secretly get off on seeing her riled up."

James' cheeks turned the light color of crimson, knowing his sister probably had a point. He chose to change the subject. "Did Mom send you a letter about the holidays?"

Dezzy sighed, making a face. "Yeah," she muttered. "It's going to be weird staying here instead of going home."

"Yeah, but they need a second honeymoon. I can't remember the last time they went on a vacation," James explained.

"I'm surprised Dad bothered to take off work for a few days to do so," Dezzy murmured. Their father often poured his whole heart and soul into his work, leaving very little to spending time with his family.

"I'm more surprised that not only will they not be hosting the annual Auror's New Year's Ball but they won't be attending," James snorted. "I remember five years ago when...er...someone shriveled up my ears and elongated my nose at Hogwarts and the spell still hadn't worn off by New Year's Eve and Mom _still _made me attend the ball."

"Someone?" Dezzy repeated. "I think you mean _Lily_."

"I was hoping you wouldn't remember that," he muttered, trying not to show any form of amusement at the hexes she had sent his way. He had caught her underneath the mistletoe the morning of his return hom for the holidays and instead of kissing him, she hexed him.

"As much as Mom enjoys playing the role of hostess, I think she probably wanted to partake in a second honeymoon more," Dezzy mused.

"As long as they don't announce in a few weeks the news of any impending Potters, I'm okay with-"

"Ew, thank you for putting that horrible image in my head," she whined, shuddering.

James grinned, ruffling up his sister's hair much to her dismay.

"So how do you think Grant's going to take not going home?" she questioned, mentioning her twin brother.

James shrugged. "He's going to hate it, of course," he replied. "Now he won't see Brite until summer." Grant seemed to be the sore thumb in the family, his surly attitude not meshing with those of his siblings. But somehow Grant was able to get along with the eldest Potter, Brite, quite well.

"I can't believe Brite's going to the States," Dezzy murmured.

"He's just going with Bianca to spend it with her extended family," James pointed out, speaking of Brite's girlfriend. "It's not like he's moving there," he teased.

Dezzy nodded. "Yeah, I know," she responded. "But when was the last time we didn't have Christmas at home with the whole family?"

"Five years ago and every Christmas following," James replied immediately.

Dezzy gave her brother a confused look.

"After Wyatt left," he murmured.

She sighed. "Oh," she murmured guiltily. "I-I forgot about him."

James wished it was that easy. He never did understand why his older brother just left home and his friends and family all of a sudden without a word of where he was leaving. He was home for only a day after graduation and disappeared during the night without so much as an explanation, only a note that said 'I love you all. Be safe.' Everyone else in the family had forgotten about him long after, mostly out of the need to forget him. Some even presumed him dead, but James still hoped in the bottom of his heart Wyatt would one day come back. James wouldn't necessarily be able to forgive him, but he wanted to believe that at least Wyatt was still alive and doing well. He couldn't imagine what could have possibly made Wyatt abandon his family, and his girlfriend of two years, at the time, but James was forever finding himself spending time pondering that age-old question during any down time he had. Which explained why he didn't often let himself have down time. Because thinking about Wyatt just depressed James.

Dezzy sighed, knowing James was bothered by Wyatt's sudden disappearance. James had been really close with Wyatt and she knew he suffered a great loss when he had just left. She always wished Wyatt would return, mostly for James' sake, but she had a feeling that was a wish that wouldn't be granted.

* * *

"Hey, Sirius, whatcha doing?"

Sirius looked up from examining his fingernails, finding that his dirty nails were more entertining than the pile of books in front of him, and smiled at Kay. "Not much. Just waiting for James or Remus or Peter."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "Because I'm bored."

Kay rolled her eyes and plopped on to the floor in front of him, pointing to the stack of books. "You know, you could actually open a book."

Sirius gave her a suspicious look. "What for?"

Kay snickered. "Oh I don't know: to read, study, or in general just be entertained."

Sirius blinked. "Explain to me how reading and studying could possily fall under the category of entertainment?"

Kay rolled her eyes. "Here's an idea. The next time you walk past that huge pile of books on your desk and they cry out 'Open me up, Sirius, because we're getting dusty and I'm beginning to feel unloved,' try actually listening to them."

Sirius snorted. "Fine. The next time I walk past that pile of books on my desk and it says _exactly_ that, I'll go ahead and do some work."

"Don't tempt me, Black," she teased. "In the wizarding world, talking books aren't that unlikely."

He chuckled. "You would actually go to the trouble of learning a charm to make my books talk _just _to get me to pay attention for longer than a few seconds?"

"Would it work?"

"Probably not."

She shrugged. "I guess I'll hold off then," she snickered. She stifled a yawn as she leaned up against the couch. "Lily still mad at you?"

"'Course," Sirius smirked. "But she'll get over it. She always does."

Kay nodded. "I guess. Though she was pretty peeved at all of you."

Sirius gave her a look and swung his legs over the side of the loveseat. "Remember last year when we all went out for Remus' birthday? That was a complete disaster. And when Lily had found out she gave us all a week's worth of detention and refused to speak to any of us for a week, including Remus who she had currently been doing rounds with. But she eventually forgave us. It's no different this time. She'll throw her hissy fit but in due time, she'll let it go. It's only been a few hours. I'd give her a few more."

Kay shrugged. "The girl does know how to hold a grudge. James is a prime example of that."

"Yeah," Sirius murmured. "I have a feeling even when Lily forgives me, Remus, Peter, and Riley for last night, she'll still hold it over James' head."

Kay nodded in agreement.

"Kay, do you know why Lily went back to despising James?" he asked curiously.

She frowned, shaking her head. "Oddly enough, no. She hasn't told me or Riley about it. Seems to me she's been keen on keeping it to herself."

"Mm," was Sirius' only reaction.

"Which probably means that whatever he said or did, it really hurt her."

Sirius glanced up into Kay's concerned eyes. "What makes you say that?"

She shrugged. "We tell each other everything. Even the stupid shit we don't want to hear about it, like what we ate for breakfast or what scarves we were choosing between to wear that day. So if she's holding back, it's because she doesn't want to talk about it. And when she doesn't want to talk about it, it means she's feeling hurt. Every time she had a run-in with a Slytherin, she refused to discuss it. Every time she was called the M word, she would adamently change the subject every time we tried to tell her she was a great witch. Every time James has humiliated her by playing some ridiculous prank on her, she kept her mouth shut. Every time-"

"She was hurt by the pranks he played on her?"

Kay shot him a look. "Sirius, I may have been amused by your pranks over the years but that's only because I've never been on the receiving end of them. You think Lily is able to laugh it off when her hair is turned pink for a full day or when her potion explodes in class and gets all over her due to one of your filibuster fireworks or when you sic pumpkins on her on Halloween or cause mistletoe to follow her around for three days straight before the holidays?"

Sirius frowned. "Well, when you say it like that," he muttered, his cheeks turning a slight pink color.

"There's no other way to say it."

He sighed, running his fingers through the end of his shaggy hair. "We really were obnoxious berks, weren't we?" he murmured.

"Past tense?" Kay snorted. "Really?"

Sirius met her gaze and recognized that her words weren't meant to be a joke. "We don't try to be obnoxious berks."

"Unfortunately, you don't have to try hard."

"Ouch."

"Sorry," Kay muttered with a curt shrug. "But no offense, Sirius, you are used to getting what you want, when you want, how you want it. And you just so happen to be so damned charming that you get away with it most of the time. Most people _let_ you get away with it. Lily just so happens to not be one of those people."

Sirius let out a frustrated grunt. He had always known that he and his friends had the uncanny ability to do what they wanted without much consequences, unless you count the occasional week's worth of detention. They had always claimed they played their pranks for entertainment purposes, specifically when they were bored or there was a holiday in need of celebrating. But truth was, those pranks became part of their trademark that made them known at the school. And they all liked being known.

"I know you guys enjoy being labeled as mischievous troublemakers," Kay continued with a shrug. "It gives you a sorta bad boy rep, right? But honestly, and I don't want to come off as rude, but what is it that makes you all feel as if it's okay to break the rules just to get what you want? What gives you the right to feel special against any and all repurcussions of your marauding?"

Sirius glanced over at her, startled. "Lily-bean asked the same thing this morning," he said with a sigh.

Kay shrugged, unperturbed. "Maybe she's just tired of watching everyone bask in the glory of the oh-so-apparently-charming Marauders while she runs this entire school alone."

Sirius sighed, guilt coursing through his every vein. Kay was right. He had always thought of himself and his friends first, blaming Lily for being so back-and-forth with James without giving him the decency to know what he did. But he had never considered Lily's feelings in any of it. "Aw, hell, now I feel like a horrible human being," he muttered.

"You're not a horrible human being. You're just..." Kay trailed off, searching for the right words.

"The words you're looking for are horrible human being," Sirius whined.

Kay offered him a lopsided smile. "I hope you know I'm not saying any of this to make you feel horrible. I'm just trying to get you to see that you and your buddies aren't the only people at this school, in this world even. You might be surprised to find out you're allowed to think of others."

"I've officially gone from horrible to abominable."

She quirked an amused eyebrow. "I'm impressed you know such a big word."

He couldn't help but laugh, elbowing her in the side playfully. He sat back against the couch with a defeated sigh, his eyes fixating on the carpet studiously. "Where's Lily-bean now?" he asked curiously.

"I don't know. Library? Her room? My guess is she has a book or an essay in her hands."

Sirius chuckled, reaching over to grab his books and he slowly stood up off the ground. "Thanks for the heart-to-heart, Kay."

She shrugged as he slowly headed towards his bedroom.

"Hey, Sirius?"

He turned around. "Hm?"

"You really aren't a horrible guy. Or an abominable one, for that matter."

He didn't respond. Because truth was, in that moment, he did feel kinda horrible.

* * *

After consulting the Marauder's Map, he noted that Lily was hiding out in her bedroom. He wasn't surprised to see a small dot labeled James Potter and another one labeled Kristina Reinhart in the room opposite hers. But he wasn't going to the Head's room to find James. He wanted to talk to Lily.

He knocked softly on her door. Once and then again when she didn't readily respond. "I know you're in there, Lily-bean!" he cried out, trying to sound as hushed as possible so as to not cause James to come wondering why he was there.

He heard a shuffling noise from behind the door and soon after, it opened and Lily stood there, looking a tad peeved at him. "What do you want, Sirius?"

He cleared his throat. "To apologize."

Well, that certainly got her attention. She opened the door further and gestured him inside. "I'm not sure I've ever heard those words uttered from you before, Sirius," Lily spoke sincerely.

Sirius cleared his throat, wandering over to her window and looking out across the grounds. He perched on her window ledge and turned back to face her. Curiosity stared back at him. "Lily," he said slowly, a frown creasing his jawline. Her ears immediately perked up. It was unlike Sirius to call her anything but Lily-bean. "In nearly eighteen years of existence, I think I've said 'I'm sorry' once and actually meant it." He thought back to the aftermath of Snape and the Whomping Willow and his time spent with Remus in the hospital wing. It was the only time he had ever felt truly apologetic. And if Riley was ever willing to listen to him, then that would be another time he would truly feel apologetic. But he had gotten used to not being reprimanded for some of his actions, especially after his own parents stopped caring for him. "It's not something I'm used to saying. Not something I enjoy doing. I don't like admitting fault or defeat or even remorse. And...and I hate blaming my screwed up childhood, but I think in a way, my acting out is just something I've grown accustomed to because I knew I could get away with anything and my parents wouldn't throw a second glance my way," he said hurriedly, running his last few words together. It was clear he hated discussing his family. "And so in a weird, sadistic way, I thrive on getting into trouble and causing as much havoc as I possibly can without minding if I got caught. In fact, getting caught is just a trick of the trade. I serve my detentions in pride and laugh as our Gyrffindor hourglass runs out of sand because points were being taken away from me on a frequent occurrence."

Lily frowned as he paused, his eyes narrowing hesitantly.

"But," he interjected slowly, "I'm beginning to realize that not everything is about me."

Lily's jaw dropped open slightly, her eyebrows peaking in surprise. "Come again?"

He shrugged, meeting her shocked gaze. "I'm sorry, Lily-bean."

She stared at him, waiting for the catch. When it didn't come, she repeated, "_Come again_?"

He couldn't help but laugh. "You deserve better than the people we've been to you."

She frowned. "Don't try to get away with apologizing on Potter's behalf."

"What? What are you-"

"You just said 'we,'" she sighed. "I know where you're going with this."

Sirius shook his head. "I'm not here on his behalf," he was quick to argue. "I'm here on mine. I'm sorry about all of the stupid pranks we played on you and the jokes we made at your expense and the endless mocking we did of you. We were young and foolish and stupid and we enjoyed saying _anything _just to get a laugh. We just-"

"Stop saying we," Lily snapped.

Sirius cringed. "You're making me regret this apology," he said with a hearty laugh.

She laughed, too, grateful for the break in tension.

"Going out last night and letting loose was just something we, uh I mean _I _am used to doing. And I'm used to getting what I want. Believe me when I say 90% of our plans begin with me and what I want to do. And I know you won't want to hear this, nor will you probably believe me, but James tried getting out of going last night," Sirius added hastily.

"You're right, I don't believe that," she snorted.

Sirius shrugged. "It's the truth."

"First Remus, now you. What's with you all covering up for Potter? Maybe he needs to take responsibility for his own actions once and a while."

Sirius shrugged. "He does. But he's also learned to steer clear of you when you're seething at him."

Lily grinned. "Ah, so he's afraid of me?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Something like that."

She couldn't help but laugh, laying back down against her bed with her schoolbooks surrounding her.

"Don't be mad at us for last night," Sirius pleaded.

Lily glanced up at him. "Honestly, Sirius, I'm not that mad. You all frustrate me beyond belief with all of your rule-breaking, but a part of me has just come to the realization that the Marauders are going to do what they want to do and nothing I say or do can stop you," she said with a shrug. "I'm more concerned about this exam we have tomorrow afternoon than your penchant to rule-breaking."

Sirius paused. "We have an exam tomorrow afternoon?"

Lily glared heatedly at him.

"Um…I'm going to go find Remus now," Sirius said sheepishly as he slowly slid off the window ledge. As he reached her door, he glanced over his shoulder at her. "So really, you've just realized that the Marauders are far too difficult to discipline for a sole Head Girl, right?"

Lily chucked her Transfiguration textbook at his head.

"Ow! Guess not."

* * *

Lily was stuck in the library that evening after dinner with James, finishing up last-minute prefect paperwork before their weekly Thursday meeting. They barely spoke to each other, dividing up the work evenly from the beginning and choosing to keep all comments and questions to themselves. Lily was trying desperately to pretend as if he wasn't the one sitting across from her, still seething over his action the nights before.

Until James broke the ice, startling Lily. "Those bloody Slytherins," he muttered to himself, highlighting their detention slips. "Bellatrix gave a third year Hufflepuff detention for walking too slowly in front of her in the corridor."

Lily frowned. James couldn't be sure if she was frowning at him for speaking or frowning at his words. "How many times do we have to give them the 'don't-abuse-your-badge' speech before they actually listen?"

"I'm pretty sure the only person they would listen to at this point is Voldemort," James muttered.

Lily shuddered at the mere mention of his name. "Yeah," she said, a lump forming in her throat. "Right."

James sensed discomfort in her words and glanced up at her. She looked so disgruntled. In fact, she had been looking that way all day. She had ignored the Marauders, even Riley, for a good portion of the day and he had a good feeling that the only reason she was sitting across from him now was because she knew she couldn't finish looking over the prefect's paperwork all by herself before their meeting started.

"I'm sorry for last night or...or I guess this morning," James found himself blurting out.

Lily's hand froze on the page as she slowly glanced up at him. "What?"

"I hope you know that I _don't_ think in any shape or form that I should deserve special treatment just because I'm...I'm me. A Potter or a Marauder or whatever status I've been given at this school. It's just something I-I kinda got used to, y'know?"

She stared at him, confused by his desire to air his dirty laundry. "No, actually, I don't know," she muttered. "I've had to work for every single thing I've ever achieved. Must be nice being handed things on a silver platter."

He cringed at the iciness in her voice. "Honestly, Evans, and I really don't mean this to sound condescending or rude, but I don't think I should feel guilty for living a comfortable life. My parents have worked hard to get to where they are today and to give me and my siblings everything they thought we deserved. And you may not believe this, but I, too, have worked hard to get to where I have today. Just because I spend some of my free time acting a tad frivilous and mischievous doesn't mean I'm a bad person. And what I do in my free time certainly has nothing to do with what I've been _handed _or what I've _achieved_."

She was taken aback by his retort. He usually just gave in, letting her say whatever she wanted until it was out of his system. She wasn't used to him actually telling her what she already knew but didn't want to admit. She glanced up at him, suddenly feeling guilty for acting so rash. "You're lucky, Potter," she spurted out.

He hesitated, expecting a catch. "Er...what?"

She shrugged. "You're lucky that you've had a comfortable life. That you've had it easy. You're lucky that things have just fallen into place for you." She smiled at him, but it was a sad smile. "It must be nice," she said softly, picking up her quill again and returning to the paperwork in front of her.

There weren't many times in James' life when he could remember being speechless, but he was in that moment. He had absolutely no idea what to take from her words and he had even less of a clue how to respond.

"Y'know," James eventually said slowly. "You don't talk about your family that much."

She stiffened. "We are so _not_ talking about me, Potter," she replied firmly, giving him a stern look.

James sighed, recognizing that that was his cue to shut up. But the panic in her eyes told him she was clearly hiding something. "Alright," he said softly. "But for what it's worth, I'm sorry for whatever it is that makes you think I've led a lucky life. And I'm sorry if your life hasn't been the same."

Her quill halted on the paper but she didn't bother looking up, her eyes stoic against the parchment in front of her. "I don't think I'll ever get used to your apologies," she eventually spoke, a smile perched on her lips.

He let out a hesitant chuckle, knowing she was done with this conversation. She probably hadn't forgiven him for breaking numerous rules in the previous night, but it didn't look like she was going to continue ignoring him so at least that was a start. "Well, join the club," he teased, picking up his own quill. "Because I"m pretty sure I'm never going to get used to saying them."

She rolled her eyes, a smile on her face. "Maybe if you stopped being such an idiotic troublemaker, you wouldn't have to get used to apologizing."

"Oh, please, without my idiotic trouble-making side, I'd be a bore."

She hesitated, meeting his amused expression. "I don't know," she said slowly. "I think you could be alright."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Could I get that in writing?"

She laughed. "Just get back to work."

He grinned and obliged.

* * *

All Friday, Riley was a wreck and everybody noticed. She was so busy thinking about the impending date with Rhett that night, she couldn't do much else. She barely ate anything in class, doodled throughout classes without taking a single note, failed a pop quiz, walked straight into people passing by, and daydreamed while walking through the hallways.

Kay and Lily couldn't help but be slightly amused by the whole ordeal. It wasn't like Riley to get nervous before a date. Which just proved that Riley actually really liked Rhett. They kept trying to tell her not to think about it, to act like this was any other booty call in the Astronomy Tower, but somehow it just made Riley more nervous.

"I'm hungry!" Sirius complained, pulling on Remus' arm after Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Well, it's a good thing it's lunch time," Remus claimed, rolling his eyes. "And you can't wait two minutes while James talks to Kristina?"

"Oh, right, like we're supposed to believe he's just _talking _to Kristina," Sirius snorted, shooting his friend a look. "Two minutes my arse. Their snog sessions can last up to two hours."

"It's pathetic that you can't wait a couple of minutes," Remus muttered.

Sirius scowled.

"You're right, this will take hours," he sighed.

Sirius chuckled. "So here's a thought. Let's go to lunch and he can meet up with us there."

Remus rolled his eyes at his impatient friend and was about to tell Sirius to stop complaining when Lily, Kay, and Riley sauntered out of the room. Riley walked smack into Peter, not paying attention to where she was going.

"Ow! Riley, that's the third time you've done that to me all day," he whined, rubbing the bump on his head.

"Hm?" she asked, jerking her head up to face him.

He frowned. "What the heck is with you?"

"Nothing," she murmured.

"I'm surprised you all haven't rushed off to lunch yet," Lily interjected, saving Riley from further interrogation.

"We're waiting for James," Remus explained.

"Lunch is going to be over by the time James gets out here," Sirius muttered irritably.

"Okay, you're annoying me now," Remus pointed out.

"That's nothing new. I always annoy you."

"I know, but you're annoying me more than usual."

"Interesting. I didn't think that was possible."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised that Potter himself isn't running off to lunch to be the first one there."

"He's snogging his girlfriend. Some things are more important to a man," Sirius teased.

"Well, I'm surprised you're actually waiting for him," Lily said with a mischievous smile on her face. "Do you not remember what today is?"

"Er...did we plan a prank for lunch and I don't remember?" Sirius asked curiously, stroking his chin.

Lily shot him a look. "And why, pray tell, would _I _be the one reminding you?"

"Hm, good point."

Kay finally spoke up. "I think Lily here is referring to the fact that it's Hot Dog Day."

Sirius let out an overdramatic gasp, smacking Remus on the shoulder. "Damnit, Remus, we're going to miss Hot Dog Day!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Personally, I'm not going to miss stuffing ten hot dogs in my mouth in under five minutes," he drawled.

"But that's the fun of Hot Dog Day!"

"Throwing up?"

"No, our Marauder contest," Sirius pouted.

"Same thing."

The girls couldn't help but chuckle. The infamous Marauder's Hot Dog Day Contest was something they had unfortunately grown accustomed to over the years ever since Sirius and James started the competition way back as giddy twelve-year-olds.

Before Sirius could complain to his friends again, James strolled out of the room hand-in-hand with Kristina. "Hey, guys. Ready for-"

"While you were in there making out with your girlfriend, you know what I discovered out here!" Sirius growled, putting his hands on his hips feigning anger.

"That that suit of armor over there is new to this corridor?" James questioned, pointing to a shiny suit of armor off to their left.

They all turned around to stare at it.

"That's new?" Remus asked.

"That hasn't always been there?" Sirius replied.

"Are you sure?" Peter questioned.

"It looks different," Kay mentioned.

"It's quite shiny" Lily pointed out.

"It's kinda cute," Riley chuckled.

James rolled his eyes. "An asteroid could hit this earth right now and destroy mankind, and none of you would notice it."

"You know what I would notice if an asteroid hit this earth?" Sirius pouted, glaring at his best friend. "That we'd miss out on Hot Dog Day!"

"It's Hot Dog Day?" James squealed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He grabbed Sirius' arm and took off running down the hall, Kristina emitting a yelp as she was forced to follow. Remus and Peter exchanged a look before traipsing after their friends.

"Tell me again why we put up with those four?" Kay asked.

"Because it makes _us_ seem a hell of a lot more intelligent and mature and everybody likes an ego boost now and again," Lily suggested with a grin.

"Ahhh, now I remember," Kay agreed.

"I'm going to go run back to my room and grab a bunch of the prefect tallies for the meeting with Dumbledore after lunch," Lily explained. "I'll meet up with you guys in the Great Hall."

Kay shrugged. "Okay, but if you miss the Marauders stuffing their faces with hot dogs...well, then you're really lucky."

Lily let her laughter lead the way.

* * *

"Oh, come on, Riles! Why won't you tell me why you're so jumpy and distracted today?" James whined.

"I'm not jumpy and distracted."

"My stubbed toe and the bruise on my forehead states otherwise," Peter chimed in.

Riley glared at him.

"Er...biscuit?" he asked sheepishly, holding his recently buttered biscuit up to her face.

She grabbed it out of his hand and took a huge bite before placing it back on his plate and shoving it towards him once again.

"Um...thanks," he muttered.

"C'mon, Riley," James whined. "I'm your best friend. You're supposed to tell me everything."

"James, if I tell you, everyone in this school will know in a matter of minutes," Riley shot back.

James paused. "And that's a problem?"

"Well, not if you like fruit stuffed up your nose."

James paused. "What kind of fruit?"

"A whole pineapple," Riley growled.

"Yeah, I think I'll stay out of this one," James said sheepishly.

"Good choice," Remus whispered.

"Hey guys," Lily greeted, clearly debating whether or not to sit down as she stole a glance towards James. She eventually sighed and reluctantly sat at the opposite end of where James resided. "What's going on?"

"Not much. Riley was just about to stuff a pineapple up James nose," Kay grinned.

"You call that 'not much?'" Lily snorted. She groaned at the sight of the plates of hot dogs in front of all the Marauders. "I was hoping I had missed this stupid contest. I can't believe you're going to see who can eat ten hot dogs the fastest."

"Why not? It spices up lunchtime a tad, you can never have too many hot dogs, and it's entertaining to see Peter throw up after every attempt," Sirius grinned.

"I didn't throw up last time!"

"You only ate half a hot dog."

"Oh, yeah."

"So who's going to join in?" James teased, piling his own plate with ten hot dogs.

Kay rolled her eyes. "Do you know how many carbs are in just one hot dog?"

"Do you think we care?" James snorted with a grin. "That's clearly a no for Kay. Evans? Riley?"

"Oh, right, like you're going to be able to convince me that stuffing my face with ten hot dogs is actually fun," Lily snorted, shooting him a look.

"Well then you obviously haven't tried it," Sirius said, winking at her.

"Somehow, I'm not too disheartened at that thought."

James rolled his eyes. "Riley? Last chance to jump in before we start the timer."

Riley gave her oldest friend a disgusted look. "If you think I'd want to stuff my face with ten hot dogs all in the span of a few minutes _just _for the enjoyment of a potential win…then you're absolutely right," she agreed with a grin. "Gimme a plate."

"Alright!" James cried out, putting together a plate for her.

"Riley!" both Lily and Kay cried out in shock.

"What?" she asked innocently. "I could use the distraction."

"Because you've been jumpy all day?" James suggested.

"One word, Jamesie: pineapple," Riley grunted.

He grinned sheepishly and handed her the plate of hot dogs.

"You're seriously telling me you're going to eat ten hot dogs?" Kay exclaimed, her face turning into disgust.

"No, she'll probably eat about four because by that time, I'll have eaten all ten of mine and be called the champion for the fifth consecutive time," Sirius bragged. "And I'd like to add that James only won the time before that because I got distracted."

"Lemme guess: a girl?" Riley drawled, rolling her eyes. "Sorry to burst that pretty little bubble of yours, Black, but get ready to to have your five-time winning streak erased."

"We'll see about that," he smirked.

"You all officially disgust me," Lily sighed, groaning as a crowd of people started to form around them like they often did on these infamous Hot Dog Days. As Lily stole a glance towards the professors' table, she could have sworn she saw an amused glint in Dumbledore's eyes as he gazed over at the Gryffindor table. But before Lily could speculate, Dumbledore's eyes were turning back towards McGonagall.

"Whoa, Riley's joining in?" James' sister, Dezzy, kidded. "I guess that's no surprise. You always did have to do what James did when you were younger."

Riley glared at her. "Yeah, and I always beat him!"

She hesitated. "Oh right."

Riley grinned, amused by the perturbed look on James' face. "Besides, it will be extremely fun prancing around the room singing 'I am the Champion' while shoving it in these boys' faces for the next few days. Or weeks. Maybe even months."

"Now, now, the only person who will be singing is me," Sirius boasted, puffing out his chest with his usual boyish smirk.

"Oh, Good Godric, please don't," Remus pleaded. "I hear you enough in the shower singing Broadway tunes at the top of your lungs. At least I think they're Broadway tunes. It's hard to tell with that horrible voice of yours."

Sirius scowled. "I was always told I had a beautiful voice," he whined.

"By who? A deaf neighbor?"

"Don't make me slap you with a hot dog, Remus."

Remus couldn't help but laugh and Kay took that time to intervene. "Are you all ready to start?" she asked.

Simultaneous nods followed as Sirius tossed the small hourglass at Kay to start timing.

"No, but it's Marauder tradition, so I guess I have to be," Remus joked, earning a smack to the shoulder from Sirius.

Kay sighed. "I'm going to regret watching this, but on your mark...get set..._eat_!"

And so it began, all five of them trying different strategies of stuffing ten hot dogs into their mouths. Clearly, Peter was behind, with Remus only a few hot dogs ahead. It looks as if James, Sirius, and Riley were all dead-even, although ti was hard to tell with their ferocious inhaling.

"Jeez, that girl is attacking those hot dogs," Kay muttered.

"Yeah, well she's had plenty of practice," Lily snickered.

Riley didn't take her focus off of the plate in front of her, but did find a way to flip her off.

The crowd started cheering their favorite player on while Lily and Kay surveyed the contest, looks of disgust slowly creeping on to their faces as Peter kept gagging and Remus nearly choked on his sixth hot dog.

"It looks like it's going to be a close one!" Dezzy urged, shaking her head in disbelief at the immaturity level of her brother and his friends.

Eventually, Riley threw her hands up in the air as she swallowed the last hot dog. Jamse and Sirius were still trying to wolf down their last hot dog. "YES!" she cried out, smirking victoriously. "I knew I could beat you in your silly contest!"

"NO!" Sirius whined, spewing out hot dog while doing so.

"Okay, ew," Lily muttered.

Sirius grinned at her, hot dog still in his mouth.

"Again I repeat: ew."

After James and Sirius had swallowed their hot dogs left in their mouth, Sirius spoke up. "I can't believe you beat us," he whimpered. "We've been doing this contest for years. It should have been easy for us!"

"You're never going to get over this, are you," Lily sighed.

"Probably not, considering I'm going to be bragging about it to him whenever I get the chance," Riley chimed in, bowing overdramatically at the crowd who was offering her their congratulations. "Is it time to sing 'I Am the Champion?'"

"Okay, you officially suck," Sirius pouted. "I can't believe a girl won. A Marauder has always won!"

"That's probably because the Marauders were the only people who ever played before today," Remus pointed out, shoving his half-empty plate of hot dogs away from him. He had never won the contest, but he didn't particularly think that was a bad thing.

"Oh right," he said sheepishly. "So who wants to play again?"

Everyone around him groaned and even James vigorously shook his head. "You're on your own, bro," James argued.

"You sure you can handle a bruised ego?"

"My ego is fine," James said with a shrug. "She may have beat us at a hot dog eating contest, but I'm pretty sure I've beaten her at every single exam I've ever taken here at Hogwarts." He grinned.

Riley glared at him. "Oh, you play dirty."

He could only laugh as he reached for the pitcher of water, pouring himself a glass.

"Besides, what is going to get you noticed in life? Beating out guys at a hot dog eating contest or scoring an O on a killer Transfiguration exam?" Riley shot back.

Before James could retort, Sirius swooped in. "I'm sure the males at this school would love to notice you for swallowing hot dogs whole."

His comment was rewarded with a hot dog bun smashed into his face.

While the table erupted in laughter, Remus took that opportunity to change the subject before Sirius felt the need to recruit another round of the silly contest. "So who's staying for winter break?"

"Ugh, don't talk about winter break until I finish my exams next week," Kay groaned.

"Well, we don't have to talk about it but the sign-up sheets are going around today so it would be wise to know," Lily pointed out.

"Oh," Kay simply said with a shrug. "Well, lucky me, I'm going home." Her words were dripping with sarcasm.

"Me, too," Riley agreed.

"Yep, me too," Peter answered.

"Staying here," Sirius replied.

"Same," James agreed with Sirius, earning a groan from Lily.

"Yep, me too," Remus explained.

"Same here," Lily whimpered, aggravation sweeping through her. "Great. A Christmas with the Marauders."

"That didn't sound very enthusiastic," Sirius pouted.

"You catch on quickly," she replied sarcastically.

"You've obviously never shared a winter break with the Marauders," Sirius grinned, winking at her.

"No, and I'm grateful for that," Lily protested, propping her elbow on the table and holding her head with a defeated sigh. "Ugh, Christmas is bad enough. Now my friends are leaving me with you three."

"What do you mean, Christmas is bad enough?" Sirius argued immediately, shooting her a look. "Christmas is the best damned holiday in the history of holidays!"

Lily shrugged. "Maybe for you. But I'm not terribly fond of Christmas."

Sirius gaped at her. "How can one not be fond of Christmas?" he asked curiously. "There are presents involved and mistletoe and Christmas carols and twinkling lights and tons of delicious food. Not loving Christmas is like not loving…not loving…not loving puppies!" he let out an overdramatic gasp. "Blimey, don't tell me you don't like puppies!"

Lily found herself staring at Sirius, puzzled. "How exactly did you get from Christmas to puppies?" she dared to ask.

Before Sirius could respond, Remus chimed in. "We stopped questioning the things that come out of his mouth years ago," Remus snickered.

Sirius pouted. "My comments are often insightful."

Six pairs of incredulous eyes stared back at him.

He grinned. "Yeah, I didn't think you'd buy that."

"Here's a question Sirius. What's better: Christmas or sex?" James interjected with a smirk.

Sirius shot him a look. "Duh, sex _on _Christmas."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh, yes, _duh_," he replied sarcastically

"Christmas is _so _much better than sex," Remus murmured into his goblet.

Sirius snorted. "What makes you say so?"

Remus grinned sheepishly. "Um…because Christmas comes more often?"

"Cheers to that," Kay muttered, raising her goblet in the air teasingly.

Lily made her typical face of disgust. "You people make me sick sometimes."

"Well, which would _you _choose?" James asked, that Marauder smirk spreading across his face.

"Let me rephrase," she snapped, glaring at him. "You make me sick _all_ the time, Potter."

"Yes, I do often have that effect on people," James said with a coy smile. Lily threw him a dirty look. "So why don't you like Christmas, Evans?"

"None of your damned business, Potter," she growled.

"Lily has always hated the holidays," Riley chimed in with a shrug, earning a glare from Lily herself.

"She never participates in the festivities, which is why we never feel bad leaving her," Kay added.

"Party pooper," Sirius muttered.

Lily shot him her standard death stare. "There will be no party-throwing this Christmas, Sirius Black."

Sirius slumped down in his chair, turning away from her vehement eyes. "It's just a saying," he muttered apologetically. He and his other friends shared an awkward glance, the makings of a party having already been formed.

"Just because you don't like Christmas doesn't mean others don't want to celebrate the holidays," James mumbled, rolling his eyes. "All of these students who are forced to stay back here than spend it with their families could probably use a party to keep their minds off the fact that they're alone."

"I'm pretty sure they don't need to spend it with wild, half-drunk students who they could probably care less about."

"You really are a party pooper," James muttered.

Lily glared at him. "And you're really an ass."

"So I've been told," he drawled, seemingly unfazed by her insult. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're really good at keeping secrets, Evans?"

Lily wasn't the only one thrown off by his question, confusion showing on everyone's faces. "Excuse me?" she snapped.

"Well, you refuse to tell me why the hell you started hating me again and now, you refuse to tell us why you have such animosity towards the holidays. You're a very mysterious woman, Miss Evans," he explained with a casual shrug, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

Lily's eyebrows quirked rather suggestively. "Seriously, Potter?" she said coyly, an irritable smirk appearing on her face. "_You _want to talk to _me _about keeping secrets?"

He immediately opened his mouth to protest, seeing as protesting was often his immediate reaction, but he felt the heat rush to his face as he realized she was right. He sat back defeatedly, trying to ignore the frantic glare on Remus' face beside him.

"Wow, you do know how to be quiet for more than a few consecutive seconds," spoke Lily with a roll of the eyes. "Didn't think that was possible."

"Don't get used to it," James snapped. "I plan on yapping away all Christmas."

She glared at him.

"That's probably going to make her hate the holidays even more," Sirius whispered to James with a sheepish grin.

"For once, the boy makes a valid point."

"Why thank you," Sirius said, stuffing a biscuit into his mouth. He hesitated. "Wait, what do you mean for once?"

Lily ignored him, skewering vegetables on her fork without bothering to shovel them into her mouth. Talking about the holidays brought the horrible memories of her parents' car crash flooding back and she wasn't willing to go down that road again. She knew hating the holidays because her parents were in a car crash before Christmas was unfair to herself and to her friends who wanted her to join in the festivities, but the holidays was a time for her to reflect and reminisce on the good old days when her parents were alive and her sister was her friend. It was oddly painful spending it around anyone with a cheery disposition when the memory of her eighth Christmas caused her so much pain.

"So why aren't you going home for the holidays, James?" Riley asked curiously.

"No one's going to be around," he said with a shrug. "Brite is going to the States with Bianca, so-"

"Good God, how long have they been together now? Forty years?"

James laughed. "Only seven years."

"Oh yes, _only _seven years," Riley replied sarcastically. "Hasn't he asked her to marry him yet?"

James shrugged, a grin spreading across his face. "Not yet. But he's going to on Christmas."

"Seriously?" Sirius chimed in, surprised that James hadn't mentioned it earlier. "Why would he do a dumb thing like that?"

"Because they've been together for forty years," James snorted, rolling his eyes at his commitment-phobe friend.

Sirius made a face. "Alright, fine. Even though I consider marriage to be an old-fashioned sadistic ritual, I guess those two have earned the right to marry each other."

"_Sadistic?_" Lily spoke, rolling her eyes at him. "Just because you'll never settle down with a girl doesn't mean it's an old-fashioned infliction of _pain_. Some people actually enjoy a lifetime commitment!"

"Don't get him started," Remus groaned, shaking his head. "He's convinced marriage is the equivalence to committing suicide."

"It is! It's _emotional _suicide," Sirius protested, a stern look coming over him. "The poor bastard will wish he listened to me come a year from now when Bianca starts wearing him out."

"They've been together seven years, Sirius," James pointed out. "If he hasn't figure that out by now, I think he's safe."

"That's what they _want _you to think."

James blinked. "Who's they?"

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. He pondered the question. "Whoever came up with the preposterous idea of marriage?"

"You're the one that's being preposterous," Peter snorted.

Lily groaned, recognizing the onset of an argument. She shot a look towards Riley. "You're good at changing the subject, so please do it now," she pleaded.

"Er...uh...well..." she dithered, darting her eyes around the group as Sirius and Remus started to argue about the sanctity of marriage while James returned to pestering Lily about why she hated Christmas. Kay and Peter just looked on, amused, always grateful that their friends' quarrels never involved them.

"So, James!" Riley said, giving him a look that told him to stop harassing Lily.

He grunted. "What?" he muttered, shooting Lily a glare.

"Where are your parents going to be?"

James lookedl ike he'd rather interrogate Lily further but reluctantly answered the question. "My parents decided that instead of having all of us at Hogwarts come home for Christmas vacation, they're going on some sort of second honeymoon together."

"Your father's taking time off work?" Remus interjected, surprised. In the six years that he had known James, he couldn't remember a time when Mr. Potter tore himself away from his Auror duties.

"Yes, I know. Shocking," James muttered. "My guess is Mom insisted."

"So if your parents aren't going to be around, does that mean that their annual New Years Auror Ball isn't going to happen this year?"

James shook his head. "No. They're letting the Prewetts handle it this year."

"Damnit, that means I still have to go," Riley whined, burying her head in her arms.

"I thought you always enjoyed going," James commented.

She lifted her head and gave him a look. "Yeah, when _you_ were there so I always had someone to sneak away from the dull chitchit and the probing questions with," she snickered. "Now I actually have to endure my grandmother for five hours."

"What's wrong with your grandmother?" Peter asked.

"I think the question is what isn't wrong with her," Riley scowled.

When she didn't continue, Peter snickered. "Alright, what _isn't _wrong with her?"

"Nothing. The woman's a nightmare," James muttered, shuddering at the thought of Riley's grandmother.

Riley sighed. "She's a typical old-fashioned wizarding grandmother, all about societal status and settling down with a pureblood wizard. She thinks that the day I graduate is the day I should get married. And unfortunately, she always likes to point out the good candidates at these balls and refuses to let me out of her sight until I introduce myself to all of them and dance the night away with the blokes. Which inevtaibly means I'm usually drunk by the end of the night."

"Yeah, and it's not so fun considering her grandmother puts me on the top of her list every year and chases me around the Manor trying to get me to dance the waltz with you," James complained.

Riley laughed. "To which she then criticizes your waltzing technique."

"I know! Which is why I hide out in my room all night," James snickered.

"Joined by me," Riley added.

"And me," Remus pointed out.

"And me," Peter continued.

"And me!" Sirius cried giddily.

Riley made a face. "Oh yeah, I knew there was a reason I dreaded those balls."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm just going to say thank Merlin my parents aren't Aurors or anyone even remotely respectable within the wizarding world," Sirius snickered. "I enjoy being the bad boy at all those balls."

James laughed. "Remember last year when you danced with Rufus Scrimgeour's niece?"

"I didn't just dance with her," Sirius said slyly with an amused grin on his face.

"I don't wanna know!" James said, throwing his hands over his ears, earning laughter to ripple through the group. James shuddered, making a face. "I guess it's a good thing that Scrimgeour only saw you dancing with her. I think he almost had a heart attack when he found out you were _the_ Sirius Black. Imagine what would have happened if he found out you were doing more than just dancing."

"Why would he care who you are?" Kay asked, suddenly intrigued.

Sirius frowned, stabbing his chicken with his fork forcefully. "My family is full of Death Eaters and Dark Lord supporters. You hear the surname Black, you think Dark Arts," Sirius explained indifferently. "So the fact that I'm even at these balls is considered outrageous to most Aurors and Ministry members, or at least the ones that are all about society and reputation. Which is most of them. But since I've always gone home with James for the holidays, I've always gone."

"And my mom always has your back," James pointed out with a shrug. "Don't you remember her screaming at Scrimgeour last year for calling you the devil when Lord Voldemort was practically plastered on the front page of the news at every given moment?"

Sirius grinned. "I did get some sort of sick satisfaction watching him force out an apology to me. I wonder if I can get him to do it again this year. Do you think he has any other nieces in their teenage years?"

"What's wrong with going after Gisbelle again?" James asked, talking about Scrimgeour's niece.

"Well, after she caught me snogging Hestia Jones, she wasn't my biggest fan," Sirius said with a sheepish grin.

"Sirius!" Lily groaned, shooting him a look.

"What!" he asked, throwing his hands up in the air innocently. "I can't help it that the chicks totally dig the bad-boy thing!"

A simultaneous roll of the eyes occurred by his friends. "Just when I'm starting to think you have additional personality characteristics other than arrogance or horniness, you say something degrading about women," Kay snickered.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't have any other personality characteristics," Sirius responded, grinning cheekily. "I can't help that I'm called the Casanova of Hogwarts. Mr. Don Juan of all the land. The ever-so-gorgeous Romeo in Gryffindor."

"No one calls you that but you," Riley snapped, rolling her eyes.

"And you might as well just sum it all up in pig. It's pretty much the same thing," Kay suggested, causing the table to erupt in boisterous laughter, excluding Sirius who pouted and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, now that's unfair," Lily defended. "It's not right to call him a pig."

"What?" they all cried in shock.

"Well, pigs are actually sensitive, loyal, and intelligent creatures," Lily smirked.

"I resent that," Sirius responded.

"And?"

"Oh, that's it. Nothing else to add. I just wanted to let you know I resented that."

"I feel sorry for the woman who ends up with you," Lily retaliated.

Sirius paused. "Yeah, I think I do, too."

"I don't know why girls go after you, Black," Riley argued in sheer enjoyment of torturing Sirius. "Well I guess, to be fair, I supposed you have a sense of humor that some girls could be considered entertaining, and you do have annoyingly roguish good looks that a shallow girl would be drawn to. And sure, alright, you have this coy smile that seems to get you out of trouble at every chance you can, but that's really all—oh, and I suppose you're fairly good at Quidditch, although I don't know why that should mean anything to clueless girls, but other than all that, you, Sirius Black, are—well, you're also a bit of a flirt which makes girls fall in love with you instantly…"

"Man-whore is what you're going for, actually," Lily added with a smirk, and Riley smacked her.

"But besides all those semi-good qualities," Riley continued, turning back to Sirius, "Which, let's face it, a lot of guys around this school have, you have a phobia of commitment and the way you shamefully prance around this school like you own it is so humiliating to others and should be a turn-off to women."

All of the guys stared in awe at her.

"Are you done?" Sirius finally questioned.

Riley paused. "Hm…semi-good qualities, phobia of commitment, shamefully prance, turn-off…yep, I think I got it all."

"It's amazing. A personality like yours and you still can't get any dates," Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes at her.

"Even more amazing," Riley responded, a flash of Rhett coming into her mind again at the mention of 'date.' "A personality like yours and you can."

"I have the feeling you don't appreciate me," Sirius pouted.

"Gee, where'd you get an idea like that?" Riley responded dryly.

"No need for sarcasm," James teased.

"Two words, Jamesie: pineapple, nose," Riley said with an innocent grin on her face.

James shrugged. "Fair enough."

Remus found himself smiling, feeling rather content with the way his life had turned out. Ever since his awkward conversation with Lily about how everything was going to change between them, it was refreshing knowing that it didn't have to. "If someone had told me at this time last year that the seven of us would be sitting around the table together, joking around, and having a moderately good time, I would have told them that they would need their head seriously examined," Remus pointed out. "Now it looks like we're the ones who need our heads examined."

"I wasn't joking around when I called Sirius a pig," Kay pointed out.

"And I wasn't joking around when I told Sirius I felt sorry for the woman who ended up with him," Lily continued.

"And I wasn't joking around when I told James I would jam a pineapple up his nose," Riley added.

Remus shrugged. "So apparently they don't need their heads examined."

They all laughed and started digging into their lunch, enjoying the comfortable silence that fell upon them as they reflected on the oddity of the seven of them enjoying lunch together.

Naturally, Sirius had to go and ruin that comfortable silence.

Sirius put down his bread and looked up at the group. "What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?"

The rest of them slowly looked up from their lunch long enough to stare incredulously at Sirius, who just grinned at them and went back to his lunch.

"I think I'll just shove the pinapple up_ his _nose," Riley finally said, breaking the silence and causing them all to burst into hysterical laughter.

She was grateful for the distractions, getting her date with Rhett off her mind. Of course when she glanced up and saw Rhett walking through the entrance to the Great Hall, all nerves came rushing back.

* * *

**A/N:** Yay! That was a LOOOOONG chapter. Don't expect that from me all the time! That was kind of another fun yet significant chapter. The Hot Dog contest was something I got from Grey's Anatomy. I was watching it and totally realized that I could see the Marauders doing something like that. That was just a filler, although it does come up again in the future. Anyway, there was some important things in there. James' family will be important to the plot later which is why they keep popping up. Anyway, please review!


	28. Of Nuns, Kisses, & Party Plans

**A/N: **Heyyy sorry it's been so long but I work at a summer camp and it's really hard to find enough time to update. But I'm back and ready as ever! It's been so long I can barely remember what's going on in the story. I hope that you're still enjoying it, thought! I'll try to update within the next 2 weeks, tho i don't make any promises.

**Disclaimer**: I'm not J.K. Rowling. If I were, I wouldn't be working at a summer camp and getting paid virtually nothing.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 28: Of Nuns, Kisses, & Party Plans

* * *

"I still say the jeans with the black shirt looks the best," Lily offered that night. Riley was trying to pick out an outfit for her date with Rhett but she was finding all of her clothes rather unappealing at the moment. "It's casual and still warm if he takes you for a stroll outside or something."

"I don't know. I still really like the black pants with the pink shirt. That shirt looks so flattering on you," Kay suggested, lounging on her bed with the most recent _Witch Weekly_

"Why don't _you_ just date her?" Lily snickered, rolling her eyes as she turned back to Riley. "You should definitely wear the black shirt. Black is more slimming."

Riley glared at her. "Who you calling fat?"

Lily gave her a look. "I'm _hardly _calling you fat. For Merlin's sake, you weigh about twenty pounds less than I do."

"Well that's probably because she's six inches taller than you," Kay chimed in with a shrug.

"Oh, so now _you're _calling me fat?" Riley pouted teasingly.

Kay stood blankly at her like a deer in headlights before giving Riley a guilty grin. "Go with the pink!"

"Nice change of subject," Lily snorted. She chucked the black shirt at Riley. "Black!"

Riley groaned and fell back on her bed, clutching the black shirt to her chest overdramatically. "I'm never going to pick out an outfit for tonight," she whined.

"Sure you are," Lily comforted. "That is, if you ignore Kay."

"HEY!"

Lily grinned. "Isn't it great that we're all hanging out again?"

"What I think is great is if I threw you out a window," Kay mumbled.

Lily shrugged. "I'm not really in the mood to plunge to my death today. How about tomorrow?"

"Deal."

"Can we stop focusing on Lily's potential death and get to my date?" Riley cried out, sitting up to glare at them.

"Riley, you do realize that whatever you pick out, you will still be the most beautiful girl in this school, right?" Lily sighed.

"Not if I end up wearing nothing!"

Lily paused. "No, actually I think Rhett would like that more."

"Okay, you are _not_ helping."

"Oh, c'mon, Riley. Let's face it: no matter what you wear, Rhett _will_ remove it," Kay snickered.

Kay shrieked with laughter as the black shirt was chucked at her. Riley snickered. "I can't seem to remember why I wanted your friendship back."

"Right, shutting up now," Kay responded.

"I still say the black top and the jeans," Lily interjected.

"And for about the hundredth time I'm going to say you're wrong," Kay snickered.

"Ughh, just forget it you guys," Riley whined, throwing her pillow over her face as she let out an exapserated scream. "What's the point? I should just cancel the date. This way I won't actually have to speak coherently in his presence and make up a bunch of conversation starters when we both know we'll just end up making out in the Astronomy Tower anyway!"

"Well, maybe he'll be special," Lily pointed out with a coy smirk. "Maybe he'll just take you straight to the Astronomy Tower."

"With my luck lately? I doubt that," Riley replied, half joking and half sincerely.

Kay paused, taking her eyes off an article on the Holywood Harpies. "So let me get this straight," she said slowly. "Instead of you wanting him to take you out for a nice night of romance with him staring longingly in your eyes and telling you how absolutely perfect you are and all that mushy crap that most girls go crazy for, you'd rather have him take you immediately to the Astronomy Tower, have your way with you, and then bring you back in, let's say, an hour calling it a night, probably with no plans whatsoever to glance your way again?"

"_Exactly_!" Riley cried. "Why can't I find a guy like that?"

Lily and Kay exchanged looks. "Riley, every guy in this bloody school is like that!" Kay cried out, laughing. "All guys ever think about is sex! They all just think normal girls like to be romanced first."

"Well, then apparently I'm not normal."

"Well, I could have told you that," Kay agreed.

Riley gave her a displeased look. "There's too much pressure with actual dates. Casual sex is a lot easier to manage."

"You are such a guy," Lily sighed, a laugh escaping her lips.

Riley groaned, slowly climbing off her bed to once again roam through her closet. She sighed when she once again came to the conclusion that she had no clothes worthy of dating. "Oh, forget it," she whined. "Screw dating. Maybe I'll just…just become a nun or something."

"But nuns can't have sex," Lily pointed out with a laugh.

Riley paused. "Then maybe I'll become a prostitute."

Lily and Kay burst into laughter. "The substitute for a nun who wants to have sex is a prostitute?" Lily asked in between her giggling fit.

Riley shrugged. "Either that or Sirius Black."

Lily paused. "You're better off being a prostitute."

"Couldn't agree more," she said with a grin. "Do you think guys have this much trouble picking out what to wear before a big date?"

"No. I'm pretty sure they put on the first clean shirt they come across," Lily snorted.

"Some of them don't even care if it's clean," Kay added.

"Well, that's reassuring," Riley grunted, glancing between her jean skirt and her pair of jeans. "Damnit, why does picking out clothes have to be so hard?"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing that they were getting absolutely no where and that she and Kay were probably distracting her from making any further decisions. "Okay Riley, that's it. You are going to get dressed in whatever you want to wear and Kay and I are going to go downstairs-"

"What? You're just leaving me in a time of need?" Riley cried out with a whimper. "You are supposed to be my friends, and friends are supposed to help me pick out an outfit for a very important date! It's in the damned female friendship contract!"

"Okay, did I sign that? Because I don't remember ever agreeing to pick out your clothes," Kay questioned with a snicker. "It's hard enough picking out my own."

"Yeah, and you might want to work harder on that," Lily muttered with a smile.

Kay gave Lily a dirty look. "At least I don't wear my school robes all the time."

"It's easier wearing school robes!" Lily argued. "Besides, I'm Head Girl. I should be setting a good example."

"Oh really? Well, did anyone tell James that? Because I'm pretty sure he rarely even bothers to wear the whole uniform to classes anymore," Kay snickered. "In fact, I don't think I've seen him with his Gryffindor tie in a very long time."

Lily growled. "His wardrobe is the _least _of my problems."

Kay rolled her eyes and turned back to Riley who was glaring at her friends with an extremely irritated look right then. "Uh, hello? Can you put your James problems on hold for _one _night and _**HELP ME**_?" Riley barked.

Lily sighed and hopped off her bed. "Riley, you can pick out your own clothes. I'm pretty sure you've been doing it for almost eighteen years now."

"Actually, for the first few years of my life my mother picked my clothes out," Riley explained with a shrug.

Lily gave her a look.

"Then again, I liked to wear ducks and clowns back then," Riley murmured.

"Well, thank Merlin you fell out of _that _phase," Kay snickered. "I'm pretty sure if you wore anything with ducks and clowns, you wouldn't even be going on this date."

"Which would solve the problem of you needing to pick out an outfit!" Lily chimed in, high-fiving Kay with a laugh.

Riley whimpered, ignoring their chuckles. "Can we stop talking hypotheticals and start talking real life here?"

"Real life would be jeans and the black-"

"Pink shirt!" Kay interrupted, shooting Lily a look.

Riley glared at them. "You were right, Lily. Maybe I am better off without you two."

"Good," Lily sighed with a hint of a smile. She grabbed Kay's arm and dragged her off her bed, heading towards the door. "Kay and I will be downstairs, waiting until you come down looking as gorgeous as ever…in jeans and the black shirt," she hurriedly added the last part.

"Will you give up the outfit already?" Kay demanded, standing up and pushing Lily out of the door. Before shutting the door, she whispered, "Go with the black pants and the pink top."

"I HEARD THAT!" Lily cried.

Kay rolled her eyes and followed Lily down into a surprisingly over-crowded commons room.

"What the hell is going on here?" Kay muttered. "By nine, people are usually in the library or on dates. Don't these people know that midterm exams are coming up? Since when did the common room become the cool place to hang out on a Friday night?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing," Lily muttered.

"C'mon, the Marauders are in the corner and seem to have hogged the last free couch in this place," Kay explained, grabbing Lily and starting to walk their way. "Let's go sit with them."

"And why would I want to do a thing like that?" Lily grunted.

"Because Merlin knows you need to get over this petty feud you have going on with James."

"And a few minutes in the Gryffindor common room is going to help me get over that?" Lily snorted.

Kay rolled her eyes, shooting her friend a look. "The other option is sitting amidst the first years and listening to them drone on about what so happens to be the most interesting events in their lives, including what they had for dinner tonight and the very important question of whether chess or Exploding Snaps is a better game to play."

Lily paused, reluctantly sighing. "I guess I can handle Potter for a few minutes. But the moment Riley descends those stairs, I'm outta here."

"Deal," Kay laughed, dragging Lily unwillingly over to the far corner of the room.

"Move over," Kay said bluntly, pushing Remus over to make room for her on the couch.

"Well, hi to you too, I've been having a _great_ day, thanks for asking," Remus responded sarcastically.

"Stop hogging the whole couch," she retorted, wiggling her way in between him and Peter.

"Did anyone ever tell you have such a pleasant demeanor?"

"No, oddly enough, I don't get that often," she teased, elbowing him in the ribs in a playful manner.

Lily rolled her eyes and sat down beside Sirius on the floor, gesturing for Kay to hand her a pillow. "Sirius, Riley's birthday is Tuesday and we're throwing a huge party in the common room. Start thinking up reasons why you can't come."

"I've got a date."

"You used that one last year," Lily pointed out.

Sirius paused. "I will work on it and get back to you."

"Awesome," Lily agreed. "And I'm assuming the rest of you are coming, right?"

"Of course," James, Remus, and Peter said in unison.

"Though you know what would make it more fun?" James said slowly and slyly.

"If you spike the punch, you're a dead man," Lily protested.

James turned to Remus. "Now why would she assume that's what I was going to say?"

"Because it _is_ what you were going to say," Remus shared.

"Well duh, but she didn't have to _assume_ it," James muttered, feigning hurt.

Lily rolled her eyes. It seemed that that's all she ever did in his presence anymore. "I think it was a pretty safe assumption," she snapped.

"It's Riley's party, not yours," James reminded her. "And I'm almost certain she would enjoy letting loose a bit."

"Oh, I think she did enough of that this week already," Lily said with a smirk.

James winced. "I feel right into that one," he muttered.

Lily sighed. "Riley better get down here soon," she said to no one in particular.

"Why is she still upstairs when you guys are down here?" Peter asked.

"She's trying to pick out an outfit for tonight," Kay explained with a shrug. "Which could end up taking hours."

"Hours she doesn't have since it's almost nine o'clock," Lily murmured.

"What's she picking out an outfit for?" James growled, having a good feeling he knew the answer already.

"Her date," Kay responded.

Sirius had no idea what compelled him to ask the next question, but he blurted out, half in surprise and half in curiosity, "A date with _who_?"

"Jeez, don't sound so surprised," Lily spoke, rolling her eyes at him. "Just because you loathe her doesn't mean the rest of the world does. If you hadn't noticed, the guys around here seem to have taken a liking to her. She's a popular catch at Hogwarts."

Sirius scoffed. "I don't loathe her and I wasn't insinuating that," he explained. Sirius paused. "And what's this rest of the world you're talking about? I'm the only one that matters."

"And people wonder why we call you self-absorbed," Kay snickered.

Sirius grinned. "Well, I need a big ego to match my big head."

"And you're one of few who would admit that," Lily pointed out.

"Can we get back to the issue at hand?" James asked.

"I didn't realize there was an issue," Lily snorted.

"Of course there is!" James roared. "Who the hell would dare ask out Riley Gilmore without consulting me first?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize anything that anyone does around here had to go through you first," Lily sneered. "I'll remember to send them to you the next time someone dares to ask a question."

"Hey, someone's got to look out for Riles," he muttered. "Especially since her brothers are no longer here to protect her. Enter moi, filling in the role of Riley's big brother."

"How can you be her big brother when she'll be eighteen next week and you won't turn eighteen until March?" Kay asked with an amused glint in her eyes.

"I think we are officially missing the point here," James pouted.

"No, I just don't think you _have_ a point," Kay suggested.

"Which isn't uncommon," Lily murmured.

James shot her a look. "What is this, Gang Up on James Day? Just answer the question: who's going out with Riley?"

Lily shrugged. "Rhett Davies."

"What? Rhett Davies!" James whined. Even Sirius let out a scowl in protest. "That guy has dated more women in this school than Sirius and I combined!"

"Uh, technically I don't date girls," Sirius pointed out.

James ignored him, turning to glare at both Kay and Riley. "You guys are actually letting her _go_ on this date?"

"Oh, blimey, what were we thinking? One of the smartest, sexiest, more gorgeous, sensitive, loyal, and definitely more respectable guy asks out our best friend and we're stupid enough to let her go!" Kay replied dryly. "Lily, we've got to get up there and stop her!"

"How could we _be_ such terrible friends?" Lily added dramatically, wiping away a fake tear from her cheek.

"Your sarcasm is very unbecoming right now," James drawled dryly.

"Don't ask stupid questions next time," Lily snapped.

"Hey, can we get back to the fact that Gilmore is...wait a minute, Rhett Davies is not as gorgeous as me," Sirius protested.

Five pairs of blank stares gazed back at him. "I-I don't even know how to respond to that," Lily sighed.

"You could say you're right, Sirius, no man in this entire world will ever amount to anything if your good looks are still roaming around on this planet."

"My mother told me never to tell a lie."

Sirius gasped. "I'm not going to say that didn't hurt," he said, pretending to sob endlessly. "However, you can make it up to me by-"

"I'm not making out with you," Lily interrupted.

Sirius shrugged. "What about just a kiss on the cheek?"

"How about a kick in the balls?"

Sirius hesitated. "Is that a no for the kiss on the cheek?"

"Do you really want to find out?"

"Wow," Remus interjected, staring past them all. "Look at Riley…"

They all whirled around and came face-to-face with a stunning Riley wearing none-other than the sexy outfit that Lily had chosen.

"That better not be the outfit she's wearing on the date," James protested.

"Oh, of course not. That's just the pre-date outfit to the actually long-sleeved, loosely fitted, hooded sweatshirt and oversized, cotton sweatpants she'll be wearing _on_ the date," Lily said sarcastically.

"Oh good," James exhaled, wiping his brow.

"I think she was being sarcastic," Remus whispered to him.

Lily and Kay exchanged humored looks as Riley started walking over to them looking anything but confident.

"Okay, so tell me the truth, how do I look?" Riley asked nervously, spinning around for them to see.

"Gorgeous!" Lily swooned.

"Perfect!" Kay gushed.

"Slutty!" James replied.

"Skanky!" Peter quickly added.

"Like one of those girls _Sirius_ would date!" Remus continued.

"Like you're oozing sex!" Sirius cried out in horror.

"Oh good, so I'm getting my point across," Riley snickered.

All the boys cringed. "Oh God, I don't want to think about that," James grumbled.

Riley rolled her eyes, and turned back to face Lily and Kay. "So I look okay?"

"Yes. Just ignore them. If you were going on a date with them they'd swoon over you," Lily pointed out.

Remus glared at her. "That is so not-" Lily gave Remus a stern look. "Yeah, okay that's true," Remus mumbled. He offered Riley a lopsided smile. "In all honesty, you look gorgeous. Rhett is going to die when he sees you."

Riley groaned, glaring at her two girlfriends. "You told them about Rhett?"

"And whose side are you on, Remus?" James barked, smacking him across the shoulder.

Remus shot him a look. "You really think you can get Riley to change into sweatpants and a baggy shirt?"

"A guy can try, can't he?"

"_No_," Riley interrupted, giving her oldest friend a stern look.

Before James could retort, Lily interrupted. "So I see you chose my outfit, Riley," she grinned, pleased, smirking at Kay.

"_You_ picked out this outfit for her?" Sirius cried in shock. "And I thought you had taste."

"You thought Lily had taste?" Kay snorted.

Lily glared at her.

"Hey, apparently Riley thought so!" she said with a sheepish grin.

"I can't believe you're dating the enemy," Sirius scowled, glaring up at Riley.

"The _enemy_?" Riley snorted. "Do you not listen to Dumbledore when he drones on about the need for interhouse community and cooperation?"

Sirius blinked. "Do I listen to any of the professors when they start to babble?"

She scowled. "You should start paying attention more. You might actually learn something."

"And why would I want to do a crazy thing like that?" Sirius said, feigning shock.

"Because maybe you'd actually be receptive to people dating others outside their own house," she snapped.

"You're more than welcome to date outside the Gryffindor house," Sirius said with a shrug. "Just not that Quidditch loser."

"You say Quidditch loser. We say Quidditch hottie," Kay chimed in with a grin.

Sirius paused. "But I'm still the hottest Quidditch player, right?"

The girls all exchanged looks and burst into laughter.

Sirius glared at them.

"Oh, you were being serious?" Lily said.

"Riley, it's almost nine o'clock so I'd go wait for him now," Kay said, rolling her eyes at Sirius and ignoring him completely.

"That and if you stay here, you might get in a fight with Sirius and as much fun as that would be to watch, I spent too long picking out that outfit for it to get torn," Lily snickered.

Riley grinned. "Okay, I'll come back to the Heads' room later and give you all the details."

"We'll be there waiting," Sirius quickly replied.

Riley glared at him. "You know, that will be after the date. I don't care if this shirt gets torn then."

"Well you should. It's a nice shirt!" Lily complained.

"It would be even nicer if I beat the living crap out of Black," Riley said with a teasing grin.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Playing rough house with Riley Gilmore. People would pay to see that."

"People would pay more to see a girl pommel Sirius Black."

"Aren't you late for your roll in the sack? Oops, I mean date?" Sirius snapped.

"I made sure to leave a few minutes early in order to make fun of your long, shaggy hair and your lack of common sense," Riley shot back.

"Well, gee I'm glad you thought of me while getting ready," Sirius growled.

James sighed, interrupting before a bickering match could erupt. "What happened to your semi-nice phase?"

"Don't blame me," Riley muttered. "I was fine with that semi-nice phase until Black started berating me about a date he has no right discussing in the first place."

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned back to James. "Clearly the phase has passed. Did you really think it would last?"

"I was overly hopeful," James groaned. "And just when I thought I could have a normal conversation with the two of you."

Sirius snorted. "With Gilmore around, I hardly doubt any conversation would have been normal."

"Okay, I don't have a lot of time for this because of my _date_, but here," she said, pulling out a long piece of parchment, "I wrote down a list of insults that would take up my precious time to actually say out loud."

"Yeah, that precious time could be going towards something useful. Like sex," Kay argued.

They all turned to stare at her.

"Oh, should I have stayed out of this one?"

"No, that's just usually a James or Sirius line. Not a Kay line," Lily pointed out.

Kay shrugged. "I have my moments."

"You have your sex moments? Or just your sexual innuendo moments?" Sirius snickered.

"You know I'm not going on a date and I hate this shirt. Don't think I won't tear it for a good reason," Kay said.

"I'm assuming I'm that good reason."

"And people say you're not smart."

Sirius gasped overdramatically. "What people?"

The rest of them exchanged panicked looks before averting their eyes towards the carpet studiously.

"What people?" he whined.

"I'm too busy staring at my shoes and pretending like I don't hear you to answer that," James responded, his eyes still studying the carpet.

Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. "Ah, well," he said with a shrug. "It's not like the girls swoon over me because I'm smart. I prefer the comments on my great looks, great body, great Quidditch talent, great kissing skills. One girl even told me I had great eyelids," Sirius explained. "Though I think she was just trying to get into my pants."

James gave him a look.

"Of course, I don't blame her."

"And on that note, I'm going now," Riley said bluntly. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Protect your cardinal treasure!" James shouted as she walked away.

"I think it's a little too late for _that_ speech," Kay smirked.

James smacked her with a pillow.

* * *

"Hey, Rhett, were you waiting for long?" Riley asked guiltily, vowing to kill Sirius later for making her late.

"No, I just got here," he said, giving her a quick once-over in awe.

Which Riley noticed and grinned. "Are you just saying that because you don't want to admit you've been standing out here for twenty minutes?"

Rhett winked at her and shrugged. "Guess you'll never know."

Riley giggled, mentally slapping herself for sound like some schoolgirl.

"Guess not," she said casually, shrugging. "So what are our plans for tonight?"

"Well, it's not too cold outside so I figured we could sneak out to the Quidditch pitch for a lovely picnic under the stars," Rhett suggested. "I know it sounds cliché and totally something that fell out of a romance movie, but I think we could make it work."

She smiled, blushing. Just when she was beginning to think that romance wasn't for her, Rhett Davies changes her mind. "Yeah," she said, dazed. "I think we could make that work."

Rhett smiled shyly, extending his hand to her. "C'mon," he gestured. She gazed up at him, her heart fluttering ever-so-slight, before placing her hands in his. He led them down the hallway. "By the way, you look gorgeous."

She blushed. "I can't take all the credit. Lily chose this sweater for me."

"Then remind me to thank her later."

She laughed, nodding. "Will do."

* * *

Less than two hours later, Riley and Rhett were both beginning to realize that they didn't want the night to come to an end.

Riley thought of the last time she had liked a guy as much as she liked Rhett. He was respectful and whimsical, and they had been talking for two straight hours without so much as one lull. She had never had so much fun with a guy. Or at least, it's been a while. But while she couldn't believe her luck, a part of her was hesitant. The last boyfriend she had was Zach Hamilton. A guy who she thought she had really liked and as it turned out, he was a liar and a cheater. She was wary to jump into anything with Rhett without knowing as much as she possibly could.

They were both lying down on the blanket side by side, arms brushing up against each other as they talked about every aspect of their lives. They ignored the slight chill in the air and were unaware of the distant noises that were coming from the castle. All they noticed was each other.

"Well, I've known James ever since I was born," Riley was explaining. "We live right down the street from each other and my mom is good friends with his dad. They're both Aurors."

"It must be nice having someone in your life who you've known since birth," Rhett mused. "You can just be candid and real around them because they know all of your secrets, past, present, and future."

Riley smiled. "Yeah, he's always been there for me. He's more like a brother than a friend."

"Like you need another brother," Rhett chuckled.

Riley laughed. "Our friendship has always been so easy. We just...we get each other. We have so much in common. We come from big families with an array of brothers, we have the same sense of humor and similar interests, we've been living a life of an Auror's child since the day we were born, and we both know what's important to us, which has defended me from my grandmother more than enough."

Rhett gave her an inquisitive look. "And that's supposed to mean…?"

Riley laughed. "I want to become a writer some day," she explained slowly. "That's my first priority and has been since I was about nine years old. On the other hand, my grandmother thinks that the only respectable career as a witch is either an Auror or a housewife."

"Well, I hear they're both very dangerous professions," he joked.

Riley grinned. "Dealing with six kids can certainly be hazardous." She flashed him a smile. "And I'm pretty sure my grandmother is leaning more towards me becoming a housewife. She is convinced James Potter is the boy I'm going to marry. Well, she _wants_ him to be the boy I'm going to marry. And she is determined to get me wed right out of Hogwarts."

"Right out of Hogwarts? Like less than six months away?"

Riley nodded. "Yep. Gran is crazy. When I go home for breaks, I find it very necessary to hide from her."

Rhett laughed. "If my grandmother wanted me to marry right out of Hogwarts, I'd hide, too."

Riley grinned and tried to ignore the electric charges that ran through her every time her arm brushed up against his or every time he smiled down at her.

"So what would she think of me?"

Riley gave him a look. "You come from a rich, pureblood family with a father who works in the Ministry and a Quidditch star as an older brother. You live in the richest town in northern England and have a summer house in the south of France. What do _you_ think?"

"Wow, I _am_ a catch," Rhett joked, feigning awe.

Riley laughed. "And you're just figuring this out?"

"I'm assuming those were the only reasons you said yes to a date with me," Rhett kidded.

"What, you think I actually said yes because I liked you?"

Rhett paused. "I was hoping so.., but now I'm not so sure," he teased, giving her an inquisitive look.

Riley chuckled, meeting his gaze. She instinctively reached over and grabbed his hand. "I promise I said yes for the right reasons."

"And what are they? To hop into bed with me at the first given chance?" he joked, squeezing her hand.

"Precisely."

After a comfortable silence spread across them after joyous laughter, Riley dared to ask the question that had been on her mind ever since Rhett asked her out. "So, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"If…if you hadn't run into me in the hallway, would you have asked me out otherwise?"

Rhett blushed and turned away.

"What?" Riley asked, laughing. "What is it?"

He bit down on his bottom lip. "To tell you the truth, Riley, I've been…I've been trying to find the nerve to ask you out for a while now," Rhett said shyly, a side of him that not many people got to see.

Riley secretly smiled and turned to look at him. "Well, if we're being honest here, I've wanted you to ask me out for a while now."

"Really?"

It was Riley's turn to blush as she turned away and nodded slowly.

When she looked back into his eyes, she was met with his lips lightly brushing up against hers. She was taken by surprise, but she closed her eyes and let his tongue raid her mouth hungrily, her heart pounding so rapidly she was sure Rhett could hear it inside her chest.

When he finally pulled away, Riley smiled up at him and he pulled her into his lap, cuddling against her. "I'm really glad I did ask you out, Riley," Rhett mumbled, finally broke the silence.

Riley grinned. "I'm glad you did too," she admitted. She glanced up at him and found herself unable to hide the smile that was spreading across her face. Just because Zach Hamilton was a royal jerk didn't mean that Rhett was. She couldn't hide from relationships forever. She sighed, blurting out, "Rhett, I-I want you to know that...that it's been a while since I've seriously dated anyone. I've...I mean, I've had little flings here and there, but-"

"I know," Rhett interrupted. "Same with me."

She felt slightly reassured. "I just...I don't want you to think that...that..."

"That whatever could be between us will just be a fling?"

She blushed, slowly nodding. "Yeah, I guess," she muttered softly.

"Honestly, Riley, if this was just a fling in my mind, we wouldn't be out here right now. We'd probably be in the North Tower or the-"

"Astronomy Tower?"

He met her gaze and nodded. "Yeah," he said. An unexpected smile framed his face. "But I took a chance."

"I'm glad you did," she immediately responded.

"Can I ask you something?" he said hesitantly.

She nodded.

"Have you become accustomed to not being in long-term relationships because of Zach?"

She froze, locking eyes with him.

He shrugged. "He's my roommate, remember?"

She sighed. "Right," she muttered. She didn't respond immediately, her eyes migrating towards the starry sky. She eventually nodded. "He's part of it," she spoke. Though, in truth, it was Sirius Black she blamed for most of it. After getting her heart crushed by Sirius, she had pretty much run straight into a relationship with Zach. And when that all unfolded and she was standing utterly betrayed and heartbroken once again, she had sworn off relationships. It was easier not getting hurt when you didn't have a reason to be. "I've...I've learned over the years that guys can be very manipulative. Liars and cheaters and backstabbers are all they seem to amount to."

"Ouch," Rhett murmured.

She cringed. "Sorry. Too candid?"

Rhett shook his head. "I hope I can prove to you that I'm not a liar a cheater or a backstabber."

She leaned over and pressed her lips against his, taking him slightly by surprise. When she pulled away, she smiled. "So far, so good," she whispered.

He let out a sigh of relief he didn't realizing he was holding in, reaching over to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"My turn to ask a question?" Riley asked with a coy smile.

"Oh, great. What now?" he teased.

She laughed, shaking her head. "Nothing like that," she was quick to argue. "But Lily and Kay are throwing me a surprise party this Tuesday on my birthday and-"

"If it's a surprise party, how do you know about it?" Rhett asked curiously.

"Because they throw one for me every year."

Rhett hesitated. "And they haven't thought to mix it up?"

"You'd think the Head Girl would be more creative but apparently not," Riley admitted with a shrug and a chuckle.

Rhett laughed. "Okay, go on," he urged, already knowing what she was going to ask.

"Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to come? Knowing the Marauders, the punch will be spiked, the music will cause all the girls to dance on tables, and there will be lots of sugar to load up on so sleep is out of the question that night."

Rhett laughed. "Well who could pass up _that_ opportunity?"

Riley grinned. "Exactly."

"What time?"

Riley shrugged. "Don't know. They change it every year to try to be mysterious. As if screaming their heads off in my dorm room saying the common room is on fire and to follow them downstairs doesn't make me think 'hm…party time.'"

"They actually said the common room was on fire?"

"That was their first excuse they used when I was turning twelve. Last year it was Black was being beat up by a girl. If only that had been true."

Rhett laughed. "Not a fan of Sirius Black?"

Riley raised her eyebrows and didn't reply right away, thinking back to the way they had treated each other in the common room before her date. "Like you hadn't noticed…"

Rhett laughed. "I think anyone within a fifty-mile radius has heard your screams."

"Well, that'll happen with that moron around."

Rhett hesitated. "Do you really think he's a moron?"

She gazed up at him, surprised. "What do you mean by that?"

"You were friends with the guy for four and a half years," he pointed out. "I just don't know if I totally believe that you two hate each other as much as you let on."

Riley frowned, wondering where this sudden speculation came from. "We..." Riley started, trailing off. She sighed. "We have our moments, I guess. But in the end, I don't like the guy that he turned out to be. Do I hate him? I don't know. But I certainly don't like him."

Rhett shrugged. "That's fair."

"But how about we don't discuss Sirius Black on this date," Riley chuckled. "I think there are far more important topics we can discuss."

He hesitated, meeting her gaze. "Or we don't have to talk at all," he said suggestively, a grin breaking out.

She grinned, whispering, "I like the way you think, Rhett Davies."

* * *

Lily and Kay had taken the time Riley was on her date to go over her birthday plans. Earlier than Kay and Lily had assumed, a loud knock was heard on Lily's bedroom door.

"GUYS, LET ME IN!"

"Shit, it's Riley!" Kay hissed, scrambling to clean up all of the plans, decorations, and lists that were spread out all over Lily's queen-sized bed.

"GUYS, I KNOW YOU'RE PLANNING MY SURPRISE PARTY! I'M NOT STUPID!"

Lily turned towards Kay. "I think she's on to us."

Kay gave her a look and shoved everything under Lily's bed as Lily rushed to the door. "What the hell are you doing here at one o'clock? We thought you wouldn't be back until...well, tomorrow."

Riley rolled her eyes, brushing past Lily into her room and flopping on to her bed. "Not tonight," she said coyly. "It turned out to be a really nice—dare I say it—date."

"Wow, I didn't realize you knew what a date actually was," Kay joked. "But let's get to the good stuff. Wow was the sex?"

Riley blushed a deep red, smiling sheepishly. "Actually," she said slowly. "We...we didn't have sex."

"BLIMEY, YOU ACTUALLY WENT ON A FIRST DATE AND DIDN'T HAVE SEX?" Kay shrieked in awe.

Riley groaned, glaring at her. "Well gee, yell louder, I don't think _China_ heard you."

Lily ignored both of them, staring curiously at Riley. "Does this mean, dare I say it, that you actually _like _him?" she asked. "As in a possible relationship and not just some hook-up buddy?"

Riley paused and then found herself nodding. "Yeah, I think so."

Lily and Kay both grinned, so ecstatic for their friend. It had been a long time since either one of them had seen Riley light up when she was speaking about someone of the opposite sex. They knew that Zach had really messed with her head and knew that she just needed some time. Before either one of them could interrogate her for more details, an incessant pounding was heard at Lily's door.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming!" Lily cried in aggravation. She swung open the door and was practically bombarded with four boys rushing past her. "Uh…okay, hi to you too."

"How was your date, Riles?" James demanded to know.

Riley groaned. "How did you know I was back?"

"We heard Kay yelling," Remus explained.

Both Lily and Riley turned to glare at Kay.

"Oops?"

"So seriously, how'd the date go, Riles?" James repeated, pretending to act casual.

"Why? So you can go warn Rhett to take good care of me because otherwise, you'll hunt him down and kick his ass because you like to think of yourself as my big brother?"

"No," James protested. He paused. "You forgot the part where I threaten him if he breaks your heart by telling all the girls in the shool he has a tiny-"

"Potter!" Lily barked irritably, shooting him a look. "Must you be so crude?"

"Sirius rubs off on me," he said with a nonchalant shrug.

"HEY!"

Riley rolled her eyes, ignoring Sirius completely. "James Potter, if you so much as say one word to Rhett, so help me God I will chop off every single one of your fingers and a little something else I'd like to think you treasure and mail it all to Canada."

James gave her a look. "See, now you're just giving me ideas of what to say to him."

"JAMES!" Riley barked.

James sighed. "I just want to make sure the guy is good enough for you."

"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?"

"You dated Zach Hamilton. Your judgment is questionable."

She glared at him.

He grinned sheepishly. "Alright, fine, I'll try to stay out of it. But as your _friend,_ I'm still curious how it went."

Riley rolled her eyes. "It was a date," she explained with a shrug. "We just talked and got to know each other. It was nice. Very casual. If you really want to know _as my friend _and _not my protective older brother_, I think we really like each other. And if you really desire to question his intentions, he'll be at my surprise party on Tuesday night."

"HEY!" both Lily and Kay interjected.

"Oh please, you guys throw one for me every year. I'm not stupid!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That's always debatable."

She glared at him.

He grinned, changing the subject. "So the guy didn't pull anything on you?"

"What the fuck, Black? Why the hell would I answer that? Why the hell are you even _asking _that? Because I'm pretty sure every single so-called _date _you've ever been on, you've certainly pulled things on those poor, corrupted girls."

"I don't go on dates. And I certainly am not corrupting any girls. Everyone in this school should know by now how I act. It's their own damned fault if they want to get involved with me and expect anything out of it," he explained with a casual shrug.

Anger was boiling up inside of Riley for an unexplanable reason. She thought back to her conversation with Rhett earlier. These words that Sirius spoke wouldn't have bothered here two years earlier. She would have laughed it off and called him arrogant in her usual joking way. Now, she just considered him arrogant without any teasing attached to it. But two years earlier, she hadn't been a part of that crowd of girls who had unfortunately gotten involved with Sirius Black and expected something from it. Now, unfortunately, she was. "Why do you insist on being such a chauvinistic prat?" Riley snapped.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm going to take that as my cue to leave."

"Wow, you can take a hint," she drawled, her eyes resting on the remaining Marauders. "How abotu the rest of you? Can _you _take a hint?"

Remus shrugged. "If that's all the gossip you're going to give us, I guess there's no reason to stay."

"That's all the gossip I'm going to give you," she agreed with a smirk. "And so help me, if any of this gets leaked to the rest of the school, than-"

"I'm pretty sure it already has," Peter interjected with a wince.

Riley's eyes widened with anger. "You guys already spread it around!" she shrieked.

"_No_," Remus urged. "Daniela Skeeter apparently saw you two traipsing off to the Quidditch pitch earlier and naturally, the rumors began."

"Damnit," Riley murmured, burying her head in her hands. "The students in this school thrive far too much on petty teenage drama."

"This coming from the pettiest of all," Sirius teased.

Riley glared at him. "Out!"

He grinned, skipping off towards the door. "Alright, I can tell I'm no longer wanted."

"You weren't wanted in the first place," Riley drawled.

"C'mon, let's go," Remus urged, grabbing Peter's arm as they traipsed towards the door after Sirius.

They all turned to stare at James who continued to lean up against Lily's dresser nonchalantly. "What?" he asked innocently.

Riley glared at him.

"Fine, fine, I'll leave too," he grumbled. "But I don't like it!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Like I care," she snorted, climbing off her bed to shoo him out. Once the door was shut behind them, she turned back to Riley. "Okay, so we need details about this date and fast," she squealed.

Kay shrieked as Lily practically dove on to her bed beside her, following with a laugh. "And don't you dare leave anything out, Riley."

Riley grinned and sat down on the bed in front of them going over every last thing that she could remember. It wasn't until three in the morning when they started to drift off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** YAY! Chapter over! I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think. Things are going to start picking up soon between SOME of the characters (not all, mind you...) and I hope you're gonna like it! So the sooner your tell me what you think, the sooner I can start updating and fixing up the chapters to your liking.


	29. Of Pet Ducks, Surprises, & Jealousy

**A/N: **Well I go back to school tomorrow so I'll have more time to update! YAY! It's just sad that summer is over :( I know a lot of you are wondering when L/J are gonna get together and when Sirius/Riley are gonna get together and when James is going to find out about why Lily hates him again but you gotta be patient! Patience is virtue (right?). Just keep reading and reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **This is the 29th chapter. I think you know what I own and what J.K. Rowling owns.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony **

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 29: Pet Ducks, Surprises, & Jealousy

* * *

Lily had a tough time trying to wake Riley and Kay the next morning, both whom had fallen asleep in Lily's room after Riley dished out the details about her date. After Lily had gotten slapped in the face (Riley claimed later on that day that it was an accident), a pillow thrown at her (Kay said it was not an accident), and growled at incessantly, she hopped into the shower quickly and left for breakfast alone.

She was grateful that the Marauders hadn't sauntered down to breakfast yet (most likely all still crashing on James' floor) or Sirius would have found a reason to lure her over to eat with them. He was convinced no pretty girl should be left to her own devices at meals. Made them look slightly unappealing in his mind. She took a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table and started buttering a piece of toast before reaching into her bag to grab yesterday's _Daily Prophet_.

Someone tapped her shoulder behind her and when she whirled around she practically froze in surprise. "Oh. Rhett. Hey."

"What a warm welcome," he teased, smiling at her. "Is this seat taken?"

Lily gave him a look. "Yes, my imaginary pet duck, Francis, is sitting there," she said sarcastically. She mentally slapped herself for thinking up something so positively stupid in front of Rhett Davies.

Thankfully, Rhett just snickered. "Hm, I want to laugh but somehow that seems so detailed to be made up on the spot."

Lily laughed. "Well if you must know, he was my best friend when I was four."

"Well, of course, because every four-year-old needs a duck named Francis."

"He was very friendly," Lily continued.

"Well, I can't argue with that," Rhett teased.

"And he lived in the swamp in my backyard so I always had someone around to play with," Lily explained further.

Rhett gave her a look.

"Okay, I'm going to stop now before I embarrass myself any further and find you spreading my childhood imaginary stories around this school," Lily laughed, blushing slightly. "So what's up?"

Rhett laughed and took a seat beside Lily. "Well, I don't know if Riley told you-"

"That she invited you to the surprise party she's not supposed to know about but does and yet still doesn't pretend like she has no clue what Kay and I are planning just to be polite?" Lily paused. "Did that make any sense?"

Rhett laughed. "I'm a guy. These things aren't supposed to make sense to us."

Lily grinned. "Good point."

"I just wanted to know what time the party was on Tuesday," he asked.

"It's at nine o'clock this year though I'll be in there setting up since eight and cleaning up for the hour afterward so for me it's going to be a long night," Lily responded with a warm smile.

"Well, you can count me in."

"Great," Lily said with a grin. "Riley will be happy."

Lily took slight pleasure in the fact that Rhett's ears turned pink.

"You want to help us get Riley out of the way for an hour or so?" Lily suggested.

"What?"

"We need to get Riley out of the common room while we're setting up. Why don't you take her for a walk around the grounds or something?"

Rhett gave her a look. "For an hour? When people say they're going for a walk and are gone for an hour it usually means they took a detour into a broom closet somewhere."

"Hey, whatever works," Lily snickered.

Rhett laughed. "I'll figure something out."

"Of course you will. You're a Hufflepuff. You're supposed to be clever."

Rhett rolled his eyes and gave her a look. "Lily, everyone in this school knows you're the clever one."

"I'm Head Girl. I'm supposed to be clever. It's in the job description," Lily explained teasingly.

Rhett paused. "Then how do you explain James as Head Boy?"

Lily grinned. "You're like my new best friend."

Rhett laughed. "All someone has to do is insult James and you'll become their new best friend? I'll make sure to spread the word around to all of those guys who are pining after you."

She blushed. "What guys?" she snorted.

"The guys who are too afraid of James to bother actually going after you," Rhett said with a snicker.

She looked perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you not remember the Fabrice incident?" he teased. "James punched the guy because he was on a date with you."

Lily hesitated, glancing up at Rhett curiously. "Potter punched Fabrice because Fabrice was talking bad about me."

Rhett's brow furrowed hesitantly. "Maybe that was part of the reason," he mused.

Lily sipped her water slowly, trying to wrap her head around Rhett's words. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

Rhett frowned, not realizing that Lily hadn't known all of these years that James had pretty much sabotaged anybody's chance of dating her. "Please tell me you know that James Potter had a crush on you for six years."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, please," she was quick to retort. "The only reason he continually asked me out was because I was the only girl to ever say no. It was only ever about the chase to him."

Rhett didn't respond right away, gazing at her curiously. It started to make her increasingly uncomfortable until she was forced to break eye contact with him, finding solace in her toast. "In my opinion, Lily," Rhett treaded carefully, "A guy doesn't actively go after a girl for six years enduring millions of rejections and sabotaging any potential suitors from asking you out just because he enjoys the thrill of a chase."

She was about to retaliate when she stopped short. "Hold on a minute," she snapped. "What do you mean 'sabotage any potential suitors?'"

Rhett cringed. "Er..."

"_Rhett_?"

"I thought you knew!" he whined guiltily.

"Knew _what _exactly?"

"That he...well I...I mean he...hasn't he..." he dithered, the words coming out in random spurts.

"You going to spit out a full sentence any time soon, Davies?" she growled.

He sighed. "It was just kinda understood that he...he sorta had this weird claim over you. And-"

"Bloody hell!"

Rhett hastily continued. "And everyone knew well enough to steer clear of you unless they wanted to be hexed or cursed or mocked or on the end of one of the Marauders' pranking sprees. You're not exactly an ugly duckling around here, Lily. You're a girl that a lot of people have crushed over. But they just let James do all of the crushing in fear of being smacked around by Jamese."

"I am going to kill that wanker," Lily seethed, her eyes blazing with anger.

Rhett let out a guilty sigh. "I'm sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut," he muttered.

"No, _Potter _should have kept his mouth shut," she snapped, crushing the piece of toast in her hand, letting the crumbs fall to her plate steadily.

Rhett winced. "Well, he clearly got over whatever sense of entitlement he thought he had. He's with Kristina now."

"I hope Kristina understands when her boyfriend becomes buried into the ground."

"You'd really risk going to Azkaban to kill off James?"

"I'm considering it."

Rhett couldn't help but chuckle. Lily Evans certainly was a feisty one.

"I believe your table is over there, Rhett." They both glanced over their shoulder to greet Sirius, who looked less than pleased at the prospect of Rhett sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Rhett offered him a strained smile and stood up. "I'll see you around, Lily," he said hesitantly, clearly not sure if he should let their conversation be over.

Once Rhett was out of earshot, Sirius asked, "What the hell was he doing over here?"

"Why do you care?" Lily snorted.

"I just think he should be wary to take over the Gryffindor house."

"Oh, and why's that?" Lily asked, feigning innocence. "Because Potter might attack him if he thought Rhett was asking me out?"

Sirius hesitated, giving her a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you dare play dumb with me, Sirius," she snapped. "Potter has been sabotaging any chance of anyone asking me out since the first day we met!"

Sirius froze, his eyes widening with guilt. "Er..."

"Is that guy so thick-skulled that he really believed all this time he had some sort of _claim _over me?" she continued, the volume of her voice increasing.

"Er..."

"As if rejecting him time and time again and telling him that I had a better chance of dating the giant lake squid would make him think that one day I'd ever fall for his supposed charm!"

"Er..."

"And did he really think I'd never find out that he's been sabotaging me for _six years_?"

"Er..."

"Damnit, Sirius, say something!"

He hesitated, reaching for the bread basket. "Would you like another piece of toast?"

"SIRIUS!"

Sirius sighed, tearing off a piece of scone and chucking it into his mouth. "What do you want me to say, Lily-bean?" he asked sullenly. "It is what it is."

She wanted to stuff that scone so far down his throat that he would choke on it. Instead, she balled her fists up so as to control her anger. "'_It is what it is_?'" she hissed, her nostrils flaring. "_That's _what you have to defend yourself with?"

"I never said I was defending it."

She glared at him. "So you're admitting it's the truth?"

"No," he argued cautiously. "I'm just not denying it."

"Your best friend is a dead man, Black," she snapped. "I can't promise I won't strangle him with my bare hands the next time our paths cross."

"What was he supposed to do?" he pleaded. "The poor bastard couldn't bear to watch you go on all of these dates with other guys. It killed him to watch you _talk _to other guys. He just...I don't know." He shrugged. "He clearly wasn't able to control you and your response to him so he took control of what he could."

"It wasn't his place to control," Lily responded coolly.

"I know that. And even he knew that. But when a guy's love interest is being wooed by other people while he's forced to watch, it will make him do crazy things."

Lily frowned. "I wasn't his love interest," she snapped. "I was just some skirt he was chasing."

Sirius sighed. "I don't know why you're so convinced the guy didn't have real feelings for you."

"I guarantee that the moment I'd have said yes to him would have been the moment he would have run around the school with his hands up in the air cheering 'I got Lily! I got Lily!' where he then would have left me alone in the middle of the Gryffindor common room while he went off with his latest flavor of the week to go have sex in the North Tower."

Sirius sighed. "If that's what you have to say to convince yourself it's all been a game to him, be my guest."

"Sabotaging any potential relationship I could have gotten into doesn't sound like a game to you?" Lily snorted.

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "You don't know him well enough to judge him, Lily-bean."

"I'm not judging him, I'm _angry _at him," she snapped.

"Well, don't take it out on me," he muttered.

Lily rolled her eyes, knowing she wasn't going to be able to get through to Sirius. Then again, why should she have believed any differently? He was James' best friend and he was going to defend him until the day he was dead and buried. "I'm officially changing the subject," she muttered irritably.

"That's probably wise."

Lily reached for another piece of toast, frowning at how already screwed up that day was. "So, Sirius, what's your excuse this year for missing out on Riley's birthday party?"

Sirius was about to tell her that he was still toying with potential excuses, but stopped short. He thought of Rhett being at the part and for some reason found himself blurting out, "I want to come."

Lily gave him a look, caught extremely off-guard. "Uh…what?"

"I want to come."

"This is _Riley's _party we're talking about."

"And I want to come."

"Riley _Gilmore."_

Sirius gave her a look. "And I want to come."

"The girl who you have chosen to isolate from your life for the past two years."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I…want…to…come."

"Aw, hell. You're going to hire a bunch of female prostitutes and crash her party, aren't you," Lily muttered.

Sirius snorted. "That wasn't the plan, no."

"You're going to take all of her presents and throw them into the lake?"

"Uh, no, wasn't planning on doing that either."

"Okay, you're…you're going to tell all of the party guests that Riley only wants sexual favors for her birthday and then sit in the corner taking pictures of all the screaming men that flock to her?"

"Nope."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Then what are you planning on doing?"

"I'm planning on showing up with a gift in tow, wishing her a well-deserved eighteenth birthday, maybe ask her to dance with me depending if I'm in a good mood or not, and then say a respectable good night."

Lily stared at him. "No, really. What are you planning on doing?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm planning on getting completely wasted, strip off all my clothes, and go running around the common room yelling 'Nothing comes between me and Riley Gilmore,'" he said sarcastically.

Lily grinned. "Okay, good, I seriously thought that someone had did one of those mysterious body-snatching crimes without warning the rest of us but you're still the Sirius we all know and love," she teased. She then thought better of it and shrugged. "Well, at least you're the Sirius we all know."

"HEY!" Sirius cried. "I'll have you know that lots of people love me."

"Yeah for one night, but in the morning when you send them on their way, they run to a bathroom and pour out their not-so-heartfelt feelings about you on the bathroom stalls—trust me, I've seem them and from what I've read, it's not love."

Sirius stared at her blankly. "How many bathroom stalls?"

"I'd say 90% of them are filled with stories about you."

"Hm. Interesting. I'm going to-"

"And don't you dare go scouting the girls bathrooms looking for these anecdotes."

He pouted. "Fine," he murmured. "But I'm still coming to Gilmore's party."

Lily sighed. "Fine, but promise me when you run around the common room professing your not-so-undying love to Riley in a drunken stupor that you will at least keep your boxers on."

"I will think about it."

"That's all I ask," Lily laughed. "So where are the rest of the Marauders?"

"Sleeping. What else?"

"I thought you were the latest sleeper in that group."

"Oh no that's definitely Peter, but I'm meeting Rachael in twenty minutes."

"I'm assuming it's not to do homework," Lily snickered.

"Oh, not true. I will be using my _Charms_ to woo her."

Lily blinked. "Did you just say woo?"

Sirius winced. "Yes I did and I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

"Oh I noticed and once I send out a newsletter with the headline 'Sirius Black Living in the 50s' so will the rest of the school."

Sirius made a face. "Why do I bother hanging out with you?"

"Because you need someone smart around," Lily chuckled.

"I have James."

She grinned. "My point exactly."

* * *

Lily wasn't sure if it was better to avoid James in fear of what she might do in his presence or if it was better to confront him immediately. She eventually just let the day run its course. If the time came to humiliate (and perhaps murder) James Potter, so be it.

That time came after dinner. She had walked back into her private quarters, nearly avoiding a collision with James who was on his way out. "Oh, hey," he said with a strained smile. "Any chance I can borrow your Charms notes from yesterday's class? I can't read my handwriting. I either wrote Confundus is the darkest source of a confusion charm or Confucius is a starky, sorry one confused man. I'm pretty sure it's the former."

Lily couldn't help but glare at him. "You expect me to believe you actually took notes in class?" she sneered.

He was a little thrown by the hostility in her voice. "Er...I did take notes. You want to see them for proof?"

"No," she said abruptly, rushing past him towards her bedroom. She could feel her blood boiling and had a pretty good feeling if she were to speak her mind, the whole castle would be able to hear her screams.

"So...was that a no on the whole borrowing notes thing?" James called after her.

"That's a no for pretty much anything you ever ask me for ever again," she snapped.

He sighed. "Oh, good, so you're clearly back to hating my guts," he muttered irritably. "Could you possibly give me a schedule ahead of time as to when you're going to be nice to me and when you're going to be mean to me? It's exhausting trying to keep up."

She whirled around, her classic death stare flashing across her face. "And could you possibly give me a schedule ahead of time as to when you're going to torment the guys that are interested in asking me out?" she barked.

It was clear he was taken aback by the question. "_What_?"

"How could you do that to me, Potter?" she hissed. "You really think it was okay for you to just hex and prank and insult any guy that had any possible interest in...in just even _flirting _with me? Did you never think I'd find out that you've been sabotaging any potential relationship since the day I arrived at Hogwarts?"

James frowned, realizing what she was referring to. "Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have to say?" she snarled.

He cringed, knowing that this conversation was not going to be in his favor. "Uh...yeah," he said slowly. "Not much else I can say. Seems to me you've said it all."

James could have sworn that if murder was legal, he would be lying dead on the floor at that moment. "You are _such _a piece of work, Potter," she snapped. "I always knew you had it in for me. I always knew that it was your active desire to make my life miserable. But you hit a new low the first time you sabotaged any chance of a guy going after me. What possibly made you think that that was okay?"

"I didn't do it because I had it in for you or because I wanted to make your life miserable," James retaliated, shooting her his own version of an irritated glare. "But thank you for being overdramatic."

"_Overdramatic_?" she repeated, her eyes bulging with pure hatred. "You think I'm being _overdramatic _because I just found out you've been _frantically forcing guys to stay away from me_?"

"Frantically?" he snorted. "Oh, please. Let's face it, I've probably sabotaged all of one or two people from going after you. You haven't had that many guys interested in you, Evans."

That was a huge slap in the face. Suddenly, her fingers were itching to grab her wand and curse him. "You are such a bastard, Potter," she whispered angrily. "This may be funny to you, but it's not to me. You have no idea how many times I've..." she stopped short, swallowing hard. She wasn't about to let him know that for years, she was jealous of Riley for seemingly getting all of the attention from the opposite sex. She had selfishly wondered why no one ever seemed to look her way. Or why they would show some interest one day and then avoid her every day thereafter. The only person that ever seemed to get through to her was Shane Redford. And Lily had a feeling it was because he had been a prefect so most of their time together in the beginning was not spent under the scrutiny of James Potter. "Never mind," she muttered defeatedly, shaking her head in a sort of slow disbelief.

He frowned but before he could say anything, Lily turned her back on him and rushed into her bedroom. She slammed the door behind her, leaving James standing in their common room slightly dumbfounded. He sighed, recognizing the look of helplessness and, unexpectedly, the look of betrayal evident on her face as she stormed off. It was clear he had hurt her. Which, to be fair, he had already known he was doing in the interim of messing with guys' heads who had shown an ounc of interest in Lily Evans. But it was either inevitably hurt Lily Evans or feel the agony of pain in his own heart every time he watched her with someone else. And as she always managed to point out, he was selfish. So of course he was going to think of his own happiness over hers.

He sighed reluctantly as he trudged over to her bedroom, knocking lightly on her door. He wasn't surprised when no one answered. "C'mon Evans," he pleaded, strumming his fingers against the door methodically. "Let me in!"

No response.

"I'm not going anywhere until you let me explain! I'm going to stand outside your door screaming your name and—AGH!" he cried out when her door was thrust open and she was standing there with a glare on her face.

"What could you _possibly _explain, Potter?" she snarled. "There's no excuse for what you did."

"No, there isn't," he admitted with a sincere shrug. "But I don't think it's fair of you to assume that I did what I did just because I wanted to screw with you or because I enjoy making you miserable. Did you ever think that maybe it was never about _your _feelings? That it was about mine?"

"Oh, okay, then that makes it better," she drawled sarcastically, shooting him a look.

He frowned. "No, I realize that it doesn't," he was quick to argue. "It makes it worse actually because it just goes to show that this entire time when you've called me an arrogant jerk, you were probably right."

"_Probably _right?" she snorted.

Her shot her a look. "Humor me, Evans."

She rolled her eyes. "The last thing I want to do is _humor _you, Potter," she muttered. "For six years, I had always known you were a bit of a prat. But you actively interfering with _my _life and the people _in _my life for...for what? For _fun_? That's not just prattish behavior, but it's downright _wrong _and _vindictive_! I can't-"

"I didn't do it for fun, Evans! I did it because I was bloody jealous!" he snapped, glaring at her.

She paused mid-rant, her eyes showing confusion and dumbfoundedness. "_What _are you talking about?"

He frowned, biting down on his tongue before he blurted out something else that he would probably regret. Once he collected his thoughts, he tried opening his mouth to say that it was nothing and to turn around before he made the mistake of showing any side of vulnerability to the one girl he had refused to do so for so many years. But instead of dismissing it, he heard himself say, "Do you remember what I told you last year on the platform? Before we left for the summer?"

She froze, her mouth opening slightly in surprise. She had been under the impression that they were never going to speak of that again. She quickly composed herself, shrugging. "No. I mean, well yeah. Er...sorta," she said, blushing at her sudden penchant towards stuttering.

"Well, which is it?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked hastily.

He sighed. "I don't get why you are so convinced that...that whatever feelings I had for you weren't real," he murmured, the tip of his ears turning pink. "You know why I pushed those guys away from you? Because I hated seeing you with them. I hated the way you smiled at them and held actual conversations with them. I hated the way you played with a lock of your hair while in the middle of flirting. I hated the way you looked at him, your green eyes sparkling with desire. I hated that..." he trailed off with a sigh. "I hated that you liked every other guy in this school more than me. And I hated that they had more of a chance than I ever did. Because in all honesty, I don't think any of them were good enough for you."

"And you were?" Lily blurted out before she could stop herself.

"No, I didn't say that," he was quick to argue.

She cleared her throat. "You didn't have to."

He didn't respond.

She sighed. "Potter, if you really cared _at all _about me, shouldn't you have just wanted me to be happy? Even if that didn't include you in my life?" she dared to ask.

He shrugged. "Yeah, probably. But I was a twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen-year-old selfish, hormonal teenager. What was I supposed to do?"

"Not attack all of the guys in this school for simply striking up a conversation with me," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Did you not hear the part about me being a hormonal teenager?"

She glared at him.

He grinned sheepishly. "You're not in the mood for jokes, are you?"

"Am I ever in the mood for your jokes, Potter?" she snorted.

"Alas, no."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"I know now what I did was wrong, Evans," he continued with a reluctant sigh. "I know it was stupid. Even back then I knew it was stupid. I just...I took control of the only thing I could control because it was obvious I had no control over the way you felt about me."

"You did have control over that. You could have changed if you really wanted me to recognize the good that you potentially had in you," Lily mused. "You just chose not to do anything about it."

"Would it have made a difference?"

Lily hesitated, sighing. "Clearly you did something right on Halloween," she admitted.

"And clearly I did something wrong a month later."

Her heart skipped a beat. She had opened her mouth to tell him he just needed to stop running his mouth and judging those he clearly felt were inferior to him, but she couldn't form the word. "Yes, clearly you did," she muttered instead.

He glared at her.

"You don't get to give me the Stare of Death!" she whined. "That's my trademark look and I deserve to use it on you right now more than you deserve to use it on me!"

He found himself chuckling, which was clearly the wrong response because suddenly he was on the receiving end of said Stare of Death.

"Man, you're good at that," he muttered, offering her a sheepish lopsided frown.

"Well, I've had a lot of practice," she snarled, the Stare of Death not subsiding.

He sighed, ruffling his hair like he often did when feeling slightly anxious. "Right."

Silence engulfed them. They both had clearly said what they wanted to say and were now once again at a standstill. Neither were entirely sure where this left things between them but they were slowly starting to get used to that.

James slowly stepped back out of her doorway, away from the awkward tension that had been created between them. "Er...I'll see you later, Evans."

She smirked. "'See you later?'"

He grimaced, laughing. "What else am I supposed to say?" he chuckled.

"How about 'I'm sorry?'" she blurted out.

He met her determined gaze as he realized that he may have made his excuses and tried explainng himself but he had never once apologized for his shifty behavior. "I'm sorry, Lily," he spoke, her first name rolling off his tongue rather comfortably.

She nodded. "That's better," she muttered. "I'll see you later, Potter."

"'See you later?'" he teased.

"_Good bye, Potter_," she urged, a smirk daring to break out on her face.

He grinned as he turned to leave the room, now thirty minutes late meeting Kristina. He hesitated at the entrance, turning back around to gaze at Lily. "Hey, Evans?"

She looked up. "Hm?"

"I didn't mean what I say before," he said softly. "It wasn't just one or two guys I had unfortunately sabotaged before they could get to you. It was a lot. You were a girl much sought after in this school. And I hope you do know that that included me. It was never about the chase with you."

Her mouth dropped open in shock but before she could respond, he had whisked himself out of the common room, leaving her behind in bafflement.

She wasn't sure if she should have been angry for knowing that so many guys had had some sort of interest in her and James put a stop to it or if she should feel flattered that he had corrected himself and rightfully so.

Either way, it left her even more confused about James Potter than she had ever been before.

* * *

"Stop staring at me," Riley giggled, her eyes trained on her Herbology homework the next night in the library.

Rhett grinned. "I can't help it. You're cute when you're studying."

"As opposed to when I'm not studying?" she pouted. She suddenly yelped as his foot ran up the inside of her leg.

He held back his laughter as a hearby table sent her dirty looks. "You're cute all the time, Miss Gilmore," he whispered.

"You clearly think so about my legs," she teased, her eyebrow shooting upward in a clandestine way.

"Hm, this hand isn't so bad either," he pondered, reaching for her left hand and letting his fingers dance lightly against her palm. "Neither is this one," he whispered, taking the quill out of her right hand slowly before bringing her hand up to his lips to kiss ever-so-slightly.

"What about my lips?" she said, slowly running her tongue along the outside of her lips. "Are they cute?"

He grinned, leaning over the table to place a kiss against her soft lips. Neither one of them were surprised when a chorus of whispers broke out amongst the nearby tables. Word of their date had already begun to spread around the school and them kissing in public pretty much just confirmed it.

"The rest of your body is pretty cute, too," Rhett concluded, tucking her hair behind her ear intimately. "But I don't think Madam Pince would condone me ravishing that cute body of yours in her very public library."

"I don't think she'd be the only one to not condone it," Riley snickered.

He chuckled. "You're just lucky there are people around or I can't promise I'd continue being the perfect gentleman I have been up to this point." He winked at her.

She blused. "Why, Mister Davies, I do believe you are making me blush. And I'm not one to typically blush," she said with an impish smirk.

"I could make you do a lot of things you won't be expecting," he said, dropping his voice seductively.

Her heart skipped a beat. "Oh, really?" she challenged. "Like what?"

"There are too many young, uncorrupted minds around for me to spell it out here," he said, winking at her.

"Sirius Black goes to this school. No one around here is uncorrupted anymore."

Rhett couldn't help but laugh and Riley quickly joined in.

"I like your laugh," Rhett blurted out.

She met his gaze and for a second time that evening, she found herself blushing. "I like your eyes," she said sincerely.

"I like your hair," he continued.

Riley hesitated before saying, "I like the way you make me feel."

He once again reached for her hand. "I like everything about you."

"Damn, you win."

He chuckled. "Of course I do. I have you, don't I?"

"Stop making me blush," she whimpered, covering up her cheek with her free hand.

He grinned. "I like that I make you blush," he said with a wink in her direction.

She couldn't help but smile, leaning over to kiss him. "I like that you make me blush, too," she whispered.

"So, you two are officially a couple, hm?"

Riley groaned, glaring up at Daniela Skeeter, one of the biggest gossipers in the school who was merely following in her older sister's footsteps. When Rita Skeeter had left the school, the amount of gossip circling the corridors dropped immensely. "You were interrupting a perfectly romantic moment, Skeeter."

"Didn't realize Riley Gilmore knew the meaning of the word 'romantic,'" she smirked.

"Do you know the meaning of the word _scram_?"

Daniela rolled her eyes, glancing over at Rhett with envious eyes. "I could tell you stories about this whore that would make your toes curl, Rhett."

Riley instinctively pushed her chair away from the table and stood up, now towering over the petite Hufflepuff. "Who you calling a whore, Skeeter?" she snapped.

"I'm not the only one calling you that," she smirked.

"Daniela, if you just came over here to insult Riley, I think you've done your damage," Rhett sighed. Being Daniela Skeeter's house-mate, he knew all about her gossipping antics. He wasn't about to let himself get sucked in.

"Oh, believe me, I've got tons more insults where that came from," she muttered.

"Insults that would just be coming from a place of jealousy," Riley snapped, shooting Daniela a look. "How long have you been trying to attract Rhett's attention?"

Daniela turned a bright shade of crimson and even Rhett had to cringe. He wasn't blind. He knew the way a lot of the girls in this school looked at him, Daniela included.

"This isn't really about me," Daniela sneered. "It's-"

"Oh, good, so you're finally realizing that," Riley interrupted irritably. "Enough to leave us alone, perhaps?"

She frowned, seething inwardly. "Fine. You two go ahead and be fuck buddies or whatever the hell it is you do, Gilmore, but I will enjoy laughing at your expense when this whole pretense of a relationship blows up in your face. Tootles!" she said with a fake grin as she wandered back over to her group of friends in the corner.

Riley's blood was now officially boiling. She wanted nothing more than to grab Daniela's long brunette hair and yank it out of her head. She shouldn't have been surprised by Daniela's attempts at judging them. It's what Daniela did. When she didn't get her way, she started rumors and sick gossip about people in order to stir up a messload of drama. It didn't help that Daniela Skeeter had always been jealous of Riley Gilmore.

Riley reached for her bag and started stuffing her textbooks and parchment into it. "I am so out of here," she muttered.

"Wait, Riley, stop," Rhett urged, placing his hand gently over her bag. "Don't let her get to you. Her words mean nothing. You were probably right. She's just jealous."

Riley gazed over at him, who looked slightly concerned and frantic. "Did they get to you?" she asked softly.

"What?"

She sighed. "Her words. Did they get to you?"

"No," he said immediately, shaking his head. "I've learned to never take Daniela Skeeter seriously. Being in her House all of these years has taught me that she's a bit of a backstabbing priss."

Riley's heart skipped a beat. "You really think so?"

"Yes. This may only be our second time hanging out, but I think we've got a really good thing going here," he urged, his pleading tone sounding slightly desperate. "Don't let Daniela ruin that."

Riley sat back down, pushing her bag back towards the floor. "Nothing can ruin that," she agreed with a smile.

He grinned. "This is the part where I kiss you to show Daniela Skeeter her words don't bother us," he whispered, leaning over the table to press his lips firmly to hers.

Sure enough, when they pulled apart, the furious look on Daniela Skeeter's face made them both laugh.

* * *

"ARGH!" Lily cried as someone came barrelling into the room on Tuesday evening just as she was planning on leaving for the Gryffindor common room, all of the party decorations in her hand spilling on to the floor.

"Oh. Sorry," Kristina replied, obviously not so sorry at all as she didn't bother to bend down and help her out. She swept past her over to James' room.

Lily did her best not to scream at the incompetent Ravenclaw as she gathered up the decorations herself and headed out of the room.

Kristina knocked hard on the door, only twice before James answered.

"Hey babe," he greeted, framing her face with his hands to kiss her.

Kristina smiled. "So I was thinking that since I won't be here over Christmas break, we should spend a lot of time with each other," she hinted, "Especially tonight to make up for it."

James cringed. "Ooh, I'd really like to. Believe me, I want nothing more. But I already promised Remus I'd help set up for the party."

"What party?" she asked curiously.

"Riley Gilmore's party."

Kristina's face filled up with frustration. "You mean the one Lily Evans is planning?"

"With Kay, yeah," James replied, wondering what the big deal was.

She frowned. "So I'm assuming that Lily will be setting up as well?"

James gave her a strange look. "Well, yeah. She and Kay are throwing the party so it's only logical that she'll be setting up for it as well," he said with a snicker.

"Well, why don't you just go to the party and spend the setting up time with me?" Kristina suggested.

James shrugged. "I can't. I already promised Remus I would help. And besides, Riley's my oldest friend. The least I could do for her eighteenth birthday is help set up her party."

"Well then I'll come with you," Kristina offered, knowing she was going absolutely crazy if she was offering to help out with doing hard labor instead of skipping it to hang out with her friends lazily in her commons room. Well she was going crazy. She was going crazy at the thought of James spending time with Lily.

"Really? You actually want to help out?" James asked curiously.

She shrugged. "Yeah, why not? This way we get to spend some time with each other."

"Sure," he said with a smile. "We could always use more people I guess."

"Great!" Kristina cried, knowing perfectly well it wasn't great.

She sighed as she followed James out of the room. _The things you do for love… _

* * *

Kristina stomped into her room with a sulking expression after she had helped set up the party. James tried getting her to stay but she wasn't about to crash the birthday party of a girl she didn't particularly like.

"Whoa, why the early night?" Jacqueline Halls asked, who was sitting on her bed painting her nails with their other friend Shana Ellsbury.

Kristina gave her a look and plopped onto her desk chair in aggravation.

"Lily," both Jacqueline and Shana muttered together in unison.

"Yep."

"Merlin, doesn't she realize that James is your boyfriend?" Jacqueline cried out.

"And don't _you _guys realize she _works _with him?" Kyra explained, walking into the room, her arms full of books.

"Stay out of this, Severns," Kristina snapped. "This is none of your business. Go hold hands with that boy of yours or something."

Kyra snickered and rolled her eyes. "That's the best you've got?" she shot back, placing her books on her desk. "You might as well get used to James and Lily hanging out because during Christmas Break while you're skiing down the Alps _alone _because your father and that awful stepmother of yours will be, I'm sure, getting drunk with all of your father's pathetic clients and your older sister will be winning the attention of all of the gorgeous ski instructors, James Potter and Lily Evans will have the next two weeks all to themselves without you getting in the way."

"Okay, _first _of all, my father is a respectable lawyer and doesn't get _drunk _with his clients," she shot back angrily. "And don't sound jealous just because _your _father is working in the dumps earning-"

"It's called the Ministry and he probably earns more in a week than your family makes in a month, and that's mostly because your stepmother spends all of your father's money on useless spa days and a mani-pedi combo every bloody week."

Kristina glared at her. "I'd hex you to pieces, only I hate that bitch also so I'm going to allow it."

Kyra rolled her eyes, grabbing another textbook to thrust into her bag. "As much as I'd love to stay, I've gotta run. Have fun fretting over your relationship, Reinhart."

"And have fun realizing you're way too immature to have a boyfriend as gorgeous as Cody Raymond," Kristina shot back with a venomous glare.

Kyra grinned. "Jealous, are we?"

Kristina burst into laughter. "Uh, hardly. Remember James Potter? My gorgeous, stronger than Hercules, determined, intelligent Head Boy, richer than Queen Elizabeth, Quidditch star boyfriend?"

"And I'm sure he has a nice personality, too," Kyra said dryly as she strode out of the room.

When she had slammed the door, Kristina screamed out in frustration. "Merlin I hate that girl," she muttered.

"Don't let her get to you," Jacqueline urged. "That's what she wants."

Kristina sighed, another exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "But she's right," she said reluctantly.

"About what?" Shana cried out. "Your family? Well, of course-"

"No," Kristina argued, sitting upright. "About James and that selfish bitch, Lily Evans. They will be spending the next two weeks together and I won't be able to do a thing about it because I will be skiing down some mountain!"

Shana and Jacqueline exchanged amused looks. "Kris, I think you're overreacting," Jacqueline said steadily.

Kristina groaned. "Am I?" she retaliated. "I feel like he ditched me for her far too often. And yeah, I get that they work together, but why would he choose to spend time with the girl setting up a goddamned party instead of spending that time with me? Especially knowing I will be gone for two weeks. Something's going on with them, I just know it."

"You really think a guy like James Potter is going to be interested in a girl like Lily Evans?" Shana protested, shaking her head. "The idea is just laughable."

Kristina frowned. "I'm not paranoid," she urged.

"We know," Jacqueline said with a nod. "Just remember that James loves you, Kris.

She snapped her head towards her and sighed. "We don't know that," she muttered.

"Maybe he hasn't said it, but it's pretty obvious the guy is falling for you."

Kristina didn't respond, not sure what the proper retort should be.

Jacqueline sighed, climbing off her own bed and wandering over to Kristina, sitting crosslegged beside her. "Kristina, James Potter has given up his womanizing ways to date you. For _four _months. If that's not love, than I don't know what is."

Kristina sighed again and looked up towards the ceiling. "That could easily change over two weeks, Jacqui."

"But it won't," Shana protested firmly.

Kristina hesitated and then hastily got up off the bed, rushing over to her desk. "You're right. It won't," she urged. "Because I won't be going skiing. I'm-"

"Kristina, c'mon! You love going to that ski lodge with your family. You've been talking about it for months now," Shana cried out, giving Kristina an all-knowing look.

Kristina whirled around and stared at both of her friends curiously. After a long sigh, she shrugged. "But he's more important to me."

* * *

"**_SURPRISE_**!"

"Oh my God I'm _so_ surprised!" Riley cried out overdramatically, as she strolled into the room on Rhett's arm.

The whole room burst into laughter, knowing perfectly well that Riley had known what was going on the whole time.

"I think she has caught on to the whole surprise party on her birthday idea," Sirius whispered.

"Hey, don't hate the party-thrower," Lily argued. "I can and _will_ chuck you out of here."

"This is my common room, too. You can't throw me out of my own common room."

Lily crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"

"Er...I think I'm just going to go find Remus."

Lily grinned. "That's a good call."

Sirius chuckled as he wandered off into the crowd of people, his eyes trained on Riley as she made her way over to where Lily was standing, Rhett already being swallowed up by the crowd of gossippers wanting details. "Y'know, Riley, you could have acted surprised," Lily teased.

"Oh, believe me I am surprised: what the hell is Black doing here?" Riley asked in frustration.

"Well, in his words he claimed he was going to show up with a gift in tow, wish you a well-deserved eighteenth birthday, possibly ask you to dance depending on his mood, and then say a respectable good night."

Riley raised an eyebrow at her.

"Then again, it was an early morning and I don't think he fully comprehended what he was saying."

Riley snickered. "Well, I don't doubt that. And he better not ask me to dance. I would feel really bad ruining the party because I had to murder someone."

"Yes, that would put a damper on the party."

"Just a little bit."

Lily laughed. "But if it gets people out of here faster and me into bed quicker, then I may be game. Sirius is expendable," she teased.

"Finally, you see it my way," Riley said with a grin, searching the room for Rhett. She groaned when she saw him looking trapped in the corner with James. "Okay, I'm going to go pull Rhett away from what seems to be James interrogating him in hopes Rhett will explode out of frustration."

"Good luck," Lily chuckled.

Riley rushed over to the other side of the room to save Rhett. "Hey guys," Riley said, latching on to Rhett quickly and glaring at James.

"Hey, Riley," Rhett greeted pretty hastily, with a relieved smile on his face.

Riley rolled her eyes at James and turned back to Rhett. "Whatever he said is all a lie. Don't listen to him."

James feigned shock. "I'm shocked, Riley Gilmore, that you would think so badly about myself!"

Riley gave him a look.

"I was just mentioning what a wonderful girl you were and how gorgeous and good-spirited you were!"

Riley gave him a doubtful look.

"Okay, so maybe I worded it a bit differently," he said with a shrug.

Riley increased the intensity of her look.

"Okay, so perhaps I was being a bit harsher than that."

Riley glared at him.

"Oh, I think I hear Remus calling my name!" he cried out, rushing away from Riley and Rhett quickly before Riley could decapitate him.

Riley laughed and turned to Rhett. "He likes to think he has to protect me. Don't listen to whatever he said."

"I'm not." Rhett grinned and kissed her on the cheek. "Happy Birthday, Riley."

Riley was beginning to think this was going to be the best birthday ever.

* * *

"Hey baby," Rachael whispered seductively into Sirius' ear later that night.

"Hey, Rach," he said indifferently, not bothering to turn around to glance at her.

She stood there, confused, but shrugged it off, continuing to stand behind him, sipping her butterbeer. "So, no one is occupying my room right now," she whispered a few seconds later.

Sirius shrugged. "And?"

"I didn't think you needed me to spell it out for you," she snickered, brushing herself against his arm.

"I'm not in the mood, Rachael," he responded dryly.

She stood there dumbfounded. "You're Sirius Black. You're _always _in the mood," Rachael complained, turning to glare at him.

"Well, not this time," he snapped, barely glancing at her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she hissed, taking a step in front of him.

"Nothing," he murmured, looking over her shoulder.

She gave him a curious look and turned around, following his line of vision. When she spotted what he was staring at, she laughed and turned back to him. "Oh my God, you have a thing for Riley Gilmore."

He immediately stopped glancing at Riley and turned to stare at Rachael incredulously, mostly because he didn't need her knowing the truth. "_What_? That's insane!" he lied.

"Well, either that or you have a thing for Rhett, and I strongly hope _that _isn't the case," she snickered. "Though with you not wanting to have sex with me right now, it's certainly a possibility."

He glared at her with a look of loathing. "What the hell does _Rhett_ have anything to do with this?" he scowled.

"Because you're staring over at him and Riley with intense jealousy and-"

"Are you out of your damned mind? I'm not jealous of them!"

"Yes, you are," Rachael argued firmly. "I bet you like her," she smirked.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and stared at her with a look so intense, Rachael had to take a step back out of fear. "Gilmore is nothing but a spoiled priss, who I certainly don't like nor am I jealous of," he protested.

"Then prove it."

"Oh, and exactly how am I supposed to do that?" he snorted.

She grinned and winked at him. "Come upstairs with me and let's have a good shag."

"And how is that going to prove anything?" Sirius asked stubbornly, crossing his arms.

"Just what I thought." Rachael shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe you have a thing for Riley Gilmore. It's ludicrous."

"I do not have a thing for Gilmore," he hissed, grabbing her arm and steering her towards the stairwell of the boys' dormitories before the possibility of anyone listening on occurred. "Now could you stop screaming that out loud before the whole house thinks it's true?"

Rachael rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall. "It _is _true."

"Up yours, LeBlanc," he growled, giving her a demeaning look.

"Oooh, someone's getting feisty," she laughed. "Though, I have to admit, it's a sexy quality."

"Oh, will you shut it? I'm not fucking you tonight so you can forget it," Sirius snarled.

She pouted and gave him what she thought was her best adorable look. "Riley would probably be jealous if you did."

"The last time I checked, she hated me, so I hardly doubt that you and me shagging would make her jealous," Sirius snickered.

"She _does _hate you," Rachael reiterated, stomping her foot hard on the ground and crossing her arms angrily. "So why are you bothering to lust after that whore anyway?"

Sirius snickered. "Jealousy does _not _become you, Rachael," he shot back, whirling around to get away from her. But Rachael was too quick and grabbed his arm, flinging herself at him and kissing him passionately on the lips.

"I'm not jealous of that skank, Sirius," Rachael whispered into his ear when he jerked away. "I just feel sorry for you."

"Well, don't," he sneered, rolling his eyes at her, again starting to walk away.

"You can pine after her all you want, but you'll never get her," Rachael continued, hoping to rile him up enough for him to want some sort of passionate affair with someone. That something being hopefully her. "She hates you, remember? Seems to want you dead, the last time I checked. The last guy in the entire world she would go after would be _you_. Besides, she looks rather snug with Rhett, if you hadn't noticed!" she cried out, raising her voice as he got further away from her.

Sirius rotated on his heels and glared at her. "Will you sod off, LeBlanc?"

"Just pointing out the obvious. A girl doesn't snog just anybody on the dance floor in front of everyone," Rachael snickered, nodding her head in the direction of Riley and Rhett who were indeed kissing in the middle of the dance floor.

Sirius barely glanced behind him, ignoring the ping in his heart, before turning back to a clearly envious Rachael. "Seriously, babe, jealousy does not become you."

"Nor you," Rachael retaliated with a smirk. "I hate to break it to you, but word around the gossip mill is that Riley and Rhett are the new hot couple. I'm pretty sure there's no room for you in that relationship. You're a little too late. Not that she'd go for you anyway."

"Yes, you've pointed that out once or twice already," Sirius snapped dryly.

"You may as well go for the sure thing, Sirius," Rachael said, dropping her voice seductively as she lowered the zipper on her school robes to expose the fact that she had no shirt on underneath. "Because if you don't shag me tonight, I'm walking away from you for good."

Sirius laughed cynically, shaking his head. "I'm already walking away from you for good, LeBlanc. I don't shag jealous girls."

"I'm not jealous!" she shouted.

But he was too far to hear her and even if he had, he wouldn't have cared. He noticed that Rhett was alone in the corner while Riley conversed with Kay and Lily and thought it a perfect opportunity to put his plan into action.

* * *

**A/N: **Chapter over! Just a lot of fluff and filler information but we're going to start getting into some good stuff soon, including in the next chapter, mostly about Sirius and Riley. Please review!


	30. Of Questions, Pacts, & Thongs

**A/N: **Well since this is the first week of school, I don't have much to do which is WHY I have free time to those who asked, lol.

Anyway, back to the story: so what is this plan Sirius has devised? You won't find out in this chapter but it'll be amusing to read once you do. Rachael and Sirius broke up, hm? Well, if it can be called breaking up when they weren't technically dating. And how adorable are Riley and Rhett? Sirius may not like them together, but I certainly do! And poor Lily finding out that James Potter has been sabotaging all potential relationships. But he finally admitted to her this year that his feelings were real. You think Lily actually believes him?

**Disclaimer:** I would hope you guys didn't need to me tell you I don't own the characters (well except for the ones I've made up of course...)

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 30: Of Questions, Pacts, & Thongs

* * *

A few hours later, the party was still going strong. Only one of the punch bowls was spiked so no one was in a drunken stumbling stupor quite yet, the dance floor was still overcrowded with people, no fights had broken out unless you count the occasional quarrel between the Head Girl and the Head Boy, and Riley was beginning to relish in the fact that it was her birthday.

"Okay, stop staring at that guy and go _talk _to him!" Riley cried to Kay over the music as the two of them and Lily stood in the corner surveying the room. One of Rhett's friend's was eyeing Kay up and Riley was trying to convince her to talk to him. Little did Riley know that all Kay could think about when staring at anyone of the opposite sex was Lance.

"I can't talk to him," Kay whined.

"Fine, don't talk to him," Riley said. "Just snog him instead."

Kay glared at him. "Riley!" she snapped. "I can't snog Braden!"

"Why not?" Riley protested.

"Uh, how about because I don't know him?"

Riley shrugged. "You don't have to know someone to snog him."

"Oh, we know," Lily replied, giving her a look. "You've made that abundantly clear."

Riley grinned. "Thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment," she argued.

"Sure it was," Riley responded, leaning against the wall. "Snogging people senseless is the highest form of appreciation."

Both Kay and Lily stared at her. "Do I even want to know why that's your theory?"

Riley's brow furrowed curiously. "Not sure," she replied pensively. "But I think it has something to do with me drinking too much of that spiked punch."

Kay and Lily laughed, clinking their plastic cups together and cheering.

"Remind me to hunt down Sirius and murder him for spiking the punch," Lily sighed. "I onjly warned him about ten times today to stay away."

"It's not a party without the teensiest bit of alcohol," Riley argued, grinning.

"Teensiest bit?" Kay snorted. "I'm pretty sure if we had bendy straws around, you'd stick one into the punch and claim it as your own."

"As the birthday girl, I think that should be allowed."

"Oops, all out of bendy straws," Lily teased, poking her friend in the ribs who swatted her away.

"I have to admit, guys," Riley said with a grin as she finished off her glass of punch, "This has to be your best party yet."

"Care to dance?" a familiar voice drawled from behind.

Riley whirled around and groaned at the sight of Sirius. She turned back to Lily and Kay. "Oops, spoke too soon."

"I just so happen to be a fabulous dancer, Gilmore," Sirius explained with a wink. "And I'm chalking this up to me advocating for a semi-nice phase between you and myself once again."

She narrowed her eyes at him warily.

He rolled his eyes. "You haven't been on the dance floor for a while. I just thought it would be nice to get you to let loose some more."

"Isn't that what your spiked punch is for?" she smirked.

He looked less than amused. "What do you think I'm giong to do to you?"

"I don't know, put a frog down my back?" she suggested.

"Don't you think that dress is too tight for a frog to slip down the back?"

Riley glared at him.

"I mean, no, I will not be putting a frog down your back."

"Ice cube?"

"Am I seriously that heartless?"

Riley snorted and opened her mouth to protest.

"On second thought, don't answer that," Sirius responded.

Riley rolled her eyes, still gazing at him skeptically.

"Oh come on, Gilmore. One stupid birthday dance from the guy who you ultimately despise?"

She snorted. "Oh, well, when you put it that way," Riley replied sarcastically.

Lily, Kay, and Sirius couldn't help but laugh at the coyness in Riley's tone, but she still seeemd unamused. Her gaze continued to scrutinize Sirius, trying to find a logical explanation as to why he would go above and beyond the call of duty of ex-best friend and now sworn enemy and ask her to dance with him. She came up blank so she just decided to ask him. "Alright, just tell me. Why do you want to dance with me, Black?"

He rolled his eyes. "Because it's your birthday and everyone's birthday wish around here is to dance with the best-looking guy in the room," he drawled sarcastically.

"Yeah…" Lily interjected, letting her gaze linger across the room. "Where is Rhett anyway?"

Sirius scowled. "I resent that."

"I merely speak the truth."

He rolled his eyes and turned back to Riley, offering her his hand. "So how about it?" Sirius asked. "I promise I won't bite."

"Why do I think that sounds doubtful?"

"Gilmore, I have never had to try so hard to get a girl to dance with me before. You're wounding my ego."

"Good, you need that head deflated a bit."

He glared at her. "I'm not going anywhere until you accept a dance with me. It's one dance! What harm can it do?"

Riley glanced surreptitiously at Lily and Kay for an answer, but they both merely shrugged and nodded their assent.

"Well?" Sirius urged.

Riley found herself sighing reluctantly, "Fine, but only because I want to know what you're up to."

Sirius gave her a look. "What makes you think I'm up to something?"

"Well, for one, you're a Marauder," Riley replied matter-of-factly.

Sirius paused. "Fair enough."

They walked out to the dance floor as one of Riley's favorite songs came on. She found herself smiling as Sirius twirled her around, ignoring the shocked glances from those around her. She saw Rhett out of the corner of her eye, talking with his friend Braden. She met Rhett's gaze and smiled and became puzzled when he turned away from her, a confused frown on his face. She chalked it up to the fact that she was dancing with Sirius Black.

"Okay, so do tell: is Rhett a good kisser?" Sirius asked immediately.

Riley stopped dancing long enough to glare at him. "Excuse me?"

Sirius snickered. "It's just a question!"

"Yeah, one that you will hardly be getting the answer to."

"What?" he asked innocently, his typical Marauder smirk on his face.

Riley rolled her eyes. "I knew you were up to something."

"I'm not up to something. I'm making conversation," Sirius said with a grin, grabbing her shoulders and moving them so she would start dancing again. She reluctantly obliged. She blamed that on the fact taht she loved the song that was playing.

"You couldn't have brought up the weather?" she snorted.

Sirius' smirk widened. "Alright then. Lovely weather we've been having. So is Rhett a good kisser?"

Riley shook her head incredulously. "That's not exactly what I meant."

Sirius sighed overdramatically. "He's that bad, hm?"

"BLACK!"

Sirius laughed. "Fine, fine, moving on to another question. What's your idea of a perfect date?"

Riley gave him a look.

"I'm making conversation!"

"No, you're not. You're up to something."

"Good Godric, you're paranoid."

Riley rolled her eyes, shooting him an equally sly smirk and answering his prior question, "Alright then. My idea of a perfect date is you being pushed off a cliff and plunging into an ocean filled with hungry crocodiles."

Sirius hesitated. "Well, at least it involves me."

Riley found herself laughing, surprised that amusement was her immediate reaction. "You're so full of yourself, you know that?"

"Of course I am. If I weren't, I wouldn't be Sirius Black."

"Only you would be proud of that."

He grinned. "So how does it feel to be eighteen?"

"What's with all the questions?" Riley asked curiously. "You planning on blackmailing me with them later?"

"You dare accuse me of such things?" Sirius cried, feigning shock. Riley opened her mouth to protest but Sirius quickly interrupted her. "Actually, don't answer that."

Riley was thrown when he grabbed her hand and twirled her around. When she turned back to face him, a skeptical frown framed her face. "Black, tell me the truth. Why'd you ask me to dance?"

"I already told you."

Riley sighed and stopped dancing, crossing her arms bashfully. She gazed at him, hesitance in her eyes. "Black," she said, clearing her throat. "You don't have to be nice to me just because it's my birthday."

Sirius followed Riley's lead and stopped dancing. He locked eyes with her, frowning. "I-I'm not being nice to you just because it's your birthday."

"Then why are you even here?" Riley demanded to know irritably, ignoring the fact that they were just standing there on the middle of the dance floor awkwardly. "You didn't come last year. In fact you actively avoided the party last year by spending the entire evening in the company of Evelyn Marx. And when someone chooses to spend time with that clueless twit, believe me, they're avoiding something. Not to mention that you've hardly been involved with anything that has had to do with me for the past two years and you haven't shown much interest in my life one bit for the past two years, which just so happens to include my birthday. I just assumed, _and hoped_, you wouldn't come again this year and yet, here you are. And if that wasn't weird enough, you then asked me to dance with you! What am I supposed to take from that?"

"Why can't you just take it at face value?" Sirius said desperately, shaking his head incredulously. "Maybe I wanted to come and maybe I wanted to ask you to dance. Maybe I don't have a hidden agenda, Gilmore."

"You always have a hidden agenda," she muttered.

His frown deepened as he ran his fingers through his long hair, trying not to scream out in exasperation. "Why are you so convinced that I'm up to something?" Sirius said softly. "Maybe I'm being nice to you because I miss the old days. Maybe I'm being nice in hopes that you'll realize that I'm not such a bad guy and that I truly am sorry for what I did to you two years ago. Maybe I'm being nice because I'm tired of fighting with you. Because I've realized that I like being your friend far more than I like being your enemy. Maybe I'm being nice to you so you'll finally forgive me for what I did and we can go back to acting civil around each other. Maybe I'm being nice to you because, and here's a concept, I actually do care about you. Maybe I'm being nice to you because that's what you deserve. You may not want to be nice to me, and frankly I don't deserve it, but _you_ deserve some consideration from me. Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

Riley was extremely taken aback by his response and apparently so were a lot of people around them because they weren't the only ones who had stopped dancing. It was clear a quarrel was about to break out between Sirius and Riley and they were all curious to see where this was going to go. Especially now that hints at what occurred two years ago were on the table.

"Because I don't trust you, Black," she eventually said, for the first time admitting that to herself.

Sirius was oddly hurt by her comment, even though he should have expected it. "You don't have to trust me," he finally uttered. "You just have to believe me."

She met his stony gaze. "To believe you _would_ mean to trust you," she said softly.

He frowned. "Alright, don't trust me. Don't believe me. But can't you just allow me be nice to you without...without questioning it?" he snorted.

"How do you expect me not to question it after all that we've been through?" she murmured, shaking her head.

"Exactly," he retaliated almost immediately. "We've been through a lot. Isn't it time for us to mend a few fences?"

"This fence is far from salvageable," she whispered, hanging her head shamefully. "We...we can't go back to the people we used to be. It's just...it's not that easy."

"I know that," he snapped, his irritation slowly increasing. "You've made it abundantly clear this wasn't going to be easy."

She glared at him. "What, so now this is my fault?"

He sighed. "I didn't say that," he quickly defended, giving her a look. "I'm just pointing out that at least I'm willing to make an effort."

"Did you ever think that I don't want to make an effort?"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. "We can't go on feuding like this forever, Riley."

She hesitated slightly at the sound of her first name on his tongue. Something about it felt off. "Maybe not, but being friends isn't really an option for me right now," she argued with an uncomfortable shrug. "Not...not after what happened."

Sirius frowned, meeting her hesitant gaze. "It's been two years and you still think that's who I am?" he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear her answer.

Riley bit her lip nervously and turned away, wondering if anyone else could hear her heart thumping fast within her chest. She slowly glanced back up at him and was shocked to see desperation seeping through his eyes. "It's not that I think that that's who you are, Black," she said cautiously, making sure she emphasized his surname. "It's that I just don't care enough to find out who you are now."

Sirius felt a lump forming in his throat, wondering how it was possible that this conversation could have gone so wrong. It's not like he expected her to forgive him right then and there, but he was finally stepping up and admitting fault. All he wanted was for things to stop being so weird and hostile between them. They owed it to the people that they used to be, the _friends _they used to be, to try to patch things up. But it was obvious that he was the only one who thought so. "So that's how it's going to be then?" he asked, harsher than he intended.

She shrugged. "Yeah, that's how it's going to be," she snapped. "I'm not going to pretend we're something we're not, Black. And I'm certainly not going to pretend as if you could ever change."

Surprisingly, Sirius just laughed. It was a cynical laugh, however, that caused a chill to run down Riley's spine. "No," Sirius argued. "It's like you said. You just don't care to find out if I have." He whirled around, willing the crowd to part in order to let him through.

"You can't blame me for that!" Riley cried out after him.

He froze, trying to choose between ignoring her and defending himself. He chose the latter. "I never said I did," he snapped, turning back around to face her. "I never will, either, Riley. Don't you get that? I know what I did. I know it was my fault that we've ended up this way. I know I'm 100% accountable for the fallout we had. I blame myself for it and I always will. You think I enjoyed hurting you? You think I enjoyed ending our friendship? You think I enjoyed watching you grow to hate me? It kills me that I ruined things between us because you were one of my best friends. No, you were more than that. I fell for you, Riley. Yeah, did you hear that? Me, Sirius Black, fell for a girl!" The surrounding crowd erupted into a chorus of shocked whispers. That was news to them.

"_Shut up, Black_," Riley snapped, her ears turning pink. "You don't know what you're saying."

"No, I do. Maybe I'm finally saying what I should have two years ago."

She glared at him. "I've already told you I don't want to hear it, Black! I don't want to hear your excuses and I don't want to hear your explanations. It won't change a goddamned thing. And I don't _want _it to change. Maybe you're not okay with the way things are, but _I am_!" she shouted frantically, her eyes bulging with rage. "I am far better off now than I ever was with you in my life! _You _screwed things up between us, Sirius Black, and maybe you should just realize that we can't go back to the way things were! _You _ruined any chance of that!"

The room grew silent. Someone had even turned off the music. All eyes were on Sirius Black and Riley Gilmore, wondering what to expect next. While everyone had gotten used to their petty arguments and bickering matches, this was so much more than that. These were the words that had remained unspoken for years. The words that hinted towards their bizarre fallout, a fallout that everyone in the school still speculated about. And now to find out that before it happened, Sirius had done the unthinkable and fallen for Riley? But if he did, how did he go from there to being so wildly despised by her? These questions ran through everyone's heads. But the question that resided on the forefront was: what now?

As Sirius watched Riley seethe ruthlessly, he knew he had no way of getting through to her. What was worse, he didn't blame her. He couldn't go on pretending to hate her anymore but he sure as hell hated himself for the way things turned out. "Fine, you want to be nothing to each other? You've got it," he said breathlessly. "I'm done trying to apologize to you. I'm done trying to get you to listen to my side. I'm done trying to get you to see me for the person I want to be. Have a goddamned happy birthday," he snapped, shoving past a group of younger Gryffindors as he waltzed up the boys' dormitory stairwell and out of sight.

Riley stood there dumbfounded, ignoring the multitudes of stares she was receiving from everyone surrounding her. "Turn the music back on," she muttered to no one in particular. She was grateful when someone obliged as she traiped off the dance floor towards Lily and Kay in the corner of the room, whose stares were focused on her.

"So…was he up to something?" Lily asked.

Riley glared at her.

"I mean, let's go eat some cake."

Riley shrugged, thankful for the change of subject. "Okay."

But for the rest of the evening, Riley couldn't get Sirius' words out of her head no matter how hard she tried.

* * *

It was nearing one o'clock in the morning when Riley finally traipsed up to her bedroom with her two friends right beside her. "Thank you guys so much for the party," she said, stifling a yawn. "I'm thinking tomorrow morning I'm going to regret that last cup of punch."

Lily chuckled, shrugging. "Don't even think about skiving off classes."

Riley swore. "I was really hoping you wouldn't say that."

They wandered into their bedroom and Riley's eyes lit up with excitement. "Presents! This is by far the best part of the evening!" she cried out as she started diving into her presents in her dorm room. She fell to the floor and immediately started diving in as a way of forgetting about what had happened with Sirius earlier.

Lily rolled her eyes and dove into bed with a stifled yawn. "Gee, I'm glad you liked the party so much."

"You know I had the best time at the party. But that was only for a few hours. Presents last a lifetime," Riley grinned.

Kay laughed, joining Riley on the floor, reaching for her pillow to prop herself up. "Hm, did you get that off a Hallmark card or something?"

Riley threw some wrapping paper at Kay as they all laughed. She ripped open the first gift present and smiled. "Oh, nice, a new journal from Lance."

Kay's stomach lurched at the mere sound of Lance, her smile wavering slightly. She couldn't tell you why, but thinking of Lance reminded her of something she was dying to ask Riley. "Hey, Riley?"

"Hm?" Riley asked when diving into another gift.

"Did Sirius really fall for you?"

Riley froze and even Lily was taken aback by the question. Both of them turned to glance curiously at Kay as Riley attempted to regain her composure. "Er...well...I...uh...I-I mean, what kind of question is that?"

"A legitimate one," Kay said with a shrug. "He was the one that brought it up. I'm just curious to know your side."

Riley could feel her heart racing as she cursed Sirius inwardly, wondering why he had to go running his mouth like that. "It was two years ago," she said hastily. "I'd rather not get into it."

"So he did fall for you," she said matter-of-factly.

"Does it really matter?" Riley murmured.

"Yeah, I think it does."

Riley shot her a look. "It was _two years ago_. So much has changed since then. Why do we have to focus on something I'd prefer to leave alone?"

"Because whatever happened between you two is clearly still hurting you," Lily finally interjected softly. "And as your friends, we hate to see you hurt. We are just-"

"Let me stop you right there," Riley interrupted irritably. "I am not hurt over something Sirius Black did. I've simply learned never to expect anything from him."

"Don't you ever miss it, though?" Kay asked curiously. "The way you two used to be? Your friendship?"

"_No_," she snapped. "Because our friendship meant nothing to him. And because of that, it meant nothing to me."

"He fell for you so it must have meant something," Lily murmured.

"He didn't fall for me," she scowled. "The guy hasn't a clue what falling for anyone even means. It's just words. Empty words that mean very little to me."

"What _happened_?" Kay blurted out. "What, did he fall for you and you didn't fall back? Or did you fall back and you didn't know what to do with it? Or did he just-"

"Or nothing!" Riley pleaded, shaking her head. "_Please _just...just leave it alone. I've learned to forget about it so why can't you?"

"It sounds to me as if you haven't forgotten about it," Lily said softly. "That you're just merely trying to pretend as if you have."

"You don't get it," Riley argued, shooting her a look. "You weren't there. And I am not going to get into it with you. I have never wanted to discuss it with him so why would I want to discuss it with two people who couldn't possible understand? So I am desperately asking you two to just _leave it alone_. Please."

Kay and Lily exchanged a look and knew there was nothing more they could say unless they wanted to be on Riley's bad side. And no one wanted to be on Riley's bad side. Or they might end up like Sirius.

"How about you just finish opening your presents?" Kay murmured.

Riley breathed a sigh of relief as she reached for another few gifts. "Damn, this is the third article of clothing that someone has given me. What is it with people buying me clothes?"

Lily and Kay exchanged looks. "Riley, you're a clothes freak. You never complain about people giving you clothes. Why the hell don't you want people buying you clothes?"

Riley gave them a look. "Because it's always more fun when I get money so I can buy the clothes myself. Hello, shopping spree," she said with a grin.

Lily blinked and turned to Kay. "Well, at least it's not a selfish reason," she said sarcastically.

Riley stuck her tongue out at Lily.

"Ahh, selfish _and_ immature," Lily replied sarcastically. "Tell me again why the guys all go for you?"

"Because I'm perrrrrty," Riley teased.

"Okay, so exactly how much of the spiked punch did she drink?" Kay asked Lily with a chuckle.

"None!" Riley argued.

Lily and Kay both gave her a look.

"Okay, one cup."

Lily and Kay increased their stare.

"Well…maybe two."

They both snorted in reply.

"Okay, seven cups!" Riley cried in defeat. "Man, you two are tough."

"Yes, sitting here and staring at you without speaking can do that," Kay snickered, ducking from a flying pillow.

Riley dissolved into giggles, probably due to the punch, and eventually Kay and Lily joined in, mostly because Riley's laughter was infectious.

"So how does it feel to be eighteen?" Lily eventually asked once their laughter died down, diving into a more serious question as Riley finished opening her gifts.

Riley shrugged. "No different from being seventeen I guess."

Lily yawned and stretched out. "Yeah, I think I'll only start feeling eighteen when I graduate and I'm living out on my own."

Riley nodded as she grabbed one of the remaining wrapped boxes on the floor. "Yeah, I agree. I think it's really the pivotal moments of a year that can relate to the age you are. I think that graduation is definitely a pivotol moment in an eighteen-year-old's life," she muttered, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed.

"No, no, no, don't get depressed on us," Kay whined, throwing a ribbon in Riley's face. "This is your birthday. We're supposed to be celebrating!"

Riley made a face. "Lily brought it up," she whined.

"Well, I'm taking it back!" Lily grinned. "Now open up those last few presents."

Riley snickered and obliged, quickly unwrapping the gift in front of her. "Aw, Kay, these dress robes are so cute!"

"I thought you didn't want people to buy you clothes," Lily snorted.

"Yeah, _other_ people. From you guys it's fine."

"Why? Because you know if you tell us you hate them then we'll come after you and kill you?" Kay snickered.

"Imagine that. Dying on the same day as you were born," Lily giggled.

"First of all, it's not the same day as I was born considering it's after midnight. And second of all, clothes from you guys are okay because you two have taste," Riley explained, immediately getting up from off the floor to try the dress robes on. She threw off her halter top and shorts and shimmied into the robes.

Kay burst into laughter. "You mean _I_ have taste."

"HEY!" Lily argued. "I have taste!"

"Must I remind you about last week when you wore your Gryffindor scarf with that bright pink shirt of yours?" Kay pointed out.

"The common room was cold, The scarf was practical!" Lily argued.

"No, a _blanket_ would have been practical," Riley snickered, wandering over to the mirror to get a good look at her. She smiled at herself, appreciating the dark blue sequined robes.

"And only if that blanket matched your pink," Kay added on.

"I don't have any blankets that would match my pink shirt. One of my _favorite_ shirts, mind you," Lily growled.

Kay shrugged. "Well then you-"

"And I wasn't going to freeze!" Lily interrupted loudly.

Kay turned to Riley, who was heading back to the pile of gifts (not under shredded wrapping paper). "How'd she know I was going to say that?" Kay asked.

"Because you always think it's better to look good than to be wearing the right kind of clothes for the weather," Lily snorted.

"That is so not true!" Kay disagreed.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Last week you wore a jean skirt even thought it was the coldest day of the term by far because it was the only thing that looked good with your black sweater, which you just absolutely had to wear."

"Well, the sweater is a winter sweater. It's not my fault that I don't have any pants that match it," Kay explained.

Riley rolled her eyes and tuned out the jesting debate between Lily and Kay as she grabbed one of the last gifts from off the floor. It was hiding under a bunch of torn wrapping paper and was practically shoved under her bed, almost on purpose. And if she found that strange, it was nothing compared to what she found next.

It was just a simple black box with a periwinkle bow on the top (her favorite color even though she wished people to think it was black) and there was no card or note letting her know who it was from. As the argument between Lily and Kay got louder, Riley found herself more intrigued by the gift than whatever the two of them had to say. She found it fairly odd that whoever had given her the gift hadn't wrapped it, knew exactly the type of ribbon she would have liked on top, and didn't even bother to clue her in to who it was from.

She tore off the ribbon and the bow and slowly opened the box. She gasped inwardly, quiet enough so that Lily and Kay's quarrel drowned it out but loud enough to express exactly what she was feeling. Surprisingly herself, she smiled. She knew immediately it was from Sirius.

Riley stared into the box in awe, a reminiscent feeling suddenly overwhelming her. She lifted the gorgeous glass picture frame out of the box and stared at it with mixed emotions. She ran her fingers along the engraving at top, the words Not-so-Sirius and Smiley Riley popping out at her. They were the stupid nicknames they had forced upon each other as innocent eleven years olds. But even as she thought how foolish those names were, they made her smile.

As her fingers continued to dance lightly against those engraved words, her eyes focused in on the faces in the photo. The happy-go-lucky faces in the photo. Just her and Sirius looking young and acting carefree. She was perched on Sirius' back as he zoomed around the Hogwarts grounds and paused in front of the camera ever-so-slightly looking like his old smirking self, with a simple wink before he was taking off again. Her heart skipped a beat as she noticed how happy they looked. Their smiles were mesmerizing and the way she held on to his neck for dear life showed how much she had once cared for him. She knew that by Sirius giving this photo to her, he was just doing exactly what he had tried to explain earlier. He was just trying to be her friend again.

Because seconds before that picture was taken, she and Sirius had made a pact to stay best friends forever.

And of course she had to go and ruin things between them even more.

"Riley!"

Riley snapped her head up and threw the picture back in the box, not wanting her friends to see it, as she shoved it back under her bed. "What?"

"We asked you to decide for us," Kay explained, looking at the box curiously. "Who has more taste in clothing? Me or Lily—and if you say Lily, don't think I won't take away those dress robes and keep them for myself."

"And don't think I won't get you anything for your birthday if you keep arguing about this!" Lily cried, throwing a pillow at Kay with a laugh. "So Riley, what was in the box?"

"And who was it from?" Kay asked.

Riley was never good at lying but for someone reason she didn't really want Kay and Lily analyzing what the picture meant coming from Sirius. She had to figure that out for herself before even bothering to ask their opinion.

"Uh…present from home," Riley explained guiltily. "Just some books I've wanted."

And before Lily or Kay could ask any more questions, she grabbed the last box and tore open the paper, with hopes of changing the subject.

However, the box under her bed was the only thing that she could think about for the rest of the night.

* * *

A little more than an hour later, Lily and Kay had fallen asleep, along with Miranda and Justine who found it necessary to jeer at Riley's presents (probably because they rarely got half as much stuff as she had) when they returned from most likely a drunken excursion before heading off to bed. They had always found a reason to disappear on her birthday, wanting to share no part in the festivities. And Riley was perfectly fine with that. But as she listened to the light breathing around the room and tried to lull herself back to sleep, she found it nearly impossible. She kept thinking about that damned picture frame and what it represented. And when she wasn't thinking about the photo, she was thinking about the annoyingly wonderful memories that she had once shared with Sirius. She didn't realize how much she missed them. It used to be so easy being Sirius' friend. It used to be uncomplicated and fun. And while she would forever blame Sirius for betraying her trust and breaking her heart, there was a small part of her (a very tiny part that she rarely listened to) that blamed herself for falling for him in the first place.

She groaned, trying to rid herself of any good memories. It wasn't worth living in the past to try and figure out the present. _He _wasn't worth it.

And yet, she kept thinking backto the harsh words she had uttered on the dance floor that night when Sirius had asked her what her idea of a perfect date was.

_You being pushed off a cliff and plunging into an ocean filled with hungry crocodiles._

Four hours ago, she had meant that. And now she felt guilty. And why? All because of a damned photo?

Riley sighed and glanced at her wristwatch, which was blinking brightly 2:45. And she knew that if she stayed up in her dorm room thinking about Sirius all night, she'd go through the whole day tomorrow regretting sitting alone on the night of her birthday thinking about him.

But she couldn't help it.

Miranda started snoring, which caused Riley to jump a bit. She sighed, knowing that sleep was a lost cause. She threw the covers off of her and reached underneath her bed to dig for the picture frame she had stashed there. She glanced at it again, her eyes zoning in solely on the huge Cheshire cat grin on Sirius' face. Her heart skipped a beat, wondering what to make of it. Wondering what to make of what he said earlier. Had he really been sincere? For the first time in his life, was he being true to his vulnerable side by laying it all out on the line to her?

She didn't know the answer to that, but before she knew what she was doing, she reached for her robe hanging on her bed post and threw it on over her pajamas. She grabbed a blanket off the end of her bed and tiptoed out of the room and down to the common room. She sure as hell wasn't able to think while tossing and turning in her bed so maybe the solace of a vast common room would give her perspective.

She had only been down to the common room a handful of times in the middle of the night and alone, and she had always found it rather comforting. All the candles that were always lit during the day were extinguished and the fire in the corner of the room was dying slowly. It was nearly pitch black except for the tiny sparks from the embers and the reflection of the moon casting over the room. It was peaceful. It made her thoughts feel just a little bit clearer. She slowly wandered over to the armchair near one of the windows and took a seat.

Riley looked down at the photo again and felt an unexpected smile spread across her face. Flashbacks of her first four years there with Sirius were zooming around in her mind once again: all of the midnight trips down to the kitchens, the times he chased her around the Hogwarts grounds, the mid-afternoon dips in the lake in the Spring, the marathons of chess or Exploding Snaps where they would ignore their homework, the times they skipped History of Magic and snuck down to the dungeons to hang out, their nicknames of Smiley Riley and Not-So-Sirius, the late nights they would spend in the common room playing truth-or-dare, and the summers they spent together when Sirius would be at James' and Riley was just down the street. The summer before their fifth year was probably when Riley first realized that she didn't want to be just Sirius' friend.

She thought back to the last time she had been alone in the common room at such an obscene hour. It was the night she found out Sirius had betrayed her and slept with someone else. Except instead of sitting on the armchair thinking about all the good times they used to have, she just cried. She sat in front of the fire and sobbed for hours (she lost count after the third hour), late into the night until she was interrupted by a house-elf very early in the morning, to which she scurried upstairs before the house-elf thought anything of her. She had never felt so pathetic or humiliated than at the moment she found out that Sirius was exactly the guy everyone in the school claimed him to be. She had defended him for so long and as is turned out, all of the rumors about him were true. She had thought at the time she knew Sirius Black better than anyone but in the end, she didn't know him at all.

Riley bit her lip and tried to interpret what the picture really meant. For all she knew, he was just trying to throw their previous friendship in her face. In fact, she wouldn't put it past him if he was just making the gesture in order to make Riley go absolutely crazy (and if he was doing that…it certainly was working). She also could see Sirius just giving her the picture in order to-

She froze when she heard footsteps coming from the boys' dormitory stairs but before she could hide or pray the person didn't see her, a figure appeared. Before Riley realized what she was doing, she cried out, "James?"

If Riley was scared at the sound of footsteps, that was absolutely nothing compared to the girly, high-pitched scream that was uttered from James' mouth.

Riley snickered. "Scared much?"

James gave her a look. "Well, considering it's three in the morning I wasn't really expecting anyone else to be down here!"

Riley shrugged, not really wanting to explain. "What are you doing here?"

"I was heading back to my room. What-"

"Now?" Riley snorted. "You, Remus, Sirius, and Peter have been up this whole time?"

"Well, we were thinking of some last minute pranks when—wait, what did you just say?" James demanded to know, slowly walking over to where Riley was sitting. She quickly shoved the picture under the chair cushion as fast as she could.

"Huh?"

James hesitantly came around the chair and sat on the armrest beside her, giving her a wary look. "You…you just said Sirius' name."

Riley was mentally slapping herself as she tried not to show it. "Uh…so?"

"I haven't heard you utter his name in two years, Riles. What's going on?"

Riley shrugged innocently, turning away from him. "His name must have slipped I guess. It's no big deal. I mean, it _is_ three in the morning—I'm not exactly thinking straight at three in the morning."

James gave her a look. "Riles, you could be burning at the stake in a very heated fire and you would still remember to call Sirius by his surname."

Riley blinked. "When would I be burned at the stake?"

James rolled his eyes. "I think you're missing the point here."

"And I think you're missing the fact that if you continue to berate me like this, you will be the one to die in a mysterious common room fire. And hey, if you'd like, I'll even put you on a stake."

James couldn't help but laugh. "Gee, how sweet of you. You realize that you would never be able to live your life without me, right?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "Eh, I'd cope."

He pouted. "We're best friends, Riles. You can't just get over the awesomeness of my friendship in a matter of minutes."

She froze, thoughts of her failed friendship with Sirius at the forefront of her mind.

"Er...what?" he asked, sensing the panic in her eyes.

"Do you think he meant what he said earlier?" she asked softly.

James knitted his brow in confusion. "I'm going to need a little more information here."

She forced out a weak smile. "Black. Sirius. Whatever his name is. Do you think he meant what he said on the dance floor earlier? About just...just wanting to be friends again?"

James shrugged. "Honestly, I can't speak for him. For being the King of Gossip at this school, he's remarkably tight-lipped on anything to do with you."

"Mm" was all Riley could think of to say.

"But I don't think he would have said it if he didn't mean it," James added cautiously. "I think that whatever semi-nice phase you two are going through is something he really appreciates."

She sighed.

"I guess the question is now do _you_ appreciate it?"

She didn't respond. Mostly because she didn't have any answer. For so long, her life didn't include him and that was the way she thought she wanted it. But now, she wasn't so sure. How is it that a single photo can bring back such great memories and make her question everything she has thought for two full years? "I-I don't know how to answer that," she said in a small voice. She glanced up at the curiosity in her oldest friend's eyes. "Does it make me a bad person if I don't want things to go back to the way they used to be between me and Black? Is it so wrong of me to just want to the past to be in the past?"

James shook his head. "You're not a bad person and it's not wrong of you to want what you want, Riles. But don't you think you deserve to hear what Sirius wants? I think that's where you're wrong here. In not at least listening to him explain what had happened."

"I don't want to hear it," she said desperately, shaking her head. "I don't want to go through it again. Once was enough."

He frowned. He so desperately wished he knew what had occurred between them. But he had long learned to speculate. It was clearly their business and they didn't want it to be anyone else's. He had learned to just respected that. "Dare I ask where this is all coming from?"

Riley glanced up at him, a sigh escaping her lips. She stared at him, musing over the situation and trying to will her heart to stop beating so loudly. Eventually, she reached under the chair cushion and pulled out the picture frame that she had stashed there. She carelessly handed it to James. "Black gave this to me for my birthday," she muttered.

James found himself smiling at the memory. If he recalled correctly, it had been him who had snapped the photo. "Wow, you guys look so-"

"Happy?" Riley finished in a half-whisper.

James eyes strayed from the photo as he gazed curiously at the girl beside him. "I was going to say young," he said with a lopsided smiled. "But it's rather indicative of you to use the word 'happy.'"

She glared at him.

He chuckled, shrugging. "For what it's worth, yeah, you two do look happy in this photo. And I'm pretty sure that's why he gave it to you."

"I still think he's messing with me," she muttered not so convincingly.

James rolled his eyes, smiling at the goofy nicknames engraved at the top. "You really think he engraved those ridiculous nicknames you gave each other in our first year on to the photo frame because he's messing with you?"

"Yes."

"Are you just trying to convince yourself of that?" James snorted. "Because I'm certainly not buying it."

She sighed, pulling the blanket up to her chin vulnerably. "I just don't know what to believe anymore, James," she muttered.

He pursed his lips inquisitively before shrugging, handing her the frame back. "Alright, let's think about this logically, shall we?"

Riley's eyebrows furrowed as she placed the photo frame back in the crease of the chair. "You know how to be logical?"

He gasped overdramatically, poking her in the ribs. "Do you want my help or not?"

She chuckled and slowly nodded. "Continue."

"What did he get you for your birthday last year?"

Riley pondered the question before shaking her head. "He didn't get me anything."

"Hm, okay, then what did he get you two years ago for your birthday?"

"We were friends then. It doesn't matter what he got me then."

James paused. "This logic thing isn't working for me, is it."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Apparently."

"How about last year for Christmas? Did he get you anything?"

Riley snorted, remembering exactly what he had gotten. She had stupidly opened it up in front of her entire family, her face breaking out into a dark shade of crimson when she realized what he had given her. "An edible thong."

James raised an eyebrow. "And has that been put to good use?"

Riley shoved him, giving him a look. "I'm not so sure that's the matter at hand."

"I cannot continue with my analysis until my question is answered."

"How about I fling it at your head and strangle you with it?"

James rolled his eyes. "Ooh, a woman throwing her underwear at me. That's never been done before," he said sarcastically.

Riley snorted. "I'm going to bet that it hasn't. However, women desiring to strangle you? I bet that has."

He pouted. "Just one woman in particular. But we are so not talking about Evans right now."

Riley laughed. "If you insist on chatting about Black, you can't blame me for inquiring about your own love-hate relationship."

"Emphasis on hate," he muttered, waving his hand dismissively. "But I already said this isn't about her."

"Well, it's not about edible thongs either!"

James chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Look at it this way, Riles. Sirius got you nothing for your birthday last year, but he got you something for Christmas. And now he's being sentimental and giving you this engraved picture frame. He's clearly making his way up," he teased.

Riley gave him a look. "You call this a logical conversation?" she whined. "Besides, I don't think you can really go down from edible underwear."

James snickered and crossed his arms. "Sure you can. An edible thong and a matching chocolate bra."

Riley threw a pillow at him.

"I guess that's a gift for next year then?"

Riley made a face. "How'd you know the thong was chocolate-flavored, hm?"

James rolled his eyes. "Well, I gave him the idea," he replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Riley laughed. "I'm surprised Kristina isn't one of those girls who wants to strangle you."

"At times I'm sure she does," he said with a grin. "It's a good thing I'm cute. You can't strangle someone who's cute. It's injust."

Riley's eyebrow heightened slowly. "But you're justifying the concept of strangling ugly people?"

"Eh, I'm not _not_ justifying it," he teased.

"And you wonder why Lily thinks you're arrogant."

James shrugged. "Nah, I stopped wondering. Mostly because I stopped caring."

"Right," Riley said with the roll of her eyes.

"We are not talking about her, remember?" James grunted. "Can I ask you a question?"

"If it has anything to do with an edible thong or bra, then no."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Not quite," he spoke. "Don't you ever miss the old days?"

Riley gave him a curious look, taken aback by the question. She buried herself underneath the blanket with a sigh, knowing what he was referring to. But she stalled answering the question. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "Don't you ever miss being friends with Sirius? Don't you miss being able to laugh and joke around with him and just...just enjoy each other's company? Don't you miss the people you were? The bond you had? You guys were inseparable. I just...I find it hard to believe that even a small part of you wouldn't want to go back to the way things were."

Riley shivered, uncertain if it was because it was cold or because James had seemed to be reading her mind. "Not really," she lied, finally realizing that what James had just said was exactly what she was starting to feel but was too scared to even admit it to herself. That's why she couldn't stop thinking about the picture frame. That's why she couldn't get his words out of her head. That's why she was even bothering to talk about him at all with James. She did miss Sirius. But the Sirius she knew for their first five years was a different Sirius than the one she knew now. And she just didn't know if she could be friends with the new Sirius. "If you knew what he had done, you'd understand why."

"Hm, that does beg another question."

"James," she warned.

He sighed. "This is going to be one of those questions that will never be answered, only ever speculated about, isn't it? Like who killed Kennedy?"

Riley looked up at him in awe. "I'm impressed you know who Kennedy is."

"I may have been a kid when he was killed and he may have been a Muggle, but I'm pretty sure my mother was in love with him," James teased.

"I'm pretty sure mine was, too," Riley chuckled.

"So, can I ask you another question?"

Riley groaned. "What now?"

"Can you move over and share that blanket with me? It's freezing in here!" he cried as he practically pushed Riley over.

"Now, that I can do," she laughed, as they squished together in the armchair to keep warm.

* * *

After another hour of talking and divulging old and new secrets to each other, they both agreed that at four o'clock in the morning, it was probably the time to attempt to get some sleep considering they had to sit throgh a day of classes the following day.

And surprisingly enough, Riley was able to fall asleep without another thought of Sirius. James distracted her long enough to forget the conflictions she was having in her head. But when she woke up early the next morning, a sudden feeling of forgetfulness was lurking in the back of her head. After a quick shower and a note to Lily and Kay letting them know she was heading down to breakfast, she grabbed her bag in haste and wandered down to the Great Hall. But before she could leave the empty Gryffindor common room, she gasped when she realized that the picture frame Sirius had given her was still stuck in between the folds of the armchair. She stuffed it into her bag before making the journey down to the Great Hall with no more interruptions.

Her heart skipped a beat as her gaze fell upon the Marauders in the middle of the Gryffindor table. She sighed, her thoughts on that photo frame now taking occupancy up in her schoolbag. Before she knew what she was going, she was swiftly sliding into the seat beside Remus. She forced a smile upon her face and reached for a scone immediately, ignoring the nervous feeling in the back of her mind when she glanced towards Sirius. She stuffed it in her mouth, devouring it in almost just a single bite, and took a sip of orange juice to let it slide down her throat. After that, she looked up at the Marauders (who were officially giving her weird looks), and said brightly, "Hey guys. How's it going?"

When she looked at their disgusted faces, she inquired further. "What?"

"You eat like Sirius!" Remus snickered.

"Gee, thanks," Sirius snorted, shoveling a bite of eggs into his mouth.

Riley scrunched up her nose. "I eat like that?"

"Well, no, he's worse," James laughed.

"I am sitting right here, y'know."

"Yeah, and you eat like a pig. Your point?" Peter snorted

"It's barely eight in the morning and I'm being ganged up on. I can feel that this is going to be a great day," Sirius replied sarcastically, shoving another forkful of food in his mouth.

"Well, considering we have an hour of pure hell in Charms and a double History of Magic today, I think you are very right," James pointed out, stifling a yawn. He met Riley's gaze and was surprised to see a weirdly complacent smile on her face. He wondered if she had actually taken their conversation about Sirius the night before into consideration. He kept this to himself, however, changing the subject. "Hey Sirius, have you decided what you want for Christmas yet?"

Sirius grinned and stared past James with a hungry look on his face. "Hell yeah."

James turned around to look at what he was staring at and sighed. "Well, I don't think I have a big enough box for her, so pick something else. Preferably something from Zonko's."

Sirius pouted. "You never get me what I want."

"That's because you never tell me what you want!"

"I want her!"

"You're not getting her!"

"You never get me what I want!" Sirius repeated.

James rolled his eyes and turned to Remus. "Why is it that you're so much easier to shop for?"

"Because I'm normal," Remus snickered.

"Oh, right."

"Oh, good, the ganging up on Sirius is still continuing," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Hey everyone," Lily muttered, yawning as she slipped beside Riley and leaned her head on her shoulder. "Kay's still nagging at Justine and Miranda to stop banging on the bathroom door in order to finish her shower so I decided to leave before someone's shoe was sent accidentally in my direction and I was knocked unconscious."

Peter snorted. "Like that could ever happen."

Lily gave him a look. "I still have the scar to prove that it's happened before."

Riley snickered. "Don't those two learn that if they wake up later than us, they get the last two showers? A.k.a. cold water."

"Yeah, which results in them annoying us all day because they didn't get their long showers," Lily grumbled.

"You need new roommates," Remus snickered.

"Yeah, I realized that in our first year when they claimed going somewhere without lip gloss was considered a sin," Riley pointed out.

"Yeah, and that curling irons were the best invention since eye shadow," Lily mumbled.

"Ahh, talking about the bitches from hell, are we?" a voice drawled from behind them. Kay slipped into the bench beside her friends, a frustrated look on her face.

"I can't believe that two girls could be so incredibly shallow," James pointed out.

"They're certainly in the kiddie side of the local pool," Sirius joked.

They all stared at him.

"It's early! I'll work on the jokes later."

"You know, if the joke is lame you could always—oh, I don't know—_not_ say it," Lily pointed out.

"My jokes are never lame," Sirius corrected. "Sometimes they're just not up to my usual standard."

"I didn't realize your humor had standards," Lily snorted, flashing him a smile as she poured herself a large cup of coffee.

"I have different levels of humor," he explained, pouting.

"None, and lame, and not worth even a short giggle?" Remus chimed in with a snicker.

Sirius scowled. "I'll have you know that most girls in this school compliment me first on my humor!"

Five pairs of eyes stared back at him, some with skeptical gazes and some with laughable expressions. Riley seemed to find her bacon a lot more interesting than the conversation held in front of her.

"Okay, you're right, most girls compliment me on my sexy smile and my smoldering eyes," Sirius retaliated dreamily, peaking his eyebrows suggestively. "But I'm pretty sure one or two of them has complimented me on my humor in the past as well."

Lily sighed, shaking her head incredulously. "How does your head not explode with all of that arrogance?"

Before Sirius could respond, Kay chimed in. "Well, there isn't much else up there," she reminded them.

"Ahh, right, makes sense," the five others agreed. Riley was still too busy skewing her eggs on to her fork to bother listening to the conversation.

"You guys are mean this early in the morning," he whimpered, slumping down on the bench.

They all shared a laugh before digging back into their breakfast. A comfortable silence spread across them before Lily broke it. "Hey, Riley, where'd Rhett go off last night?"

Riley looked up from her food momentarily, not taking notice to the panicked smirk on Sirius' face, and hesitated. "Hm, that's a good question." She looked over at the Hufflepuff table but after doing a quick search, she noted that he wasn't there. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Oh well, I guess I'll find out in Charms."

"Hey, babe."

They all looked behind James and saw Kristina there, a strained smile on his face.

"Hey, Kristina," James said curiously, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "What's going on?"

She shrugged, taking a sideways glance at Lily. "I just wanted to tell you that my plans for Christmas sort of…er…fell through, so I'm going to be here," she explained.

James' eyes lit up, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down towards him so he could kiss her. "That's awesome!"

She giggled. "I thought you might feel that way."

"Why aren't your parents going skiing this year?" James asked curiously.

Kristina shifted in her seat and shrugged, turning away from his gaze. "Well, you know my stepmother. Wants everything her way and…and she wants alone time with daddy this year," she lied.

"Well, I _love _your stepmother right this moment," James grinned.

"Yeah, me, too. Who would've thought it was possible?" she laughed. "And I figured when else could we spend ample time hanging out in your common room for a whole two weeks."

"Whoa there, let's not get too hasty here!" Lily immediately perked up, glaring at the two of them. "No way will you two be spending all of _my_ Christmas break in my common room. You sure your stepmother wants alone time?"

Kristina glared at her. "You don't control that common room, Lily. Haven't you ever heard of a thing called compromise?"

Before Lily could snap at her, James chimed in. "Yeah, it's my Christmas break and it's my common room. I will be using it whenever I want."

"Well, you have your own brain but apparently you don't use that ever," Lily retorted.

"Oh, that was original," James muttered dryly.

"Shove off, Potter," Lily growled, "Unless you'd like me to enlargen your head to the size it actually is."

James rolled his eyes. "You really need to learn to come up with some better material. Your words don't bother me anymore."

Lily smirked, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye as she chucked a piece of scone into her mouth. "Does that mean at one point my words did bother you? Glad to hear you actually care."

"I could care less, Evans," he snapped, shooting her a look. "I sure as hell am not going to waste any of my time thinking about _you_."

"I could think about her all day," Sirius interrupted, winking playfully at Lily.

She groaned, shuddering. "Why do I get the feeling there's a sexual connotation attached?"

"Because there is."

Lily made a face. "Why do I hang out with you guys again?"

"That's easy," Sirius replied, patting his hair down haughtily. "Because I'm pretty."

Lily gave him a look and turned to Remus. "Okay, you're smart, logical, funny, and you have common sense. Tell me again why you hang out with these guys?"

Sirius and James looked at each other in confusion. "I think she's saying we're dumb, illogical, unamusing, and we have no common sense," Sirius said.

"So maybe you are smart," Lily snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Hate to break it to you, Evans, but there are plenty of people in this school who would much rather spend their time hanging out with us supposed dumb, illogical, unamusing, lack of common sense folk versus _your _boring, adventureless, _nobody_ self," James snapped, glaring at Lily.

She narrowed her eyes, a glacial stare piercing through his. "There you go again thinking anyone not living up to your superior standards is considered a nobody."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm arrogant and think I'm better than everyone," James drawled, rolling his eyes. "Have I mentioned recently that you need to get new material?"

"Have I mentioned recently that you need to get a new attitude?" she snapped, her glare intensifying at his nonchalance.

"My attitude is just fine, thank you very much," James replied snootily. "Just because you don't particularly find me charming doesn't mean everybody else doesn't."

"Oh, dear Merlin," she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief. "That so-called charm of yours is nothing but overzealous pretentiousness. I just happen to be the only one in this school, probably in the world, who refuses to fall for your pretty boy, ostentatious swagger. Because all I see behind your confident eyes and your arrogant smirk is a hoodwinking, selfish prat who is motivated merely by the downfall of those who he deems inferior to him. I, for one, am better than that. And I damned well do not need to associate with the likes of you."

"Then stop associating with him," Kristina snapped, glaring at the Head Girl. "You might hate hearing this, but the reason James acts superior is because he is! He's better than you'll ever be!"

"Kristina," James muttered, blushing. "Forget it. She'll never listen."

"_I'll _never listen?" Lily barked, her glare turning menacing. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop acting like you're King of the World and maybe people will actually resepect _you_ and not just your popularity status!"

James rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth to retort, but Lily quickly cut him off. "Maybe you should take a look around and realize that the people you are so determined to tear down are just that: _people_! They're not your puppets or your minions. They're not toys, they're not jokes, they're not games. They weren't put on this earth for your entertainment and they shouldn't be playing the role of your subordinates! You have Sirius, Remus, and Peter to play the part of your lackey!"

"Hey!" Sirius chimed in, followed by surprised and yet slightly discouraged expressions from Remus and Peter.

Lily ignored him, her cheeks flushing with rage and her eyes filling with hatred. But James could have sworn he saw something else flickering in her beautiful green eyes. He thought he saw disappointment. Vulnerability even. And he couldn't figure out where it was coming from. "When are you going to grow up, Potter?" she sneered. "You're not that twelve-year-old kid anymore. Maybe you should try acting your age." She turned around on her heels to storm out of the room.

"Maybe it's time _you _grew up and got over this grudge you've been holding against me for the past seven years!" James snarled.

She whirled around, her eyes blazing. "This isn't about me holding a grudge," she said surprisingly calmly. "This is about me hating the prat that you've become. Because you're better than the jackass you are so determined to be, Potter. In fact, I've _seen _you better than this. But fleeting moments of generosity doesn't make you a good person!"

Distress registered on James' face. He frowned. For once, he was speechless. She so obviously hated him. Despised him. Loathed him. And it was clear there was nothing he could say to get her to reveal her secrets behind her sudden hatred. "So let me get this straight," he mumbled. "Not only am I arrogant, selfish, immature, apparently am a hoodwinker, whatever the hell that even means, and have a superiority complex. Did I miss anything?" He glanced over at Sirius who was apparently supposed to give him some sort of reassurance. Sirius could only shrug, too intrigued by the potential of this discussion to attempt to make a lively joke. "But I'm also overall just a bad person?"

She smirked. "You might as well have been placed in Slytherin."

He clenched his fists tightly, his eyes narrowing with a blend of rage and disappointment. "And now you're comparing me to future Death Eaters," he muttered bitterly.

She shrugged curtly. "You realize that Slytherins get off on torturing those they believe to be inferior to them, right? Sounds an awful lot like a certain Head Boy that I know," she scoffed.

She ignored the surprised expressions that crossed her friends' faces, refusing to turn her gaze away from James. He quickly averted his eyes away from hers, finding a sudden interest in the plate full of food in front of him, uncertain how to respond. He was finding it near impossible to look at her. He couldn't look the girl he had once thought so highly of in the eye knowing that she thought so little of him. And knowing that he suddenly thought just as little of her. No one compared him to the Slytherins. No one. He had no idea what he had done to her, but he sure as hell didn't think he deserved to be accused of such hatred and prejudice. "I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to you that made you hate me _so much _you felt compelled to...to compare me to a group of people who are thrilled to know their futures include mass murder." He reached for his books and jammed them under his arm. "But if that's what you really think of me, I'm more sorry that you obviously never got to know me. Or even tried."

Lily swallowed hard, recognizing a flicker of hurt in his eyes. "I'm done trying with you, Potter," Lily murmured.

He stared at her for a few lingering seconds. "Yeah," he said softly. "You've made that abundantly clear." Without so much as a second glance her way, he swooped out of the Great Hall, leaving Lily to ponder his last words.

"You don't think that was just a tad harsh?" Riley eventually spoke up.

"I think 'a tad' is an under-exaggeration," Kristina snorted, shooting a glare Lily's way. "Who the hell do you think you are? You're calling _him _arrogant? You are suddenly acting like you own the bloody ground you walk on! And all he ever did was try to be nice of you. Can't imagine why." It didn't take her long to storm out.

Normally, Lily would have shot an insult Kristina's way, but she was feeling too humiliated to even try and come up with a good comeback so she just let her go. "Potter's an ass. I don't think I should feel guilty for anything I said."

"No, but you do," Sirius said softly, giving her a look. "Which ironically makes you a good person."

Lily groaned, glaring at him. "Why is it that he can be such a...a _jerk _to everyone in this damned school without so much as feeling even _slightly _ashamed of that and when I'm a jerk, _I _turn out to be the bad guy!"

"Because you're not a jerk," Kay said with a shrug. "So attempting to be one is a more difficult concept for you to process."

"I'm not going to apologize to him," Lily said firmly. "Maybe the Slytherin comment was taking it too far, but everything else I said was dead-on. Even if he didn't want to hear it. Maybe it's time he realizes that words can actually hurt!"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, confused.

"It means there's no way in hell I'm crawling back to James to grovel for forgiveness. Especially when I could care less about what he thinks of me."

The others exchanged looks. They knew that Lily wouldn't apologize to James. She was too stubborn and wasn't about to give him the upper-hand. But the uneasy look on her face told them all she felt horrible for the insults she shot James' way.

Lily buried herself in the scone on her plate, hoping the others would change the subject. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so uncomfortable and anxious. She had yelled at James for having a superiority complex which included cutting people down with hurtful insults, and yet, based on the look on his face when he stormed out, she had clearly hurt him by comparing him to the Slytherins.

But at least she had the dignity to insult him to his face. James would much rather talk bad of her behind her back to Kristina.

Sirius let out an irritated sigh and stood up from the table, breaking Lily from her distracted thoughts. "Okay, time to attempt to find my Charms textbook," Sirius muttered.

They all gave him curious looks. "Sirius, when was the last time you even used a book?" Kay questioned.

Sirius shrugged. "Don't remember. But Rodenthe kinda yelled at me last time for sleeping and not reading what I was supposed to. He threatened me with detention if I didn't show up with the textbook this morning."

Remus snorted. "You've had a week to look for it and you're choosing now, forty minutes before class, to look for it?"

Sirius grinned and slid out from his seat. "Yep. Waiting until the last minute is what I do best."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Can't argue with that."

Riley watched Sirius slip away, his gift still the only thing she could focus on that morning, wondering if she should mention it or just try to forget about it. After what she had said to him last night, she hardly doubted he wanted to speak to her.

She sighed, wondering why nothing ever went right for her.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, chapter over, YAY! Things are heating up between Sirius and Riley, oooooh. And poor James. Stupid Lily. Get it together, y'all! Review and tell me what you think!


	31. Of Drama, Avoidance, & Guilt

**A/N:** Hey I'm back, YAY! A lot of you want James to find out why he's on Lily's bad side, but we all know that Lily is stubborn and is going to hold out for longer than necessary (a.k.a. about a month...and a lot more chapters) so sorry to those who thinks he's going to find out soon because he's not unfortunately. But there's other exciting stuff along the way to keep you preoccupied! As for those who enjoy the Sirius/Riley drama you'll probably enjoy this chapter a lot. For those who like Lily/James, there's not much of them in this chapter. But wait until the next 2 chapters come up...they're so exciting I can't wait for you guys to read them! I'll probably post the next chapter fairly soon because I'm intrigued about what you'll think.

**Disclaimer: **Do I really have to do this?

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 31: Of Drama, Avoidance, & Guilt

* * *

_Knock, knock._

"Come in!" Sirius shouted in a muffled voice seeing as he was stuffed under his bed, searching through hoards of stuff that had been piling up since the beginning of the year. He heard the door slowly creak open and he crawled out from under the bed, glancing towards the door. He froze on the floor, narrowing his eyes curiously at the girl standing in front of him. He slowly stood up, brushing the dust off his school robes. "What do _you_ want?" he grumbled bitterly.

Riley should have expected that but she was still taken aback by his frigid attitude. She bit down on the inside of her lip, realizing she probably should have planned on what to say before just walking in. "Um..."

Sirius glared at her. "I hardly doubt you followed me up here just to stand in the doorway looking clueless," he said harshly.

Riley sighed, opening her mouth to say something but found herself unable to form the words of an apology.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "If you're not planning on saying anything or doing anything, then would you mind leaving? You're not exactly welcome at the moment."

"I don't want you to be pushed off a cliff and plunge into an ocean overflowing with crocodiles," she blurted out, mentally smacking herself.

Sirius quirked a confused eyebrow. "I have no idea what to make of that."

She groaned, making a face. "Uh...last night when I had said…oh, never mind," she mumbled.

It suddenly dawned on Sirius what she talking about. He gazed up at her, confused. "Oh…" he trailed off, having absolutely no idea how to interpret that. "Really? Because last night it seemed that that was exactly what you wanted to do. In fact, I think you were hoping there might be a couple of sharks in that ocean. And by a couple, of course I mean millions who could have shredded my body to pieces and not left a single bit of me behind."

Riley cringed guiltily, knowing that she deserved his retaliation. She didn't reply, mostly because she didn't know how to explain herself.

Sirius sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Seriously, Gilmore, why are you here?" he murmured calmly. "You made it pretty clear yesterday that you didn't-"

"That was before I got your gift," she blurted out again. She again mentally slapped herself for not thinking before speaking.

Sirius was taken aback by that response. He leaned against the post of the bed, uncertain what was supposed to come next. "Oh. Right," he murmured, forgetting that he had summoned his gift to her room during the prior day.

"Yeah," she said, cringing. "Thank you by the way. For the picture I mean."

"What?" Sirius cried in surprise.

"Er…I-I said thank you," she mumbled, ready to turn around and leave out of pure embarrassment. _Why couldn't I have thought ahead before walking up here? Why couldn't I have planned something to say? Why am I acting like a fool right now? It's just Sirius for God's sakes! You've known him for more than six years and granted he's been an ass for most of them, but you still know him!_

"No, I heard you," Sirius explained, still staring at her in disbelief. "I'm just shocked, that's all."

Riley shrugged, not sure if she was meant to say something.

"Especially after what happened at the party," he added, curious how she would react to that.

To his surprise, he watched her blush a deep scarlet and shut her eyes out of embarrassment, turning away. She mumbled something that he couldn't quite understand but he had a feeling it wasn't supposed to be directed at him anyway.

"What?" Sirius asked.

She didn't reply immediately. She just bit her lip nervously and opened her eyes slowly, shuffling her foot against the ground as a nervous habit. She twisted a strand of hair in her hand just for something to distract her and avoided looking up at Sirius, whose eyes were now penetrating through her like sun through a glass window. "Black, you can't blame me for thinking that you were up to something," she mumbled a little louder.

"Even after numerous times of me telling you that I wasn't?"

"After two years of this back-and-forth hexing and bickering match, did you really expect me to believe you were being _genuine_?"

Sirius frowned. She was right unfortunately. "Well, do you believe me now? That I wasn't up to something?"

She hesitated, slowly locking eyes with him. "Maybe," she muttered defeatedly.

Sirius offered her a lopsided smile. "Which explains why you don't want me to be pushed off a cliff."

She shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah."

Sirius nodded, grateful it wasn't an angry no. "So, besides telling me you don't want me to plunge to a very untimtely death, why are you here?"

"That's not enough?" Riley said with a teasing grin.

"It is," he blurted out, cringing. "I just can't figure out why you felt the need to tell me. I can't remember the last time you cared enough to apologize."

"Technically I never apologized."

He rolled his eyes. "Which, once again, begs the question why are you here?"

She frowned, running her fingers through her hair hesitantly. Did she dare apologize to Sirius for the way she treated him last night? Had it fianlly come to that? She pursed her lips. "I-I meant what I said before," she blurted out. "I don't want you to be pushed off a cliff and fall into a crocodile-infested ocean. I-I don't even think crocodiles live in the ocean so it's not as if that could happen anyway. Although, I guess with magic anything's possible. Though…" she trailed off, smacking herself mentally at the amused and confused look on Sirius' face, feeling the unbelievable tension that was filling the air between them.

"You're rambling," he said with a smile. "You do that when you're nervous."

She blushed a deep scarlet. "What I'm meaning to say is that…that I'm sorry for last night. I know that I can be stubborn and a bit of a...um...well, to put it bluntly, I can be a bitch. I don't like being screwed with, Black, and you..." she trailed off, her heart skipping a beat. She had vowed to never have this discussion with him, but that photo gave her a new perspective. It was slightly unnerving to her that a single photo can make her rethink a few things. She sighed, gazing over at him warily. "You hurt me in the worst way possible, Black. I hated what you did. I hated that you ruined a great friendship. And honestly, It was a lot easier hating you that I thought it would be after being friends for so long. It was easy pushing you away and forgetting what we used to have instead of facing the vulnerability and the heartbreak of the situation. It was...it was easier pretending to be mad at you than to admit that what I was really feeling was disappointment. But not in you, in myself. I-I just..." she trailed off, unsure where her words were taking her.

He stared at her curiously, a frown slowly framing his face at the disheartened words she spoke. He had long awaited this discussion but watching the disappointment and the anguish in her eyes, he suddenly wanted to put a stop to it. It was too difficult for him, knowing that he had singlehandedly caused her that disappointment and anguish. "You don't have to do this, Gilmore. I don't deserve-"

"You didn't have to give me that photo, but you did," she interrupted, shrugging curtly. "And I-I don't know why, but I don't think you did it just to mock me. I don't think you're throwing it in my face or trying to tell me anything I don't already know."

He cocked his head to the side. "And what do you know?"

"That we used to be the best of friends," she said immediately. "And as much as I've been blaming you for the past two years for the termination of our friendship, I'm just as much to blame. I was the one who broke all contact with you. I was the one who refused to hear you out or listen to anything you had to say. I silenced you more than enough times and when that didn't seem to work, I hexed you. Anything to not have to deal with you even in the slightest, I did."

"You wouldn't have had to do any of that if it weren't for me," Sirius murmured.

She shrugged. "Maybe not, but I think we both know I'm being completely stubborn and callously unforgiving."

"You have every right to be."

She fell silent, swallowing hard as she wondered exactly where this conversation was going. Was this really going towards the possibility of a truce? She knew it was up to her to decide, but she honestly wasn't so sure what she wanted with him.

"Riley," he said when she didn't continue, the single word sounding hesitant. She looekd startled at the use of her first name. "I hope you know that as much as you hate me for what happened, I hate myself more."

She frowned, slowly shaking her head. "I don't hate you," she said softly. "I just hate what you did."

"Me, too," he blurted out desperately.

She was quick to turn away from his pleading gaze. She sighed, biting down on the inside of her lip. "I'm sorry for last night, Black," she murmured reluctantly. "For what I said and for not-"

"You never have to apologize for anything, Gilmore," he interrupted, his words firm and determined. "If anyone should be sorry, it should be me. And I am. I hope you know that."

She pursed her lips hesitantly. "Yeah, I know," she murmured. "I-I think that photo you gave me proved it."

He gazed down at her before carefully choosing his next words. "Y'know…it took me a long time to figure out what to get you for your birthday. I wanted it to mean something. I wanted it to be something you'd remember. I wanted to find something that would let you know that I really was trying to be nice to you. That...that I _am _trying to be nice to you. That one day, I would love if things could truly go back to the way they used to be. Or if we could at least try. When I stumbled across that picture, I didn't know if it would send that message but at the same time, I knew I had to give it to you. I didn't intend for that picture to change your whole perspective about me and I certainly didn't intend for that picture to be some sort of apology for the past two years because I know it will take a lot more than just a picture to show you that. I-I just wanted you to have it. You deserve it."

"I don't care what it was intended to do," Riley replied almost immediately. "I'm just..." she trailed off, shrugging and letting a smile creep on to her face. "I'm glad you gave it to me."

Riley locked eyes with his and Sirius couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Riley?" he asked slowly.

The use of her first name once again threw her. "What?"

"You talked about what you were feeling two years ago. Can I finally do the same?"

Riley's heart tightened at the very thought. "What's there to talk about?" she murmured in a half-whisper. "I fell for your rugged charm just like every other girl in this school has and I expected something more between us just like every other girl in this school has and I felt so touched that you supposedly felt the same way about me and you said I was special just like every other girl in this school has and I was left heartbroken when...when I found out that I wasn't special to you. That you were exactly the same guy that I already knew you were. Just like _every other girl _in this school was left heartbroken. I was naive and foolish in thinking that just because you and I were best friends first that that changed anything. So really, it's my fault that any of this happened."

She looked so uncomfortable and awkward and all Sirius wanted to do was scoop her up and tell her she was wrong. That she had been special. That she _was _special. That he had wanted something with her. His heart ached at the realization that Riley hadn't been angry at him all these years. She had been angry at herself for feeling so foolish in believing their relationship was different. And it _was _different. He just hadn't given her enough consideration to show that it was. He had been too damned scared to do so. "Riley, _no_," he said firmly, shaking his head. "You weren't like every other girl. You never have been. I hurt you because I was scared. Plain and simple. I knew what I was feeling for you but...I just didn't know how to feel it. I just-"

"Black, please," Riley urged desperately as she winced. It was too difficult watching him pretend he felt something for her when it was obvious he didn't. She wasn't interested in hearing him lie to her. "I don't want to hear you romanticize our one-night-stand. I forgive you, alright? But I don't want to hear your excuses."

"You _what_?"

"I don't want to hear-"

"No, not that," he said hastily, shooting her a look. "The part before it."

Her heart skipped a beat as she opened her mouth to quickly take it back. Did she really say she forgave him? Was it true? Was she finally willing to just let the past be in the past? Glancing up at his shocked gaze, she saw something else in his expression. Hope. And she wondered if maybe it was just time to move past something that had happened two years ago. "I forgive you for what happened, Black," she said slowly. "But I hope you know I won't ever be able to forget it."

Sirius stared at her in shock. He was speechless and dumbfounded that she would admit she was forgiving him. He was certain that would take another ten years. He had no idea what to take from it, but whatever made her decide to forgive him, he was certainly going to accept it. "I don't expect you to forget it. What I did was horrible and I…I just wish I could take it back," he sighed. "I-I can't explain why I did it-"

"Nor do I want you to," she interrupted, giving him a stern look. It was all in the past and she didn't want to speculate as to what had happened.

"I know," he said slowly. Truth was, he wanted so desperately to be able to explain it to her. Hell, he wanted someone to explain it to him! But it was obvious that Riley jsut wanted to focus on the present and the future and ignore the past, and for once in his life, he was going to listen to her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Where does this leave us?"

She hesitated. That was a damned good questions.

"Friends? Acquaintances? Classmates? Comrades? I hope we're no longer enemies," Sirius said hastily, his eyebrow peaking hopefully.

"No. Not enemies," Riley said in a hushed voice, biting her lip nervously. "But...but I'm not sure how to classify us. I don't think it has a name exactly."

"Friendquaintanmaterades?" Sirius mused.

Riley tried giving him a stern look but found herself bursting into laughter. "I repeat: I don't think it has a name exactly."

"Eh, I'll work on it and get back to you."

Riley smiled. A real smile. And in Sirius' presence. Something about it felt so strange and yet to right to her. "So...what now?"

He shrugged matter-of-factly. "We go to class."

A sigh of relief escaped her lips. "We go to class," she repeated softly.

* * *

It couldn't have been a less lively bunch walking to Charms that morning. Lily had disappeared shortly after Riley did (she claimed she forgot her textbook but they all knew it was a lie. Kay knew she just needed some time to herself to think about the harsh words she just spoke to James), so with Remus dragging his feet behind him, Peter constantly stretching his hands over his mouth to cover his yawns, and Kay looking slightly confused as to how she got stuck walking to class with the Marauders and not her own friends, it looked as if they were all heading towards their own execution.

"I say we skip," Kay murmured.

"It's our last Charms class before vacation. We can't skip it or Rodenthe will have our heads," Remus pointed out.

Kay hesitated. "I'm willing to risk that."

Remus laughed. "Just think. Three more days."

Kay nodded. "That's what I keep repeating in my head and yet it seems so far away," she whined.

Peter yawned. "It doesn't even feel like Christmas is a week away."

They all nodded in agreement.

Remus headed into the classroom first and halted immediately at the sight in front of him.

"Oof! Ouch! What the hell? Will you warn a person before you do that?" Peter cried out, rubbing his head comfortingly.

Both Kay and Peter shifted their glances to where Remus was staring, and immediately realized what the big fuss was all about.

"I think I'm dreaming," Kay whispered.

"Didn't they agree to hate each other's guts just last night?" Remus whispered back.

"Well, those precise words weren't spoken, but I thought the way Sirius stormed out after Riley completely rejected the idea of friends pretty much summed it up," Kay explained.

Remus sighed, his patience wearing thin. "Okay, so who volunteers to walk over to them and ask them what the hell has changed between them in a twelve-hour span?"

"More importantly, who wants to ask where Sirius actually found his book!" Kay snickered, pointing to the open textbook that was on the desk in front of him.

Remus chuckled, leading the three of them over to where Sirius and Riley were laughing together.

"Oh, hey guys," Riley greeted.

"Don't hey guys us," Remus grunted immediately.

Riley and Sirius exchanged looks. "Er...okay. Bye guys?" Riley suggested with a nervous laugh.

"Don't be smart with us, young lady," Kay growled.

Riley couldn't help but chuckle. "Young lady? Who are you, my grandmother?"

"You want to tell us what this is about?" Remus asked, gesturing wildly back and forth between her and Sirius, not bothering to acknowledge Riley's attempt at a joke.

Sirius shrugged, trying not to look so entertained by the shocked glances on his friends' faces. "Depends. What exactly are you referring to?"

"Oh, don't pay stupid, Sirius," Peter chimed in. "You might get away with that around the professors, but we know you too well."

"And you still don't think I'm stupid?" he teased with his usual Marauder-esque smirk.

"Sirius!" Remus barked.

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the amused chuckles coming from Riley beside him. "_What_?" he retaliated. "We're just hanging out. Is there a crime in that?"

"You two are seriously going to sit there and act like this isn't a big deal?" Kay sighed. "I seem to remember a rather overdramatic fight breaking out between you two last night in the Gryffindor common room, which pretty much ended with Riley choosing to be left alone by Sirius for eternity. This doesn't look much like you're leaving her alone, Sirius."

"Yeah, well, when did I ever really take the time to listen to what Gilmore babbles on about anyhow?"

"You want to go back to being enemies?" Riley smirked, shooting him a look.

He grinned sheepishly. "Nah, I think classfriendancerades suits us more."

Riley burst into laughter no matter how hard she tried to contain it. "We're not calling it that, either!"

"Comclassaquaintfriends?"

"No!"

"Acquaintfriendcommates?"

"Can't we just be Black and Gilmore?"

He pretended to ponder the question. "I don't know. It doesn't have the same ring as classaquaintfriendmates."

"Black!" she groaned, but found herself halting mid-groan. "Actually, that one doesn't sound too terrible."

"Is anyone else feeling as disturbed at this interraction as I am?" Kay murmured, her eyes darting back and forth between the two former enemies.

"Oh, yes," Remus muttered.

"Most definitely," Peter mumbled.

As Riley and Sirius continued to bicker about what their newfoundfriendship could be called, Lily sauntered into the room and dropped into a chair in front of Riley and Sirius. "Why do the Slytherins always feel the need to start random hexing matches in the hallways?" she muttered irritably, pulling out her textbook. She glanced behind her at her friends and was about to continue the Slytherin rant when she noticed Sirius and Rile. "You two are sitting next to each other. Why are you sitting next to each other?"

Sirius let out a groan while Riley rolled her eyes. "Good Godric, it's not the end of the world!"

"Er...I didn't say it was," Lily said, glancing over at the rest of her friends with a puzzled expression.

"They're apparently on good terms," Remus explained, slipping into the empty seat beside Lily. "What they're calling this odd pleasanty between them, I can't be sure. But I assure you, you don't want to know."

"I'm officially more confused now than I was a minute ago."

"Join the club," Kay snickered.

Lily shrugged, recognizing the scowls on Sirius' and Riley's face as their way of saying they didn't want to discuss it. "Hey Riley, where's Rhett?"

Riley outstretched her neck and searched the room, her eyes falling upon his friends in the corner but seeing no sign of Rhett anywhere. Riley shrugged and, taking a quick look at the clock to notice only a few minutes until class was intended to start, she wandered over to them.

"Hey Braden," she greeted Braden McLoughlin, Rhett's best friend. "Have you seen Rhett? I haven't seen him since last night."

Riley couldn't say she didn't see the nervous exchange of looks between the three boys but she tried to ignore it, not wanting to believe that something was up.

"Well?" she urged.

Braden's lips pursed curiously. "I can't be sure," he said vaguely. "We left the party around nine and-"

"Without saying goodbye?"

"You were a little busy fighting it out with Sirius," he snorted.

Riley frowned, wondering why he sounded so bitter about that. "Well, did he say anything to you?"

"About?"

"I don't know," she said uncomfortably. "Anything about me or the party?"

Braden's eyes met his two friends' gazes before glancing back towards Riley. "No, not really," he said evasively. "He went to bed pretty early."

"And yet missed breakfast and apparently skipping class," she drawled, her eyes narrowing curiously.

"I'm not his keeper. I have no idea what is running through his mind," Braden muttered.

Riley definitely didn't believe him that time. "Are you not telling me something?"

He sighed, shaking his head vigorously. "I don't know where he is, Riley. I'm sorry."

And strangely enough, it sounded like he meant it. "Well, thanks anyway," she sighed defeatedly, traipsing back to her seat as she tried to ignore the feeling in the back of her mind that something strange was going on.

She just really hoped that Rhett would show up for class in the next minute just to prove her curiosity wrong.

No such luck. What didn't come as a surprise was James not showing up.

"So?" Lily asked when Riley got back to the desk.

Riley shrugged. "They don't know."

If Riley hadn't been so absorbed in questioning the situation with her and Rhett, she may have noticed the guilty cringe that passed quickly on to Sirius' face, a cringe filled with nerves and shame as he tried burying his head into his textbook.

Riley may not have noticed it, but Lily did. She locked eyes with Sirius, who quickly looked away and took a sudden interest in the words in his textbook. And before Riley could question the situation even more, Professor Rodenthe slid into the room and started the lesson without any hesitation.

* * *

When class ended, Riley took her sweet time packing up, her eyes zooming in on Braden and his friends as they conspiciously avoided eye contact with her while trying to rush out of the room. Remus, Peter, and Kay scurried along to History of Magic, most likely to gossip about what could have possibly changed between Sirius and Riley. But Lily was more than happy to lag behind, not in any hurry to get to History of Magic in fear of running into James there. Sirius knew it was best he stay close to Riley, needing to keep her by his side until he had the chance to run interference.

The three of them strolled through the hallways while Lily attempted to get answers from the two of them as to their newfound 'friendship,' if that's even what she could call it.

As Riley turned the corner, she halted unexpectedly, almost causing Sirius to walk straight into her.

"Gilmore!" he cried out, jumping out of her way. "Why are you stopping?"

Riley paused before saying carefully, "I'm going to skip History of Magic."

"What?" Lily cried out, shooting her friend a look. "Why? You can't just skip class. And a double period nonetheless!"

Riley shrugged. "I thought you might say that, but I know Rhett has an off period right now and I feel like I need to talk to him."

Lily saw the panicked look on Sirius face, a similar one to the one she saw earlier in class, as he cried out frantically, "Oh, just talk to him at lunch. It's not necessary to speak to him right away, is it?"

"I don't know, I just feel like something is wrong. I really need to talk to him."

"And that can't wait a few hours?" Sirius questioned hopefully.

Lily frowned, and as curiosity got the best of her, she said, much to Riley's shock, "No, I think you should see him now."

Sirius whirled around so fast, Lily was sure his head was going to fall off. "What?" he hissed, giving her what she could only guess was an awkward pleading look.

Riley's mouth was hung open and she was practically speechless. "But…you…I…what?"

Lily shrugged. "Yeah, go ahead. Go find him."

"But you're Head Girl!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. "You shouldn't be promoting this!"

Lily shrugged slowly. "Well, I apparently I am."

"But…but…what happened to 'education comes first' and 'skipping only worsens your chances of graduating' and my personal favorite, 'you idiot, do you want to fail out of school?'" Sirius cried out.

Lily chuckled, shrugging. "I guess I'm nicer around the holidays."

"But you hate the holidays!" Sirius groaned.

"That doesn't mean I have to spread my hate," Lily snickered.

Riley grinned and embraced Lily quickly before Lily had the chance to change her mind. "Thanks so much! I'll tell you how it goes. Take notes for me?"

Lily nodded, taking an unnoticeable glance at Sirius who was leaning against the wall with a dreaded look on his face. "Of course. Good luck."

She gave Lily a grateful smile and then ran off in the other direction. When she turned the corner, Lily received a sharp blow to the shoulder. "OW! What the hell was that for?"

Sirius glared at her. "Why the hell did you let her go?"

Lily's brow furrowed curiously. "Why the hell didn't you _want_ her to go?" she asked in all seriousness.

"Because…because she's skipping class!" he dithered.

Lily burst into laughter. "How many times a day do you skip class?"

Sirius scowled. "That's not the point."

"No, the point is you really didn't want her to go see Rhett. And I have no idea why. But I can only assume it's because for whatever reason Rhett is avoiding Riley, it probably has something to do with you."

Sirius stiffened, trying not to let the paranoia he was feeling show in his expression. He opened his mouth to defend himself but found he was unable to defend himself.

She sighed. "So does it really matter if she saw Rhett at lunch or if she saw him now? She'll find out eventually whatever it is you did."

Sirius had to turn away from her scrutinizing stare. He didn't need her making him feel guilty. He felt guilty enough. "I didn't do anything," he eventually lied, his tone flushed with shame. He offered Lily lopsided frown before whirling around to head to class.

"I think we both know that's a lie!" Lily called out after him.

Sirius didn't bother stopping.

"Sirius!" she scowled. "What are you hiding!"

Much to her surprised, Sirius halted in the hallway right before he could turn the corner and disappear out of her line of sight. He couldn't explain why he stopped or why he felt the need to address Lily's questioning but he eventually turned around. There was a long hallway filling the space between the two of them and yet Sirius suddenly felt claustrophic. Maybe it was because of the confused look on Riley's face when she had sauntered off to go find Rhett. Maybe it was because of the way Lily was glaring at him now. Or maybe it was just because he wasn't used to feeling so damned guilty. He had pulled a lot of pranks on people and had pulled a lot of hurtful things on people time and time again and had never looked back once feeling regretful. Until now. "What makes you so sure I did something?" he asked calmly, slowly closing the gap between them.

"The guilty, shameful look on your face when Riley returned to our desk after asking Braden about Rhett," Lily replied immediately without missing a beat.

Sirius winced.

"And the way you refused to let her go talk to him now even though you skip classes at least twice a day," she continued, giving him more reason for him to feel uneasy.

He sighed, turning away from her.

"What did you do, Sirius?" Lily asked again.

Sirius' eyes studiously examined the cracks in the floor as he tried to ignore the pounding in his chest. "C'mon, Lily-bean," he finally muttered. "Let's just go to class before we, too, end up having to skip."

Lily grabbed his arm as he attempted to walk off again. "_Sirius_," she snapped, her glare intensifying.

Not that that scared him. While it was typically his best friend who was on the receiving end of her deathly glares, he had seem them enough to not be so bothered by them. "_Lily_," he urged, the word sounding rigid on his tongue as he snatched his arm away from her. "Let it _go." _He quickly hurried down the hall away from her.

She rolled her eyes and chased after him. "Fine, I can't make you tell me," she murmured irritably. "But I'm no idiot. It's obvious you had something to do with this and when Riley finds out whatever it is you possibly could have done to once again ruin her life, she's going to go back to hating your guts. Then again, what else is new?"

Sirius glared viciously at her. "I didn't ruin her life," he sneered hollowly.

"Then why is Rhett avoiding her?" Lily smirked.

"Rhett avoiding her is equivalent to ruining her life?" Sirius snorted. "I didn't realize that she depended so highly on a guy."

"_Sirius_," Lily said irritably. "Stop being an ass."

"Stop being so goddamned nosy!" he snapped. "This isn't any of your damned business, Evans!"

She took a step back, startled. "She's my friend, Sirius, who I've already had to watch once nearly get destroyed by her and your failed friendship," she said softly. "I don't want to have to go through that again."

"When did you become such a bloody busybody?" he scowled, trying to ignore the growing guilty sensation in the pit of his stomach. "I don't need you giving me the third degree nor do I need you to interrogate me about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. It's my life to live and you can't dictate how I live it! I suddenly feel like I'm back to being that ten-year-old kid and my mother is grilling me endlessly about who I hung out with and where I've been and what I've been doing. I walked out on her six years later. Do you want to end up in the same bloody boat, Evans?"

Lily suddenly felt like she was three inches tall. Sirius' eyes were blazing with an intense rage that she wasn't used to seeing from him. She suddenly felt really sorry for him for what he must have gone through. "Sirius, I didn't mean to upset-"

"No one ever means it," he snarled.

Lily hesitated. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means get off my back, Evans," he retorted immediately. "I do _not _need you riding my ass like the rest of this goddamned world does. You're not my mother, you're not my father, you're not a goddamned professor! So stop _acting _like them!"

She was completely taken aback by the change in Sirius' behavior. She had never seem him so angry and worked up before. Whatever reason it was, he had a feeling it had to do with Riley. "I'm not trying to act like anyone but myself," she said calmly. She hesitated before adding, "Maybe it's you that's putting on some sort of act."

"You don't know what you're talking about," he snapped.

She frowned. Actually, she did. "You don't think I know what it's like putting on an act? As if everything is fine and dandy with the world when in fact, it isn't? As if the past doesn't haunt you every single day? As if what had happened in the past hasnt' affected the person you've become? As if you're content with being trapped in a fake world of perfection when all you want is out? I'm sorry for whatever it is you had gone through at home that has provided you with such bottled up emotions filled with anger and resentment. I really am. But I'm more sorry that you think you're alone in feeling that way."

Sirius' eyes flickered with vulnerability, shocked to hear such desperation deeping through her words. But he wasn't about to have a conversation about his screwed up childhood and parental units with someone who barely knew the first thing about it. "Gee, didn't realize we were turning the conversation around to discuss you now," he drawled dryly. "Selfish much?"

It was like a slap in the face. All she had wanted was to prove to him that bottled up feelings of resentment didn't just disappear because you wanted them to. Whether it was resentment towards his family or resentment towards Riley and Rhett (for whatever reason she couldn't put her finger on), it was always going to be there. "You're just like Potter," she said softly. "People have always said you two were one and the same, but I never believed it until now. It's like one minute we can be having a silly argument and the next, you have to insult somebody to make yourself feel superior. Forgive me for just trying to help."

"Well, according to you, I guess that makes me a Slytherin," he snapped. "And as a Slytherin, I really have no time to deal with this. Or _you_." He sent her a final scathing glare before storming off.

Lily stood stoic in the hallway, a mixture of emotions coursing through her veins. Guilt, confusion, anger, frustration, sorrow, disappointment. The list went on. She had never seen such anger pouring from Sirius in the six years that she had known him. He was always the one wearing a smile on his face even in the worst of times. His face was always filled with joyful determination. And yet, she had seen vulnerability and desperation in his eyes today. Something she certainly wasn't accustomed to seeing from Sirius Black. She thought back to the only other time she had seen him look so downcast and broken; it had been the time she found him trying to sleep on the Gryffindor couch on a late June day shortly after Remus started to shun him. It was the night their friendship truly began.

But today, something had changed between them. Maybe it was because she had seen a side of Sirius he wasn't used to showing. He didn't _like _to show. Maybe it was because she perhaps _was _being a tad too nosy for her own good. Or maybe it was just because she had unfortunately reminded him of his mother and her neverending disapproval of him. Whatever it was, he not only didn't want to discuss it with her, but he clearly didn't want to discuss it with anyone ever.

Which is something she could definitely relate to.

She sighed as she started wandering off to class, realizing that if she didn't hurry she was probably going to be late. She was so caught up in her own thoughts, however, that she walked straight into someone as she turned the corner. She stumbled backward slightly, one of her textbooks sliding to the floor. Whoever she ran into reached out to steady her. "Thanks," she muttered. "Sorry about-" She stopped short when she saw that she had, of course, walked straight into James. "Oh. Hi."

"No, please, don't let me stop you mid-apology," he said sarcastically. He reached down to grab her textbook and handed it to her.

"You missed Charms," Lily said for lack of anything better to say.

He shrugged. "I skip class all the time, Evans. You should know that by now. Especially since you often feel the need to yell at me for it."

There was definitely an unspoken uneasy tension between the two. Awkwardness had ensued between the two, more so than usual. Neither really had anything to say to each other. And for once, neither really wanted to say anything to each other. "You heading to History of Magic?" Lily asked curiously. "Or are you planning on skiving off all your morning classes?"

He shot her a look. "I've skipped History of Magic enough. I'm pretty sure Binns doesn't know who I am."

"I'm pretty sure Binns doesn't know who anyone is."

James didn't even crack a smile. They fell silent as they made the walk to class, awkwardness seeping through them.

"Potter?" Lily murmured as they turned down the hallway that History of Magic was held in.

"Hm?"

"I-I didn't mean what I said earlier," she said, the tip of her ears turning a slight shade of pink. "While you may piss me off in similar ways the Slytherins do, you're not like them. They thrive on being bad people. I realize that you at least have...um...well, you're not like them," she said hastily.

"Oh, please, do go on," he drawled in amusement.

She shot him a look.

He grinned sheepishly. "Hearing you attempt to compliment me is not something I'm used to. Please let me enjoy this."

She scowled. "Why do you always have to come off as such a cocky bastard sometimes?"

"No, no, no, go back to sort-of complimenting me," he whined.

She glared at him. "You are an insufferable ass."

"Just not as bad as the Slytherin insufferable asses?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, whatever makes you sleep at night."

He chuckled, watching her once again roll her eyes at him. He was pretty used to that from her now.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry," Lily said cautiously, wincing as the words slipped from her mouth.

"Gee, that sounded heartfelt."

She suppressed the urge to smile. "You're not a bad person, Potter," she sighed. "You...well, maybe you have some good in you."

James quirked a surprised eyebrow. "Oh?" he smirked.

"As much as it pains me to say so," she added quickly, a hint of a smile tugging at the ends of her mouth.

"What kind of good?" he asked with a curious smile.

"Well, for one, you're not going to graduate Hogwarts and immediately train to be a cold-blooded killer."

"Yes, I do have that going for me." He chuckled lightly and she couldn't help but join in. James was dying to ask what other good she may see in him, but he could tell she felt rigid and uneasy for even admitting she thought he had some good in him in the first place. No need to make her feel any more uncomfortable than she clearly already was. "Look, Evans," he said softly. "I know that you don't think highly of me obviously, but...but you have no idea how much I really hated the fact that you could even look me in the eye and compare me to some of those Slytherins. But probably not for the reasons you think."

Shame washed over her. "What do you mean?"

"I-I've been in the wizarding world a lot longer than you have. My _family _has been in the wizarding world a lot longer than you have. I've heard stories of threats and attacks and I've lived through the gaining notoriety of Voldemort and I've heard accounts on the radio of Death Eaters being sent to Azkaban and I've read in the papers the amount of manipulation the dark side seems to have in the Ministry. I've heard the term...um...well the M-word used more times than I can count and my blood boils every time. So to me, it's not just about the Slytherins. It's about their families and the harm they wish to bring upon the wizarding world. I hate our Slytherin classmates by association. And while that may seem unfair and unjustified, it's how I feel and that's never going to change."

Lily's mouth hung open in surprise. He almost sounded composed and righteous in his explanation. Something she wasn't quite used to seeing from him.

He shrugged. "So yeah, maybe I pick on them more than I should and maybe my hexing them and playing pranks on them is biased and immature. But it's how I deal with the fact that Alvarez Malfoy was caught killing a muggleborn family who had accidentally wandered into Knockturn Alley. It's how I deal with the fact that Bradley Nott and Giotti Rookwood were sent to Azkaban for kidnapping the Minister's granddaughters. It's how I deal with the fact that...that Sirius' parents not only support and advocate random killings but had expected Sirius to be one of those mass murderers. It's how I deal with the fact that-" he stopped short, biting his tongue.

She gazed up at him curiously. "That what?" she urged calmly.

He swallowed hard, playing with the rims of his glasses like he did when feeling slight embarrassed. "That...that my grandparents died at the hands of Voldemort himself."

Lily snapped her head up in shock, her face going white. "What?"

He glanced down at his feet, blushing slightly. He didn't know what had made him tell her that. It had been a long time since he had last mentioned his grandparents. "My grandfather was the Auror Chief of Operations and he married a muggleborn witch who went on to become the Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. Being a female and a head of a department was unheard of back then. Guess Voldemort didn't like that so...so he killed them late at night while they were sleeping."

She tightened her fists so as not to show how shaky she was suddenly feeling. Any talk of death made her uncomfortable. A flash of her parents went through her head. "I'm...I'm so sorry."

He shrugged awkwardly. "It happened a year before I was born. I didn't know them."

"Which only makes it worse."

James gazed at her, confused.

"You never got to know them," she said softly, a twinge of sorrow emanating from within her. "They died before ever getting to see your great accomplishments."

"Great accomplishments, hm?" he said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes. "Surprisingly enough, yes, you actually have accomplishments."

"Like not going into training to be a coldblooded killer?" he joked. He loved these few moments he was able to share with her where neither of them were yelling at or insulting the other. As much as he enjoyed watching her get fired up, he enjoyed her smile even more.

She tried to suppress her laugh without success. "Well, yes, that's probably high on the list of your most notable achievements."

He chuckled and was surprisingly disappointed when the History of Magic classroom came into view. "Evans, can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

He didn't ask his question immediately, stewing it over in his head. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer, but he couldn't help but be curious. "I-I really don't mean this to sound arrogant, but as you mentioned, why is it that everyone else in this school seems to get along with me just fine yet you seem to hate me so immensely?"

"Didn't realize the Slytherins got along with you just fine." It was her lame attempt at a joke.

He shot her a look. "You know what I mean."

Lily shrugged hesitantly. "The truth?"

_No_. "Yeah."

She bit down on the inside of her lip hesitantly, brooding silently. Eventually she glanced up at him, her expression filled with a sort of sullen determination. "Everyone else sees charm but I see arrogance. Everyone else sees class but I see a big ego. Everyone else sees suaveness and slyness but I see a player. Everyone else sees _you _providing the entertainment but _I _see the poor person you pick on. Everyone else sees popularity, but I just see someone hiding behind it."

James knew he shouldn't have asked. "Oh," he muttered. "Okay."

Lily sighed. "You asked, Potter."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Just didn't realize how much I cared what you thought of me."

There was a twinge of guilt weighing Lily's heart down. "You...you care what I think of you?" she asked, surprised.

"Apparently."

"Oh." Ironically enough, she cared what he thought of her, too.

He sighed, halting outside the doorway to History of Magic. "What did you mean that I hide behind my popularity?"

Lily frowned. "Just because the entire school expects you to play the part of the arrogant prankster doesn't mean you have to. Doesn't mean you _want_ to."

"What?"

"Wasn't it you who told me just last year that sometimes you hated being part of a crowd? That sometimes you just needed to get away from it all?"

James was shocked by the mention of the memory. "You...you remember that?"

She shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah."

"Oh."

Another silence fell over them, but neither made a move into the classroom. Students milled around them, ignoring the Head Boy and Head Girl. A few nodded their acknowledgment to the two, but for the most part, they were left alone.

"Can I ask you something else, Evans?"

She was startled by the sound of his voice, the silence soothing her. She nodded.

"If...if you really think so poorly of me, then why did you even bother attempting to be...be friendly towards me for all of a month?" he dared to ask.

She frowned, not responding immediately. She had wanted to desperately to believe that James Potter was a nice guy. But as it turns out, she was merely fooling herself. "I guess I fell for your charm, Potter."

"Oh."

Lily wondered how many times the word 'oh' had been uttered in the past few minutes.

"Are we ever going to be able to get along again?" he blurted out.

Her heart raced, noting the pleading in his tone. "Truth?"

He gazed down at her and it took all of the willpower inside of her not to glance up into those eyes. She knew that she would see a soft look of desperation and determination staring back at her. The same soft look she had seen back on Halloween that made her think he might not be so bad. "I can handle it," he said with a jerk of the shoulders.

She pushed her hair behind her ears, biting down on her bottom lip. "Honestly, I don't know."

He was afraid of that. "Oh."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize," he muttered. "If anything, I should be the one apologizing."

"For what?" Lily asked, taken aback.

He didn't respond immediately, lifting his gaze to glance far down the hallway pensively. He eventually sighed. "For whatever it is I did to you that makes you feel as we will never be able to get along again."

"Oh." There's that darn word again. Why is it that he can be such an arrogant jerk 95% of the time and yet could actually be genuine and charming for the remaining 5% of the time? When he was insulting her or tearing her down, she was wishing death upon him. But when he wasn't, when he was actually being civil and she could see real vulnerability from within his cold heart, she actually appreciated the person he was. She frowned, trying so hard to pretend as if she was still angry with him. And yeah, a part of her probably was still frustrated that he dared to call her a nobody. But a bigger part of her wanted nothing more than to just bury the damned hatchet and let go of her petty grudges against him to start anew. Her heart sped up at that moment and she knew that she was seconds away from blurting out the reason she's been so angry with him recently. He looked so desperate and so conflicted which unfortunately just so happened to be part of his damn charm. His charm where one second Lily was wishing death upon him and the next, she was feeling sorry for him. "Potter, I-"

"What the hell are you guys doing out here?"

Lily and James both turned to the sound of Sirius' voice. Lily wondered if he had been planning on skipping class after their argument which is why he hadn't shown up until only a few seconds before class was to begin. Or maybe it was his attempt at avoiding her.

"Let me rephrase: what the hell are you guys doing out here _together_?"

Lily glanced up at James, who was staring at her with intensity. "Going to class," Lily said. Their stares failed to break apart, as if a bigger force was linking their gazes tightly to each other. Eventually, James nodded curtly and slipped into the room. Lily gazed over at Sirius, who shot her a dirty look.

"You insulting James some more?" said Sirius coldly. "Since that's apparently all you're good for lately."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "Sirius, I-"

"If you continue the way you're going, you're gonna turn everyone against you," he pointed out. "You should probably start taking in stray cats now to join your precious Artemis since that's who you're going to spend your life with."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Now who's insulting whom?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and without another word, stormed into the classroom. Binns had already started class, seeing as they had arrived a bit late, but he took no notice of Sirius retreating to the back of the room where two empty chairs were. Lily sighed, noting that there were only three empty seats in the entire room. The one beside Sirius, another one next to Rookwood, and one at James' side. Lily felt it was safer to join James at his table, glad to have Remus, Kay, and Peter occupying the table in front of them.

As Professor Binns started droning on about something or rather, to which Lily picked up her quill and attempted to pay attention, Kay strived to get her attention.

"Psst! Lily," she whispered.

Lily ignored her, not in the mood to answer any of her questions.

"Lily!" she whispered more loudly.

She still ignored Kay, feeling it more necessary to write down the dates of the vampire war in the 1600's.

"LILY!" she hissed, giving her what Lily could only define as her sternest look.

Lily situated herself so she no longer had to even face Kay, choosing to stare at the back of Remus' head instead.

"LILY!" she repeated once again.

"Oh bloody Merlin, just answer the woman before she annoys the whole classroom!" James cried out.

Lily glanced over at him, startled, but was shocked to see a smile on his face. "Hate to break it to you, but the class would much rather hear her voice than yours." She locked eyes with James and smiled back.

None of their friends took notice of their strange, almost calm, sort of bickering. Remus just groaned. "Damn, why did you have to sit there?"

"Because there was nowhere else to sit," Lily muttered irritably.

"There's a free seat next to Sirius," Peter pointed out. "Why don't you go join him?"

Lily stiffened, the ends of her mouth inching downward. "I'm already sitting here," she grunted, picking her quill back up and glaring at her friends. "Now considering you will all inevitably end up copying my notes, do you mind letting me go back to listening to Binns bore me?"

No one responded. There was a slight hostility in her voice that no one particularly wanted to mess with.

Lily ignored the confused looks that Remus, Peter, and Kay were sharing at the moment and let her hand scroll quickly across the page with her sloppy handwriting.

She felt someone staring intently at her and when she finally felt annoyed enough to look up, she saw Remus' eyes penetrating through her with a look of pure curiosity.

"What?" she snapped.

He shrugged and asked innocently with a hint of curiosity, "Why _didn't_ you sit next to him?"

Lily shot him a look without answering and went back to scribbling down notes, or at least what she could understand. She had missed a good portion of the goblin wars and was struggling to figure out what Binns was referring to.

"And why were you so late to class? You were practically right behind us when we left Charms," Peter whispered.

Lily didn't even bother to look up this time in fear of screaming at the top of her lungs in pure irritation, but she could feel their intense piercing stares.

"And where's Riley?" Kay asked in a hushed tone.

Lily threw her quill down so hard, it snapped in two as one piece flew off the table under her chair and the other went flying straight towards Peter. "What's with the interrogation? Why does it matter that I didn't sit next to Sirius? Who cares that I was a little late to class? And how does _Riley_ have anything to do with me?" she cried out in frustration, earning looks from the people around her. "Now can I _please _just get back to taking notes without any other bloody interruptions? Especially considering most of you will eventually be copying these notes frome me?"

Lily crossed her arms bitterly and leaned back in her chair with immense force.

Remus, James, Kay, and Peter exchanged frightened looks, questioning where the sudden tension came from when she had appeared fine in Charms, laughing and joking around with them all after Rodenthe just gave up on teaching once Sirius had sent three paper airplanes his way.

The surprised, hurt looks on their faces caused Lily to feel a bit guilty for taking out her frustration with Sirius and her confusion over James on them but all she wanted to do was be alone at that point and their constant interrogation wasn't helping any.

"Whoa, what the hell happened to you?" Peter dared to mutter.

Lily sighed. "Nothing," she mumbled, turning away from them as she dug through her bag for a new quill. She eventually found one at the bottom of her bag, an old one that she forgot she even had in there, and took it out to resume listening to Binns and taking notes, refusing to pay attention to anything else around her. While her hand scribbled across the page, it wasn't Binns she was thinking of. It was James and it was Sirius. She had absolutely no idea how things were left between she and James. Or she and Sirius for that matter. Just because she was able to have a civil conversation with James didn't change the fact that he thought of her as nothing. But she couldn't help but wonder why he had been so concerned with what she thought of him. If he didn't care about her like he had told Kristina, why did he care about what she thought of him?

Lily knew she had to speak to Sirius but she had no idea how to go about doing so. She didn't know his family background very well and it wasn't her place anyway. But she felt bad that she somehow reminded him of his terrible childhood. She understood completely that it was not only easier but more comfortable not living in the tragedies of the past. So she only hoped that he didn't hate her too much for being overly pushy. But while she felt guilty for being pushy, she didn't think she deserved the hostility that Sirius was sending her way. She didn't appreciate his insults. If anyone should be angry, it should be her for the way he left things.

She sighed, groaning inwardly. Why were the Marauders always causing her so many problems?

* * *

Luckily for Riley, the first place she looked was the last place she had to look for Rhett because he was sitting at a table in the back of the library. And he was alone, much to the relief of Riley.

Riley slid into the seat beside him and gave him a smile.

Rhett looked up from what he was doing and was shocked. "Riley? What are you doing here? Don't you have class?"

She shrugged. "I'm skipping. I wanted to come find you to make sure you were okay."

Rhett gave her a curious look. "What makes you think I'm not okay?"

"Well, you left pretty early last night. Without saying goodbye," she added trying not to look as hurt as she really was, "And you weren't in Charms this morning."

Rhett shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just busy. Now you better get to class before the bell rings."

Riley gave him a strange look. "I just said I was skipping it."

"But you still have time to make it if you hurry," Rhett quickly retaliated with, going back to finishing his essay avoiding all eye-contact with her.

"Why do you want me to go to class so badly?" Riley asked hurt.

He shrugged. "What else are you going to do?"

"Hang out with you," she replied stubbornly.

He looked up long enough to give her a look before going back to writing his essay. "Riley, I'm doing work."

Riley sat there in confused silence before asking cautiously, "Rhett, what's going on?"

He continued to write, simply saying, "I'm just busy, that's all."

"Were you too busy to say goodbye to me last night?" Riley demanded to know.

Rhett gave her a brief irritated look before returning to his essay.

Riley grabbed the quill out of his hand and slammed it on the table. "What's going on, Rhett?"

"SHHH!" Madame Pinsky cried out from behind the bookshelves as she was stocking them up.

"Riley, do you mind?" Rhett hissed, attempting to grab his quill back.

Riley quickly pulled her arm away from the table with his quill in her hand and glared at him. "What's your problem?"

"Me?" he cried out in a hushed tone. "I'm not the one acting childish by stealing someone's quill!"

Riley gave him an irritated look. "That's not what I meant."

"Gimme my quill back, Riley," he asked calmly.

She shook her head. "Talk to me first. What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. Now give me my quill back," Rhett answered, lunging for his quill.

But Riley was too fast for him as she pulled her arm farther away from him. "Then why won't you talk to me?" Riley asked, giving him a hurt pleading look.

"Because I have to finish this essay," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. "Can I have my quill back now?"

Riley sighed and gave him an irritated look. "Everything was fine last night before the party. And now you're acting weird. What happened last night? Did I do something? Say something? Please tell me, Rhett."

"Riley, you…" He sighed. "_You_ didn't do anything," he emphasized gently, shrugging his shoulders. "Now can I have my quill back?"

Riley stared at him wondering why he suddenly looked so solemn and vulnerable. "Then why did you leave so early last night? And why'd you wake up so early this morning and skip breakfast and class?" Riley protested. "Why are you avoiding me?"

Rhett sat there in shock, realizing for the first time that he was hurting her by avoiding her. But there wasn't much else he could do. "I…you…I'm not avoiding you," he lied. "Now give me my quill!"

She got so fed up with his vague answers that she snapped his quill in two and threw at him, not caring how childish she was acting. "There. Have your stupid quill."

And with that, she shoved her chair back, which fell towards the ground, and stomped out of the library (with another "Shhh!" from the librarian) angrily, earning stares from the others who were in the library at that point.

She rushed down the hallway, not really having a direction in which she was going. Her suspicions had been confirmed. Something was definitely up with Rhett and yet she had no idea what could have possibly caused him to be so distant and evasive with her in the library. She knew something must have happened at the party the night before but as she racked her brain trying to figure out what it could be, nothing came up except for a few tears in the bottom of her eyelids. And once again, poor, pathetic Riley Gilmore was stuck crying over a guy. Why was that always the case?

She turned the corner and almost ran straight into Braden. She quickly stopped herself, her books slipping out of her hands to the ground. "Oops, sorry Braden. Didn't see you there," she mumbled. She bent down to pick up her books, expecting Braden to accept her apology and walk off like people usually did. But instead he bent down and helped her with her books.

When he looked up and saw the look on her face, he asked, "You okay?"

She shrugged, biting down on her tongue in order not to let the tears spill over as she hastily finished picking up her things off the floor. She didn't need Braden running to tell Rhett how upset she was over him.

Riley eventually stood up as Braden handed her a quill that had toppled out. "Thanks," she muttered, scooting past him to head down the hallway.

"Riley?" he called out after her.

She sighed, slowly turning around. "Yeah?" she murmured.

"I-I kinda lied before," he admitted with a hint of shame in his voice.

Riley frowned. "About what?" she asked, confused.

"I didn't tell you the whole truth about Rhett," Braden explained, turning away from her gaze.

"What do you mean?" she asked urgently.

He didn't respond immediately, clearly weighing the words in his own mind. "He...he asked me not to tell you, but I think you deserve better than the silent treatment he's apparently giving you," Braden sighed.

"Why's he giving me the silent treatment?"

"I think he's hoping if he ignores you enough, you won't interrogate him as to why he doesn't want to..." he trailed off, wincing.

A sharp intake of breath escaped her lips. "He doesn't want to be with me, does he." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. A statement she was sure she knew the answer to.

"No, he does," Braden was quick to protest, but his words were cautious. "He just doesn't think he can."

"_Why_?" Riley demanded to know, her voice pleading with desperation.

He sighed. "Apparently someone had told him a bunch of stories, not good ones, mind you, about you and other…other guys prior to Rhett," Braden clarified.

Riley stared at him blankly. "What?" she asked, wondering why that seemed to be so bad. Everyone in the whole school was always talking about her prior relationships, if they could be _called _relationships.

Braden shrugged. "I believe there's more to it, and I would talk to Rhett about it, not me, but that was all he would say to me. I guess he sorta felt…cheated with this information and I'm not sure why it bothered him considering he's been the same way as you for the past few years going from girl to girl, never satisfied, and never bothering to make it last longer than a night but-"

"Whoa, whoa, _those_ are the kind of stories someone told about me?" Riley interrupted angrily. "About how I'm never satisfied? About one-night stands?"

Braden nodded hesitantly. "Yeah. Like I said, they weren't exactly in your favor."

Riley's face turned bright red out of heated anger, to which Braden stepped back from out of nervousness. "Who the hell would say that about me?" Riley cried out.

Braden bit his lip nervously. "It doesn't matter really, but-"

"Do you know who said it?"

Braden hesitated, which was enough for Riley who shouted, "You _do_ know! Who said it?"

"No, I only have suspicions. But it really doesn't matter-"

"It does too matter!" Riley argued with a pained expression on her face. "Because someone caused Rhett to feel uncomfortable around me now and I want to pound him or her into the ground because of it."

"Look, just talk to Rhett," Braden urged. "I don't doubt you can change his mind about this. He's being stupid. All weekend all he could talk about was you and believe me, it got quite annoying but it's been a while since I've seen him so smitten over a girl and I would bet good money that what he's feeling right now will quickly disappear."

Riley nodded miserably, not even content with the information that Rhett talked about her all weekend. "I hope so," she muttered.

"Just talk to him," he repeated. He gave her a sympathetic look and started walking away, but before he did he added, "Oh…and could you not mention that I told you all of this? I'd rather not be squid food tomorrow."

Riley would have laughed at the comment if she wasn't feeling so down after what Braden had told her, but she nodded in agreement and watched him walk away. Before he reached the end of the hallway, she called out after him. "Hey, Braden?"

He halted cautiously before turning around. "Yeah?"

"Was it Daniela Skeeter?"

"_What_?"

She sighed. "The rumors about me. Was it Daniela who spread them?"

He hesitated, shaking his head. "No, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure if it was Daniela, Rhett wouldn't care enough to listen to her."

She didn't respond and he didn't let her get in another word edge-wise. He offered her a sympathetic smile before traipsing off.

And that just left her feeling completely rejected and defeated, wondering who could possibly want to destroy her relationship with Rhett so badly that they would go to such extremes.

Whoever it was, she was going to kill them.

* * *

**A/N: **On another note, I officially finished this story! YAY! It is going to be roughly 51 or 52 chapters (still working on the chapters and the kinks). So I'll probably be updating every week or so and not hold it out as long as I can (like I was doing lately because I was afraid I'd never finish the story and I didn't want to update the last written chapter and realize I'd have to make you wait a month for me to finish haha). I'm currently working on a sequel because the story does end with some cliffhangers and some unanswered questions and I do have ideas for later in the school year. The sequel will probably go until graduation, so it will be the second part of the year. And then i plan on writing ANOTHER sequel after that (so i guess this will be a trilogy...) MUCH later in their life-like in their late twenties or something-revolving around Lily and James' wedding and of course the other characters will be involved heavily also. Tell me what you think and tell me your ideas for the 2 sequels. I welcome ideas! Review please!


	32. Of Whispering, Fights, & Confrontation

**A/N: **Yep, I'm back, and fairly quickly, too, just like I promised! This chapter kinda hit me unexpectedly but I enjoyed where it ended up. I hope you enjoy it, too. PLEASE review!

**Disclaimer: **Oh who am I kidding. No one reads this anymore!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 32: Of Whispering, Fights, & Confrontation

* * *

"C'mon, say something," James' voice whispered behind her.

"No way, I don't want her to snap at me again," Remus whispered back.

"Yeah, _you_ say something if you really want to know, James," Kay added. "You should be used to her snapping at you by now anyway."

"Blow me, Richards," he muttered back.

Kay sniggered.

"C'mon James, I nominate you to ask why she's in a bad mood," Remus pleaded in another hushed voice.

"You can't just _nominate_ someone!" he whispered back in frustration, a little louder.

"Sure you can! I just did, did I not?"

"If you want to know so badly, _you_ do it, Remus," Peter's voice finally chimed in.

"No way. She likes me right now and I'd rather not be on her hate-list," he whispered back again. "I've seen James on that list for years and I'd rather not have to endure that."

"She doesn't hate me that much!" James argued back.

There was a quiet round of chuckles.

"I'm pretty sure she gave you a million reasons at breakfast as to why she hates you," Peter snorted.

"I'm still not going to ask her," he growled.

Remus sighed. "You're her best friend, Kay. If James is too chicken to do it, you should."

"I'm not chicken!" he whispered.

"Are too!" Remus hissed.

"I'm sorry if I don't want my _head_ bitten off for the hundredth time this week by her!" He neglected to point out that perhaps he was on her good side at the moment and wanted to stay there.

"And what's the difference between 99 times and 100 times?" Kay hissed.

"An extra digit, that's what!" James whispered in frustration.

"Oh, come on James," Peter whined. "I wanna know."

"Then _you_ ask her!" James hissed at him. "Do you honestly think she'd tell me anyway?"

"She might!" Kay muttered.

"You're delusional!" James snorted. "But she'll tell _you. Y_ou're her friend!"

"Yeah, and I'd like to _stay _her friend," she hissed. "So _you_ ask her since you're _not _her friend!"

"Haven't we already established that I'm _not _going to ask?" James snapped.

"No, only _you _established that," Remus murmured.

Lily spun around on the heels of her feet angrily, having about enough with their attempts at whispering, and cried out, "You guys _do_ realize I can hear every damn word you're saying, right?"

All four of them froze on the spot, peering up at Lily with guilty expressions on their faces.

"Um…well, we do _now_," Remus murmured.

"What _happened_?" James finally blurted out to Lily, dying for an answer and yet knowing perfectly well he wouldn't be given one.

All he got was a rather rude hand gesture from her, much to the surprise of the others, before she attempted to stalk off towards the Great Hall for lunch.

He shrugged. "Eh, I'm used to her flipping me off by now."

They all laughed.

"So who's the Mudblood pissed off at now?" a raspy voice sneered behind them.

They all whirled around, including Lily who had just reached the end of the hallway and heard the Slytherins' voices ringing out, and they all came face-to-face with noneother than Lestrange and his crew.

"Or has she finally just realized that people like her don't belong in this school," he added with a snicker.

"No, she's not that arrogant like you are. She _actually_ thinks of others," James growled, glaring at him.

"Potter, there's no need for you to stick up for me," she muttered, rejoining the group. "I don't need you to go and play hero."

James frowned, wondering if the conversation from earlier about picking on the Slytherins was on her mind as well. "I just complimented you and you're scolding me for it?"

She swallowed hard, glancing up at him. Her lips formed a thin line. She hated the guy that James became when trying to act superior and indomitable. Instead of that genuine guy he could be, he became that cold and haughty jerk he could be, believing that he was better than everyone. It wasn't daunting and it wasn't courteous. It was just plain appalling to watch. Especially knowing that he could be a good guy. But around the Slytherins, he became that guy that Lily couldn't help but hate. "I don't need you complimenting me at the expense of the Slytherins and for your own self-worth," she said softly, bitterness spewing from her words.

The Slytherins roared in laughter at the putdown. "That's right, stick it to him," Rodolphus snickered.

James whipped his head in Rodolphus' direction and glared at him. "Oh please. You can't call her a you-know-what and then three seconds later be on her side!"

"I can do whatever I damn well please," he huffed.

"Then please do the rest of us a favor and go fling yourself off the North Tower," James sneered, growling madly at him.

Rodolphus narrowed his eyes. "Was that supposed to be an insult?" he spoke dryly.

"And people say you're clueless," James snickered, crossing his arms triumphantly. Lily felt her frown deep, recognizing that a fight was about to break out.

"You better watch your back, Potter," Rodolphus sneered.

"Wow, do you sit in your room all night thinking up those insightful comebacks?" James asked overdramatically.

"No, I sit in my room thinking about how once I get out of this pathetic prison, I can't wait to brainstorm the many ways I can torture you and every last person in this bloody world who hold your same beliefs, eyou filthy blood traitor," Rodolphus threatened, earning a wink from Bellatrix, who felt it necessary to latch on to his arm with pride.

Instead of getting riled up like everyone expected James to, he just laughed in his face. "For you to be able to do that, you'd have to live past graduation and by the time I'm done with you, you won't even live until Christmas," he sneered, quickly pulling out his wand from his pocket but before he could hex Rodolphus, Remus snatched it away.

"Hey!" James cried.

"C'mon, James, you're Head Boy. Do you really want to do anything to jeopardize that?" Remus sighed. He was getting tired of being James' conscience whenever he got around the Slytherins. It was exhausting wondering if James was in a riled up mood to start a fight or if he was in one of his superior moods and thought fighting the Slytherins weren't worth his time.

"Right now, yes," James replied almost immediately, not taking his eyes off of Rodolphus.

Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed James' arm. "C'mon, let's just get to lunch, James."

But James didn't even budge. Neither he nor Rodolphus let their eyes stray from each other's, both flaring with rage.

"Potter, please just listen to him," Lily pleaded. She wanted so desperately to believe that James could be a good person. But he was making that very difficult. It didn't matter how much the Slytherins disappointed him or how much their families had provided harm to his family. That didn't give James the right to tear them down like he so enjoyed doing. She knew he could be a better person. She had _seen _him be a better person. She had seen him turn down a fight with a Slytherin before when no one was watching. Why souldn't he be that guy all the time?

Rodolphus finally broke the silence. "You better watch your back, Potter," he repeated for a second time. "Your petty pranks and hexes are nothing compared to what we can do out in the real world. What we _will _do."

James' heart raced. "You've been threatening me for years, Lestrange," he snarled. "It's beginning to sound very empty."

"There are only seven more months with the protection of this bloody school and its headmaster," Bellatrix cackled. "After that, those threats will no longer be empty."

James stiffened and so, too, did his friends. Lily thought back to the conversation that morning and wondered if the people she was staring at were really planning on joining their parents in a mafia hunt. "Oh, don't start with the pureblood rant, Bellatrix," James growled, clenching his fists. "I hate to break it to you, to _all of you_, but the ways of the wizarding world are changing. You better start getting used to the idea of muggleborns not only joining our world but _ruling _it."

No one was surprised when there was an outrage of shouts from the Slytherin gang. "Shut it!" Rodolphus grumbled, glaring at his friends. He turned back to face James, a smirk too smug for his own good spreading across his face. "Mudbloods won't rule the wizarding world. They'll be extinct before that ever even happens." His eyes lingered over Lily. "Enjoy being a witch, Evans, while it lasts."

James shoved Lestrange with so much force, he was completely thrown off guard and fell hard against the stone wall, grabbing onto Bellatrix for some balance.

Before anyone could yell out James' name in hopes of stopping him, Lestrange lunged at him at full speed, landing James against the opposite wall with a loud thud.

"STOP!" Lily shouted, knowing it wouldn't help in the slightest. She quickly rushed out of the way as James thrust Lestrange towards her accidentally, punching him in the face with a direct hit. "JAMES POTTER, YOU'RE HEAD BOY! SET AN EXAMPLE!" How she could have ever thought he was a good guy was beyond her.

James completely ignored her words, as Lestrange moaned and felt the blood dripping down his face. He glared up at James with such vehemence, Kay felt a shiver run down her back and Lily groaned in annoyance, knowing she'll have to yet again break up a Marauder-Slytherin fight. And just when she was considering the idea of forgiving James, he goes and does something completely inane.

"James, c'mon, you're being stupid!" Remus grumbled, grabbing James by the hem of his robes and attempting to pull him back. Unfortunately, James was too strong for him and pulled away from Remus' grip. He punched Lestrange again and forced him to the ground, earning himself a quick jab to the cheek.

"Bloody bastard, Potter!" Rodolphus shouted as James sent him a right hook straight to his eye.

"JAMES!" Remus finally shouted.

"Get off him, Potter! Act your damned age!" Lily shouted, standing there with her hands on her hips, ignoring the superior looks on the Slytherins' faces, who were now just leaning against the wall and watching in amusement.

"I love how you guys are just enjoying watching your friend getting the shit beat out of him," Kay snapped, crossing her arms bitterly as she gave them all a thwarted gaze.

"No, we're enjoying watching the attempts that Evans and Lupin are doing to try to stop Potter. Failed attempts, might I add," Bellatrix snickered, shrugging nonchalantly as she stifled a bored yawn.

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily barked, ignoring Bellatrix completely as James punched Lestrange in the face for a fourth time. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!"

With the help of Remus, she and him both grabbed James by the shoulders and pulled him off of Lestrange before James actually killed him. James clearly tried to get away from both their grips, yelling obscenities to them that they ignored, which the Slytherins naturally enjoyed.

"Gotta get your buddies to bail you out yet again," Rodolphus smirked, wiping away the dripping blood from his nose. "How lame."

"And this is coming from someone who has a black eye and a broken nose," James sneered, yanking his arm away from Lily ready to lunge at Lestrange again.

Never has a gesture gone so completely wrong.

In the process of attempting to attack Rodolphus again, James accidentally brought his hand too far backwards, smacking Lily severely on her left cheek, a smack so loud it reverberated throughout the whole hallway.

"Potter!" she cried out in horror, stumbling backwards as her hands flew to her cheek immediately.

The Slytherins all burst into hysterical laughter, as Bellatrix helped Rodolphus up from the floor. James froze, his mouth dropping open shamefully.

"Oh my God," he muttered slowly, standing frozen on the spot, uncertain what to do or say next. "Evans, I-I...I don't know what...are you...how is your...please..." he dithered, the words stuttering out in a jumble of nothing.

Tears sprang to Lily's eyes as she turned away from the group, definitely not wanting the Slytherins to witness how much pain she was in. She didn't need the whole school knowing how vulnerable she was.

She was never more grateful to anyone in her life than Mulciber as he rolled his eyes and said, "C'mon, let's get out of here. Watching Potter embarrass himself is plenty satisfying. No need to attack him further." He snickered as he gestured for the gang to follow him.

"Good luck trying to get on her good side _now_, Potter," Bellatrix snorted as she wrapped her arm around her boyfriend's waist and steered them down the hallway.

When they rounded the corner, Kay finally asked, "Lily, are you alright?"

Lily didn't answer. Instead, still facing her back to them, she rubbed her cheek soothingly, biting her lip in order to keep the tears from falling. She stood there trying to sort out her emotions, wondering if she was mad or if she was disappointed or if she was just annoyed and embarrassed. Never again was she going to let her guard down around James. Never again.

Finally, James found his voice. "L-Lily?" he said shakily, her first name sounding foreign on his tongue.

With the sound of James' nervous voice, Lily slowly turned her face to the group, her eyes blazing with anger as she stared right through James like an arrow through someone's heart. A look of torturous rage spread across her face, a look of pure intensity. They all took a step back out of fear, James clamping his mouth shut and vowing to stay silent.

When she finally took her hands away from her face, they all couldn't help but wince. Her cheek was almost twice the size it was before, in the midst of turning purple and black, and a scraped imprint from James' older brother's ring that resided on his finger was chiseled into her cheek.

"Ooh, that looks bad," Peter mumbled, just saying something in order to break the tense silence.

"Gee, thanks Peter, just what I needed to hear," Lily replied coolly, not taking her eyes off of James. He shifted uncomfortably, avoiding all eye-contact with her as his eyes zoned in on a crack in the opposite wall.

"Um…do you want me to take you to the hospital wing?" Remus offered, mostly because he was also feeling awkward from the thick silence.

"You shouldn't have to. _You_ didn't do anything," Lily snapped, her eyes penetrating heavily through James.

Remus swallowed hard and stepped back, squeaking, "Okay."

They all stood there in an extremely discomfited silence, Remus, Kay, and Peter gazing back and forth between James and Lily, trying to find a way to rectify the situation. The three of them came up completely blank. They opened their mouths a few times but nothing even remotely intelligent came out. They felt it was best to remain quiet in fear of Lily lashing out at the next person who spoke, vehemence emanating from her eyes.

Finally, James turned towards his friends. "Can...can you guys leave us alone for a sec?" he begged. "I-I need to talk to Lily."

"I don't have anything to say to you," she snarled, bringing her hand back up to her cheek to massage the pain. She wondered why she even bothered to get up that morning. First, she had a blow-out with Sirius and then she got a huge bruise on her cheek from James. It just wasn't turning out to be a good day and it wasn't even noon yet.

"Lily, please," he whispered depserately.

"I think it's best that we go," Kay agreed.

"No, Kay, it's fine," Lily urged, shaking her head.

"No, it's not," she sighed. "It's not fine. Talk to him, Lily." Before Lily could protest, she grabbed Remus and Peter's arms and directed them down the hallway.

"Are you sure we should be leaving these two alone?" Remus muttered hesitantly.

Kay gave him a look. "Just go," she demanded. She thought that perhaps it was better for Lily and James to talk without an audience.

James took a hesitant step towards Lily, positive that she was going to skin him alive in less than five minutes. In a matter of seconds, he had gone from the possibility of getting on Lily's good terms to complete and total destruction.

And he knew he had to acknowledge the colossal mistake he had just made or there was no chance of them ever getting over their differences.

"Evans, I-I'm so sorry. I can't believe I-I did that. I…I have no idea what to say," he said slowly and cautiously, giving her a pleading look. "I'm just so embarrassed and I wish I could take it all back, but unfortunately I can't. I'm…I'm really sorry."

The tears reappeared in her eyelids unexpectedly. Tears that weren't related to the slap on her cheek. She said in a hushed voice, "I don't want you to be sorry." She swallowed hard. "I just want you to…to…" she trailed off.

"To what?" James dared to ask, his heart beating wildly out of his chest. He gazed up at her, surprised to see that it was sorrow staring back at him and not anger.

She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest defensively as she blinked back the tears. "Is it so wrong of me to just want you to be the guy I know you can be?" she whispered vulnerably.

"You keep saying that," he retaliated, bewildered. "And I try to be. I try _so _hard. But it's never good enough for you," he pleaded. "_I'm _never going to be good enough for you." As he spoke those words, he realized they were the words he had never been willing to admit before. This entire time, he had thought he had a chance with her. He thought one day they'd be able to find a happy medium. But he was kidding himself. She would never think highly of him. Never.

She frowned, which just made her wince as a shooting pain shot through her cheek. It was a shock to hear him discuss how he'd never be good enough for her when it was clear from the words he spoke about her that _she _would never be good enough for _him_. She was confused and hesitant and bewildered over the vulnerable, downcast side that he was showing. She found herself blurting out, her voice trembling with soft hesitance, "I think you've got it wrong. It's clearly been me who has never been good enough for you. You've made that perfectly clear."

That threw him for a loop, his eyebrows furrowing in a puzzled manner. "What are you talking about?"

She quickly turned away from his gaze, letting out a deep sigh. Eventually, she shook her head. "Nothing. Never mind. I'm just too..." she trailed off with another sigh. "I'm just exhausted, Potter. I'm tired of dealing with this. With you. With _us_."

"And you think I'm not?" he murmured. "Seems to me no matter how much I tried to respect your wishes and leave you alone, it's _you_ that always manages to find your way back to me."

She scowled. "Don't pretend like you're irresistible, Potter."

"That's not what I'm saying," he sighed, shaking his head. "I'm just saying that...that whatever it is that's going on with you and me, it seems to me it will never be over."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, turning away from him quickly.

He hesitated when she didn't bother responding as he glanced down at her with a deep frown. He took another hesitant step towards her. "The only time it ever felt over, Evans, was when we were friends."

She snapped her head up to stare at him, letting out a sharp intake of breath. "I can't be your friend, Potter," she whispered.

"Why not?" he asked calmly. "Tell me, Evans, what I did. I think I deserve that much."

She opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. She tried opening her mouth to explain and her mind went blank. She just tried to say anything but found herself unable to do so.

He frowned, his face filling with pure bitterness towards her. He let out an annoyed grunt and found himself glaring at her. "Do you have any idea how angry it makes me to know I've done something to hurt you and you won't even _tell_ me?" He had thought it would come out full of anger, but his voice was just soft with agony. "I know you don't believe me, but I've been trying to make this work, Evans, and you _refuse _to let me. I know we've never been the best of friends and I know we never will, but I thought after our conversation this morning that maybe we were heading in a direction of…of contentment with each other. And now we're right back to where we start-"

"Because of you!" Lily shouted. "You chose to fight Rodolphus! _Not _me! In a single moment, you became that jerk of a Gryffindor who enjoys spending his time pummeling a guy who isn't worth your time!"

James sighed, unperturbed by her loud, scathing words. "I-I don't think you understand how…how much it pains me to hear those bloody Slytherins call you those horrible names."

Lily fell silent, frustrated by the vulnerability in his voice. "I'm not that muggleborn family who Alvarez Malfoy killed and I'm not the Minister's granddaughter who Giotti Rookwood and Braley Nott kidnapped and I'm…I'm not Sirius whose parents want to join the dark side," she said firmly. She swallowed hard, gazing into his eyes determinedly. "Potter, I am _not your grandparents_. Those were unfortunate, _terrible _things that happened, but I do _not _need you thinking you need to protect me. You can't save everyone by tearing a few Slytherins down."

His face grew white. "I told you about my grandparents in confidence. I would have kept quiet if I knew you were going to throw it back in my face."

"I'm not throwing it in your face, Potter," she contested desperately, shaking her head. "I'm just trying to get you to see that you can't save everybody and you can't change anything by punching Rodolphus."

"It's not about saving anyone or changing anything," he whispered. "It's about fighting for what's right. And if that has to be literal sometimes, so be it."

"Why do you always insist on stooping to their level?"

He sighed, recognizing the fact that this wasn't getting them anywhere. "Evans, this really isn't about the Slytherins. It's about you and me."

"There is no you and me," she snapped. "Don't you get that, Potter? You and I are clearly never going to see eye-to-eye."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go ahead and be mad at me. It's all you're ever good at. It's clear you'll make up any reason to act angry with me."

She scowled, narrowing her eyes irritably. "You're right, Potter," she replied sardonically in an icy tone, "My day just isn't complete until I get into a heated debate with you. Oh, how you know me so well."

James rolled his eyes, unfazed by her sarcastic, cynical attitude. "Today alone proves that. You fight with me this morning, we have a civil conversation an hour later, and now we're right back to fighting again," he said with a shrug. "A desire to be mad at me is the only explanation as to why you were back to hating my guts only a day after we were laughing and having fun together. Face it, you enjoy the drama."

Lily glared at him, perturbed by his characterization. "You know nothing."

James smirked, enjoying the annoyed look she was giving him. "I know more than you want me to know, don't I?"

Lily bit the inside of her lip angrily, tasting a sliver of blood on the tip of her tongue when she pulled it away. James had so many personalities it was hard keeping track of them. And his smirking, arrogant personality filled with overconfidence and excess swagger annoyed her the most. He really thought he could go from angry James to charming James in a matter of seconds? Man, she really couldn't stand him sometimes. "You know _nothing_," she repeated, her eyes ablaze with rage. She tried pushing away from the wall and away from him but he took another step closer to her, in order to get a better look into her hollow eyes, filled with sudden regret. Lily opened her mouth to tell him to get out of her way, but James quickly cut her off.

"What the hell are you so scared of, Evans?" James grumbled, wondering why he hadn't asked this question before. It was clear that hesitance and anxiety rested deep from within. He just didn't know why.

"Scared?" Lily repeated skeptically.

He shrugged brusquely. "Yeah, why are you scared to admit that for some reason we actually make a good duo? That perhaps we were better off as friends than we are as enemies? Why must you convince yourself to find a way to go on hating me, knowing perfectly well that deep down inside, I _know _that you don't hate me, you never really did, and you never really will? Why are you so convinced that everything I do or so is my way of attempting to hurt you? Why are you so afraid of letting your guard down with me? Why are you so afraid of being my friend?"

Lily stared up at him, a strong sense of regret washing over, and repeated in a hesitant voice, "'Why?'" He knew it was rhetorical, but he nodded anyway.

She swallowed hard and tried to turn her eyes away from him, but it seemed that something was keeping her stranded on that spot. How is it he could see right through her? Maybe there was a large part of her that was scared of attempting to get close to James again in fear he would just once again tear her down. She was tired of getting her hopes up and then getting hurt in the end. She wasn't going to give him the benefit of the doubt once again just to have him destroy another foundation they had formed. She was done. She _wanted _to be done.

Right?

Without responding to his questions, she asked surprisingly calm, "Why do you care?"

James slammed his fist into the wall behind Lily, causing her to tense up and her eyes to widen in fear. "Because, Evans, I _hate _that you hate me!" His voice was loud and yet hoarse, trembling with remorse. He had to take a deep breath in and exhale slowly, trying to compose himself, before continuing. "I hate that I try _so hard_ to be that good person you have claimed I can be. And I think you've seen that! But then I make a mistake or I do something unworthy of your high expectations of me and suddenly you're back to judging me! I don't deserve to be under your constant goddamned scrutiny, Evans! I just want to be _me_!"

She frowned. "You should just be you," she said softly. "I have never _once _said that you _should _be that good, moral person I know you can be. I have simply said I know you are capable of it. But if you want to continue being the shallow, trouble-making, fight-starting, fake-charming, insult-starting, snarky, cocky jock that you are, you can't expect me to want to be your friend! That is what it boils down to, Potter. You can't have it both ways. You shouldn't feel like you have to prove yourself to me. And...and I shouldn't feel like I need to prove myself to you."

He turned away from her, so much frustration building up inside of him. Here she was telling him that if he cleaned up his act, maybe they could co back to being friends. But it was a bold-faced lie. No matter what he did or tried to do, she would never be able to forgive him. Forgive him for what? He couldn't be sure. But at this point, he wasn't so sure it mattered.

He turned his gaze back on her, noting a flicker of anxiety perching behind her sparkling green eyes. "Do you?" he asked curiously. "Feel the need to prove yourself to me?"

She didn't respond but he was certain the answer was an unexpected yes.

"You have every right to hate me, Evans," he said softly. "Sometimes, I-I hate myself for the stupid shit I pulled on you. On everyone. But…but at least I've tried to make you and me work. At least I've tried putting in the effort. I might not be doing such a good job at it, but you just…just shut down when things don't go your way. You throw up these defensive walls and attack my character because that's easier than dealing with the truth about us."

"Oh, yeah? And that's the truth about us?" she snapped.

"That we make a pretty damned good team. And in all honesty, I think we make pretty damned good friends as well."

She frowned, sensing a bit of hostility in his voice. She knew that he wanted nothing more than to be her friend again. She knew all he wanted was to be able to talk civilly without being afraid of what she might say to him or think about him. But how could she could back to the way things used to be knowing he thought so little of her? They couldn't be friends under those conditions. "Friends respect each other, Potter," she eventually spoke, her voice icy. "So you and I? We were never friends."

His eyebrows furrowed. "To whom are you referring?" he asked curiously. "Me not respecting you or you not respecting me?"

She gazed up at him, her eyes filled with so much bewilderment and hesitance. "Both, I guess."

"Have I ever _once_ said I didn't respect you, Evans?"

"You didn't have to say it, Potter. Your actions have made it perfectly clear," she snapped, her heart skipping a beat.

His expression softened as he took a step back from her slowly. "Is that what this is about? What's it's all been about? This back and forth charade we've been playing?" he asked softly. "Has it been about gaining each other's respect?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't answer. Because she was wondering now if perhaps she had been trying to gain his respect. And if perhaps she wanted him to gain hers. She had to look away, finding solace in the grimy floor as she contemplated what it was about James Potter that made her constantly going back for more.

The desperation in his eyes suddenly turned to utter frustration when it was clear she wasn't going to respond. And he suddenly whirled around away from her, pacing back and forth without so much as another glance her way. He was clearly too angry to even want to hear an answer from her. He just wanted to know exactly where he stood with her. He just wanted to know if one day they might be able to get past their petty feud. He just wanted answers. And what he really wanted was to just be around her.

He stiffened at that last thought and tried to rid it from his mind. He finally turned around to face her. "Damnit, Evans, why do you thrive on being so fucking difficult?" he muttered, raising his voice angrily, his eyes blazing with a determined fire. "You are the most exasperating person that I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. You are so hot and cold, I can never figure out where I stand with you! It's bloody exhausting! Why the hell did I ever have to meet you?" he snapped.

"Why the hell did you ever have to kiss me?"

The words had just escaped from her mouth, coming out so fast in a tumbling motion she realized too late that they were being said. Her hand flew to her mouth and she stood there frozen, her body barely trembling out of stupidity and regret as her eyes stared up at him in curiosity, wondering how he was going to respond. She was too shocked to even turn away from his gaze.

She wasn't the only one taken aback by the words that had been blurted out of her mouth. James had halted immediately where he was standing and turned to look at her, his expression unidentifiable. "Er…what?" he stuttered in confusion.

Lily's breathing was slowing down, her heart returning to its normal speed, and all she wanted to say was that it was nothing and then walk—okay run—off, in hopes of the humiliation dying out. But she had already uttered it. It was out there and now that it was, she didn't want to turn back. She was desperate to find an answer after all of these months. In a rather calm voice, she repeated, "Why did you kiss me?"

James' forehead creased and he was giving Lily the utmost peculiar look. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously and turned away from Lily, finding the tiles on the ground much more entertaining. Neither one of them spoke for what felt like eternity, but they both knew that it was James' turn to respond. However, he was speechless. He had never not had anything to say and here he was standing in the middle of the hallway with his stomach growling from lack of food and all he could think about were the words that Lily had just uttered and why she wanted to know. He thought back to that momentous day when he confessed all of his deepest feelings to Lily and then spontaneously, leaned down to kiss her like he had always wanted to do.

Finally, with what felt like to him an accurate answer, he replied, "I told you everything last year on the platform."

When James took a longer gaze at her, he saw a look of longing and desperation to know the truth and it was right then that James realized he couldn't even remember everything he had said to her. He had moved on from it because he thought he had to. But he suddenly wondered if she hadn't moved on from it. If perhaps she hadn't wanted to.

Lily merely blinked. "You don't remember what you said, do you," she muttered.

He frowned. "Only because I forced myself to forget," he said softly.

She had no idea what to take from that but the way he was now looking at her sent a chill down her spine. "Did you also force yourself to forget how to act like a decent human being?" she muttered.

He glared at her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She sighed, uncertain why she was bothering to even get into it with him. "You were a completely changed person when you arrived back at Hogwarts in September."

James shrugged awkwardly. "I didn't change that much, Evans," he argued. "We just…we just left things on a weird note and maybe you expected more."

Lily surprisingly nodded. "Maybe I did expect more," she agreed. "But can you really blame me? You…you said all those strangely unexpected things to me, you _kissed_ me, and then you just walked away to leave me utterly confused for two whole months. Maybe you knew exactly how you wanted that exchange to go, but you had caught _me_ completely off-guard! I had no idea what to make of it. So of course I expected more from you this year. You made me believe as if I should."

"That wasn't my intention," he murmured honestly.

"Then what _was _your intention, Potter?" she pleaded. "Because to this day, I still can't figure it out."

He opened his mouth to attempt to defend himself but found himself unable to form the words. Unable to even form a single thought. He was completely thrown by the sudden direction that this conversation had been steered to and he wasn't prepared to rehash it. He had said and done what he had wanted to, what he had needed to, nearly six months earlier. Why was it only now coming back up?

So he did what he often did best. He deflected her questions. "Why do you want to know?" James questioned curiously, panic resting in his eyes.

Honestly, she didn't know why she cared. She didn't even know why she asked to begin with. But it was too late to turn back now. "I don't know," she murmured. "Because...because..." she trailed off, not sure of what the right answer should have been.

"Because what?" he asked softly.

She remained silent, brooding over the words she was about to speak. She eventually sighed. "Because I, for the life of me, cannot figure you out, Potter," she said softly. "One minute, I think I know exactly who you are and then the next, you're taking me by complete surprise. It's exhausting trying to keep up. You're a handful, y'know that?"

James was shocked to see a hint of a smile spread across her face. "You don't always have to have all the answers," he responded coyly, smiling back.

"Yes, I do," she whined overdramatically. "I thrive on the cold, hard facts of life, Potter, not the unknown."

"Live a little," he teased, winking at her. "Learn to be spontaneous."

She rolled her eyes but was surprised to realize that their frustration and tension with each other had somehow been replaced with playful banter. How is it one minute, she hated his guts and in the next minute, she was finding herself amused by him? He was one confusing son-of-a-bitch, that was for sure. "And live my life like you?"

He hesitated. "There are worse things I'm sure."

She rolled her eyes, but was very aware of the thumping in her heart. Yes, there were worse things. Because while she despised everything James Potter strove to be, a large part of her was envious of the life he had. He had it all. Fame, success, money, respect. He was a Potter. Just by association, he was practically royalty in the wizarding world. For his entire life, he had everything handed to him on a silver platter while she had to work ten times as hard as he did just to accomplish the same goals. He had everything she claimed she had never needed and yet secretly wished she had. And maybe, just maybe, that was a huge part of why she felt so desperate to hate him. Because if she hated him and his life, she would never have to admit that in fact, she was jealous of all of it. "I don't need to live a life of an unsatisfied player," she said with a smirk. While her tone suggested she was teasing, the cold look in her eye told him there was truth in her words.

"Unsatisfied player, hm?" he murmured, his heart sinking at the accusatory words. He sighed hesitantly. "Evans, whatever occurred between us last year on the platform wasn't because of my tendencies to...to play the dating field. If anything, my...er...my womanizing tendencies was because of you."

"Er...what?"

He shrugged coolly. "I meant what I said last year. All I had ever wanted from you was to just get to know you better. Nothing more, nothing less. Does that really make me such a bad guy?"

"But _why_?" she urged, shaking her head confused. "I just...I don't get it. Why are you so determined to figure me out? You and I are two completely different people," she said, her voice soft as a gentle whisper. "You...you're James Potter. You're...well, not to sound like a ridiculous gossiping schoolgirl, but you're one of the most popular guys in this school. Everyone knows who you are and they adore you," she said hastily, the blood rushing to her cheeks as he saw the ends of his mouth twitch in amusement. "And I'm Lily Evans." She shrugged, thinking of herself as that insecure orphan - a title she so desperately tried to shed. But it would always be there. It wasn't something she could ignore. "That's it. Just Lily Evans. Enough said."

She looked so uncomfortable it was almost reassuring to him. At least he wasn't the only one who was feeling a bit out of place by the sudden conversation change. "You don't think very highly of yourself, do you?" James stated, his head cocking to the side curiously.

She frowned, turning away from his scrutinizing gaze. She didn't bother responding. But she had a feeling he knew what the answer would have been.

"Well, you should," he said in a hushed tone as his eyes penetrated through hers, sending chills down her back. He took another step closer, practically pinning her to the wall, and whispered into her ear, "Because it's why I kissed you last year. You may not think highly of yourself but I certainly do."

His hot breath against her ear was making it impossible for her to concentrate on her surroundings. She closed her eyes, her heart thumping so loudly against her chest walls she was sure he could hear it. She swallowed hard and as her eyes fluttered open, she realized just how close he was standing to her. She looked him in the eye and said determinedly, "Don't bother lying to me in some pathetic attempt at making me feel better."

He pulled away rashly, confused by her response. "Why are you so convinced I'm lying?" he asked, shaking his head.

She stood up taller against the wall, clearing her throat. "I'm done talking about this," she said firmly, glaring at him. "Once again, our conversations are just going round and round. They're directionless. And while our conversations may not be going somewhere, _I _do have places to be." She shoved past him hard, causing him to stumble slightly, and stormed down the hall.

"Evans, _wait_," James argued, rushing after her after he regained his balance. He grabbed a hold of her arm at the end of the corridor. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?" she snapped, struggling to break free from his grasp without much success.

He sighed. "One minute, you're finally letting your guard down around me and in the next, you're avoiding any confrontation with me that may just show a slight part of your vulnerable side. You always put up these walls!"

She rolled her eyes. "What are you babbling about? I never let my guard down around you. Believe me, I've learned my lesson."

He wasn't sure which point he wanted to address but he chose the former. "It's been six months since that moment we shared on Platform 9 3/4 and you dared to bring it up again. What would you call that if it wasn't letting your guard down?"

Her heart skipped a beat. "I was merely asking a question," she said hollowly.

"Again, a question about something that occurred _six months ago_."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Damnit, Potter, what are you trying to insinuate?"

"I'm insinuating that you dared to let your guard down," he retaliated immediately, a smile breaking out on his face. Before she could snap at him again, he added hastily, "You should do it more often, too. It's quite sexy."

She was torn between embarrassment and disgust. "_Come again_?"

He flashed her his infamous sly, charming grin. "You heard me."

She scowled. "Stop smiling at me," she snapped.

"Can't help it. You amuse me."

She couldn't believe that a few cheeky comments and a roguish smile could make her blood boil so much. "Glad to be your entertainment for the morning," she drawled sarcastically, her voice rigid. She finally wrenched her arm free from his grip and tried high-tailing it away from him.

No such luck.

"_Stop_," he pleaded deeply, grabbing on to her other arm which just caused her to groan. She was tired of playing games with him. She just wanted to get away from him.

"Haven't you had enough of my entertainment, Potter? I'm certainly not going to do a tap dance or recite a poem to you," Lily snapped.

He cracked a smile. A real smile this time, not a smug one. How easy it was for him to go between the two. "I don't expect you to," he chuckled lightly. "Although that would certainly lighten the mood."

Her lips pursed insctinctively. "This mood is far from salvageable."

James frowned. He gazed down at her with a look of curious fortitude, one that caused Lily's heart to flutter nervously. "Evans, where...where are we now?"

Lily furrowed her brow. "In a vacant hallway."

He let out an exasperated grunt. "_No_," he protested. "I mean, you and me. Where are we?"

"Still in a vacant hallway."

He shot her an annoyed look. "I can tell by your active desire to avoid my question, you don't really have an answer either."

Lily turned away from his glare, ignoring the lump that was forming in her throat. "No," she mused. "No, I don't."

He frowned, strangely grateful that he wasn't the only one confused. An awkward silence fell over the hallway, neither knowing what to say or do. Lily's instinct was to just walk away and pretend like none of this ever happened. She wanted to go back to being nothing to each other. She wanted to rid James Potter of her life. Why was he so desperate to not let that happen?

"Can we just..." Lily started to say, unsure how she wanted that sentence to end. She sighed. "Can we just go to lunch?" she murmured.

He hesitated. "Together?"

She swung her eyes up to meet his hopeful ones. He had said that all he wanted was to get to know her better. And all she wanted was to not let him. She had too much to lose. Too many secrets, too much vulnerability, too much history to share with someone who always seemed to know what to say or do to get her to let her guard down. No matter how much she pretended as if she hadn't let her guard down for a single second around him, it was obvious to her that when in his presence, she did manage to do so no matter how much she tried not to. There was something about him. Maybe it was his piercing stare or his careful prodding questions or the way he looked at her or his non-threatening smile. Whatever it was, it was exasperating. She didn't want him to see or to know the person she tried so desperately to hide. The scared, vulnerable girl who lost her family as a ripe age of eight years old and who now lives in a group home without about twenty other lost souls. And yet, she was so afraid that if she spent any more civil time with him, he would figure it out in due time.

"You just slapped me," she eventually said with a smirk. "I'm thinking we should steer clear of each other for a while."

He rolled his eyes defensively. "Right. Like that's the reason you want me to steer clear of you," he muttered.

She shook her head vigorously. "No, you're right. But maybe me wanting you to leave me alone has to do with you picking on me for six years. You hexing me and pranking me when it was convenient to you. You hitting on me, you yelling at me, you challenging me, you never being able to take a hint even with my millions of rejections," she scowled. Damnit, he was right. She was putting up walls and acting defensive because he was getting far too colse to her vulnerable side. A side she didn't want him to see. She didn't want anyone to see it. So she was going to continue sneering at him. It was all she knew how to do. "Potter, you were a self-righteous, cruel son-of-a-bitch to me for most of our Hogwarts days and as long as you earned a few laughs, you thought it was justified! You not only didn't care but you didn't even _notice _how much you hurt me over the years. You never once put yourself in my shoes. And when I had the audacity to fight back, you would just get more fired up and therefore pranke me some more! You never stopped picking on me. Not _once_. So can you really blame me for not wanting anything to do with you? I have every right to despise you and everything you represent in this school! And I-I shouldn't have to feel guilty for that!"

James scowled, feeling frustration building up from within. He opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off.

"And you know what the worst part is?" she sighed.

"Oh, good, there's more," he muttered irritably.

She glared at him. "You never even _once _apologized for all of that bullshit you pulled on me. The word 'sorry' is not in your vocabulary apparently. You wouldn't know remorse if it hit you on the ass. You think you're so bloody superior that _apologizing_ to someone is beneath you." Her voice was grim, filled with frustration and resentment. Her eyes were ablaze with fury and yet, James could have sworn there was a sense of disappointment flickering from within. "So _why the hell _would I want to get to know you better, Potter? And _why the hell _would I give you the chance to get to know _me _better? What reason could there be for me to _want _to get along with you? You are without a doubt the most arrogant prat this school has ever seen. And you don't even know it."

James shook his head in disbelief, turning away from her glare. He had thought they could just put the past in the past but every time he tried doing so, she brought it up again. He couldn't figure out if it was just some sort of defense mechanism or if she was really bothered by everything. Or maybe it was both. It was clear that his antics had truly affected her, but he had been a childish kid then. He had stopped being such a bully to her in the previous year. And he had tried being nice to her and he had tried understanding her for the better part of this year. But apparently that wasn't good enough. It was never going to be good enough In her mind, he would always just be the scum of the earth. Maybe it was time to accept the fact that he would never get the opportunity to figure out who Lily Evans really was and all she stood for. Not for lack of trying but because she refused to let him.

He backed away from her and when he glanced up, he saw a smirk on her face. As if she thought she had finally beat him down. A sudden feeling of lust came over him, but as quickly as it emerged, the feeling was gone and all he wanted was to attack her character like she so often did to him. It was time for her to realize the repercussions of her own hurtful comments. She always saw herself as the victim but she was just as much at fault for their stagnant relationship as he was. In fact, maybe it was more her fault than it had ever been his. Because it was clear that no matter what he said or did, she would never try and get to know him better. She would never let her guard down long enough to get along with him. She wanted nothing to do with him and he was done trying to change her mind. "You call me superior, Evans, but look who's talking," he scoffed. "You think you're better than me? You think that-"

"I know I'm better than you," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

James' standard roguish smirk spread across his face. But instead of charm accompanying it like Lily was so used to seeing, there was maliciousness and spite lurking behind it. And it made her extremely uneasy.

"No," he argued, shaking his head slowly. "Let's face it. I'm everything you want to be and you want to amount to but will never admit." The shocked look on her face didn't take him by surprise. But the hurt flicker in her eye did. He chose to ignore it. "I'm Quidditch captain and the best player on our team, I have a steady girlfriend who most guys drool over, I have a sense of brilliant creativity and vision to come up with any prank I want and I inevitably execute it flawlessly, I'm Head Boy because I'm one of the most intelligent students in this school even though it pains you to know that, I know how to have _fun_, I have the best damned friends anyone could ask for and most people are jealous because of it, everyone in this bloody school knows who I am, the professors give me whatever I want because I do have a sort of charm and why shouldn't I use it, I'm popular and not for the wrong reasons, and girls swoon over me. I have everything a person could ever want and need. And what do you have? _Nothing_. You _are _nothing. Who the hell is going to remember you after you leave this school? Nobody!"

It felt good to finally tear her down the way she so often did with him. To finally tell her what he was certain she already felt. Those little insecurities that he had always picked up on but never had the audacity to throw back at her. Until now. He smirked as he gazed down at her. And suddenly, he felt guilty. Because all he saw was the shattered look on Lily's face and the glare of resentment shining in her eyes. He had a pretty good feeling that his words probably hurt more than the slap he gave to her on her cheek did.

He never felt guilty for the pranks he played or the hexes he performed or the scathing words spoke to others. Until now. He wanted to take it all back. But when words of an apology were on the top of his tongue, he found himself too frozen to say the words aloud. He was too embarrassed. He had obviously insulted her before but he had never stooped so low as to call her a nobody. He had never even _insinuated_ that she was insignificant and worthless. And he himself had never once believed she was insigificant or a nobody or worthless. She may have believed it from time to time, but he had always thought so highly of her. And in a single minute, he tore down her character and her dignity. He may have been a prat in the past, but he hadn't been spiteful. Today, he was most definitely spiteful. And he hated himself for it.

Even with the feeling of complete numbness and total emptiness surging through her body, she felt herself push away from the wall and shove past him, anger blazing in her eyes. She had to fight to catch her breath, feeling so hurt and rejected. Eventually, she gazed up at him. She noted the guilt staring back at her and it gave her a slight bit of gratitude. But only slightly. "You stand here _begging _me to forgive you. _Begging _me to put an effort in to us being friendly with each other. _Begging _me to let you in. You wonder why I compare you to the Slytherins and you wonder why I seem to despise you so much. You wonder why I put up this wall around you and you wonder why I won't tell you why I've gone back to being so cold around you. And then you call me nothing," she snarled, her voice shaking. She blinked back the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. She shook her head slowly. "You can just go straight to hell, Potter. I am so done with you."

She turned on her heels to walk as far from him as humanly possible, quickly wiping away the tears that were sliding down her face. Why should she be so surprised that he called her nothing to her face? He had already said virtually the same thing behind her back to Kristina only a few weeks earlier.

James called out frantically, "Evans, wait!"

Lily wasn't sure why she did it, but she stopped and turned around. "Why? So you can call me _nothing_ again?" she snapped.

She had meant to sneer it cruelly but her regret came seeping through and it ended up being said with a sense of rejection.

James walked slowly over to her with a true apologetic look on his face, one filled with much regret and guilt. He sighed. "Lily, please don't take what I said to heart. I'm…I'm so sorry. That was wrong of me. I didn't mean it," he admitted breathlessly, taking slower steps towards her in fear of getting slapped again. Only Lily had noticed that he had just called her by her first name and it didn't sound right.

She shrugged. "Most people don't call someone nothing if they don't mean it."

He shook his head vigorously. "You're _not _nothing, Evans," he protested firmly. "You're far from it. But I just…I get so angry and frustrated with you sometimes and therefore, I get angry and frustration with myself and suddenly I don't know what's coming out of my mouth. You will always manage to bring out the worst side of me, Evans, no matter how hard I try to suppress it."

She glared at him. "Yeah, so then maybe we should just stop talking altogether. Why should someone as superior as you want to talk to a nobody like me anyhow?"

"Stop saying that. You're _not_ a nobody," James defended, groaning inwardly. Why was she bothering to take anything he said seriously? "You said I didn't know how to apologize? Well, this time I am. Apologizing isn't beneath me when it's necessary. I'm sorry I-I offended you. I didn't mean what I said."

She turned away from his piercing gaze, refusing to let him see how upset she was. She slowly shook her head, letting out a defeated sigh. "Doesn't make it any less true," she muttered.

James hesitated, confused. "What?"

Lily's heart had never raced as much as it was then. She tried opening her mouth to tell him it was nothing. She tried brushing it off. She tried walking off and putting the entire day behind her. But somehow, she couldn't. Once gaze into James' eyes and she found herself spilling her guts. "You're right, Potter. When we graduate Hogwarts, Potter, people are going to remember you," she said softly, her bottom lip trembling anxiously. "They're going to say things aren't the same without you and they're going to be bored without your constant need to provide entertainment. They're going to talk about your Quidditch matches, they're going to discuss your endless pranks, and they're going to commemorate all of the parties you threw. Everyone not only knows you, but they practically _worship_ you."

James frowned. The remorse in her voice told him that her small compliments weren't meant to be gracious or flattering. Dare he think she was envious?

"And me?" Lily said, swallowing the lump that was beginning to form in her throat. "The only thing I would remotely be remembered for is my title as Head Girl. But seeing as the ever-so-popular-and-worshipped James Potter is my cohort, that is but a mere fantasy now."

James stared at her, awe and anguish written on his face. He had never even begun to consider the idea that Lily would feel upstaged by his title of Head Boy. But based on the defeat she displayed on her face, a part of her truly despised him for being more worshipped and popular than she was. Not because she wanted to be worshipped or popular but because she would never be able to gain the respect of the student body the way he already had.

He saw a flicker of agony in her eyes as she quickly turned away from him. And suddenly he felt guilty. He had caused that. He had not only told her that she felt worthless, but he had caused her to truly believe it. And he never felt so low than he did at that moment. He wondered why this side of her always seeemed to hidden; the side that felt so remarkably inferior and vulnerable. She never looked more dejected than she did then.

"The moment I leave this school is the moment I'm forgotten," she continued in a hoarse whisper. "So you were right. I am a nobody while you just happen to be the biggest somebody in this damned school. You're lucky, Potter. At least you made a name for yourself here. No one is going to care about me or even bother to remember me the moment I walk out those wrought iron doors. And thank you ever so much for reminding me of that. Thank you for fianlly telling me how you really feel about me. At least this time you had the decency of saying it to my face."

She quickly tore down the hallway, wanting to get away from him. _Needing _to get away from him. She hated him for being right. She hated that he saw right through her attempts at acting strong and confident. She hated him for sensing her vulnerability and her insecurities. She hated him for being so goddamned popular when he certainly didn't deserve it. But what she hated most was that she was jealous of it. He walked into the room and everyone took notice of him. He parted crowds, he turned heads, he was the topic of conversation among everyone in the school. Why him? How did he become that guy when he was such an arrogant berk most of the time?

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she didn't notice James behind her until he was once again reaching for her arm. "Lily," he said softly, his voice strained with guilty concern as he closed the gap between them. He unexpectedly reached over to brush a stray stand of hair that fell into her face. She flinched slightly but kept her gaze rooted to the stone floor, too embarrassed and frustrated with him and even herself to even look up at him. "_I'm _going to remember you," he urged desperately.

He almost sounded sincere. Helpless even. She was unable to focus on her own thoughts. He was standing awfully close to her and she was finding it very difficult to breathe.

Lily's mistake was lifting her gaze to lock eyes with him. Her heart skipped a beat, his eyes soft with respect. He was making her nervous, his eyes staring through hers vulnerably and full of desperation. She didn't dare try to say anything. It wouldn't have come out the way she wanted it to anyway. As she locked eyes with him, the usual chirps in the Hogwarts air faded into the background. She couldn't hear anything except the loud beating of her heart. She was hitting herself for not escaping earlier like she had tried so many times.

He glanced at her without trying to read her or understand her or wonder what was going through her mind like he so often did. He just stared at her, seeing a beautiful, albeit confused and vulnerable, girl standing in front of him. Her eyes were full of questions, the ends of her mouth turning downward. He didn't know what she meant by 'At least this time you had the decency of saying it to my face,' but it hardly mattered. She was so distraught and hurt, all he wanted to do was tell her the truth of how he felt about the girl standing in front of him. She was so far from nothing it pained him to know that she honestly felt thatway. Because she would never be nothing to her. Never.

James leaned down and spoke softly into her ear, "You may have convinced yourself that you're a nobody, but I promise you, Lily Evans, that you _are _a somebody to me."

She shook her head slowly, unable to break eye contact with him. "You can't call me nothing one minute and then in the next, tell me I'm a somebody to you, James," she whispered, her voice hoarse and wary. His eyes widened slightly at the use of his first name. It sounded so foreign to him coming from her lips and yet it pleased him so. "That's not really the way it works."

He frowned curiously. "The way what works?" he asked hesitantly. "I'm...I'm just trying to tell you how I feel."

Her heart skipped a beat as their eyes continued to seep into each other's souls. "You already told me how you felt," she spoke softly, blinking vulnerably. "I assure you, I don't need to hear that again."

"Oh, Lily, please stop," he begged imploringly. "Don't ever let yourself believe you're nothing. And don't ever let anyone tell you that you're nothing. Least of all me. Because who the hell am I to even hint at your insecurities when in hindsight, I know very little about you?"

"Yes," she responded with a sharp sigh. "You know very little about me indeed."

He didn't reply immediately, taking a defeated step back from her. While Lily felt a relieved sigh escape her lips as the gap between them grew, their eyes still remained rooted to each other. "All I have ever wanted was to get to know you better," he said softly. "You just never gave me the chance."

She couldn't give him a chance, fearful of him finding out all of her secrets she was so desperate to keep hidden. Because when she wasn't busy filling herself with hatred for him and found him rather easy to converse with, it was those moments she was truly the most vulnerable around him. So vulnerable that sooner rather than later, she may be spilling her true insecurities around him. He had already picked up on her slight jealousy of the life he had been handed. What else was he going to pick up?

"Why should I give you a chance?" she asked softly, the words so tender and light. It wasn't intended to be a rude question. In fact, she was surprisingly eager to hear him attempt to defend his own character to her.

Rather unexpectedly, he didn't do so. He frowned beseechingly, offering her a single curt nod. "I'm sorry that you feel you're going to walk away from Hogwarts without anyone bothering to remember who you are. As true or fasle as that may be, I am going to remember who you are. And I'm never going to be able to stop remembering you, Miss Evans," he said softly, shrugging slowly as he once again took a hesitant step towards her. "I may have played pranks on you and hexed you all these years. I may have fought back and challenged you when I deemed it necessary. I may have made snide remarks and insulted you at the opportune times. But there was a very good reason behind all of it."

"You being an insufferable prat?" she spoke, but an amused smirk played coyly on her lips as she gazed into his hazel eyes. Eyes filled with adoration and yet a hint of mystery.

He smiled, slowly shaking his head. "Partly perhaps."

Her heart began to race, though she couldn't exactly explain why. "Partly?" she said softly. "Then what's the other part?"

He blinked, taking the last step to close the minimal space that was between them. He leaned over to whisper into her ear, "You really want to know?"

Suddenly, she was very aware of how close they were standing to each other. Her heart immediately sped up at the intimacy of the situation, suddenly coming to the conclusion that while James Potter could be an insufferable prat, he was rather handsome. His chiseled features of his face were prominent, staring down at her as he peered at her pleadingly from behind his spectacles.

She could only nod, a lump taking over her entire throat.

She watched as his eyes narrowed hesitantly, his gaze filling with wonder. She was finding it nearly impossible to tear her eyes away from him, his stare filled with determination and yet desperation. The pounding of her heart grew at a rapid rate and she secretly prayed for James to say something quickly so as to ease the tension.

Unfortunately, he didn't say anything.

He merely kissed her.

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**A/N: **OH MY GOD, JAMES KISSED HER! Don't you just hate cliffhangers? Review and I might think about updating in a few days...


	33. Of Tears, Potatoes, & Veins

**A/N:** Well I told you that if you reviewed, I'd update fairly soon so here I am! I bet you're excited to move on and figure out what's going on between both Lily and James AND Riley and Sirius. This is an intense Riley/Sirius chapter, with a little Lily/James action. I know you'll all LOVE it so please enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K Rowling. Duh.

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**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 33: Of Tears, Potatoes, & Veins

* * *

"Hey Riley," Kay greeted, as she, Remus, and Peter slipped next to Riley at the lunch table.

"Where were you in History of Magic?" Remus asked curiously, grabbing a piece of shepherd's pie and placing it on his empty plate.

Riley was too busy staring across at Rhett at the Ravenclaw table to acknowledge her friends at her own table.

Kay, Remus, and Peter exchanged looks.

"Uh…Riley?" Kay said, placing a hand in front of Riley's face.

Riley snapped back to reality and faced Kay. "Oh, hey Kay. What's up?"

Kay shrugged, glancing at Remus again curiously. "Not much. Where were you in History of Magic?" she repeated Remus' question.

"Uh…nowhere. Don't worry about it," Riley muttered. Kay noticed the sudden stiff look on her face, but she didn't question it. Riley turned her gaze away from Rhett, tired of overanalyzing the situation. "Where's Lily? She said I could borrow her notes when I told her I was skipping."

"What?" Remus cried, accidentally spewing food across the table. "She _let_ you could skip?"

Riley shrugged. "Yeah. No big deal."

Kay, Remus, and Peter burst into laughter, but quickly stopped when they saw the sincere look on Riley's face. "Oh…you were serious?" Peter snickered.

"Since day one, Lily Evans has been preaching the importance of education and that by skiving off classes, we're only harming ourselves and our intellect level," Remus pointed out. "In fact, I remember the one time I was stupid enough to tell her I was going to skip Charms class prior to class, all through lunch I got an earful about how foolish I was being stooping to the level of my friends—I believe she was talking about Sirius and James, if you didn't know—and that I was supposed to be the logical one of the group. And if I started skipping class, God forbid, my logic would diminish! She lectured me about how class was going to enrich my life and secure my future, a future that my two friends would never be able to have due to their childish way—again, I'm going to assume she was speaking about James and Sirius. Let me tell you, since then I have never skipped a class when she was in it."

Riley shrugged. "She's changed," she said vaguely.

"She's Head Girl!" Remus argued.

"And as Head Girl she's changed."

"She's still Lily Evans," Remus pointed out. "I'm pretty sure she considers skiving off classes a sin."

"Where is she anyway?" Riley asked, changing the subject quickly before she was forced to tell them all what had happened.

Kay rolled her eyes but let the subject change occur. "I would say right about now she's either killing James senseless or…or filling up all of his free time from now until graduation with detention," Kay smirked, earning a grin from Peter and Remus as well.

"What? Why?" Riley groaned, shaking her head incredulously. "What did he do now?"

"He smacked her across the face," Remus said with a nonchalant shrug.

"_What_?" Riley cried in horror, all thoughts of Rhett out of her mind. "Was he looking for a death wish?"

"Well, it was unintentional. An accident," he added as an afterthought.

Riley gave him a look. "You could have added that part before."

"This was more amusing," he said with a grin, shoving shepherd's pie into his mouth.

"Jerk," Riley joked, throwing a spoonful of mashed potatoes at him.

He gasped and dropped his fork when the mashed potatoes hit him square in the chest. He gave Riley a look that clearly said bring-it-on and threw a forkful of his shepherd's pie at her.

She shrieked but couldn't help but laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. "Who would have thought that it would be you and me starting a food fight," she snickered.

Remus shrugged and started wiping off the mashed potatoes. "Well, Sirius isn't here. Someone needs to act immature."

"Exactly my point," she laughed. When she raised her head after wiping off the mess off her lap, she saw Rhett leaving the Great Hall alone. She sighed and got up from the table. "I've got to go. I'll catch you all later."

"But, Riley," Kay started to argue, but Riley was running off before Kay could get out another word. Kay watched her practically chase down what seemed to look like Rhett out of the Great Hall and turned back to Remus. "What was that about?"

"I don't know," Remus said hesitantly. "But was that Rhett she was running after?"

"I believe so," Kay murmured. She turned back to Remus and snickered. "You still have mashed potatoes on your robes."

Remus threw a piece of shepherd's pie at her, enjoying the shocked look on her face. "So what are the chances either Lily or James will join us for lunch?" Remus asked.

Both Kay and Peter snorted. "Oh please. They'll be too busy yelling at each other to realize the time. Twenty knuts say they forget all about lunch," Kay declared, grabbing a napkin and wiping off the potatoes from her robes.

Remus sighed. "I personally liked it better when they were friends for that short period of time. That very, very short period of time."

"It sure made our lives a hell of a lot calmer," Peter interjected.

"I just wish that Lily would at least talk to James," Remus murmured, shaking his head incredulously. "I think she's being a tad unfair."

Kay nodded guiltily, knowing that her friend was being a bit of an idiot. "A tad?" Kay snorted. "I think she's being bloody unreasonable, but she's so stubborn that it doesn't make a difference if I try to tell her that. If anyone tried to tell her that. I guarantee she's going to go to her grave without informing anyone of why she changed her mind _again _about James Potter."

Remus shrugged. "Yeah, I know. I don't think any of us are helping by continually pestering her either. James especially."

Kay was lost in thought, hoping that Lily would at some point just let down her guard and talk to James. Kay knew it was a long-shot, but she thought that once that actually happened, perhaps they could both just finally bury the hatchet and move on.

"What do you think he did?" Peter dared to ask.

"That's a damned good question," Remus muttered. "He's gotten her riled up before, but he's always known what he's done. This time it's different. It's killing him that he had clearly somehow hurt her and he can't even apologize or defend himself."

"He's been such a debbie downer lately," Peter agreed.

"Yeah, he's really got the role of the angst-ridden, depressed, mopey teenager down," Remus sighed.

Kay frowned. "He's really that upset over it?"

Both Remus and Peter nodded. "Oh, yeah, absolutely."

"Why?" she asked with a curious shrug. "I mean, it's not like he shouldn't be used to the silent treatment and the death glares and the yelling matches between the two."

"Sure, he's used to it," Remus explained. "Doesn't mean he likes it."

Kay frowned. "Y'know, I'm not condoning Lily's active desire to keep him in the dark about whatever it is he may or may not have done, but it's not like James is innocent in any of this. He can act like a right foul prat to her at times. Most of the time, actually."

"And she can act like one right back," Peter retaliated with a shrug.

"I just don't necessarily think he's entitled to her friendship," Kay mused.

"We never said he was entitled to it," Remus corrected, shaking his head. "Believe me, I'm not arguing with you. He can be a git to her. But it's only because he's convinced he'll never be good enough for her. And that really kills him."

Kay didn't respond suddenly feeling guilty on her best friend's behalf. She had no idea what was running through Lily's mind but she knew Lily wouldn't be this stubborn and cold if she didn't think she had a good reason. She was just curious as to what that reason might be. "Why is it that I'm the only one out of the three of us who doesn't hate a Marauder?"

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes. "What, feeling left out?"

Kay gave him a look. "No. Feeling lucky."

Remus grinned and pushed his hair out of his face. "Well, a lot of people feel that way around me."

"I didn't realize you wanted your whole robes covered in mashed potatoes," Kay immediately responded grabbing the bowl of mashed potatoes in front of her with a grin.

"Only if you'll lick it all off," Remus joked.

Kay groaned and threw the bowl back on the table. "You're as bad as Sirius."

"Speaking of," Peter stated. "Where is he?"

"I don't know," Remus said with a shrug. "But I have a feeling something went on between him and Lily this morning before History of Magic."

Kay nodded. "Yeah, why else would Lily not have chosen to sit next to him over sitting behind James? Especially after their argument at breakfast this morning."

Remus groaned and started banging his head on the table. "Why can't everyone just be friends?"

Kay snorted and gave him a sympathetic look. "Because that would make our lives far too easy."

Remus just let out another groan.

* * *

James dug his hands through Lily's hair, pulling her body even closer to his. Instead of pushing him away like she expected herself to do, she let his lips caress hers softly before his tongue dipped into her mouth hungrily. She instinctively put her arms around his neck and pressed her own lips to his with such ferocity. James pressed her body up against the cold stone, closing whatever already tiny gap there was between them. They snogged desperately, longingly, an instant spark igniting between them. Neither one of them wanted it to be over, but when footsteps were heard from just around the corner they were forced to pull away, both gasping desperately for air.

"Kristina!" James cried out in shock when she turned the corner towards them.

Kristina forced out a grin, after giving Lily a deathly glare that only Lily had caught, and turned to James, grabbing his arm protectively. She kissed him briefly on the mouth and James panicked that he tasted like Lily. If Kristina thought so, however, she didn't say anything. "Hey honey. Where were you at lunch?" she asked.

"Lunch?" James repeated curiously. "Oh, lunch!" He completely forgot that's where he was heading before the confrontation with Lily.

Kristina gave him a strange look. "Uh…yeah, lunch. So where were you?"

James was at a loss of words, but Lily quickly jumped in, later wondering why she even bothered saving his ass. "Head stuff."

James nodded and gave Lily a furtive thankful glance. "Yeah, Head business."

It was obvious Kristina didn't believe him but that wasn't Lily's problem. She didn't want to deal with it, so she didn't bother going into any further explanation.

"Well, are you busy now? Do you want to hang out?" Kristina asked in a pleading tone.

James looked over Kristina's head at Lily, his gaze filled with desperation and a strange sort of lust. It was obvious to Lily that James wanted to stay with her, which she thought she should be flattered about, but it didn't sit right with her. James cleared his throat lightly, not letting his gaze falter from Lily's. "Well actually, Kristina, I have to finish-"

"Go with her, Potter," Lily interrupted. She didn't want to be around anyone, much less him. She was too confused and overwhelmed and having James there just made the situation that much more awkward. Standing there, looking at Kristina, she knew that their kiss was going to turn out to be nothing and she couldn't think of a reason why it shouldn't be nothing. But she was still wrapping her head around all that had happened that day with James, and she couldn't be around him until she figured out what she needed and what she wanted from him. While a part of her didn't want James to go with Kristina, she knew she had to let him go.

"But…uh…what about the Head business?" he urged, his eyes widening pleadingly. He clearly didn't want to be with Kristina right now, which Lily assumed was because of his guilt. At that point, Lily didn't want him to be with Kristina either but it was for different reasons. Mostly, because she was just jealous. But she could never explain that to James, nor did she want to. If she told him to stay, he would only stay out of pity and she refused to be his charity case. She wasn't ready to hear him tell her that the kiss was a fluke and that he liked Kristina. She already felt lonely. She didn't need to feel worthless for a second time that day.

James opened his mouth to protest, ignoring the pleased look on his girlfriend's face, but Lily interjected, "Really. It's okay. I can handle it."

"Are you sure?" he practically begged, giving her an insistent look.

"James, she said she could do it on her own," Kristina spoke for her with a gleeful grin on her face, for once giving Lily a content look. "C'mon, let's go find an empty classroom."

Lily rolled her eyes and with another hard swallow, she turned her back on him, feeling his eyes poring through the back of her head. But she forced herself to let her stare remain on the hallway in front of her. If she looked back at him, she would see his adorable face and her vulnerable side would kick in and she'd probably attempt to make him do 'Head business' with her. And she knew that that would just make the situation between them that much harder. So she kept walking until the end of the hallway where she turned the corner.

Of course being as curious as she was, before she turned that corner she took a quick glance back, not sure what she would expect. She wanted him to be standing there staring back at her to let her know it wasn't just her who was feeling all sorts of mixed emotions.

Instead, the hallway was empty.

Lily slipped down to the ground, the tears sliding slowly and dejectedly down her face. She didn't know why she was upset. This was James Potter she was talking about. She should be angry that he kissed her. She should be angry that he had called her worthless.

Yet, all she could remember was he called her a somebody. And for some reason, that made her smile.

* * *

"Rhett, hold on!" Riley cried, running after him quickly.

He turned around and gave an obvious sigh. "Hey," he said shortly. "What's up?"

"Why'd you lie to me before?" she asked desperately.

Rhett's heart skipped a beat, his eyes meeting her frantically. "What do you mean?"

"You lied before. You told me you weren't avoiding me and yet that's exactly what you've been doing. What you continue to plan on doing. Am I right?"

"Uh…" was all Rhett was able to stutter, feeling caught very off-guard.

"Well?" she cried. "You want to tell me why?" She was determined to get him to admit the reason behind his sudden cold attitude.

"I admit you're crazy," Rhett shot back, giving her a puzzled look. "What's going on?"

She sighed. This clearly wasn't going to be easy. "What's going on is that someone is spreading lies about me to you," she blurted. "And you're actually listening to them."

He froze, his eyes widening slowly. He didn't know how she found out, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. She didn't deserve his dismissive attitude, but he also didn't want to discuss the situation with her. Mostly because if he did discuss it with her, he was certain to change his mind. And he knew he couldn't do that. "What are you talking about?" he argued with what he could only hope was a confused expression on his face.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Don't play innocent with me, Rhett. That look on your face just a minute ago tells me you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Rhett sighed and ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "How'd you find out?"

Instead of being angry like he had expected, she looked rather disappointed. "So it's true."

He stared down at her guiltily, unable to tear himself off her curious and yet confused gaze. He finally nodded. "How'd you find out?"

She ignored him. "Who was making up rumors about me?"

Rhett sighed, shaking his head slowly. "They weren't rumors, Riley. The stories were all true. But that's really-"

"I think only _I_ can be the judge of that," she snapped, frustration brewing on her face.

Rhett frowned. He didn't want to hurt her or fight fire with fire. He just wanted for them to go their separate ways. And maybe that made him a coward. Okay, it definitely made him a coward, but he didn't watn to face her. Didn't want to face the truth. Eventually he said, "I hate to break this to you, but the whole school knows of your stories, Riley."

Riley's eyes narrowed, the ends of her mouth slowly twitching from frustration. "You shouldn't listen to everything written on the bathroom stalls," she said coldly.

"I don't," he argued quickly.

"But you'll listen to someone bad-mouthing me?" she snorted, shaking her head.

Rhett sighed, running his fingers through his hair guiltily. He searched for an excuse other than the truth. He struggled to find a plausible one, but when he glanced down at the agonized look on Riley's face, he realized that she probably deserved some form of the truth. He searched for the right words to make her realize that his desire to walk away from her had very little to do with her. "Riley," he said slowly. "Look, this really has nothing to do with you. I'm the one that-"

"Oh, good Godric," she muttered irritably. "Are you really using the 'it's not you, it's me' excuse right now? Seriously?"

He sighed, his eyes tearing away from hers to stare studiously at the cracked linoleum. "I-I can't just be some pawn in whatever game you're playing," he said softly. "I just...I can't be that guy."

"I'm not trying to play games with you," she said, confused. "I wouldn't be standing here defending myself if I were. I'd be moving on to someone else if that were true, don't you think?"

He frowned. "Maybe it's a game you don't even realize you're playing."

"Damnit, stop being cryptic!" Riley pleaded. "Why can't you just tell me what's really going on?"

He gazed up at her, his heart skipping a beat or two at the desperation in her voice and in her eyes. In all honesty, he didn't know how to explain without coming off as a complete wuss. "Riley, I'm sorry," he said hollowly.

"Oh, yeah, you sound so broken up about it," Riley spat out in a hurt whisper, shaking her head slowly. "I don't understand why you're buying into the gossip around this damned school. If there was anyone who could understand a thing or two about exaggerated reputations, it would be you. You think I play games? Shall we count how many girls _you've _been with?"

"Ouch," he muttered.

She sighed, swallowing hard. "Sorry, but it's true."

"I know."

Riley hesitated, confused. "You know?"

"Yeah. You and I…well, we have a very similar history." He sighed guiltily. Unfortunately, the girl he had been pining after for years had always been pined after by someone else. Someone she already had a history with. He had to let them figure it out before he stood in the way. "Sadly, that was confirmed last night."

She narrowed her eyes at him, unable to read his expression. He sounded apologetic, but if he was feeling too remorseful, she couldn't figure out why he was willing to walk away from it all. "What aren't you telling me?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly. "I am sorry, though."

"Sorry for what exactly?" she dared to ask, shaking her head slowly. "For giving up on us before you even gave us a chance? For not telling me the truth about what's going on? For listening to a few stories from a biased source? For-"

"I hardly think Sirius is a biased source. He knows everything about everyone," he interrupted, realizing too late what he had just said. He cringed, cursing under his breath.

Expecting Riley to blow up at him, he was very surprised when her confused glare disappeared and a look of hurt wonder replaced it. She brushed a strand of hair out of her face and looked up at him in a rather composed state. She finally spoke said in a hushed tone, her voice wavering slightly, "Black was the one who told you those stories?"

Rhett didn't answer, which Riley took as a yes. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until she was letting out a strangled gasp, shutting her eyes in horror. Finally, when she thought that she and Sirius Black would be able to get along, he pulls something like this. He always found a way to betray her and she wondered why she had ever given him the benefit of the doubt. She should have known that he was always going to be the pretentious jackass he often came off to be. How could she have let her guard down around him for a minute? And how could he let her do so knowing what he had done?

She sighed deeply and stared back up at a seemingly confused Rhett. "Why are you listening to…to someone who isn't even friends with me? Far from it, actually. A few stupid stories from my past from a guy who _hates_ me with every fiber of his being considering he's willing to sabotage the first potential relationship I've had in years, and you're ready to call it quits. I don't understand why you're doing this. I-I don't think you're being fair."

"Sirius doesn't hate you," Rhett said unexpectedly, causing Riley to take a step back in confusion.

Riley furrowed her brow, confused. "Did you listen to anything I had just said?"

Rhett nodded. "Yes," he claimed. "And you're right. I'm not being fair to you."

Riley stared at him incredulously for a few silent minutes before blurting out, "_What_?"

Rhett shrugged and stood unspoken for about half a minute, the tension building between them before he muttered, "I...I'm sorry, Riley."

She frowned. "I know you are," she said sincerely. "Which is why I can't figure out why you're willing to let a few tall tales that Black told you stand in our way."

"No," he admitted immediately. "I'm not doing this because I think he's right, Riley."

She was more confused than ever. "Then why are you doing this?"

Rhett just stood there, obviously refusing to answer. He didn't have a good response. He wouldn't tell her the truth, but he couldn't lie to her.

Riley sighed and turned away. The first guy she had met in a long time that she felt a connection to and he was completely evading her. Just her luck. She would never find the right guy for her at this rate. "You're not even going to give me the courtesy of telling me what it is I did wrong?" she muttered.

"I already said this wasn't about you."

"I know. It's about Sirius Black apparently," she grumbled, her voice filled with dejected rage.

"I just can't get in the way," Rhett pleaded, shaking his head.

She narrowed her eyes at him, curiosity filling her expression. "Can't get in the way of _what_?"

"Nothing, never mind. Just know that I truly care for you, Riley. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't."

"There you go being cryptic again," she muttered, sighing defeatedly.

Rhett hesitated before sighing reluctantly. "Truth is, Riley, Sirius Black cares about you, too. A lot. And I can't-"

"Oh, right, because spreading vicious rumors about me to the guy I like sounds an awful lot like someone who cares," she snorted.

"He did it because he was jealous," he blurted out. He froze, groaning inwardly.

Much to Rhett's surprise, Riley burst into hysterical laughter.

"What's so funny?" Rhett demanded to know.

After Riley had settled down, she finally answered, "I've never heard something so preposterous in my life."

Rhett shrugged. "It's true."

Riley rolled her eyes. "What the hell does he have to be jealous of?" she snorted.

"You with me," Rhett immediately responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Or any other potential boyfriend for that matter."

Laughter escaped her lips once again. "You are so far off, Rhett," she sighed. "What, did he just tell you that lie so you'd back away?"

Rhett shrugged and shook his head. "No, he didn't say anything about it. Merlin knows that kid has way too much pride. But it was obvious. A guy's sense, I guess."

"Well, you need help with your senses, Rhett, because Sirius Black far from likes me. We have made some sort of unwritten, secret vow to hate each other forever and to stay away from each other as much as possible."

"Well somewhere in these past two years that unwritten, secret vow backfired," Rhett argued with a shrug. "I know what I'm talking about Riley. I saw the look in his eyes that night of your party. When he tried to spout stories to me, he was looking at you the entire time. I know you two have so much history together. I can't stand in the way of that until you two figure out whatever it is you two clearly need to figure out."

"The only thing I need to figure out is how I can murder Sirius Black with my bare hands while somehow avoiding being sent to Azkaban."

He sighed. "That might put a damper on the whole Sirius-Black-liking-you situation," he muttered, his attempt at a joke.

"Will you quit saying that?" she snapped.

He cracked a smile. "You can't blame the guy for fancying you, Riley. You've got to admit, the guy has taste."

She gazed up at him defensively. "Believe me, Rhett. I know for a fact that Sirius Black does not, never has, and probably never will have any sort of feelings for me. That prick wouldn't know what a crush was if it bit him on the arse. He doesn't get crushes. He doesn't like girls. He uses them and then disposes them when they're no longer deemed worthy of his time. I want no part of that." _I fell for it once. I'm never falling for it again._

"Riley-"

"What is it do you need me to say to convince you that you're making a mistake? That this ridiculous 'guy sense' you have about Black is so wrong? That even if it were true, that shouldn't affect you and me? What do I have to say to prove to you that I like you?"

"You don't have to prove that to me," Rhett said softly. "I already know that. Just like I know that I like you, too. The problem is, so does-"

"Don't you dare say it," she snarled.

He supressed a smile. She looked so adorable when feisty. He sighed, resisting the urge to kiss her. "I'm sorry, Riley."

"Yeah, you've said that," she said. "I just can't for the life of me figure out exactly what you're sorry for."

He hesitated, slowly shrugging. "I'm sorry for the way things turned out."

"Why are you just backing off? Why aren't you even attempting to...to fight for me?" she asked, her voice filled with such confused hurt.

Rhett fell silent, frowning guiltily. He wanted to. So badly. But he had a feeling he wouldn't win. "You two have been through a lot, Riley," he muttered. "I just-"

"And what the hell do you know about that?" Riley snapped. To be honest, what the hell did _she _even know about that?

Rhett winced. She was right. He didn't know much about what had happened between Riley and Sirius over the years, but it was obvious that they had a lot to deal with. Rhett could guarantee that whatever it was that caused their friendship to fall apart wasn't resolved. It was still lingering out there and until they faced it, they would always be in limbo with each other. And he didn't want to stand in the way of that. He didn't want to fall for Riley Gilmore (well, fall for her more than he already had) just to find out her heart was taken by someone else. Maybe a someone else she didn't particularly want to be with, but it was obvious to Rhett that something was going on between the two of them that needed figuring out. When Sirius had been attempting to divulge Riley's past flings to him, the look in Sirius' eyes told Rhett that he wasn't doing it out of malice. He was doing it out of pure jealousy. And not just jealousy towards Rhett but jealousy towards all of the other guys that Riley had been with.

He didn't know what else to say. So he said the only thing he truly meant. "I really am sorry, Riley," he said softly.

"Oh, stop apologizing, will ya?" Riley snapped, irritation building up inside of her. "Not until you really mean it."

"I do mean it," Rhett urged. "And I think you know that."

Riley fell silent. He was right. She knew his apology was sincere. She just wished she could grasp exactly what he was apologizing for. "I still don't fully understand why you're doing this," Riley murmured.

Instinctively, Rhett reached over and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

She should have torn her eyes away from his and walked away from him then. She could have kept her anger in tact. But as his smoldering eyes penetrated through hers, it was merely disappointment that she felt. She slowly lifted her gaze to lock eyes with him. Her heart raced as he took a step towards her, closing the already small gap that was formed between them.

"I don't really understand it either," he said, his eyes softening with regret. "I'm just doing what I think is right."

"Right?" Riley blurted out. "Or easy?"

He dropped his hand from her hair, but neglected to step back. "Nothing about this is easy," he whispered.

She opened her mouth to ask him to reconsider but was interrupted by his lips pressing heatedly against hers.

It took her by surprise but she instinctively reached her arms around his waist to draw him nearer to him. He slowly sank his tongue into her already parted lips and ran it across hers. His heart raced at the passion igniting between them as his hands made a desperate raid into her beautiful silk hair. As his arms made their way down to her shoulders, she stepped back abruptly, the kiss unfortunately short-lived for both.

"Damnit, Rhett, you can't tell me you don't want to be with me and then...then kiss me like that," she said desperately, bringing her fingers up to touch her swollen lips lightly.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you," he urged. "It's that I can't."

"Because of Sirius Black," she murmured, shutting her eyes in disbelief.

Silence filled the hallway, broken only by Rhett when he finally responded. "Because of _you _and Sirius Black."

"There is no me and Sirius Black," she croaked hoarsely, but she knew it was a lie. She slowly opened her eyes to the unfortunate reality now in front of her. There would always be a her and Sirius Black no matter how hard she desperately pretended that there wasn't. Not necessarily because she wanted him in her life, but because they had such a rocky history together. A history that had never fully been resolved.

"There is," he said softly. "And I think you know that."

Riley frowned, slowly turning away from him. She had nothing left to say. It was clear that Rhett wasn't backing down. He was giving up on them and Riley had to let him. She didn't have any fight inside of her."Good-bye, Rhett," she murmured. With one final disappointed glance at Rhett, she shoved past him and disappeared out of his sight.

As Rhett watched her walk away he had the feeling that that would be the last time they would get to really interact, and he slowly wondered if he had done the right thing.

As Riley turned down the next hallway she found it swamped with people and she groaned. She turned in another direction, and again a crowd of people were walking and chatting. It felt like everywhere she went, she was surrounded with people at a time she just wanted time to herself to think. It was the first time since she had been at Hogwarts where she thought there wasn't anywhere to go to be alone.

She rushed past the people, some who attempted to murmur their hellos and some who she ignored completely, and fled to the entrance hall. She found herself winding down a secluded passage, where she eventually reached a hallway of eerie silence. She let out a relieved sigh and slowed down, attempting to catch her breath.

She stood in the large, empty hallway and glanced upward at the cracked ceiling as she felt the tears rush from her eyes. Looking around, she suddenly felt so small and so alone, separated from the crowds of people that were merely a few hallways away.

She slowly wandered over to the window, choosing to sit on the edge of the window ledge, leaning against a tall pillar. Her gaze fell upon the cloudy, dreary day outside the window. A day that seemed to portray her mood far too well. It wasn't raining but the way she was feeling, it sure felt like it should have been.

As the tears slipped down her cheek, she questioned them. It's not as if she was in a relationship with Rhett or had gotten that attached to him. They weren't given enough time for her to get attached to him. But what it came down to was the fact that she really liked him. It was the first guy in a long time she had thought about even the possibility of dating and not just hopping into bed at first sight. She found herself enjoying the time they spent together and she felt cheated.

She sighed and stared longingly outside, the grounds quiet and void of people. The trees blustered with the wintry breeze and there was a small haze across the lake in anticipation of snowy weather forthcoming. Riley hugged her knees to her chest, wishing that nothing had even ever started with Rhett in the first place. It was a whole lot easier pretending she wanted to be alone when there wasn't someone changing her mind about that. It seemed that Riley was crying over guys more than she was ever happy with them. She couldn't help but wonder if happiness was just something she would never get to truly experience.

She always had thought that being the so-called tease of Gryffindor was almost a sense of freedom—it was sometimes easier knowing that she could have her fun without expecting anyone to get attached. Because attachment had always been a definite no in her book. Attachment meant the possibility of getting hurt and being let down. Attachment meant a broken heart and tears. She should never have even tried getting attached to Rhett. She certainly wouldn't be sitting in the middle of a vacant hallway crying her eyes out. And her heart certainly wouldn't be hurting this much.

Truth was, she had always been so good at pretending like she didn't need someone to really lean on. She had only had one boyfriend in the past two years, mostly because she was afraid of getting close to a guy due to what Sirius did to her. She liked the idea of being in charge and not having to worry about commitment. She was independent and strong-willed, and she didn't know if she could let anyone else come into her life and try to change that. She had always thought that perhaps it was easier being alone. She had always believed that relationships just weren't her thing.

But the screwed up situation with Rhett made her realize that maybe she did want a guy in her life. That maybe being alone also meant being lonely. That maybe if someone was willing to deal with her independence and strong-willed personality that that was the perfect guy for her. Rhett couldn't handle that but she wanted to find someone who could. It was her seventh year and she wanted to be able to share it with someone special; she wanted to share her _life_ with someone special. She wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with her. She wanted to fall asleep with someone holding her and wake up next to him feeling safe and secure. She wanted the simple everyday kisses a boyfriend would give her. She wanted to go on dates with the same person every night. She wanted to know there would be one person she could run to with her problems. She wanted to have a supporting man in her life. She wanted a crying shoulder and a guy to laugh with. But most of all, she just wanted to be loved.

Unfortunately, she was beginning to think that that would never happen.

She heard footsteps and quickly wiped away the tears, not needing the next gossip to be about her crying alone on a ledge. She was hoping that whoever was walking this way would quickly walk past and ignore her.

"Riley?"

Too bad hoping didn't get her anywhere.

Riley sighed and turned her head to the recognizable voice. "Hey. Uh…shouldn't you be getting an earful from Lily now?" she asked, hoping that James wouldn't pick up on her sadness.

He shrugged. "I already did," he mumbled. _And a mouthful_.

"Oh…then why are you down here?" she questioned.

_Avoiding Kristina_. "Just…needed to get away for a few," he said softly.

"I can understand that," Riley blurted out with a sigh.

He glanced at her and noticed the puffy eyes and the disheartened frown on his friend's face. "Are…are you okay?" he asked, narrowing his eyes skeptically.

Riley sighed, knowing perfectly well she never could have hid her tears from the guy she's known her whole life. "Yeah, fine," she murmured.

James gave her a curious look. "No, you're not," he urged, shaking his head slowly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she murmured.

James offered her a lopsided smile, taking a seat opposite her on the ledge. "I've known you my whole life, Riles. I know when you're lying."

Riley opened her mouth to reassure him it was nothing, but found that nothing would come out. She could feel the tears welling up inside of her and she quickly blinked them away, gazing down at her hands intricately. "I'm…I'm not relationship material, am I?" she responded as an observation.

"What?" James asked, confused. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that. "What are you talking about? What about Rhett?"

Riley sighed and tightened her grip around her knees. "There is no Rhett," she whispered, resting her cheek on top of her knees.

"_What_?" James replied, shocked. He thought Rhett and Riley were a match made in heaven. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter," Riley mumbled.

"Of course it does!" James replied angrily. "When I get my hands on him, I swear I'm going-"

"No, James, please don't," Riley protested gently, resting her hand on his arm. "It's…it's not his fault." _It's Sirius'_.

James hesitantly nodded. "What happened?"

She knew that she didn't have it in her to explain the situation. She was more in a self-pitying mood than a conversationalist mood. She slowly shook her head. "It's nothing," she murmured.

"No, it's something," he said softly, placing his hand over hers. "And I'm sorry that it is."

It was that slight touch that caused the tears to well up inside of her again, slipping out one by one no matter how hard she tried blinking them away. "Why does this always happen to me?"

James glanced at her, shocked by the overflow of emotion. He reached up to wipe a tear from underneath her eye. "Why does what always happen to you?"

"I get attached to a guy and…" Riley paused, letting the tears fall as she covered her face. "And I end up getting hurt," she finished in a muffled voice.

James quickly got off the ledge and rushed over to her, embracing her tightly. "Oh, Riley," he said soothingly. "You don't deserve this. You'll find the right guy one day and you'll hold on to him. Rhett just wasn't that guy."

"Apparently no one is," she muttered, not caring how whiny she sounded.

"You're one hell of a girl, Riles," James immediately reacted. "You just have to find someone who...who you truly connect with. Who you want to be with and who wants to be with you unconditionally. Who appreciates you and loves you for who you are. Who…who wants the same things as you do. Who is easy to get along with. Who...who laughs at your really lame jokes and whose hand fits in yours!"

Riley cracked a smile. She knew he said it to attempt to ease the tension and she appreciated him for that. "How cheesy. Does Kristina's hand fit in yours?"

James stiffened at the question, his eyes immediately drawn to the ground. "Uh, yeah. Of course," he murmured, his heart skipping a beat as his thoughts were directed towards Lily Evans.

She merely nodded. If she wasn't so worn down about Rhett, she may have noticed her best friend's evasiveness. She let the tears slowly slip down her face, wondering when she had become such a stereotypical female teenager.

Riley eventually pulled away from James, wiping away the tears quickly and replacing them with a fake sense of confidence. "Don't you get tired of picking up the pieces, James?"

"I love you, Riles," he said immediately. "And I'll always be here for you. Even if the circumstances are less than pleasant."

Riley offered him a curt nod, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Kristina is lucky to have you."

James' heart tightened, his eyes clouding with guilt. "Yeah." It was the only thing he could think of to say.

"Thanks for being here, James," she muttered. "But…but I think I'd just like to be alone for now."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Riley nodded. "Yeah."

He bit down on his lip.

"I'm sure, James," she reassured, gesturing for him to walk away.

"Okay…" he agreed hesitantly. "I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

Riley nodded, kissing him swiftly on the cheek before he gave her one last smile and walked away.

Riley's mind went immediately back to Rhett. He had seemed like the perfect person to fill the role of boyfriend. At least she thought so. She wondered if he would have lasted, though. They never did. But she had always been attracted to him and she was given the chance to change her life around. And Rhett would have been the perfect person to help her do so.

She wished that she could take James' words to heart and really believe that she could keep a guy one day. Really believe that she'll find a guy she'll fall in love with one day. She never knew that that was what she wanted. But it was. And she thought Rhett may have wanted that also and with her. And it turns out that once again, she wasn't the girl that the guy wanted.

And it was then that Riley realized she wasn't crying because she had lost Rhett. It was because she was hurt by Sirius yet again. It was the same old story with him. She let her guard down and Sirius grabbed at the chance of making her feel bad about herself.

Sirius.

She was going to kill him.

* * *

James wandered the halls, confused and despondent. The tiny distraction from Riley was exactly what he thought he needed. But seeing her agonizing over her recently failed relationship with Rhett just reminded James that he had absolutely no idea where he stood with either Lily or Kristina. So he did what he always did when he got overwhelmed. He found solace in the company of his friends.

"I'm assuming it didn't go well," Remus simply stated when James sauntered into their bedroom. Remus was sprawled out on his bed with an essay in front of him.

James tensed up immediately, not sure what to say or do. He wanted to tell them what had happened. He wanted help in figuring out exactly what it is he wanted with either Kristina or Lily. He wanted someone else to do the thinking for him so he and only he didn't have to focus on it so much. But when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He sighed, knowing he had to figure it out in his own head before having his friends figure it out for him. "You could say that," he muttered vaguely, wandering over to his bed and falling into it with a sigh.

"What are you guys talking about?" Sirius grumbled, flipping through an old Playboy magazine.

Remus ignored Sirius. "Did you talk to her?"

"Tried to," James muttered.

"Talk to who?" Sirius questioned.

"Lily," Remus explained, now tearing his eyes off a very dejected-looking James. "He slapped her."

"You did _WHAT_?" Sirius cried out in shock, removing his head out of the Playboy magazine, which was actually a huge accomplishment for him.

James groaned and buried his head into his pillow.

Sirius stared at James incredulously, his eyes widening with disappointment. "You _slapped _Lily? Have I taught you nothing?" he accused, sitting upright in his bed and tossing the magazine to the floor dismissively. "No matter how annoyed you get with a girl, no matter how many times you want to grab your wand and hex her into an oblivion, no matter how many times the thought of throwing her off a cliff in order to stop her incessant talking comes to mind, you never slap a girl! You just get revenge! Marauders are not going to get a reputation of being women-battering chauvinists!"

James lifted his head from his pillow and gave Sirius a look. "I didn't slap her on purpose, you nitwit. It was an accident."

Sirius grunted. "You couldn't have mentioned that before?"

James merely shrugged, not in the mood to explain himself.

"You alright, James?" Remus asked curiously, recognizing that his friend was feeling unusually down.

"I smacked Lily in the face, Moony. What do you think?"

"And all this time I thought things couldn't get worse between you two," Sirius snorted.

James sat up long enough to shoot his best friend a glare.

Sirius grinned sheepishly, reaching back down to grab the Playboy magazine from the floor.

"So how did it go after we left, James?" Remus dared to ask.

James frowned, his own mind having a confusing time wrapping around everything that had just occurred in the past hour. He could barely explain it to himself, must less his friends. He decided to rest on the truth. "I don't know," he admitted.

His three friends exchanged curious gazes. "That's it? That's all you're going to give us?" Peter asked with a hint of a smile.

James sighed, trying to figure out what he could tell them to just get them off his backs. But thankfully, he didn't have to say anything as a loud pounding was heard at their door. So loud that the four of them actually jumped at the racket.

Without hesitation, the pounding got louder and more rapid. Remus raced off his bed and towards the door, practically ripping it off his hinges in frustration of the loud pounding. "Yes?" he asked irritably.

Riley didn't bother acknowledging him, immediately rushing past him into their bedroom. A look of extreme loathing was plastered on her face, her eyes bulging with intense rage.

Sirius immediately dove under his covers, searching for any kind of shelter from harm.

"**_YOU_**!" she shrieked so loudly the walls vibrated as she pointed her finger towards Sirius' direction.

The three guys turned towards Sirius' bed and James couldn't help snickering at the lump that was sticking out from the bedspread.

"Oh, you think this is funny?" Riley barked.

"No, absolutely not, not even a little bit," he murmured, slumping down in his own bed. If he wasn't so wrapped up in his own drama, he might have made the connection that Sirius had something to do with Riley and Rhett's break-up. "Thank heavens I am not you right now."

Sirius was too busy focusing on the vein that was popping out of Riley's head to acknowledge James' words.

Remus sighed, glancing towards Riley with an unamused gaze. "What happened to being...being what was it? Classaquaintfriendrades?"

"Excuse me?" James said, his eyebrows peaking in bewilderment.

"Don't skip class next time and you'd know what we were talking about," Remus informed before returning his gaze back to Riley. "So? Wasn't it just this morning you two decided being friendly to each other was the right way to go? Can't we for once just keep it that way?"

Riley slowly turned her head to face him, her lips forming a thine, tight white line as her eyes spewed anger. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you wake up this morning and decide you wanted to be _castrated?" _she snarled.

Remus swallowed hard. "Uh…no?" he squeaked.

"Then I'd shut your bloody mouth!" she snapped, her voice filled with impatience.

"I'd listen to her," Peter whispered.

Remus nodded, not saying another word for fear of being cursed. He had never seen Riley so angry before. Based on the venomous look in Riley's eyes, he was grateful for that. He couldn't help but send a sideways glance towards Sirius, curious as to what he had done to cause such hatred emanating from Riley. For the past two years, the two of them had thrived on ruffling each others' feathers. But none of their pranks or jokes or comments or curses had ever caused such a vehement reaction as the one displayed by Riley in that moment.

Riley turned back towards Sirius, ignoring the frightened expression on Remus' face. "Sirius Devon Black, can I speak to you _outside_ please?" she hissed.

He pulled the bedspread up to his chin with a guilty frown. "I'd feel much safer if you just spoke to me in here," he squeaked.

Riley snorted, the vein in her forehead slowly starting to pulsate, frightening all of them. "Okay, fine, I guess I'll have to explain to your friends what it is you did."

Sirius paused and slid out from underneath his bed. "But outside is good, too."

"Wait, I'd like to know what he did!" Remus started to say, but the look on Riley's face told him maybe he didn't. "Then again, I'm good."

She stormed out of the room, without so much as a good-bye to the rest of them, and waited for Sirius to slink out behind her. She slammed the door shut, slamming her fists against his chest hard, and immediately screamed in his face, "How the hell could you do that to me!"

Sirius knew if he acted as if he didn't understand, it would just make the situation worse, so he just averted his eyes towards the ground and remained silent, guilt building from within.

"It's almost as if you enjoy destroying my happiness! Like the moment something good happens in my life, you have to swoop in and ruin it!" she continued, her voice strained with frustration. "What did I ever do to you to deserve such utter torture?"

The guilt he was feeling at that moment was just getting heavier in the pit of his stomach. He had no explanation for her. He barely had an explanation for himself.

She finally turned her gaze his way and was grateful that Sirius' was finding a sudden interest in the floor. As her anger continued to build up inside of her, she felt the grief grow stronger as well. She pulled away from him with one last smack to the chest.

Sirius rubbed his chest. "Well, I'm certainly going to have a bruise there tomorrow morning."

Her eyes narrowed slowly with rage. "You really think this is the time for jokes?" she snapped.

He slowly shook his head. "No," he said softly.

She could have sworn she saw regret flickering in his eyes, but she knew she was mistaken. "I never thought you could stoop _that_ low, Black. You and I have messed with each other for two years but never at the expense of someone else. How...how is it that just last night and just this morning you were begging me to let you back into my life and the whole time you knew that you had completely screwed me over? I-I always knew you didn't have a heart," she scoffed, clenching her fists.

He hung his head shamefully, wishing he could explain. Wishing he could tell her that it was because of Rhett that he had wanted to desperately to get back on her good side. He needed to be let into her life again. He needed _her_.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "You want to tell me why the hell you did it?" she asked rather calmly.

Sirius sighed and slowly lifted his eyes to stare at her. "You…you wouldn't understand."

Fire rose in her eyes. "Try me."

Sirius didn't know how to respond to that, mostly because he couldn't tell her the real reason but he couldn't come up with any reasonable lie. Which he found strange, because he was used to lying to professors spontaneously. And yet standing in front of Riley, his mind was going blank. He sighed, knowing why. It was because she deserved more than a lie. "Gilmore, I-I'll fix it, okay?"

Riley intensified her glare, her eyes now blazing with hatred. "Like hell you will," she snarled. "You won't ever speak to Rhett again."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't think you have the right to tell me who I can or cannot speak to."

Riley shot him a dry look, followed by a heated glare. "After spreading stories about me, yeah I think I _do_ have that right."

Sirius sighed, wanting to get away from her as quickly as possible. he did what he did best: he went into defensive mode. "Gilmore, if all you're planning on doing is berate me, I get that enough from my professors. Can we do this another time?"

The anger in Riley's eyes was replaced with betrayal. She could feel the venom fueling in her veins. "You have no remorse for what you did, do you?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

Sirius fell silent. Of course he did. But Sirius Black didn't show remorse or regret. It was easier pretending he didn't experience that emotion. "If…if you want an apology, you got it, Gilmore," he muttered. Apologies also weren't his thing, but she deserved that much. "I'm sorry that I seem to disappoint you every bloody minute of every bloody day, but-"

"Then why the hell _do_ you?" Riley cried out, louder than she had intended.

Sirius didn't have an answer to that. Because it was a hell of a lot easier acting as if he hated her than admit he couldn't imagine his life without her. He swallowed hard and said simply after a slight hesitation, "I don't know. I'm sorry."

Riley rolled her eyes and turned away from him, mostly out of disgust. "You already said that, Black, and yet I don't think you fully understand the meaning of it."

Sirius paused, knowing no matter what he answered with, she wouldn't appreciate it. So he refrained from saying anything altogether.

She turned back towards him and Sirius had never seen such fire in her eyes. He wouldn't be surprised if she hexed him at any given moment. "I-I can't do this anymore, Black," she muttered frantically. "If...if this is what you do to people you're supposedly classaquaintfriendrades with, then you're not somebody I particularly need in my life. I-I just want to forget all about you. Why can't you just let me do that?"

The color slowly drained from his face. "You...you what?"

She met his gaze, a dejected frown framing her face. "I can't be around someone who actively enjoys destroying me at every given chance. I can't be around someone who clearly doesn't want to see me happy. I can't be around someone who...who doesn't know the difference between being a friend and being an enemy. I deserve better than that," she spat out in a hurt whisper.

He swallowed hard, realizing for the first time that she was being completely honest with him. And he never felt so horrible. "I get it, Gilmore. You hate me," he mumbled, guilt dripping from him words. "You don't have to keep reiterating that."

She quickly glanced away from him, the anger and sorrow mixing into hot tears. She rubbed her eyes inconspicuously, staring down at the staircase landing. "Black, you brought this hatred onto yourself two years ago," she said softly. "Do you think I liked being cheated on only a week after we were supposed to be together? Do you think I liked being humiliated when I had found out you slept with someone else during Christmas break? Do you think I get some sort of satisfaction out of being your enemy? Do you think I enjoy this petty prank war we've brought upon ourselves within the past two years? Do you think…" she felt her voice breaking and felt the tears roll down her cheek. She didn't even bother to hide these tears. She couldn't be sure whatt they were in reference to, but there was no point trying to mask them. "Do you think I liked wasting four and a half years of a friendship on _you_?"

She turned away from him immediately, mostly out of embarrassment. But she was glad she finally said what had always been on her mind. She had always been under the impression that the less conversation with Sirius the better. Because the less conversation meant the less suffering on her part. But after two years, it was about time she finally told him what she really thought. And what she thought was that the first four years she spent at Hogwarts, four years she spent as Sirius Black, were four years she would forever regret.

Seeing the utter disappointment displayed blatantly on her face, all he wanted to do was dig a hole and bury himself in it. He felt like the utmost jerk. There were no words to describe the guilt filling up inside of him. He wanted to blurt out his reason for recapping the prior years of Riley's life to Rhett, but he didn't think he could deal with the rejection. So instead, he kept his mouth shut, trying to find another way to console her. "I'm sorry you…you feel that way," he stuttered slowly.

"Oh, look, there are those words again," she snorted, rolling her eyes. She wiped away the stray tears and attempted to regain composure. She met his gaze, her own displaying fiery determination. "Do you get as tired of saying I'm sorry as much as I get tired of hearing it?"

Sirius didn't respond. He wanted to avert his eyes somewhere else but he was too captivated by her own intense eyes to move. Truth was, he was constantly apologizing because she deserved to be apologized to. But why did he constantly harrass her? Because that was the only interaction she would allow with him. He couldn't have been nice to her if he tried. She would just immediately shoot him down and laugh at him for being 'insincere,' her words, not his.

She wasn't surprised when he remained mute. She certainly hadn't been expecting a response. In fact, she learned never to expect anything except betrayal when it came to Sirius Black. "Why did you do it?" she begged. "Why did you tell Rhett all of those stories about me? What gave you the right to...to break us up?"

He froze, locking eyes with her. "You...you broke up?"

She could only nod weakly.

Was it bad that he was relieved at that thought? "That...that wasn't my intention," he pleaded. "I just..." he trailed of.

"You just _what_?" she snapped.

He sighed. "You don't want to know," he said in a small voice.

"No, I _do_ want to know," she argued, shaking her head in disbelief. "However, if you're too stubborn and cowardly to tell me why, then I really think I have no other business here."

Sirius' eyes locked with hers. She was back to showing rage and frustration. He tried opening his mouth to respond but for what might have been the first time since the day he was born, he found he had nothing to say.

"Fine," she spat out in a hurt whisper. "Black, I want nothing more to do with you. Just…just please stay as far away from me as possible and maybe I'll have the seventh year I was intended to have. Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't come anywhere near me," she added quietly. "Without you in my life, maybe I'll finally have a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. You have made my life a living hell, Black, and I no longer want to be a part of that."

Sirius stood there dumbfounded, wondering why he felt like his heart was shattering into a million pieces. "Gilmore-" he tried arguing, his voice cracking.

"Here," she interrupted quickly, reaching inside her bag and taking something out, thrusting into his arms quickly. "I have no desire to keep this."

Without even a good-bye, she started descending the stairs, however, Sirius was too quick for her and reached out to grab her arm, throwing the bundle in his arms on to the floor beside him without even trying to see what was there. He couldn't let her walk away from him forever without telling her what he needed to say. "I hated seeing you with him."

Riley froze before turning to stare at him. "What?"

"That's why I told Rhett those stories," he murmured, letting go of her arm and turning away from her scrutinizing eyes. "Because I…I hated seeing you with him."

Riley stepped back, an uncertain awkward tension falling over them. She didn't respond until she had truly digested his words into her head. "But…but why? I...I don't understand."

He stared intensely into her eyes, desperation seeping through. She wanted to look away, but she found herself drawn to his vulnerable eyes. "I don't really understand it either," he admitted, a tint of red flushing to his cheeks.

She noticed the slight blush, but wasn't sure what that was a reaction of. However, she was getting a tad frustrated that today seemed to be the day of not understanding. First, the break-up with Rhett and now the mysterious reason as to why Sirius had betrayed her. "That's not really good enough," she murmured.

"I know," he said quickly. "But…but I know you enough to know you won't want to hear my answer."

She narrowed her eyes. "You don't know a thing about me, Black."

"You might not think so," he said softly, offering her a smile. "But I do."

Her heart skipped a beat and she locked eyes with him, a sudden heat igniting between them, something unforeseen by Riley. It was as if Sirius wasn't staring at her but through her, straight to her heart. And she suddenly felt vulnerable and exposed. As if perhaps Sirius knew was she was really feeling, not what she was trying so hard to feel. Why was it so easy for Sirius to read her mind sometimes? "I want to hear your answer," she lied, her voice trembling slightly.

The edges of his mouth inched upwards. He knew she was lying, but that was okay with him. She could have used that time to escape and yet, she remained rooted to the spot. She was actually urging him to talk to her. "It's not something I can just come out and say, Riley," he admitted softly, taking a hesitant step towards her.

She froze at the slight movement, her heart beating a mile a minute. She felt all of the built-up anger, sorrow, and frustration slowly disappearing and a sense of contentment filling its place. She felt weirdly drawn to him in that moment, their eyes both seeping with a strange sort of desperation. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her voice hoarse and confused.

Their gazes never wavered from each other. Neither was willing nor desired to break the heated contact. Which is how Riley noted the attentiveness in his eyes and Sirius noted the fear flickering in hers.

Impulsively, he reached over and brushed a strand of hair from her face and he took it as a good sign when she didn't flinch or swat it away. "You really want the truth?" he pleaded, his voice shaking. "Do you really want to know why I-I hated seeing you with Rhett?"

Riley took a sharp intake of breath, her heart pounding loudly within her chest walls. She didn't know what to say or do. There was something in his voice that was telling her to run in the opposite direction. Instead, she found herself nodding hesitantly.

And with her nod of approval, he leaned down and kissed her.

* * *

**A/N: **OMIGOD NOW SIRIUS AND RILEY ARE KISSING? AND KRISTINA JUST HAD TO INTERRUPT, DIDN'T SHE! It's like a crazy mixed up world...and yet another cliffhanger (I bet i'm being hated a lot right now...) So are they all going to get together and finally get along? Or is no one going to get together and things are just going to go back to being awkward? Or is it all just going to go back to normal? I'm sorry if you all wanted the Lily/James situation to be resolved in this chapter but you'll get your answers next chapter, I promise. You know James. He needs his time to think things out. You had a little insight in their situation but not the full anecdote. However, if you like Sirius and Riley, this is a REALLY good chapter for you! I guess you'll have to review in order for me to update soon for all your questions to be answered!


	34. Of Tension, Showers, & Perfection

**A/N: **Thanks everyone for the 60 reviews, putting me in the 800s! I bet you're all excited to read this chapter and figure out what's going on between James/Lily AND Sirius/Riley. Some things get resolved...some get more confusing. Oh, just read it.

**Disclaimer:** Oh you don't want to read this. You just want to read the story.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 34: Of Tension, Showers, & Perfection

* * *

Riley's eyes widened in shock and she had just begun to protest when his tongue made a sultry raid into her mouth. She forgot everything that was going on around her and her eyes fluttered shut as she instinctively slid her arms around his neck. Everything around her faded into nothing as she felt the smooth glide of his tongue against her mouth, moving between her lips. The soft feeling of his skin against her own and his silky hair brushing against her arms made her shiver. She returned the kiss gently, tentatively, unsure of what was really going on between them but knowing that whatever it was, she definitely wanted to do more.

But before anything else could happen, the door behind them had swung open, and they quickly pulled apart from each other, turning in opposite directions. Riley's fingers touched her lips guiltily and Sirius shut his eyes tightly hoping who had just opened the door didn't realize what had just been going on. Neither one of them even acknowledged who had just flung open the door, their eyes staring at the ground, horrified.

"Oh sorry!" James cried out. "We just hadn't heard any yelling in a while and were afraid that one of you may have been killed."

Riley slowly turned around and, still without bothering to acknowledge James, stared at the back of Sirius' head curiously. "I-I think we'll be fine," she muttered.

Sirius whirled around, fixing his eyes on hers. "Really?"

Her heart ached and she frowned, averting her eyes back towards the ground. A dramatic silence followed. "Yeah," she eventually said softly. "Really."

James looked between them, wondering where the shift had happened but was almost too afraid to ask. He had enough on his mind to begin with. He sighed and asked reluctantly, "Okay, what's going on?"

Neither responded. They were too busy trying to form the answers to their unasked questions building up inside of their heads.

He frowned. "Well I'm feeling some major tension in the air that you two clearly need to sort out so…I'm gonna go back inside," James mumbled, quickly slamming the door shut with a cringe on his face.

"Well?" Remus asked hurriedly.

James paused. "I-I have no idea what just happened!"

Both Peter and Remus groaned. "You were supposed to gather information for us! You're the Head Boy! You're supposed to be clever and tricky in manipulating people's minds!"

James shrugged. "Well, something definitely happened because I could feel major tension between the two of them."

"And you shut the _door_? One of them could be _killed_!" Peter argued.

"No it's not that kind of tension. Riley claimed things were going to be fine between them."

"She certainly didn't sound that way when she came barreling in here earlier screaming her head off at him," Remus complained.

James shrugged. "Maybe she's had a change of heart?"

Remus gave him a look. "This is _Sirius_ we're talking about."

James hesitated. "Or maybe he brainwashed her."

"It's sad when that's the more likely story," Remus mumbled.

"Yeah," James murmured, not really thinking about Sirius and Riley's situation at the moment. He was too busy wondering what his next move was going to be in his own screwed-up situation. "Well I'm…I'm going to find Kristina," James lied..

"Why? You have class with her in less than an hour," Remus pointed out.

James shrugged. "I know but…I told her I'd meet her at lunch and I didn't. I just want to-"

"Snog her senseless?" Remus suggested with a smirk.

James forced out a laugh and shrugged. This would have been the perfect time to tell Remus and Peter about the kiss he had just shared with Lily and yet, he couldn't bring himself to do so. "Yeah…yeah, that's what I want to do," he said with a fake smile on his face. "I'll catch you guys in class."

James opened the door where Riley and Sirius remained in the exact places they were when he had shut the door. They were still staring at each other, awkward silence engulfing the stairwell landing. "Er…you guys alright?"

Both of them simply nodded, not uttering a single word and not bothering to tear their eyes apart from each other.

"Er…okay," James replied to fill the awkward silence, cutting in front of them and walking down the stairs, as he started rehearsing a necessary speech in his head.

Sirius and Riley stood there continuing to stare at each other, long after James had left them, before Riley dared to break the silence.

"I-I don't get it," Riley mumbled.

"Uh…would you like for me to show you again?" Sirius asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Riley gave him a look. "_No_," she said firmly. "What I mean is, you...you hate me."

"Hate is such a strong word," Sirius pointed out with a shrug, waving a dismissive hand.

"Last week in the Great Hall, you poured a pitcher of water down the front of my white shirt and then proceeded to call me a skank," Riley said blatantly.

"And you thought that meant I hated you?" Sirius replied with a sheepish grin.

Riley gave him another look.

Sirius sighed. "I never hated you, Gilmore," he said softly. "I didn't have a reason to. You may have had every reason in the book to despise me, but I-I..." He shrugged nonchalantly. "You have only ever given me reasons to fancy you." He shook his head in disbelief that he had actually just admitted that to her.

Her eyebrow perched guardedly. "Including the yelling and the hexing and the pranking I've done to you?" Her tone flickered with an odd sense of amusement.

He smiled. "It was the way your nostrils flared when you yelled. It was the careful determination you exhibited in your hexes. It was the creativity that your pranks displayed. You are so...Merlin, I don't know. There's always been something about you that captured my attention. I...you're just so enigmatic."

Her heart fluttered. No one had ever called her enigmatic before. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How am I supposed to believe you're telling me the truth when you've done nothing but torture me for the past two years?"

He hesitated. It was a fair question. "It wasn't always so easy for me to admit that I actually cared about you. That I never stopped caring about you. It killed me knowing what I did to you. And it killed me that you hated me for it, even though you had every right to. So most of the time, it was just easier pretending I hated you, too. It was easier living a lie than living with the shame of what I had done."

Well, she certainly knew that feeling. "This…this puts us back exactly where we were two years ago, Black," she murmured.

He took a step towards her forcefully and took her hands in his. "No it doesn't, Gilmore," he said gently, looking deep into her eyes. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for the way things turned out last time. But a lot has happened in two years. As cliché as it sounds, I've changed. I-I was the biggest idiot in the world last time, running away from you and the idea of commitment because I was scared out of my bloody mind. I didn't know what I wanted until it was too late. But I know what I want now. And I want _you_."

"And you suddenly decided this because you saw me with Rhett?"

He turned away, frowning. "I saw the way he looked at you and I saw the way you looked at him. It made me-"

"Jealous?" she muttered with a snort.

He slowly shook his head. "Nostalgic," he whispered.

She hesitated, glancing up at him. "What do you mean by that?"

He locked eyes with her. "It's the same way we used to look at each other."

She turned her head away from his pleading eyes quickly, trying to catch her breath. She was suddenly feeling so overwhelmed with emotion. Hesitance, frustration, anger, sorrow, disappointment, but most of all, confusion. She eventually spoke, her words trembling. "Black, I've fallen for guys like you. Many times. And I've been cheated on. _Many times_. It always ends up the same way. The relationship is a failure and I'm stuck crying about it for weeks. I'm tired of it and I…I-I just can't deal with it anymore. I can't get attached anymore. I've learned my lesson too many times to go crawling back to what the cause of the problem was."

_Ouch._

"So…you're blaming me for all your problems in the past two years?" Sirius asked softly, trying not to sound as annoyed as he was.

"How can I not, Black?" she replied almost immediately, the remorse in her voice evident. She realized that he was still holding her hand and she quickly retracted it. "Two years ago, I told you how I felt from the bottom of my heart. I laid it all out on the line for you because for some unknown reason, I thought it would be worth it. I thought I would finally get what I had always wanted. I told you _everything_ and…and you just sat there and _lied _to me. You agreed with everything I was saying like it's what I _wanted _to hear and then-"

"I didn't lie about it," Sirius interrupted firmly.

Riley frowned, shaking her head irritably. "And now you're lying now."

"No, I meant every word I said to you two years ago," he retaliated immediately. "I just didn't know it then."

She glared at him, ignoring the tears that were starting to form in the bottom of her eyelids. Why was she always putting herself in awkward relationship situations? "You humiliated me," she spat out in a hurt whisper. "You betrayed me and our friendship. I was just a fifteen-year-old girl who you took advantage of. You...you completely broke my heart."

"I broke mine, too," he pleaded desperately.

She shook her head, trying so hard not to believe a single word he said. "It...it doesn't matter anymore," she muttered.

"No, I think what hurts the most is that it does matter," he whispered, his heart breaking at the burden of sorrow displayed on her face. "Two years later, it still matters. What I did, no what _we _did, is always going to matter. And to this day, I have never forgiven myself for making you believe that it didn't. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it all back. How much I wish I had enough courage and confidence back then to admit that all I had wanted, all I had needed, had been standing in front of me the whole time."

She was suddenly finding it nearly impossible to breathe.

He was going to continue talking until she shut him up. "You were everything to me back then. But I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to deal with you or my feelings so I did the only thing I was good at. I-"

"Fucked another girl?" she snapped.

He fell silent, nodding slowly. "I ran straight into the arms of someone else in order to ignore and avoid the feelings I was really having. I shouldn't have done it. I didn't want to do it. And the whole time, I knew it was wrong. It _felt _wrong. Because for the first time in my entire life, I knew what it was like to be with someone I really cared about. And that person certainly wasn't Rhea."

"Don't mention her name to me," she muttered, shuddering.

He cringed. "Right. Sorry."

She frowned, trying to collect her thoughts. Trying to figure out how much he was saying was true. Trying to figure out what it is about Sirius Black that always managed to draw her in. "None of this changes the fact that you betrayed me," she whispered. "You...you made me feel lower than I had ever felt before. I felt like a fool. I felt like every other girl you ever slept with and then left behind a day later. From someone I had truly cared about. Someone I thought I had fallen for. I _hate _you for making me feel so used, Black. And...and I hate myself for falling for someone who could make me feel so used." Her voice cracked as she tried so desperately to fight the tears in her eyes. She shook her head slowly. "I can't do that again. Not with you. I-I don't know what the hell is the matter with you, but you're clearly delusional if you think that we could be together after what happened last time."

He sighed, his heart aching slowly. "Gilmore, you're absolutely right. I was a jackass back then who would have rather hurt you than admit I had feelings for you. But I'm telling you now that I have feelings for you," he admitted solemnly. "And until you tell me otherwise, I'm going to believe that there's a chance for us."

She frowned. "Did you not just hear my delusional insult?"

He shrugged dismissively, a slow smile appearing on his face. "You've given me plenty of reasons why you felt betrayed the last time and I understand every single one of them," he said. "But you have yet to tell me you don't want to be with me _now_."

She opened her mouth to tell him off, but found herself slightly speechless. He was definitely persistent and she was finding that to be rather confusing. Two years ago, she wanted nothing more than to be with him. But too much had changed for her to still believe that. Or at least, that's what she was trying to convince herself of.

When she didn't respond, Sirius took that as a good sign. He took a step forward, smiling warily. "Tell me you don't have feelings for me and I'll leave you alone."

"Are...are you kidding me? You really think that I-I...I mean, seriously, you're delusional!"

"You're avoiding the question."

"You didn't ask a question, Black," she argued. "And either way, I think it's an absurd request on your part, especially after all we've been through."

"You're still avoiding it," he pointed out.

"Black!" she barked, glaring at him heatedly. "Have I mentioned recently that you're delusional?"

"Then answer me one question."

"I'd rather not."

He ignored her, taking yet another step closer to her as his gaze stared piercingly through her. "If you don't have any lingering feelings for me, why'd you kiss me back?"

Riley didn't answer, mostly because she couldn't dignify a response. And she didn't think telling him the truth would be beneficial to her. With one kiss, everything that had happened between them over the past two years faded into the background and she was reminded of the first four and a half years they spent together as best friends. There was something so mesmerizing about him that drew her into his charming ways. She was reminded of the guy who she used to tell all of her secrets to. She was reminded of the guy who she would pull all-nighters with just to giggle and share stories with. She was reminded of the guy who showed vulnerability when he would mention his childhood. She was reminded of the guy who had made her laugh.

She frowned. But in the past two years, he had been the guy who made her cry. And she couldn't ignore that. Maybe deep down inside of her, she still had some feelings for him. But the pain he caused her wasn't worth going down that road yet again. It would be in due time that Sirius found some other girl to screw and she would be left in the dust just like she always did. In fact, the pain he caused her was absolutely unbearable and she didn't want to have to spend her seventh year being holed up in her room crying into her pillow. She refused to have her heart broken by him again.

Because she knew it would happen.

It always did.

Riley searched for an excuse. "Spur of the moment," she murmured hollowly, knowing perfectly well that wasn't it.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Sirius retaliated, giving her a look. "You still feel something for me and you're too afraid to admit it. You know how I know? Because I was in your shoes two years ago."

"And I was the one left feeling rejected," she whispered. "Doesn't feel too great, does it?"

His heart skipped a beat, a chill running down his spine. He wasn't sure what to say or do. She still had yet to admit she didn't have feelings for him, but it was obvious where she stood.

"I can't have feelings for you, Black. Not after what happened the last time," she continued, slowly shaking her head. "I'm...I'm sorry."

He hesitated. She said she couldn't have feelings for him, not that she didn't have feelings for him. But as he gazed up at her, he could tell that in her eyes, she so desperately wanted them to be one and the same.

He had to turn away from her, hating himself more in that moment than he ever had before. He wondered if they would still be together if he hadn't gone and screwed it up. He had to shake his head, not willing to live in his past mistakes. It would just tear him up inside if he did. More so than it already did. "I know you are," he muttered, sighing heavily. "As am I."

Silence engulfed them. They met each other's gaze, frowns quickly following. Neither had anything to say nor did they particularly want to say anything. They had come to an unspoken standstill, but neither were willing to acknowledge that. They weren't ready to move past it, but they weren't ready to let go of it either.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Sirius tore his eyes off of her. It was time to let the past be in the past. "You might not believe me, Gilmore, but I am sorry," he said softly. "For everything."

Her heart fluttered anxiously. "I-I know you are."

He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing as he said reluctantly, "Listen, I-I'll talk to Davies and fix this whole mess. It's not fair that you get screwed over because of what I did. I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of your feelings for Davies."

Riley shook her head. "No, don't bother-" She stopped mid-sentence when a sudden thought popped into her head. She groaned, shutting her eyes, and muttered, "Oh God."

"What?" Sirius asked. _What now_?

To his surprise, she smiled and shook her head. "I-I can't believe it."

"Believe what?" Sirius urged.

Riley chuckled and shook her head again, looking up at Sirius with a look of amusement on her face. "Rhett was right."

Sirius gave her an annoyed look. "Okay, I'm going to need a little more elaboration."

Riley shook her head again and chuckled again. "It's…it's nothing. It's just that…that Rhett had a feeling that you fancied me," she explained.

"What? That's complete nonsense," Sirius scoffed, shaking his head doubtfully.

She shrugged. "He said he had a guy's sense."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Bullshit."

"That's what he told me."

Sirius shook his head in frustration, making a face. "If I was really that obvious, don't you think someone would have mentioned this to me over the past two years ago, _before _now?"

Riley frowned, her heart starting to race. She should have just shrugged and walked off, but something inside of her needed to comment. "You've really fancied me for the past two years? And you never said anything?" she said absentmindedly.

Sirius groaned inwardly, tapping his head back against the wall regrettably. He tried shrugging it off, letting his gaze linger on her curiously. "Gilmore, you hated me," he said matter-of-factly. "I wasn't about to go up to you and say 'Hey, I know you hate my guts and want me thrown off the highest building in the world, but by the way, I kinda like you.' I had a pretty good feeling that you wouldn't have exactly gone for it."

Riley was speechless, a shiver running down her spine. She opened her mouth and closed it a few times, a response escaping from her mind. She sighed before muttering, "So instead, you waited until I met a guy that I was really happy with to spill your guts."

Sirius looked down at his feet, knowing he had no answer to that. "I was jealous, Gilmore," he murmured. "Most guys wouldn't admit that."

"I don't care," she blurted out, anger building up inside of her. "Because of you, Rhett backed off. It's the story of my life. No one ever chooses me in the end."

"I choose you," Sirius responded immediately, his eyes filled with desperation.

"Yeah, well..." she held her tongue, wanting to tell him it was too late. Their eyes locked, both filled with a mixture of confusion and angst. Her heart sank. "You didn't choose me two years ago."

He swallowed hard. "I know."

She frowned. "So it's my turn to not choose you."

Sirius turned away from her piercing stare, guilt constricting his heart. He had never expected her to drop everything and take him back, but he hadn't realized how much it would hurt to know that he wouldn't be getting the second chance he so desired.

"After what you've done to me, did you expect me to?" Riley asked, frustrated.

"No," Sirius replied, hanging his head shamefully. He sighed. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd stick around longer than you have."

"I'm a little surprised myself," she murmured.

"Well," he stated, still not daring to look at her. "Why have you?"

Riley's mind went blank with an answer. The truth was, she was wondering that herself. Why hadn't she run off the moment Sirius pressed his lips to her? Why did she stick around long enough to hear what he had to say? And why was she _still _standing there desperate to hear his explanations? Anxiety coursed through her veins. She somehow already knew the answer. She just wasn't willing to admit it.

"I-I think you have feelings for me and you're just too afraid to admit it," Sirius dared to say out loud, after the long hesitance from Riley. "You're too afraid to face it."

Riley snapped her head up and glared at him, hating that he seemed to be reading her mind. "I'm tired of you telling me how I feel. You have no idea what's going through my mind," she snapped.

"You're right," he admitted with a curt shrug. "I don't. Because you won't tell me. I-I told you everything. Maybe it's your turn to-"

"I did that two years ago!" Riley blurted out, glaring at him. "And look how that turned out for me. It would probably just be better if I...if I walked away from this conversation and just pretended like this never even happened."

Sirius immediately lifted his head in order to stare into her empty eyes. He thought that's what she would have done by now. "Is…is that what you're going to do?"

_No…_Riley thought to herself. There was something keeping her rooted on the spot. There was a part of her that wanted to find out more from Sirius about the way he felt. In fact, she wanted Sirius to fight harder for her. She wanted to know he meant business. She didn't want to stick around to find out he was exactly the person he was when he was fifteen.

But another part of her, the part that was stronger and more logical, told her to run in the opposite direction immediately. She had to face the facts; Sirius Black is the biggest womanizer in the school and she hardly doubted that he would change his ways for her. She had thought that once before and she was crushed in the end. She refused to cry over Sirius again. She refused to have her heart broken by that weasel again. She refused to waste any more time on a guy that would inevitably choose someone else. No matter how much she thought she wanted to be with him.

"What other option is there?" she whispered, her feet glued to spot, her entire body feeling limp with despair. "We...we can't go back to the people we used to be."

He shrugged and continued to stare at her longingly. "I don't want to go back," he urged. "I just want to move forward. And I'm standing here asking you to move forward with me. _Wanting _you to move forward with me."

The more she thought about that, the more she wanted to. While she had wished so many wrongful deaths on him in the past two years, she knew that she had never fully gotten over what she had wanted to have with him. And she had never gotten over how it ended. She had never received any sort of closure from her relationship, however brief it was. It had just ended and she had let it end.

But the more she thought about the humiliation she endured because of his stupidity, the more she knew she couldn't move forward with him. If only her feet would listen.

"It…it's not that easy, Black," she replied with a strong hint of disappointment in her voice.

"It can be," he said hesitantly.

She stared at him for a long time, wondering what a dignified response would be. In the end, she just shrugged and said, "No, it can't be. It...it's never easy when someone gets hurt."

"And what makes you so sure you'll get hurt this time?"

"What makes you so sure I won't?" she asked immediately. She could barely hear herself speak over the loud pounding of her heart. She was sure he could hear it.

He had nothing to say to that. He had already explained himself and he didn't want to repeat it and just go through another round of rejection with Riley. So he finally just said what was on his mind, hoping it would be enough to win her over. "Riley, two years ago, you lay your heart on the line in hopes that I would reciprocate. And I made the mistake of turning my back on you," he said softly. Riley was slightly taken aback by the use of her first name. "Well, now it's my turn to lay it all out on the line in hopes that you'll realize how much I care for you. And if you want to walk down those stairs and pretend this never happened, that's your prerogative. But…but I can't go back to pretending we hate each other. I can't go back to these petty bickering wars. It's…it's got to be all or nothing with us. And I know you're not ready to let me go. So please let me prove to you why you shouldn't. Because what it comes down to is the fact that I want to be with you. I want it more than anything I've ever wanted before," he said softly, reaching out and stroking her arms tenderly, placing them in his own.

A part of her melted into his touch, but she flinched anyway. "You can't always get what you want," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I-I learned that the hard way."

"And what about what you _need_?" he choked out, his voice trembling at the fear of losing her again. He was tired of playing the role of the macho, womanizing, commitment-phobe. He wanted to be with Riley. He was finally willing to admit that that was what he had always wanted. "Because I know one thing is for sure, Riley. I...I _need_ you. I can't imagine my life without you. Isn't that enough?"

She swallowed hard, knowing in her heart she wanted nothing more than to grab him and kiss his lips fervently, the touch of his lips on hers still tingling. She wanted nothing more than to say yes and hope it all would work out. She wanted to listen to what her heart was saying.

But naturally her head got there first.

"No," she whispered, "It isn't." And with those words said, she stepped out of his arms, quickly rushing down the stairs and out of Sirius' view.

When she ran into the common room she was grateful to see that it was virtually empty, tears streaking her cheeks. She tried composing herself, hastily wiping them away, as she climbed the stairs up to her own room.

"Hey, who was that vampire that first used the Imperius curse?" Kay muttered, but when she glanced up, Riley had already dashed into the bathroom. "Riley?"

Riley shut the door behind her and locked it, leaning her back against the cool door panel while she tried catching her breath.

A few seconds later, there was a light tapping on the door. "Riley? You okay?"

Riley didn't bother responding. The sobs had already invaded her body and whatever reply Riley could have mustered up would have sounded strained and hopeless. She walked over to the bathtub and turned on the showerhead, hoping that would give Kay reason enough to walk away.

A few seconds later, Riley heard the quiet footsteps fading and let out the relieved sigh she didn't realize she was holding in. She slid down the bathroom wall until she met the bathroom tiles, gripping her knees tightly to her chest. She let the tears overtake her, millions of thoughts swarming around in her head.

She couldn't do it again. She couldn't get hurt by Sirius Black for the hundredth time. She couldn't bear anymore humiliation. She had cried over him enough times over the years. And yet, here she sat crying over him again.

Except it wasn't anger she was feeling. It was guilt.

The look on Sirius' face when she rushed away from him was engrained in her memory and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to get rid of it. He had looked heartbroken. And that should have given her some sort of comfort, knowing that he finally got what he deserved, but it didn't. All she felt was remorse. Because she knew that look well. It had been the look on her own face when she had found out about Sirius and Rhea. It wasn't a good feeling, the agonizing feeling of rejection. She never wished that upon anyone. Even Sirius.

Especially Sirius.

Why did she feel like she made the wrong decision? Why did it feel as if her heart was shrinking? Why couldn't she get the image of being with him out of her head? Why was her heart telling her differently than her head? She _was_ doing the right thing. She _had _to be doing the right thing.

She groaned and wondered why she was going back and forth about this. She had to believe that he wasn't worth it. But as she tried thinking of all the times Sirius Black made her cry, she could only remember all of the memories they used to share. The memories of them jumping into the lake on hot days. The memories of them playing Exploding Snap for hours. The memories of them sneaking out to the North Tower to stargaze and share intimate secrets. The memories they shared as friends. Best friends.

But that was all in the past. She had to focus on the present and the future. And he couldn't be a part of it. Not after everything they had been through. Her heart may have been telling her differently, but it was her head she had to listen to. She knew that she was doing the right thing. She _had _to be doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, it was tough believing that she made the right decision when all she could think about was the feeling of his lips on hers. In particular, the feeling in her heart when their lips had touched.

* * *

Lily was lying in bed with her Potions essay beside her, but that Potions essay was the last thing on her mind. She tried taking solace in her cat, Artemis, who was cuddled up against her, but even she wasn't providing Lily with much encouragement. Lily was an overanalytical person in general, but she had never had to overanalyze her feelings before. She had never had feelings to overanalyze before. Keeping herself at a distance from relationships was something she had always striven to do. It was easier doing that than admitting there was a huge part of her that she never wanted anyone to know about. The huge part of her that had died ten years earlier when her parents died. It was a secret she had become so used to keeping hidden that the idea of it emerging somehow frightened her. She wanted to continue being the girl she had made herself out to be. She didn't want to be the sad, pathetic orphan girl who everyone pitied and gave her what she wanted because of it. She wanted to be the strong, determined, confident Head Girl who worked hard to get to where she was. So she kept that part of her life a secret from everyone, even her friends. And over time, it became easier living a lie. It was definitely easier than admitting the fearful truth that one day someone might have to be let into that part of her life.

And then James Potter came along and made her more confused than ever.

She didn't know what to make of him. And she didn't know what to make of herself in his presence. She waated so desperately to hate him. And maybe a part of her really did. But not because of the way he acted towards her. No, it was because of the way he lived his life so vastly different from hers. And she was jealous of it. He had everything a person could ever want and she had none of it. So she pretended to hate him fro so long when it was really jealousy that ignited her irritation with him. Unfortunately, it was sometimes impossible to go on hating him when he didn't always play the role of chauvinistic prat, a role he unfortunately played well. Sometimes, he was chivalrous and sweet and, she couldn't believe she was admitting it, but he could even be so damned charming. Without even trying! When he wasn't walking around the school with his typical chiding smirk, his smile felt real. There were those fleeting moments she had shared with him where she saw a softer side of him. A side she found herself rather enjoying. But taking a look back at those moments, thay had all been one-on-one time. Platform 9 3/4 when he had kissed her for the first time. The night in the Great Hall decorating for Halloween. Detention in the hospital wing. The night they did rounds together when he told her about Remus. The words he just spoke to her in the hallway before kissing her. It was as if was ashamed of showing that vulnerable, intimate side to him in the presence of others. And yet, he always managed to find a way to open up to her. Why? And why did she let him? And why, oh _why,_ did she seem to like it?

When he spoke to her, just her, he made her feel oddly special, even if that did sound quite cliché. But considering she lived a pretty unspecial life up to that point, there was a part of her that found herself clinging to those few personal moments she shared with James. Because even though it was James Potter making her feel special, she couldn't help but crave it. No guy has ever made her feel so desired the way James Potter sometimes did. But it didn't happen always. The moments were fleeting. And she couldn't go on wondering when that next fleeting moment would be.

She jumped when there was a knock at the door. Her heart began to race as she just stared at the door. She didn't want to open it. She knew who was standing there and she knew what he was going to say. And she wasn't so sure she wanted to hear it. At least not yet. She wanted to feel special for just a little while longer.

"Evans, I know you're in there," his voice pleaded from behind the door. "Please let me in."

She blinked, her eyes stoic on the door as she thought back to the moment his lips were pressed against hers. Why did he kiss her? And why did she let him? Why was he always finding ways to stir up confusing emotions in her heart? Why did she enjoy those confusing emotions as much as she did?

"Lily," he whispered softly, his knuckles once again rapping the door. "Please talk to me."

She sighed reluctantly, shutting her eyes briefly as she pushed the way she felt when he had kissed her out of her head as much as she could. Slowly, she climbed off the bed and walked towards the door. When she opened it, she immediately took notice of the guilty look on James' face. The flicker of remorse sparkling in his eyes was unmistakable. Neither spoke immediately, just staring at each other. His eyes were filled with a sense of apologetic desire, hers were filled with agony. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak, but Lily found herself cutting him off.

"Let me guess, Potter," she said slowly in a seemingly calm tone. "It was a mistake, it never should have happened, you wish you could take it back, you don't know what had gotten into you, you were just trying to make me feel better, you have a girlfriend and you shouldn't be going around kissing other girls, and—my personal favorite—please don't tell anyone and let's just keep it between you and me." Her voice was monotonous, her eyes void of feeling.

James stood there dumbfounded, his heart aching at each and every word she spoke. He had to turn away from her, swallowing hard. "Well, I was going to start with I'm sorry," he whispered.

Lily shrugged, ignoring the vulnerability displayed on his face. Although she was certain he could hear the thumping of her heart, she attempted to keep her calm composure. "For what?" she asked, shrugging.

In all honesty, he wasn't sure. Was he sorry for the harsh insults he spoke to her? Yes. Was he sorry for slapping her? Yes. But was he sorry for kissing her?

He sighed. No. He wasn't sorry for kissing her.

"I-I don't know," he eventually spoke, shaking his head slowly.

"Then why are you apologizing?" she snapped.

"Because I felt like I owed you that much."

A lump formed in her throat and she tried desperately to swallow it. "You don't owe me anything," she said softly.

He frowned, not entirely sure what she meant by that. "I-I think I owe you the truth, Evans."

"No," she said stubbornly, shaking her head. "I already know the truth. I don't need to hear you say it."

He hesitated. She couldn't have known the truth. _He_ barely knew what the truth was. He thought he had come there to tell her it was a mistake and he had just gotten caught up in the moment. But looking at her now, he couldn't for the life of him recall why. "Oh?" he murmured. "And what, pray tell, is the truth?" Hell, maybe she could explain it to him.

She met his confused gaze and matched his own sullen frown with one of her own. It was almost as if he needed convincing. But in all honesty, she needed it, too. "It was nothing," she explained, trying to reassure the both of them. "It meant nothing. It was just...just a spur of the moment thing that we can both forget about."

James stared blankly at her, wondering why this wasn't comforting him in any way. Her words were making him strangely uncomfortable and even more confused. "Is that what you want to do?" he dared to ask. "Just forget about it?"

Her heart skipped a beat. "Isn't that what _you _want?" she deflected. "Considering, oh I don't know, you have a _girlfriend_?" That last word came out as a sneer.

He flinched. Why is it he kept forgetting about Kristina? "Right," he muttered.

Lily was bewildered by James' stand-offish attitude. She thought he would swoop in there to try to defuse the situation immediately, spouting off the million reasons as to why the kiss was a mistake and why no one could know about it. Instead, he was barely saying anything, letting her do all the talking. It was quite disconcerting for her. She sighed, leaning against her doorframe casually. "Why did you come here, Potter?"

He frowned. That was a damned good question. "I-I just felt like I needed to...to see you I guess. I think you deserved an explanation at the very least. I had a speech prepared for you, but...but I can't seem to remember anything I wanted to say."

"Well, luckily, you had me to say it for you," she muttered.

He sighed. But was that what he had wanted to say? "I don't want it to be awkward between us," he said softly.

"It's fine," Lily said hastily, shaking her head. "It won't be awkward unless you make it awkward, alright? Let's just...just..."

"Just what?" he urged.

She met his gaze, the ends of her mouth twitching with confusion. "Let's just forget that today ever happened and move on, okay?" she said, praying the waver in her voice wasn't obvious to him.

A dramatic silence followed as James gazed down at her. It was clear she was feeling uncomfortable and helpless. And he was weirdly comforted by it. Because that meant that he wasn't the only one feeling that way. A deep, longing feeling of despair filled his heart as he briefly wondered, only for a moment, if it would be possibly to just forget it had happened. But Lily was giving him an out at a time that he needed an out desperately. So he inevitably nodded. "Okay," he murmured.

She frowned, sensing his hesitation. "Is it?"

"Huh?"

"Is it okay?"

No. "I guess it has to be."

Lily frowned. "Okay."

He hesitated. "Is it? Okay for you I mean?"

She rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of their conversation. "I was the one who suggested it, did I not?" she murmured.

He nodded. "Okay."

She sighed. "Okay."

James cracked a smile. "This conversation is going nowhere."

Lily didn't smile. She didn't even pretend to smile. "As most of our conversations do," she muttered. She had no idea what came over her, but she added, "If they don't end in snogging, of course."

James froze, her words sounding almost threatening to him. He averted his eyes towards the ground and mumbled, "Evans, I don't normally act like that and I don't want you thinking that-"

"Act like what?" Lily sneered with a smirk flashing across her face. "Like someone who slaps me one second and then kisses me the next?"

"I didn't do that on purpose," he argued back in a warning tone.

Her smirk grew cynical. "Do what? Slap me?" she said icily. "Or kiss me?"

He cringed. "Evans," he said cautiously, not sure what he wanted to say. "That…that's not what I meant."

Lily shrugged, her heart skipping a beat. "No, but it's what you wanted to say," she pointed out. At the look on James' face, she knew she was right. "It's what you came to say, is it not?"

He glanced up at her, sensing an odd burden of distress in her voice. And as he looked at her, it was distress he saw in her eyes as well. And he had caused that. "Evans, I may have come here to apologize to you, although for what I honestly can't say, but I do know that I never once thought about apologizing for...for kissing you. I-I wouldn't have done it if I..." he grimaced, stopping himself before saying something that wouldn't be in either one of their favors. "Look, I don't know what had come over me, but please know that I'm not one to live with regrets."

She slowly stepped back from the doorframe in shock, trying to understand why he was saying what he was saying. She certainly hadn't asked for any sort of explanation or exoneration and yet here he was trying to give it to her. As if he cared what she thought. And so she blurted out the question she had been dying to know since the kiss happened. "Why did you do it?" she asked softly. "Kiss me, I mean."

James stared at her, hoping a good enough answer to satisfy her would come to him but of course it didn't. The only thing that came to him was a tiny voice inside his head telling him that he kissed her because he wanted to. Because he had wanted _her_. But he ignored that voice. He knew better than to tell her the real reason. He wanted to say he didn't know, but the desperation in her eyes told him he needed to give her an acceptable reason. "You just looked so...so helpless and I felt so guilty that I had done that to you," James mumbled. "I guess I wanted to let you know that…that you are far from worthless. That I'm always going to remember who you are. That...that you really are a somebody. At least to me you are."

She nodded awkwardly. If he really did think she was a somebody, why was he pretending that the kiss meant nothing? And why was she letting him? "You don't have to kiss people to let them know that," Lily stated instead. "Dear God, if that were true I'm sure you would have kissed Sirius, Peter, and Remus plenty of times by now."

He made a face. "Ew. I definitely didn't need that image in my head," James murmured.

Lily suppressed a smile, not willing to let him have any sort of upper hand. "Potter, like I said, it was just a spur of the moment thing, okay? We can let it go."

James swallowed hard, knowing he was getting nowhere. "Okay," he murmured. "But please know that...I-I don't want you thinking that I…that I'm leading you on or something."

Lily snickered. "Potter, did you really believe I thought that kiss _meant_ something?" she shot back angrily, not really sure she wanted to hear the answer to that. "I'm pretty used to you kissing me nonchalantly and then running from it. Am I really that bad of a kisser?" she smirked, her eyes narrowing with amusement. Her eyes might have been showing amusement, but her heart wasn't.

James gave her a look, knowing she was trying to find humor in the situation. He wasn't sure why he was annoyed by that. "For the sake of our working relationship, I'm gonna keep that private," he muttered, averting his eyes to the ground. He offered her his own smirk. His typical smug smirk that angered Lily. "Although I will say, I wouldn't normally go for a second kiss if someone was _that _bad."

For some reason, that just made her feel ten times worse. She frowned, taking a deep deep breath in and blurting out before she lost her nerve, "I guess I'll just have to wait until a possible third kiss to see if it's me you're running from or just your own self."

James winced. "Evans, come on. That's not how it is."

Lily crossed her arms bitterly, giving him a look of utter determination. "Then what is it like, Potter?"

James stood there in front of her feeling for the first time ever in his life, scared and vulnerable. He wanted to tell her the truth, that he really did like her and that their shared kiss was anything but a mistake. That there was a part of him that had always and probably _will _always fancy Lily Evans. He wanted to tell her that kissing her was not just an impulsive apology but it was something he had been thinking about since the first time their lips had ever touched last year. But it was very clear to him that she wanted nothing to do with him. She would always think of him as scum and he had to get used to that. He was with someone else and he had to focus on that.

He just couldn't help wondering why she had kissed him back.

James looked away out of guilt, not sure exactly what he wanted to tell her. He stood there in front of her, regret blazing in his eyes. His instinct was to reach out and caress her cheek with his hand reassuringly. He refrained from doing so however. "I never meant to hurt you, Evans."

_And yet you did…_ Lily thought.

But what she said was, "Hurt me? Why would I be hurt because of that? It was just a stupid kiss, right?"

He wasn't referring to the kiss. He was referring to all of the things he had ever said or done to her that made her feel worthless. He wanted to apologize for whatever angst and pain he had brought upon her and tell her that he really did believe she was anything but worthless. That she would always be a somebody to him. But he didn't say any of that. He just said, "Right."

She simply shrugged and gave him an apologetic frown as frustration seeped through her veins again. "Right," she repeated.

She was right before; their conversations always ended up going nowhere and this one wasn't any different. At that moment, she needed him gone. She needed to have nothing more to do with him. She was tired of playing his games and she was tired of acting like things were going to be okay with him. They were never going to be okay and she had to start realizing that. "Is that all, Potter?" she asked softly.

He didn't want it to be all so he merely stood there, not providing her with an answer.

She frowned, running her fingers through her messy hair. "I'll take that as a yes," she muttered, slowly turning around as she attempted to shut the door behind her.

"Evans?" he whispered desperately before the door could be shut in his face.

She froze, turning around to look at him. "Yeah?"

"What did I do to you?" he asked softly. "To make you hate me again, I mean."

She made the mistake of looking him in the eye and saw desperation seeping through his hazel pupils. "It...it doesn't even matter anymore," she muttered, swallowing the guilt in her throat.

His face fell, his bottom lips trembling vulnerably. "It clearly does to you."

"Maybe it did yesterday, but after today..." she trailed off, a tight lump forming in her throat. She let out a deep sigh. "None of it matters anymore."

He couldn't be sure what she meant by that but he had a feeling he didn't want to know. "What _does_ matter?" he dared to ask.

_You_. She turned her head, her eyes meeting those of her cat's who was staring up at them curiously. "Where we go from here," she responded softly.

He stared down at her, her eyes still fixated on Artemis. He had no clue where they were supposed to go from here. He deflected the question. "Where do you want things to go from here?"

Her heart ached for normalcy between them. And yet a strong part of her knew that they would never be able to grasp that. She went with the only answer she knew: the truth. "I don't know, Potter," she said softly. "I-I really don't know."

He could only nod, the possibility of any words forming catching in his throat.

She gazed up at him again, noticing the defeat displayed clearly on his face. She had a feeling if she were to look in a mirror, the same emotions would be running across her face as well. "I'm...I'm just so tired of all the unknowns between us, Potter," she murmured.

He blinked. He didn't have to ask her what she meant by that. Their tumultuous relationship was one that confused and yet frightened the both of them. It was the unknown of their future together that made them fear what could possibly happen next between them. Good rarely came out of it. "Me, too," he whispered breathlessly.

He locked eyes with her, neither one of them sure what to do or what to say. They were both thinking the same thing, not that they knew that. They both knew what they wanted to say and what they wanted to do and yet they were convinced the other person wanted the exact opposite. And it was crushing both of their souls remorsefully.

Eventually, Lily took a hesitant step back, her eyes never straying from his. "For the sake of our professional relationship, we need to just forget about whatever personal relationship it is that you and I have. Because it's clearly not working in our favor."

_Yeah, because you keep shutting me out_.

"If that's what you want," he spoke, his mouth growing dry at the prospect of letting Lily go.

She hesitated. The ball was back in her court again and she hated him for it. She fell silent, thoughts swarming her mind. She tried pushing them all away as she said softly, "It's not about what I want. It's about what I need. " After a slight pause, she added, "What _we _need."

Instead of protesting like his initial reaction was to her plea, he looked up into her eyes and saw pain and sorrow he had never seen from her before. Staring into her grief-stricken eyes, after what felt like eternity, he found himself wondering why nothing ever seemed to go their way. He had tried so hard to be nice to her and yet she seemed so determined to hate him. But it was time he finally just gave her what she was apparently thriving for. So without demanding a further explanation, he simply felt himself nod. He felt like he owed her that. "Okay."

Lily wasn't sure she heard right, expecting him to protest excessively, but the defeated look on his face told her that he did agree to her terms. She stared incredulously at him, wondering why she felt disappointed that he agreed so quickly. After a long silence between them, she asked, "Is it?"

He blinked, the earlier part of their conversation coming back to haunt him. This time, he offered the truth. "No. It isn't okay. Because I screwed things up betwen us, Evans. And I'm not just talking about today. I'm talking about whatever it is I did to hurt you that made you feel like you had to go back hating me. It is so clear to me that what happened wasn't okay to you so it isn't okay to me either. But I'll turn and walk away because it's evident that's what you need. But don't say it's what we need. Because it's not what I need. What I need is to understand. And you won't let me understand," he whispered, shaking his head with regret moaning in his eyes. "One of these days, Evans, you _are _going to have to let someone break through the many barriers you have clearly built up around your heart. It doesn't have to be me but...but I would very much like it to be. Because I meant what I said earlier. You do matter and you are a somebody to me. And I realize that I may not matter to you and I may be a nobody to you, but please stop hiding from the world. You deserve so much more." He spoke clearly and desperately and when he was finished, he turned around and walked out of their private quarters leaving Lily standing there with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide in shock.

How was it James Potter knew so much about her, even the parts she was desperate to keep hidden? How could he come to the realization that she was so guarded? How did he assume correctly that she was hiding from the world? _How did James Potter do it_?

Whatever the answers to those questions were, they gave her more of a reason to keep her distance from him. If he could read all of this about her when they barely spent any time together, what could he find out about her if she actually did hang around him?

This needed to be the end of her feud. They needed to separate from each other so as to go on living the lives they were meant to live. James was supposed to strut around on the arm of Kristina and Lily was supposed to be alone. It was their destiny. At least, that's what she was going to continue telling herself until she truly believed it.

And with that thought in her mind, she closed the door, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. She sighed and started stripping off clothes in order to take a nice, hot shower.

She slipped into the bathtub, planning out the rest of her day, James far from her mind.

The water was scalding hot, burning her skin with every drop of water. As she felt the water dripping down her face she realized it wasn't the water from the showerhead, it was her own tears fighting to escape. She tried to hold them in and failed. Her salty tears were mixing with the hot water, running down her body sensually, slipping down the drain simultaneously. She practically collapsed to the floor of the shower, gripping on to the side as she sobbed out loud, wondering when her life became so difficult to live.

The water was now smoldering her as she tried to burn away the memories of James Potter from her mind. Burn away the memory of his lips against hers. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. Water can only clean your body.

Never your soul.

* * *

James sauntered through the hallways slowly, knowing he couldn't go back to his room. He didn't want to tell his friends what happened and he didn't want to be around people. Instead, he tried convincing himself that he did the right thing. He _had _to have done the right thing. But if it was the right thing then why did Lily look so upset when he had said 'okay' and unwillingly agreed to her terms? And why did it feel so wrong agreeing to her terms?

James sighed, finding himself outside the door to where their prefect meetings were held. He walked inside and noticed how open and empty the room looked with no people in it. He sat down in the seat that Lily had dubbed hers from the beginning. There was something about sitting there in her seat that made him feel remorseful. He thought about what she must be feeling. He was curious what she was doing or thinking at that moment. Probably throwing darts at his picture. That's what he'd be doing if he were in her situation.

He tried thinking about anything but what was happening between him and Lily, but the only thing that kept running through his mind was the kiss he had shared with her. Both kisses actually. He wondered why it hurt so much that he and Lily had essentially just parted ways. He knew that they would be forced to work together, but he had a feeling that things were going to be different. They weren't going to argue anymore and they weren't going to be friendly. They were going to share an indifferent working relationship. As if they barely knew each other. Polite ignorance is what sprung to mind. And James just wasn't sure how to be polite around Lily. Not because she didn't deserve it but because he tried in so many ways to please her, which clearly always came out as arrogance in her mind. Maybe she was right. Maybe they were better off without each other. He knew he just needed to give her what she wanted and ignore her the best he could. Because she would certainly be ignoring him until the day they graduated to which she would never speak to him again.

For some unknown reason, that put a tight knot in James' stomach.

Though he could hear the hustle and bustle from the students in the hallway right outside the room, he simply leaned back in his chair, not noticing the world going on around him. He liked Kristina. A lot. But when the idea of being in love with her ever came up, he avoided the topic all together. He always wondered why that was. But the sparks that flew with Lily the moment he had kissed her had answered his question.

He still had feelings for Lily Evans.

He sighed, wondering what that even meant. He never even dated her and only ever watched her from afar. How could he _possibly _be so enthralled by a girl he barely knew? How could he possibly feel something for a girl he barely spoke a nice word to until sixth year? And if he really did have feelings for Lily still, then why did he choose Kristina over Lily when given the chance? Why did he tell Lily that the kiss meant nothing when really, it meant everything to him?

Okay, he knew that answer. It was because he knew that the idea of him and Lily Evans ever being in a relationship, much less a _lasting _relationship, was laughable. They were such different people who had spent more of their time arguing than they had being friends. He would be breaking up with a girl he could have a future for a what-if relationship with a girl he had only ever longed for from afar. He knew there was some sort of sensual tension between him and Lily, there always had been, but that didn't mean he should run right out and try to make it work. Because in the back of his mind, he knew it _would _never work. Let's face it, she would have either laughed in his face or slapped him for even bringing up the idea of a relationship. So why even try? He knew that with Kristina, he could really be with her. And she actually liked him and respected him, which was more than he could say for Lily.

So he kissed Lily? It didn't mean anything. For all he knew, he _could _have been shutting her up. Sure, there were sparks but he could remember the first few times he had kissed Kristina—there were sparks, as well.

He groaned, wondering why he was comparing the two. He didn't even want to be with Lily. Maybe there was once a time he did, but not anymore. He had moved on from her and was devoted to spending lots more time with Kristina, to prove he had made the right choice.

Not like there was any choice to make—Kristina Reinhart was the person he was supposed to be with. And no one had to convince him otherwise.

But as James slowly stood up from Lily's chair and walked out of the room, he felt like he was saying goodbye to a lot more than just an empty classroom.

* * *

After finally picking herself off the shower floor, Lily wrapped her bathrobe around her and sat on her window ledge staring out her window, petting her cat for hope of comfort. She thought she was done bawling over the situation, but as soon as she stared outside into the vast sky she found the tears sliding down. But the tears weren't for James anymore. They were for herself.

Everyone had always looked at Lillian Angelina Evans and seen perfection. Her perfect grades, her perfect friends, her perfect attitude, her perfect looks. She was tired of pretending that she was perfect. Because to be honest, the only thing that she was perfect at was her deception.

Lily wasn't happy. She never would be. She was alone in the world and had no one to rely on. She had lost a potential lifetime of memories when her parents were killed. And being forced to live in an orphanage because of it was no picnic. In fact, it was the biggest tragedy of her life, one she hated to relive.

And that was one of the main reasons she chose never to reveal this dark secret to anyone. She hated remembering that dark time in her life. It was unnecessary and made her too vulnerable. She didn't want anyone's pity and she didn't want others finally realizing that she wasn't as perfect as she seemed. As long as she acted perfect to the people around her, there was no need for them to know the truth.

She can remember that first Christmas alone, only a week after the accident. She was in the hospital by her mother's bedside. She sat there day after night since the accident, never moving. Her father had died instantly on impact but the doctors told her that her mother had a chance to pull through. But that Christmas night, when every other family was eating turkey, opening gifts, and celebrating the festivities with eggnog and a fire, Lily grasped her mother's hand for the last time.

Which is the explanation as to why Lily Evans hated Christmas so much. But then again, who wouldn't if their mother had died on that holiday?

When she had woken up earlier that Wednesday morning, she was briefly reminded of the occurrences of her parents' death, the anniversary of it all being the subsequent day. But she shook the thoughts of it out of her head, refusing to let it stand in her way again.

When she had chosen to run from James Potter instead of getting close to him, tears unexpectedly followed. And she forced herself to believe the was upset because it was the day before the dreadful anniversary.

That day was a curse. Something terrible had always happened to her on December 18 and she started to wonder if she should just stay in bed for the rest of the day.

However, if she remained in bed, she would only constantly think about her parents, and about James at that matter, and she didn't needed to overanalyze her life once again. Overanalyzing is all she ever did and it never did any good.

And so as she sat there for the rest of the lunch break staring at old photos and reliving old family memories while letting the tears slip down her cheeks, she convinced herself that falling in love was worthless if pain was the only thing she was ever going to get out of it. Pain was something she was good at as much as she wished she wasn't.

Maybe she didn't deserve love. Maybe the only thing she deserved was to be alone.

* * *

After standing in the stairwell for an excessive amount of time, hoping that Riley would come running back to him, Sirius started opening the door to his dorm when he saw the wrapped bundle on the floor that Riley had given back to him.

He unwrapped it and froze. In his hands, he held the picture frame he had given to her for her birthday. He stared at it for what felt like eternity, knowing once and for all that he and Riley would never go back to the way things were.

He just didn't want to admit it.

He walked into the room in a slump, ignoring the stares of his friends, and trudged over to his bed dejectedly.

"Hey, Padfoot, so…I didn't hear much yelling towards the end. Does that mean things went well?" Remus asked nervously.

Sirius threw the picture frame on his desk and glanced towards Remus with an angry look on his face, and then jumped into bed, closing his drapes immediately.

"I think he wants to be alone," Peter whispered to Remus, earning himself a glare.

"What do you think happened?" Remus hissed, trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to disturb Sirius.

Peter shrugged. "How would _I _know? It was _James' _job to find out."

Remus sighed. "Did we honestly think that they'd tell Prongs all the details the minute he got into the hallway?"

"It was worth a shot," Peter murmured.

Remus got off his bed and walked towards desk, to see what Sirius had thrown on top of it. He let out a groan and slowly picked up the picture frame. He sighed, knowing that things obviously hadn't gone well. He wished that those two would just make up their mind for once.

_Knock, knock_.

"Ugh, _now _who?" Remus growled in irritation. He rushed to the door in frustration, thrusting the door open. "_What_?" he asked harshly, before stepping back apologetically when he saw who was standing there. "Oh. Sorry about that, Riley."

The moment he heard Remus say Riley's name, Sirius shoved his curtains out of his way and sat up in bed with a surprised, yet hopeful, look on his face. "Riley?" he muttered under his breath in shock, not even realizing he had uttered her first name.

She stood in the doorway, making direct eye-contact with him, obviously waiting for him to make the effort and walk over to her.

Which he didn't catch on to. "What...what are you doing here?" he asked calmly.

Riley glanced at Remus and Peter who were looking on very curiously.

"I...I..." she stuttered hesitantly. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "Maybe...maybe it can be enough."

* * *

**A/N:** Man, I bet you all hate me right now...yet ANOTHER cliffhanger. And yet ANOTHER kissing interruption. And yet ANOTHER disappointment between James/Lily. But at least Lily and James have come to some sort of agreement. Though it probably isn't the one you guys wanted. But like I said in previous chapters. James is weak and sticks with what he knows. He tries to convince himself that Kristina is the one for him because he's with her already. Nothing has to change. James is a little afraid of change, if you hadn't noticed. And Lily? Well, she's too afraid to admit what's been right there in front of her the whole time. And Riley and Sirius? Well you'll find out what happens next with them, but if you want an explanation for this chapter, let's just say Riley, also, is too afraid to admit what's been there in front of her the whole time...however, she's clearly beginning to realize. Please review!


	35. Of Promises, Grandmothers, & Ponies

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! I promise you that there is NOT a cliffhanger at the end of this chapter so don't worry about that! I'd write more here, but I know you all just want to move on and figure out what happened between Sirius and Riley. So here goes!

**Disclaimer**: Eh, who cares. No one reads this anyway.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 35: Of Promises, Grandmothers, & Ponies

* * *

The sixth-year Gryffindor rooms were hectic and full of chattiness when Rachael walked into the room that afternoon, a gloomy look on her face.

"Whoa, Rachael, who died?" Kylie Freedmont chuckled, when she saw the look on Rachael's face.

Rachael gave her an irritated glare and sunk into her bed sheets with a groan.

Her roommates all exchanged confused glances.

"Rachael, what's been going on with you?" Kylie asked. "Last night, you left the party before the fun even started and-"

"Well, I was having one hell of a lousy time so sorry if I didn't stick around to watch drunken students dance on coffee tables and make out on the dance floor," Rachael snapped.

Isabelle Moriarty, the easygoing, beautiful one who didn't even realize how gorgeous she was, laughed and rolled her eyes. She walked over to Rachael's bed and sitting on the end of it. "Rachael, that's usually _you _up on those coffee tables and out on those dance floors."

Rachael lifted her head off her pillow and gave Isabelle a look. "Thanks for reminding me."

"What? You usually love to be reminded of that," Isabelle pointed out.

"Oh right, I just _love _to be reminded of what a drunken slut I am. Thanks Izzy," Rachael replied sarcastically.

"I didn't call you a slut," she argued, rolling her eyes.

Rachael threw a pillow at her. "You are _not _helping."

"Dude, you've been in the worst mood all bloody day and it's driving us all crazy!" Jillian Greene, the more quiet and innocent one of the group, cried out in frustration, walking into the bathroom to grab a cup of water. "What the hell is going on with you?" she cried from inside the bathroom.

"Sirius dumped me last night," Rachael blurted out, mostly out of annoyance. "So I'm sorry if I've made your day that much worse, but it's been the most miserable day in my entire existence."

Jillian raced out of the bathroom, Kylie shot up from her bed, Isabelle's jaw dropped, and Evelyn Marx jumped up off her desk chair. They ignored her flair for the dramatics and stared at her in a mixture of shock and confusion.

"He…er…why…what…when…" Isabelle stuttered. "He dumped you? Why?"

Rachael shrugged. "Does it matter? He dumped me!"

"Um…Rachael? You and Sirius were technically not even…uh…dating so technically he couldn't have dumpedyou," Evelyn, the clueless and promiscuous one of the group, pointed out, sinking into the desk chair closest to Rachael.

Rachael glared at her. "You have a _horrible _way of making me feel better, you know that?"

"I wasn't really trying to make you feel better. Just merely stating-"

"I know we technically weren't dating, but we've been shagging since _September_! Practically every night, if not twice a night! Three bloody months! We were together for _three bloody months_!" she shouted.

Her friends stared at her with blank looks on their faces, too afraid to speak.

"When was the last time Sirius was with a girl for more than two weeks?" Rachael pointed out.

"Uh…when he was with me," Evelyn snickered. "A whole month last year, remember?"

Rachael rolled his eyes. "You were only in it for the sex, Evelyn," she pointed out.

"So were you!" Kylie, clearly the logical one of the group, pointed out. "When did that change?"

Rachael flopped back on to her pillow again and sighed. "That's only how it started out. It's hard not to fall for someone after three months," she muttered.

"But Rach, Sirius Black is different than that," Isabelle explained gently. "He's the kind of guy that knows how to fuck a girl without having feelings get involved. No offense, but I doubt he feels the same way."

Rachael shot up in bed immediately and stared at her friends, who were all wondering what she was going to say next. She was convinced that Sirius had feelings for her, even if her friends weren't. "Gee, and you wondered why I didn't bother telling you all this last night?" she scowled, pulling her robes off of her and throwing them into her hamper.

"Sorry, but let's face it. He's an arrogant ass," Kylie pointed out.

Rachael hesitated. "Yeah," she said softly. "That's unfortunately part of his charm."

Kylie shrugged knowingly. "So why'd the arrogant ass dump you?" she asked, vowing to get to the bottom of everything.

Rachael gave her an irritated look as she lied back down on her bed with a grunt, wondering if she should tell them that he liked Riley Gilmore. Then again, that was just a theory and she didn't know if that was true anyhow. "Because that's what he does. He dates girls, leads them on, and then when she least expects it, he breaks up with her in order to move on to his next victim."

"So then tell me, Rach," Isabelle inquired, leaning back against the wall, still on Rachael's bed, "Why do you like Sirius Black anyway?"

Rachael stopped what she was doing and turned to Isabelle with an odd look on her face. After much hesitation, she sighed and slowly sat up. "How could you _not _like Sirius Black?" she said softly.

"Because he's an arrogant ass," Isabelle snickered. "Haven't we gone over this already?"

"Just because _you're _saving yourself for James—which, by the way, will never happen—doesn't mean that James' best friend isn't as perfect as he is," Rachael muttered.

Isabelle scowled. "What do you mean it'll never happen?"

"Oh c'mon, Izzy. He's with Kristina," Jillian pointed out with a snicker.

"That's because he has yet to realize how perfect I am," Isabelle muttered.

"Can we stop planning your wedding and get back to me?" Rachael demanded.

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "So why exactly do we think Sirius is perfect?" Isabelle repeated.

"He…he just is," she whispered. "He's gorgeous, he's sweet, he's smart, he's confident and determined, he's hilarious, he shows me how to just be young and spontaneous, he's been through a lot and yet doesn't let that affect him, and he's just so easy to talk to. Oh and of course, he's the best sex I've ever had, which is a major plus."

"He _is_ the best," Evelyn agreed.

"I just can't stand the thought of him being with someone else," Rachael murmured, ignoring Evelyn.

"But why Sirius?" Isabelle reiterated. "Why not…why not James? Or even Rhett!"

"James is with Kristina," Kylie interrupted, snickering.

Isabelle scowled. "Ugh, stop saying that."

They all laughed, knowing Isabelle had wanted James Potter for years.

"And as of now Rhett is with Riley," Jillian added.

"So the last of the bachelors is Sirius Black," Evelyn pointed out.

"Oh come on! There are plenty of guys in this school to choose from—those three aren't the only guys to go after," Kylie pointed out.

"They're the only good ones," Isabelle snickered.

"What about Remus Lupin?" Jillian asked with a dreamy smile. "He's friends with the Marauders and cute in a ruggedly handsome way."

"Fine, then _you _date him," Rachael snapped. "Iwant Sirius Black and only Sirius Black."

"Well, he dumped you so move on," Kylie barked, giving her an all-knowing look.

"Well gee, you're making me feel a hundred percent better," Rachael murmured.

"I do what I can," Kylie teased.

Rachael sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Look guys, I'm not in the mood for your jokes right now so if you don't mind, I think I'm just going to...nap, or something."

"We have class soon," Evelyn pointed out.

"Yes well I'm tired," Rachael replied, heading towards the bathroom.

"You're just tired of hearing us tell you that what you and Sirius had is now over," Jillian stated matter-of-factly.

Rachael glared at her. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Drone on and on about him for the past three months is what you've done," Jillian muttered, clearly without compassion for Rachael. "Personally I'm glad I don't have to hear about how perfect he is anymore."

"Well gee, way to be a friend when I need it most, Jill," Rachael snapped.

"How could you not have seen this coming, though?" Jillian cried out in frustration. "Sirius Black hardly keeps his women around for very long. You knew that when you got involved he'd eventually drop you like the rest of them and yet you still got drawn into it all! It's your own damn fault!"

"Jillian, Rach, c'mon-" Kylie interrupted, hoping there wouldn't be yet again another argument between Jillian and Rachael, who often got into serious conflicts with each other.

"Sirius kept me around for three whole months, Jillian, so I'm sorry if I thought things would be different!" Rachael shouted, crossing her arms angrily.

"Things will never be different with that boy! He's an immature, arrogant prankster who will _never _grow up! But I guess I know what your appeal to him was!" Jillian cried.

Everyone's jaw in the room dropped; it wasn't like Jillian to insult her friends.

Rachael stood there in shock for what felt like eternity before she spoke up, vengeance clearly in her eyes. "Yeah? Well at least I've had a boyfriend. At least I've kissed a few guys in my lifetime. At least I've had sex! At least I'm experienced! When was the last time _you _got kissed, Jillian? And I'm _not _talking about your mother when she puts you to _bed _every night over the bloody summer!"

Jillian was hurt by that last comment and didn't bother trying to hide it. She glared at Rachael with vehemence, grabbed her jacket, and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her so hard the walls were shaking.

Rachael didn't even seem to care, as she climbed off her bed and rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her as well.

The other three girls sighed and sat there in silence for a few seconds before Isabelle muttered, "That went well."

* * *

"Er...what does that mean?" Remus dared to ask.

Riley nor Sirius bothered to respond. Instead, Sirius climbed out of bed slowly, not taking his eyes off of Riley. He rushed across the room over to where Riley was hovering in the doorway and without so much as a glance towards Remus, he closed the door behind him and stood in front of Riley with a look of lust in his eyes.

"What can be enough?" Sirius asked, already sensing the answer.

Riley gave him a look. "I think you know."

"Maybe," Sirius said, the ends of his mouth inching upward, mesmerized by her yearning eyes. "But I want to hear it from you."

She opened her mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say next. She really should have prepared something. She tried searching for the right words but all she could hear was the loud thumping of her heart. "Sirius," she said softly, her eyes filled with hope and desperation, "It's hard for me to admit the truth when I've spent the last two years actively denying it." She hesitated, mostly because she wasn't sure what to say next.

Thankfully, Sirius swooped in. "And what's the truth, Riley?" he said, a cautious smile perched upon his lips.

"That I never stopped having feelings for you," she replied immediately, her eyes staring determinedly into his hopeful ones.

His heart sped up, his whole body freesing in chock of that acknowledgement. "Really?"

She nodded slowly. "I was mad at you, Sirius," she whispered. "That's why I've done nothing but push you away and shut you out and wish terrible thoughts upon you for the past two years. I know that I have done everything in my power to make you believe that I truly hated you. But my seemingly spiteful hate had very little to do with you and everything to do with me," she spoke firmly, her voice soft and endearing. "Because I may have been mad at you, but I was more mad at myself. Because the only thing I really hated these past two years was that my feelings for you never went away. No matter how many times I rehashed the story in my head and reminded myself of your betrayal, I still cared for you greatly. I still do. And every time I swore to myself you were just a chauvinistic player, it didn't change the fact that for four years you were one of my closest allies. And when I recalled the heartbreak I felt in the moment I found out about you and Rhea, all I could focus on was the way you made me feel before anything with Rhea ever happened. I was mad at myself for still caring, for still wanting to be with you."

He hesitated. "_Was _mad?" he asked curiously. "As in past tense?"

She offered him a weak smile, still clearly trying to wrap her head around the fact that the guy she had never stopped caring for her actually cared for her, too. "I-I think I had a hard time believing before that any of this was true because I-I have wanted nothing more for the past two years than to be with you."

His mouth dropped open in astonishment. He was too speechless to say anything.

"But I think I needed those two years to get over the shock and betrayal of what happened. I think I needed to be on my own for a while and figure out what it was I really wanted and needed. But maybe it's time I just face my feelings. If...if you can stop running from your feelings than I should be able to do it, too, right? I-I mean, maybe it's time we both faced what we've been to afraid to do these past two years. Maybe it's time I start listening to my heart."

Sirius' felt his heart skip a beat as a shiver ran down his spine. He couldn't remember a time when he wanted to be with her more. She looked so frightened and yet so determined and he just wanted to scoop her up in his arms. "And what is it that your heart is saying?" he dared to ask.

A shy smile slowly crept on to her face. She took a deep breath, gazing into his anxious eyes. They were staring back at her with a yearning desperation. A desperation that strangely reassured her. And yet scared the hell out of her. She avoided his question, saying cautiously, "I-I just need to know that this time, it will be different between us."

Sirius stood fixated on the spot, wondering if he was hearing right. But the wary smile on Riley's face told him he did. "It will be, Riley," he said pleadingly. "If I have to convince you every minute of every day that I have changed and that I want to be with you more than anything else in the world, then that's what I'll do. Because you're worth it."

She could feel the words on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to say, but something was holding her back. She had no reason not to feel hesitant after everything he had done to her. And yet, her heart was telling her to do the opposite of her head. Looking at Sirius, she knew that she was probably better off without him. But she meant what she said: she wanted to be with him. And in that moment, that was enough for her. She felt her pulse rush inside of her.

"You've always been worth it and you always will be worth it," he continued when she didn't respond. "I'm sorry that I was too afraid to admit that in the past, but I'm standing here in front of you now desperate for you to believe me. To believe that I care more for you than I care for myself. I fell for you two years ago and I never stopped. I never will stop. I'm sorry I let you believe that you never mattered to me because in hindsight, you're the only thing that ever really has. You're-" His words were cut off suddenly by Riley wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips firmly to his.

He broke out in a wide grin and before she could change her mind, his hands instinctively grabbed her waist as he deepened the kiss with such passion. The heat between them was overwhelming, the lust between them inevitable. Riley drew herself closer to him, so close she could feel his heart beating as one with hers. His hands wandered into her hair and she opened her mouth, feeling his tongue circling around hers. She moaned and squeezed his shoulders to show her true appreciation. She couldn't believe she almost walked away from this. She knew that it was crazy and impulsive for her to jump into a relationship with Sirius. But truth was, she couldn't ignore the feelings she felt when his lips were pressed against hers. Nor did she want to.

They stood there entwined for what felt like eternity, removing themselves from the stairwell, from Hogwarts and becoming immersed in their own world with their own desiring thoughts of each other. And when they finally pulled apart, their bodies trembling and their lips swollen as they kept their gaze on one another, they both knew that while they were scared, being with each other was somehow the only thing that made sense.

Finally Riley broke the silence. "I've listened to my head these past two years and it's gotten me nowhere," she whispered. "It's time I stopped listening to my head and started listening to my heart. And my heart is telling me you're the one I want to be with."

Sirius wasn't so sure his smile could get any wider as his heart soared with shocked relief. A small smile tugged at the end of Riley's lips as Sirius reached out to grab her waist, pulling her close to him. "My heart's been telling me that for seven years," he spoke with such sincerity, leaning over to press his lips hungrily to hers. Another spark of passion ignited between them as their lips fit perfectly together like some sort of jigsaw puzzle. Sirius' hands danced across her body, over her arms, her back, her shoulders, and inevitably cascaded up into her hair.

Slowly and unwillingly, their lips untangled from one another as their eyes met each other's with a fiery passion. Neither spoke. Nothing needed to be said. After two years, they were both finally able to admit what had been missing.

Riley eventually spoke, a hesitant frown appearing on her face. "Sirius," she said slowly, his first name on her lips sounding a bit foreign.

"Hm?"

"Promise me something."

"Anything you want, Riley," he whispered.

"Promise me…" she paused, hoping this wouldn't ruin the mood, and then sighed. "Promise me I won't get hurt this time."

He embraced her close to him and breathed in her wonderful scent and whispered into her ear, "I promise, Riley. I promise that the guy I used to be is gone. I will never hurt you again. Not if I can help it."

Riley blushed, smiling into his hair. She never would have thought she'd break up with someone and get together with another on the same day.

And she _never _would have believed that "another" would have been Sirius Black.

She wrapped her arms tighter around him, never wanting to let go. "Thank you."

He kissed her forehead, running his fingers lightly through the back of her silky hair. "Why'd you come back?" he asked hoarsely.

She tensed up and took a step back, reaching for Sirius' hand instinctively. "Honestly?"

He nodded.

"I'm not sure," she said hesitantly. "I-I holed myself up in the bathroom and tried reassuring myself I was doing the right thing. I just tried to tell myself that I still despised you. I tried so hard to focus on all of the bad things that have happened to us and all of the crap you've pulled on me. I tried reminding myself of the names you called me and the pranks you pulled on me and your cocky attitude that you've acquired over the past two years."

He cringed. "I was pretty horrible," he murmured.

Riley shrugged. "But the thing is, Sirius, so was I," she reminded him, her heart skipping a beat. "It's…it's like you said before. The reason we were horrible was because it was easier pretending to hate each other than to admit we still had lingering feelings for each other."

He squeezed her hand. "I never hated you," he said desperately. "Not once. Not ever."

Riley frowned, turning her gaze away from his determined stare. "I know that now," she whispered.

Sirius swallowed hard, sensing discomfort in her words. His hand reached up to brush a strand of hair from her face, gazing into her wide, innocent eyes. "I'm sorry, Riley," he said softly.

"I know you are," she quickly replied. "I am, too."

"You don't have anything to be sorry-"

"No, I do," she interrupted, shaking her head sullenly. "I was so stubborn and so hurt, that I let my anger control my actions around you. I-I never even attempted to let you explain. Maybe if I had, things would have gone differently for us."

Sirius nodded slowly. It was true; she hadn't ever let him get close enough to explain. Not that what he did had a viable excuse, but all he had ever wanted in the past two years was to explain that he realized he was an idiot and a jackass for letting her go. And every time he got remotely close, he would see the betrayal and anguish in her eyes and knew it would hurt her more for him to mention it. He had always wanted to get past it, but he knew that that was the last thing she wanted. So he did what he always did. He threw around jokes and insults and pranks because it was easier acting as if he didn't care than admit he cared more than anything. He had always said that the worst mistake he ever made was hurting Riley. And he vowed to never do it again.

He simply shrugged. "You're letting me explain now."

Riley gazed up into his sympathetic eyes. "And I'm glad I am," she said softly. He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head against his chest longingly. "Sirius, as I sat on my bathroom floor today, it wasn't the past two years I was thinking about. It was the first four and a half years we spent as friends. Our friendship had meant everything to me, which is probably why I felt so hurt when you slept with…with Rhea. Because it wasn't just a potential relationship I was losing out on. It was a friendship, too. We shared a lot of good times back then." She pulled her head back to look up at him, placing her chin lightly in the grooves of his muscular chest. "And…and I want to share good times with you again."

He leaned down and pressed his lips lightly to her. "Me, too," he said with a sigh of relief. Her friendship had meant the world to him, and over the past two years he had been so afraid that they'd never get that back. "I miss those times."

"Do you..." she halted before asking the question she was too afraid to ask.

"Do you think we can go back to the people we used to be? The friends we used to be?" Sirius finished for her knowingly.

She glanced up at him, startled that he read her mind. She nodded solemnly.

"I don't know if we can go back," he admitted with a heavy shrug. "But I do know that we can make new memories that we'll remember another four years down the road. And right now, that's all that I can hope for." He hesitated, gazing at her curiously. He slowly added, "To be honest, I'm not sure I want to go back. Because after those four wonderful years, we lost each other. And...and I never want that to happen again."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "You are so amazing, y'know that?"

He shrugged. "No, I'm not," he muttered, running his lips through her hair. "I make mistakes. I made the biggest one the day I betrayed your trust."

"How about we just let the past be in the past?" she said slowly, mesmerized by the genuine regret in his eyes.

Sirius grinned and bent down to press his lips ferociously to hers. He pushed her up against the wall, letting his tongue intertwine with hers. She let him crush her against the stone of the wall, the palms of his hand pressing up against the wall to block her in. But she didn't mind. Her hands ran up against his back tenderly as their lips locked in a passionate embrace.

They pulled apart and Riley stared up into his eyes bashfully. "What are our friends going to think?" she snickered.

Sirius cringed. "Oh, jeez," he muttered. They locked eyes, their skeptical gazes identical. Uneasy hesitance filled them both. One moment they were on such a high, and now reality was setting in.

"Well," Sirius said slowly, shrugging uncomfortably. "Who says they need to know?"

Riley quirked an eyebrow, a sly grin spreading across her face. "Hm, you have got a point, Mr. Black," she said mischievously. "Why bother putting ourselves under their everyday scrutiny when...when _we_ still need to figure us out."

He nodded. He knew his friends would be confused and over-analytical. And considering Sirius was still over-analyzing the situation himself, he needn't let any thoughts and concerns from his friends influence that. "Exactly."

Riley smiled, but couldn't help and wonder if this was just her way of at least keeping part of her guard up. While she did want to be with Sirius, she naturally had doubts and concerns about them. Because how did she know that she could trust him? How did she know he wouldn't turn around in a week and sleep with someone else? She didn't, so keeping the new relationship quiet was probably her way of protecting herself. "So...so we're keeping this a secret?"

Sirius grinned and leaned in to her, saying, "I think that's best," before tilting his head downwards with a mischievous look on his face, telling her to kiss him.

And so she did.

When they pulled away, Riley found herself staring at Sirius intensely, unable to turn away. Her eyes widened in mock surprise, a shy smile creeping on to her face.

"What?" Sirius asked awkwardly when he noticed her staring at her.

"I just…I just can't believe this is happening," she explained with a shrug. "I mean, yesterday if someone had told me I'd be in an empty hallway kissing…well, _you_, I would have laughed hysterically in their face and probably do so for the next few hours. It's just...it's so weird."

"How is that weird? I kiss in an empty hallway almost every day," Sirius teased, winking playfully at her. "It's like a daily ritual for me."

"One that better end after tonight!"

"Of course it won't," Sirius argued. "Because now it will be you that I'll be kissing in an empty hallway every day."

She blushed, smiling up at him. "Well, alright, if you insist," she said with a light chuckle.

"Oh, I do," he whispered, leaning in closer to her. "I definitely do." He let his lips dance lightly against hers, realizing how easy and right it felt to be doing so.

When they pulled apart, Riley gave him a shy smile, surprised at her new bashful attitude. "Y'know, this could look a little suspicious if anyone walked by," Riley pointed out.

He grinned. "I think I know a few empty classrooms around."

"Just what I was thinking," Riley whispered.

"I'll meet you in the dungeons in five minutes," he hissed, brushing the back of his fingers against her cheek lovingly. "I'll tell the guys we're going to work on our project."

Riley grinned. "You're brilliant."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

Riley gave him a look.

"Okay, I never get that."

Riley laughed. "I'll see you soon." She kissed him briefly before rushing down the stairs, away from him.

He stood frozen on the spot as he watched her disappear. He couldn't believe that that had just happened. He couldn't believe that Riley came back for him. He had dreamt of this day for so long but never thought it was possible. He knew that things wer going to be different this time around. _He _was going to be different this time around. He couldn't disappoint. He needed to prove to her, even himself, that he was in this for the long haul. He just hoped that she would really listen to her heart like she said she would and let him be able to prove that.

WHen Sirius found the ability to move, he opened the door to his room and poked his head inside. "Hey guys, Gilmore and I are going to go work on our project."

He was met with shocked looks from Peter and Remus. "Uh…come again?" Peter asked, his voice uneasu.

"We're going to work on our project," he repeated nonchalantly.

Silence filled the room. Sirius tried suppressing a smile, amused by his friends' utter mystification. "But…I mean…how…I'm confused," Remus stuttered with a whimper, sharing a befuddled glance with Peter. "When Riley walked in here earlier she wanted to murder you with her bare hands and probably would have done so if it weren't for that whole being locked up in Azkaban thing and now…now you're going to go work on your project together?"

Sirius hesitated, pretending to think it over. "Murder with bare hands, didn't want to be locked up in Azkaban, now working on project," he mused, ticking them off with his fingers. He shrugged. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Just to clarify, there will be no murder tonight?"

"Not by us," Sirius responded. "However there's always some blood shed at the Slytherin House if you want to go try there."

"But Riley won't be killing you tonight?" Remus repeated.

Sirius glared at him. "_No_."

"Dammit!" Remus cried, handing five galleons over to Peter.

Sirius gave them a confused look. "What the hell was that?"

"I bet five galleons to Peter that we'd find you dead, or hexed into a semiconscious state, outside our door."

Sirius blinked. "Well, gee, I'm glad you care about me."

"I _do _care. And if I can make some money off of you, I'd care even more."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, on that note," he snorted. "I'm heading to the library."

"You only have like forty minutes left until class," Peter pointed out.

"Plenty of time."

"With you and Riley fighting, it'll be like five minutes of actual work," Remus pointed out.

Sirius suppressed a smile. "We're not fighting."

"Yeah, I'm denying that fact since I lost five galleons because of it," Remus muttered in annoyance.

"That'll teach you to bet on your friends."

"Well, I figured you'd be dead!"

"You sound so broken up about that."

"I am broken up. I just lost five galleons."

"I'm going to go now."

"I'm going to wallow now."

"Have fun."

"You too."

Sirius shut the door and descended the stairs as Remus pouted on his bed and Peter went back to his reading.

After a few minutes had passed, Peter lifted his head out of his book with a confused look on his face. "Padfoot didn't have any books with him."

Remus paused. "It's because he knew they'd be fighting."

"You're not getting your five galleons back."

"Damnit!"

* * *

Sirius crept down the dark, dingy stairwell into the dungeons. Only one dungeon was ever used and it was for Potions class. There were about 5 other dungeon rooms down a dark, dimly lit hallway and behind a supposedly sealed gated door that very few people knew about. Of course, Sirius Black knew they were there. He and James had stumbled across them back as unsuspecting twelve-year-olds when they were running away from Apollyon Pringle and his mangy cat (a cat that was about three meows away from his deathbed). All you had to do was tell a joke to the gate and voila, it would open. Those dungeons were the perfect spot for a clandestine meeting of any sorts. Even secret relationships.

Riley was waiting eagerly beside the gate when Sirius ventured down the dusty stairwell. A smile broke out across his face when he saw her chatting with the gate.

Sirius brushed his lips against her cheek and said to the gate, "What did the merman say when he ran into a wall?"

The gate pretended to look puzzled. "Hm, I do not know, m'boy! Please enlighten me!"

"Dam!" Sirius said with a grin.

Riley groaned as the gate reluctantly opened. "That's the best you could do?"

He chuckled, gesturing her into the gated dungeons. "Oh, sorry, should I have made it a merwoman?" he teased, shutting the gate behind them.

She shot him a look. "You mean should you have made it a ditzy merwoman who apparently can't stop herself before swimming into a dam's wall?" she smirked. "No, let's keep it at merman."

He found himself smiling down at her, an overwhelming emotion of nostalgia rushing over him. Their playful banter was a reminder of the witty conversations they used to hold with each other two years earlier. It was encouraging to know that maybe they could return to the friendship they used to have. Maybe they could find their way back to each other.

"Sirius?"

He broke away from his thoughts, quirking an eyebrow. "Sorry, spaced out there," he winced, his nostalgic smile growing. "And p.s., it's strange to hear you say my first name."

She couldn't tell you why, but for some reason that made her blush. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shrugged, steering her into one of the dungeons with a window. A small window, but at least it was a window. "I was half expecting to come wandering down to the dungeons to find you had changed your mind. Or...or re-changed your mind, I guess. I was expecting it to all be a dream."

She had considered it. She thought that she still had a five minute window where she could bail. And she probably would have if she wasn't reminded of their heated kisses they had shared. Her head may be conflicted with her heart, but her lips certainly weren't. It was obvious they had chemistry together. And she wanted to see where that chemistry could lead them.

She shook her head, immediately leaning over to kiss him. It was a sweet kiss, no longer than a few seconds. And yet it provided Sirius with so much comfort. "I'm really glad we're doing this," he said hesitantly, transforming a broken photo frame that had been perched up against the stone wall into a blanket for the two of them. He laid it out on the ground and took her hand in his, guiding her to the floor.

She smiled, leaning back into his manly arms. "Talk to me, Sirius," she whispered.

"About what?"

She hesitated, slowly glancing up to meet his curiously content gaze. "Everything," she said softly, intertwining her fingers with his. "I want to know everything."

"We only have thirty minutes until class."

"Hm, maybe we should just spend this time snogging then."

Sirius couldn't help but laugh, burying his lips in her soft hair. "How about I start with a thank you."

"Thank you?" she asked curiously. "For what?"

"For giving me a second chance," he said matter-of-factly, resting his cheek against her hair. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you."

She frowned hesitantly, slowly shaking her head. "We deserve to be happy, Sirius," she said softly. "And I think I'm finally beginning to realize that the reason I've been so unhappy for so long is because you weren't in my life. And as much as I claimed that that was the way things were meant to be, I-I can't remember the last time I felt this happy. So I think I should be the one thanking you."

"What? For what?"

She smiled, twisting around in his arms to face him. "For forcing me to give you a second chance."

"Oh, gee, glad that I can _force _you to be happy," he teased.

"No," she whispered. "That part doesn't need to be forced. Not now. Not when I'm with you."

His smile brightened up his face as he pressed his forehead to hers. "So how about that whole snogging thing you suggested?"

"I'm already a step ahead of you," she whispered as she pressed her lips hungrily against his.

* * *

Kay and Riley sauntered to breakfast the next morning, laughing about the latest Hufflepuff gossip. "Oh yeah because Hannah really looked six months pregnant, right?" Kay laughed.

"I know," Riley snorted. "I mean, come on, she's always been that fat."

Kay laughed and slid beside Remus at the table, stifling a yawn. "Hey guys."

Riley sat across from them, sneaking a quick peek at Sirius who was smiling into his oatmeal. She didn't dare look him in the eyes in fear of bursting into amused laughter. She busied herself with a scone instead.

"So what's on the agenda for the next three days before break?" James asked.

"Work," Riley grumbled.

"Yeah, we still have our project to finish," Sirius pointed out, glancing furtively at Riley. "I guess we'll be spending a lot of our free time working on it this week considering it's due when we get back from break and we haven't gotten much of it complete."

"Oh, lucky me. Spending my time working on Advanced Transfiguration with…well, with _you_," Riley grumbled, trying to suppress a grin.

"Oh, like this is a picnic for me," Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes.

Remus sighed, glancing over at Riley. "You couldn't have killed Sirius yesterday just to end this feud?"

"You're not getting your money back, Moony," Peter chimed in.

"Money?" James asked, confused.

"I bet Peter five galleons that Riley was either going to kill or hex Sirius yesterday afternoon," Remus explained. "It apparently backfired. Merlin knows how."

Sirius and Riley finally shared a cautious look, both choosing to remain silent on the matter.

"What did you even do, Sirius?" Kay asked curiously. Remus had informed her in Potions yesterday the fury that reigned in Riley's eyes when she sought Sirius out.

"It's nothing," Riley responded on his behalf. "It's resolved. Let's move on."

There was slight panic in her voice, but her eyes showed enough assertion that her friends knew enough not to interrogate. "Wow, didn't realize you two knew what a resolution even was," Remus teased.

Riley shrugged. "Believe me," she said slowly. "We didn't either." _Who knew that the resolution would actually be a relationship_?

"So where's Lily?" Peter asked Kay, changing the subject, as he dug into his scrambled eggs.

Kay shrugged. "How should I know? I haven't seen her since…well I guess since class yesterday."

Both Sirius and James groaned inwardly, both thinking it was their fault she wasn't there. In this case, James was right. Sirius had momentarily forgotten, and understandably so, about the things he had screamed at her the morning before. But just because he was now happy with Riley didn't change the fact that he was rude to her and probably needed to apologize.

"Is she in her room?" Remus asked James, who was too busy thinking about the look on her face when he left the day before to pay attention to Remus' question.

When he didn't answer, Remus poked him on the shoulder. "Yo, James!"

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Was Lily in her room this morning?"

He shrugged. "How should I know? It's not as if I keep tabs on her. And why does it matter anyway?"

"Well, when was the last time you didn't see Lily Evans at breakfast?" Remus pointed out, getting a laugh from everyone else.

"Maybe she overslept," he argued, shrugging.

"Or maybe she's avoiding you because she's hoping to not get slapped again," Sirius said, grinning slyly.

_Or kissed_. James scowled. "That was an accident! Why do people keep focusing on that?"

"Uh, because you slapped a girl," said Riley, quirking an amused eyebrow.

"_Accidentally_."

"It's still amusing."

"I'm pretty sure Lily doesn't think so," Remus chimed in. While his friends broke out into laughter, James could only frown. He prayed that someone would change the subject.

Thank God for the Owl Post.

"Oh _no_," Riley groaned, putting her head in her hands.

"What?" Remus asked.

"You see that huge, over-the-top, pretentious, brightly colored bird?" Riley muttered pointing to the bird that clearly stood out above the rest, of which everyone was staring at and pointing at in the room.

"Yeah," he replied with a shrug. "So?"

"That's my grandmother's bird," she complained as it swooped down to her, dropping off a very elegant-looking letter. "Oh God, what the hell does that old hag want now?" she murmured, ripping open the letter and ignoring the pecking of her grandmother's bird for food.

"So, you and your grandmother are close, hm?" Peter said sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, super close. We're great pals."

Remus snickered. "Why don't you like her?"

"It's not that I don't like her," Riley muttered, glancing up from the letter. "It's just that…well she…it's complicated…and she's always…yeah, okay, I don't like her."

They all laughed and she returned to reading the letter, groaning constantly with a few grunts and sighs here and there. James received the _Daily Prophet_, nothing much there to report, as the others chatted about their holiday plans.

At the end of the letter, Riley balled it up and threw it into the pitcher of pumpkin juice. "Good Godric, I hate her," she snapped.

"Hope none of you wanted pumpkin juice," Remus murmured.

Riley shot him a look. "Gran is forcing me to have tea with her on Christmas Eve. It's Christmas Eve, a time to be with _family_, and she's making me spend it with her."

James snickered. "She _is _family."

"Oh, technicalities," she murmured, throwing a piece of bacon at him, which he gladly put in his mouth. "I spend every Christmas with her and I see her at that stupid Auror New Years Eve ball. Is that not enough?"

"No apparently, she's slowly trying to take over your life and she's doing it by—GASP—having _tea _with you!" Kay overdramatized sarcastically.

"She is trying to take over my life," she agreed wit ha whine. "She's been trying to take over my life since before I was even born."

Kay blinked and turned towards the others. "Apparently she failed to notice the sarcasm."

"Oh, I noticed, I just chose to ignore it," Riley smirked. She groaned again and started banging her head on the table. "Gran ruins every holiday."

"Like what?" Remus asked.

"Like Christmas and…and New Years Eve!"

Remus gave her a curious look. "And?"

Riley paused. "And now my Christmas Eve."

"And that's called ruining every holiday?" Sirius snickered.

"This coming from the guy who considers Christmas three holidays in one."

"It is three holidays in one," Sirius protested, his eyes lighting up. "First and most important, there comes the presents. And as a perfect segue, I hope you all glanced over my list. I'm only accepting gifts off my list this year."

"Guess it's no gifts for you then," James snorted.

Sirius ignored him. "And second, with Christmas comes the endless amounts of delectable food. I will be overweight on December 26th but it will be worth it. And last but certainly not least, there's _mistletoe._"

The guys couldn't help but laugh while Riley and Kay took the time to roll their eyes.

"And you know what mistletoe means: lots and lots of gorgeous girls standing under it just waiting to be kissed. Enter moi." While he wanted to be completely faithful to Riley, he was still expected to play the role of the perverted prat in the company of his friends. When he glanced up, he saw amusement in her eyes.

"You're sad and pathetic," James murmured.

"This coming from the guy who has yet to buy Kristina her Christmas gift."

"Well what the hell do you give a girl who has frickin' everything?"

Sirius grinned and winked. "I can think of a few things."

James furrowed his brow, glaring at him. "Okay from now on, stay away from my girlfriend."

"But-"

"And if I dare see you hovering over her with mistletoe, don't think I won't hex you," James warned with a teasing grin on his face.

Sirius pouted. "You ruin everything."

"Well join the 'You Ruined Everything And I Hate you for Doing So and Therefore I'm Banning Christmas' Club," Riley muttered.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You think I'd ban Christmas? There _are_ still presents, you know."

"And now one less."

"Oh, you never gave me anything anyway."

"Oh, right."

"However, please go ahead and take a look at my list and if you just so happen to be strolling through Hogsmeade and you just so happen to spot one of the items I have placed on your-"

"I burned that list the moment you gave it to me," Riley interrupted.

He gasped. "I put effort into that list!"

"About the only thing you put effort into anymore," Remus snorted, giving his friend a withering look. "Did you ever think that all of that time you spent on research and hand-writing six wish lists could have been better put to use on studying?"

Sirius furrowed his brow. "That wasn't an actual suggestion, was it?"

Remus laughed and shook his head. "You're right. What was I thinking?"

Another round of laughter followed, and before Sirius could delve into another conversation about the gifts he expected for Christmas, Riley returned to ranting about her grandmother.

"Merlin, I can't believe I'll have to deal with Gran three times during my break. More if she feels the need to drop in unannounced. I thought break was supposed to be relaxing and entertaining," Riley groaned, rubbing her eyes in aggravation. "And _you_!" she accused, pointing her finger at James.

He held up his arms in innocence. "I didn't do anything!"

"You are not coming home a.k.a. not coming to the Auror Ball forcing me to make small talk with a bunch of Ministry men and their bloody sons, which will unfortunately lead to endless amounts of waltzing when my grandmother does her stupid manipulative matchmaking, not realizing that the only thing on those twenty-year old entrepreneurs' mind is sex. And at the end of the night, do you know who I'm going to blame for this? Not Gran, but you!" she cried, pointing her finger directly in his face with a pouting look on her face. "Because I will not have your room to run to in the beginning of the night to hide out from everyone, including her!"

"You'll have Fabian," James pointed out.

"Yes, but Fabian doesn't know of our 'Hide from the Aurors' ritual and it would be really hard to explain it to him now without it being really complicated," she groaned.

"Oh, I assure you, it already sounds complicated," Remus snorted, shaking his head incredulously.

"And here's a thought," Kay interjected. "Why don't you just tell your parents and your grandmother that you don't want to go the ball?"

All eyes were on Kay now, especially the shocked ones from Riley and James. Riley blinked twice before patting Kay on the arm and saying, "Ohhh, how I wish it was that easy."

"Well, why isn't it?" Peter asked.

"Because if your parents or your grandparents or your uncles or aunts or cousins or mother's hairdresser's best friend's father's illegitimate _son _is an Auror or a high-end Ministry official, you're expected to be there. And if you don't show, it's the scandal of the century. I _have _to go or my grandmother will personally have me beheaded."

"Please tell me that your mother's hairdresser's best friend's father's illegitimate son isn't an Auror," Kay snickered.

In all seriousness, Riley replied, "He isn't anymore. Mr. Pontellier just changed his profession in order to pursue his dream of singing, but he still is highly respected as an-"

"I was kidding," Kay quickly interrupted.

"I wasn't."

"Wait, Mr. Pontellier is an _illegitimate_ son? Grayson isn't his real father?" James asked, his eyes wide and anxious.

Riley grinned and shook her head. "Nope."

"Oh my God, who's his biological father?" James practically shrieked.

Riley leaned over and whispered, "You know Professor Dupris at Beaxbatons?"

"_Him_? No way!" James cried out. "He's so old and stiff-looking!"

Riley nodded with a grin on her face. "Apparently Tyra goes for that thing."

"Oh my god!" James cried out in shock. "How did you find this out?"

"A distant cousin, who attends Beauxbatons, claimed that one of her friends overheard a conversation between the Headmaster and Professor Dupris about it a few weeks ago and it's been the hit scandal around the school ever since. It hasn't quite reached the papers yet but I'm betting the truth will leak out at the Ball when everyone's wasted and on New Years Day the headlines will be posted _everywhere_."

"I can't believe you didn't tell me this until _now_!" James hissed.

"I can't believe I have no clue what you're talking about," Kay interrupted, with neither James nor Riley paid any attention to.

"Is Mr. Pontellier going to the Ball?" James asked.

"He has to! If he doesn't, it will be an even bigger scandal," Riley pointed out.

James leaned back in his seat with a look of satisfaction on his face. "Wow. Now I wish I was going home for Christmas just to be there when this all goes public."

"You know what I wish?" Kay interjected. "That I had a clue about what you two were talking about."

"Okay, okay, moving on," James snickered. He turned back to Riley and gave her a stern look. "But you will definitely have to give me details later."

"Oh I will," Riley agreed. "Gossiping about the Auror world is what I do best. Especially because Gran hates petty gossip and it's fun to annoy her. Besides, after Christmas Eve, I'll need something to get her back for."

They all laughed as Remus asked, "Riley, why don't you just reply back to your grandmother that you have a prior engagement on Christmas Eve and can't make tea with her?"

Riley laughed. "Yeah, right. My grandmother doesn't ask me if I'd like to join her for tea. She _tells _me. If I don't show up, she would definitely behead me." She sighed and groaned again. "Nope, I'm stuck spending two hours with that horse on Christmas Eve as she continues to lecture me about how I'm going to fail at life if I don't get engaged by the time I graduate."

"Jeez, this woman sounds so delightful," Peter snickered.

"You're telling me," Riley murmured, slumping down in her seat in irritation. "And then after she lectures me, she is going to be asking me if I'm in a relationship yet with one of her well-endowed, rich, handsome, rich, respectable, _rich_ bachelors that she has chosen for me!"

"Yeahhh…can you possibly let her know that I'm tired of receiving letters from her headlined 'Urgent: Dump Kristina Reinhart and Marry My Granddaughter,'" James snickered.

Riley shot him a look. "I have problems of my own, you know."

He laughed.

Riley let out an annoyed sigh and continued, "And the worst part is that I'll have to find some way of lying to my bloody grandmother about not being in a relationship, and that woman can tell if I'm lying from a mile away. She's like a bloody Nazi, I swear!"

"Jeez, this woman could be the Queen of England!" Peter snickered.

"Don't put any ideas in her head," Riley murmured.

Meanwhile, James, Kay, and Remus were exchanging confused looks. "But Riley…you're not in a relationship," Kay pointed out slowly.

"What?" Riley questioned, confused.

"You said you'd have to lie about not being in a relationship. But that wouldn't be lying," Remus clarified. "You did say this morning that you and Rhett broke it off yesterday, right? Without details, by the way, which I believe some of us would like."

Riley sat there dumbfounded, ignoring his last comment and avoiding all eye-contact with Sirius who was looking a bit frenzied at that point. Riley let out a nervous laugh. "Uh...right. I guess I don't have to lie."

James offered her a sympathetic smile. "Rhett's an ass," he murmured. "I'm sorry."

Riley shrugged. "I'm not," she argued. "It's in the past, right?"

"Yeah, in the very near past," Kay pointed out, quirking an eyebrow. Considering just a week ago, Riley was singing Rhett's praises, she was confused why Riley seemed to be so blasé about the whole situation.

"Still in the past," she argued.

"Well, what happened between you two?" Kay asked.

"We just weren't meant to be in a relationship," Riley said, getting increasingly frustrated. Not that she could blame her friends for wanting to know.

"Yeah, I mean, let's face it. Gilmore in a relationship?" Sirius chimed in, obviously willing to play rescuer. "The idea is laughable. Unless of course a relationship is defined as hopping into bed with the next appropriate fuck buddy that walks by."

"Wow. Then you've certainly been in thousands of relationships," Kay snickered.

"Yep and damn proud of it," Sirius grinned, winking at a passing Ravenclaw, much to Riley's annoyance.

"You disgust me," Kay replied.

"I get that a lot," he snickered, grabbing another muffin from the plate. "Hey, after eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?"

James stopped his fork midway to his mouth, Remus and Peter slowly turned their heads to stare incredulously at Sirius, Riley stopped panicking about Kay's questions, and Kay stopped wondering about Rhett and Riley. "Let me do the honor," James finally broke the silence, reaching out and slapping Sirius on the back of the head.

"OW!" he cried, rubbing his head, but thankful the subject was changed. "Is that a no?"

* * *

"So…relationship, huh?" Sirius whispered in Riley's ear when they managed to stray behind the rest of the crowd walking to class.

"What?" Riley asked confused.

Sirius dragged her into an empty storage closet, shutting the door behind her. "The letter from your grandmother. You said you'd have to lie and tell her you weren't in a relationship," Sirius explained, kissing her gently on her neck. "I'm just assuming you construed this to be a relationship."

Riley quirked an eyebrow. "Well, what would you call it then?"

Sirius laughed and looked her in the eye, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I'd call it a relationship," he whispered.

Riley stared at him in amazement and awe, a smile creeping on to her lips. "Good. I was hoping you'd see it my way."

"_Your _way?" Sirius chuckled. "Yesterday I had to practically convince you I was the right guy for you!"

"Hm…I must have been confounded at the time," Riley teased, kissing him gently on the lips.

"Hardy har har."

"I am quite funny, aren't I?"

"If by funny you mean funny-looking, then yes, I agree with you one-hundred percent—OW!" Sirius cried when Riley hit him in the back of his head. "Okay, I want out of this relationship."

"Too late. I own you," Riley kidded, laughing evilly.

"I'll give you lots of presents," Sirius bribed.

"I want a pony."

"I thought you turned eighteen on your birthday, not _eight_," Sirius teased. "And wasn't that photo I gave you enough?"

Riley realized that Sirius still had that photo somewhere in his room. "Was it a photo of a pony? _No_," Riley pouted. "By the way, I want that back."

"Oh, sure, you practically chuck it at me and now you're begging for it back," Sirius drawled sardonically. "How rude."

"I can get ruder," she whispered in his ear, lightly nipping at his ear with her teeth.

Sirius quirked an intrigued eyebrow. "How rude we talking?"

A suggestive smirk spread across her lips. "_Very rude_," she whispered, pressing her lips vehemently against his.

"I could definitely get used to this," Sirius moaned between succulent kisses. "I may not be able to give you a pony, but I can definitely give you more of this," he whispered, slipping his tongue smoothly into her swollen lips.

She kissed him back and said, "Deal."

He grinned, pressing his lips to hers again. "I knew I had the power in this relationship," he teased.

Riley tersely stepped back from him, giving him a look.

Sirius paused. "I'll go look for a pony."

* * *

**A/N**: Well chapter over and now you have a somewhat sense of the relationship between Riley and Sirius. Not a lot, but that's coming up. And I put in the Rachael scene because she becomes an important character in the sequel. I know you're all a bit annoyed that James has yet to dump Kristina and get with Lily but like I said before, James is just a moron. He has to have someone basically TELLING him what to do or he won't do it. He likes to stay with the easy route and besides, he thinks it wouldn't last with Lily anyway. He has a very skewed sense of reality if you hadn't noticed. James and Lily will get together in their own time, don't you worry. Please review!


	36. Of Apologies, Deja Vu, & Family Drama

**A/N:** Okay I'm back! Sorry this took so long to update-I've had one hell of a week with papers and exams so I haven't had a lot of time for fanfiction. Sorry! Okay to comment on your reviews: first of all, yay for Sirius and Riley! One couple down, one couple to go...well, that may take a while, haha. Sorry that there wasn't much of Lily in that last chapter. I left her out of a chapter to show that she's hiding out in her room. She's avoiding the holiday talk and avoiding James, obviously. There isn't going to be Lily/James interaction for the next few chapters because they're avoiding each other so sorry if that disappoints you. However, other things make up for it (like Sirius and Riley!). And Lily IS going to be in the next few chapters-just not much outside her room. Sounds boring, but believe me, it isn't. And when Lily and James eventually DO interact, you guys will have LOVED the wait! It's intense. Okay and Remus and Kay-JUST FRIENDS. Nothing is going on between them and nothing ever will. Naturally, Kay is still pining over Lance-it's only been a month since they've broken up. Remus and Kay are just REALLY good friends! Okay, I hope that answers all of your questions.

**Disclaimer: **Do I look British and rich and someone that has written a series of seven books? I don't think so!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 36: Of Apologies, Deja-vu, & Family Drama

* * *

_Knock, knock._

Lily slowly climbed out of bed, shoving all of the old photographs of her family under her blankets and under her bed in hopes to hide it all.

She creaked the door open slowly and stuck her head out. "Oh. Sirius. Hey. What are you doing here?" she asked curiously.

He gazed at her guiltily, a grimace on his face. "I-I…er…well, I'm here to apologize."

Lily stared blankly at him, trying to think back to what Sirius might have done. "For what?"

"Look, I didn't—wait, what?" he cried out in confusion, staring at her incredulously. "What do you mean for what?"

"Er…I mean, what are you apologizing for?" Lily repeated, struggling harder to find anything that he would have to apologize as nothing sprang to mind. Granted, she's been focusing solely on her family (and actively avoiding thinking about James) for the past 24 hours.

Sirius stared at her in disbelief for an uneasy amount of time. "But…aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"But…wasn't that why you weren't at breakfast this morning?"

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. "I wasn't at breakfast because I woke up late," she lied.

"But…but you never wake up late."

"There's a first for everything," Lily explained, shrugging, trying not to look as awkward as she felt.

"And you always go to breakfast."

"Again, there's a first for everything."

He stared at her intensely and crossed his arm accusingly. "You're hiding something."

Lily rolled her eyes and leaned against her doorframe. "And what would _I _have to hide?" she asked, trying not to laugh. She was only hiding the fact that she and James kissed, she was no longer speaking to him because of his actions, and that she was deeply saddened that her parents were dead and she was living in an orphanage. But somehow, saying that to Sirius wouldn't exactly be effective.

He shrugged. "I don't know. But you are. I can tell."

"I'm just feeling a bit anxious for break," she muttered, a blatant lie. "Now, if you don't mind, I have work-"

"Oh, don't play the 'I have work to do' card on me, Miss Lily-bean," Sirius quickly interrupted, shaking his head. "Except for class, you have been holed up here for the past 24 hours and that can't be good for you. You are going to exhaust yourself into a frenzy if you don't take a break with me. Perfection shouldn't come at a price."

"Perfection?" she snorted, giving him a look of disdain. "I'm far from perfect, Sirius." As Sirius looked slightly surprised at her retort, she was reminded of all the secrets she was hiding right underneath her bed at that moment. She wasn't perfect at all; she probably had more secrets than any of her friends combined.

"You are definitely hiding something," Sirius finally uttered, realizing that he had hit a nerve with her.

"Did you only come here to apologize? Or was there something else you wanted?" Lily asked, in hopes of getting rid of him.

"Well, I…I only came to apologize but since you are obviously going through short-term memory loss, then I guess I can go."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle. "What were you apologizing for, Sirius?"

"Ohhh, no, if you can't remember, that's your loss! I'm not about to get into trouble with you again for reiterating the harsh things I said to you yesterday," Sirius replied, quickly groaning. "Dammit!"

"Oh that," Lily cringed guiltily, completely putting his offensive words in the back of her mind because of what has been happening lately with James. "Sirius, I was prying into something I shouldn't have. You shouldn't be apologizing, Ishould be."

He gave her a sly grin. "Go on, I'm listening."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Good-bye, Sirius."

"That doesn't sound like an 'I'm sorry' to me."

"_Good-bye, Sirius_," she repeated with a laugh, pushing him away from her.

"Eh, I guess that's as close as an apology I'm going to get."

"BYE SIRIUS!" she cried out, turning around and walking back into her room, shutting the door in his face.

"So should I come back for the apology later?" he cried out loudly.

Lily found herself chuckling, grateful for the brief moment of entertainment that Sirius had provided to her. As she turned back around to head towards her bed once again, another knock was heard upon her door. She sighed, thrusting it open with a pout. "Do you not know the meaning of the word good-bye?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, but I had another question for you."

She sighed. "Well, get on with it."

He pursed his lips curiously, his eyes focusing in on her skeptically. "Yesterday morning, you had said virtually the same thing about not being perfect. Something about being trapped in a fake world of perfection, am I right?"

She stiffened, wishing she had just kept her mouth shut. "Er...I guess I may have said something along those lines."

He nodded his acknowledgement but remained silent, clearly trying to find the right words to say next. "You said I was angry and resentful because of my past and then you said you felt sorry for me in thinking that I was alone in feeling that way, am I right?"

"Sirius, where are you going with this?" she said a little too hastily.

Once again, he fell silent. He didn't want to come on too strong and yet there was so much about Lily Evans he realized he knew nothing about. Things he could guarantee she was hiding. "You were right," he eventually said, his words meticulous and yet gentle. "About everything you said. Just because I brush off my past and I pretend that I'm fine with the way things are now, it doesn't change the fact that it happened. That the family I grew up with disowned me and basically threw me out on to the street to fend for myself. My life has...well, it hasn't been easy. I do have a lot of bottled up anger and resentment. How could I not, right?"

"Is the question part of this coming soon?" she murmured, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

He slowly shook his head. "Not quite," he urged. He continued. "Every single person I've met or dealt with has brushed off my past like it's nothing, probably because they thought that's what I wanted. And yet you...you stood there relaying my biggest insecurities and fears that have developed because of my past straight to my face, not caring how it would affect me. You-"

"It's not that I didn't care," she reassured hastily. "It's that I know what-" she halted, keeping herself from admitting the truth.

"It's that you know what it feels like," he finished, his words soft with vulnerability.

"You still have yet to ask me a question, Sirius," she responded, forcing a fake smile upon her face.

He stared at her hesitantly, his eyes trying to get a read on her. "You know what question I want to ask," he eventually retorted with a curt shrug. "But I won't ask it if you don't want me to."

She had never been so grateful to someone than she did at that moment. She felt a relieved sigh escaping her lips. He could have badgered her about her childhood and about her past, but he was leaving it up to her. "We...we all have our secrets, right?" she murmured, turning away from his curious stare.

"I don't," Sirius argued, shrugging. "My past is pretty much an open book. I may not talk about it, but I'd rather people know of the adversaries I've overcome to become the Black I am than the Black I could have become."

Lily's eyebrow slowly rose. "No secrets, hm?" she said with a teasing grin. "Then tell me, whatever happened between you and Riley two years ago?"

He hesitated. "Okay, I have one secret."

"And what about what you, Peter, and Potter do during Remus' full moon transformations?"

"Fine, fine, _two _secrets."

Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"I won't bother you anymore," Sirius said with another shrug. "But I want you to know that...that if you ever just want to stop living in that fake world of perfection for just a moment, I'm here for you."

She glanced up at him, startled by the generous gesture. "Er...thank you, Sirius." And she meant it.

He whirled around to head out once again, but only got a few steps before he turned back around. "Don't hole yourself up in here for too long," he urged. "Being alone isn't all it's cracked up to be."

Before she could respond, he was gone.

* * *

"Is there really a point to having class just a few days before break?" Sirius muttered in clear annoyance, slumping down on an empty seat in the back of the room.

"Of course there's a point," James contradicted, sitting beside him.

Sirius gave them a look. "I mean besides to torture us."

"Oh…then no," James replied with a snicker.

"Isn't the Head Boy supposed to actually want to go to class?" Remus questioned, taking a seat in front of them and spinning it around to face his two friends.

James gave him a look. "You clearly don't know this Head Boy at all."

"Okay, all in favor of skipping and going to get drunk, say aye," Sirius suggested, raising his hand hopefully.

"It's ten o'clock in the morning," Remus pointed out.

Sirius shrugged. "And? What's the problem?"

"The problem is it's ten o'clock in the morning!"

Sirius shared a look with James. "I'm really not seeing the problem."

"Nor am I," James chimed in with an amused grin.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't know why I bother anymore," he murmured.

"Okay, how about you think about it when we're out at the bars drinking firewhisky," Sirius suggested again.

"I have a better idea," Remus argued. "We actually sit here and listen during class."

Sirius stifled a yawn, propping his feet up on the table in front of him. "I'm not sure how that can qualify as a better idea," he argued, shaking his head. "I never listened in class before. You're telling me I should start now, only two days before break?"

"Yes, that's what I'm saying," Remus agreed.

Sirius stared blankly at him. "I don't understand."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," Remus snickered. "Seriously, why do I bother anymore?"

"Because I'm awesome?"

"Your definition of awesome must differ greatly from mine."

"As long as my definition of awesome coincides with the ladies' definition, I could care less about yours," Sirius teased.

Remus groaned. "Why? Why do I bother with you anymore?"

"Is anyone else getting déja-vu?" James snickered.

"That depends," Sirius mentioned.

"On what?" Peter asked.

"On what the hell déja-vu means," Sirius replied.

James turned to Remus. "Remind me why we're still friends with him."

"He makes us look smart," Remus pointed out.

"Ahhh right," James agreed, high-fiving Remus.

"I think I was just insulted. Though I can't be sure," Sirius replied, leaning back in his chair with a cheeky grin.

"Yep, I'm definitely feeling smarter," Remus responded.

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Kay greeted, sitting across from the Marauders as Riley took a seat beside her. Lily hovered in the doorway before choosing to take a seat in the front of the room, away from her friends.

"Just being reminded how much smarter James and I are than Sirius," Remus replied.

"Well, that doesn't take much," Riley snorted, catching Sirius' eye with a furtive smile.

They all laughed, excluding Sirius, who just crossed his arms and pouted. "You all suck."

"That's the best you got? 'You all suck? Riley snorted. "This is just helping them prove their case."

Sirius scowled. "You suck most of all."

"Eh, somehow your opinion means very little to me," she said with a shrug.

"Okay, I'm going to bed. Wake me up when class is over," Sirius muttered through a stifled yawn.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you aren't copying my notes this time."

Sirius shrugged. "That's what I have James for."

James scoffed. "Who said I'd let you copy my notes?"

"Can I copy your notes?" Sirius asked.

"Of course," James replied with a shrug.

"How is he going to learn anything if he copies everything from you?" Remus hissed, giving James a look.

"Oh yeah, and if I didn't let him copy, he'd learn something?" James snorted.

Remus sighed. "I give up."

Kay patted Remus on the back defeatedly. "You should've done that six years ago."

"Tell me about it," Remus murmured with a chuckle.

An hour into class, Remus felt a tap on his shoulder, startling him from a nap he didn't realize he was taking. He made a face, thinking about how much of a hypocrite he was.

"Psst, Remus!" Sirius whispered.

"_What_?" he hissed back when he realized he was still in class and not on the beach with Naomi Campbell. He was getting tired of classes that were full of non-stop lectures about past lessons. He knew that the N.E.W.T.s were coming up, but he preferred to learn something new than revert back to information they had learned in previous years.

"Do you have a quill?" Sirius whispered.

Remus sat upright, gazing back at Sirius with a startled expression. He blinked a few times to make sure he had heard correctly. "What?" Remus blurted out. "_You_ want a _quill_? For what? It couldn't possibly be for taking notes."

Sirius pouted. "Now why is that so hard to believe? Maybe I really do care about Potions!"

Remus gave him a look. "We're in History of Magic class."

Sirius' head shot up, looking around the room in a frenzy. "What? When did we switch classes?"

Remus rolled his eyes, stifling a yawn. "We didn't switch classes. We were never in Potions today."

"But…I…how…wait, are you sure?"

"I'm the one that pays attention and you're asking me if I'm sure I wasn't in Potions today?" Remus asked.

"That would hold a lot more weight if you hadn't just been dozing off."

Remus scowled. "I was resting my eyes."

"Right, like I do in every class?" Sirius teased. "Now, would you mind letting me borrow a quill?"

"How can you come to class without a quill?" Remus groaned, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I forgot," Sirius said with a curt shrug. "Quill? Please?"

"For what?"

"For taking notes!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You really expect me to believe that?"

"You calling me a liar?" Sirius said in frustration, giving him a pointed look.

"Yep."

"You've always told me to apply myself and start actually paying attention! And when I finally _do _apply myself and start paying attention, you _don't _want me to apply myself and start paying attention? You're actually willing to hold me back from applying myself and paying attention?" Sirius asked.

Remus stared at him blankly. He shook his head. "I'm going to pretend like I understood that," he snorted. "C'mon, why do you really want the quill?"

"I want to apply myself and start paying attention!"

Remus gave him a look.

Sirius shrugged, a grin spreading across his face. "Or maybe it's because I have a really good idea for a prank and I don't want to forget it."

"That's what I thought," Remus said smugly, handing him an extra quill.

"What's the prank?" James whispered, writing furiously while attempting to listen to Sirius as well.

"Shh! Concentrate on my notes!" Sirius cried.

James rolled his eyes. Little did Sirius know that James wasn't paying attention to class. No, his gaze kept falling upon Lily in the front of the class. And the notes that James was supposedly taking was actually a list of things he had done to Lily over the years that she deserved an apology for. Not necessarily because he was planning on apologizing (she had made it pretty clear she didn't really want to talk to much at all if possible), but because he just really needed some clarification on exactly when things went so wrong between them.

And hopefully some clarification on where things could go for them in the future.

* * *

Lily had never dreaded anything more in her life. She and James were meeting in the library to finish up some last-minute paperwork and scheduling before the holidays and she wanted nothing more than to skip it. And normally she would have just let James off the hook from paperwork tasks and finish it all herself like she had become accustomed to over the past few months. She wasn't about to trust the biggest troublemaker in the school with the responsibility of heading the school. But tonight was different. They had met with Dumbledore after lunch that day and he had given them a list of tasks that needed to be finished before school readjourned in January. And it was a long list. As they trudged out of the office, both agreed they didn't want to have to do any of it over break and therefore, that resulted in the decision to meet that night in order to complete everything that was expected of them. Neither were looking forward to it. It was a full moon that night so James just prayed he got out of there quickly so he could join his friends. Lily just wished she was back in the comfort of her own bedroom.

Lily had already holed herself up in the back corner of the library by one of the windows, her books and notes arranged systematically on the table in front of her. She had already immersed herself in Potions recipes, Astronomy diagrams, wand techniques, and spell incantations. She finally, and grudgingly, moved on to the pile of prefect paperwork she had hauled with her.

"Hey."

Lily tensed, using a silent nod as her salutation over a spoken greeting. James slid into the empty seat across the round table and immediately pulled out his notebook and file folders. "Have you already-"

"I finished totaling the point increases and decreases and am now working on coinciding detention slips."

James nodded, a wave of disappointment surging through him. Every curt, indifferent word that came out of Lily's mouth just made James realize how much had really changed between them. "Okay," he muttered. "I'll put a schedule together starting in January for when the prefects should be patrolling the halls."

"Try not to pair yourself with Remus every time," Lily said hastily, lifting her gaze long enough from her notebook to give him a look. "The whole point of these rounds is to cut down on the trouble that has seemed to escalate in the evenings."

James rolled his eyes. "I wasn't planning on pairing myself with Remus _every_ time," he muttered. "But I am going to have to put my foot down when it comes to pairing with Snivellus."

"His name is Severus," Lily retaliated, her voice cool and irritable. "And that's fine by me. I'm pretty sure you and Severus would triple the amount of trouble that Dumbledore was referring to earlier. You can pair me with him at times."

James stiffened at that thought. He opened his mouth to say she could do better than hanging out with slimy gits like Snivellus Snape, but knew she would be angered by the comment. So he said instead, "Fine."

He glanced down at his watch and noted that he had roughly two hours before he, Sirius and Peter were intending to meet Remus down on the grounds.

They worked in silence for another hour, the time nearing curfew. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a shadow looming out along the grounds of the school. James didn't need to squint to know that it was Madame Pomfrey escorting Remus to the Whomping Willow. He inconspicuously gazed down at his watch again. Forty-five minutes.

"Remember that we have to decorate the Great Hall tomorrow morning," Lily said, interrupting his concentration. "The prefects are meeting us at seven o'clock."

James tore his eyes off the window. "You want to take the foyer and I'll take the Great Hall?"

She nodded. "I'll take the sixth years and you can take the seventh years. We can split the fifth years in half and delegate accordingly."

James nodded. "Sounds good." He thought back to the prefect meeting held before Halloween where arranging the decoration schedule had broken out into a horrible fight. Tonight, the arrangement took merely a minute. It depressed him slightly to think about. He almost wanted her to start yelling at him just to make it feel like old times.

Another stretch of silence followed, the scribbling of their quills and the occasional sigh the only form of noise. James' eyes instinctively landed on the hands of his watch. Thirty minutes.

"Gee, am I keeping you from something important?"

James jumped slightly. "What? No, of course not," he said hastily.

"Then why do you keep looking at your watch?" she asked dryly. "Am I boring you that much?"

"It's not you that's boring," James said, gesturing to the mound of paperwork in front of him.

She shrugged, her gaze stoic on the detention slips in front of her. "Unless you want to spend your Christmas break finishing up paperwork, get used to being bored," she muttered.

James hesitated. "How used to it should I get?"

Lily glanced up at him, confused. "What?"

He cringed. "Okay, maybe I do have something I need to get to," James explained with a curt shrug. "Just wondering how much longer we'll be here for."

She frowned. "What could you possibly have to get to at eleven o'clock on a Thursday night?" she protested, narrowing her eyes. "And if the word prank or girl comes out of your mouth next, don't think I won't smack you with this folder."

James knew it wasn't meant to be funny, but he cracked a smile anyway. "No," he reassured. "No pranks and no girls. Just…just need to be somewhere."

"What could be more important than your duties as Head Boy?" Lily asked, an annoyed crease forming between her eyes.

James pursed his lips guiltily. "I…I…" he trailed off, surreptitiously glancing over at the window.

She rolled her eyes. "Are you always this articulate?" she snorted.

James sighed. "Tonight's the full moon, Evans," he muttered.

Lily fell silent, her heart skipping a beat. "Oh."

"Yeah."

Lily frowned. "So where is it that _you _have to be?" she asked, skeptical.

"It's a Marauder tradition."

"Oh, well that answers my question," she drawled sarcastically, shooting a look at him.

James shrugged. "Sorry, I can't give much more than that," he cringed guiltily. "All I can say is that Sirius, Peter, and I are planning on meeting in the hospital wing in about twenty minutes." A lie.

Lily's frown deepened, recognizing the vagueness in his explanation. "I really don't mean to pry, but what good is it to Remus if the three of you are messing around in the hospital wing while he goes through what I can only imagine is an ugly transformation?"

A sigh escaped James' lips. He knew this wouldn't be easy but he was really hoping Lily would stop asking questions before she got herself in too deep. "It's a Marauder tradition, Evans," he muttered again. "I just…um…I mean, what can I say? We support each other even if we're not physically there. We stick by each other through the good times and the bad."

"Didn't realize the four of you recently got _married_," Lily drawled, suppressing the urge to smile.

James found himself grinning. "Sorry, but we're kinda a four-for-one deal. Last month when that wizards flu was going around, we all spent about two weeks in the hospital wing. Sirius got it first. I'm pretty sure he got it from Rachael. Then I got it. Then Peter. And last was Remus. But what's the fun in spending a boring night alone in the eerie hospital wing? It's a lot easier to take with your mates so we all snuck into the hospital wing. I guarantee that's probably why the rest of us got the flu."

Lily wasn't sure whether to be angry at them for breaking rules or be touched at the devotion each of them seemed to possess. "I was in the hospital wing for a night or two then. How come I didn't hear you guys?"

"It's called a silencing charm, Evans," James said with a smirk. "Believe me, Sirius is a pro at performing silencing charms. One guess as to why."

Lily shuddered. "One guess too many," she scoffed.

James snickered, leaning back in his chair. "We're meeting in twenty. Just wanted to-"

"That's fine."

James quirked a confused eyebrow. "What?"

Lily glanced down at the paperwork in front of her. She was nearly finished with her half of the work and as her eyes fixed on the mound of folders and schedules in front of James, she could tell he was, too. And honestly, she was impressed with James. Although she often found him arrogant and way too selfish, the close bond he had with his three male cohorts was undeniable. He could be a jerk to women and to Slytherins, but it was obvious that he'd never turn his back on the Marauders. And a part of that felt comforting to her. "I said it was fine. We don't have that much else to do. Go ahead and I'll finish this up."

"Oh," James said, surprised. "Are you sure?"

"Of course," Lily urged.

"Y'know, I'll be breaking a few school rules," he attempted to tease.

She merely shrugged. "I'll look the other way this time," she said casually.

"Wow, never thought you'd actually let me get away with breaking the rules. You have changed, m'friend," he said with a smile.

The quill in her hand froze as she met his gaze. Maybe it was the word 'friend' or maybe it was the way he believed that she had changed. Whatever it was, a flutter of nostalgia grew in her heart. But she quickly ignored it. "Maybe I'm just fine with you not being around," she retaliated with another shrug.

He frowned. "Oh."

"Now go before I change my mind."

James hesitated, slowly nodding. He didn't know why he was expecting such resistance from her, but he found himself slightly disappointed when she agreed so quickly to let him off the hook. He couldn't help but realize that he missed the quick, witty banter they used to share. It was better than this cold, distant nonexistent relationship they had fallen into. "Okay," he murmured.

Lily couldn't help but note that he sounded thwarted. Dismayed almost. She avoided eye contact with him as he started to gather his things. He placed his folder of information in front of her so she could finish it up and placed the rest of his things in his bag. He slowly stood up and slung that bag over his shoulder, frowning as his gaze fixated on the determined quirk in her eye, her focus on the pages in front of her. He opened his mouth to say something, _anything_, but found that his mind was blank.

He wasn't surprised when she didn't bother speaking up herself as he started to stride towards the library exit. Before he could get very far, he glanced over his shoulder and said for lack of anything better to say, "Thank you, Lily."

She stiffened at the sound of her first name on his tongue. She simply nodded. "Of course, Potter."

He frowned, sighing inwardly. "See you tomorrow morning."

"Yeah," she said softly. "See you then."

For the first time since he had succeeded in his Animagus transformation, he had no desire to stroll the grounds with the guys. All he wanted was to crawl into his bed and bury himself under his covers. He had really screwed things up with Lily. And he hated himself for it. Why did he have to go and kiss her? Not once but twice! What was going through his head during that time? And more importantly, what was going through his mind _now_? Because he couldn't for the life of him figure out what it is he was thinking when it came to Lily Evans. She remained a mystery to him.

He was slowly beginning to think that maybe that was just better for all involved. Because clearly trying to get to figure her out was not working out in his favor.

* * *

With only three nights left before Christmas Break, Christmas was all anyone could ever talk about. The Christmas trees had been brought to the Great Hall and adorned with ornaments with help from Hagrid and the prefects. Lily and James had successfully avoided each other during the decoration set-up. Lily had been in charge of the garland in the foyer while James ran the group of students in the Great Hall. In the end, the decorations looked great, even with the Head Boy and Head Girl on non-speaking terms. Remus attempted to draw out what had happened between them with very little luck. Whatever had happened after James accidentally slapped Lily seemed to be prohibited among everyone else.

Those last few days before Christmas happened to be a bit of a wreck for the Marauders and for Lily, Riley, and Kay. James was so confused about the Lily/Kristina situation that he chose to hole up in his room in order to avoid both Lily _and _Kristina, too guilty about what happened to face either one of them. He found himself finishing up homework that he normally would have put off until January. Sirius and Riley were sneaking around trying to hide their relationship from the public, which surprisingly turned out to be easier than they thought since everyone else happened to be preoccupied and even Sirius' usual fan club was too engrossed with the holidays to fawn over him for the time-being. Lily locked herself in her room, remembering the times she used to spend with her family leading up to Christmas. She remembered the night that the four of them would make hot chocolate and hang ornaments on their tree. When they were all done, Lily's father would hoist her onto his shoulders and let her put the angel on the tree. It was the idea that Lily would never be able to put the angel on the Christmas tree with her dad ever again that made her depressed around the holidays. It was the idea that Christmas had been ruined when she was eight-years-old and every year thereafter because of a drunk man falling asleep at the wheel that made her loathe the joy on everyone else's faces around the holidays. It was the idea that Christmas would never be the same that made her hate the holiday with a fiery passion.

While everyone else was hiding, Kay found herself spending more time with Remus and Peter because coincidentally they were the only two who she ever saw around anymore.

Kay pouted as she sat on the couch in between Remus and Peter for what felt like the hundredth time that week. "It's Friday night, I'm going home tomorrow, and I haven't hung out with my friends since Riley's party. What the hell is going on here?"

Remus yawned. "Something is going on with our friends that no one is telling us about, that's what," he muttered.

She frowned. "Yeah, I figured that one out for myself," she murmured. "I can understand Lily's active desire to avoid James after being smacked by him, but what I-"

"No, something else is going on with them," Remus interrupted, slowly shaking his head. "I tried asking James what had been said after the incident and he got totally flustered and thought it would be a good idea to talk about the weather we've been having. I'm telling you, something went down between them that they are hiding."

"Or avoiding," Peter chimed in.

"_And _avoiding," Remus agreed with a nod.

"What do you think happened?" Kay asked curiously.

"I haven't a clue," he responded with a stifled yawn. "But in all honesty, I don't rightly care at this point. I am so sick of their back and forth 'we hate each other,'now we can tolerate each other,'he's still an ass and she's still a priss,'okay, now we're really friends,' right back to 'not only do we hate each other but we aren't going to speak to each other at all if we can avoid it.' Those two may be the most frustrating people on the planet."

"I am going to have to wholeheartedly agree with you on that one," Kay murmured. "Although to be fair, it isn't just James that Lily seems to be avoiding. She's been nonexistent to all of us these past few days."

"Doesn't she always get like that before Christmas?" Remus asked curiously.

Kay nodded. "Yeah. She usually finds a quiet corner in this castle and buries herself in her studies so as to avoid whatever reason it is that she hates the holidays so much."

"Man, she's a pro when it comes to avoiding," Peter snorted, to which Kay couldn't help but nod. "So why exactly does she hate Christmas?"

"Beats me," Kay murmured. "She never talks about it. Refuses to actually. Riley and I gave up a long time ago trying to get answers from her. All I know is that she never goes home for it. Ever since her first year, she has remained at Hogwarts."

Remus hesitated curiously. "Does she ever really talk about her home life with you?"

Kay shook her head. "Very little if at all," she admitted.

Remus couldn't help but frown. It sounded like he and Lily Evans had a lot in common. He met Peter's gaze and knew that Peter was probably thinking the same thing. Remus couldn't remember the last time he mentioned his family. Every year Christmas came around, he typically spent it wherever James and Sirius did. "Interesting," he muttered, choosing to quickly change the subject before Kay delved on. "So any chance Riley, Sirius, and James are joining in Lily's 'Let's Ban Christmas' idea? Because I have yet to see them around much either." He flashed her a smile.

"Oh please, the day Sirius gives up multitudes of gifts and mistletoe is the day Lily resigns from Head Girl," Kay snorted with a cheeky laugh.

Both Remus and Peter joined in her laughter. "Valid point," Peter responded.

"For two people who supposedly hate each others' guts, Riley and Sirius seem to be spending an awful lot of time together recently," Remus mused.

"Yeah, because they both put off doing their Transfiguration project until last minute," Peter pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Like that's anything new."

Remus shrugged, having a feeling that once again his friends were hiding something. He recalled the venemous look on Riley's face on Wednesday when she had stormed into the guys' dorm to berate Sirius for doing Merlin knows what. And then suddenly, in a matter of minutes, everything seemed to be just fine with them. It didn't sit right with him.

Kay stifled a yawn. "I'm bored," she whined, changing the subject. "It's the Friday night before break and we are lounging around the common room like a bunch of pathetic loners. I want to do something rather than sit here."

Remus shrugged. If anyone should be frustrated with lounging around, it should be him considering he spent all afternoon the previous day just hanging out in the hospital wing. "Do you know what my Uncle Ichabod would say right now?"

"Why the hell did my parents call me Ichabod?" Peter responded.

"_No_," Remus argued, giving him a look. "He'd say we should go out and make our own fun!"

Kay paused. "But it's a hell of a lot easier if we wait for fun to come to us."

"Yeah, it keeps us young if we don't go running around this school frantically without a plan," Peter teased.

"No, it keeps you _lazy_," Remus corrected.

"Another reason why we should wait for fun to come to us," Kay reassured.

"You two are pathetic."

"On that note," Kay muttered, getting off the couch, "I'm going to go look for Lily…or Riley…or Alice...or pretty much anyone that isn't you two."

"Well gee, I feel so loved," Remus snickered.

"You should. You two are the only people I've been hanging out with for the past couple of days," Kay grumbled, grinning. "Catch you guys later?"

When she was out of earshot, Peter sighed and turned towards Remus. "Why haven't we seen much of Sirius and James around lately?" he asked curiously. It seemed that any time the four of them were together, it took only a few seconds before James was mumbling something about rushing off to study and Sirius made up some excuse to dash out as well.

"I've long given up trying to figure out those two headcases," Remus murmured, bitterness spewing from his words. It seemed that drama often followed his two friends around. He was starting to wonder if they welcomed drama. "But knowing them, my guess is James is cavorting off with Kristina and Sirius is in a private corner of this castle with Rachael."

Peter shook his head. "No. Last I heard, Rachael and Sirius had broken it off so I doubt he's with-"

"Wait, he and Rachael broke it off? Why was I never told about this?"

Peter frowned. "Honestly, that's what I'd like to know," he responded dryly. "I overheard Rachael telling Randy this morning."

"But why didn't Sirius tell us?" Remus contemplated, shaking his head in confusion. "He would usually come dancing into the room saying he was a free man and proceed to jump up and down on the bed with that goofy little grin of his, asking us which girl he should turn into his next conquest."

"I know. That's why I was surprised to hear about it from Rachael."

Remus' gaze fell upon Rachael in the corner of the room, clearly ignoring whatever conversation her friends were trying to hold. Shew as too busy staring out the window looking glum. "You know, for someone whose ground is always being worshiped, he's really a coward," he claimed slowly.

"What makes you say that?"

"He has never actually broken up with a girl outright," Remus explained with a shrug. "He's always found some way to manipulate them into doing it for him. Typically, he just runs off to hook up with some other girl actively looking to get caught. Or he ignores the girl the next day after hooking up with them hoping they'll take the hint."

"To be fair," Peter slowly said, "The girls that get involved with him should know what to expect. Sirius has made it pretty clear that he is not relationship material nor does he want to be."

Remus frowned. "Right," he murmured. "I guess considering he's never technically been in an actual relationship in his entire life, this is all just a rationalization."

Remus often speculated over Sirius' relationship habits, but that was probably because he didn't have, or want, his own relationship to speculate over. He had a feeling that Sirius wasn't entirely happen with his womanizing ways, but that it wasn't something he was planning on shunning anytime soon. Sirius seemed to never be satisfied with what was right in front of him and Remus couldn't help but wonder if that was merely because he had unrealistic expectations about what a relationship should be about.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

Lily groaned, stifling a yawn, as she climbed out of bed. That had been her third nap that day, mostly because the more she slept the more her situation with James and her parents' death strayed from her mind.

_Knock, knock_.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Lily muttered, walking leisurely over to the door. She slowly opened it and was surprised to find Kay standing there, with what looked to be an irritated look on her face. "Hey Kay. What's up?"

"Where the hell have you been these last couple of days?"

Lily gave her a curious look. "Uh…hi to you, too. Happy last day of classes."

Kay glared at her.

Lily noted her frustration and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry," she murmured. "And what do you mean where have I been? I've been around."

"Oh, gee, thanks for being specific," she drawled sarcastically. "You've been MIA this entire week."

"What are you talking about? I sit next to you in all of our classes," Lily pointed out.

"Yes, but you'd conveniently get to class right as class started, and then you'd conveniently be the first to get up and rush out of the room. So, yeah, I sit next to you, but we've barely spoken a word to each other since Riley's birthday party," Kay explained, crossing her arms bitterly. "You've avoided the Great Hall, you've appeared to have banned the Gryffindor common room, and you have even neglected to find solace in the library. You've been holed up in your room all week. What's going on?"

Lily knew she was right. She had been disappearing a lot lately, choosing to spend most of her time alone and without the comfort of her friends. But this shouldn't have come as a susprise to Kay. She did this every year around this time. "I've just been busy, Kay," she murmured, realizing just how stupid that sounded.

"Busy?" Kay drawled irritably. "Seriously? You're going to use that excuse?"

Lily tried not to look flustered as she blurted out, "I'm Head Girl, Kay. I have a lot of responsibilities that need to be taken care of. I can't just-"

"Oh don't give me the Head Girl excuse," Kay retaliated almost immediately.

"It's not an excuse, Kay," Lily explained, feeling slightly taken aback by the hostility in Kay's voice. "I'm sorry if I've been doing a bit of a disappearing act lately and it's affected you, but I can't help that I'm-"

"What's going on with you and James?"

Well, that threw Lily for a loop. "_What_?"

"You're hiding out here from James."

"Oh, I am not," Lily lied, shaking her head. "I'm just not in a particular festive mood, alright?"

Kay shrugged. "Look, I know that the holidays aren't your favorite time. I don't know why, but I know to just give you your space. But it's the Friday before I leave for home, my _wretched _home mind you, and you, Riley, and I typically spend all night eating junk food and staying up way past midnight like gossippy little schoolchildren discussing the gifts we hope to get for Christmas and what our New Year's resolution should be. Just because you're in this weird little mood of yours, a mood that I can most likely guarantee has to do with a certain Head Boy, doesn't mean that should change, right?"

"Oh? And where's Riley now?"

Kay frowned. "Damned if I know," she muttered. "Apparently she's pulling a Lily and going MIA."

Lily blinked. "I'm not MIA. I'm standing right here."

Kay shot her a look. "Seriously, Lily, what is going on with you and James?"

"_Nothing_," she urged. A blatant lie. "Do you really think I'd be hiding out in my bedroom, a room that is just a mere few feet away from Potter's room, if I were trying to avoid him?"

"Yes," Kay replied almost immediately. "Because, and again I have no iea what the story is between you two so this is only half speculation, he, too, is avoiding you. So it's not like he's about to barge into your room and demand you to talk to him."

"You're right," Lily said grimly. "You don't know the story between us. And I'd appreciate you not speculating because of it even if it is a _half_-speculation."

"I'm your best friend. It's in my job description to speculate."

"You've always been overly curious, Kay."

She narrowed her eyes. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means give it up. You can't always get the answers you so often desperately seek."

Kay scowled. "I'm not desperate, Lily," she snapped. "I'm _concerned _about you. You're clearly going through something and I'm just trying to-"

"Be nosy?" Lily muttered.

Her face clouded over with hurt. "I'm trying to be a friend," she said dryly. "Something you clearly don't know a whole lot about right now."

Lily cringed, knowing that Kay was right. "You're right, I'm sorry," she winced. "I'm just..." she sighed, shrugging. "I'm just busy, Kay. And-"

"Because you're forcing yourself to be busy."

"And so what if I am?" Lily argued. "I have a right to be busy whether it's forced upon me or I'm forcing it upon myself."

"I'm not saying it's not allowed," Kay said with a frown. "I'm saying that I'm leaving tomorrow morning for break and I won't see you for two weeks. Sorry if I want to spend time with my friends the day before traipsing to my hell of a home."

Lily was seconds away from saying she should be grateful that she even had a home. Instead, she said, "I'd trade places with you any day. You can deal with the Marauders and I'll deal with your family."

Kay's eyes narrowed. "That wasn't my point."

"It kinda was."

Kay sighed. "Lily, talk to me. What's going on?"

"_Nothing_," she urged, a blatant lie. In retrospect, the question should have been what wasn't wrong. Lily knew she was being selfish and little unfair by wanting to push Kay away, but all she really wanted was to be alone. She didn't want to talk about the holidays or families or James. She didn't want to talk at all.

She was about to tell Kay that she really just wanted some alone time when she heard the door to their common room open. Lily panicked, emitting a shriek, and grabbed Kay's arm, practically shoving her friend into her room and slamming the door behind her.

There was a smirk on Kay's face. "You call that nothing?"

Lily sighed, flopping on to her bed. "Sorry, I just...I don't want to deal with him, alright?" she muttered, blushing.

"Yeah, I kinda sensed that," Kay snorted, meandering over to Lily's window ledge and seating herself comfortably atop it. "You ready to tell me what's up with you two?"

"Oh, it's the same old crap," Lily lied, shrugging. "He's a jackass and doesn't know it."

"Lily, you practically pulled my shoulder out of the socket when you thought James was walking into the room," Kay pointed out with a knowing look. "That isn't the same old crap."

"Oh, I did not pull your shoulder out of its-"

"That wasn't my point."

Lily sighed, slowly sitting up on her bed as her eyes met Kay's curious gaze. "Please just let it go," she said softly. "I-I don't want to discuss it. I barely want to think about it."

Kay was surprised by the vulnerability in her friend's voice. She wasn't used to seeing this fragile side of Lily. Lily was always the epitome of strong-willed and confident. She was a natural born leader, an air of determination following her around everywhere she went. It was impossible for people to not respect Lily Evans for the way she carried herself, unless of course they were biased towards her blood status. "What don't you want to think about, Lily?" Kay asked, slightly taken aback.

Once again, a sigh escaped Lily's lips. "Nothing."

Kay frowned. "No. It's definitely something."

For some unknown reason, tears sprang to Lily's eyes. Were they tears in her parents' memory? Were they tears filled with overwhelming confusion due to James? Were they tears that the holidays were a horrible time for her? Or was it a combination of all three? She was just tired of being so damned lost and confused all the time. When she glanced up at her friend, she noted the deep concern on her face. And before she could say it was nothing one more time, she found herself desperate to talk to someone. Anyone. "Kay," she said in a small voice, quickly looking away. "If...if I tell you something, will you promise not to say anything to anyone? And I mean it. Not to Riley or Remus or Alice or anyone. You have to keep your lips sealed. So help me Merlin, if I hear about you telling _anyone_, I will disown you as a friend forever."

Kay was thrown by the vehemence in Lily's voice. "Lily, you can tell me anything and I promise not to breathe a word of it to anyone. You can trust me."

"Potter kissed me," she blurted out.

Shock couldn't even begin to describe what Kay was feeling. She froze on the ledge, her jaw dropped open and her eyes bulged out as she attempted to find any form of a sentence to say aloud. All she could come up with was, "Er..._come again_?"

Lily nodded. "You heard me right."

_"James_ Potter kissed you?"

"No, another Potter. Yes, James Potter!"

"Hey, I don't think it's that crazy of a question. In fact, the idea of _Dezzy _kissing you seems more feasible than James doing it at this time."

Lily glared at her.

She grinned sheepishly. "I can tell you're not in a joking mood, so I'm going to ignore the fact that you didn't laugh at what I thought was a pretty amusing joke," she said with a shrug. "Alright, so when exactly did this happen?"

"After he slapped me," she muttered.

"Ah, right, because the natural progression from slapping someone is kissing them."

"Kay, this isn't funny!" Lily whined, grabbing her pillow and throwing it over her face with a groan.

Kay sighed, climbing off the ledge to perch on the edge of Lily's bed. She tried wrestling the pillow away from Lily with very little success. "So exactly how did this happen?"

Lily sighed, slowly removing the pillow from her face. "I don't know. One minute he's attempting to apologize, next minute we're screaming at each other, and then suddenly...well, you know."

"James is kissing you," she murmured, saying the words aloud as if she were trying to convince herself of the truth.

Lily merely offered her friend a curt nod.

"Are you sure it was a kiss? Maybe you two just accidentally leaned into each other and your lips just happened to graze."

Lily glared up at Kay, who was attempting to keep a straight face. "Kay, I may not be the promiscuous snogger of Gryffindor as that title is clearly held by Riley, but I haven't been living under a rock all these years. I know what kissing is. And will you quit laughing? This isn't funny!"

She grinned, shrugging. "So tell me, is he a good kisser?"

"KAY!"

She laughed as Lily glared at her. "I'm sorry. You just look so down and I guess I'm hoping if I turn this into a humorous situation, you won't feel so out of place."

"I don't feel out of place."

"Seems to me that you do."

Lily sighed, not responding. Truth was, sometimes she felt out of place in her own skin so of course she felt out of place in the recent addition to the James and Lily chaos train.

"Can I ask the obvious question here?" Kay asked.

"What, the obvious question isn't if he's a good kisser or not?" Lily drawled sarcastically.

Kay grinned. "See, this is kinda funny."

Lily's glare intensified.

Kay sighed, a slight frown appearing on her face. "What exactly does this mean for you two?"

"Nothing," Lily said almost immediately, shrugging.

Kay shook her head. "Well, that's a lie. It obviously means something."

"No, it doesn't," Lily pleaded. "Nothing changed. He's still James Potter and I'm still Lily Evans."

Kay's eyebrows knitted together, confused. "Gee, how vague. What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

Lily sighed. It meant that James Potter was still the most popular guy at school and she...well, she wasn't. Just because he felt guilty for not only calling her worthless but for making her feel worthless doesn't change the fact that in all honesty, the two of them were complete opposites in every way. They didn't fit together. Not even a little bit. And she didn't want them to. He was James Potter. _James Potter_. The guy who tortured her endlessly for seven years. Why would she want whatever ridiculous kiss between them to mean something?

Right?

She sighed. "It just means that nothing has changed. It was a stupid mistake. He has a girlfriend, remember?"

Kay knew that wasn't what she had been referring to but as she was about to push further, she noted a sense of desperation in her friend's expression that filled Kay with concern. Lily was the epitome of strong-willed and confident. She was a natural born leader in the sense that an air of determination followed her wherever she went. This vulnerable, defeated side of Lily wasn't one Kay was used to. "Can I ask another question?"

Lily nodded.

"Why are you so determined to hate the guy? Why is it so hard for you to admit that maybe, _just maybe_, he isn't half bad?"

Lily hesitated, not sure how to respond. It wasn't that it was hard for her to admit that. It was just easier pretending that she hated him. Because the moment she let her guard down and decided she didn't hate him might just be the moment she realized she hadn't wanted that kiss to be a mistake. And that was a moment she wanted to avoid. "We have too much history."

"Wow, could you be more vague?"

Lily shot her a look.

"The guy kissed you, did he not? Seems to me he's trying to shed that history and start anew."

"The guy kissed me because he was curious. He's leered after me for years and I was the only girl to ever say no. Before the kiss even started, it was over. It meant nothing. _He _means nothing."

Kay frowned. "Can I ask another question?"

"_What_?"

"Did you kiss him back?"

Lily glared at her. "I am so not answering that."

"That's a yes," she said with a grin. She ducked as Lily's pillow went soaring towards her face.

Lily rolled her eyes, neglecting to tell her friend that she could still feel James' lips against hers.

"So, do you really think hiding from him is going to solve your predicament?" Kay asked curiously.

"What predicament are you referring to?" Lily snorted.

"I don't know, you tell me."

Lily frowned, collecting her thoughts. Eventually she spoke. "It's all in the past."

"Seriously, be more vague."

Lily slowly turned to glance at her friend. "Please don't tell anyone about this."

"And now you're changing the subject," she muttered.

"_Kay_."

She sighed. "I won't tell anyone, Lily. I promise," she said in all sincerity.

"Thanks."

Kay couldn't help but get the last word in. "But you not telling anyone isn't going to make it any easier to avoid."

Lily didn't respond. Mostly because she knew Kay was right.

* * *

Kay meandered back into the common room later that night, wondering what the hell was really going on with Lily and James. After finding out about their kiss, Kay also couldn't help but wonder what else those two may be hiding from everyone. She would have loved to get Remus or Peter or Sirius' opinion but she knew that Lily would probably murder her with her bare hands if she found out Kay had discussed it with James' friends.

She snickered when she saw Remus and Peter in exactly the same spot they had been in when she left, a game of wizarding chess now in front of them. "You guys really know how to party hard on a Friday night, hm?" she teased, sinking into the loveseat beside them.

"It was either this or watch those two fourth years snog in the corner," Remus said with a shrug. "We decided to go with wizarding chess."

She chuckled. "Good call."

"Did you find Lily or Riley or Alice?"

Kay nodded. "Yeah, Lily was hiding in her room."

"Big shock," Peter snorted.

"Did you figure out what the hell is going on between her and James?" Remus asked.

Kay prayed that the fake smile on her face wasn't giving anything away. "Of course not. Those two should really get jobs within the Department of Mysteries after Hogwarts. They'd be pros."

"Yeah, but that may require them to work together," Remus teased, moving a pawn up one space. "And that can only end in disaster."

"As does everything they attempt to do together," Peter muttered, scrutinizing the board in front of him. "So am I correct in assuming she is _still _hiding in her room?"

Kay shrugged, feeling slightly disheartened. "She wanted to be alone."

Remus noted the sorrow in her voice. "And you didn't?"

"What? No, it's just..." Kay said, surprised that Remus picked up on her frustration. "I don't know. Break starts tomorrow."

"Yeah. And?"

"Break starts _tomorrow_."

"Ah, yes, thank you for clarifying."

She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I just...I'm not a huge fan of going home, I guess."

"Why not?" Peter asked.

Kay's lips pursed instinctively. "Because my father just sits in the corner, barely ever making a comment—choosing to steer clear of any family conflict which is probably a smart choice on his part. My mother's exactly the opposite, trying in any way to butt into my life, wondering if sending me away to boarding school was a good idea. She's constantly contemplating whether she should send me to a regular school nearby home until my grandmother finally screams at her for being too overprotective, causing mum to drink herself into a stupor, crying in her locked bedroom that her mother doesn't appreciate her. Which is ironic since it's obvious my mother doesn't appreciate me. And my brother resents me for getting away from our fucked-up family when he's stuck going to a regular school nearby. And my sister was really the only reason I ever went home and of course this year, she's spending Christmas with her fiancée in China, far away from me and any normalcy to my family!"

Peter and Remus both stared at her in slight shock, realizing that they clearly didn't know much about the girl that they have shared a House with for six years. "I can see why you're not a fan of home," was all Remus could think of saying.

Kay shrugged. "Yep."

"Well, if it helps, my family isn't so great either," Peter muttered. "They insist that we put on a show of being the perfect, lovey-dovey family in front of all of my extended family but behind the scenes, we're just as fucked up as your family apparently is, too. I'm just thankful I could use the excuse 'but this is our last year at Hogwarts and I'm staying here with my friends' and get out of going home."

Kay glanced at him curiously. "No, that doesn't really help," she teased. "It's not like I wish family drama on everyone else just because I have to deal with it."

Remus couldn't help but frown. "Hell, I would welcome family drama," he found himself blurting out. "At least that would mean my family had to talk to me."

Peter gazed up at his friend in shock. It was a very rare occasion for Remus to mention his family. Peter didn't know much, just that they had all become slightly estranged quickly after Remus had gotten bitten by the werewolf.

"What do you mean?" Kay asked.

Remus shifted uncomfortably, shaking his head. "Nothing, never mind."

Kay frowned but didn't push it. It was clear by the panicked look in Remus' eye that he didn't want to discuss it. "Well, aren't we a lively bunch tonight," she said with a smile, her attempt at lightening the mood.

Remus glanced down at the wizarding chess board in front of him before plastering a smile on his face. "Kay was right before. It's the last night before break. We should be out having some fun. Who's up for making some chocolate chip cookies in the kitchens?"

Peter shrugged. "I was clearly going to lose this match so I'm in."

Remus laughed, turning his attention over to Kay. "What do you say?"

"I don't know, I'm kind of fascinated with the fourth years snogging in the corner."

They let their laughter lead the way to the kitchens.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, that's it. This is somewhat of a filler chapter so sorry if it's kinda boring, haha. Please review and I'll try to update within a few days.


	37. Of Umbilical cords, Surprises, & Thongs

**A/N: **I'm back with chapter 38! I'll admit that this chapter does not have James or Lily but it DOES have a surprise that I hope you will all enjoy! Not much else to add, so please read and review.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not even going to bother.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 37: Of Umbilical Cords, Surprises, & Black Thongs

* * *

Sirius and Riley sat in a secluded dungeon, a feeling of tranquil perfection succumbing to them. The room was dark and gloomy, but it was tucked away in the corner of the castle where they were certain a person hadn't strolled by in years. Cobwebs adorned the angles of the room and dust covered the stone walls. There was a single small window in the middle of room with the outdoor light fighting to peek through. But even though it was eerie, to them it was perfect.

"Are you looking forward to break?" Sirius asked Riley.

She shrugged, frowning slightly. "Not really."

When she didn't offer any reason behind it, Sirius pressed her. "Why not? I thought you liked going home."

She shrugged again. The movement seemed stiff and awkward. "I do," she muttered. "But…well, you know my grandmother."

"Actually I don't. Not personally, at least," Sirius snickered, hoping for a laugh on Riley's part. "I'm pretty sure if your mother even knew you conversed with me, she'd drag you out of Hogwarts and put you in finishing school. I am a Black, remember."

She didn't even force out a laugh. Ignoring his comment, she simply muttered, "I just don't want to have to deal with her, I guess."

"Well you like the rest of your family—you get to see Lance again," Sirius pointed out, wondering what was going on with Riley. She was being very quiet and dismissive, something that she most certainly was not. "And you'll be spending most of the break with your brothers. Just forget about your stuffy old grandmother and make memories with the rest of your big family."

Again, Riley didn't reply right away. Her eyes lingered tightly on the window before she finally uttered a simple, "Yeah."

"Okay, what's wrong, Riley?" Sirius eventually blurted out.

Riley hesitated. "What makes you think something is wrong?"

"You're awfully quiet and very distant," he started, gazing at her with scrutinizing eyes. "C'mon, Riley, talk to me."

For a second it looked as if Riley was going to pass it off as nothing and move to another subject but her eyes clouded over and she eventually looked up at Sirius with a concerned expression. She sighed inwardly and said, her voice shaking warily, "What happens if you find someone else over break?"

Sirius stood there in a mixture of shock and confusion, trying to decipher what she meant. "What are you talking about?"

Riley continued her silent streak, moving her eyes towards the ground in growing dejection. She sat there for a long time, deep in thought. "I'm talking about the last time this happened. The last time we got close and…" she trailed off with a sigh, finding solace in staring at her fingers intently. She slowly lifted her gaze until she met his concerned eyes. "Sirius, you found someone else during the two weeks we were apart. Who's to say that won't happen again?"

Sirius frowned guiltily. "_I'm _saying that won't again," he argued, brushing a strand of hair away from her eyes. He pressed his lips to her forehead instinctively. She looked so scared and anxious and he wanted so desperately to make her trust him again. "I was young and foolish then. I let my fears take over. I was too afraid of admitting my feelings for you. I-I didn't know what I wanted. But I'm 17 now and I _know _I want you. And there is no one that could change my mind about that. I will never make the mistake of letting you go again. I did it once and I am sure as hell not going to let it happen again."

Though Riley wasn't totally convinced, she nodded anyway and uttered, "Okay."

But Sirius quickly saw right through that act. "Riley, don't say okay if you don't mean it," he stated.

"No, I mean it. I-"

"No, I know you don't believe me and I'm sure there's no way I can prove it until you come back from break and see nothing has changed between us. But I just need you to listen to me. Because I'm behing 100% honest with you right now Hell, I'm finally being honest with myself. I don't plan on running because I'm not scared anymore. I'm not the same guy I used to be. I've grown up and I've learned what's most important in life," Sirius explained, his thumb carressing her cheek. "And you, Riley, are the most important thing to me right now. I know I've screwed up in the past. A lot. But I'm going to make it up to you in every way that I can. I just don't want you to worry during your break about what _I'm _doing. Because I got to tell you, the only thing I'll be doing is thinking about you and how much I'm going to miss you."

Riley felt herself smile and kissed him softly on the mouth. "Thank you," she said softly, intertwining her fingers with his.

He knew her gratitude was in reference to his attempt to reassure her. He just hoped she believed him.

"When did you get to be so perfect, Sirius?" she asked, snuggling up against him with a smile.

"Hm…I could go with a cheesy answer which would be something about when I met you, or would you like the comical answer which would have to do with my mother, my birth, and an umbilical cord."

Riley laughed, rolling her eyes playfully. "I think I got the gist of both answers."

Sirius loved hearing Riley laugh. He could listen to that laugh all day long. "Well, cheesy and comical are what I do best."

She smiled. "I can certainly attest to that," she agreed. She hesitated. "But you can also be romantic."

"Shh!" Sirius quickly argued. "You're going to ruin my reputation by saying things like that."

"You're in a relationship, Sirius," Riley reminded him. "Pretty sure your reputation is already ruined."

He grinned cheekily. "Yeah, but nobody knows about that."

Riley shrugged. "Nobody knows about your romantic side either," she said softly. "Except for me. And I've got to say, I don't hate it."

Sirius smiled, brushing his lips against her cheek. "You make it easy to be romantic."

Riley's heart skipped a beat as she leaned over to kiss him, their lips meeting in a fiery passion.

How did she almost walk away from this?

* * *

Kay sat on a bench by herself outside the Hogsmeade platform waiting for the train to arrive. She was dreading the idea of going home but somehow, her Friday night turned out to not be so bad even though it wasn't spent with Lily and Riley like it had in the past. She, Remus, and Peter had snuck out to the kitchens and remained there way past curfew, reminiscing on previous Christmas breaks. When they returned to the common room, it was completely empty. They fell into the couches by the dying fire, chewing on the remainder of the chocolate chip cookies they had the house elves whip up for them. Eventually, Peter trudged up to bed, but Kay and Remus stayed up late having a rather personal conversation about their families. Kay talked about the endless fights she was forced to witness between her parents. She learned more about Remus' parents and how they had essentially given up on him as a kid; he wouldn't say why, but Kay saw regret and suffering deep within the gleam of his eye. They both eventually drifted off to the crackling sound of the fire and were slightly baffled when they awoke with the sunrise to find themselves in a place other than their beds.

"Hey, Kay. How are you?"

Kay glanced to her right and saw Sirius sliding beside her on to the bench.

She frowned. "Uh…I'm good," she lied. "What are you doing here?"

"What, I can't say goodbye to one of my friends?"

Kay gave him a look.

"Okay, so I came to play a prank on Snivellus, but it's almost the same thing," Sirius joked.

"Right," Kay responded monotonously, turning away from him. "How were the finishing touches on your project last night?"

"What project?" Sirius asked.

Kay turned to him in confusion. "What do you mean 'what project?' I mean the project you've been working on 24/7 with your worst enemy for the past week."

"Oh. That project," Sirius replied nervously. "And I'm assuming you mean Gilmore."

"No, I mean the other girl you've purposely harassed these past two years making her life miserable," Kay shot back, rolling her eyes.

"Hm…you're not best friends with any of my Slytherin cousins, are you?" Sirius teased.

"Oh yeah, I strive to hang out with Bellatrix and Narcissa in my spare time. How did you know?" Kay replied dryly.

She didn't say it intending Sirius to laugh, but he laughed anyway. "Touché."

"So you never answered my question," Kay brought up.

"What question?"

"How were putting on the finishing touches of your project late last night?" she repeated.

"Why do you care?" he asked curiously, stalling in order to come up with a good lie.

"I don't," she replied rather quickly, glancing briefly up at him with a stoic expression. "But I still have fifteen minutes before the train arrives and I'm not particularly good at the whole small talk thing."

"Then why bother with the small talk?" he questioned.

"Because I'd rather not sit here in an awkward silence with you," she snapped, taking Sirius aback.

He frowned. "Who says it would be awkward?" Sirius eventually asked, wondering why Kay looked so disheartened.

Kay snorted and turned to him. "When was the last time you and I had a conversation that lasted longer than two sentences?"

"We're having a conversation right now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, because after the initial 'what are you doing here' exchange, I asked how the finishing touches came. Hence, the small talk."

Sirius sensed hostility in her voice and was surprised by it. Kay was usually so easygoing. "Okay, _what _is up with you?"

"Nothing," she murmured, obviously lying through her teeth.

"Then why are you snapping my head off?"

"I'm not snapping your head off," she contradicted.

"You insulted me about three times in the past five minutes," Sirius protested.

"And that's snapping your head off?" Kay asked innocently. Sirius quirked a curious eyebrow and Kay consented with a sigh. "Okay, fine. Maybe you're right. I'm-"

"_Maybe_?"

"Fine, you're right!" she shot back irritably. "I'm not exactly in the best mood right now."

"Oh, really? I couldn't tell," Sirius drawled sarcastically.

Kay shot him a glare. "Must you always be so sarcastic?"

He shrugged sheepishly. "It's one of my many talents."

"'Talents?'" Kay questioned his word-choice.

Sirius chuckled. "Fine, it's a nuisance."

Kay couldn't help but smile. "Much better."

"So why the long face, Richards?"

"Well, for one, I'm sitting here with you," she stated, the ends of her mouth inching upward.

Sirius pouted. "I'm going to pretend that was a joke."

"Pretend away," she snickered.

He laughed. "See? We can be friends."

"No, you're friends with my friends and I'm friends with your friends. That doesn't necessarily mean _we're_ friends," she argued. "It means we run in the same friendly circle. That's it."

Sirius stared at her. "I think that's the most times friends has ever been mentioned in the same sentence."

She shrugged. "It's too early to be prolific."

Sirius furrowed his brow.

"Too big a word for you?"

Sirius laughed, nodding dismissively. He fixed his stare on her, his eyes turning curious and cautious. A sincere frown slowly inched his way downward. "Y'know, Kay," he said slowly. "We _could _be friends."

Kay noted the sincere tone in her face and she found herself smiling. Really smiling. She might have been in an irritable mood, but she could always count on Sirius Black to make her laugh. And she was surprised to find out she was grateful for it. "Yeah...we probably could." If Lily and Riley wanted to ditch her, at least she had Remus and Sirius putting in an effort.

He gazed down at her and noticed that she suddenly looked ten years older. Her eyes were weary, her smiled strained. "Are you okay, Richards?"

She glanced over at him, startled. "Yeah," she lied.

He quirked an eyebrow. "We might not be best friends, but I can spot a lie a mile away."

"You're only like five inches away."

He chuckled. "Fine, I can spot a lie five inches away."

Kay opened her mouth to tell him it was nothing, but found herself saying, "I hate going home."

Sirius stiffened slightly. "I know the feeling," he murmured. "Why do you hate going home?"

She shook her head. "Because my family is crazy," she explained vaguely, shrugging awkwardly. "But whose family isn't dysfunctional nowadays, right?"

Sirius knew she was being evasive because she didn't want to talk about it, so he didn't press on. "I can attest to that," he snorted. "You can always do what I did and run away."

Kay frowned, glancing uneasily up at him. "That couldn't have been easy," she said cautiously.

Sirius shrugged, plastering a smile on his face. Pretending his family background didn't pain him was what he did best. Then again, he did have seventeen years of practice. "It is what it is."

"At least you have the Potters."

Sirius glanced down at her curiously. "How much has Gilmore told you about me?"

Kay shrugged. To be honest, Riley really hadn't mentioned much. But she mentioned enough for Kay to know that Sirius has had one hell of a difficult life. "Enough."

Sirius just nodded curtly. "Oh."

Silence fell between them. But it wasn't awkward. It felt comfortable.

Kay glanced over at Sirius at one point and found herself saying, "Sirius, you know Lance, right?"

Sirius was thrown by the question. "Lance Gilmore? Yeah. I mean, the Gilmores and the Potters are practically inseparable when on break so I've grown to know the guy. Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know," she muttered. "I...this was the first winter break I had actually been looking forward to because it meant I got to see Lance. Until..."

"You broke up with him?"

Kay felt a lump forming in her throat as she nodded. "Yeah," she said softly, glancing down at the sidewalk studiously. "Now...now I feel like it's ten times harder going home."

Sirius felt himself frown. He remembered the way Riley acted when she had found out about Kay and her brother. He couldn't help but wonder if it was the same way some of his friends may react if they found out about him and Riley. "I'm really sorry, Kay," he said.

Kay knew he was being sincere. But it didn't help any. Before she could respond, Riley slipped on to the bench on the other side of Kay. "You okay, Kay?"

"Yeah," she lied. "Why do you ask?"

"You just disappeared this morning. Lily and I didn't know where you went," she explained.

"Just…just wanted to get down to the platform I guess," Kay murmured.

"You excited?"

Kay tried hard not to glare at her. "It's home. Of course not."

"Right," Riley said, giving her a sympathetic look. "Sorry."

Kay shrugged, trying not to make it into a big deal.

Riley changed the subject. "So what are _you _doing here, Black?" she asked, looking over at Sirius. "Oh no wait, I bet you're playing a prank on Snape."

"Now why would you automatically assume I'm playing a prank?" he asked, feigning hurt.

"Because you're sure as hell ain't down here to say goodbye to me," she snapped.

"You know me well," he snickered.

"Now, why don't you go play your prank and leave us the hell alone?"

"And where's the fun in that?" he teased.

"Well if you don't leave us alone, I could turn you into a pig and that would be fun."

"Fun for _who_?" Sirius retaliated.

"Well for starters, me," Riley snickered.

"And me," Kay agreed.

"What? You're agreeing with _her_?" he whined.

"Well, watching you squeal and roll in fake mud would be fun for anyone to watch," she explained.

"That's it, this friendship's over."

"And that lasted all of…what? Fifteen minutes?" Kay snickered.

"Eleven...but who's counting?"

"You apparently," Riley murmured. "Now go find someone else to annoy."

"I'm feeling the love around here."

"Go away!"

"Yeah, definitely feeling the love," Sirius murmured, as he flashed them a smile and strode off to find Snape to irritate. As Kay watched him walk away, she was surprised to realize she almost would have chosen his company over Riley's. At least she could talk about Lance with him.

"Why couldn't he have been sorted into another house?" Riley murmured,. But she couldn't help but wonder how she was going to last two weeks without him.

"Or just not born at all," Kay added with a snicker.

"Yes, that would have saved a lot of girls their virginity," Riley laughed.

_BOOM!_

A loud explosive sound was heard from behind them. Neither had to turn around to know who was behind it. "Guess he found Severus," Riley snickered.

* * *

After a long train ride where Riley sympathized with Kay's family situation and attempted to get her mind off of the inevitable two-week break, they got off the train and searched for their families.

"Oh hey, there's my dad," Riley eventually said. "Why's my dad here?"

Kay laughed, knowing perfectly well that Riley's father was always too busy with his lawyer profession to help out with the family, even if Riley did enjoy his company more than her mother's. She turned to where her family stood and froze as she made eye-contact with the one person she had been trying to forget about: Lance.

"Er…I'm going to go find my family," Kay murmured, backing away slowly.

Riley grabbed her arm. "No, don't," she protested with a sigh. "I asked Lance to be here."

Kay stared at incredulously, finally putting down her trunk because it was getting too heavy from standing in one place with it. "You…you _what_?"

"Do you remember when we made up and I told you I had a surprise during Christmas break?" she asked, looking away for fear of being yelled at. "Well…surprise?"

"Hasn't anyone ever told you that I hate surprises?" Kay questioned.

"You love surprises."

"Not when they involve ex-boyfriends!" she hissed. "That's what some people call a _death wish_."

"And _I _call it a surprise."

Kay simply just stared at her.

Riley glanced at Kay. "I told him to come, Kay."

"But…but why?" Kay asked curiously.

Riley sighed. "Because I was being a complete idiot. I shouldn't be the one stopping you from being happy. I...I'm honored that you think our friendship is more important than your relationship with Lance, but that's not fair to you or him. You two deserve each other and...and yeah, I'm going to think it's weird, but that shouldn't mean you guys shouldn't be together. Who would I be to stop you? I-I don't want to see you miserable, Kay, and...and I'm so sorry for breaking you guys up. I'm your friend and…and I should support you. So that's what I'm doing: supporting you."

"I liked it better when we were hating each other," Kay murmured with a teasing smile. "Speaking of hating each other, I'm fairly sure Lance hates my guts."

"Well, if you don't go over there and talk to him, he'll hate your guts even more," Riley pointed out.

"Who's to say he wants to see me?" Kay asked.

"Who's to say he doesn't?" Riley fought back.

Kay stood still for what felt like eternity, thinking about her options. She could do what she did best and run or she could face her fears. Eventually, she sighed and picked up her trunk. "So are we going over there or what…"

Riley smiled and linked arms with her. "Let's go."

They slowly made their way over to her father, Lance, and Riley's other brother Caleb. When Lance finally caught sight of them, Kay noticed the smile on his face quickly turn into a thin line. "Hi Daddy!" Riley greeted, hugging him tightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Your mother was in the middle of a…hm…_debate _with your grandmother before we left and begged me to come instead," he replied.

"They were fighting over who I should marry, weren't they," she snickered.

He grinned sheepishly. "Well yes, but that's what they do best," he replied.

"Have they decided on anyone yet?" Riley asked with a laugh.

"Well your grandmother is partial to James Potter but your mother is more interested in that French prince, Caspian, or whatever his name is. I think she's finally realized that you and James will never be soulmates," he responded. "Personally, _I _think it would be better if you just never married at all. Hey, join a convent while you're at it."

"Aww, but it's much harder for me and her other brothers to interrogate her boyfriends when she doesn't have one," Caleb joined in. "Harder, but not impossible."

"I knew there was a reason I hated you," Riley smirked.

"I'm the brother you love. Lance here is the one who brings out the baby pictures of you," Caleb pointed out.

Riley turned to glare at Lance. "Life would've been easier if you were never born."

"Yes, but then who would play the guitar and sing loudly and off-key to you and your boyfriends as you walked out of the house or Gryffindor common room?" Lance said, a stiff smile on his face.

"Exactly," Riley murmured. She turned to Kay. "So you all remember Kay, right?"

"Yeah, nice to see you again," Riley's father greeted.

"Hey Kay," Caleb said with a smile.

Lance just stood there staring at the ground, a look of extreme annoyance on his face.

"Uh…okay then," Riley muttered. "Let's go bring my stuff to the car, okay?" She grabbed Caleb and her dad's arms hastily and led them away from Lance and Kay. She gestured to Kay to talk to Lance, giving her a warning look.

"What are you doing here, Kay?" Lance asked vehemently.

"Uh…well I'm going home for Christmas break so-"

"That's not what I meant," he snapped. "I mean, what are you doing over _here_? Why'd you bother walking over?"

Kay stared at the ground. "I-I don't know. Because Riley insisted, I guess."

He scowled. "Look, I didn't know that the reason Riley wanted me to come today was to talk to you," he replied. "If I had known, I probably wouldn't have shown up."

Kay hesitated. "You must have known on some level," she said softly. "It's not every day your sister begs you to come meet her at the station."

To that, he didn't respond.

"And yet you came anyway," she continued.

He glanced down at her, his eyes filled with regret. "Maybe a part of me did want to see you," he admitted. "Because unlike you, I missed you every damned day since you got on that Hogwarts Express back in September."

"Don't do that," she reprimanded. "Don't you dare presume to tell me how I felt. I missed you every minute of every day! Hell, I still miss you! You think I enjoyed having to break up with you? I didn't. You have no idea how sorry I am that things had to end that way. I never meant to hurt you, Lance."

"You chose my sister over me," Lance snapped. "How is that not supposed to hurt?"

"She's my best friend!" Kay cried out, louder than intended. She ignored the stares the two of them were earning from the students and their families around them. "I did what I had to do to save our friendship. She hated the relationship I was in. She completely shunned me. I felt so alone and abandoned. I had to do what I could to save our friendship. I'm sorry if that ruined things for you but I've been friends with Riley much longer than I've been dating you. She unfortunately had to come first."

Lance frowned, frustration seeping through his veins. "And what about me?" he asked hoarsely. "What about saving our relationship? Did that mean nothing to you?"

Kay opened her mouth to respond, but Lance hastily continued, "And how do you think it made me feel to be dumped by a _letter_? Here I was, seeing a letter from you and getting excited just to open it up and see that it was a bloody _break-up letter_! Talk about feeling alone and abandoned."

Tears brimmed in Kay's eyelids and she tried unsuccessfully to brush them away. "Do you think I enjoyed writing that letter, Lance? Do you think I enjoyed hurting you? Do you think I _wanted _to choose between you and my friend?" she said, her voice strained with despair. "Because if you do, you really don't know me at all."

Lance frowned. "You're right. I don't know you at all."

Kay turned her gaze away, inconspicuously rubbing her eyes. "You weren't at Hogwarts with me," Kay spat out in a hurt whisper. "Or with Riley. You didn't understand how hard it was not to be able to talk and hang out with my best friend. You don't understand what it was like to have everyone in the school gossip about me behind my back. You don't understand how much it hurt to…to have nobody even try to understand our relationship. And do you blame them? The only person that ever even remotely saw us together _was Riley_. And look how well that turned out for us!"

Instead of some harsh retaliation like Kay expected, Lance fell silent, a brooding frown replacing the angry glint in his eyes. Eventually he spoke. "You're right," he said. "I wasn't at Hogwarts with you."

Kay stared at him blankly, uncertain what to believe.

"But do you know how hard that was for me? Not being able to be with you?" he questioned. "It physically hurt knowing I wouldn't get to see you every night like we were able to do over the summer. But I knew I was strong enough to wait until we _could _see each other next. Apparently, you weren't. You just wouldn't let me in, would you?"

Kay felt herself ready to burst into tears, but tried hard to suppress them. "You meant everything to me, Lance, and if there was anything else to do to make things work with Riley, I would have done it. But there wasn'tanything else. She hated the idea of you and me together so…so I had to end it. I just did what I thought I had to do." Her voice was full of desperation, her eyes clouded over with blurred shame.

Lance stared at her skeptically, uncertain what to believe anymore. It was clear she was hurting, but then again, so was he. Being around Kay physically and mentally ached him. Because all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and tell her how much he missed her, but he couldn't do that. She made sure of it. "You know what, Kay?" he said eventually, his tone calm and reassuring. "I'm glad Riley found out about us."

Kay didn't respond immediately, taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor. "What?" Kay exclaimed. "Where'd that come from?"

He shrugged dismissively. "I hated knowing we were keeping our relationship a secret," he admitted. "I knew why we had to do it, but I wanted everyone to know that…that I was falling for Kay Richards."

Kay wanted to smile and she wanted to cry. Just being in his presence brought back so many memories of them, memories she never wanted to let go of. She didn't want to say goodbye to him but from the basis of their conversation so far, that's exactly where it was headed. At that thought, she felt the tears glistening in the bottom of her eyelids. Too much damage had been caused and although Kay felt to blame, she couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of frustration for Riley.

"But now," Lance continued, when he saw the hesitance in her face, "The only thing everyone is going know about us is that…that it was just a big waste of time."

When Kay looked up she saw the disappointment and the hurt look on his face and all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sulk for the remainder of the break. "It wasn't a big waste of time for me, Lance," she argued, a look of grievance washing over her, trying hard not to let Lance see the tears about to fall. "I was falling for you, too. And-"

"Oh, well you showed it real well," he murmured.

She glared at him. "Breaking up with you was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. I-"

"Well, gee, then why'd you do it?" he snorted.

"Stop interrupting me, Lance, and let me finish!" she barked, making Lance jump back in surprise. She refused to let Lance reprimand her. If he couldn't understand that that hated that she had to choose between him and Riley, then she wouldn't stand there and try to make him. "I know we were only going out for a few months but those were the best months of my life. I hated being at Hogwarts away from you, but I went to bed every night dreaming of you and I woke up every morning with you the first thing on my mind. I thought of you while walking to class, wishing that the random students I passed were you smiling at me. I put off studying in order to daydream about us together. I spent hours writing letters to you because I missed you. Our time together, however short it was, meant the world to me! So don't you _dare _stand there and chastise me for not caring about you! Because all I ever did was care!" she cried, pointing her finger at him accusingly. She hesitated, glancing at the look of guilt on his face. He had taken a step back in surprise, his eyes filled with angst. She quickly continued, swallowing the tears away. "I-I hated being here at Hogwarts without you and most of all, I hated not being able to talk to you when Riley found out. All I wanted was for you to hold me and tell me that it was all going to be okay, but unfortunately you weren't there to comfort me. YOU WEREN'T THERE, LANCE! And maybe in the end that's why I did what I did. Maybe it was easier not seeing you. Maybe it was easier you not being there. But that certainly doesn't mean that breaking up with you was _easy _for me! Damnit, you weren't the only one hurt. _I _was hurt, too. I hated doing it but Riley is my _best friend_. While you meant the world to me, she, too, means everything to me. Why can't you understand that she _had _to come first? She _had _to! I've known her for six years! I'm sure _you _would have done the same thing in my damn situation! But you weren't there, Lance. You...you don't understand and...and I just can't stand here and try to make you understand," she continued shouting, ignoring the looks she was beginning to get. "All I can give you...is my sincerest apology. I'm sorry, Lance. I-I am. I hope you can one day forgive me because Merlin knows I will probably never be able to forgive myself."

With one last final glare at him, she whirled around and began to walk away, just as the tears started streaming down her face. She hated pouring her heart and soul out to Lance; she hated exposing her vulnerable side to the one guy she so badly wanted to understand but who obviously couldn't. She hated the way he made her feel so small; she hated feeling like she made a huge mistake. But most of all, she hated herself for hurting Lance.

She had only walked a couple of feet, when she heard Lance calling after her. "Kay!"

Kay didn't know what had possessed her to stop, but she did. She halted, only a few steps away from Lance, attempting to wipe away the tears stained on her face. She knew that Lance saw her crying, but she didn't care much for her pride anymore. She just wanted to make a clean getaway without further argument between the two.

When she thought she had wiped away every last straggling tear, she turned around and faced him with a look of rejection. "_What_?" she asked harshly, staring directly into his eyes in hope for some sort of clue as to why he called out her name.

He sighed, and with a slight hesitance walked towards her. "I was just wondering…uh…well…" he said awkwardly, turning his gaze upon the ground. "Uh…what…what are you doing tomorrow night?"

Kay stared at him in shock. "Er…what?"

"Well," he murmured, the tips of his ears turning pink, "Do you want to hang out tomorrow night?"

Kay continued to stare at him in disbelief. "_What_?"

Lance laughed and then did something that not only shocked Kay but shocked Riley and her family as they were heading over. He strode over to her hastily and bent down to kiss her.

When he pulled away, he laughed at the look on Kay's face.

She stared at him and then responded, "_What?_"

"I think this means he likes you," Riley whispered into Kay's ear as she closed in on them.

Kay gave her a look. "Y'know, I bet your car isn't fully packed yet."

"Oh believe me, I stalled my dad and Caleb as long as I possibly could," Riley murmured.

"She did," Caleb added. "She tried telling me that Sigourney Weaver was in the parking lot and wanted to meet me."

"It could happen!" Riley argued.

"Except Sigourney Weaver is in Egypt filming her next movie right now," Caleb explained.

Riley stared at him.

"I need to stop stalking her."

"Good idea," Riley teased, patting him on the shoulder.

"I'm glad you're Kay Richards," Riley's dad interjected, sticking out his hand to reintroduce himself. "Because if you weren't, you'd be hearing a _lot _about her."

"Dad!" Lance whined.

"Ohhh, so you talk about me a lot, do you?" Kay teased, glancing at Lance in amusement.

"A lot?" Mr. Gilmore intervened. "Please, you've been the only thing he's been talking about since you two…wait, I thought you two broke up?"

"_DAD_!" Lance cried out, clearly embarrassed.

"Oh sorry, am I not cool enough for your girlfriend?" he joked.

"Dad, I'd stop before Lance seriously considers strangling you," Riley interrupted.

Her dad laughed.

"I'm not kidding, Dad," she snickered.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," Mr. Gilmore pointed out with a guilty grin.

"I think your cue to leave was when they started snogging," Caleb explained.

"CALEB!" Lance shouted, giving him an irritated glare.

"And that's _my _cue to leave," Caleb laughed, grabbing his dad and wandering off towards the parking lot before Lance could smack him in the head.

"I see my work here is done," Riley grinned, glancing back and forth between Kay and Lance.

"So…you're okay with this?" Kay asked her nervously.

Riley shrugged. "I guess I'm going to have to be," she responded. "Look, you're my best friend and Lance is my brother. Obviously it's weird for me but…but all I want is for you to be happy, Kay."

"And you want me to be happy, too, right?" Lance teased.

"You poured honey in my underwear drawer over the summer," Riley replied. "I could care less about you."

"You had too many black thongs! It gives the wrong impression to guys," Lance whined.

"Exactly. That's why I have them," Riley grinned, ducking while Lance attempted to swat at her. "Besides, the last time I checked, you _liked _hearing the details of my personal life!"

"I do, I just don't like _seeing _it," Lance pointed out.

"Oh, of course," Riley replied sarcastically. "You just like seeing it on Kay."

"RILEY!" both Kay and Lance screamed out for all the platform to hear. None of them were surprised when a handful of people glanced their way.

Riley laughed, ducking again as both Kay and Lance made a motion to smack her. "Meet you back at the car!" she cried out, running away from them.

"So you never answered my question," Lance pointed out.

"What question?" Kay asked.

"Do you want to hang out tomorrow night?"

Kay glanced up at him curiously. "Are you sure?"

Lance winced. "Yes," he said sincerely, instinctively reaching over to brush a strand of hair from her face. "Look, Kay, you're right. I wasn't at Hogwarts so I have no idea what you and Riley went through. I know that you didn't want to have to choose and I'm sorry for making you feel guilty. I-I was just-"

"Angry?" Kay murmured.

He nodded. "Yeah. But not at you. At the situation. It just so happens to be easier taking it out on you."

The ends of Kay's mouth twitched upwards. "Well, I'm sorry, too. That…that it ended the way it did."

"It's in the past," Lance dismissed, shrugging it off. "Let's just…start fresh."

Kay smiled. "I'd like that."

"So, you've now avoided my question twice," Lance said slowly, giving her a look. "I feel as if I should be slightly offended."

"Hey, I just wanted to make sure you weren't still pissed at me!" Kay argued, smiling playfully. "The last thing I would want to do is spend my evening in a heated debate with you."

Lance slowly quirked an eyebrow, a sly smirk forming on his face. "Well, I could definitely do with the _heated_ part."

Kay laughed, shaking her head incredulously. "Well, then," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his shoulders with a shy smile. "I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow."

He grinned, pressing his lips firmly to hers. It sent a shiver down his spine, the feeling of her lips on his indelible. "Can't wait," he whispered.

Kay didn't say anything. She simply kissed him.

* * *

**A/N: **A little short but worth it, I think. Riley wonders about break without Sirius. Kay and Lance are back together and she finally got to explain herself to him. Not a LOT going on, but enough. Sorry there was no James or Lily in this chapter even if this is a L/J fic, haha, but I promise there is some Marauder action next chapter and even some Lily. Next chapter is somewhat intense actually and just keeps getting more intesne until my FAVORITE MOMENT IN THE WHOLE STORY OCCURS in a few more chapters, and it's NOT when James and Lily get together (well I like that too, but I have another favorite moment that i totally enjoyed writing!) Please review! I can't update for about a week because I'm going home for a few days but I'll do it when I get back.


	38. Of Virgin Islands, Pickles,& Accusations

**A/N:** I'm back with chapter 39! Not much to say, but thanks for the reviews! I'm over 1000 reviews now, so thank you, really! Still people are saying I keep leaving James and Lily hanging but at the moment, they're avoiding each other so of course that's gonna be the case for a few more chapters. It'll be more intense when it actually happens so just be patient! That's all I have to say really. Yay for Lance and Kay!

**Disclaimer: **Eh, as much as I'd love to be J.K Rowling, I'm not...really.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 38: Of Virgin Islands, Pickles, & Accusations

* * *

"I need a guys' night," James complained the next morning as the Marauders slid into the Gryffindor table for breakfast. The Great Hall was fairly empty, most students having left for home the day before. But they all welcomed the comfort that the vacant Hall provided them.

Sirius immediately started shoveling sausage into his mouth and slathering his toast with marmalade. Remus was too busy looking over at Sirius disgusted to even glance down at the feast in front of him. "And I need more sleep," Sirius yawned between bites.

Remus rolled his eyes, reaching for a scone. "Padfoot, it's eleven o'clock," he reminded his friend. "You do not need more sleep. You already got about ten hours."

"And ten hours is not enough to keep me looking young and dashing. I need at least fifteen hours," Sirius pouted.

"Dashing?" Remus snorted, casting him an amused look as he buttered his scone.

Sirius shrugged. "Handsome?"

"When did you become so old-fashioned?" Peter chuckled.

"Yeah, the hip word would have been downright sexy," James teased, chucking a piece of his muffin towards him.

"That's two words," Sirius corrected.

James rolled his eyes. "Can we get back to the real issue at hand?"

The other three looked up long enough from their breakfast to share a confused glance. "Er...what issue?" Remus asked cautiously.

"The fact that I am in desperate need of a guy's night out," James whined, shooting him a look.

"It's been like twenty-four hours of break," Sirius pointed out with a snicker. "You already tired of Kristina?"

James gave him a look. "_No_," he argued, rolling his eyes. "But it's the holidays. I'm pretty sure it's expected of us to get drunk during the holidays."

"Hm. So you can then take advantage of Kristina?" Sirius joked, sharing a humored look with the others.

James glared at him. "No! Kristina isn't involved!"

"And it wouldn't be taking advantage since we all know Kristina would consent to it," Remus snickered, ducking when a piece of muffin was sent his way.

A cross look spread over James' face, his eyebrows narrowing cautiously. "Oh, and what's that supposed to mean?" James replied.

Remus rolled his eyes. "It means we all know Kristina would sleep with you under any circumstances," Remus pointed out, suppressing a laugh.

"Yeah, you could be in a coma, and Kristina would still have sex with you," Sirius joked, high-fiving Remus and Peter.

"You could be in the middle of downtown London in the sunny afternoon on public display and Kristina would still have sex with you," Peter added, giggling.

Remus chimed in. "You could be on this table in the middle of lunch, even for all the professors to see, and Kristina would-"

"Okay, I get it!" James cried, glaring at them all. "And I don't know what you're insinuating. Kristina and I have more of a relationship than strictly a physical one."

Remus, Sirius, and Peter all exchanged looks before bursting into boisterous laughter.

James scowled, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Where are Riley and Kay to back me up when you need them?"

"Back you up?" Sirius snorted, quirking a skeptical eyebrow. "No one in this school would back you up, least of all those two. Any time you and Kristina are around each other, you're groping each other as if you had just returned from a three-yearlong deployment at war."

James scowled. "I knew I liked hanging out with Kristina better than you three," he murmured.

"Well, of course. You have sex with her," Sirius snickered. "And we just talk about sex with her."

James gave him a look. "I'm pretty sure I don't enjoy the fact that you are thinking about having sex with my girlfriend."

Sirius shrugged. "Too late. I've been thinking about it since she wore that bikini at your house over the summer."

James groaned. "Remind me to keep her away from you."

Sirius grinned, digging into his plate of bacon. He paused to ask, "Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?"

Remus, James, and Peter stared at him blankly, food halting midway to their mouth.

Sirius shrugged, not even bothering to look up from his plate of food. "Because if there are, then I am definitely taking a trip there."

They continued to stare at him.

Sirius hesitated and looked up. "Where are the Virgin Islands?"

At that moment, the Own Post swooped in, James' owl in plain view from the rest.

"Saved by the owl," James murmured as Pickles landed on the table in front of them, dropping off the _Daily Prophet_ and pecking at Sirius' food.

"Hey! Get off my bacon!" Sirius whined, attempting to shoo away the owl. "I hate this owl!"

James gasped, glaring at Sirius. "Shh! He'll _hear_ you!"

"You know what _you _should have heard—the laughs of the people around you when you decided to name your owl Pickles!" Sirius shot back.

"I was seven when my mother bought it for me! I happened to really like pickles back then," James defended.

"Really? Pickles?" Remus contemplated.

"I was going through a weird stage then," James explained.

"How do you explain the last ten years then?" Sirius snickered.

James glared at him. "This coming from the guy who just asked if there are virgins in the Virgin Islands."

Sirius pouted. "It was just a simple question," he muttered.

Before James could retort, Peter gasped. "Hey guys, look at this," Peter murmured sullenly, unrolling the newspaper and staring at the headline:

**Lord Voldemort Strikes Again**

Sirius and Peter read the article hastily as Remus and James, on the other side of the table, stared at them, looking for any sort of reaction. Glancing around the Great Hall, James noticed that they weren't the only four reading the headline.

"Oh my God," Sirius muttered, clenching his fists angrily. "This is unbelievable! This Dark Lord won't stop until he's taken over every bloody town!"

James slumped down in the bench, feeling defeated. "Where did he hit this time?" he asked, rubbing his eyes warily. Every time there was a headline that included the dangers Voldemort were presenting to the wizarding world, James felt his blood boil. It wasn't right that he was killing innocent people for his own amusement and James hated knowing that there were people out there being targeted for no apparent reason.

Sirius gazed back over the article with a sigh, his eyes filling with revulsion. "A bunch of wizardry towns: Chesapeake, Sudbury, Cuckoo's Village, Hitchcock Hollow, even Vescataway Alley, though not much damage was done there," he murmured with heavy regret. "And then two Muggle towns I don't recognize: uh...Devry and Allentown."

James hesitated. "Wait, what was that last one?"

Sirius glanced back down at the article. "Allentown."

James swore he recognized that town. The wheels were turning in his head as Sirius, Remus, and Peter continued to berate Lord Voldemort. James suddenly let out a loud gasp, his hands flying to his mouth in horror. "Oh my God!"

The other three were startled by the sudden outburst. "What? What's wrong?" Remus urged nervously.

"Allentown," he sputtered.

"What? Do you know people who live there?" Remus questioned, confused.

James nodded and slowly brought his hands down from his mouth. "Yeah," he muttered.

Remus exchanged a curious glance with Sirius and Peter.

"And so do you," James added with a heavy sigh.

Their hearts all sank, hesitating before Remus dared to ask, "Who?"

James thought back to the conversation he had on the eve of Halloween. "Evans."

They were all too taken aback to even let a gasp escape from their mouths, worried looks exchanged among them. A knot grew in James' stomach as he immediately grabbed the paper out of Sirius' hand and read it for himself. His eyes lingered over the word Allentown, Lily's face swarming through his mind. For some unknown reason, the memory that came to mind was the vulnerable look on her face when he had pulled away from their kiss last year on the platform. She had looked so scared and helpless; he could only imagine the look on her face when she found out that her hometown had been attacked by Lord Voldemort.

Sirius was the one to break the silence. "What are the chances her family didn't get hit?" Sirius asked, already aware of the answer.

James sighed, shaking his head back to reality. "It's not a wizardry town," he pointed out gloomily. "So how many wizardry families can there be in Allentown for Lord Voldemort to attack?"

The four boys all shared a simultaneous sigh. Remus slumped down in his chair, knowing how difficult it was to lose one's family. His parents were alive but nonetheless, barely shed a glance Remus' way whenever he was around. Peter perused the article again, looking for any hints of the Evans family. Sirius felt an overwhelming sadness surge through him, a sudden hatred for his own family who thrived upon the Dark Arts rushing over him. He quickly peeked over at the Slytherin table who looked too content for their own good. And James gazed down at the table guiltily, suddenly wishing that he could sincerely apologize for all of the heartbreak and difficulties he had caused Lily. There were certainly worse things in the world than petty teenage feuds.

"So…do we tell her?" Peter asked after the silence settled in and caused an awkward tension among them. "Or wait for her to find out on her own?"

Sirius seized the paper out of Peter's hand and skimmed the article until he found what he was looking here. "Well, it says here that they haven't found all the bodies," Sirius explained, pointing to a sentence in the article. "And that the Ministry won't be sending out death notices to the families of the missing until they're sure."

"So…it could be awhile until Lily is notified," Peter muttered with a sigh.

James shook his head vigorously. "But do we really want to tell Evans and cause her to worry over this?"

"Don't you think Lily is going to read this?" Remus interjected with a bit of logic. "I mean the _Daily Prophet_ is like the Bible to her."

"Yeah, but she's been hiding out in her room for a while. She may not get it delivered to her there," Sirius corrected. "She doesn't have an owl so it would just be one of the _Daily Prophet_ owls who would just drop it off here."

"So do we tell her?" James asked again.

"Well, we could…uh…drop subtle hints," Sirius pointed out.

Remus gave him a look. "Subtlety was never any of our strong suits."

"What are you talking about? _I _can be subtle!" Sirius protested.

Remus snorted. "Last week you went up to Kendra Ross and said that if she got a boob job, she could be the hottest fifth-year by far."

"Yeah, and I meant every word!" Sirius argued.

"You made her cry!" Remus pointed out.

Sirius shrugged. "I was just telling her what every guy in this school was thinking."

"I never thought about Kendra Ross' boobs," Remus defended.

"You're a guy. Of course you've thought about her boobs."

Remus glared at him.

Sirius flashed him a sheepish grin. "I think we should go back to talking about the situation with Lily-bean before Remus stabs me with that plastic knife," Sirius murmured.

James glanced up, meeting his friend's worried gaze. James himself felt as if someone was holding a brick over his heart. He wanted to run to Lily and make sure she was alright. But he knew that was probably the last thing she wanted from him. "So do we tell her?" he asked with a hesitant sigh.

Sirius shrugged. "I vote that _you _talk to Lily-bean."

"And I vote that you're an idiot," James replied almost immediately, glaring at him.

"I think we all voted that years ago," Remus interjected.

Sirius gave him a look. "I'm going to pretend like I don't want to throw this bagel at you guys and get back to being worried about Lily-bean."

"Oooh, I could totally go for a bagel," Remus contemplated.

Sirius stared at him. "Is it sad when I'm not the one being annoying?"

"Yes, it's very sad," James snickered.

"Okay, bashing Sirius time is over now," Sirius murmured.

"Bashing Sirius time is _never _over, Padfoot," Remus pointed out, giving him a look. "I thought you would have realized that by now."

"I'll give you this bagel if you shut up."

"Shutting up now," Remus snickered, grabbing the bagel out of his hand.

"I love how we go from talking about a serious matter in the wizardry world to talking about Sirius," Peter joked, hanging his head almost shamelessly.

"Yeah well, we're not very serious people," Remus laughed, his mouth full of bagel. "You can't depend on it to last long."

"Okay, okay, I agree with Peter. We need to focus," James agreed.

"I never said we had to focus," Peter said with a shrug. "I was just pointing out how pathetically inane we are."

"Oh well gee thanks," James snickered. "Back to focusing."

"Like I was saying before, I think it should be James' job to talk to her," Sirius reiterated.

"I thought we squashed that idea when I claimed you were an idiot," James whined.

"But it makes more sense for you to do it than any of us."

"I don't know why I'm going to bother asking this, but how does it make more sense for me to do it?" James questioned.

"Because you work with her," Sirius pointed out stubbornly. "You can somehow turn it into a Head Boy/Head Girl issue or whatnot. Besides that, you live with her—you have more of a chance of seeing her around than we do."

"First of all, how am I going to turn this into a Head Boy/Head Girl issue? Second of all, when was the last time any of us saw that girl leave her secluded room?"

"First of all, you're supposed to be the smart one—figure something out," Sirius argued. "Second of all, that's why it's your job to camp out in your common room until she gets hungry and is forced to come out."

"First of all, I'm not going to use my job against her. Second of all, I'm not going to spend my entire break on my common room couch!" James argued, giving him an annoyed look.

"First of all, you-"

"No more first of all, second of alls!" Remus complained, glaring at them. "We need to figure out what the hell to do. Lily deserves to hear it from someone who cares, not from a newspaper article, don't you think?"

Silence engulfed them. "Well, that leaves Prongs out then," Sirius said to break the silence.

James glared at him. "We might not always get along, Padfoot, but that doesn't mean I don't care."

Sirius shrugged. "Fine, then you talk to her."

"I thought we already squashed that idea," James groaned.

Peter snickered. "Here's my suggestion—we just don't say anything to her."

Sirius stared at him. "Okay, we'll call that Plan _Never_."

Peter shrugged. "I just don't think she would want any of us to be the one to turn her world upside down, right? I mean, do we really want to get Lily all freaked out before the holidays?"

"She doesn't even like the holidays!" Sirius pointed out.

Remus snorted. "Yeah, and she'll probably like them even less when she finds out her family may be in trouble," he murmured.

"We don't even know if they are in trouble," James interjected.

"Wasn't it you just a few minutes ago claiming that Allentown isn't a wizardry town and the chances her family wasn't hit are probably very slim?" Remus reminded him.

James stared at him. "You make me sound all cynical and pessimistic."

"You are cynical and pessimistic."

Sirius sighed, ignoring their quibbling. "We are getting absolutely nowhere on this."

James nodded in agreement. "You're right."

"I know," he replied. "I usually am."

James gave him a look.

"Okay, it's a new concept to me," Sirius said with a shrug. "Look, this is typically the part where Riley or Kay would swoop in to save the day. Unfortunately, they're not here. So do we take it upon ourselves to talk to Lily on their behalf? Or do we keep our mouths shut and let her do what she does best: hide?"

James chimed in. "I don't think it would be right for any of us to be the ones to tell her. I'm pretty sure we're probably some of the last people she'd want to hear such terrible news from."

Remus frowned. "But if it were you, would you rather read about it in the newspaper and deal with that shock all by yourself or hear it firsthand from a friend who may be able to offer some comfort?"

"We're not her friends."

"No, _you're _not her friend," Sirius snorted, shooting him a look.

James glared at him. "Thank you for sharing in my cynicism and pessimism."

"Anytime."

"I say we leave it alone and pray Evans is too buried in her room to bother reading the _Daily Prophet," _James murmured, knowing that he was just avoiding a potentically awkward exchange with her.

Remus sighed, hanging his head shamefully. "She'll read it. She always reads it. Like I said before, it's her Bible."

"I'm trying to stay positive!"

"I thought we already pointed out that you're cynical and pessimistic," Sirius stated.

James shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah, well, I think that what Evans needs right now is a bit of positive thinking."

"And I think she needs a friend," Sirius interjected, crossing his arms stubbornly.

James snorted, furrowing his brow. "Which you so eloquently pointed out before I am not to her."

Sirius grimaced, sharing a look with Remus. It was obvious that James was distressed over that thought. "Okay, fine. Remus, you do it."

"No," James said firmly, making up his mind. He wasn't about to cause Lily any more pain. They didn't have any information anyway, so why freak her out? "And you won't say anything either. This isn't news she'd want to hear from any of us."

"But-"

"Let it go," James reprimanded, sending a glare in Sirius' direction. His lips were forming a thin line, his eyes clouding over with agony. He might have been being a bit cowardly, too afraid of Lily's reaction to be the courageous, compassionate friend she probably deserved. But he didn't think that after everything he put her through that she deserved to get some more bad news on his behalf.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged a startled gaze, surprised to hear the anxiety-ridden determination in James' voice. None of them could tell you why he was so set on remaining silent on the subject, but the three of them knew not to bring it up.

But while Remus and Peter seemed to have absorbed James' determination, Sirius couldn't help but still be hesitant.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

Lily groaned, just wanting to go back to relaxing with her book in her hands and her cat in her lap.

_Knock, knock_.

Lily scowled, praying whoever was at the door would find some reason to leave.

No such luck.

**_Knock, knock!_**

Lily sighed and put down her book. She slowly shoved Artemis off her legs, and trudged to the door.

When she opened it, she let out another groan. "Don't you have someone else's door you can go knock on?"

"Now, is that any way to greet your bestest friend in the entire world?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Funny, you don't look like Riley or Kay."

"Touché," Sirius muttered.

Lily smiled halfheartedly.

"Can I come in?" Sirius asked rather energetically.

"No," Lily said firmly, quirking a curious eyebrow.

"But you love me!"

"Not as much as I love peace and quiet," Lily admitted.

"I can be peaceful! I can be quiet!" Sirius claimed.

Lily gave him a look.

"Well, I can try," Sirius corrected sheepishly. "Are you going to let me in or not?"

"Why?" Lily questioned, narrowing her eyes in scrutiny.

"What do you mean, why?"

"I mean why do you want to come in? Aren't James and Remus around for you to annoy?" Lily asked, leaning against the doorframe out of pure curiosity.

"I think I annoyed them to the extent of them hiding from me," Sirius explained with a casual shrug. "But it's okay, I know they'll get bored talking about smart subjects and come find me for the female-related subjects."

"Well I'm glad you're good for something," Lily replied sarcastically.

Sirius grinned.

"And please don't tell me you're here to talk about girls because I can tell you now, I won't be any good at that," Lily pointed out.

"How can you say that? You have boobs, don't you?"

Lily glared at him.

"You're not going to let me in now, are you…"

"I wasn't planning on letting you in to begin with," Lily claimed.

Sirius sighed, wishing he had thought of something to say before knocking on her door. "Are you going to hole yourself up in your room all break?"

"That was the plan, yes. You're kinda putting a damper on that plan right now however."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, I can take a hint. But first..." he said slowly slowly, trailing off as he tried to figure out a way to be subtle and still get information. He was reminded that subtlety was never his strong suit when he blurted out, "Did you get the _Daily Prophet_ this morning?"

Lily was completely taken aback. She send him a withering stare. "Were you dropped on your head as a child?"

"Yes."

Lily snorted. "That explains so much. You want to tell me why you want to know if I've received the _Daily Prophet_?"

He shrugged. "Just making small talk," he muttered suspiciously.

Lily gave him a look and opened the door wider. "Okay, come in."

"Really? That's all I had to say to come into your room? Man, I gotta keep that in mind for the future," Sirius joked, walking into her room. "Does asking about the _Daily Prophet _work on other girls, also?"

Lily gave him a look, closing the door. "I'd answer that, but I think you know what I'd have to say to that," she replied. "Now why do you want to know if I got the _Daily Prophet_?"

Sirius shrugged, perching on the edge of her bed. "Just curious?" he suggested.

"Curious my ass," Lily murmured. "I know you don't want it to read about something."

"And what makes you think that?"

Lily gave him a look. "When was the last time you picked a newspaper up to read? No, no, let me rephrase: when was the last time you picked up _anything _to read?"

"I think it was a cereal box over the summer," Sirius said, scrunching his nose as if he was really pondering it.

"Why do you want to see my _Daily Prophet_?" Lily questioned, ignoring his attempt at a joke. "And why couldn't you get it from Potter? I know he always gets it from that stupid owl of his."

"So we're both in agreement that his owl is stupid?"

"Sirius," she warned.

He shrugged awkwardly. "Does it matter? I came to see you."

"To look at my _Daily_ Prophet?"

He hesitated. "Yeah."

"I think you have got to be one of the worst liars I have ever met in my life," she responded almost immediately.

"What? I'm a good liar! Do you really think my professors believe I've had the the dragon pox twenty-two times?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh please. They know you're lying. They're just tired of dealing with you."

"That's not true!" Sirius argued. "I know for a fact McGonagall adores me!"

Lily snorted. "Is that why last week during class she threatened you with a year's worth of detention if you called her Minnie one more time?"

Sirius paused. "Okay, so maybe she didn't love me then."

Lily gave him a look.

"Okay, so maybe McGonagall wasn't a good example. But what about Slughorn? Old Sluggie likes me!"

"What's with you and your professors' nicknames?" Lily snorted, suppressing a smile. "And if I recall correctly, he kicked you out of class last week for asking what putting frog legs into Amortentia would do to it."

"That's a legitimate question!"

"You asked _after_ you put the frog legs into Severus' potion!"

Sirius grinned. "That was awesome, wasn't it?"

"Having his potion blow up and turn him green from head to toe? No, not really."

"You have no sense of humor," he pouted.

"I was standing right in front of his station," she reminded him. "You wouldn't have a sense of humor either if it had taken you four showers to get the green out of your hair."

"Hmm…" Sirius paused. "No, I probably wouldn't."

Lily cracked a smile. She wandered over to her bed and leaned up against the headboard. "So why do you want my _Daily Prophet_?" Lily repeated.

Sirius turned around to glance at her, shrugging. "Just because. Have you received it yet today?"

Lily nodded. "Yeah, but I haven't looked at it yet and I'd prefer to read through it first before handing it over to you considering you'll probably use it to make paper airplanes."

Sirius grinned. "That is my favorite classtime hobby," he snickered. "So you haven't read it yet, huh?"

"I had just gotten out of the shower when the _Daily Prophet's_ owl came."

"Shower, huh? I'm going to need pictures for proof."

"SIRIUS!"

"Okay fine, we'll skip the pictures. Could you just describe it?" Sirius teased.

"Yeah sure, it went a little like this: Why do you want the _Daily Prophet_?"

"That sounds like a pretty lame shower to me," Sirius pouted.

Lily gave him a look. "Sirius, what's going on?"

Sirius sighed, gazing at her curiously. He wanted nothing but to shred the newspaper into a million little pieces and protect Lily from the harm the headlines could cause. But he also knew that she had a right to know and she deserved to have someone there to comfort her if need be. He turned away from her, running his fingers through his hair nervously. "Maybe you should just read the front page news…" he muttered, barely audible.

Lily gave him a curious glance, sensing a heavy dejection in his voice. There was a glimmer of regret in his eyes that he tried to conceal, but seeing as Lily knew all about regret and agony, it wasn't difficult for her to pinpoint it. She slowly slid off the bed and went towards her desk to pick up the newspaper. She leaned up against her desk and slowly dropped her gaze to read the headline. "Damn. Voldemort's back?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. And…and it's not good."

Lily took a few minutes to read over the article, Sirius cringing the whole time, waiting for it all to blow up in her face.

But it never came.

She finished reading and slowly sank into her desk chair. "Bloody hell," she muttered. "So many towns were hit. What are the odds no one at Hogwarts was affected?"

Sirius stared blankly at her. "Er…probably none," he mentioned. "But...aren't you…how…when…why…"

She gave him a look. "Spit it out, Sirius."

He frowned. "Never mind," he muttered.

Lily glanced at him oddly. "No really, what's going on?"

Sirius looked away, uncertain why Lily wasn't freaking out at the moment. His frown deepened as he tried to make sense of the situation.

"Sirius!" Lily cried, after several minutes of him ignoring her.

He sighed, glancing back up into her irritated eyes. "Your hometown is on there, isn't it?" he replied nervously.

She stared at him blankly, clearly confused, before responding with, "What?"

"Allentown," he said shortly. "That's…that's where you live, right?"

Lily felt her whole body go numb, grabbing hold of the desk for stabilization. It had been a long time since someone had mentioned her old childhood home to her. She blinked away the shock, her expression softening. "Who told you that?" she asked quietly, looking away apprehensively.

"Er…why?" Sirius questioned.

Lily gave him a pleading look. "Because I want to know. Who told you that?" she repeated in a soft voice. As far as she knew, few people at Hogwarts knew that that's where she grew up.

Sirius shrugged awkwardly. "James did. Why?" he responded.

She groaned and threw her arms into the air, recalling the eve of Halloween when she had mentioned it to him. "Of course he did," she muttered to herself.

"You do live there, right?" Sirius questioned.

Lily clenched her fists tightly so as to attempt to hide the trembling. She took a few deep breaths, furiously blinking away the tears that were fighting to form as the memories of her parents flooded her mind. "Why do you care where I live? So I live in Allentown," she lied. "That doesn't mean anything."

He hesitated. "Of course it does," he said softly. "Aren't you...aren't you worried?"

Lily shrugged. "No."

Sirius frowned. "But Death Eaters were there."

She shrugged again, realizing her mistake in pretending she still lived in Allentown. She should have just lied and said she moved. Her heart tightened. Then again, that wasn't really a lie."So?"

"You really don't know where I'm going with this?" Sirius said stubbornly, shooting her a look.

"Sirius, I'm fine," she muttered, shaking her head. "Don't turn this into something it's not."

"You'd prefer to live in denial?" he blurted out.

"I'd prefer you to give it a rest," she said coolly.

Sirius sighed. "Lily, when James told us that you lived in-"

"Don't get me _started _on Potter," she growled, glaring at nothing in particular. "The only reason he ever mentioned I lived there was to freak you all out, I'm sure. The kid is out to get me."

Sirius stared up at her, a combination of confusion and skepticism registering on his face. "He wasn't trying to freak us out. He was worried about you," Sirius disagreed.

Lily laughed. "Ohhh, if only you knew," she mumbled to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. "Believe me, Sirius, James Potter is not worried about me."

Sirius gave her a strange look. "The two of you might not be the best of friends, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. He's allowed to be worried about you," he said slowly.

"He isn't worried about me, Sirius!" she snapped, her tone on the verge of anger.

Sirius sighed. "Fine, he's not," he lied. "But I am. And Remus is. And Peter is."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, don't be. I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"_Yes_," she reassured, her eyes blazing with frustration. "I don't need you to speculate and I certainly don't need you to worry about me. I can handle myself."

Sirius frowned, running his fingers haggardly through his hair, staring at her half in shock and half in dismay. "You can't just will someone to not be worried," he argued, shaking his head. "We're your friends and we don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not alone," she snapped. "I have Artemis."

Sirius sighed. He took her rigidity as a sign of fear, not a sign of panic. "Lily-bean, it's okay to be worried yourself, you know."

Lily tried counting to ten in her head to calm herself down with very little luck. She was tired of Sirius poking around in her personal business. "If you want to be worried, then _fine_. But worry about the rest of the students in this school whose families might have been attacked. Worry about those Muggle families who will never be able to receive closure from the death of their families because they'll never know the truth behind those deaths. Worry about something else other than me."

"I am worried for all of them. It...it kills me hearing about what Voldemort is doing. Believe me, Lily-bean, you will never how much it tears me up inside," he admitted softly, shaking his head shamefully. "But that's why I'm here. No one should have to deal with such grief on their own."

"I'm not grieving," she muttered through gritted teeth, trying to avoid his scrutinizing gaze.

He frowned, his eyes never wavering from hers. "I see that."

She didn't respond.

"You can't hide out here forever, Lily," he said softly. "You avoiding James doesn't change the fact that you two have tension." He nodded to the newspaper in her hand. "And you avoiding the world doesn't mean bad things aren't happening in it."

She frowned. "Please, Sirius. Don't...don't pretend you know me," she said, her voice breaking.

"Er…I'm not," he said, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"Yeah, you are," she accused, glaring at him. "I may have lived in close proximity to you and the guys for the past six or so years, but that does not mean you can waltz into my room and suddenly act like you know every single emotion I'm feeling and what I'm going through. I didn't ask you to fill the role of my best friend, did I?"

"But…I…how…wait, I don't waltz," he argued.

Lily glared at him.

He sighed. "I'm not trying to be your best friend. I'm just trying to be _a _friend."

"I didn't ask for you to do that," Lily repeated stubbornly.

"You don't have to ask a friend to do anything," Sirius pointed out. "I'm just here for you."

"Well you don't need to be."

"But I want to be," Sirius explained. "I'm just worr-"

"I swear to Merlin if you say you're worried about me one more time, I'm going to chop your head off and mount it on a stake, placing it in the middle of the Great Hall for everyone to see and laugh at," Lily growled, pointing an accusatory finger in his face.

"People don't laugh when they see me, they cheer," Sirius pointed out.

Lily glared at him.

"But I see your point," he murmured. When he looked up at Lily, he saw a mix of emotions he couldn't place. She was trying to do a damned good job at putting on a brave face and she was succeeding. There was a sense of panic in both her voice and her demeanor, and he couldn't figure out why she had suddenly built a wall around herself. He had never seen her so panicked before. "I'm sorry if I'm prying into something I shouldn't be. I, of all people, should know that there's a reason it's called a personal life," he said with a sigh. "But please do me a favor and leave this room for longer than a few minutes. You've been locked in here since last week and that can't be healthy. I think it's time you realize that there are other walls beside the four you've been staring at these past few days," he teased.

Lily sighed and turned away from him, refusing to let him see the pain she was going through. She didn't feel the need to tell Sirius that she was agonized over the fact that he was dredging up old memories and not over the fact that her family could have been attacked, seeing as that was not even a remote possibility. "I like being alone, Sirius," she said. _I've been used to it for ten years now_.

"I know," he said with a shrug. "I just don't want you to be stuck in here all week losing your mind over...over things that are clearly uncontrollable. I don't want you to worry."

"No because apparently you're doing enough of that for the both of us," she snapped. "Let it go, will ya?"

Sirius frowned, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "Can I ask you something?"

"No."

He sighed. "I'm going to anyway."

"I thought as much."

Sirius pursed his lips fearfully, never letting his gaze stray from hers. "Do you not get along with your family?"

She stiffened. "Where the hell did that come from?"

Sirius shrugged. "I just…I mean…I don't know…I think…" he dithered, trying to find the best words to describe what he was thinking.

"Oh, just spit it out," Lily snapped.

He frowned. "If I found out that the town my family resides in got attacked, I probably wouldn't care much either."

An overwhelming rush of sorrow coursed through Lily's veins. She couldn't stop the tears brimming in her eyelids. She hastily wiped them away, praying that Sirius didn't notice. This was her chance to drop the whole subject. If she just admitted that she hated her fake family living in Allentown, maybe Sirius would just drop it altogether. But as she opened her mouth, the words wouldn't form. She couldn't taint her parents' memory like that. She refused to defame them just to get a schoolmate off her back. "No, it's…it's not that," she whispered.

Sirius hoped she would elaborate but she remained mute, brooding silently. But he saw love and devotion in her eyes and knew she wasn't lying. Whatever she was thinking, it wasn't relief or lack of concern. He just couldn't figure out exactly what it was. "Fine," he murmured. "Think what you want to think, do what you want to do, but if you need to talk to someone, I'm-"

"I won't need to talk to someone," she immediately retaliated.

Sirius sighed and gave her a sympathetic look. He slowly climbed off the bed and patted her arm awkwardly, hoping to convey compassion. "All I'm trying to say, Lily, is that I'm here for you," he said gently.

Lily tried not to feel guilty at how dejected Sirius looked at the moment. She jerked away from his touch, turning her gaze away from him. She'd rather berate him than have to explain why she didn't seem to care about Allentown being hit. "You can be wherever you want to be, Sirius," Lily retaliated. "Because I won't need you."

He stared at her with a sympathetic look. "I don't know exactly what you're trying to prove, but it's only going to work against you."

"I'm not trying to prove anything!" Lily cried in frustration, annoyed with his accusations. "What the hell is with this sudden interest in my life, Sirius?"

"Sudden? It's not sudden. I've been friends with you since-"

She snorted loudly to interrupt. "'Friends?'" she repeated in distaste. _"No,_ your friends just happen to be friends with my friends."

Sirius threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Good Godric! You're the second person who has told me that in the past day. And you know what the ironic part is? The other person was Kay!"

Lily couldn't help but laugh, not for the humor in it but because it was true. "Well then clearly Kay and I think very highly of you," she replied sarcastically.

He scowled. "I don't get it. Am I just not the type of guy who is friends with a girl?" he whined.

Lily shrugged. "Did you honestly think you were that type of guy?"

"Well…yeah," Sirius replied uncomfortably. "I thought you and I were friends at the very least."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. But you wouldn't know how to be a friend to a girl even if you tried. The minute you meet a girl, you don't think about whether or not she could be a friend to you. You think about whether or not you could have sex with her. And if the answer is no, you move on to the next girl."

Sirius couldn't help but feel offended. "Gee, tell me what you really think of me," he snarled.

She shrugged. "It's what everyone thinks of you, Sirius," she said bluntly. "We all know, except for maybe you, that you will never be happy flitting from girl to girl. It may satisfy you in the moment, but when are you going to grow up? Life is just some game to you. A string of conquests. Notches for your bedpost. You toy with girls' feelings in a way that makes them feel used and worthless. How about you actually try and get to know a girl for once before hopping straight into bed with them? How about you stop flashing around that stupid smirk of yours in order to somehow get ahead in this stupid popularity contest that you had created for yourself? How about you actually confront your feelings for once instead of avoid them? Grow some balls, stop sleeping with every skirt in this school, and act your damned age for once," she snapped, telling Sirius everything he had recently already admitted to himself. Didn't make it any easier for him to hear it thoguh. "Sirius, you can be such a jackass and what's worse is that you don't even realize it. Maybe you and Potter are more alike that I thought."

Sirius stared at her in shock, unsure where any of this animosity came from. He knew he was trying to deflect the conversation away from her and on to him but that didn't make it right to tear him down. The person he was held no relevance to the topic of conversation they had shared and he didn't appreciate being verbally attacked. He walked towards her door and without another glance back at Lily, he opened it and stormed out.

Lily sighed, ignoring the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach. She attempted to convince herself that she had to do it in order for her not to blurt out the truth about her family to him, but that didn't make it any less demeaning.

She groaned. Why did she have such a tendency towards exaggerated outbursts?

She fell back against the bed with a sigh, her gaze falling on a crack in the ceiling. Artemis curled up beside her and at that slight bit of comfort, Lily realized that that damned cat was the only thing in the world who really understood everything that she had been through.

Then again, whose fault was that?

* * *

"Hey, where the hell have you been?" James asked when Sirius walked into the nearly empty Gryffindor common room where he, Remus, and Peter were sitting, attempting to play a game of Exploding Snaps. Considering James was clearly not interested in playing and Peter was not a good player, the game fell flat.

He shrugged. "Around."

His friends stared up at him carefully and all groaned in unison. "You talked to her, didn't you," Remus said, not as a question but as statement. He yelped as the cards exploded, ducking as they nearly singed his hair.

"Now why would you assume I talked to Lily-bean?" Sirius questioned, plopping cautiously beside Remus on the couch.

"Why would you assume it was Lily I was talking about?" Remus smirked.

"Uh…" Sirius struggled for an answer but nothing came. "Hm, I don't have a good lie right now so instead I'm going to conveniently change the subject. How about that Guys Night that James requested earlier?"

"And I am going to conveniently ignore your request to change the subject," Remus retaliated, shooting him a look. "Why did you talk to her, Sirius, after we agreed not to?"

"No, the three of _you _agreed. I just so happened to disagree."

"How come whenever you disagree, you do something stupid?" Remus sighed.

"That's not true!"

They all gave him a look.

"Okay, so maybe it's true."

They still stared at him.

"Okay, fine, call me stupid," Sirius murmured.

"We usually do," James interjected.

"Well, how'd she take it?" Peter questioned.

Sirius sighed, slumping down on the couch. "Not well," he murmured. "I think she hates me now. Which is fine, because I'm not a huge fan of her right now, either."

"Well, that's what you get for being stupid," Remus replied.

Sirius scowled. "You suck at this comforting thing." He shoved a pillow over his face with a groan.

"I know," Remus responded, gripping the pillow away from Sirius before he accidentally suffocated himself. "So why does she hate you?"

Sirius snorted. "Oh please, I pretty much told her that her family was dead."

"Hm…well, that'll do it," James snickered.

"You suck at this comforting thing, too," Sirius snapped.

"I know," James sighed. "So what happened?"

Sirius sighed. "Nothing," he murmured, not really wanting to go into details.

"Ooh, this sounds bad. Do tell," Peter snickered.

Sirius glared at him. "I'm in the mood to rearrange someone's body parts right now, y'know."

Peter threw his arms up innocently. "Hey, Remus and James are the one who suck at comforting!"

"You're not helping much either," Sirius murmured.

"I know," he replied unsympathetically with a shrug.

"So exactly what happened?" James investigated.

"Like I said, nothing," Sirius murmured, looking a bit down and avoiding eye contact with his friends.

"Wow, that bad?" Remus sighed. "What did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her anything!" Sirius cried. "I just asked if she had the _Daily Prophet_. After a few witty back and forth quips, she eventually took it out and read it! And she had no recognition of what could have happened to her family, and didn't seem to be worried when I asked her about Allentown! I had to tell her myself, and had to explain that James was the one who told me where she lived—oh and James, by the way, I'm pretty sure she hates you more and thinks you're out to get her—"

"That's nothing new," he muttered.

"—And she claimed that we weren't worried about her and I didn't understand. Oh! And then she said we weren't friends and then accused me in a very insulting way that I can't be friends with girls because I'm only a player who's just in it for some sort of game or whatnot to get ahead in my reputation! And then I stomped out because I was pissed!"

Remus blinked, his jaw dropping in awe. "That's your definition of 'nothing happened?'" Remus questioned.

Sirius scowled and sunk down lower in the couch. "She had no right accusing me of what she did."

Remus, James, and Peter exchanged furtive, nervous glances. Sirius scoffed, noting the guilty looks on their faces."What? You all think I can't be friends with a girl?" Sirius asked.

"Well…uh…er…how…why…so Lily thinks James is out to get her, huh?" Remus responded.

"Moony!" Sirius whined, glaring at him. "I can be friends with girls."

"Oh really? Name one," James asked pointedly.

Sirius hesitated. "Uh…Lily?"

"She doesn't exactly agree with you," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, well she was mad at me—she would've said anything at that point," Sirius disagreed.

"Try again," Remus said.

"Fine. Kay, then," Sirius replied, specifically not telling them that Kay had pretty much told him that they weren't exactly friends just a few days earlier.

"Oh really, and when was the last time you and Kay hung out just the two of you?" James questioned.

"That's not the point," Sirius pouted.

"Uh, yeah, it kinda is," Peter pointed out.

"And please don't tell me that you're next suggestion is Riley because if you haven't noticed, you two haven't exactly been on good terms for two years now," Remus snorted, smiling apologetically.

Sirius glared at them, neglecting to tell them that that had changed. "I'm able to keep a friendship with girls," Sirius pouted, crossing his arms bitterly. "You just don't realize it because I haven't been just friends with a girl in a while."

"Yeah, since Riles, and look how things turned out for you two," James reminded him, rolling his eyes. "I may be wrong about this, but when two people walk into a room and start yelling at each other about nothing in particular, I wouldn't classify them as friends."

"I'm not finding this very amusing right now."

"Sirius," Remus said with a frown. "What was Lily's reaction to Allentown being attacked?"

He shrugged. "Like I said, she didn't have one," he muttered. "She was so...so nonchalant about the whole thing."

"Wow, big word," Peter teased.

Sirius glared at him. "I don't know what I did or said, but her guard was up from the moment I mentioned Allentown."

"Maybe she doesn't live there anymore?" James suggested.

"No, she said she did."

"Maybe she doesn't like her family?"

"No, she told me that she does."

"Maybe she really is worried but doesn't want to show it?"

"No, I don't think that's it either."

"Well then, maybe you could be a little more helpful and shed some light on the situation considering you were the one there and not me!" James scowled.

Sirius shrugged. "I have no light to shed. I couldn't get a read on her."

"Like that's anything new," Remus snorted. "That girl has always been somewhat of a closed book."

"You just have to know how to open her up," James murmured, the words out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Three blank and yet curious stares glanced up at him. "Oh? And you know how to do this?" Remus said with somewhat of a teasing grin.

James glared at him. "Oh, yes, we're the best of friends, can't you tell?" he snapped. "I'm not saying I'm the best person for that job. I'm just saying she doesn't have to be a closed book."

"How profound of you," Sirius snorted.

James rolled his eyes. "So where did we leave that whole sneaking into Hogsmeade idea?"

"We left it behind with Sirius' earlier terrible subject change. Just like the one you attempted to make," said Remus.

James shot Remus a look. "Do you not want to go into Hogsmeade?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm always down for a little fun."

"When we sneak into Hogsmeade, I'm totally going to find a girl to be friends with," Sirius spoke with a grin.

Three pairs of eyes stared up at him. "Let me get this straight. You're going to go into Hogsmeade, get drunk, dance a little, meet girls…and not snog one of them on the dance floor in a very ostentatious manner?" James asked in awe.

"That's exactly what I'll be doing," Sirius agreed.

James paused, a look of awe spreading across his face. "Has that ever happened?"

"Oh, come on, there has to be one time when he didn't snog some girl senseless on the dance floor," Remus said.

"Oh really, when?" Peter questioned.

Remus paused to think about it. "You're right, that's never happened."

"Well it's going to happen tonight," Sirius grunted.

Remus pointed an eyebrow upward. "Man, if I had known telling Sirius he couldn't be friends with girls would cause me to not have to watch his public displays of affection, I would have mentioned it three years ago!"

Sirius pouted. "You do not appreciate me."

"Maybe you should try to get appreciation from your friends who are girls…oh wait," Remus snickered.

Sirius threw a pillow at him and missed.

"Look, he's already throwing like one!" James pointed out.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay well now Sirius and Lily aren't speaking to each other because both Sirius and Lily are idiots. But there was lots of fun Marauder interaction to hopefully make up for that. Coming up in the next chapter: a Hogsmeade visit, Christmas Eve, Riley at home.


	39. Of Pessimism, Bathtubs, & Idiots

**A/N:** I'm back with chapter 40, yay! Okay, I'm so tired of saying this but I'm going to say it again: if you don't appreciate how i'm writing my story, then stop reading it! I don't need the same critical reviews by the same critical people-I think I know by now that you want to see more Lily and James action; I get it-it's an LJ fic! However, I'm going to write my story the way I want to write my story and whatever you say, won't change much of that. I don't mean to sound rude and I understand you want to see more LJ interaction because that's what this story is supposed to be about but I believe the other characters also make it exciting and make it that much more suspenseful. Thank you for understanding.

**Disclaimer:** I'll make this easy: I'm not J.K. Rowling...oh, and only 254 days and 12 hours left until the 5th movie

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 39: Of Pessimism, Bathtubs, & Idiots

* * *

With only one drink in him that night in Hogsmeade, Sirius was wishing he was back at Hogwarts, something he never thought he would ever be wishing. But for one, the party scene wasn't his favorite now that he had Riley in his life. And two, he couldn't get Lily's words out of his head and it was bugging him to no end. He didn't know why they had offended him so much. It hadn't been news to him. He had always had a reputation of some sort of rebellious player. And he had always owned up to it. The girls had still flocked to him so it wasn't as if he cared. But being friends with a girl? That wasn't so much his forte. Girls had only really ever held one interest over him and it most certainly wasn't companionship. But he had always considered Lily one of his friends. Ever since she had been someone, probably the only one, who had helped him survive the worst part of his life when he was not on speaking terms with his three best friends. He had never felt so defeated and alone before in his life after the Snape incident. And then in swooped Lily who made an effort to spend time with him. He knew it was because she could sense he was feeling lonely but he was so grateful that she had never actually spoke of it.

He hoped that the past didn't end up haunting him. Riley knew of his reputation and he knew about hers, but he also knew that they can change that by being together. He just hoped Riley had the same faith in their relationship that he did.

James and Remus were out on the dance floor with a few pretty girls while Peter was holding up their table. Sirius stood at the not-so-crowded bar, scanning the room for no apparent reason but to look like he was interested in being there, while in reality, he wished he was back in the room. Or drunk enough to act like he was enjoying himself. He thought back to when he had thrived upon the bar scene. He used to love being surrounded by gorgeous women, chugging firewhisky after firewhisky, dancing on a few tabletops, singing a bit of karaoke, snogging a few girls, and daring his friends to make the next move with whatever girl he had set them up with. But now he just wanted to be back at Hogwarts away from this scene. He welcomed the quiet.

Sirius was about to head back to their table in the corner to save Peter who was being hit on by a much older, and not very pretty, woman, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and faced Rachael LeBlanc, who was looking rather seductive in a low-cut tube top and mini-skirt.

"Fancy meeting you here," she said in a low, sultry voice, leaning the back of her elbows against the top of the bar while facing outward into the crowd.

"Hey Rach," he replied rather dryly, not wanting to lead her on in any way. "Who are you here with?"

"Izzy and Jillian," she answered with a sly smile. "Evelyn and Kylie went home for break."

Sirius nodded. "Nice," he said, clearly not in the mood to talk to her.

"So how's your break going?" Rachael asked, mentally slapping herself for asking such a stupid question.

Sirius gave her a knowing look and rolled his eyes. "You don't really want to know, do you."

"Of course not. When was the last time I indulged in small talk with you?" she snickered, with a furtive smile on the tip of her lips.

"Good point. We were usually indulged in…" he trailed off, cringing.

"Sex?" Rachael snickered.

Sirius turned away, shrugging.

"What's up with you, Si?" she asked, noticing the wryness in his words and the dullness of his demeanor.

He shrugged and slowly took a sip of beer, hoping an answer would come to him. "Nothing you need to worry about," he finally replied coolly.

"What, going through some sort of dry spell?" she joked, winking playfully at him, clearly wanting to get information out of him.

Sirius snorted and glanced briefly in her direction, knowing she was trying not to act jealous. "Look who you're talking to."

"Good point," she murmured, feeling a bit rejected. She sighed and looked out into the crowd, taking his beer out of his hand and taking a small sip, getting a frustrated look out of Sirius.

"You know there's a bar here with _plenty _more beer," Sirius pointed out, grabbing his beer back with a half-teasing, half-annoyed smile.

"Yeah, which _I _have to pay for," she laughed, hoping that would give him an incentive to buy her a drink.

"If you want to get drunk, you're going to have to cough up the money," he pointed out.

Rachael stared at him out of the corner of her eye and sighed. "Yeah," she murmured, wondering why Sirius wasn't acting like his normal flirty self.

They stood in an awkward silence for a few seconds and Rachael was sure Sirius was going to walk away from her, but he surprised her and actually broke out into a conversation. "Let me ask you something, Rach," Sirius said, before he could stop himself. "Were we ever…_friends_?"

Rachael gave him a 'you're kidding me' look and snorted. "You and _me_?" she snickered.

He shifted uncomfortably and nodded.

"No, I think we pretty much skipped that part and went straight into shagmates," she snorted, giving him an all-knowing look.

"Yeah," he murmured.

"Sirius, I'm not so sure shagging and making out in random broom closets whenever we got the chance for three months can be considered being _friends_."

Sirius sighed. "I was afraid you might say that," he murmured.

"Why do you care?" Rachael asked curiously. "I mean, you're not exactly the type of guy who can be friends with a girl, y'know."

Sirius whirled around so fast, Rachael took a step back out of shock. "I can _too _be friends with a girl!"

Rachael rolled her eyes and looked away from him nonchalantly. "Oh really? And when was the last time you bothered trying to get to know a girl? I mean _really _get to know her?"

Sirius glared at her. "Is there a reason you're still over here?"

Rachel knew she should have been offended by his tone, but she just laughed it off. "C'mon, get your mind off whatever's bothering you, and dance with me."

Sirius gave him a look. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Why not? It's not as if I'm going to shag you in the middle of the dance floor, Sirius," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"I wouldn't put it past you," Sirius snickered.

"Well aren't you Mr. Funny Boy tonight," Rachael teased.

Sirius gave her a look. "Aren't there any other adolescent boys you can go and hit on?"

She shrugged. "Sure," she replied. "But I chose you."

Sirius snorted. "And is that supposed to make me feel special?"

"Of course," she said, leaning in closer to him.

He gave her a doubtful look.

"Not all guys get the chance to experience Rachael LeBlanc," she whispered into his ear.

"Funny, but I believe the guys at Hogwarts are saying differently," Sirius smirked.

Rachael stepped back and stared at him. "Jealous, are you?" she teased.

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms bitterly. "Hardly."

"Then dance with me," she replied immediately.

"How does that have anything to do with you and the male population at Hogwarts?" Sirius questioned with a snort.

Rachael shrugged. "Nothing really. I just want to dance with you."

"Yeah? Well I just want to get back to my friends," Sirius argued, giving her a look.

Rachael sighed and searched the room for her own friends. She spotted them and grinned. "Well that's fine with me," she replied, turning to Sirius. "Because your friends just happen to be with myfriends."

Sirius suppressed a groan and unwillingly led the way to the table. "Hey guys."

"Where have you been?" James asked, moving over to make room for them both.

Sirius sat down, Rachael right behind him practically falling on top of him and said, "Just at the bar."

"So have you found a friend yet?" Remus snickered at Sirius.

"Huh?" Rachael questioned, turning to give Sirius a curious glance.

"Nothing, ignore him," Sirius said, glaring at Remus with a warning look.

"So what brings you guys to this bar on a Sunday night?" Jillian questioned, taking a sip of her drink as she attempted to inconspicously eye up Remus. Everyone at the table except for apparently Remus could tell she was into him. And that's saying something considering half of the group was already tipsy.

"Guys' Night Out," Sirius replied almost immediately. "Which has somehow turned into guys and _girls' _night out."

Rachael shot him an irritated look. "Didn't realize you were opposed to hanging out with girls. Seems so very un-Sirius of you."

"The girl's got a point," James spoke up, shrugging.

"Well then call me Un-Sirius tonight," he murmured, shrugging.

"It's hard trying to make a friend of the female species when you don't want to be around girls," Remus teased.

"What?" Rachael asked again.

"_Nothing_," Sirius urged, once again glaring at Remus.

"What is your deal, Un-Sirius?" Rachael asked, confused by his bitter tongue.

Sirius shrugged slowly. "I just don't happen to be in a good mood right now."

"Oh really, I hadn't noticed," she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

Sirius glared at her and stood up abruptly, wanting nothing more than to get away from Rachael LeBlanc. "I'm getting more drinks. Anyone want anything?"

They all placed their orders and Sirius went back up to the bar, missing Riley at that moment more than he thought he ever could. Here he was, sitting with his old fling, her two friends, and his own friends, and he never felt more like an outsider. He felt older and more mature for reasons he couldn't pinpoint and he felt he no longer belonged to the scene he had spent so many years trying to perfect. As it turns out, he didn't even want to belong to the scene if Riley wasn't there by his side. It had barely been a week since he and Riley got together and yet he could feel himself changing because of her. And surprisingly, he didn't mind it.

"Sirius, what is up with you?" James hissed, coming up from behind Sirius at the bar.

Sirius shrugged, not surprised that James had followed him. "I don't know," he lied.

James gave him a dubious look. "Don't you think I know you a little better than that?"

Sirius sighed. "Sorry," he mumbled, not sorry at all.

"What is going on?" James repeated. "This is your favorite bar, you're getting hit on by a gorgeous girl who you know _fairly _well, and we're surrounded by alcohol and music. This is _your _scene, Padfoot."

Sirius cringed. "How do you know what my scene is, Prongs?"

James gave him an accusatory look. "Because I've been best friends with you for over six years," he hissed. "I think I know you a little better than you apparently give me credit for."

Sirius sighed. "I know," he murmured. "But maybe this isn't the scene I want to belong to anymore."

James frowned. "What scene do you want to belong to?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Just not this one," he muttered.

James glanced at him curiously, noting a look of disappointment in his eyes. "Does this have something to do with what happened this afternoon?"

Sirius gave him a look and went back to buying the drinks.

"Just ignore what Evans said-"

"Actually, I was thinking of ignoring _you_ instead," Sirius mumbled under his breath.

He rolled his eyes, Sirius' irritable attitude giving him a headache. "Since when have you ever let anyone else's insults offend you? You've always been so good at letting things slide off your back."

Something that Sirius had mastered many moons ago. When you lived with a family who found it rather invigorating to insult their eldest son, one quickly learned to let things go. "Since now," he said vaguely.

James sighed. "Sirius, c'mon. What's going on?"

Sirius frowned, shaking his head. "I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe this does have to do with Lily. Maybe I'm just worried about her."

James' heart skipped a beat. "This may sound ironic coming from me, but she _can _take care of herself," he urged softly.

Sirius met his best friend's gaze and knew instantly that he, too, was worried. "I know that," he said with a shrug. "Doesn't mean she needs to do it alone."

That was something that James was going to keep far, far away from. "You're thinking we should have invited her out tonight, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

Sirius made a face. "No. The girl still insulted me. I don't need to spend unwarranted time with her."

"You just said you didn't want her to be alone!"

"Doesn't mean I'm going to be the one to fix it."

"You are exasperating."

"One of my better qualities," Sirius said, grinning.

James laughed, glad that Sirius was back to joking. "C'mon, let's go get drunk and have hott girls hit on us."

Sirius grabbed the drinks off the bar. "Sounds like a plan," he said with a shrug.

* * *

Sirius groaned the next morning, waking up with a splitting headache. "What time is it?" he murmured, not expecting an answer.

"12:00," Peter snickered.

Sirius groaned again and rolled over to face him. "What the hell are you doing up?"

"It's noon. Who _isn't _up?" Remus joked, coming out from the bathroom, stifling a yawn. "Hangover?"

Sirius sighed, knowing it was more than the hangover that was giving him the headache. "No," he replied, mostly to make himself feel better. "I didn't have that much to drink last night."

"I think your table dance and singing love songs at the top of your lungs to Rachael all night contradicts that last statement," Remus laughed.

Sirius bolted out of bed. "I did _what_?"

"I know, I thought the table dance was a little much also," Peter snickered.

Sirius groaned, ignoring that part and focusing on the Rachael part. "What happened with me and Rachael last night?" he asked carefully.

"Nothing. You turned her down flat when she asked you back to her room and when we all trampled back into the common room, James had enough decency to steer you back to our room before you could change your mind," Remus said, giving him a curious look.

"But…nothing happened?" Sirius replied, trying not to look as ecstatic as he was feeling.

"No way," Remus responded. "And why do you look happy about that? I would've thought for _sure _you would've been pissed at James for grabbing you away from her."

Sirius shrugged, letting out a huge sigh of relief. "That girl and I are over. No need to dredge up the past."

Remus snorted. "Oh yeah, and since when was _that _was your motto?"

"Since now," Sirius muttered, slowly climbing out of bed. "Where _is _James anyway?"

Remus and Peter both grinned. "Passed out in our bathtub."

"_James _is?" Sirius said, shocked. "He's usually a rather good, coherent drunk."

"Well, last night he definitely wasn't coherent. But I think it had something to do with the fact you kept daring him to take another shot. It was never good enough for you," Remus explained with a snicker. Little did they know, James kept drinking in hopes that he would stop thinking about Lily Evans. "Actually, I believe the only reason he pulled you away from Rachael was because he—not in his right state, mind you—wanted you all to himself."

Both Remus and Peter burst into another round of laughter.

However, Sirius had a look of horror on his face. "Excuse me?" he croaked out.

"You heard me," Remus teased.

"I think James' exact words were 'he's so cute I could just squeeze him!'" Peter added, grinning.

Sirius groaned and put his head in his hands. "Oh dear God, I'm officially scarred for life. I think it's time we spent some time apart," he whined. "I'll never be able to hang out with James again!"

"What about me?" James murmured, coming out of the bathroom in only his shorts, holding his head with a groan.

"_Ugh_!" Sirius cried with a disgusted face, turning away from James.

"Uh…okay, that was a nice greeting," James murmured, stifling a yawn. He narrowed his eyes, slightly confused. "Did…did I hook up with someone last night?" he asked hesitantly.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius cried, swinging the door open and running from the room.

James stared at the door blankly. "Is it me or are the greetings really going downhill around here?"

"He's just…just having a bad day," Remus snickered, exchanging a glance with Peter. Another round of boisterous laughter followed.

James glanced oddly at them. "Okay, what's going on?"

Remus laughed again. "Nothing. Now let's go find Sirius and makes sure she's not jumping off the balcony or something."

"And what would be the reason for him jumping off the balcony?" James asked, rummaging through a trunk for some clothes.

"Oh, nothing really," Remus replied offhandedly, smirking. "Just because you wanted to hook up with him last night."

Remus and Peter burst into laughter again as James let out a disgusted shriek, a look of horror identical to Sirius' on his face. "You call that _nothing_?" James shouted.

Remus shrugged. "Well…nothing happened."

"I wanted to hook up with my best friend—my best _guy _friend, mind you—and you're calling that _nothing,_" James whined, shaking his head in disgust.

Remus snickered. "Well, it was funny."

"Well, I'm glad you're finding enjoyment in my pain," James mumbled. "I think _I'm _going to go fling myself off the balcony."

"Okay, have fun and just remember to avoid the rocks," Remus suggested.

"Oh, and say hi to Sirius while you're there," Peter added.

"I need a very long shower right about now," James muttered, shuddering. He hesitated, adding, "And Kristina."

Remus smirked. "She'll certainly find a way to get your mind off of Padfoot."

"At least, let's hope so," Peter said with a grin. "Otherwise, you might have to face the facts that you fancy men."

He wasn't surprised when a pillow was pelted at him.

* * *

Lily closed her door behind her, planning to head to the kitchens for some lunch. She had been successfully avoiding the Great Hall, but one does have to eat (and she hated that she had James Potter to thank for knowing where the kitchens were). She placed her wand in her pocket and was about to leave the common room when the door suddenly opened and she nearly walked right into the one person she'd been trying to avoid.

"Oh!" James said in surprise when he almost ran into Lily. "Oh…uh…hi."

Lily nodded, giving him a strained crooked smile, wishing he'd move from in front of the door so she could pass by.

"I…um…I just…er, well…I just needed...I, uh…I'm just getting a change of clothes," he stuttered uncomfortably, feeling like he had to explain himself.

"Okay," Lily replied with an indifferent shrug, not sure why he was explaining himself.

"I'm just…uh…I didn't mean to run into you," he continued, much to Lily's chagrin. "I'm doing what you asked and trying to leave you alone."

Lily bit the inside of her lip awkwardly and glanced towards the ground, avoiding any contact with James. "I-I know you are," she muttered

James nodded, not sure why he felt glued to that spot. He wanted to rush to his room, continuing to avoid Lily, but something kept him from doing so. They stood there in an unpleasant silence, neither one saying anything or willing to move.

"I'm sorry," James blurted out.

Lily glanced back up at him in confusion. "For what?" she asked curiously. "For standing in my way of food?"

James wasn't sure if she was being serious or if she was joking, but he forced out a laugh. "No…but now I am," he snickered.

Lily didn't even crack a smile.

"Er…okay, tough crowd," he murmured to himself.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily asked petulantly.

"I already said I was sorry."

"And conveniently left out _why_."

He frowned. There was so much he could apologize for. "I'm sorry if telling the guys you live in Allentown was something you wanted to keep a secret."

Surprise flickered in her eyes. For all the things he could have possibly been sorry for, she was surprised he chose that to harp on. "Oh," she mustered out, shrugging. "It's…it's fine."

Something in her voice told him that it wasn't fine. "I was just worried, that's all."

She scowled. "What is with you and Sirius and your goddamned worry?"

He hesitated. "Er…are we not supposed to be worried about our…" he trailed off. "About you?"

She knew he was about to say 'friend' and was oddly letdown when he avoided the word altogether. "I can take care of myself."

"We know that," James was quick to respond. "But it's obvious that the holidays are hard for you enough as it is. I don't know why, and it's definitely none of my business, but I just don't want them being even harder on you than they have to be."

She felt strangely touched by the concern in his voice. After all of the drama that had occurred between them, concern was the last emotion she would have expected from him. "I'm fine."

He hesitated before shrugging. "Well, you know where to find…um…us if you don't want to be alone."

"I like being alone."

"I've noticed."

Her eyes narrowed curiously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

James sighed. "It's not supposed to mean anything. Just that you seem to like solitude."

She frowned. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No."

"Fine then. Can I go now?"

"Wait," he found himself saying before she could slide past him.

"You're standing in front of the door so I kinda have to."

He cracked a smile. "Can I…can I just ask you one question?"

She stiffened, having a feeling it had something to do with why she hated the holidays or what could have happened in Allentown. "Depends on the question."

He ran his finger through his messy jet black hair, curiosity sparkling in his hazel eyes. "Have you told Kay and Riley about…about…"

Lily was thoroughly confused. "About what? Allentown?" she dared to spit out.

He shook his head. "Oh, no, I'm not talking about that," he muttered and she could have sworn she saw a hint of crimson in his cheeks.

"Then what are you talking about?"

He now looked visibly uncomfortable. "About the…um…the kiss," he said hastily.

_Well, that came out of nowhere_, she thought with bewilderment. "Oh," she said, confused. She had really expected a few invasive questions about her hatred for the holidays or the attack on Allentown. "Have you told the guys?" she avoided the question.

"No."

She had known he was going to say that, yet it still somehow hurt. She didn't know why it hurt, but it did. It just once again proved to her that James Potter was somehow ashamed of her. And that made her feel worthless. Something she as actually starting to believe. And that's what really killed her. Not the fact that James Potter saw her as a nobody. Not that he had already called her worthless, both to her face and behind her back. But that she was actually starting to believe it. She hated him for it. And she hated herself for it. "Can I get by now?" she murmured. Without a response, she rushed past him, bumping into him and forcing him against the wall as she waltzed out of the room.

"I'm sorry, Evans!" he called out after her.

She froze and turned back around. "For not telling the guys?" she snorted. "I could care less."

"No, not that," he sighed, "For…I don't know. I guess I've got a lot to apologize for."

"You're starting to sound like a broken record," she sighed. "Did you ever think that maybe, _just maybe_, if you stopped doing ridiculous things, you wouldn't have so much to apologize for?"

"I've tried but apparently Ridiculous is my middle name."

"So is Unwitty Jokester," she retaliated immediately.

His eyebrow arched. "That's two middle names."

She scowled before whirling back around, storming down the hallway.

"I was just trying to lighten the mood!"

She hesitated a quarter of the way down the hallway and reluctantly turned back around. "You _always _try to lighten the mood, Potter," she said irritably. "Have you ever, _just once in your life_, been serious?"

He pretended to think about it before shrugging. "Can't say that I have, no."

She let out a frustrated grunt, once again stalking off.

"I _am _sorry though!" he called out. "For the way things have turned out between us!"

"I'm not!" she snapped, shrugging coolly as she reached the hallway end.

"You're being childish," James whined.

Lily snorted and once again whirled around to glare at him. She had no idea what possessed her to respond, but she did. She refused to let him get in the last word. "You are unbelievable," she hissed. "I'm the childish one? I'm just trying to enjoy a relaxing break _for once, _which by the way you have already pointed out that you hadn't wanted to make it worse and lookie here – you're making it worse! Merlin, Potter, can't you ever just let things go?"

He hesitated, shrugging. _"_Not when you're so clearly hurt over something I did."

Her eyes flashed with surprise. "I'm not hurt. I just don't care anymore."

"If you didn't care, you wouldn't still be standing here with me."

"I tried walking away and you called me childish!" she snapped. "But here I am leaving once again." She turned on her heels once again.

"Don't you think it's a little coincidental that we always manage to run into each other?" James cried after her.

Lily sighed. She was going to break her neck with all of the whirling around she was doing. "Excuse me?"

"We can't seem to get away from each other," he pointed out.

"We're the Heads of this school, Potter," Lily said dryly. "Of course we can't get away from each other."

"That's not what I mean," he quickly protested, shaking his head vigorously.

"Then what do you mean?" Lily asked in an irritable tone.

"I-I mean…" James looked at her and sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. "It seems that no matter how much we try to stay away from each other, no matter how much we try to avoid each other, no matter _how_ _much_ we try to just _steer clear_ of each other's paths, we manage to always find our way back to each other. Why is that?" He silently added that no matter how much he had to drink, he would never be able to rid her from his mind.

"Hm, let me think," Lily responded sarcastically, "First of all, we happen to live together. Second of all, we have the same friends. Third of all, we're in the same house. Fourth of all, we have all the same classes. Fifth of all, we eat at the same table. Sixth of all, we run meetings together on Thursday nights. Seventh of all, and I repeat, _we're the Heads of this school_." She smirked at the defeated expression on his face, a sour frown following suit. "Do you need anything more or are you convinced?" she interrogated angrily, just wanting to get away from him.

James sighed. "Why do you have a bloody answer to everything?" he murmured. He had been, _for once in his life_, trying to be serious and she found a reason to mock him. No wonder he was never serious – she clearly wouldn't let him be.

"Why do you ask stupid questions?"

"I think it was a perfectly reasonable question."

"And I think you're an idiot so your opinion doesn't really count."

"So then what's _your _opinion?" James dared to ask, glaring at her heatedly.

"I already told you: you're an idiot," Lily smirked.

James threw his hands in the air, letting out an infuriated scowl. "Fine! I give up!" he cried, finally throwing up the white flag. "You win, Evans. I can't ever seem to get through to you so congratulations, _you win_. I'm done trying to get answers and I'm done trying to be nice. Trying clearly hasn't gotten me anywhere so I guess I'm through trying to fix whatever the hell is going on with us. You want to continue with this stupid back-and-forth quippy bickering war, you go right ahead. I'm done trying to figure you out. Hell, I'm done trying to figure _us _out. So congratulations, Evans, _you win_!"

Lily froze and slowly shook her head. She took a few cautious steps closer to him, glancing up at the frustration in his eyes. "You think that's me winning?" she said softly, slowly shaking her head. "I just want…I don't know…you and I…"

"Yeah?" he urged.

She blinked, a frown framing her face. She didn't know what she wanted but she certainly wouldn't call their tumultuous relationship a win for her. She wanted so desperately to be able to go back to a time when things were okay with them. When they were actually friendly with each other. She _wanted _that. She did. But how could she let him back into her life knowing the truth about how he really feels about her? How could she be friends with a guy who so clearly didn't know how to be a friend to her? How could she ever trust him? Because in the end, that's where their real problem lied in. Trust. He shredded her character and integrity into a million irreparable pieces and a few apologies and a pleading gaze weren't going to be able to change that. "I…I feel like we're that recently divorced couple who…who don't know how not to be around each other. Who fight and argue over the stupidest things but continue to do so because they can't manage to keep away from one another because that's what they're so used to. And yet keeping apart might just be exactly what they need in order to move on from their antagonistic history." Her voice was hoarse, desperate even.

He felt his heart constrict tightly within his chest. "And what if…" he started to say before stopping himself.

"What if?" she urged.

He bit down on the inside of his lip, noting the curious glint of green sparkling in her emerald eyes. "What if one of the people in that recently divorced couple doesn't want to move on?"

She locked eyes with him and wanted to turn away, but found herself unable to do so. She felt chills running down her spine. "What if the other one does?"

For some unexpected reason, James felt his heart sink. And Lily noticed. His face fell, his eyes erased the hope that was just there, and his lips formed a thin line. "Is there anything that the first person can do to change the second person's mind?"

She couldn't explain why but she felt an overwhelming desire to cry at that moment. "I think that the second person has already tried everything."

"The second person avoiding the first person can't be construed as trying."

"The first person has been avoiding the second person just as much."

"Because the first person was trying to give the second person what she wanted."

"Yet here you are standing in front of me," she said softly, not even bothering to use the euphemism any longer.

He blinked. "The first person had hoped that the second person changed her mind on what she wanted," he whispered, continuing with the euphemism in fear of letting his emotions get the better of him.

Lily couldn't remember the last time she felt her heart race so fast. They were getting dangerously close to a conversation she was convinced she didn't want to have. She swallowed hard. "I haven't," she said softly.

He had to turn away, wanting so badly for things to go back to the way they used to be. Even if just for a month, he enjoyed every minute he got to spend with her. And he knew that she did, too. So what could have possibly scared her off? "I hate that we're like this," he blurted out, desperation seeping from his words.

She averted her own eyes towards the ground with a shrug. "Like what, Potter?" she murmured. "This is how we've always been."

"No," he said softly, shaking his head. "It's how we used to be. We've established that we can do better. You just choose not to."

She hated that he had a point. She hated that she was stubborn. She hated that she kept thinking back to their fight and their kiss. She hated that there was a part of her that still actually craved the idea of them being able to potentially get along. But what she hated more was that James had absolutely no problem talking bad about her behind her back. And that was someone she didn't want to be friends with.

"And until you provide me with some sort of clarity as to what I possibly could have done wrong, there is absolutely no way we can move forward," James continued, his words soft with angst.

Lily bit down on the inside of her lip instinctively, her heart skipping a beat. She knew he wasn't just saying that because he wanted to know her reasoning. He truly meant it. And she couldn't help but agree. How could they move past their animosity and frustration with each other if she couldn't even tell him why she recently gained more animosity and frustration with him? But that didn't change the fact that she didn't want to talk to him about it. How could she possibly admit how much his words hurt her? That would give him the knowledge that a part of her actually cared about what he thought (why she cared about what he thought was another question for another time). And she refused to show any vulnerability to a guy who would probably ultimately use it against her. Just like every single other time she let him get a leg up on her. "Well, then I guess we're destined to be stuck in whatever limbo we're in right now, Potter," she responded in a shaky voice.

"Evans-"

But she was already turning away and rushing down the hallway, desperate to walk away from him and their problems.

"Evans, _wait_!" he pleaded, groaning as he followed her.

"Please, Potter, just…just leave me alone," she pleaded when she heard his footsteps behind her.

"Look, I still have things I feel the need to apologize for," he said sincerely, reaching out and grabbing her arm.

She let out a sharp sigh, turning to glare at him. "Stop feeling like you have to apologize for everything. That's not going to change anything between us. Can't you ever just let it be?"

He frowned, dropping his hand from Lily's arm. She wanted him to leave her alone and yet he felt compelled to run after her. Why is that? Why was he so determined to be her friend again when it was clear she wanted no part of it? Why did he care so much?

He sighed, his heart sinking into his stomach in defeat. "You're right," he said softly. He made a face. "Damnit, I hate when you're right."

She could only blink, not finding any amusement in the situation.

"I'll let it be," he agreed with a sigh. "I'll leave you alone. If that's really what you want, I'll give it to you, Evans. I might not want to but maybe it's time I started listening to you. You deserve that at the very least. You hate this holiday enough and you don't need me butting in," he continued, frowning deeply. "And I don't know what it is about this holiday that unnerves you, but I don't want to be the reason you hate it more than you already do. Just please know that I _am _sorry. For whatever it is I did, I am sorry. I hate seeing you like this and I hate knowing that I did that. You don't have to tell me why – hell I don't deserve to know why. You don't owe me anything. So you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'll get out of your hair, alright, Evans?"

He whirled around to head back to the room, knowing that that wasn't what he had wanted to say. He had wanted to beg her to tell him what he had done wrong so he could properly apologize. He had wanted to tell her that while he didn't know why, he found himself caring about her to the point that it killed him not knowing what he had done wrong. He had always known in the past the things that he had done or said wrong and always knew he probably could fix it. Now when he wanted to fix it, he couldn't. And a part of him hated her for it.

He couldn't help but wonder why the two of them had so many issues with each other. He was so tired of playing the back-and-forth game with her, not knowing where they stood or what they were or how to fix it. They were so unpredictable sometimes. And yet in a way, so predictable. Because in the end, they would clearly always remain enemies. No matter how many times they tried being nice to each other or tried to at least act civil while dealing with Head duties or tried to just keep away from each other to keep some peace between them, they would always end up back where they started: bickering rivals. They would continue to butt heads and continue to yell at each other. They would continue shooting death glares and continue to challenge each other. They would continue to complain to their friends and they would continue to quarrel. It's what they did. It's what they were used to. It's what _everyone _was used to. So why was James so determined to change that? Maybe it was just time to accept the fact that mortal enemies was all they were ever going to be. Lily was never going to tell him why she suddenly decided to hate him again. And why should she? She absolutely didn't owe him a single thing. After all of the crap that he's pulled on her in seven years, he didn't blame her. In fact, he was surprised that she was even bothering to speak to him at all. He really had been a jackass to her. And that was something he hated himself for.

Lily watched him rush out of her sight and found herself rather speechless. He had almost sounded sincere with his apology. An apology she didn't even want because he didn't even know why he was feeling remorseful. It made her feel slightly guilty. But only slightly.

She wanted him to just ignore her and _want _to ignore her so that it made it easier ignoring him. And yet he seemed to always be around, desperately trying to find answers. Except this time, something was different. Something felt off. Because he hadn't asked any questions; he had merely apologized. He didn't ask why she hated the holidays or what he could do to try and rectify her hate for the holidays like she felt he would have tried in the past. He really did let her be. Which is what she had wanted.

But then why did she suddenly feel so guilty?

* * *

"We wish you a Merry Christmas Eve, we wish you a Merry Christmas Eve, we wish you a Merry Christmas Eve!" Sirius sang loudly, prancing around the room early Christmas Eve morning.

"Someone shut him up," Remus mumbled into his pillow.

"I second that," Peter muttered.

"I third that," James murmured, throwing his pillow over his years. He had been staying in the seventh-year dormitories during the holidays so as to both avoid Lily and because he wouldn't want to spend his break any other way.

"-And a Happy New Year!" Sirius continued, throwing open all of his friends' curtains around their beds. "Wake up sleepyheads, it's Christmas Eve!"

"And exactly _what_ is so special about Christmas Eve?" Remus mumbled, stifling a yawn.

"_Duh_, Santa Clause comes tonight!"

Remus stared at him through his exhausted, squinted eyes. "Wow, I never realized you were five-years-old."

"We did," Peter and James murmured in unison, both forcing out a weary chuckle.

Sirius rolled his eyes and proceeded to jump on the end of Remus' bed. Remus yelped and glared at him. "C'mon, get up!" he urged with a pleading gaze.

"Sirius Black, if you don't stop bouncing on my bed I am going to tell the entire school that you and James are now lovers!" Remus announced, throwing his pillow over his face with a groan.

"Hey now, don't involve me," James muttered, stifling a yawn.

"No one would believe it," Sirius said with a grin, continuing to jump at the edge of Remus' bed. "I have a black book around here somewhere that will back me-_ARGH!" _he cried as Remus slammed his pillow into him and he fell backwards towards the ground.

"Someone _please_ shut him up," Remus whined, whipping his curtains shut once again as he rolled over to face the wall.

"I second that," James murmured, his voice muffled under his pillow.

"I third that," Peter repeated.

"You're all party poopers," Sirius pouted.

"I'd rather be a party pooper than someone who uses the phrase party pooper," James snickered, peeking an eye out from underneath his pillow to see Sirius glaring at him.

Sirius shrugged, sinking into his desk chair dismissively. "Fine, stay in bed, miss out on the holiday—it's snowing by the way—and miss the feast and the-"

"_Snow_!" they all cried, practically leaping out of bed. Peter tripped on his way out, tumbling to the ground.

"Snowball fight!" James announced eagerly.

Sirius grinned. "I knew I could get you guys out of bed." The Marauders had never missed the first snowfall at Hogwarts. They found themselves reverting back to their childhood ways, building snow forts, throwing snowballs at young passersby, making snow angels, and ice-skating on the snow-covered lake until McGonagall scolded them.

James rushed into the bathroom, crying out over his shoulder, "We didn't do it for you, Padfoot! We did it for all the snow that is piling up on the ground and calling out our names!"

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus and Peter hustled to get dressed. It took Remus a few minutes to realize that his long-sleeved T-shirt was on backwards. "Oh yeah, I think I hear it now," Sirius drawled sarcastically. "Oh no wait, snow doesn't speak."

"This coming from the guy who is excited for _Santa Clause _to visit him tonight," Remus snickered.

Sirius stared at him. "You know what's funny about that?"

"What?"

"No, I'm asking you."

Remus laughed and walked into the bathroom, practically pushing James over in order to brush his teeth. James gave him a dirty look.

"I love snow! Snow loves me!" Sirius sang, going back to dancing around the room, jumping from bed to bed. "We're a great big family!"

"And if you keep singing, you're going to be living in it," James claimed, walking out of the bathroom and undressing immediately.

"Oh, and what say do you have in that? You don't even technically live here," Sirius pointed out, sticking his tongue out at him.

James gave him a look. "Yes, but I'm Head Boy and I have the power to overrule pretty much anything you do or say."

Sirius scowled. "Abusing your badge. Shame on you."

"Oh, like you wouldn't do it?"

"Oh, no, I definitely would," Sirius admitted. "My first jobs would've been canceling classes for the whole year, making chocolate a mandatory part of everyone's diet, and of course making the Astronomy Tower off-limits to everyone but me."

"Which is only part of the reason that you weren't even in the running for Head Boy," Remus replied with an amused smile, sauntering out of the bathroom. Peter took his turn.

"'Part of the reason?'" James snorted. "I'm fairly certain that's the full reason."

"Who would want to be Head Boy anyway?" Sirius snorted, giving them a look.

James shot him a look, grabbing his jacket from the post of his bed. "Uh, me?"

"No, you have to be Head Boy. I'm pretty sure you didn't want to be."

James shrugged. "It's not so bad."

"Yeah, that's because you're willing to abuse your badge," Sirius joked.

James nodded hesitantly. And it kept him close to Lily Evans. He stiffened. _Where the hell did that come from_? As Peter sauntered out of the bathroom, James changed the subject."We ready to go outside?"

"_YAY_! I'm…I'm…_uber_-excited!" Sirius cried, jumping off of Peter's bed towards the door.

They all stared at him. "Uber?" Remus finally questioned.

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah it's my new word. It's fun to say."

"You know what's also fun to say? You're out of the Marauders," James teased, throwing Remus his jacket and leading the group down the stairs.

"Oh, Merlin, guess the Marauders caught wind of the snowstorm brewing outdoors," Dezzy spoke from the couch as her brother and his three friends traipsed into the room bundled up from head to toe in winter gear.

James grinned, meeting her gaze. "We never miss the first snowfall."

"I'm quite aware. Pretty sure I still have the welt on my shoulder from when you slammed me with a snowball packed of _ice_ last year," she muttered.

"Is that code for you'll join us?" he said with a grin.

Dezzy shot him a look. "So that I can be outnumbered four to one in your pathetic attempts to drowning me in snow?" she snorted. She shrugged. "Yeah, I'm in."

The Marauders laughed. "Meet you outside in a few?"

"Sure. I'll try and round up some others."

"Snowball fight in thirty minutes!" Sirius urged, crying out to the few Gryffindors that had remained at Hogwarts for the break. "Everyone's invited but you better bring your A game because the Marauders never lose!"

"Is that a challenge, Black?" Rachael LeBlanc spoke up from the floor near the fireplace, a smirk on her face.

He grinned. "Guess you'll have to find out," he said coyly. "C'mon, boys, we have some strategizing to do!" he urged, leading the Marauders out.

"Strategizing?" Remus snorted. "Pretty sure you've had the same strategy for years: slam as many cute girls with snowballs and then somehow make it up to them by rolling in the snow in a full-blown snog session."

Sirius shrugged. "That _is _my favorite strategy," he contemplated with a laugh as they exited the common room.

"Don't you dare come traipsing in later dragging all of that snow and ice in here!" the Fat Lady warned.

"We would never _dream _of it !" James teased, winking at her.

She sighed. "That's what you say every year. Why oh why weren't you lot placed in Ravenclaw?"

Her question went ignored as the four boys were already rushing down the hallway.

* * *

Lily was trying desperately to ignore the fact that it was Christmas Eve. Instead, she was lying in her bed staring up at the ceiling tiles and petting her cat, thoughts swirling around in her mind. When she wasn't thinking about her parents she was thinking about Petunia and where she might be. When she wasn't thinking about Petunia, she was thinking about the recent interactions she had with James. When she wasn't thinking about James, she was thinking about the last conversation she had with Kay. When she wasn't thinking about Kay, she was thinking about how rude she had been to Sirius when all he had tried to do was help. Why did the holidays always bring out the worst in her?

She sighed and rolled over, digging her face in Artemis' fur. She heard shrieks coming from underneath her window and frowned, wondering how it could be that others seemed to be enjoying their day when she was so miserable. It took her a few minutes to get the energy to climb out of bed and crawl over to the window ledge. She glanced out the window to see who could possibly be outside on such a cold day. But the first thing she saw was the snow, falling softly to the ground in big, round cascading snowflakes. She sat there mesmerized by it until she heard another loud scream coming from the grounds.

Lily stared down at the crowd of people traipsing around the grounds. Mainly Gryffindors but she saw a few Ravenclaws and the occasional Hufflepuff joining in on the fun. Girls and guys alike were being chased and tackled into the snow and the younger students found enjoyment out of making snow angels. There were snow forts lining the property with students cowering behind them and snowballs being tossed in every direction. It was obvious that whatever snowball fight was now occurring had been a premeditated game plan on behalf of the Marauders. A strange, euphoric feeling crept up in the back of her mind, wanting her to get up off her self-absorbed butt and join them. But for whatever reason, she remained rooted on her window ledge.

Looking out at Sirius who had abandoned the snowball fight to attempt to make a snowman, she suddenly felt extremely guilty for the way she acted towards him and wished she could take it all back. She knew he was just trying to be protective and she knew that she took her anger over her parents' death out on him and it wasn't right. She had been acting so selfish and grumpy lately, towards everyone, and it wasn't fair to them.

She wondered why she took everything about her parents' death out on everyone else. It wasn't their fault her parents died when she was young and left her on her own to face the world alone. So even though she knew it wasn't anyone's fault, why was she always so quick to jump down people's throats during the holidays? Why did she always get so worked up? Why did she act so angry and bitter towards the people around her?

She closed her eyes, knowing perfectly well she resented anyone who was happy on the holiday and that's why she felt so bitter. But she was tired of hating herself and hating others. She was tired of acting like everything in her life was going wrong and she was the only one with problems. She was tired of being sad.

She sighed and crawled off the window ledge with an agenda in mind.

* * *

**A/N:** There! There's a little LJ action for all of you who miss it! Are you happy now? I would just like to point out at this time that even though this is technically an LJ fic, I like to focus on the other characters as well or else, at least to me, it gets stale and boring. I like the excitement of the Sirius/Riley relationship and the Kay/Lance drama and the witty conversations between the Marauders. Personally, it makes it more interesting. Anyway, please review!


	40. Of Debutantes, Snowmen, & Wussies

**A/N: **I'm back with nothing much to add. Sorry if you think that the story is getting static, but people can't just make up at the drop off a hat. James and Lily have a lot of issues to get through and until they stop holding back, nothing much is going to be rectified. Just be patient!

**Disclaimer:** I'm too tired to bother writing something creative here.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 40: Of Debutantes, Snowmen, & Wussies

* * *

Riley groaned as her window drapes were opened that evening and the setting sun poured right on to her face, after having been taking a nap for hours. Her mother insisted on her waking up incredibly early that morning to scrub the house in anticipation of her grandmother's evening visit. "What do you want?" she murmured to her mother who was standing over her.

"Your grandmother will be here in a half hour," Nora Gilmore hissed, throwing the covers off of Riley's bed. "And she will _not _tolerate tardiness! Why don't you ever set an alarm clock when you take a damn nap?"

"Because it's much more fun to see Gran squirm," Riley murmured.

Nora glared at her daughter. "You are impossible, you know that?"

Riley shrugged, wiping her eyes and stifling a yawn. "So I've been told."

"Why must you be so difficult?" Nora questioned, standing over her with her arms crossed bitterly. "Why can't you ever just do what you're asked?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "Because you ask me to do ridiculous things."

"Asking you to have tea with your grandmother is not ridiculous," Nora shot back, going into Riley's closet to try to find suitable clothing.

"It is when you know all Gran wants to talk to me about is getting married," Riley argued, climbing out of bed in annoyance, grabbing her brush off her nightstand and running it through her hair.

"Well, you should listen to your grandmother," Nora cried out from the closet.

"Mom, I'm eighteen!" Riley shouted. "I do not need to be married! I have so much more to experience. I want to live my life, one of which does not need to involve a man."

"I married straight out of school. Are you telling me I didn't experience anything? I didn't live my life?" Nora accused angrily.

Riley snorted. "You had Rafe only two years later," she pointed out. "How much could you have experienced? How much life could you possibly have lived?"

Nora stuck her head out of the closet and glared heatedly at her daughter. "I wanted to get married young and I wanted to have kids when I was young. _That's _the life I wanted to live."

"No, that's the life _Gran _wanted you to live," Riley snapped. "And that's the difference between you and me. You let her run your life, but I refuse to let her run mine."

"My mother did not run my life," Nora growled. "She just knew what was best for me and she knows what's best for you, also."

"I think _I _know what's best for me," Riley snapped.

"You should respect your grandmother more than you do, young lady," she retorted. "Your grandmother is a very prestigious woman throughout England: the head of many Ministry committees, a close friend to the Minister of Magic, the wife of a well-respected retired Auror, and she-"

"And she even knew the Queen of England," Riley stated monotonously, hearing that speech over a thousand times. "Yes mom, I know all that. But what exactly does that have to do with me?"

"If the rest of England respects her so, I believe her own granddaughter should also!" she pointed out angrily. She popped back into the closet and groaned. "Don't you own anything that isn't two sizes too small?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "My clothes fit fine."

"I do not need you having tea with your grandmother in a hooker's outfit."

"Well then you're out of luck, because that's all I own," Riley replied sarcastically.

Riley sighed and threw on a pair of torn jeans and an old T-shirt just to piss her mother off when she emerged from her closet. She was not looking forward to this evening in the slightest.

Her mother walked out of the closet holding the most hideous pink dress Riley has ever seen, complete with ruffles, ribbons, and bows, a dress she was forced to wear to a distant cousin's wedding years ago. She shrieked when she was Riley was wearing. "You take that off this instant, young lady! Your grandmother would not approve and frankly, neither do I!"

Riley snickered, enjoying the heart attack she was about to give her mother. "Well, there's no bloody way I'm putting that atrocious thing on."

Nora glared at her daughter. "There's no need for swearing and since it's the only thing your grandmother would remotelyapprove of, you're putting it on whether you like or not."

"Over my dead body," Riley replied, crossing her arms firmly.

"That can be arranged," her mother said coldly. "I'm going to get the tea ready for your grandmother's arrival and when you walk down those stairs, you better be wearing this dress or so help me God, I'll be pulling you out of Hogwarts and enrolling you into this great military school down south."

Riley groaned, knowing her mother would do it in a heartbeat. Her mother had always believed that Hogwarts had made Riley soft.

Her mother left the room and Riley flopped back onto her bed in frustration. "Why do I always insist on coming home for Christmas?" she muttered to herself.

* * *

Riley reluctantly trudged down the stairs into the kitchen with the ugly pink dress on where, regrettably, Lance and her two younger brothers, Billy and Drew, sat.

They burst into laughter when they saw what Riley was wearing.

Riley glared at them. "Don't think I won't pound you into the ground even though I'm wearing this dress."

"You wouldn't want to break a fingernail, now would you?" Lance snorted.

"I'll gladly break a fist if you say anything about this repulsive dress!" Riley growled.

All the boys continued laughing. "You just look so…so…so…" Drew, age fifteen, snickered, searching for the word.

Riley glared at him, showing him her fist.

"Er…nice?" he lied with a guilty grin.

"Where's the camera when you need it?" Lance snorted.

Riley threw a piece of bread at him. "If you mention this to anyone, including Kay, you're a dead man, Gilmore. A _dead _man!"

"Oh, thank God I wasn't born a girl into this family," Billy, the youngest Gilmore at age eleven, snickered.

Riley groaned. "You're telling me."

Riley's dad, Jared, walked into the kitchen at that time from the back door with a briefcase in his hand and stopped in his tracks when he saw what Riley was wearing. "Er...you look...lovely?"

"I look like shit, Dad."

"Language, dear," he said with a smile. "You would look lovely even if you were wearing a trash bag, sweetheart."

"I'd prefer the trash bag," she muttered, earning a snicker from her brothers. "Kill me, daddy," she whimpered.

"Aw, but then I'd be stuck with only five perverted boys," Jared teased.

"HEY!" Lance, Drew, and Billy all cried out together.

Jared turned to them and shrugged. "Oops, didn't see you there. That pink taffeta is blinding me."

"How do you know what taffeta is?" Lance snorted, giving his father a look.

"Blame your mother for that one," he said with a smile.

"I blame her for a lot of things," Riley whined, glancing back down at the dress she was wearing. "Maybe I'll just kill her instead of me."

"Well, that's not very lady-like," Lance teased.

"You know what else isn't very lady-like? Pummeling my brother into the ground," Riley growled, clenching a fist.

"So why are you home, Dad?" Drew questioned, quickly changing the subject before Riley stuck true to her word.

Jared made a face and placed his briefcase down on the ground, joining them at the table. "Your mother wanted me home just in case Adele wanted to share some tea after her..._meeting _with Riley," he said, trying to keep a straight face.

"You mean confrontation?" Riley snickered. "And Gran never wants to actually drink the tea."

"I know," Jared replied, making a face. "But when it comes to your grandmother, I've learned to just listen to your mother. It's easier than getting in a huge fight with her about how Nora didn't need to marry a non-wizard and that it's the only thing she did in her life to defy Adele."

"Mom's crazy," Riley murmured.

"Gran's crazy!" Lance snickered.

"And Riley's crazy for actually agreeing to wear that ridiculous dress," Drew added.

Riley was about to lunge at him when her mother walked into the kitchen. "Nonsense," Nora said, shaking her head. "Your sister looks exactly the way she's supposed to look."

"Like I have no freedom in my own damn house?" Riley snickered to her brothers and her father, who all laughed, except for Jared who attempted to keep a straight face for his wife.

"Join the club. It wasn't until I turned eighteen and moved in with Rafe that I got my own freedom," Lance pointed out, buttering a piece of bread and popping it into his mouth.

"Oh please, you had plenty of freedom beforehand," Riley argued. "You didn't have to endure Gran questioning your relationship status at every chance she could or mom telling you how you're expected to look and act as a female Gilmore."

"And a lot of good it did," Nora responded sarcastically. "Growing up with five brothers has turned you into a tomboy."

"Well, I'd much rather be a tomboy than a girly debutante," Riley murmured.

"If you cared enough about your appearance, you would make a rather beautiful debutante," Nora argued.

The boys laughed. "'A debutante,'" Drew repeated with a snicker, glancing at Riley. "Man, I would pay good money to see that."

"And I'd pay good money to see you strangled," Riley hissed so her mother wouldn't hear.

Jared turned to Lance in hopes of changing the subject. "So why are you here anyway, Lance? Rafe pissing you off that much?"

Lance chuckled. "More than mom?" he murmured so everyone except for Nora could hear, causing them to all stifle a laugh. "I'm here because Rafe didn't go grocery shopping last week like he was supposed to and-"

"And you were hungry for a home-cooked meal," Riley finished. "I should have known."

"But it's time for me to go meet up with Kay, a.k.a. time for me to leave the house before Gran arrives," he snickered, getting up from the table. He ruffled up Billy's hair. "A little word of advice: _hide_ before Gran gets here."

Billy snickered. "I was already planning on it."

Riley followed Lance out of the kitchen and made sure she was earshot out of her mother, father, and brothers before saying, "Lance, I need advice."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "From me? I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth."

Riley gave him a look. "Can we overlook the fact that I'm independent and hate asking for help, especially from my older brothers, and get to why I need your advice?"

Lance snickered. "Of course, but make it quick—I have to meet Kay in ten minutes."

Riley sighed. "How do you lie to Gran?"

Lance burst into laughter. "Lie to the Nazi?" he repeated. "Good luck! That woman can smell the smallest fib a mile away."

Riley groaned. "I know but I can't tell her that I'm…" she trailed off, uncertain what to tell Lance.

"That you're what?" Lance asked slowly and curiously, giving her a scrutinizing look.

Riley shrugged innocently. "Nothing," she murmured.

Lance gave her a look, but shrugged. "Riley, there's nothing to lie about. She's just going to ask if you're in a relationship yet and when you say no, she's going to criticize you for a good forty minutes about how you represent the females in the family and a girl at your age should be thinking solely about marriage and nothing else. It's like your routine."

"I want another routine," Riley murmured.

"Well, you can have mine," Lance muttered. "If Gran asks me one more time why I didn't apply for the Auror recruitment program and what I plan on doing with my life, there's not going to be a Gran left."

Riley cracked a smile. "That would certainly solve my problem."

He shrugged. "Gran lives by routine. Until you give her what she wants and just get married, she's never going to let up."

Riley groaned. "I need to get married then!"

Lance laughed. "You need the boyfriend first."

"Well, uh," Riley muttered hesitantly. "That's kinda what I need to lie to Gran about."

Lance cocked his head to the side suspiciously. "What exactly do you need to lie to Gran about?"

Riley gave him a sheepish look. "Well…er…I'm kinda in…uh…well…okay, I just…I don't…."

"Oh, just spit it out, Riley," Lance snickered.

Riley sighed, avoiding all eye-contact with her older brother. "I'm kinda in a relationship."

Lance stared at her in disbelief, quirking a shocked eyebrow. "What?" he cried when he fully digested what she had said. "Since when?"

"Since recently," she murmured.

"But…but you don't have relationships. In fact, I'm pretty sure you don't know how to have relationships."

"Gee thanks," she drawled, glaring at him. "This coming from Mr. Bachelor for Life? Oh wait, you're dating my best friend."

He grinned sheepishly. "Er...right. So exactly how did this happen?" he asked eagerly. "Wait...does the guy know he's dating you?"

Riley glared at him. "Thanks for the support, bro."

Lance laughed. "Sorry, this is just completely unexpected. I can't even remember the last time you had a boyfriend."

"Zach, remember?" Riley pointed out.

Lance rolled his eyes. "And that lasted all of, what, a month?"

Riley smirked. "Again, this coming from the guy whose previous relationships before Kay lasted all of two weeks."

Lance shrugged. "I've changed."

"Clearly, so have I."

Lance snickered. "So who's the guy? Do I know him?"

Riley gave him an irritated look. "Oh right, like I'm going to tell you after you just mocked me."

"What?" Lance asked innocently. "You tell me everything!"

"I keep my love life out of your business. The last time I told you anything secretive about my love life, you ran and told Rafe and Caleb, who still won't get over the fact that they're supposed innocent, naïve younger sister had sex at a much younger age than they first did," Riley pointed out, glaring at him.

Lance snickered. "Okay, but that was different. I just told them out of entertainment for me, knowing they would throw a fit. Besides, I enjoyed watching them lecture you about safe sex for an hour."

Riley grunted. "I'm sorry, but my two older brothers giving me a demonstration on how to put a condom on using a cucumber was not enjoyable for me."

Lance burst into laughter. "Oh my god, I _completely _forgot about that!"

"I didn't," Riley murmured. "It's still scarred in my memory for life. I can't look at a cucumber to this day."

Lance laughed even harder, gripping on to the stairwell banister for support.

"To top it off, I have no idea why they felt the need to provide me with Muggle safe sex methods when a Contraception Charm does the trick."

"They were just covering their bases," Lance snorted, trying to suppress the laughter. "And we got way off track."

"No, I changed the subject," Riley pointed out. "That was my every intention."

Lance gave her a look. "C'mon, who's the lucky guy?"

"I thought we already established that I'm not telling you," Riley pointed out with a smirk.

Lance gave her a puppy-dog face. "Pwease?"

"That's the best you got?" Riley snickered with a roll of the eyes. "I've used that face on dad my whole life so I hardly doubt you're going to con me into telling me with that."

Lance shrugged. "Fine, don't tell me. I'm going to meet Kay soon anyway and I'll just get it out of her."

"NO!" Riley shouted so loudly, Lance had to take a step back in fear.

"Whoa, there. Why not?"

"Well…uh…er…well…" Riley stuttered.

"Oh my God, you have got to learn to spit things out!" Lance cried.

She sighed. "Kay doesn't exactly know."

Lance stared at her in confusion. "What do you mean she doesn't _exactly _know?"

Riley made a face. "Okay, fine, she has no clue."

Lance hesitated, not sure what that could possibly mean. "Why not?"

Riley sighed, knowing she shouldn't tell Lance, but a part of her wanted to tell _someone_. "Because."

"Because? That's all you've got?" Lance snickered, giving her a look of irritation. "I think you're going to have to give me more than that."

Riley bit her lip nervously. "Well, it's just…" she trailed off, her face breaking out into a smile at the single thought of Sirius.

"Yes?"

"Look, I just can't tell her. Not yet."

"And you apparently can't tell me either?"

"No, I could. I just don't want to," Riley said, the inches of her mouth turning upward.

"Let's face it, Riley, you're totally going to give in and just tell me eventually. So you might as well just save me the trouble of getting down on my hands and knees to grovel and tell me now," Lance whined.

Riley smirked. "That would certainly be a lot more entertaining."

"_Riley_," he whined, giving him her best sad puppy-dog face.

"I already told you that face doesn't work on me."

He gave her a look, his eyes narrowing curiously. Riley had never been a private person. Everyone always knew what she was thinking and doing. It seemed very out of character for her to be so elusive, which just made Lance that much more inquisitive. "You're really not going to tell me, are you?" he murmured, pouting.

She hesitated, staring down at her hands. A part of her just wanted to keep it a secret, until she could figure out exactly what it is she had with Sirius. Honestly, maybe a big part of her was waiting until she returned to Hogwarts after break to see if this time would be any different than the last time. And yet, Sirius seemed so sincere and genuine. He was different. Something had changed within him. A change that Riley particularly enjoyed seeing in him. And Riley was definitely dying to tell someone, mostly because she needed reassurance that she wasn't crazy for dating him. She trusted Lance completely. "I'm dating Sirius," she blurted out.

Lance froze. He stared down at her blankly, his mouth dropping open in shock.

"Shut your mouth. You're catching flies," Riley muttered after a long awkward silence.

"Sirius _Black_?" Lance cried out.

"SHHH!" Riley cried out, looking back towards the kitchen to make sure no one heard. "Damnit, I do not need Mom knowing that I'm dating a rebel in the wizardry world! She doesn't even know that I'm friends with him!"

"Last I checked, you weren't friends with him!"

"Things have changed!"

"You're...you're really dating Sirius Black?"

"The one and only," she muttered with a shrug, like it was no big deal.

"I'm confused," he sighed. "I thought you two hated each other."

Riley shrugged. "Turns out," she said slowly, her smile growing, "We didn't hate each other as much as we thought."

"Aw, sentimental moment," Lance retorted sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "So _why _exactly don't your friends know?"

Riley gave him a look. "Are you stupid? Never mind, you don't have to answer that. I already know the question."

"I wouldn't be insulting me right now because I can easily tell Gran about this," Lance blackmailed with a grin.

"Duly noted," Riley murmured.

"So why don't your friends know?"

"Duh, because they still think I hate him."

"Yeah, I'm still trying to piece that one together," Lance murmured. "Why don't you just tell them you don't hate each other?"

"Because that would just complicate things further. It would result in numerous questions about each other, ones that I don't particularly want to endure. You know Kay. That girl always needs specific, detailed information, meaning I'll be up until all hours into the night trying to explain something that I'm still trying to comprehend. Besides, they would never understand and it's…it's just too complicated to try and make them understand. Right now, Sirius and I are the only ones that need to figure out what it is we are," Riley pointed out with an aggravated sigh. "So until I know all the facts, why bother getting them involved?"

Lance frowned. "Because they're your friends."

Riley scowled, guilt rising in her stomach. "I knew I shouldn't have told you."

Lance laughed. "Okay, fine, I'll refrain from reprimanding you," he teased. "But please tell me, exactly how did this happen? I doubt that you both woke up one day and decided that that would be the day you wanted to date each other."

Riley rolled her eyes. "No, it didn't go like that," she argued, thinking back to just a few days earlier. "Honestly, I'm not sure how it really happened. It's very confusing . First he hated me. Then he wanted to be my friend. Next he embarrassed me at my own party and I insulted him greatly. Then he gave me an awesome gift—one which I still have yet to take back from him," she mentioned solely for herself, "Next I apologized for the hurtful remarks I said to him the previous nights. _Then _I found out he was betraying me by going behind my back and telling my potential boyfriend humiliating and offensive stories about me. Next I confronted him and asked him why he did that and suddenly, he was kidding me. Then he told me he's liked me all along. Then I stomped off, still uncertain about the whole thing and thinking he was crazy. But I eventually realized that after all these years, I still wanted to be with him. And that's the story of how Sirius and I got together."

Lance stared at her, a look of perplexity visible on his face. "Um…what?"

Riley laughed. "I told you it was confusing."

"That wasn't confusing," Lance admitted. "That was downright impossible to follow!"

Riley shrugged. "We're complicated."

Lance cracked a smile. "Clearly. And what's this about a potential boyfriend?"

"Oh yeah, Rhett Davies and I had gone on a date previous to my birthday—which by the way, I never received a card or anything from you, so thank you for that—and we were beginning to start something up when Sirius ruined it," Riley explained. "Which turned out okay for me, actually."

Lance sighed. "Y'know, if you just stayed with Rhett, you wouldn't have the problem of having to lie to Gran."

"Gee thanks, I'm so glad I asked for your advice," Riley said dryly.

Lance laughed. "I'm just pointing out the obvious!"

"I wouldn't have told Gran that I was dating Rhett, anyway," Riley pointed out with a shrug.

"Why not?"

"Because if it didn't last, Gran would personally get out her guns and kill me in my sleep," Riley snickered.

"Gran doesn't have guns."

"She'd buy guns!"

Lance laughed. "But if it had lasted with Rhett, Gran would probably bow down at your feet."

"Yeah, well I'm not dating Rhett because of Sirius," Riley explained.

Lance shook his head in disbelief. "I'm going to go meet Kay now, mostly because I still have no clue exactly what happened between you and Sirius and I don't have time to find out right now but also because Gran is going to be here in five minutes and I have no desire to be here for her usual 'Lance's life is going nowhere, blah blah blah' routine. We'll finish this up later."

"Wait, you never gave me advice on how to lie to Gran!" Riley groaned as he started to step out the door.

Lance shrugged. "That's because you can't."

Riley groaned. "You are the biggest waste of breath in this universe."

"Aww, I love you too," he teased. "Good luck."

"I don't need luck, I need a good lie," Riley whined.

"Well good luck with that," Lance snickered, winking playfully at her before heading to the front door.

"Wait, Lance?"

He paused, turning back around. "Yeah?"

"Can you please not tell Kay?"

He frowned. He just started dating Kay again; he didn't want to start it by lying to her. "Riley, you realize that you'll have to tell your friends eventually."

"Yes, eventually," she murmured. "Just not now. Please?"

He sighed, nodding slowly. It wasn't his story to tell. "Fine. But I don't like it!"

"Eh, I can live with that."

"You can live with me lying to my girlfriend?" he pouted.

"Yeah, sure. It doesn't affect me whatsoever," she teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't piss me off, Riley, or your new relationship might just slip out when I'm talking to Kay."

"Lance!" she warned, but he was already slamming the door behind him and apparating to Kay's house.

"I hate this family," Riley murmured. But she was smiling.

* * *

As Lily wandered the Hogwarts hallways, she was struck by how magical everythign seemed. And not like real magic. But dreamy magic. Mesmerizing magic. As a seventh year she was very aware of the fact that in only a few short months, this school would be something of her past. It was a thought she tried not to dwell on, but in that moment she was finding it difficult. It was her last Christmas break she was to spend at Hogwarts and while she was often not one to get sentimental about a holiday she particularly despised, the eerie quiet of the hallways somehow provided her with a weird sense of comical clarity. Comical because clarity was not something she appeased for during the holidays. And clarity because she realized she would miss it. All of it. The school, the professors, her friends, the all-nighters, the library, the Quidditch matches, Dumbledore, being Head Girl, the Head Boy.

She froze. Did she really just say she would miss the Head Boy?

She tried shaking that thought from her head immediately with very little luck. Why is it that her thoughts often surrounded him recently? This was a guy she was supposed to despise. And a part of her did. Yet, a part - a part that clearly was delusional and had some emotional problems - of her didn't. Just when she was so determined to hate the guy, he did something that made her wonder if she should change her mind.

But enough about him. He wasn't the one Lily felt compelled to apologize to. She had been rude and abrupt with Sirius because he was getting far too close to learning the truth about her and she unjustifiably snapped at him. He had to know that he was her friend. One of the few she actually felt comfortable with. Maybe it was the vulnerability she saw in him when he was alone, shunned by the remaining Marauders, or maybe it was the solitude that radiated off of him without the comaraderie his three friends had once provided him, but she felt connected to him during that time. She silently knew what he was going through and felt it necessary for him to know that he wasn't alone. That he didn't need to be alone. She didn't know what had spawned the idea of Remus, Peter, and James ignoring Sirius (although if she remembered correctly, James attempted to stay on good terms with Sirius even if it was clear he was siding with Remus and Peter), but that was something she didn't have to have the answer to. And she had never asked. So while she had snapped at Sirius for asking her questions, she was oddly grateful that James had never asked about her past or why she hated the holidays or why she was so determined to be left alone or if she had been affected by that attack on Allentown.

Damnit, she was thinking about James Potter again. It's like she couldn't rid him of her mind no matter how hard she tried. Why was that? As much as she would like to blame it on the fact that it was because she hated the guy, she knew she didn't. She may have been aggravated with him and she may have wanted him to leave her alone and there were times that she may have wanted to hex him unregrettably, but she didn't actually hate the guy. To hate the guy would mean actually caring. And she didn't. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

She scowled. She was trying to come up with a way to apologize to Sirius, _not _trying to get a read on James Potter. She refused to think about him.

That appeared to be a lot easier said than done, however.

* * *

"Snowman's done!" Sirius cried out, proudly facing what appeared to be a snowman. They had spent the entire afternoon outdoors and had drawn a large crowd. It seemed that just about everyone who had stayed back at Hogwarts for break was playing in the snow. Although James couldn't help but notice Lily's absence.

James, Remus, and Peter stared at the snowman and then turned to Sirius. "Um…have you ever seen a snowman?" Remus asked.

"Of course!" Sirius cried giddily. "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"It's a she now?" James questioned.

"Well yeah, I'm not going to obsess over a man—that's Remus' job," Sirius snickered.

Remus glared at him. "I wasn't the one who was planning on hooking up with my best _male _friend just yesterday."

Sirius shuddered. "Ew, can we never mention that ever again. I had to take like ten showers to get that image out of my system."

"And I'm sure we all knew what you were doing in those showers," Remus snorted.

Sirius shot him a look.

"Thinking about James, of course."

"MOONY!"

Remus laughed as Sirius started chasing after him. On Sirius' way to smacking Remus, Remus rammed right over what was supposed to be the snowman.

"Look what you did to Georgette!" Sirius scolded.

That earned him three blank stares. Remus sighed, glancing towards James and Peter. "I'll take this one," he sighed, turning back towards Sirius. "You named your snowman-"

"Snowwoman," Sirius corrected.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You named your snow_thing_ Georgette?"

Sirius scowled. "First of all, I'm pretty sure she doesn't appreciate being called a thing! Second of all, don't you think she looks like a Georgette? She looks like a Georgette to me."

"What is a Georgette supposed to look like?" Peter snickered.

"That," James laughed, pointing at the big pile of snow in front of him who was apparently supposed to be a snowwoman.

"Man, do I feel bad for anyone who's named Georgette," Remus said, smirking.

"I don't think you're appreciating Georgette," Sirius pouted.

"It's because it doesn't look like a Georgette to me. In fact, it doesn't even look like a snowman! It-"

"That's because it's a snowwoman!" Sirius cried out.

"No way, it's a snow…a snow…a snow..." James trailed off, searching for an answer.

"A snow-blob?" Remus filled in.

"Yes, exactly!" James cried out.

Sirius gasped. "SHHH! She'll hear you!"

"That snowman doesn't even have ears!" Peter cried out.

"Snowwoman! And that's because Remus ran over her."

"I think the snowman is better off," Remus teased.

"SNOWWOMAN!"

"Snow-_blob_," James shot back. He wasn't surprised when he was pelted with a snowball. James wiped the snow from his jacket and glared at Sirius. "Let's face it, Padfoot. This is an abominable example of a snowman or snowwoman or snow-blob or snow-thing. Weren't you ever five, Padfoot, and forced to go out and play in the snow?"

Sirius snorted. "No, my parents ignored me altogether."

"Man, you had a good childhood," Peter muttered.

Sirius gave him a look.

"Besides that whole your-parents-were-Death-Eater-supporters thing."

"How did we go from talking about snowmen to my dreadful parents?" Sirius asked with a snicker.

James paused. "Clearly Georgette and your parents have more in common than you think."

James, Remus, and Peter laughed as Sirius pouted. "Georgette is not dreadful."

James raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah okay, she's dreadful," Sirius admitted with a laugh. "And my hands are officially numb."

"Hot cocoa before dinner?" Remus suggested.

"I'm so in," Sirius agreed.

* * *

"I'm stuffed," Remus murmured, plopping on to his bed after Christmas Eve dinner.

Sirius shrugged. "I could probably fit another turkey leg in my stomach," he replied. "Oh, and mashed potatoes. Oooh, and rhubarb pie!"

"You make me sick," James muttered, crashing on to his bed on his back, glancing up at the canopy of his bed with a groan.

Sirius grinned. "I love food."

"Okay, no more mention of food—my stomach can't take it," Peter mumbled.

Sirius laughed. "You're all wussies! I'm going to get some chocolate in the kitchens. Be back soon."

"How can you possibly eat more?" James cried out in agony as Sirius strode over to the door with a grin.

"Last chance. Anyone want anything?" he asked curiously. He was answered by a roomful of groans. He laughed and opened the door to leave. As he shut the door behind him, he gasped and stumbled backwards into the shut door from nearly running straight into someone who happened to be standing immobile in front of him. He glanced up and groaned.

"Hi," Lily said.

* * *

**A/N: **Yay! There was a lot of Riley and Riley's family in there but I wanted to show her relationship with her parents and her brothers because it will be important to much later. And I definitely wanted to show the close relationship she has with her brother, Lance. So I hope I showed the closeness well in this story. COMING UP: You get to meet Gran! You get to see Lance and Kay's relationship a bit, YAY! And what's Lily doing at the Marauders' room?


	41. Of Exposure, 2nd Chances, & CarAccidents

**A/N: **YAY I'M BACK! I don't have a lot of comments, yay! Lily is in this chapter, so yay! Okay, I'm done yaying now. Please review!

**Disclaimer: **Oh yeah I'm J.K. Rowling. You didn't know that?

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 41: Of Exposure, Second Chances, & Car Accidents

* * *

"Hi," Lily said nervously.

"Jesus, woman!" he cried out, halting just short of knocking Lily over. "Were you planning on knocking sometime or just standing out here for no apparent reason?"

Lily sighed and stared down at her hands guiltily.

Sirius glared at her. "What are you doing here anyway?" he asked stiffly. "You do realize it's Christmas Eve so there are plenty of people out there celebrating this joyous occasion with spirit and happiness and probably even smiles on their faces. You sure you want to be around all that?" His sarcasm was overwhelming.

"I think I can manage," Lily said dryly.

"Are you sure? Because I think I hear…yep, I definitely hear people kissing under the mistletoe and faint voices singing Christmas carols. And…oh, there's the sound of people drinking eggnog and the crinkle of paper being unwrapped by those first-years who just can't wait until tomorrow morning to open their gifts!"

Lily glared at him.

"And there are those church bells ringing in the background signaling this sacred holiday and I even hear the carving of turkeys of families preparing for Christmas Eve Feast, which you should already know is spent with families joining together to celebrate their delight in this wonderful holiday! Now are you sure that all that joy will be good for you?"

Lily smacked him on the back of his head.

"Guess not," he murmured, rubbing the spot she just slapped. "If you're here to apologize—which is the only logical reason for you seeking me out—then slapping me probably isn't the best way of doing that."

Lily continued to give him an intensified glare. "You're right, I did come here to apologize, but I forgot what an ass you were."

"Again, probably not the best way to apologize."

She sighed. "Forget it," she snapped, giving him one last look and then whirling around to walk away. She never should have left her bedroom.

The angry part of Sirius just wanted to let her go, but the compassionate side of him won out. The fact that she was willing to come out of her room on Christmas Eve said something to him. He felt bed for throwing that in her face and knew he would regret not trying to stop her.

"Lily-bean, wait!" he cried out.

She glanced over her shoulder, clearly irritated. "What?"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, not sure where the apology came from. "I know I was being an ass. I'm just…"

"Annoyed because I was being an ass the other day?" Lily suggested. She wasn't angry at him, but it was easier pretending that she was than finding the courage to apologize.

Sirius cracked a smile. "Yes, that might have something to do with it," he snickered.

"I really am sorry, Sirius," she apologized, walking back up the stairs to the platform in front of his dorm room. "I was just…just being stubborn. I really dislike this holiday and everything about it and you getting on my case about…well, it just wasn't helping."

He shrugged. "I know. I didn't mean to pry, I was just worried."

Lily frowned. "But there's no reason to be," she urged. "I'm fine, my…er…family's fine, everything's fine."

"Oh, you heard from them? They're okay?"

"What? No. Er...yes. I mean, I don't know. Never mind," she said hastily, cringing at her quippy response.

His eyes narrowed curiously. "That sounded convincing," he teased.

"Look, I didn't come here to talk about anything, I just came here to apologize," she sighed. "You are my friend, Sirius. I hope you know how much I appreciate your friendship."

"Even when I pester you and nitpick and excessively worry about you?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, even then."

"Good," he said hesitantly. "Because I'm going to continue to pester you and nitpick and excessively worry about you. Especially now."

She frowned, sighing. "Sirius..." she said softly, shaking her head. "Please, just...I need you to let this go. _Please_?"

It was his turn to frown, recognizing such vulnerability in her eyes. He hesitated before saying, "Wait here, Lily-bean."

"Er…okay," she said as Sirius turned around and quietly went back into his room. He came out seconds later and handed her the _Daily Prophet_.

She stared at it and then stared up at Sirius. "What is this?"

"You're Head Girl and you're telling me you don't know what a newspaper looks like?" Sirius commented.

Lily shot him a look.

"It's this morning's paper, Lily," he muttered. "There were two more attacks on Muggle towns and another attack on a wizarding village. There are still families searching for their missing loved ones. There are others who refuse to answer their door because they're afraid it's going to be a Ministry official come to inform that their loved ones have died by the hands of Voldemort. There are students in this school who are praying they don't get that fateful letter from a Ministry owl. Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me you're not even just the slightest bit concerned?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "I should back off, I know," he murmured.

"But you won't," she sighed, knowing him all too well.

Sirius frowned and folded up the paper, placing it under his arm as he successfully avoided eye contact, his own heart fluttering out of his chest. "Lily-bean, I-I never admitted this to you but when I was going through my most difficult time here at Hogwarts when...well, when my friends had pretty much disowned me," he muttered embarrassedly, thinking back to a time he would rather suppress. "It meant a lot that you actually stuck by my side. You barely knew me. Or at least you only knew me as James' best friend and therefore ignored me by association. And yet while every other person in this school seemed to side with Remus, James, and Peter, not that they had any clue what was going on, _you _chose me. You-"

"Well, yeah, the other option was _Potter_," she said. But she was smiling.

He, too, smiled. "That's when we became friends, Lily-bean. In fact, that's when you stopped scowling every time I called you Lily-bean and started smiling."

She laughed. "I've heard far worse nicknames for me coming from Potter's mouth. Lily-bean was rather tame," she spoke. "Now were you planning on going anywhere with this speech or are you just awful at segues?"

His smile wavered slightly. "Why did you stick by me during that time?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Because it was pretty obvious you were in clear need of a friend. I was worried about-aw, hell. That long rant was to tie in your worry for me now, wasn't it."

He grinned. "I'm not so terrible at segues after all, Miss Lily-bean."

She sighed. "Sirius, during those months when you were Marauder-less, did I ever tell you that I was worried? Or show much concern? Did I pester you into talking to me about what happened? Did I try to pretend like I knew what you were going through?"

Silence was his response.

"No," she answered for him with a shrug. "Because I knew that you didn't want that, nor did you need that. I just wanted to be there for you."

A heavy sigh escaped from his lips, a look of grief passing over his eyes. He gazed up at her, meeting her reproachful eyes. "I'm always going to be here for you, Lily-bean. I hope you know that. And...and in a weird way, I think I'm probably here for you more than anyone else. Because I know what it's like to not have a family, Lily-bean." His words were soft and yet strained. His face clouded over with regret. He continued, "I know what it's like to have it all taken away. To no longer have a normal childhood. Or even the semblance of a normal childhood. I know what it's like to lose the only people you've ever been able to call your blood relatives. Damnit, Evans, I know what it's like to feel nothing because you're too damned afraid to feel anything!" he said, no longer trying to even mince his pain.

His words hit Lily hard. She could feel the tears brimming in her eyelids but she quickly blinked them away.

"I know what it's like to feel so incredibly alone in the world," he spoke softly, his head slowly shaking as he met her gaze. "And I don't want you to ever feel that way."

"It's too late for that," she blurted out in a half-whisper. She quickly cringed when she realized those words had been spoken aloud.

He gazed at her, pity shining in his eyes. An emotion she had never wanted to be on the receiving end of ever again. "I'll leave you alone, Lily," he said softly. "But I won't stop worrying. I know what it's like to be without a family and...and I would never wish that upon anyone."

Lily stared at him, a pang of agony coursing through her veins. She swallowed hard, murmuring, "We have more in common than you think."

Sirius hesitated, shooting her a puzzled look. He cocked his head to the side and asked, "What are you talking about?"

Lily shook her head quickly, thinking about her parents. "Nothing," she murmured, plastering on a fake smile. "I'm talking about nothing. I appreciate the concern but it is not necessary, Sirius. I'm fine."

He sighed. "If you say so."

She frowned, her heart skipping a beat. "Alright, I_ will_ be fine."

He offered her a satisfied crooked smile. "I'm sorry if my concern is overbearing," he admitted. "I will just always be so grateful to you for what you did for me that...that I can't help but want to extend the same courtesy to you. You're one of the best people I know. I don't want to see you get hurt."

She met his gaze and instantly knew that that was a mistake. Sirius didn't offer words of sympathetic wisdom often so it threw her for a bit. But as she locked eyes with him, she realized that all he really wanted was to make sure that she wasn't alone. Which just made her heart ache so much more knowing that unfortunately, she was. And he couldn't do anything about it. "Getting hurt is a way of life, Sirius," she said softly. "You can't protect me."

"I'm not trying to," he urged.

"Yeah, you are."

He frowned. "Okay, I am. But you protected me first," he teased.

"You needed it," she blurted out.

His eyebrow arched. "Says you. But I didn't necessarily think so."

"We're one and the same, Sirius Black."

A smirk played on his lips. "And you went right on thinking I needed protection, did you not?"

She swore. "Why does this keep backfiring against me?"

Sirius laughed. "You were right before. You will be fine."

"Once the holidays are over," she muttered.

He hesitated, cocking his head to the side in bewilderment. "What does that have to do with Voldemort attacking Allentown?"

"It doesn't," she quickly clarified. "I just hate the holidays."

He frowned. "Your defensiveness has had nothing to do with Voldemort, hasn't it," he said in sudden realization.

She stiffened, realizing he was getting dangerously close to attempting to figure her out. "I already told you that it didn't. You chose not to believe me."

"Why don't you seem to care that your hometown was-"

"Oh, Merlin, please let it go," she whined, biting down hard on her bottom lip.

"It's hard letting it go when there are articles in the _Daily Prophet _every day warning us of all the deaths occurring around Britain. This is happening in our backyard, Lily. We're at war. It's undeniable. And-"

"I have never once denied that there is a war going on," Lily interrupted, shooting him a look. "I've just denied Voldemort's involvement in my...my family's life."

Sirius' brow furrowed. "Why do you hesitate every time you mention your family?"

"What?"

He shrugged. "Something I noticed. You can never seem to manage to talk about your family."

"Sure I do," she lied.

"_Lily_," he urged. "I think I can recognize when someone finds it tough talking about their family. I'm a pro at it."

She felt her face go ashen ever-so-slightly and an emotion that could only be described as dread well up inside of her.

"I know nothing about your background," he continued curiously. "Nothing about your parents. Do you have siblings? Cousins? Grandparents?"

"Sirius-"

"How was your childhood? Did you get along with your family? How did they feel about you being a witch?"

"_Sirius_-"

He sighed. "Lily, you know every sordid detail of my horrible supremacist pureblood family. There's no good in them. They cheer when they read the paper and find out Voldemort attacked a Muggle town. They scowl when a Death Eater is caught and sent to Azkaban. They have never had a doubt in their minds that Voldemort's beliefs were the right ones. Half of my family is going to end up as Death Eaters if they haven't already. So why won't you tell me anything baout your own family? Because believe me, nothing you tell me will be worse than what you already know about the Blacks."

And suddenly, before she could even stop herself, the words came tumbling out of her mouth in a jumble of emotions. "My parents are dead, Sirius. So yeah, something can be worse than that."

Sirius froze but not before noticing the silent tears that suddenly protruded from Lily's vacant eyes. She didn't even attempt to turn away. It wouldn't do any good anyway. He already saw the pain that stared back at him. And suddenly his family didn't seem so bad. Because while Sirius would never be able to understand what went through their judgmental brains and while they would always be on the opposite side of the moral line than Sirius, they were still alive. Had Sirius often thought that the world would be a better place without them? Yes. But they were still family.

Something Lily didn't have.

"Your parents are dead?" Sirius spoke softly, compassion in his voice.

She could only nod.

"Why didn't you just say so?"

She shook her head slowly. "It's not something I advertise," she muttered.

"When?"

She blinked. "Ten years ago."

Sirius' heart broke. "Oh, Lily," he whispered. "I'm so-"

"If the next word out of your mouth is sorry, I _will _punch you," she muttered.

He hesitated. "Heh?"

"It's the reason I don't tell anyone about them. I don't want pity. I don't even want it a little bit."

Sirius gazed at her, his eyes slowly narrowing. "Riley and Kay don't even know, do they." It wasn't a question. He knew the answer already.

She blinked back the tears but said nothing. "They don't know a lot about me," she whispered.

He cocked his head to the side. "There's more to the story, isn't there?"

She nodded slowly, finally turning away from his gaze. He had already found out about one part of her life. She may as well keep going. "Do you know where I go every summer?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Grandparents? Aunt? Uncle? Cousins?"

Lily shook her head again. "No," she muttered. "My parents were only children. And…and both their sets of parents are dead."

"Don't you have an older sister?" Sirius questioned.

Lily snorted. "Oh please. She left town years ago and I haven't spoken to her since."

"She…she just _abandoned_ you?" Sirius cried out in shock.

"SHHH!" Lily cried, not wanting James, Remus, or Peter to be hearing any of this. She glared at him irritably. "Yeah, she just abandoned me. You didn't know her—she just…well, she never bothered to care about anyone but herself."

"But…how-"

"Just let it go. I think I'm better off without her," Lily murmured.

"Even without-" he stopped short.

"Without parents?" she finished, shrugging. "I don't know. But I haven't spoken with or of her in eight years and I'd prefer to keep it that way."

He sighed. "Alright," he muttered reluctantly. "So where do you go every summer?"

Lily bit her lip nervously, shaking her head with grief. "I live with about twenty other kids who are stuck in my same situation," she muttered.

Sirius stared at her blankly. "Huh?"

Lily turned to him with a look of annoyance. "I live in an orphanage," she replied bluntly. "I have no family, Black. It's just me. I'm the only one I can depend on. And I've gotten pretty used to it by now, but that doesn't mean I want the whole world to know."

Sirius stared at her trying not to show how much sympathy he was feeling for her. He was surprised how strong she was for someone who had little to live for. "Oh, Lily, I'm so-"

"_Sirius_."

He fell silent.

"You don't get it, Sirius," Lily finally spoke, interrupting the awkward silence. "After my parents died and my sister abandoned me, I had no faith or hope in anything. And the look of pity on everyone's faces when they found out about my life was unbearable. It made it that much harder to just…keep going. I was tired of getting that look. I was tired of being some charity case to others. People didn't care about me. They cared about what I was going through. I had friends out of _pity_. And I was just about to give up on it all when I received my letter to Hogwarts."

"Second chance," Sirius murmured. He knew exactly what that felt like.

Lily nodded. "Exactly. I was finally given a chance to just be _me_ without all my baggage. I saw it as an opportunity. Unfortunately, as the years went by, I was so buried up in my lies I never had the heart to tell anyone, especially Kay and Riley, the truth. I…I just let it all go and hoped it would never become an issue."

"I am sorry," he replied, after much consideration over to what to say.

"What did I _just _finish-"

"No, I'm sorry that I pushed you into telling me what was going on. I should have left it alone. When...well, this in't anywhere near the same thing, but when I was going through my toughest time here, I never once felt obligated to tell you what was going on and you never once asked. You never once pushed me to my breaking point. So I am really sorry for pushing you to yours."

"It's fine." And she realized that she meant it.

"No, it's not."

"No, it is," she argued, slowly shaking her head. "I...someone was bound to figure it out eventually. And...and maybe I was naive in hoping that I could always just get away with keeping that part of my life a secret. Maybe...maybe a part of me was hoping that no one would ever find out. I just…I knew that no one would understand."

Sirius shrugged. "I do understand," he said softly. "I'm in a similar situation. My family's pretty much dead to me."

"You're not in a similar situation," she replied immediately. "Not even a little bit. Because you never liked your family. They weren't taken away from you in an instant. _You_ chose to leave _them _behind. You had your chance to say good-bye. And you're not completely alone. You...the Potters took you in willingly, Sirius. You're just another one of their sons in their eyes. I'm completely on my own at an orphanage. I don't have anyone looking out for my best interest except for me."

Sirius' frowned, biting down on the inside of his lip anxiously. There was a look of torturous frustration in Lily's eye that frightened Sirius. She had always been so calm and collected, remaining level-headed and determined at all times. This vulnerable side of her was far from the Lily Sirius always knew and he had never felt so sympathetic towards her. "But I know the feeling of being alone," he murmured. "I know the feeling that no one will understand. I know the feeling of...of not having a family to fall back on. I've _been _there, Lily. For the first eleven—no, fifteen years of my life, I felt trapped in a world that I didn't want to be in. I felt like I could scream out into a huge crowd and no one would even turn my way. I know what it's like to feel pity—I get it from my friends all the time."

Lily shook her head vehemently, her mouth drawing into a firm, thin line. He did seem to know a lot about what was running through her mind, but he didn't know everything. "You might know the feelings of being alone, but you've dealt with it your whole life. I never thought I'd have to go through it and then one terrible car accident later, it was all over. My family, my life, my world, my _Christmas_. I _had _a family that I loved and adored and it was all gone in the snap of a finger," she replied harshly, tears building up in the back of her eyes. "_That _you will never understand."

Sirius stared at her. "Christmas?" he questioned softly.

Lily sighed.

"They…they died during the holidays, didn't they?"

Lily could only nod, a lump forming in her throat.

"Wow," he uttered.

Lily stared at the ground. "It's just…hard to see everyone else celebrating while…" she trailed off, her voice breaking as she thought back to the years with her parents. The _good _years.

"Oh, Lily," he sighed, stepping forward to embrace her, but she stepped back quickly.

"I gotta go," she murmured. She hate that the memories of her parents brought on this unfortunate vulnerability.

"Wha-?" Sirius questioned, but she suddenly took off running down the stairs before he could even try and stop her.

He sighed and leaned against the wall in a mixture of sadness, confusion, and sympathy. He wished that Lily would just let someone in. She didn't deserve to go through life thinking that she needed to be completely alone. He just wished that there was something he could do to help her.

* * *

Sirius walked back into the room feeling defeated, the piercing stares of his friend greeting him. Their eyes were all narrowed, their mouths forming curious Os. "Er…do you guys always look this creepy?" Sirius scoffed.

"What the hell was that?" James questioned, giving him an inquisitive look.

"What was what?" Sirius asked.

"A few minutes ago, you just walked in here, grabbed the _Daily Prophet_, ignored our questions, and walked out!" James cried. "And I'm asking: _what the hell was that_?"

Sirius shrugged. "I needed the newspaper," he replied.

"I thought you were getting chocolate in the kitchens," Remus pointed out from his desk chair, swiveling around in it to face him.

"Why would I go to the kitchens?" Sirius asked.

"Uh, because before you said you were getting chocolate in the kitchens," he reiterated.

Sirius thought back. "Oh right."

"Got sidetracked?" Peter snickered, stifling a yawn from where he was leaning up against his bed on the floor, surrounded by textbooks.

"Uh…no, I went to the kitchens," he lied.

"You _just _said you didn't!" Remus pointed out.

Sirius thought back and cringed. "Oh right."

Remus turned to James and Peter. "Okay, who wants to slap him?"

They all raised their hands.

"Rock-paper-scissors for it?" Remus suggested.

"How about I save you the trouble and just slap myself?" Sirius offered.

James ignored him. "Sirius, why did you need the _Daily Prophet_?" he asked curiously.

Sirius shrugged. "Oh you know…reading up on the everyday international news," he replied casually.

James, Remus, and Peter all burst into laughter.

Sirius gave them a look.

"Oh, you were serious?" James snickered.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "_Yes_."

"And when was the last time you read something that _didn't _have a naked girl on the cover?" James teased.

Sirius thought back and ended up just shrugging. "I can't remember that far back."

"Exactly," James snickered.

"So, why did you need the _Daily Prophet_?" Peter asked.

"Jeez, what's with the third degree?" Sirius questioned in frustration. "I just needed it, okay?"

The other three exchanged looks but didn't argue. There was a sense of hostility in his voice that the other three knew well enough to leave alone.

"Now if you don't mind, I have to go find a friend," Sirius claimed, grabbing his jacket just in case and walked out of the door.

The other three guys fell back into their routine. Peter attempted to figure out how to charm his pillow into a cat with little luck. He had hoped that Christmas Break would give him a chance to forget about work, but seeing that he was already behind in all of his classes, he was using any down time to practice. Remus returned to his own _Daily Prophet_, worried about the fate of the wizarding world in the hands of Voldemort. He read the paper from front to cover, making sure he didn't skip over any article, feeling the need to know that the wizarding world wasn't completely corrupt. James pretended that he was flipping through his Quidditch catalog, but his mind was solely focused on Kristina. He had been avoiding her and while he knew why, he tried to figure out how to act like he had never cheated on her.

Remus broke the silence in the room. "Wait…what friend besides us does Sirius have here over break?" he questioned.

They all exchanged weary glances and then all gasped at the same time, "Lily!"

They grabbed their jackets, too, and ran out the door.

* * *

"Hey," Kay greeted Lance when she opened the door, giving him a quick kiss on the mouth. "Let me grab my jacket before Mom invites us in for pie."

"Oooh, pie?" Lance said giddily.

Kay gave him a look. "The last time my mom tried making pie, it tasted like dung beetle."

Lance hesitated. "Then again, I just ate."

Kay laughed and disappeared inside for a minute, coming back out with a jacket on. "Mom, I'm leaving now!" she cried up the stairs, shutting the door behind her before her mom could attempt to embarrass her.

"So where are we off to?" Lance asked, grabbing her hand and strolling down her walkway.

Kay shrugged. "There's nothing around here except for a beach and…okay, that's it."

Lance laughed. "The beach it is."

Kay grinned and led him down her street towards the beach. "So why aren't you doing something with your family on Christmas Eve?" she asked curiously.

Lance made a face. "Christmas Eve isn't anything big to us. It's Christmas Day that we spend the whole day with the family, opening gifts where Billy complains about not getting enough of the presents on the list he handed out over the summer, watching holiday movies which we all try to get out of since we've been watching these movies since we were three and know the jokes like the back of our hands, drinking eggnog which naturally Rafe spikes and causes all of us to try to act sober around Mum and Gran when we clearly are not, although, Dad sure gets a kick out of it, and then of course there's our huge holiday feast where the Potters come over and Mom and Gran make _far _too much food but refuse to let anyone leave the table until every dish is completely finished to which we usually force-feed Billy, Drew, and Jaron to eat it all—although, they're getting older and starting to realize they don't have to listen to us," he explained with a laugh. "However, Christmas Eve usually consists of me and my siblings hiding in the upstairs walk-in closet because Mom wants us all to get together and play some lame family game. Luckily for me, I got away before Mom could suggest it. I also got away before Gran could lecture me on my pathetic life."

"You got away?" Kay repeated. "And all this time I thought you _wanted _to spend Christmas Eve with me," she teased.

Lance paused. "Nahh, I just wanted to get away."

Kay laughed and playfully hit his arm. "Well as crazy as your Christmas sounds, it sounds a lot better than mine."

Lance gave her a curious look as they reached the sand of the beach and started walking towards the water. "Why? What's your Christmas consist of?"

Kay sighed, squeezing Lance's hand as a way to comfort herself. She normally didn't discuss her family with others. Even with Riley and Lily, it was easier acting as if she was fine with the family she was born into. But she felt comfortable with Lance, even showing him her vulnerable side. "It's a mess," she started, biting down on her bottom lip. "First, my father repeats over and over again that he wishes he were out with the guys from work at a bar instead of at home because naturally, drama explodes, usually having something to do with my mother and her insisting that Hogwarts isn't good for me and since my father learned long ago not to argue with her, he pretty much has _no _opinion on anything anymore. My grandmother always seems to get in a fight with my mother, usually about the stupidest things like the way the garland is hanging on the banister. This causes my mom to lock herself in the bedroom with a bottle of wine or if she's really feeling up to it, a bottle of vodka, which she always manages to finish. My brother pretty much hates me now because he's forced to be at home with my crazy family year-round while I am the lucky one who was whisked off to boarding school and my sister, Bianca, had enough sense to move to her own flat in France. She is the one who manages to keep me sane during the holidays but this year, she has decided to fly to the opposite side of the world with her fiancé, leaving me stuck in this damn hellhole."

Lance gave her a sympathetic look and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I wish there was something I could do."

Kay smiled at him. "You're doing it."

Lance smiled back and leaned down to press his mouth gently against her, initiating an achingly shallow kiss. Kay matched her lips to his, bringing her hands up into his hair as he slipped his tongue deeply inside her mouth.

They pulled apart to let out a breath of air as Lance gestured towards the ground. Kay smiled and followed him as he lay down on his back and gazed upward at the cloudy sky, the smell of snow freshening the air. Kay placed her head on his stomach, stretching her feet outward on to the sand as she took a deep breath in to smell the mixture of sand and snow. Lance stroked Kay's hair gently and smiled as she shuddered from the cold air. Lance muttered a spell and a sudden warmth fell over them. "I wish I could spend Christmas with you," Lance murmured.

Kay nodded, cuddling into the nook of his shoulder and neck. "I know," she muttered dejectedly. "I wish I had siblings who kept me sane during the holidays like yours. I've always wanted a big family and instead I have a brother who refuses to acknowledge me when I'm home and a sister 15,000 miles away."

Lance smiled in pity, and continued stroking her hair. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Riley can be a pain in the butt."

Kay laughed. "I'll make sure to tell her you said so."

"Eh, she knows," Lance responded teasingly.

"And she might be a huge pain in the butt," Kay agreed with a chuckle, "but she's your best friend. You two share everything with each other. I...I wish I had that."

"You do have that," Lance argued almost immediately, gazing down at her. He kissed away the strands of hair that fell into her face. "You have that with me."

Her heart skipped a flattering beat and she locked eyes with him. "I don't want to go back to Hogwarts without you," she muttered sincerely, intertwining her hands with his, rubbing her fingers up and down his knuckles as a way to comfort herself.

"And I don't want you to go back without me," Lance agreed with a deep sigh, trying not to think about the little time he had with her. "I hate knowing that just when we're back together, I'm going to lose you again."

Kay shook her head vigorously, shooting him a look. "You won't lose me," she said firmly. "I'm always going to be here for you."

Lance smiled, kissing the top of her head. He couldn't believe his luck when he found himself drawn to her over the summer. He had always looked at a girl for her body, falling into the typical bachelor role that his older brothers had as well. But with Kay, it was different. They ended up being the only two out by the pool one night and he realized just how much he liked talking to her. And instead of seeing how beautiful she was on the outside, he started noticing how beautiful she was on the inside. She was so misunderstood and he could tell that she often felt inferior with friends like the gorgeous sought-out Riley and the genius Lily. And he showed her how superior she could be by casually leaning over and kissing her.

"What?" she asked curiously, drawing him back into the present.

"Hm?"

"You're staring at me," she said, blushing.

"You're just so amazing," he said simply.

A deeper shade of scarlet rose to her cheeks. "Well, you bring that out of me."

Lance could only smile. He kissed her lightly, drawing her closer to him. Neither knew exactly how long they were out there, talking and kissing and watching the stars and loving each other's company. Before they knew it, the sun was rising and they were wishing each other a Merry Christmas.

* * *

Riley sat on her couch, sitting upright with her ankles crossed, hoping that the face smile on her face looked real enough while her grandmother had a little chat with her mother for a few minutes. Riley took that time to count the cracks in the ceiling.

Finally, Riley's mother left the room and she was stuck facing Gran alone.

"Get that smirk off your face," Gran said immediately upon looking her over.

Riley suppressed a groan, but did as she was told. That was the one thing about Gran—she never asked, she just told.

"How's school?" Gran asked politely, though Riley knew she didn't really care. Gran never thought school meant anything to the females in the family because becoming a housewife was what she was expected to be. Riley's mother choosing to be an Auror came as a shock to Gran until Gran realized that it caused the Gilmores to become even more prominent in the wizarding world.

"Good," Riley replied succinctly. "I'm doing well and I like my classes."

"Liking your classes is not as important as learning the facts," Gran replied, just like Riley has expected.

"I'm learning the facts," Riley promised. "My N.E.W.T.S. are coming up so I've been studying hard."

Gran disregarded this comment and delved into what she really came for. "I bet you're wondering why I asked you here today."

_No, I have a pretty good idea. _"Yes, ma'am."

"You only have a few months left before you graduate, Riley," she began. "I suspect you know that."

"Er…yeah."

Gran looked at her, not bothering to hide her disapproval. "A proper lady does not say 'yeah,' they say 'yes,' Riley, and they do not stumble over their words. You should know that by now."

"Sorry," she murmured.

"Don't mumble, either," she quickly iterated. "No wonder you don't have a boyfriend."

Riley wanted nothing more than to throw a punch at her grandmother but she kept quiet and still and forced on a smile, not bothering to respond. Nothing she could say would be suitable for her grandmother anyway.

"Like I said, you only have a few months left," her grandmother continued, "And when you graduate, you are expected to marry into a prominent family and you are running out of time and prospects. It's quite difficult to get married if you aren't _dating anyone_."

Riley held her tongue and hoped to God she didn't look guilty.

"You aren't dating anyone, I presume?" she questioned.

Riley shook her head, ignoring the thumping of her heart against her chest. "No, ma'am," she replied in what she could hope was a firm tone.

Gran scrutinized her for what felt like eternity. "What are you hiding?" she asked nastily.

Riley shook her head again. "I'm not hiding anything, Gran," Riley responded again, staring into Gran's eyes. If Riley looked anywhere else, she knew it would look suspicious.

Gran continued examining her and Riley was certain she was caught in the act of lying, which was never acceptable, but Gran eventually nodded. "Riley, you have to start putting yourself out there or you'll be fifty and still living at home! You refuse to let me or your mother help you and you're digging yourself into the ground even further."

Riley tried hard not to roll her eyes. "I just don't want to trouble you, ma'am," she lied. "I know the males my age more than you and my mother, and I can find a candidate for marriage when necessary."

"Well it's necessary _now_, Riley," Gran explained, giving her granddaughter a rigid look. "You have less than six months until you need to get engaged. You cannot graduate without a ring on your finger or the world will see a girl who is damaged and wild."

Riley had nothing to say to that, mostly because all she wanted to do was laugh and argue, but she instead said nothing.

"I still believe you and James Potter are the perfect match."

"James and I are just friends," Riley said immediately. "I'm not in love with him."

"You don't need to be in love to marry," Gran pointed out coldly. "You just have to want companionship."

"I want more than that, Gran," Riley argued carefully.

Gran sighed and shut her eyes in disappointment. "Then you will be very dissatisfied by the reality of marriage. You're living in a fantasy, Riley: not everyone can fall in love with their prince and live happily ever after. Marriage is hard work and you're going to have to learn that before you become totally disillusioned. James will be good for you, Riley."

"He's already got a girlfriend," Riley pointed out with a sigh, knowing that won't matter.

"Kristina Reinhart is _not _good enough for him," Gran said definitely, a look of determination blaring in her eyes. "Her family is working class and don't understand the ideals and routines of the elite."

Riley swallowed hard in order not to call her grandmother a prejudice to her face. "But James loves her," she lied, searching for anything.

Gran scoffed. "That boy doesn't know the meaning of love," she explained. "You are what's best for him and he just has to come to terms with his little friend."

"Why are you so set on me marrying James?" Riley asked curiously.

"Because he's your friend," Gran suggested. "You won't let me introduce you to anyone else so it's the easiest arrangement."

Riley sighed. "I'll…I'll think about it," she lied, knowing that if she continued to argue, she'd never be able to get out of there.

"Will you?" Gran shot back, glaring at her only granddaughter.

"If...if that's what you think is best," Riley said, forcing a smile out.

Gran nodded in contentment. "Thank you, Riley," she said formally. She stood up, waiting for Riley to get up to lead her to the door. "I must go now but I will see you tomorrow night for Christmas dinner."

"Yes, Gran," Riley agreed, grabbing Gran's jacket off the coat-rack and helping her into it. "I'll see you tomorrow," she repeated, trying not to cry out in annoyance. She opened the door and ushered her grandmother out, watching her apparate before slamming the door.

Her mother walked into the foyer. "Oh, did your grandmother leave?"

Riley nodded miserably, trudging up the stairs to take off the hideous dress. "Yes," she murmured.

"What did she want to say to you?"

"Just that she wants to kill me slowly and painfully."

Riley didn't even bother sticking around to see her mother's angered look on the face and ran up the stairs to her room, mumbling for a third time that day, "Why the hell was I born into this family."

* * *

Sirius knew exactly where to look for Lily. He quickly rushed down the stairs of the boy's dormitory and out towards the balcony where he found Lily staring out at the falling snowflakes.

He didn't know what to say or do at that point as he watched her stand there frozen not from the cold but from the pain, the stray tears on her cheek glimmering in the starlight. He had never seen her look so lost and defeated before. It nearly broke his heart. Sirius walked over to her and leaned on the railing, facing out over the Hogwarts grounds.

Lily didn't flinch or make any movement when he placed his jacket over her shivering body. Her eyes continued following the snowflakes.

Sirius didn't say anything and neither did she. They just stood there while she ignored the burning in her heart and he ignored the fact that his lips were beginning to turn blue. He gazed outward, focusing all of his attention on the gorgeous snow-covered sky, knowing she'll speak when ready. It wasn't his place to interrupt her moment.

"It was snowing that night," Lily finally uttered after minutes of silence, her eyes still staring out into the dark abyss.

Sirius' eyes glanced briefly towards her. He didn't have to ask what she was referring to. "It was?"

"It wasn't snowing at first," Lily continued, her bottom lip starting to tremble timidly. "When I was driving to the scene of the accident in the police car, everything seemed so still. As if it was waiting for a snowstorm. I-I don't even remember when the snowflakes actually started falling. I just remember watching my mom and dad getting pulled from the car, both unconscious, and suddenly realizing I was shivering because I was covered in snow. And so were they."

"I'm so sorry, Lily-bean," Sirius said sympathetically after she had finished and let out a somber sigh. "No one should have to go through something like that."

"When I got to the hospital," she continued, ignoring Sirius altogether, "They had told me my dad was killed instantly when the truck ran into their car."

Sirius didn't know what to say or do at this point to comfort her. She looked so fragile and torn apart that all he wanted to do was scoop her up in his arms and tell her that things were going to be okay. Except he knew that it wasn't. "Oh, Lily," he whispered gently, placing his arm protectively around her shoulders.

She just nodded, trying to ignore the tears she felt were coming on. She tried blinking them away, afraid that if she started crying now, she would never be able to stop. She tore her eyes away from the vast sky, fingering the banister of the railing. "My mother was…she was in a coma for six days," she muttered, the words feeling so heavy against her tongue. "They…they pulled the plug on Christmas Eve." She finally looked up at Sirius, tears brimming her eyes, and sighed. "Talk about a Merry Christmas, right?"

He did the only thing he could think of. He wrapped her arms around her tightly and drew her close to him. He wasn't surprised when he felt her body shake from the tears that started to pour out.

"You're the first person I've ever told any of this to," Lily eventually whispered, wiping beneath her eyes. "I haven't spoken of the accident since it happened. I haven't wanted to. It just makes it more…real."

Sirius nodded all too knowingly.

"Which I realize sounds dumb because by keeping it a secret, it's not like anything has changed," she whispered, shaking her head slowly. "They're still dead. I'm still alone. And I still hate the holidays."

"You're not alone," Sirius urged, giving her a stern look.

She met his gaze, unconvinced.

"I'm here for you, Lily-bean." He hesitated. "And so will Riley and Kay if you tell them."

Lily shook her head slowly. "They…they don't need to know," Lily murmured.

"They're your friends," Sirius pointed out.

"And they _don't_ need to know," she repeated with more emphasis, biting her lip impatiently.

"What are you afraid of?" Sirius asked vigilantly, watching her reaction closely. "Afraid they're not going to understand? Afraid they're gonna feel betrayed that you've waited this long to tell them? Afraid of what they'll think of you?"

"I'm not _afraid _of telling them anything, Sirius," Lily explained, a hint of coolness in her voice.

He frowned. "Then…then why not tell them?"

"Because they don't _need_ to know," she replied bitterly, staring straight ahead. "It's my personal life and it's not something that's ever come up in conversation."

"Oh, so you mean they _haven't _asked you if your parents are dead and if you're an orphan?" Sirius snickered, not necessarily meaning to lighten up the conversation. Though it could certainly have used it. "How bizarre."

Lily scowled. "That's not what I meant," she muttered crossly.

"They're your friends. They'll understand," Sirius urged.

"I know they'll understand. It's not about that," Lily admitted with a sigh. "I just…I…I just don't want my own friends pitying me."

Sirius placed his hand on hers comfortingly. "Lily-bean, you know they wouldn't pity-"

"How would you know?" Lily interrupted, giving him an irritated glare.

Sirius sighed. "Because when I found out that my best friend was a werewolf, it wasn't the fact that he had been keeping a secret from me that I focused on. It was him and how tough his life must be to get through."

Lily frowned, averting her eyes back towards the lake.

Sirius continued. "He is first and foremost my best friend. That takes priority over whatever else is happening in his life."

"Tell me you didn't feel instant pity when you found out. Tell me you still don't pity the guy," Lily snapped.

Sirius hesitated, choosing his next words carefully. "It's not pity I feel," he corrected. "It's pride."

Lily dared to glance back at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Remus' life is ten times more difficult to live than any of ours," he said softly. "He has to live with his lycanthropy forever. It's never going away. And yet he manages to go through his transformations without feeling sorry for himself or without any complaints. He lives his life so effortlessly and without regrets. He really is the toughest guy I know. And for that, I'm proud of him. For facing his adversaries head on without any sort of hesitation."

Lily could merely frown, feeling strangely guilty as she heard Sirius speak so highly of Remus.

"We're here for Remus every step of the way," Sirius continued with a slight shrug.

Lily couldn't say why, but tears pooled in her eyelids. "He's really lucky to have a friend like you," she whispered.

Sirius had to turn away, his gaze falling upon the Whomping Willow in the distant background. "No," he said softly. "I'm the lucky one."

A strange part of him wanted to tell Lily what he had done to Snape two years earlier but he was still too ashamed to admit that he had been an unfeeling, spiteful son of a bitch back then. He had shunned anything and everything to do with Slytherin the moment the Sorting Hat put him on Gryffindor. That was the day his fate had been chosen. And with every taunt, every name calling, every insult, and every hex that Severus Snape had sent his way, so much animosity and bad blood boiled up inside of Sirius. Sure, Sirius taunted back. He name-called back. He insulted and he hexed back. But it was never enough. Because in a weird way, Severus Snape still had the upperhand. He knew where Sirius came from. He knew that he could throw the pureblood Black name in his face and Sirius would feel belittled and disparaged. So when Severus told Sirius that inevitably he would end up just like his parents, just like Bellatrix, just like Narcissa, just like Regulus, Sirius did the only thing he could think of in that moment: he proved Severus Snape right. Sirius nearly had him killed and what would that have made him? A bloody murderer. Just like Voldemort, just like the Death Eaters, and just like half of the goddamned Slytherin house will end up being.

"We can't always choose our families, Lily," Sirius eventually spoke, his words cutting through the thick snowy air. He turned to face her, sincerity written all over his face. "But sometimes we can."

She turned to meet his gaze.

"I'm here for you. And so are Riley and Kay. We may not be blood-related, but I think we're pretty damned awesome."

She wanted to smile. And if she wasn't feeling so disheartened and exhausted, she may have. "You know, if I had had to guess who would be the first person to know the truth about me, you wouldn't have even made the Top Ten list."

"I guess I'm just an open and honest person."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you practically tortured it out of me."

Sirius briefly chuckled. "Guess I'm not as open and honest as I thought I was."

Lily shook her head. "Guess not."

Sirius glanced over at her and really saw how much she was suffering, her eyes filled with such emptiness as she watched each snowflake dissipate against the balcony railing. "Spend Christmas with us," Sirius blurted out.

Lily stared at him. "_What_?"

Sirius wiped a few stray flakes from her hair with a strained smile. "Spend Christmas with me and the guys. I don't want you to hole yourself up in your room anymore. Just because this holiday represents what I can only imagine may have been the toughest thing you've ever had to deal with doesn't mean it should affect the way you celebrate it now. Maybe it's best if you just try to keep your mind off of it. And I hear spending some time with the Marauders can be quite distracting."

She shook her head. "I don't want to keep my mind off of it. Ever since my parents died, Christmas has…it's been _my _time. Time to myself. Time to forget about everything else. Just...just reflect on the past. It's just…I-I can't deal with other people during Christmas. I can barely deal with myself."

"We're not _other _people," Sirius explained. "We're the Marauders. Your _friends_."

She shot him a look.

"Alright, Remus and I are your friends," he corrected with a grin.

Lily shook her head. "No, Sirius, I just need to be by myself."

"That's not healthy," Sirius pointed out.

She shrugged. "I don't care."

"I just…I don't want you thinking you always have to be alone."

"I am alone."

Sirius frowned. "You don't have to be."

"I want to be."

"You're so stubborn."

"I know."

He sighed. "Just…just think about it, okay?"

Lily hesitated, rolling her eyes. "Fine, I'll think about it."

"You're not going to think about it, are you."

"Wasn't planning on it, no," Lily said with a crooked grin.

Sirius shrugged. "Oh well, I did my best trying to convince you."

"_That _was your best?"

"Have you seen my grades?" Sirius pointed out with a laugh. "Doing my best usually doesn't get me far."

"Actually I _have _seen your grades," Lily said with a smirk. "And for someone who lies around all day complaining about school rarely bothering to pick up a book and look over what a professor is trying to teach you, you get pretty good grades. And by pretty good grades I mean I'm jealous that you can study for five minutes and learn it all that takes me five _hours _to study for. How the hell did you get an O on last week's Advanced Transfiguration exam? I barely scraped an E! "

Sirius shrugged, reminded of the exam on Animagi. "I have a good memory."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Good memory? If I didn't know you, I'd swear you cheated."

"You doknow me and you're stilltelling me I didn't cheat?" Sirius laughed.

Lily shrugged. "Surprisingly enough, I know you have morals."

"SHH!" Sirius cried out. "Somebody will hear you! Jeez, ruin my reputation, will ya?" he added sarcastically.

Lily laughed and was surprised to find out it felt good. "C'mon, it's freezing out here. Let's go back inside."

"Only if you spend Christmas-"

"I _will _throw you over this balcony," Lily warned.

"-with your cat!" Sirius finished with a snicker.

Lily grinned, wondering how Sirius was able to put her in a good mood after she had mistakenly divulged too much information to him. She linked arms with him and steered him back inside. "Nice save, Si."

* * *

**A/N:** YAY! Well I think that chapter has a LOT of information-first, we really find out a lot about Lily AND she told Sirius so finally someone knows. I thought I'd put in a little Lance and Kay since we never see them. They're so cute together! And then of course, there's Riley and Gran and their situation, which was a totally fun scene to write! I wonder what's gong to happen with that in the future...teehee. Please read and review!


	42. Of Realizations, Condoms, & Grinches

**A/N: **Okay so a few have commented on how James and Lily have to get together soon because James apparently proposes at graduation and they have Harry by the time they're nineteen. First of all, that's not the right timeline. No one really knows when James proposes but they do get married sometime between the age of 18 and 20 because they have Harry by the time they're 21 and die at 22. HOWEVER, I said in the beginning this would be an AU and it most likely isn't going to happen that way IF I end of writing a second sequel so don't expect it to be just like J.K. Rowling had planned it all out. With that said, THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER! Okay, ONE of my favorite chapters for many different reasons-reasons you'll find out when you read this chapter, yay!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I'm not J.K. Rowling. I don't even look a _little _like her.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 42: Of Realizations, Condoms, & Grinches

* * *

Lily and Srius had gone their separate ways, but Sirius remained in the Gryffindor common room, finding solace in the quiet. His feet carried him over to the couch by the fire. Pointing his wand at the fire, he muttered. "_Incendio_." A fire appeared immediately and Sirius leaned back with a sigh. How had he never noticed how fragile Lily Evans was? She had always been so good at putting on an act of strength and control. As it turns out, that desire for control unfortunately came from a situation she never had any control over in the first place. Sirius didn't know what to believe or what to think. How does a young girl lose so much and still have so much confidence and determination in every single thing she did? Sirius never held so much admiration for another person in his life than he did for Lily Evans.

"Yo."

Sirius shrieked and glanced behind his shoulder at the familiar voice. "Way to scare the hell out of me, Prongs."

"Way to scream like a girl," he snorted, giving his friend a look as he jumped over the back of the couch beside his best friend. Remus and Peter were there too and walked around to the front of the couch, choosing to plop down on the carpet.

"What did you and Lily talk about?" Remus asked hesitantly.

Sirius narrowed his eyes curiously. "How the hell did you know I had gone to see her?"

"You said you had to go find a friend. And let's face it, you don't have many of those." He shot him a cheeky grin. "We whittled it down to Evans or...well, that was pretty much it. We're extremely insightful, y'know."

"Or you saw us on the Marauder's Map," Sirius drawled.

"Yeah, that, too," Remus murmured.

"To be fair, we rushed out of the room in search for you and got to the portrait hole before we even remembered the map," Peter muttered.

"Well, that's why I'm the intelligent one," Sirius chimed in.

Three blank stares gazed at him.

"That didn't sound right, did i?" he snickered.

"So, you going to inform us why you were in such a hurry to find Lily?" Remus asked curiously, ignoring the joke altogether. "Or are we going to have force it out of you?"

"It was nothing," Sirius dismissed, shaking his head. "I just-"

"Was her family affected by Voldemort's attack?" Peter interrupted, not letting Sirius get out a lie.

"No," Sirius responded immediately. Well, that was the truth.

"She heard from them?" James said, surprised.

He hesitated. "No."

"So we don't actually know if they were-"

"No, they definitely weren't," Sirius muttered.

The three guys exchanged confused glances. "You're going to have to fill in a few blanks here, Padfoot," Remus argued, irritation flickering in his voice.

"It's nothing," he responded shakily. "Let it go."

"Oh, sure, because I'm sure that's what _you _did," James snorted, giving his best friend a look. "Is she okay?"

"Like you care?" Sirius snorted.

James wasn't the only one taken aback by the harshness in his tone. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It just means that you and Lily-bean need to stop playing these damn silly games and just...just get along!" Sirius cried.

James had absolutely no idea where Sirius' sudden fierce determination came from. "We're not playing games, Sirius," he said hollowly. "We're just...two people who will never learn to get along."

"Haven't the two of you been through enough?" Sirius murmured. "Stop picking on the girl, Prongs. She deserves better than the person you've been towards her. You need to stop-"

"Why are you picking on _me _right now?" James snapped. "She's the one who decided to up and hate me again."

"For unbiased reasons, I'm sure," Sirius drawled sarcastically.

"Okay, what the hell did you two talk about?" James snapped, suddenly having a feeling that Sirius' desperation had nothing to do with him and everything to do with Lily.

Sirius sighed, turning away from his best friend's piercing gaze. "Nothing."

"How easy the lies come out."

Sirius shot him a look. "It's none of your business," he muttered irritably. "Especially since you were the one who started all of this in the damn first place. Why couldn't you just have kept your mouth shut?"

His three friends clearly were more confused than ever, their brows knitting with puzzlement and their mouths gaping open. "I'm certain I have no idea what you're talking about," James drawled.

"You just had to go and mention Allentown, didn't you?" Sirius retaliated immediately.

"Oh, gee, sorry for caring," James snapped.

"Caring? Is that what it's called when you're a royal pain in her arse?" Sirius spoke, rolling his eyes.

James glanced over at Remus and Peter. "Did I miss something? When did this become about me?"

Silence followed. "To be fair, you probably are a royal pain in her arse," Peter eventually chimed in.

"Oh, shut up, Wormy," James muttered irritably, turning back towards Sirius. "You want to tell us what the hell has gotten into you?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, stop with the 'nothing' and start answering some questions!" Remus barked. He could see worry and concern plain as day on Sirius' face. He knew it was directed towards Lily Evans and Remus couldn't help but feel his stomach churn at the endless possibilities of why Sirius felt the need to be worried.

"Look, just forget it," Sirius murmured guiltily. He never should have brought it up.

"Fat chance of that," Peter snorted.

"What really happened in Allentown?" Remus asked softly.

"You know what I know, Moony," Sirius said hastily.

"No, Lily told you something," he urged. "I can tell."

Sirius frowned. "It has nothing to do with the recent attacks, so don't overanalyze it. Everything's...okay," he lied.

"You do realize by saying that, that's just going to make us completely overanalyze the situation, right?" James snorted. "You should know that by now."

Sirius clenched his teeth, mostly because he knew he was so close to just blurting it out. He couldn't imagine keeping such a large secret to himself. He felt that he needed some help working through it and with everything they had done for Remus to be supportive, he knew he could trust his friends.

"C'mon, Sirius," Peter said softly. "We can tell something is seriously wrong."

Remus saw terror in Sirius' eyes and his heart skipped a beat. "Everything _isn't_ okay, is it?"

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but found the words unable to form. He sighed, shutting his eyes tightly. He really did not want to be having this conversation with them. He knew it could get him into a lot of trouble with Lily.

Then again, who said she had to find out?

"No," he whispered. "No, it isn't."

* * *

James wandered back into his common room late that night, wondering if he had ever felt so much pride for another person than he did for Lily Evans in that moment. His heart broke into two the moment Sirius had told them about Lily's past. No wonder she was so strong. Because she had to be. He suddenly felt so guilty for all of the insults he slung her way. He wanted to take back all of the names he called her over the years. He wished he hadn't played so many hexes and pranks on her. She had had enough to deal with besides some ridiculous feud that he had started back when they were eleven years old bu pouring chocolate sauce on her.

He was so deep in his own head he didn't register that he was walking over to Lily's room instead of his own. He hesitated in front of it, noticing it was cracked open. Slowly, he knocked.

She came to the door wrapped in a blanket, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw it was him. He found his heart constricted with so much angst for the girl standing in front of him, but he tried brushing it off. He had promised Sirius he wouldn't mention anything to her.

"Potter," she said, her lips tightening in confusion. "What...what are you doing-"

"Merry Christmas, Evans," he said with a crooked smile.

She blinked, gaping at him. "It's Christmas Eve."

He cleared his throat, recognized the awkwardness of the situation. "Technically, it's after midnight. Which makes it Christmas."

She tugged the blanket tighter around her shoulders. "Still doesn't really explain what you're doing here."

He shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I just wanted to make sure someone wished you a Merry Christmas."

Reluctant awe coursed through her veins. "That's...that's really all you came here for?"

He nodded, a smile playing on his lips. "After everything we've been through, I thought it was about time I offered you some holiday cheer."

He always managed to do this. Just when she thought it was time to completely write him off, he said or did something that made her look at him in a completely different light. Half the time, he was a jackass. And half the other time, she found herself smiling around him. Why couldn't he just stick to being a jackass and make it easier for her to hate him? "If you pull out a gift from your back pocket, I will be convinced you're Sirius on polyjuice potion."

He chuckled, breathing a sigh of relief that she was willing to joke. "No," he said softly. "No gift. Just me wishing you a Merry Christmas."

She hesitantly tugged at the end of her messy braid, twirling the ends of her hair around her fingers. Confusion sparked within her, wondering who this guy was that was standing in front of her. "Well, Merry Christmas to you, too, Potter," she said eventually, smiling back at him.

If he wanted to play nice, then she was going to go along with it. She rather liked the nicer side of him anyway.

She just hoped it would last.

* * *

It happened the following day and it happened so unexpectedly. December 25th. Christmas Day. A day that Lily had always dreaded and tried to ignore. And on that particular Christmas Day when a sudden realization hit Lily that she found more reason to dread and ignore it. But it wasn't because she wanted to. But because she felt she had to.

She was creeping down to the kitchens hoping that a chocolate fix would be able to keep her mind off the fact that it was Christmas Day. The hallways were eerily quiet, but that didn't surprise her. Most of the students were probably tucked away in their common room with their gifts and their friends, Christmas carols on the ends of their tongues and mistletoe dancing through the room around them.

Not Lily. She was alone. Just like she was used to and just like she wanted.

Except, as it turned out, she would quickly realize that as used to it as she was, it wasn't what she wanted. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

She was rounding the corner when she spotted them. A young boy, probably no more than twelve, with his Hufflepuff scarf tied tightly around his neck and his cheeks splotched with tears, and an older boy. A seventeen-year-old boy with messy jet black hair and rimmed glasses that framed his face surprisingly delicately, cowering in front of sparkling hazel eyes. That older boy was crouched down in front of the younger boy, a sympathetic smile resting on the older boy's chiseled face.

She should have walked away. She _could _have walked away. But she didn't. Something was keeping her drawn there. The older boy's words from the night before rang in her ear, his unexpected wish for her to have a Merry Christmas. It had thrown her for a loop but kept her up half the night trying to figure it out. Trying to figure _him _out. And so she eavesdropped, not because she wanted to, but because she felt compelled to.

"Shh," James' voice rang throughout the vacant hallway. "Everything's going to be okay."

"H-h-how can you say that?" the boy wailed. "My m-m-mom said she would write to me and she hasn't! W-w-hat if she's one of the p-p-people that got hurt by that Voldemort m-m-monster?"

"You said she was in Italy on business, correct?"

The boy nodded.

"Well, did you know that Italy is one of the safest wizarding countries in the world right now?" James urged, his words overdramatic and yet confident.

The boy gazed up at James with wide eyes. "It…it is?"

James shifted so that he was now sitting beside the boy, putting his arm around him comfortingly. "Your mom is probably just _super busy _right now trying to find the proper wrapping paper to wrap the _best gift _that Italy has to offer for her brave son. She's probably drafting that letter as we speak, hoping to convey to you how much she loves you and misses you and wishes she could be spending this holiday with you instead of working."

The sobs dissipated slowly. "You really think so?"

"I _know _so."

Suddenly – out of nowhere – Lily felt herself smile. And while, at first, she thought it was because of the adorable way James Potter was comforting some poor bloke that he had probably just unfortunately stumbled across with such dignity and reassurance, she quickly realized that that was not why she smiled at all. No, she realized something so much more horrifying and shocking than she had anticipated.

And so as quickly as the smile had formed, it was replaced with a frown. Because she realized that she was blushing. She realized that butterflies were growing in her stomach. She realized that her eyes instinctively gazed at his lips as she remembered a time, not too long ago, that James Potter had kissed her. And she had kissed him back. Not because she was caught up in the moment (which she was) or because she had felt a desire to know what it felt like to be kissed by James Potter (which she had), but because of one reason and one reason only.

Because in that hallway, as she peeked around the corner at the two boys, she was struck with the horrible realization that she, Lily Evans, actually liked James Potter.

In fact, she _really _liked him.

She was so caught off guard because how is it possible that a girl like her could like a guy like that? How is it possible that after years of torture and hexing and insults and heated debates that she could actually feel something for a guy she had been convinced was just an arrogant toerag?

But maybe it was the way he smiled down at the poor kid missing his mother, a genuinely sympathetic smile. Or maybe it was the way he would take a bullet for his friends in a heartbeat (if he had actually known what a bullet was). Or the way he would strut confidently around the school with Sirius inevitably by his side or the way he was willing to help Peter with his homework when it was clear he was struggling or the way he would reluctantly cower to Remus whenever he wold put his foot down because it was impossible to not listen to Remus Lupin. Or maybe it was the way James unspokenly challenged her wit with his beyond brilliant intelligence. Or the way Transfiguration came so easily to him when it took her hours to perfect one spell. Or maybe it was the casual grace he had as Quidditch Captain commanding a team of talented leaders. Or the way he played Quidditch, so effortlessly and gracefully. Or maybe it was the way she knew that James reacted so casually when he found out about Remus' lycanthropy. Or the way he passionately stood up for Muggleborns everywhere even though he came from one of the most purest of pureblood families. Or maybe it was the way he always saved a seat for Peter in class even when Sirius often forgot to. Or maybe it was the way his eyes lit up when Kristina walked into the room, making her feel like the most important woman in the world. Or maybe it was the way he stepped up as Head Boy to prove to her that he was worthy of the position.

She's has had a pretty difficult life. And while for so long she blamed him for just adding more stressful difficulty to her life, she always oddly found her own self weasling her way into his life. She could have ignored him and avoided him and eventually, he would have given up. But she didn't ignore him and she didn't avoid him. And he therefore didn't give up. Something she was oddly grateful for. Because for the first time in her life, she had someone who actually treated her like an equal. Not like someone who had lost everything due to a single car accident. So yeah, he may have tortured her and hexed her and he may have insulted her and started heated debates with her for years, but everything he has done to challenge her has made her a better and stronger person. And while parts of her hated him for it, the stronger part of her appreciated him for it. He was the only one ever willing to tell her what he really thought. And while some of the time - okay, most of the time - he was rude and crass about it, he could surprisingly be quite endearing when he didn't try too hard.

And in a weird way, her finding herself rather enamored with him explained so much about their tumultuous relationship. She had never wanted to grow close to him in fear of finding this realization much earlier than now. Because he had always been so close to figuring her out. He called her out on trying to be too perfect and he insulted her need to be overly determined at all times and he always seemed to know when she was hiding something. And she couldn't let him guess all of her secrets. Because if anyone could have, it would have been him. So she yelled back. She insulted him and hexed him and had heated debates with him so as not to ever let her guard down around him. And what good would that have been? She didn't want to be with him, didn't know how to be with him. She barely knew how to be by herself so how could she possibly invite anyone else into her life?

Not that she _wanted_ to.

It was somewhere in their sixth year when Lily had first noticed that James Potter had grown up. The hexing thinned out, the insults deteriorated, he stopped pestering Lily just to pester her, and he stopped trying to grab the attention of everyone around him. She had started to notice his lack of presence around her. She had started to notice that when he spoke to her, his words weren't cocky or condescending. She pretended not to notice but she did. And on that balcony at the end of sixth year when all he had tried to do was hold a conversation with her, her defenses were immediately thrown up. He couldn't be nice to her. She wouldn't allow it. She didn't know how to just have a conversation with him.

Not that she _wanted_ to have a conversation with him.

And then he had kissed her on the platform and everything had changed. Suddenly, she did want to invite her into his life. Suddenly, she did want to have a conversation with him. Or two. Suddenly, she wanted to notice all of the changes that had occurred to him over their sixth year.

Except he returned to Hogwarts on September 1st just as cocky and condescending as ever. And instead of trying to talk to him about it, she let the change occur. Because it once again meant she could ignore the creeping realization in the back of her mind that maybe there was a part of James that wasn't half-bad. So she ignored it. A lot. She snapped at him and yelled at him and insulted him once again. She called him names to his face and behind his back. She called him a poor excuse for a Head Boy and convinced herself that he was most definitely worth her time. It was easier when he was being an asshole. When he was being his usual cocky self, it was easier pretending that she had hated him.

And she wanted to hate him. She wanted _so badly _to hate him.

Of course he made that nearly impossible at times. Like Halloween Eve. He had showed up so unexpectedly and acted like an annoyingly playful gentleman. And chalk it up to the timing of her best friends' fight, but she rather enjoyed that annoyingly playful gentleman. She enjoyed laughing with him and studying together and sneaking off to the kitchens together. She probably would have been fine with his friendship if he hadn't completely fucked it up.

He had called her nasty, judgmental names behind her back. And perhaps if it was someone else, she might not have cared so much. But alas, _finally_, she was getting along with the guy that had always spiked her curiosity. And she had oddly found out that she had actually enjoyed getting along with him. That's why it hurt to hear him talk so poorly of her. It all made sense now.

Lily Evans liked James Potter.

Damnit. No good could come from this.

She was so lost in her own horrifying thoughts, she hadn't even realized that the two boys had separated. And the one boy, the seventeen-year-old boy she had just realized she fancied, was coming right at her.

"Evans?"

She froze. "Potter. Er…James. Potter. Hi. Merry…er…Christmas."

His eyebrow arched and his lip twitched with amusement. "I caught you eavesdropping, didn't I?"

"Well, yes, but that's not…" she trailed off, blushing. "I wouldn't have pinned you for a guy who is good with kids."

"Why? Because I find amusement in torturing young souls?" he teased, leaning up against the wall so casually, a graceful grin spreading across his handsome face.

"In a word, yes."

He shrugged, shaking his shaggy hair from his face. "I have younger siblings. Including an eleven-year-old brother. And when your father is often not around on holidays, one gets pretty good at trying to comfort the little kids of the family. It's what Brite and Wyatt did to me and what I do to JT."

She frowned, very aware of her heart practically leaping out of its chest as it raced uncontrollably. "Do you wish you were home for Christmas this year?"

His hazel eyes flickered with surprise. "Do you?" he avoided the question.

"Potter…" she urged.

He shrugged, realizing she wanted to avoid talk of her. "I don't mind home. But I'm just as happy here with my friends than I am at home with my family."

Lily could only nod, a million thoughts still swarming her mind. "Do you really believe that that boy's mother is alright?"

James stared at her in bewilderment and slowly nodded. "Yeah, I really believe that," he said, his words seeming calculated. "Britain is by far the most dangerous place to be right now, what with all of the attacks going on. I have absolutely no idea how safe Italy is but it's far better for Reginald's mother to be there than in Britain."

"Reginald?"

"That's the kid's name. Reginald Cattermole. A mouthful, hm?"

Her heart fluttered ever so slightly and she felt the ends of her mouth tugging upward. "You probably made Reginald's day, James Potter."

He shrugged, pushing himself off the wall. "I just did the right thing, Lily Evans." He slowly stepped past Lily with a contemplative gaze, heading back down the hallway to their room. After a few steps, he couldn't help but glance back over his shoulder at her bemused expression. "But maybe that's why you sound so surprised."

"What?"

He offered her another curt shrug, stuffing his hands in his pocket. "It's not often James Potter does the right thing, hm?"

With a satisfied crooked smile, he rounded the corner and fell from Lily's sight.

She sighed. "You'd be surprised, James Potter," she said softly, her words sounding spooky in the empty hallway. "You'd be surprised."

Shit. She really dreaded Christmas Day.

* * *

"I can't believe you bought me a _book_," Sirius grumbled that evening. He was sprawled out on the ground of James' private common room, propping himself up on his elbow for support with a half-empty bottle of firewhisky in his hand.

Remus rolled his eyes, sitting on the couch behind him. "It's a book on the best 500 pranks in the history of the magic world."

"Yes, but it's a _book_," Sirius pointed out.

"180 of those pranks were here at Hogwarts!" Remus said, trying to redeem himself. "I thought it was interesting."

Sirius gave him a look. "Does it have a binding and pages that need to be turned?"

"Uh…yes."

"Then it's not interesting!"

Remus threw his hands into the air. "I can't believe you. And quit hogging the alcohol, would ya?"

"And I can't believe that that stupid book is all you two have been talking about all Christmas," James whined, sprawled out on the couch beside Remus as Sirius tossed Remus the bottle. "This is the worst Christmas ever."

"At least _you_ received a respectable gift from Moony," Sirius pointed out with a pout.

"I gave him a bag of chocolate," Remus pointed out, taking a large gulp from the bottle. Remus had never particularly enjoyed Christmas. It was just a big, fat reminder that his parents were probably off flying somewhere exotic just so they didn't have to have their son return home for the holiday.

"You don't have to rub it in!" Sirius whined.

"And this isn't the worst Christmas, Prongs," Remus interjected, turning to James in hopes of ignoring Sirius' complaints. James gestured for Remus to pass him the firewhisky and Remus reluctantly agreed. "Remember last year when you found Riley making out with your older neighbor, Samson, at the Auror Ball?"

James shuddered. "Omigod, I had blocked that out of my memory forever," he winced, letting the burning liquid slide down his throat. "Thanks for reminding me, by the way."

Remus gave him a sheepish grin. "Oops."

"How come I didn't know about this?" Sirius asked with an inquisitive look on his face. He shifted his position so that he was now facing his two friends on the couch above him.

"You were too busy running away from Rhea all night," James snickered.

They all laughed. "Oh right!" Sirius cried out. "Merlin, that girl was unbelievably tactless."

"I rather enjoyed watching Samson hide from James' wrath all night while Sirius was hiding from Rhea's flirtatious ways," Peter pointed out, nodding for James to pass him the firewhisky. He did.

"Especially because at the end of the night, Samson and Rhea ended up shagging in the pool house," Remus laughed.

"I do enjoy those Auror balls if not for the sole reason they provide us with entertainment," Sirius snickered. "Do you remember Christmas Eve during our second year at James' house? When James knocked over the tree in his foyer?"

James scowled. "That was an accident!"

"You chased your dog into the tree," Remus snorted. "Where's the accident part?"

James pouted. "The part where I didn't know Cubby would knock over the tree!"

They all laughed.

"Ahh, Cubby. I miss that chubby dog," James sighed.

"You _hated _that dog," Peter pointed out, passing the bottle back to Sirius.

James shrugged. "Okay so maybe I missed _torturing _that dog," he snickered. "Well, what about three years ago when my mother walked in on Sirius in the pool making out with Sadie?"

Remus and Peter burst into laughter. "I completely forgot about that!"

"I didn't," Sirius murmured. "I'm scarred for life."

"Just because my mother threw a pack of condoms at you as a _joke _shouldn't make you scarred for life," James snickered.

Sirius gave him a look. "If your mother threw _you _a pack of-"

"AGH! Don't say it!" James cried, covering his ears.

"See?" Sirius snickered, shoving the bottle in Remus' face who gratefully grabbed at it. "Not so funny."

"You know what's funny?" James shot back. "When the Head Auror almost punched you for dancing with his granddaughter last year."

Another round of laughter filled the room. "Imagine what he would have done if had seen us snogging in the foyer closet," Sirius snickered.

"I thought you snogged James' second cousin, Francesca, that night," Remus pointed out.

Sirius shrugged. "I did. And in between running away from Rhea, I also was snogging Hannah Lipman and that French diplomat's really hot daughter."

"You can't even remember her name," Remus said as a statement, not as a question.

Sirius shrugged. "I like 'French diplomat's really hot daughter' better."

"That girl _was _hot," James pointed out dreamily. "I wouldn't have minded snogging her."

"You have a girlfriend," Remus stated.

"I didn't have one then," he snickered, winking playfully.

"Why are you winking at me?"

James paused. "Not sure."

Remus couldn't help but laugh as Peter asked, "Where is Kristina anyway?"

James shrugged. "With the girls, I'm assuming."

"I thought Jacqueline and Shana went home for break," Remus pointed out.

James hesitated. "Oh right."

Remus rolled his eyes.

James shrugged again. "Well, we spent last night together and I said it's tradition to hang out with the guys on Christmas so that's what I'm doing."

"Awww, he loves us!" Sirius cried out jokingly, smacking James' feet with his pillow.

"I love you about as much as I loved Cubby," James teased, kicking the pillow away from him.

"Hardy har har," Sirius snickered. He grabbed the bottle out of Remus' hands before crying out, "I can't believe you bought me a book!"

"Omigod, are you still on this?" Remus whined, throwing his arms in the air in defeat. "I'll buy you chocolate the next time I go into Hogsmeade."

"Or you could go to the kitchens and grab some like a _normal _person," James snickered, his eyebrows arched at Sirius.

"And since when has Sirius been normal?" Peter snickered.

"Good point."

"HEY!"

James chuckled, nodding for Sirius to pass him the firewhisky. "We are almost out," he spoke as he lifted the bottle to his lips.

"Well, then stop hogging it," Remus scowled, kicking his friend lightly in the shins.

"Oh, sure, kick me and then expect me to pass it to you," James snorted, keeping the bottle out of Remus' range.

"Don't make me buy you a book next year, Potter."

James laughed and with one last quick swig, he handed it to Remus.

"Full moon is coming soon," Sirius spoke from the floor.

Three blank stares turned towards him.

"What?"

"Full moon is three weeks ago, mate," Remus said dryly.

"Alright, so 'soon' is a relative term," he said with a grin. "But it will be the first full moon of the New Year."

Another set of blank stares gazed at him.

"_What_?"

"Why does it matter that it's the first full moon of the New Year?" James dared to ask.

"I don't know. It's got to mean something, right?"

"It does?"

"We have nearly two weeks of break to come up with a brilliant full moon plan. Shouldn't we be using this time wisely?"

"Wow. Didn't realize you knew what the word 'wise' even meant," Remus said.

Sirius scowled. "I hope a centaur eats you during your next transformation."

"I think the centaurs should be slightly more worried about me eating them."

Sirius shrugged. "Probably true," he said, stifling a yawn. "Oy, Prongs, stop drinking all of the firewhisky!"

* * *

Lily listened to their laughs outside her door with an confused feeling. To be honest, she didn't know what she was still doing inside her room. From the moment she heard them walk into their common room, she had been sitting on the floor leaning up against the door listening to every word that had come out of their mouths, cringing at some of the more revolting conversations. She didn't have to be out there to picture the scene. Inevitably, Remus and James would be casually lounging about with Peter on the floor and Sirius wherever he pleased, boxes and wrapping paper flung in every which direction with a bottle of some sort of alcohol being passed around among them. And a part of her, a small part of her...alright, a huge part of her, wanted to join in. She wanted to stop feeling so sulky and alone when only a few feet away sat people who could lift her from her horrible mood.

She knew it would be better to avoid James. After everything that had happened between them - and with her sudden revelation earlier in the day - she should keep her distance. Not just for him, but for her, too. She was so confused and bewildered and yet enamored. She wondered if it was possible to make up with James. Could she forgive him for the words he spoke to her? Could she forgive herself for being such a spiteful, mean-spirited person around him? Could she forgive the situation? Did she even want to? Was there too much to forgive that it wasn't even pausible?

She didn't know the answers to any of those questions. She just knew that it was Christmas. A day she typically dreaded and ignored (and later that evening she will be once again reminded why) and yet there was such a strong part of her heart wanting more for herself on that day.

Besides, how the hell was she going to figure out exactly how she felt (and why she felt the way she did) about James if she wasn't spending any time with him?

She stood up abruptly and opened the door to where they all sat sprawled about the common room.

"Yeah, but your mother was-" Sirius stopped short when he saw Lily standing in her doorway.

The other three saw him look up at her so they turned around and saw her awkwardly hovering in her doorframe with a nervous, apprehensive look on her face.

"Oh sorry, were we being too loud?" Remus asked guiltily.

Lily shook her head rapidly. "No," she said.

Sirius found himself smiling, relief washing over him. "Do you want to join us?"

Lily didn't know what she wanted, feeling her heart beating quickly inside of her body, but she felt herself nod. "Is…is that okay?"

Sirius grinned and looked at his friends for approval, who all nodded. James hesitated, confused and shocked. But when he glanced up and saw her staring at him, guilt in her eyes, he found himself shrugging. "Sure," he said, wondering what had possessed her to join him on Christmas. The last time he checked, she hated his guts.

Lily took a seat beside Sirius on the floor, who offered her the nearly empty bottle of firewhisky. She shook her head and he shrugged, taking a quick swig. "What were you talking about?" she questioned, hoping this wouldn't be as awkward as she thought it might be.

"Past Christmases," James explained hastily. "And I've suddenly realized that a Christmas doesn't go by without some sort of tragedy."

Lily smiled, her heart skipping a beat. _You have no idea, Potter_. "Hell, join the club. I can remember when I was six and my mom's coworker decided during the holiday party that it was the time to tell everyone that she was a lesbian and she was running away with their boss' daughter."

The Marauders all burst into laughter. "Please tell me that you just fabricated that story," Remus snorted, swiping the bottle from Sirius' hands much to his protest.

Lily shook her head feverishly. "And that was a _good _Christmas," Lily spoke with a smile.

"I'm assuming the boss didn't take it well," Remus mentioned.

Lily shrugged. "He quit the next day."

They all laughed again, and Lily found herself joining in. Maybe laughter was exactly what she needed. It was certainly something she hadn't realized she wanted until she discovered how good it really felt.

"I think it's time for a drinking game," Sirius said with his usual boyish smirk.

Four louds groans were the response.

"Oh, good, you're all in agreement."

"You do realize that this bottle is nearly empty," Remus sighed.

"James, mate, be a doll and go fetch us some more from your room," Sirius requested with a shrug.

"What? I am Head Boy and an exemplary classy student at this fine establishment. I have better things to do than harbor illegal beverages in the nooks and crannies of my bedroom like you so blatantly suggested."

Lily shot him a look. "There is so much in that brief rant of yours I could dispute starting with the idea that you're an exemplary classy student and ending with the ridiculous notion that you, a Marauder of this school, don't have some sort of alcoholic beverage hiding underneath your bed."

"It's not hiding under my bed!"

"Really? That's the part you choose to focus on?" Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes.

James shrugged. "Oh, please. She's got the rest of that right. Exemplary and classy aren't exactly adjectives people use to describe me."

"Except for apparently yourself," spoke Sirius with a shrug. "And where did we land on that whole drinking game idea?"

* * *

The clock had struck midnight and they were all a bit saddened that another Christmas had come and gone. The firewhisky had been long abandoned, the bottle lying motionless on the floor in front of Sirius. They had been chatting about the most unlikely couples (Snape and Kay, Sirius and Riley, Peter and any girl, Dumbledore and Pomfrey, etc) which provided them with a laugh for far too long when Sirius felt himself yawning. He scowled at himself. "Okay, I'm tired which means I need chocolate," he said. "Who's up for a kitchen run?"

"Oooh, I could totally go for some ice cream," Peter joined in.

"I want a brownie!" Remus said giddily.

Sirius snickered. "Okay, chocolate, ice cream, and brownies it is," he agreed.

"And cupcakes!" Peter added.

"And cupcakes," Sirius laughed.

"And chocolate chip cookies?" Remus asked.

"And chocolate chip cookies," Sirius repeated with a roll of the eyes.

"In other words, drunk munchies," James drawled, shooting his friend a look.

Sirius laughed and turned to both him and Lily. "You guys coming?"

Lily shook her head. "Nah, I think I'm going to head to bed."

"Awww, c'mon!" Sirius urged. "We still got a whole night ahead of us!"

"One that I will not be partaking in," she replied with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, I think I'm going to stay here, also," James agreed, not because he didn't want chocolate but because he had an ulterior motive on his mind.

Sirius shrugged, getting off the floor. "Your choice, but you ain't getting none of our food."

"You wouldn't have given me any even if I _had _gone with you," James pointed out.

"You do make a valid argument, Mr. Potter," Sirius said, shrugging. If he hadn't been as tipsy as he was, he may have realized that leaving James and Lily by themselves was a death wish. And if Remus wasn't so hungry or Peter so naive, they may have realized it as well. "We'll be back soon."

"Alright," Lily and James both said in unison, as Lily got up off the floor to go into her room.

Sirius linked arms with Remus and Peter and led them out of the room and before Lily could even reach her door, James spoke up. "Evans?"

She hesitated before turning around. "Yeah?" she dared to ask, her heart beating a mile a minute.

"Uh…this may be an awkard or...or inappropriate question," he muttered, running his fingers through his hair nervously. "But why did you hang out with us for that long?"

"Ouch."

"No, no, no, not because I didn't want you there, because I did, but...well, I mean that I didn't want you sitting alone on Christmas so I certainly didn't mind you hanging out with us. Not that I _wanted _you to hang out. But not that I didn't want you to hang out with us either. Oh, bloody Merlin, I'm now officially rambling."

She couldn't help but smile. "Well, which is it, Potter? Did you want me here or not?" she said with a teasing smirk.

"Never mind," he said hastily, shaking his head. "I guess I was just surprised that you were willingly hanging out with me after...after what had happened between us last week."

"Which part?" she murmured. "The slapping, the kissing, or the agreement to just leave each other alone?"

Lily could have sworn he blushed.

"Well, you're not exactly upholding that last part, are you?" James muttered.

Lily frowned. "I'm leaving now, aren't I?"

When he didn't say anything, she took that as her cue to go. She turned back around but she barely had her hand on her door, when James called back out after her. "Don't."

She froze, glancing over her shoulder. "Don't?"

"Don't leave," he whispered, almost desperately. "We just sat in each other's presence for over three hours and we've managed to both get out alive. That's progress, right?"

She felt the butterflies once again growing within her stomach. "I don't know if I'd call it progress," she mused, shrugging.

"Then what would you call it?"

"Toleration."

She had said that a little too quickly, which he caught. "So that's where we are now? Toleration?"

"I don't _know_, Potter," she said vulnerably. "I just know that Sirius had asked if I wanted to join all of you tonight and while I thought I would be perfectly content not listening to him, somehow...somehow I did."

He stared over at her in confuson. "Sirius asked you to join us?"

She merely shrugged.

"If I had been the one to ask you to join us, would you have?"

That question threw her for a loop. "_What_?"

He cringed, wishing he could just take back his question. "I don't know. Never mind. Stupid question, I guess."

She stared at him, trying to remember or recall the first time she had ever actually looked at Potter and not seen an arrogant toerag. The answer didn't come to her. "Would you have even wanted to ask me to join you?"

He opened his mouth to say yes but stopped himself before it came out too eager. "I just want things to go back to the way they used to be," he said softly.

She blinked. "When? When we were enemies? When we were acquaintances? Coworkers? Friends? That doesn't exactly narrow it down for me, Potter, considering you and I have been everything under the sun and then some."

"And avoiding each other is the answer?"

"The answer to what?"

He frowned, clearly getting exasperated. "I don't know, Evans. I'm just trying to...to figure you and me out."

She shrugged rather uncomfortably. She was getting to a point where she wasn't even sure what to say to him anymore. "Maybe there's nothing to figure out. Can't we just...just..."

"Coexist?"

She met his gaze and eventually nodded. "I guess there's really no other way to put it."

He exhaled sharply, not realizing he had been holding his breath. "Fine," he said, his voice cool and almost bitter.

She blinked and watched him turn his back to her, reaching for a book on pranks that lay on the coffee table. And suddenly there was one question she had to know the answer to. She longed to hear the answer to. A question she had never once considered asking, never once even wanted to know the truth behind it. Until now. She took a hesitant step back towards the couch. "Potter?"

He glanced back up, surprised to see her still standing there. "Hm?"

"All of those times you asked me out and you chased me and you tried to get my attention, was any of it real?"

He had no idea what he had expected her to say, but it certainly wasn't that. "_What_?"

She blushed furiously, cringing at how pathetic the question sounded. But she continued anyway. "How much of your supposed interest in me was real and how much of it was for show?"

He sat frozen on the couch, his mouth inadvertently hanging open in surprise and confusion. He had no idea how to even approach that question. He certainly couldn't tell her the truth. But a lie would probably be even more hurtful. "Where is this coming from?"

She frowned, thrown off by his avoidance of the question. "It's coming from me, James," she said softly.

He flinched at the sound of his first name against her tongue. And that's when he knew he had to tell her the truth. "It was never about a show with you, Evans," he spoke, his words feeling light and crisp as they rolled off his tongue. "It was all real."

And she believed him. She didn't want to, but she did. She so desperately wanted to ask more questions but found herself unable to do so. "Then why does it seem like everything else you do is all for show?"

He hesitated, not certain he even wanted to know what she meant. And yet, he felt compelled to ask. "What?"

She bit down on the inside of her lip, crossing her arms vulnerably. "The way you bully students you don't believe are worth your time, the way you muss up your hair any time a girl walks in the room, the way you prance around this school with your cohorts by your side as if you're nobody without them, the way you command the attention of everyone in the stands during your Quidditch matches, the way you show off in classes jut to prove you're better than anyone. Why can't you just do anything that's ever genuine? Why can't you act like the guy to the rest of the world that you used to act around me?"

He frowned. "What _guy, _Evans? That's me as you so often point out. Arrogant, hopeless little me. Sorry if that's not the guy you want me to be, but unfortunately, that's who you're stuck with."

"No, it's like you're two different people. When it's just me and you, I see a different side to you," she spoke, almost desperately. "A softer side. A-"

"Aw, hell, don't go saying things like that around Sirius," he murmured, clearly trying to lighten the situation.

She ignored his typical need to joke. "You're no longer arrogant, you're humble. You no longer show off, you just try to be you. You talk to me like I'm a real person and I feel like you're finally just being genuine. You tell me things that are unexpected and yet which surprisingly make me happy. You apologize to me one-on-one when you know you should. You makes jokes to hear me laugh. You sneak me out to the kitchens knowing I like chocolate raspberry torte. You agree to spend an afternoon studying with me when we all know studying is your least favorite thing to do. You call me a somebody and then you kiss me. But the moment someone else, _anyone else_, shows up, it's like that guy has disappeared. And you don't even realize it."

He frowned. "Did you ever think that maybe it's not me that's different, but you?"

"_What_?"

"Maybe you're just more willing to accept who I am when there aren't people around judging us."

It was her turn to frown. "How does that make any sense?"

"It doesn't," he said with a shrug. "But I'm just telling you that I don't think I'm the only one at fault here, Red."

She looked up at him, startled. "You haven't called me that in two years."

He cringed. "Yeah, I know," he muttered. "You used to hate when I called you that."

Her heart skipped a beat. "When did you stop?"

He gazed at her, confused. "I don't know. Does it matter?"

"Yes."

He rolled his eyes. "The things that matter to you are beyond my understanding, Evans."

She scowled. "Merlin, Potter, why do I bother talking to you?" She whirled back around to head into her room.

"Because apparently Sirius snaps his fingers at you and you go running towards him."

She froze in her foorway, insulted, before turning back around to face him. She was even more insulted when she realized he had returned to his book, not caring that his words were rude and condescending. "_Excuse me_?"

He barely shrugged. "Last I checked, the guy was my friend. Not yours. You want me to stay out of your life so much then maybe you should consider not hanging around with my friends. Or, and here's a novel idea, _me_."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Mr. Grinch?"

He gazed back at her, clearly confused. "What the hell is a Grinch?"

"You're exasperating," she snapped. "And you can't tell me who to hang out with, Potter. Sorry that it bugs you so much that I can actually be friends with Sirius, but I-"

"It doesn't bug me," he scowled.

She smirked. "Sure it does. It just kills you knowing that I can be friends with him but can't manage to stay friends with you, does it not?"

He didn't respond. Mostly because she was right. And damnit did he hate when she was right.

"Sorry to burst your delusional bubble, Potter, but it's not my fault you're such a bloody bastard that I can't be friends with you," she snapped, her frustration getting the better of her. It's like he got off on exasperating her with his idiotic nonsense. She had just spent a few hours with James without feeling the need to rip his head off and suddenly, when it was just the two of them, she wanted to chuck him out the window. Why was it that they couldn't manage to be around each other individually without tension rising?

"Now, that's not fair calling me a bastard," James said, a smirk forming on his face. "My parents were married when they had me."

Clearly that wasn't the right response. Lily's eyes blazed with repulsion. "You and your bloody jokes, Potter," she snapped. "This isn't funny to me. You are being completely unreasonable. The last time I checked, it is _my _choice who I want to make friends with."

"Not when it comes to _my _friends!" James complained, climbing off the couch in frustration.

Lily scoffed. "Are you just _picking _fights with me now? Tired of the usual 'Lily's a busybody' and 'Potter's a jackass' argument?"

"I'm not _picking _a fight with you, Evans," James snorted. "I don't care enough to converse with you that much. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to request you to stay away from my friends. If I recall correctly, weren't _you _the one who wanted me to stay away? Since you and I can't seem to come to amenable terms about the incident last week, I don't think that it's so-"

Lily burst into laughter. "Amenable terms? _Incident_?" she repeated with a snort. "You _kissed _me, Potter! You _kissed _me knowing what the consequences were! That's not an _incident_! You knew what you were doing the whole damn time! First, we were fighting and then you shut me up by _kiss_-"

"Yeah yeah, I know, I kissed you," James grumbled with a perturbed look, wishing it hadn't been brought up. "So _what_? We both agreed that it didn't mean anything!"

Lily glared at him with such venom, she thought she was going to blow up. "No, Potter, we didn't agree on _anything_! You just came to a pathetic conclusion on your own in order to save your own damned ass with your damned girlfriend!"

James took a step back, startled by her words. He gazed at her curiously. "So, what…you thought it meant something?"

Lily scowled, her heart skipping a beat. Why did he have to choose now to start listening to her? "Of _course _not!" she bellowed, shaking her head. "I _just _said you did it because you wanted to shut me up."

"I did _not _do it just because I wanted you to shut up!" James cried out in offense, ignoring the fact that that didn't answer his question. "There were other reasons behind it!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "There couldn't have been other reasons behind it because just a few hours later, you said it was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened. I think your exact words were 'spur of the moment.'"

James sighed. "Are you going to remember everything I say?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know how difficult the concept of _listening _is to you."

James glared at her and started walking towards his room, having no desire to get into another row with his coveted coworker. "Why is it we can't go two minutes without quarreling?" he demanded, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Like I said before, you clearly enjoy picking fights with me," Lily responded coolly. "The problem is, Potter, _I don't_. I just want out."

He smirked. "And yet you willingly just spent the past few hours with me."

Lily stiffened, searching for a response. "Because Sirius asked me to," she said lamely. "He was trying to be a friend to me, trying to get me out of my holiday huff, and I appreciated that. So I hung out with him. You just happened to be in the vicinity."

James frowned, running his fingers through his hair. He turned back around to gaze at her curiously. "We didn't bicker once that entire time."

She narrowed her eyes, confused. "I'm aware of that."

"Or hex each other."

"So?"

"Or call each other names."

"Where are you going with this?"

James pursed his lips, shutting his eyes serenely. "I liked it."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "And yet, now you're picking a fight with me."

"I'm not picking a fight with you!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter, you claim you want to be my friend, you claim you want to know what you did so we can fix it, but every little thing you do during the day says otherwise."

"Like _what_?" James snarled, running his fingers through his hair.

"Like _everything_!" Lily shouted. "Starting with these petty fights you start with me!"

"I DON'T PICK FIGHTS WITH YOU!" By this point, James was more just trying to convince himself of that.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That's not the only thing, Potter. First, you _slap me_. Thanks for that by the way. And then you out-of-the-blue kiss me just to later claim it was nothing. And now you're classifying it as an _incident_. Then, you-"

"Yeah, well what would you call it?" James demanded to know, a stony glare plastered on his life.

"I'd call it what it is," she responded with a casual shrug. "A _kiss_. Or are you too afraid to admit that you _cheated _on your girlfriend?"

James smirked, running his fingers through her hair. "I think that if I told her I kissed you, she'd _laugh _in my face!" he said, an amused smile on his face. "She would never believe that I would stoop that low to kiss the likes of _you_."

Lily pretended not to be offended, but she felt a tug at her heart. His words stung. Maybe more than any other words he had ever spoken to her before. "Oh, so this is funny to you?" she snorted, rolling her eyes. She was getting tired of his jokes. "If you find it so hilarious and ghastly, then why did you kiss me not once but _twice_?"

James had no answer to that, so he just rolled his head back and stared at the ceiling in aggravation. He sighed and glanced back down at her with a sharp look. "Why does it bloody matter? I mean, why are we still arguing about this, days after it happened?"

Lily couldn't help but wonder the same thing. "I don't know. Because apparently arguing is what we do best."

Silence engulfed them, James' eyes clouding over with disappointment. "I'm done arguing with you," he murmured.

Lily had a feeling he wasn't just talking about this particular argument. "No, you're not," she smirked, crossing her arms satisfactorily. "Because you thrive on picking fights-"

"Will you quit saying that?" James snapped.

A slow, cynical smile crept on to Lily's face. "Oh, does it bother you?"

James held his tongue. Yes, it did. However, probably not for the reasons she thought, but because he wondered if it was true. Any reason to talk to Lily was reason enough for him, even if that included arguments. And he knew that if he started an argument with Lily, she wouldn't back down until she had the final word. That was the way her stubborn side worked. "What bothers me is _you_," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "And the way you dredge up the past and hold silly grudges. Why are you so determined to hate me?"

She narrowed her eyes. "It's not determination that's behind my hatred for you, Potter. It's simply the way that you are."

"Oh, gee, how specific," he said sarcastically, flashing her a wry smile.

"It's things like _that _that make me want to rip your head off," she snarled, gritting her teeth and clenching her fists. She was ready to explode. She just wanted him to say what he felt. For once, she just wanted to know where they stood with each other without erupting in a ridiculous fight. But that was never going to happen. How was it that just eleven hours earlier she actually came to the realization that she kinda liked James Potter and now, he was being a total jackass? Why couldn't he just be that guy who called her a somebody and who wished her a whimsical Merry Christmas and who made her feel special all the damned time instead of her just getting fleeting moments of it? "You think every damned thing is a _joke_, Potter. You use sarcasm and dry humor instead of actually saying what you feel or what you mean. You are so one-dimensional!"

James bit down on his tongue hard so as not to make another snide joke. Maybe joking was what he was good at. It was certainly easier to throw around a few jokes than to tell Lily what was really bothering him. Then again, maybe she deserved to know. "You really want to know how I feel?" he said softly, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

Lily froze, surprised by the sudden change in his demeanor. She could only shrug.

He slowly took a step closer to her, his heart beating fast. "I feel as if seven years ago, you decided you were going to hate me forever. I feel as if no matter what I try to do or say to attempt to rectify that, you will still go on hating me. I feel like you will always hold a grudge against me and more than that, you will always _want _to hold a grudge against me. And I feel like that is unfair. I feel like I try so hard to earn your respect and you don't even deserve it. When are you ever going to offer me the same courtesy?"

Lily was taken aback by the strained tone in his voice, as if he truly cared what she thought of him. She hesitated, remembering back to a week earlier when James in fact admitted he cared what she thought. But why? When she was barely a blip on his radar? In fact, he had made it perfectly clear to Kristina that he thought very little of her. And after they had kissed - after something could have possible changed between them and in a good way - he had admitted that it was a mistake and it meant nothing. She meant nothing. So she had to realize that he had to mean nothing to her. She wasn't going to pine over a guy who so clearly didn't care an ounce about her back. "I can't keep doing this, Potter," she said with a frown. "I can't keep playing these games with you. Maybe I am being unfair and maybe I will always hold a grudge against you. Maybe you'll never be able to earn my respect and maybe you don't deserve to. But do you blame me? You have been a royal jerk to me since the minute we met seven years ago."

James rolled his eyes, reverting back to his snide self. If telling her how he felt didn't win him any points, he was done doing so. "Oh, a royal jerk, hm? Glad to hear you're associating me with royalty."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "There you go again, making jokes. I am-"

"Yeah, well, what the hell do you expect from me?" he interrupted, his eyes blazing with anger. "I try to tell you how I feel, and you aren't willing to justify it! I try to talk to you, and you don't want to listen!"

"_I'm _the one who doesn't listen!" she barked. "How many times have I said I wanted nothing to do with you? How many times have I asked you to leave me alone? How many times have I said I was done arguing with you? How many times have I said I was done playing these games with you? And yet here we are _once again _breaking out into a stupid argument that is going nowhere!"

"Hey, you were the one who hung out with me for the past-"

"I didn't do that for you! Like I already said, that was for Sirius!" Lily shouted, letting out a loud, closed-throat yelp out of pure frustration. Her eyes gleamed with hatred, her stomach tightening from rage. "Why can't you ever just _shut up_ and _listen_ to what I'm trying to say_?_" she screamed, her jaw in pain from the loud exaggeration of her words.

"Because you clearly never have anything worth listening to!" James shouted back, his anger matching hers. She deserved to be challenged. She didn't get to boss him around and curse at him and just expect him not to retort, did she? A sly, angry smirk appeared on his face, his eyes narrowing with pure frustration. "You drone on and on about the same shit over and over again, about how I'm a jackass and I'm arrogant and I don't listen and I don't do any good in the world, but who the hell are you to scold me for _my _life and _my _personality?"

"I'm the only person willing to tell you to your face that you're the biggest jackass of all time! I-"

"Yeah, and you're the biggest bitch of all-time. What's worse is, you don't even realize it!" James interrupted, refusing to just sit back and take her wrath and insults. No wonder he didn't listen to her; why should he when all she ever said was something insulting? "Just because you think you're better than me doesn't make it true, Evans! You're stubborn, you hate when you don't get your way, you're manipulative, you're closed off, you're…damnit, Evans, you're a bloody stone wall! The only emotion you ever show is _anger_! If you keep going this way, you're going to end up completely alone in this damn world! So I'm sorry if I ever paid an ounce of attention to you! I'm sorry if all I ever did for you was _care_!"

"You call screaming at me and attacking me _caring_?" Lily snorted. "No, all you _ever_ cared about was yourself. You always have some hidden agenda. Whether you're being nice to me to satisfy your own guilty conscience or whether you're kissing me to shut me up or whether you're telling me it was a spur-of-the-moment mistake to make your relationship with Kristina more validated or whether you're telling me I can't be friends with your friends. Whatever it is, it is ALWAYS. ABOUT. YOU!" She over-emphasized each word, pausing for dramatic effect between each word. "You are constantly doing what's best for _you_. What's easiest for _you_. You ditch our weekly Head meetings to go play with your friends, you skive off classes when you're not in the mood to stuff knowledge into that big head of yours, you play pranks to entertain yourself when you're bored, you kiss me then _blow_ _me_ _off_ because that's the easiest way for you to deal with it, you call people names and insult them when they even remotely try to stand up to you because God forbid someone challenges the high and almighty James Potter, you keep your broomstick in one hand and your skank in the other and you prance around this school like you own it! You never think about anyone else!"

"Now, wait just one damned minute. You've got me all wrong," James interrupted, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "I don't prance."

Her face turned purple in unreserved fury, her knuckles white from clenching her fists so forcefully. Her eyes narrowed into slits of vehemence and she spat, "_STOP WITH THE BLOODY JOKES!_"

James couldn't help what he did next. He laughed.

And Lily had never hated him more.

All she wanted from James was the simple ability to listen to what she was saying. Maybe yelling at him and insulting him wasn't the best way to go about doing it, but trying to talk some sense into him at all was clearly impossible. It almost always ended in a huge debate because he'd always turn into his usual insincere, arrogant self who'd rather throw around snarky comments and flash her his infamous haughty smile than try and have a real conversation. He enjoyed bating her and toying with her. He just wanted to beat her in some facetious game, a game he was playing in his own head, and the only reason he stuck around long enough to hear her yell at him was only to retaliate with some superior comment. She was so outraged by his behavior, she didn't know what to say to make him see his ignorance. She didn't know what else to say to show her frustration that he never seemed to care what she had to say to him. She didn't know what to say to make him realize how ignorant and foolish he was being. She didn't know what to say to make him realize that laughing at her while she was trying to be serious was unacceptable and deplorable. So she didn't say anything.

She just punched him in the face.

* * *

**A/N: **TEEHEE! I LOVE HER! Believe me when I say, this ending was one of my FAVORITES to write! It may have seemed to be a bit out of character for her, but considering James manages to get away with everything he says, it was time Lily told him exactly what she thought of that. Anyone who gets so riled up that their anger is nearly exploding from them is bound to punch someone in the face. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


	43. Of Outbursts, Black Eyes,& Secret Smiles

**A/N: **Heyy, I'm back! Sorry it's been so long. I was home for Thanksgiving break and my story is on my computer at school so I apologize this is so long overdue! Thanks for all the reviews! Last chapter was SO much fun to write! Especially the punch to the face, haha! It gets even better in this chapter, so ignore this and read on!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 43: Of Outbursts, Black Eyes, & Secret Smiles

* * *

"Please tell me you're not actually planning on eating all that," Peter murmured towards Sirius as he and his two friends traipsed back to James' private quarters, their hands full of sweets.

"The more chocolate the better," Sirius insisted, struggling to keep a grip on the baggies of chocolate goodies in his arms.

"I will so not be by your side when you puke after all that sugar you're going to eat," Remus said in disgust.

"It's not sugar," Sirius argued. "It's _chocolate_."

"Oh sorry, my mistake," Remus replied sarcastically.

"And weren't you the one who wanted the brownies and chocolate chip cookies?" Sirius pointed out with a smirk, shifting the food in his right arm to his left arm.

"Yes, but nowhere in that did I say I wanted double-chocolate brownies and chocolate chip fudge cookies," Remus pointed out. "Do you know how much chocolate you're inhaling?"

Sirius shrugged, reaching for another brownie and popping it into his mouth. "More than I probably need but not nearly as much as I want?" he suggested through a muffled voice.

Remus couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Chocaholic."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," said Sirius. "Now pass me a cupcake, will ya? And not one of those red velvet ones you insisted on bringing back to James."

Remus held the cupcakes out of Sirius' reach as Peter chimed in with a laugh. "I bet you couldn't go two minutes without eating chocolate."

"That's not a bet I even remotely want to take," Sirius said with a grin, lunging for a cupcake and grabbing it out of Remus' hand. He stuck the whole thing in his mouth to spite him.

"Oh, that's attractive," Peter snickered.

"Oh, right, and that little smudge of chocolate at the tip of _your _nose is much more appealing," Remus snorted.

Peter pouted, wiping it off with his fingers and then proceeding to lick his fingers. "There's nothing better than chocolate on Christmas."

"Except for perhaps a girl slathered with chocolate on Christmas," Sirius chimed in, grinning dreamily.

When he glanced back at his two friends, they were staring at him, unamused. "If you're not picturing that as well, you two need more help than I thought."

Remus rolled his eyes, smashing a cupcake in Sirius' face before sliding past him.

"Ew, red velvet!" he groaned before quickly wiping it off and rushing to meet up with his friends. "I'm going to have to tell James that you wasted a-" he stopped when he heard screams from down the hallway. "What the hell is that?"

"What's what?" Remus asked, but Sirius was too busy straining his ears to listen further. As they continued strolling down the hallway, Remus also started hearing screeching voices. "Oh."

"Who the hell would be screaming at this hour?" Peter murmured, spewing out pieces of chocolate cupcake as he said it.

"Oh gross," Remus cringed, making a face. "Say it, don't spray it, Wormtail."

Peter just grinned and continued to walk down the hallway, the screams getting louder. "Jeez, whoever's yelling sure can-"

"Oh _no_," Sirius interrupted as he groaned, it suddenly dawning on him.

"Oh no what?" Remus asked.

Sirius halted in the hallway, his eyes growing in concern. "That's...that's Prongs and Lily-bean, isn't it?"

Remus hesitated to listen more carefully, but Sirius had already dropped half the food that was in his hands to hurry down the hallway to the Heads' private quarters.

"Why did we leave them _alone_?" Sirius cried out in frustration.

Remus groaned inwardly when he indeed recognized the voices as belonging to his friends. His friends that just couldn't seem to get along for more than a few seconds. He chased after Sirius, ignoring the mess that was now all over the floor. "They're going to wake up the whole bloody school if they don't shut it," Remus muttered, frowning.

"What's the big deal? Those two are always yelling!" Peter pointed out, rushing after both of them. "That's nothing new!"

Sirius practically shouted the password over the horrifying shrieks and yelps that were emerging from inside and rushed into the room where he was greeted by a most horrifying scene: James and Lily were literally in a fist fight on the floor by the couch, arms flailing about, screams emitting, scratches on James and Lily's faces and arms, bruises already forming on their faces, and blood dripping on to the carpet.

"But _that_'s new," Remus replied when he came up behind Sirius, staring in awe at the brawl that was going on in front of their very eyes between who he used to think of as two respectable human-beings.

All three of them stood in horror at the sight in front of them before Remus finally snapped back to reality, realizing what was really going on, and groaned, "Come on, let's get them off each other before someone is killed."

Sirius held his arm out in front of Remus. "Oh, please just let us watch for a few more minutes! This is too entertaining to break up," he said gleefully.

"YOU SELFISH JERK!" Lily's voice rang out as she smacked him across the face.

"YOU PRETENTIOUS PRIG!" he snapped, grabbing a hold of her arms and keeping them out of his harm's way.

"No, we can't watch for another few minutes, Padfoot," Remus snapped, rushing to Lily's aide. She was practically straddling James as he instinctively reached out to grab a fistful of her hair, trying to pull her off of him.

Sirius sighed as he and Peter rushed to James' side. "Alright, fine. Show's over." While Remus attempted to drag Lily off of James, Sirius was trying to shield his own face from her swinging arms.

"_Let go of me, Lupin_!" Lily shouted as Remus grabbed tightly ahold her arms and managed to pull her away. She tried with all her power to get free of his hold with little success. "Potter deserves it! He deserves to know what it feels like to get _hurt_! This is the only bloody way to get through to him! It's the only way he'll fucking _listen_!"

"Now, Lily, how-" Remus started but was quickly interrupted.

"Until you tell me exactly why you're so pissed at me, I have no reason to listen to your bullshit!" James shouted, struggling to break free of Sirius and Peter's grasps as he reached down and hastily grabbed his glasses that had fallen off during the fight.

"James, c'mon, if you-" Sirius started to argue, but his voice was overshadowed by Lily's manic voice.

"It's **_not _**bullshit!" Lily screamed, as Remus quickly covered his ears in pain. "You just don't want to bloody listen in fear that I may bloody well be _right _about the way you live your bloody life!"

"No need to swear, Li-" Remus hushed, but emitted an annoyed sigh when he was immediately cut off.

"It's _my _life!" James shouted, putting his skewed glasses back on his face. He fought to get away from Sirius and Peter, who were holding a pretty firm grip around his arms and waist. "You have _no _right to criticize the way I live my bloody life because you don't even bloody _know me_!"

"Again with the swearing-" Sirius interrupted, but was obviously interrupted.

"It's called freedom of speech, you bloody _prat_!" Lily screamed, ignoring the eye rolls of the other three Marauders. "I can criticize you when I want and _how _I want! And your lifestyle choices are a good place to _start_!"

"Whoa! Calm down, woman!" Remus cried out, holding on to Lily for dear life as she attempted to scramble away from him.

"You don't get to criticize me anymore, Evans! I'm done taking it from you!" James shouted, his face reddening from displeasure, wanting nothing more to bash Lily's head into a pole at that moment. He wasn't going to let her use him as her punching bag. Physically or emotionally. "It is _my _life for a damn reason and you have no idea how I live it or how I want to live it! I have a mother, thank you very much, so I certainly do not need someone else trying to tell me what to do!"

"Why do we bother trying to help when we know they're just going to interrupt us?" Sirius murmured to Peter beside him as they sniggered together.

"Well _someone _has to be your mother because clearly _yours _hasn't done her job-" Lily was silenced by a pillow that James had grabbed off the couch and smashed directly in her face. "_You are such a prat, POTTER!_"

"I'd rather be a prat than a brown-nosed goody two-shoes!" James screamed, giving her a smug look.

"I don't know why I even _deal _with you! You're **_incorrigible_**!" she grumbled, giving him a vehement look, still continuing to struggle against Remus' grasp.

"_I'm _incorrigible?" James repeated with a laugh. "You think _I'm _incorrigible?" He chuckled lightly to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. "Last I checked, I wasn't the one who punched my fellow coworker."

"Oh, you deserve more than a punch from me, _Potter_," she spat out. "And if Remus' death grip wasn't so bloody tight, I'd be willing to throw in a few extras right here, right now."

"Damnit, Evans, I want nothing more than to smack you upside your head! Damn me for actually sticking to my bloody morals."

"HAH! I wasn't aware that a snotty-nose-stuck-high-in-the-air-in-order-for-everyone-to-worship-him _brat_ like yourself _had _morals."

"Lily, c'mon, try and be-" Remus started. He wasn't surprised when he was completely ignored.

"I am _not _a brat," James argued, stomping his foot on the ground hard. "And it isn't my damned fault everyone worships me!"

"Oooooh, probably not the right thing to say," Sirius muttered, earning a glare from James.

"It is _too _your own damn fault, Potter!" Lily screamed, ignoring Sirius altogether. "Every damned thing you've done since first year, from ruffling up your hair vying for a woman's attention to making sure you were the best at Quidditch in order to win the popularity status to flashing your attempted charming smile for the professors to swoon over in order to get out of _detention_ to playing childish pranks to earn attention from every single person in this bloody school is _your _attempt at making the world fall at your damn _feet_!"

He smirked. "You sound jealous."

"You're _delusional_!"

"**_GUYS_**!" Sirius finally shouted over them to everyone's surprise. Lily and James finally seemed to acknowledge their friends' presence as James glared at Sirius for even daring to try to talk over them.

"Don't interrupt. We're finally getting somewhere," James snapped.

"That black eye says otherwise," Sirius drawled. "You two can be heard a mile away and unless you want Dumbledore to come in here himself and paddle your behinds until they're as smashed up as your faces—which are quite unattractive, might I add—I'd consider _shutting up_."

Lily opened her mouth to protest but the glare she received from Remus was enough to close it again.

After a moment of silence passed, Sirius let out a sigh of relief and a small laugh. "Man, I didn't think that would work."

Remus shot Sirius a look before letting his gaze fall upon his two bruised friends. "Now if I were you two, I'd consider getting up to the hospital wing before your eyes are so swollen you can't see anymore."

"This isn't over, Potter," Lily growled, glaring at him, before shoving Remus off of her harshly.

"Good, because I still have plenty to say to you," James snapped, wincing as he suddenly realized that his cheek was throbbing in pain.

"Why do I even bother trying to talk sense into them? Making sense is clearly not my thing," Sirius murmured with a defeated sigh.

Lily ignored him. "Well, _save _it because I hardly want to spend the rest of my Christmas night here listening to your bloody voice talk for hours about nothing!" Lily snapped, her eyes blazing with hatred.

"Funny how you're the only one who doesn't want to listen to me," James snarled, rolling his eyes distantly. "Everyone else in this damned school seems to find me positively charming."

"Just because the girls in this school fawn over you like a lovesick puppy and all the teachers cater to your every move doesn't mean they find you charming," Lily drawled dryly. "It just means they need their heads examined."

"I am so bloody tired of you insulting me with absolutely no substance," James retaliated almost immediately, his voice gruff with rage. "Get some new material."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. Her whole body trembled with frustration, her eyes bearing through his with a surge of anger. She wanted to claw his eyes out and hex off his limbs. She wanted to understand how he could be so downright unreasonable and exasperating. And she wanted to know how he could frustrate her beyond belief and yet still look so goddamned cute. "You are the most exasperating person on this planet, Potter! How people can deal with you for longer than three seconds without feeling the need to hex you is beyond me!" she snarled with a heavy animosity, spinning on her heels towards the entrance, wiping the dripping blood from her nose on her arm. Before she could storm out of her room, she threw a glance over her shoulder and snapped, "It's no wonder your family decided they didn't want to spend the holidays with you this year. You're bloody incorrigible!"

"Yeah, well, at least I _have_ a family!" James exploded.

And suddenly everything went completely silent.

James realized far too late the awful words that had just escaped out of his mouth and he felt himself go numb in horror. His face went white, his stomach dropped, and his eyes grew wide as he let out a strangled gasp. Sirius' hands flew to his mouth in horror, immediately letting go of James' arm. Remus' eyes widened, glancing at James in true disappointment. Peter ignored James altogether and stared at the mixture of emotions running over Lily's face.

Lily's entire body grew rigid, a chill running slowly down her spine. She wanted to run and hide, but the betrayal and hurt in the pit of her stomach kept her rooted to that spot. Her eyes burned right through his, her eyes widening in horrified panic. She didn't realize she had been holding her breath until a heavy gasp emitted from her lips several seconds later.

James instantly regretted it. All of it. He had never felt like a bigger git than in that moment. He wanted to apologize and he wanted to make her feel better but he was too shocked to do or say anything. His whole body was stiff from fear of what Lily would do to him and a sudden shiver ran down his spine. He opened his mouth to say he was sorry but nothing came out. He had a feeling that 'sorry' just wouldn't cut it this time. And it shouldn't.

As she slowly regained feeling back in her body, Lily felt the tears well up from deep within. She wasn't sure whether it was because she was reminded of her parents or because James had hurt her in the worst possible way. Or maybe it was because she felt betrayed by Sirius, who was the only one who could have possibly told them. Or maybe it was just all three. Whatever it was, she wanted to get away from him so fast. Hopefully never to see him again. _Ever_.

She had to catch her breath before she could find the ability to speak. "You...you can just go straight to hell, Potter," she spat out in a hurt whisper, blinking away the tears quickly.

She spun on her heels towards the door, a raging glare on her face as she stared right at Sirius. "And you can join him."

When she heard James' footsteps behind her she cried over her shoulder in a raspy, deep snarl, "_Don't _follow me."

Any other day, James would have kept on walking towards her, but it was the sound of Lily's voice and her rigid walk that made him choose to listen to her as he halted on the spot. He didn't necessarily want to be at the end of a hexing match with her and she deserved some space.

The door was slammed shut, filling the room with an eerie silence. No one spoke, all eyes on James. Eventually, it was Sirius who broke the tension. "How could you do that, James?"

James sighed, hanging his head shamefully. "I-I don't know," he whispered. "I don't know what just happened. I...I...I deserve every punch she sent my way. And then some. She must really hate me."

Remus sighed and walked over to where James stood, patting his shoulder comfortingly. "If it makes you feel any better, mate, I believe she hated you before your really, _really _stupid outburst."

James gave him an irritated look and sunk on to the couch, cringing as he brought his hand to his eye. "Gee thanks, Moony," James muttered sarcastically. "What would I do without you as a friend."

"You don't deserve friends right now."

James frowned, knowing he was right. "I try so hard to please her," he said softly. "To earn her forgiveness, and then...then I do something to ridiculously stupid, every insult she has sent my way has been proven true."

His three friends exchanged a look which didn't go unnoticed by James. "James, I told you her sob story in confidence," Sirius spoke, his words filled with angst. "That girl has been through so much and you just made it ten times worse. 'Ridiculously stupid' doesn't even begin to describe what you just did."

"You don't need to make me feel worse than I already do," James muttered, slumping further down on the couch.

"I guarantee she's the one feeling worse."

"I _know_," James said softly.

"Do you? Because you pretty much just destroyed her."

"Damnit, Padfoot, _I know_!" James insisted as he raised his eyes to glare at him. Escept it wasn't a glare that was displayedo n his face. It was a remorseful wince. "You don't think I realize that I just made the biggest mistake of my entire life? You don't think I realize that I hurt that girl more than she ever deserved? You don't think I realize that I crushed her? That I betrayed everything she ever believed in? That I betrayed everything we ever were? You don't think I realize that I _hate _myself for what just happened? I realize it all, Sirius. And there's nothing I'm ever going to be able to do or say to fix it. We can't come back from this. We..." he trailed off, the words catching in his throat. "What have I done?" he whispered in a frantic panic.

Sirius sighed, knowing he was going to let his best friend off the hook. He looked so broken and lost and helpless that Sirius figured the kid didn't need his actual friend hating him. "James," he said cautiously. "Did you really expect to be able to come back from something like that?"

James shook his head. "No," he muttered.

No one spoke, silence filling the room until Peter eventually spoke up. "Don't...don't beat yourself up over it, Prongs. Maybe Lily will get over it. She always does," he lied, knowing perfectly well that Lily would not be forgetting what James had said. However, his friend was pretty much hating himself at the moment and he figured he'd jump in and attempt to his confidence.

Sirius snorted and leaned against the wall harshly. "You honestly think she's going to forget what we just witnessed? You're dreaming, Wormy."

Remus glared at Sirius over James' head. "_Padfoot_," he warned, with an irritated look.

"No, it's true," James interjected, defending his best friend. "She's going to hate me for the rest of our lives."

"Again, she probably was already thinking that she-" Remus started but was cut off by James' angry glare. "Er…never mind."

James sighed. "And to think I believed we were actually getting somewhere when she chose to hang out with me tonight."

"Er," Sirius muttered, "I'm afraid that's my doing."

"I know," James muttered. "She told me."

Sirius gave his friend an apologetic look. "I would've told you earlier today but I didn't honestly think she'd take me up on the offer."

"What offer?" Peter questioned curiously, coming around to the front of the couch to face his friends.

"I asked her to put aside the sulking for tonight and to hang out with us tonight," Sirius explained with a shrug. "Guess she listened to me."

"Which would be a first," Remus joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Sirius made a sour face, but rolled his eyes. "I should go apologize to her for spilling her secret."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Remus questioned with an inquisitive look.

"Well why wouldn't it be?" Sirius asked with a shrug.

"Because we don't need two Marauders with a face full of bruises," Remus explained with a sympathetic cringe towards James. "Sorry."

James shrugged. "Why? It's true. I do have a face full of bruises. And probably a black eye, too."

"Probably two," Peter snickered.

"Great," he whined. "The girl certainly can punch. Who knew that tiny thing could have so much pent-up frustration built up inside of her."

"I'm assuming you might have something to do with that," Remus snickered.

James glared at him.

"Sorry," Remus murmured.

James shrugged. "Stop apologizing. It's not your fault."

"No, I know," Remus explained with a curt shrug. "I just feel bad. For you, I mean. I never thought it would come to this."

"Oh, really? You never thought it would come to a fist fight?" James drawled dryly, rolling his eyes.

"No, strangely enough, I didn't," Remus responded, giving him a look.

James sighed, slumping down in defeat. "Well, we rile each other up. That's no secret."

Sirius burst into laughter.

His three friends turned to stare up at him with a mixture of confusion and fear. "What the hell are you laughing for? I don't exactly find this funny!" James protested.

Sirius sniggered. "Prongs, 'riling each other up' doesn't even begin to cover it," he said with a cheeky grin, trying to contain his laughter. "You and Lily were _rolling _on the floor fighting with one another!"

James glared at him. "Again, not finding this funny."

"In the midst of a full-blown _fist fight_," Sirius further explained, his laughing not ceasing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize _you _wanted a black eye also," James grumbled acidly.

"Prongs, you were in a fist fight with a _girl_. And not just any girl—_Lily-bean_! You two are the Heads of this school and are therefore supposed to be role models, remember? Last time I checked, that didn't include smacking around your coworker. Tonight was not exactly one of your finest moments," Sirius laughed, ignoring the pained expression on James' face.

James scowled. "Yes, we were fighting, but so what?"

As Remus thought back to the fight he had just witnessed, the ends of his mouth curled up. "It _was_ kinda funny, wasn't it…"

James whirled around to face Remus in shock. "_What_? You, the one prefect who has seemed to abide by the whole no fighting rule here at Hogwarts, are agreeing with Mr. Giggles over here?" he cried out in astonishment, jabbing his thumb in Sirius' direction, who was now holding on to the wall for balance.

Remus shrugged and chuckled. "I don't agree with the fight, but…but I would be lying if I said it wasn't entertaining to watch."

James glared at him.

"You're seventeen, Prongs!" he continued with a smirk. "Most seventeen-year-olds that I know aren't brawling with the opposite sex on the floor."

"Unless of course they're having sex," Sirius snickered again, ducking as a pillow came soaring at his head.

James scowled and sunk down lower into the couch. "And I call you guys my friends," he muttered. He turned to Peter. "Please tell me _you'll _stay loyal to me."

"I'm not laughing, am I?" Peter pointed out, trying hard to ignore the laughing fit that was occurring between Remus and Sirius.

"No, I guess not," James murmured, crossing his arms bitterly and turning his back on the other two as he stood up from the couch. He touched a deep scrape over his left eye, a mark he received from Lily's ring unfortunately, and sighed. "Okay, before this blood spills all over the couch and Evans forces me to clean it up singlehandedly, I guess I've gotta head up to the hospital wing."

"Are you nuts?" Remus and Sirius said in unison, their laughing ceasing immediately.

"What?" James asked, dumbfounded.

"Lily told you not to follow her," Remus explained. "I'm pretty sure you would have a matching black eye on the left side of your face and a few more black and blues if you even stepped foot through the hospital wing door."

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to do about these battered scrapes and bruises all over myself?" James asked, throwing up his hands in frustration.

"Here, I'll fix it," Sirius suggested, taking a step closer to James.

James immediately stepped back away from Sirius, throwing up his arms to shield himself. "Oh, no you don't," he argued. "The last time you tried to help me clean up a large gash on my arm, my arm almost ended up falling off!"

"Ehh, the key word is almost," Sirius said, shrugging it off.

"You are horrid at healing spells, Padfoot. I'm not going to let you touch me."

"I'll do it," Remus sighed reluctantly.

"My face is a bloody mess. Literally," James muttered. "I'd prefer to leave that up to the professionals." He ignored the hesitant look passed between his three friends. "It's not like I have a death wish. I'm going to avoid Evans at all costs, okay?"

"And exactly how are you going to do that?" Remus questioned warily. "The hospital wing is a small confined room and-"

"It's not that small," James protested.

"It's small enough for Lily-bean to whoop your ass," Sirius sniggered. He grinned, adding, "Again."

James fixed an irritated glare on his best friend, a sudden wave of regret washing over him at Sirius' words. "She didn't whoop my ass, Padfoot. And don't you dare go spreading that around."

"That black eye, the bruises, and the scratches say otherwise."

James glared at him. "I'm going to the hospital wing."

"Did our 'are you nuts' comment not convey the stupidity of that statement?" Remus groaned.

James sighed. "Then I guess I'm nuts," he muttered, shrugging. "Look, I've given her a large enough head start, haven't I? For all we know, Pomfrey could have her stitched up and she could be outta there."

"You really think Pomfrey is just going to let her leave?" Remus snorted. "She makes a student stay overnight if they have a mosquito bite!"

James shrugged. "Fine, say what you want to say, but my eye is really starting to swell up and I'd like to get it fixed."

"But-" all three of them cried out in unison.

"No," James quickly interjected. "No buts. I need to get cleaned up. I'm going to Pomfrey."

The other three exchanged nervous looks but didn't argue. Mostly because they could barely see James' eye under his swollen eyelid. "Okay, but if I hear screaming from the hospital wing then-" Sirius started.

"There won't _be _screaming!" James argued, his tone clearly on edge. In all honesty, James just wanted to get away from them as fast as possible. He was embarrassed and didn't need to see the looks of disapproval on his friends' faces. He knew what he had done was horrible and wrong, but he didn't need them to remind him of it.

Thankfully, his three friends didn't protest.

James sighed. "Don't wait up for me," he muttered. "I'll see you guys tomorrow at lunch."

"But we haven't even talked about or traditional after-holiday prank war yet!" Sirius whined.

James pursed his lips, shooting his best friend a look. "Well, I'm sorry that my bloody lip and this stupid black eye are getting in the way of thinking about a bunch of silly pranks," he replied dryly.

"Silly pranks?" Sirius murmured, narrowing his eyes at him. "You're usually the one strategizing those silly pranks, Prongs."

James winced, sighing regrettably. "I'm sorry, Padfoot," he murmured, and he meant it. "I just...after tonight, I don't...I'm too..." he trailed off with a sigh. "I just can't."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. His best friend's words, his demeanor, the look in his eye. It reminded Sirius of himself when he had first attempted to apologize to Remus after the Snape incident. James felt ashamed and alone, that much was obvious. "Prongs," Sirius said rather thoughtfully, "I hope you know that everything's going to work out."

James frowned, meeting his best friend's concentrated gaze. "How can everything possibly work out, Padfoot?" James asked, his voice strained with guilt.

Sirius shrugged hesitantly, blinking vulnerably. "It did for me," he eventually murmured. "After...after the whole Snape incident."

Three pairs of surprised eyes stared over at him.

James eventually spoke up. "Sirius, you have been my best friend since you sat down in my compartment on our very first day of Hogwarts. Of course it was bound to work out. Evans and I? We have been sworn enemies since that very first day. A bit of a different situation, don't ya think?"

Sirius frowned. "Hm, well, yeah, you did manage to avoid covering me from head to toe with chocolate sauce so it was easier for us," he mused.

James rolled his eyes. "Not really my point," he sighed, slowly traipsing towards the door. "I'll catch you guys later?"

His three friends offered sympathetic murmurs of assentment as James swept out of the room quickly and quietly. He let the door slam behind him, the look on Lily's face after his outburst still branded in his mind. He was pretty sure he would never get that look out of his face.

* * *

Lily slammed the door to her common room and stood against the door in shock for what felt like eternity, finding it difficult to catch her breath. She tried to think of anything else, but all she could hear was his words running through her mind.

"_At least I have a family!"_

She felt the tears welling up inside, but she brushed them off and quickly realized she was still standing in front of her common room. She hurried down the hallway, in fear that one of the Marauders would walk out soon.

Betrayal was all she could feel in that moment, and it stung. She had told Sirius something in confidence and he had the nerve to blab it to his friends. In particular, one friend who thought it was acceptable to throw it back in her face, like he didn't give any thought to it at all. Like it was just useless information that hadn't affected her entire life for ten years. Instead of anger as she expected to surge inside of her, disappointment rose from within. She thought James Potter was better than that. Turns out, he was the exact guy that Lily had been painting a picture of since the first day she met him.

She roamed the hallways numbly, wondering where it all went wrong with them. They had always had stupid fights and they had always yelled at each other. But it had never been taken that far. She may have insulted him a lot throughout the years, even compared him to the Slytherins during a particular heated moment, but she had never once showed such betrayal and corruption that he had just displayed.

She was disappointed in Sirius. She was disappointed in James. But most of all, she was disappointed in herself. For letting such vulnerability and fear run her life. For letting James' words antagonize her. For feeling the need to be so closed off from the world. James had been right. She was a stone wall. But it's because she was too afraid to feel anything in fear of losing everything. She had already lost her entire family. What else could she possibly go through?

Thoughts of her parents were pushed to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think of them anymore. She had done enough crying over them in the past week. She just wanted to get stitched up and pretend like that night never happened.

She sighed. That was probably wishful thinking.

Lily found herself walking up the winding stairs towards the hospital wing. She glanced behind her curiously, not even aware that that's where she had been heading subconsciously.

She wiped a straying tear underneath her left eye and took a deep breath in. While trying to convince herself to stop thinking about James because he wasn't worth her thoughts, she walked through the hospital wing doors.

She was quickly greeted by Madame Pomfrey, who let out a loud gasp. "What happened to your face?"

Lily sighed. "I…er…just got into a minor disagreement with someone," she murmured, rolling her eyes, just wishing Pomfrey would mend it and leave it at that.

"A minor disagreement?" Madame Pomfrey replied, standing there with her hands on her hips in irritation. "Minor disagreements don't often end up with a bloody, bashed-up face!"

Lily rolled her eyes again and shrugged. "There may have been a brawl," she explained slowly.

Madame Pomfrey stared back at her in disapproval. "I don't understand why young people these days use their fists and not words!"

Lily sighed and stared at the floor in sorrow nervously. "Yeah well…sometimes words don't always get through to someone," she murmured dejectedly, a feeling of disappointment and emptiness rushing over her.

Madame Pomfrey sighed and led Lily over to a bed in the front of the room. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Lily was lying on one of the uncomfortable hospital beds with her curtains drawn around her. She was cleaned up, a huge black bruise on her cheek and her eye swollen, but luckily not bruised. She had a fair number of scratches and bruises all over her body, partly from James' fist and partly from the wooden floor they were rolling on. Madame Pomfrey pointed out that she could go back to her room if she wanted for nothing seemed broken or infected but Lily pleaded to stay there. She didn't want to risk running into James.

Just as Lily set her head against the flattened pillow, she heard the hospital wing door open and a shriek emerged from Madame Pomfrey's lips. Lily knew immediately who it was.

And she felt the tears flood from her eyes.

* * *

James sighed when Madame Pomfrey started poking and prodding his face. "You and Miss Evans should not be using your fists! You're supposed to be role models to every other student in this school! Role models should not be fighting!"

James didn't have to ask how she knew he had fought with Lily. He could see one of the beds sheltered by curtains on all sides and knew it had to be hers. "Yeah, yeah, I know," he murmured dryly. "We're bad people."

"And on Christmas, for goodness sakes!" Madame Pomfrey continued, ignoring James completely. "What could you two possibly have to argue about on Christmas? Today is supposed to be a day of celebration, not hostility!"

"It's after midnight," James pointed out, glancing at the clock that now read one-thirty (he briefly wondered why Madame Pomfrey was up that late to begin with). "Technically, it's not Christmas anymore."

Madame Pomfrey gave him a stern look. "I don't need your lip, young man."

"Sorry," he muttered unapologetically, rolling his eyes. Madame Pomfrey was not necessarily the biggest fan of him considering over the years, it was usually him and his friends that gave her the most business in the hospital wing. "Can you just clean me up before I stain your floors?"

She gave him another irritated look and pointed to a bed that was far away from Lily's bed. "Go sit over there and if you go anywhere near Miss Evans, I will leave your face the way it is and you can let your friends attempt to fix it. And I will not pick up the pieces this time!" she screeched, referring to the time Sirius tried to fix his arm.

James nodded and listened to her for once. But as he walked over to the bed she pointed out, he couldn't help but glance at where Lily slept and feel the guilt weighing heavily in his heart again.

* * *

Madame Pomfrey had finished with him, trying not to look so pleased with the dark black eye he had over his right eye, his fat lip, the many scrapes on his forehead from Lily's ring, and the large gashes and bruises on his back from rolling around on the hard floor. Pomfrey ordered him to leave the hospital wing at once, much to his surprise, so there would be no more trouble and she had swept back into her office, slamming the door behind her, unwilling to deal with James' antics any longer.

James sat on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs back and forth out of nerves, his eyes fixed on Lily's bed the whole time. He wanted nothing more than to go over there and apologize profusely, but he had a feeling Lily didn't want to hear it and he wasn't sure he wanted another black eye. He didn't need to be the laughing stock of the school by lunch the next day for having two black eyes from a girl.

But the guilt was causing him so much pain, he knew he had no choice. If nothing more, she deserved an apology. And not just for tonight, but for everything. She was right about him; he had been a royal jerk over the years and tonight had been an unfortunate climax in a tumultuous relationshi[. He had always been so determined to fight back because he wasn't ready to let her go yet, but it appeared that that time had come. She would never forgive him for what he had said earlier and he didn't blame her.

It took him another few minutes before he developed enough courage to jump off his bed and make his way over there quietly. A part of him wondered why he didn't just let it go. Why was it that he always felt so desperate to be in her presence? Why couldn't he just walk away from her? What was it about Lily Evans that always drew him in?

He didn't have any answers, nor did he particularly want to have any answers. Instead, he took a deep breath in and took a few timid steps towards her bed.

Lily was too quick for him, having heard his footsteps, and flung open the hangings. She stared at him, saying nothing. She glanced up at the huge bruise that was starting to form around James' eye and although she expected to be amused, she simply felt disappointment. It was just a reminder of what had gotten them there.

James bit his lip nervously, having nothing prepared and wishing he could form some sort of apology. He tried opening his mouth but nothing came out.

Lily swallowed hard and glanced down at her hands. "I thought I told you not to follow me," she said softly.

He blinked. Not exactly what he was expecting her to say. "Er...well, considering you're rather feisty for a girl your size, my face needed some healing."

A frown crept on to her face. "If you can heal a werewolf gash yourself, I'm pretty sure you can heal a slightly bashed up face."

Another thing he wasn't expecting her to say. He thought back to the night he was caught sneaking in at four in the morning after a full moon excursion. It was a weird night for both of them. Lily helped clean him up (though he specifically hadn't asked for it), they bantered wittily (like they so often did), they had nearly kissed (oh, yeah, James hadn't forgotten that), and they ended the night spewing words of malice (a common occurrence between them apparently). "Do you remember that night, Evans?" he found himself speaking, his words filled with caution.

"Technically it was morning."

He desperately tried to not shoot her a look. "Morning, whatever. Do you remember it?"

She sighed, clearly not in the mood. "How could I not? You came waltzing in at 4 in the morning with a huge bloody gash on your leg."

"Right," he said softly, his hazel eyes drawn into her own distressed emerald eyes. "You...you said I was a reckless, foolish kid. You said I was nobody. And in that moment, those words made me so angry and resentful."

She blinked. "You...you remember that?"

He shrugged. "Of course I do. I remember thinking you didn't know me at all. That you judged me prematurely. But...but tonight, I proved myself wrong. Tonight, I _was _reckless. I _was_ foolish. You never judged me prematurely. You judged me exactly the way I deserved to be judged. Because tonight, I was most definitely a nobody. Because only a nobody would say anything hurtful towards a girl who deserves such praise and admiration for the way she's tenaciously dealt with the hardest tragedy life could throw someone's way."

She blushed. Not because she was touched by his words but because she was embarrassed. And then suddenly, she was frowning. Because while once upon a time, she may have felt some sort of comfort in those words, they meant nothing to her now. They fell flat. The words sounded forced. And she didn't want to deal with flat or forced compliments. Not even from him.

Lily had thought she liked the guy standing in front of her. She had thought she had had some sort of feelings for him. But how could she possibly like a guy who enjoyed tearing her down? Who used her biggest vulnerability against her and to spite her? How could she leave room in her heart for someone like that? She ignored the awful ache that was beginning to form in her heart at those very questions.

She stared at him for a long time and James found it impossible to tear his eyes away from her. She couldn't form the words she wanted, or needed, to say and neither could he. He felt as if he needed to say something to ease the tension but found himself unable to find any words of comfort for her. He was pretty sure they didn't exist. What does one say after the cruel words he spoke to her earlier?

Finally, Lily spoke. "We can't move past this, Potter," she said softly, her heart racing. And she meant it. "You don't deserve for me to most past this."

"I know," he said, his voice hoarse and unforgiving.

She swallowed hard. "I'm...I'm done, Potter," she whispered, her voice sounding desperate. Shaky even. Like she wasn't entirely convinced but felt as if she needed to be. She ignored the tears that were so furiously fighting to escape.

She was done. And she meant it. She couldn't play anymore games with James Potter. With _herself_. She deserved better. And in a wierd way, so did he. He nodded, because that was all he could do, even though he wanted to complain. Even though he wanted to protest. Even though he just wanted to _talk_ to her. But the cold, desperate glint in Lily's eyes told him that the last thing she wanted was to talk to him. He quickly turned away from her depressing gaze, sighing inwardly. So what was he supposed to do? After what he had said earlier, he was in no position to argue. In fact, arguing was what got them there in the first place. Maybe it really was time to just go their separate ways.

When he glanced back up at Lily, all he saw was vulnerability and grief. And it pained him to know that he had caused that. He knew it was time to give up and give in. She deserved to know that for once, he was on her side.

It just so happened that it wasn't the side he wanted to be on.

James nodded curtly, wondering why it didn't feel right. Wondering why this was the opposite of what he wanted. Wondering why Lily looked more beautiful at that moment than he had ever seen her.

He shook that thought out of his mind and opened his mouth to say something. Anything. "Goodbye, Lily," he said softly. It wasn't what he wanted to say, but it was the only thing that came to mind that wouldn't get him into trouble. And in all honesty, she deserved a goodbye from him. She deserved to know that he could be done if that's what she wanted.

Her heart skipped a beat. The sound of her first name soft against his lips sounded unusual to her, but she didn't comment. She lay back down on the bed, turning her back to him. James knew it was a dismissal. So without saying anything more and without complaining and without brushing the strand of hair out of her face like he so desperately wanted to do, he turned to walk away.

Lily closed the curtain around her and curled up in a ball in her bed, lying her head down on the pillow as a tear slipped from her eyes, wondering why she felt so upset by the whole ordeal. Having James Potter out of her life was what she needed.

So why did she feel like it wasn't what she _wanted_?

James stopped short at the door, realizing he never apologized to her. He let out an irritated sigh but slowly turned on his heel to return to her bed anyway. He felt desperate to apologize to her. He didn't know why, but he felt like she deserved to at least know that he was sorry. He was sorry for years of name-calling and insults and hexes and pranks and screaming matches and the many times he asked her out and that night's fist fight and the kisses and the horrible thing he had said to her earlier. He needed her to know that he had never meant to hurt her. That he regretted every minute of pain he may have caused her.

He reached out to pull the curtains back once again but he froze when he heard the sounds coming from Lily's bed.

She was crying.

And it wasn't just normal crying. She was blatantly bawling, obviously trying so hard to hold it in with very little success. She released heavy, distant breaths mixed with loud, uncontrollable sobs. It was unbearable listening to.

James' heart crumbled at the thought of her suffering, but the worst part for him was knowing that he caused it. She was crying over him and clearly hurting and he had no one else to blame. She wouldn't even be up in the hospital wing on a holiday she had already not been fond of if he hadn't stayed in the common room while his friends went out to get food. He felt like the biggest fool and wanted nothing more to go back in time and change it all. He had never heard Lily cry before. In fact, he had never even seen her emotions get the better of her. She always seemed to put on this façade of being strong and confident, in a determined sort of way. She was always saying that showing emotions meant showing weakness and as Head Girl, she couldn't be seen in any state of vulnerability.

And standing there by her curtains, listening to her sobs, he felt like he had betrayed her and he finally knew there was only one thing for him to do, and it wasn't apologizing.

He was going to let her go.

What he really wanted to do was fling open up the curtains and comfort her, apologizing profusely for being stupid. But he knew that Lily probably wouldn't accept it at this point and would probably hate him even more for witnessing her tears. So he had to just walk away. It was the right thing to do.

So why did it feel so wrong?

He shrugged that thought quickly out of his mind and with one last listen to Lily's cries, he strode towards the door, vowing to be a better person. If not for himself, then for her. She deserved it and he was finally willing to look at it from her point of view. He was constantly sending her mixed signals and betraying her trust. If he was her, he would have punched him years ago.

He sighed, glancing back briefly at Lily's bed, before shoving the hospital wing door open and strutting out of there, not hesitating to turn back around. If she wanted to be done with him, he would have to be done with her, too. It was time he listened to her when she spoke to him. It was time he gave her what she wanted.

Even if in the end, they both knew that deep down it wasn't what they truly wanted. They were merely running from the cold, hard truth and fearfully running from each other. But that was far easier than confronting their feelings and facing the truth of their emotions. Feelings and emotions that provided them both with so much anxiety and confusion. Anxiety for James because he had a girlfriend and yet, his mind was consumed of thoughts surrounding Lily Evans. While he would never be able to admit it again in fear of hurting himself (because for so many years that's exactly what he did), he cared so much for her. And it was confusion for Lily because she should have hated him for the words he spoke and yet her heart still weirdly ached for him. As she sat and cried, she thought she would have wanted nothing more to do with him but it was him she wished was beside her trying to silence her tears.

In that very moment, they both believed that the best thing was to truly be finished playing games with each other, to believe that it was over between them. But in the back of their minds - quite far in the distant back of their minds - they both knew that it wasn't the end for them. How could it be when there was still so much unanswered.

Something changed between the two of them that night. Both had words they wanted to say but had never had the courage to say. Both had feelings they wanted to admit but were too afraid to admit. Both wanted to stop fighting against the truth of their emotions but they didn't let it get that far. Nothing was resolved that night. Not even a little bit.

But in due time, it would be.

* * *

James didn't return to his bedroom. The state of disarray it was in was just going to be a reminder of what had happened between him and Lily. He knew he couldn't walk into the private quarters he shared with her and stare over at her door without feeling an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt. He needed time to digest the end of his relationship with Lily and he couldn't do that with any reminders of her. He found himself wandering past the Room of Requirement and drifted into the room to hide away from not only the rest of the world but from himself. He found solace in all of the hidden treasures and used that night to explore the room carefully. He needed to escape his feelings, and that room gave him endless fantasies to poor his thoughts into. He didn't sleep at all, but he found comfort in that.

When he sauntered into the Great Hall the next morning for brunch, he had no idea what to believe anymore. He searched the room for his friends and didn't find a familiar face. He wondered briefly if they were back in his private quarters still waiting for him.

He sighed and took a seat at the Gryffindor table by himself, ignoring all the stares he was receiving from people, who were obviously curious about his black eye and his bruised face. He scooped eggs on to plate for a distraction while in reality he wasn't hungry at all.

It only took seconds before Kristina came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Happy day after Christmas, babe," she breathed.

He cringed, not really wanting Kristina to ask questions about his face, but he knew it was inevitable. He sighed and turned around to face her with a sheepish smile.

She gasped. "Omigod! What happened to your face?" she cried out in worry.

James shrugged. "Erm...minor incident," he murmured.

Kristina took a seat beside him and gave him a look, gently running her fingers along some of the bruises. "Honey, your face looks like poor, unprivileged children in Africa who are getting beaten by their fathers for not bringing home any money from panhandling on the streets. This was not a minor incident."

James arched an eyebrow. "That was quite a description."

Kristina chuckled lightly. "I had to hear Kyra go on and on about it last night when she saw how many gifts my family sent me."

James laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Well, don't worry about Kyra anymore," he whispered into her ear, his heart skipping a beat. He ignored the aching in his heart as he said,"Because you'll be spending all day with me."

Kristina grinned and brushed her lips up against his briefly when the professors weren't watching. "That's what I like to hear," she whispered back, glancing over James' head when she saw a bushel of red hair traipse through that door, trying to minimize her anger towards Lily Evans. When Lily walked closer and took a seat at the end of the table Kristina gasped and then glared at James, scooting away from him quickly. "Oh my God!"

"What?" James asked innocently, having no clue what her shocked face was in reference to.

She cocked her head to the side in anger, crossing her arms bitterly. "Minor incident my arse," she snapped. "You got into a fist fight with Lily!"

James looked up at Kristina in shock. "Wha…" he trailed off. "How did you…"

Kristina pointed her finger at Lily's own bruised face, which didn't appear to be half as bad as James' was. "_That's _how I know."

James turned around and groaned. "What is she doing here?" he muttered to himself. Considering this was the first time she had made an appearance in the Great Hall since break started, he had a feeling it was her way of showing the school the lack of self-control that James Potter apparently had.

Kristina glared at the back of his head in frustration. "I can't believe you two got into a fight!"

James sighed, trying hard to ignore the sudden chatter that erupted throughout the Great Hall, knowing the gossip at the end of that chatter belonged to noneother than him and Lily. "I told you it wasn't a fight. It was a minor incident."

"Honey, must I describe the poor, unprivileged children to you again?" Kristina sighed.

"Well she started it!" James argued, jabbing his fork into his runny eggs.

"What are you, five?" Kristina laughed, patting him comfortingly on the back. "No wait, you must be five. You got into a fight with a girl."

"She's no girl. She's a bloody parasite."

"And now you're calling her petty names. You really are five," she mused, a smile tugging at the end of her mouth.

He frowned. "Can we not get into this?"

She sighed. "What happened?" she dared to ask.

"It was nothing. The usual bullshit between us. Except this time, we were just tired of yelling apparently," he muttered.

"Apparently," she drawled in amusement. She offered him a curt shrug. "Y'know, I should probably be surprised that you and the Head Girl were brawling, but hell, it was bound to happen someday."

His eyes narrowed. "What? Why was it bound to happen?"

Kristina's lips pursed as she reached over to grab his hand protectively. "Sweetie, you hated that girl for a good portion of your lives together. For over six years, in fact. But everything was forced to change when you two came together during your final year to work with each other. It wasn't easy and in the beginning, you both struggled to find a happy medium. But in order to just finally get off each other backs, you two decided to go through some sort of friendly phase. I'm still trying to figure that one out. And then naturally out of nowhere, you went back to utter hatred. A new kind of hatred in which people here at Hogwarts had never witnessed before. Hostile hatred. Confusing hatred. Eventually one of you two were going to get fed up with the other not listening and punch the other in the face," she explained hastily. "I'm just surprised it wasn't you."

"What makes you think it wasn't?" he muttered.

Kristina shrugged. "You wouldn't hit a girl unless provoked. Then again, based on her own bruises, I have a feeling she was able to provoke you last night."

"Not true," he argued, shaking his head.

"Her black eye says differently."

"_She _punched me first!" James argued.

"You didn't have to punch her back," Kristina pointed out, giving him a knowledgeable look.

"I didn't!" James argued.

Kristina snorted.

"At first," James added with a snicker. "But she had me up against a wall and called me a sissy-boy who wasn't willing to take out his manly aggression!"

"So you punched her back?"

James gave her a guilty grin. "I threw the couch cushion in her face actually."

"Oh, good, so you went the mature route."

James couldn't help but laugh. "I don't know how it happened. We just…we just kinda ended up rolling on the floor throwing punches and slaps at each other, screaming obscenities the entire way."

Kristina rolled her eyes. "I don't know what Dumbledore was thinking when he put you two together this year. He should have known something like this would happen eventually."

"I don't think he expected two seventeen-year-olds to get into such a heated debate that they would end up punching each other and rolling around on the floor in a way of getting out their aggression," James muttered with a sigh.

"Clearly he didn't know you and Lily." She chuckled.

"Yeah," James simply agreed. The desire to laugh never felt so distant.

She glanced over at him, brushing his hair from his face subtly to get a better look at the bruise forming on his forehead. "So…is it over?" Kristina asked hesitantly.

"Is what over?" James asked curiously.

"This…this…" Kristina searched for the right word, "This _situation _between you and Lily. Are you two finally backing off from each other before one of you gets killed?"

James sighed, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion, hoping for an answer. He took another brief glance in Lily' direction, trying to overlook the look of sadness deep in her eyes, and shrugged. "Let's just say…" he paused trying to search for the right words. "Let's just say you don't have to worry about her and me anymore."

"Worry?" Kristina questioned innocently. "Who said I was worried?"

James gave her a look. "I know you were getting frustrated that we seemed to hang out a lot all of a sudden."

Kristina gave him a sheepish grin. "Well, I may have been a little worried."

James gave her a warm smile and winked at her. "Well, you don't have to any longer."

"Oh, so you finally got all your aggression out in that one fight?" Kristina said sarcastically.

"No," James argued. "Not exactly."

"Then what?" Kristina questioned curiously, scooting back close to him.

James, taking another glance down the table at Lily and turned back to Kristina with a distressing smile on his face. "I think we've both finally realized that…" he trailed off with another sigh, "That we were never meant to be friends." Those words sounded so wrong to him.

If James hadn't looked down at his plate, he would've noticed the smile that crept on to Kristina's lips.

* * *

**A/N: **Well that was quite an...exciting chapter? Interesting? Depressing? Conclusive? I'm not sure what word you want to describe it, but those words all come to MY mind. It probably wasn't what you wanted obviously but Lily isn't going to punch James and then get together with him that same night. It's unrealistic. Please review!


	44. Of Hugs, Big Words, & Bathrobes

**A/N:** I'm back with chapter 44. Hm, nothing to say. Which is good because I'm sure you wouldn't read this anyway :)

**Disclaimer**: Oh, you get the idea by this point...I hope. Only 219 days until the 5th movie is out in theatres!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 44: Of Hugs, Big Words, & Bathrobes

* * *

Remus, Sirius, and Peter walked into the Great Hall with the sudden feeling of tension creeping on the back of their necks. And when they say James and Lily on totally opposite ends of the Gryffindor table, they realized why.

Neither James nor Lily returned to the room that night before and the three of them stayed up far too late attempting to discuss the potential fate of their friends. Sirius was convinced that James ran into Lily in the hospital wing and they were both lying in a coma after rearranging each other's body parts. Remus believed that Lily was pretending like it didn't matter by sleeping it off and James was hiding the truth not only from everyone else but from himself. And Peter had a feeling that he would never understand what went through James' or Lily's mind. Sirius attempted to take bets as to when the next time Lily and James would speak in full sentences to each other. Remus scolded Sirius (and then of course inevitably gave in an put his bet on two weeks...), but in the back of his mind Remus feared that the two of them would never be able to come back from this. Peter still couldn't help but idolize James Potter (as he always had), but felt strangely guilty in doing so and wondered why Lily and James seemed to thrive on hating each other. They attempted to drift off but considering Sirius was hogging the couch, Remus and Peter found the floor far too uncomfortable for any real deep sleep. So when Peter's stomach grumbled loudly for them all to stir from their attempted slumber, they thought that it would just be best to stroll down to the Great Hall for some food. Imagine their surprise when they saw that both James and Lily were sitting at the Gryffindor table, both clearly lost in thought.

With a furious whispering in the doorway, with Sirius wanting to beg James for answers, Remus thinking it was best to stay out of it, and Peter just desperate for some food, Remus eventually won out. They chose to remain neutral and sat in the middle of the table.

Sirius couldn't help but notice how lonely Lily looked on her own, staring at her plate with a sense of desperation in his eyes. He quickly looked away with a sigh, wishing that he had never been forced into telling his friends about Lily's past. They had cornered him after he returned from the balcony and he found himself blurting it out, not because he was a gossip but because he had never felt so saddened for someone else before and couldn't hold in his sympathy any longer. "Those two are never gonna get along, are they..." Sirius murmured, grabbing a scone and biting into it immediately.

"Well, considering they just got into a fist fight last night, I'm thinking the answer to that is no," Remus said in all sincerity.

"Do you think James ran into Lily in the hospital wing last night?" Peter asked curiously.

Remus sighed. "If he knows what's best for him, he stayed far away from the poor girl."

Sirius snorted. "Poor girl?" he repeated. "I guarantee that girl was the one who started the fight. James wouldn't hit a girl unless provoked."

"Well, I think it's safe to say he was provoked," Peter chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "I still cannot get the image of them rolling around the floor punching each other out of my head."

"Yeah, it's too bad we didn't get a picture," Sirius said, sighing overdramatically.

"This is James and Lily you're talking about," Remus groaned in irritation. "We shouldn't be laughing that they got into a fight. We should be trying to find a way to resolve it."

"I don't think it's something we can resolve, Moony," Sirius murmured.

Remus sighed. "I know. I just…feel helpless."

"Well, here's a thought: let's keep them away from each other," Peter snorted. "If Sirius hadn't invited Lily to spend Christmas with us and if Sirius hadn't wanted to go to the kitchens for chocolate, she wouldn't have gotten into that fight with James."

Remus hesitated. "Wow, this is Sirius' fault."

"Oh, sure, blame it on the dog. I was just being a friend and inviting a lonely friend, _a friend who was planning on being by herself on Christmas, _to spend time with people so she wouldn't have to be lonely anymore!" Sirius argued.

"Yeah, and as nice as that was at that given time, the generosity might have been overkill. This is still your fault," Remus snickered.

"Why does everything always end up being my fault?"

"Because you always do stupid things," Remus pointed out.

Sirius glared at him. "I want that Christmas gift I gave to you back."

Remus gave him a look. "You gave me a _hug_."

"Yeah, and I take it back!"

Remus was about to respond, when a shadow fell over them, and they all three looked up to the onlookers. "Okay, please tell me that it's just a huge coincidence that my brother and Lily Evans happen to have black eyes and a bunch of bruises all over their faces," Dezzy asked.

"Hm, would you believe me if I said that's exactly what it is?" Sirius questioned with little hesitation.

Dezzy gave him a look. "Not even a little bit. care to explain?"

Sirius shrugged, gazing over at Remus and Peter curiously. "Well, I'm not sure exactly what happened," he spoke cautiously. "I suggested a kitchen run and Remus and Peter followed me. When we got back, we heard them arguing like they so often do, one thing led to another, and the three of us walked in on Lily getting feisty with our dear Head Boy."

Dezzy tried not to look so terribly amused. "So let me get this straight, Sirius. You three left those two _alone_?"

Sirius gave her a sheepish look. "Er…"

"You didn't stop to think about what that could cause?" Dezzy continued with a groan.

Sirius grimaced. "Well, I wanted chocolate!"

She snorted, shaking her head incredulously. "Of course. I shoulda known," she snickered. "With you, it's always about food."

Sirius grinned and at the mere mention of food dug into the leftover ham that was sitting out. "I can't help that I love chocolate," he snickered.

Dezzy rolled her eyes, leaning over and grabbing a muffin from the assortment of pastries. "Y'know, people would have paid good money to see the Head Boy and the Head Girl punching each other," Dezzy pointed out, taking apart a piece of the muffin and chucking it into her mouth.

Sirius stopped his fork midway to his mouth. "Oh my God, why didn't _I_ think of that last night?"

Remus gave him a look. "It's not like you knew it was going to happen."

"I should have expected it! I should always expect it!" Sirius whined, throwing his fork against his plate sullenly. He paused, pondering deeply. "What are the chances they'll fist-fight each other again if I force them into the same room?"

"You are most definitely not forcing those two in the same room, you gossip-driven idiot," Remus argued, shooting him a glare. "We do not need another debacle like last night. In fact, I think it's safe to say those two should never be in the same room together alone ever again. In fact, didn't we decide earlier that would be wise?"

"That was before I realized how much I could go for some extra cash," Sirius groaned. "I spent all of my money on your gifts!"

Remus gave him a look. "Oh really, and how much did my hug cost?"

"A second of being forced to have my arm around a male," Sirius shuddered. "I woulda much rather had it around a girl."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You do realize that you would have more money if you stopped taking meaningless girls out on meaningless dates and spending meaningless money on them," he pointed out stubbornly.

Sirius gasped, his eyes narrowing incredulously. "I do not take meaningless girls out on meaningless-" he suddenly burst into laughter before he could finish that sentence. "Yeah, I didn't think I could keep a straight face saying that."

Remus and Peter rolled their eyes while Dezzy couldn't help but laugh.

"Is it my fault that I haven't found that special girl yet?" Sirius continued, a quick flash of Riley soaring through his mind.

"Yes," four simultaneous voices responded immediately, earning another chorus of laughter.

"You don't spend enough time with the girls you date to even know if they're special or not," Remus said pointedly.

Sirius remained quiet. Truth was, it didn't matter how long he spent with the girls he had dated. If they weren't Riley, they weren't special to him.

"And you're kinda running out of girls," Peter chimed in. "Considering you've dated the entire female population here at Hogwarts."

Sirius made a face. "I haven't dated the whole female population!"

Remus and Peter scoffed, giving a look.

"Maybe just three-fourths," Sirius corrected sheepishly, earning a curt snort from the three people he was surrounded by.

"Oh, yeah, much better," Dezzy snickered.

Sirius snickered. "Let's face it, I would never date a Slytherin. Or a girl who was four or more years younger than me. And a bunch of the Ravenclaws are practically married. Though, that's just a minor obstacle that I could easy break through. And the Hufflepuffs are mostly prudes. And of course, I would never date the Gryffindor girls in my own year."

"Why not?" Dezzy questioned.

"One, because Mille and Hobbes are obnoxious and shallow and I would never stoop so low to date those wannabes. Two, because Lily is like a sister to me. Three, because Kay is Kay. She's not my type. Four, Riley is…well enough said," Sirius snickered with a fake shudder.

"Enough said, my ass. You and Riley could be good together," Dezzy said.

Sirius scowled. "Excuse me?" he said, narrowing his eyes incredulously.

"Oh c'mon," Dezzy encouraged. "You can't deny how similar you two are. You are both completely sought-after by everyone in this school because you're charming and gorgeous. You guys have the same personality, meaning that you are both loud and boisterous and love to be noticed. You're not happy unless you're surrounded by people laughing at your jokes. You run in the same circles, you both are naturally intelligent, you have a knack for getting into trouble, and you two are probably two of the most popular people in this school," she listed, counting the similarities on her hands. Sirius made a grab for her hand in order to make her stop pointing out the list, but she quickly thrust it back with a sheepish smile. "Face it, you're practically the same person."

Sirius pouted, slumping down in his chair. "That is so not the point," he argued. "Gilmore is…and she's so…and look at the way…and have you seen her when…and God, what about how she…"

"Are you planning on finishing any of those sentences?" spoke Remus.

Sirius gave him a look. "Don't make me hurt you."

Remus laughed and knew to change the subject. "That still leaves quite a bit of Gryffindors for you to date," he teased.

Sirius shrugged. "I try not to date Gryffindors because there's always that annoyingly high risk of running into them practically everywhere I go after I break it off with them."

"You dated Rachael for three months," Remus pointed out.

"And Evelyn for a month," Peter added.

"And you slept with Isabelle last year," Remus continued.

"And you would-"

"Okay, I get it!" Sirius interrupted, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. "So maybe I have dated a few."

Remus and Peter burst into laughter.

Sirius glared at them. "Where's James to back me up when I need him?" he whined.

"Snogging his girlfriend," Remus snickered, gesturing in their direction.

Sirius whirled around and pouted. "Damnit, his life is always better than mine."

"He got into a fist fight with a girl last night," Dezzy pointed out.

Sirius hesitated. "Yeah, but that's kinda kinky."

Remus smacked him on the head with the empty pumpkin juice pitcher.

"Ow."

Remus laughed and put down the pumpkin juice pitcher, satisfied. "You're pathetic, Sirius, y'know that?"

Sirius shrugged. "Yes, that's one of my best qualities. No actually, my smile is. No wait, my arm muscles. Ooh, my humor, too," Sirius grinned. "Okay, I can't make up my mind."

"How about your arrogance?" Remus said with a curt shrug.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't really care what you think seeing as you're male," Sirius spoke with a shrug as he gazed back towards Dezzy. "Have at it, Dez. Name my best feature."

She rolled her eyes. "Definitely your arrogance."

"Can I second that?" a voice spoke from beside them. Dezzy's twin brother, Grant, traipsed towards them with his friend right behind.

Sirius whirled around and grinned at the second youngest boy in the family. "Hey there, Shrimp. How's it going?"

Grant rolled his eyes, never giving Sirius the chance he deserved. A friend of James' was no friend of his in his mind. "Shut it with the small talk," Grant snapped. "Why the hell is James wearing a black eye?"

"Maybe you should check out the matching, yet less apparent, black eye on his co-worker, Lily Evans," Dezzy snorted.

Grant and his friend immediately glanced towards Lily and a round of gasps were escaping. "Omigod, your brother beat up a girl!" Brad said in shock. While it was no secret that James and Lily despised each other, it was obvoius the two boys were shocked that it had led to a fist fight.

"I always knew he had no morals," Grant murmured.

"He didn't beat up a girl," Sirius corrected. "He was beat up by a girl."

"Ahh, yes, much better," Brad replied sarcastically.

Grant rolled his eyes. "So not only does he have no morals, but he's also pathetic and weak."

"Shut up Grant," Dezzy argued, defending her older brother. While she and Grant may have been twins, she had never been able to get along with him. He preferred to distance himself away from anyone in the family that wasn't Brite (or Wyatt in the past), who had always babied all of his younger siblings and Grant was no different. "No one asked you to stop by."

Grant rolled his eyes.

"I guess last night was a night of fights," Brad spoke up.

"What do you mean?" Sirius and Remus asked in unison.

"Apparently the two sixteen-year-old Ravenclaw twins, Moira and Maytee, got into a huge fist fight last night over some stupid gift or whatnot from their folks," Brad explained with a shrug.

Sirius gaped at him in shock. "Oh…my…God," he said slowly. "Please, please tell me there was Jell-O involved!"

Except for Grant, laughter erupted. "C'mon Brad," Grant murmured, motioning to his friend, "I'd rather not have to spend my time in the company of arrogance."

Dezzy glowered at her twin brother, despising the way he spoke such ill-favored comments towards some of her favorite people. "Jealousy doesn't become you, Grant," she said haughtily.

Sirius shook his head, offering her a grateful smile. "Dezzy, don't bother-" Sirius tried to say, but was quickly interrupted.

Grant snorted. "HAH! _Jealous_? And why would I be jealous of…of _that_?" he cried out in disgust, giving Sirius a once-over.

"Because you will never, ever get a girl in your life and-"

"This coming from the girl who hasn't even had her first kiss yet," Grant snickered. He quirked a knowing eyebrow, a smug look spreading across his face.

A slow smirk spread across Dezzy's face, one of amusement and yet malice. "Why don't you ask your buddy Drew Gilmore if that's true?"

Grant froze, his mouth dropping in awe. Anger quickly replaced his haughtiness. "You and Drew did _what_?" Brad was attempting to stare at the floor tiles, hoping to stay out of the line of battle between the siblings. Remus, Sirius, and Peter were exchanging furtive glances, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable around the younger students.

"You heard me," Dezzy smirked again, feeling rather pleased with herself.

"That's my friend!" Grant cried out angrily. "You can't go kissing my friend!"

Dezzy shrugged impassively. "You can't tell me what to do."

Grant scowled. He was about to scream some obscenities at her when another idea popped into his head. "Hm, maybe not. But I can tell James and watch in amusement as he lectures you for days about protecting your cardinal treasure," Grant smirked.

Dezzy glared at him, gasping angrily. "You…_wouldn't_!"

Grant grinned, knowing that James was overprotective of his younger sister and if he found out that Dezzy was kissing someone in the Gilmore family, a family of brothers and a sister who thrived upon their bachelorhood, he'd never let Dezzy out of the sight in fear she might snog him again. "You know I would."

"You are such an insufferable ass," Dezzy growled. She stood up abruptly, a glare permanent on her face. Reaching over for another muffin, she stormed out of the Great Hall.

Grant grinned, knowing he totally just won that argument, and with one last glare at Sirius (for just being Sirius) grabbed his friend's arm and moved much further down the table. From what Remus could see, he was yelling at Brad for not forewarning him about Dezzy's and Drew's recent activity.

"Hm…interesting," Remus pondered, chewing on the inside of his lip.

"What is?" Sirius questioned, giving Remus a sideways glance as he poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice.

Remus shrugged. "I wonder what Prongs would think if he found out that his only sister is snogging someone of the infamous Casanova family, otherwise known as the Gilmores."

Sirius hesitated nervously. "Er…why would it matter? It's Dezzy's business."

Remus shook his head, giving Sirius a look. "Padfoot, c'mon. James loves the Gilmores obviously, but the second he finds out that one of them his moving in on his family, he'll rip not only his sister's throat out but Drew's throat out, too. Riley might want to prepare herself for a death in the family."

Sirius' heart fluttered at the mention of Riley's name, quickly followed by it sinking into his chest when he realized what they were discussing. "He can't be mad about how they feel about each other," Sirius attempted to argue.

Remus gave him a look, scrutinizing over the panicked look on Sirius' face. "He's not going to care about how they feel about each other, Padfoot. He's just going to care that his sister is apparently snogging a Gilmore. And he'll be peeved."

"He can't be peeved," Sirius groaned. "It's not his problem to deal with."

Remus shrugged. "Dezzy is his sister. He likes to think he knows what's best for her and he does it by protecting her. No," he corrected, shaking his head, "By _over_protecting her."

"Well, she should learn the risks and rewards of relationships on her own and not from her big brothers' big mouth!" Sirius protested with a frustrated and fearful look casting over his face.

Remus stared at Sirius curiously. "Why are you getting so worked up about it?"

Sirius sighed and jammed his fork into his food. "No reason," he murmured, glancing down at James at the end of the table who was in the midst of a conversation with Kristina. He was glad that he and Riley decided to keep their relationship a secret. He didn't need his best friend harassing him about it.

Remus and Peter exchanged a confused glance. Peter cleared his throat and said, "Don't tell me you have a thing for Dez-"

"Hell to the no, Wormy!" Sirius interrupted immediately, shooting Peter a dirty look. "That girl is like a freakin' sister to me. In fact, she's the closest thing I've got to a sister. I've known her just as long as I've known James and I have been practically living with the girl since the summer after our first year at Hogwarts. This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with James. I just think it's not his place to interfere with her love life."

Remus shrugged, sensing dread in Sirius' voice. "Well I hope for Dezzy's sake, that her make-out session with the second youngest Gilmore never gets back to James," Remus sighed.

"James wouldn't do anything to his sister. He loves that girl," Peter pointed out.

"I'm not saying he would kill her, although again, I'm not so sure Drew will be that lucky, but he would sit Dezzy down and talk for days, possibly even years, about how sex leads to pregnancy and disease and is never satisfying unless you're in love with someone, because while going from one guy to the next may sound appealing it's actually only going to make her feel alone and empty," Remus explained.

Sirius snorted. "What?" he cried with a doubtful laugh. "Who the hell would believe that bullshit? Certainly not James."

Remus laughed. "No, but he would like his sister, too."

Down at the other end of the table, Lily thought she had spent sufficient amount of time in the Great Hall in order for the gossip to be spread around school about the fight that erupted between her and her co-worker. While she was typically one to avoid any sort of drama, this was her odd way of getting back at James for being an insufferable ass. The school wasn't going to think so highly of him after knowing he hit a girl.

Lily arose from where she was seating, fully satisfied, and passed by Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"Hey, Lily," Sirius greeted, still feeling guilty about his betrayal.

She ignored him and kept walking.

"Uh…Lily?" Sirius said again, but she continued to walk past him without any recognition that he spoke to her.

"Lily?" Remus said out of curiosity.

Lily turned to him with a smile on her face. "Hey, Remus, what's up?"

The boys exchanged worried glances. "Uh…not much," he uttered with a shrug. "How's your…uh…face doing?"

Lily shrugged. "Not too bad," she explained. "Doesn't hurt that much anymore."

"Well, that's good," Sirius commented. "You want to explain exactly how the two of you ended up on the ground fighting?"

Lily completely ignored him, reaching past Remus for an orange. Remus exchanged another look with Sirius who sighed.

"Lily, how exactly did you and James end up in a fist fight?" Remus asked.

Lily sighed, peeling the orange slowly in search of an answer. "It…it just happened," she murmured. "We were arguing and then one thing led to another…and we were fighting."

"Who threw the first punch?" Sirius asked with a curious grin.

Lily stuck a piece of orange in her mouth, pretending who didn't hear him.

Sirius gave Remus a look. Remus frowned. "Who threw the first punch, Lily?"

Lily shrugged. "That would be me."

"Alright! That's my Lily-bean!" Sirius cried out with an amused grin. "How did it feel?"

Lily popped a piece of orange into her mouth, pretending not to have heard the question.

"I think she's ignoring you," Peter whispered.

Sirius shot him a look. "Oh really? I hadn't noticed," he replied sarcastically.

Lily ignored the banter, tossing the orange peel on to Remus' empty plate. "Well, I'm off to finish some work. I'll see you two later," she said, referring to Remus and Peter. Without even a glance towards Sirius, she fled from the Great Hall.

Sirius pouted and rested his head on the table with a groan. "Why couldn't I just leave my mouth shut when you three pestered me the other day?"

"Because you suck at keeping secrets," Remus pointed out.

"I do not suck at keeping secrets," Sirius protested, lifting his head to glare at Remus. "I kept your secret, didn't I?"

"Yeah because if you didn't, you'd pretty much be thrown off an eighty-foot cliff," Remus replied with a shrug. "And I'd have no remorse for doing it."

"Gee thanks," Sirius replied sarcastically. "I'm definitely feeling the love around here—first, Lily ignores me and now you're planning on killing me and having no remorse about it."

"I'm not _planning _on killing you," Remus corrected.

"You just said you'd throw me off an eight-foot cliff!" Sirius pouted.

Remus shrugged. "Alright, so maybe I have been toying with the idea."

"Not to self: _never _tell Remus' secrets to anyone," Sirius muttered. "And I guess Lily's, too."

"I don't think telling her secret is half as bad as telling mine," Remus said slowly.

"Why not?" Sirius questioned curiously, not that he didn't agree.

"Because mine ruins me," Remus explained.

"Lily's an orphan," Sirius shot back pointedly. "You don't think telling that to others could be damaging to her?"

"Maybe a little, but she's still the same person," Remus continued. "She may not have a family and may be forced to live in group homes with people she doesn't like, but that doesn't change the nature of who she is and she would still be accepted by people in the wizarding world. If other people knew that I was a werewolf, my reputation throughout our worldwould be completely destroyed. I'd spend the rest of my life pretty much in ostracism."

"Wow, ostracism, big word," Sirius teased.

"Fine, deportation," Remus changed.

"And you don't think that's a big word?"

"_Okay, _banishment!"

"You need a new thesaurus."

"Go back to feeling guilty. I like you better when you're not in the mood to joke," Remus murmured.

"I'm always in the mood to joke," Sirius pointed out.

"Even after knowing you informed your best friend James, Lily's worst enemy, her darkest secret, a secret she has never told anyone before you here at Hogwarts, in which said best friend blurted out last night causing Lily to probably get very hurt and angry with both you and James, you're in the mood to joke?" Remus questioned.

Sirius hesitated. He then started banging his head on the table over and over again. "I'm so stupid," he whined.

"Well, of course you are," Remus agreed. "You're banging your head on the table multiple times."

Sirius lifted his head slowly and glared at Remus. "Well do you have a better idea?"

"You could go apologize to her," he pointed out.

Sirius burst into cynical laughter.

Remus sighed. "Or you could go back to banging your head on the table and losing the last few brain cells you actually have."

"Sounds like a plan," Sirius muttered, bashing his head against the table until he felt a headache emerge.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

Lily knew who would be standing there and hence, didn't bother getting up from her desk (although instead of finishing a Potions essay for Slughorn like she had originally planned she was more or less staring out the window).

_Knock, knock_.

Lily rolled her eyes and attempted to get back to her essay with no success. The Veritaserum Potion was far from her mind.

_Knock, knock_!

Lily continued to ignore the knocking, praying that Sirius would just take the hint and walk away.

No such luck.

The knocking increased to loud, incessant pounding. And then Sirius started yelling at her to open up. "Lily-bean, I know you're in there so don't pretend you aren't! I'm not going anywhere until you hear me out!"

She threw back her chair with such force it fell towards the ground. She stormed over to the door, her face red with rage. A glare was fixed on her face as she threw open the door, ignoring the pleading expression on his face. "I'm not trying to pretend that I'm not here. I'm simply ignoring you. Something you should know a lot about considering your past history with women," she snapped.

Sirius shrugged. "You would think so, but I'm not easily ignoreable."

"That's not a word."

"And that's not why I'm here."

Lily sighed. "Leave me alone, Sirius," she muttered. "_Please_."

"No," he said, shaking his head guiltily. "I'm…I'm not leaving until you hear me out."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Then I guess _I'll _leave." She rushed past him, charging into him deliberately and shoving him into the wall.

"You do realize you're wearing a very skimpy bathrobe, right?" Sirius cried after her.

She halted right before the common room door. She glanced down at her bathrobe irritably, cursing herself for throwing her sorrows into a hot shower. She hesitated and then whirled around, dashing past him back into her room, without giving him a second look. "Well, fine, I'll change first and then I'll leave," she shot back, digging through her drawers for some sweatpants.

"Okay, fine, but let me tell you, I'll be standing here in your doorway watching you the whole time," Sirius said with a smile, leaning up against the doorframe casually.

Lily glared at him. "Your jokes are hardly welcome here."

He sighed and traipsed over to her, grabbing her hand out of her bureau drawer and shutting it. "Please listen to me," he said desperately.

She pulled her hand back from his forcefully, intensifying her glare. "Why should I?" she asked stubbornly. "You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust. You didn't even attempt to care about how it would affect me. You don't deserve my undivided attention whatsoever."

"I never said I deserved it," he spoke, his words soft with guilt. "I don't deserve it. In fact, you deserve to hex me into a million pieces and send me on my way, never to speak to me again."

"It's tempting."

"But I would greatly appreciate you not doing any of that," he pleaded. "Because even though we're not the best of friends, I still value our friendship very much. I-"

"How can you even say that after what you did?" she whispered hoarsely.

He grimaced. "Lily-bean, I'm-"

She cut him off. "Look, it doesn't matter if you value our friendship or not because it's obvious you value your friendship with the guys first."

"Our friendship isn't contingent on my friendship with the guys," Sirius argued.

"It is when you try and mix the two," she muttered.

His hesitated. "I wasn't trying to mix the two," he urged, his words slow and cautious. "I just…I don't know. Lily-bean, you have to know that I never intended to tell them. No, don't give me that look, I really didn't. It wasn't like the first thing I did after learning of your past was run off to tell them. They had just figured out that I went after you. And they-"

"Why is it you all seem to know exactly where I am at all given times?" she murmured.

He ignored her. "They bombarded me with questions and concerns. They wanted to know why I grabbed the _Daily Prophet _for you, why I chased after you, and what had happened in Allentown that might have affected you. They…they just kept begging and pleading and they refused to give up. And...and I just didn't know how to keep in a secret like that. I wanted to be able to fix it and...and I guess I had hoped that if I had told someone, they'd be able to give me some advice."

"You can't fix it, Sirius," she snapped, falling on to the edge of her bed with a grunt. "No one can. It happened. It's in the past. And no matter what you do _or who you tell_, that is never going to change."

Sirius nodded in sullen understanding, feeling overly guilty and apologetic in that moment. "I know. I-I just…I couldn't bear watching you go through this alone," he muttered, barely audible.

Lily couldn't help but laugh. It was a contemptuous laugh, one that gave Sirius chills. "Hate to break it to you, Sirius, but I _am _alone."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. "You don't have to be."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't get it," she muttered, shaking her head slowly. "Because if you did, you wouldn't have told the _one _person you _knew _would throw it back in my face." The disappointment on her face was unmistakable.

"I didn't know he'd throw it back in your face," Sirius protested, slowly walking over to her desk, perching himself on the edge of it hesitantly. "If I did, I never would have told him, Lily-bean. _Never_.You've got to believe me. I never meant for you to get hurt. Honestly. I-I thought he was a better guy than the person he was last night." His voice was filled with desperation. Even though James was his best friend, he in no way supported the words James blurted out. He didn't condone hurting someone out of spite.

"He can be," Lily murmured. She shut her eyes with a heavy sigh, trying to ignore her feelings of rejection. A shiver ran down her spine. "He just doesn't always know how."

Sirius hesitated, uncertain what she meant by that. When he glanced over at her, he saw nothing but defeat. "Lily-bean, I'm sor-"

"Don't bother apologizing," she muttered irritably, her eyes fluttering open. "I don't want to hear it."

Sirius hung his head shamefully, guilt coursing through his veins. "I know," he whispered.

She lay back against her bedspread, a deeply saddened sigh escaping. Her eyes migrated towards the ceiling, thoughts of confusion and paranoia crossing through her mind. How did she end up there? More accurately, how did she and James end up there? Was she to blame? Was he? Were they both at fault? How could he say something so casually to her, as if he hadn't had a care in the world, and it feel like a thousand knives being skewered through her body? _Why _did it feel that way? Why couldn't she just let it all go? Why did it seem to matter to her so much?

He cleared his throat warily and she merely sighed as acknowledgement. "I _am _sorry, Lily-bean," he spoke softly.

She shut her eyes in defeat, pressing them down hard so as to keep the tears that were beginning to form from falling. "Dammit, Sirius, he already has so many other ways to humiliate me and you just...you had to go and strip me completely of my last bit of dignity. Before last night, I could at least pretend he and I were equals. But we're not. Not even a little bit. He...he has so much," she choked out, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. "He has a family and he has brothers and a sister who...who didn't abandon him when they found out he was a wizard. He has a family who support him and who are there for him every step of the way. He has a _mansion_ to call home, endless amounts of money, and parents who spoil him rotten. He has family memories and...and people who will always love him. And me? I have nothing. For...for seven years, he has called me nothing. And...and in a split second when you told him about my nonexistent family, you...you proved him right." The tears were fighting to escape and she blinked them away furiously.

Sirius had to look away. He couldn't look at her without feeling his heart breaking. He had never caused so much pain to a person before and he, too, was ready to cry for her. She looked so lost and vulnerable, and he hated himself for causing that. "Having nothing and being nothing are two completely different ideas, Lily," he said softly.

She slowly sat up on the bed. "Oh, how I'd like to believe that," Lily murmured, hating herself for acting so self-deprecating. She had always held her head high no matter what James did or said to her, and in a split second, he had stripped her of confidence and self-esteem. "I hate him," she spat out in a hurt whisper, ignoring Sirius' attempt to comfort her. "I hate that...he has everything. I hate him for having the things I have always dreamed of. I hate that he's everything I would love to be. And I hate myself for feeling that way. I hate myself for feeling so...so..." she trailed off, the word catching in her throat. She took a deep breath, shutting her eyes tightly. "Alone," she finally whispered.

He slowly walked over to her and joined her on the edge of his bed. He hesitated before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He was surprised when she leaned over and rested her head against his shoulder. "Lily-bean, he may be my best friend, but you're a much better person than he is," Sirius mused. "You never would have thrown such tragedy in someone else's face. You could never make anyone feel like they're worth nothing. No matter how angry you get at him, the only thing you will ever do is-"

"Throw a punch?"

Sirius cracked a smile. "Yes, exactly."

"But maybe that's just because I don't know anything about the guy," Lily murmured. "Who's to say I wouldn't throw tragedy back in Potter's face if I had that information at my fingertips?"

"You wouldn't," Sirius urged, giving her a look. "Because you of all people know what it's like dealing with such misfortune. You know how much the past can hurt. So you could never hurt anyone intentionally. I know you can't."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Lily murmured dryly. Somehow, this conversation wasn't making her feel any better.

Sirius couldn't figure out why she seemed so hurt and upset. He would have thought she'd be angry and heated. Instead, she looked fragile and broken and, dare he even think it, pathetic. It was something he was certainly not used to seeing from her. "What happened in your past doesn't define you, Lily," he said softly. "And you shouldn't let it."

She shook her head slowly. "It's not about being defined by it, Sirius. It's about how bloody James Potter has defined me by it. With just a few words, he changed everything between us," she muttered, shaking her head with intense disappointment. Tears collected in the back of her eyes once again. "Words hurt, Sirius. So much more than they should, but they do. And he can't seem to get that through his thick skull of his. Last night was…it was just the last straw for us. Before, I could go on pretending I was his equal. But now? I-I don't know if I can do that. James Potter apparently doesn't have a single bloody flaw in him. And all I am is one big flaw. He knows I'm...I'm just some fraud. So how can we possibly come back from that?"

Something seemed so terribly off with her. The girl sitting in front of him wasn't the Lily he knew. James may have offended her, but she seemed to be affected by his words so much more than Sirius thought she should. "You're not a fraud, Lily. And you're not a flaw or weak or vulnerable or nothing. In fact, I think you might be one of the strongest, most determined person I know. After everything you've been through, you have turned out to be such an inspiring, _incredible_ woman. Don't ever forget that."

She shook her head slowly. "Not to Potter, I'm not," Lily blurted out, hanging her head in defeat.

There was a slight waver in her voice that peaked Sirius' curiosity. "Who cares what he thinks?"

_I do_. Lily quickly swept that thought from her mind.

"Or perhaps that's the problem here," Sirius said slowly, it dawning on him.

"What?"

"Maybe you do care what James thinks. Maybe you care a little too much."

"Oh, I do not," she snapped, shaking her head forcefully.

Sirius' eyebrow arched, her words sounding awfully defensive. "You sure about that?"

She glared at him. "Get out, Sirius," she muttered, letting out a guttural grunt.

He didn't obey her request, his eyes still trained on her defeated facial expression with an intense scrutiny. Her emerald eyes looked so dull, her frown full of so much pent-up vulnerability. She avoided eye contact with him so blatantly, as if she were afraid he might see a side of her she didn't want him to see. "I can't figure it out," he mused.

Lily's eyebrow quirked curiously. "Figure what out?"

Sirius hadn't realized he had spoken those words aloud, but he simply shrugged. "Why you two are always so...so..." he trailed off, searching for the right word. "I don't know, so cutthroat and aggressive with each other."

"You mean, besides the fact that Potter is a jackass?" Lily snarled, her eyes narrowing.

"But only to you," he retaliated, shaking his head skeptically.

Lily stared blankly at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Sirius shrugged curtly. "I'm just saying that there's something about you that makes James a…a different person. It's like he's intimidated by you or something."

"Hardly," she muttered irritably.

He ignored her. "He gets so agitated around you, so wound up, so on edge. And suddenly, words come out of his mouth before he can even think about what he's saying. But it's only around you that that happens."

"So that makes it okay for him to completely humiliate me?" Lily snorted, the tears resurfacing once again. She tried blinking them away with very little success.

"I never said that," he was quick to defend. "I'm simply saying there's something about you that triggers the worst in him."

She rolled her eyes but remained mute on the subject. She wasn't going to even dignify that with a response.

He sighed, choosing to let it go. He had already disappointed her. He didn't necessarily want to be on the end of an irate rant as well. But he couldn't help but think that something bigger was going on between the two of them that no one else seemed to be aware of. She was taking James' outburst so personally and while it was obvious a personal matter, he would have expected her to yell at him and eventually brush it off. It was no secret that James' words were hurtful, but she was accusing him of not only stripping away her dignity but of her entire existence at Hogwarts.

But when he glimpsed her way, he was surprised to note a flicker of hungry disappointment in her eyes. A desperate longing rested in her twisted expression. An expression that he had seen in so many girls in the past. A curious thought crossed him at that moment and he frowned skeptically.

"Lily-bean?"

"Hm."

He contemplated his next words. "You do realize that there's something about him that triggers the worst in you, too, right?"

"Excuse me?" Her voice was cold and irritable.

He shrugged, unperturbed. "It's true."

"Oh, it is _not_."

"Must I remind you that you punched the guy?"

Her lips pursed impatiently. "He deserved it."

"Perhaps, but why-"

"There's no but, Sirius," she snapped stubbornly, the annoying urge to cry now erased from her mind. Six years' worth of pent-up frustration and anger and disgust and disbelief and _hatred _led us to that moment. We don't get along even in the slightest. We clash unequivocally. For six years, I have hated the guy and he has hated me. With a fiery passion. It's nothing more than that."

"You guys don't hate each other."

She blinked. "That's what you got out of that?"

He shrugged. "You may claim it's hate, but it isn't. Voldemort hates Muggleborns. The Slytherins hate Gryffindors. But you and James? It's not hate. It's something else. It's…it's…"

"The word you are looking for, m'friend, is _hate_."

He shook his head, pressing his lips together suspiciously. He didn't say anything immediately, his eyes once again examining the Head Girl. Her own gaze fell delicately upon her hands as she fidgeted nervously, twisting her ring around her finger anxiously.

He cleared his throat, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. "Why are you so convinced you hate James?" he asked cautiously.

She met his gaze. "I'm not _convinced _I hate him. I _know _I do."

He sighed. Avoiding the question. Interesting. "But why? Why does he get to you so much?"

"He doesn't get to me," she snapped defensively.

He snorted, shooting her a look. "You punched him, Lily-bean. That pretty much screams that he gets to you."

She clenched her teeth irritably, knowing he was right. She hated when he was right.

"So? Why do you hate him?" he asked again, hoping to really get to the bottom of Lily's insecurities.

"He has been the bane of my existence since that very first day," she murmured. "Without him, my entire time at Hogwarts would have been far less complicated."

Once again, avoiding the question. Even more interesting. "Do you even want less complicated?" he blurted out.

Her eyes, filling with suspicion, met his. "Why the hell wouldn't I want that?"

He shrugged. "You two could have had less complicated if that's what you really wanted," he started slowly. "You could have left each other alone or you could have ignored each other. You could have had what you and I have, even. _If_ you had wanted that."

"Don't make me laugh."

Sirius rolled his eyes, a little taken aback that she hadn't completely disputed his contemplations. "I have to ask, Lily-bean, why…why you hate him," he started, his tone wary, "Because James and I? We're pretty much one and the same. I've been told numerous times throughout the years from everyone in this school, peers and professors alike, that James and I should have been born twins. We're identical in so much that we do and say."

"Where are you going with this?" she muttered, though she had a feeling what was coming next.

He merely shrugged. "So _why_ _him_?" he continued. "Why do you seem to be so bothered by everything he does and say but not me? Why is your hate only directed to him?"

Lily frowned hesitantly, her heart beating out of her chest. She was afraid that Sirius might be seeing right through her at the moment and it was frightening her a tad. "Does it matter?" she muttered weakly.

"I think it does," Sirius responded immediately, his eyes bearing a hole through her own.

Lily sighed and drew her legs to her chest, thinking back over the years. "Because…because you weren't the one who poured chocolate sauce all over me on the train before I even arrivedat Hogwarts," she murmured mournfully. "And you weren't the one who started the nickname 'Count Chocu-Lily' because of it. No one knew my real name that entire year. You weren't the one who threw spiders at me at every chance you got during the first year! You didn't throw balloons filled with steaming hot water at me during my second year and you didn't call me underdeveloped in front of every single guy I walked _near_ that year. You…you weren't the one who showed everyone in the Great Hall my damn diary when I was thirteen so I had to skip out on a week's worth of classes just to not be the butt of everyone's damn jokes. _You _weren't the one who gave me a necklace that turned my neck _purple _for Christmas during my fourth year and you weren't the one who proceeded to call me _Barney_ for the remainder of the year. You weren't the one who…who told Jeffrey Nichols that I had a crush on him in front of _everyone_ when I was only fourteen and you weren't the one who told him he should never stoop to a level of someone so far beneath him! You…you didn't steal my Charms essay that I worked for _days _on and hand it in with _your _name on it during our fifth year and you weren't the one who got a bloody O while I got an incomplete!" she practically cried out, half in frustration and half in misery. She thought it would be anger surging through her, but it wasn't. She felt herself choking up from embarrassment and disappointment. "You…you," she choked out, trying to catch her breath, "You weren't the one who pushed me into the lake when I was fifteen and told me it was because I should be mating with _my kind_, the bloody lake squid. You didn't kiss me on the platform last year and then come back two months later and suddenly hate me…_again!_" She finally let the tears stream down her face, trying to stop the sobs from escaping with little luck. She buried her face in her hands, crimson appearing in her cheeks at the mortification level she was feeling. She just laid it all out on the line for Sirius and she felt like an idiot. She had been trying to avoid spilling her insecurities to Sirius Black, not needing to show off her lack of self-confidence in any way and yet, she had felt like she couldn't hold back.

His gaze remained concentrated on her, reaching over to pat her shoulder comfortingly as she trembled woefully beside him. He didn't say anything. He had a feeling she didn't want him to. And what he wanted to say, what he felt compelled to say, was nothing she probably wanted to hear.

Eventually, she lifted her head, letting the world in front of her blur as she tears continued to slide down her face. "You were right," she spat out in a hurt whisper. "Dammit, I-I don't know why I let him get to me so damn much."

Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but quickly shut it. He gazed at her, feeling her disappointment radiating off her body. She looked so fragile and defenseless and it hit him that while this was a side of her that seemed rare, it wasn't completely unknown. The way she looked – the dull void in her eye, the flush of her cheeks, the hesitant frown, the nervous fidgeting – it was almost identical to the way she looked whenever he ran into Lily after a feud with James. And ever since her recent falling out with James, it was rare to find her without that same desolate, wary expression on her face.

It suddenly hit him.

He cleared his throat expectantly. "Lily-bean," he urged, his voice heavy with curiosity.

She wiped the back of her finger underneath her right eye and then her left, blinking away the tears from her eyes as she turned to face him. "Hm?"

"Do you…do you like James?"

She froze, her body stiffening instinctively and her heart beginning to race uncontrollably. She didn't reply. She couldn't reply. Any potential formation of words caught in her throat. His question, a mere utterance of four words, was just a reminder of what she had already unfortunately realized. A realization she had been more than eager to tuck away in the deepest, darkest corner of her mind.

And at that moment, Sirius knew the truth. He didn't have to hear her concur. The defeat in her eyes was enough.

"Please don't tell him," were the words Lily eventually spoke when she was able to find the courage.

His gaze showed no surprise or shock. He need not question it, didn't express concern in any form. He merely asked, as tactfully as possible, "When?"

She shrugged. "I realized it yesterday."

His brow furrowed. "When you punched him?"

"About eleven hours before," she murmured aloofly.

"Ah."

She shrugged again.

"After last night, do you…" he trailed off, stopping himself before asking the question that was burning in his mind. But he found the question a tad too intrusive and after what had happened the last time he was let in on a secret of Lily's, he didn't think it was his place to interrogate her.

"Do I still have feelings for him?" she finished hesitantly.

He merely glanced over at her.

She felt her heart plummet into her stomach at the question she had been avoiding herself since she moment her hand met his face the night before. "I don't know, Sirius," she spoke sincerely. "I don't know."

That should have been it. Forget that the truth was finally uttered. Pretend that everything was still the same as it had always been. Lily was good at forgetting and pretending.

So that should have been it.

But it wasn't. "James kissed me again last week."

Only then did shock and surprise register on Sirius' face. "_What_?"

She nodded feebly. "Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."

"When?"

"After he slapped me."

"Oh, sure, that makes perfect sense," he drawled sarcastically.

"It just happened."

"Kisses don't just happen, Lily-bean."

"This one did."

"_Lily_."

"_Sirius_."

They stared down each other, their expressions somewhere between a glare and a withering gaze. "So last night could have gone very differently if you went the snogging route."

"SIRIUS!"

He laughed and her expression was replaced with a stony glare, wishing more than anything that she could take back the past few days. She couldn't think of one good thing that had happened. She was ready for the New Year to begin, hoping that perhaps it would bring with it luck and happiness.

Then again, when did she ever receive luck and happiness?

"Sirius, please don't make a big thing of it, hm?"

"Far too late for that," Sirius snorted, shooting her a look. He stood up, pacing the floor curiously. "What happened?"

"Hm?"

"After the kiss. What happened?"

"Hell if I know," she muttered irritably. "It was a mistake, Sirius. It meant nothing. Just ask your friend."

"It was a mistake and it meant nothing according to him?" he asked. "Or to you?"

She frowned, blushing slightly. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."

She sighed. "He was the one who classified it as a mistake."

His eyes found hers and he offered her a crooked smile. "And you're sad about that." It wasn't a question.

A lump formed in her throat. "I wasn't at the time."

"But now?"

Her heart skipped a beat, a shiver running down her spine. "I don't know," she spoke hollowly.

He hesitated before blurting out, "If James walked into the room right now, would you want to kiss him?"

"No."

Sirius' one eyebrow arched. "That was the fast answer. What's the honest answer?"

She opened her mouth to tell him that that was the honest answer, but one look into his eye and she found herself unable to say anything. Mostly because it would have been a bold-faced lie. "I should say no," she eventually spoke, swallowing the lump in her throat. "After last night, I should hate him. I should want to never see him again. I should want to punch him in the other eye."

"But you don't?"

She pursed her lips. "I don't know," she sighed.

"You don't know a lot," he said with a smile.

"Ironic considering he's called me Miss Know-it-All for six straight years," Lily murmured, mostly to herself.

He ignored her. "Where does this leave you two?"

"Punching each other apparently."

He sighed. She was really good at deflecting the difficult questions. "Lily," he said softly.

She glanced up at him and saw a sincere flicker of curiosity in his eyes. She exhaled slowly, trying to figure out what it is she inevitably wanted from James Potter. "I just want to be done," she found herself saying.

"What?"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter that we kissed last week. It doesn't matter that I…I somehow found myself liking him. And it doesn't matter that I can't figure out how that possible could have happened. It doesn't change anything between us, Sirius. Don't you get that? I can't…I can't deal with him anymore. I can't deal with myself when we get like this. I'm…I just want it to be over."

Unexpectedly, Sirius' heart sank at the declaration. He wanted nothing but the best for both she and James. And he had been hoping the best was each other. "That's what you really want?"

She didn't hesitate to not. "That's what I really want."

He sighed. "Damn, why couldn't you have figured out a year ago that you fancied my best friend?"

"A year ago I hated the guy."

"You never hated the guy."

She didn't respond immediately, musing over his words. "I tried to," she eventually choked out.

"You failed."

A pause. "I know."

He perched on the edge of her desk again, fixing his stare intently on the girl in front of him who was doing everything in her power to not meet his eye. He could tell that her heart was probably beating out of her chest, the topic of conversation making her uncomfortable and hesitant. When she did eventually look up at him, probably perturbed by the silence (it wasn't often silence found its way to the table around Sirius Black), he saw a scared teenage girl staring up at him. Suddenly, a wicked grin spread slowly across his face. "You really like him, don't you?"

She blushed furiously. "We've established that, thank you."

"Like _really _like him."

"Oh, quit it, will ya?"

"You liked kissing him, didn't you?"

"I am never telling you anything again."

"I bet you would snog the shit out of him if he asked you to."

"Never, ever again."

"You _totally_ fell for the guy."

"Do you ever shut up?"

He chuckled. "This explains you punching him last night."

She blinked. "And how, pray tell, does that explain _anything_?"

He shrugged and spoke matter-of-factly, "Well, it's going to be mainly speculation but I'm an observant person, so here goes: he probably was the one to tell you that the kiss meant nothing and that it was a mistake and you probably told him you wanted nothing more to do with him and why the two of you were avoiding each other for the past week but of _course _you hung out with us last night because you actually _like _being around him (you're somewhat of a sadist, y'know that?) even if you will never admit it to him so obviously you guys got into an argument because that's what you do best when tension even remotely forms between you two and naturallythe kiss was brought up (the kiss was brought up, right?) because I'm assuming that James is stupid enough to bring it up (yeah, the kiss was definitely brought up) and clearly you were jealous about the whole thing which just made you angry at yourself and therefore angry at him and he naturally didn't understand your point of view (then again why should he considering you've never even begun to tell him your point of view) that you probably called him a bunch of names, not good ones mind you and you will have to tell me later what you said, which caused him to retaliate with a few insults your way and because you think you're never, ever going to get through to him probably because he throws up a defensive wall up around himself when you talk back to him you start throwing insults at him back and also because you still had pent-up frustration about the kiss that I'm still assuming he stupidly called a mistake, you punched him," he explained, exhaling loudly at the end as he tried to catch his breath.

Lily's mouth hung open, her eyebrows arched. "So…" she said slowly but then shook her head. "Wait, _what?_"

He whimpered, giving her a pleading look. "Oh please don't make me repeat that."

She blinked. "I don't want you to repeat it," Lily drawled, "Ever. You should _never _try explaining things."

He grinned slyly at her. "You got my gist."

"There was no gist in that long-winded ramble of yours."

"It can all be summed up in the fact that you like him and he likes you."

Her heart skipped a beat, her gaze not faltering from his. "He has a girlfriend."

"Girlfriends can be replaced."

_"Sirius_."

He shrugged. "What? It's the truth."

"Yeah, you're certainly a prime example of that."

"Don't even try and change the subject here, Lily-bean."

"What subject? We have already established that you had just spent over a minute rambling about nothing."

"I didn't establish that."

"_Sirius_."

He sighed. "It wasn't nothing," he deterred. "It all makes so much more sense now."

"Stop being so bloody vague, Sirius."

He rolled his eyes. "Look, if Rodolphus Lestrange or Bellatrix Black or Trent Hemingway or Fabrice Johnson had been the one to call you names or insult you, you wouldn't have punched them. With Lestrange or Bellatrix or Hemingway or Fabrice Johnson, you may have retaliated with a few of your snide insults, but you have always been able to keep a level head around everyone. You would have disregarded what they said, blowing off their insults as pettiness, and gone on with your day as if it were nothing. In fact, on numerous occasions - you have told James, and Remus, Peter, and I if we're being forthright, that fighting because we were provoked by something those bloody Slytherins had said is unacceptable, reprehensible, and weirdly demeaning," Sirius explained. "And yet you punched James last night. Because as much as you claim to hate James Potter – as much as you have claimed to hate James Potter since the very first day you met – hate isn't even close to what you two feel for each other. Frustration? Yes. Disappointment? Most definitely. Lust? Weirdly, yeah. But it was never hate. You two _love _to hate each other."

Her expression remained unchanged. "Another ramble, hm?"

He shot her a look. "My _point_," he urged, "Is that it is mutual. He feels the same about you. It explains why he said what he did last night."

She blinked. "Nothing in that second ramble explained anything about why he said what he did."

Sirius hesitated. "Hm, it didn't, did it."

"Which doesn't matter," she was hasty to continue. "Because there _is _no explanation as to why he said it. Yes, I punched him. Should I have done that? Probably not. But…damnit, he deserved it! Did I deserve his verbal attack? No."

Sirius sighed. "It was his version of a punch, Lily-bean," he spoke softly.

She stiffened and remained mute for some time, her eyes falling upon the Potions essay on her desk behind Sirius so as to avoid eye contact with the Marauder. "It probably hurt more than the punch I gave him."

"I'm sure it did."

Silence filled the room. Sirius kept his eyes trained on Lily and she turned away, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror over her bureau. She tried to ignore the insecure girl that was staring back at her. And so she hastily stood, wandering over to her bureau to find some clothes to change into.

Minutes later, she felt Sirius walk up behind her. "I'm so sorry that I ever spoke to James about your past," he said and while Lily had no idea what he had been going to say, it certainly wasn't that. "I'm sorry that I let him pester me into telling him. I'm sorry that I let him throw that tragedy back in your face. I'm sorry that I ever believed that he could feel sympathy towards your unfortunate situation. And I'm so sorry that you got hurt in the end because of what I did. I am willing to grovel at your fee for eternity until you forgive me."

For some reason unbeknownst to her, she found that she wasn't angry with Sirius. It was easier being mad at Sirius than it was with herself. It was easier blaming Sirius for the happenings of the night before instead of James. She knew that she could forgive Sirius; she wasn't so sure she could forgive herself or James. "That won't be necessary."

"No, seriously, I will-"

"No, I just mean I've already forgiven you."

A pause. "Heh?"

She slowly shut her middle bureau drawer, meeting his gaze beside her. In a flash, Sirius noticed that the brief soft, vulnerable side of Lily had retreated back to her usual confident, determined side. "I'm not mad at you, Sirius. It's not your fault that Potter is willing to exploit me at any given chance. Just because you happened to tell him the one thing I've been so desperate to hide these past seven years doesn't mean he should have used that information against me. It wasn't about you and it wasn't even about me. It was about him. It always is."

"Well, then apparently arrogance is a turn-on."

"SIRIUS!"

He laughed, ducking as she attempted to smack him in the shoulder. "I couldn't resist."

She glared at him before once again reaching into her bureau for a T-shirt and a pair of comfy sweatpants. "Okay, you can get out now as I need to change."

His eyebrow gradually arched upward. "And that's supposed to make me go?"

She swatted him with her T-shirt and he couldn't help but laugh, scooting away from her. He was about to head out the door but paused, taking the few steps towards her and kissing her on the cheek. "You're going to be okay, Count Chocu-Lily."

"_SIRIUS!_" she scolded, smacking him with her T-shirt again before reaching towards her bed and whacking a pillow at him.

Sirius laughed and grabbed her by the waist, ignoring her persistent yelps, as he threw her on to the bed. She shrieked as her pillow was seized from her hands and he started pelting her with her. "Ow, I already have plenty of bruises from Potter!" she whined, trying to grab the pillow from his hand.

Sirius merely grinned and tossed the pillow to the side. He fell back against the bed with a weary sigh and Lily quickly followed, a surprisingly content smile resting on her face. Their gazes stared upward at the cracked ceiling, neither speaking for quite some time as they tried catching their breath. Lily thought of James, wondering what was next for them. Sirius thought of Lily, hoping she'd be able to find her inner strength again.

Eventually, Sirius turned to look at her with a frown.

She felt her eyes on him. "What?" It was the first word spoken in quite some time.

He blinked. "What exactly are you so afraid of when it comes to James?"

Sirius wasn't expecting an answer.

Which was good because Lily didn't have one.

* * *

**A/N:** Yay! Well, I thought that was a successful chapter. It explained a lot and delved into a bunch of significant information, including what James would think about Sirius' and Riley's relationship and Lily's possible crush on James, not that she'd admit it to Sirius. No James in this chapter unfortunately, but I thought the witty banter between the Marauders and James' family made up for it. I love Sirius! Okay, that's pretty much it. Please review!


	45. Of Engagements, Blackmail, & 5 Galleons

**A/N: **Not much to report here, but thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I don't really have a lot to say or comment on, however I do want to mention the tension between James and Grant. That's just brotherly rivalry. There's no reason behind it. They just don't like each other. Who says that all families get along? Grant doesn't get along with anyone in his family except for Brite because Grant is a bit spoiled and selfish. That's the only thing behind that-no secret as to why they hate each other; they just do. James gets along with everyone else in his family exceptionally well, though. Read and review please!

**Disclaimer: **I'm too lazy to think of something creative.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 45: Of Engagements, Blackmail, & Five Galleons

* * *

Sirius left Lily's room feeling more confused than ever. It was clear to him that Lily was trying to hold so much in, not willing to let the truth of her feelings make any changes to the way she lived her life. In all honesty, he was shocked that she even admitted she had at some point fallen for the Potter charm. Not that it came as any surprise to Sirius. He had always sensed that their relationship was quite similar to the relationship he had shared with Riley for the past two years and look where they had inevitably ended up?

"Hey."

Sirius whirled around, greeted by James who was walking into the private quarters.

"What are you doing hanging out with Lily?" James asked curiously.

Sirius gave him a look. "I had to apologize," he explained with a curt shrug. Being James' best friend, Sirius wanted to let him know that the girl he had been pining over for seven years ironically had feelings for him, too. But he had already betrayed Lily's trust once. He wasn't about to do it again. Especially when he didn't exactly have proof.

"Did she accept your apology?" he asked curiously.

Sirius nodded curtly. "Yeah."

"Mm."

Sirius' head cocked the side. "She's still feeling pretty…" he trailed off, uncertain what the right word was. Upset? Defeated? Dejected? Fragile? Vulnerable?

"Shitty?" James muttered.

Sirius met his best friend's gaze and shrugged. "To put it mildly."

"No need to remind me that I was the one who made her feel that way," James spoke immediately, his jawline tightening defensively.

"Did I say a word?"

"You wanted to."

Sirius pursed his lips, sighing inwardly. "Where's Kristina?"

James gazed at his friend and nodded his gratitude for changing the subject. "She went to grab her textbooks and then she's heading back here," he explained, gesturing for Sirius to follow him into his room. He turned on the light and threw his wand on to his bedside table.

"Oh, please, like you expect me to believe you two are going to study?" Sirius snorted.

James shrugged.

"Then again, you have been spending the entire day with her so maybe you're all sexed out."

James shot him a look but remained mute, grabbing an old Quidditch magazine off his dresser. He wandered over to his bed and pretended to flip through it.

"No argument, hm?" Sirius spoke with a teasing grin.

"Nope," he said casually.

Sirius sighed. "Okay, what's going on with you?" he blurted out, his eyes narrowing curiously.

James glanced up from the magazine. "What are you talking about?"

Sirius shrugged. "You're being very...inexpressive right now."

"Ooh, big word. Did Remus teach you that?"

Sirius leaned back against James' desk, his lips pursed. "You know you're an idiot, right?"

"I don't want to discuss it," James replied hastily, his teeth clenched firmly, his gaze returning to the magazine in his hands.

Sirius nodded hesitantly. There was an awkwardness between the two of them that neither were used to feeling. Sirius felt James' indifference fill the room and he observed his friend closely. A crease line was forming between his eyebrows and there was a frown permanently implanted on his face. Sirius wondered then if James, like Lily, was holding something back. Sirius was convinced that James was simply hiding behind Kristina. He just couldn't figure out what he was hiding from.

"Stop staring at me," James grunted, his eyes still on the page of the magazine.

Sirius snapped back to reality, offering him an apologetic lopsided smile.

"I know I'm an idiot, Padfoot," he murmured with a heavy sigh. "I screwed up. Big-time."

Sirius could only nod.

"For seven years, Evans has been calling me an arrogant toerag and I never believed her. Until last night," James muttered, banging his head lightly against the back of the bedframe. "I went too far and...and she will never speak to me again. And I don't blame her."

Sirius felt the sincerity behind James' agony and sighed knowingly.

"I crossed a line last night that I didn't even realize Evans and I had. We always just said what was our mind, screaming obscenities at each other and pulling out the wands when we felt words weren't being heard. And last night, Lily _punched _me and kicked me around a bit. I slapped her and smacked her while defending myself. And even _then_, the line wasn't crossed. It wasn't until I..." James trailed off, a lump forming in his throat. "I was the one who crossed the line and...Lily will never forgive me for that. And she has no reason to."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. It wasn't every day he called her by her first name and it wasn't every day he showed remorse for the way he treated her. "You sound disheartened over the idea that she won't forgive you."

"We work together, Padfoot. Of course it's slightly disheartening."

"Oh, sure, and that's the only reason you're disheartened?"

James frowned, his heart skipping a beat. "I'm done talking about this, Sirius," he said firmly. "I know what a huge arse I was last night. But I'm moving on. I'm over it. She deserves better than...than this person I've been to her so I'm moving on."

"From what exactly?" Sirius asked curiously.

James wasn't sure what to say, mostly because he didn't know the answer. He was ready to put all of his energy into his relationship with Kristina, but he wasn't sure if it was because he _wanted_ to be with Kristina or because he _needed_ to be with her as a distraction from where he and Lily were.

"Honestly, Prongs," Sirius said hesitantly when his best friend didn't respond. "I don't think you and Lily-bean are over."

James glanced at his friend irritably. "Of course we're not over. To be over insinuates we had something to begin with."

Sirius suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Both Lily and James were two of the most stubborn people on the planet. Maybe they were meant for each other. Why was he the only one who saw that? "You two will find some way back to each other."

"No," James sighed, thinking back to the conversation he had with Lily the night before. "No, we won't. And I'm okay with that."

"Are you?"

James jerked his head up in surprise. Whether his surprise was targeted towards the question or the unspoken answer, James couldn't tell.

Thankfully, James didn't have to find the answer because there was a soft knock on the door. Kristina poked her head in and flashed Sirius a grin when she saw him sitting there. "Oh, hey, Sirius. So you have to tell me all you know about this fist fight that occurred last night," Kristina chuckled. She threw her books on to the floor and wandered over to James, kissing him lightly on the mouth.

Sirius cracked a smile, his eyes never leaving James'. "I'm sure you've heard all the details from James by now."

Kristina hesitated, her eyes bouncing between the two friends, sensing the tension. "Er...did I walk in on something I shouldn't have?"

"Nah," Sirius argued, heading towards the door slowly. "I was just leaving." He shot James a warning look, one that told James to at least think about what Sirius had to say, before saying good-bye. "Enjoy sex. Oops, I mean studying." He flashed them a smile and quickly rushed out of the room, a pillow slamming against the door as he left.

"You okay?" Kristina asked curiously. There was a definite uneasiness in the air, even after Sirius left.

James plastered a smile on his face and nodded. He reached for her and drew her into him, kissing the side of her neck. "Well, now that you're here I am."

Their textbooks were quickly forgotten.

* * *

"Hey big bro," Dezzy greeted, taking a seat beside James the following morning in the Gryffindor common room with the youngest Potter, Jaron. The students hadn't stopped talking about the fist fight that had occurred between James and Lily. Considering the only people that really knew what happened that night were James and Lily, the rumors become exaggerated almost instantaneously. Sirius, Remus, and Peter learned to avoid the crowds throughout the school, holing themselves up in their room in fear of being bombarded. They didn't know how everyone found out that they had been there that night, but somehow the news spread. And every time they left their room, someone was rushing up to them demanding details.

"Hey, Dez, JT," he said, putting down his Transfiguration textbook. He had hoped that homework would be a worthy distraction from the drama that has become his life. "How're you guys doing?"

"I think the question is how's your _face_ doing," Dezzy snickered.

James shrugged. "It's holding up," he said with a chuckle.

"Are _you_ holding up?" she questioned.

James gave her an inquisitive look. "Why would I not be?"

Dezzy and Jaron exchanged looks and shrugged, turning back towards James. "Because you and Lily are…well, you're not exactly on speaking terms anymore."

"Who says we're not on speaking terms?" James questioned.

"Uh, _everyone_," Jaron pointed out.

"Like who?" James demanded to know.

Dezzy gave him a look. "First of all, Lily hasn't been seen outside her room in the past 24 hours and you've been spending all your time with Kristina," she explained, as Jaron made a face at Kristina's name, "Oh, and Sirius said you guys weren't speaking anymore."

"Dammit, Sirius," James mumbled.

"It was pretty obvious without his help that you and Lily weren't exactly friendly anymore," Jaron snickered. "I mean, she _did _punch you in the eye. That doesn't exactly scream out 'best friend' to me."

Dezzy laughed and James forced out a chuckle, even though he wasn't in the laughing mood. He just wanted everyone to forget about what happened between him and Lily so he could forget about it. He hated thinking about the fact that he got into a fight with Lily; it just reminded him how much he had not only physically hurt her but mentally tore her down as well.

"So are you okay?" Dezzy asked.

James shrugged, slumping down on the couch. "Guys, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. Evans and I are probably best off not even going near each other."

"You don't really think that, do you?" Dezzy asked curiously.

"Of course I do!" James argued. "Why wouldn't I?"

Dezzy and Jaron exchanged looks again, knowing their brother was most likely in denial. "Because…because you spent half of your life here at Hogwarts pining over her," Dezzy finally pointed out. It was exactly what Sirius, Remus, and Peter wanted to know but didn't have the courage to ask. Sirius knew that James' feelings for Lily couldn't be completely gone, but Sirius also knew that James had always been good at hiding when he felt it was necessary. And that is where Kristina came in. Sirius wouldn't be surprised if one of the reasons James started dating Kristina was because he felt he needed to enter his seventh year at Hogwarts with the pretense that he had moved on from Lily.

James stared at his younger sister in surprise, glancing at Jaron who didn't look shocked at all by Dezzy's declaration. "What…how…why would you think that?" James asked curiously.

Dezzy gave him a look. "Sirius does live in our house, y'know."

"Dammit Sirius!" James cursed under his breath.

"So answer the question," Dezzy urged.

James propped his feet up on the coffee table in front of him, gazing away from his sister's scrutinizing eyes. "You shouldn't be worrying about me, I should be worrying about you. I'm the big brother, y'know," he argued, avoiding the question.

Dezzy grinned. "I have four _other_ brothers who can do that as well."

"Yeah, well I'm the oldest here at school," James bragged. "_And _I'm Head Boy!"

"Yeah…I still don't know how you managed to scrape that title," Dezzy murmured.

James smacked her with a pillow from the couch, laughing with his two siblings.

"Speaking of," Jaron interjected, "How are you and Lily going to lead this school if you can't even be in the same room together?"

James shrugged. "We'll manage."

"Yeah, you'll manage by _killing _each other," Dezzy murmured.

James gave her a look.

"I just want you to be happy," Dezzy explained hastily, offering her brother a sympathetic smile. "And I know that you and Lily have been through a lot. I know how hard it is to let the girl you crushed over slip through your fingers." There was a nervous tone in her voice that James caught.

James gave her a look, narrowing his eyes curiously. "What would _you _know about letting someone you crushed over slipping through your fingers?"

Dezzy quickly turned away, shrugging awkwardly. "Well, I've seen it with both Brite _and _Wyatt…and now, you. Brite stupidly broke up with Bianca for a few months when he thought his career needed to come first. When Wyatt left, he left his girlfriend of two years behind."

James shrugged, trying not to show his sister how much talking of Wyatt bothered him. "Yeah well Wyatt has no one to blame but himself for leaving Emma and Brite clearly realized that his mini break-up with Bianca was stupid considering they're engaged now, and I don't know-"

"He's _engaged_!" both Dezzy and Jaron shrieked.

James hesitated. "He didn't tell you?"

"No!" they both cried out.

"Oh…" James said, wincing. "What are the chances you didn't hear me say that?"

"'He's getting married in the morning,'" Dezzy sang loudly and off-key as she high-fived her younger brother. "'Ding-dong the bells are gonna chime!'"

"I guess none," James murmured to himself with a laugh. "And he's not getting married in the _morning_."

"When is he getting married?" Dezzy asked.

"How should I know?" James said, giving his sister a look. "He just asked her two days ago. Pretty sure they haven't set a date yet."

"I call Best Man!" Jaron shouted.

"What? No!" James cried out, giving Jaron an irritated look. "I'm the oldest! I deserve it!"

"Yes, but I called it!" Jaron whined.

"I don't think it works that way, Jaron," Dezzy snickered. "Besides, what about Grant? He probably wants it the most, being Brite's favorite and all!"

"Grant is _not _his favorite, I am!" James whined.

Dezzy gave him a look.

"Okay fine, Grant is," James murmured. "But I'm the oldest! Isn't it, like, an unwritten rule that I should be Best Man?"

"Technically, James, you're not the oldest. _Wyatt _is," Jaron said, making a face.

"Well, okay you go out in search of him, JT, and when you find him—oops, I mean _if _you find him, you can tell him the good news," James said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Valid point," Jaron snickered, grimacing guiltily.

"I can't believe Brite's getting married!" Dezzy squealed. "Oh my God, I'm going to have a sister!"

"A sister-_in-law_," James corrected.

"Still, it's better than the five reckless brothers I have."

"HEY!"

Dezzy laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" she corrected hesitantly, "Okay, I'm not kidding."

James smacked her again with the pillow.

"I can't believe Brite didn't tell us!" Jaron pouted.

"He probably didn't tell you because he knew that you'd be singing wedding songs and calling dibs to be Best Man," James snickered.

"Who would do that?" Dezzy asked innocently, shaking her head dismissively. "That's childish behavior."

"Yeah, _very _childish," James snickered.

"Still, Brite should have told us," Jaron complained.

"Brite should have told you what?" a voice drawled from behind the couch.

They all turned their heads and saw Grant standing behind them with his friend, Brad.

"That he's getting married," Dezzy pointed out.

Grant shrugged. "We've known that for about seven years now," he pointed out. "He just has to actually _ask _Bianca first before it's official."

"He _did _ask her, for your information," Dezzy shot back, rolling her eyes.

Grant stood there frozen on the spot. "What? He…he asked Bianca to marry him?"

No one said anything for a few uncomfortable minutes, but eventually, they all nodded slowly and cautiously. James gazed at Grant curiously, wondering what his reaction may be. He knew it wouldn't be good. Grant had been close with Wyatt and when he left, Grant was crushed. James had the feeling that Grant was afraid of losing another brother. "Yeah…on Christmas Eve," James muttered.

"Oh," was all Grant managed to get out, looking down at his shoes. "Good," he lied.

"Grant, I'm sorry-" Brad started, but Grant cut him off.

"Whatever, when he gets divorced a year into his marriage, he'll be the one who's sorry," Grant grumbled.

"They've been dating for seven years," Dezzy argued. "I don't think they're going to get divorced."

"And what are _you_, his secretary?" Grant sneered.

"No, I'm the supportive sister."

"When he marries someone that's good for him I'll be supportive," Grant shot back.

"Bianca's perfectfor him," Dezzy pointed out, giving her brother an irritated look.

"Oh please, it's all an act," Grant murmured, rolling his eyes standoffishly.

"I don't think she's actinglike she's in love with Brite," Dezzy snapped, glaring at him. "I think she _is _in love with him."

"Oh please, what do youknow about love?" Grant cried out, giving her a laughable look. "You only had your first kiss three weeks ago."

Dezzy gasped in horror, her eyes widening in fear of what James would have to say, while Jaron winced and dared not look over at James. Even Brad cringed, knowing an outburst was coming.

"**_WHAT_**?" James shouted, staring at her sister in shock, not looking happy in the slightest bit. "You should _not _be kissing random guys! You're too young!"

"I'm fifteen," Dezzy pointed out calmly.

"Like I said, _TOO YOUNG_!"

"You had your first kiss when you were thirteen," Dezzy mentioned with a simplistic shrug.

"Yeah well…well…well, damnit, how the hell did you know that?" he whined, shaking his head in defeat.

"Sirius lives with us, remember?" she smirked.

"DAMNIT, SIRIUS!" he snapped, reminding himself to kill his best friend later. "Alright, fine, I was thirteen, but let's face it. Guys mature faster."

Before Dezzy could argue, Grant snorted. "This coming from the guy who still has a teddy bear," Grant pointed out, giving his brother an amused look.

James glared at Grant, not needing his interruptions. "Nana gave it to me. It's not like I _sleep _with it," James shot back.

"I have a picture that disproves that," Grant snickered.

James hesitated. "Okay, I'm going to need that picture."

Grant shook his head. "No way, it's good blackmail."

"You…are…_dead_," James muttered through gritted teeth.

"I wouldn't be threatening the brother that has blackmail photos," Brad pointed out.

James glared at him.

"Oh, is this a family thing?"

"If there is so much as one mention to me owning a teddy bear, I will personally make sure to make your life miserable."

Brad shrugged. "Duly noted."

James turned back to glare at his sister. "So who the hell is this guy you're going around kissing?" he demanded.

"Damn, I thought we changed the subject away from me," she muttered.

"No way was I done with you thateasily," James snorted, shooting her a look.

Dezzy shrugged. "Why do you even care? It's my life."

"Yeah, and it's your lips kissing others," Grant snickered. He couldn't help but enjoy the uncomfortable tension forming between James and Dezzy.

"There are others?" James cried.

"No, not others," Dezzy defended, angrily glancing at Grant. "Just one."

"Yeah, that's what you say," Grant snickered. "You never know what goes on behind closed doors though."

"Sod off, Grant!" Dezzy cried, glaring at her brother angrily. "Haven't you done enough?"

Grant shrugged. "Y'know, you'd think I have," he snickered. "But I have one more thing to say."

"If you even dare say-" Dezzy started, but Grant cut her off.

"She was snogging Drew," he finished, turning towards James.

James' jaw dropped in shock and anger. "_What_?" he shouted, glaring at his sister.

"Okay, _now _I've done enough," Grant grinned, enjoying the pained expression on James' face and the exasperated look on his sister's face. "C'mon Brad, let's leave them to their…_lecture_."

"You are a dead man, Potter. A _dead _man!" Dezzy cried out, fuming at her twin brother.

"I think James will be killing you first," Grant snickered, grabbing Brad and storming off.

"Er…I think I'll go, too," Jaron said sheepishly, giving him sister an apologetic look.

"You're going to leave me alone with him?" Dezzy whined.

"Well…yeah," he said. "But if it makes you feel any better, I'll be listening over there."

"You are the worst brother ever," Dezzy murmured.

"I thought Grant held that title."

Dezzy hesitated. "Good point." Jaron gave her a flippant grin and headed over to where his own friends were sitting, his eyes on Dezzy and James the entire time.

"Why would you want to kiss that prat?" James demanded for an answer, looking down at his sister.

Dezzy gave him a look. "'Prat?' You _like _Drew, remember?"

"That was before I found out he was kissing my sister!"

Dezzy sighed, making a face. "James, thanks for the concern and appreciation, but I think I can handle myself when it comes to guys," she explained with a shrug.

"Drew is notjust any guy!" James argued, his voice causing those around him to stare at him. "He's a Gilmore. It's like in their genesto date as many people as they can, sleep with as many people they can, hurt as many people as they can. Oh yeah, and then they'll grow up, settle down with a random person, and probably have tons of children."

Dezzy gave her brother a look. "Drew will not hurt…wait, children?"

"Do you want to be popping out ten kids?"

Dezzy shuddered. "I'm fifteen, I don't plan on having kids in the near future," she pointed out.

"Well how should Iknow that you want or don't want?" James muttered with a whimper. "We all know what the next step after snogging is!"

"The next step after snogging is not sex, James," Dezzy snickered.

He shuddered. "Don't say that word in my presence," he cringed, a shiver running down his back.

Dezzy gave him a look. "You're impossible, you know that?" she muttered, but she was laughing lightly. "James, I'm not dating Drew. We just shared one kiss and then he went home for break. He hasn't even had the chance to even potentially hurt me yet. And if he does hurt me, that's something I have to go through on my own. Just because I'm your younger sister, doesn't mean you need to be so overprotective."

"Well, someone has to do it," James pouted.

"And who's going to do it next year when you're not around?" Dezzy questioned.

James shuddered. "Ugh, don't remind me that you'll be sixteen next year and your—and all of the damn guys' in this school—hormones will be raging." Dezzy opened her mouth to defend herself, but James continued quickly. "And I swear if I find out anyone puts their hands on you, I'll-"

"Do what? Send them a howler?" she replied sarcastically.

James scowled. "I might."

Dezzy laughed. "James, you have to calm down. I'll be able to handle it. I mean look at you. You were a hormone-raging teenager last year and now you have a steady girlfriend. Who would have thought that was possible?"

James scowled. "I'm going to pretend that was a compliment."

"And I'm going to pretend you're not a moron."

"HEY!"

Dezzy couldn't help but laugh.

James sighed, shaking his head skeptically. He gazed over at Dezzy, his eyes narrowing curiously. "So this Gilmore kid, hm?" James muttered. "I do not trust Gilmores."

"A Gilmore is your best friend, remember?" Dezzy snickered.

"Yes, but that's different. She's not trying to get into my younger sister's pants." James groaned. "Ew, that was a mental picture I didn't need."

Dezzy laughed. "I'll be fine, James. I can handle myself."

He nodded, knowing quite well that Dezzy had always been strong-willed. That didn't mean he still couldn't worry. "I know you can," he admitted. "But can you please just remember that you have your whole life to date? Most importantly," he grimaced, making a face, "You have your whole life to have sex. Don't grow up too fast."

Dezzy smiled appreciatively at her older brother, patting him on the arm. "I know that," she said softly. "And I appreciate your concern. But must I remind you that you first had sex when you were fifteen, James."

James' mouth dropped. "But…how…why…when…where…how the hell do you know that?"

Dezzy rolled her eyes. "Must I remind you that Sirius lives with us?"

"SIRIUS BLACK, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"I clearly came in at the wrong time," Sirius whined, coming up from behind them with Remus and Peter right on his tail. Sirius hopped over the back of the couch and joined James on the couch. "What did I do this time?"

"Must you divulge all the information of my personal life to my _little sister_?" James grumbled, giving him a look.

"I don't divulge all of the information of your personal life to Dezzy!" Sirius argued. He paused. "But just for my own knowledge, what did I tell her?"

"Hah!" Remus chimed in before James could respond. "I think the question is more what haven't you told her."

Sirius crossed his arms bitterly, a pout on his face. "I don't know what you're insinuating. I'm not a huge gossiper."

He was hit by a round of hysterical laughter.

Sirius scowled. "Why is it that whenever I walk into a room, I get insulted? How come not Remus? Or Peter? Or James! He's an easy target!"

James shrugged, offering his friend a sheepish grin. "Sorry, but you're an easier target."

Dezzy snickered, slowly climbing off the couch, offering her seat to Remus. "As much as fun as insulting Sirius is, I'm going to go in search of my friends. See you guys later."

When she was out of earshot, James turned to his friends. "Did you know that she made out with Drew Gilmore?"

"Er…" Sirius stuttered, turning to Remus. "You come up with a lie. I'm really bad at it."

"And what makes you think that?" Remus snorted sarcastically. "The fact that you told McGonagall that a raccoon had slipped into your bedroom window last week and tore up your essay, thinking it was garbage?"

"It could happen!"

"We live in a tower!" Remus argued.

"Yeah, well that's a minor detail that I overlooked," Sirius snickered.

"And to be fair, the essay probably _was _a piece of garbage," James chimed in.

"Yeah!" Sirius agreed. He hesitated. "Wait a minute…"

James rolled his eyes. "Yes, that was an insult," he snorted. "So how did you two know about Dezzy and Drew?"

"Er…again, I'm really bad at lying," Sirius muttered. "So instead, I'm going to offer to bake you a batch of brownies in order to make this go away."

Remus and Peter both gave Sirius a look.

"Okay, okay, you're right, I don't plan on making the batch of brownies," Sirius murmured guiltily. "I just plan on making the house elves to do it."

Remus rolled his eyes. "That wasn't why I was giving you this look, you prat."

"Well, it's hard to tell. A look doesn't exactly tell me what you're thinking, Moony," Sirius pointed out with a haughty smirk.

"You're a prat."

"Yes, I think you already established that," Sirius snickered.

"Can we please get back to me?" James whined.

Peter looked over at him in amusement. "Well, someone is being selfish today."

"I'm allowed to be selfish. My sister was making out with a _Gilmore_!" James cried out in frustration.

"And what's wrong with the Gilmores?" Sirius asked curiously, giving James a knowing look. "Your best friend is a Gilmore! You like the Gilmores, remember?"

"Not when they're making out with my little sister!" James whined. "If Drew was at school, I'd have half a mind to pummel him into the ground! Hm...maybe I will send him a howler."

"Overprotective much?" Remus snickered.

James glared at him.

"I-I mean….no, that's pretty much what I meant."

"And people say I suck at the whole comforting thing," Sirius murmured.

James ignored him. "She's my sister. I'm supposed to be overprotective. It's in the big brother contract."

Remus sighed. "Prongs, they barely kissed. It's not as if they're dating. They're still just friends! It's nothing, okay? Just let it go and can we go enjoy our break without you fussing over this?"

James hesitated. "You're right," he sighed. "But can I still send Drew a howler?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "If that'll make you feel better."

"It will!"

Remus got off the couch and nodded. "Okay, let's go to the Owlery."

* * *

"Y'know, Riley probably isn't going to appreciate her brother being screamed at by her best friend," Sirius pointed out, as they sauntered into James' private quarters after they sent off the howler.

"Eh, she'll get over it," James claimed, shrugging his shoulders. "Besides, I doubt she'll approve of her brother making out with a Potter."

"Doubtful. She's not as high-strung and protective as you are," Remus snorted. "In fact, I'm pretty sure she encourages her brothers to make out with people."

James made a face. "You seriously need to read a book on how to better comfort people."

"Just pointing out the obvious," Remus grinned.

James rolled his eyes and continued to walk towards his room. He was in the middle of the room when he heard another door open on the other side of the room. He froze and stared at Lily as she walked out of her room, who at first didn't notice the three of them. When she eventually looked up, she froze as well, her eyes getting wider. "Er…hi."

"Hi," James mumbled.

"Er…bye," she said quickly, rushing out of the room.

"Bye," James mumbled.

His three friends exchanged a brief look before bursting into laughter.

James glared at them.

"Sorry, sorry, that was just…just the most awkward exchange of words between two people I've ever seen!" Sirius snorted.

James continued glaring at them. "Remus, when you're done with that book about comforting people, you can hand it over to Padfoot."

Sirius shrugged sheepishly. He gazed over at his best friend in all seriousness. "So...so I guess you guys are still avoiding each other?" he asked curiously. He had hoped that the conversations he shared with James and Lily had stuck inside their heads more than it apparently had. Sirius knew that nothing would ever get resolved if they just pretended to not exist around each other.

"Oh no, we've actually become the best of friends, have started going to meals with other, gossip about our friends on a daily basis, and we're even holding hands like two little girls!" James cried out.

"So….that's a yes to my question?" Sirius suggested.

"She hates me," James reminded him, as he plopped on to the couch.

"I'm sure she doesn't…hate you, per se," Remus interjected.

James glared at him. "This black eye says differently."

"Maybe she does hate you," Remus suggested.

"Don't you guys ever have something helpful to say?" James demanded, an increasingly frustrated look spreading across his face.

"Uh…" they stammered, looking at each other. "Not really."

James scowled and stared at the coffee table in front of him, mixed emotions rushing through him. He felt confused and he felt angry. He was sympathetic and regretful. He wanted to talk to Lily but knew that he wouldn't. Knew that he _couldn't_. He honestly felt like a panic attack was going to erupt inside of him one of these days if he didn't continuously try to busy himself.

Remus and Sirius joined James on the couch while Peter took solace in the floor, all remaining silent. They knew it was best to let him work out his feelings himself.

"James?" Remus muttered eventually, dying to ask his friend something.

"Hm?"

"Have you even apologized to her for...well, for everything?"

James' body stiffened. "No," he admitted. "But I haven't exactly had the chance. She wants nothing to do with me."

"And how can you be so sure?" Sirius dared to ask.

James swallowed hard, rubbing his temples. He bit down on the bottom lip and let out a long sigh before saying, "Because she told me."

"What? When?" Remus asked curiously.

James' eyes widened with a look of guilt. "Uh…."

"Aw, James!" Remus groaned. "You ran into her last night at the hospital wing, didn't you?"

"Uh…maybe?" he suggested surreptitiously.

"And you've waited until _now _to tell us?" Sirius groaned. "What happened? What did she say? What did _you _say? Oooh, did she punch you again!"

James glared at him.

"Uh…maybe just answer the first three questions," Sirius replied sheepishly.

"We didn't really say anything. She said she was done and I said okay," James mumbled, his heart slowly breaking. "And…and I'm just going to give her what she wants."

"So…that's it? You're just going to become…well, nothing?" Sirius murmured, sighing inwardly.

James let out a sigh and cried out in frustration, "That's the way it's always been."

"No, no, no," Remus argued with a laugh. "You two always had something to say to each other. There was never nothing going on between you guys. I mean, if this is really _it_, then…then I think it's going to completely change you guys and your relationship with each other."

"Well, then I guess we're going to be nothing," James muttered, an overwhelming sense of grief washing over him at that thought.

His three friends exchanged a look. "And…and you're okay with this?" Sirius asked cautiously.

"No, I'm not _okay _with this," James scoffed. "We've been through six years on some sort of roller-coaster ride! But we had to get off the roller-coaster at some point. I was through riding it, and so was she. I'm moving on to another amusement park ride, _without her_."

Sirius stared at him blankly. "I lost you at roller-coaster."

"Didn't you ever pay attention in Muggle Studies?" James groaned.

"Er…not really. Gina, the girl who sat next to me, was extremely hot and extremely distracting," Sirius teased.

James glared at him.

"Right, right, talking about you and _your _girl problems."

"I don't have girl problems," James argued. "In fact, the problem is over. We're through, remember?"

"So that's it?" Peter sighed.

"_Yes_, that's it," James emphasized in irritation. He couldn't talk about it any longer in fear of himself growing increasingly depressed. He didn't want to rid himself of Lily, but he had to finally just give her what she wanted. It was the only fair thing to do. "Now can we _please _talk about something else?"

"Okay," Sirius said hesitantly, looking up at the ceiling for an idea. "Whoa…has the ceiling always been green?"

The other three Marauders turned to look at him.

"What? I was talking about something else, wasn't I?"

James blinked.

"A conversation about the ceiling won't last long," Remus snickered.

"Well, fine, you think of something to talk about!" Sirius argued.

"The annual after-Christmas prank war?" he suggested.

Sirius hesitated. "Damn, that is better than talking about the ceiling."

"We still have a week until New Year's," James reminded his friends. When they returned from Christmas break, the prank war often commenced.

"Yeah, but I'm thinking you could probably use a prank war right about now," Sirius argued, sharing a look with Remus and Peter.

James frowned. "Do you really think that by playing a bunch of immature pranks on the other houses at this school that that will help mend my broken relationship with the dear Head Girl?"

Three pairs of eyebrows arched simultaneously. "I thought you didn't care if it was mended or not," Peter pointed out.

James rolled his eyes. "I don't care. But _she _might."

Remus looked mildly impressed. "Which just goes to show that you do care. If even just a little bit."

"I don't care!"

He was on the receiving end of three identical looks of skepticism.

"Oh, _fine_, let's initiate the prank war," he muttered, though hesitation rested in the back of his mind.

Remus shrugged. "If you don't want to do it, James, it's fine. I don't think we'd all be opposed considering what happened between you and Lily last night."

"I said it was fine," he murmured through gritted teeth. "Who do you think we should target first? Slytherins or the Ravenclaw Quidditch team?"

"James-" Remus started again but he was cut off.

"Then again, if I recall, most of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team went home," he continued. "So we're better off starting with the Slytherins."

James reached for his wand and summoned parchment and a quill for his room, actively avoiding eye contact with his three friends. He could feel them exchanging frantic looks and he didn't want any part of it. "As per usual, we need to start off with something simple and save the good stuff for later. Any ideas?"

When he finally glanced back up, he noticed the hesitance in each of their eyes but neglected to comment. "Well?" James urged.

Sirius sighed. "We could go the festive route and fill balloons with figgy pudding, dropping them over the Slytherin table tomorrow during breakfast."

James nodded, beginning to scribble down ideas. "You think anyone is going to retaliate this year?" The idea was to initiate a war between the houses and while it worked successfully in prior years, it was hard to say what may happen that year if they started the pranks before people returned from break.

"There aren't many people still at Hogwarts so that's a good question," Remus mused.

"Guess we'll find out," Sirius said with a grin.

* * *

And thus the pranking began. Only a few handfuls of students remained back at Hogwarts but most of them were thrilled to see that it wasn't for naught. The Gryffindors cheered when the Slytherins became covered in gooey figgy pudding. The Hufflepuffs laughed when the Ravenclaws were followed around by large branches of mistletoes that shrieked "Kiss me!" whenever someone of the opposite sex was in the vicinity. Even the Slytherins were amused when the Hufflepuffs found themselves being pelted with tiny colored snowballs from the Great Hall ceiling. It took three days but eventually, the Gryffindors were targeted in return. While nothing terribly crazy, the Marauders did find amusement in walking down to the Gryffindor common room to find it covered with coal.

"You think it was the Slytherins?" Sirius asked with a proud grin, trudging through the charcoal towards the portrait hole.

"Nah, far too creative. My guess is the Ravenclaws," Remus suggested. "There are a bunch of them still at Hogwarts. I bet they all ganged up."

"McGonagall is going to have a fit," Peter said, wiping off the black charcoal from his pants as they exited the common room.

"Nah, she won't have to find out," James argued, shaking his head. "We'll help clean it up after breakfast."

Sirius' eyebrow arched. "Did you just say we'd help clean it up?" he asked in awe.

"I definitely heard it," Remus agreed.

"Me, too," Peter spoke.

"I did as well," the Fat Lady chimed in.

The four boys ignored her as they continued down the hallway. James shrugged. "We started this war. We may as well help attempt to keep the peace."

"You can't use the words 'war' and 'peace' in the same thought process, Prongsie," Sirius sighed. "And please don't tell me that part of keeping the peace is neglecting to charm the pumpkin juice at breakfast."

"And miss out on the entire Great Hall singing Christmas carols? No way!" James chuckled. The idea was to charm the pumpkin juice so that anytime someone drank it, they broke out into song.

"Besides, it's a little too late to be asking that question, Padfoot," Remus pointed out with a snort. "Considering the charm was already placed on the pumpkin juice late last night."

"Yeah, but we still need to utter the spell to activate it," he reminded him. "And I am just making sure Prongsie hasn't has a change of heart. Especially when he goes around saying things like we'll help clean up a roomful of _coal_."

James shot him a look. "You'd prefer to leave it that way so that when we have our New Year's Eve party in the common room, people will be fighting to step over coal?"

"Since when were we throwing a party in the Gryffindor common room?" Remus interjected with a curious smirk.

"Since the day we named ourselves the Marauders," Sirius responded almost immediately.

"Technically, McGonagall named us that," Remus reminded him. "And why am I not surprised?"

"It was never a question as to whether or not we would host a New Year's Eve party. It's tradition."

Remus' eyebrow arched. "Since when? We're never here on New Year's Eve."

Sirius shrugged. "Since this year."

"Then it can't really be called tradition, can it?"

"We're starting tradition!"

"How can we be starting a tradition when next year, we will no longer be at Hogwarts?"

"Oh, c'mon, Moony, let's face it," James interrupted. "Sirius has a few years left here."

Sirius scowled. "I'm getting tired of the Sirius-won't-graduate jokes considering I get top marks in all of my classes!"

"Without studying," Remus whined.

Sirius shrugged. "Studying is not in my nature," he said with a grin. "Pranking, yes. Throwing parties, yes. Quidditch, yes. Studying? Eh, not so much. Good thing I'm naturally intelligent."

"And apparently arrogant, too," Remus snorted with a teasing smile.

"Another one of my many talents," Sirius agreed. "Along with knowing the charm and the spell to cause everyone to break out into song."

"Yeah, exactly why is it you had that spell on hand?" Peter asked.

"Uh, because how else are you going to listen to music when the WWN breaks down?"

"By fixing it," James chimed in. "With a little thing called _magic_."

Sirius hesitated. "Hm, that thought did not cross my mind."

"And you say you're naturally intelligent," Remus teased, ruffling his hair.

"Argh, quit it!" Sirius whined, ducking out of Remus' grasp. "It took me hours to get my hair like this!"

"It took you hours to get your hair to look like you had just crawled out of bed?"

"Yes!"

Remus sighed. "Sometimes I worry about you, Padfoot."

Sirius couldn't help but grin, clapping his werewolf friend on the back. "So we're all on board with the plan for today?" Sirius questioned, changing the subject.

"Hit up everyone in the morning. Strike back against the Hufflepuffs by lunch. The Ravenclaws in the afternoon. And the grand finale of the Slytherins at dinner," James listed, counting off on his fingers.

"We still need to tweak the Slytherins prank," Remus reminded. "We don't have enough Fillibusters to fill their common room and if we're busy with the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws during the day, we don't have time to sneak off to Hogsmeade."

"We'll figure out the details after breakfast," James agreed. "Let's focus on the Christmas Carol prank first."

"Are we going to do the spell on the professors' table as well?" Peter asked.

"Hell yeah. Tell me you don't want to hear old Sluggie singing 'Jingle Bells,'" Sirius said with a grin.

The four boys erupted into joyous laughter at the idea.

"How long does the spell last?" Peter asked.

"Just a half hour," Remus responded.

"I still say we should have kept it all day," Sirius murmured.

"So that you could get slaughtered by every single person on campus?" Remus snorted. "I'd prefer to live through the New Year, thank you very much."

"Eh, I'd prefer to hear Rodolphus singing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' all day," Sirius teased. The four of them contemplated the different songs that they would hear that morning as they trekked down to the Great Hall, excitement igniting inside of them as they got closer. Their laughter filled the corridors and other students rushed past them towards the Great Hall in anticipation of what breakfast may bring them.

James' grin slowly disappeared when he wandered into the Great Hall and saw Lily perched at the end of the table. "What is she doing here?" he muttered to himself, halting in the doorway.

"Probably heard about the prank war. She knew we would schedule something for breakfast," Sirius spoke up from behind him, clapping him on the shoulder. "And you know she'll never miss an opportunity to scream at us for being immature pranksters."

James frowned as his three friends walked around him towards the Gryffindor table. His gaze lingered for far too long on the redhead before he realized his friends had just deserted him in the entrance. He quickly caught up with them.

"Everyone have their wands?" Sirius murmured as he slipped into an empty part of the Gryffindor bench.

"That probably would have been a better question up in the common room," Remus snorted as he pulled out his own.

Sirius shot him a look. "Just mutter the spell on the Ravenclaw table, Moony."

The four of them discreetly pulled out their wands and muttered the spell that Sirius taught them so that the charm in the pumpkin juice could be put into effect. It only took a few seconds but grins spread across their faces. James was keenly aware of a pair of emerald eyes focused in on him the entire time but he ignored it. Or at least he tried to

And suddenly, the Great Hall was filled with cheerful tunes of the season. "Jingle Bells" escaped the mouths of the professors. "Joy to the World" was harmonized by the Hufflepuffs. The Ravenclaws looked shocked as "Frosty the Snowman" fell from their mouths. "12 Days of Christmas" rang joyfully from the Gryffindors. And the Slytherins looked livid when "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was belted out.

The Marauders couldn't help but burst into laughter as impressed gazes and angry glares were directed towards them. Those who hadn't drunk the pumpkin juice were finding much amusement in mocking those who had. James could have even sworn he saw an amused twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes.

"Here's to a prank well done," Sirius said, raising his water glass and cheering to the Marauders.

The laughter continued spilling from them as they piled their plates full of ham and eggs and sausage links.

"Christmas carols, hm?"

The laughter ceased sheepishly as the four boys turned around to face Lily.

"So I guess you neglected to drink the pumpkin juice," Remus spoke hesitantly.

She ignored him. "You do realize that Christmas has passed, right?" she spoke, clearing her throat as she arched a knowing eyebrow.

"Alright, Evans. Have at it," Sirius said with a grin, placing his fork on his plate and leaning back on the bench casually.

"Hm?"

"Yell, scream, call us immature, tell us to grow up, et cetera and so on. Go ahead. Do your thing," he teased.

She frowned, her eyes fixed on his amused gaze so as not to stray to the guilty-looking messy-haired, glasses-wearing Head Boy to his right. Eventually, she shrugged. "Ten points each from Gryffindor," she said calmly. Her gaze lingered on them for only a brief moment before she turned on her heels and escaped the Great Hall. The four boys stared after her in shock. But only one of them felt disappointment.

"Did she…really not chew us out?" Sirius mused, beyond bewildered.

Silence followed, their stares still on the Great Hall door where Lily had just walked out of.

"Yeah, that just happened," Remus spoke with a curious sigh.

James frowned, trying to ignore the surprised chatter of his friends. His heart sunk and he felt like an anvil was just placed on to his shoulders. He had changed everything between himself and Lily in just a few mere harsh words. He had never felt so horrible and empty at the same time before. She looked so detached as she took off points from them. The fury that once lived in her eyes had died out. The flush of her cheeks and the flare of her nostrils was no longer. The passion she had once felt for her school was erased. She was another girl entirely than the girl he had become accustomed to and it killed him that he had done that. He had changed her. He had changed _them_.

"C'mon," James murmured, chucking a sausage link into this mouth before standing up from the table. "Let's go clean the Gryffindor common room."

Sirius' expression turned to astonishment. "You were serious about that before?"

"_Yes_."

"Can we at least finish breakfast?"

"Be my guest," James spoke with a shrug. "But I'm heading upstairs."

His three friends remained rooted to the Gryffindor table as they watched their best friend escape the Great Hall.

No one spoke, but suddenly their prank didn't provide them with as much joy as they would have hoped. It was obvious that something drastic had changed between James and Lily on that eventful Christmas evening and it was eating James up inside. They couldn't be certain what had gone down in the hospital wing, but it was clear that Lily had meant it when she said she was done.

It was also clear, and probably only to his friends who have grown to know him thoroughly over the past six and a half years, that James was so incredibly discouraged at the idea of admitting they really and truly were over. He so desperately wanted to hold on to just a sliver of hope that maybe, _just maybe_, one day they'd be able to find their way back to each other.

But the look on James' as he traipsed out of the Great Hall that morning told them that perhaps that last bit of hope had finally been diminished.

* * *

"You're awfully quiet today," Kristina mused, drawing circles on James' empty chest. They were lying in his bed later that morning, enjoying the sunshine pouring through James' windows.

He gazed over at her. "Just thinking."

"About?"

He hesitated. "The New Year." It wasn't a total lie.

"Anything in particular?"

He frowned slightly, his brow crinkling curiously. "I don't want to live with any regrets."

She turned her body to face him. "Are you talking about the future or the present?"

"Both," he said with a shrug. "I just want to make sure I'm the best person I can be."

"Well, you don't have to convince me," she whispered, pressing her lips lightly against his. "You're already pretty damned perfect in my mind."

His heart skipped a beat. He was most definitely far from perfect. "I don't deserve you," he found himself blurting out. For multiple reasons, but he chose to remain silent on the whys.

Her eyebrow arched. "What's really going on, James?"

"What?"

"Something's bothering you," she said with a shrug. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

He felt his heart start to race as his thoughts returned to Lily and Christmas. He couldn't get any of it out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. And after the passive look on Lily's face earlier that morning, it was even tougher for him to just move past it. He hadn't just been a complete idiot to her. He had truly hurt her. He had insulted her in the past, he had hexed her, he had played pranks on her. But he had never seen the crumbling look on her face after the words he spoke. He didn't deserve to be around her much less deserve her forgiveness in any way. He deserved to just give her what she wanted. Even if it wasn't what he wanted from her.

He gazed down at the beautiful girl in his arms and knew he had to give her his undivided attention. It wasn't fair to her or to him the way he's been so distracted lately.

He drew Kristina in closer to him, kissing the side of her face. "Nothing," he spoke casually. "Just know that I really care about you, Kris. I'm sorry if I don't always show that."

Her heart skipped a beat as a confused frown framed her face. "I know you care about me. I care about you, too, James."

"Good," he whispered. "Because right now that's all that matters."

She was about to question where the sudden intensity came from, but she was cut off by him kissing her. His hands instinctively framed her face as the kiss deepened, their tongues intertwining lustfully. Kristina slowly climbed on top of James, their mouths never breaking apart for a moment. His hands traveled upwards, tangling through her silky hair. He loved kissing her. He could do it all day if it was feasible.

"JAMES POTTER!"

Or not.

Both James and Kristina groaned as his door was thrust open to reveal the three Marauders.

"Oops," Sirius said with a sheepish grin, gazing down at Kristina who slowly fell to James' side. "Didn't mean to interrupt."

"Bollocks. You totally meant to interrupt," James argued, shooting his best mate a look.

He shrugged. "Ah, well, what are you going to do about it?" he asked rhetorically with a shrug. "You were supposed to meet us in the Entrance Hall twenty minutes ago."

James frowned, reminded of the prank war. He sighed before saying reluctantly, "How about we nix the rest of the prank war?"

Four pairs of eyes rested in surprise on him, including the girl in his arms. "_Excuse me_?" Sirius said, trying to gain his composure. "Did you…did you really just suggest that?"

"I heard it," Remus sighed.

"I'm a witness," Peter agreed.

"You feeling alright?" Kristina said in awe.

"First, you practically clean up the Gryffindor common room all by yourself," Sirius urged, his voice on the verge of irritably. "And now you don't want to partake in Marauder tradition? What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Don't forget he hit a girl," Peter chimed in.

James glared at him. "Why, thank you, Peter, I had forgotten that detail," he drawled sarcastically.

Peter merely shrugged. "Just pointing out something's up with you."

Remus had a feeling it all came back to a certain redhead but wasn't about to point that out in Kristina's vicinity. "Look, James," he sighed. "If you really want to hide out here all break, we can't stop you. But nothing is going to change. Whether you do the prank war or not."

James' lips pursed, knowing what Remus was attempting to imply. "Is there anything wrong with wanting to spend a little quality time with my girl?"

Kristina felt a slight blush appear in her cheeks. Based on the frustrated look on his friends' faces, she had a feeling they all wanted to say yes. "Well, I'm certainly not going to say no to you not pranking the Ravenclaws," she teased.

"Yeah, exactly. It would be wrong of me. Conflict of interest and all," James said with a grin.

"You didn't think so when you were charming mistletoe to follow the Ravenclaws around on Monday," Peter pointed out.

"Well, yeah, but there was clearly an added bonus for me in that one," he continued to tease, winking at his girlfriend.

She couldn't help but laugh and even the ends of the Marauders' mouths twitched upward. "I can't believe you're choosing quality time with Kristina over the annual Marauder prank war," Sirius sighed overdramatically.

"Seriously? _You_ can't believe that?" Remus drawled dryly, his eyebrow arching. "You would throw us all under the bus in a heartbeat for a girl."

Sirius contemplated his statement and eventually shrugged. "Yeah, that does sound like me."

James rolled his eyes. "We've had our fun with the prank war already. Maybe it's time for us to…" he trailed off.

Sirius sighed. "Grow up?"

James met his gaze and shrugged. "A New Year is coming. We can turn over a new leaf."

Sirius' brow furrowed, confused. "Leaf? But there's snow on the ground."

Four identical groans filled the room. "Six years of Muggle Studies really taught you nothing, didn't it?" spoke Remus.

Sirius shrugged. "Nope. Moira Jennings was-"

"Really hot and extremely distracting," three Marauder voice spoke monotonously.

He blinked. "Oh, so I've mentioned that before?"

"Once," James sighed.

"Or twice," Peter chimed in.

"Ten times," Remus agreed.

"A day," James added.

Sirius grinned. "She made Muggle Studies worth it."

"If you can tell me one thing you have ever learned in Muggle Studies over the six years you took that class, I will not only continue on with this prank war but I will make sure it lasts until February," James spoke.

Sirius appeared to look contemplative, racking his brain for anything he may have learned in Muggle Studies. "Moira got a tattoo of an owl on her neck during our fifth year."

Four simultaneous groans erupted.

"What! I did learn that in Muggle Studies!"

"Good-bye, Sirius," James urged, dismissing him as he turned his back on them in order to face his girlfriend.

"I noticed it in class after Christmas Break! Made her even hotter."

"And probably more distracting," Remus teased.

"Hell yeah!"

"_Good-bye, Sirius_."

"You should have been more specific in your request, James!"

"_Good-bye, Sirius!_"

Remus couldn't help but laugh as he attempted to grab Sirius away from James' room.

"Fine, but don't think we won't continue this prank war without you!" Sirius' voice carried as Remus reached for the door to shut behind them.

"And don't think I won't enjoy poking fun at you while you're in detention and I'm enjoying more quality time with my girlfriend!"

His voice was muffled as the door shut behind the three Marauders, but Sirius quickly reopened it. "Quality time is really code for sex, right?"

"SIRIUS!"

He grinned as he let the couple be, shutting the door behind him for good. "Lily-bean really got to him, didn't she?" he spoke cavalierly as he led the way out of the common room.

"Oh yeah," Remus muttered. "Most definitely."

* * *

Oddly enough, Lily wasn't going completely stir crazy. She read a lot of novels, finished her schoolwork and delved into some extra credit work, finalized the prefect schedules for the New Year, finished looking over the prefect's paperwork, and spent a lot of time staring out her window at the stars above. A favorite relaxing pastime of hers. She was enjoying the time alone. It's what Christmas Break always provided to her and while her heart ached at the sad reminder of her lonely status in the world, she enjoyed taking that time to reflect on the past memories.

She was curled up on her window ledge, her cat in her lap and her book resting on her knees. An old bookmark marked her page as her gaze fell out the window to the light snowfall that was beginning to whirl outside. She loved snow. She should have been smiling at the scene in front of her. But she was finding that nearly impossible due to one particular reason.

James Potter.

It had appeared that he had become the bane of her existence. Quite literally. Time for a history lesson: the Old English word "bana" meant literally slayer. And James Potter had slayed so much of her. He slaughtered her integrity, he massacred her dignity and self-esteem (not that she enjoyed admitting that), he quite literally butchered her face with bruises and scratches, and he murdered any possibility of them one day burying the hatchet. She wanted so badly to hate him.

And yet she didn't.

Sirius had been right. If it was a Slytherin who had done the things to her that James had or if it had been Trent Hemingway or Fabrice Johnson or Zach Hamilton (three people on her shit list), she would have been so defensively livid at them. But she wouldn't have been crestfallen. She wouldn't have felt so defeated. She would have wanted to murder them with her bare hands. And with James, all she wanted to do was cry.

She should have been angry with him. She should have wanted to murder him. She should have wanted to apologize until he meant it. Except she didn't. No, now she just wanted everything to be over between them. She was done trying to analyze their relationship. She was done trying to figure out what it was about him that seemed to make her heart flutter. And she was done trying so hard to pretend like she hated him. It was exhausting and it took far too much out of her. With the New Year coming, it was the perfect time to just let everything in the past go.

Her contemplations were interrupted by a knock at the door. Lily hesitated while Artemis growled and jumped off of Lily's lap. She didn't know who would be at the door (she only had a few guesses, however, and all of them had something to do with a Marauder), but eventually she sighed and cried out, "Come in!"

The door creaked open and Sirius stuck his head in. "Hey there."

Lily wasn't sure if she was happy or not that Sirius was there. She had been reveling in all of her alone time, but he was also so good at keeping a smile on her face even when she felt no reason to smile. "Please tell me you haven't come here to inform me of some prank gone wrong."

"Nah, the prank war has been put on the backburner."

Her eyebrow arched in shock. "It's only day three. Years past advise me that that statement is incredibly false."

He shook his head, laying down at the edge of her bed. "No, really," he urged. "No more pranking. At least from us. I can't tell you what the other houses have in mind."

Lily frowned, recognizing the sincerity in his words. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I am but that question would be better directed at James."

She stiffened. He noticed. "Why's that?"

"He's the one that called it off."

She blinked. "That does not sound like James Potter."

"You're telling me," he snorted. "Four months as your fellow co-Head has finally rubbed off on the guy."

She turned away from him, her gaze once again following the tiny snowflakes. "Somehow, I doubt that," she murmured, mostly to herself.

Sirius frowned and while he knew he should have left it at that, he couldn't help but add, "After what happened on Christmas, I think he feels like he owes it to himself to try and be a better person."

"Glad that it took a fist fight and an emotional attack on me to make him realize that," she growled, her voice icy with angst.

"He didn't mean it," Sirius said softly.

She felt her heart deflate in disappointment as she turned to meet Sirius' gaze. "He never does," she mused.

"Lily-bean-"

"I don't want to discuss him, Sirius," she spoke calmly, her eyes seemingly dull of any emotions. "So if that's why you came here, you can leave now."

"No," he was quick to argue. "I just don't want you to be alone this entire break."

"I like being alone."

"Oh. Do you want me to go?"

She gazed at him curiously and eventually sighed. She climbed off the window ledge and sat down on the bed behind him. He followed her every move, slowly turning around on the bed. "No," she eventually spoke honestly. "It's fine. But, uh...thank you."

"For what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. For caring I guess."

He smiled. "You cared for me first. It was about time I returned the favor," he said, half in jest.

She gazed at him, bewildered. "What?"

His smile turned timid. "When the guys turned their backs on me, you didn't. You had no clue what I had done to warrant the silent treatment for them, yet you didn't care about that. And I know you knew it must have been big for the Marauders to split up, but you still stood by me. It's when we really became friends and I've never forgotten." He shrugged. "You cared. Probably more than you should have. So that's why I'm here. I-I don't know what you're going through. I have no idea what's going through your head. But it's obvious you're dealing with a lot right now and I just want you to know that of course I care, Lily-bean. I'm here for you if and when you need me."

Awe shone in her emerald eyes. It wasn't like Sirius to be so benevolent and it touched Lily to know that he had really appreciated their friendship, more than she thought he had. "You're a good guy, Sirius, y'know that?"

He shrugged, propping himself up on his elbows. "I have my flaws, but yeah, I'd say I'm pretty damned awesome."

Lily laughed, nudging him playfully with her foot. He grinned, grabbing a hold of her toes as she shrieked. She pulled them back immediately, a smile spreading across her face herself as she smacked him with a pillow.

"Now is that any way to treat the guy who cares about you?"

"When he's a prat, yes," she sniggered, taking the pillow back and stuffing it behind her head. She leaned back with a content sigh.

He merely shrugged and reached down to grab Artemis from the floor, putting her in between the two of them. "How long have you had Artemis?"

She quirked an eyebrow at the change of subject. "She's pretty old. Twelve years maybe?"

"Did she belong to your parents?"

She froze slightly, meeting his gaze. Eventually, she nodded. "Yeah."

He reached out to pet Artemis, a pensive look on his face. "What were they like?" he asked softly.

Lily blinked, the question throwing her off. She felt her heart skip a beat, her mouth growing dry. She had never actually spoken of her parents to anyone in ten years. The question remained unanswered for quite some time, and Lily was thankful Sirius didn't interrogate further. Eventually, she opened her mouth. "You really want to know?"

He nodded.

A nostalgic smile appeared on her face. "They were the best parents a girl could ask for," she whispered. "And I'm not just saying that because they're no longer around and it's a lot easier honoring the deceased. I'm saying it because it's true. They cared about me and my sister so much. They always put us first. And Merlin, they were so much in love. I can't tell you the numerous times I pretended to be disgusted as they kissed each other or danced to some sappy love song on the radio. And they loved springing surprises on us. Trips to the zoo and ice cream for dinner and visits to the beach and random gifts of jewelry because it reminded them of us. They never fought. And if they did it was over who got control of the remote control or what to make for dinner. They…they weren't just soulmates, they were best friends. I remember what they had and…and one day, I hope to have the same." Tears sparkled in her eyes but for the first time in a long time, they weren't sad tears.

Jealousy ignited inside Sirius which just made him feel guilty considering her parents were no longer alive. But what he wouldn't have given to have eight years in a family like hers than eighteen in a family like his. "I'm sorry that you don't get to make any more memories with them."

She shrugged. "I'm not," she said in all honesty. "Don't get me wrong, I wish every day that they were still alive. I will never not wish that. But I wouldn't take back the eight years I spent with them for anything. I'll cherish those memories until the day I die."

"You're oddly lucky, Lily-bean." The words were out before he could stop them.

She locked eyes with him and noted a hint of envy staring back at her. "I'm sorry that you don't have those same memories."

He did what he did best and shrugged it off. "Eh, I'm a Potter now," he teased. "I'll stick with those memories instead."

She didn't say anything. She knew he was just being his usual happy-go-lucky self, and in all honesty she was surprised that he could be that way after the life he's had to live, but she also knew that while he was good at brushing off his past, it still must hurt a lot to know he was born into a family that both couldn't accept him and he couldn't accept. She was rather impressed with the way he turned out considering his past. "Ironic considering I'm perfectly content ridding myself of any and all memories that include James Potter."

He glanced up guiltily, but was relieved to see a teasing smile on her face. "He's miserable right now, Lily-bean."

Her jaw tightened anxiously as she tentatively met his gaze. After a considerable amount of time, she swallowed hard and said, "Good."

They both knew she was lying but neither commented.

Sirius grinned, letting the serious moment pass by them, and hopped off the bed, offering his hand to her. "Well, I have no idea what a zoo is and unfortunately there is no beach around here that I know of (and besides it's freezing outside), but I _can_ steal you away to the kitchens for a nice ice cream dinner."

She smiled nostalgically and reached for his hand, letting him pull her out of bed. "That sounds like exactly what I need right now."

* * *

"Great Gobstones, the boy does exist!"

James glared at Sirius as he entered the seventh-year boys dormitory. Sirius was perusing the Marauder's Map from his bed while Remus and Peter sat stationary on Remus' four-poster bed practicing Charms. "Who says 'great gobstones?'"

Sirius barely glanced up from the Map. "I do apparently. And don't change the subject."

James dropped on to his bed with a snort. "What subject?"

Sirius shrugged. "You have been MIA all week."

"You mean I have been with Kristina all week," he pointed out. "Which you already know considering you're the one hoarding the Map."

"Were the snog sessions getting a bit stale so you decided to seek out your secondary friends?"

"Did you just ask me if snog sessions were getting _stale_?"

"You're right, dumb question," he said with a chuckle. "_Mischief managed_." The Map folded up leisurely as Sirius leaned back against his headboard. "So what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Mister Prongsie?"

"You sent me eighteen owls in a span of two hours requesting my presence in your dorm, Padfoot," James spoke dryly. "I didn't want to clean up any more damned owl pellets off my floor."

He grinned. "Oh, good, so you got the hint?"

"You sent him _eighteen owls_?" Remus finally spoke up with a groan. "I said send one. _One_. What in the devils name made you think _eighteen_ was appropriate?"

"It got him to come, did it not?"

"And why couldn't you just, oh I don't know, _knock on my door_?" James snorted.

"You were with Kristina and Merlin knows, I had no desire to walk in on something unpleasant."

"In other words, he was lazy. He could send owls directly from his bed."

"Yeah, well there's that, too," Sirius spoke with a grin.

James rolled his eyes. "Alright, so what am I doing here?"

"Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, mate, in case you've forgotten," Sirius pointed out.

"I haven't."

"So obviously a party will be had in the common room."

"Obviously."

"And we need to plan."

James' eyebrow arched. "What do we need to plan for? Our parties all have the same general blueprint: music, food, booze, girls. Not necessarily in that order."

"I'd hope not. Girls should most definitely come first."

James rolled his eyes. "So what do you need me for, Padfoot?"

"Well, for one, we have to make sure that we get the appropriate music, sneak into Hogsmeade for the food and booze, and invite the girls to said party."

"We should probably invite the boys while at it," Remus snickered.

"Eh, we'll leave that for last. And only if we have time."

It was Remus' turn to roll his eyes. He handed off his Charms book to Peter and sat back on his bed against the wall while Peter tossed the textbook on to his desk and trudged over to his own bed. "Peter and I can sneak into Hogsmeade tomorrow afternoon."

"And I've got the invites covered," Sirius said with a grin.

"I'll help with that," James spoke with a smirk. "Sorry, mate, but we probably will need some testosterone at this party."

"The four of us aren't enough?" he whined.

"No," James chuckled. "We might as well invite the entire student body considering there's not many of us left here."

"Please tell me that excludes the Slytherins."

"That was implied."

"Thank Merlin. This whole goody-two-shoes phase you're going through had me worried."

"I'm not going through a goody-two-shoes phase!"

"You cleaned up the Gryffindor common room and halted the prank war. You are most certainly-"

"And I hit a girl!" he reminded him. "How is that anything like a goody-two-shoes?"

"It's because you hit said girl that you're going through this phase."

James stiffened at the implication. "No, it's because weirdly enough, I actually want to spend time with my girlfriend. I know, must be a foreign concept for you, Padfoot."

He shrugged. "The timing is-"

"Coincidental."

No one in that room believed that, but Sirius chose not to push it. He had a pretty good feeling that James was feeling incredibly guilty about what had happened with Lily – the kisses, the fist fight, the harsh words he spoke – that he was trying to make up for it by being the best possible boyfriend he could be around Kristina. And honestly, Sirius thought that Kristina deserved that. He may not be her biggest fan, but she didn't need to be caught in the middle of James' confusing dilemmas. "We can use the WWN for music," Sirius continued. "And-"

"Or charm everyone to sing Christmas carols," Peter teased.

Sirius grinned. "We'll call that the backup plan."

James couldn't help but chuckle. No matter what weird funk he was in, his friends always managed to make him just happy living in the present moment. He could put the overanalyzing on hold, he could stop wishing he could go back in time, he could forget about the turmoil running through his mind. No matter how much of a total arse he was, they never judged him for it. And he was so appreciative of that.

Especially since he judged himself for it every day.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

Lily opened the door and rolled her eyes. "Y'know, in the past two weeks you've knocked on my door more than it's been knocked on this whole year."

Sirius grinned. "Well, would you have just wanted me to enter without knocking?"

"I'm surprised you didn't," Lily snickered, "Considering two years ago you Marauders tried plotting ways to walk unnoticed into our bedroom in order to see us all naked."

Sirius laughed. "Ahh yes, those were the good ol' days."

Lily rolled her eyes. "So what do you want?"

"What makes you think I want something? What, I can't just come by and ask you how your day was?" Sirius questioned.

Lily gave him a look. "You have that look on your face that tells me you want something."

"I want a lot of things. We could be here all day if I gave you that list."

"_Sirius_."

He grinned. "It's New Years Eve."

She gazed at him blankly. "And you're just figuring this out? I don't know if anyone has told you, but December 31st has forever been New Years Eve, ever since the beginning of time."

"How would you know? Were you alive during the beginning of time?"

"No, however I _have _paid attention in Muggle Studies," Lily snickered. "How's Moira Jennings doing?"

Sirius grinned. "Hot and-"

"Extremely distracting?"

Sirius blinked. "How often have I mentioned that?"

Lily chuckled, shrugging. "Enough times."

"Well, she is," he chuckled. He grinned before slipping past her, ignoring the look she was sending his way, and perching on the edge of her bed with a pensive smile. "So like I was saying before. It's New Years Eve and the Marauders are throwing-"

"A party in the Gryffindor common room," Lily finished for him, shutting the door behind them.

"How'd you know?" he questioned.

"Because you guys use any event as an excuse to party."

"What makes you say that?" Sirius demanded, giving her a look.

"Because it's true," she snickered.

He pouted. "Is not."

"Sirius, last year you had a party for Bellatrix's birthday," Lily pointed out, plopping on to her bed beside him. Her cat jumped on to the bed and she placed Artemis in her lap, stroking her back.

"So?"

"You didn't invite her!" she cried out.

Sirius shrugged. "Is it _my _fault that her invitation got lost through the Owl Post?"

Lily gave him a look.

"Okay, so maybe there was never an invitation," he grinned. "However, it was a birthday. That is reason alone to celebrate!"

"Last year you also threw a party in the common room to celebrate Arbor Day," Lily pointed out with a snicker.

"So?"

Lily gave him an amused look. "Sirius, I will bet you five galleons that you can't tell me what Arbor Day is meant to celebrate."

Sirius hesitated and shrugged. "Something about ships?"

"You owe me five galleons."

Sirius laughed. "I came to invite you to the party, Lily-bean, and this time, I just so happen to know what we'll be celebrating."

She sighed. "I hope you're having a party because a year out of people's lives just passed and they want to celebrate that while bringing in the New Year with festivities, such as dancing, eating, reliving the memories of the past year, and kissing their loved ones," Lily explained.

"Hm. No…" Sirius said slowly. "That's not it."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay, so maybe you celebrate New Year's Eve in order to dance wildly on a few coffee tables, make fireworks go off out on the balcony, kiss all the single girls in the room at midnight, and get extremely wasted."

"Yes, that's it," Sirius grinned. He jumped off the bed and over to her desk. He rummaged around for a piece of spare parchment and found one. He grabbed a quill and said, while writing, "Note to self: buy lots of champagne."

"Note to self: don't show up," Lily teased.

"Nope, that's not going on the list," he joked, holding up the parchment that had 'ALCHOL' in large letters written on it and underlined numerous times.

"You misspelled alcohol."

He glanced down at the paper and shrugged. "I think I'll understand the gist of it."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry that I won't be there to drink the alch-hall, Sirius, but I think it's best I sit this one out.

"Aw, c'mon, you'll be missing out on all the fun! Our New Year's Eve parties are always the best here at Hogwarts," Sirius urged.

"You're never here on New Year's Eve," Lily pointed out.

"Okay, so I made that up," Sirius said with a sheepish grun. "But have you been to one of our parties that hasn't been a complete hit?"

Lily shuddered, making a face. "Do you not remember what happened at your end-of-year party last year?"

"You got completely wasted, danced on the coffee table with Riley and Kay and snogged the Head Boy in broad daylight for anyone to see."

Lily groaned, placing her head in her hands. "Exactly."

"Uh, to me, that screams out hit," Sirius snickered.

Lily lifted her head up and glared at him.

"Okay, fine," Sirius whined, throwing the parchment back down on her desk and plopping himself back on to Lily's bed. He petted Artemis, a sly smile on his face, "I will keep you away from the alcohol, the coffee table, and I will definitely keep you away from the Head Boy."

"You know the easiest way of doing that?" Lily snorted. "Not going."

Sirius shook his head. "You can't hide out in your room forever," he said softly.

"Sure I can," Lily argued. "It's a pretty nice room."

Sirius gave her a look.

Lily sighed and fell back against her bed with a deep groan. "Sirius, the last time you asked me to one of your get-togethers, I started a fight with your best friend, got the remnants of a black eye, and he blurted out something he wasn't even supposed to know. I think I'm done with your get-togethers."

"That just happened to be an absolutely no-good horrible dreadful appalling night," Sirius pointed out.

"That's an understatement."

He ignored her. "But this one will be better."

"Oh really, and how so?"

Sirius hesitated, gazing over his shoulder at her. He shrugged and fell back against the bed beside her. "We'll all be drunk!"

Lily gave him a look. "Do I look like the type to get drunk off champagne?"

"No, but I can easily change that," Sirius teased, winking at her.

Lily gave him a stern look.

"Hm, or not," he added. "Come on, Lily. Just one party. You need to get out!"

"That's what you said the last time," she scowled.

He gave her a sheepish grin. "Alright, so...so maybe I'm attempting to make it up with this party. I know the last one was a disaster but I dont want you to hide in here all day. You don't deserve that."

Lily sighed and ran her fingers through her hair nervously, looking down towards the ground. "Sirius…" she said slowly.

"I know, I know. You'd rather stay here," Sirius interrupted with a shrug. "I just think that after everything you've been through this holiday season, you deserve to have a bit of fun. I realize that the past two weeks haven't been the most uplifting and I just want to give you the fun that you totally deserve. This party will help you get your mind off of…well whatever it is your mind is on."

"My mind is on hurting you," Lily retorted.

"Yeah, we'll definitely need to get your mind off that."

Lily laughed.

"Let's face it, Lily-bean, you're going to end up coming anyway," Sirius pleaded, giving her his best sad puppy-dog face. In the end, he knew she'd say yes because even though she would never admit it, she missed life beyond the four walls of her room. And while he would never say it aloud, he had a feeling that a part of her - probably just a small part but a part nonetheless - missed the banter she and James used to share. She wasn't ready to give it up. He knew that. "So you might as well just tell me now that you will."

Lily sighed and genuinely thought about it. She didn't want to have to deal with James. More accurately, she didn't want to have to deal with herself around James. But at the same time, she was getting restless. Sirius was right. She needed to get out of her room. By hiding away, she was giving him the upper hand. It was as if she was telling him that it was okay for him to treat her the way he had. He deserved to feel remorse and Lily wasn't so sure he did feel that way. He never even apologized. She wanted to show him that no matter what he did or said, she couldn't be bothered by it. She wasn't sure how she was going to face him, but sleeping away the long days and reading the same books over and over again wasn't going to make her forget what happened. She reluctantly made up her mind. "I know I'm going to regret saying this, but fine," she sighed. "I'll go."

Sirius' eyes lit up. "Really?"

She nodded. "But I swear, if Potter says one thing to me, I'll-"

"Punch him in the face?" Sirius suggested. "Oh no wait, you already did that."

"I can back out from this party, y'know," Lily warned, smacking him playfully on the shoulder.

"My lips are sealed," Sirius said, pretending to zip up his lips.

She rolled her eyes. "I bet you five galleons you couldn't last two minutes without talking."

"I could, too!" Sirius argued.

"You owe me five galleons."

Sirius laughed and traipsed out of her bedroom with a dismissive wave. "See you tonight!"

"I'll expect my money then!" Lily cried out, but he was already gone. She fell back against her bed with a groan. How did Sirius know that she'd inevitably say yes?

More importantly, _why _did she inevitably say yes?

* * *

**A/N: **Yay! Another chapter come and gone. The information about Brite and his engagement actually becomes very important in the sequel which is why it's in there now. And I'm starting to build a relationship between James and her sister because that also becomes somewhat important. And I put in a little Lily/James-just an eensy-weensy bit, but it's in there and now that the guys talked about it, Sirius and Remus finally get it. I just figured they'd want some explanation as to what happened that night. And yes I skipped about a week to New Years, but that week was boring, It was a lot of ignoring going on between James and Lily, haha, so I figured you'd much rather just get to New Years, which is so much more exciting than a regular day, haha. Please review!


	46. Of Dancing, Love, & Balconies

**A/N: **Heyy, I'm back and I'm home for Christmas break, YAY! Happy Holidays everyone! So I have much time to edit and update (although I regret to inform that I will not be able to get another chapter up until January because I'll be away, and you'll probably hate me for it...you'll see why after you read this chapter, hehe). So here it is: the New Years Party you've all been waiting for!

**Disclaimer: **I'm too lazy to think of something creative and witty to write. I think we all know I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 46: Of Dancing, Love, & Balconies

* * *

Lily entered the Gryffindor common room that night warily, wondering what had possessed her to agree to come to the Marauder's party. She had never been up to attending a drunken debauchery where the punch would inevitably be spiked, the music would be too loud, and the students would most certainly be snogging in the dark corners of the rooms. Without Riley and Kay to keep her busy, she had no idea what she was supposed to do and who she was supposed to talk to. Sirius may have been the one to invite her, but he would presumably be busy with either the Marauders or a flock full of girls. Or both.

She sighed deeply and because she had no other option, she found herself walking over to a table that was full of drinks. She reached for a glass of champagne, surprising herself. She wasn't one to go straight to the alcohol, but she had a sudden desire to drink champagne and toast the holiday.

"Hey, Lily," a nearby voice spoke cautiously.

Lily turned her head to the side and smiled. "Hey, Remus. Enjoying the party?"

He nodded, glancing at her curiously. "Hm? Oh. Uh, yeah."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Sirius invited me, Remus. Don't look so surprised to see me here."

"Do you remember what happened the last time Sirius invited you somewhere?" Remus said hesitantly.

Lily couldn't help but smile. "Yes, however, my black eye is gone and for now I'd like to keep it that way."

"But you-"

"Don't tempt me, or I'll give you a matching black eye," Lily teased.

Remus laughed. "And according to James, you hit pretty well for a girl," he snickered, pretending to zip his mouth shut.

"Potter said I hit pretty well for a girl?" Lily asked in surprise.

Remus nodded. "Yeah. Then again, he didn't really need to say it. That large black eye you gave him pretty much illustrates that," he pointed out casually. "I can't believe it's been a week and it's still visible."

Lily laughed, grinning contently. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to feel proud of that, but she couldn't help it. "Yeah, I guess I did hit him pretty hard."

Remus nodded. "The whole school is still talking about it, y'know."

Lily sighed. She was hoping that something else outrageous would have happened by now so that the gossip about the fist fight would have died down. She didn't exactly want her friends finding out when they returned from break and she was just praying that Dumbledore hadn't found out yet. "Why are people still talking about it?" she groaned.

"Uh, here's a guess: you punched your coworker," he teased.

Lily glared at him. "Is that supposed to be funny?" she grumbled.

"Uh…well…I…he…oh look, Sirius is here!" Remus cried out sheepishly, welcoming the presence of Sirius. "Change the subject, Sirius, please."

Sirius grinned, giving Lily a quick peck on the cheek. "You came!"

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"Yes, but you never know with you," Sirius pointed out with a shrug. "I bet you were pacing around your room going over the pros and cons of coming to this party before actually choosing to show up."

Lily pouted. "Now why would you assume that?"

"Because you're twenty minutes late," he explained with another nonchalant shrug.

"So? That could just mean I was getting ready!"

"Lily-bean, when was the last time you took longer than ten minutes to get ready?" he questioned, his eyebrow arching knowingly.

Lily pouted. "You know me too well."

Sirius grinned and surveyed the room. "Fairly good turn-out this year," he murmured.

"There's like twenty people here," Remus pointed out.

"Better than in our third year—only twelve people came!"

Remus laughed. "Good point."

"Well what do you expect, guys?" Lily questioned. "Everyone's home for the holidays."

"It just looks so empty without everyone here. Unlike our parties after winning Quidditch matches," Sirius pointed out with a shrug.

"Tell me about it," Lily murmured. "You could barely get from one side of the room to the other without being shoved to the floor."

"I thought you hated our parties?" Remus teased.

"I do," Lily agreed. "But when the person who is peeing all over the wall is on the other side of the room, I'd like to get over there and discipline him."

The boys both laughed. Even Lily cracked a smile. While the Marauders were not exactly her favorite people in the world, they certainly knew how to make her laugh.

Well, Remus and Sirius did at least.

Sirius grinned and nodded towards the champagne in her hand. "Here: finish that drink and then dance with me."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to chug a glass of champagne, Sirius."

"Why? It makes you drunker faster."

"Exactly."

"You're no fun," Sirius pouted.

Lily rolled her eyes and took a tiny sip of champagne.

Sirius groaned. "At this rate, you're never going to get drunk!"

"I don't want to get drunk, Sirius," she pointed out.

"Pish posh. Of course you do."

Lily slowly quirked an eyebrow, chuckling. "Did you just say pish posh?"

"I was hoping you'd overlook that," he mumbled.

"If she were drunk, she may have," Remus said, flashing a rather daunting smile Lily's way.

"I prefer to appreciate the fine flavor of champagne."

Remus gave Lily an amused look. "You do realize that James just bought the cheap stuff, right?"

"Potter bought this?" Lily groaned, holding out the glass away from her. "Great, it's probably poisoned."

"If he wanted to kill you, he wouldn't poison the champagne," Sirius argued, shaking his head. "That would be stupid. He'd assume you wouldn't touch the stuff."

"Which begs the question, 'why are you?'" Remus asked curiously.

"No, the question that is begging is how would he choose to kill me?" Lily demanded, narrowing her eyes inquisitively.

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks, identical grins breaking out. "Y'know, he does have a list somewhere."

"Of ways he would kill me?" Lily cried out in shock.

"Oh, like you don't have one on him," Sirius pointed out.

Lily hesitated. "Go on."

"He started it the first time you sent him to the hospital wing," Remus mused, finishing off his own glass of champagne. He reached past Lily for another glass. "When you fired a stinging hex his way and none of us knew the countercurse."

Lily grinned. "That's what you think."

Sirius laughed, high-fiving Lily. "Ever since then, he'd come up with a creative way to murder you every time you humiliated him."

"Oh, Merlin, his list must have at least five million ways to kill me," Lily whined.

Remus snickered. "I'd argue, but that's probably about right."

"To be fair, it has kept us sorely entertained over the years," Sirius interjected. "After the first few obvious ones—killing curse, push you off a cliff, stick a knife through you—it became more difficult for him to find ways. And thus, more entertaining."

"Ah, yes, death by blimp is my personal favorite," Remus snickered.

"I'm glad my potential death is entertaining to you," Lily drawled wryly.

"Oh, like the boy would actually follow through with any of it," Sirius argued, shaking his head. "He's harmless."

"The bruises on my face say otherwise."

"Hm, good point. Maybe you should try and stay away from blimps," Remus murmured.

Lily chuckled, but she couldn't help but be slightly unnerved at the idea of a Kill Lily list on James' mind. "How exactly does one get killed by a blimp?"

"Not sure. You'd have to ask James about that," Remus contemplated.

"I'd rather not know," she said dryly, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look, noting the distress in her tone. "Okay, it's time for you to chug that champagne, Miss Evans, so that you may accompany me to the dance floor."

"I'm not chugging champagne, Sirius!"

"You're going to give in and chug eventually, so why not spare me the trouble of whining and complaining and just do it now?"

"How is it you always seem to know what's on my mind before I even do?"

"I'm impotent."

Lily and Remus shared a loud laugh together.

"What?"

"I think you mean omniscient," Lily giggled.

Sirius shrugged. "Oh, pish posh," he teased. "Drink up, Evans!"

Looking at the face on Sirius, she sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She threw her head back and in fact, chugged the glass of champagne, handing it to Remus whose jaw was wide open. "Close your mouth. You're catching flies."

Remus turned to Sirius. "What have you done with our Head Girl?"

"I've finally corrupted her after all these years," Sirius grinned.

"Jeez, woman," Remus snickered, shaking his head in disbelief at Lily. "First, you punch someone and now, you're chugging champagne. It's like I don't even know you anymore."

Lily shrugged and grinned. "I'm a different woman now."

"Yeah, you're Riley," Remus snickered.

Laughter followed as Sirius grabbed Lily's hand and headed to the dance floor, which was already fairly crowded.

They were dancing wildly for a few minutes in silence before Lily looked around the room and sighed, noticing Rachael LeBlanc dancing on a coffee table with a very short skirt surrounded by guys who were gawking at her, James and Kristina snogging in the common room entrance, a fourth-year female student stumbling up the guys'dormitory stairs, and the champagne bottles being emptied by the second. She rolled her eyes and said to Sirius, "Sirius, do you have any idea how many rules you are violating right now?"

Sirius examined the damage, noticing also what Lily was noticing, and simply shrugged. "Probably about five."

"Nine, actually," she corrected, giving him a look.

"Nine!" Sirius cried. "Wow, that must be some kind of record!"

Lily glared at him.

"You're going to give me a detention, aren't you."

Lily smiled, shaking her head slowly. Any other say she would have, but she wasn't in the disciplinary mood at that moment. "Nah, it's New Year's Eve. It's supposed to be about the drunken bacchanal."

Sirius smiled pensively. Lily sure had changed over the past few months. He had a feeling that a lot of it had to do with a certain Head Boy she seemed to have a superiority complex with. Or an inferiority complex, if you will. "Wow, I really have corrupted you."

Lily's smile wavered. _Or James did_. She shook that thought quickly, pushing her hair out of her face. "No, I'm just tired of everyone thinking that I'm…" she trailed off with a sigh, the hurt displayed on her face. "That I'm just a busybody, know-it-all bookworm," she muttered softly. She glanced towards James in the corner with a look of contempt on her face. A shiver ran down her spine, a sudden surge of frustration coursing through her veins. "As if studying makes me inferior to everyone else. Like I'm just some sort of a...a nobody."

Sirius followed Lily's gaze and stopped dancing. She continued to dance, not realizing Sirius had halted. He saw the agony in Lily's eyes, albeit she was trying to hide it with a fake smile on her face. Suddenly, something clicked and Sirius gasped lightly. "Is…is that what this is all about?"

Lily turned to face him and finally stopped dancing herself when she noticed him just standing there awkwardly. "What are you talking about?" she asked, confused.

He stood staring at her for a long amount of time, making Lily feel fairly uncomfortable. He blinked curiously before saying, "This thing between you and James."

Lily let out an irritated sigh, narrowing her eyes. "You want to elaborate, please?"

Sirius continued looking at her as if he had just witnessed a breakthrough but eventually just shook his head and smiled weakly. He didn't want to get into another debate with Lily and he knew she didn't want to either. "Nothing. Never mind," he murmured, grabbing her waist as he attempted to sway to the music again.

But Lily just stood there looking at him in complete perplexity, stepping away from his grip. "No," she said to nothing in particular. "What are you talking about?"

Sirius stopped again and sighed, running his fingers through his hair, uncertain he really wanted to get into it on the dance floor. "He called you names, didn't he. Insulted you. Tore you down. Made you feel like nothing. And…and I'm assuming you didn't take it well."

Lily froze, meeting his concerned gaze. She opened her mouth to snap, but found herself saying calmly, "I don't take it lightly when somebody calls me nothing."

Sirius pursed his lips hesitantly, saying, "If I had called you nothing, you would have been angry at me for a few days and then accepted my sincere apology."

Lily turned away from his scrutinizing gaze, frowning. She was getting irritated with all of his comparisons. "Yeah, but the difference is, Sirius," she murmured grimly, "You never would have called me nothing in the first place."

Sirius sighed. "You two are just so hot and cold. I can't even begin to understand your weird sadistic relationship."

Lily rolled her eyes, frustration blazing from within. "Then stop trying so hard to understand it. It's over and done, remember? I don't-"

"Is it, though?" he argued, quirking an eyebrow.

Lily's heart skipped a beat. She narrowed her eyes sternly at him. "What the hell does that mean?" she snapped, not appreciating his accusatory tone.

"You know what it means, Lily," he said pointedly, shrugging curtly.

"No," she insisted. "I don't."

"I just think you two have a lot of unfinished business. You'll never be over. Not until he knows that somewhere down the line, you started having feel-  
"

"Oi! Shut it, will ya?" she interrupted, shooting him a look as she glanced around her nervously to make sure no one was listening to them.

He sighed. "It's like you enjoy this in-between neutralized zone. Neither of you seem to know where you stand, and hell, if you throw in Kristina, there are three of you that might be the most chaotic group of teenagers I've ever had the displeasure of being in the middle of."

"Then stop trying to put yourself in the middle of it!"

"Oh, believe me, I am trying to do that," he snorted. "But you three just don't-"

"Merlin, Sirius, stop trying to make up some love triangle that doesn't exist just to amuse yourself."

"What? I'm not making anything-"

"Stop!" Lily said sternly, glaring at him. "Stop making mountains out of mole hill.!"

He frowned. "What the hell is a mole hill?"

Lily groaned. "Damn Moira," she muttered, referring to the girl that used to distract Sirius throughout Muggle Studies.

Sirius could sense tension in every word Lily spoke and every movement she made. Her body was rigid and her expression was apprehensive. She looked like a lost puppy and more than anything, Sirius wanted to help her find her way back.

The song changed and he started dancing again. Partly because it was beginning to look awkward that they were at a stand-still at the middle of the dance floor, but also because it was easier loosening Lily's thoughts up if she herself was loosened up.

"Are you ignoring your feelings on purpose, Lily-bean?" he murmured mostly to himself, trying to figure it out in his head. Sirius stole a glance at James in the corner, who was occupying his time by snogging Kristina rather passionately. In Sirius' mind, James and Lily were both idiots.

She glared at him. "I'm not ignoring anything!" she hissed back, scarlet rising to her cheeks.

"You kinda are."

"Sirius," she said in all sincerity, a stern look planted on her face. "Whatever I told you in the past is in the past. At midnight, a New Year starts and I just want to go into that year without all of this baggage that has been thrust upon me. Whether I'm the one who has done this to myself or whether I can blame Potter, it really doesn't matter anymore. It's _done_. So please just let it be done."

Sirius fell silent. He could tell that she was getting frustrated, but he wondered if her frustration was targeted more towards herself or James than him. He grabbed her arm and twirled her around to the music once again, ignoring the fact that she was trying to push him away. "Fine, I'll shut up," he muttered. Not because he wanted to. But because he could tell that his words were starting to affect Lily and that's all he really wanted. For her to think about how she felt about James. "After one final question: why haven't you told James the reason you started disliking him again?"

Lily didn't respond. Mostly because she didn't have an answer. "Sirius, can we just…please not discuss Potter? It's New Year's Eve and the last thing I want to be thinking about while heading into the New Year is a guy I'm trying to forget."

Sirius offered her an apologetic lopsided smile. Once again, Lily was holding back and once again, there wasn't much Sirius could to do break down her defensive walls. "Okay," he said with a shrug. He pointed out two third-years in the corner going at it and they laughed, both putting James in the back of their minds.

But Lily still couldn't help but sneak a peek over at James from time to time.

* * *

"Okay, people are now staring at us," James snickered, finally letting for air.

Kristina giggled, backed up against the wall with James right on top of her. "Let them stare," she whispered into his ear, her arms wrapped around his neck comfortably. "In fact, let's give them something to stare at."

James laughed and rubbed her back soothingly, leaning down and giving her a passionate kiss on the lips, not caring that people were looking at them. He pulled away and smiled at her. "You're amazing, y'know that?"

Kristina grinned and bit her lip in an embarrassed way. "Well, I'm only amazing because you make me that way."

James winked at her. "I do my best."

She giggled and grabbed her champagne off the coffee table, finishing it off. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

James hesitated. "Over the summer, wasn't it? At the beach?"

She shook her head. "No, that was the second time we ran into each other."

"It was?" he asked, trying to look back. "When was the first time?"

She laughed already thinking about it. "You were paired with me in Potions class our second year."

James thought back and it suddenly hit him. "Oh my Merlin, you're right! How come I didn't remember that?"

"You were so busy planning a prank with Sirius to even bother brewing the potion we were supposed to be making," she snickered. "In fact, I believe we failed. Spilled it all over ourselves, if I remember correctly."

James laughed, remembering perfectly now. "No, actually I believe you poured it all over me when it turned orange instead of purple like it was supposed to."

Kristina chuckled. "That's right! You put lacewings in it when I turned my head. Man, I remember hating you that whole day."

James tossled her hair up playfully. "Yeah well, I think things have changed since then."

"Not really. You still suck at Potions," she teased.

He faked a gasp. "I'm Head Boy!"

Kristina rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you used your charms to soar through your classes and please the professors."

James grinned. "And bribery."

Kristina laughed and slapped him playfully on the shoulder. "Ahh yes, what a good role model you make as our Head Boy."

James laughed and kissed her feverishly, running his hands through her hair.

They pulled apart minutes later and Kristina giggled. "Come on, let's dance!"

James groaned. "Damn, I was hoping we'd avoid that tonight."

Kristina shook her head and grinned at him, sticking her tongue out. "No way are we going to avoid that. I'm such a good dancer! The best actually!"

James laughed and shook his head, taking her empty champagne glass out of her hand and placing it down on the table. "You are drunk."

"And damn proud of it!" she cried out with a laugh, kissing him lightly on the lips. "C'mon…_please _dance with me?" she pleaded, giving him her sad puppy-dog face.

James sighed. "Damnit, why are you so cute?"

"I blame my parents," she teased.

"Well, that's a start," James laughed, taking his hands off her waist and extending his hand. "I guess I can accompany you to the dance floor."

She squealed and kissed him again, grabbing his extended hand. "You're the greatest boyfriend."

James laughed and led her out to the dance floor, where it was fairly crowded with a lot of drunken teenagers. "And _you_," he whispered, kissing her gently, "Are the greatest girlfriend I could have asked for."

She grinned and attempted dancing, stumbling and staggering quite a few times, which James took amusement in. "You are drunk!" James repeated with a laugh, feeling a bit tipsy himself. He forgot that champagne often went straight to your head.

Kristina giggled. "Well, don't think that I'm too drunk that you can't take advantage of me back in your room tonight," she whispered seductively into her ear.

James winked at her. "Oh believe me, I'd be taking advantage of you even if you weren't drunk."

"That's my boy," she teased, taking his hand and spinning him around for fun.

James grinned and tried remembering the last time he had this much fun. He followed her every move, dancing crazily and ignoring everyone around him. It was easy letting the world fade into the background around Kristina. She had this mesmerizing way of drawing you in. James had spent the past couple of days with Kristina practically glued to his side. For the most part, they took solace in James' quiet bedroom. But there were times late at night where they would go for long strolls around the halls, or they would steal a moment in the broom closet after lunch or wake up early to watch the sunrise together. It was these last few days of spending every waking second with Kristina that made James realize why he had found himself attracted to her in the first place: she was spontaneous, beautiful, fun, adventurous, and she knew how to live in the moment. And lately, living in the moment sounded pretty damn good.

He took her in his arms as a slow song came on and met her passionate gaze. He felt that at that moment, as much as it sounded like a cliché, that he and Kristina were the only two people in the room. Every other person in the room became a mere blur and all that remained was he and Kristina staring zealously at each other and the distant sound of melodic music. A nostalgic smile spread across his face as he thought back to the months they had shared together.

The song continued and neither said a word, hugging each other close as if they were afraid of losing each other if they even attempted to loosen their grip. They stood, embraced, ignoring the music and instead taking comfort in listening to the other's beating hearts. She looked so beautiful and carefree, and he kissed her hair soothingly, remembering all of the things that he liked about her. She was always making him laugh, her beauty was incandescent, and she was sharp-witted and bluntly honest. He always had fun with her and she lived her life to the fullest, making him realize that life was short. When he was with her, everything else faded away. He forgot about everything else going on in his life and just remembered the person he was when he was with Kristina. He pulled his lips from her hair and gazed longingly into her sparkling eyes, suddenly blurting out, "I love you."

Kristina froze, as did James in surprise. She stared up at him in a mixture of shock and speechlessness. "What?" she whispered hoarsely.

James stood there, ignoring the others dancing around him, and suddenly realized the words that had fallen from his mouth. His heart skipped a beat and he found himself smiling. He brought his hand to her cheek and repeated tenderly, "I love you, Kristina."

Kristina remained frozen on the spot and James was certain she was going to run off, but a furtive smile came over her, widening by the milliseconds. "I love you, too, James."

James grinned, placing his hands on her cheeks and lowering his lips to hers, a bright burst of lust exploding when their lips touched.

When they pulled apart, only then did James notice that Lily Evans was standing a few feet away, having heard every word that was just spoken.

* * *

Lily met James' eyes and couldn't look away, as if a stronger force was keeping her eyes interlocked with his. She tried to hide the horrified feeling she had in the pit of her stomach and just stared at him with what only she could hope was an unreadable expression. And yet, inside she was a jumble of emotions: confusion, agony, sorrow, anger, and most of all, jealousy. _jealousy_. A feeling she had never thought she could ever encounter with James Potter. But there was a reason she fought James. A _reason _she took everything James said to her to heart. A reason why she was so hurt by his fragile words. A reason she was upset after he admitted the second kiss was a mistake. A reason why her frustrations with James had always been so motivated. It was the reason that she had been so desperate to ignore. Staring into James' eyes made the realization even more apparent.

She wanted to be with him.

She had already come to the realization that she had fancied him. But she never thought she would have wanted to do anything about it. But listening to him say he loved Kristina - a self-righteous priss whose idea of love probably consisted mainly of sex - it hit her. It really hit her. She wanted to be Kristina. She wanted to be dancing with James and laughing with him. She wanted to be the one kissing him. She wanted to get butterflies every time he smiled at her or touched her hand.

A shiver ran down her spine. When could this possibly have happened? She had been so busy trying to hate him she had neglected to realize that it wasn't hate she was feeling at all. It was jealousy, envy, and desire. And it all started with that kiss on Platform 9 ¾. On that particular day, she had been convinced that James Potter thought very little of her. That he had always thought very little of her. But the words and the kiss he shared with her that day painted a completely different picture. A picture she was surprised to find out she liked. A picture she felt special to be a part of.

But it was a picture that apparently James felt ashamed of.

And why shouldn't he? She really was a nobody. He was popular with everyone. The students, the faculty, even the goddamend portraits adored him. It was bound to happen eventually that she would, too. A part of her hated herself for falling for his charm. And a part of her hated him for being so charming at times. But what she hated most was that in the end, she didn't hate him at all. She merely wanted to hate him. Even after his outburst on Christmas night, an outburst that should have been unforgiveable, she found herself unable to scrounge any hate for him. Disappointment, yes. So much disappointment. Because she knew he could be better than the person he has been to her.

And yet she knew even more that she could have been a better person to him than the person she'd been. Maybe, _just maybe_, if she hadn't been so spiteful and stubborn around him, things would have turned out differently for them. Hell, there was no maybe about it. If she hadn't been so scared to face her feelings then things would have been different. She could have - should have - confronted James Potter the moment he talked badly behind her back. And she could have - should have - confronted her feelings behind why she felt so utterly lost and hopeless after hearing the poor words he spoke about her. And she could have - alright, fine _should have -_ been willing to admit that being friends with James Potter was rather refreshing, as odd and unlikely as the pair had been. Instead, she ran from it all. She had never wanted to get close to James Potter. Never wanted to truly admit that instead of hate for the guy, it was a sense of admiration and adoration. Admiration because how could she not admire his perseverence and persistence when it came to wanting to be in her life. And adoration because when they had been friends, he had truly cared about her. He had shown that James Potter knew how to be a good friend. And she clearly hadn't. So she also felt shame. And this time, it wasn't him she was ashamed of. It was herself.

Lily forced a smile on her face, mostly because she could feel a surge of overwhelming guilt and jealousy coursing through her veins. Any minute now, the tears would form and she refused to let James Potter bother her this much.

And yet he did.

Because she knew underneath his jackass side, there was a sensitive, caring, genuine guy who she thoroughly appreciated. When he was just being himself and not trying to be the best at everything, he could be so considerate. When she had been going through a rough time with Riley and Kay's argument, he had talked her through it. When he knew she needed a break from everything, he pulled her away to the kitchens. When they had responsbilitiesto the school as Head Boy and Head Girl, he blew off his friends to finish what needed to get done. Lily noticed the softer, more mellow side of James Potter that really drew her in. So maybe that's why she always got so worked up. Because she knew he was a good guy. Or at least she wanted to convince herself he was. To justify her crush on him.

She groaned inwardly. A crush. She had a crush on James Potter. She had become the epitome of every single girl in the school.

And yet, James Potter kissed her twice. So maybe that meant something?

She shook her head. No, it didn't mean anything. It _couldn't_ mean anything. He had a girlfriend. Who he apparently loved. To him, it was just all about the chase with Lily. After everything he had but her through, how could she possibly have any feelings for this guy?

She thought back to the second time he had kissed her. How he had told her that he would always remember her. That she was a somebody to him. How could he possibly say such compassionate things to her when just a few weeks earlier, he was insulting her behind her back? And a few weeks after that, he was insulting her and her family? What could she possibly believe?

A frown formed on her face. Maybe it was time she just asked him.

* * *

James felt himself drawn to Lily's eyes. He sensed fear and hesitance in her gaze and wondered if that was directed at him. He swallowed hard, thinking about everything they had been through. Their lives up to this point had been one big soap opera. It's like neither one of them could really make up their minds as to what they wanted and what they expected from each other. James hated that Lily seemed to thrive on pushing him away. She let him into her life and her world for a brief period of time and he basked in it. He had realized how little he really knew about her and enjoyed getting to know her better. And he knew that she enjoyed getting to know him better, not that she would ever admit it. But something was holding her back. Hell, something was holding him back. They were both so unattainable to the other. A mere fantasy in each others' mind. Closed off, guarded, and stubborn. Both of them were at fault. They had had the same arguments for virtually seven years - he was an arrogant toerag and she was a Know-it-All princess. And then something happened. Neither could pinpoint when it happened, but something began to change. James stopped being such an arrogant toerag and Lily therefore didn't have to be a Know-it-All princess around him. They learned to coexist. They nodded their acknowledgement to each other in the hallways, spoke civilly in class, their yelling matches came to a halt, and they went along their business as if they hadn't once been mortal enemies. It worked for them. And if that's the way things would have stayed, they probably would have been fine as Head Girl and Head Boy and when graduation came, they would have said their good-byes to probably never see each other again. But James pushed it. He wanted more. He couldn't just coexist with her. He didn't want to say goodbye and never see her again. He wanted to get to know her more than just as acquaintances. But on the balcony at the end of their sixth year, it was obvious to him she didn't want the same thing. And so he did the only thing he so desperately felt he had to - he let her go.

But first, he kissed her.

And in that kiss, everything changed. Their dynamic, their understanding of each other, their coexistance. None of it was easy anymore. In fact, things were far more complicated than they had ever been. And it was probably because while James had finally asked out another girl and that girl had accepted and he was on his way to living the life that he clearly felt compelled to live, that girl would never be Lily Evans. Was that a good thing? A bad thing? He couldn't be sure. He just knew that whatever fantasy he had about himself and Lily was over. It _had _to be over. So he became an arse to her. Because that was his only solution. If he was nice to her, he would never be able to truly get over that fantasy he had once had. So he skived off Head Boy duties, he went back to punching Slytherins, he made snide comments in her direction, he let his arrogance get the better of him, and he insulted her in every way possible. If Lily Evans hated him, then he could hate her back.

Except he could never really hate Lily Evans. Not even a little bit. Not even for a second. So when he saw how much he had been hurting her, he tried to do the one thing he knew he shouldn't: he tried being her friend. And for a while, it worked. Shocked him a little bit, it did, but it looked like it was going to work. He could be her friend without the curiosity of what that fantasy could have been. Until the day she started hating him again. It was that day he truly realized how much her friendship meant to him. And not like the friendship he shared with the Marauders. No, the friendship he had with her was one filled with longing and desperation. He felt he hadn't deserved her friendship but he was so desperate to please her in every way. She deserved that much. After all of the shite he had pulled on her over the years, she deserved to know what it felt like to have him as her friend. Her strong-willed, determined, desperate wannabe friend. He blew off his friends and he blew off Kristina to prove to Lily he could be a good guy. At least, that's what he had told himself. But in reality - a reality he had known for a while but was too afraid to admit - he wanted to be around her. Not just as an aquaintance or a friend or someone he weas coexisting with. But because he wanted her. He ignored those thoughts. It was better just being her friend. Baby steps, right?

Unfortunately, they took a giant leap backward when she started hating him again. It killed him. It ate him up inside. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, and he was a mess inside. Because he didn't even have the ability to defend himself since he knew nothing of how it had came about. Once again, he was desperate. But this was a different kind of desperation. He had had her for a few weeks and he had lost her again. And in that, he had lost the fantasy. A fantasy he had known would never come true but that had provided him with a bit of hope that perhaps they wouldn't say goodbye at graduation and never see each other again. He wanted her in his life. But she wanted him out. So what did he do? He went back to that arse of a guy, skiving off Head Boy duties, snapping at Slytherins, making snide comments in her direction, letting his arrogance get the better of him, and maybe worst of all, insulting her in every way possible.

"_At least I have a family_!"

The words still rung in his ear a week later. He had never truly believed the insults she sent his way and the names he called her until that moment. And in that moment - that unbelievably selfish and hurtful moment - everything had changed between them. It was no longer about a fantasy or about hating each other or about getting along or about wondering what he had done to her. It was just about her. He had destroyed her in that moment and he couldn't take it back. It was out there. James Potter was a royal, incorrigible arse. He was more than an arse, actually. He was scum. He was a sadist. He was Severus Snape or Rodolphus Lestrange or Bellatrix Black or Mickey Mulciber. He had torn apart someone's dignity because he had the power to do so. He didn't have to use that power and yet he did. It doesn't matter that he instantly regretted it. He had still had the audacity to say it. To _think _it.

Except he wasn't Severus Snape or Rodolphus Lestrange or Bellatrix Black or Mickey Mulciber. He was James Potter. And he was scum.

Back to the present time. It was New Year's Eve and James had just told Kristina he loved her. And seconds after he had said that, he had caught Lily's eye. He was surrounded by people everywhere and yet she was the one he singled out. He tried looking away, she tried looking away, but in that moment, neither of them could. It was like a bigger force was keeping them drawn to each other, a force filled with so much desperation and vulnerability. He blinked, she blinked, but their eyes didn't stray from each other. Guilt weighed heavily in James' heart and angst lay in Lily's. Neither knew what to do or say as the rest of the room faded into the background. It was just the two of them in the room, six years of back-and-forth nonsense - the bickering, the insults, the hexing, the dates James asked Lily on, the numerous rejections Lily provided James, the kisses, the brief friendship, the disappointment, the hatred, and inevitably the feelings they have had for each other. All of it had brought them to this tense moment of clarity.

As he looked at her, he had so much he wanted to say to her. _Needed _to say to her. But as much as they both felt it was only them in that moment, there were multitudes of students milling around them. So all he could do was open his mouth to mouth to her the words he long should have said to her: 'I'm sorry, Lily.'

It shocked him, it shocked Lily. But what shocked them more was when in return, Lily smiled sincerely and nodded.

And before either could say or do anything more or have time to reflect on what had just happened, Sirius whirled Lily around and her eye contact with James was broken.

"I think we only play slow songs so that couples on the dance floor get yet _another _chance to snog," Sirius snickered, watching almost everyone around him liplocked.

Lily forced out a laugh. She tried to ignore the funny feeling in the pit of her stomach and focus on Sirius. Ignoring her feelings was something she had grown accustomed to. "You're one to talk, Sirius," she snickered. "I believe you are the one who is most often engaged in such a snogging frenzy."

Sirius shrugged and chuckled, trying not to think about how much he wish Riley were there with him. "Not tonight."

Lily stepped out of his arms in shock. "It's New Year's Eve. That's an excuse to snog as many women as you want and you're not taking it?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nah, I've already snogged most of them anyway," he said with a hint of a smile.

Lily laughed. "Well, that's certainly true," she teased as Sirius grabbed her arm and twirled her around.

The song ended and Lily was grateful when Sirius suggested taking a break. They left the dance floor, walking towards Remus who was talking to Jillian Greene. She had been standing there earlier with Rachael LeBlanc, her roommate, but Rachael had decided to entertain herself with a provocative dance with a Ravenclaw. Remus seized that opportunity to talk to someone who wasn't snogging Kristina and who wasn't dancing with Lily.

"Hey Remus," Lily greeted. "Jillian."

They both smiled. "What's going on over here?" Sirius asked suggestively.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Just chatting. Reminiscing on the year. Stuffing ourselves with candy. Drinking champagne. Nothing that is breaking any school rules."

"Except for the drinking part," Lily reminded him.

He hesitated, slowly taking a sip from the champagne flute in his hand. "Alright, so _one _school rule."

"Did you know that there are actually nine school rules being broken right now?" Sirius interjected giddily.

Remus' eyebrow arched. "Why am I not surprised that you sound thrilled by that concept."

"Uh, because it is my life goal to break every single rule that Hogwarts has put in place by the time I graduate."

"Such a worthy goal," Jillian chimed in with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm a worthy person."

Three identicals bursts of laughter filled the air.

Sirius scowled. "That was not the intended reaction."

As Sirius attempted to get Remus to tell him he was worthy, Lily saw out of the corner of her eye that James and Kristina were dodging the crowd to make their way over to them. "I need another drink," Lily murmured, excusing herself quickly before she was forced to be in James' presence. Instead of heading to the drink table, she found herself slipping out on to the balcony, embracing the cold fresh air.

James' stomach dropped as he watched Lily actively avoid him. He sighed, pushing the thought from his mind, and greeted his friends. "Hey there," he said. "Everybody drunk yet?"

"No, just Kristina," Sirius snickered as he watched Kristina attempt to still dance.

James laughed, kissing the side of his girlfriend's face. "Yeah, I think someone had a little too much champagne."

"Yeah, and I think someone served her too much champagne," Remus snorted.

"Hm…you may be on to something," James murmured, the edges of his mouth turned upward.

"Why aren't we dancing anymore?" Kristina practically shouted in James' ear.

James cringed. "Ow," he laughed. "Because you said you wanted another glass of champagne."

"Oh…well, where is it then?"

Sirius grabbed an almost-empty bottle off the table behind him and handed it to her. "Here."

James groaned. "I think she already had plenty."

"If she's still with you, she hasn't had enough," Sirius rebutted.

James glared at him.

"Oh, Sirius, you're just jealous that Jamesie here has the hottest girl in the school," she drawled smugly.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "No, that's definitely not it."

She pouted, but quickly forgot the insult when Sirius reminded her of the champagne bottle in her hands.

Remus couldn't help but rolled his eyes and extended his hand towards Jillian. "Come on, Jillian, let's get away from these idiots and go dance," Remus chuckled, extending his hands to hers.

"HEY!" James and Sirius cried out.

"Notice how only you two took offense to that," Jillian drawled, smiling in amusement.

"Hm, what's your point?" Sirius questioned innocently.

"That you're an idiot," Remus chimed in with a casual shrug.

"Nonsense. Everyone loves me," Sirius replied with a grin. "I'm going to go find some more champagne. Some that Kristina isn't guzzling down."

Kristina lifted her head from the bottle. "Huh?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and tipped back the champagne bottle so she was drinking it again. "Just go back to getting drunk."

"Well, I am good at that," she giggled.

Sirius and Remus exchanged an amused look as they both went their separate ways, Jillian following right behind Remus.

James and Kristina were back standing alone in the corner. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, his eyes on the door to the balcony the entire time.

Kristina smile and turned to him. She held up the empty bottle of champagne and slurred, "I'm going to go find another drink. This one's all gone."

His heart skipped a beat of relief and nodded. "Sure, go ahead."

She gave him a quick kiss and skipped off into the crowd.

James quickly used that time to slip out the balcony door.

* * *

Lily welcomed the chill in the air from the winter breeze intermingling with a light snowfall. Fresh air was exactly what she needed after her sudden realization inside. How could she have possibly fallen for James Potter's charm? Or _when _did she fall for it was a better question to be asked. Was it the first time their lips made contact with each other? Was it when she returned to school to find out he was Head Boy? Was it Halloween when they had their first civil conversation in years? Was it during that fleeting friendship? Was it the time he told her that she mattered to him and she was a somebody to him? Was it their second kiss?

She sighed, shutting her eyes tightly as the tears gathered. She knew nothing could come from it. Just because things had changed between them this year didn't mean that he wasn't one hell of a prat to her for six years. She couldn't change that. She had always been so convinced that he was a rude, arrogant, spoiled child. That image couldn't just disappear from her memory.

Could it?

She jumped slightly when she heard the balcony door open and let her eyes flutter open. She didn't need to turn around to know who was standing there. And James Potter was the last person she wanted to see.

Mostly because seeing him made her forget that rude, arrogant, spoiled child part of him.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked quietly, the winter breeze drowning out some of her words.

He opened his mouth to say something worth her while. "It's freezing out here." Okay, that wasn't it.

She gave him a look as her teeth started to chatter. She hadn't noticed the cold until James pointed it out. "It's December."

James nodded. If he was in the right frame of mind, he would have put a warming charm on them. But his thoughts were elsewhere. "And it's snowing."

She frowned. "Is this really the discussion you want to be having with me? The _weather_?"

"No," he whispered sullenly. But he didn't continue. He crossed his arms, a shiver running down his spine. He wasn't sure if it was due to the cold or what he was about to say. James stared at her with a look of earnestness, feeling for the first time in a long time helpless and desperate. "I need to apologize to you, Evans. For everything."

Lily's teeth stopped chattering as she turned to stare at him in a bit of surprise. She thought the mouthing earlier was it. She knew James hated showing weakness and yet here he was standing in front of her about to admit he was wrong. She was intrigued.

True regret sparkled in his eyes. He slowly walked over to her and leaned his arms on the balcony beside her with a heavy sigh. The quiet silence surrounded them, both ignoring the loud beating of their hearts to focus on the dawdling snowflakes. Eventually he turned to gaze at her and didn't speak until she felt compelled to lock eyes with him. "I _am _sorry, Lily," he said softly, the feeling of her first name on his tongue so comfortable and easy. "For everything I've ever done to you. You may not believe me and...and let's face it, you have no reason to, but I do mean it from the bottom of my heart. You don't deserve the...the way I've treated you. And I don't mean just what has happened in the past week, though that certainly was not my best moment. But it's time you heard me apologize for the jackass that I have been for six and a half years. You deserve to hear me apologize about all of the pranks I played on you, the many names I've called you, the way I've been treating you since day one, the way I've been acting around you, the insults and the hexing, the infamous fist fight, and especially…especially what I said to you that night. I-I can't imagine what you've been going through over the years and I don't think you will ever realize how sorry I am for…for making you feel so worthless and betrayed. I hate myself for what I said. I do. I don't know anything about you or what you've been through and I shouldn't have been so careless."

She was finding herself growing increasingly uncomfortable with the heartfelt apology. She didn't want to believe him, but she did. He looked so lost and broken standing in front of her and she knew what that felt like. She could see the sincerity in his eyes. It made her hate him. But only because it made her like him even more.

"Evans, I never meant to hurt you," he continued, his voice strained with guilt. "That had never been my intention. You may not believe me, and hell, why should you, but I hope you know that I have always cared a lot of about you. You were the only person in this entire school who had the guts to stand up to me and while it threw me for a loop, I have always appreciated it. It's you that makes me want to be a better person. I know I can be better than the guy I've been to you and I only wish that you could see that," he whispered, looking out over the balcony at the snowflakes.

She didn't speak. She didn't know what to say and it was clear that both of them were digesting his words. She couldn't help but focus on the part where he said he had cared a lot about her. Did he really mean that? She wanted to believe him. So badly. But based on their past history, how could that even be possible?

Eventually, he turned back towards Lily, vulnerability twinkling in his hazel eyes. "But what I'm most sorry about is that this apology is long overdue," he spoke, clearing his throat. "You deserve better."

Lily nodded slowly, taking in his every word. She wanted to forgive him. She wanted to just let it all go. But there was a part of her, the part that controlled her heart, that was wondering if in another week, he would just find another way to betray her. "That was..." she trailed off, searching for the right words. "Unexpected."

He opened his mouth to crack a joke, but found that the words wouldn't come out. She had always hated his ability to joke during a sincere moment, and he wasn't about to overshadow his genuine apology with comedy. So he chose not to say anything.

"Potter?" she spoke, the single word hesitant.

He gazed over at her with an inquisitve look. "Yeah?"

"Are...are you apologizing to me because you pity me?" she asked in a small voice.

His head whipped up fast, staring at her in shock. "_What_?"

She bit down on her bottom lip vulnerably, staring up at him with a helpless expression. "You find out about...about my past, and suddenly you're apologizing. The timing is suspicious. And I don't want you apologizing because you feel bad for me. I don't want you treating me any differently," she spoke, her voice hoarse and reluctant. "It's the reason I never told anyone what happened. Because I just wanted to be normal for once."

"And it's normal for me to yell at you and hex you and prank you for no apparent reason?" he muttered guiltily.

She frowned. "I don't know," she whispered. "It...it felt oddly normal to me."

His heart nearly stopped. "Well, I'm sorry that I made you feel that that was normal, because it shouldn't be," he spoke softly, leaning down over the balcony with a helpless sigh. He stared out over the grounds, watching the snowflakes dab the ground with brief flicks of white before turning back towards her. "You deserve better, Evans."

Her doe eyes met his shameful hazel eyes. She leaned down beside him, never letting her gaze wavaer. "Thank you for saying that," she spoke candidly.

A small smile tugged at his lips which she took notice of. She hated that even a small smile seemed to light up his entire face. And she hated herself for noticing it. "Evans,I don't like to admit when I'm wrong. But I was. Always have been. And I'm not saying this because I feel bad for you. I'm saying this because I feel horrible for the things I've done and said. There isn't really any excuse for it so I'm not going to try and make one. Just know that I'm sorry."

She suppressed the urge to smile. "I know you are," she said softly, nodding slowly. "I'm sorry, too."

He quirked an eyebrow. "For what?"

"Well, for starters, punching you."

James forced out a smile and glanced over at her. "Yeah, well, I deserved that."

And suddenly, she was laughing and he couldn't help but join in. At that moment, the moment where their laughter was united and they locked eyes, she wondered why she wasn't angrier than she was. She had begged him to leave her alone and yet again, he was doing what _he_ wanted and not listening to a thing she said. And yet, she was grateful for it.

Not that she would ever admit it.

"I am sorry for more than that, though," Lily continued with a shrug. "You may have started the war, but I perpetuated it. I should have taken the highroad all of these years, and I didn't. I yelled back, I hexed you, I insulted you, I called you names, I rejected your date requests rudely, and I was the one who punched you first. I did everything you did to me but pretended as if it was okay because I was convinced you had started it. And-"

"Well, I did."

She gazed at him contemplatively. "But I never ended it," she spoke softly.

Neither responded to that, both of them overturning her words in their heads. "Why didn't you?" James asked curiously, his heart skipping a beat.

She had to turn away, in fear of emoting all the things she wanted to say but needed to hide. Because in truth, she had never wanted to end it. She could have. She _should_ have. She should have ignored him, turned him away, not responded, taken the highroad. And she hadn't.

James wasn't surprised that she didn't answer and he didn't push it.

"Can I ask you something?" Lily asked curiously.

He nodded.

"Why did you apologize?"

His brow furrowed. "Er..."

"I mean, why now?" she asked curiously. "You say it's not because of what you found out about me and-"

"It's not, Evans. Please don't think that it is. This apology is just way overdue."

That just made her frown more. "Alright, so you say that this apology is long overdue, but you never even tried apologizing to me for the past six years before. So why now? Why tonight? Why bother?"

James wasn't sure how to answer that. Because in all honesty, he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was just his last attempt at smoothing things over with her. "I don't know. I just..." he trailed off. He sighed. He didn't really know why. In the moment where he met her gaze after he had told Kristina he loved her, a strong part of him just felt compelled to put the past in the past. She deserved that much. "I don't know, Evans. Maybe I've grown up or maybe I finally realized that you were right all of these years for calling me a jackass. I-I really don't know why.

She sighed, shtuting her eyes tightly as she felt the snowflakes flutter on to her eyelids. She blinked them away. "I thought we were finally just…_over_, Potter," Lily murmured, frustration and sorrow spewing from her words. "And now…"

"I know," he said guiltily.

"Why can't you just let us be over?" she whispered, her words full of angst. She so desperately wanted him to walk away from her so that she could forget about the way her heart was aching for him. It would have been so much easier if he had just let things go like she had wanted. She could have moved on. She could have moved past all this. It was like he was determined to not let that happen.

While her question intrigued him, it was the vulnerable desperation in his voice that he was more confused by. "It's New Year's Eve," he said softly, glancing down at his watch. Only forty minutes remained until midnight. "I just wanted things to be…be..." he trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Resolved?" Lily read his mind, exhaling pointedly.

"I guess. And...and with the New Year..." once again, he stopped short.

"And with a New Year, you were hoping that we, too, could start anew," Lily continued, lifting her gaze to the overcast sky, the half-moon peeking through the clouds.

He was suddenly finding it very difficult to breathe. It was as if their thoughts had been somehow united. As if she were truly reading his mind. "I guess," he repeated, hanging his head shamefully. He snuck a peek at her and was surprised to see shame resting in her own eyes. He just wasn't sure if it was shame in herself or shame for him.

He quickly turned away from her and stared out into the gorgeous snowy landscape in front of him. He closed his eyes and felt the tiny flakes dissolve on his face. "I know that's stupid. One silly holiday isn't going to change anything between us."

"It might."

His heart skipped a beat, and he peeled his eyes away from the snowflakes long enough to meet her gaze. "What?"

She swallowed hard, finding it nearly impossible to tear her eyes away from his. And yet, she didn't want to. There was comfort in his eyes. Tranquility. And most of all, there was hope.

And suddenly Lily knew that she couldn't go on living her life in hiding. She wanted to forgive him and she wanted to move on from all that they had been through. She wanted to be able to let it all go and keep the past in the past. And maybe the only way to really do that _was _to start anew. Maybe it was the holiday or maybe she was finally just willing to be mature about their situation, but whatever it was, she didn't care anymore about the things that had shaped their broken relationship. She didn't care that they had both made pretty rotten mistakes. Said and done things that they would never be able to be proud of. That they may inevitably regret. She didn't care about the past anymore. She just cared that the both of them were man (and woman) enough to admit that they had been wrong. And in that moment, that was all that really mattered to her.

Taking a deep breath in, she turned towards him, her eyes filling with determination. She tucked her hair behind her ear and exhaled sharply, a contemplative smile on her face. "I forgive you, Potter."

His eyes widened in bewilderment and he had to blink a few times to fully realize that this was a reality. "Er..._what_? Why?"

Lily chuckled. "What, didn't want me to forgive you?" she teased. "I can take it back if you want."

"No, no, obviously I wanted you to forgive me. It's all I've ever wanted. I just never thought in a million years you would," he said, still startled. "I don't deserve it."

She shrugged. "I know."

James scrunched his nose. "Well, that's probably the first thing we've agreed upon in a long time."

Lily couldn't help but crack a smile. Why did he make it so easy for her to laugh? "Hey, it was bound to happen eventually."

He chuckled lightly, if not somewhat strained. "May I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you forgiving me?"

Lily frowned. Mostly because she wasn't so sure she had an answer. "Because maybe you were right."

James quirked an eyebrow. "That's not a sentence I hear every day."

A smile crept onto Lily's lips. "You and your bloody jokes."

James cringed. "Sorry. I know-"

"Don't be," she found herself saying with a slight shrug. "It's what makes you you."

"Er, yeah, the you that you hate, remember?"

Her heart skipped a beat as she slowly shook her head. "I don't hate you," she spoke, her words cautious. "I should hate you. And I want to hate you, but...but I don't."

He didn't know why but somehow that made him breathe a sigh of relief. A smile spread across his lips and his heart began to race in satisfaction. "But you did for a brief time," he spoke softly. "I don't know what I did, but I was definitely on the receiving end of hatred from you over the past month or so."

She felt her heart constrict inside her chest walls at the reminder of the words he spoke to Kristina. She had been so hurt and felt so betrayed by them, but staring up at James now, it was just yet another thing she didn't want to care about anymore. It was in the past. A New Year would be beginning. "Before, I said that maybe you were right," she started slowly. "I was referring to the fact that it's New Year's Eve. A new year is headed our way shortly. Maybe…"

"We should enter that new year with a completely clean slate?"

Lily's heart skipped a beat. Oh, great. Now _he _was reading _her _mind. "I guess."

"Is that what you want?"

She hesitated. "I guess."

"Gee, could you try and sound a bit more enthusiastic." He winced quickly after, hoping she wouldn't be perturbed by the joke.

No one was as surprised as Lily when she laughed. "Can you blame me, Potter? I've given you enough chances and you've blown every single one of them."

He frowned, quickly turning away from her amused gaze. He could tell by her voice it was meant to lighten the mood, but it just made James realize yet again how much he had really hurt her over the years. "Well, I hope this time it's different."

_Yeah. Me too_. She shrugged, forcing a smile on her face. "Just don't go running your mouth to Kristina about me and maybe we'll be able to make it work this time," she said with a teasing chuckle, playfully nudging his shoulder.

He hesitated, his brow knitting in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Lily froze, a panic-stricken look spreading across her face. She realized too late what she had just said. "Nothing. Forget it," she hastily said, shaking her head.

James frowned, looking out over the snow-covered grounds. He brooded silently before glancing over at Lily. Even in the dark of the night, he could have sworn she was blushing. He instinctively reached over and put his hand over hers. He took it as a good sign that she didn't flinch. "Evans, what did I say to Kristina about you?"

"I said it was nothing. Just forget it," she pleaded, refusing to look into his eyes.

"Does this have anything to do with why you decided to hate me again?"

She stiffened, staring down at the balcony railing. Staring down at his hand covering hers. She bit down on the inside of her lip hesitantly as her heart started to race. There was a strong part of that did want to talk to him. Mostly because he was looking so utterly helpless. His eyes were piercing through her with a brooding, careful gaze and he didn't dare tear them away. It should have been uncomfortable. She had always hated when James looked at her that way, as if he knew something she didn't. But instead, it made her feel guilty and ashamed of the way she had been acting towards him. If he could find the courage to apologize for everything he had done to her, maybe it was her turn to find the courage inside of her to tell him what she needed to tell him. She let out a deep sigh, finding solace in the snow that was sticking to the grounds. "I-I overheard you talking to Kristina about how you have and always will think of me as…as that know-it-all, busybody bookworm you met in first year. You...you called me a nobody and said that I had no redeeming qualities," she murmured, her voice barely audible with the wind enveloping every word she spoke. "And then you lied straight to her face about hanging out with me on the side. As if you were ashamed of me or something. So, what was I supposed to do, Potter? Our friendship was obviously a sham to you, so I felt it was just better to end it."

She fixated on the outline of the Whomping Willow, feeling James' eyes poring through her. He stared at her in a mixture of shock and confusion. "Without bothering to tell me?" he murmured.

"I didn't think you deserved that courtesy," she said coolly, tearing her hand away from his. "You had just called me nothing."

"And you really thought I meant all that bullshit?" James asked hoarsely, running his fingers through his hair haggardly.

Lily hesitated. "Bullshit?"

He sighed. "Of course it was bullshit, Evans. I hadn't meant a single word of it. Which I realize doesn't help my case at all because I still said it, but I just said what I knew Kristina wanted to hear."

She merely frowned.

When she didn't respond, James hastily continued. "Damn, shouldn't you know by now when I'm bullshitting? You've always been so keen on calling me out on it," he muttered, a smile on his face. The guilt surged inside of him, seeing how saddened Lily looked.

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter if it was bullshit or not, Potter. You didn't respect me enough or our friendship enough to tell Kristina the truth. You didn't bother standing up for me. Why would I want a friend like that? Our friendship clearly wasn't that important to you so I didn't bother letting it be important to me."

James nodded hesitantly. "You're right," he mused, shrugging curtly. "I was defending Kristina in that moment and I took you down with it. I shouldn't have done that. Doesn't matter if you were listening or not, I never should have insulted your dignity the way I did. So I'm sorry."

She met his gaze and recognized the sincerity in his words.

"And I hope you know that I was never once ashamed of you. What would I have to be ashamed of? You're pretty damned awesome, Evans," he spoke, grinning.

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, that sounded heartfelt," she joked.

He smiled. "I've already told you once that you matter to me. That you're a somebody to me. Do I need to tell you again?"

Lily blushed, wondering why his comment wanted to make her smile. "No," she muttered. "But what did you expect me to believe, Potter? For years, you've been insulting me and attacking me and tearing me down. I didn't think that this time was any different."

James turned away quickly, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world. He never should have insulted Lily just to save his own ass and to please his girlfriend. Maybe Lily was right to say what she had been saying for seven years. Maybe James was selfish.

"Well, it was," he said softly, standing upright and facing her determinedly. He fought the instinct to tuck one of Lily's wild curls behind her ear. Instead, he reached out to grab her arm tenderly to make her look up at him. "I never meant it before and I hadn't meant it then. Honestly, I think you're one of the most strong-willed, independent, confident people that I have ever met. You don't back down from a challenge, always fighting for what you believe in. You're a natural born leader and people look up to you. You're intelligent, you're determined, and you are incredibly smart. You're a hard worker and you fight until the end, always committing yourself one-hundred percent. You haven't let your tragic past ruin any opportunities that come your way. In fact, that has only made you stronger," he said, his voice firm and determined. He frowned sympathetically. "You've had a hard life, Evans, and yet, you're not shattered by it. You've risen to every occasion and you're one of the finest Head Girls this school has seen. I admire you, Evans."

Lily turned towards the ground in embarrassment, her cheeks turning bright red. She wasn't expecting any of that. "I didn't need you to say any of that," she murmured.

"Maybe not, but you deserved to hear it. After all of the crap that I've said to you in the past, it was about time I said what I actually thought."

Her heart fluttered anxiously. He almost sounded sincere. "Well, don't expect the same in return."

There was a sense of hilarity in her voice, enough to make James chuckle. "Aw, don't have anything nice to say about your dear coworker?"

"I'm pretty sure 'dear' is not the right word," she said. She shared a smile with him. Something about that smile felt comfortable, reassuring almost. As if perhaps maybe it was really possible for the two of them to let go of their past and just start anew in the new year. It may seem hopeful. Perhaps even desperate. But it was what they both needed.

More importantly, it was what they both wanted.

"How about adorable?" he said with a teasing grin.

She shot him a look, amusement gleaming in her eyes."Don't think I won't throw you off this balcony."

"And risk ruining your future by going to Azkaban?" James pointed out. "Nah, you'd never do it."

Lily hesitated. "You're right," she replied with a slow shrug. "However, I am willing to pay an ignorant first year to do it for me."

James chuckled. "Only the Head Girl would think of a plan like that."

Lily grinned and leaned against the balcony, looking out once again as the snow began to fall more swiftly towards the ground. It looked so serene. It was easier trying to make peace with James when the grounds seemed to be at peace themselves. She glanced over at James out of the corner of her eye. "I am really sorry I punched you, James. Turns out, it might have been for all the wrong reasons."

James gave her a warm smile. He found himself reaching up and brushing the snow out of her hair. "No, I deserved it," he protested. "It's like you said that night. I…I didn't want to listen to you. I just kept fighting back no matter how much you tried to make me understand. That's all you have ever tried to do and I…well, I seem to find it much more enthralling to challenge you than to actually listen to what you have to say."

She blushed at the feel of his fingers in her hair. "Why?" she questioned. "Why have you always been so determined to challenge me?"

He didn't immediately respond. He didn't know how to respond without admitting that he used to love the way her nostrils flared and the way she used to twirl a strand of hair around her finger so as not to totally lose her temper and the way her frown formed such a tight line that her chin became more distinguished and the way her eyelashes fluttered impatiently and the way she would tap her foot against the floor forcefully. "I don't know," he eventually said, shrugging. "At first, I just liked riling you up, as horrible as that sounds. And then…"

"And then what?"

He shrugged again, turning away from her scrutinizing gaze. "Somewhere down the line, I came to the realization that I really respected you. And when I started realizing how much everyone else in this school seemed to respect you and how much you respected them, I guess…"

"You wanted me to respect you, too?" Lily murmured, guilt forming in the pit of her stomach.

He made a face. "That makes me sound so lame."

Lily cracked a smile. "No, I get it," she argued hastily. "You want to hear something ironic?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

"All I've ever wanted from you is the exact same thing."

His heart skipped a beat as he met her gaze. "Well, you got it, Evans," he said sincerely, his voice soft and compassionate. "I may not have always shown it, but there isn't a single person in this school that I respect more than you."

"Dumbledore?"

He laughed. "Okay, fine. Maybe you're second on my list," he teased.

She could feel the tip of her ears heating up in embarrassment as a laugh escaped her mouth.

She jumped slightly as his fingers grazed her arm. "And I respect you now more than ever," he said softly, his voice barely audible over the breeze mingling with the snow. "When Sirius told me about…about you and your family, I-I couldn't believe it. You-"

"Potter, it's fine," Lily interrupted awkwardly. "Don't worry-"

"No, let me just say this," he pleaded. He took a step closer to her, his eyes never straying from hers and she nodded. "You…you show such strength and courage and determination every day that one would never be able to guess your tragic past." Lily felt tears welling up deep from within and she tried desperately to blink them away. "You are the bravest person I know. I don't know how you do it. When my…my brother disappeared, it tore me up inside. And…and the only way I ever really got through it was with the help of my family. Sadly, you don't have that same opportunity. And I wish more than anything that none of it ever happened to you. You don't deserve such heartbreak and tragedy. Not you."

Lily could only nod, the lump in her throat consuming all of her energy.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you," he added softly. "And I'm sorry that…that I ever threw it back in your face. I will never forgive myself for doing that."

Her heart raced achingly as she shut her eyes tightly, letting the snowflakes dissolve on her cheeks and the breeze ruffle up her hair messily. "If I can forgive you, you can forgive yourself," she eventually said.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"No, probably not," she said with all sincerity. She glanced up at him, a hint of a smile on her face. "But you've got it."

"Well, thank you," he murmured, slowly taking his hand off her arm, trying not to let his fingers linger.

"You have my respect, too, Potter."

He froze. "What?"

She shrugged. "You heard me."

"After what I said and all the shit I've pulled on you, you honestly respect me?" he said in disbelief.

She hesitated. She shouldn't respect him. After everything he has said and done, the last thing she should be doing is respecting him. But she did. She always had. Maybe it was the compassionate way he acted around his friends or maybe it was his skilled intellect or maybe it was the graceful way he looked while flying through the air or maybe it was his humble attitude he had after winning a Quidditch match or maybe it was his leadership skills or maybe it was the way he actually took his Head Boy responsibilities seriously or maybe it was just that damn charming smile of his, but Lily couldn't help it. She actually respected the jerk. She smiled at that thought. "What, don't want my respect? Fine, I take it back if you'd-"

"No, I'll take it," he said quickly, a smile spreading across his face.

"Look, Potter, we've both made a lot of mistakes over the years and-"

A laugh interrupted her words. "I'd need more than my ten fingers and ten toes to count the mistakes I've made towards you, Evans. What kind of mistakes have _you _made?"

Lily's heart skipped a beat but she laughed it off. "I was just trying to be polite. Truth is, it is you that has made most of the mistakes," she teased, winking at him.

He smirked. "Well, I'm glad we can agree on one thing."

"Just one thing, though."

His smile widened as he realized that he enjoyed their humorous jesting. He enjoyed the laughing and the smiling he could share with her. For so long, screaming and hexing were all they were good for in each other's presence and James wondered if for once, they could just go on as friends. That's all he really wanted from her.

"Like I was saying," Lily interrupted his thoughts, "_you've _made a lot of mistakes." They both chuckled. "But it's like you mentioned earlier. In a half hour, a New Year will start. I just…just want us to start anew, too."

"Really?"

She nodded, shrugging casually. "Yeah. We're seventeen years old, Potter. We don't need to act like children anymore."

"What? Speak for yourself!" he laughed, unable to hide his joy.

She elbowed him playfully, rolling her eyes. "You're right. What was I thinking? You'll never stop acting like a child."

He shrugged, grinning. "It's part of my charm."

"What charm?" she joked.

He simulated a pout. "Uncalled for," he whined.

She couldn't help but laugh. "I jest, Potter," she spoke. "I think everyone in this school - hell, everyone in this world - knows that unfortunately you do have some sort of charm about you. But don't go repeating that I said that. I'll just deny it."

He chuckled. "Everyone falls for my charm eventually."

She made a face. "Damnit, now I'm just like everyone else," she groaned.

He shook his head slowly. "No," he mused hesitantly. "You're definitely not like everyone else, Evans. You're one of a kind."

Her eyebrows crinkled curiously. "I have no idea if I should take that as a compliment or an insult."

"Probably both."

She laughed. And then he laughed. And it felt good, the two of them laughing together. It felt natural. It felt right. It felt like they had been doing it for years.

She couldn't believe how much one closure-filled conversation with James was making her feel so much happier. Not only about the situation, but in general as well. When she looked over at him into his understanding eyes, a tender smile on his face, her heart fluttered and she felt her stomach twist into a knot. She couldn't help but wonder if this so-called potential friendship was finally going to last. Because oddly enough, she wanted it to. She was desperate for them to get along again. He had been right in the past. She had enjoyed that brief bout of friendship and now that they have cleared the air about everything, she was looking forward to seeing what would happen in the future. Was James going to do or say something once again to hurt her since apparently that was what he did best? Was she forgiving him too quickly? Was she being too hopeful at the future for them? Was she being naïve at the thought that maybe they could change? More importantly, why oh why was she _always_ falling for his damn charm?

She shivered, overcome by that thought, trying to look away from James' captivating eyes, but feeling physically incapable of doing so.

"Oh, are you cold?" James asked with an apologetic look. "We should go inside then."

"No," she exclaimed immediately, not wanting to ruin the moment. "I-I'm fine. I don't want to go in just yet. It's…it's just so beautiful out here," she said, trying to save herself as she looked up at the snow, the snowflakes growing bigger and falling faster.

James nodded, his heart starting to flutter inside his chest as the WWN switched to a fast-paced Weird Sisters song. "Well, do you want to dance?"

Lily turned her head sharply in surprise. "What?" she questioned..

"What?" he asked innocently. "Can't two friends dance together? If you say no, you'll be missing out. I'm one hell of a dancer."

Lily cracked a smile. "Had a lot of practice, hm?"

There was a suggestive quality in her tone that caused James to quirk an eyebrow. "Perhaps. I blame my parents and all of our Auror New Year's Eve balls."

Lily smirked. "Oh, is that how you sweep the ladies off their feet?" she teased. "Show off your dance moves, sneak them into a dark corner somewhere, and then snog them senseless?"

James hesitated curiously. "No," he said thoughtfully. "Usually I just slap them first."

Lily jerked her head up to gape at him and found a teasing grin on his face. She couldn't help but chuckle and wasn't surprised when he joined in. "Hey, that's better than punching someone."

A look of regret washed over James' expression. "Evans," he said slowly. "Just so you know, I don't normally go around fighting girls."

Lily nodded slowly. "I know," she agreed. "And I don't normally go around fighting anyone_."_

"I know," James replied. "And I don't normally go around spilling dark secrets."

"I know," Lily chuckled. "And I don't normally go around insulting peoples' lifestyles."

"I know," James stated with a nod. "And I don't normally-"

"I know," Lily interrupted sincerely.

James smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. Lily could tell he was still feeling guilty and ashamed. "I do, however, dance with pretty girls."

The tip of Lily's ears turned pink. "Out here? On the balcony?"

He shrugged. "Yeah."

"Just you and me? Alone?"

"You don't see anyone else around, do you?"

"It's snowing."

"It's been snowing for the past hour."

"And it's cold."

He snickered. "It's also been cold for the past hour."

She shrugged. "It just sounds…romantic," she murmured. "If you ask me, that's the kind of dance a guy should be dancing with his girlfriend."

Lily couldn't help but note the look of horror that crossed his face. She had a feeling that, like her, they both had momentarily forgotten about Kristina Reinhart. "Yeah, well Kristina isn't out here. You are," James retaliated with a forced smile.

Lily stared up at him skeptically, unable to form any sort of coherent sentence. Because truth was, she wanted to dance with him. She just didn't want to want to dance with him.

James shrugged and dug his hands into his pockets. "I don't know. It seems that after everything we've been through, the least I could do was offer you a dance. As a way to start anew. Just like you said."

She still gazed up at him hesitantly.

He sighed awkwardly. "It just seems like a dancing kind of moment with the snow, the night sky in the background, and the distant music from inside," he said passively, gesturing towards the door where a slow love song started playing. He saw her hesitant look and quickly said, "Then again, it could just be really cliché and really lame." He was mentally hitting himself. _One step at a time, Potter_! _Start with friendship before diving into dancing buddies!_

"Cliché maybe," she replied with an honest smile, staring deeply into his eyes, hoping he couldn't hear her heart beating as loudly as she thought it was beating. "But it certainly wouldn't be lame."

"Really?"

She shrugged. "To starting anew?" she suggested.

James smiled tenderly and outstretched his hand. She took it.

They enjoyed the present moment for once, forgetting about the past and not looking to the future. Laughter filled the air as James attempted to twirl her around. She hummed to the music while he placed a hesitant hand on her waist, a smile on his face. They had certainly come a long way.

The song ended and a slow Celestina Warbeck same came on. Both hesitated, their hearts starting to race at the prospect of a slow song. Lily was about to smile and thank him for the dance when he reached out and pulled her close to him, his arms wrapping around her waist. They danced in peace for a few minutes, ignoring the huge gusts of wind that were blowing against them, sending goosebumps down both their arms. They moved their feet tenderly to the peaceful rhythm of the music without saying a word to each. Not _needing _to say a word to each other.

James spun her around at a key change before pulling her into him once again, his stomach doing a complete flop when she smiled up at him. Lily rested her head against his chest, feeling his heart beat.

Finally, Lily broke the silence, daring to ask the question she needed an answer to. "Do you really think we can stay friends?" she asked, glancing back up at him.

James listened to the soft rhythm of the music inside, not sure which answer would get him in the least amount of trouble. He eventually nodded, gazing down into her hopeful eyes. "I hope we can," he said softly.

She suddenly found it very difficult to breathe. "Me too," she whispered. She was surprised to realize how much she meant it.

Their eyes locked with a sort of intense desperation. His heart started racing, suddenly thinking about how beautiful she looked when vulnerable, and Lily was trying so desperately to pretend that she didn't have any sort of romantic feelings towards James. No matter how sexy he looked with that casual smile of his or his smoldering eyes or his compassionate words, she couldn't like James Potter. She tried to focus on all of the horrible things he had pulled on her in the past seven years. Unfortunately, she was finding it that much more difficult when he was looking at her with what she could only pinpoint as longing in his faraway gaze.

James had thought that this dance would be fun and goofy. And it had been, to start. He wanted that dance to be something to make them remember their new pact of friendship sometime in the future when one of them would piss the other off (since they were so good at doing that apparently). But now, the atmosphere had drastically changed. There was such heated intensity between them, a passionate force of unruly insecurity, that the moment became almost peaceful and comforting. As if he knew that even though the future for them was going to be unpredictable and a whirlwind of uncertainty, he could somehow draw reassurance from that. He just sincerely hoped that with unpredictability and uncertainty came a fresh start. Merlin knows they both needed it.

It may have been the music, or the dance, or the snow that was fluttering on the ends of her eyelashes, or maybe it was the way her hair gleamed in the moonlight and her eyes shined with a sort of desperate intensity. Whatever it was, just as the song faded to its finish, James thought that the girl in his arms had never looked more beautiful. She could feel his gaze on him and she looked up, their eyes meeting desperately as a smile tugged at James' lips. Neither seemed able to tear their gaze away. Both their hearts started to race and butterflies swarmed in their stomachs as everything that had ever occurred between them was suddenly forgotten. They lived in that moment and only that moment.

Neither remembered when they stopped dancing, but it became very apparent to both of them that they were merely standing stoically, their arms still wrapped around each other. The seconds ticked on. The song on the WWN changed. The snowflakes continued to dance lightly on the balcony banister. The stars gleamed down over them. Laughter reverberated off the common room walls inside. But neither of them noticed.

The smile slowly faded from his lips and he was certain that she could feel his heart beating a mile a minute. Lily suddenly felt lightheaded and she knew it wasn't due to the champagne. She was very aware of the gravity in his expression, his hazel eyes seeping desperation. She was certain her expression matched his, though she found herself unable to remedy that with the intensity in his gaze grabbing ahold of her undivided attention. Her bottom lip trembled anxiously and instinctively, his hand reached out to brush her silky hair out of her eyes. The tender touch sent a spark through her entire body and she knew then what was about to happen. She should have stepped out of his grasp. She should have broken eye contact with him. She should have remembered that James Potter wasn't hers.

But she didn't.

Instead, she let him kiss her.

* * *

**A/N: **DON'T HATE ME! Oh who am I kidding, you most definitely hate me right now. CLIFFHANGER! Well I hope this gave those of you who have been waiting for an LJ moment a little peace of mind. Granted, who knows how it's going to turn out in the next chapter? Too bad you'll have to wait 11 days...I really do suck, don't I? Please review! Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Happy New Years!


	47. Of Confessions, Threesomes, & Fights

**A/N: **Happy New Year everyone! Here's another chapter for your enjoyment! Sorry it's been so long. I've been extremely busy with so much stuff and this is the only time I've had to update. Btw, I've had a few people comment on where Riley and Kay are. They'll be back in the next chapter arriving home from break. I just thought that this stuff is a lot more exciting then what's going on at home between the others. Please read and review!

**Disclaimer:** I'm not J.K. Rowling. Duh.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 47: Of Confessions, Threesomes, & Fights

* * *

"Where the hell has James gone off to?" Kristina whined to Sirius, who was avoiding Rachael by hovering in the boys' dormitory stairwell. "It will be midnight in less than twenty minutes and I refuse to not kiss my boyfriend when the clock chimes twelve!"

"For the hundredth time, I have no idea where James is," Sirius sighed. "Probably getting more champagne because God knows I—I mean, _we_—need more."

Kristina pouted. "This was supposed to be one of the most romantic nights of my life and I'm not sharing it with my boyfriend!"

Sirius gave her a look. "One of the most romantic nights?" he snorted. "Why?"

"Because James told me he loved me, duh," Kristina explained, rolling her eyes.

Sirius' mouth flew open in shock, all thoughts of champagne obliterated. "He did what?" Sirius cried.

Kristina nodded. "It was bound to happen eventually."

Sirius rolled his eyes and didn't reply, still wondering what possessed James to tell Kristina he loved her. He never thought that James would ever say those three words to anyone, much less a girl Sirius was certain he didn't love.

"Hey, have you guys seen James?" Remus asked, dragging Jillian over with him. "He was supposed to be in charge of keeping the supply of champagne up but Marlene and Alice just took the last bottle and people are starting to get angry."

"What? The last bottle has been snatched?" Sirius cried out in awe. "That was supposed to be mine!"

Remus gave him a look. "I think you had enough."

"Have I puked all over the bathroom floor yet?"

"No…"

"Then I haven't had enough!" he whined.

"Aren't you supposed to stop drinking before you puke?" Jillian questioned.

Sirius hesitated. "But then how do you know you're drunk?" he asked, flashing her a smile.

"I think your dance on the coffee table a few minutes ago clued us in," she retorted with a laugh. "And I managed to hide a bottle behind the chair there in case this happened," Jillian admitted, letting go of Remus' hand and crawling behind the loveseat next to Sirius. She came back up with a full bottle in her hand and a grin on her face and handed it to Sirius. "But leave some for the midnight toast."

"Hell no!" both Sirius and Kristina cried out, fighting over the bottle.

Jillian sighed. "I knew I should have waited to pull that out."

Remus laughed and turned back to the fighting duo. "So Sirius, where is James?"

"How should I know? I don't keep tabs on him." he asked, struggling to get a good grip on the bottle. "Let go, Kristina!"

"Well, maybe you should and we wouldn't be completely out of champagne," Remus whined.

"Well, if you want to find him so badly, then go look for him," Sirius pointed out, trying to make intimidating growling sounds to back Kristina off.

"You let go!" Kristina whinnied.

"I already did search for him."

"When? You've been dancing with Jillian all night," he argued. "Gimme the bottle, Kristina!"

"No way! You don't want to see me get ugly!" she argued.

"Well, I'm a good dancer," Jillian teased, ignoring their battle. "Who wouldn't want to dance with me all night?"

"Me," Kristina admitted with a shrug.

"Yeah, and I'm okay with that," Jillian said with a smirk. "C'mon, Remus, let's go dance some more. James will return soon. He wouldn't miss kissing his girlfriend at midnight."

Sirius let go of the bottle suddenly, causing Kristina to fall backwards on to the floor. "Have you guys seen Lily-bean?" he asked cautiously. The word 'girlfriend' had triggered something inside of him.

"Hm, not for a while," Remus admitted. "Maybe she left?"

"No, she would have told me," Sirius murmured.

Kristina climbed up from the ground, brushed herself off and glared at Sirius. "You could have warned me, Sirius!"

"Sorry," he muttered, not sorry at all.

"And who cares where Lily has gone off to?" Kristina protested, frustrated. "She is in no way the life of the party. That title belongs to me."

"Fine, but—hey wait, I thought _I _was the life of the party!" Sirius pouted.

"Oh, go stare in a mirror," Kristina murmured, twisting the champagne top off and letting it all fizz out.

"That _is _my favorite pastime…" he trailed off, stroking his chin contemplating the idea. "What were we talking about?"

"About how Jillian and I are going to go dance some more," Remus replied, rolling his eyes while leading Jillian towards the dance floor.

"Five galleons say they kiss at midnight," Sirius murmured. "Which would make me the only Marauder not kissing someone. Wow, can anyone say role reversal?"

"What are you mumbling under your breath?" Kristina asked discouragingly.

Sirius turned to Kristina, startled. He had forgotten that she was standing right beside him. He sighed, looking back towards Remus and Jillian and suddenly Riley crept into his mind. "Nothing," he muttered, walking away from Kristina to search for Lily and James, a swarm of questions forming in his mind.

* * *

James and Lily were the only two people in the world at that moment, their lips crashing together in a heated passion. Lily found herself lacing her fingers in his hair as the kiss intensified, tongue encircling tongue, breath combining with breath, heart uniting with heart. The music faded into the distant background, the snow was forgotten, and all that mattered was each other.

When Lily's head finally caught up to her heart, she pulled away abruptly and stepped back. "No, wait, James," she argued, his first name foreign on her lips.

"What? What's wrong?" James asked, wanting nothing more than to go back kissing her. For so long, he had dreamed of having his lips pressed up against hers and he was in shock that it had actually happened. Three times. He was even more in shock that she had kissed him back.

Lily sighed and brought her fingers to her mouth, feeling the tingle on her lips. "What…what are we doing?" she whispered, staring at the ground, refusing to look at him. If she looked at him, she might feel inclined to kiss him again.

"Well, first we were kissing and now we're talking," James joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Lily swallowed hard and felt herself shaking her head. "No jokes," she whispered. "Please."

"Sorry," he mumbled sincerely, cringing. "I just…I don't really have an answer to that."

Lily bit down on her bottom lip hesitantly as she turned away from him and looked out over the grounds. "Potter, you just told Kristina you loved her an hour ago. And…and now you're kissing me."

James froze, completely forgetting about Kristina.

Lily sighed sadly, knowing that James overlooked his girlfriend. "Why do you keep doing this to me?" she asked vulnerably.

"What?" James asked in confusion.

An overwhelming sense of sadness rushed over her and she tried hard to focus on the ripples of the lake so as not to focus on her own confusing emotions. "In the past, I...I always knew where we stood. We'd yell, we'd scream, we'd hex, and we'd storm off pissed off at each other. It was always easy figuring out what we were. We were enemies. Mortal enemies."

"And now?"

She hesitated, shrugging. "I-I don't know what we are now, Potter," she whispered. "And that's the problem."

Instinctively, he reached out and ran his fingers through her windblown hair. She jerked away, glaring at him. "Stop messing with me, Potter," she pleaded, turning away from him. "Maybe...maybe it was best when we were enemies."

His heart skipped a beat.

"At least then we knew where we stood," she added in a hoarse whisper.

"I don't want to go back to that," he spoke desperately. "I _want _to move forward."

"Is that all you want?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

He blinked, clearly thrown by her words. "Evans," he spoke slowly and comtemplatively. "For years, I taunted you and I teased you and I made fun of you. But it's because I didn't know how to tell you that...that I liked you. I _really _liked you."

Lily's heart skipped a beat as she met his gaze. "Or did you just want to like me?"

He frowned, shaking his head. "No, it was never just about the chase with you. You intrigued me beyond belief. I wanted to get to know you better. I...I dreamed of kissing you for years."

"Well, congratulations," she muttered, slightly irritably as she turned back towards the grounds and out of his piercing stare. "You got your wish."

"I didn't want it like this," he whispered, his voice filled with desperation.

"_You _did this, Potter!" she snapped, her voice trembling. "You're the one who has jerked me around for months._ Years_, really."

He hung his head shamefully. She was right. One minute, he was yelling at her, the next minute he was slapping her, and then suddenly he was kissing her. He was already messing with his mind. Why did he have to mess with hers as well? "I'm...I'm sorry."

"I don't care that you're sorry," she murmured. "I just care that we end this."

He blinked. "End what exactly?"

Her looked softened. "You have a girlfriend, Potter," she said softly. "Stop cheating on her."

He froze, his guilty gaze falling upon her.

"Stop turning me into your dirty little mistress. Stop making me some...some trophy girl. Stop playing with me, Potter. I don't need it and frankly, I don't want it."

James swallowed hard, his heart skipping a beat. "I don't think of you as some trophy girl, Evans."

Lily shrugged, crossing her arms awkwardly. "But that's how it feels to me."

He turned away guiltily. "I-I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel that way," he muttered. He instinctively reached over to pat her hand comfortingly.

She jerked away quickly. "Don't apologize," Lily muttered, leaning her arms down on the balcony as the tears stung in her eyes. She blamed it on the wind. "It's just as much my fault as it is yours."

She could feel his inquisitive eyes bearing through her.

Lily swallowed the lump in her throat, swallowing the pain and the frustration and the confusion away. She just spoke her mind. "Because I keep letting you do this to me," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the howling winds. "Last year on the platform, you told me that...that you wanted to be with me and then completely out of the blue you kissed me and then ran off, leaving me awestruck. For the entire summer, I tried figuring you out. Turns out, it was all for nothing because I returned to Hogwarts and you had a girlfriend. So I got over it." She sighed, finding solace in the snowflakes that were daintily landing on her numb hands. "Until you kissed me three weeks ago. And once again, I was left completely awestruck. And once again, I was left alone in the hallway trying to figure you out. And _once again_, it was all for nothing because you told me it was a spur-of-the-moment mistake." She finally let her eyes meet his shocked gaze, a grimace on her face. "Well, what do you call tonight, Potter? Because spur-of-the-moment mistakes don't normally happen _three times_."

James felt his heart beating out of his chest. She was looking at him with a sense of hopeful determination and he wanted to have an answer for her. But in that moment, all he could think about was Kristina.

He sighed deeply, the guilt weighing heavily on his mind. He could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. He was suddenly trapped in a love triangle and had no way of knowing how to get out of it swiftly and easily without anyone getting hurt. Looking at Lily, she looked so fragile and confused and he wanted to scoop her up in his arms and tell her that she was the one for him. But he couldn't do so knowing that Kristina was inside waiting for him. He had cheated on her twice and knew that he couldn't in his right mind continue toying with Lily unless he was single.

Lily was growing increasingly uncomfortable. She could feel his eyes piercing through her, and yet he remained so stoic and silent. She finally found the courage to lift her eyes towards his and was taken aback by the look of desperation in his eyes.

He leaned in closer to her, his eyes never leaving hers. "Lily, why'd you kiss me back?" he whispered, his voice soft and vulnerable.

She blinked, her heart racing. "Excuse me?"

"You're right. This is the third time we've been in this...this predicament. And every single time you have kissed me back. I just can't figure out why."

She suddenly felt trapped, not able to come up with an excuse that wasn't the truth. And hell would freeze over before she told James Potter she had somehow fallen for his annoyingly charming ways. "In the moment, it's hard saying no."

He smirked coyly. "I don't believe that for a second. You've said no to me a million times over. We've now kissed three times. And each of these times, I expected you to slap me. And yet you didn't. _Why_?"

"This isn't about me, Potter!" she scowled, trying to ignore the creeping blush that was starting in her neck and heading straight for her cheeks.

"It's always been about you, Evans," he responded, cringing when he realized what he had just said.

She slowly turned to look at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He frowned.

He was staring at her with an intensity that made her nervous. "Lily, _why'd _you kiss me back?" he repeated firmly, his eyes piercing right through her.

Her heart skipped a beat at his use of her first name. Somehow, it sounded so right to her. So easy and reassuring. But she couldn't have easy and reassuring with him. Things were far too complicated.

She pulled her hand back from his quickly, trying desperately to turn away from his gaze with no success. "Does it matter?"

He hesitated before shrugging. "For so long after I kissed you on the platform last year, I could think of nothing else. And not only because it was amazing and everything I had ever dreamed of," he said hastily. He was now blushing as well. "But because you kissed me back. After years of hating each other, I...I just couldn't figure it out."

"And yet you got yourself a girlfriend," she snorted.

"Because I had already convinced myself I had to move on from a fantasy I thought would never happen!"

"Well maybe it could!"

And suddenly, everything stopped. Lily's eyes shut in embarrassment, James froze in shock. Lily wanted to take the words back, James wanted to hear them again. Lily tried to think of anything to say that could save her, James tried to think of anything to say that would confirm her words.

"What...what did you say?" he finally spoke, his heart speeding up in anticipation.

"Nothing," she croaked. "I didn't mean it."

He slowly shook his head. "You always mean it," he spoke shamelessly. "And that's the difference between you and me. Everything you've ever said to me or yelled at me and everything you've ever insulted me with and every name you've called me, has always been true. I was arrogant, I was a popular jerk, I have had everything handed to me on a platter, I've barely worked a day in my life, people for some reason worship me, I have used my charm to get out of trouble, I was a bully, I did get pleasure out of toying with those I felt inferior to me. The list goes on. But all of the mean stuff I've ever spoken to you? None of it was ever remotely true. You're more than the person I ever turned you into. You always will be more."

Her face was beginning to grow hot, wondering how it was she could be hanging on his every word. She should have wanted to stop him. She should have wanted to push him away. She should have told him to stop messing with her head.

Instead, she listened.

"And it was that person that I...I had been so intrigued with for so many years. And for so many years, I had this stupid fantasy that one day you would be able to see past all of my flaws and bad qualities that you were always so quick to judge me on and actually want to be with me," he continued, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. He met her gaze, his heart beginning to race as he asked the question he had wanted the answer to for so long. "Am I an idiot for ever thinking that, Lily?"

He really needed to stop using her first name. It was throwing her off. Her bottom lip trembled in confusion, wondering what the safe answer would be.

She came up blank.

"You're still messing with my head, Potter," she whispered.

He rested his hand on her shoulder, his body growing closer to hers. She didn't shy away. "Lily," he said softly. "Talk to me."

That damned first name again. She felt herself stiffen at his warm touch. "I can't," she whispered.

He sighed slowly, wondering if the girl in front of him would ever be able to truly open up. Not just to him but to anyone. He brushed her untamed hair behind her shoulder, exposing the nape of her neck. He leaned over, pleading into her ear hoarsely, "And why not?"

She could feel her body begin to tremble, her heart fluttering confusedly. She shut her eyes tightly, torn between wanting him to just leave her alone and wanting him to kiss her again. When she finally glanced up at him, she saw desire. She saw desperation. She saw vulnerability. She didn't see the guy that James Potter used to be. She saw the guy that she knew he could be.

As he gazed down at the vulnerable girl in front of him, he was suddenly wondering if he actually had a chance with Lily Evans. She was staring up at him so desperately and shyly and he knew the look was in his own eyes as well. Years worth of confusion brought them to this moment and both were too afraid to turn away.

"Why'd you kiss me back?" he repeated knowingly, his eyes filled with wonder and anguish.

His hopeful, desperate expression looked so familiar and a sharp intake of breath followed when she realized that maybe he was feeling at that moment what she was feeling. Confusion, desperation, longing, desire, and inevitably, fear. But it was a good kind of fear. The kind of fear that made her want to answer the question. "Because," she uttered slowly and cautiously. Her heart was beating about a million miles a minute. This was it. Now or ever. "Did you ever think that maybe I just...I just..."

His hands were now crawling up her shoulder towards the back of her neck. She forced herself to look up at him, a longing smile playing on his lips. He had never looked so charming than in that moment and she hated herself for thinking that. "Just what?" he asked.

She didn't respond. She was feeling too lightheaded and dizzy, mainly due to the confusion in her own head. Everything was so hazy and she didn't know what to believe anymore.

"Lily," he whispered.

She looked up at him which may not have been her wisest decision. Because suddenly he was kissing her again. Short and sweet, but filled with so much fiery desire. Desperation seeped from the both of them, needing to feel the passion igniting between them. And it did. It was as if everything that had ever happened between them had been thrown into that unexpected, seductive kiss. He made her feel like she was the only person on the planet in that moment. Her heart ached for him but her head was screaming to get away.

She listened to her head.

"_Potter_," she whispered, quickly stepping back from him. She faced the grounds again, ignoring the fast beat of her heart as it tried to understand what had just happened. "What are you doing?"

He hung his head shamefully, wondering why he felt so drawn to the girl in front of him. He had a girlfriend inside and yet he wanted so badly to continue kissing the Head Girl in front of him. "I...I don't know what I'm doing."

"Yeah, well I don't either," she whispered. She glanced up at them and their eyes locked in desperation as she slowly ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

He was struck by a thought that he wanted to be the ones running his fingers through her hair. He slowly leaned in closer to her, his eyes never leaving hers. "What exactly is it that you want from me?" James dared to ask, his voice soft and vulnerable.

"I don't want anything _from _you," she blurted out, her voice hoarse and vulnerably. "I just want-" She stopped short, gasping as she realized what she was about to say. She immediately fixed her stare out over the grounds, thinking of all the things she wanted to say but couldn't.

"Want what?" he asked instantly, hanging on her every word.

She didn't respond, her heart beating far too fast and loud for her to say anything.

"Lily," he whispered. "Want _what_?"

She swallowed hard, struck by the desperate glint in his eyes. He just wanted to truth from her. And suddenly, that's all she wanted, to. It was time she stopped hiding from her feelings. It was time she stopped ignoring what was right in front of her. It was time to just let her guard down for once and stop holding back. If he wanted to hear it, maybe it was time for her to say it. She stared up at him, grasping for his undivided attention, which he gave to her. A long pause erupted between them, neither speaking.

Until - "Did you ever think that maybe I just...just want you?"

Even though somewhere over the last few minutes had caused him to strangely expect those words, hearing them still shocked James. He had remembered laying eyes on her for the first time six and a half years earlier and knowing that they belonged together. He just never expected that one day, Lily would agree. James gazed down at her, a sly smile on his face. "Somehow, that thought never crossed my mind," he said lightly, a slight bit of sarcasm dripping from his words.

She scowled, frustration coursing through her veins. "This is why I said forget it," she snapped. "Because _somehow_, I knew you'd throw a joke back in my face."

She tried storming past him, just to get away from the defeat and humiliation of the situation, but he quickly grabbed her arm. "No, wait," he said guiltily, mentally hitting himself. "I'm sorry. I'm just a…a tad stunned. That's all."

"Oh really? You hide it well," Lily snorted.

He cracked a smile. "Now who's making jokes?"

This was going all wrong in Lily's mind. Why did she have to open her big mouth? "_Forget it, _Potter," she barked through gritted teeth, trying to pull her arm back from his.

"I can't," he said softly, firming his grasp around her struggling arm.

She saw a look of panic on his face and turned away in agony. She knew that she may have just made a huge mistake by admitting what she had. She was no longer in control; instead she had just put herself in the ultimate vulnerable position.

"And I don't want to," he added.

Lily's heart skipped a beat, uncertain what he meant by that. "What?"

He blinked, uncertain what had possessed him to say that. "Evans, I...I..." He had absolutely no idea what to say. For so long he had dreamed of the moment when Lily would admit that she had fallen for him. He had visualized this moment a hundred times. He thought about the things they might say to each other, the kisses they may share. For six years, he had wanted her. For six years, he had gone after her. For six years, he waited for this moment.

But in all of those six years of daydreaming and wishing and wanting, never did he think he would have a girlfriend standing in his way.

"Potter, please," she whispered. "Just...just forget I said anything."

"Evans-"

"I don't know what possessed me to say anything," she murmured, her eyes shining with fear. "You have a girlfriend and I'm just...I'm just someone who you've fought with for years on end. Someone who you inevitably butt heads with. We're...we're just coworkers, Potters. Nothing more."

Her words saddened him. He wanted her to go back to admitting she liked him, not push him away. And he could have sworn he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes before she turned her back on him, shutting her eyes tightly. She breathed in the fresh snow and felt the snowflakes land gently on her numb hands.

"You're not _just_ my coworker," he argued softly.

Her eyes fluttered open and she was welcomed by the beautifully landscaped mountains and the trees blowing in the breeze. Lily took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, frustration growing from within. "Damnit, Potter, you're toying with me again," she whispered.

His hand instinctively went up to muss his hair, confused and surprised by their entire encounter on that balcony. "I...I don't mean to do that," he admitted.

"I know, but you do it anyway!" she muttered, crossing her arms bitterly.

He took a step back in surprise, her tone harsh and icy.

She glanced back over at him, her gaze filled with unmistakable regret. "So stop kissing me. Stop trying so hard to be my friend. Stop asking me to dance. Stop saying things that should be targeted towards your girlfriend. Stop...just _stop_, Potter," she pleaded, a shiver running down her spine. She had a pretty good idea it had nothing to do with the cold however.

James was confused by her sudden change in emotions. Only minutes earlier, there was a softness lingering in her eyes and now all he saw was a distant glint of icy regret. "I'm sorry," he said hollowly.

She sighed again, hanging her head dejectedly. "Are you?"

"Yes," he murmured, shaking his head. "I-I…I just…" he trailed off. He wanted to say that he had always found it so difficult _not_ being around her and that often in her presence, he couldn't control what he did or said. In a way, _she _messed with _his_ head. "I-I don't know, Evans, I just feel..."

"Yeah?"

He sighed, his mind a complete jumble. He could barely think let alone talk to her. "I don't know," he whispered.

Lily leaned her arms against the balcony, feeling overwhelmingly defeated. He couldn't even get out a damn sentence in her presence now. And words were never an issue for James Potter in the past. Why the hell did she have to open her big mouth and make things awkward between them? "Look, Potter, you're not being fair to anyone right now," she spoke firmly. "Not me. Not yourself. And definitely not Kristina."

He really wished she'd stop bringing up Kristina. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Lily Evans wanted to be with him. Although based on where this conversation was headed, he wondered if that was even true.

"Potter," Lily said softly and she turned to look at him with a curious gaze, "If you love Kristina and you want to be with her, then _really _love her. _Really _be with her."

He could only blink, his mind filled with far too many thoughts. "And what about you?" he whispered.

Her heart fluttered anxiously. He sounded so vulnerable and confused. If only he knew that she was feeling the same way. She tried desperately to turn away from him, but she felt herself drawn into the uncomfortable queston, her eyes locked with his. "What about me, Potter?"

He didn't have an answer to that. He only had one question. "Are...are you asking me to choose?" he dared to ask, wishing he could figure out what Lily really desired.

The question was unexpected and her mouth dropped slightly open in shock. She felt her heart racing overwhelmingly and she had to take a deep breath in to even attempt to form any words. His question frightened her more than she wanted to admit. There was a strong part of her that wanted so badly to just say 'yes' and see what he had to say. She opened her mouth but found no words on the tip of her tongue. Because she knew in the end, she would say no. She _had _to say no. It wasn't her decision to make. And honestly, she was too afraid of his answer to even speak up for herself. "No, I-I can't ask you to do that," she whispered. "You're...you're with Kristina now. So how could I-"

"Stop bringing her up," James interjected pleadingly. "What if she weren't in the picture, Evans? What if…if this had nothing to do with her? What if it were just you and me?"

Tears stung in her eyes. Why did he have to make things so difficult? "But she is in the picture," Lily replied sadly. "So this has everything to do with her. It isn't just you and me. It…it never was. Never will be."

"Ouch." Rejection soared through James. He couldn't figure her out. One minute, she's opening up and the next minute, she's building a 10-foot wall around herself and her heart. He didn't know what to believe anymore.

"How is than an 'ouch?'" Lily murmured, her cheeks growing hot. "I'm just being realistic."

"Well, stop it, it's annoying," James responded immediately, giving her a look. "Stop being realistic and start listening to your heart."

"And what do you know about my heart, Potter?" she snapped.

James sighed, running his fingers through his hair. This conversation was veering in a direction he hadn't expected. Then again, he hadn't expected any of this conversation to begin with.

He turned away from her with a sigh, glancing out at the distant smoke signal emanating from Hagrid's hut. The grounds looked so peaceful and his life appeared to be anything but. When did growing up become such a hassle? "I know that just a few minutes ago, you told me that you wanted me," he found himself saying. He turned back towards her, a smile crossing his face as he watched her blush. "So I know a little thing or two about your heart, Evans, whether you want me to or not."

She tried furiously to rid the blush from her cheeks. "Damnit, Potter, you're doing it again," she whispered.

He didn't have to ask what she was referring to. He knew that he was toying with her. Not because he wanted to but because a part of him felt compelled to. "You want to know a piece of my heart, too, Evans?"

She didn't say anything.

He leaned over, brushing a strand of hair from her face, and whispered vulnerably, "I've wanted you since the very first day I laid eyes on you."

Her heart started racing a mile a minute. The words were out there and he couldn't take them back. He didn't want to. But looking down at Lily, he wondered if she _wanted _him to take them back. Because she was staring up at him in complete panic.

"Don't do that, Potter," she whispered hoarsely. "Don't try and...and turn this into something it's not."

"I think you already did that."

She wanted to glare at him but found herself unable to do so. Eventually, she sighed. "One word, Potter," she muttered. "_Kristina_."

A scowl slowly framed his face. "Damnit, please stop bringing her up," he pleaded.

"I _can't_, Potter! Because even though you can clearly forget about her, _I _can't."

He frowned. "Oh, Evans, that's not fair."

She didn't respond immediately, too immersed in the moment. She eventually shrugged. "None of this is fair," she whispered.

"You got that right," he muttered almost immediately, his gaze never leaving her.

His life was suddenly a very big question mark. Concerns and numerous questions swarmed his every thought and Lily Evans was at the base of every single one. He was thoroughly confused. Just an hour ago, he thought that he was in love with Kristina and yet now he seemed to have such overwhelmingly powerful feelings of Lily. When he glanced down at the fragile girl in front of him, Kristina disappeared from his memory and he could solely focus on his strong desire to run his lips over every curve of Lily's body. He couldn't help but ignore his confusion about Kristina and simply think about Lily's beautiful, silky auburn hair and her sparkling green eyes. Even with wind-swept hair and a bright red nose, she looked beautiful.

James slowly reached for her hand, taken aback by how cold they were. She didn't flinch at his touch and he took that as a good sign. He leaned over and said softly, "Ask me to choose you."

She jerked her hand away from him in shock, stepping back from his touch. "What?" she blurted out.

"Ask me to choose you," he choked out pleadingly.

Lily lifted her gaze to meet his. Neither said anything for what felt like eternity. Their eyes spoke their emotions, hers full of confusion and regret and his full of desperation and determination.

Finally, Lily spoke. "Why?" she asked.

Not exactly the response he was hoping for. He opted for the truth, his eyes never leaving hers. "I don't know if I can make that decision on my own."

She frowned. "And what makes you think I can?"

"I-I don't know."

She sighed, turning away from his gaze. "You can't make me choose," she murmured. "It's not my decision to make."

"I thought you might say that," he murmured. "I just...what if...I don't know...I-I don't want to make the wrong..." he trailed off, knowing he sounded like a whiny prat.

He didn't have to finish the sentence. She knew what he was going to say. She glanced at him disappointedly. "You're going to have to to let someone down, Potter. You can't always be the good guy."

"Believe me, I never once considered myself a good guy," he muttered with a sharp intake of breath.

The silence that fell over them was deafening. Everything grew quiet. The only thing Lily could hear was her heart beating out of her chest. Their eyes met and a zealous desire formed between them. A desire to know the truth and a desire to be wanted. But a desire couldn't change everything. James was still with Kristina and Lily couldn't ignore that. James only kissed her in private and she couldn't ignore that. James continued to let her down and she couldn't ignore that. She didn't _want _to ignore that.

She slowly felt more uncomfortable and embarrassed as the seconds passed and neither of them spoke. She had no clue what to say or how to react. Nothing made sense any more and she wasn't sure she wanted it to.

Eventually, James spoke. "What am I supposed to do, Evans?" James pleaded, desperation in his tone.

Lily bit the inside of her lip, searching for the right answer. She came up completely blank. Because no matter what she told him, someone would end up getting hurt. Whether it was her or Kristina or James, someone was going to wind up with a wounded heart. And it was all her fault. If she had just pushed James away like she had originally planned after he kissed her that night, she wouldn't be stuck in this situation. _James _wouldn't be stuck in this situation. Who was she to come in and try to throw together an unanticipated love triangle? She just wished that she had never admitted her feelings to James.

She sighed. No, what she really wished was for James to stop asking her questions and start asking them to himself. She didn't need him putting all of his questions and concerns on her, especially when she had so many herself.

"Evans?"

She glanced up, startled at the sound of his voice. She noted the panic and uncertainty that flashed across his face. She swallowed hard, knowing she had to let go of a silly dream, a dream that she had only created minutes earlier. A dream that she wished she had never even mentioned. If he wasn't willing to fight for her than she couldn't fight for them either. "Nothing," she said firmly.

James' brow knitted in confusion. "What?" he asked.

"You...you shouldn't do anything," Lily murmured, knowing that the words that were coming out of her mouth weren't the words she really wanted to say. "I don't want you to start your New Year off with regrets."

"What regrets?" James asked earnestly, cocking his head to the side.

Lily gave him a look. "Seriously, Potter?" she snapped. "How about losing the girl you love over a few meaningless kisses with some random coworker."

James frowned. "Stop saying that. You're not just a random coworker," he said softly.

Lily had to turn away from his penetrating gaze as the tears collected in the back of her eyes. She tried desperately to blink them away. "That wasn't really my point," she whispered.

He nodded, still trying to digest everything that had just occurred over the past fifteen minutes. "I know. I just…I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing left for you to say," Lily urged, shaking her head slowly. She glanced over his shoulder towards the door and nodded in its direction. "Your girlfriend's waiting."

James didn't move. His feet wouldn't let him. "So…so that's it?" he asked hoarsely.

Lily shrugged. She knew that it had to be it. There was nothing else to do or say to make her feel any better about the situation. It was done. She had to let go of whatever fleeting crush she had. She needed to start the New Year without a whirlwind of confusion. She murmured, "You said you didn't know if you could make the decision on your own."

James just stared at her, realizing in that moment that that wasn't the decision he wanted her to make. His head was screaming no at her and his heart was aching for her. But if she wasn't willing to fight for him, what could he do? He had to let her go.

"Kristina's waiting," Lily repeated, biting down on her lip. "Only ten minutes 'til midnight. Go find your girl."

_I've already found her… _

That's what James wanted to say but instead he nodded, knowing that there was nothing left to say. Knowing he couldn't say what he so desperately wanted to. "Okay," he muttered.

Lily shivered. It wasn't because of the cold. It was because she realized she had just blown her only chance. "Okay."

They stood there, numb. Numb from the cold and numb from the pain. Neither were willing to admit it was the end.

He glanced one last time at Lily, who was attempting not to look crestfallen, and forced himself to head back into the Gryffindor common room as she returned her gaze towards the grounds. He slid the door open but before disappearing, he glanced behind him. "Evans," he said slowly. "I'm sor-"

"Just go, Potter," Lily interrupted, her voice hoarse and strained. She didn't want to hear an apology from him, especially since she knew he had no idea what he was really apologizing for. She just wanted him to leave.

He fell silent, staring at the back of her head for a long time as he attempted to gather his thoughts. She barely moved, her eyes remaining rooted on the swaying trees and the ripples of the lake. He wanted her to turn around and beg him to stay. He wanted her to tell him it was a mistake for him to go back to Kristina. He wanted so many things from Lily, but he knew they were merely fantasies.

So without another word, he disappeared back into the Gryffindor common room.

Lily glanced back towards the door when she heard the light slam behind him, tears springing to her eyes. She tried blinking them away with little success. And for the first time that night, she didn't hold back. A sob escaped from her lips and suddenly, the tears were cascading down her cheeks. She crumpled to the balcony floor, drawing her knees to her chest as she let the wind whip her hair in every direction. The snow fell harder, sticking to her hair and she didn't make any movement to rid them away.

She finally admitted that she liked James and she let him go. And she had no one to blame but herself.

While James would be bringing in the New Year with the girl he loved, she would be bringing in the New Year the same way she had been doing it ever since she could remember.

Alone.

* * *

"10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…**_1_**!" everyone in the room shouted.

"Happy New Year, James," Kristina whispered, his eyes gripping his neck tightly.

James forced out a smile. "Happy New Year, Kristina," he replied stoically. He leaned down and kissed her gently.

No sparks. At least not the same kind that occurred with Lily.

He pulled away from his girl, just as everyone else around him was doing the same.

The only difference was that while the others were all thinking of the person they just kissed, he was thinking of Lily Evans.

* * *

The next morning, the Great Hall was overcrowded for breakfast. It was the day that the students who went home for the holidays would be arriving back and everyone awoke early in order to greet their friends. Some people were munching on dry toast and downing coffee to get rid of the champagne hangover. Some people were chatting animatedly about their midnight kisses while others listened on jealously. Sirius and Remus were discussing the occurrences from the night before while James walked beside them in utter silence, digesting what had happened the night before. He hadn't slept a wink all night. He tossed and turned, his thoughts swarming with confusion about Lily and wariness over Kristina. Everything had changed in the matter of just a few minutes. He had had every intention of making things right with Lily when he had stepped out on to that balcony. But what had happened between them was not something he had remotely planned for. He had also never had any intention of telling Kristina he loved her until the moment arose. And in that moment, he had really believed it. Or at least he thought he had. Or maybe he had just wanted to?

All in all, it was a sleepless night to say the least.

"I can't believe the break is over," Sirius groaned, roaming into the Great Hall with his three friends.

"I know," Remus murmured. "I'm not ready to go back to work."

Sirius made a face. "I know. Neither am I."

Peter shot him an amused look. "Padfoot, you never _do _any work."

Sirius hesitated. "True, but I don't want to have to go back to pretending to do work just because the professors expect me to do work. It's a lot easier not pretending to do work when there's no actual work to be done.

Remus and Peter stared blankly at him, their eyebrows arching simultaneously.

"Yeah, I didn't really understand that either," said Sirius sheepishly.

Remus rolled his eyes and took a seat at the end of their table, Peter right beside him. "I can't believe the school year is almost over," he murmured, starting up a plate of ham and eggs.

"Oh, don't say that," Sirius groaned, grabbing a piece of bacon on the platter in front of him and stuffing it into his mouth. "I don't want to leave here."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have another two years or so in this place," Remus kidded, ducking as a piece of bacon was flung at him.

"Oops, must have slipped," Sirius said sarcastically with a teasing grin. He grabbed another piece of bacon and chucked it into his mouth. "So you and Jillian Greene seemed extremely cozy last night, hm?"

Remus suppressed a smile and just stared down at his breakfast, thoughts about last night coming back to him. "Yeah, I guess."

"You can try hiding that smile and you can try acting coy, but we all saw you kissing at midnight," Sirius pointed out, buttering a scone.

"Yeah, _kissing_," Remus argued. "It's not like I was groping anyone like the two fourth-years in the corner."

Sirius sniggered. "Yeah, that was hott, wasn't it?" he teased.

"No, it was _disgusting_," Remus shuddered. "There were probably about to have sex in the middle of the Gryffindor common room if Randy hadn't interrupted."

"You're just jealous because you only kissed Jillian and two kids a lot younger than you were about ready to start an orgy," Sirius snickered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Not exactly, Padfoot."

He shrugged. "Oh, yeah? So have you slept with her yet?"

"SIRIUS!" Remus shouted in irritation.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius mumbled. "You're so boring."

"Gee thanks," Remus replied sardonically.

Sirius sat upright, gazing at his friend's awkwardness curiously. "Okay, all jokes aside, what's going on between you two?"

"Why does something have to be going on between us?" Remus murmured irritably, fixating his stare on his plate as he thought of Jillian. "We hang out for just a few hours and suddenly we have to label it?"

Sirius gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry," he muttered with a shrug. "It looked like you two were having a lot of fun together last night. I just assumed you liked her."

Remus sighed. He did like her. But it was hard going after a girl knowing that it couldn't get serious. Being a werewolf often put a damper on dating. "Jillian and I have a lot in common and you're right, I have a lot of fun with her. But..." he trailed off.

"But what?" Peter urged.

He glanced up towards the entrance of the Great Hall where Jillian just walked in with her friends, hiding his smile. "I want to take it slow. I'm not about to rush into anything and end up like…well, _you_."

"I like rushing into things," Sirius grinned, a mouth full of food.

"Yeah, I think everyone in the entire school knows that," Peter pointed out, rolling his eyes.

Sirius grinned and shoved another piece of bacon into his mouth, spewing it all over the place to speak quickly after. "Well I'm just finally glad you're getting something, Moony. Laid would be preferable, but hey, I'm on board with the taking it slow thing."

"Are you really?" Remus asked with a sarcastic laugh.

"Of course not," Sirius snickered. "But when you complain about how all you want is to have sex with her, I'm going to-"

"You won't have to say I-told-you-so," Remus interrupted.

"Who said anything about I-told-you-so?" Sirius retorted with a smirk. "I was just planning on laughing in your face."

"You're a true friend, Sirius," Remus responded derisively, but he couldn't help but laugh.

"I know," he said with a grin, turning towards Peter. "Alright, we need to come up with a game plan for Operation Get Moony and Jilian together."

"I'm taking it slow, Padfoot!"

Sirius grinned, shrugging. "The game plan could be slow."

Remus rolled his eyes. "All of your plans involving the opposite sex go from saying hi to shagging in a matter of seconds."

"Well, yes, those are the best kind of plans."

"_Sirius_."

He laughed but stayed mute, digging into his eggs. His eyes glanced over at James and he realized that he hadn't uttered a single word since they had arrived in the Great Hall. He looked distracted, his fork halted midway between his plate and mouth as he stared towards the Great Hall entrance in a daze. "You going to chime in at any point soon, Prongs?"

James didn't respond, his gaze still unfocused.

Remus, Peter, and Sirius exchanged confused glances. "Er...James? What's going on with you?"

He was too busy thinking of the pros and cons between Kristina and Lily to be bothered by Sirius.

"_Prongs_!" Sirius cried multiple times over, swinging his hand in front of James' face to get his attention. "Oy, James!"

"What?" James asked innocently, snapping back to reality. "Did you say my name?"

"Uh, yeah, about a hundred times," Sirius replied, glancing at Remus in confusion. "You have been suspiciously quiet all morning and haven't said a word about Remus' new girlfriend. What-"

"What? New girlfriend?" James said in shock. "When did this happen?"

Sirius, Peter, and Remus exchanged confused glances. "Okay, he was sitting there the whole time, right?" Sirius asked his other two friends.

"And to be completely clear, Jillian is not my girlfriend," Remus argued, shooting Sirius a glare.

"Who's Jillian?" James asked, reaching for a scone.

"Uh, the girl he was hanging out with all last night," Sirius snorted. "Oh no wait, how would you know who Remus was hanging out with considering you disappeared for most of the evening."

James slumped down in the seat, blushing guiltily. He shrugged curtly instead of bothering to find a response.

"Okay, spill it," Remus demanded, narrowing his eyes curiously at his distracted friends. "What the hell is up, James?"

James shrugged. "Tired, I guess."

"Ahhhh, you and Kristina, hm? Up _all _night, I'm sure?" Sirius teased, elbowing James in a playful manner.

"Not exactly," James murmured with a heavy sigh.

Sirius groaned. "You're bumming me out, Prongs. Could you just lie to me?"

"Uh, okay…we did it," James said sarcastically.

"Much better," Sirius teased.

"Seriously, James, what's going on with you? You've been in a mood all morning," Remus asked.

James gazed at his friend guiltily, knowing he had been less than present that entire morning. And he knew he would continue to be less than present until he could figure out exactly where he stood with both Lily and Kristina. He sighed and put down his fork hesitantly. He needed to stop letting thoughts of Lily and Kristina consume him. And the only way he could think to do that was ask his friends' opinions. "Guys, I think I did an extremely stupid thing last night."

"Eh, so you got drunk and did a strip tease for the first years. We all do it," Sirius teased.

"Who's this 'we' you speak of?" Remus snorted.

"And I didn't give any strip teases to anyone," James warned.

"You're bumming me out again!" Sirius whined.

James rolled his eyes. "Would you like to hear my stupid events of the night or should I just throw these scrambled eggs in your face?"

Sirius gave him sheepish grin. "I'll take option number one."

He inhaled sharply, noting the attentive stares he was receiving from his three friends. "Well...I-I kinda told Kristina I loved her," James murmured, "And then-"

"Omigod, you did?" Remus squealed with a high-pitched shriek following. He paused. "Omigod, why am I screaming like a girl?"

"Good question," Sirius sniggered.

"When did this happen?" Remus asked, ignoring Sirius.

James shrugged. "Last night," he replied like it was nothing.

"When last night?" Sirius delved further, his eyes narrowing curiously.

James thought back, chewing on his bottom lips as he tried to remember specifics. But only Lily came to mind. "We were dancing," he said slowly, picking his brain a little more. "We were slow-dancing, she looked absolutely gorgeous, I stared into her eyes and it…it just kinda came out."

"It just kinda came out?" Remus repeated, an eyebrow raised out of curiosity.

James nodded.

"So...did you mean it? Or..." Remus trailed off hesitantly. His friend looked slightly panicked at the idea of telling Kristina he loved her.

James frowned. He didn't want to say yes but he couldn't fully say no. If it hadn't been for the events that occurred with Lily, he would have said yes in a heartbeat. But now, he was just at a complete standstill.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair and looking over at the Ravenclaw table where Kristina was not residing. He glanced down the Gryffindor table and realized Lily wasn't there either. He almost just wanted one of them to walk through the Great Hall doors so that he could just pick that girl to be the one he was going to be with. Or maybe he should just flip a coin. Or go with the old eenie-meenie-miney-mo trick.

Yes, he was being a complete wuss.

"Wait…" Sirius said slowly, going back to what James had said to them only seconds earlier. "You said you did a stupid thing. Why exactly is telling Kristina you love her stupid?" he asked James out of curiosity.

James sighed. "Telling Kristina I love her wasn't the stupid thing. You guys sidetracked me before I could finish my sentence," James said cautiously, wondering if he really wanted to tell his friends this. Well, it was too late now. He felt his heart start to race. "I was _going _to say that…that I told Kristina I loved her…and then just twenty minutes later I…I…er…I…I…"

"Oh my God, spit it out!" Remus yelled.

James jumped up by how loud Remus was.

"Sorry, I just really want to know," Remus muttered with an embarrassed chuckle.

James sighed and bit down his lip. He took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, meeting the curious gazes of his three friends. He swallowed the confusion away and said, "I…I kissed Evans."

Remus' jaw dropped open, Peter's eyes widened, and Sirius froze, the three of them staring at James in complete surprise. Sirius had to blink a few times before realizing that yes, this was reality. He wasn't sure if he was more shocked over the fact that James finally told them about sharing a kiss with Lily or the fact that he and Lily kissed _again_. He mentally hit himself, now wishing he had gone to see Lily after the clock struck midnight like he had planned. Unfortunately, he was too caught up in hiding the champagne bottles as McGonagall stormed in from the loud noise.

Eventually, Remus found his voice. "Er...wow, James," Remus sputtered, trying to find the right words to say. "I mean..._wow_."

"Yes, you said that," James muttered, slumping down embarrassedly. He had been hoping for a bit more than 'wow.'

Remus cracked a smile. "Hey, this is about seven years in the making," he replied warily. "I just never thought this day would actually come."

James glared at him. "Gee, thanks for the words of encouragement."

"I'm supposed to be encouraging?" Remus asked curiously. "You did just tell your girlfriend you loved her, remember?"

James groaned. "Yes, I remember, Moony, but thanks for the slap in the face."

Remus grimaced. "It wasn't meant to be a slap in the face. I'm just..." he trailed off with a sigh. "Wait a minute, you're still here."

James blinked. "As opposed to...?"

Remus chuckled. "I just assumed that Lily would have cursed you into next century if you tried kissing her."

"For so many years, I assumed that, too," he murmured, his heart fluttering at the recollection of their kiss. Actually, kisses. It had been two, not just one. Though he wasn't about to inform his friends of that. "Turns out, I was wrong."

"So how was the kiss?" Peter asked with a cheeky grin.

"Wormy!" James groaned.

He shrugged. "Oh, please. We were all thinking it," he spoke, glancing over at Remus and Sirius.

"No, I'm more or less thinking what Kristina had to say about all this," Remus asked curiously.

"Damn, why do you keep bringing her up?" James whined, stealing a glance towards Sirius. He was surprised that Sirius hadn't chimed in with some sort of witty remark or sly comment about sharing a kiss with Lily Evans. He was confused to see frustration on his best friend's face.

Remus gave him a look. "Oh, I don't know, because she's your girlfriend? Because you told her you loved her last night? Because you cheated on her?"

James sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He should have just kept his mouth shut. "Yes, thank you for reminding me," he muttered.

"Seems to me you might need the reminder," Remus said cautiously.

James met his friend's gaze. "I'm so...so confused," he admitted in a small voice.

Remus frowned. "You didn't tell Kristina, did you."

"No," he murmured guiltily, slowly shaking his head. "Not...not everything went as planned."

Sirius clenched his fists, narrowing his eyes disapprovingly. He couldn't take it anymore. Finally, he spoke. "Lemme guess: the kiss was a spur of the moment thing," he said dryly, finally offering up some words to James. "And you're still with Kristina."

_No, the kiss wasn't a spur-of-the-moment thing. I wanted it to happen. _James thought to himself. _She was the one who pulled away this time_. But James didn't say any of that. He wasn't sure he wanted his friends to know of his complicated relationship with Lily. "I don't know," James was his reply instead, biting his lip in fear what his friends would say. "I-I guess so, yeah."

Sirius rolled his eyes in irritation, but refrained from saying anything as he returned to his breakfast. He wasn't sure James wanted to hear what he had to say.

Remus sighed. "You want our advice, don't you."

James nodded feebly. "Well…kinda. I just don't know what to do."

Sirius yawned and, without bothering to look up from his meal, drawled, "Two words, Prongs: threesome."

James scowled. "That is not helping!"

"Especially since threesome is one word," Remus snickered.

James glared at him.

"Right, right, not helping," he murmured with a hint of teasing. Remus glanced over at Sirius, who didn't seem too disheartened by the news of James and Lily sharking their first kiss. "Well, sorry if I'm being less than helpful, but what do you expect? I'm still in shock. And I'm totally confused. I mean, you kissed _Lily_, Prongs. The girl you've been longing for since the very first day you met her! I-I still can't believe it," he muttered, shaking his head back and forth in disbelief.

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, it's nothing new," responded dryly.

James, Peter, and Remus all turned to him in a mixture of astonishment and confusion. "What do you mean?" James asked cautiously.

Sirius gave him a look. "Prongs, you've kissed her twice before," he said wryly, like it was nothing, as he leaned back comfortably on the bench with a smirk. "Why not a third time? In fact, why don't you go around kissing her whenever you feel like since that seems to be what you're doing already?"

Peter gasped in shock while Remus' mouth dropped, both of them staring at James with a slight hint of anger in their eyes. "I can't believe you, James!" Remus hissed irritably. "You've kissed Lily before? When did this happen? And why wasn't I told?"

"I didn't tell anyone!" James defended.

"You told Sirius!" Remus pointed out, trying not to look so hurt.

"No, I didn't!" James admitted.

Remus's eyebrow knitted in confusion. "You didn't?" he asked in surprise. The fact that James had kissed the girl _three _times he had been crushing on since the moment he laid eyes on her was one thing. But _not_ telling Sirius about it was something entirely of its own.

James turned to Sirius with a frustrated look. "How did you know about that anyway?"

Sirius gave him a look. "How do you think? There were two lips involved."

James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, not catching the hint of irritation in Sirius' voice. "Evans," he murmured.

"Ding, ding, ding," Sirius cried out sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

James sighed again, looking anywhere but at his friends' faces, one still stricken with shock, another with curiosity, and the last with accusation. "When did she tell you?" he asked with a sigh.

Sirius shrugged dispassionately. "I don't know," he replied stiffly. He didn't think it was fair to betray Lily's trust again. "I can't keep track of when she tells me things." He neglected to tell James that it was information that he had accidentally stumbled upon both times.

"Oh, so now you two are all buddy-buddy you can't even remember when she tells you important things?" James asked, trying to avoid the aggravation in his voice with very little success.

"Important things?" Sirius snorted, glaring at his friend. "How was it possibly important when first of all, you didn't bother informing your friends about it and second of all, it clearly meant nothing to you."

"Don't go presuming you know anything about what it meant for me," James accused.

"What do you call running in the opposite direction after sharing a kiss with the girl you've lusted for since you were a horny little teenager?"

"I call it reality," James snapped. "Just because I wanted to kiss her doesn't mean I should have."

"But you did, Prongs!" Sirius pointed out, his lips curling up in an irritated snarl.

Remus and Peter exchanged a look of confusion, wondering where the sudden hostility came from between the two supposed best friends.

"Why are _you _getting so defensive, Sirius?" James muttered, exasperated by this conversation. All he had wanted was a bit of heart-to-heart friendly advice with his friends and Sirius was not helping him feel any better about the situation whatsoever.

"Because I actually care about the girl," Sirius snapped immediately, his eyes narrowing accusingly.

James was taken aback by that response. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"You are so clueless, y'know that, James?" Sirius growled, a look of distaste crossing his face. "You've kissed Lily-bean _three times _and _all three times_ you let her slip away. You ran from your own damn feelings and are too scared to admit that while it may be easier being with Kristina, maybe, _just maybe_, it's not necessarily what you want."

James frowned. "I...I have no idea what I want," he admitted, hanging his head shamefully.

"Clearly," Sirius drawled dryly.

"You went back to Kristina," Remus pointed out hesitantly.

James met his gaze and slowly nodded.

"So it seems to me you do know what you want," he added with an arched eyebrow.

"No, I'm just..." James trailed off, the confusion and questions becoming even more apparent in his own mind. Overwhelming panic and hesitant enveloped his every thought.

"A coward?" Sirius snorted.

"How the hell am I a coward?" James snapped.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're too damned afraid to face your bloody emotions and until you do, you're going to continue jerking two women around!"

"I'm not jerking anyone around!" James defended, taken aback by the accusation.

"Er, guys, you mind keeping it down a bit?" Remus pleaded, noticing the stares he was getting from surrounding people. It wasn't every day Sirius Black and James Potter were snapping at each other.

Sirius burst into derisive laughter, ignoring Remus altogether. "Oh please, Prongs. You and Lily-bean have been playing this back-and-forth game since September now. And you've snogged _three times_, mate. Three times is hardly accidental," Sirius pointed calmly. "So what would _you _call it? Because I most definitely would call it jerking two women around."

James opened his mouth to protest and realized he had no retaliation. "Seriously, why are you defending her?" James grunted, feeling slightly ambushed. "You're supposed to be my best friend, Padfoot, so why can't-"

"Yeah, and I've defended you for about as much as I could take," Sirius barked, narrowing his eyes angrily at his friend. James didn't even realize how much he was hurting Lily and it killed him to know that once again, Lily was let down because of him.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" James growled.

"Guys, maybe you-" Remus started, glancing at the people in the Great Hall who were now all ignoring their food and staring at the fight in shock when realizing it was occurring between James and Sirius.

"It means that you deserved to be punched in the damn face!" Sirius shouted, ignoring Remus altogether. "It means that you deserved every word Lily said to you that night! It means that you deserved to be hated by her and never even deserved to be her friend in the first place! You deserve to be a coward!"

Remus was extremely thankful that Lily hadn't walked down to breakfast yet.

"What the bloody hell is your problem, Sirius?" James snapped. "This doesn't have anything to do with you so why don't you just butt out?" This was the last thing he had expected from his best friend. A part of James knew that what Sirius was saying had significance, but it was the way it was being said that irritated James.

"I've tried doing that!" Sirius cried out, giving his friend a bitter look. "But it's really difficult when your best friend is so unbelievably naive and cowardly and stupid that he can't figure out anything in his love life on his damn own!"

"You better be talking about Remus," James growled, not one to be insulted with a label of stupidity.

"Don't bring me into this," Remus whined.

"No, James, you are the stupid one," Sirius hissed, folding his arms with a smirk. "You are playing two girls at once, and hurting one of them - actually both of them even though one doesn't know it yet - and you don't even seem to realize it. Or maybe you do and you just don't know how to let go."

Remus was extremely thankful that Kristina hadn't walked down to breakfast yet.

"Let go of what, Sirius?" James said, bitterness spewing from his words.

"Good question, Prongs!" he snorted. "Your feelings? Lily? Kristina? Your fear? Anxiety? The unpredictable future? All of the above? None of the above? I don't know, James! Because you've been so determined to hide all of this from us! Which yet again just proves you're a coward."

James glared at Sirius with a fire of a thousand suns, tired of being insulted by a guy who should have been trying to help him. Maybe Sirius thought he was trying to help, but he was just making James angrier by the second. "Why am I even arguing with you about my personal life?" James questioned, shaking his head with an unamused smirk. "You wouldn't know the concept of love if it bit you on the ass."

"Well, clearly neither do you," Sirius declared.

"I know more than you!" James snapped, clenching his fists tightly. "At least I'm not afraid of loving someone, Sirius!"

Sirius snorted, leaning towards him. "You told Kristina you loved her and then kissed another girl less than an hour later," he hissed, quiet enough that the closest people around them couldn't hear him. Even Remus had to lean over to hear Sirius' words. "I hardly doubt that that can be considered _love_."

James was taken aback by his accusatory tone. "At least I know the feeling of falling in love," James shot back. "When was the last time you fell in love or even tried to? And I don't mean your toy tractor when you were three."

"Hey, you can't tell me what to love! If I want to love a tractor, I'm going to love a tractor!" Sirius cried out, smirking.

"As a matter of fact, when was the last time you even had feelings for a girl? True feelings? Not your usual horny feelings?" James continued, ignoring Sirius' humorous interruption.

"This isn't about me!"

"I'm sure the thousands of girls you've slept with would love to know that you didn't give a damn about them!" James shouted out, enjoying the hurt looks on most of the girls' faces who had slept with Sirius at a previous times, including Rachael who was just a few feet away. "You don't like girls. You don't fancy girls. You barely even want to get to know whatever girl of the week you're with. All you want to do is sleep with them and blow them off as soon as possible for another easy lay. You could care less about the girls you've been with. Talk about naive and cowardly."

Sirius simply shrugged it off, trying not to show how much it stung. Maybe that's how he used to act, but he was trying to change that reputation. "And so what, James? So what if I've never had feelings for a girl? So what if love isn't for me? So what if I've never cared for a girl as much as you care for…oh wait, we don't really know which girl you care for, do we?" he smirked.

James threw the pitcher of pumpkin juice in his face, unexpected to all including himself. He threw one final infuriated glare at his best friend, who had jumped up in shock, before storming out of the Great Hall. He shoved the huge iron doors to the Great Hall open hard, ignoring the wide-eyed looks he was receiving as the doors slammed shut on their own.

Remus stared at Sirius, who was still just standing over the table as the condensation dripped down his clothes in, making no attempt to say or do anything. Remus sighed and blew a strand of hair out of his face. "Well, that went well…" he muttered, just as the murmur of the student voices started up again, no doubt talking about the scene that they had just witnessed.

"He bloody deserved every damn word I said to him," Sirius growled, grabbing a few napkins off the table and also storming out of the Great Hall, leaving Remus and Peter by themselves to try to digest what had just happened.

* * *

**A/N: **UGHHH, James and Lily STILL not together! Only this time, it's Lily's fault, not James. Hm, interesting. Guess you'll have to wait and find out how everything pans out in the end. I know that no one will be happy with the results of this chapter, but it will all work out in the end. Review pleeeease!


	48. Of Jealousy, Fear, & Goldfish

**A/N: **Sorry it's been so long-I've been extremely busy and I was in New York for the weekend and I just haven't had time to update. But I'm updating now so YAY! Nothing much really to report, just keep on reading and reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** I'm not J.K. Rowling but YAY for her finally naming the seventh book!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 48: Of Jealousy, Fear, & Goldfish

* * *

Lily chose to avoid the Great Hall that morning in fear of running into James. She had told James to go back to being with Kristina, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt seeing them together.

She wandered down to the Hogsmeade platform to wait for her two friends. Normally in the winter, she didn't bother, but this gave her an excuse to get away from the castle. Glancing at her watch, she was almost an hour early, but the fresh, cold air was helping her clear her head so she didn't mind. She had a book in her hand, but as she sat down on an empty bench beside the train tracks, she knew she wouldn't even glance at a page of the novel. Her head was swarming with so many thoughts, it was hard to keep them straight. She thought back to the previous night, remembering it all clearly in her mind and wondering why she didn't just give James the choice when he asked her to.

Lily sighed, knowing perfectly well why. Because she knew she'd be rejected. Kristina was better for James. She always would be. She'd never be able to compete with Kristina, and Lily didn't want to. Lily was just a bookworm while Kristina was a sex object. Lily lived for books while Kristina lived for fun. Lily spent her nights in the library while Kristina spent her nights sneaking out of the castle. And James would always choose the fun, spontaneous sex object over her any day. So who was Lily to break up an already existing relationship when James would come to regret it? She and James were nothing alike and not in an opposites-attract kind of way. In a -they-will-forever-butt-heads-and-never-understand-each-other kind of way. She had to let go of the idea of she and James.

Unfortunately, letting go was easier said than done.

She hated herself for liking James Potter. She hated that he was one of the most dedicated people she had ever met. She hated that he made her smile and made her laugh even when she probably shouldn't have. She hated that he was always so determined to make her a better person and that he challenged her to be a stronger person. She hated that he was loyal and honest and confident and independent. She hated that he was smart but didn't brag about it. She hated that he helped him when she needed it and he saw past her weaknesses. She hated that he wasn't afraid to tell her what he thought and that he always had good advice. But most of all, she hated that a single look from him made her feel special.

James wasn't afraid to stand up to her. He had opinions and he stated them, not caring what Lily would think. Lily wasn't used to that; she was used to getting her way because people simply always backed down to her strong, independent attitude. Lily was always seen as this confident, determined woman, but James saw past that. He saw her fragility and her vulnerability and wasn't afraid to tell her that she didn't always need to hide behind her fears. He argued with her when he felt it was necessary. He called her out on her insecurities and fought back with determination, unwilling to lose the battle between them. And for some reason, Lily liked that. Sure, it was obviously annoying at first to constantly be challenged, but after a while, Lily realized she welcomed his brutal honesty. Here was someone who was finally willing not to let the top student in the school be at the top anymore just because it was easy. Lily smiled, just thinking about how good he made her feel. He was willing to attack her, which isn't exactly a personality trait most people wanted to have, but he only ever fought her in order to make her a better person. He called her out on her weaknesses in order for her to fix them. And she appreciated that.

For six years, she only saw the bad in him. She _chose _only to see his arrogant and insulting ways, never believing there could be more to him. But when she took a step back, taking herself out of the situation and thinking about it in an objective way, she saw there was more to him. He was the only person in the entire school who saw her real strengths. He was her counterpart.

Of course, when she finally realized it, he was already taken by someone he loved.

Lily wondered if that could have been her. If she had just given him the chance he deserved in the prior year, would he be telling _her_ he loved her?

She shook her head immediately, ridding that thought from her head. It didn't matter what could have been. What's done was done and she just had to move on from whatever fantasy she had formed in her head only twelve hours earlier. A fantasy that simply made her like every other damned girl in that school who crushed over the high and almighty James Potter. And she didn't want to be like every other girl. She had always tried her best to _not _be like every other giggling, hormone-raged teenage girl who crushed over the most popular guy in the school.

Okay so maybe she wasn't giggling and maybe it wasn't hormones that were igniting her feelings for James, but she _was_ crushing on the most popular guy in the school. And Merlin knows that couldn't end well for her. She didn't just want to be another one of his conquests. A girl with a skirt that he simply went after for the thrill of the chase. She deserved more than that, which is why she couldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing she wanted him to choose her.

In the background, she could hear the shouts and screams of the students on the grounds and wished she could be one of them. She wished she could be that eleven-year-old girl who was carefree and spontaneous, never having to worry about the stress and fear that came with growing up.

Whenever Lily closed her eyes, she felt James' lips upon hers. She felt the sparks that flew. She felt the heated passion between them. She felt herself go faint. She felt her stomach flop and her heart pound. She felt the tremble of her lips underneath his. She felt the fireworks exploding overhead. And she felt his words when he told him that he had wanted her since he lay eyes on her. So what was stopping him?

She shook her head, trying to shake those memories away. She knew that she made the right choice. She _had _to have made the right choice. It pained her seeing James with Kristina, but it would pain her more knowing that he only chose her because she told him to. It had to be his decision. And it turned out that his decision was to stay with Kristina. And she just better start getting used to it.

The platform was quiet and peaceful, something she was hoping for on her way down, but as the minutes passed and it got closer to the time when the train would be arriving, Lily felt overwhelmed by the silence. All she could think about was James and what had occurred between them last night and at that moment, she just wanted a distraction. She wanted to think of something other than James. She wanted to stop thinking about the way things were left off in the previous night. But mostly, she just wanted to stop thinking about their kiss.

"Hey," a nearby voice drawled.

It startled Lily and she practically flew off the bench in shock. She turned around and came face-to-face with Sirius, just as a few other students straggled on to the platform to greet their friends. "Hey Sirius," she greeted, plastering a smile on her face. She wasn't willing to share with him what had occurred the night before until she knew what to think of it all.

Sirius gazed at her curiously and knew instantly that her smile was fake. He searched for something to talk about. "So…what are you doing reading a boring book alone on the day that everyone arrives from break?"

Lily paused. "I'm not reading."

"And that's all you've got to defend yourself with?"

Lily sighed heavily and shrugged. "Yeah."

Sirius felt the weight behind her sigh and found himself blurting out, "I'm sorry he's not with you."

Lily wasn't surprised that Sirius mentioned it. "I'm sorry that he's probably fucking his girlfriend right now," she muttered, staring at her hands.

"Is the Head Girl allowed to say the word 'fucking?'" Sirius teased.

Lily shook her head slowly. "No, but the jealous girl is," she whispered.

Sirius looked at her in awe, struck by her vulnerability at that specific moment, and after much hesitation, uttered, "You're jealous?"

Lily sighed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Sirius gazed at her curiously as she actively tried to keep her gaze forward. He could tell she was desperately ignoring eye contact with him for a reason. He had a feeling it had to do with a certain kiss from a certain best friend of his. "He kissed you again last night."

Lily's mouth dropped open, but she quickly recovered and scoffed, looking away in revulsion. "Oh sure, he kisses me twice before but _these_ ones he tells you about," she murmured.

Sirius frowned. "These _ones_?" he retaliated almost immediately. "As in plural?"

She froze. "No?"

"Bloody hell, he kissed you _more _than once last night!"

She sighed, staring at her hands, ignoring the crowd that was starting to form on the platform as the welcome committee. "Does it matter?"

"I think it does."

She shrugged. "I don't really care if it does or not," she murmured. "It's...it's done."

Sirius sighed. "Do you even want to know what he said?"

"No," she said quickly.

Sirius gave her a look.

"Okay, maybe I do," she responded nonchalantly, hoping she didn't sound too eager.

"He more or less said that he did a stupid thing last night: he told Kristina he loved her and then ended up kissing you thirty minutes later," Sirius explained, staring at her intently for her reaction.

Which wasn't much. She continued staring at her hands, trying to wrap her head around Sirius' words. She glanced up at Sirius, biting the inside of her mouth anxiously. "Well, which did he say was the stupid part?" she asked surprisingly calm.

Sirius gave her a sympathetic smile and said comfortingly, "I don't think he had decided yet."

Lily scowled. "I didn't realize that was such a hard decision to make."

Sirius laughed, unexpected to both of them.

"What?" Lily asked inquiringly.

"You like him," he stated matter-of-factly.

"What?" Lily questioned, not because it wasn't true but because she didn't know where it came from.

"You like-"

"No, I heard what you said," Lily quickly interrupted, waving her hand in the air for him to stop.

Sirius slowly frowned, his gaze never faltering from her. "You really are jealous, aren't you?"

She blinked, the question hitting her like a ton of bricks. She tried ignroing the question, but it was hard avoiding his pleading look. She rubbed her temples, sighing deeply. "I-I don't know when the line was blurred," she admitted, drawing her knee to her chest and resting her chin on it.

"What line?" Sirius asked curiously.

"The line between hating him and...and liking him."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, a look of defeat displayed on her face. She looked like a frightened little girl who just needed someone to scoop her up and tell her everything was okay. Unfortunately, Sirius wasn't so sure he could promise that.

"Something changed between us at the end of last year," she continued, biting down on the inside of her lip. "Potter kissed me and then...ran off. He left me to contemplate what that meant for the entire summer. And...and I slowly began to realize that maybe I liked that he kissed me. And at first I thought that it was only because the most popular guy in the school, a guy that everyone adores and worships and a guy who could pretty much get any girl he wanted to, was kissing _me_, a mousy, unworthy bookworm."

"Oh, come off it. You're not a mousy-"

"Maybe not to you," Lily interrupted. "But that's how everyone else saw me."

"Not James."

"Exactly," she whispered, the word choking in her throat. She swallowed the lump out of her throat. "Last year, he stopped being such a bullying prat and started talking to me as a real person. Not just that mousy, unworthy bookworm. I finally just became Lily to him and not his challenger. It...it felt weirdly good being noticed as something other than some sort of Know-it-All for once," she whispered, blinking away the angst displayed in her eyes. "But I knew it couldn't last. When I came back to Hogwarts to find that he was still the same person he was at eleven-years-old, I thought that I had dreamt it all. I thought that I had made up the whole thing. I returned to being that mousy, worthless know-it-all. That's the person that I always knew how to be and I wasn't going to let some silly little kiss change that."

"Lily-bean," Sirius said desperately, reaching out to pat her on the shoulder.

"Until he kissed me again," Lily whispered. "And it was in that moment when our lips touched and all of our hatred for each other just faded away, that...that maybe it wasn't the fact that he was making me feel popular. It was the fact that he, himself, made me feel like I actually mattered. He made me feel _special. _And with everything that's happened to me, I really liked being special to someone. I really liked thinking that I mattered."

Sirius didn't know what to say. She sounded so fragile and that wasn't a side he was used to seeing from her.

She continued, swallowing hard. "It was then that I realized I _wanted _to be kissed by him. It was then that I realized that...that when he was being the sweet guy I knew he could be, I enjoyed being around him. And it was then that I realized I didn't revere him, but...but I actually liked him. A lot," she murmured, her mind returning to that day he had kissed her in the hallway. "Not like it mattered. Once again, he ran off and..." she trailed off, unable to speak her name.

Sirius frowned. "He went back to Kristina."

She nodded sullenly. "I tried _so _hard pretending that it didn't bother me. I tried pretending that...that the kiss meant absolutely nothing. I tried so hard to stay away from him. I...I tried to be that mousy girl once again."

Sirius could only offer her a sympathetic lopsided smile. "So what happened last night?" he dared to ask.

Lily's mouth firmed into a tight straight line, her lips pursed out slightly. Her eyebrows narrowed dolefully, her cheeks flushing in anguish. She felt her heart speed up and glanced at the white blanket of snow on the grounds, reminded of the delicate snowfall from the night before. She took a deep breath in, breathing in the stale scent of the snow with a sigh. She finally said, "Nothing."

Sirius couldn't hide his confusion. "Nothing?" he repeated.

Lily shrugged awkwardly, refusing to look him in the eye. "Yeah," she murmured. "Nothing."

A look of intense curiosity swept over Sirius' face. "But he kissed you, did he not? More than once apparently?"

Lily shrugged curtly. "Yeah, but it meant nothing," she retaliated immediately.

"You don't kiss someone twice in a night and call that nothing, Lily-bean," Sirius argued.

"Well, that's what it was to us," she murmured.

Sirius let out a disgruntled scowl. "Why are you letting him do this to you again?"

She sighed, fixing her stare on her intertwined hands. "It wasn't him," she replied softly, swallowing hard.

He cocked his head to his side, sensing a guilty panic in her voice. "What do you mean?"

Lily bit her lip sadly, trying to ignore the tears that were stinging in her eyelids, and mumbled, "He asked me to choose for him and I did."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat.

"I told him to go back to Kristina."

Sirius gave her an irritated look. "Why would you do something like that?"

"Because!" she cried out in frustration, throwing her hands in the air.

Sirius sighed. "I'm going to need a little more than _that_, Lily-bean."

Lily grunted. "Because I am not going to be the girl that begs him to leave his girlfriend, Sirius," she said firmly. "Because they've been together for four months. Because this is the first girl that he's been with for longer than five minutes. Because he loves her. Because he _belongs_ with her. Because who the hell am I to stand in their way? I am just a mousy, unworthy girl and Kristina is...is the perfect prototype girlfriend for him. Which he believes apparently because he loves her," she spat, bitterness rolling off her tongue.

Sirius shook his head vehemently. "He does not _love _Kristina," Sirius protested. "He loves the _idea_ of being with her. That's all. And he can do that with you."

Lily gave him a look.

"Except he'll actually love you," Sirius corrected sheepishly.

Lily bit down on her lip hard. "It's not that easy," she whispered.

"Yes, it is. You and James are just making it so much more difficult than it has to be," Sirius replied immediately, giving her a knowing look.

Lily swallowed hard, choosing to remain silent on the subject.

"Why aren't you fighting for him?" Sirius asked in determination, his eyes piercing through hers. "Why are you so set on the idea that he belongs with Kristina? Why the hell are you so convinced you don't want to be with him?"

Lily threw her hands in the air half in anger and half in frustration. "You wouldn't understand," she barked.

Sirius cowered at the mere vehemence in her tone. He reached over and instinctively patted her arm comfortingly. "Try me."

Lily pursed her lips, the irritation in her eyes fading into disappointment. She averted her eyes towards the ground, fear coursing through her veins. Eventually she spoke. "It's not that I don't want to be with him," Lily admitted softly. "It's that I'm afraid of what will happen if…if he wins."

Sirius furrowed his brow, confused. "Wins?"

She nodded slowly, resting her cheek against her knee sullenly. "What if it's just about the chase for him? What if it's just another challenge? Just another Quidditch match he is determined to win? Just another prank he is determined to follow through on? Just another bet he is determined to beat? Just another girl he is determined to snog? What if…what if I give in and I'm left humiliated once again?" Her voice was hoarse and grief-stricken, the words catching in her throat. "I'm…I'm so afraid of rejection and humiliation that I realize it's easy for me to throw up these walls and boundaries. I-I kiss him back but I refuse to let him admit they mean anything. We snog in private but I can't even tell my friends about it because I'm afraid then it would become real and the whole school will find out. I love these few, torturous moments we have where he…he tells me I matter to him and I'm a somebody in his eyes, but I can't let anyone see that side of us because then they'll know that James Potter had gotten me to fall for his charm. So what was I supposed to do? Look him in the eye and tell him to pick me? Choose me? Date _me_? Just to wake up the next morning to find out it was just one big prank?"

"It's not one big-"

"I can't be a pawn in another one of James Potter's games. I've…I've played too many games with him already." She was surprised to feel the tears already saturating her cheeks. She didn't even bother to wipe them away. Sirius had already taken note of them anyway.

Sirius sighed, glancing at the girl beside him. She looked so broken and he wasn't sure how to put her back together again. "You may not believe me, Lily-bean, but I know this isn't some prank to him. This isn't some bet to be won and you're not just some skirt he's trying to chase. It's _not_ about the challenge when it comes to you."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but Sirius hastily continued. "He _likes _you, Lily- bean. He always has."

"You don't know that," Lily muttered irritably, shaking her head.

"I do know that," he urged, giving her a look. "The fact that I have perfected the art of silencing charms over the years just so I could shut James up when he started raving about you proves that. The rants I've had to listen to from James when he found out some other guy asked you out prove that. The hole in the plaster in the fifth-year Gryffindor boys dorm because James punched it after finding out that you were dating Shane Redford proves that. The notebooks of information he has gathered on you prove that. The endless doodles of your name on the side of his notes prove that."

"Yeah, and the only reason he did any of that was because I'm the only one who ever said _no _to him," Lily snorted, unconvinced. Not _wanting _to be convinced.

Sirius sighed, recognizing a guarded expression on her face. "You are trying so desperately to believe what you want instead of believe what's so obviously standing right in front of you."

"Nothing is black and white between us," Lily murmured, commenting on what he thought was obvious. "I live in a world of grey."

Sirius cocked his head to the side curiously. "I'm not so sure you _want_ it to be black and white."

She quirked a defensive eyebrow. "Come again?" she drawled dryly.

He shrugged casually, rolling his eyes. "You act like you don't want to be with him but you also don't _not _want to be with him. One minute, you're telling him you have feelings for him and the next minute, you're pushing him back into Kristina's arms. One minute, you two are snogging and the next minute you're acting like it meant nothing. The two of you are in a cyclical rotation and nothing will ever come from it because the both of you are too damned scared."

"You think I _enjoy _this?" Lily retaliated irritably, not appreciating the backhanded attack.

"No," Sirius argued immediately. "It's not about you enjoying it. It's about you not willing to give up what you have."

Lily's heart skipped a beat, uncertain how to respond. "I don't have anything."

"Exactly."

She blinked. "What?"

"With nothing, you don't have to worry about getting hurt," he said softly. "Either way this pans out—whether he goes back to Kristina and you're left in the dust or in the end, you choose each other and he possibly lets you down once more—you're too damn afraid of getting hurt."

She hesitated. "It's more than that," she muttered, shaking her head slowly. "It's not that I'm afraid of getting hurt. It's that I'm afraid of getting hurt by a guy I've…I've come to respect."

Sirius quirked a surprised eyebrow.

A smile crept on to her lips. A sly smile, one filled with nostalgia and wonder. "I-I rather like the James Potter than I've seen recently. The James Potter that I know he can be. The compassionate, kind, thoughtful James Potter versus the smug, arrogant toerag. And I'm afraid to…to find out that this entire time, he was still that smug, arrogant toerag who just had one _final _challenge, one final _bet, _he needed to overcome before he graduated. And…and I don't want to find that out. I want to believe he's a good person," she whispered. She shrugged curtly. "That smug, arrogant toerag side of him has…has unfortunately already hurt me enough times as it is. I...I don't know if I can deal with getting hurt by the good side of James Potter. I can't endure that ultimate betrayal from him. I-I can't let him see how much a broken heart would truly tear me down. I-I want all of this to be real. And I'm just so afraid that none of it is."

"It won't be if you don't give him a chance," Sirius muttered.

"Why should I give him a chance?" Lily murmured harshly, shrugging. "What has he done that has made me believe he deserves for me to give him a chance? Clearly I'm not good enough for him, Sirius. Clearly, he could care less about me. _Clearly_, he's ashamed of me. Why else would he keep our clandestine kisses a secret from everyone, including his best friends? Why else would he talk badly about me behind my back? He and I are nothing. Always will be nothing. I might as well just start getting used to it."

Sirius stared at Lily as her bottom lip tremble frantically, turning her tear-soaked face away from Sirius' scrutiny. He patted her back comfortingly. He had a good feeling that 'nothing' was the last thing Lily wanted from James but she wasn't about to do anything about it. "You ran, Lily-bean," Sirius murmured, intrigued.

Lily wiped away the straying tears and looked up at him. "What?"

He looked up at her, his eyes sparkling with his new revelation, his face lit up in astonishment. Lily eventually looked away, her face flushed in embarrassment at the way he was staring at her, trying to ignore his eyes that were now bearing into the side of her head.

"_What_?" she asked again in a harsher tone.

Sirius shrugged and said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "You ran."

Lily was taken aback by those two words and shook her head in confusion. "No, I heard you, I just have no idea what you're talking about."

"You blame him for pushing you away and running from you in the past and last night, you did the exact same thing," Sirius explained cautiously with a knowledgeable shrug.

"I didn't run," she lied, swallowing hard. "I…I just gave him a nudge in the right direction."

"Except that wasn't the direction you wanted him to take," Sirius pointed out with a shake of the head.

"Yes, it was," she murmured, furrowing her brow. "It may not be the direction that you wished him to take, but I am...am perfectly fine with this."

Sirius gave her an all-knowing look. "No, you're not."

Lily glanced up at him warily, trying to ignore the vulnerable flutter in her stomach. "It doesn't really matter what direction I wanted him to take," she murmured. "Because he would have gone back to her anyway."

"How do you know that?" Sirius questioned.

"Because that's what he does best," she murmured with an irritated sigh.

"So…you decided to beat him to it?" Sirius suggested, giving her an accusing look.

"I had to," she muttered, biting her lip anxiously.

Sirius frowned sullenly, hoping she would elaborate more.

She went back to staring at her hands and muttered, after a long period of silence, "We want different things," she murmured.

"No," Sirius was quick to argue. "It's quite simple really. You both want each other but you both are just so damned afraid of admitting it."

She shook her head. "I admitted it to him last night," she whispered. "But look where it got us?"

Sirius sighed, patting her hand reassuringly. "How do you know where it can possibly go until you give him the choice?"

"He…he doesn't want the choice," she murmured feebly.

"He does," Sirius argued, giving her confident smile. "I'm just not sure you want to give it to him."

Lily glanced up at him wondering if he was right. Wondering if her fear was taking over too much, incidentally pushing him away.

"You just have to let him in," Sirius pointed out when she didn't respond.

Lily's heart skipped a beat. He made it sound so easy. "I-I don't know if I can."

Sirius sighed. "Well, the only way you'll find that out is if you try."

"It's harder than you think, Sirius," Lily murmured. "A lot has happened in my lifetime that…that I don't know if I am ready to share with someone."

"Well, you have to start somewhere," Sirius pointed out comfortingly. "Why not start with James?"

Lily continued to stare at Sirius vulnerably, realizing for the first time since she let him go the night prior that it may be too late to try. She was about to tell Sirius that, when, fortunately or unfortunately to Lily, the train could be heard behind the bend interrupting their heartfelt conversation. Seconds later, as Lily was still pondering Sirius' words, the train was entering into the station.

Lily's thoughts were quickly directed elsewhere as she stood up off the bench and stared at the train, her breath getting heavier by the second out of confusion. Right now, she did not need hundreds of students milling around her.

Sirius stood up beside her, damning the timing of the train. Before they could be interrupted, he said just one last night. "Please, Lily-bean, just think about what I said."

Lily waved his comment aside with a flick of the hand as the students descended the Hogwarts Express stairs. She forced a smile on to her face, knowing perfectly well how fake it looked, awaiting her friends. She was looking forward to seeing them again—it felt two weeks too long to go without her support system.

"LILY!" a familiar voice chorused over the shouts of the other students' gleeful voices.

Lily turned around, looking frantically for Riley, when suddenly the crowd parted and both Riley and Kay dropped their bags, rushing towards Lily like it had been years they had gone without communication. Riley, a step ahead of Kay, embraced Lily tightly, an ecstatic smile on her face. Riley let go, glancing at Sirius secretively with a warm smile, as Kay took her turn hugging Lily, a stand-offish look on her face that Lily wasn't able to fully read.

"How was your break?" all three asked at once.

"Man, that was frightening," Sirius murmured, referring to their perfect unison, walking away from the group to, they were sure, play a few pranks on the returning Slytherins.

"How was your grandmother?" Lily asked Riley, helping her drag her heavy trunk over to where they were standing.

Riley groaned. _"_Don't remind me. Christmas Eve was a disaster," she murmured. "New Years Eve was a disaster! My whole break was a disaster!"

Kay rolled her eyes. "Drama queen," she snickered. "Enough about her, let's talk about me."

"Selfish much?" Riley pouted.

Kay shot her a look before turning back to Lily with a grin. "My break was awesome."

"I thought you hated the holidays," Lily pointed out in confusion.

"Yeah, but they're not so bad when you're _dating someone_," Riley shared, a cheerful grin on her face, showing her support to Kay.

Lily's mouth dropped open in shock. "WHAT?" she spoke, her eyes widening in awe. "And you haven't heard of a little thing called _Owl Post?_"

Kay gave her a sheepish grin. "I wanted to tell you in person."

"Who are you dating?" Lily demanded to know.

Kay gave her a look. "Who do you think?"

"The Pope! Ooh, no, Prince Charles. Oooh, _GOD_!" Lily squealed in excitement, flailing her arms about.

Riley and Kay exchanged looks. Riley sighed and turned to Lily. "Okay I have to ask: _God_?"

"You're right, that's illogical," Lily sighed. "Jesus then?"

Riley and Kay stared at her blankly.

"Or I could go with the most obvious answer: Lance?"

Kay grinned and nodded profusely. "Yep!"

"I thought you hated them together?" Lily questioned Riley in curiosity.

Riley shrugged. "They make each other happy."

Lily stared at her blankly.

"I know, I know, Kay dating God is more believable than me caring about someone other than myself," Riley smirked.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Lily snickered.

"Oh, sure, I haven't seen you in two weeks and the first thing you have to say to me is an insult," she murmured, shaking her head.

"No, the first thing I said to you was 'how was your break,'" Lily reminded with a curt shrug. "This is more like the fourth or fifth thing I said to you."

"Have you always been such a smart aleck?" Riley whined.

Lily's smiled wavered, wondering if perhaps James had been rubbing off on her. "No. I blame the Head Girl role," she retaliated. "It's gone straight to my head."

"Oh, right, like you could ever have a big head," Riley argued, giving her a look. "You're the most humble person I know."

"Your counterpart, however," Kay snickered, "Is not so much humble than he is big-headed. According to you, that is."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. Why couldn't they have just steered clear of any talk of James? "Humble isn't exactly a part of his vocabulary," she lied, sighing inwardly before quickly changing the subject. "So please tell me, Kay, how it is you and Lance reunited. I need all the details!"

Riley groaned. "We'll be up all night."

Kay smacked her shoulder. "It's your fault we're back together, y'know."

Riley scrunched her nose. "Yeah, I really should have thought that plan through," she muttered, naturally earning her another smack to the shoulder.

Kay linked arms with Lily as they all started heading towards the carriages. "I will tell you all sorts of details when we get back to the castle. Maybe when Riley isn't around," she teased. "But first tell me how your break was! Anything exciting happen?"

_Hm_…_well I indulged Sirius in my darkest secret, I punched the Head Boy, I got a black eye for it, I realized I fancied Potter, we kissed twice on the balcony on New Year's Eve, and I let him slip through my fingers. _"Nope, not really," she chose to answer instead.

Showing up at the most inopportune time, Sirius wandered back over to them saying, "So did Lily-bean tell you about how she and James got into a fist fight on Christmas?"

Lily grinned sheepishly. "Oh yeah," she stated with a detached shrug, "That happened."

Riley and Kay's mouths dropped wide open in shock, speechless and frozen on the spot for a long minute. Finally, Kay was able to compose herself long enough to mock her. "'Oh yeah,'" she repeated with a stunned grunt, "_'That happened_.'"

Lily turned to Sirius slowly with a disapproving glint in her eyes. "You have horrible timing, y'know that?"

He gave her a guilty grin. "Oops."

"A _fist fight_?" Riley was finally able to do something other than stare at Lily dumbfounded.

"Eh, it was nothing much," Lily waved it aside.

"Oh sure, nothing much. You just gave the guy a black eye," Sirius snickered.

Riley's jaw hit the floor.

Lily stared at Sirius, her eyes narrowing with a trace of vigor shining through. "Okay, I think you're done here."

He flashed her another guilty grin. "Sorry isn't going to cut it, is it?"

Lily shook her head. "No, but chocolate-raspberry cake might."

"I'll get right on that," he murmured with a sheepish grin as he started to walk off.

"You and James got into a _fight_?" Riley hissed at Lily. "Damn, and I thought me shoving a prince into the huge fountain in the Prewetts' foyer was going to be the big news of the week."

"You shoved a prince?" Lily cried out.

"Who shoved a prince?" Sirius asked, turning back around to face them.

"Riley shoved a prince," Kay agreed.

"I shoved a prince," Riley said with a shrug.

"_Who_?" Lily snorted.

"Prince Caspian."

"Oh my God!" Lily laughed. "Wait, who's Prince Caspian?"

"He's not important," Riley said immediately, shaking her head in frustration. "What's important is that you and James got into a fight!"

"No what's important is you gave him black eye!" Kay said giddily, clearly enjoying that idea. "Oh please tell me he's still sporting it."

Lily wanted not to laugh, but the smile on Kay's face made her give in. "Oh, he is. A little faded since Christmas, but what are ya gonna do?"

"Oh, can we please go find him and make fun of it!" Riley cried out in humor, jumping up and down gleefully.

Lily's smile quickly turned into a frown at the idea of running into James. "_You _can," Lily opted. "But I think it's best if I steer clear."

"Aw, that's not fun," Riley pouted. "If you two stay apart, how am I going to witness a fight?"

Lily glared at her friend. "There's not going to _be _a fight," Lily argued, not adding that the reason was because she was avoiding James at all costs. "Unless of course Prince Caspian comes looking for you."

Riley chuckled, linking arms with Lily as they started heading towards the carriages. "I think we're in the clear."

* * *

"The common room is so damn crowded," Sirius murmured, clearly annoyed, as he, Remus, and Peter wandered down from their room.

"Maybe it's because everyone's back from break," Remus replied sarcastically.

Sirius gave him a look. "Yes, that could have something to do with it," he muttered, traveling through the crowds to where Lily, Riley, and Kay were sitting.

Remus couldn't help but feel a bit awkward around Lily, now that he had learned what occurred between her and James the night before. He was trying hard to pretend that he was still clueless but it was hard to pretend something so huge hadn't happened. "Hey girls," he greeted, hoping his awkwardness wasn't showing. "How were your breaks?"

"Boring," Riley murmured.

"You shoved a Prince!" Lily cried out.

"Yeah, well you punched James!" she shot back.

Lily hesitated. "Damn you," she muttered.

"Round 1 goes to Riley," Kay announced jokingly.

"You shoved a Prince?" Peter said to Riley in awe.

"Yeah, well he was hitting on me, probably because Gran paid him to, and wouldn't let up, so I did the only thing I thought I could," Riley explained with a shrug. "I shoved him into a fountain."

The boys burst out in laughter, Sirius trying not to stare at Riley with too much adoration. "You really hated him that much?" Peter questioned.

"I didn't hate him. I just didn't want to hear another pick-up line," she declared with a proud grin.

"Man, I miss all the good Auror balls," Sirius pouted.

"Last year the Head Auror almost pummeled you into the ground for dancing with his granddaughter," Remus pointed out dryly.

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, I know. Good times, hm?" he said dreamily.

"You're pathetic," Riley kidded, rolling her eyes.

"Yep, and damn proud of it."

Riley rolled her eyes and chose to change the subject. "So where's James? I'd like to see this black eye of his."

They all laughed, nervous laughs emitting from everyone except for Riley, Kay, and Peter who still were not in the know of the previous night's event between the two. Remus even glanced at Lily, wondering what she thought of James always running back to Kristina.

"Don't know," Remus finally answered when it was clear no one else was going to, trying not to let on how much tension was going on within the group.

"With _Kristina_ probably," Sirius snapped, a trace of anger in his tone, as he rolled his eyes. Remus gave him a stern look, one that thankfully everyone else missed.

Riley gave her boyfriend a strange look. "Whoa, why so testy?"

Sirius shrugged. "No reason," he murmured, ignoring the look of warning Lily was now giving him.

"You all look on edge actually," Kay noticed, staring at Sirius, Remus, and Lily equally long enough, trying to figure out what was going on, as they wore fake smiles and tried not to look suspicious. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, just glad everyone's back from break," Remus hastily responded. "So no James, huh? Haven't seen him around since breakfast."

"What is with you guys?" Riley demanded to know, an agreeing nod from Kay and Peter.

"Nothing," they all replied in unison, shaking their heads vigorously.

Riley, Kay, and Peter exchanged confused glances, just as a shadow loomed over the crowd and spoke with a hint of a smirk. "So, Sirius, what was the fight about?"

They all whirled around and were greeted by Dezzy.

Sirius' eyes widened and shook his head slightly, hoping Dezzy would get the hint.

Of course, the girls picked up quick. "What?" Riley asked before anyone could intervene. "What fight?"

Dezzy stared at her in shock, obviously already have thought that they knew. "You mean, he didn't tell you guys?"

"_No_," Sirius quickly interjected, giving Dezzy a forewarning look.

"Didn't tell us what?" Lily asked curiously.

"He and James got into a huge fight this morning at breakfast in front of everyone in the Great Hall," Dezzy replied overdramatically, ignoring Sirius' threatening look.

"_What_?" they all chorused.

"How big of a fight?" Kay asked.

"Ginormous," Dezzy replied, continuing to ignore Sirius' pleading looks. "They both stormed out of the Great Hall."

"Are you sure it was them? I mean, are you positive it was James and Sirius who got into a fight and not just look-alikes?" Kay replied, her jaw hanging open in complete amazement. Dezzy nodded as Kay shook her head in disbelief. "But they never fight!"

"We do, too!" Sirius finally spoke up with a pouty look.

"Yeah, about whether you want oatmeal or cereal for breakfast," Riley pointed out. "But that never ended with you storming out of the Great Hall."

"Yeah, it just usually ends up with oatmeal down one of their robes with the other laughing hysterically," Remus snickered.

They all glared at him.

"What, I can't joke?" he questioned. "I mean, I know that's usually a James and Sirius thing to do, but I have my moments."

"Well, you can have a moment after we discuss this argument," Kay said.

Remus scowled.

"Man, it has not been a good week for James," Riley snickered. "I mean, first Lily punches him and now his best friend and he are fighting."

"What was the fight about this morning?" Kay asked to no one in particular.

Naturally, Sirius and Remus kept their mouths shut, so she turned to Dezzy looking for an answer. But she just shrugged. "Not really sure," she claimed. "Something about love or dating or whatnot. It didn't make a lot of sense to the rest of us who were clearly not clued in, and they were muttering under their breaths half the time so no one could understand. But they were both angry, that much was obvious."

It suddenly dawned on Lily what the fight was probably about and she groaned, glaring at him heatedly. She sighed, "Sirius, _what_ did you do?"

Sirius stared at her with an irritated look on his face. "What? What makes you think _I _did something!"

Lily gave him a look.

He gave her a guilty smile. "Yeah, okay, I made a mistake," he murmured.

"And what was that?" Riley dared to ask.

"Nothing," both Lily and Sirius replied in unison.

"Damnit, I'm never leaving Hogwarts for break again," she whined, groaning inwardly.

"Well that won't be difficult, considering you won't be at Hogwarts next year," Dezzy snickered.

"Haven't you done enough?" Sirius demanded.

She shrugged. "I was just making a joke."

"And haven't we established that joking time hasn't arrived yet?" Riley teased. "By the way, heard all about the make-out session with Drew from a lovely howler James sent to my house."

Dezzy groaned and covered her face in embarrassment. "It wasn't a make-out session!"

"I still cannot believe you made out with Drew Gilmore," Sirius cried out with a proud snicker. Anything to change the subject away from him and James.

"Didn't I just declare that we didn't make out?" Dezzy pouted.

"But there was some form of lip-to-lip action?" he demanded with a suggestive grin.

Dezzy sighed. "Man, I'm never going near the Gilmore family again."

"Good!" Sirius cried out, crossing his arms firmly. "You should keep it that way."

Riley stared at Sirius stubbornly. "What's wrong with the Gilmores?"

Sirius hesitated, knowing he had just dug himself a hole. "Uh…"

"Nice going," Remus whispered, leaning back comfortably, hoping to enjoy the show.

"Oh look at the time, gotta go...uh…feed my goldfish," he lied with a shrug, practically jumping off the couch and maneuvering through the crowd of Gryffindors.

"You don't have a goldfish!" Riley shouted over the loud voices. "In fact, you're _scared _of goldfish!"

The group all looked confused, staring after Sirius hesitantly. "Sirius is scared of goldfish?" Kay snorted, finally asking the obvious question.

Riley shrugged. "Something about fins…or…or being able to breathe under water without a tank or something," she replied with a sigh. "I don't know. Does anything he does ever make sense?"

Kay hesitated and eventually shook her head. "Nope."

"Okay, well I'm…I'm going to go search for James," Riley lied, hoping Sirius hadn't gone too far. "While I do that, how about you entertain everyone with how you and Lance got back together, Kay?"

"WHAT!"

Kay blushed and looked away, biting her fingernail giddily.

Riley grinned and walked away from them as Dezzy took over Riley's now empty seat and listening intently to Kay tell her story.

Riley rushed out of the portrait hole and turned right, hoping to catch up with Sirius wherever he ran off to and smacked directly into someone, stumbling backward with a grunt.

"Sorry," she muttered, cleaning herself up without even looking up.

"I don't mind," a deep, sexy voice responded.

Riley quickly looked up, knowing who that voice belonged to, and grinned. "Have you been standing out here the whole time?"

"I knew you'd come after me," he replied, glancing at her with a deep longing.

"I've missed you," she breathed heavily, wanting nothing but to kiss his luscious lips.

Sirius simply gave her a cocky smile, grabbing her arm and quickly leading her to an empty room around the corner. "It's been torture without you," he eventually said, dragging her into the room, glancing around in hopes there would be no one there. Luckily, it was completely deserted. He pulled Riley towards him hurriedly and bent down, pressing his lips to hers in a passionate frenzy. He wrapped his arms around her so tightly, hoping never to let go. He explored the inside of her mouth, pushing her up against the back of the wall, as she ran her fingers through his hair messily, grateful that she was finally back in his arms.

Neither wanted to pull away, but eventually Riley had to, gasping for breath. Both of their breathing was rapid and heavy, their lips swollen and their bodies trembling. They just stared at each other, their eyes filled with lust, before Sirius finally reached out, embracing her snugly. He smelled her hair and smiled, loving the feeling of Riley in the nook of his neck and shoulder.

"So why are you fighting with James?" Riley finally broke the silence with a question she was dying to know the answer to.

Sirius froze, knowing he should probably keep his mouth shut and let James and Lily figure it out on their own. And yet at the same time, he wanted Riley's opinion so badly. He knew that she knew Lily and James both better than he probably did. And he didn't want to start this year with her like he had two years earlier: in a lie. He sighed and finally just said, "Well, James doesn't know what he wants."

Riley waited for more, but when it was clear she wasn't going to get it, she pulled herself back away from Sirius' embrace and looked up at him curiously. "Doesn't know what he wants with _what_?" she urged.

Sirius stared into his girlfriend's concerned eyes and said after much hesitation, "I guess I should have said that he doesn't know _who _he wants."

Riley cocked her head to the left curiously. "You want to elaborate more?"

Did he want to break his friend's trust even further and tell his girlfriend her secrets or should he do the right thing and not say anything? Let Lily do it on her own? He sighed and knew he couldn't keep it inside any longer. He had hoped that maybe Riley could talk some sense into James seeing as she had known him the longest. "He sorta has a choice to make: Kristina or Lily."

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" she asked in confusion. Riley continued staring at her boyfriend blankly until it dawned on her. She widened her eyes in shock. "Wait…you mean…like a relationship choice?"

Sirius nodded feebly, wondering if he did the right thing.

"James and _Lily_?"

Again, he nodded.

"But…what…how…when…why…where…_what?_"

Sirius couldn't help but laugh. "I know, I know. Seems unreal, doesn't it?'

"Well she did punch him a week ago," Riley pointed out, shaking her head in disbelief. "That doesn't exactly scream out relationship to me."

Sirius laughed again. "I know," he agreed. "But if you had been here the whole week, it…it sorta unfolded."

"Seriously, I am never leaving again," she murmured in disbelief.

"Works for me," he responded with a sly smile.

She grinned, pressing her lips to his. "Now, do you mind telling me exactly how this all unfolded?"

Sirius opened his mouth to attempt to explain and sighed weakly. "Do you have a few hours?"

She laughed and nodded. "For you? Anything."

He smiled, just realizing how beautiful she looked in casual wear. He kissed her lightly on the lips again and dove straight into the story of James and Lily, excluding the part about Lily being an orphan for half her life. He figured that was something she had to tell them on her own.

* * *

Riley knocked softly on James' door and pushed it open. She wasn't surprised to see James lying back on his bed, his face tilted towards the ceiling with a look of wonder. "Hey," she greeted.

He nodded curtly, his eyes briefly glimpsing in her direction. "How was break?"

Riley shrugged, edging herself on to the end of his bed. "I'm a lot more interested in how your break was."

James' heart skipped a beat, a grimace spreading across his face. "Who told you?"

"About what exactly?" Riley snorted, offering him an apologetic smile. "The fist fight? The black eye? The kiss on the balcony? The profession of love to Kristina?"

James frowned. "I really don't want to talk about it, Riles," he sighed. "I don't want to discuss any of it. I just want to sit here staring at the ceiling and remember what it was like to be a normal teenager."

Riley patted him on the knee, a grim smile on her face. "I hate to break it to you, but your life pretty much sums up normal teenager."

"Getting beaten up by a girl is normal teenager behavior?"

Riley paused. "Okay, maybe not that, but being forced into a love triangle is something many teenagers encounter unfortunately. I guess you're one of the lucky ones."

James glared at her. "I think you mean unlucky ones."

Riley shrugged sheepishly. "You want to tell me what's going on or do I have to guess?"

"I already said that I didn't want to talk-"

"Here's my guess," Riley interrupted before he could finish his sentence. "You're an idiot."

James' gaze fell upon her with confusion and irritation. "Why do I always end up the idiot?"

Riley sighed, letting her gaze linger on her friend. In the past two weeks since she had seen him, he looked ten years older. There were crease lines on his forehead and bags under his eyes. "James," Riley said firmly, not continuing until he was glancing back at her, "I am not telling you what to do. I'm not going to tell you who to date or even who to love. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I know what's best for you."

"But?" he anticipated.

She sat upright, her gaze lingering on his curious eyes. "But I think it's about time you took a step back and figured out once and for all what it is you want exactly. And I don't mean what you think you want."

James found himself chewing on his bottom lip as he did when he felt anxious and overwhelmed. "And what is it you think I want?" he murmured curiously.

She shrugged curtly. "I believe that you think it will be easier wanting Kristina. It's easier sticking with something you know versus the unpredictability that comes with the unknown."

James pursed his lips, expecting some form of her answer. "No offense, Riley, but you have no idea what's going through my head and I'd appreciate you not analyzing me," James muttered.

Riley snorted, giving him a look. "I have watched you for eighteen years, James. You don't think I know what's going through your head?"

James shifted his gaze back on to the ceiling with an awkward grunt.

"I know that you have pined over the same girl for _six years. _Six years of watching her every move. Six years of lusting after her. Six years of wondering what it would be like to actually date her," she argued, her eyes narrowing. "And now that that time has come, now that Lily has stood in front of you telling you that maybe, _just maybe_, she wants to be with you, too, you are scared out of your goddamned mind. Because if you let go of Kristina to be with Lily, what happens if it turns out it was all just about the chase? What happens if it turns out you and Lily were never meant to be together? What happens if you give up the reality of Kristina for a hypothetical such as Lily and you end up getting hurt? What happens if you realize that you built this girl up in your head and she doesn't measure up? What happens if you find out all of your dreams and fantasies were just that? What happens if you realize that the past six years was a complete waste?"

James' heart skipped a beat, a lump forming in his throat. He didn't have an answer for her as an overwhelming sense of grief washed over him. With every question she uttered, a piece of his heart shattered.

"But, James," she continued, her words soft and calculated. "What if it ends up being exactly everything you had hoped for?"

James met her gaze, his heart suddenly filling with hopeful butterflies. He didn't respond. He couldn't respond. Because it was that question that scared him the most.

"James, if you want to be with Kristina because that is what your heart is telling you, I will support you and accept her and so will the rest of our friends," Riley spoke slowly, running her fingers through her hair distressingly. "But if you only want to be with Kristina because that is what your head is telling you to do, I think it's about time you realized that your head isn't always right. It's about time you started listening to that heart of yours."

James grimaced, letting his head smack lightly against the headboard with a frustrated sigh. "And what if..." he started, stopping the words on the tip of his tongue. Riley glanced at him curiously, her gaze lingering on his. He ran his fingers through his hair and finished his sentence, "What if I'm not sure what either are saying?" he asked softly.

It was then that Riley sensed an inner turmoil occurring from James. He had never looked more confused and naive in his entire life and with the possibility of letting someone down, he looked disturbed and overwhelmed. Riley sighed and patted his leg, attempting to muster up some comfort for her disheveled friend. "You can't string them along forever," said Riley slowly, offering him an apologetic lopsided smile. "You need to figure out what it is you want and soon."

James groaned, bringing his hands to his face in mourning. "Can't you make that decision for me?"

Riley laughed. "Sorry, buddy, but I think you're all on your own for this one."

"Why does everything bad happen to me?" he whined.

"Yeah, oh shucks, I have two gorgeous, intelligent women who want to be with me. Damn, my life sucks," Riley drawled sarcastically, snickering intermittently.

"I am not appreciating your sarcasm at the moment."

Riley laughed again and was grateful to see that even James forced out a smile. "I'm going to go," she said, stifling a yawn. "It's obvious that you need to think about some things and I don't want to intrude on that."

She was halfway to the door when James stopped her. "No, please don't go," he pleaded, smiling guiltily at her. "I just...if you go, all I will do is constantly go back and forth between the two girls and...and right now, all I want to do is not think about it for a little while. I want to have some fun, drift off to sleep, and wake up in the morning with a fresh perspective on everything. But in order to do that, I need a bit of distraction."

Riley offered him a warm smile and slowly returned to the edge of his bed. "I will gladly be your distraction tonight," she said , shimmying up beside him. "So tell me all about this fist fight that occurred on Christmas and please do not leave any of the details out."

James couldn't help but laugh and dove into the story.

* * *

**A/N: **YAY! Chapter over! So although James and Lily still aren't together, at least Lily finally realizes what she wants thanks to Sirius. And Riley and Kay are back so YAY! And Sirius and Riley are starting off right where they left off before break, teehee. And the whole group knows that Sirius and James got into a fight, which is good...hm, did I leave anything out? Please review!


	49. Of Satan, Playboys, & Choices

**A/N: **CHAPTER 50! We're getting down to the last few chapters...which means GOOD THINGS!

**Disclaimer**: I'm not J.K. Rowling. I'm just a measly college student with very little money and a slight talent for writing.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 49: Of Satan, Playboys, & Choices

* * *

The first morning of classes after break was finally upon them two days later, the whole school grumbling as their alarm clocks went off, wishing they were still on break. Most of the student body had been up late the night before, reiterating their break stories and talking about the latest school gossip, Lily and James' fist fight still high on that list. Of course, the recent break-up between Kyra Severns and Cody Raymond was just a notch above them on the gossiping list, considering their three-year anniversary was supposed to have been a week away.

There was only thirty minutes left of breakfast and Sirius, only in boxers, was still sprawled out across his bed, his comforter cascading towards the floor not covering him up, not leaving a lot to the imagination. A piece of drool was hanging out of his mouth, his face planted into his pillow.

"SIRIUS!" Remus shouted for what had to have been the millionth time that morning. "The bathroom is free and God knows you need a shower!"

Sirius just grunted. Remus was uncertain if he was just doing that in his sleep or if he was acknowledging Remus' words with irritation.

"We have very little time left for breakfast!" Remus whined, practically yelling in his ear. "And I'm hungry!"

"Go away," Sirius murmured, turning his head to face the wall.

Remus gave Peter a helpless look, who was lying on his bed scrambling to finish up last-minute homework. Peter shrugged at Remus sheepishly and went back to finishing his Astronomy charts.

Remus pulled Sirius' comforter completely off of him and glared at Sirius, who peeked out one eye towards the wall. "Padfoot, there are hundreds of girls in this school who want to date you. Please give them _something_ to look forward to on their first real breakfast back from the holidays."

Peter laughed but Sirius only groaned. "Eh…they'll still want me if I'm scruffy and unhygienic."

Remus scrunched his nose up in disgust. "You smell like a garbage disposal threw up on you."

Sirius took the energy to lift his arm, smelled his armpit and shrugged. "Some girls like garbage disposals."

Remus gave him a disgusted look.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Okay, okay, I'm showering," he agreed, finally climbing out of bed slowly. He roamed into the bathroom and turned the water on to the shower. As Remus let out a sigh of relief and started getting his books together, Sirius cried out over the water running, "But we all know you just want to get down to breakfast to have some time with your girlfriend!"

"For the last time, she's not my girlfriend!" Remus snapped. "And we all know you don't want to go down to breakfast because you don't want to face Prongs!"

There was silence from the other side of the door. Remus knew it wasn't because Sirius didn't hear him but because Sirius knew Remus was right.

"Well, I'd personally like to get down to breakfast to eat something," Peter interjected. "I'm hungry!"

"Just go down without me!" Sirius cried out again. "I'll meet you down there!"

Remus knew perfectly well that Sirius wasn't going to meet them down there. In fact, he was going to skip out on breakfast altogether but at that point, Remus didn't care. He shrugged, yelled out, "FINE!" and he and Peter left the room, wandering down to breakfast on their own discussing the argument between James and Sirius the entire way. They plopped onto empty seats beside Riley and Kay.

"Where's Black?" Riley asked.

"Where's Lily?" Remus asked instead.

"Where's James?" Riley responded.

Remus paused. "Okay, I'm out."

Riley grinned and went back to her breakfast.

"So are you guys ready for your presentations?" Kay asked, talking about their Advanced Transfiguration presentations which were being presented in class later that day.

"Surprisingly, I think so," Riley replied.

"Why is that so surprising?" Kay questioned curiously.

"Because I'm working with Black," Riley pointed out.

"You're right, that is surprising," she laughed, shoveling eggs into her mouth. "What about you, Remus?"

"I'm working with Lily, Kay," he replied with a snicker. "We were ready in September."

"Hey Remus," a nearby voice greeted shyly.

Remus whirled around immediately, knowing who that voice belonged to. He tried not to blush and grinned. "Hey Jillian. Ready for the first day of school back from break?"

She snorted and hesitantly took a seat beside him, who was ignoring the intrigued looks on the girls' faces. "I prefer the two weeks of holiday break where I could be lazy and unmotivated and not have to pull all-nighters to write an essay and study for exams."

"Touché," Remus teased, pouring her a glass of pumpkin juice.

"Hey," Lily murmured, sliding into a seat beside Riley.

"You only have about ten minutes to eat," Kay pointed out, still glancing at Remus and Jillian out of the corner of her eye. "Why are you here so late?"

Lily shrugged. "Busy."

"Yeah, avoiding James," Riley snickered.

Lily shrugged again. "And so what if I am? I think I have plenty good reason to."

Riley simply nodded, wanting nothing more than to blurt out that she knew the whole situation and that Lily should start fighting for what she wants before it slips away from her forever; however, she promised Sirius she wouldn't mention anything to Lily and she was going to keep that promise. She knew that Sirius only entrusted the situation to her because he thought that that was what a good boyfriend should do. He felt that she deserved to know the truth. "Well, good luck at the prefect meeting tonight."

Lily's head jerked up. "Oh shit."

Jillian looked impressed. "Wow, didn't think you had the swearing in you."

Lily ignored her and groaned into the palms of her hand. "I completely forgot that there was a meeting tonight!"

"Well, you're a great role model for this school," Remus interjected sarcastically.

Lily glared at him.

"Uh…I'm going to get back to eating my bacon," he said awkwardly, giving Jillian a strained smile.

"That would be wise," Lily snapped, smacking her head lightly against the table. "Dammit, what's so important about a back-to-school prefect meeting? I like Thursday meetings better."

"Why? I'm sure you'll still be avoiding James then," Remus pointed out.

Lily glared at him. "Eat your bacon," she snorted, grabbing more and piling it onto his plate.

He shrugged and obliged.

"What am I going to do?" Lily muttered. She wasn't prepared to face James by herself. Sure, she knew she had classes, but it would be easy to avoid him in those considering she would be surrounded by students and the professors teaching. But she couldn't run a prefect meeting with him, his presence looming over her ever so close.

"Here's a thought: don't avoid him," Riley suggested.

Lily glared at her. "It's a little more complicated than that!"

"It doesn't have to be," Riley argued with a sigh. "I think you are both mature enough to reconcile your differences and just get along."

"I know I'm mature enough," Lily murmured. "I'm not so sure about James, though."

Riley sighed, secretly agreeing with Lily.

Kay, Remus, Peter, and Jillian jerked their heads up and stared at Lily in complete surprise after hearing her utter his first name. They didn't think that day would ever come.

"What?" Lily questioned, seeing their startled faces.

"You…you just said James," Peter said in surprise.

"What, didn't know that was his name?" Lily replied sarcastically.

"No, we know what his name was," Jillian joked. "We just didn't realize _you _knew."

Kay laughed. "I like you."

Jillian grinned and shrugged, blushing slightly. She glanced up and saw her roommates all walk into the Great Hall. "There are my friends," she said, turning towards Remus. "I'll see you later?"

He nodded, smiling at her as she got up to join her friends at the other end of the Gryffindor table.

"You mind telling us what that was about?" Kay said with a cheeky grin.

"I think she just wanted to go sit with her friends," Remus said innocently.

"Don't make me take your bacon away," she warned.

He laughed, shrugging curtly. "That was nothing, Kay. We're just friends."

"A friend he kissed at midnight on New Year's Eve," Peter interjected.

Remus glared at him. "Must you advertise my private life?"

"Yes. I'm a Marauder. It's what we do."

Remus groaned, shutting his eyes irritably. "Can we not make a big thing about this? Please?"

"You're asking way too much of us," Riley said with a smirk.

"Yeah, in the seven years we have been at this school, Jillian Greene has never once sat with us, or you, at any meal," Kay pointed out. "We are most definitely going to be making a big thing about this."

"Jillian hasn't been with us all seven years," Remus clarified with a shrug.

"Really? That's the part you're going to focus on?" Kay snorted.

Remus shrugged, shoving another piece of bacon into his mouth. "Yep."

Kay glared at him and was about to respond when a voice rang out behind them.

"Where's James?"

Lily froze, refusing to turn around and face Kristina, fearful of exposing herself.

Only Riley and Remus noticed the rigid state of Lily.

"Uh, what?" Remus asked, already forgetting what Kristina had said.

"I asked where James was…you know, the guy who _loves _me," she emphasized with a grin.

Kay's eyebrow arched, but Remus ignored them and replied, "I don't know. Probably in his room."

"But he's _always _at breakfast," Kristina declared.

"He must have overslept," Riley interjected, glancing briefly at the pained expression on Lily's face.

"He has an alarm clock," Kristina said matter-of-factly.

"Well, maybe it's not working," Remus replied with a shrug. "Why don't you go find him and ask him if it is?"

Kristina snorted. "Oh right, like if I find him, that's what I'm going to say. In fact, I probably won't be saying anything at all," she smirked.

Riley and Remus groaned inwardly as she sauntered out of the Great Hall, probably in search of James.

Lily didn't realize she was holding her breath until she gasped out air.

"Hm…she has a good point," Kay said slowly. "James _is _always at breakfast."

"Must have overslept," Riley repeated.

"Yep, broken alarm clock!" Remus added.

Lily sighed, knowing they were just attempting to hurry the conversation away from James, which granted she knew she wanted, but she was tired of people trying to protect her. If she weren't feeling so distracted, she may have wondered why Riley was acting so defensive. "I-I forgot a book," she blurted out, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. "I have to go back to my room and get it. I'll see you guys in class." She took a last bite of her scone and rushed out of the Great Hall immediately.

Riley and Remus exchanged looks, knowing that they had made Lily run off.

"Did James really tell Kristina he loved her?" Kay asked after Lily was gone.

Remus and Riley sighed in unison. "Yeah," Remus finally murmured.

"You don't sound thrilled by that," Kay pointed out, quirking an amused eyebrow.

Remus found Riley staring at him curiously, and he suddenly realized that she somehow had the same information that he did. "I just don't think he really means it," he said honestly with a curt shrug.

"What makes you say that?" Kay asked curiously.

"Do you think he loves Kristina?" Remus scrutinized.

"No," she responded, shaking her head. "But I'm just curious about your thoughts on the subject."

He exchanged a look with Riley, who found herself chiming in. "The guy doesn't know what love is," she said slowly.

"No, the problem is he does and it's not Kristina," Remus retaliated almost immediately.

Riley's pursed her lips while Kay and Jillian exchanged a confused look. "What is that supposed to mean?" Kay asked, getting increasingly frustrated with the vagueness of their answers.

"It means we're going to be late for class if we don't leave now," Riley interjected, giving Remus a look as she stood up from the table.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what Remus meant by that," Kay snorted. "Why is it that I leave for two weeks and I suddenly feel like I know absolutely nothing that's going on with my friends' lives?"

"Believe me, neither do I," Remus retaliated, scrunching his nose.

"You know more than I do," she snapped as she flung her bag over her shoulder and whisked herself out of the Great Hall.

Remus sighed, finishing off the bacon on his plate before standing up. "Riley, who told you about James and Lily?"

"Does it matter?" she argued, shrugging. "No, what matters is the fact that both James and Lily are cowards."

Peter and Remus glanced at her curiously. "How so?" Peter eventually asked.

"Obviously James is just with Kristina because it's the safe choice…the _easy _choice. He doesn't love her, he just loves the idea of her," she murmured in disgust. "And Lily is just hiding from her own feelings, not willing to fight for him, obviously avoiding him in hopes this will all go away. Just like it did the last two times they happened to snog."

"You're starting to sound like Sirius," Remus snickered.

"Well, for once in his life, that guy makes sense," Riley murmured. "It's clear that James and Lily belong together. Kristina's just in the way."

"Well, if that's the way it really is, if James _is_ with Kristina because it's the safe choice and Lily_ is_ hiding from her own feelings, I think they've already made up their minds," Peter sighed.

Riley nodded. "Yeah, looks like it."

"Listen, we really do need to get to class," Remus pointed out as the students at breakfast started getting up and wandering out of the Great Hall towards their classrooms. "Let's just…try not to think about this and hope they both figure it out before we're senior citizens."

Riley sighed and was the first to get up from the table. "Doubtful."

They both murmured their agreements and followed Riley out of the Great Hall.

* * *

Lily and Remus were the last presentation in Advanced Transfiguration and they both thought they did fairly well. They were prepared, they touched upon the important points and enjoyed what they were talking about, and if Lily just avoided looking at James, she was able to keep a smile on her face.

They sat down, both grinning at each other happily, as McGonagall got up to praise the presentations.

"Nice job, class!" she said with a jovial smile on her face, not something the students were used to. "Now, we only a few minutes left of class, but as I promised on the first day of class, we will be switching up the project partners for the next four months, giving you all a chance to learn to cooperate with other students. I hope the presentations at the end of the four months will be as wonderful as today's."

Riley yawned for the umpteenth time that day. "Can't we just go?" she murmured to Lily with a chuckle.

"You don't want to know who your partner is?" Lily questioned in intrigue. She was really curious who it could be. After Remus, she was pretty sure anyone would be a letdown.

Riley shook her head. "I can work with pretty much anyone after Black," she snickered. "I'm not worried."

"Riley Gilmore and Rhett Davies."

"Okay, now I'm worried," she groaned, her jaw dropping in horror. "Oh please, please, _please_ tell me she did not just say who I thought she said…"

Lily nodded, surprised by the look of absolute terror on her face. "She said Rhett," she reiterated. "Why is that so bad?"

Riley glanced over at Rhett, who had a similar reaction on his face, though his was filled with a little bit of sorrow. "It just is," she murmured.

She then glanced back at Sirius, whose mouth was in a thin line and his arms were crossed bitterly, obviously displeased with the news. He was happy for all of a minute when he heard his name being paired up with Remus but hearing his girlfriend being paired up with Rhett Davies made his happiness disappear.

Riley sighed and put her head in her hands with a groan. "This sucks!"

Before Lily could question it further, she heard her name being called.

"Lily Evans and James Potter."

Now it was Lily's turn to freeze in horror. Her whole body went completely stiff and she inhaled sharply. She could have had anybody in the room and James was her partner. Looks like her plan to avoid James at all costs was going to have to be put on hold.

James wasn't horrified by the news. In fact, he expected it. What he wasn't expecting was the look of dismay on Lily's face. He knew Lily was trying to avoid him and this news probably didn't make her happy, but did she have to look so horrified of the idea of working with him? He sighed and turned his gaze away from her, knowing it would only make him feel worse.

"Sorry man," Remus finally said. "You never know, maybe you'll work things out."

James gave his friend a look. "Have you ever known me and Evans to work things out?"

Remus paused. "You're right, you're doomed."

James took another peek at Lily and noticed her horrified state hadn't changed any.

What he didn't notice was Kristina on the other side of the room, fuming mad at the idea of her boyfriend and Lily spending even more time with each other than they already did.

* * *

Lily dashed into the prefect bathroom after class, trying desperately to catch her breath. No matter how much she tried convincing herself that working with James Potter would be fine, her heartbeat wouldn't slow down and her hands wouldn't stop trembling. She needed a new plan, one that didn't include avoiding him. But she wasn't sure what else to do. Because talking civilly with him clearly didn't get them anywhere. Barking at him clearly didn't get them anywhere. Not speaking to him at all didn't get them anywhere. So what did that leave for them? How could they possibly get through the next four months in a way where both of them could survive?

She didn't realize that tears were streaking down her face until she glanced up into the mirror and saw them glistening. She wiped them away quickly, refusing to work herself into a frenzied stupor. She needed to stop questioning and worrying and hyperventilating and just let life take its course. Because it sure as hell was a lot easier letting life takes its course than to try and figure out exactly what course _she_ wanted to take.

There was a couch in the corner and she slowly perched herself on it, wondering what the next step for her was going to be. She knew that she had to at least talk to James and figure out exactly where they had left things. They may have agreed to be friends but that was before James ruined it by kissing her. Or was she the one who ruined that by admitting her feelings for him? Or were they both to blame for not pushing the other way?

Lily groaned. She realized that Sirius was right. She did run. But what did he expect? She had no reason to believe that it would ever work out between her and James. She may have thought she had a crush on him but that absolutely did not mean she needed to act on it. In fact, it was better for everyone involved if she didn't.

Or was it just easier?

Her heart skipped a beat as that thought entered her mind. She had been so focused on convincing herself what was best she had neglected to realize that in the end, she was really only making decisions off what was easy. It was easier pretending that James didn't care for her. It was easier telling him to go back to Kristina because then she didn't have to face her own feelings. It was easier pretending that the kiss meant nothing in fear of realizing that it meant everything. It was easier running away from him then running towards him. It was easier keeping everything the same, too afraid to face change. It was easier acting as if it was all about conquering some sort of challenge for James than finding out that James Potter really did have feelings for her for the past six years.

But did that make any of it better? Was it better pretending and faking and acting as if none of it mattered?

She already knew the answer to that. No, it wasn't better. In fact, it sucked. It sucked being James' second choice and it sucked pretending as if that was okay with her.

But the fact of the matter was, she had better start getting used to it. Because if she had to work with James for the next four months, she was determined to not make it awkward and uncomfortable as much as she possibly could.

Unfortunately, that was going to be a lot easier said than done.

* * *

That whole idea of getting a fresh new perspective in the moment ended up being total crap to James. He was more confused than ever. Especially as he watched Lily be the first one to rush from class, most likely to get away from him as quickly as possible.

What was he doing? What was he doing with Kristina and what was he doing with Lily? He had hoped that by returning to Kristina's side on New Year's Eve that that would be the end of the questioning. That that represented the difficult choice he didn't want to make. But he couldn't get the entire conversation on the balcony off his mind no matter how hard he desperately tried.

And clearly, neither could Lily. He just couldn't figure out if it was anger she was feeling or if it was sorrow or guilt or confusion. Or all of the above. Because all of the above pretty much summed up his own emotions.

He had everything he thought he had ever wanted in the very moment that Lily admitted she actually had some sort of feelings for him. But in jsut a few mere minutes, what he thought he had ever wanted disappeared. She pushed him away and he let her. He let her make the decision he had been so scared of making. So why was he beating himself up over it? She had done exactly what he had asked of her. It should be over between them.

He sighed. He had a pretty good feeling it would never just be over between them.

He snapped back to reality when he realized someone was waving their hand in front of him. "Hm?"

"You okay, honey?" Kristina asked, frowning.

James' heart skipped a beat. "Yeah," he murmured. "Just irritated that I'm stuck with Evans as a partner."

He noted the exchanged look between Remus and Sirius and ignored it. "Yeah, I'm sure," Sirius snorted sarcastically, smirking at James before grabbing Remus and rushing out of the room.

James clenched his fists, glaring after his friend who had already disappeared.

"What's with him?" Kristina asked, helping her boyfriend gather his things.

"Who knows?" James muttered irritably. "Who cares?"

Kristina glanced at him, shocked by the hostility in his tone. "Well, seeing as you're his best friend, I'd say you should."

James frowned. If only she knew what the two of them were fighting about. "C'mon, let's go to lunch," he murmured, steering the conversation away from his friend.

She nodded and linked arms with him, following him out of the room.

As they traipsed down to lunch, James couldn't help but think about what Sirius had said to him two days earlier. He had gotten pissed at Sirius for one reason and one reason only: because Sirius was absolutely right about everything he had said and James hated him for being right. He sighed. No, what he actually hated was himself. For being a coward. For choosing the easy way out. For not caring enough about what Lily was feeling. For being so stupid about the whole love triangle situation. For playing two girls at once. For not knowing what love really was. But what he hated most was the fact that he was being so willing to ignore all of that because he was too afraid of trying to change it.

Sirius wasn't the only one who was right. Riley was, too. He was so afraid that if he let Lily into his life, it wouldn't measure up to the fantasies he's dreamed up in his head for over six years. What if he found out she wasn't the girl of his dreams? What if he found out all of this dreams and wishes and desires and fantasies were nothing but a complete waste of time?

On the other hand, what if she turned out to be more than his fantasies? More than his dreams? More than his desires? What if she ended up turning out to be the girl he was meant to be with? What if he found out that she was supposed to be the girl he fell in love with?

He glanced to his right at Kristina, who was chattering away about her roommate, Kyra, and her recent break-up. Did he really love Kristina? Or had he said those words in the heat of the moment? Because what guy tells his girlfriend he loves her just to kiss another girl less than an hour later?

He sighed. He would have been better off continuing to play the role of one of Hogwarts' finest womanizers at this rate. It certainly would have been easier. Love was way too complicated for his taste.

He groaned inwardly. There he goes again talking about what was easiest. He really needed to stop being such a coward and just face his feelings head-on. He really just needed to figure out what he wanted. Not what he thought was easiest, but what he really and truly wanted.

Unfortunately, that was going to be a lot easier said than done.

* * *

When Lily returned to the Gryffindor common room, foregoing lunch, she found Riley slumped down on the couch by the fireplace. She joined her, trying hard to force a smile on her face.

"Where did you run off to?" Riley asked.

Lily's smile faded. "Oh, just some Head stuff. Had to talk to Dumbledore about something."

Riley knew she was lying and had a feeling her quick departure in Advanced Transfiguration was more about a certain Head Boy than it was about Head business. She simply nodded as Kay entered the common room, her eyes immediately zooming in on them. As she got closer, she noted the deep frowns on both of her friends' faces.

"Whoa, what's with the long faces?" Kay asked as she smushed in between them.

"We got our new partners today in Advanced Transfiguration," Riley murmured with a sigh.

"Well, unless you got paired up with Satan, it can't be that bad," Kay reassured with a laugh.

They both glared at her.

"Hm, I sense this isn't the time for joking."

Riley grunted in agreement. "Let's just say that I'd rather be paired with Satan," she murmured.

Kay glanced curiously at her. "But you got rid of Black. There can't be anyone else as bad as him."

Riley sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "My partner is Rhett," she droned.

Kay exchanged a look with Lily. "And…why's that bad?"

Riley gave Kay a look of disbelief. "Are you serious?" she cried. "He's my ex!"

"No, he's kinda your ex," Lily snickered. "You two never exactly accrued the relationship status."

Riley grunted. "Maybe not, but we still dated."

"Well, maybe this is a good thing," Lily protested with a hopeful smile. "Maybe you two will end up getting back together!"

Kay nodded vigorously in agreement. "Yeah! I can see it now: first, you get paired together to do a four-month long project, then he looks across the way and sees a piece of your hair falling over your face. He reaches over and puts it behind your ear which results in a lusting spark and you end up doing it right there on the project!"

Riley recoiled in disgust. "Ew ew ew, _stop_."

"_Which_ you still hand in," she added with a grin.

Riley glared at Kay. "Do you know what the meaning of stop is?"

"Oops," she responded with a snicker.

"And why are you so disgusted at the thought of having sex with Rhett?" Lily dared to ask.

"I'm not disgusted at the thought of having sex with Rhett. I'm disgusted at the thought of having sex with Rhett on our project," Riley corrected huffily.

Lily snorted. "Oh sure, you'll do it on a stack of books on a crooked table in the library, but not on your project."

Riley gasped. "How'd you find out about that?"

"Everyone found out about that," Kay interjected with a snicker. "You and Zach weren't exactly the quietest when it came to hooking up, especially when the crooked table kept creaking."

Riley gave her a sheepish look. "Oops?"

"So, why are you so horrified with the idea of working with Rhett?" Lily asked, steering the conversation back on track.

Riley didn't answer. She never really told her friends the extent of their so-called break-up. She mentioned that there wouldn't be any more dates, but that was it. She changed the subject and Rhett was never brought up again. Until now.

"It didn't seem as if you two left on bad terms," Kay pointed out. "This could be a blessing in disguise."

"You're right, we didn't exactly leave on bad terms…" Riley agreed, not mentioning that Sirius was the one who technically broke it off. "But…but we did break up. And break-ups are tough."

"You only went on one date," Lily pointed out.

"Technically it was three!" Riley argued. "We met up in the library to do some reason and he came to my birthday party."

"Yeah, and that was the last we saw of him," Lily indicated. "Why is that?"

Riley shrugged. "We went our separate ways," she said vaguely.

"But why?" Kay whined.

"Yeah, you never did tell us what happened between you two," Lily urged, narrowing her eyes curious. "What brought the out-of-the-blue break-up on? I thought you guys were cute together."

"It doesn't matter whether or not we were cute together. We just didn't work out," Riley retaliated, clenching her fists irritably.

"I repeat my earlier question: _but why_?" Kay asked.

"Because things change."

"How did they change?" Lily asked calmly.

"They just did!" Riley shot back, throwing her hands in the air. "We...we weren't right for each other, alright? Can't we please talk about something else now?"

Lily and Kay exchanged looks, knowing there was more to the story then Riley was telling them. But they granted Riley's wish and Kay moved on to asking Lily about her partner. "So who'd you get as a partner, Lily?"

Lily gave her a look. "Who do you think?"

Kay gave her a sympathetic look. "I have a feeling you may have been paired up with a certain Head Boy…"

"Ding, ding, ding," Lily agreed with a groan.

"You know what you need, Lily?" Kay said. "A boyfriend." She ignored the shooting glare she was earning from Riley.

Lily stared at her. "What the hell does that have anything to do with me getting Potter as a partner?"

Kay shrugged. "Maybe you two will stop fighting once you are distracted by a significant other."

"Doubtful," Lily murmured. "Besides, I don't have time for a boyfriend."

"Which in Lily language means her boyfriend options are all dead-end," Riley sniggered.

Lily glared at her. "Just because I'm not interested in anyone right now doesn't mean that my options are dead-end. There are plenty of guys in this school to choose from."

"Well, good. Then choose one," Kay teased.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Like I said, I have no time for a boyfriend."

"Oh really, and what, pray tell, is keeping you so busy you don't have time to fall in love?" Kay asked with a chuckle.

"Schoolwork, the N.E.W.T.s. are coming up, Head business, prefect meetings, meetings with Dumbledore, I have to start planning for graduation including the Graduation Ball, I have to start applying for jobs and internships out of school. The list goes on," Lily pointed out.

Riley rolled her eyes. "If you ask me, you're just making excuses."

"Well, I didn't ask you," Lily snapped, wanting nothing more than to stray from this conversation. The one person she wanted to be with was already taken, so school is what she was going to be devoted to for the next five months. "Besides, now with Potter as my partner for Advanced Transfiguration, it will take double the amount of time it took with Remus to get our project done."

Kay pursed her lips. "Here's a thought: stop fighting," Kay said dryly.

"Here's a thought: that's never going to happen," Lily replied with a groan. "Why is God against me? No, I take that back: why is McGonagall against me?"

"I don't think McGonagall is against you, Lily," Kay defended. "And I'm pretty sure God isn't against you. He has a lot more problems to deal with than your petty differences with James."

Lily narrowed her eyes skeptically. "Petty differences?" she snorted, pointing an eyebrow upward. "I think it's a little more than that, Kay."

Kay shook her head in disagreement. "No, I'm pretty sure your differences are petty."

Lily scowled. "Our differences aren't insignificant, Kay! They are the basis of our entire foundation."

"Yeah, of petty hatred," Kay murmured.

"Our foundation may be hatred, but it isn't petty," Lily whined. She didn't want to believe that everything she had ever endured with James was petty. Because that would mean her feelings for him were petty. "It's not as if I enjoy arguing with him about stupid things. He's just a moron. I can't help that!"

"Lily, you two fight over the most random things in the world and your arguments are getting a bit stale," Kay argued with a shrug. "It's the same material over and over. You think he's an arrogant prick and he thinks you're a stubborn bookworm. Yawn."

"You'd be surprised what he actually thinks of me," Lily muttered under her breath so neither of her friends could hear.

"What?" Kay asked.

"Nothing," Lily murmured. "I do think he's an arrogant prick, Kay. But do you blame me?"

"No, but that doesn't mean you should be shooting your mouth off at him every time you feel like," Kay retorted with a shrug. "Because I think the entire school is getting tired of hearing yet another fight you and James had about…about him stealing the last scone or whatever. Get some real material to fight about if you want to fight."

Lily stared at her friend in shock. "What's your deal, Kay?" she asked curiously.

Kay sighed, glancing over at Riley who was clearly trying not to look uncomfortable with the argument that was erupting in front of her. "Clearly something went down between you and James over break," Kay said slowly. "And I'm beginning to think that I'm the only one who doesn't know what happened."

"We got into a fist fight," Lily murmured. "What more do you need to know?"

"Everything," she sighed. "Every time you and James are brought up, it's like everyone is walking on eggshells around you. Even Riley. So what is it that everyone seems to know that _I _don't?"

"What? I don't walk on eggshells around them. Don't drag me into this," she whined.

Lily glanced at Riley, whose eyes were actively trying to avoid Lily's by darting around the room. Her lips were pursed and her eyes wide with fake innocence. Lily knew in that moment that Riley knew everything. "Damnit, Riley, who told you!"

"What? No one! I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. So you're stuck with James as a partner, hm? Really bad luck you got there."

Kay snorted. "Wow, that wasn't convincing at all."

Riley glared at her. "See, this is why we don't tell you anything."

"Maybe _you_ don't, but right before break, Lily told me that she and James kissed after he had accidentally slapped her."

"Kay!" Lily groaned.

Riley gasped, her eyes growing wide as she turned towards Lily. "He also kissed you a few weeks ago?"

"RILEY!" Lily whined, burying her head in her arms.

It was Kay's turn to gasp and turn to Lily with accusing eyes. "What does Riley mean _also_?"

Lily whimpered, slumping down on the couch. "Please just let the floor open up and swallow me whole," she murmured.

"_Lily_?" her two friends pleaded simultaneously.

Lily slowly lifted her head from her arms and sighed. "I have no idea who told you about New Year's Eve, Riley, and Kay, what happened back then is so far in the past," she said rather calmly, "All I want right now is just to forget that any of it ever happened. Can you please, _please _respect that?"

Riley sighed. "You and James are so bloody alike," she muttered.

Lily stiffened at his name. "I don't care what you think as long as we can stop talking about it."

Riley and Kay exchanged a look. "Lily," Kay started slowly. "The guy kissed you twice. Clearly something is going on there."

"Four times actually," Lily sighed. She cringed, hastily adding, "But that is so not the point."

"FOUR TIMES!"

"I said that wasn't the point!" Lily groaned, glaring at her two friends. She had no idea what had possessed her to tell them that she and James shared a kiss four times. Looking back, that was idiotic of her.

"You do realize that you just shared that tidbit of information with us because even though you claim you don't want to talk about it, you kinda do," Riley sighed, giving her fellow Gryffindor a look.

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "No, I don't want to talk about it," she murmured. "I really don't. But..."

"But?" Kay urged.

"It all just seems so unfinished," Lily spoke softly, shrugging. "I have no idea where he and I stand and...and in all honsety, that's all I really want to know. Are we just coworkers? Friends? Acquaintances? Project partners?"

"Friends with benefits?" Riley teased.

Lily glared at her. "I think that one is off the table."

"Apparently not. You've kissed four times," Kay muttered.

It was her turn to be on the receiving end of Lily's glare.

Kay grinned sheepishly. "Pray tell, when were these other times?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Lily whined.

"We've been over this. Of course you want to talk about it," Riley said with a sheepish grin.

Lily sighed, shaking her head. "No, I really don't. I just...I don't know. I want things to finally just be..." she trailed off.

"Resolved?" Kay suggested.

Lily's heart skipped a beat. She had used that very word with James on New Year's Eve. Before he kissed her twice and she told him she liked him. Maybe nothing would ever be able to be resolved between them. She felt the hairs on her arm slowly stand up at that thought. "Is that silly of me?" she eventually spoke. "I do think that's wishful thinking."

Riley sighed. "You two need to talk to each other."

Lily burst into laughter. "Hah! That is what seems to get us into trouble so I think I will be refraining from doing _that_."

"Fine then, just kiss the guy again."

"RILEY!"

She laughed, shrugging. "Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood."

"This mood can't be lightened," Lily muttered.

"If you want things to be resolved, Lily," Kay pointed out with a shrug. "The only way to do that _is_ talk to him."

Lily frowned, her heart fluttering at the very thought. "I'm...I'm afraid of what he'll say," she admitted in a small voice.

Kay and Riley exchanged a look, recognizing that their friend was dealing with a lot of angst but neither spoke. None of them were sure of what to say at that point. Lily tried ignoring the thumping in her heart, Kay tried wrapping her head around the fact that Lily and James kissed once again, and Riley tried to stop wondering if her two best friends would ever be able to really see eye-to-eye.

"Lily?" Kay finally spoke, the two-syllable word hesitant on her tongue.

"Hm?"

She frowned, biting down on the inside of her lip curiously. "Do you _like _James?"

Lily didn't answer. She couldn't answer. Because every time she admitted that aloud, something went terribly wrong.

But she didn't need to say it. Riley and Kay could both see in their best friend's eyes that that answer to that question was unequivocally yes.

* * *

James slowly trekked up to his friends' dormitory, hesitance residing in his every step. He knocked only once before pushing the door open.

Sirius glanced up from his Potions essay, a frown framing his face. "Remus and Peter are in the library."

"I know," he spoke. "I need to talk to you."

"There's not much I want to hear from you, Prongs," he said stubbornly.

"What if I choose Kristina?"

Sirius blinked, slowly placing his quill down on to his parchment. He sighed. "I'm not against the idea of you going after Kristina, Prongs," he sighed. "But if you want to choose her then actually _choose _her, Prongs. Don't pretend to choose her and continue to jerk Lily around on the side. You're being so unfair to them."

James frowned, leaning up against the doorframe. "It's not like I go out of my way to jerk Evans around."

"I know that," he spoke with another sigh. "But doesn't that say something?"

"Like what?"

"That you can't seem to let her go."

"Let go of _what_? I never had her to begin with," James argued, pouting irritably.

Sirius' lips pursed stubbornly. "Maybe that's the problem," he murmured. "You don't know what you're letting go of."

James didn't respond, uncertain what to even say to that. Because he was right. Maybe it was impossible letting go of whatever the hell he and Lily had because he had no idea what it even was. Or what it could be. "Sirius, I just came here because I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be disappointed in me if I chose Kristina."

"Merlin, James, is that what you're worried about? _Me _being disappointed?"

James cringed. "I-I don't know."

He cocked his head to the side. "Or are you worried about Lily-bean being disappointed?"

"Please stop bringing Evans up," he whined. "I don't-"

"You can't even call her by her first name," Sirius pointed out.

James frowned reluctantly. "She's been Evans to me for six years, Sirius," he said softly. "The Evans who yelled at me and challenged me. The Evans who hexed me back and stood up to me. The Evans who insulted me and called me names. The Evans who got riled up every time I walked in her vicinity. The Evans who never let me get my way and never fell for my charm." His heart thumped loudly at the reminder of the people they used to be. He glanced up at the curious gaze on his best friend's face. "I'm not used to the...the Lily who kisses me back and who claims she wants to be with me. I...I don't know how to deal with that."

Sirius' head cocked to the side skeptically. Hhe had never seen his friend look so lost and helpless. James Potter never felt helpless. It was throwing Sirius for a loop, but Sirius knew that the best way to deal with his friend like that was not to coddle him but to be blunt. "When _will _you be able to deal with it?" he said with a scoff. "Because I got to tell you, until you do, you're going to continue being this confused little coward."

He scowled, hating that Sirius was right. Because truth was, he wasn't dealing with it. He was avoiding Lily and forcing himself to spend all of his time with Kristina so that he could ignore the fact that his head was swarming with a million confusing questions. But that didn't make him a coward. It just made him human. "I'm not being a coward, Padfoot. I'm trying to be realistic."

"You're not being realistic, you're being a scaredy-cat."

"Damnit, Sirius, I'm not scared of anything! I just told you I came up here to choose Kristina. If really was that cowardly scaredy-cat you seem to enjoy calling me, then I wouldn't have made a decision!"

"You came up here to hesitantly ask what _if _you chose Kristina. That's not making a decision, James. That's making the decision to _maybe _make a decision. You're still clearly confused."

"I am!" James snapped, glaring at him. "I am still confused, Sirius! I have absolutely no idea what to make of any of this! For six years, I went after Evans! I asked her out, I taunted and I teased her, I watched her from afar, I fantasized about the day that she would like me back! And-"

"Well, that day has come, m'friend," Sirius pointed out with a shrug. "What are you going to do about it?"

James' glare softened. "What _can _I do, Sirius?" he muttered lamely. "I...I went after her for six years. And for six years, she rejected me and turned me down and pretty much denied my existence. Now that I have a girlfriend and I've moved on, _that's _when she decides to tell me she likes me? What am I supposed to make of that?"

"James, you-"

James cut him off, refusing to be berated any further. "Everyone keeps saying how unfair I'm being to Evans, but what about _me_? How is any of this fair to _me_?"

"Really? You're going to go with self-pity right now? Yeah, life really sucks when you have two gorgeous girls who want you."

James frowned. That sounded an awful lot like something Riley had said to him. "I don't want two girls, I just want one," he snapped stubbornly.

"Which one?"

His spine stiffened and he stood up from the door. "That seems to be the question, doesn't it," he muttered.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah," he said simply, his expression icy. "So answer it, James. If you want to be with Lily-bean, then just _do _it. And if you want to be with Kristina, _fine_. But own that decision. Stop wavering."

James ran his fingers through his hair hesitantly. He was just so damned confused. He needed a lot of time to process the fact that Lily Evans actually kinda liked him. More than three days, that was for certain. He had had six years to get used to the idea of falling for Evans. And it's not like he expected she would still be waiting for him if it took six years to get used to the idea of she liking him. But he at least deserved more than a few days, right? "What if I make the wrong decision?" he blurted out, that question sticking out in the forefront of his mind.

"Is that why you're so hesitant?" Sirius asked slowly. "You're afraid of hurting someone?"

"I'm going to hurt someone no matter what I do," James said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, but right now you're hurting both of them," he pointed out.

James frowned. Damnit, he was right again. James really hated when Sirius was right. "You're not going to let this go until I make a final decision, aren't you."

Sirius shrugged. "Honestly? You don't deserve to be let off the hook, Prongs."

James sighed, hanging his head shamefully. "Don't you think I'm giving myself enough shit for all this drama? Just because I'm still confused and I'm still working everything through in my mind doesn't mean I don't hate myself for what I'm doing to both girls. But what the hell do you expect, Sirius? Three nights ago, Evans told me the one thing I had always wanted to hear from her but never _once _expected to hear. So can you blame me for being a bit thrown? I'm still just...I don't know. I'm processing I guess."

"I know you're completely thrown," Sirius agreed, shrugging. "I never said you weren't allowed to be. But..." he stopped himself before continuing.

"_But_?"

Sirius' lips pursed hesitantly before he continued. "James, the moment Lily-bean told you she liked you, what did you think? What was the first thing that crossed your mind?"

James frowned. "I-I don't know."

Sirius sighed irritably. "You don't know a whole lot, do you?"

"No," James muttered. "No, I don't."

"I think you need to figure out what you thought in that moment. Because that's what's going to make your decision for you."

James' heart skipped a beat. He thought back to the moment Lily told him that all she wanted was him and tried remembering what he had thought in that moment. He came up blank. Because all he could think about was Kristina. "Yeah, that doesn't help me whatsoever."

Sirius shrugged. "I can't really help you with this, James."

James sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"You'll figure it out, though."

"Will I?"

Sirius didn't respond. Because in all honesty, he was starting to believe that James never would. Not because he couldn't figure it out. But because maybe he didn't want to.

* * *

Lily did a fairly good job at avoiding James all day even though she was in class with him, at meals with him, in the room with him, and pretty much wherever she was, he unfortunately happened to be. They didn't speak a single word to each other and Lily was grateful for that.

But while she never spoke to him, she thought about him all day, knowing that Sirius had been right two days earlier. She didn't let James into her life and she was afraid to; she was afraid to let _anyone _into her life. Her past was a secret she was too afraid to bear and she finally realized it was causing her to push away the people she cared about, including Kay. Lily knew how much Kay hated going home and yet she let her feelings of fear and anxiety, both to do with her parents _and _James, cloud her judgment. She let her stubbornness and her confusion take over her, enough to hurt one of the only people in her life that she actually trusted. Trust was hard to come by for Lily. And as much as she thought she didn't trust James, she finally realized that it was more about not being able to trust _herself _around him. She didn't trust the emotions she was feeling and the thoughts she was pondering when it came to James. Because when it came down to it, she didn't know if she could ever let James in.

After her parents died, it was rare for her to let anyone in. It took a while for Lily to feel even remotely comfortable enough with Riley and Kay to have a conversation on a deeper level, a conversation that didn't include classes or nail polish or cute boys. And even now, Lily knew that she couldn't say she had let them into her life 100% because there was a big part of her that they didn't know about.

It all boiled down to fear. She was scared of losing someone else she loved. She was scared of being vulnerable. She was scared of getting hurt. She was scared to love, but more importantly, she was scared to _be _loved.

And yet, if her parents' death taught her anything, it was that in the end, she was more scared of being alone. She frowned, that thought hitting her like a ton of bricks. She wondered what scared her more: the idea of losing someone or the idea of losing herself?

She walked into the room for the prefects meeting ten minutes early hoping to set it up without any of the distractions from the prefects, knowing that they had probably all heard the news of their fist fight by now. She had been questioned about it numerous times over the day and had refused to answer. Mostly because she was trying so desperately to forget about everything that had happened in those two weeks during break. No need to be reminded of what was inevitably in the past.

She sighed, sitting down at the head of the table after all the charts were distributed to each seat and prepared herself for what she knew was going to be a rather awkward meeting.

What she _wasn't _prepared for was James being the first to walk into the room.

She glanced up briefly and froze when she saw it was him.

James also froze in the doorway when he saw that Lily was already there. He should have known she'd be there early. He was in the library with Kristina, but needed to get away from her to think. His legs had subconsciously brought him to the meeting early.

Lily stared at the table, shifting uncomfortably in her chair, as James stood awkwardly in the doorway, wondering what his next move should be.

After what felt like eternity, James finally stepped into the room, walking over to the chair beside Lily. "Hi," he spoke softly.

"Hi," she said stiffly.

"How was your first day back?"

Lily slowly met his gaze and suddenly all of the unspoken and unanswered questions between them flashed before them. Angst lay in Lily's eyes, defeat rest in his. There was so much they both wanted to get off their chests and yet neither of them could open their mouths to let it out. "Is that what you really want to talk about?"

His heart sank at that response. "Lily," he whispered, but he was suddenly interrupted by a group of voices right outside the door. His mouth quickly shut but his eyes didn't stray from hers.

A group of eight people walked in, all laughing and generally having a good time, the exact opposite of what James and Lily were feeling, and greeted the two casually. "How were your breaks?" Kyra asked with a smile. "And please don't feel the need to spare us the details about the wrestling match between you two on Christmas Eve."

"You just want to talk about their fight so your break-up gossip won't be brought up," Rachael snapped, a pleased smile shining on her face.

Kyra's smile disappeared. "Sod off, LeBlanc," she growled, sitting beside Fabian at the end of the table. "I have plenty of gossip on you I'm sure you don't want me to mention so I'd lay off."

Rachael smirked. "Oh, please. You've got nothing on me."

"How about a certain falling out with Sirius Black?" Kyra snarled.

Rachael froze. "What about it?"

"Rumor is the guy didn't give a shit about you," she snickered, gladly being the one to snipe at Rachael LeBlanc. She may be a smart girl, but her extreme yearning to be the most desired in the school seemed to get in her way more often than not. "He was just using you to get laid."

"And maybe I was using him to get laid, Severns!"

"Hey!" James interrupted, finally looking long enough away from Lily to notice the argument going on in the room. "Give it a rest you two. Not all of us want to hear about your personal relationships."

Rachael glanced curiously at James, realizing that as Sirius' best friend, he may have some insight on what had happened between her and Sirius. But she kept her mouth shut. She wasn't so sure she wanted to know in the end anyway.

"Welcome back from break," Lily started the meeting after the last straggling prefects wandered in, mostly the Slytherins. "We have a lot of planning to do. First and foremost, Valentine's Day is coming up."

Lily ran the entire meeting, not glancing at James once. She was afraid if she glanced over at him, her composure she was trying so desperately to keep would fall apart.

James glanced at Lily throughout the meeting, hardly paying any attention to what she was saying then as he focused on what she had said to him on New Year's Eve. He knew that Lily said he belonged with Kristina, but was it only because she was afraid of being rejected for a third time? Or was it because she really believed she wasn't as good for him as Kristina was? He wished he had more answers and more insight but unfortunately for him, the strike of midnight got into his way. Oh yeah and Kristina. _Did _he belong with Kristina? Was Kristina really and truly the one he was meant to be with? Did he see a future with her?

He sighed, knowing the most important question that he was too afraid to ask: did he really love Kristina?

He also ignored the other question he wasn't so sure he wanted an answer to. The question that Sirius had posed to him earlier: what had been running through his mind when Lily told him she wanted to be with him?

Two questions. No answers.

Before he knew it, the meeting was over and everyone was wandering out, planning on returning to their friends on the first day of school after break.

Lily turned her back to James, feeling very self-conscious after he spent the whole hour staring intently at her. "I-I can clean this all up," she finally uttered, finally speaking a word to James. "If you want to go, I mean."

James didn't want to go but he knew how awkward it was standing there beside her. He wanted to apologize. He wanted more answers from her. He wanted to tell her what was going through his mind.

But mostly, he just wanted to kiss her again.

"Evans," he said slowly.

She showed no sign of having heard him.

"Evans, please look at me," James pleaded.

Lily turned away from the paperwork when she felt the intensity in his words. She spoke before he could say anything. "Potter, can…can we just forget what happened on New Year's Eve? I would feel a lot more comfortable knowing we could just…just start anew. Like we said on New Year's Eve."

James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I-I don't know if I can do that."

Lily's heart skipped a beat, feeling nervous all of a sudden. She didn't reply. She wasn't sure what to say or do at that point.

"Evans, we both know that a lot has happened between us."

"I think that's an understatement," Lily murmured.

"And I don't know if we can just start over," he muttered truthfully, letting his eyes linger intently on her.

"So," Lily said softly, swallowing hard, "What is it we _can _do?"

James sighed inwardly, his heart skipping a beat as he glanced at her hopeful look of desperation. That was a damned good question. Because when she asked that question, a realization popped into his head. A realization that he couldn't always control his emotions and what his heart wanted. But maybe that was okay.

He opened his mouth to retort but was suddenly interrupted by footsteps behind him.

They both turned around to face the door. And in just a single second, both their hearts sank.

"Kristina," James greeted with a forced smile. "Hey."

Lily quickly turned her back on the two of them. She felt the prickle of tears at the side of her eyes and blinked them away furiously, refusing to let James, or even Kristina, see them.

She began shuffling the charts back together, putting them in their specific order, mostly just to busy herself by the second.

James looked at Lily. He _really _looked at her, taking in every strand of hair out of place and every chewed fingernail. Instead of glancing at her and guiltily thinking of Kristina, he finally saw Lily for who she really was. And he had never found her so endearing. It was obvious that was trying hard to ignore him and Kristina, but the way her shoulders sagged and the way her eyes darted around the room furtively told him that he was making her uncomfortable. Truth was, he, too, was making himself uncomfortable. He shut his eyes tightly, sensing Kristina on his right and Lily on his left. He knew which way his head was dragging him, but it was about time he listened deep down to what his heart was seeking.

And suddenly both of those questions from earlier were answered.

"James?" Kristina said, shaking him from his thoughts.

James' eyes fluttered open. For the first time in a month, he knew what he wanted to do. Most importantly, what he needed to do.

A decision had finally been made.

"I'll see you later, Evans," James finally uttered, traipsing out of the room quickly as Kristina reached for his hand.

Lily stopped shuffling the papers and waited until their footsteps were out of ear range before she sunk into her chair and sobbed into the palms of her hands for the next half hour, realizing for the first time in her life that she wanted to let someone in. And it was too late.

* * *

Remus walked into the Gryffindor common room with a sulking frown on his face. He slumped over to his friends and plopped on to the couch beside Riley, who was busy reading a magazine and ignoring her essay in front of her.

"So…the meeting didn't go over well?" Sirius said at the glum look on Remus' face.

"They completely ignored each other," Remus explained with a sigh. "I don't think James said one word the whole meeting. Lily ran the entire meeting and James just kept staring at her."

Riley perked up intrigued. "Ooh, in a lusting kind of way?"

"No, in a melancholy I'm-sorry-I-didn't-choose-you way," Remus clarified.

"Why can't they just realize they belong with each other?" Sirius murmured. "_We _realize it."

"Yeah, and you so openly informed him of it two days ago," Remus mentioned.

Sirius glared at him. "Yes, thanks, I remember."

Remus gave him a sheepish grin and pulled out his textbook from his bag.

"You know, Sirius, you're going to have to make up with him at some point," Riley interjected, finally looking up from her magazine pages.

"Now why would I _have _to do that?" Sirius demanded, crossing his arms stubbornly. He neglected to point out that James had come to him earlier. They still weren't on the best of terms but they also weren't on bad terms either.

"Because you can't go two days without playing a prank and _he _is the brains of your operation," she stated, a teasing grin on the tip of her lips.

"Now wait, _I'm _always the one who comes up with the good pranks," Sirius defended.

"Yeah, the ones that backfire and land you in a month's worth of detention," Riley snickered.

"Please tell me you haven't landed yourself in detention already," a familiar voice spoke behind them. Kay grabbed a pillow from behind Remus, earning an irritated grunt, and plopped down on to the floor. "It's been two and a half days, Sirius."

"Two and a half days too many, if you ask me," Sirius said with a grin. "And just so you know, no, I haven't gotten one."

"Yet," they all chorused.

Sirius scowled. "Well, I'm sorry that I try to have a little fun now and again. Is it my fault that most of our half-baked adolescent schemes go hopelessly awry and we need Remus to bail us out with his quick logic and charming communication skills in order to decrease our detention sentences?" Sirius argued.

Peter paused. "Uh, usually, yeah."

Sirius grinned. "Well, it's always worth it, that's for sure."

"What are the chances you're ever going to grow up?" Kay asked with a sly smile.

"Around the same time that dogs should stop licking themselves," Sirius smirked.

Remus gave him an irritated look. "Okay, remember that whole 'don't speak unless it's a useful comment' talk we had earlier after I reprimanded you for yelling at your best friend?" he growled.

Sirius gave Remus a guilty grin. "Let me guess: talking about how dogs should stop licking themselves isn't useful."

"Not so much, no," Remus agreed.

Sirius shrugged. "Oh well. Do I really ever have anything useful to say?"

"No," the rest of them all replied immediately in unison.

Sirius scowled as they all returned to the mountains of schoolwork they had received on their first day back from break. Even Riley put down the magazine and returned to her essay.

Peter let out an irritated groan, slamming closed his Transfiguration textbook. "I don't want to read this," he murmured in a bored sing-song voice.

Riley glanced up from hers and gave him a look. "Oh yeah, and it's on my Top Ten list," she sniggered sarcastically.

"Really? Because that's kinda pathetic," Sirius admitted with a disappointed shrug.

"It's better than using my Transfiguration book as a _dart board_," Riley shot back with a fierce smile plastered on her face.

"Hey, I'm getting pretty good!" Sirius defended.

"Sirius, yesterday you completely missed the target and threw the dart out the window, hitting a poor bird," Remus pointed out.

"How do you know I wasn't trying to hit the bird?"

"Because you jumped off your bed scared at the squawking noise it made and hid under your bed for five minutes until I finally convinced you that the bird was not going to kill you," Remus indicated with an amused smirk.

Sirius gasped. "You promised you'd _never _mention that!"

"Eh, I lied."

"Damn, and I thought you were the moral Marauder," Riley teased.

"Yeah, I always thought that, too," Remus sighed. "But all my morals went out the window the day Sirius introduced himself to me."

"HEY!" Sirius cried out with a disturbed pout on his face.

Remus rolled his eyes and returned to his essay. After another few moments of silence, Remus said curiously, "I wonder what James and Lily are doing now." He had hoped they would eventually talk to each other but the awkward silence during the prefect meeting told him otherwise.

"Well, we can rule out sex," Riley murmured with a chuckle.

Sirius shrugged. "You never know what they do behind closed doors."

"Sure I do," Riley argued. "She's getting a head-start on her homework that's not due for two weeks and he's…well, maybe _he's _having sex."

"With the girl he supposedly loves," Sirius grunted in a mocking way, rolling his eyes petulantly. He found himself sighing, slumping down on the couch. "What...what happens if graduation comes and they're still avoiding each other?" he questioned. "What happens then?"

"Then…then they go their separate ways," Remus said painstakingly, sighing deeply.

Sirius sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of," he murmured.

"Why are you afraid of that?" Kay asked cautiously.

Sirius frowned, biting down on the inside of his lip hesitantly. "If James and Lily-bean go their separate ways, then there's a good chance that we all will, too," Sirius murmured, gesturing towards the girls with a depressed sigh.

Riley smiled, loving the warm heart her boyfriend was displaying, even if he didn't show it most of the time. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him and tell him everything's going to be alright. "Black, we're not James and Lily," she clarified. "Whatever happens to them has nothing to do with us."

Kay nodded. "Yeah," she agreed. "I don't plan on high-tailing it out of here after graduation never to see you all again. You are all my friends and you are all going to stay my friends."

Sirius bit his bottom lip embarrassedly. "Yeah, I guess," he murmured. "I guess I'm just not ready to let Hogwarts go."

"Well, we still have six months here," Remus pointed out with a grin. "That's plenty of time to make the best of it."

"Hm…let's start with a prank on the Slytherins!" Sirius suggested in excitement.

"Ooh, I'm in," Riley said greedily.

Kay grinned, shutting her books. "Count me in, too."

"But wait," Riley pondered. "We can't do this without James. He is the brains of the group, remember?"

She wasn't surprised when Sirius smacked her on the shoulder.

* * *

Lily walked slowly back to her room, not wanting to sit in the prefect's meeting room alone anymore. Being alone meant thinking about how she let James slip through her fingers. The worst part about it was that she was the only one to blame. She was too scared to let him into a part of her life she didn't know if she was ready for and while trying to decide if she was ready or not, she practically pushed him into Kristina's arms.

The tears were all gone from her face and from her eyes, but the sadness was still there. She didn't know how she was going to bear watching James continue with Kristina from then on. If she cried for a half hour just because Kristina was in her presence for maybe five seconds, how was Lily going to react knowing what James and Kristina were doing behind closed doors.

She swallowed hard as she got to her doorway and took a deep breath, bracing herself that he and Kristina might be behind the closed doors. She muttered the password and walked into her common room, making an escape to her bedroom in order to start on some homework, followed by crawling into bed around midnight and sleeping that horrid day away.

Or at least that's what she was planning on doing.

While strolling over to her side of the room, a movement out of the corner of her eye from the couch startled her. She glanced up, inhaling sharply when she saw James sitting casually on the couch with no schoolwork, books, or even Kristina in his arms. He was just sitting there alone without so much as a single light turned on. It was somewhat creepy.

Lily didn't say anything for the longest time, not sure what to say. She eventually cleared her throat and said in a voice she thought was rather calm, "Why are you sitting alone in the dark?"

James bit down on the inside of his lip, glancing up at her anxiously. "Oh. I didn't even realize I was sitting in the dark," he said softly.

Lily's gave him an inquisitive look, curious why his voice sounded so delicate and weightless. "You didn't notice complete darkness?"

James shrugged, his eyes never straying from hers. "I wasn't exactly concerned with the dark."

She sensed caution in his voice. "Why?"

He glanced at her, his eyes filled with curiosity and angst. "I was waiting for you."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "Why?"

"Because," he said with a smile. His typical charming, smug smile. "I broke up with Kristina."

Lily froze, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. "What?" she choked out.

His smile grew, sensing her shock and confusion. He continued to stare at her longingly, waiting until he knew he had Lily's utmost attention before continuing. "She's not the one I want, Lily."

Lily felt herself gasp, the papers in her hands slipping to the floor, unbeknownst to either one of them. Her mouth was half open, her eyes wide in shock, and she was painfully aware that her whole body was growing numb. She blinked a few times, just to make sure it was real. Just to make sure he actually spoken the words he just did. She tried catching catch her breath, swallowing hard all of the confusion and anxiety that she had built up inside of her over the past few days. Eventually, a smile crept on to her lips. "Please tell me there's not a third girl in the picture."

James chuckled slightly, grateful that she had provided a joke to ease the tension. He slowly climbed off the couch and walked over to her. "No," he reassured. He grabbed her hands and held them tightly, staring directly into Lily's eyes. "I choose you, Lily."

* * *

**A/N: **OH MY GOD! HE FINALLY WANTS TO BE WITH HER! WHAT NOW? I guess you'll have to wait for the next chapter...teehee, I'm evil. Only 2 more chapters after this :-/ PLEASE review!


	50. Of D Lists, Scampering, & Hot Mothers

**A/N: **91 reviews for ONE chapter! Thanks everyone! For everyone that asked, I am indeed doing a sequel to finish up the rest of their seventh year. The reason I'm not including it in this story is because this story is already 51 chapters. Unfortunately, I won't be posting the sequel for a while because I haven't written as much as I've wanted to; I've been really busy and I had writer's block for about a month, but now I'm back on schedule and hopefully I'll be able to get the sequel up and running by the end of February. But don't hold me to that.

**Disclaimer: **I think you should all know by now that I'm not J.K. Rowling...at least I hope you know it.

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 50: Of D-Lists, Scampering, & Hot Mothers

* * *

Kristina rushed into her room, slammed the door behind her, and fell to her bed in a sobbing heap, crying into her pillow as if the tears were never going to disappear.

Jacqueline turned to Shana in confusion. "Uh…I think there's something wrong with Kristina."

Shana gave her friend a look. "Ya think?"

Jacqueline stepped off of her bed and walked over to Kristina's, sitting down beside her mess of a friend. "Kris, what's wrong?"

Kristina didn't reply, her head buried deep into her pillow.

Jacqueline and Shana exchanged another round of confused glances, as did Kyra and Meredith Bloomsfield, their other roommate, both of which never showed much interest in their other three roommates.

"Kristina?" Jacqueline tried saying again.

"She _heard _you, Jacqueline," Kyra interjected in irritation. "I just don't think she wants to _answer."_

Kristina wasn't planning on saying anything at all, her tears overcoming her, but hearing Kyra's voice made her realize something. She lifted her head, her cheeks blotched in stained tears, her eyes red and puffy, and her whole face flushed in despair. "Let's just say, Kyra," she muttered in between her hiccups, "That the school won't be gossiping about your break-up any longer."

The girls stared at her incredulously, not certain if they were misinterpreting her words.

"Uh…come again?" Jacqueline asked, her stomach tied in a knot.

Kristina shook her head furiously at the thought of what James had said to her earlier that night. "James broke up with me!" she emitted squeakily, more sobs secreting.

Everyone in the room gasped loudly.

"_What_?" Shana eventually had the nerve to cry out.

Kristina continued bawling, covering her face with her hands in misery, slumped over on the edge of her bed. "He…he said I wasn't the one for him. That I deserve better than him. That he was being unfair to my feelings because…because…because he thinks he likes another girl!" she sobbed out, wailing deeper with a few high-pitched screams of frustration.

"He actually said that?" Kyra said in shock, never believing that James would admit that. Sure, she never particularly liked Kristina but Kyra thought she and James were getting along great. She never thought that James and Kristina were a good match but when she realized that James wasn't using Kristina and actually liked her and vice versa, she accepted it and was actually getting used to the idea of them. And the rumor was he had just told Kristina he loved her.

Meredith hesitated on confusion. "But…but didn't he say he loved you just a few days ago?"

Kristina's wails got louder and squeakier, bordering on shrill.

"Okay, maybe that wasn't the right time to mention that…" Meredith mumbled.

"Ya think?" Shana muttered.

"Why would he do this to me?" Kristina sobbed.

"Who is this other girl he supposedly likes?" Jacqueline dared to ask.

"_Jacqui!_" Shana hissed.

Jacqueline shrugged. "What? It's a legitimate question!"

Kristina took a deep breath in and sighed. "He didn't tell me," she murmured.

"What?" Shana growled. "He had the audacity to break up with you only three days after saying those heartfelt three words, three words he probably never said to another girl besides his mother before, and he didn't even have the decency to tell you who this other girl is?"

"Well…I didn't ask," Kristina admitted in a small voice.

"Oh," Shana said as a second thought. "Never mind then."

"I didn't want to ask," she explained further.

"Why _not_?" Jacqueline questioned. "If my boyfriend was dumping me for another woman, I'd want to know who to slaughter!"

"That's a little drastic, Jacqueline," Shana murmured. "Though, she does have a point."

Kristina sighed and stared at the ground sadly. "I...I didn't want to ask him because I had a feeling I already knew who was replacing me and I didn't want to hear it from him," she muttered, barely audible.

The other girls exchanged looks, all of them desperate to know who but not wanting to be the one to ask. Thankfully, Kristina gave up the name without them having to ask.

Kristina sighed and started chipping at the nail polish on her fingernails out of embarrassment. "I have a good feeling it's Lily Evans," she murmured.

"WHAT?" all four of them cried out in disbelief.

"But those two hate each other," Meredith argued.

Kristina shook her head. "They love to hate each other," she mumbled.

Meredith hesitated, pondering that idea while the others did the same.

"They've been denying any sort of sexual tension with each other for so long. Believe me, I know what sexual tension is and those two have always had it," Kristina sighed, chipping off the last pieces of nail polish and lifting her head to glance at the others. "I noticed it ever since they were friends in November. I knew this might be coming no matter how hard I tried ignoring it. This was bound to happen. I expected it to. I just...I didn't expect it so quickly after he told me I loved him, that's all."

The four other girls exchanged confused glances and then turned back to her, who was taking this news rather calmly. "Aren't…aren't you upset about this?" Shana dared to ask her best friend cautiously, fearful that Kristina would lash out at her.

Kristina sighed and shook her head. "No," she admitted. "I mean, when he was telling this to me only just an hour ago, I wanted revenge like noneother. I scolded him but it was she that I wanted to truly throttle. But like I said, this was a long time coming. I know that James and I weren't going to last forever. We want two totally different things. James and...and weirdly enough, Lily have a lot more in common. They deserve each other in a rather odd way. I just have to accept it."

"But…but…but he's one of the most popular guys in thie school," Jacqueline cried in confusion. "And she's…well, she's definitely not. She's on the D-list, if even that. No one would even know who she was if she wasn't the Head Girl!"

"Or Riley Gilmore's best friend," Meredith added.

Kristina shook her head. "Or the guy that James has messed around with for six years," she pointed out with a curt shrug. "On their own, he may be popular and she may not be, but people certainly know who she is because James has put her on the map. It might make no sense, but in a way, those two seem to complete each other. They try to be better people when the other is around."

Her friends all stared at her incredulously. "Complete each other?" Jacqueline spoke up, her eyebrow arching. "If yelling and berating each other is completing each other, then sure. I get that."

Kristina sighed. "You guys don't see them behind the scenes," she murmured. "I have."

The four friends exchanged curious glanced before Shana spoke up. "I don't understand her," she murmured, shaking her head in disbelief. "James has been going after her for years now and she's refused to fall for it. So why now?"

"I never said she fell for it," Kristina pointed out. "I'm saying he fell for her. Who knows what that girl thinks? And who really cares. If he wants to pine after her like a lovesick puppy, I'm fine with that. I don't date wusses anyway."

"I don't understand how you can be so calm about this," Jacqueline quickly argued, throwing aside Kristina's words. "The boy who you lovejust told you he wanted to be with another woman. How can you _not _be mad?"

Kristina bit the inside of her lip sadly, feeling the tears well up in her eyes again. "Because," she murmured barely audible, "Lily won him over. And there's really nothing I can do about that."

"But, Kristina, you can fight for-"

"Maybe, but I don't want to," she whispered. "I'd just lose in the end."

"_Kristina_," Jacqueline pleaded.

"Besides, I don't even know for certain it is Lily," she retorted with a shrug. "It could be another girl he's enamored with. I wouldn't be surprised. This is James Potter we're talking about. Along with Sirius, he used to be the most eligible bachelor at this school."

"Used to be," Jacqueline reiterated. "Until he started dating you."

"Well, that's over now," Kristina said bluntly, getting up off her bed and walking towards the bathroom. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want to take a hot shower, climb into bed, and just forget it ever happened. I just want to move on."

Jacqueline held her tongue, only because Shana was giving her the evilest eye, and simply nodded. "Okay," she murmured, grabbing a fashion magazine off of her desk and plunging into it, trying not to let her anger for her friend boil over.

Kristina shut the bathroom door behind her and slid down against it, as the tears slid down her face, reminiscing on all of the wonderful memories she had with James. Memories that he now wanted to make with another woman.

* * *

James and Lily stood there, neither able to speak or even think. James was too busy looking at how gorgeous she looked and Lily was so focused on the fact that James just told her he chose her.

"Me?" she eventually croaked, blinking furiously. "Are...are you sure?"

He grinned and reached up, tucking her silky auburn waves behind her ear with a coy smile. "It's always been you, Lily," he whispered. "I just...I just never thought you ever would have felt the same."

She could feel her heart beating a mile a minute and was finding it nearly impossible trying to think with the way he was staring at her. His hazel eyes peered hopefully through his glasses, piercing through hers like never before. Instead of longing hesitance, his gaze was full of overwhelming adoration. He had such a presence about him in that moment, standing confident and determined in front of her.

"You...you really broke up with Kristina?" she asked for lack of anything better to say.

James chuckled, his heart bursting with such desire for the girl in front of him. He could tell by the deer-in-headlights look on her face that she was still feeling slightly panicked and confused over the entire situation. Desire wasn't quite tugging on her heart yet as it was his. "Look, I know what you're thinking," he said slowly.

"That I just dropped all of the prefects' paperwork and I will now have to reorganize it."

James blinked, an amused smile playing on his lips. "Alright, I assumed you would be thinking a little more than that."

Finally, she smiled. And then she was laughing. The panic was slowly dissipating from herself and she was oddly grateful for his joking demeanor. It was ironic that something she had scolded him for so many times in the past was actually providing her with a slight bit of comfort in that moment. "Sorry, I just...I don't know...I'm..."

"Still getting used to this?" he asked knowingly.

Her heart skipped a beat as she slowly nodded. "Yeah," she whispered, swallowing hard. She absentmidedly reached for a strand of her hair, twirling it around her finger in bewilderment. "You...you've apparently had six years to get used to your..."

"Feelings for you?"

She felt her cheeks grow hot, her heart tightening with confusion. "But you have to understand that it's only been two weeks for me to get used to this," she continued in a small voice. She hesitated. "Really, only three days because before I told you, I had been supressing it all."

"That makes me feel so warm inside."

She couldn't stop the smile that crept on to her face. "Stop being cute," she urged with a feigned scowl. "It's distracting me."

He laughed, pulling her hand away from the single strand of hair as he tucked it behind her ear. "I don't mean to distract you," he whispered.

"Yes, you do," she whispered, smiling coyly. "You're hoping that if you distract me enough, I'll stop all of the questions in my head and just kiss you."

He grinned, reaching for her hand and delicately holding it in his own hand. "Is it working?"

She smiled shyly, instinctively biting down on her bottom lip. "Just about," she whispered as she gazed at him warily. She felt her heart flip flop at the way he was still looking at her. It was endearing and disconcerting at the same time. "Why me?" she blurted out in a confused whisper.

He wasn't surprised by the question. Lily was always so good at tearing herself down, not able to see the great qualities inside of her. Probably because he had always been so quick to insult those qualities. Before he could respond, she hastily continued.

"I promise you, James, I'm not anyone special," she spoke softly. The only thing he had noticed was the sound of his first name on her tongue. And he didn't hate it. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, meeting his surprised gaze. "I-I'm stubborn and I'm not good at dealing with change. I have a temper and I can easily fly off the handle if provoked. I'm wildly independent, maybe too much, and I don't know how to let people in. It takes me forever to make a decision because I'm so afraid of making the wrong one. I'm wary of new people, and it's hard for me to trust people. I'm guarded, courage is so not my middle name, and I like fading into the background. I hide behind books because it's something I know and heaven help me, the unknown frightens me beyond belief."

She was shocked to see him smiling at her, unperturbed by her rant. "Lily," he whispered, dragging her name out along his tongue, "It would be easy for me to stand here and tell you that I like you in spite of all those things. But the truth it, I like you _because _of all those things."

She could only blink her shocked bewilderment.

He smiled at her, bringing his hand up to her cheek instinctively. "I like that when you're being stubborn, you crinkle your nose. And I like that change scares you because it just makes you more human. I like the way your eyes seem to glow green every time your temper flares up. Every time _I _provoked you, which I hate to tell you now was often because I enjoyed seeing you so riled up, I liked the way your cheeks flushed. I like that you're so independent because it's such a strong part of who you are. I like that you have trouble letting people in because that just means that when you do let people in, you put so much effort into keeping them in your life. I like that you weigh every option in your head before making a decision. I like that you worry about making the wrong one because it just shows how much you care. I like that when you meet new people, your green eyes narrow in these cute little slits as you size them up. I like that you're guarded because it shows that you can be vulnerable and you're afraid of getting hurt, something we all are but afraid of admitting. You are courageous even if you don't think you are and I can't comment on the whole you-fading-into-the-background thing because I have always taken notice to you. And I most definitely like that. I like that when you're immersed in a novel or a textbook, nothing can keep you from that even if a duel tapdanced on those books." He brushed his hand through her hair, causing her to look up at him. He leaned down, emphasizing his next words. "And I like that the unknown scares you because that means you are _exactly_ like me."

She was in awe. Total and complete awe. She could barely breathe, his words hitting her like a ton of bricks. She didn't know if it was the sentiment behind the words or the fact that he recalled everything she had just said which alone amazed her, but her heart suddenly fluttered hopefully as longing coursed through her every vein for the man standing in front of her. She felt the barriers around her heart slowly fade away with each calculated word he spoke. She wanted to kiss him right then and there.

But she didn't. Because she still had fears and insecurities. She still had questions that she wanted answers to. And she couldn't just jump headfirst into this without asking those questions. Lily was very much an organized planner. She didn't do spontaneity very well. "Maybe the better question should have been why me and not Kristina?" she whispered in a small voice, the question sounding so self-deprecating even to her.

He had been hoping for another reaction, but it wasn't as if he knew she would jump into making a hasty decision about him. As they both had just pointed out, making decisions didn't come easy to her. He hesitated, thinking the question over in his head before finally saying, "Do you know what I thought the moment you told me you wanted to be with me on New Year's Eve?" he asked softly.

Her eyes narrowed curiously, uncertain where he was going with this. "What?"

"That I would be the luckiest man in the world if I were to be with you."

She felt her heart stop as a shy smile tugged at her lips.

He shrugged, a smile on his own face. "And I never once had that thought when I was with Kristina."

There was no mistaking the smile on her face now, her eyes filling with adoration. Her heart still felt so conflicted, confusion and amazement and wonder swarming it. He was staring at her with so much desirous hope that it filled her with hope as well. She just didn't know what to do with that hope

"Lily," he whispered, squeezing her hand. She looked up at him, her heart fluttering with anticipation. "Everything you do and say makes me like you even more. I tried hard to pretend like Kristina had the qualities in a girl that I wanted. And...and maybe she did. Except for one thing."

Her eyes asked the question her mouth couldn't.

His own heart fluttered with anticipation. He leaned down so his lips were a few mere centimeters away from her ear. "She wasn't you."

She had to shut her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the sudden spinning of the room around her. He was saying everything to ease her fears and it was slowly working. Something that scared the hell out of her. Because if it was working, she couldn't say no. And for the first time since she had admitted to herself (and then to Sirius...and finally to James), she didn't want to.

Something else entirely that scared the hell out of her.

"Lily," he spoke, jerking her back to the present. "Please don't be scared anymore."

A light gasp escaped her lips. It's like he could read her mind. She ignored the loud beating of her heart and said, mainly to stall, "Scared? Of what?" Stupid question. She was scared of everything. But he didn't have to know that.

"Of me. Of us_,"_ he whispered, angst written on his face. "I know I don't know you well but I've been watching you for six years. You are so good at putting up this huge wall around your heart, blocking everyone out of your life. You're afraid to let your guard down and you're afraid to let anyone get to know you. The _real _you. You're scared of getting hurt. And because of it, you push everyone away. Like you did with me on the balcony on New Year's Eve. And at first, I let you push me away because I was scared, too. I...I've dreamed of this for years and I was scared at the prospect of it coming true. But…but now I know this is what I want. I _want _to be with you, Lily, and I know that you want to be with me, too. So please," he said, desperation seeping from his eyes, "Don't push me away anymore. Because I don't know if I can deal with that again. You have to know how much I care about you, Lily. That has never been an act. Of all the games you and I have played, what my heart felt for you was never part of it. You've always had my heart. And I would love for you to keep it if you'll let me."

Lily froze, so incredibly shocked that he seemed to know her so unbelievably well. She had always been so good at keeping her emotions hidden, and yet he saw right through her like nobody else ever has. And in a way, that made him all that much more attractive to her. He was someone who was willing to stand up to her and tell her what he was really thinking. He was someone who wasn't afraid to challenge her to make her a better person. And he was someone who clearly understood her, maybe even better than she understood herself. It was something she was finding rather comforting at a time where she felt so confused and torn.

When Lily didn't reply, James shifted uncomfortably, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut. He stared into her eyes and said firmly, "I want to be a part of your life. I always have. In all the times I've asked you out, of all the times I've chased you, with all the times I've told you I wasn't giving up, I meant it all. Never once did I not believe in what I felt for you. I just never thought you'd ever feel the same way. And now that you're standing there telling me you do no matter how raw it might feel to you, it just makes me so grateful that I never once gave up on you."

Lily felt her heart race rapidly at the words that should have given her so much hope and happiness. But they just made her hesitate. "But you did," she said softly. "You did give up. You told me you were last year on the platform and you did. You came back to Hogwarts with another girl."

"And I kissed you three times since then," he whispered, his eyes filling with guilt. "So what does that say?"

She couldn't help but think that was a damned good question.

"Don't try to make excuses for this, Lily," he pleaded. "Stop trying to run and hide from your feelings. I am standing here telling you that you're the one I want to be with. You've always been the one I wanted to be with and I know deep down you know that. There's nothing standing in our way anymore. Kristina is gone. It's just you and me."

The idea of a 'you and me' between her and James had once been so unlikely. And yet he was standing in front of her telling her it was possible. And for the first time since she had ever met him, she actually wanted it to be possible.

"Stop fighting it," James pleaded, reaching out to brush the back of his hand against her cheek. "We can be together if you're just willing to let me in."

Lily felt herself tremble slightly. When she had discovered that she had some feelings for James, she never would have thought anything would have been done about it. And now that reality was setting in, it was all sounding so surreal.

James smiled sadly. "So I guess it's your turn to make a choice."

Lily _was_ scared. She was especially scared of what could happen as a result of making the bolder choice. And at that moment she knew that she probably always would be scared, especially of the future. But knowing that James didn't care, knowing he still wanted to be a part of her life, and knowing that _he _was willing to let down all of his own defenses made Lily realize that she had to take the next step. She had to tear down that wall. Because the only thing that should matter to her - and to him - was if she wanted to be with him.

And while everything else was so confusing and while she still had so many insecurities and so many unanswered questions, the answer to that question was yes. It was that want that fueled the confusion, the insecurities, and the questions. It was that want that truly made her want to tear down the wall lining her heart.

Lily glanced up at him, her heart beating so fast and loud that she was sure James could hear it. "I-I don't know if I'll be any good at it."

James gave her a confused look. "Good at what?"

She blushed. "At...at being in a relationship," Lily mumbled.

"You think I'm any good at it?" James said with a smile. "Considering I kissed you while I was with Kristina, I would say that's a very strong _no_."

Lily smiled. "That's not painting you in the best light, James Potter."

He smiled, too, meeting her hesitant gaze. "I fell for you six and a half years ago, Lily Evans," he whispered. "And after last year, I tried moving on and letting go of this fantasy I had of us together but I-I never fully could. It's always been you. I want to kiss you again and tell you all of the things I should have told you in the past. That it's not a mistake. That you're not a mistake. That _we're _not a mistake."

She nodded slowly, taking a hesitant step closer to him.

"So please tell me you haven't let go of me yet," he continued, his lips perched right above her ear. "Because I refuse to let go of you again. I won't do it."

She felt her heart start to loosen up, immense passion ignitinh between them as he squeezed her hand.

"Let me into your heart, Lily Evans," he whispered. "And I'll let you into mine." He gave her his famous lopsided, cocky grin that made all the girls swoon. _It still works_, Lily thought to herself with a smile.

And as she locked eyes with him, suddenly there were no more questions. No more confusion. No more fear or hesitance. "Okay," she ultimately said.

His eyes widened with hope. "Okay?"

She nodded, a huge smile lighting up her entire face. "But you have to do one thing first."

"Oh, and what's that?"

"Kiss me."

James let out a relieved sigh, grinning from ear to ear. His smile turned coy. "No," he said slyly.

Her eyes narrowed. "Er...what?"

He chuckled, taking a timid step closer to her. The slight gap that had been there was now gone. He could see every feature of her face from her hopeful emerald eyes to her pronounced chin to the flush of her cheeks. "I've initiated the kiss four times, Lily Evans," he whispered. "I think it's about time you returned the favor."

She should have blushed. She should have felt uncomfortable and awkward at the request. But she didn't. And that's when she knew she was in this. She wanted to be with him as strange as that may have sounded. And for once, she wasn't going to fight it.

Her heart merely soared in anticipation as she met his brazen eyes. She pushed herself forward, his chest now pushing against hers hungrily as she dropped his hand and ran her fingers through his hair. "Already asking so much of me and we haven't even begun to date, hm?" she whispered teasingly, her mouth only inches away from his.

His eyes trailed down from her emerald eyes to her luscious lips. They may have kissed four times already, but this was something different entirely. Both of them wanted it this time. Both of them were practically begging the other. James wanted nothing more than to press his lips hungrily to hers but he meant what he said. He had done so much begging of her for six years. It was her turn. _"Is_ it asking too much?" he responded coyly in a hoarse whisper.

She ignored the thumping of her heart, slowly wrapping her arms around his neck, playing with a strand of hair that rested stoically against the back of his neck. She was comforted by the fact that she could feel his heart racing, too. She shut her eyes, trying to just live in that moment without dwelling on the past and without worrying about the future. That moment was the only one that mattered to her.

_I choose you, Lily Evans_. The words flashed through her head. Quickly at first before resting comfortingly in the forefront of her mind. He chose her. Something that would forever shock and confuse her. And yet she didn't want it any other way. Here's a guy she spent so many years actively trying to hate. And he was now standing in front of her begging her to kiss him.

Her legs brushed his gently, a passionate spark igniting between them. When she opened her eyes, she was met with such compassion and earnesty staring down at her. He waited patiently and as the seconds ticked by, their desire for each other grew. She licked her lips and he followed suit, his smile filled with so much hope and longing. The anticipation grew frenzied, the need for each other becoming overwhelming.

"No," she finally spoke, her words trembling as their lips neared each other. "That's definitely not asking too much."

As his hands were placed rightfully against her hips, she closed the small gap between their already nearly touching mouths and finally let her lips reach his.

They tasted it all in a single kiss. Forgiveness, compassion, guilt, desire, lust, and ultimately adoration for each other. The electricity grew to an intensity that their four kisses in the past lacked. This kiss was real. It signified the beginning of a true testament to how they really felt about each other. As James' hands loomed upward to frantically tangle in her silky hair and as Lily tightened her grip around James' neck never wanting to let him go, neither could have imagined being anywhere else. James couldn't even believe that he was kissing Lily Evans. He had dreamt of this for years and a part of him hated himself for ruining the first four kisses between them. This is how it should have been all along - raw, undeniable passion. Not hesitant, confused in-the-moment lust.

Their tongues crashed into each other hungrily, their fingers dancing lightly against each others' skin, their legs brushed up against each other in a desperate need to be close. As their knees grew weak, Lily fell back against the couch with a satisfied moan, James quickly following her down, their lips never parting. Their bodies filled with overwhelming excitement and were flooded with so many different emotions. When their lips finally parted, both of them gasping for a breath, their eyes stayed focused on each other.

And in that moment filled with so much passion and fire, James knew without a doubt in his mind that he had made the right choice.

Lily couldn't have agreed more.

It took a second for James to realize that he still sat atop Lily. With a warm smile, he slowly fell to her side while his gaze never left hers. She looked bashful, surprised even with what had just occurred. He awkwardly cleared his throat. "Well, that was fun."

And suddenly the awkward moment had ended. She couldn't help but laugh and instinctively drew herself closer to him, placing her head on his shoulder.

"I really hope there's more of that to come," he continued with a light chuckle.

She turned to face him, a grin breaking out across her face. "I think that can be arranged, James."

His heart fluttered at the sound of his first name upon her tongue. "James," he repeated slowly. "I kinda like the sound of that."

"Well, it _is _your name."

He laughed, shoving her playfully before wrapping his arm around her neck and pressing his lips against her temple. She settled up against him with a satisfied sigh, slinging her arm across his chest as if she had been doing it for years.

"So..." she said curiously after the silence had settled in. "What now?"

He contemplated the question before smiling, a shrug on the end of his shoulders. "I have no clue. I was convinced that none of this would work so I hadn't really thought past the point of you walking into the room."

It was meant to be funny but she found herself hesitating. "And yet you broke up with Kristina first?"

He turned to look down at her, sensing her hesitation. "Of course," he spoke softly. "Even if you had said no to me, I-I couldn't go on being with Kristina when it was you I had the real feelings for."

A slight blush flickered in Lily's cheeks. "Really?"

He nodded confidently. "I've said it before, but it's always been you, Lily," he whispered, running his finger lightly down her cheek beside her hairline. She shivered at the touch, melting into it. "Even when I told myself I had gotten over my crush on you, I hadn't. I never let go of you. Never."

Her heart fluttered at the genuine feel behind his words. "Why?" she whispered. "I was a bitch to you."

He chuckled. "Yeah, well I was an arse to you so I guess we're even."

"We're going to stop being bitches and arses to each other, right?" she teased, nudging him.

"Hm, I don't know. It seems to be our thing. You sure you want to erase that completely? It did provide us with much entertainment."

Lily laughed. "I think we can find other ways to entertain ourselves?"

James' eyebrows shot up. "Oh, yeah? What ways are you thinking?"

She turned to face him, a sly smile filling her expression. "Well, for starters..." she whispered suggestively before kissing him.

His hands framed her face as their tongues tangled together in a tender embrace. He would never get tired of kissing her.

As they pulled apart (much to James' chagrin), the smiles on their faces said it all. "I can't believe this is happening," Lily whispered, nestling her head into the nook of his shoulders. "Seriously, if someone had told me just a few weeks ago that I'd be here with you, I would have laughed in their face and told them to check themselves into the insanity ward at St. Mungo's."

"Well, gee, that just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy on the inside."

She laughed, slowly reaching for his hand and running her thumb against his palm gently. "We're here now, aren't we?"

James smiled, nodding down at her. "Yes," he spoke carefuly. "Yes, we are."

Satisfaction and contentment rushed through both of them, connecting their hearts and minds in a way that had never been connected before. It wasn't going to be an easy road for them. They would still have their arguments. They would still disagree. They would continue to be stubborn, not only with each other but in everything they would do. There would still be times that relating to each other would be difficult. But from that moment on, anger and resentment wouldn't be their first reaction when things didn't go their way. It would be compassion and understanding. Compassion for the people they would become together and understanding that they had their differences but wanted to work on them as a pair instead of individuals. There was a lot in store for the two of them and they both were excited (if not a little scared) about the prospects. It was a relationship six years in the making but it was a relationship that they both finally wanted to be in. They were in it for the long haul. But neither would have wanted it any other way.

* * *

Riley and Kay slid into the breakfast table the next morning across from Remus, Sirius, and Peter. "So is it fair to say we should really just get used to the whole idea of hanging out just the five of us?" Riley murmured, reaching for a scone and tearing off a piece of it irritably.

"Or six," Sirius said with a cheeky grin as he nodded towards Jillian Greene walking into the Great Hall. "We should invite Miss Greene to join us!"

Remus glared at him. "Sirius Black, I swear to Merlin if you-"

"OY, Jillian!" Kay cried out.

"Kay!" Remus snapped. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What? The girl looks hungry."

"She can eat with her own damned friends," Remus hissed.

"What's the fun in that?" Kay snorted.

"Agreed," Sirius said with a grin. "Jillian!"

"_Sirius_, I'm going to murder-" Remus stopped short as Jillian strolled up to them curiously. "Hey, Jillian!"

"Er...hey guys," she said with a hesitant smile.

"Want to join us?" Sirius asked with an innocent smile, ignoring the glare that Remus was sending his way.

"Uh...yeah, sure," she said slowly, clearly under the impression that Sirius was up to something. "Let me just go tell my friends."

She wandered off and Sirius leaned in to his friends. "Okay, here's the plan to roll out Operation Get Remus and Jillian Together. We-"

"There will be no such Operation," Remus snapped.

"We stick around for a few minutes before finding an excuse to leave those two alone."

"You will do no such thing!"

"What won't look overly suspicious?" Sirius mused, dramatically stroking his chin while pondering the question.

"Bloody hell, I will murder you, Black. With my bare hands. No Avada Kedavra necessary," Remus hissed through gritted teeth as he watched Jillian wander back down to them.

"Ooh! Who wants to fake an illness?"

"And I will have no remorse. None whatsoever."

"What's going around these days? Dragon pox?" Sirius contemplated.

"I will kill anyone who even utters the word dragon pox."

Jillian returned, sliding into the bench beside Remus with a smile. She reached for a scone and buttered it, asking, "How is everyone doing?"

Riley spoke. "Well, now that you mention it, any chance you know what the symptoms are for dragon pox? Because I think-"

"_Riley," _Remus snapped, glaring at her as his face started growing hot.

She grinned sheepishly, waving her hand dismissively at the confused look on Jillian's face. "Never mind. I'm feeling much better all of a sudden."

"You won't be soon," Remus murmured.

Jillian's eyebrow arched. "I have a feeling I walked in on something I have no desire to ask about."

Kay grinned. "You're a smart girl, y'know that?"

Laughter filled the table and Sirius was about to bring up dragon pox again, when a voice behind them stopped him.

"Hey."

They all stiffened at the familiar voice of Kristina, slowly turning around to face her. She solemnly handed Sirius an old, raggedy sweatshirt. "Can you give this back to James for me?" she asked grimly.

Sirius sighed. "I'm not giving James anything," he murmured. "Why don't you give it back to him yourself?"

Kristina stared at Sirius in surprise, standing there in shocked silence. She cleared her throat, muttering, "He...he didn't tell you?"

Sirius gave her a look of extreme confusion. "Tell me what?"

Kristina looked around at the group and noticed their similar perplexed looks as well. "He didn't tell any of you?"

"Tell us what?" Peter demanded.

It was at that moment that the loudest gasp escaped from Sirius' mouth. He jumped up from the table and covered his mouth in shock, trying not to show Kristina his delight. "Oh, my God," Sirius said, his eyes widening. "He didn't."

Kristina nodded slowly, staring down at the ground awkwardly. "He did," she muttered.

"Did what?" Kay whined. She really hated not knowing anything.

Kristina and Sirius shared a look, one filled with regret and guilt. While Sirius had wanted this all along, it wasn't as if he wanted to watch how hurt Kristina got. "I'm sorry," he said lamely.

"Yeah," she whispered. "So am I."

"Okay, does someone want to fill in the rest of us?" Riley demanded. "What the hell is going on? What did James do?"

Kristina dropped the sweatshirt on the table and with one last somber glance at Sirius, simply walked away from the table and out of the Great Hall, tears escaping from her eyes.

The five remaining turned to Sirius with questioning eyes. "_Well_?" Kay asked.

Sirius was too shocked to say anything. Words weren't coming to him and nothing made sense to him anymore. "Oh my God...I can't believe…I don't know…_oh my God_."

"_What?_" Riley cried out, giving him a look of pure irritation. "What is so 'oh my God!'"

A smile formed on Sirius' lips as he stood up from the table. "I-I gotta go talk to James."

"What? That's _it_?" Riley snapped.

"Aren't you still mad at him?" Remus questioned.

Sirius grinned. "Nah, not anymore," he said proudly.

"What? _Why_?" Riley asked. "What the hell is going on?"

"Yeah, doesn't James have a say in that?" Kay joked.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. "I think he'll agree with me," he said giddily. He grabbed the sweatshirt and shoveled one last piece of bacon in his mouth before skipping out of the Great Hall.

"SIRIUS!" they all cried out after him, but he didn't stop to acknowledge them as he rushed out the door and off to James' room.

"What the hell was that about?" Peter demanded to know.

No one responded immediately, glancing amongst themselves as if someone else would have an answer. Eventually, Riley spoke.

"I think he might be coming down with Dragon Pox. We should probably go after-"

"_Riley_!"

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

James yawned and crawled out of bed, glancing at the clock on his bedside and gasping at the time. "Damnit!" he muttered to himself when he realized he had overslept. He trudged over to the door and opened it, surprised to see Sirius standing there. "Uh…hey, Sirius."

Sirius grinned.

"Okay, why are you standing in my doorway wearing a really creepy smile and holding my sweatshirt?" James asked curiously. "In fact, why are you standing in my doorway at all? Aren't you still frustrated with me? We didn't make up last night, did we?" James thought back and shook his head. "Nope, you and me making up did not make the very eventful list of the happenings of last night."

"You broke up with Kristina," Sirius blurted out.

James froze. "Oh God, please tell me that's not around school yet."

"You broke up with Kristina," he repeated.

James sighed and casually leaned against the doorframe. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I was there when it happened," he murmured. "What's your point?"

Sirius handed James the sweatshirt and shrugged. "You broke up with Kristina."

James rolled his eyes and threw the sweatshirt on to his desk chair beside him. "Sirius, _why_ are you here?"

"Because you broke up with Kristina," Sirius grinned.

James sighed. "Okay, I'm going to close the door and get ready for my day now. However, if you'd like to stay outside my door repeating that I broke up with Kristina over and over, I can't object. It's a free country."

Sirius couldn't help but laugh. "I just can't believe you broke up with her!"

"Okay, closing door now," James grunted, stepping back in his attempt to shut Sirius out.

Sirius held his hand out before James could disappear back into his room. "James, you actually listened to me," he pointed out smugly. "You took my advice! That's a first, so naturally I needed to gloat about it."

"Well you've gloated about—wait a minute, I didn't take your advice!" James argued, giving him a look. "What advice? Choose a girl? Because that's not advice, that's something I already knew I had to do. I didn't need you reminding me of that."

"Clearly you did because it worked," Sirius responded with a grin.

"Again, this has nothing to do with you," James argued, ignoring the fact that that was a lie. But Sirius had been right all along. He wasn't about to let him be right yet again.

Sirius pouted. "How come I never win?"

James rolled his eyes. "Because I'm Head Boy. I think it's in the contract somewhere that I always get to win."

Sirius made a face. "But you did break up with Kristina, right?"

James nodded. "Yes, I think you established that five times already."

"So you must have taken someone's advice," Sirius contemplated curiously.

"What makes you think I took anyone's advice? Why couldn't I just have done this on my volition?" James demanded, scowling.

"You've had five months to do break up with her on your own and you've done nothing," Sirius said dryly.

James opened his mouth to object but chose to shrug instead. "Alright, you make a good point."

"So? How did you come to the realization that you and Kristina weren't meant to be?"

James smiled slowly and reminisced on the previous week and the happenings with Lily. "Does it matter?" he eventually said. "We're broken up. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Sirius shook his head. "Not necessarily."

"What? Wasn't that the point of your lecture at breakfast the other day?"

Sirius shook his head. "You really weren't listening, were you?" he snickered. "My point was to make a choice. Don't lead them both on at the same time and figure out if you really know what love is. I wouldn't care if you had chosen Kristina as long as you actually chose her and not half-heartedly."

"Liar," James laughed, rolling his eyes. "You wanted me to choose Lily the whole time."

Sirius grinned. "Okay, yeah, I did," he admitted. He paused and then gasped slightly. "Oh my God, you took her advice."

James blushed, knowing that it was more of the advice Lily didn't give that he had listened to. "So what if I did? Lily's a smart girl. She's Head Girl for Merlin's sake! She has to give good advice. Again, I think it's in the contract."

"You took her advice over mine?" Sirius whined. "I can't believe I got beaten by a girl!"

"Well, we all won really," James pointed out.

"How do we all win? Lily's advice is taken, you get the girl, and I'm standing in a doorway with my best friend who's not wearing a shirt. I'm not exactly seeing how _I _win in this situation."

James hesitated. "You're right, just Lily and I win."

Sirius glared at him.

He laughed. "Well if it makes you feel any better, I didn't exactly take Lily's advice," James explained. "I took the opposite of her advice. She pushed me towards Kristina and I-I realized last night that I couldn't let her do that."

"How profound of you," Sirius muttered, shaking his head. "And I'm pretty sure I was the one who told you not so nicely to pick a bloody girl already and stick with that decision. So advice was given to you m'friend and I believe it was taken."

"Again, nothing to do with you."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're a prat, y'know that?"

"Yes, actually, I did."

Sirius chuckled. "How'd it go with Lily-bean anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm assuming you and Lily-bean are together," Sirius explained. James hesitated, causing Sirius to scowl. "Please tell me you're with Lily now. Because if you broke up with Kristina and didn't try to get with Lily, you're an even bigger idiot than I thought."

"Oh, gee, how encouraging," James snorted, giving him a look.

"_So?_"

"So?" James repeated innocently, a coy smile creeping on to his face.

Sirius scoffed. "Don't so me back, Potter. Please tell me you made a move on the girl you've been lusting after for nearly seven years."

"I have not been lusting after her for seven years!"

"I know. I said for _nearly _seven years."

"_Sirius_."

Sirius grinned. "Please just tell me you made a move on her last night and feel free to divulge all of the details."

James rolled his eyes irritably, and was about to answer when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "James, do you realize that—SIRIUS!" Lily cried out in horror when she saw him standing before her, covering herself up as she was just wearing a very flimsy nightgown.

Sirius gave James a horrified look. "Bloody hell, on the _first _night, James?"

"NO!" both James and Lily cried out.

Lily glared at Sirius. "Do you honestly think I'd do that?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. You're with James now. Anything's possible."

Lily smacked him on the back of his head.

"Or not."

Lily rolled her eyes. "We didn't do anything," she explained. "We were just sleeping."

Sirius hesitated, a coy smile creeping on to his lips. "Hm…okay, okay. I can work with this…"

Lily's eyes narrowed at the amusement on Sirius' face. "Do I even want to know what means?"

"Probably not," he pondered, waving his hand dismissively. "I just plan on embellishing the whole 'sleeping' part a bit more when I tell the whole school about this chance encounter."

"SIRIUS!" they both shouted.

Sirius laughed and ducked from their swinging hands. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"

Lily and James glared at him.

"Okay, I'm half-kidding."

Lily slapped him again.

"Fine, fine, I'll only embellish when I tell Remus and Peter."

"_SIRIUS_!"

"Okay, okay!" Sirius cried out with a laugh. "But could you give me something to tell the school. James, just kiss her or…or fondle her boob!"

"**SIRIUS!**"

Sirius laughed and ran out of the room quickly as James started chasing him out of the private quarters and down the hallway.

Lily just smiled, wondering what she had gotten herself into.

* * *

Sirius wandered into Charms class with a huge smile on his face, taking a seat beside Remus and Peter and in front of Riley and Kay.

"He looks delusional," Riley said dryly.

"Nope, just happy," Sirius replied.

"About what?" Remus asked. "What made you go skipping out of the Great Hall this morning?"

"I wasn't skipping!" Sirius argued. "I was merely…er...scampering."

Kay snorted. "You think scampering is better than _skipping_?"

"I don't know, it's too early to act like a thesaurus," he whined.

Remus rolled his eyes. "We're getting off-topic. Why are you so happy? And why did you _scamper_ out of the Great Hall this morning? And why did you leave without finishing the bacon on your plate? And why is the fight between you and James over? And why couldn't Kristina give James the sweatshirt herself? And what did James do or didn't do? And why-"

"I lost you at 'we're getting off-topic,'" Sirius interrupted.

Remus sighed. "You are so hopeless."

Sirius laughed. "You'll probably find out the answers to those questions in about thirty seconds."

They all exchanged confused glances before slowly turning back to Sirius. Kay sighed. "Okay, I'll take this question," she opted. "How will we find out those answers in thirty seconds?"

Sirius grinned and pointed towards the door. "That's how."

They all turned around and saw James walk through the door, Lily right behind him. They were sharing a laugh.

They all turned back to Sirius. "Yeah, that pretty much doesn't answer any of my questions," Remus said, giving him a look.

Sirius snickered, a sly grin breaking out as Lily and James made their way over to them. Sirius glanced back towards Remus. "Guess who got together last night?" He ignored the glares from James and Lily.

There was a long pause. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're referring to," Remus eventually said, quirking an eyebrow. "In fact, that merely begs yet another question: _what the hell are you talking about_?"

James gave Sirius a look as he slipped into the empty desk behind his friends. "Don't you ever keep your mouth shut?"

"It doesn't matter that he's not keeping his mouth shut," Riley chimed in, shaking her head. "He's not making any sense."

Sirius grinned, sharing a look with James and Lily. "Oh, go on, tell them."

"Tell us what?" Kay snapped.

Lily blushed and turned away, a smile growing on her face. James could only grin, glancing adoringly over at his new girlfriend. He would never get tired of using that word. "Really, it's not a big deal," Lily murmured, embarrassed.

She nor James were surprised when Sirius burst into laughter. "You two dating is not a big deal?" he snorted, turning back towards his other friends. "That is a load of bullshit, Lily-bean."

"_WHAT?"_

"Sirius!" James groaned as a group of people stared over at them.

"What? They're your friends. They should know!" Sirius argued.

"I don't care if they know," James hissed. "I just don't want the whole damn school knowing so please keep your voices down!"

"Bloody hell, how the hell did this happen?" Kay demanded, glancing towards Lily curiously. "A week ago, you punched him in the face!"

"A lot can happen in a week," Lily explained with a simple shrug.

"Wait…aren't you…hold on…so this morning…Kristina…how did…okay, awkward question: aren't you dating a girl called Kristina Reinhart?" Remus sighed, glancing towards James. "About yay high, blonde hair, blue eyes."

"We're not together anymore," he murmured sheepishly.

"Holy Merlin, you broke up with Kristina?" Remus hissed, making sure to keep his voice down.

James nodded.

"But you told her you loved her?" Remus hissed.

James nodded again.

"And then kissed Lily on the balcony?" Remus hissed.

James nodded sheepishly.

"And then went back with Kristina?"

James frowned hesitantly.

"And then broke up with her?"

James bit the inside of his lip.

"And then got together with Lily?" Remus asked in surprise.

James paused. "This isn't making me look too good, is it?"

"No, not even a little bit," Remus snickered, shrugging. "I just can't believe this. I never thought you'd actually listen to Sirius."

"HAH!" Sirius called out, looking at James smugly. "See, even Remus thinks you listened to me?"

"Sirius, no one ever listens to you," he sighed.

Before Sirius could retort, Peter interrupted. "Can we go back to questioning what the hell happened last night?"

"No," Lily muttered irritably, biting her fingernail as a few Hufflepuffs were attempting to listen on. "At least not here. We do not need to become the gossip around this school."

"People are going to find out eventually, y'know," Sirius pointed out.

"Eventually is fine. But I don't need Lily and me to be the word around the school right now. We don't need their judgment and frankly, neither does Kristina," James pointed out, glancing at Lily, hoping she would understand that.

Thankfully, Lily nodded. "Why make a big thing out of it right now? Can't we figure this out on our own without the entire school's scrutiny?"

Sirius and Riley shared a furtive glance, smiling slyly as they thought about their own predicament. "Yeah," Riley eventually said. "I-I guess that makes perfect sense."

Kay pouted, slumping down in her seat. "This sucks. Something good finally comes from your two bickering all these years and now we can't even talk about it."

"Well, talk about this instead," Sirius said slyly. "Lily-bean spent the night in James' room last night."

"SIRIUS!"

* * *

Lily and James still kept their new relationship a secret from everyone, but found themselves extremely grateful that they had the privacy of their own quarters for all of their rendez-vous. It made Lily nervous in the beginning, the idea of having James around _all the time_, but they quickly fell into a comfortable routine. They would spend their free time during the day cuddling on their couch while studying for their exams and essays and inevitably ended up curling up into James' bed at night, where Lily came to realize how much she enjoyed being in his arms. He didn't overstep his boundaries and he didn't try to. It wasn't about a physical relationship for them; it was just about being with each other. They would only really emerge for classes and for meals. Even meals had been shortened recently so that they can whisk themselves away from everyone else and their scrutiny. If they had to hear one more crude joke from Sirius or endure any more questioning from Riley and Kay or deal with the reminder that everyone would find out from Remus or face Peter's constant disbelief, they knew they would scream.

On that particular Friday night, Sirius barged into their private quarters and insisted they join all of their friends in the Gryffindor common room. He had claimed that four days stowed away was enough and it was time to realize that they had other friends beside each other. James felt guilty and Lily just found herself grateful for all of the help and advice that Sirius had given to her over the past month about James, that neither felt it was worth it to argue.

So the whole crowd was in the common room late that Friday night: James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Riley, and Kay. Even Jillian and Dezzy had joined them.

"Sirius, you're seriously perverted," Lily mentioned.

"Oh come on! A sexy mother is every young boy's dream," Sirius argued, turning towards the guys. "Back me up guys!"

James snorted. "You're on your own, mate. I like people my _own _age, thank you."

"That's not what you said about Mrs. Gilmore a few years back," Dezzy teased.

"DEZZY!" James groaned.

"Er...come again?" said Riley, giving James a disgusted look.

James gave her a sheepish look. "I was thirteen! I had raging hormones then!"

Riley shuddered. "I'm scarred for life."

"Well, let's face it, Gilmore," Sirius claimed. "For having had six kids, she was a hot woman."

Riley gave him an intrigued look. "Please tell me you did not just say that."

"I did," Sirius replied immediately, a sly grin on his face. "And in case you were wondering, she looks even better in my fantasies."

"One, I wasn't even remotely wondering that," she groaned. "And two, please promise me you'll never fantasize about my mother again."

"Don't be jealous," Sirius said with a giddy grin. "I've fantasized about you, too."

"Oh, that's good to know," she muttered, shuddering.

"And sometimes I fantasize about your mother and you _together_."

"Okay, you need to stop talking before I throw up," James interjected. Mrs. Gilmore was like a second mother to him.

"Don't be jealous," Sirius replied. "I fantasize about-"

"DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" James cried. "People already think we're gay!"

"I was going to say I've fantasized about your mother, but what were you thinking?" Sirius snickered.

"Eww, she's practically _your _mother," Dezzy laughed.

"Yeah, well not when I was thirteen and I didn't live in your house," Sirius pointed out with a grin. "The only reason I ever came to visit James was to see her…and _you _of course," he teased.

"Sirius, that's my sister!" James complained.

"Wow," Jillian muttered. "What am I getting myself into?"

"If it makes you feel any better, Remus is the normal one in this group," Peter chimed in.

"HEY!" James and Sirius both cried together.

Peter gave them a look. "You two are really going to argue your normalcy? James, you debated this morning whether your glasses made your eyes look watery. And Sirius, you made a food sculpture at lunch today with leftover vegetables."

Sirius grinned. "Well, they were going to go to waste otherwise. Who wants to eat squash and broccoli and asparagus anyway?"

"I happen to like squash and broccoli and asparagus," Riley chimed in.

"That's because you're not right in the head."

"We were talking about _your _normalcy, not mine," she scowled, the ends of her mouth tugging upward.

Sirius couldn't help but laugh, which offered up a confusing vibe for the rest of them. None of them seemed to know what was going on between Sirius and Riley. It almost seemed as if the two of them were heading down a path towards friendship, but their friends of course didn't doubt that somehow one of them would screw it up. But any day where the two of them weren't bickering was a good one in their minds, wondering if it could ever really last. "The only normal one in this group is Jillian," Sirius argued, shooting a smile in her direction. "But that's merely because she hasn't been around us long enough."

"So what you're saying is I should really just get out now if I stand any chance of keeping what little normalcy I actually have?" she murmured, making a face.

"Yes, precisely."

Remus smacked him on the back of his head. "Sirius, you need to learn how to shut up."

He hesitated. "I'm not sure I know the meaning of those words."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Remus snorted.

"That doesn't surprise any of us," Lily chimed in with a cheeky grin.

"Eh, so what? I'm loud, I'm proud, so let's go get plowed!" Sirius responded.

He may not know when to shut up, but he certainly could create a ripple of laughter through all of his friends.

"Must I remind you that a blizzard warning is in effect right now?" James pointed out. "I'm not traipsing to Hogsmeade."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that because you'd rather spend your time canoodling with Lily-bean."

Lily and James tensed up immediately, noting the shocked, confused glances on Dezzy and Jillian's faces. "Er…_what_?" Dezzy demanded.

Sirius hesitated. "Maybe I do need to learn how to shut up."

"Ya think?" Lily groaned, shooting him a look.

"Um, I repeat my earlier question: _what_?" Dezzy asked, raising her voice slightly.

Silence followed as the seven friends exchanged uncomfortable glances, no one sure how to respond.

"Whoa, didn't realize you guys could stay silent for that long," Jillian joked, unnerved by the awkward silence.

James shrugged, struggling to find a subject change. "Hey, has anyone done the Astronomy assignment yet for Monday?"

Jillian smirked. "On a scale from 1-10 with 1 being the worst subject change in history, yours was definitely a _zero_."

"What subject change? I really have to do it and I haven't started," James explained with an innocent smile.

"Alright, what's going on?" Dezzy demanded.

The seven exchanged another round of looks before Sirius sighed and shrugged, turning to glance towards James. "Sorry, mate," he winced. "But she is your sister. She'll find out eventually."

"There's that damn word 'eventually' again," James groaned.

"Seriously, bro, _why _would you be canoodling with Lily?" Dezzy dared to ask.

He smiled sheepishly, glancing at Lily out of the corner of her eye. She looked rather reserved and simply nodded her approval. "Lily and I are dating."

No one was surprised when two shrieks followed. "_What_?"

"SHH!" James cried out, covering his sister's mouth. "No one in the school knows about this yet and I'll be damned if _you're _going to scream it out to them."

She gave him an apologetic look as he took his hand away from her mouth. "Well, _sorry_, but maybe you shouldn't be springing this news to me in the middle of the common room," she hissed.

"Technically, Sirius did that," Riley pointed out.

"Shh, don't remind him," Sirius murmured.

Dezzy ignored him. "So I'm assuming you and Kristina broke up?" she asked, her curious gaze on her brother.

James glared at her. "I'm not about to cheat on the girl. What kind of guy do you think I am?"

Sirius snorted. "So, those kisses you and Lily-"

"Learn when to shut up, Padfoot!" James barked.

"Whoa, kisses? What kisses? Details!" Dezzy begged.

James glared at Sirius.

"Oops?"

James sighed. "Kristina and I broke up on Monday night, Dez," he murmured, hoping to steer the conversation away from Lily.

"And when did you and Lily get together?"

He hesitated.

She smirked. "Let me guess: Monday night?"

"I'm beginning to sound like a man whore, aren't I?" he muttered, slumping down.

Eight resounding yeses followed.

James gave Lily a look. "Aren't you supposed to be on my side?"

She grinned. "I didn't say I didn't enjoy dating a man whore, did I?"

James chuckled, reaching for her hand instinctively.

"So, this might be a dumb question," Jillian interjected, confused. "Don't you two hate each other?"

They all erupted into laughter and Remus sighed. "On a day where you have seven hours to spare, I'll tell you the whole story."

"Oh God, it's one of _those_," she sighed, giving them all a smile to show she was joking.

"Please don't tell anyone," James warned his sister and Jillian. "We don't want it to get around school yet."

"What? You tell me this _huge _secret and I can't even _tell _anyone!" Dezzy whined.

Sirius popped up out of his chair and gave Dezzy a look of mischief. "Well if you really want a story to tell, Lily spent the night-"

"SIRIUS!" the other six chorused together.

Sirius just grinned.

* * *

**A/N: **Well they're FINALLY together! Only took them 50 chapters...haha, and about seven months. This was one of my favorite chapters to write, especially with Sirius (who I absolutely ADORE!) so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much I enjoyed writing it. I only have 1 more chapter to go (I can't believe this story is coming to an end!) and then comes the sequel (yay!) so don't worry, you'll see plenty more of James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Riley, and Kay!


	51. Of Lily, James, Sirius, & Riley

**A/N: **Happy Super Bowl Sunday! But sad that this is the end of this story...I can't believe it's finally over; makes me sad. But there IS a sequel coming up so you can stay tuned for that, but unfortunately, it's taking me longer to write so it probably won't be uploaded for a while; probably for another couple of months. But enjoy this last chapter until then!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling, but YAY FOR THE LAST BOOK COMING OUT ON JULY 21, 2007!

* * *

**Tears on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 51: Of Lily, James, Sirius, and Riley

* * *

Another few weeks went by with, surprisingly, no notice of the James and Kristina break-up or the James and Lily get-together. And on top of that, Sirius and Riley were happy that their relationship was still a secret, probably because their friends were focusing more on Lily and James than them thankfully. They spent a lot of their time sneaking down to a private dungeon in the basement. Sirius always made sure to grab the Marauder's Map before doing anything with her in order to not be caught.

"Hey guys," James greeted, walking into the seventh-year dorm room a few Fridays later. He stifled a yawn and plopped himself down on his bed. "Where's Sirius?"

Remus rolled his eyes and barely looked up from his textbook. "In the bathroom where he's been for an hour_."_

James laughed. "Thank God I don't live here anymore."

"Well, that's great for you but I really have to pee,!" Peter whined, pounding on the door for the hundredth time. "Padfoot, you've been in there forever! _GET OUT_!"

"Does he have a date tonight?" James asked, grabbing a Quidditch magazine off of Sirius' desk. He flipped it open and started to read the first article.

"Of course he does," Remus snickered. "But he's being very secretive about it. He won't tell us with who or where or when or what they're doing."

James snickered. "Probably with Rachael in the Astronomy Tower in an hour having sex," he pointed out with a laugh. He hesitated. "Wow, that was easier than I thought."

"Except he's not dating Rachael anymore," Peter pointed out, continuing to slam his fist against the bathroom door.

"What?" James cried, dropping the magazine to the floor in surprise. "Since when?"

Remus laughed. "For about a month now, James."

"What the hell happened?" James demanded to know.

Remus shrugged. "Not sure, Sirius never told us," he claimed. "But you know Sirius: he probably got bored and just decided to let her go and find a new girl to mess with."

James shook his head. "But he was with Rachael for three months. Why would he have been all-of-a-sudden bored after three months of her? That's the longest he's ever been with a girl before."

Remus shut his textbook. "He wasn't exactly _with _her. Just sleeping with her."

"Still, it was about three months longer than any of his other flings."

Remus shrugged. "I have no clue, Prongs. Maybe...maybe he dumped Rachael for some other girl. Who really knows what goes through Sirius' head?"

"That can't be it because Sirius hasn't been with any girls in at least a month," Peter pointed out.

"Sirius hasn't been with any girls in four weeks?" James spoke incredulously, his eyebrow arching.

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "Damn, that whole Lily situation really put you into a whole other world, didn't it."

"Yep," Sirius said, emerging from the bathroom, practically being thrown to the ground as Peter zoomed right past him and into the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind him. "James' head was not in the right place."

"Gee, thanks for speaking on my behalf," James said sarcastically.

Sirius gave him a look, sifting through his clothes in his trunk and throwing the ones deemed not good enough on to the floor. "James, you know it's true. Your head has been in the clouds for over a month now. In fact, I'm pretty sure ever since you kissed her before the holiday break, the second time you kissed her I mean, you've been debating a relationship with her."

"That's not true!" James argued.

Sirius shrugged curtly. "Well, I guess we can call the brief period where she punched you and you two were avoiding each other a little sabbatical from debating a relationship with her, but other than that-"

"How about the brief period when we were avoiding each other during the week leading up to Christmas?" James pointed out.

"Hm…okay that, too."

James gave him a look. "That gives me about a day of debating a relationship with her, Padfoot."

"A-_ha_! So you admit you were debating a relationship with her!"

James rolled his eyes. "I'm with her, aren't I? But I reiterate the fact that I was only really debating for a brief period of about a day."

"To be fair, you were actually debating a relationship with her for about six years before that," Sirius corrected, grabbing a pair of slacks and a cotton sweater from his trunk.

"Was not. Just because I had a crush on her doesn't mean I was debating anything. She hated me and I hated her at the time."

"You only pretended to hate her," Sirius snorted, throwing the clothes on. He tossed the towel on to the floor, earning a look from Remus. Sirius gladly ignored him.

James opened his mouth to retaliate, but found himself shutting it. "You are so aggravating, y'know that?"

"Why? Because I'm right?" Sirius said with a teasing grin.

James hesitated. "You being right doesn't happen very often so I'm willing to give this one to you."

Sirius pumped his fist into the air. "Alright! Score 1 for Sirius Black!"

"It's sad when he gets overly exciting about being right for once," Remus murmured, shaking his head incredulously.

"It's sad that you're sitting there with your head in a textbook on a Friday night while I'm going out," Sirius responded almost immediately.

Remus shrugged. "Hey, someone's got to do the homework around here."

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "How is our Potions essay coming along?"

He wasn't surprised when Remus flipped him off.

"So, Prongs, before you rush out of here to go be with that new girlfriend of yours," Remus interjected, throwing the textbook off the bed to the floor just to spite Sirius, "Please give us all of the details."

"What details?"

"The new girlfriend details," Remus snorted, wiggling in eyebrows with intrigue.

"Oooh, yes!" Peter agreed as he wandered back into the room. He jumped on to his bed in excitement.

"Yes, please give them to us before Peter wets himself," Sirius snickered, earning a look from Peter.

James rolled his eyes. "What new girlfriend details?"

"Is she a good kisser?" Sirius snickered, winking at James.

"Sirius!" Remus cried out.

"What? You know you're wondering the same thing," Sirius pointed out.

Remus hesitated. "So James, is she a good kisser?"

James groaned and buried his head into the magazine. "Why do you want to know?"

Sirius snorted. "Uh, because I'm sure every guy at this school is wondering if she has a great set of lips considering I'm pretty sure only one person has ever made out with her. And you've snagged her."

Peter nodded ferociously. "Yeah, so tell us. Is she any good?"

"You guys are perverted," James replied, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Avoiding the question, hm?" Sirius contemplated. "That bad, hm?"

"No! She's a bloody amazing kisser! That doesn't mean I need to talk to you lot about it." But his last words were drowned out by his three friends high-fiving and jumping off their beds to dance playfully just to tease their best friend.

James groaned. "Why are you guys so immature?"

"Hey, we've been practicing this dance for seven years!" Sirius said, attempting to do the moonwalk. "Seven years we've had to listen to you drone on and on about her. Seven years we've had to help you come up with innovative ways to ask her out. Seven years we've had to make plans around where Lily was going to be. _Seven years_-"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" James interrupted, scrunching up his nose. "I was annoying."

The three guys burst into laughter. "Annoying?" Peter protested. "No, that doesn't even really begin to describe what you were."

James scowled. "Can't you guys just be happy for me?"

Remus stopped doing his robot dance move to offer his friend a pat on the shoulder. "We are happy for you," he said with a smile. "It's about damned time."

"Just don't screw it up," Sirius spoke as he and Peter pretended to do the tango.

"Well, thanks for that sound advice," James snorted.

Sirius shrugged, halting his dancing for a moment to catch his breath. "Hey, seems to me that whenever you guys take one small step forward, you take one hell of a giant leap back. I'm just waiting for this to all blow up in your face."

James scowled. "Thanks so much for the support, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned sheepishly but before he could retort, Remus chimed in. "Besides, James and Lily dating is not a _small _step forward, Sirius. That's like a Bigfoot-sized step. A Giant's step. A _fleet _of Giants' steps if you will."

"Okay, I think we got it," James retorted with an unamused glare.

Remus grinned. "I'm just reiterating the fact that this is pretty huge for you two. So don't screw it up."

"Why are you two so convinced I'm going to screw it up?"

"Oh, I don't know, because you slapped her, nearly called her the M word, punched her, and tore down her psyche by mentioning her nonexistent family to her in just four weeks time?" Remus suggested, glancing curious at his other two friends. "Am I missing anything?"

"Nope, I think you about covered it," Sirius sniggered.

James glared at them. "It's a New Year. We're putting the past in the past."

"Until you screw it up again," Peter teased.

James' glare intensified. "I knew I shouldn't have come up here," he groaned.

"Here," Remus said. "Let me do the honors." He slapped Peter on the back of his head.

"OW!" he whined, shooting Remus a look before turning his attention back on James. "Why _did_ you come up here?"

"She's doing rounds," he replied with a shrug. "I figured I'd come visit you guys for the hour."

"Okay…but shouldn't you be working on getting Lily into bed?" Sirius questioned with a teasing grin, jumping on to the end of James' bed with such force, James' body jumped into the air.

James threw Sirius' pillow at him, who was laughing hysterically, along with Remus and Peter. "No!" James cried, joining in with the laughter. "We're taking it slow."

Sirius groaned. "Why is everyone taking things slow?"

"Who's everyone?" James asked.

"You. Remus. Apparently Lily and Jillian, too."

"There's nothing that Jillian and I can take slow, Padfoot," Remus argued, frowning. "We're just…friends."

Sirius rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. Were you two just friends last night when you went on a moonlit stroll around the grounds? Were you two just friends the other night when you were snogging in that broom closet in the fifth floor corridor? Where you two just friends when you brought her into Hogsmeade with us last week and danced the entire night with her?"

A hint of red shone on Remus' ears. "Oh, shush."

Sirius lifted an amused eyebrow. "Did you just _shush _me?"

"Maybe."

"Why are you so determined to label whatever the hell it is you and Jillian have as just _friends _when you so clearly are more than that?" James asked curiously.

Remus hesitated, furrowing his brow. He was determined to just be friends with Jillian. He couldn't let it be anything more. Not with his condition. "Does it matter?" he murmured. "Just let it go, alright?"

"You like this girl, right?" Sirius pursued.

"_Sirius_," Remus warned. "Let it go."

"Fine," he responded, sensing agitation in his friend's voice. "But tell me: is she a good kisser?"

"SIRIUS!"

He grinned. "Sorry. I was just glad to steer the conversation away from James and Lily's mushy relationship."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with mushy!" James whined. "I can't help it that I love just being with her. Holding her hand. Stealing kisses from her. Cuddling in bed. Our late-night talks. Our strolls around the quiet hallways."

The three boys stared at him blankly.

"What?"

"He's being emasculated and he doesn't even know it," Sirius said with a sigh, throwing his hands in the air.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not being emasculated," he argued. "I'm in a relationship."

"Hm, yep, same thing."

James glared at him. "Back me up, Remus," he pleaded. "You and Jillian are-"

"Not in a relationship," Remus reminded, glaring at him.

James frowned curiously. "Jeez, you really are terrified to classify it as a relationship, aren't you?"

"I'm not terrified, we're just not in a relationship. Hence why I'm not classifying it as one."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, but let's face it. You two are starting to act a tad lovey-dovey."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not!"

"TOO!"

"Oh, good Godric, just admit it, Remus, and stop this ridiculous bickering," Sirius whined.

Remus fell back onto his bed with a grunt. "Alright, maybe a little, but I don't talk about any of that lovey-dovey crap with you guys like you just did."

James shrugged. "But you still do that lovey-dovey crap with her whether or not you like to admit it, hm?"

"Oh, good, so you both admit that being lovey-dovey is crap?" Sirius teased.

James shot him a look before glancing back at Remus. "Answer the question, Moony."

Remus made a face. "Maybe…"

"And does it not feel good?" James urged with a knowing grin.

"Hm, I guess," he murmured, squirming.

"And do you not like kissing her and holding her hand and being with her?"

"Okay, I don't want to be included in this conversation anymore," Remus whined.

James rolled his eyes and sat up. "Fine, but you do know what I'm talking about."

"I think I'm going to hurl," Sirius muttered, shaking his head.

James sighed. "You guys know what my relationship with Kristina was like. It was just-"

"Sex," Sirius finished.

"_No_," James argued. "It was more-"

"Physical?"

"_No_," James said firmly.

Sirius gave him a look.

"Well, maybe a little," James agreed with a sheepish chuckle. "We rushed into a lot of things before ever spending time just getting to know each other. And that's what I'm doing with Lily now. I don't want to jump into a physical relationship with her and suddenly realize I don't know what her favorite color is-"

"Green," Sirius answered.

"-Or her favorite book-" James continued.

"_Little Women_," Sirius replied.

"-Or her favorite number-" James persisted, getting irritated.

"Five," Sirius responded."

"-Or her favorite subject," James added, giving Sirius an annoyed look.

"Charms."

James stared at him.

"What? You didn't know any of that? I thought everyone knew that!"

James pouted. "This sucks. How come you know more about her than I do?"

"Because she didn't hate me for six years," Sirius pointed out matter-of-factly.

He sighed, running his fingesr through his hair haggardly. "Well, maybe you know all this stuff about her. Good for you. But I don't all this stuff about her," James continued. "And I want to know it."

"You do now. I just told you. And now you can sleep with her!"

James gave him a look. "Do you honestly think Lily is that kind of girl?"

"Well she went for you, so I'm not really sure what kind of girl she is," Sirius snickered. "Delusional, perhaps?"

"Neurotic," Remus jumped in.

"Ooh, insane!" Peter added with a snicker.

"We might want to consider getting her checked into Bedlam," Sirius teased.

"Gee thanks, you guys are a big help," James whined, but the ends of his mouth were tugging upwards. "You might think I'm being emasculated, Padfoot, but I want things to be different with Lily. I-I want to prove to her that I'm not some jackass player with a womanizing reputation."

"That's going to take a lot of work," Sirius sighed, ducking as James threw his pillow at him.

"Don't you have some date to get to?" James whined.

"Yes," he snickered. "Thank Merlin. I don't need to sit here and listen to any more of your mushy details."

"Eh, that's fine. I'll just finish up the details with Remus and Peter."

"Dammit," Remus cursed. "I wish I had a date with Jillian right now."

"I thought you weren't dating," Sirius snickered, standing up and flattening his hair as he glanced in the full-length mirror.

"We're not," Remus agreed. "But if I had to label Jillian as my date to get away from James, I'd be willing to do so."

"Good luck with him," Sirius smirked as he grabbed his jacket and wallet and walked towards the door.

"Who are you going out with tonight?" James asked curiously, suddenly realizing he never figured out whatever happened with him and Rachael.

"A girl," Sirius snickered, opening the door, hoping to get away before they interrogated him further.

"Rachael?" James asked, hoping Sirius would give a reply as to why they broke it off.

Sirius laughed. "Hell no. We've been so over for a month now. Where the hell have you been?"

"In Lily-world," Peter snickered.

"Ahhh, right. Shoulda guessed," Sirius snickered. "See you guys later." He opened the door and headed out.

"Who's the girl?" Peter shouted as Sirius closed the door.

"No one you need to know about!" he shouted back, shutting the door hard behind him, practically skipping down the steps as he thought about meeting Riley in an empty dungeon room, one they've claimed as their own earlier that week.

"Damn," Remus swore when Sirius was out the door. "Why is he being so secretive? Usually he's so willing to divulge the information about who he's about to sleep with."

"It didn't seem like he was planning on sleeping with this one," James said curiously. "In fact, it actually looked like he cared about his appearance tonight. He took a shower! And was in the bathroom for an _hour_. Doing what, who knows? Something is up with him."

"Check the map," Peter said curiously.

"He took it with him," Remus said with a curt shrug. "And if Sirius doesn't want to tell us who he's going out with, we should respect his privacy."

James blinked. "Well, that doesn't sound like us."

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "Believe me, we'll find out eventually. This school doesn't keep secrets very well. He's bound to be seen by someone and then it'll get around the school in 3.5 seconds."

"Yeah…" James sighed. "That's what _I'm_ worried about."

"The school is going to find out eventually, James," Remus said with a sympathetic smile.

"I'm beginning to hate the word 'eventually,'" James muttered.

"Well, look at it this way: it hasn't gotten out so far and it's been a month. That's got to be some sort of record."

James smiled, wishing that her rounds was over so he could be with her again. "Well, we live in the same place so it's really easy to hide our relationship. We don't have to sneak around the school or anything because we live a door away."

Remus grinned and stared at his friend pensively. "You really like her, don't you?"

James was grateful that someone finally understood and he smiled even wider. "Yeah," he eventually replied, just thinking about it. "I do."

"Well, I'm happy for you," Peter pointed out.

Remus nodded. "We all are. Sirius just has a weird way of showing it."

James laughed. "I can see that," he agreed. He bit the inside of his lip and continued, "It was never like this with Kristina. I almost feel like I was with Kristina just to be with someone. She was there and I jumped at it. It could have been anyone. But with _Lily_…oh man, it's so different. I can talk to her. I mean _really _talk to her. And I don't mind it! Which is the weird part."

Remus threw back his head and laughed. "That just means you're in a real relationship, Prongs. Believe me, it's not always going to be an uphill slope. There will be some rollercoaster moments."

"Oh gee, that's comforting," James replied sarcastically. "And what about you? Why not ask Jillian out? And I mean for real."

Remus sighed and stared at his hands. "I thought we were over this?"

"Remus," James said softly, giving his friend a look. "What's going through your mind?"

He frowned, turning away from James' scrutinizing look. He sighed, biting down on his bottom lip hesitantly. "I can't start anything with her," he muttered. "Because…every time I get close to a girl, it always ends. It has to."

"_Why_?" Peter questioned.

Remus gave him a look. "Oh I don't know, maybe it's because on full moons I turn into a werewolf."

"Eh, minor setback," Peter joked, waving his hand dismissively.

"If the girl really likes you, she'll understand," James pointed out.

"Yeah maybe, but I wouldn't be able to risk telling her. Because if she doesn't understand, it'd be around the school in seconds and I'd have to relocate to…to Cambodia or something."

"Cambodia?" James questioned with a smirk.

Remus shrugged. "It was the first thing that came to mind," he snickered. "Listen, I plan on hanging out with Jillian as much as I can without putting any type of label on it. That way it won't be too hard to end it when the time comes."

James sighed. "I just hope you don't get hurt because you feel the need to end something that can be avoided entirely by telling her the truth."

Remus made a face. "Jeez, Lily really has turned you mushy."

James laughed. "Speaking of, I better get back. She'll be done with rounds soon and I want to be there when she gets back."

Remus made a retching sound.

James threw his magazine at him. "The good news is maybe she'll see Sirius wandering the halls with his secret woman and we can then find out who it is."

Remus gave him a look. "When was Sirius not good at tiptoeing around the Heads of the school?"

James sighed. "Good point."

* * *

Lily was wandering through the halls, a smile on her face and her head in the clouds. She was barely paying attention to her duties and practically missed a fourth-year couple making out in the corner of an empty hallway earlier. She couldn't believe how perfect her relationship with James was going. She thought it would be more awkward, with him being much more experienced than she, but it wasn't like that at all. James made her feel special and that's all that really mattered. She had spent the night in his room every night and James hasn't made any move on her. It's like he knew that when Lily was ready she'd come around. In the beginning, she didn't want the school knowing for obvious reasons: a) Kristina, b) she didn't know if it would last, and c) she didn't want to be involved in the gossip chain. However, now she wondered if they should just get it over with and tell the school. Hopefully the judgment wouldn't last long.

She was surprised that the gossip about James and Kristina hadn't gotten around yet. She hadn't heard even a rumor about it, but she was certain that Kristina's friends knew and knew more than Lily had bargained for. They were forever giving her evil looks and whispering behind her back. It bothered her for a few hours until she realized they were just supporting their friend. It's exactly what Lily would have done if it had been Kay or Riley.

Lily was pondering the thought of Kristina's friends so intuitively that she didn't notice where she was going and ran into someone just as she turned the corner. "Oof!" Lily cried, stumbling backward slightly. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

She brushed herself off and glanced up, her face freezing in horror. "Kristina."

Kristina stared at her and then quickly down at the ground. "Lily."

They both stood there awkwardly as nothing but silence passed before Lily took a deep breath. "Bye," she said, quickly brushing past her without taking off points for being out after hours.

She was surprised to hear Kristina call out after her.

"Lily, wait!"

Lily froze at the sound of her name, uncertain whether she should turn around or not. Eventually, she did, staring at the ground the whole time without replying.

"Why him?"

Lily was taken aback. "Er…what?"

"Why my boyfriend?" she asked desolately.

Lily bit her lip nervously, feeling really guilty, not saying anything for fear of being lashed out at.

"There are hundreds of guys at this school and you had to go after James," Kristina practically cried out, a feeling of repression in her voice. "Why is that?"

Lily stared at the ground.

"Answer me!" Kristina cried out, a melancholy, hurt waver in her voice.

Lily sighed. "I-I didn't go after James."

"Oh really?" Kristina snorted. "Because I'm pretty sure you're with him, and I'm not."

Lily felt the sudden need to cry, but refused to let Kristina see that. "I'm sorry about that," she said slowly. "It wasn't my intention for you and James to break up."

"Then what were your intentions?" she demanded. "What exactly was your big plan when you decided to ruin our relationship?"

Lily snorted. "I didn't have a plan, Kristina," she snapped. "Maybe you should be asking James that."

"James wouldn't tell me he loved me and then break up with me the next day for the fun of it, Lily," Kristina growled. "You did this. You put some bullshit story in his mind about how I'm not good enough for him just so you could swoop in and be there for him in the aftermath."

Lily sighed, wishing that she could accept that responsibility, feeling sudden sorrow for this girl. "I…I didn't do anything, Kristina," she muttered.

Kristina stared at her. "Of course you did!" she cried out vulnerably.

Lily shrugged and bit her lip nervously. "Kristina, I…I wish I could say that I did," Lily mentioned. "I wish I could say that James…that he was a better boyfriend to you. I can't say that I'm totally innocent in all of this, but…but he made the choice in the end," she murmured.

Kristina paled, realizing that Lily had to be right. "What?"

Lily simply nodded, the guilt weighing heavily on her.

"He chose you," she whispered, her heart breaking at the thought.

Lily didn't say anything, realizing that maybe telling her that wasn't the best decision.

Kristina sighed. "Treat him well, Lily," she said softly.

Lily's eyebrows arched. "Heh?"

She shrugged. "No hard feelings?"

Lily whipped her head up and stared at her. "_What_?"

Kristina shook her head with a warm smile.

"But…but I thought you _hated _me?" Lily blurted out.

Kristina chuckled. "I thought I did," she admitted. "But it wasn't you I hated. It was the situation. I took a lot of my frustration out on you because it was easier than taking it out on him. Still is. As much as I tried fighting for him, I knew I was losing him. I realized a while ago that you'd be better for him than I ever was."

"No, Kristina, that's not true," Lily argued, wondering where this compassion was coming from.

Kristina shook her head. "Yes it is, and you know it," she protested. "You hated me with him. I think a lot of people did. For good reason. I was just refusing to admit that we weren't right together."

Lily didn't know how to answer. She just sighed, suddenly feeling a wave of sympathy for this recent ex-girlfriend of her now boyfriend. "Kristina, if it makes you feel better, I don't think I hated you with him. I was just jealous."

Kristina gave her an impressed look. "Most people wouldn't admit that."

Lily smiled. "I'm not most people."

Kristina looked at her curiously before answering, "No, you're not."

They stood there smiling at each other, for once being able to understand each other for a few comfortable seconds before Lily broke the ice again.

"I'm sorry, by the way," Lily blurted out, wondering why she hadn't thought of apologizing before this for taking the love of her life away.

"For what?" Kristina asked, perplexed.

"For how things turned out," she explained with a sympathetic half-smile. "I'm probably not your favorite person right now and as much as you're standing here talking to me, you'd probably rather be anywhere else. And I really appreciate you not having any hard feelings because I don't think I could take the guilt of knowing that you were disturbed by the fact that I am now…well, you know," she said in embarrassment.

For a second, Lily thought Kristina would go back to her cold, distant self, but she eventually just shrugged nonchalantly. "I never meant to blame you for what happened, Lily," Kristina admitted. "Like I said, it was just easier."

"I understand," Lily agreed.

"And besides, James and I were never really good together. You and him will have an actual relationship. All we ever had was sex."

Lily forced out a laugh, but it made her a little uneasy knowing she'd have to top Kristina. "Thanks for being so understanding, Kristina."

Kristina shrugged. "It's the least I could do. I was a bitch to you this whole year."

"Well, that's true," Lily agreed with a hint of a smile.

"I'm sorry for it," Kristina muttered. "I just hated being upstaged by you."

"I upstaged you?" Lily asked, shocked.

"Of course," she mumbled. "All the guys worshiped you. Especially Sirius, Remus, and Peter. And they hated me. James' friends never really liked having me around but they liked you. In fact, they chose to hang out with you. You just have some sort of…of presence about you. An independent attitude about how you hold yourself that I never had."

"How I hold myself?" Lily repeated intrigued. "You mean like how I was horrible to you? That's not exactly the best attitude to have."

"Again, it was probably only because I was horrible to you," Kristina chuckled humorously. "But I hope you know that I was only horrible because I, too, was jealous of you."

Lily was taken aback. "Why were youjealous?"

Kristina bit the inside of her lip and sighed. "Because…he never paid as much attention to me as he did to you. He…he…never looked at me the way he looked at you. He never talked to me the way he talked to you! He might not have known it, but _I _knew he fancied you way back in September. He probably always has."

Lily thought back to last May when he confessed that he had had a thing for her for a while and wondered if Kristina was right. "Maybe so…but I'm still sorry. I never meant for this to happen."

Kristina smiled. "Thanks. That means a lot," she admitted. "You…you guys can tell people, y'know? I'm sure you're hiding it for my sake, but please don't feel the need. I think I'm okay now and you don't want to go hiding your relationship. Get the gossip chain over with."

Lily laughed. "I was hoping to avoid that."

Kristina gave her a look. "No offense, but it's _Lily Evans_ and _James Potter_. There's no way of avoiding that."

Lily gave her a lopsided grin. "I guess I should have expected that."

Kristina smiled and simply nodded.

Lily smiled back and again they stood there in a comfortable silence, however it was Kristina's turn to break it.

"Please take care of him," she pleaded.

Lily smiled. "I will. And don't be afraid to stop by the Gryffindor table once and a while."

Kristina bit the inside of her lip and looked at Lily with a skeptical look. "You know I probably won't be doing that."

Lily shrugged, deep inside happy about that. "Maybe not, but I'm still offering."

Kristina nodded. "Thanks again."

"And thank _you_, Kristina," Lily repeated with a warm smile.

Kristina hesitated. "Okay that was weird," she snickered. "First we were arguing over who was more sorry and now we're thanking each other."

Lily paused. "Yeah, something's definitely wrong with this picture."

Kristina just laughed and they said their good-byes and walked in their separate directions, both feeling better about themselves.

* * *

Riley walked into the empty dungeon room, where Sirius was already waiting for her.

"Hey there," Sirius greeted, lighting the last candle.

"Ooh candles," Riley said with a smile. "How romantic."

"I'm a romantic kind of guy," Sirius said with a wink.

Riley gave him a look.

"Okay maybe not always, but I can try to be on occasion, can't I?" he suggested with a smile. He grabbed her arm and brought her close to him so he could kiss her.

When they pulled apart, Riley smiled warmly at him. "Well, you're doing a good job so far," she agreed.

He pulled her down into his arms to a blanket he had spread out on the floor, kissing the exposed back of her neck. She moaned at the gentle touch, smiling alluringly. "You do a pretty good job at that, too," she whispered, intertwining her fingers with his.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, amused. "What about this?" He led a small trail of kisses up her neck and jawline until his lips met hers.

"Mm," she agreed. "Yeah, that wasn't so bad either."

He grinned and wrapped his arms tightly around her, never wanting to let her go. "You know what I decided while waiting for you earlier?" Sirius said.

"Do I want to know?"

Sirius grinned. "Probably not," he joked. "But I think that the letter 'A' is by far my favorite."

Riley turned her head to stare at him. "How do you wake up every morning without falling over?"

"Not sure," he said slowly and jokingly. "Maybe it's because I _achieve _everything without flaw. Good A word, huh?"

Riley snorted. "Here's an A word for you: you're _aggravating_."

He paused. "I think you mean _absolutely _breathtaking."

"No I mean _aggravating_. Oooh, and _annoying_."

"Appealing?"

"No, but appalling and atrocious work, too."

"_Awfully _gorgeous?"

"How about just awful?"

"Oooh, apple!"

Riley stared at him. "Yes, Sirius, you're right. Apple describes you perfectly."

"I ran out of words!" he cried with a laugh.

"I still have plenty," Riley teased, winking at him.

He stuck his tongue out at her. "Hm," he searched. "Ooooh, amiable! Affable! _Agreeable_!"

"Any more?"

He paused. "Anteater?"

Riley burst into laughter. "I think you need to stop."

"No way, I'm on a roll!" he argued, making her laugh even harder. "Alligator! Oooh, airplane, artichoke—disgusting by the way—and…uh, antler. Adverb, alumni." He paused. "Oooh, and Aborigines!"

"And _what_?" Riley exclaimed with an amused laugh.

"I know, I know. You're probably thinking where the hell that smart answer came from."

"No…" she said slowly. "Actually I was thinking, do you even know what the Aborigines _are_?"

Sirius paused. "Nope, not really."

Riley laughed and gave him a short, succulent kiss on the mouth. "Why am I dating you again?"

"Because I'm so utterly handsome," he said in a deep, seductive voice, eying her up.

"Hm…no that's not it," she replied with a laugh.

"Well, we've declared that it's not because I'm smart," he teased, tickling her neck with his lips.

"Nope, that's definitely not it," Riley responded, giggling.

"Well, it could have something to do with the fact that I exploited you to Rhett Davies, scared him away, made you understand that I did it because I was jealous, told you I wanted to be with you, kissed you, and then promised you that I'd never hurt you," he said quickly with a nonchalant shrug.

Riley laughed. "And you say that so openly."

"It's because I know you'd rather be with me over him," Sirius teased.

Riley shrugged. "Eh, it's a close race."

Sirius pouted. "As long as I always come out on top."

"Well, we all know you like being on top…" Riley said slyly, winking at him.

Sirius roared with laughter. "Oh, you think you're so funny."

"Well yeah," she replied arrogantly.

"Oh come here," he said, pulling her closer to him as he pressed his lips to hers firmly and passionately. He still couldn't believe how much he enjoyed kissing Riley. When they pulled apart, Sirius looked at her with a smile of content on his face. "I'm really glad we're making this work, Riley."

"I'm glad, too," she agreed with a nod. "I really like you, Sirius."

"Well then we have a problem, because I think I like you, too," he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face. He glanced down at her nostalgically, meeting her gaze.

Riley smiled, blushing at the way he was staring at her. "What are you thinking about?" Riley questioned.

Sirius didn't reply right away. He continued staring at her longingly before smiling at her warmly. "The first time I laid eyes on you."

Riley blushed a deeper shade of red and looked down in embarrassment, trying to contain a grin.

"I was leaning against a pillar, bored out of my mind as James incessantly harassed Snape, when-"

"Wait, are you sure that was you? Because being bored while someone harasses Snape does not sound anything like you," Riley teased.

"Well, we had been doing it all during the train ride," Sirius laughed. "So the material was getting a little stale."

Riley laughed. "Okay, continue then."

"It was at that moment, when I just happened to be glancing through the crowds that suddenly I saw you. You had just walked off the train at the Hogsmeade station, with your hair in a long ponytail, cascading down your back, and the moonlight was hitting you just right. You quickly shoved past Hagrid and practically dragged Lily to one of the boats, talking and laughing animatedly the whole time, not looking nervous one bit," he continued.

"You were staring at me this entire time?" Riley asked with a chuckle.

"Shh, don't interrupt," Sirius said, winking at her.

She simply smiled.

"You climbed into an empty boat with Lily and…and I grabbed James' arm and practically ran to your boat in order to share it with you," Sirius added, chuckling as he thought back to so many years ago. "I remember Lily not being so happy with that, what with some chocolate still on her robes. She was yelling and screaming at James for, I believe, sharing a boat with her."

"You _believe_?" Riley snorted. "Every first year in those damn boats could hear every word she was saying!"

Sirius merely smiled. "Except I wasn't focused on her," he said softly. "You were...the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I was enthralled by you. By your smile, your eyes, your hair, your laughter, your energy. You were this beautiful, confident girl to me at the time. And I vowed that one day in the far future you'd be _my _girl."

Riley blushed a deep scarlet, exhaling loudly at the thought of how perfect her boyfriend was. "Oh, Sirius," she said breathlessly, "When did you become such a romantic at heart?"

Sirius held her tighter in his arms. "It's all because of you," he whispered in her ear. "But don't go spreading that around. My reputation would be ruined." The ends of his mouth tugged upward.

She smiled, running her hands down his arm. "You're in a relationship, Sirius. I think it's safe to say your reputation is already ruined."

"Yeah, but no one knows about that. Therefore, my reputation has remained intact."

"Not to me."

Sirius snickered. "Yeah, but somehow I'm okay with you knowing my romantic, relationship reputation."

She grinned, interlacing her fingers with his, bringing the back of his hand up to her mouth to kiss lightly. "Somehow, I'm okay with that, too," she said softly.

His smile wavered as he thought about everything the two of them had been through. It amazed him that she trusted him enough to try and make a relationship work. He couldn't be more grateful to her. If he were her, he would have laughed in his face and stormed off. Granted, Riley tried doing that but ended up back at his door. He knew he had a lot to prove to her. He knew that he had a lot to prove to _himself_. But he was going to take every chance he could to show to her that she wasn't making a mistake. That he was going to work his ass off to earn her trust and forgiveness for his past actions. "Riley?"

She stirred slightly, glancing up at him. "Hm?"

"I just wanted to let you know that this thing with you and me? I…I'm in it for the long run. I want it to last forever. I…I don't ever want to lose you again. You mean so much more to me than I ever thought you could and I don't want that to ever change. I…I don't want to ever let you go again. It destroyed me the last time. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."

Riley's heart skipped a beat. Those were words most girls swooned over. And those were words that should have frightened her. Relationships scared Riley. They always had. She was always the one left hurt and alone in the end. And yet, somehow his words comforted her. They made her heart flutter in excitement. She wanted to be with him. And there was nothing else to it. "I don't plan on ever letting go, Sirius," she whispered back, staring up at him longingly.

He smiled and they sealed it with a kiss.

It was perfect. Riley couldn't help but wonder when the last time she liked a guy this much was. Every time she was around him, her heart constricted with delight and a smile automatically came to her face. Everything about him made her feel good. She even stopped thinking about how he humiliated her two years earlier and just started focusing on the good, which was everything else in him. Sirius was kindhearted, intelligent, romantic, fun, _funny_, and he knew exactly what to say and do to make her feel special. She was really starting to fall for him. She just hoped that she wouldn't screw it up like she so often did in all of her relationships.

It was perfect. Sirius smiled at her as she closed her eyes and they sat there for the remainder of the night. He was thinking back to what James was saying that night about just being with a girl, and although he never would have believed he'd be that guy, he was that guy now. He just loved having Riley in his arms. He loved being close to her. Every time she walked into the room, he lit up. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have found her and actually kept her. She was perfect in every way and she didn't even know it. He was really starting to fall for her. He knew that he couldn't screw it up. Because this was already his second chance. And as he glanced longingly over at her, he could guarantee he wouldn't get a third.

* * *

Lily stated the password and walked into her common room with a dazed smile on her face.

"Why do you look so happy?" James asked, putting a bookmark into his book and setting it down on the table.

Lily glanced up at James and smiled wider, knowing she didn't want to divulge the conversation she just had with Kristina to James. "I'm just glad I get to come home to you," she chose to say instead. She walked over to him, kissed him quickly, and cuddled beside him on the couch.

James grabbed a blanket off the side of the couch and placed it over them. "I'm glad we're finally together after all of our ups-and-downs," James concluded.

"A lot more downs than ups," Lily laughed.

"Hey, we had a good run of a month this year," James pointed out.

Lily gave him a look.

"You're right, that's not much," he said shaking his head with a laugh.

Lily smiled. "But we're making up for it now."

James smiled warmly down at her, wondering how he got so lucky. "Yes we are," he said softly, kissing her forehead pleasantly. "I want to make this work, Lily. I don't want us to fight anymore. I like being on your side rather than against you. You're an amazing woman, Lily. And I…I don't want any of my past relationships to be a factor into the future. Because…because I really like you. I don't want anything to get in the way of that."

Lily gave him a passionate smile. "How'd I get so lucky to end up with you?"

James grinned. "I'm not sure…but I think Sirius had something to do with it."

Lily laughed and kissed him sweetly. "Sh, don't tell him that," she teased, slinging her arm over him. "I really like you, too, James. We've had a difficult past together but that doesn't mean our future needs to be difficult, also. Like you said, I like being on your side far more than I enjoyed being against you. I…I don't plan on letting anything come between us."

James nodded, agreeing with everything she had said, kissing her gently on the top of her head and wrapping his arms around her tightly as Lily laced her fingers through his and stared dreamily at them as if she were lost in thought.

Eventually, James spoke. "Lily?"

She stirred. "Hm?"

"When did you realize you had feelings for me?"

She blinked, the question throwing her off-guard. She shifted her weight slightly to glance up at him, contemplating his question curiously. "Reginald Cattermole," she finally said.

James' eyebrow arched slowly. "Am I supposed to know what that means?"

Lily chuckled. "It was on Christmas and Reginald Cattermole, a Hufflepuff first year, was crying because he hadn't heard from his mother. You...you comforted him in a way that just tugged at my heart. You exemplified so much compassion and decency in that single moment that I could no longer deny it. So...so I didn't."

"Let me get this straight," James sighed. "For six years, I have tried getting your attention and all I needed to have done was comfort some poor bloke for a few seconds?"

Lily shrugged, a smile playing on her face. "Guess so."

He swore. "Damn, and all that time I thought _torturing _poor blokes was what got you off."

Lily laughed. "And what gave you that idea? The numerous times I called you out on it?"

"Hm, you would have thought that that should have beem my first clue to lay off them," James said, stroking his chin contemplatively.

"You would have thought," Lily teased. "Alas, you weren't so smart back then."

He pouted. "I've changed though, have I not?"

"The laying off poor blokes part maybe..." she said with a playful grin.

"I dont' think you can get way with calling me not smart," James said with a laugh. "I am Head Boy, am I not?"

"Five months later, I'm still shocked by that one."

James laughed, kissing the side of her face. "But look how it ended up for us in the end," he spoke softly, his heart skipping a beat as he thought back on the past few months. A lot has certainly happened but he was just glad that this is where they ended up.

She gazed at up at him, taking his hand in hers. "Yeah," she agreed with a smile. "This isn't so bad afterall."

They did have a difficult past in the six and a half years they spent together. They had years of monotonous hatred. Years of screaming debates, insults, and hexes. Years of never listening or understanding the other. Years of constant frustration and aggravation. Years of never wanting to be around each other. Years of selfish loathing.

They were never able to understand each other because they were always in a competition. They envied the other deep down for having a life they always wanted. Lily wanted people to like her; she wanted to be recognized for her talents. And James wanted Lily's confidence and independence more than anything. Yet they both had similarities they never made any connection to: they were both determined, opinionated, and hated being wrong. And most of all, they both hated weakness. For the past six years, they never showed any emotion to each other and kept their vulnerability on the inside. That's why it was so hard for them to get together. Neither one wanted to admit their feelings to each other for fear of rejection. For years they hid their feelings with screaming matches and verbal abuse and hexing matches and feuds.

But things change. _People_ change. That was all in the past and in each others' arms is now where they belonged. Their future lay ahead of them and they were excited to wake up every morning knowing they would share that future with each other. Life was just beginning for Lily Evans and James Potter.

* * *

**A/N: **Well we end on a happy note. No, the group doesn't know about Sirius and Riley yet. They found out in the sequel (I have to leave SOMETHING for you guys to want to keep on reading!). I'm going to miss this story! So this story's officially over (sad!) but I present you with the title of the sequel to hopefully hold you over: **Kisses on the Balcony**. In the sequel, heartbreak occurs, secrets are unfolded, promises are broken, a marriage is planned, an unfortunate death occurs, love is in the air, long-term fights break out, denial becomes significant, a funeral occurs that brings even more surprises, graduation rolls around, and huge surprises are in store for the characters. Please review this chapter, AND the story in general, and I will attempt to upload the next story as soon as possible! Your suggestions are greatly welcome. I would love to hear what you guys want for these characters. Thank you for reading my story and I hope you will all continue with the sequel when I post it.


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